“I GHOSTED MY GF”

Hey, what's your name?

Joe?

How how be it going, Joe?

It's not bad. I've been trying to call you for probably like a week now, and it's probably like my six hundredth call, so I'm pretty excited.

Have we ever spoken before?

We have not, but I watch your streams every day when I'm at work. My buddy has YouTube Premium, so I just darkened my phone and I just listen to you while I work.

Cool, cool man. Thank you for thank you for indulging in my bullshit. I I'm sincerely, sincerely honored by that. What what when you listen to the show and you think, well, if I were on the Gecko Show, this is what I would talk about? What do you think? What do you think you would talk about?

Well? I have three things I wanted to talk to you about, one pertaining you, one pertaining my life, and then one just a general question.

Let's I thank you for laying that all out for me. Let's can I choose the order in which we do them?

For sure? Manage your show.

Let's start with the general question.

Okay, how do you feel about baths?

B A T H or B A T S.

B A T H.

How do I feel about baths. I like baths. Well, I'm a big Here's the thing I don't. Baths are like a whole thing to fill them up and feels weird, kind of like I don't like the silence of baths. Like I'm a big I'm a big huge every time sit down in the shower or I love sitting down

Yeah, I've partaken them sometimes after a long day at work. I do housekeeping and I also am a cashier, so I have two jobs. So every now and then I like to take a nice, warm, hot bath and maybe even put some bath salts in there and just relax after a long day.

You know.

Cool? Cool? All right, you know what you've inspired me? Next time, I'm gonna try a bath sometime soon based on your recommendation. Hell yeah, all right, now, let's do your life and then we can go to May.

Okay. So basically a couple months ago, right before I want to say, summer of this year, I got really sick at work and I felt like like fainting and stuff all the time, and I had hot sweats and I was in confusion and stuff, and I just wasn't understanding it. And it turns out I got lime disease because I mow lawns and stuff a lot and do landscaping in the summer. And I didn't even know that I had it. And me and my girlfriend are long distance.

Well, first of I'm curious, why did you ghost everyone? I would think if that that seems like something you'd want like support with, So I guess I want to know why you ghosted everyone.

Well, my whole life, I've kind of just been used to ghosting people when stuff happens, because I had a really traumatic childhood where a lot of people weren't there for me that should have been. And I definitely know that it's wrong, you know, and it's not something that I should have done, and that it hurts people. But I really didn't even know how to understand how I was feeling myself, especially because I was told if I would have waited very much longer. It could have been a lot worse.

So well, forget well, forget about the value judgments of like you know, saying like I know it's bad, Like why do you think you'd do it?

I think it all stems back to childhood, to be honest.

But so that, But then I guess, even if even if that's true, what is the belief that you're like subconsciously holding on to as an adult that is influencing your decision to ghost everyone.

I kind of think it just goes back to, you know, being by myself and knowing that if I could come to terms with whatever is going on by myself, then maybe I'd be more open to being around everyone more. But especially when I don't understand things or things that are very traumatic, I kind of just tend to shut down and isolate, you know, and I try to do things that make me happy, even if they're momentarily happy, things like playing video games or you know, and just not contacting anybody.

So is it just you're not contacting anybody because you don't want to be I'm still I'm still trying to understands why this is just you'd just rather be.

Alone maybe in a way, it's getting my mind off of things and not having to talk about whatever situation is going on, especially if I'm doing something else like playing video games or smoking weed or just doing something alone. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm getting my mind off of those things without other people and being reminded of whatever situation, especially traumatic.

Are you associating other people? Just are you still saying just like, if I'm around other people, they're gonna want to know what's going on with me, and I'm gonna have to keep fucking talking about it, and I don't feel like doing that.

Uh, definitely at times. Yeah, I'd probably say sixty to seventy percent of the time. Yeah, that's mostly the case.

Interesting, So your girlfriend is mad at you.

Not so much anymore. She's still pretty hurt about it, but you know, she's like, I'm always trying to understand why you did it, but it's kind of hard to understand because I'm not you, you know, And I'm like, just know that I didn't do it with the intentions of hurting you or hurting anyone. I just did it because I really didn't know how to deal with it myself, and it was a very hard time for me.

You know, yeah, what is okay? I mean it sounds like you're articulating your feelings in an honest way and not like so I guess you. I mean that's really all you can do. I think, Yeah, well, how long ago was this?

Probably right before summer? It's like mid spring of this year.

Okay, I know, are you guys like cool?

Like?

What how are you guys doing? Now?

We have arguments here and there, and especially when that comes up during the argument, you know, but I try to move past it, and I tell her that I'm going to like fix everything and make everything the way it should be. But you know, we have to let time play out with that part, because that's another important thing that's linked to all of this, is just time, especially when you're trying to grow and love somebody and you know, be connected together.

How's your line disease? Are you gonna? Are you? Are you good?

Yeah? I had to take antibiotics for like a month. They said it's always gonna probably like be in my system and stuff. But they're a lot better with the antibiotics to put it into remission to where it'll never like relapse or anything whatever come back up with it again.

Okay, so you're not about to like like turn into a giant tick like that the Fly movie. No, okay, well that's good.

I still can't believe I'm talking to you, bro. It's so crazy.

How old are you? I'm just curious.

I'm going to be twenty seven in March.

Cool, very cool? And how long you've been with been with the Jersey Lady?

November twentieth, I'm going to see her, but November eleventh, it'll be two years.

Okay, that's quite a It's I have to say, it was really I didn't say anything at the time, but it was really funny when you said you were in a long distance relationship. I was like, oh, he's like there's a lady who lives in Europe or something, and you were like, I live in New York, she lives in New Jersey.

Well. Another thing a lot of people tend to, uh, I guess you would say, like misunderstand is when you say New York a lot of time people just think of the city.

But I know you live in like Albany or some ship, and she lives in like Jersey.

Like, actually, I'm so sad.

I didn't get to get to your show, bro that actually knows that actually genuinely is a long term, long, long long distance religship. Whould you meet this? Uh? Your girlfriend.

A dating app was a field? Uh No, I think it was like ba do or something like that.

But do.

Oh yeah, I remember Bado. Okay, so she's I mean, uh, okay, Well, well, I don't want to move on. I was gonna say, I know you had a thing you wanted to ask me, but I don't know if we've talked all about the things you wanted to talk about regarding you, I don't know if there was any other angles to this you wanted to explore.

I kind of just like I said, I know you hate giving relationship advice because.

I just hate love myself a little. It's good. I'm happy to talk through stuff with you though.

Yeah, but yeah, I mean, other than time, what else do you think I should do? Just keep putting all my efforts as much as I can in like I am, and just wait it.

Out, wait what out.

Just getting stronger in the relationship and hopefully moving past all of this stuff so it doesn't come up all the time, especially when we're arguing.

I mean, look, you've expressed yourself on what happens with uh with with you know, when you got diagnosed with lyme disease, and you kind of expressed that you have this like defense mechanism that you're trying to understand as to why you do that. You sound like you listened to what she had to say and your actioning upon it. Yeah, what else? What else is there? I mean you care? What else? What else is there?

Right? Right? That's kind of how I feel. I feel like I just kind of got to keep doing everything that I can do to be a better person and man, you know, and especially better in the relationship, and then wait for time to run its course with everything.

You know. Okay, are you happy not to fucking be a fuck? Are you happy in this relationship?

Yeah? She's actually a lot different from anybody I've ever been with.

I know that cool and oh go ahead, gosh, but you.

Know, it's just I've never been this invested in someone. I would say, you know.

Does that feel Are you excited about being invested in this person? Yes, that's a great answer, that's the right answer. That's a tricky thing, though, it's a true it's such a tricky thing being invested in like that because you you you leave yourself. It's the kind of the the the contradiction of love, I guess is you leave yourself open to to hurt by being so invested in another person.

Yeah. Yeah, And another way I like to think about it, you know, is it it does suck leaving yourself solable, vulnerable, especially putting your all into someone. But you know, I mean, other than love on this planet and money and success, what else do we really have other than love, especially when it comes to friendships, relationships, connections with people. I mean, it all kind of just boils down to caring, you.

Know, money, success, tropical mic and ikes. They're always coming up with new flavors of mic and nikes. What was the thing about me that you wanted to ask?

Do you care if I put you on speaker for a second, because it was pertaining to one of the videos on your channel, And I've always been curious on what the lore behind it.

Is I'm really terrified about this, but go ahead.

Okay, I don't even I probably don't even have to put you on speaker and go to the channel. But there's a video on your channel. It's probably about twelve to fourteen seconds, okay, and it was taken about.

Oh it's the one where it's the one. It's the one where I'm running down the side of the hideway in Utah. I'm and I'm screaming.

Yes, yeah. Oh.

I wish I had a cool story behind that. I just kind of thought it would be funny, really well, you want you want to hear a you want to hear a really crazy story or not. It's not a story, but it's just a thing in I used to make that used to just be a genre of video that I did. I made like the first back in like twenty this is the at This is the kind of the actual origin story of therapy Gecko is like in twenty eighteen, I this is the reason why I'm a Gecko.

Of sorry go ahead, no, you go ahead.

Well, the jat basically very extreme, just in the butterfly in a very like butterfly effect way. That video, that fourteen second video of me running down the streets screaming, is part of the extended lore as to how I became the therapy Gecko in a in an indirect way.

Yeah, that's so odd because the only one I had stumbled upon was the one of you running down the highway. But maybe I'll have to go back.

Into your which yes, sure, if you if you go on uh you are you all? You said you wanted to put me on speaker. I assume that meant because you were just in my YouTube channel.

I would go, but I didn't do it. If you want me to go look first night.

You know what, don't you don't don't don't you don't have to do it. You don't have to do it right now. You don't have to do it right now. But well let me see if it's on there still. Yeah, yes, if you search, if you search Clara, it's on there. Oh yeah, whatever. I don't know why these I feel I these they're funny. I don't you know whatever, they're funny. They're funny. What were you going to say?

I seen your stand up A part of your stand up skit from quite a few years ago where you were like, I hate when people take psychedelics and they say that that made me smarter and made me a different person. He's like, you're just you were like, you're just taking drugs.

Yeah, I was trying to be George Carlin when I was seventeen.

It was funny, though, dude.

Thanks man.

Yeah, I'm a I think that you never pursued therapy. Gecko eventually stand up would pop for you. You you definitely would hit it on the head.

Well, thanks man. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's so weird because yeah, I did stand up for six years before I did the Gecko, and I quit because I didn't it was just too hard. And then and now I'm like headline and then I you know, I went to Syracuse and headlined to the fucking Syracuse Funny Bone. But I am not a stand up comedian, but I do stand up East it's I feel like I did a very weird roundabout uh, fulfillment of my of my dreams.

It's so funny when you talked about you were talking with a caller. I think that you went to your Syracuse show and you're like, I don't know how you guys live out there. There's absolutely nothing to do. The funnest thing I did was smoke a bowl in the mall parking lot and a guy gave me a gecko bowl.

Dude. That was a great night. That was an Albany. Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah, I smoked weed in the open. The club booked an opener and he was a really cool guy and I sat in his car and we smoked weed together. It is a really fun time. That's a good time.

You spoke there's nothing here.

Yeah, but you know what but you know is you Yeah, but life is creating your own adventures. So if you really want to have a crazy time in Syracuse, you can figure out a way to do it.

Oh yeah, there's a lot of nature up here. I'm sure you've I mean, I don't know how much you got out when you came up, but there's definitely a lot of places to hike and natural stuff you can.

I really most of the time I spent was in the radius of that mall parking lot that the comedy club is attached to, which, by the way, is a sick mall. I they've got go karts. Yeah, whatever the destiny, moll's sick, they've got go karts. Man, dude.

My girlfriend knows when she came up, but she's like, I'm kind of nervous.

I'm like, come on, well, what's your name again, Joe? Joe? Okay, we did your general question, we did you, and we did me. Do you feel satisfying?

I do feel pretty satisfied, Lyle. It's always been kind of a dream to uh talk to you, whether I'm on the show or not, because I show about that before, whether or not this would get posted, and you know, I really don't care as long as as long as I was able to talk to you, that was kind of my only goal.

Thanks Joe, I sincerely, I'm very honored that, uh, that you want to talk to me. I'm I'm going to try to uh, I'm gonna try. I'm going to try to not end this sentence by saying something self deprecating. So thank you.

Joe for sure.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Yeah, I kind of got a riddle for you and everybody watch.

This guy had three topics. This guy had a general question, something for me, and something with him, And little did we know that the whole fucking time, he also had a riddle in his back pocket. This crazy fucking quality. Tell me your riddle.

Well, there's no real answer to the riddle. It all depends on what you feel like your answer would be. It's a personalized riddle. But if you stand for something, what would you fall for?

That's this is the eminem quote, right if you stand if you don't stand for anything, If you don't stand for something, you fall for anything.

No, it's not an eminem quote.

You have to tell it to me right now. I'm done with guesses. I need the answer to this riddle right now.

I mean, what would you fall for? Lyle?

I will hang up on you if you don't tell me the answer to this riddle.

I can tell you what I would fall for. Do you want to know?

Do I want to know?

Yeah?

Okay, tell me Joe.

I would fall for probably the best life that I can get with a nice family and you know, everything taken care of, no bills, everything comfortable, and just the life anybody would want to live.

What the what the fuck kind of riddle was that?

I told you it's personalized. It all depends on what you would stand for and what you would call for.

That wasn't a riddle. That was just like, uh, I don't know what that was, Joe, What was that?

Well, what defines the riddle? Words are just words. You can make them mean anything, you know.

That was a very riddlely thing for of you to say, So I'm going to count that as you good. Those are very riddlely thing. Well, it's been a pleasure to talking to you, Joe, and uh, good luck with with your crazy life and your and your long dish New Jersey relationship. Yeah we can. We can fucking do bumper cars. I mean, not the bumper cars to go carts. Oh if they had bumper cars moving to Syracuse. All right, take care.

Joe for that ship all the way, Take care of Lyle.

That was the worst riddle I've ever heard in my entire life.

What is that?

Well, I gotta respond, I gotta think about it again. If you don't stand for something, you fall for anything. This is like an Andy cough is he doing? If you don't stand for something, you will If you don't stand for for anything, what would you fall for? I would fall for a good life and kids. And that was That was an acid trip of a riddle right there.

Hello.

Hi, what's your name? Mogwai Mogwi? What's up? Mogwi? How you doing? Chilling?

Chilling? It's my first time getting on the stream.

Very cool, very good, very good. Where you call him from?

I'm calling from Canada.

Uh, I was just in Canada. I was just in Toronto. Toronto is a great town, dude. Yeah, I was just there.

You know't know I was there, which is crazy because I listened to all the pods So.

What you listen? It's so crazy I do people. Yeah, I just did two shows there. Man, you should have game. It was fun. They're good shows. They're fun.

I'm actually kind of shaking my head that I missed that. I always say to myself, if you're ever here, I was going to pull up.

That's quite how to sho that. No, I was, Yeah, I was there. Yeah, dude. Well, I mean I'm probably never coming back. That's not true. I'll come back, but it'll be at least a year.

I don't say that breaking my heart ring.

No, man, no, no, I'll come back, but it's going to be at least a year. But I mean, well, anyway, Look, we're on the look. Despite all that, we are on the phone with each other right now, So let's take advantage of this.

Yeah, a beautiful thing.

What do you want to talk about?

Man, man, I have so much I want to talk to you about. But can I tell you quick story first?

You've well, I guess before is how uh sure? Yeah? All right.

This one's a little a little graphic, but I've been wanting to share this story with the world for a long time. So basically, to preface, it's about how one time I nutted blood and there's no I didn't really get any answers as to why it happened.

It just it just happened.

Fucking Christ. Okay was it? What more to the story is there than just that one simple sentence?

Like the way that it happened was traumatic. Basically, I was with my ex partner and you know, we were getting into it or whatever, and like when I had pulled out and I looked down, it was like it was a different color.

So I was like, well, what the fuck?

And yeah, like we turned the lights on and it was blood. And then I went to my doctor and the doctor's like they did their thing and they looked and I was like, like, am I gonna die? Like do I have to get my junk cut off? And they were just like no. But we also don't know why it happened. And I don't know. I'm a little traumatized ever since then that happened, Like that happened like five years ago maybe, and like I just never got any answers and then it never happened again.

Well, now you know what it's like to be a woman. You know, you have blood coming out of your out of your out of your hole. Yeah, I don't know. There's a lot of stuff going on in the human body. There's a lot of holes and a lot of pipes and tubes running around, and you know, sometimes the tubes just get tied up. You know, sometimes the blood tube makes its way into the come.

Tube down the wrong pipe.

Right.

You said you had a whole bunch of things you wanted to talk about. What are some other ones?

Well, I'm gonna be honest with you, Like my life has just been if you know those ones where your life just feels like it's like.

Uh, do me, do me, do me a favorite brother? Are you outside?

Yeah?

I just have to run outside real quick?

Could you go inside?

Yeah? Is this better?

Yes? Okay, what were you saying?

Okay? Perfect? Yeah?

Sorry?

You know those ones with like my life, your life feels like it's like kind of just falling apart.

Uh yeah, definitely.

Yeah, Like it's like that right now, you know, like they say, like bad things happen in threees and stuff like that, and like I feel like I'm waiting for the third bad thing to happen. Like just last week, a week ago today, my car died. Like it it's just it just died. It's done. I'd to scrap it and and then what else would happen before that?

Oh?

And then no after that? So my car died last Friday, and then I hurt my back, like I really like messed up my back on the weekend, like last weekend on Saturday, and like I messed it up so bad that like I haven't been able to work for the

What have you learned anything from these reflections as you've been out of commission?

But I feel like kind of but at the same time, like I don't know, I feel like maybe I've been dwelling a little bit, but it just it feels like everything that's happened right now has just kind of been out of my control. But it's ultimately just put me in like I don't know, just like a really rough spot. I guess, like I don't really know what to what to necessarily take away from that other than life can be life can be a bit sometimes, I guess, maybe just roll with the punches as best as you can.

I don't know, sure that's a good analysis. I suppose let me can I I just before I I just before we continue or before we go? I uh, I want to listen. Do you sound like a nice guy? I want to make sure that this being on the phone with me today has been of any kind of positive benefit to you. And so I ask you, is there anything that you kind of I guess, wanted out of this phone call that I can do for you.

I'll be honest with you, man, Honestly, like I've called in a bunch of times, and you know, I've always hit the the little voicemail thing saying the line is busy. So just kind of being able to, you know, get in on the on the stream and be able to chop it up with you a little bit, that's been really cool.

Cool.

Yeah, man, I don't know if that's anything away with that. It would be like I've had a good little chat with the get.

If it makes you feel any better. I I actually I was scratching my asshole, uh today and there was some blood which was concerning every once every Yeah. But I will I'll say this though, and because I really think that you're an American hero, because bloody I've had a bloody asshole many times throughout my life. It's called it's there's a word for it. You guys can look this up if you have if you have nothing else to do. It's called an anal fissure. Yeah, an anal fissure.

I can I share something else about that, say, same topic that I also I meant to share, but I forgot. It's just I'm releasing the trauma right now on on the on the stream.

Okay, Well, yeah, after all.

That happened, and I went to the doctors and like they looked at it. They sent me to like a specialist. And this is the part that's actually like all my male listeners, y'all got plucky ears for a second. They stuck a camera down my dick hole.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. That's the thing that's real.

That's the whole thing that one's messed up, man, that one had me messed up. I needed to like let it out somewhere. And I always said on the stream, I'm telling the world.

It's the dick hole selfie.

It literally is the dick hole selfie. But they never sent me the picture that they took.

They never sent you the picture. Is it like? Is it is it?

Like?

Is it like Disney World where you have to pay for it and they send it to you in a frame.

Well, I don't know, like our healthcare out here is. But just because it's free doesn't mean it's good.

No, it's fine. Yeah. I would think in Canada they send you home with a little key chain with the picture of the inside of your dick hole on it, like or they or they put it in like a or they put it in a custom snow globe or something.

Yeah, Like I'd like the little keychain that would say like I survived the dick hole selfie or something like they didn't give me any anesthetics, or like mets, they just raw dogs my door.

Wait, they didn't give you anesthetics. They just shove that motherfucker in.

Yeah, or they put like this, it's like freezing gel in like kind of like a freezing gel like that they use at the dentist. It didn't really do anything. And if I'm being real with you, get it kind of hurt when they.

Put Jesus they like it. Fuck, I thought they put you on there or something.

Well that's what I thought too, And so they told me when they like when they did the dick hole selfie. They're like, you can't tense up at all, Like you can't flex your muscles, you can't like you can't like clench your because if you do that then it'll make this like it'll make your dick hole tents up as well,

Well, I hope that making everyone listening to this feel worse made you feel better. I really mean that.

Isn't that like the rule of the internet or one of the rules of the internet, Like if I thought you have.

To see it do or something like, you know, that's fair.

I'm just abiding by the law man, you know.

No, that's fair. If I had to have a stick shoved in my dick hole, I would want to share that pain with other people too.

Yeah, well, it was just part of releasing the trauma.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

The only thing I want to say to you guys before I go is don't come blood, don't do it not recommended, have.

A good night, you will buy geck.

That's what I realized. I meant that it had to have been somebody. Every horrible thing that, every horrible scenario. What's there's a word for this? Ah, does anyone know what this? There's there's like if it is possible to happen, it will happen. Uh, what the fuck is the there's a phrase for like anything that can happen will happen. Oh, please please leave it in the comments if you know this phrase. But there's a phrase maybe the chat. Can

Fatima?

Fatima? What's up? Fatima? Uh?

Nothing right? What's up with to you?

That's something you would say to a kid on on the playground, if you're trying to make him, make him feel bad, you say, you say you got a Fatima, You got a fat mom. Sorry, sorry, sorry for saying that. Is there any is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about, Fatima? Uh?

Yeah, Actually I wanted to talk about how I'm like forced to move in and sleep with my grandma, like starting July of next year, and I.

Really do not want to.

How old are you?

I'm nineteen, I'm gonna be twenty like next week.

You're you What do you mean You're being forced to sleep with your grandma?

So basically, my grandma has dementia and I go over like every other week to go take care of her, to see how she's doing, and my mom will tell me how her adventure is gonna get worse soon, so it would be best if we move in with her, so we can just always keep an eye on her. And she doesn't have that many rooms to sleep in, so I'm forced to sleep on the same bed as my grandma until I don't know however long.

Wow, so she's sleeping in your just I just I guess started trying to make it, make it all get the right photo. She's moving in with your family, or she was already there, so she.

Has her own house like thirty minutes from where I live, or like my atro house. And so we were just having to move in at her house because apparently she was in to originally move into our guest room because we had it just there and it'll be easier for us. And we told my grandma about the idea, and my mom told me that she said that she'd rather die than move into the house. So I guess her only choice is to move into her house.

How big is her house?

It's two bedrooms one bathroom, well, I guess two bathrooms. Her room has a bathroom, and then it just has a kitchen, living room. But the thing about her ahead, go ahead, oh sorry, Oh. The thing about her house is that it's like a connected home where it's rented to different people. So one side of the house has like a whole different family, but it's it's like disconnected,

So you were the one who got stuck sleeping in the same room with your grandma? Yeah, and you're gonna sleep in the same bed, yeah, why don't you just get an air mattress?

Her room isn't that big, Like, I feel like her room is more of like just one pathway you can go forward, and then one pathway to go out of the door, and.

Then who so you guys are all you guys? How long are you guys gonna be with your with your grandma?

For I feel like probably to the rest of her life, honestly, And then what's happening with your house?

So my mom wants to rent out the house to people so we don't have to sell it and we can just go back whenever.

I think.

That's the plan that she wants to do. I don't know if there's any other plant, but that's why she told me.

So what's going on with you, fadie Ma? Are you in? You in school? Do you work?

Oh? Yeah, I am in school. Actually my school is like pretty close to my grandma's house. But the thing about my work is that it's it's closer to my actual house. So I would just have to like move to a different work and I guess i'd be pretty much it. I was thinking of dorming at my school, but I looked at the prices for dorms and they're way way too expensive for me.

Yeah, I guess this is kind of This is kind of just like a you know, a situation you got to deal with until you can get on your feet enough to cobble together enough money to move out and like be independent.

Yeah, I feel like it's gonna be hard. I'm not really good at saving money either.

So what do you what do you spend money on?

Mainly on food, a lot of food and close and just like use this, I'm not probably.

Not gon use.

Do you have a good RelA? What's your like actual relationship like with your grandma?

My grandma, honestly, she she loves me, to be honest, and she keeps mentioning the fact since you have mentioned she came spent the back time when A lived her house, and she keeps thinking, I don't know, I kind of like go with it. But I'm fine with my grandma. It's just the thing is that she told me a few months ago when I was taking care of her.

She was like, uh, oh, by the way.

Like I haven't been going out lately, and no, what it really comes over? So I haven't showered in like five days?

Oh no, yeah.

Girl, you gotta shower if we're gonna be fucking sleeping in the bed together.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Oh Jesus Christ, Fatima, Oh man, what why don't you just like, well, why don't you sleep with in like your Is it like less weird or horrible to sleep in with you in your the same room as your brother?

No, I've actually slept in the same room with my brother before. It's just the thing is that my uncle also lives with my grandma and he's sitting in that room.

But it's a.

Pretty big room, so it can fit like two beds. But I feel like that's it. It will only fit two beds.

Hm hmm. Okay, So your your grandma pretty much tells you the news that you guys are going to be sleeping together, like multiple multiple times in a row.

Yeah, I don't mind.

To be honest, is she excited? Is that is it?

Like?

Does she seem happy about it?

Honestly? I think so.

Every time she tells me, she always smiles and like, oh, did your mom tell you this already? Like you're gonna be living here? He seems excited. And I feel so bad to say that I don't want to move in with her.

No, you know you should. You should. That's uh, that's really nice for you, shoul. I don't think you should feel bad. I don't think that many like nineteen year olds trying to fucking like move out and be like independents are stoked to. I don't think you should feel bad about not being stoked to sleep in a bed with your grandma. I think that's a very understandable feeling not to not to beat yourself up.

About Oh I'm glad about that part.

Then what's your what's uh? What's the dream? What? What do you? What are you going to be? What life are you going to be fantasizing about while you're on your sigma grindset in your in your grandma's bedroom.

I don't know.

I've thought about a few places or like things to do. I think my first idea was to become a veterinarian cool, but that would require a lot of school and a lot of years of doing stuff. Other than that, I've also wanted to move in to Canada in Vancouver. That's another idea, But I feel like their prices are away a little bit higher than they are here, so that's another issue.

What's going on in Vancouver? Was it just like a city you were like, oh, that could be cool or something specific? Oh?

So I was.

Let me tell you the backstory. So basically, I was working and I had these guests come up to me that are from Canada, and I work at a movie theater. So they were telling me how the sizes are like humongous, and then afterwards we were like talking for a bit and they were telling me how I should go to Vancouver,

Yeah, yeah, no, you sound you sound like no, you sound you sound like, uh, you want to do ship?

You know.

Yeah, it's a natural impulse to want to do ship. I by the way, I really I think that if if you have the impulse to want to do ship, I like, I don't believe in manifestation in like a woo woo you put things out into the universe. I

Go.

I'm gonna keep that mindset while I'm over there on a ground.

Yeah, I remember you.

That's cool. Vancouver is a good Vancouver's a good place. It's got a lot of trees. What what are you? What state are you in?

I'm in California?

Okay, all right, that's cool. Yeah, well, uh is is there anything else that you wanted to to talk about or say or other aspects of this?

I actually do so. I was actually gonna go to your live show on November ninth that I was gonna wait until I get taked. Who I don't have any money and I was checking on the tickets and it was so out. Yeah, okay next time.

Yeah, I'll be back. I'll be back in twenty twenty.

Six, twenty six, my green Frog onesie.

Bro, bring, bring your grandma, bring the whole Family'll bring my grandma. Is there anything else you gonna say? The people in the computer before we go smoke?

Oh?

I love you guys, I love you, gig, I love you BYO see it.

That's it.

Bye bye, Fatima.

Hello, Hello, Hi.

What is your name?

Caitlyn?

Caitlin? What's up, Kaitlyn? How you doing?

I'm pretty good. How are you?

I'm actually doing Okay, I'm feeling I'm actually feeling fairly locked in and I'm excited and read to talk to you about whatever it is that you wanted to talk about.

Okay, Now, I'm all nervous. I didn't think of that.

No, don't be nervous. This is a low pressure situation. There's no this is this is this is one of the this is one of the least important things going on in America right now, or probably also probably the world. This is probably one of the least important things going on in the entire world right now. So there's just no pressure whatsoever.

Okay, all right, So I kind of wanted to talk to you about. So I'm about to graduate from school and the career field I'm trying to get into is like really competitive. So We're thinking about moving to just anywhere in America, and I'm bringing my boyfriend along with me. So I have moved across the country by myself before, he have not, and I'm scared. But he's going to like not like where we move or it's going to be harder to make friends with a significant other along with me.

Hm hmm. Well, he's not moving across the country alone. He's moving across the country with you.

This is true, But then we both have to like make friends independently, and I feel like it's a lot easier when you're like by yourself making friends rather than when, like, I don't know, he's trying to make you know.

Your your are you? Are you?

Well?

Okay, first of all, where where are you moving from? And where are you going to?

So right now we're in Colorado and it's looking like we're going to go to Chicago.

Well that's the goal. Cool to Chicago, but we could.

Go to like Kansas or somewhere random wherever I can get a.

Job really cool. Well, I mean Chicago would be way better than Kansas if you're trying to interact with other human beings. Definitely definitely more expensive, But it depends on I guess what you what you can hack? Okay, So your boyfriend, how old are you? Guys? Well, you're yeah old?

He guys, I'm old.

I'm twenty nine and he is thirty.

And you've you're an experienced mover across that you sound just I can kind of the way you're talking about this sounds like you've like confidently done things like this in your life before.

Yeah.

So I moved from California to here by myself and I didn't know anyone, and I was like twenty floor when I did that. So I feel like I would be okay if I was moving by myself. But it's like more scary to drag someone along with me in case he doesn't like it, or in case.

He well, the good here's the good news is you're actually not dragging him along with you. He's actually making his own independent decision to come with you, knowing the pros and the cons, weighing them and choosing to go along with you because he wants to be with you, maybe because he's open to new adventures and excitement in his life. And it is it is, it is, in fact his choice. You are not Hopefully you're not tying him up and throwing him in the trunk of your car and driving it to Kansas.

No, that wasn't the plan I would.

So.

I mean, from my perspective, I really wouldn't think of this like you look you two are how as long he has been together?

Four years?

Okay? So yeah, I mean, look, you two are in a partnership and trying to support each other, and you clearly give a fuck that he isn't miserable all the time.

Yeah, but.

I mean, is he like, why are you nervous? Is he like socially not not good?

No, not at all? But like he has his family here and I don't have any like real connections to hear, but he's been here for like a lot longer than I have, and he has like all of his work friends and everything. So he'd be leaving like everyone that he's been with for like ten years to go somewhere new. And I feel like if I hadn't like entered his life, he'd probably just stay here and be happy with him.

No, but you can't. Yeah, but you really, he's this guy's making You didn't coax him into it. He's making his own decision.

Yeah, yeah, this is true.

And you're a good uh, you're a good girlfriend to want to help him with uh, with this and like work together with him on this. And you guys are like building a life together that's really awesome. But you know, I mean at the end of the fucking day. This guy, he's got a kind of he's got to summon the uh, the the whatever, the thing it takes to be like, all right, I'm gonna put myself out there in this way.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, I don't know if that I don't know if that resonates with you.

It does. Do you have any advice on how we can meet people and feel more like we have a community in a new place together.

Well, if you go to Kansas, you can wander around the Dick's Sporting Goods and see if if you make any friends. What do you guys like.

Music? I like the hike and being nature and stuff. He's a graphic designer and he likes all that computer stuff.

Okay, bam, okay, here here join a hiking group. Bam, one and done. Go to small, intimate live music shows and talk to people bam, join a fucking art graphic design coworking group or start one bam. Three things. Uh, probably can't do any of them in Kansas. Maybe maybe I'm sorry for shooting on Maybe they're you know, I'm sorry for shooting on Kansas. Maybe you can do that in Kansas.

But no, I fear that on Casus.

Yeah, but yeah, we'll just do stuff, do stuff, start your own stuff. Just did to leave your house, go on the internet. There's it's literally never ever, ever been easier to like going to a new place and starting a life. There has never been easier. If you have some like if if you have if you have the desire to fucking do it, you have to be willing to go out and put yourself out there and and uh find communities and add to them somehow.

Uh.

But if you do that, you're going to be fine wherever you go, especially a place like Chicago.

You know that's very true.

Anything else.

I don't think so.

All right, Well, where do you think? Where do you think we go when we die? Do you think it's somewhere horrible?

No? I feel like I want to believe that we get like resurrected into our favorite.

Animal what's your favorite animal?

A koala?

Would you want to be a koala?

Yeah, it would be sick. You just symmetry.

Did they look really cute? Yeah? I went to Australia and I saw some of them, and some of them will run around and it's good. It's good time to be one. But I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if it was better, if it might have been better to be other things than just a human. I'm human. Humans are both blessed and burdened with our higher consciousness. And you got I guess you have to decide for yourself if it's a burden or a blessing.

But how do you know?

Koalas don't have a higher consciousness just like us?

But they don't. We we because you know why? I know that because some guy at one point took a koala and just took a chainsaw and sawed him in half and looked at his brain like a lot. And and then and then some other guy did the same thing with like a lot of people just took their bodies and cut sliced them up with a chainsaw and looked at their brains. And they took each other's information, and they came to a scientific conclusion the koalas are dumber than human beings.

Wow.

I don't know if that's right, but I'll take your word on it.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

I don't think so. Thanks for talking to me.

Later, dude. Kansas. By the way, just if anyone's listening to this that lives in Kansas and you want to be like, no, we actually have a great live music scene, and no, we actually have lots of great nature in Kansas. I'm open to it. I'm open to I want to I have no it benefits me in no way, shape or form. If Kansas is shitty, I've been. I've like, where the fuck have I been in Kansas? Where the hell? Where the fuck even it? Hold on, I'm going on