“I FIST ON THE WEEKENDS”

Hello, Hi, Hi, What is your name?

Emilie?

Like the Little Wing song Amelia? What's going on? How can I get you? Today?

It's going pretty good. I got a lot of new shoes today and it's the weekend. Anyways, I texted you like I fis jumped people on the weekend and people don't seem to get it.

You fist bump people on the weekends, and they don't seem to get it.

Yeah, like they think it's an entire social experiment thing. Like I started recording myself because people were asking where the camera is. I just like, I like fisting people.

Uh, in what context are you fist bumping these people?

Like I just stand on a corner, I like get ridiculously high and I just fssbump people like I offer a fist pump for them to take it.

How long are you typically doing this for per session?

A couple hours tend to.

One typically, so like three hours. Yeah, so you're sitting there for three hours.

I'm just standing just getting high, yeah, and just people watching kind of it's like.

Watching is it? Is it the corner of a busy street?

Yeah, yeah, it's it's pretty much downtown, like where bars intersect what city I'd like to not stay I can tell you privately, but I'd like to not stay on the phone because I feel like that would identify me.

Do you not want to be identified? Do you not want to like be known as the fist pump guy?

I mean, like I'm already kind of known as a system guy around town, but like that's pretty much it. Like I just I don't want to be recognized. I just want to get people systems.

You really, by the way, listen, obviously you don't have to tell me if it want to, but you really think people are going to be able to identify you by if by like how would they identify you?

Because I'm the only guy that does it. Like I'm like I've been I've been identified by people I know because I'm close to my hometown.

Like how often do you do this?

I do this every weekend. I've been doing it for a year, and I think this is the last year because it's like I'm going to like I'm twenty, no twenty one, it's going to be twenty two later on this year, and like I feel like this is like the last bits of like oh yeah, he's just like he's cool, Like that does that make sense? Like it's the last college kind of year. I didn't go to college, but.

Yeah, no, that doesn't make sense. What are you? Are? You? Are you? Why is this the last year that you will be face of fist bumping people on the corner for two hours getting stones.

Because like it's the last collegey year, Like I don't know, I don't know, I'm I'm gonna be twenty two. Like I don't want to be doing this for forever. I just like the feeling it gives me. Now does that make sense?

That makes sense? What why don't you just keep doing it until you really don't enjoy it anymore?

Because like I'd like to leave it on a high note. I don't want I don't want it to like just I don't want to how I met your mother. I want to, like, you know, give it a good ending and I just stop all of a sudden.

You don't want to jump the shark.

No, I don't want to jump the shark. I don't want. I don't want this to like be like, oh, this is getting fucking annoying, this is becoming a burden, which like at some point I've kind of felt like that, but I still enjoyed it in the end, So like I kind of recognized this as like almost running its course.

So once per week? Are do you do this multiple times per weekend? Or this is one?

I do this twice per week for every I do this Friday Saturday all night.

From what hours.

I told you, from about ten to.

One ten pm to one am.

Yes, this is a night actual. Like with other adults, I've been hit on by like both genders, I've and multiple others that I don't even recognize, and like I just brush them all off, and like I just I mean, I've had a girl whisper in my ear I need to experience you before and I'm like no, And she just ended up making out with another guy across the street to try and make me jealous. She was throwing her hands in the air after the other guy lefter.

How did that make you feel?

Like, Oh, I'm just another guy. So it didn't matter in the end. If anything, I'm happier now because she's upset.

Okay, so you brush them up? Do you brush all these people off? Because your one and only goal is to do the fist bumps and anything other than that would just get in your way.

That.

And also I just don't like the idea of satellites, if that makes any sense, I don't want.

Any sense at all. I have no idea what you mean.

By that, Like I don't want any moons or anything that are like that around me. Like I'm just a lone planet by myself. Like I don't know. I don't like the idea of friends is very appealing, but at the same time, it's like, no, I'm okay, So I just like people. I talk with people. It's not like I have a hard time talking with people. People tell me I'm great at like talking with people, but like I just don't like repeated people. Does that make sense?

So okay, all right, first let's talk like that. Wow, this is we could actually talk about this for an hour. So you okay, Let's start with the like relationship thing.

Are you?

Like are you? Are you a sexual?

I believe so, Like I just like I don't. I've had sex before. I don't find any like real entertainment in that, Like I'd rather just get to know the person on a deeper level. But at the same time, in order for that deeper level, people like traditionally, at least like people have intimacy, and like, I just don't get it.

Would you rather have sex with a person or fist bump them.

I can't answer that question because like I like giving the fist bumps, but at the end of the day, that's all it is. And like it's cool that somebody wants to have sex with me, but at the end of the day, it's like, Okay, I had sex with this person.

Does that make sense?

I'm very indifferent to both outcomes.

Do you feel like it's like, is a fist bump and sex on the same level of intimacy for you?

No, sex is more intimate, but like it's like I don't know, I just don't want Like I don't know, I like it. I kind of feel almost like a novelty to people. Does that make sense?

Okay? I have a lot of more I have a lot of questions, but I want to talk about this because I haven't gotten this to this yet. When you try to fist pump people, how often do they accept versus rebuff your offer of the fist bump.

I'd say it's probably like a forty sixty split to sixty acknowledging it and forty like either just rejecting it or acknowledging it and but not giving you the fist pumps.

What do you think of those forty percent of people who reject the fist bump.

It's very different depending on the person. Like if it's a couple out, like if it's a guy and a girl, if the girl fistblumps me, I feel like, oh, okay, bro, I kind of pointed something out for you, just depending on the way she kind of goes about it. If the guy initiates the fist bump, it's like, okay, this is indifferent. And then if a girl reciprocates, it's like, okay, she's acknowledged that this is behavior. Does that make sense?

So when like, okay, So if a guy and a girl are walking by you and you're about to give them a fist bump, and the girl initiates the fist bump, you said, Oh, I feel like I just pointed something out for you. What does that mean?

Well, like, I've I've had many girls give me a fist bump. Some of them are just by themselves, and that's perfectly fine, they can fist bump whoever. And then I've had girls that are with their partners and then you can kind of tell when it's mutual, and then you can kind of tell when like the girl is not is more interested in you than the partner.

So you you feel like if like a girl tries to you feel like if a girl tries to if you feel like if a girl tries to fist bump you, I mean she's more into you than her partner.

It's like the Dave Chappelle skit, Like it's where he's talking about like like consensual things like oh, she said, no, no stop it, don't do that, and then the court reporter reads it back, no, no stop it, don't do that. Like it We're getting on the concepts and the body language in the girl.

Okay, we're getting a little off track here, but what okay, all right, have you made okay, I have more quiet? Have you got have you ever gotten into trouble with this? Have you ever like.

There's been uh, like no legal trouble. Like the cops know that I do this. They're they're on the same page as me. They've asked me before. I'm like, I just do this because I like doing it. And then like, as far as drunk people go, most people are really chill. I think I've had like five incidents in total. I've had a guy spit on my hand, but I don't escalate stuff because like I don't know if they can fight, and I don't want any trouble with any of the

All right?

Uh, let's talk about this. You like, are you cool? This whole thing of like you do?

You?

Like? Do not want friends? Do you?

I don't feel.

What the fist pumping thing gives to me the impression that you do desire social contact.

Yeah, like I do want to be around people, but I just don't want friends.

Why do you not want friends?

Severe abandonment issues by previous friends?

When was this.

Three years ago?

Yeah, you felt abandoned, But how did you feel abandoned by your friends?

Well, like we all kind of graduated, and I knew that everybody was going to go their own separate ways, but it was when they started when they kept on hanging out with people that were getting them in like legal trouble in the city that I'm in, because they went to different cities, but like they'd come back and then like hang out at home and they'd have to

So you're a so you don't want to make friends because you're afraid that your friends will like leave you.

I guess. But at the same time, It's like I'm kind of past that. Like I just don't like in order for me to have a relationship, I feel like there has to be a function in order like to have the relationship.

Like you need to provide them something both.

Ways, Yeah, like they need something done and I can provide it, or I need something done and they can provide it.

What do you mean by you need something done? Like, like, like do you mean in the most do you mean in the literal sense of like I'm gonna be friends with this it guy because you can fix my computer?

Yeah, And I'm going to like hang out with him and I'm going to invite him over. I'm if he smokes, if he smokes pot, I'm going to smoke pot with him, and like we're going to hang out in that kind of sense. Like, I don't know, I don't know how to better explain this.

Okay, how long have you felt like this?

Three years plus?

And genuinely I'm curious is this like is this like an issue in life that that you like really struggle with or is it just kind of like like how do you how do you even see this issue? Like is this a problem for you or you just kind of like, oh, that's that's that part of my life.

I don't know. It's because like everybody I meet, they're like they tell me similarly, Oh, you're a pretty cool guy. You know how to talk with people you like, and like people seem to genuinely like me. My boss is, my co workers, like previous are previous people that I've known,

So it's your it's your like way of getting getting just enough socializing. You're getting just enough socializing, just enough intimacy that uh, they don't get too close and then like everything gets fucked up. Yes, huh have you ever been to a real therapist to talk about this?

I have, but not about well. I've actually told my last therapist yes, and he just kind of told me that so long as I'm not putting myself or others in danger, I'm okay.

That's fucking stupid. I mean, like, I'm glad that you're not putting yourself for others in danger.

I'm at that point.

Yeah, okay, all right, good, But like, are you did he give you any advice on how to like build a uh like legitimate social life or overcome any of these hang ups?

No, gave me lit motorgene.

That's a medication, right, yes, okay, how's that going for you?

I stopped taking it because exercise seemed to be working better, and I've been.

Right, Okay, what have you like tried to do anything to get over these hang ups?

I mean, like i'd meet out with a girl before, but like I kind of bled all over her face.

Okay, I have Okay, first of all, that's what do you what do you mean you bled on her face.

Like I had an anime moment.

You you were like you had an animemo where your nose started just bleeding. Because yeah, girl, yeah, that's pretty funny. That has nothing to do with what we were just talking about. By the way, because you can make out.

That was just a really good deflection.

That was it was a good fight because again, you can make out with, you can make out with, to quote Froggy Fresh, this is a deep cut. You can make out with every girl in the world and uh it won't fucking I don't think fix Like whatever mental hang ups you have.

Is it like ultimately like I used to like believe in that toxic bullshit where like I needed like another person, but like now I just kind of like I want to do it by myself, but it's just so hard and like you need people. But like I just I don't think I was socialized or talk to socialize.

With people my age, like when you were a kid.

Yeah, Like I just I really like adults. Like I like talking with older people, and like they like talking to me, but like they look at they see me and I'm just a child, so like I can't really mess with them. But at the same time, because of the way I talk, I can't mess with younger people.

Do you go to Uh okay, so you didn't go to college. What do you do? Do you work?

Uh? Yeah, I do work. I have a state license. And that's all I'm going to go into into with that one that.

You have a state license with Do you do you kill people? Do you have a license to kill?

No? No, no, I don't have a license to kill that's no. I don't have a lice. I'm not a bounty hunter or anything like that, but I do have something I didn't.

I didn't think you were about the Hunter, although that would be a funny way to coax your bounties to you, is by offering free fist on the corner. No, I'm not a single part of my being thought that you were about the hunter?

Was it the way I sound? I feel like I sound like a Teddy Bear.

I wouldn't say that, and I would also not say you sound like a bounty hunter. Is it fishing? Do you fish? Or whatever? I'll stop trying to guess what you do, but tell me this, do you I mean like, like, do you do you feel like you like have a well rounded life outside of that?

Probably not. I mean, like I like to exercise, It's been a while since I've exercise. I like playing video games. I recently got into into inter clothes, so I'm trying to figure that stuff out. And like, I have other interests, but like I've kind of lost interest in a lot of things that I wanted to do as time goes by, and I've just kind of been living a meth life. So yeah, I like playing chess. I play chess in public. Not a lot of people do play chess.

It's funny, man, because I actually really like a lot of these like the fist bump thing and the chess thing. It's like, I actually really like the way that you're putting yourself out there.

Like it's not like I'm not putting myself out there, but like, at the same time, I just don't want to Like I don't want to use the word tarnish because that would imply that I'm ruining somebody. And I'm not ruining somebody, But I just don't want to make these friendships and and like just have them like ripped apart by the other person.

I feel like there's a lot of songs written about this where it's, yeah.

I.

Don't want to love. I don't want to love because then I'll just get my heart broken again. And then at the end it's like, but I gotta love.

You know, yeah, Like it's not a unique emotion. I'm not I'm not clung myself like some kind of fucking butterfly or anything like that. It's not a unique emotion. But like, at the same time, like I seem to be the only person that expresses it this way.

You are the only person I've ever talked to that has expressed this by uh doing fist bumps on the corner every weekend from ten pm to one am. That is true, That is very true. Uh, there are way but but also there you know, other people express these thoughts by killing people.

So I like the I mean, you're dressed as a get go talking to me.

I am dressed as a gecko talking to you, which is really not that far off from giving fist bumps.

No, it really isn't. Like yeah, and you should listen to you should start painting your face red.

Okay, Well I'm more offended by that than anything else that you've said, of course, of this call anyway. Shit, man, I don't know what to tell you about that feeling. I really don't because it's uh uh it's hard. I don't I really really don't know how to deal with that feeling. My best working theory is that and I think I talked about this on a previous episode of the podcast, and I've been thinking about it a lot

Be like, at least with the dog. It kind of goes back into.

Yes, I know, the semantics aside the whole idea though, right of like I don't want to let myself be happy because then I'm gonna get fucked. I've been thinking about this forever. I do the same thing. I really do. I really really prevent myself from enjoying things because I'm afraid that uh, it'll it'll backfire, turn into shit or whatever.

Because you need people, like people are getting you.

Yeah, you need people. People are good for you. And it's also but again larger than that, it's like you're just gonna like never do anything. You're gonna be screwed the day because of the day you're gonna die.

So and they're gonna be alone, and nobody's gonna give a about your grade.

Yeah like yes, so so so okay, yeah, so hold on. So so it's okay. Logically, I can look at it and I can go that's a really dumb way to live, not allowing yourself to be happy or experience friendship or experience whatever other thing, because it's gonna bite you in the end. And like what, You're gonna die at the end of the day, so you're fuck no matter what you do. That's the that's I just have that logical conclusion. I just come to that conclusion. That's it's a dumb way to It is.

A stupid way to live because like the opposite of emotions is indifference, and like it's it's just shitty to be indifferent because at that point you're just a machine. And I'm not a machine. But at the same time, it's like, well, like it's all gonna end eventually, and like I just don't care enough about people to like actually want to have be in their lives or have them be in my life life.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't. I really I don't know how to get over that. I really don't. It's like a it's it's I mean.

And and I forgot to mention. I forgot to mention when I started doing this a year ago, I was working in that area and I adopted I asked if I could adopt a red bow tie into my all black uniform. I was, I was, I was a butcher at a restaurant. I was the only person to do that, and people fucking loved it. And then after that, I kin like I was twenty so I couldn't go to bars, and that's why I started posting up and just to like feel associated with.

The Yeah, you're like, I just want to be associated with the nightlife.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. I liked the fist bump thing. I really do. I think it's Yeah, I mean, look I do that. I do that thing where I go outside and dress up as a gecko and chat with folks, and it's really the same fucking idea. So yeah, I like that idea. How do you care? I don't. I don't know. I've been trying to think that. I've been trying to figure that out myself. Maybe it's like maybe it's something chemical, Maybe it's a depression.

I mean, like they've I've been told that I'm like I'm depressed, but like I just don't believe it. I just don't think I've I've been able to like have those relationships with people, either because they were like the incorrect people, because people were debating over how I should have those kinds of interactions so that I just didn't interact in general, or just because like I don't know.

M Yeah, what do you think you're gonna do?

I think I'm gonna go and get ready. I'm gonna shower because I smell like a fucking god kind of not you know what. I'm not even gonna plug that sponsorship in because I'm not sponsored by them and neither are you, and uh, I'm going to go. I've been told that I'm very attractive by both sexes, Like I told you, Okay, all right, and I'm going to go

Yep, Okay, yeah, I don't think.

It's been too broke to drink, but I'm going to smoke. I have a lot of weeds.

We'll have a good time. Man, I don't know. I listened. I like the fist bump thing, but fuck, man, I don't know. You're talking about a lot of stuff that I think about. The answers to a lot. But I've come out.

If you want to try and figure this out, what we can nice, sure you have my phone numbers.

Well listen, man, enjoy your fist bumps and h fuck. I was trying to think of something in our call the reference at the end, but whatever, what's your name again?

Or a million? Like the song like the song.

Why did you want?

Hey?

You have wan? My final my final recommendation. What about you ever thought about monetizing this? You ever thought about maybe a tip jar?

Like I've had a guy throw a dollar at me and I gave him that dollar back and then like I just did I'm not a.

Strippery for the love of the game. I know that you do.

It like like I do it for the love of the game. Like I just really like this jumping people, And like I think I said this earlier, but I've only recently started to record myself because people were asking me like why I'm not recording myself or if it's a social experiment, or like what am I? What are

Is there anything else? Who I say to the people of the computer before we go?

Okay, I guess I'll just throw myself out there. I guess if you're ever in Tucson, by all means, go downtown. I'll be there for the next year.

Take care of Milly, you two, Lyle, goodbye. I do like the fist bump thing. It really is the same energy as like, uh going out as a gecko to chat with people. It's just something to something to like interact with folks. Yak hi there, how can I get you today?

So I live with my boyfriend and something that I've always been like really proud of him forwards, like how clean he is. But this past weekend we went a little bit of a bender and and I found a piss jar in our apartment. And it's fucking foul.

How much piss was in the piss.

Jar, like a big mason jar. Sorry, I'm like shaking, I'm nervous, Like go ahead, like a massive piss jar, like a thirty six ounce piss.

Thirty six ounces of piss? How many ounces are in a pint? No clue, that's like how many pints is that? Do you have any You don't have any idea.

A solid like cort container of piss.

You So you found a quart of piss?

Well yeah, it was like a mason jar, but it's like about the size of a court container.

Where did you find it?

In our bedroom?

Where in the bedroom on his like uh okaus in the open? Yeah okay, you waited on his drawers or inside of the drawers.

On the like on top of the dresser drawers.

Okay, So he has a he's a nightstand, and you found a court of piss on his nightstand, just sitting on the night stand next to his lamp and his alarm clock and his phone charger. A court of piss, Yes, okay, that's not exactly a hidden court of how do you know? What do you mean you've found? Like, how can you have been how can you have been sleeping next to this guy for that long and not noticed that there was one thing if you were like snooping through his drawers?

No.

That's the thing too that I don't understand, because so I woke up, went to work in the morning, came home, didn't go up into the bedroom that's like on the second floor, and got into bed, and I was like, what is that fucking? And then I look over and it's just sitting there. So it's like, how did I not see it in the morning when I woke up to go to work, Like, but I.

Just I don't know this. This really isn't adding up to me. He has the piss jar on his nightstand? Yes, and how long has it been there for?

I mean, it was a lot of piss. I'd never seen it before. I don't I mean, I don't know how that much piss could have been accumulated through like one night is my main concern because I don't.

Know did you confront him about it? Did you talk to him about it?

So he was downstairs with our friend and I literally just grabbed a pissjure smelled it because I was like, is this beer or something? Smelled it definitely pissed, came downstairs and just like dropped in front of him, and I was like, this is fucking disgusting. I never want to see this again, Like, never do this again. He's thirty eight, he's a grown man, Like he doesn't need to be doing that. It just go peeky, we have a bathroom, be civilized.

You grabbed the pissed jar like you held it long enough. You held it for the duration of a full walk down the stairs. Yes, was it warm?

No room tempt.

How How did he react when you confronted him about it?

He looked mortified, reasonably.

Did he have anything to say for himself?

He grabbed it from me and said, we are never talking about this again. But I've brought it up multiple times just because like I'll think of it, like it's just like bent on my mind, you know, like that's disgusting.

Do you have anything like that in the house. No, Like do you have like a you don't have You don't have your own piss blood pissed jar or period blood jar.

I have a trash can next to the toilet, but I respectfully wrap up my tampon like an adult.

Okay, that is that is respectful, that is adults. That is good. That's a good thing. Okay, So it does this? Does this pose a problem for you? Is to say? Is this a deal breaker? Or is this if you found another by the way? Just I okay, we really haven't I dude, I really need you to get into this with me because I can't get over it. It was on the nightstand and you didn't see it.

Correct, I didn't see it until I crawled into bed that night.

How long has it been sitting on that night stand for it?

No clue, I don't know. If he start?

How big is your do you have like a really big bed and so when you look to your right you can't see that. I don't get it.

No, I don't know.

I don't know either, Like, I don't know how I didn't see it, like because it's a lot of piss, Like it's more piss than you would just do in like one night, like two am piss.

You know what I mean.

So, I don't know how I didn't see it the night prior we were drinking, So maybe I just wasn't paying attention, But like, how did I not see it in the morning? So did he have it hidden? Then he brought it out for me, just presented for me to see when I went to bed that night.

I mean, I got I got another I got another idea for you. Are you sure that that's one hundred percent his piss? Could it be?

It?

Could? I mean, there's a lot of theories. It could be some of his friend's piss. I don't want to throw I mean, this is kind of a wild accusation, but you know, it could be a mistress's piss. That's try saying that ten times a mistress's piss'd be hard. It could be it could be other people's piss it combined into one jar. Because you do have sufficient uh uh, you do have a reasonable doubt that one man could

It could have been like I smelled it, you know, and like I'm not that, you know, like I like to think, I don't know. And if it is a collection of people's pisses, that's a much bigger problem.

And he doesn't want to talk about it.

He just gets upset when I talked to him about it, like the sensive, because he knows it's gross.

Does he still do it? Does he still collecting? What happened with the jar? Did he throw it away when he took it from you? What did he do with it?

Oh?

My god? So he washed it out and then he put it in the dishwasher. And now I don't know which one it is that's in the dishwashers. So I'm literally on my third cycle of running the dishes because I don't know which, Like we have multiple of those, like big ass Mason jars, I don't know which one it is.

How many more piss jars until you leave him? What do you think.

If one one? I see one more piss jar, I'm out.

Yeah.

I do love him, but that's really solve.

You love him up to one pissed jar, two piss jars? Is too much.

Two pissed jars is going over the women.

See that's why. That's why I mean, I I you know, I mean, that's one of the great pleasures of living alone is I actually have about ten pissed jars just in my freezer. I have the freedom to do that. Yeah, I think when you you can't really be keeping piss jars when you have roommates.

Yeah, yeah, much less your girlfriend, Like, come on, what if.

What if he told you that he just he what if I have a question, I'm curious about this before we go. So I don't like the way that he handled it because I think that uh, taking the pissed jar away and going we're never going to talk about this. I don't think that's the right way to handle it. I think you have to do what you have to do. Really in that situation. One of two things. You either have to be like, you know what, babe, you're right,

Yeah.

So, to me, this man's cowardice lies not this. My fault with this man is not that he pissed in the jar, but it's it's it's the way he handled the situation that I'm not a fan of. I think he could have either defended it or took the L on it. Theo's are really those are your two options in life? Anything in between is that's really what you gotta do, to take an L or defend yourself.

Yeah, those are the only two reasons why.

Anything in between is like what are you? What are you doing? Yeah, So tell your boyfriends that he's gotta he's gotta do one of those two things.

Yeah.

Now, if he said to, if he if he confidently told you that that's part of who he is, is pissing in jars what would you say to that?

Oh my god, I don't know. I probably wouldn't talk him for a week and contemplate like I couldn't live.

With someone that charts.

Apparently I do.

Apparently I do, and that's true, and that's true. You do. Yeah, Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

No, I've been bringing your episode, so it's really nice to talk to you.

It's been nice talking to you too. And look, I know it's tougher for women logistically, but try you know, if let's say, he does defend it to you, maybe you could piss it a jar to kind of get an idea of, you know, how he's thinking about it.

You're right.

Yeah, Also I'm also not right. You don't. You don't have to do that ship that's kind of anyways. All right, thanks for calling.

Thank you.

All.

From Alex.

Hello, Hey, what's your sir?

My name is Alex, and I've got a funny story for you.

Go ahead, go ahead.

So, the last time I interacted with your channel, it was actually several years ago, and I was going through a rough time. I don't particularly remember what, but we just had this moment of silence, and it lasted what I would like to call an uncomfortable amount of time, just you sitting on stream, me sitting on the phone. There was one comment don't remember from Whome, but they said, man, seems like that guy needed that moment, and I just wanted to say thank you.

Wow. Okay, so we've talked before, but technically not even talked before because there was silence. Yeah.

Yeah, it was pretty much just several moments of silence, and then I think I actually ended up breaking it. It was going on a minute long and I was like, this was good, thank you, and he said thank you and then we hung up.

Did you really feel like you needed that moment?

You know, it's hard to say. I felt like it was pretty chill, pretty cool. Life is up though, we're winning. We're out here winning. In that time, I got a master's degree, working a good job, So you know, you could say that that was the inflection point where things started going up, not to.

So you've called me to tell me that me saying literally nothing to you caused a lot of great things to happen in your life as a direct result.

I think that's exactly what I called to tell you today. I think that if that moment of silence hadn't happened, I mean, who's to say, or my life would have gone. I probably would be doing all kinds of horrible things like cutting people off in traffic. Or I probably wouldn't.

Have two dogs.

I got two dogs now, they're pretty sick names Miso and Masabi.

Hey Alex, yes, sir, about that time.

It was good to talk to you again.

The charger's all mine.

Have a good stream, take care.

Backwise.

Hello, hi y, what's your name? My name is Mike, Mike. Uh, it says here. I'm just gonna read this verbatim. My name is Mike. I'm twenty nine, and my car is all caps full of wasps. Yeah, and it is one hundred percent my fault.

How out?

Okay, what happens?

Okay? So it's it's actually my work car specifically that's full of wasps. And I should have known it was going to happen because I put them in there.

Okay, So you, Mike, yes, uh, your car is full of wasp because you because you put the wasps in there.

Well, yeah, they were in a bag.

Okay, what why are you putting wasps in your car?

Well? I killed bugs, and this one particular lady had a bunch of wasps in like a fake tree pot on her on her apartment balcony. She was like, I don't want my cats coming out here, and they're being like sprays and stuff all over. So as a as a solution oriented guy, I was like, you know what, I got this this garbage bag. I'll just stick the whole thing in this bag and tie it off and it'll be fine. It was not fun.

Are the wasps dead?

No, they are very much alive, and they've gotten out of the bag.

I thought your job was to kill insects.

I mean, yeah, in this case, I was. I was going to displace them first and then just toss them in the dumpster behind my building. But by the time I pulled up to my building, the wasps had come out of the bag in the sealed off back part of the car, and now it's full of very pissed off and hot wasp.

See. The funny thing is you're gonna call somebody to get rid of the wasps, and then your phone's gonna start ringing because you're the because you're the guy that gets rid of the wasps.

I am the guy that gets rid of the wasp. See, and I've got to be suit. I've got to be suit. But you're not going to believe this.

No, I'm not telling me.

It's in the car with the wasp.

Why do you need to be Oh? Oh wait, I'm so dumb. I said, why do you need a be suit? Because I thought that you meant like a bee costume. I didn't realize you meant like like one of those bee keeping suit. I was like, why do you need to dress up like a bee to like gain the trust wasps? But I was like, hey man, this is the guy, is the best of the country. He has his methods. Okay, so what why didn't you kill the wasps? I thought you that's what you're supposed to do. They're

Truthfully, I just wanted to take the most immediate solution because like they were almost all in the nest in this plant pot on her balcony, and like she was like, oh, you could take some stuff out of there, Like there were a couple of rocks and a little makeshift trap that she made that didn't work, and so I was moving some stuff around. I moved one of the rocks. The tree like shifted forty five degrees and they just

There's something not like a gun gun, but like a spray gun or some ship that just kills Why do you carpet bomb? Why don't you carpet bomb your car with fucking wasp spray?

The sprayer is in the car with the wasp.

Oh, it's all in the car with the dan Yep, it's all in the car with the wasps, all of it. How many wasps are in your car?

At least like two or three hundred, two.

Or three hundred wasps.

They aren't all out of the bag, but there there are more of them coming out as the day goes on.

Are they Do you think there's more? Because they've repopulated and they've lai laid eggs.

I don't know. I mean, they got larva and there unless they start cannibalizing the larva, are gonna run out of food? They might They should die off on their own. Probably not by the end of the weekend, when I'm gonna need to use the car again, So I'll have to come up with a creative solution in the meantime.

Wait, how you How are you so sure they're going to die off on their own instead of resorting to cannibalism to stay.

Alive, you know, not committed to the fact that they will die off, like most of them, Like a lot of them are in the bag. A lot of them in the bag. Like it's obviously not not air tight because they're getting out.

Okay, I have a question. Yeah, are you avoiding calling another WASP exterminator because it would make you feel emasculated?

No, not at all.

Okay, so I do that.

I can call my roommate.

Does your roommate fight wasps?

Yeah, but he has the key to his work vehicle, which is also no. Okay, it'd be funnier if if it was actually.

Okay, So the his b suit is in somewhere in his.

Car, but he's he's driving his girlfriend over to hang out with her sister, like three hours away.

Oh okay, he's got a life. He has better things to do than this.

He does.

I'm watching a get go on a computer.

Yeah, so you're just gonna so you're just gonna walk. He's can what you're gonna walk from now on? No more car?

Oh, no personal vehicle. That's fine, but I'm.

Not another car.

Yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't use the company vehicle for everything.

Is your Is your boss mad that you infested the vehicle with wasps?

Oh? He's no idea.

Are you gonna tell him?

Why not?

He'll probably be like, We'll get in there and fucking kill the wasp. This is what you do.

That's that's probably what he would say.

Yeah, it's like if a fire truck was on fire, who do you call?

I guess, I guess the firefighters.

In the next county, not me.

I can't help you at all.

No, I mean you can't help Yeah, you can't help me at all.

But I can provide you. I can provide you emotional I can provide you emotional support in your time of need. But I don't know how much that is helpful for you.

Well, getual healing is more than enough. I'll uh, I'll take it.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

There is something.

Go ahead.

Rats will suck up your house. Rats, rats, feral rats, They will suck up your hand.

You know this from experience. You've had a rat. You've had first rats in your house, then wasping.

I fuck up rats in other people's houses.

No, rats, Oh you fuck up rats.

I do have. I do have a bunch of wasps in my car. That was genuine.

Would you rather fight a thousand rats or a thousand wasps?

That's a big question, and.

You get what you get, your stupid gun thing.

It depends on the species have lost. If I'm being totally honest, like your car, Oh, the ones in my car? No? No, uh, A thousand wasps for sure? For sure.

Okay, so they're not even that bad?

Well, I mean less bad than a thousand rats.

Okay, real quick. You also texted me saying that you've eaten frozen pizza every day for three years.

Yeah, how are you alive? That is a really good question. They like the twelve inch of four in one box frozen pizzas. It's how it survives living underneath the poverty line for like three years.

Are you still in any Are you still underneath the poverty line?

No? No, I make good money, kiln bugs.

Fuck yeah, it's good.

Still pizzas through.

What kind of pizza?

Uh?

They come in cheese and pepperoni, But I toss like cage in seasoning, maybe some some garlic powder on there. Get cans for like fucking pineapple, toss those on some of them. Uh, sauce that ship up, sir, Rocha fucking Chipotle Mayo. Uh got curious about Terry Aki one time. Thousand Islands on man, Dude, the potential for pizzas its infinite.

Despite having wasps in your car, you have a good life.

I like to think. So. To the show in Seattle is fucking slap.

Oh shoot you were there? Oh hell yah, hell yah hell yeah.

Well if I didn't stay aroun because I had to drive back up to Vancouver.

But I'll see I'll see you next time. And don't bring any fucking wasps to the show.

I can't promise you that I'll do my math later.

If he brings wasps to the show, he's not getting in. That goes for anyone listening.

MM.

Tyler, Hello, Hello, what is your name?

Tyler?

How can I get you today? Tyler? What's going on?

Ah? I thought it would be a funny story that uh my my cat d a used condom.

Oh okay did did they get pregnant?

I hope not.

It's a boy, so I'm kind of praying not it is. It is kind of disturbing that a part of me and part of my girlfriend been inside of my cat.

Yeah, it's almost like you jizzed in your cat's mouth. It's not here's it's it's not. It's not exactly the same process, but they both ended in the same results. Unfortunately, Yeah, it is.

It is mighty unfortunate.

So that's pretty not I mean, that's not cool.

I think he might have thought it was like like turkey skin or something. I have no idea. What have to have the impulse to gobble that ship that eat it?

Well, the good news, I mean the good news is that your cat doesn't know that your com is your com like they don't like to our in our universe and our perceptions of things. Your cat eating your j's is gross, but I guess your cat.

Well, but if you think about it because it was inside of it.

Well, if I eat a hamburger, am I not eating cheese because it's inside of a hamburger? That doesn't make any sense.

Well, I mean, and maybe the condom got twisted up, so the condoms stayed within the the just inside the condoms.

Therefore, yes, but the jiz is inside of.

Your cats, I guess. Yeah, I'm trying to justify it.

Okay, what do you you know?

What you well?

Not?

What do you mean? Hold on? Hold on, hold on? Just what do you mean by justify it? There's nothing to justify. It's not did you feed the condom to your cat?

No? So okay, so what happened was, you know, I mean, and the old girlfriend you know, did did the dirty and then you know, I finished, and you know I was able to keep going, so I put it down on the ground for for a moment, like I had my pants on the ground, so I put it on top of my pants that was on the ground.

Okay, you know you know you checked it. Sure, Okay, you checked it on the ground.

Yeah, pretty much. And I didn't know. I had the door closed.

And.

Apparently he came in while we're going around to and then when I finished again.

Okay, but there's not you again, you didn't feed the cat kind.

Of this is no, no, no.

You did not your cat's mouth or force feed.

No, that is I would deserve to be hung if I ever done that. That is that is terrible. No, this was on peer accident and I was just stupid and did not close the door.

Hey man, listen, don't you seem like this is haunting you?

You know, at the end of the day, it is like a funny story to tell, but it is. I guess keep telling the story makes me feel a little bit better because it just gets funnier and it's just like, all right, I mean, it passed through. It was not supposed to supposedly, but you know.

What, you know, actually hold on, you know what I I actually have an idea. I think I know how you can rectify the situation. Okay, you have to. You have to eat the ship covered condom. Don't ask me any further questions. Don't ask me any further questions as to how that rectifies the situation. But that's what I've decided that you have to do.

Alaskan pipeline. But instead of put it in my ass, just eat it.

I'm not going to ask you what an Alaskan pipeline is. Is there anything else you want to say? You to the people of the computer before we go.

Make sure if if you have pets, close your doors when you're, when you're when you're doing the dirty, take care of all right. I love you, Lyle big fans.

I might google it later, but I wasn't going to sit there and have him explain to me what that is. Taking your phone calls every night, every big get goestro on his eye. He's teaching you to how lip your life. Money's not ready, an expert,