“I ENGAGE IN ARMORED COMBAT”

Hello, Hi, Hey, hey, hey, Hey, what's your name?

Wyatt?

Wyatt? What's up? Wyatt? How you doing?

No?

No, how you doing?

I'm chilling, I'm being a gecko, and I'm I'm truly, honest to God looking forward to talking to people on the phone today and seeing what's up. And that brings us into my next question, which is what's up?

Not a whole lot. I'm just finishing up a little bit of work in my shop.

Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about today?

No, I not particularly. I'm a blacksmith.

What what's going on as a blacksmith?

So right now I'm fixing armor. I'm in a group that does armored combat.

You're in a group that does armored combat, Yes, sir, Like you and a bunch of your boys get together and take and fucking smack each other with actual swords.

So it's an access.

Really does that?

Like?

Can you not like get killed doing that?

I mean, I guess you probably could, but it's the sport. Like, so all the weapons have to be blended and make an only way like a certain amount.

All these sorry, so the swords and the knives and in the axes that are all blunt. No knives. Okay, so the swords and axes, they're all blunt.

The rules of the sport are you can't stab, so you can't trust. You can't intentionally hit somebody in the dick behind the knee, strike vertically down the spine or the back portion of the head. But aside from that, everything's.

Really okay. Do people get like really hurt doing this?

Yeah?

Oh yeah, have you hurt doing this? No? Fortunately, what were you about to say?

I know I was gonna say. I know a guy that broke his arm. He blocked an act shot, stuck his arm up and it shattered his arm.

Jesus Christ.

A lot of guys blow their knees out acls because the armor weighs like seventy pounds. Its heavy.

Shit.

You know, you step wrong, and you know you're you're in like a judo throw. You step wrong and every single tendon in your knee explodes.

Now, what do you think it is that inspires most of the people who join this sport to join this sport?

Autism?

One hundredercent serious.

A little bit, yeah, yeah?

Why what is the what is the link between autism and armored combat? In your in your brain.

Well so so, I mean, and it's a little bit of a joke, but only a little bit. It's a lot of nerds who are also athletic enough and like want to do like a physical sport.

But why not? But why not? Just like like why not basketball or wrestling? Why armored?

Come you can't use a axe?

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's a dumb question of me to ask.

Of course, Well, that wasn't a dumb question.

No no, no, no, no no no no, no no no, let's get this straight. That was a dumb question of me to ask you because of course, of no, no, all right, we're not being kind to ourselves. That was a dumb question. Of course, we want to play the sword, to play the game with the sword and the acts. Okay, it was dumb of me to even suggest to even wonder why people wanted to get into this because we

Yes?

Yes? And I and I cried after it because I am at the end of the day, I am just a little guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I blew someone's I didn't blow me out, but he couldn't walk for like an hour afterwards. I he was he was bent over and I chopped just above his knee and and it shut his leg off and he just went down.

Holy fuck. He was he all right?

Yeah after a while, Yeah, he was fine.

Do you play a lot of like high fantasy shit.

A little bit?

I mean, I'm into like Lord of the Rings, but aside from that, I'm not super I kind of feel like an outsider a lot of the times because I'm like, I'm not huge into Warmammer forty K or anything like that, and it was pretty common.

It's kind of funny that you just said you feel like an outcast because you're not into Warhammer.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Like a little bit of the autism is like it's it's an important feature, and the Blacksmith thing is kind of my like hyper focus, but with most of the other fighters, it's D and D and Warhammer and whatever else.

I respect the people in this sport because yes, Warhammer and D and D are traditionally very nerdy, but to take a step up and be like, no, let's actually fucking quit being a pussy and take up an axe and fight me like, that's awesome to me.

It's it's something. I was on the the American team. We represented the country for the international competition in Mexico this year, the first time in Mexico.

And Mexican sword fighting.

Sort of.

Yeah, that's badass, keep going, tell me the story.

So there are so within the sport it's blueherd or armored combat. There are dual categories, and then there are the group fights. So the group fights are broken up by five on five, ten on ten, twelve on twelve, sixteen on sixteen.

Yo a six like sixteen on sixteen giant fucking sword fights. Yeah, that's sick.

Yeah, So I was. I was on the sixteens team.

You know, we fought it.

There was a qualifying event beforehand. The best first and second teams made five and ten, and then third and fourth place work together to do the sixteen. I was on the sixteenth team. We smoked smoked them, America. I don't think there's a single category where we didn't bring home gold.

That's so sick. Yeah, did it so sixteen on sixteen, does that feel like three hundred?

Like?

Does it feel like a like tell me more?

Yeah, Well, it's five on five, not to change five on five. It's a whole different game to where it's you know, you can count how many people you have to deal with. It's like you're in the one corner, you're looking at two guys and then there's a third that'll be on your right. Sixteen on sixteen, it's a wall of men, and if you get in a bad spot, the rest don't stop it because they can't get to you. So in the five on five, if you so you know all your boys go down, you're the only one up.

Has anyone ever successfully as one man defeated three others.

I'm sure. I don't know if it's happened to where the three were actively fighting at the same time, but I'm I mean, I know guys that have sweat the entire like the entire team before.

That's so cool. Now, normally, in a traditional sword fight that I think of when there's like a war, you beat your opponent when they bleed out and die. Yes, And I assume it's not like that in these competitions. How do you tell this to feed your opponents?

So when so in the groups, when you go to the ground, you make three points of contact, you were out because historically the way you kill a nite is you put them on the ground and you stick your bodykin through the gaps in his armor and stab them to death. It's so because the sport is actually based off of tournament fighting. So you've got jousting on one side.

This is really just like a You have to knock them down using your weapon, either.

Either by successful there's there's a lot of judo that goes into it, or pain submission to where you you hit the marginals that they give up go or you break their armor to the point where they can't keep fighting.

So I got a question. Are you jacked?

Mmm?

No, at six one, two hundred and fifty pounds, I'm in corn fed, but I'm not jacked.

Okay, are you like are you like strong guy?

I wouldn't say so.

How do you usually do in these tournaments?

Fairly well? Fairly well? I mean I haven't been injured before, and I've been on a lot of winning teams. But there's there's always improvement to be made.

What's your life like outside of armor battling.

So, like I said, I've I've got a forge. I'm a kind of a blacksmith on the side, have done that for a while, and part of that is to support it. It's make armor, fixing the other teams, like the the my local team's armor. But I work in an iron foundry from a day job.

You working? You work in an iron factory for your day job?

Yeah, iron foundry?

What is that? What is iron?

We melt steel and chrome irons to make big like pump casings, big big industrial parts like the like the factory on Giannosis, the second Motor Earth Sorry Star Wars mm hmm, like going through the Droid factory ship like that?

Do any women play the armored Battle.

Yeah, yeah, there are women's teams.

Are there are? There's not men versus women's teams, So there's women versus women's.

Teams, women versus women. There aren't as many, but there still are some and they are tough.

All right. So you said that there was an international No, go ahead, Sorry, I want to let you finish your thought. Actually no, I I was you said, this is an international competition and America one, America USA. Let's go. What who is number two? Can I guess?

I guess we're gonna guess?

Yeah?

Hold on Swede? Now Finland they.

Were, they were present, but no, they actually got their armored, not stolen, but the the Mexican customs wouldn't give it to them because they thought they stole it from me museum because they didn't know what the sport was and there was a language barrier and they couldn't communicate. But they needed their stuff back.

All right, the KNY get one more guests, go for it.

Japan also, now, unfortunately I don't think they had a team in this year. All right, hit me, I don't remember, you don't remember.

Why'd you make with guests?

If you don't remember, Hey, you wanted to guess I was to stop.

Second, I said, hold on the second, I said, can I guess? You should have just been like you can guess, but I don't remember. If you told me you don't remember, I wouldn't have guessed.

Well, if you said the right thing, I would have remembered.

You don't have the answer to.

I'm not gonna stop you. If you want to guess, I'm not going to stop you. Go for it. I'm just here to hear what you have to say.

That was such buss. You don't remember? No, when did this happen?

May this year?

So you said it was first.

I think Brazil took third in the five on five. Okay, Now, if we're talking in the sixteens, the category I fought in it was USA France, and then I think the Ukrainian team.

Russia was gonna be one of my guesses, although I don't know if they're like embargoed from Funny Sports.

Yeah they're, yeah, they're they're on the no whitlist currently.

Okay, So I'm trying to think if I have any other questions for you, Okay, your life, Do you have a life outside of making steel things?

Not?

Really, I don't think really I genuinely don't think you need one. I think you have you have. You're you strike me as a full, complete human being.

I think that's kind of generous, but I mean it's a little tall to be a dwarf.

What would make you? What would make you more complete of a human being?

I think if I was a dwarf, like a like a fantasy dwarf, that would that would be the icing on the cake.

Why don't you just be fancy as you are?

Wait?

What why not you just be fancy as you are? No?

No, I'm saying I want to be a dwarf. I do all this metal ship. I want to be a dwarf like gim me, I want.

To be what's your ultimate dream before you die?

To keep doing this as long as I can, until I die.

All of it.

What is something you haven't made yet that you want to make.

A good decision?

Really? What you don't feel like you've made a lot of good decisions.

I think I've made a lot of bad ones, and sometimes I make uh most of them.

Give me one example of a bad decision you've made.

I got engaged right out of high school mm hmm. And it was with somebody I didn't really know and it it didn't band out very well.

How long did it last?

A few months?

Really?

Only a few months?

What, it's a lot more common where I'm at.

Where are you at?

Utah?

Oh?

Are you?

Are you exmo?

I am not EXMO.

I was.

My parents left the church when I was a kid, so I was raised around Warmon but I was not. But the girl that I was engaged to was Mormon. Yeah, so there was a little bit of a cultural thing.

Are you with anyone now?

Yeah?

Yeah, I've been dating a girl for about three years.

Now, how's that going good?

I want I think I've decided I want to make her ring, and that's that's the only thing that's stopping stopping it from the natural progression.

I think as a blacksmith, it would be a stupid idea to buy a ring, right making I think, yeah, right, making one and is way better.

It's romantic.

It is romantic.

Romantic in the classical sense too.

Yeah, it's uh.

Yeah, that's I didn't have anything to have, you.

Know, because you have that advantage of her most guys is that you can make jewelry. You don't have to buy it, right, It's pretty cool. And you know, you know, it's not even like shitty jewelry, like I could make like a bead, I couldn't. I was about to say I could make a bead necklace, but I couldn't even do that.

So you're kind of being harsh with yourself, sir.

No, I'm not. I'm being honest. I could not make a bead necklace. I've not. I have not said a single harsh thing about myself that wasn't true.

When has when's the last time you made any jewelry? When's the last time you tried?

Never in my life? That's why I couldn't make it.

Why you're being so harsh?

I'm not. I'm not like that's like saying that's like if I okay, Like if I told you right now, but hold on, hold on, whytt if I told you right now that I couldn't deadlift two hundred pounds you and you said to me, I am being harsh on myself, I'd be like, what are you talking about? I cannot deadlift two hundred pounds. I cannot make a bead necklace.

I think I would give you more rooms if if you knew you couldn't do it, But you haven't done it, so you're don't know. Harsh maybe isn't the correct word if you.

Like that's like, that's like I can't do a kickflip on a skateboard.

Well a lot of people can't do that.

Well, well, hold, so why why? Why is that different from me saying I can't make a bead necklace.

Because I don't think a bead necklace is super complicated.

That's because you make swords and ring That's because you're you white.

I don't know how to make a necklace. Ether, I don't know anything about beats anyways.

How'd you meet your girlfriend?

Kinder? Kinder? She was Mormon when she came here.

That's cool. A blacksmith meeting his girlfriend on Tinder on tender she.

Is a baker. We are we have very.

You guys have very. That's so awesome. That's so fucking cool that she's a baker and you're a blacksmith. That's so fucking cool. Do you don't have any like software engineer people there are out there? Or like you know some guy like he's a software engineer's girlfriend works in like AI. Whatever the fuck? Just complete bullshit. That's you guys, are you're a baker.

That's the contemporary baker and the blacksmith.

You're a baker and a blacksmith. No, the contemporary baker and blacksmith is a baker and a blacksmith. That's what you are.

You.

You are a baker and your girlfriend is a blacksmith, and you both are alive, existing, doing your profession in twenty twenty four, currently making you the contemporary versions of those things.

Yes, sir, Yes, sir, it is. She's a celiac, so it is kind of a kind of a strange combination. She works with stuff that can technically killer.

Are you allergic to anything?

No, so the duality is lost on that.

I'm going to take questions from our live twitch chat for you. You don't you don't have to, you don't have to read them. I'll just read them out to you if the twitch chat has any questions. But while I wait for the chad questions to come in, I'm gonna ask you one more question.

Go for it.

I'll try to think of one. Do you have a question that you want me to ask you? I hate that. Never mind, that's stupid. That's stupid thing to say.

Again, you're being a little bit harsh.

Why but I but it's okay. I would rather let me tell you something. I would sincerely rather live in the universe of truth then be night, then the universe of Sometimes you know, some questions are stupid, some things are bad, and some people such as myself, cannot do some things. I enjoy the truth of this universe right now.

On that the last I'll let you have it.

No go ahead, you were gonna saying, I want to let you. You can say what you can say, what you can say.

Hey, I thought you. I thought you got questions. It's our questions.

I want to hear what you were gonna No, I want to ask you plenty of the questions we got questions with.

Yeah, but this is really bringing up bringing something up. There's an emotion here and I'm not sure. I don't know what's going on.

All right, let's take questions from the chat. All right. Somebody said, uh uh do you ever work with damascus? What the hell is that?

Uh?

No, I don't. It's it's a it's folded steel. You hit it up to where it's almost melting but not quite, and then you hammer it together and you keep folding it and it makes school patterns.

I do not.

Someone wants to know how many if you have any battle scars, Like, do you have any lasting scars from any of this?

Not from fighting. I do have a couple of scars on my face, but they're completely unrelated.

You have, you know what? That's okay? You? It's so funny because if someone's talking to you and you have like a noticeable scar on your face and you're telling them about the fact that you fucking professionally make swords and do sword fighting, they're gonna be real bum to hear that your scar is not sword fighting.

Yeah, there was an older lady. I was standing in the airport with my helmet my and because I had to take it on because it's to meat weight bags whatever. She looks at me. She looks at the helmet and she like leans in and stares at the scars on my face. It's like, so is that how you got those? Like, no, it's not it's not a cool story. Oh and she just like walked away.

Yeah.

You really got to start lying. You really got to start lying when people ask you about this. I think, so, what is what's the truth? Can I hear it?

Uh?

I hit my face with a with a hot knife. I've got a line that runs down and then I've got a cut in between my eyes. That was from a rifle scope.

Okay, Uh you said it's from a rifle scope.

Yeah, it's too close to it.

Uh, Like you were shooting, you shot a rifle and then there was kickback and the scope smacked in the face.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a pretty cool story too.

It's it's a story.

Were you killing something?

Uh?

No, why are you shooting rifle?

I was hunting with a friend, who's listening to this, so he gets his story gets to be told in front of your audience.

What were you trying to kill?

We were on a deer hunt. He shot out a deer, didn't hit it. It was like the last bullets, Like, do you want me to try? I get it. I'm not used to shooting with scopes, so I got way too close to it and shot in it. Cut my cut me open.

Trying to shoot a deer and then the gun kicks you back in the face. Feels like a real Elmer Fudd moment. Sure does, Like that's something that would happen if Elmer Fudd. Like Elmer Fudd's trying to shoot.

And like the barrel bends around, and.

The barrel bens around. Yeah, yeah, Elmer. And then what how what was the other scar from? You said from a knife?

Yeah, it was a hot knife. I was I was trying to straighten it while it was hot, and I knocked it into my face.

Okay, so it was welding, not welding, but it was it was hot. Why was the knife hot because you put it in the forge, right?

Yeah?

Okay, so you were blacksmithing blacksmithing, yes, okay, so it is related, Yes, the way I did. M okay.

Uh.

Someone had said, what's the someone? Someone wants to know what the weirdest thing you've welded is.

Well, I assume by welded the means what I've made, because I'm not. I'm not actually a welder. I haven't made a lot of weird stuff. I've met a few sword swords for commission, and they've They're a little funky, but not really any weird stuff.

Someone wants to know, Uh, let me look at let me look through these. Someone asked me if I've ever tried the deadlift two hundred pounds. I don't like the deadlift. Always feel like I'm gonna hurt my back. I just don't do it.

That's right.

Someone asked, do you like your life the way it is now?

As much as I complain about that, I do. I think this is the life I was meant to have.

That's nice.

Yeah, it's so sweet.

M okay. Hold on. There's a lot of people asking if you ever worked with Damascus.

Yeah, but you already.

Answered that question. Someone said, do you believe in aliens?

M I guess.

Someone asked, what is your McDonald's order.

Anything? That comes with a sprite.

Okay, one final question. Have you ever done a spinning attack? Like when like when you're playing Zelda and you hold b and you do like a fucking spin attack? You ever done that?

No?

No, I get dizzy.

Hey, Wyatt, Yeah, I enjoyed having this conversation with you. This was this was really nice.

Yeah, thanks for having me and uh.

Sorry I dropped my glove.

Oh ship, Yeah, thank you for behind me.

Is there is there anything else you wanted to talk about or say or anything that maybe we didn't cover before we go?

Nope, on to the next call.

Thank you so much, Thank you, Wyatt.

Thanks.

I like that guy. I I I want to make I want to remake Skyrim. But when you go to the Blacksmith, it's just that guy and he's nice. Hello.

Hello, how are we Hey?

I'm doing good boss. What's your name?

My name is Dale?

Dale? What a great name? Like the race car ga.

Yeah, like the like that car driver, the one that goes like left or whatever.

Yeah, like the race car driver, or like the fucking chipmunk from the Disney cartoons.

Yeah, that guy one who likes the nut or whatnot.

Yeah, yeah, he likes we got you got a guy who likes nuts and a guy who likes cars, and then we got you, and I don't know what you like, but I'm gonna find out by talking to you.

I'm all about loath, but I'd be more than happy to tell you more.

What's uh? What's up? Dale? Is there anything in particular you called in to want to talk about? Todad ah?

I mean, so far, it seems like we've had a pretty good uh following and just like talking like jobs and careers, So I think I might continue.

That little path.

Okay, yeah, what do you do?

So?

I'm a brand ambassador for an energy drink company. I'm not sure if I should actually say the uh.

Brand ambassador for an er Okay, I'm gonna talk to you for a little bit, and then if I feel like it's right, I'll ask you to reveal what the energy drink company is, but let's keep it a secret for now.

Cool? What uh?

Yeah? Tell me more about that?

So, like, my primary focus is like I drive like this big food truck that's been like souped up to like I don't know it be like hip and cool with the young folk.

Mm hm and uh.

I pretty much just drive it around the country, going to like music festival. Uh certain, Oh, not trying to give too much away, but uh, going to like themed events. I've done a couple of comedy shows, and uh do like tailgates for like big football games things like that.

Cool.

Pretty much just get out there and just pass out for a drinks and stuff to people.

Had you had did you get the job?

So funny enough, I was actually working events and like helping build concerts at a local stagehand for a hot minute, and eventually I got injured. I got a forty pound pelican dropped on my head Jesus and got injured. Yeah, So like it was one of those moments where I

That sounds I dude, straight up, not even just not just saying this to be wholesome or whatever, that sounds like a sick job.

Dude.

It's really cool, and like the companies like standards and morals and whatnot. It's a pretty progressive company. But they've been like they're a core energy drink company, so like they've been around for a long time. As like a kid, I always said like, oh, I want to be sponsored by these people because I used to skateboard growing up. And now that I'm working for them, I'm like, I'm finding out I'm kind of more sponsored than like actual athletes under this brand.

All right, all right, let me don't talk, don't tell me what it is, but let me throw out one guess, okay, is it is it Monster Energy?

It sure is.

Oh that's so cool. You drive You drive the Monster energy truck, dude.

So that's like the funniest part is I tell people I drive the monster truck, and people like, their first like thought is, oh shit, dude, you drive a monster truck. I'm like, I do technically drive a monster truck. You're living. You're living the thought that like I drive this like huge, massive, fucking like sports truck whenever reality, I drive a food truck.

You're living the plot of the movie Role Models. You know that movie.

Oh, dude, I remember that movie when it first came out. I have never been in a big film guy, so I've never actually seen it.

Yeah, they drive like a fucking monster energy truck or it's some energy drink damn. So you drive the that's so okay. Wait, tell me, okay, not for this to like, Okay, I don't want this to turn into a big ad for Monster, but I I'm just following my natural curiosity. You telling me you like this company because it's got strong morals. Tell me what does that mean? Like Monster has strong morals?

Strong morals. I might have used the wrong wording there, but it's just kind of like everything that like I've always stuck to, which is just kind of like keeping more of an alternative and like a I guess, like an edgier vibe of things like you whenever I like I got into the workplace, like my biggest problem is like I'm pretty heavily tattooed, So like when I got in there, I was really worried that some of my tattoos that were gonna be like, oh, we can't hire

Look for the role.

Fuck it no, that's why, bro, that's who I want handing me a free can of Monster Energy is a tattled up guy named Dale dude.

And that's like that's another like great thing is like I was working, uh this festival called Bridge to Day up in West Virginia, and like I'll talk a little bit more on that in a second, but uh, there was there was a group of girls who had walked by. At one point, they like point out the truck. They were like, that's what a monster dude looks like. And I was like so like self fulfilled in that moment, was like, Yeah, I fit into this job role.

That kicks ass man. That's so cool. Right, wow? So how long you've been doing that for?

So I've actually only been doing it for about uh like five maybe six months?

Now is this a long term thing?

Like?

Is this a career that you can like hang out at for five years?

So likely for at least five years, because it's the brand that I work under, specifically, h like the monster like sub brand has been around for almost ten years. I think they started a program about five years ago. But if it ever goes away, so likely just moved me off into like a different branding position, I would hope, Or they'll just make me drive a different truck, which would also be cool as long as I still get to like shoot out to events and continue doing my passion.

It sounds like I really can't like this sounds like a sick fucking job. How old are you?

I am twenty five?

Very cool, very cool? Now, how do you are you in the truck alone or is there somebody else helping you out.

So normally on events, we have local crews everywhere across the country, and sometimes they will pair me with one or two people. But there have been many events where I have gone out and I'm just like solo sampled. So like most of the events that I've solo sampled were looking at like a population of like maybe four to seven thousand people, but like Bridge Day is a great example of that was an attendance of two hundred thousand patrons.

Now I feel like I had two sorry guys, go ahead, go ahead.

Okay, okay, okay, fine, but I had two other guys with me that day, because I mean do we were just we were slammed the entire day. It's a wonderful time. Absolutely loved being that busy and being able to deserve that many people. But without the other two guys, I would have been swamp and probably would have drowned in that moment.

So cool. So I feel like, tell me what your interactions with these people have been like, because I assume that people who are like at a music festival on drugs or or drunk or whatever getting a free thing from you are probably in a good mood.

So dude, it's like actually really polarizing, and I mean it's one of the reasons I love the job. I'm a huge people person. So like there's so many people that come up and like we've attended the event like years prior, and they come up and they're like, Yo, no way the monster truck, Dude, we missed you guys, Like we've been looking around for you all day, and like that's always like such a good feeling because like they always leave with like smiles on their face and like.

We fucking love you.

Oh, you guys are great. And I mean that's always like the sunshine is like an event for me. And then there's also people who come by and they just don't know about the brand, and I tell them on the brand, and you know, they leave away with a little bit or they walk away with a little bit of knowledge of like the drink itself, how the can looks, so they can find it in store, and also they get to try the flavor and they can give me like positive or negative feedback on it. I always appreciate

You ask people. Oh, people think that you're trying to like sell it or whatever.

Dude, Dude, that's the biggest that's the biggest problem with

Little do they know they could have gotten something for free, dude.

And that's the thing.

People will walk by all the time and they'll try to ignore me. You know, like whenever people try to talk to you and I like the mall key off, they're like, hey, man, can I clean your shooes? And You're like just keep walking and they won't notice.

Mm I.

You know, I always try to like offer up, like hey, would you like a complimentary Monster? And if they keep walking, I'm like, okay, don't I don't understand how you don't like free stuff? And they're like, wait, hold up did you say it's free? And they'd snap back around real fast and come grab something.

So you said this is like it's like a sub brand. But because you're well, okay, a couple of things. One, you said that people like give you feedback on the flavors. Do you like send your feedback to Monster HQ? Like are you single handedly influencing the taste of Monster Energy drink?

No, that was the case, there would be a Chai Monster. So I don't work under Monster cream like the standard like Monster. I work for the coffee brand the Java side.

Oh you work for Java Monster? Yeah, okay, let me all right. I have I have actually opinions about Java Monster. Here's the thing, Oh, I though, I there's been like one or two I've had a Java Monster maybe one or two times in my life, and uh, when I wake up. There's been times where like I wake up from a nap and I'm just like insanely groggy and dehydrated, and I drink a Java Monster and I'm like, this

Yeah, And see, that's the bad side about trying to market it to older people. Not calling you old Viisle Happy Birthday, by the way, But you know a lot of young people like sixteen to like twenty, they're not really looking for those labels. They don't really care. But we make it super sweet with real cream, real sugar and everything else so that younger people will like it.

No, it's yeah. If you just if you just put like if you just took like coffee with cream in it and then you poured a Monster energy into it, that would be disgusting.

Absolutely.

Wow, that's hilarious that you work for Java Monster. Okay, let me ask you this, how many of those? Because how many of those do you drink a day? Because if the answer is you drink at least one a day, I have to assume that you've significantly shortened your lifespan.

So fun story and like kind of ironic because I don't really drink a lot of the Monster products. I don't drink like any energy drinks for that matter. I have a little bit of a Coca cola problem. I love a good soda, but it's just a little too much caffeine for me. I get jittery and anxious.

M do you drink while you're on the job.

I'll drink whenever an element because like sometimes I'll be posted up for like eight or nine hours, so like I'll grab a water, might drink half of a coffee because I mean truly, like the Javas. I do think that they're all really good. It's just I know I cannot handle drinking an entire one.

Yeah, they're delicious, They're just like fucking like five hundred calories or whatever. Are there gonna this is a this is not even uh, this is not a I'm just asking this of my own pure like, this is just for me. Are they working on like a zero sugar, zero calorie version of the Java Monster. I'd fuck with that heavily.

See, I have absolutely no idea. I'm actually like not that like deep into the program. I just I'm just kind of like branding out on event.

This is cool. I love this is such a fun job. Like if I weren't doing what I do, I would love to do your job. That sounds well, let me here. We'll say, I'm gonna let the twitch chat throw some questions in there that I'll ask that, and I'll ask to you, what's your life like outside of driving the Monster Energy truck? Do you like life? Oh?

Dude?

I mean, uh, personally, I'm a pretty depressive dude. But I mean I just play video games. I used to paint and draw because I've before I worked for like concerts and getting into a Monster. I used to like want to be a tattoo artist and things, and that kind of like falls into this position as well because I get to draw up on the shock boards and

Do you feel like your job has helped with your depression?

Oh?

For sure, because I get to go to work and actually do something that I enjoy every day.

Yeah, I have to imagine, like, uh, well, it's funny because like traditional retail is like miserable for so many people. But what you're doing, just like handing shit out for free and getting to talk to people and whatnot, seems like it's nice.

Oh dude, it's such a pleasure in my eyes, because like it's ninety five percent of time it's just smiles.

Okay. Somebody said, uh, uh, what's Monster's mission statement?

You know, that's a crazy question. I have no idea.

Uh have you ever scored a chick's number from doing this?

I am very happily in a committed relationship. There could definitely have been times I probably could have, but it's not really my goal focus while working my job.

My man, has anyone complained about getting a free monster?

I've had a lot of people like I hand it out for Finna, like why are you doing this? Like there's some kind of catch because like I've had like kind of fish people and I'm like, I'm not trying to tell you nothing. I'm not gonna tell you anything. Just come grab a can. It's absolutely agree And people are like, there's no way it's free. Why why are

Well why why why wouldn't Why wouldn't you? I think that's a fair truth to say. Why don't you look at that? That that's that's a solid truth. We're giving away for free for marketing. That's true.

The thing is is a lot of companies would would prevent going out that way. I mean, there's a lot of radical companies that are very much that way. But I think in our vision of doing our marketing was we don't want to seem desperate to get rid of our stuff, because I mean, at the end of the day, we are canning out thousands upon thousands of dollars.

You're absolutely free.

Someone wants to know, have you experienced any road range? Have you experienced any road rage in the Monster truck? Oh?

Dude, I don't want to like get rid of I don't know if like any of my bosses or co workers well over here this so like I'm gonna say this, driving in Miami was terrible. Not gonna not gonna go much deeper than that. But if you've ever driven in Miami you probably understand.

What I mean. I don't how much deeper can you really get on that? Very very Uh? Is Monster a demonic company? I have heard some rumors about that, dude.

Everyone at Monster is an absolute joy to work with. The higher ups. Like it's really hard to explain, like feeling so comfortable in a workplace, like getting it and like I feel like a boot liquor right now, saying I'll be thinks because I've always been like, man, screw major Corporation's a terrible bell. But like, I don't know, man, it seems like everyone's on the same page, a monster. We all want to have a good time. We all want to do the job. The job has to get done.

And I I, oh, go ahead, Oh no, no, I want to let you finish.

Oh do all word moomb And I have no idea what I was about to say.

So well, someone was gonna say. Someone said, this isn't this is more of a comment. Someone's saying, I'm getting heart palpitations just listening to this guy.

What does that mean?

Because you because you sell them? Okay, I thought you would think that was funny because you sell Monster energy.

Anyway, Oh okay, that makes sense.

Yeah, someone said, okay, this one. I also think I'm not asking. I'm not posing this to you as a real question. I'm posing this to you as this is also something funny. In the chat, someone said, do you think you have the ability to have children? Still? I guess considering, but you don't even you don't drink the monster that much, so you're.

Fine, Oh yeah, no, I don't figurely drink it, but also not really that interested in having kids.

All right, let's see here, what's the least favorite events you worked for? Give me least.

So, I mean, that's hard to like really jot down. I would say that one of my least favorite things that I've done is doing like more like just passing out at like very very small get togethers. I won't I won't listen anything, as we have major contracts with people. But I mean, one of my favorite things that I've done so far was working this one music festival called what was it? I think it's born and raised the

I have one all right, I got one final question from the chat, and it's an important one. Okay, Okay. They want to know the Red Bull car, you know, the one with the big red.

Do you guys buy the Red Bull car while driving?

Do you guys have beef with the Red Bull car?

I don't know if like other monster people have like problems with them with the Red Bull car. Personally, whenever I saw it on the inter state, I spuit up or sped up till I get next to it so I can like wave at them all goofy, like yeah, because like there's no beef with me. Personally because I think like with Monster and Red Bull kind of being like the uh, the core giants of the energy drink world. I think there's like a mutual respect. We're not really

I'm wondering if there's a way that both you and I can make money off of this phone call from Monster, But I don't. I don't think there is no.

I'm pretty sure if honestly, if I hire up here is this, there's a possibility I could lose my job. But it's such a cool thing.

To talk about, So like, why would you hold on? Why would you? First of all, that's why would you lose your job? Talking about this on the podcast you're giving a you are giving free advertising two Monster Energy. Honestly, hearing you talk about this, I'm talking about how lost in the company is. It's making me want a job a Monster right now.

I mean, please, And then why would.

You why would you get why would you get in trouble for this?

I don't know.

Monster's a pretty specific like you can go on Amazon right now and type in Monster Energy T shirt and

I.

Hold on hella hala, But this conversation is not an attempt to brand. This is just a conversation that you and I are having with no corporate interest except for the except for the ads that I am going to put in this podcast. Other than that.

Cool.

Yeah, I mean, if it happens, it happens. But if it doesn't, you know, keep living my best life up Monster energy.

I predict that you will be fine no matter what happens to you.

Cool.

I hope the same for myself and everyone listening.

I agree. I agree. Well, here lyle, let me ask you one more question, all right, do you have anything to say to the people over their phones and mobile devices?

No?

Nothing, I haven't said already a thousand times.

Do you fair enough?

If you don't like your job, please find something in your weird niche that may fit into it, or keep looking for better because realistically, if you were good job that you're not happy in, you were just setting yourself up for a career that you will not be happy in.

Fin will you do me a favorite dale If you don't, if you ever see me make an Instagram post that I'm retiring the Therapy Getico podcast, please hit me up and let me know if there's any positions available to drive the monster truck.

Dude, I have, I mean, honestly, if you whenever you go back on tour, probably in like twenty twenty six or whatever. Right, I'll meet up with you after the shot. I've seen you twice now, Oh you have. I didn't meet up with you at either of the two shows because I was like, that line is crazy and I.

Sell which which way? Which two shows?

Nashville?

Oh cool? Oh cool? All right, cool cool man. Yeah, next time, next time I come to Nashville, pull up on the truck.

Honestly, I could actually possibly talk to marketing about that, but yeah, I'll definitely see what's going on. If not, I'll just come talk to you Dale.

God bless you keep doing great work out there, and uh, I'll talk to you in another life.

Stay sextually. Ye.

Also, happy birthday, dude, Hey, thanks man, Thank care. Hello, Hello, Hey, what's your name?

I'm Derek, Derek.

What's up, Derek? How you doing?

I'm doing pretty good, dude. Happy birthday?

Oh, thanks man. I appreciate that. It is. It is at the time of this recording my birthday, I'm turning. I'm turning twenty seven. I feel good about twenty seven. That feels like a good age. I feel my I remember being like thirteen and thinking twenty seven was really old, and I feel pretty I feel pretty young. Actually, I feel pretty young. Yeah, how old are you? How old are you?

Do? I'm twenty seven as well?

Actually, oh okay, all right, well maybe this is good. Maybe this is a good call to have on my birthday and we can talk talk talk to seven. How's your how's your experience of being twenty seven going?

You know, it's pretty good, but at this age it kind of like was the point where like, I don't know, it seems like I've become more conscious. I've become more like, you know, I feel like I should how do I say, be less of a dumb ass?

Oooh okay, well let's get into that. What do you I mean two questions? What do you say you feel like you should be more conscious? What do you feel like you should be more conscious of? And and what does not being a dumb ass look like?

So it's more of the not being a dumb ass part.

I guess, like, Okay, you're trying to be conscious of not being a dumb ass. So what is not being Yeah? Exactly what is not being a dumb ass look like?

One solid example of not being a dumb ass is so I went to school and I had student loans, right, and I just was like, ah, yeah, that's not real. I don't have to pay that, you know, and I you know, just forget about it for many years. I probably it's been probably since twenty seventeen that I got out of college and I just started paying it back this year.

What do you do?

I am a a welder, a welder and fabricator.

Oh that's so cool, that's like you you really have. It must be nice to in the year twenty twenty four have a job that was around in like the fifteen hundreds.

Yeah, something like that, something like it's cool. I do it. I do enjoy my job though. It is really cool and I have fun doing it.

What do you make? You make swords?

I've never made a sword, but I could. What I actually make is industrial mixers. We're talking like, I mean, some of them you could live in. They're so fucking big. And I've made mixers for like anything from coffee to rat poison McCormick spices, all sorts of stuff like that.

Now, at twenty seven, do you feel young or old?

I still feel pretty young, honestly. I mean I don't feel that old at all, like you were kind of saying earlier, like it's not. Yeah, I don't feel old really, and I wonder as I do get older and older, Well, I feel old maybe physically, but not mentally. Hard to say.

It's second to my dad. Last time I saw him, He's about sixty six or something like that, and he told me he remembered being my age and thinking about what it would be like to be sixty six and how he could have never imagined it, and now that he's sixty six, he feels pretty good. And I am inspired by that, you know how I feel. I feel kind of like I feel like I'm on extra credit mode at twenty seven. I feel like I have three more years to really roll some dice and fuck around

Yeah.

You know, if I plan in my life correctly, if I execute certain whatever things or come to certain understandings or build certain habits, I could really, I think, have a better life in my thirties. I feel like I'm gonna be reborn into some new person. That's what I'm hoping.

You will become an ethereal gek at thirty most.

Likely who fucking knows, but I know, whatever it is, it's hopefully not hopefully it's something ethereal right. Right, Well listen, I'm I'm I just wanted to give you the opportunity. I don't know if you called in to talk about anything particular.

Oh, I mean, I have a couple things. I write down stuff every once in a while if I think it'd be cool to talk to you about cool.

Sure.

Yeah. So I guess one thing is so I stop smoking weed much lately, and that's actually part of repaying my student loan. I'm trying to cut shit out as much as I can so I can just throw large sums of money at it. And a dream that I had and there was a result of not smoking weed, I'm having more dreams, right yep, yeah, for sure. And so the other night I had a dream and you you were in my dream.

Yeah, what was your dream?

So we were outside in the driveway of my childhood home and we had a dining room table set up with a bunch of people where we were having a lovely dinner outside at night in my driveway and we and you were still wearing the gecko suit and we were we were talking and we had an emotional moment, like, you know, we were talking and you were telling me something very uh and you know, I don't remember what the words were, but you know, there were tears, we were crying, we were you know, it was it was

Do you feel like, okay, haven't, now that we're talking on the phone in real life, is the conversation that we've been having anything close to the conversation that we had in in your dreams?

I would say, not the you know, not the emotional part, you know, because we're not we're not getting too deep into the into the weeds that right now, you know, But it you, It is very much the same vibe. I suppose.

It sounds like you and I were like on M D M A in this dream or something like that, and we were really spilling our guts to each other.

Yeah, that's kind of the vibe of it.

Honestly, that's interesting.

And this was another yeah, yeah.

Go ahead, go ahead. I was gonna ask who else was at the dinner table if if there was anyone else there was.

Yeah, there was other people, other costumed people.

Uh yeah, so who are who are the other Who were the other costumes?

God, I don't remember. The only specific one that I remember is the guy who pulled up looking like the Crimson and Chin and Jay Leno mixed together.

It sounded like you, you know what? You know what this reminds me of? You had like a weird like where the wild Things are adventure, but instead of big beasts, it's like fucking dudes who look like me in animal costumes. You you did, you you pulled? You stop smoking weed and then your brain pulled a where the wild things are?

For sure? Dude. And I guess another thing I've at least been interested in talking to you about is.

It's Smash Smash Brothers. Super Smash Brothers.

Yeah dude, yeah, dude.

Some people who listen to this show may or may not know that. Uh I. I look, I'm not very good in comparisons what's out there, But I do regularly participate in competitive Super Smash Brothers melee tournaments, which I think I've been doing that since like for like a decade now. Yeah. I went to my first and so tournaments super Smash Con in twenty fifteen, go ahead.

And so I also given some content so the people who don't know. Also, when someone says what Lyle just said, they're actually really fucking good at the game.

Well I'm good. I'm really. Here's the thing. I can beat anyone who doesn't like actually play the game, but when it comes to people who like actually competitive to play the game, I kind of suck.

Right, No, I know what you mean. And I used to kind of be at that level. I went to an actual major tournament one which one and also it was oh god, I still have the lanyard. What the hell was it called Paradigm Shift?

Oh yeah, which was that? Which year is that?

What would it have been? It was, god, I don't know, maybe twenty I got I don't remember what year it was, but it was it was. It was several years ago though, And like who was there? I mean there was no like super duper like Heurbo, famous top players there, but like there was Myron was there, and he's a he you yeah, he plays ultimate. He's an ol Lamar player.

Okay, I don't plan on places for Smash for his Ultimate, right.

I know you're a you're a million.

You know, what's funny is where I, like, uh, really alienating nine of the podcast listeners by talking about a niche subject. But you know, I've all I there's lots of times where I'm listening to a podcast and people will start talking about like the Eagles or whatever, and I don't know what the fuck they're talking about. So it's fine, it's fine.

But you know, also there's there's life lessons to be learned from from play and smash, you know, practicing something super hard, you know, and this is macro shit, like of course, like practicing l canceling is not applicable in real life, but like you knowing shit and huh god.

You know, I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna let you finish, and then I'm gonna push back against everything you're saying, but go ahead.

No, So as far as like practicing something and you know, really getting into it to the point where you really understand it, I guess. Or here's a specific example, when you're practicing something the lab for for a long time and you're doing it and then you try to do it in a real match and it's totally different. And then that first time you find where that actually fits, you know, in a real match, and you actually do it. It's like a religious experience.

So here's here's my I'm gonna play Devil's Advocate to you, and then I'm gonna play Devil's Advocate back to my own Devil's Advocate. All right. So yes, I've spent a considerable amount of time getting very good at, truly, honest to god, a completely useless skill, which is playing competitive Supersmash Brothers Melee. And it's even like, getting really good

Right?

Like you could sit here and go like, oh, I could have spent ten years learning French, but whatever where you're gonna spend ten years jerking off and going on your phone and not doing anything. So I mean, just you know, who gives a shit. You're gonna die, so just do whatever, and it's fine. That's my counterpoint to that.

Gonna die to learn stuff.

You know, hold on, let me finish, but you're gonna die no matter what. So who cares to do stuff or don't do stuff? Okay, what were you? What were you? What did you want to say?

No, that's it's good, Like, yeah, of course, like there are skills you can learn that provide you with monetary value and and social value. But you know, learning melee to a really high degree is also fun in the same way kind of like you just said, you know, not that you're going to make money off of it, but it's it's something. It's a way to learn how to learn, which is kind of an interesting thing.

I still highly highly recommend doing literally anything else. What's your name again?

My name is Derek, Derek, Derek.

I enjoyed having this conversation with you.

Yeah, I enjoyed talking to you too.

Man, I'm sorry if this was I feel like this conversation it was nothing like the conversation you had in your dreams.

It maybe it was better.

Do you are you? Are you just saying that, well, this is a.

Real this is the real deal, right. You know, whatever whatever happened in my dream was just something that I made up in my head, you know, yeah, you know what is reality?

Baby, Derek? I love this even if I love this. Even if your reality was not as good as your fantasy, at least your reality was fucking real and there's something to be appreciated, right man, I like that. I like that, Derek. Thanks for talking to me about random bullshit for twenty minutes. Is there anything else that you wanted? Is there anything else a that you wanted out of this conversation that maybe we didn't have, or be that you wanted to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Well, I mean, there is one other thing that's kind of interesting that I'd like talk about, and that is the fact that I have a medium scale glass dildo making operation that is going on in my garage.

Why did you get into making glass dildos?

So, my buddy he worked for a guy making these glass dildos, right, and his boss, you know, gave up the dildo crafting business. He was, you know, throwing in the towel. And he offered my friend, He's like, you can take this, you can take the dildo business and you can be the new dildo guy if you want. And he said, hell yeah, And I'm into you know, glass stuff and everything like that. And I had the space, you know, to do it. So he asked me, He's like, so, hey,

That's really cute. You're making big glass cocks and tiny marble balls. Absolutely, you have an interesting life, Derek.

Well, thank you. I think you have an interesting life as well.

Just a couple of twenty seven year olds who hopefully don't shoot their face off with a shotgun like that guy.

Yeah, that one guy who shot hisself with the shotgun. I know, I know what you're talking about. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

You're not gonna do I'm not gonna do it. You're not all right. If you don't do it, all right, if you don't do it, I won't do it, all right.

Thank you? Promise?

Think you promise fucking right. Have a good one, Derek.

Absolutely, you too, Lyle, thanks for talking.

Thanks man, thanks for joining me in reality.

Absolutely, and you as well. Night. Night.

No, this guy, this guy Lyle, the Gecko guy. He will he will not be joining in the twenty seven club. I want to live. God damn it. I want to live. I want to live. God damn it. Oh my god. I love you know what? Fuck this shit. I love life, dude, fuck it. I don't know why. I I just to be, just to be, you know, frank with you people. I don't know why my brain continues to tell me that, try to trick me into think that I don't fucking love life. I'm gonna name ten things that I love.

Never Beak goes doing his ride, just teaching.

You about in them of your life. But he's not really an expert.