Hi.
What's your name? Hi?
My name's Amber.
Amber. What's going on? Amber? How's life today?
Doing good? How are you?
Gek? You know I'm doing okay. Today was a bit of a crap shoot, But you know, I thought I was done. I thought I was done with crap shoots. But crap shoots, I don't know if you've ever really done with them.
But anyway, it keeps coming.
Yeah, it keeps coming. But you deal with it, you manage it, you figure out how to keep going. Well, what's up, Amber? Would you want to talk about today?
I kind of wanted to talk about a recent situation I got myself into. So I recently got like a meta quest dr headset and I've been playing this game called dr Chat and it's a lot of fun. Essentially, it's like chat room style. And I ran into a very interesting character the other night, literally like three nights ago, and I was a little bit drunk of drinking, having a good time with couples friends, and we ended up just chatting, kind of flirting a little bit. Well flirting
kind of led to a little bit more. Uh ended up doing a little bit of sexting, a little bit of cam stuff, and Uh, the night. Afterwards, he messaged me and was like, hey, okay, hold on, hold.
On, hold on, I want I want you to finish this. I want you to finish this story. But before you do, I have I have a lot of questions.
This happened very quickly too.
When you are when you say that you were guys were sexting and doing cam stuff, now VR chat your your different characters right, like was he knuckles the echidna and you were like Princess Peach? Like what were or was it just like were you were you sexting in character? Uh?
No, So we took it to discord.
Okay, okay, who was his carrot? Who was his character?
Honestly, it was like some e boy style thing. It was actually not even my type of thing. But he was pretty smooth, I gotta say, uh for a young adult. He was like twenty two.
Okay, can I ask how old you are?
I'm thirty three.
And I'm curious why, like did you you never like saw this guy's face, did you? And like like when you when you brought him? When you when you brought I guess I guess like this is the extremely online version of like bringing someone back home from the bar is bringing them into a private discord server essentially, And what was it about him?
Then?
Yeah? Yeah, But so I'm curious what was it about him? Because I assume you couldn't see his face? What was it about him that attracted you to that point where you guys were doing that stuff if you didn't even know what he looked like?
To be honest, he was kind of sweet, a little flirty, but not like too heavy handed flirty. You know, you run into guys and they go like, ooh, a little uncomfortable. Sure, And I was also quite inebriated, so of course I let my body do the talking for myself.
Okay, all right, So you guys were like sexting as real human beings.
As real human beings.
And were you did you like like when you answered the like I guess when you do that with a stranger, right, like when you answer the video call? Are you already naked? Or is there a little bit of high what's your name? I'm so and so nice to meet you?
So not originally naked? It was super super lated at night, so of course, like in Pajannys the like, not super like covered up, did a little bit of talking of like Hi, how are you? The snee thisew kind of see each other. And then of course that escalated very quickly. And I don't know if you know much about vr chat, but there's a lot of personal toys that are long distance.
WHOA what?
How tell?
How So there's like personal toys that you can download an app for and control from a distance.
Okay, and so wait, so so you have like a vibrator that with an app and you can get you can you were You're like, hey, download this app and you can use the you can press a button that makes the vibrator work. While he's like, yes, interesting, I feel like I don't know why. Well, no, here's the thing is. I feel like like if I was hooking up with someone and they were like, hey, in order for us to do this, you have to download an app, I'd be like, I'm just not gonna do it. I
I can't. I'm I've been horny. And let me tell you something. I've been horny enough to put my credit card information in with one hand while I masturbate with the other one. But I will not download an app out of horniness.
That is.
Where I draw the line.
That's fair, that's fair.
Okay, so tell me more about this this situation.
So that happens. The next morning, I wake up obviously super hungover. He messages me and tells me that he would like to buy me some gifts I have like in my bio on dr chat that I am saving for full body trackers, and I was.
Like, hey, I.
Full what is What are full body?
Full body trackers? Essentially you can see entire movements in VR chat as opposed to just like hands or things like that, so it's a very like immersive experience. So I make a little wishless and I say little wishless. It was essentially everything that I would need for a startup of full body trackers, coming to about eleven hundred dollars worth of stuff. He messages me a couple hours later with a screenshot that he has purchased me my entire giftness and asked if I would come play video
games with him that night. So, uh, me, being who I am, I was like, okay, well that's a lot. Felt a little bit uncomfortable in a way, but at the same time, I was like, like kind of wanted all this stuff, So I have a bit of a moral lima there ended up playing games and he's a super nice guy, definitely not my type, eleven years younger than me, so it's kind of weird. But I don't know what to do.
You don't know what to do.
Yeah, Basically, when I when I ended up logging into like play video games with him, I definitely made it super clear that I was like, hey, I'm not I don't want to like take these things with the intent of like being your girlfriend or anything like that. Like, essentially, this is a super transactional situation. So I will spend time with you if you buy anythings. And he was like, yeah, definitely wait wait.
Wait, oh wait, okay, so you will you will be I'm I'm sorry if I if I'm getting this incorrect. But you said that, like, you won't be his girlfriend if he buys you stuff, but then you said you will.
No, that I definitely won't be his girlfriend, but I would spend time with him, like play video games or whatnot for compensation.
You will, you will spend time with him as long as he keeps buying you stuff.
Essentially, yeah, and is that.
Time implied by you to be purely platonic?
Yes?
Okay, why why do you want to spend time with this guy. I mean, is it just to get stuff? Yeah?
Kind of like that's where my dilima because I've never been that kind of person. And I had this happen now, and I'm like, well, would it be foolish of me not to take that if that's what he wants to do? So funny enoughter like, I brought this up to my sister and I was like, hey, this is what happened, and she's like, you know, that's like a kink. It's called like pay pig of guys who essentially just want to buy you things and you treat them kind of like shit.
Okay, this guy wants and you told and you were this guy wants you to treat him like shit in exchange for buying things for you. He's that he's expressed that to you, not in.
Those words, but I've made my side clear on it. And he was like, yeah, no, I'm in, I'm game.
Okay, what's your name? My name's Amber, amberm get I mean, get it get into this with me here, right, because look because look, well let me let me ask you. I mean I want to ask you a few things genuinely, is like, do you want do you want to Actually, I'm gonna ask I'm gonna ask you this straight up. Amber you said, yes, Do you like your life?
Yeah?
Absolutely?
Really?
Oh yeah, one hundred percent.
Okay, Okay, what do you like about your life?
I love my family, I have a great home. I work hard, I'm very successful. What I do am I not like filthy rich or anything like that. I do well off. I have a great set of friends and a great support system. And obviously, like it wasn't always like that in my life, but at this point in my life, I'm probably at the happiest I've been in a long time.
Okay, do you Are you hoping to get into some form of romantic relationship.
At some point?
But I got out of a pretty shitty relationship about two years ago and since then have not really heavily seeked out one.
Okay, So yeah, Well, I'm glad to hear that you like your life. That's good, Thank you. Do you do you believe that engaging in this situation, especially considering what you told me about how you seem like you're doing pretty okay financially, do you believe that engaging in this situation will improve your life.
Materialistically? Potentially, but not in a not in like a mental or emotional way.
Do you believe it has the potential to deteriorate your life in any mental or emotional way?
Oh?
Yeah, okay?
Do you never know what people online?
Right? And and would you say that.
It?
Would it? Would you say? And? And by the way, you know these are just these are all genuine questions to answer. You know, I don't believe in they're being
right or wrong answers necessarily to these questions. But uh, would would the material enrichment of your life to the tune of eleven hundred dollars of VR equipment be worth truly any amount of but be worth a undefined in your words, amount of mental anguish if you were to if you were to ask me, I would say no. If you were to ask me, I would say no, but I don't live your life. If you were asked me, I would say no, but I don't live your life. You live your life. And so you have to answer
that question. But that's the question to ask.
Yeah, no, definitely, it wouldn't be worth it.
No, So what do you do? Go? Enjoy your life? Get off? I mean I tried to go. I try to be passive in these calls, and I genuinely do believe that to be my favorite way of communicating with people. But also in the back of my head, I just want to be like, get the fuck off of vr chat. If you have such a great life, I mean, Jesus Christ.
You know, so true, so true.
Well, yeah, I mean, let this. I don't know what. I don't know what up with this uh this, this twenty two year old dude in vr chat who's like dropping Well, yeah, well, well it's I don't know. I don't know where he's getting his money from. I don't know if it's it's it's not. Yeah anyway, Yeah, for sure, I've learned. Every every time I, uh learn more about vr chat, I'm like I I walk away every Honestly, every time I learn more about vr chat, I walk away a little sadder.
Oh I'm so sorry.
No you didn't do it. No, No, it's not your faults even at all. It's uh vrch everything, this, this, this situation. I'm you know, I have a vaguely I'm developed.
I don't I don't think it's healthy, but I'm developing a vaguely deterministic view of society and so the situation that you're talking about, where it's like like everything, this entire the society that we live in, that's the basis of this phone call, almost feels like it could have been It was just inevitable, and now we're we have to navigate it with our human consciousness and choice or we don't or or or or our inability to do
so is inevitable too. Okay, I'm wow, I'm I'm being a I'm being a I'm being a fucking I'm being a douchebag right now.
You're all good?
Amber? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Stay golden, beautiful, Okay, good luck Amber.
That's what I don't get. I don't know. I don't know some people, dude, some people, And I I genuinely meant it. I was genuinely curious when I asked her if she liked her life, and I think she was
telling the truth when she said she did. And I don't want to knock on people who play video games or spend a lot of time online, but I can't imagine that spending massive, massive, massive, massive massive amounts of time online to the point where you're you know, living in VR chat, staring at a VR mirror or whatever. I can't imagine that is compatible with being that happy
with your life. But I and you know what and you know what, to meet someone, to talk to someone who is telling me that you actually can spend that much time online and declare yourself to enjoy your life. That actually makes me happy. So I actually I walk away from this VR chat related phone call more optimistic
about the future. I would I would love to talk to the twenty two year old kid and ask him the same question, but he might not even be real, and neither may I. All right, let's keep going Hello.
Hello, can you hear me?
Hi? Yes, I can. What's your name?
My name's Crystal. I'm going to try to talk slow so you can understand me.
Crystal. What's going on, Crystal? How you doing?
Oh? I mean in general, I'm breathing. I'm here, I'm alive. So that's good.
Yeah.
Uh that been better, also been worse. So I can't bit.
You can't brag, you know, Yeah, yeah, yeah it is. It is so interesting. Ah God, I want to you know what, Crystal. I was about to go wax poetic about the answer. To the question of whether or not you're doing good, but it's going to send me on a whole useless rant. So I'm gonna stop myself and I'm going to ask you, Crystal, if there was any particular thing that you called in today I want to talk talk about.
I guess yeah. Actually, so for the first time, look sorry, for the first time in my entire life, I started a new job and I feel like I'm being bullied. It sounds like a ridiculous I know, I hate say the word bully because it's so fucking stupid, but it's like I've never been to a place where people are just annoyed with my presence. Like I know I'm annoying,
but it's just it's too much. So anyways, there's I'm calling you is because I started watching you or listening to you or whatever while network, and you know, it seems like you are pretty good at what you do as far as giving just your opinion, and I need like a opinion on how to or what to do. You know, do I put my job? Do I tell them to get fucked?
Like?
It sounds so stupid now that I'm saying out.
Loud, Well, I have I have a couple of questions, and I also just an observation. I mean, first of all, the fact that you said, uh, I know, I am annoying is like, you know, well, you know what. Okay, let's let's let's do this. Okay, So Crystal, your name is right?
Correct?
Uh?
What's this job?
Inventory? And let me do a little side side talking just so you know, it's hard for me to find a job. I'll have a record, and it took me a long time to find a job, So just keep that in mind as well.
You said you have you have a record, so it took you a long time to find a job.
Yes, yes, correct, And the imps on disability for a good portion of my life and then you know, so that's comes into play too, so you know.
Anyways, okay, so so you got a job in inventory and you're being tell me about what do you mean by your being bullied?
I love this deest like correct word, and it seems like it's like a word but aitherway. So I mean what I mean by that is I start this job and I am supposed to be trained, trained, like in any kind of job, you know, but I just get barely trained and stuck in like the this place of the store where nobody really wants to do accounting because it's you know, it's just annoying part of the story.
So anyway, hold on a second, then care anyways though, and then they tell me, okay, well you know you got account faster and then you'll get moved moved out of there. Okay, Well three months later, I'm seeing people go past me and you know this and that, so
i'll you know, anything else subject here. Yeah. Anyway, so while I'm doing my job, I'm hearing like I can just send people, you know, untibody's talking about you, or you're walking in a conversation that's like about you and they just stop and you just know that they're talking about you, right mm hmm.
No, you know you know I do because well, well, well I I confuse you. No, no, no, it's it's not that it confuses me. But go ahead, I want to leave.
You finish, okay, So you know it's not like that's just maybe Okay, I'm known to be a little crazy, like on the books. Whatever it comes. It runs in my blood, you know, it's my family side. But anyways, so maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
And you know, so I know, I tried to law schooboy one, you know, just taking this set back, and as the days go by, I'm realizing that I'm not being paranoid, that I have, you know, confirmation that my direct supervisor is like talking shit about me, but not only to the other employees but like to other people by as well. And it's not even like good crap, like it's nothing that's all, you know, anything exciting even it's just like you know, I'm basically because they're all
a lot younger than me, so that doesn't help. You know, it's basically just talking ship, just stupid ship. Like I can explain it, but you know, I'm making yeah, yeah, and then no, and then it gets me feeling sometime way obviously, you know, and I just I don't know,
it's weird. I've never been in a job to do where I can't or any I'm in a situation in general to where I'm not ever like speak my mind like usually may get more than welcome, you know, or more than expected, and uh, in this situation, it's like they made me like they made me feel bad, which sucked up so It's like, do I quit until we suck them and then have no income and then spend the next year trying to find another job? Or do I just I mean, where do you go from here?
I'm not the type to really be like a little contact A Well, that's just not me. I'm not the type of person that doesn't the type of shit. You know.
I feel like, Okay, why I I well, I I have a few thoughts.
So this is an inventory? Is this is this? Is this a job at a big company?
You we go so basically we go to like Dollar Generals, dollar Tree, damn the dollars and for some reason try to supply and account you get out there through all the products in the store.
Is this a job? Well, okay, before because we were talking about HR?
Is it?
Is it a job with a big enough company that even is it? Is it a Is it a job with a big enough company that they even have an HR department?
Yes?
Definitely, this is okay, definitely, Okay, you don't have to confirm or deny. But does the company start with an A?
No? Not? This this struts a W. And there's three letters in the in the company named Okay, I have worked the one to start with an A.
And and you're telling me that you this place has an HR, and you said, I'm not the kind of person to go to HR. What does that mean?
Oh, I'm just see I'm an overthinker. And it's like I started, you know, were thinking, and I'm like, okay, well I don't want to be that guy that goes in talns on somebody. And like like then I start, you know, when I start talking about a lot, I'm like it should be a big deal. Maybe I'm just being dramatic, and I started playing like those kind of games in my head, like you know, I don't want to. I mean, something's done. I feel like it's like I don't know, I don't.
Know, by the way, and here's it actually makes a lot of sense. And I understand because it's like we don't we don't live in I think the the older I get and the more I just think about things, I'm like, I.
Don't know if yeah, well I'm super old too, so I'm like during forties, so.
Well I guess I well, I'm thinking, well, well, I'm thinking about like we don't necessarily live in perfect systems, right, I understand where it's like oh, you know, I don't want to go like tattle and then things become worse.
The tell so they tell my supervisor I told on them, and then if it means my job, you know, I mean, I do know.
What you mean. It's a completely valid, understandable fear.
I know.
Do you know what you mean?
I mean, how old are you again?
I'm twenty seven.
Okay, so you're a significantly younger than me, A holder generation probably, So it's people like I would say, they're probably around your age, gets stakes five years.
No.
My my direct group I work with let's say six to ten people, maybe sometimes sixteen. And it's like, I'm sure, I don't know if it's just I'm too old to be right to be able to like, I don't know, I know, problem is I like, I need to fix it.
Listen, listen, I just I just Cris Crystal, Crystal. I'm curious about a couple of well, I mean, there's a there's a there's there's kind of a lot uh to this that I'm thinking about. Do you ever do you ever talk to a real therapist?
Yes, I definitely have, and probably realistically you need to get back into it. But you know, at the very moment, okay, and have my mental health has been sorry, my mental health is obviously. I feel like it's obvious, you know, easy, be real back ind like I was really good with them. I have a couple of things.
Well because because here's the here's the thing, right, and and I'm like, I'm I'm not a real therapist, but I'm just like, uh well yeah, obviously, but you know, I guess like just like as a it's just like I'm because I'm about to I'm about to kind of get in. I'm I'm about to get into some armchair therapist ship right now.
Just but like you're good dude. Like I said, I'm not trying to be you know, be anything. But I just figured that that's what I called. You know, you would come down to. I don't know you and I don't really give a about you.
No, No, I know exactly, I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, I know what you mean. I know you mean. Okay, So okay, so then here's the thing. Here's my here's my observation. Right, is a couple of things.
It's like, i mean, one the very when you first started talking, you were like you said, you said, I know I'm annoying, and you said and and the thing about like the thing you said where you were like, you know when you enter a conversation and you think it's about you or like and you know it's about you and the reason I kind of fully agree with you on that in the first place. And I'm this
is total armchair therapy. But I'm like in our conversation, in our conversation, I'm picking up little things that are telling me that are like signs of.
Just HD anxiety.
Well I was gonna say this, like things like like like low self esteem.
Yeah, well yeah, that comes along with I mean I guess I went too deep with the head and I'll tell you all that. See, it's just and that's I mean, that's the reality of it, though, is that that comes from a lot of things. And you know that's why real therapy can be important. But it's just another whole another show, you know. So it's just like.
Go ahead, I want I'll let you talk.
No hopeful I do his talk. It's just I just like I just woke up like several months to home, was like damn, now, I'm fucking old, and the like I had my shit together as far as like, you know, being able to control my anxiety and you know that ter and then it's just like what the fuck happened? And now I'm to the point where I'm just She's like, what the fuck did it need? These young folks?
Mhmm.
And then I get like, it's just a whole Yeah, I assuming enough time to go to my whole whole situation, but I guess probably answer out my question out before.
No, no, no, even just like that, right, it's like, is I just to me, the the thing is and and this is like something to work out in like real therapy, right, is like I think to even like I think you need to have some form of foundation of like self esteem that allows you to be like, you know what, I'm not gonna I'm I don't care if these people are bullying me. I am not the problem. It's not because I'm annoying or i am old or whatever. I'm showing up to do fucking work at my job.
I'm doing like really just building the in your head, the narrative, right, the narrative of your every day and the narrative of your life is should not be Oh, I'm annoying, I'm old these people. You know, I probably deserve these people are probably talking about me, because that's that you like, you need to take that ar rative and and and do It's it's not easy, it's really really really not easy. But the process is just to take that narrative and replace it with I'm a fucking
dignified human being. I'm showing up to work, I'm doing my fucking job, and I deserve to be able to be in an environment where people are not fucking with me, where I can do my job. And if I have to go to HR to advocate for myself, I'm gonna do it because I I I I have you know, I I deserve you know and you And that's what that's what that's what that's that's what you gotta do because the the two that that's that's where your head needs to be at. Like every day with this ship.
You know, you know you're you're too hard to write. In one thousands I write. And that's why I'm glad I call it because I mean, in summary, in my brain, I know this, you know what I mean, I can know this and I know I can do that, you know, and it's just like, you know, so that's why you're awesome to thank you. Honestly, it's just it's just it's fucked up. But you know it's like and I keep,
you know, thinking, Okay, there's other jobs. It's like the wide why would I give them the pleasure of, you know, bullying me because they don't like whatever money for whatever reason, Like they're not gonna say my bills.
It's well. Also also also here's something Crystal a lot like another thing is like so many of our interaction, so many of our interactions with other people and with the world, have fucking absolutely nothing to do with us, you know what I mean? These these this guy isn't like like like you're like your direct supervisor. He's not being mean to you because of anything wrong with you. He's he's I don't even know if he's being mean
to you because of anything. She I don't even know if she's being wrong with you because of anything fucking wrong with her. She just has.
She doesn't really she doesn't really she's talking. She like has to it, you know what I mean, I guess do it or like doesn't do anything about it when like the rest of the dictator because she was like, cool, I don't know whatever, Yeah right, we don't.
Know, right, we don't know. We don't know why she acts the way she does. We don't know if what happened or when she was like kay, we don't know about what happened with her parents. We don't know about it. And you know what, And she could just be a dickhead. She could have a good reason. It doesn't really matter. It's not really important to think about. But the important part of it to grasp what what what? What the reason is is not that important, but what the reason
is not is important. And the reason is not ultimately really anything having to do with you, So long as you look at yourself and you trust yourself enough to go again, like when you fucking wake up and when you go to work and when you interact with people, are you are you able to really like within yourself, go, I am fucking dum, I'm like showing up up to
do this job as a dignified worker. I'm like I'm doing I'm I'm like in all parts of your life, am I doing the best to uphold my end of the deal in this whole being a human being on the earth.
I can no matter what the situation. You know, I tried.
You know, by the way, by the way, you're not by the way, You're never gonna be You're never gonna be perfect. The answer is never gonna be. I'm doing amazing.
The answer.
The answer is the question. The question is is just one of like, am I am I at least am I at least trying?
You know?
Who are you laughing? I'm not looking at this yet? Is this funny?
I'm not laughing.
Ridiculous?
Yeah, no, I'm laughing at I'm laughing at the absurdity. I'm just laughing at you know, life and ship.
But yeah, well, I mean not much more your time, but we'll see. How do you really appreciate you? And it's good to know that at least one more good even being out there.
Okay, well, Crystal, Crystal, good luck. And please if you take away god damn, if you just take away anything from this phone call, just please make it that you know the the whatever whatever evils are done upon you in the world, that they they they have nothing to do with you and and your You have every right to go and you know, fight against them and as you as you move through the world.
That's a you know it was. That's a good, good one.
This night.
You appreciate you, Okay, and thanks again, really really thank you.
All right, thank you, Crystal, good luck you have a good night.
Man.
We got very we got very stoic on that one. We got very we got very philosophical on that on that one. That was a big stoic one. I feel for Crystal.
I do.
It's weird, dude, It's hard, and I I I've I've been, I know people like this, and I've been people like this, and I slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, over time realize just how fucking little of the way, like the way the world operates is very indifferent to you. In the way the people operate, I think it is very indifferent to you. Now, By the way, it's not a zero percent. I would say there's a ratio. I don't know what the exact
ratio it is. It could be something close to fifty to fifty, it could be something close to sixty forty. The ratio being what percentage of the way that the world and the people in it treat you is a result of things going on with you or a result of things going on with those people and with the world. It's not one hundred percent either of those things. But I think people tend to focus on, you know, oh, what did I do wrong in that relationship? Oh why
why am I getting bullied? I must have be something to do with me? And it's like it's in a lot a lot of the times, it's just because the word. It's just because it's the word. The world is insane and the people living and it are insane, including us, and everyone is just it's too it's too mystical. And yeah, it's too it's too mystical to claim as as as
your own, you know. And I do that with good things too sometimes, which is the double edged sword of that, right, Like if someone reacts positively to you, that's the that's the double edged sword of this, of this, of this particular philosophy that I wrestle with is like if I did well or if people liked me, A lot of that had nothing to do with fucking me and a lot to do with the other people. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing, because I mean, take it in m I mean, look, we let's talk art
business relationships. Those are all fifty to fifty ratio things, right, You can make a you can make a video and it's really weird and grotesque and someone could not like it, and fifty percent of the reason they didn't like it is because of you. Is because of the thing that you made, and the other fifty percent is because of them.
They're not into it. And then you meet a sick, weirdo person who likes your weird video thing, and now it's like, fifty percent of that was because of you and who you are, and then fifty percent of that was because of them and who they are. And it works outay with relationships and friendships and everything. But I think people we get too focused on the you know, the version of us. I'm learning that too, Like if I'm at parties or social I'm trying to get better
at like being more. I think I'm naturally extroverted when I have energy, which is not all the time, but when I have energy, I try to be more extroverted. I when I go to like a fucking function or something I want to I would love to be the kind of guy where I can just go in and be like, Hey, what's your name?
How you doing?
And I'm starting to do that more, and I easily brush off when someone does not want to talk to me. It's not a big deal. It's really not a big deal because it has nothing to do with you. It may as or not that has nothing to do with you, but it only has half to do with you.
You know.
So I am I feel. I feel for Crystal, I really do. I could tell that. I could tell with help pad because I could tell even when I was laughing, just because I'm, you know, talking, and that's that's that's how I am. That's a thing going on in my head. Of course I'm not laughing at her. But the brain, it just conditions itself to believe that it's the source
of all everything. It's a weird like ego. It's a way like it's it's kind of funny, man like like thinking that like you're thinking that you're amazing and you're better than everyone else is ego, but also like thinking that you suck and everyone hates you, and like that's also kind of ego in a way. Yeah, I don't know, I think about this ship, but uh fuck, can I I gotta say something funny? Everything's been so philosophical, tits.
Hello, yeah, can you hear me?
Yeah?
What's your name?
My name is uh.
Let's go Logan, Logan. What's up, Logan?
How you doing good? How are you doing?
I'm fine, I'm okay. What's uh?
Oh gosh, I have no idea. Would you mind taking the lead?
Yeah, sure, I can take the lead. Well, have we ever talked before, Logan?
We not. This is my first time ever calling you.
How did you find out about this show?
I was actually listening to a podcast on Spotify called Brooke and Jeffrey Brooke and Jewble, and it was an ad.
Cool Okay. I always wonder if ads work, and it seems I guess it seems like they do. Cool.
Yeah, you hooked me. I was working one day and my job enables me to listen to music and podcasts all day. And the first podcast I ever listened to you was about the guy that would jerk off in the helicopter he worked for the military.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, How have you been listening for for for a while?
I would say probably like five months.
Cool. We We're happy to have you, sir.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm uh. I'm a young guy, kind of like some of your other guests today. I'm twenty two.
Jesus Christ, I could have sworn you were like forty something.
Man. Yeah, I'm a I'm a bigger guy.
But yeah, what's life like in Oregon? What's your life like in Oregon?
Well, I am from the southern part and uh, it's quite getting quite hot. We just had a storm rolled through, so there's a bunch of fires. So it's getting into the smoky season. Yeah. And like your other guests last weekend, I just took all my friends into the into the local wilderness and did some mushrooms as well. That's quite the adventure. But yeah, boy, this is crazy. I'm kind of freaking out.
Okay, all right, what did you do? What did you learn on your mushroom journey? I mean, I don't know. People say that they learn things, but then ultimately it's like, I don't know. I kind of think mushrooms are just forgetting high, you know, learning things? Yea, for like reading books and shit, is how you I think I think learn things. I don't know. If I feel like you can't just get high and learn stuff, you have to like do things and go places and talk to people and study shit.
Well, for me, I personally, I've only ever done them, of course recreationally, but I don't understand how someone could go to like a house party and do mushrooms. I've always been out in the woods enjoying nature and whatnot. I think it it often offers me a different perspective on some things. I don't do it very often, and if I do, I make sure I'm in a good space and happy. Otherwise you won't enjoy your trip very much. Yeah, I don't. I mean, yeah, they are to get high,
but I mean it's it's pretty. Once you're in it, You're kind of for a ride for a few hours. And like weed. I have smokeweed for quite some time, but I quit for the past years and do to work, get my CDL and stuff. Can't do it anymore.
So what does that mean? You got your CDL? What do you what's the future looking like for you?
Well, I am pursuing a career in power alignment, so to work on power lines and stuff. I attended some college to you know, make myself as valuable as I could and you know, get get really interested into the industry. And to do that you have to be clean, of course, which is unfortunate because I feel like marijuana a large part of my identity in the later part of my high school years until I was like twenty one, which isn't you know, smart, But.
They say the same say say say less, brother, say less. I'm very familiar with that weed. I'm twenty seven and weed is still become an unfortunate part of my identity. I mean somewhat for fortunate or unfortunate. Who knows the problem is that? Yeah, it causes it's I know, it's not free meaning it's Yeah. For a while, I was like, what do you mean, what do you mean smoking weed is bad for you? It's weed everyone you know, they make T shirts with it on it. Of course it's.
Awesome, Yeah, you know, socks and shit. Yeah, I totally damn. It's just you know, I have had friends that you know, it's smoke, dabs and stuff every day, and they don't have much of a memory anymore. And I feel like some of their cognitive function has decreased since they, you know, have partook with marijuana. Yeah.
Yeah, I think some of my cognitive function is bad with marijuana, especially when I'm actively on it. For sure. I mean it's not it's not good, but I don't know, functioning get one hundred percent cognitive cognition. That's like a whole thing. Who does that?
Yeah, yeah, and it's it's funny. I mean, you've had this conversation many times on the channel before. People you know, claim it's not addictive. But for me, since it became, I mean, it felt like it was part of my personality and everything. It took me a long time to become to the point where I didn't want to like do it every day, which is you know that's basically and then Dixon, well, yeah, and you know you hang out with the same old friends that are still doing
it all the time. Doesn't make it easy.
Oh I wish I was. I wish my friends fucking smoked weed as much as I do. That's one of the bund It's one of the things I hate about my friends. They don't smoke as much weed as I do. I would my my I my life would genuinely be so much better if my friends all smoked weed. But I'm like, I'm like the only one left. Some of some of my friends still smoke weed. But like you know, my my core core core friends are are don't like to get high. You know, everyone's everyone. Everyone's addicted. It's
a jeweling. I feel like all my all my friends they switched over to the nick.
Yeah. I do partake in disposable vapes, which I'm trying to kick, but everyone knows the struggle with that. But being here from Oregon, you know, it's fucking every You can't go to a bar or any event without smelling weed. And when I went to the college for you know, to become alignment, I uh, I was in Idaho where it's illegal, and it took me a while to like, you know, go to a bar and just not smell it. It became kind of weird, you know. It came home.
There's for a while, when it first became legal to grow here, you could not see a farm no matter where you went. It's it's just this is honestly pretty crazy, and I think it's taken a notch down because so many people did it. The market kind of went in the tank for the most part. At the huge, huge operations.
What's your name again?
My name is Logan. I believe I went with Logan.
Well, Logan, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Yeah, I know, it's kind of cheesy, but I do follow this rule. Treat people the way you want to be treated. For me, I'm a very nice person and I've always treated people with respect, and it seems to follow. But yeah, I appreciate taking. We appreciate this call, Logan or I mean Lyle. Sorry, that's amazing.
I hope that that. I hope that, I hope. I hope that your life continues to be good. You have a lot of life ahead of you to be potentially bad, but it's good that it's it's good so far.
Well, yeah, we just got a kid on the way. We figured out a few weeks.
You have a kid on the way.
Yeah, I'm married.
Are you insane? Logan? You were like, I don't fucking have any idea what to talk about. You have a fucking kid on the way.
Dude, I am quite I know you probably read my text, but I am quite the red neck. You wouldn't You wouldn't believe. Yeah, you know, I'm surrounded by good people. I have over had over three hundred people at my wedding. It was a big event.
Jesus Christ, Oh my god, geez.
I'm very traditional, very traditional, you know. I'd like to put my head down work, be the only worker in the family, have my wife stay at home and raise the kids home school.
You're just burying the fucking lead in the ground here, logan. Wow, you know you're burying the lead in the ground. You bury the lead?
What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that?
Do you you know you know what burying the lead means?
I haven't heard that.
No, It's like when you have something exciting to talk about and then are like, like, it's like, if how do I how do I how do I put this?
Oh?
It's like if it's like if you and I were talking and you were you were like, how you doing? And I was like, I'm doing all right, how are you? And then we talked for like a half hour, and then at some point I was like, oh, yeah, I'm going to outer space on Saturday.
Okay, see what you're saying? Yeah, yeah, sorry, yeah, I guess I did leave that out, but I'm.
You know, and it was and it's this is on purpose, correct.
No, sir, No, Oh, it was an accident. You know, just kind of I'm like shaking nervous talking to you. I've been listening to you for a while always wanted to call. I got off work today, which never happened necessarily, I worked like ninety hours a week that summertime, busy, busy season.
So so, so the kid was an accident, No, No, it was.
Actually it's more of a blessing. While she doesn't have a good egg count, and so, if I'm being honest, we kind of just relaxed on our precautions and it came. You know, I am. I know, I'm pretty young, but for my age, I do feel like I am financially secure enough to raise a kid. I'm not on you know, any sort of government financial help of any sort. I live on my own. I'm set to buy a house soon. Yeah, I do.
You know.
I have a brother who has a kid that's eighteen. Wow, and he he already has a kid. But you know, he didn't marry his wife's first so the government paid for everything, and that, you know, just you know, pisses me off. But I'm not going that route.
Okay.
Interesting people that actually need it.
Interesting Okay, So yeah, I have some I have so many more questions for you. Now, how did you achieve financial stability at twenty two enough to have a kid?
Okay? So I went to a so I graduated with like twelve people in my class. To put it in perspective of how large my school was, there was less than two hundred kids in my school K through twelve. So I was not very good at school. And so my dad, you know, said, you can either be smart or you can work really hard. So at fifteen, early sixteen, I was working forty hours a week during school, barely graduated high school, and I've just kind of put my head in the dirt. I work construction, so you know,
I come home fucking dirty as hell every day. I saved my money, you can. I'm to think of what I look like. I am like six foot three and I drive a big jacked, uff loud truck, so I'm pretty red deck.
You know.
I love guns. I have a lot of guns. But that's pretty common here where I'm where I'm local to. Yeah. So yeah, I found a woman when I was seventeen, she was fifteen. And throughout our relationship, we both you know, agreed that we have the same desires and once throughout our life and so we got married. We got married. I was this is what you just said. A one year anniversary June fourth, but yeah, we have a kid do in early next year, So I'm excited. Yeah, I'm a brother of four boys. Wow.
So yeah, and you're up in a Yeah and your your brother also has a kid, and he's like eighteen.
Yep, yep, he's below me. You know, he didn't really pick a good woman in my opinion, but you know he everyone makes mistakes. And but you know her name. I'm not gonna say her name.
But yeah, don't say her name. But what made you feel like, why don't you why don't you like her?
Oh?
No, it's not a child that I don't like. It'st the woman. She just had a crazy family, you know, crazy crazy family. My brother as soon as he graduated, he was dating this girl during high school. As soon as he graduated, turned eighteen, moved into her house with her parents' family, grandma everyone, And for our family, that's pretty you know, that's not nothing, you really do, you know? And then he, you know, got this girl pregnant, still living in her house with her parents, not paying rent.
He was working odds and ends. He's a smart kid, but yeah, he just made some decisions. But now he works for a really huge company. He's in a heavy de soul mechanic apprenticeship program for a very large company, and he lives very far from home now, which you know, I'm about to do the same. I'm an apprenticeship program for alignment. I'm going to be traveling in a camper with a kid, and my wife doesn't mind it should
you know? If I am successful throughout my apprenticeship, which is about four years, then we'll figure out where we want to move and buy a house. But well, it depends on if I buy this house that I'm we're set to buy next year.
And so as your brother is still with this lady.
He is, I don't, I truly don't think it will last. And it sucks because I hate it when a man has to pay child support unless obviously he deserves it. This woman's crazy, you know, I think everyone.
Wait, wait, child but wait, wait wait wait. Why do you hate it when a man has to pay child to support?
You know, it just sucks, even if if you get a woman pregnant. You know, I just I don't think it's generally good for a child who has to get be raised up into the world with you know, split parents. It obviously works. There's a lot of people out there that grew up in that situation that are you know, very successful. Well, it does work out very well, you'll you know what.
And by the way, actually I I and you know what, I respect your genuinely. I respect your opinion, uh you know, of feeling like children who grew up in I respect your opinion that children who grew up in dual parent households, you know that that's a better environment. But the caveat is, uh, it's I think it's better for a child to grow up in a dual parent environment if the two parents
don't fucking hate each other. And so, okay, so so if I had so, if I had to rank them, I would rank okay, I would rank growing up with two parents who love each other at number one, and then below that I would put two parents who are divorced and sharing custody, and then below that I would put two parents living into the same house who fucking hate each other.
Yeah, yeah, you.
Know, yeah, it's not gonna. It's not gonna if you hate each other, it's not gonna. It's not like we should stay together for the kids. If we're just we're gonna make it worse.
I I I disagree, and honestly, scratch what I said about child support. I just meant like I'd rather see him, you know. It just it means a lot to win a parent. You know, I'm just gonna wait till they're eighteen and then we're gonna break up. Like that's in my eyes, that's that's kind of devotion towards the child, as long as it's not you know, an abusive household where they're yelling at each other all the time, which isn't the case with my brothers. They clearly still like
love each other. But he can tell he kind of fucked up and now he's stuck with this woman.
Why, well, I'm if he if they still love each other, why do you think he fucked up?
Well, he he obviously kind of loves her, but at the same time, like I don't know, we're very close, and you can just tell he's not very satisfied. I put it this way, if they don't have it, if they didn't have a child right now, I don't think they would be together because they've had this child for quite some time now.
Well, I don't know. I'm so you think he loves his wife but yet is not.
Happy yeah, well, yeah, okay, maybe he loves a strong word. Maybe I haven't actually asked him if he loves his wife. I would assume so because they just got married, But you know, I don't. I know, he's unsatisfied to a point kind of like, oh damn, I kind of fucked up. But I think he's definitely the type that's just gonna stick it out and probably be an old man and wake up, look at the woman next to you in bed, and be like I could have you know, it could
have been a little bit different. My decisions, you know, were a little different as well.
Do you do you love your wife?
Oh? Yeah, oh, yuh yeah, I I you know, honestly, this is probably cheesy to say, but if every man on this planet could have a woman that has half the qualities of my wife, the world would be such such a better place.
That's really nice.
You know. She makes me lunch every day, and when I come home, dinner's ready and made before I come home. It's you know, it's she. She treats me very well, and I do the same.
You talk about your wife, you're talking about the way you use the word woman. It's like it's the age. It's like eighteen hundred. Shit.
Oh yeah, Well, you know, if I introduce someone, I say, this is my lady. You know, I am very traditional. I say yes, ma'am. No man to anyone. I don't know, doesn't really matter their age unless they're a kid. I was grew up. I grew up very traditional.
But well let's see. Uh so, okay, you're gonna have your first kid, yet you're going to have more?
Oh yeah, I want probably three or four, if you know. My wife will let me, and I think three is a good number. But I'd like to make it even.
And I'm sorry, how exactly how you? You said, like, how did you make all this money?
Oh? I just work, Honestly. I don't make a lot. I mean there's times where I get prevailing wage jobs. You know, it's a government job, so I make like fifty dollars an hour, but most of the year I make twenty five. I just work really hard. I work a lot of hours, and I don't don't spend much. You save as much as you can. I don't know. I got relatives that lived through through two thousand and eight and saw it coming, and they feel which was
the recession? If you didn't know, but they feel that there will be another one soon where the house market crashes and you'll be able to buy a house for much less than the market is right now. And so I've always been taught, you know, save your money and if you know, someday a good deal will come up and you'll have it. But yeah, I just save my money as much as I can, and you know, don't spend much. I work a lot. I work a lot.
And so what does your what does your wife do now? Is she not working? She's just john.
Well, she is in her I guess it'd be towards the end of her first trimester, but she's working full time as well. And once she has the kids, she's basically going to retire until her all of our kids are you know, eighteen, are out of the house. But she does have goals and aspirations, and we agree that she'll put her career kind of to the side as I develop mine into the lignement industry. She's going to
raise the kids. And you know, once the kids are raised and she has more time or in school where she you know, she has a lot more free time, she can start working on her career. And I should be in a good financial spot to be able to help her to do with what or she wants. She really wants to do aesthetics, so, you know, because women like their face all done up, moisturized, whatever else. I mean.
Does she seem happy about the situation, Yeah.
She couldn't be happier. And I'm the same way. We both like we were kind of planners so early on in the relationship. We you know, wrote down on paper goals and aspirations, and you know, luckily enough they were aligned, and so we're right on track to where we want to be. You know, you look at other people our age, you know they're still a partying. I go to bed at seven thirty eight o'clock every night when I can, I wake up really early. I don't I don't go to the bar ever. I try not too even on
the weekends. I just I just worked as much as I can and save and when I am free, I you know, hang out with my best friends from high school and spend a lot of time with my wife. I do a lot of fishing, hunting. I'm a very outdoorsy person. I grew up on a ranch. So and her families. They own a logging company, so yeah, we're you know, we're making it work for getting by. It's not always, it's not always you know, easy.
But yeah, well, you know, it sounds like you guys are both. I mean, if you had three hundred people at the wedding, it sounds like you have a strong community around you.
Yeah. Yeah, they were the most of them were family. We got a big family on both sides, and we're very loved and we love love all of our family. You know, we don't have any I guess I say, tweakers or drug addicts in our family, only us kids. You know, we evade, but nobody smokes. To my knowledge, I have a very clean, straightforward family. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not personally a religious person, but it would probably help in the oncoming future.
We'll see, there's probably what in the youngcoming future.
It would probably help in the oncoming future.
That was what you said. You said religion would help in the oncoming future.
Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure it would particular that way. What makes you feel that way, I'm I'm do you ever watch Young Sheldon?
You No, I've never watched. I have not watched it.
I like, I am right with that kid. I you know, faith, religion is faith sciences facts, and I just choose facts. I like evolution and whatnot. It kind of appeals to me versus religion. And most of the people that I know personally that are religious, they turned religious when a terrible event happened in his life, so they relied on it, which you know, I'm not dissing on that. That's a good thing. They need all the help they can. And I've never been in a situation where I needed religion.
I've never been to church for funerals and whatnot. I wasn't married in a church or anything. Is out in a pasture like a horse pasture. But yeah, I'm not I'm not particularly religion religious, but my wife thinks it might be a good idea for our kids to grow up in a religious household. I kind of was, you know, we said held hands, said grace every night before dinner. So I do agree with the morale it provides, but I don't go to church on Sundays.
I do agree that it provides a sense of culture.
And community, yeah, in which I do like.
But yeah, I think I mainly have problems with it when it like is used to invoke like fear.
Yeah, yeah, And you know, I can't totally agree because I have no idea. I don't I've never read the Bible. I don't know much about religion because I've never you know, put much time or thought towards it, because I don't know. I just watched Animal Planet, and I feel like that might kind of against religious religion. But who knows.
Well. I appreciate you, yeah, of course, crap. I feel like I should have remembered your name.
It was Josh starts with an l oh logan Logan, No I remember logan. Logan is nice talking, Yeah, for sure.
Man.
I hope that you sound you sound blessed, You sound like you have a nice future. I hope you're you know, good to your family. I hope your family is good to you. I hope that the the soil is good to you. I I don't know if you're on a farm. I don't think you said you were, but I'm going to pretend I grew up on a farm. I hope the soil is good to you. And good luck in your life. Brother.
Thank you. You enjoyed the rest of your evening.
Hey, take care.
Logan all right, But.
Logan is interesting Logan's interesting. I'm talking. We're talking to Logan and you know, he's talking and he's saying things where I'm like, you know, but you know what, listen, I don't know. We live in the same Me and Logan and everyone listening to this. We all live on the same stupid planet. We're all gonna die. You know,
you gotta figure it out. We live on we we live every every when I think comes to terms with the fact, you gotta come to terms with the fact that you live in a place with lots of people who uh uh uh, you know, treat life differently than you might. Everything is so much bigger than you. I don't know, politics and economics and social whatever. It's just it's the reconciliation of that fact. I'm waxing poetic too much, but I wanted to have some post call thoughts. That
was Logan. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy Gecko dot
supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode. Alex, You're the most bashed I think I've ever talked to. You have a red face with big rosy cheeks. Tell me how else have you
thought to consume breast milk? Would you put chocolate syrup in it? Would you make it as part of a milkshake? Well?
I mean why not?
Man?
I mean, I don't know. I feel like if I became a dad, It's like I always tell people, like, if I ever became a dad, I gotta make fatherhood like efcentric. I gotta make it like not born like.
If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com or find the link in the episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing else to say.
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