“I GOT ARRESTED”

To accept.

Press one, just send a voicemail.

Press two. Hello, Hello, what is your name?

Sir? Call me Michael?

All right, Michael, what's going on with you?

Uh?

What about three weeks ago I got arrested?

Okay? Uh? Do you want to tell me what you got arrested for? I?

Uh, I took a little too much like acid, and I started like freaking out pretty much.

Uh did you do something illegal?

Yeah?

I guess, so, Okay, do you I mean, you can tell me what it is if you want to?

Well? Should Basically the night started off fine. I took uh, I took three tabs, which is probably the most I've ever taken, and towards like the peak of the trip, bro That's that did not feel like three tabs. It felt like a lot more. And I started to get like super anxious, and about like about like three hours into the trip, I started to black out. And apparently I started like wandering around my neighborhood with my shirt out or with my shirt off, and one of my

Were you alone when you took these three tabs of acid?

Now? My mom was down home.

How often are you are you taking three tabs of acid? That's a lot of acid?

Oh shit, man, The last time I took acid was probably like a year ago.

Okay, so this was this was and you said this was three weeks ago.

Just about about like a month ago.

Were you taking the ascid like by yourself or did you have like friends taking it with you?

Now?

I was about myself.

Uh So what happened after you got arrested?

Uh? They took me to the hospital, and I guess that's when I kind of like came to because I was out of it. Dude. I was just like hallucinating crazily, which is nothing that I've really ever experienced before while I was taking acid.

Do you remember what? Do you remember what you were hallucinating when you were in uh these people's yards?

Yeah? So I remember thinking I was like some sort of like football player. So I wasn't just like walking around.

Are you a teenager?

I was at the time, I was nineteen and I just turned twenty.

So, uh, what are you in school? What do you do? What's your life? Uh?

I work at a hospital and I work at Burger King.

That's nice, but I just got I just.

Got the burger king job to pay for pay for the door.

Oh did you destroy a door when you were on acid?

I went and checked out the door, and it looked it looked fine, but I don't think it's I don't think it's destroyed or anything. But apparently I was trying to kick it in, So.

Like, I guess, I'm is this. Are you upset about this? Like how do you what do you make of this? Oh?

Yeah, I don't. I don't know. It's weird because like at first, I was like mortified, bro, because I'm really just like a normal dude. Like I'm not. I'm not the type of dude to take a bunch of acid and and run around with my shirt off. But it's weird because like this has kind of made me lock in, you know, catching like a court case and everything. And I've made even in the short few weeks since it's happened, I've made a lot of like changes in my life.

What sort of changes have you made as you as you have locked in?

I stopped smoking weed every day, That's a big one. And then getting I got that second job, which I probably needed to do to like build up some savings and whatnot. Not just really given thought into what I'm going to do with my future in terms of like a long term career.

And what have those thoughts yielded.

I've decided that probably my best course of action would be, like I try to get into a trade. You know, because I'm not I'm not the type of dude who could really go to college and then work in like a corporate sitting. I don't think i'd really fit in, So you know, maybe I'll go pour concrete and a hundred degree weather.

How do you feel having locked in a right? Is there a part of you that's almost glad that this happened, that it could cause you to lock in? Is a week?

Oh yeah?

I mean relying to.

That, I mean, like like I've been, I've been kind of locked in, you know. I go to the gym, my journal, I fucking I get outside, I go on runs, I try to watch what I'm eating and whatnot. But I don't know, this has kind of made me just like realize all the different kind of bullshit I got to cut out of my life, you know, and like like even on the phone, like I'm so stressed about this. I try to act like it's fine and try to push it off, you know, but I'm just trying to

Shit, it is a little funny.

It's it's a little funny. But I think it's too soon to start laughing about it, because like I haven't told any of my friends.

About this either, really want none of your friends know about this?

Hell no, bro, because like I've been uh uh, Like I'm just I'm a type of character that has like a lot of baggage, you know, and like I've done a lot of stupid shit in the past, and like in the past year, I've kind of, like I said, locked in and I don't want to like fucking tell all my friends that this happened.

You, Like, how much? How much bat How at twenty years old have you been able to accruse so much baggage?

Oh? Fuck man, I just I've lived a lot of life, bro, I've been to a lot of shit. I know, like I'm still young, but I don't know. But I just I've really lived. I've really lived in my high school experience.

I guess what kind of baggage and how do you what and how do you feel like this baggage is holding you back?

Well, I don't think it's holding me back, but I think like people have a predisposed opinion of me because like I don't know. One thing is like I've had like twelve jobs in the past two years, and a lot of my friends are like, what the fuck are you doing? Like you got to stay at a job, But I don't know, there was There's been a lot going on in my life for pretty much my entire life, and a lot of that is like like caused by me, but a lot of it is shit that I was

So you've been going through a bunch of different jobs and like you're you're afraid that the people around you think that you're inconfident.

Yeah, or like just just not taking life seriously? Which is which is? Which is fair enough? Like I can't if all they see is a bunch of bullshit whatever, or they're supposed to believe you.

Know, Okay, but you're telling me that over the past three weeks you've woken up and decided that you want to take life seriously.

Well, no, no, I would say it's been longer than that. I just think, like I don't know, like like over the past year, I'll be like like doing good for like two weeks, three weeks at a time, and then I'll just have a week where I'm fuck it, getting drunk every day or like just going out doing stupid shit,

You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a linear journey. It's like a it's like ups and downs. I feel yea, even to me, to I mean, I don't know, man, even to me, the fact that you're self aware that you don't want to fuck up your life is like huge. It's the biggest thing, especially you know at twenty, because I'm here people a lot of people at that time,

Yep. It gets tough though, man.

But also this fear that your friends and family are gonna think that you don't take life seriously. Do you think you take life seriously?

I think I take life very seriously. But I also, like I struggle with a lot of like I guess, mental health issues and stuff, because like, I really have been through a lot of shit, and I think for the amount of things that I've gone through, to be in the position that I'm in right now is honestly crazy. But I'm still not in a good position overall, you know, like I should. I could be doing a lot better, but I'm doing great from where I come from.

Yeah, how's your family?

Uh, it's interesting, it's really it's really just me and my mom right now. My brother lives in the same in town too. But and then, like I met the other side of my family, my dad's side of the family, in twenty twenty, and then I got sent to go live over there until my dad died and then I'm back, and so now we don't really talk as much anymore. So it's just really it's really just me and my mom.

Do you have a good relationship with your mom?

Oh? Yeah, good, she's like she's my rock.

What what was her reaction when she saw you half naked running around your neighbor's yard on acid.

I don't Well, she didn't see me because she's legally buying. But she like, I've done a lot of stupid shits, so she wasn't like, this is not this is not the first time that the ambulance and ship came to mind. This is like the fourth time some ship like this has happened.

So you know, this is the fourth time that you've been you've been picked up by an ambulance.

Yeah, my neighborhood. So I think my neighbors don't like them very much.

What are your goals do you have you? What are your goals for the future now that you're locked in, like.

Long term goals or short term goals?

Both?

So I U I OWE. I think twenty five hundred to the door, which I think is there's no way because it's like two thousand dollars in labor and I'm also like seven hundred bucks in credit card debt, which isn't a lot. So my goal is, like short term, it's just to work both these jobs and get that paid off, and then as soon as I do that, try to get about like two thousand dollars savings to have like some sort of emergency fund because if my car breaks down and someone, I don't want to be

Well, let me say this, and look, I know that you're probably beating yourself up because this just happens with the you know, three taps of acid, no that shit, And I guess, like I'll say this, I think that you're uh, at least the fact that we're able to have this conversation right now, and you're able to tell me these things and think of these thoughts and look

So you know that means that means. That means the world to me. Bro Good, I don't even know.

Bro.

I listen to you every single day while I'm at work. You're not just you, but the people who come on here and talk about their experiences. Really Like, I'm in a really depressed date. It really helps pull me out. That's awesome what you're doing. It really helps people. Bro.

I'm trying my fucking best, bro Good, But I'm I'm not worried about you, man, I don't. I don't have any I don't have any words for you. I think you're gonna be okay. And as far as like telling your friends about it or whatnot, I mean.

Dude, I'm not I'm not telling I'm not telling them until like probably like two years, you know, like what like, and then I can look back and on it.

But while I'm.

Going through the situation, I don't want I don't.

I get it, man, I get it. I tell I. I kind of tell my friends everything, and that's like so sometimes I wonder if that's the best thing to do. But at the end of the day, I don't know.

Yeah? They're pretty cool, green dude.

I'm trying my best. Do you guys? Have you ever had the Whopper chips?

The Whopper chips?

Yeah, dude, maybe this is in Glasgow, Scotland. I got these Doritos that were flavored like Whoppers, and like, bro, you eat one and they really do taste like a Whopper.

I don't know. I don't even know the last time I fucking ate a Whopper. I don't I might work at burger King, but I do not eat the food. But that's because that's because my my burger King has ran really poorly and my supervisors on Heroin.

So tell me no more information about how your burger King is run, because I don't want it to be ruined for me. This is why I think I have as much stronger chance of dying in a Wendy's parking lot than you do. I think you're gonna be fine. Is there anything else us say to the people of the computer before we go?

Comparison is the thief for joy Man, it really is your life. Your life might be a dream to somebody else's, so no matter where you're at, just be glad you're breathing.

I could not possibly agree more with you, sir.

Thanks Man, Have a good night. Yep, you too.

Attention listeners of the Therapy Gecko podcast. Do you know that I do a live version of this podcast on stage in person in front of real people, And that I'm doing this live show in several cities across the United States and Europe this fall, and that tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour dot com or at the link in the episode description. It is all true.

Nick?

How can I get you to led? Nick?

Ah Gecko? I don't even know where to begin. I know I definitely got something I want to talk about. I'm not exactly sure if I should marry my girlfriend or if I should break up with her looking for advice?

Those are two very very different options here. Why, yeah, I know, let's let's talk about it.

What uh?

What? What? What? What's what's the dichotomy here?

Well, she and I have been together since twenty nineteen, so it's not like five years. You know, I'm in my least thirties at this point, well not late I'm mid thirties. It's not that time where you know, I should be settling down, like getting married and all that junk. And you know, we've been together for so long. It just kind of like makes sense. It's not that I don't love her, it's just it's complicated.

Why are you considering breaking out with her?

Well, there's a number of different reasons, but I think the number one reason why is just because I'm afraid that. So the deal is is that she is a chain smoker, just like her parents are. Her parents her father smokes well over two packs a day, and her mother has said numerous bounts of cancer and heart attacks and strokes, and we basically have to take care of both of them.

You're you're equating her chain smoking to she doesn't want to be with me her whole life.

Kind of, I know that's not like fair, you know, it's it's not how she thinks about it. It's not how any normal person would think about it.

The assessment. The assessment is I don't want to marry this person if they don't care about their health and don't plan to be around for a long time enough to stop chain smoking. That's that's sort of the assessments. Yeah, kind of, is there any other go ahead?

Sorry, you know there's like other reasons too, where like it gives me like pause. We do have things in common, but we argue a lot. You know, she has a lot of problems with like an anxiety. You know, who doesn't like I have, you know, like I got depression. Everybody these days has got depression. It's part of life. But she's got like crazy anxiety issues and the other big elephant in the room that's really hard to talk with her about. So her parents, you know, they're in

So I got a few questions, so, you know, I mean when you you said you talk about this all the time, and when you talk about it, what does she say? And when you and when you when you say to her like as you've laid out to me just now, the your issues, when you lay them out to her, what does she say in response? And how does she help to resolve them?

You know, Usually it's like I know, or it's like I get it, or how many times I heard her say I planned to quit smoking and all that stuff. And then other times, if I'm pestering her too much,

So tell me this, Okay, we've ran through one side of this. What's the other side. What's the side that makes you feel like you want to get married to this person?

You know.

It's I You know, I am have not had a lot of luck with relationships in my life. You know, I'm in my the thirties. I spent all of my twenties single, you know, basically like living by myself. And she and I met each other like online, and you know, she like gets me, and it's just nice to like have a life partner. You know, it's so hard to live alone all the time. And it's not just like you know, she's like my life like it's not that like utilitarian, but and there is other things, like you know,

You know.

It's just nice that like have somebody where it's like we can both agree on, like she is like my friend like and also my girlfriend type of thing.

So this, this problem, this topic is is something I've I've thought a lot about and I don't I have no conclusion because it's such a difficult topic. I have ways that like I I uh, sort of lean and things that I think about, Well, I don't have like I'm I'm going to I'm disclaiming. I want to disclaim something that is extremely important, which is that I do

You're not You're not You're not very much help to me, are you.

I'm not. I'm no, I'm zero help to you at all. I'm zero helped. You don't. I'm sure I've expressed the two sides of your brain as well. Have I not?

Yeah, And it's like something I think about every day. The thing that always gets me, know, to be honest, is the thing I always think about more is I think more about breaking up with her than I do about marrying her, which is the killer to me sometimes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah again you way that you you have you make that decision for yourself ultimately at the end of the day. And if you're thinking more about breaking out with someone than you are a boy getting together with them, that's a it's definitely signify something. I mean, how long have you been thinking about breaking up with this person?

I don't know, maybe like two years at least. I mean that's pretty much like because that's pretty much like right when we get over our honeymoon phase, you know, being together, and that's when her problems like really started to present themselves. And it's just so tough, you know, because it's like we I own a home, I'm very grateful to own a home, not nowadays, and we like live together, but at this point we're like practically married.

So it's like, if I, how do you think she feels about marrying you?

Oh, I know she wants to. I know she she hints and talks about it. It's a little weird for her, thankfully, Like not thankfully, but it's a little weird for her because she was engaged at one point and then that didn't happen. So she's a little bit gunshy about the whole thing.

But I know that if I asked her, why did you say thankful? Why did you say thankfully?

Because she's never really bugged me about this question, you know, she has, of course, she's like broached the subject. But if I say, like, it's not she's like, okay. But then we just move on with our lives. You know. We're both so busy all the time, you know, between like work and like dealing with her family and stuff, like, we at a lot of time to think about it. If I worry that if I did ask her to marry me, I would just be putting more stress on her plate

Bro Bro, Bro, Look, do whatever you're gonna do, and I can't. I said everything I said. If you decide you're gonna break up with this girl, don't fucking blame it on Harry Potter.

I'm I'm not I'm not. I'm not saying I'm just saying that whenever this kind of comes up, it's like, well, you haven't you haven't been reading, have you.

I'll blame it on Harry Potter. Bro don't blame.

I'm not.

Weird.

Truly, truly, truly, truly, this is It's really something I think about a lot, is like what what what should we do? Should we.

Find what should we do? Should we pick somebody and fucking make it work or should we, you know, keep keep playing the lottery and playing the field until.

We find something that naturally works. And I don't know, I don't know. Logically, my brain is telling me, if you're thinking about breaking up with someone constantly over two years, that's friendly.

That's say, you know, that's something that's not nothing. That's not something to to ignore. That's not something to ignore. That's not something to ignore. But again, it's a tough situation.

And and and what you know, this is, this is all all I can really do is sit here with you and think this through as I as I as I have before. But don't blame Harry. But don't blame Harry Potter.

I'm not. I'm just saying like it's it's it's in my back pocket as a reason why we haven't gotten married yet. That's all.

What's your name again?

Nick? Well?

Nick? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Uh?

It would be cool to each other, I guess.

Oh, good luck, sir, Thank you, sir, have a good one. That would be kind of funny if he decided he was going to break up with her and then like the day he was gonna have the conversation, she was like, you know, I finally got around to reading Harry Potter and I'm a big fan, and I got us tickets to the Wizarding World in Universal Florida. Then he'd be fucked. Then he'd have to heat definitely have to marry her.

Corey.

Hello, Hey is a flyle?

Yes? How are you doing?

Sir?

What is your name?

I am Corey? How are you?

I'm hanging in there. I'm trying my best. What's going on with you? Corey? How can I get you today? Oh?

This is a this is actually kind of an interesting one. So I I have my dream job, but it doesn't pay nearly enough, like at all. So have you ever heard of Kindama?

The fucking the thing with the ball in the cup? Right?

Yeah? So I actually make a living? Well yeah?

Yeah, Oh dude, that's so sick that you know what it is.

So yeah, I'm like one of six people and in like North America who do this for like a living. And like right now, I'm like it's kind of like a weird time in my life where it's like I really believe in Kandama and like it's growth and shit right like in the down the line, you know what I mean, But like as of right now, like there's no like there's money in it enough for me to like have a job, and like I'm thankful for that.

Do, So I guess. For the uninitiated, the condoma is kind of like a it's like a ball in a cup. It's like this ball that you like attached via string to a stick with a bunch of little cups on it, and you gotta throw the ball up and get it into the cup.

Yeah, I guess, But anyone who's listening, it's K E N D A M A.

So this is not is this your business or is this a job?

So okay, So I've been playing since I was like fourteen, and when I first started, it was a very very small community, like just my town knew about it, and it's like one of those things. I guess it's like whenever it does get to like where you're at. Like how I found out about it was like everyone at my school had one. It was kind of like a bad like silly bands, I guess at that time, which I guess for people who are younger probably don't even

So what do you exactly do do you make?

You know?

You see that you're not seen from toy story two, where like that fucking guy with the glasses is like recreating Woody and ship? Do you like do that withs Like you're sitting there.

And like very much.

It's very much to like that. So I can't give out like too much details on like what we do, but like I can tell you that make.

You can't give away the secret recipe for your.

Because like.

Just just are you? Are you genuinely you're protecting a like Condoma crafting secret? Is that why you can't?

Legitimately? I have an nd A?

That's very funny? Uh well, can you talk about the company you work for? What company is it?

Yeah? I work for Condoma us.

A Condoma U s A. Then they're one of six.

There so no, like so when I said that, I legitimately mean like six people. But so I'm actually not the owner of my company obviously I said that, but it's literally like four of us at the company.

Like that's it?

Would you ever? Would you ever go into business for yourself?

See?

Like that's the thing is like before I start doing this, I knew nothing about what I do, and like my boss has been such a fucking goat and like in order for me to like do it on my own, I would have to have like hundreds of thousands of dollars just like start up, you know what I mean, and like economically just I and also morally, I couldn't like just pick up and be like all right, bro, like thanks for like giving me the knowledge. I'm just gonna go like start a company and like.

Well, okay, you have you do? Is the company successful?

Yeah, I'd say, like right now, we have like like one or two other main competitors. But as far as like the the USA made product, that's us, Like there's not really like there's other people in the US who do it, like I said, but they're like accord.

How many condomas are we selling a day?

You think, ooh, that's a good question.

I couldn't tell you that because I'm not I'm not at that warehouse, like we have two locations, so I don't really see that. But I can tell you how much I make. So I usually like usually we do orders of like one hundred of each wood type, and we do like birch, maple, ash and then hickory sometimes, so like every every wood type, we usually do around eighty to one hundred and and right now we're working in order that's like around six hundred pieces, and that that's taking us like two months.

Oh, I thought you wanted to talk. I thought you're gonna say how much money you made?

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no that.

I thought you were gonna be. I thought you're gonna be like I make candamas and my wife sells wooden birdhouses, and our budget for five million.

No.

So like.

Sorry, okay, So, so why why did you ask for a raise?

I mean, I guess I should ask for a raise.

Yeah, what is what is it solid about? You're the only I don't understand. So you don't want to go do your own thing, You don't ask for a raise, you don't want to get a different job.

Well, it's just more so like we're in a wall right now with our Yeah.

Yeah, when when's kandama season?

When it's not city economic times, I guess.

I guess people are. I guess Kandama is a very disposable income parts.

Believe it or not, it is it is.

Well, I believe it, bro, Why don't you fucking Okay, but listen, if you're the only I assume if you're the only company that makes condamas. They're popular enough that like people kind of I guess fucking know what they are. So why don't you ask for a raise?

I think you're right enough that.

You can make more than working at fucking Walmart. You're not even that much. I mean, where do you What state do you live in?

I live in Georgia?

Okay, how much does it cost to live in Georgia? Like, fucking.

I wish that'd be nice.

I mean, like, right now, I'm leaving with my parents. I'm like twenty seven them, so like I'm just you know, I'm saving, I'm doing what I can, but I just.

Know that it's just your full time job legitimately. Yeah, and it doesn't pay you enough to at least like live in a place that's not with your parents.

Not at the moment.

You should have for a raise.

Yeah, I think you're right. I should ask for a raise.

Just at least enough for you to like get your own place, yeah, or get a place with random dudes on greg List.

Yeah, yeah, I think you're right. I gotta just ask for that raise.

And if he doesn't say yes, then then I can go into panic mode, I guess. And then then figure it out.

What if he says, I'll give you a raise, but you have to get the ball in the cup three times in a row.

That'd be easy. That'd be easy.

Yeah, you are you good? Are you nice?

I was sponsored at one point, I uh.

Sponsored by who? There's only one company that makes it.

Okay, so so well American man, So like there there's a lot of It's actually gotten really big in the States right now. Actually, my friend just landed Japan. They're doing the Kondoma World Cup right now, so he is in that. For those who don't know, Kandama is its

They teach kandomics. But why don't you move to Japan and be a kandoma guy over there? That sounds like sounds like that sounds like that's your dream you want to be with You're like it's like it's like when it's like when when like I don't know if you ever had this moment when you were in high school and you read some article on the internet that was like, did you know that in Korea professional gamers are are treated with as much respect as uh fucking football players are in the US.

Remember reading shit like that, Oh, that'd be that'd be nice.

That's like you with kandamas, you know, I bet the there's there's a bigger industry there.

Yeah.

Low Kiev is literally a street called Kandama Street, and uh, they're like legitimately, I think tomorrow night or the night after. I don't know when they do it, but they do. Like this giant ass party. I just get all crazy and just drink a shit ton and it's a good time from one of here. I haven't been yet. I really want to go. I'm hoping next year.

What's the most expensive kndama that your company sells.

Oh, it's definitely one of the ones that we make. There's one on our website that's like I think it's just over one hundred. I think we just did a

Bro, you need to raise nobody else. Nobody else knows as much about Condomas as well as you just said. Only your boss is not going to be able to replace you. It's your name again, Corey, Corey. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

I make music. You should listen to me. H my my artist name is little.

Snipes, Little Snipes, Little Snipes, just like you do you have a music do you have any you have a music video where you're like fucking condoming it up?

I do. It's from years ago, though it's not it's it's literally I don't want anyone to see it.

All right, take care of all right, appreciate what you did. You want to plug your I forgot if you plugged your thing or not?

Oh uh yeah, so Condoma USA if you guys.

Are no, don't plug them. They whatever, all right, plug them, but just just here's the thing. Okay, hold on, if you if you go to Kandama, USA, just use the code Cory so that he gets a commission.

Mess my boss and tell them to do that, because there's not a code for that.

Uh no, your bands. I thought you were gonna plug your bands.

Oh oh my music, just little snipes. I just I do produce. I produce produce myself and you know I'm a vocalist. So if you if you like that kind of thing. If not, then like.

That's cool to see a chord.

Appreciate it, man, have a good one.

Goes on the line, making.

One calls every night, every can goes to exact teaching.

Thanks,