Hello, Hey, what's up?
Hey? Is this the GAK?
This is the GEK? Who is this?
This is Spencer? How's it going?
It's going all right?
Man?
What's going on with you? Spencer?
Nothing? I'm technically at work right now. I got about nineteen minutes left on my shift.
You got nineteen minutes left on your shift?
Exactlytes eighteen minutes now, actually just turned to three forty two.
What do you think should we run out the clock?
I think we should. I think that's a wonderful way to spend my time.
All right, let's do it. Let's run out the clock. Waits, what job do you have?
So? I mean, I guess my job. It's like the title makes my job sound kind of fake. You know you ever have those kinds of jobs?
Sure?
Yeah, my title is advancement assistant. I work at a nonprofit and I basically helped them fundraise and organize volunteer events and do some marketing for them.
So what are you doing? What are you supposed to be doing for the next eighteen minutes?
Working on email campaigns? But technically I am done with that, so, you know, figured i'd call you and see what you're up to.
Wait, So why can't you just go home?
Oh? I am home. I work from home.
Oh okay, all right, so you like your fire, so you don't really have to do anything for the next seventeen minutes. No, No, all right, pretty good. Well especially, let me ask you this, is there anything in particular you called in to want to talk about?
Yeah, I've been trying to call in for a couple of months now. Uh. Last year I cut off or two years ago, I completely cut off someone who was my best friend. And I knew all my friends supported me in doing that because I'm in a big like friend group with him. But but now I feel like they kind of resent me for it because they still talk to him and like him, and we're on like a big group chat still, but it's just me and him. They don't like each other, you know. Does that make sense?
Yeah? Well, I mean what happened? Why don't you guys like each other? Uh?
Well, it was me that cut him off first because he was talking a bunch of crap about my girlfriend now fiance, and then yeah, it got to be a little too much, so kind of told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. And you know, he he tried to apologize to me. I didn't really let him let him do it because it was kind of like a recurring thing. He started doing it. I told him to stop because he started doing it in sort of like a joking manner, but you know, it's not
really something you joke about. He was like calling her her ugly and shit, and I'm like, all right, like like, don't do that. That's not respectful, Like you know, you shouldn't be doing that, and and you know, and he and he kept doing that, and if you can't, I don't want to be friends with someone that I have to tell them, like something as simple as like, you know, don't talk shit about my girlfriend.
You know, did your did your girlfriend ever know that this guy was talking about her? Uh No?
I never told her and she still doesn't know. Uh I like she knows. She's not dumb, because like I cut off one of my best friends that she knew, and now we're not talking and I'm not telling her why. She can kind of put two and two together and be like, oh, yeah, he definitely said something about me, But I don't really want to because he's talking like about her looks, So I don't want to tell her that and then have her be all like self conscious
and stuff like that. So I guess that's my way of justifying not telling her, even though I know deep down I should tell her.
Oh, I don't know. I don't think you. I don't know if you should tell her. I don't know if like yea, you ever heard that phrase that other people's opinions of you is none of your business.
That's true, and this is this is someone that I wouldn't take advice from.
So you yeah, no, I don't think you need to. I don't think you need to tell her that she he was talking about her. But I think it's it's totally justified to be like, Yo, I don't want to hang out with this guy, but your problem is that everybody else is still hanging out with this guy.
Yeah. They they still like him and they're still you know, friends with him, and I'm not like, and I'm not gonna I'm not gonna blame him for that, Like they didn't do anything to them. But I feel like now that I don't like him and I don't really hang out with him, I don't really want to hang out with him, and they still do, it kind of just puts an in their perspective, probably puts like an unnecessary rift in the friend group.
Let me ask you that, did you ever like so and I'm sorry maybe you said this orady, but when he was talking about your girlfriend, and did you tell him, like, yo, stop doing that and he just he just did did not respond at all. Yeah, he just completely.
Fucking I told him. I'm like, I told him, like, nobody thinks that's funny except for you, because nobody was laughing at it. So I was like, nobody thinks that's funny except for you. Stop. He did it like a couple more times after that, and then it was all because of a football game too man like his football, like the team that he was a really big fan of lost the game. And then he like, and I'll admit I was chirping him a little bit, you know, I was trying to I was talking a little bit
of shit, but nothing too personal. And then he just goes and says another thing about about my fiance and that was like my breaking point with him. So like it was known that he did it and that I wasn't a fan of it, and that I've told him to stop multiple times. And then after he did it that time, I was like, all right, I don't, like, don't even bother apologizing because I don't because like, you obviously don't mean it because I've I've told you to
stop this stuff in the past, and you haven't. So yeah, it's a tough situation.
And how many how many people are in the group?
I would say, like ten to twelve?
Whoa brod? Having twelve friends is crazy?
I know, right, it's pretty fun.
Technically eleven, Well, listen, twelve, I mean twelve, So that's a big enough group, right that you don't have to First of all, that's a big enough group that it can split off into several different subgroups.
And I mean twelve is big enough that you don't have to really necessarily interact with or be around this guy if you don't want to.
Yeah, exactly, And that's what it's been like. He doesn't. We don't even live in the same state because we all met in college and then we all graduated and I'm living in Indiana. He's off in Illinois, so I haven't seen him in like a good year. So like, whenever we get together as a big group, he's there and like, it's fine, And I told him like I can be friendly with you, I just don't want to be your friend. It's like when we're there, there's like tension.
And then whenever I'm hanging out with the people from the group that still live in Indiana and ever, like whenever he comes up, I can tell that there's like that they don't really want to bring him up, even though like I don't care if they bring him up, but like I just feel like they kind of resent me for for you know, holding such a grudge against him for so long.
Well, where's this tension coming from? Like what's so like tension is when like there's something you know supposed to happen, but what's supposed to happen, there's no tension. There's really no attension here because it's like you don't like and it is there any way, shape or form in which you are feeding into tension. I mean it's pretty cut and dry. It's like, look, I don't you know what is there to be they don't want to be around this guy. I haven't.
I never really thought of it that way. I mean, it is kind of just I guess I guess I could just be making most of it up in my in my head. See, this is why I need to because I like, I've talked to him about it before and we've come to like an understanding obviously, But I don't know. I guess I just kind of feel like there's something left to be said, and I feel like that might be on more on my end than everybody else's end.
What's the what is there left to be said? You know? I mean you guys, you said you came to an understanding with this guy. What does that look like?
Yeah, the understanding that the understanding we came to. Yeah, uh, just that that we're not friends, but when we're when we're together with our big group, like we can we can be friends or we can be friendly. I guess the thing that's I'm not gonna lie, the thing that's kind of eating me up inside of that I should just say, punch this guy in the face when he first did it, and then none of this would have happened. We could have kind of moved past it.
Wait wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you you you believe that if you punch You believe that if you punched this guy in the face, things would actually be better and you guys could be friends.
Now I feel like you know, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. Uh. You know. See, when you put it that way, it really doesn't sound that good.
No, it doesn't make any sense at all, unless if that's what you believe, unless if you if you genuinely believe that if this guy, let like, all right, let's say that this guy came to you. I mean, let's say this guy came to you and he was like, listen, man, I'm sorry, and you could punch me in the face if you want. And then you punched them in the face, would you? Could you guys be friends now.
Or or no? Maybe? See here's the sorry my water botol just sell. But here's the thing. So this guy actually had beef with another guy in the group that the same year, like two years ago, and he punched this guy. He punched the guy that I have beef with in the face, and then they didn't talk for like a couple of months, and then they were all
okay after that. I feel like if I had gotten that aggression out when he first did it one, I don't think he would have done it again afterwards, because I think the problem is that he just kept on doing it, you know, and like even though I would tell him to stop. I feel like if I just showed that aggression right away, like, you know, don't like,
don't talk shit about my girlfriend. I'm gonna punch you in the face, then it would have squashed the beef a lot earlier, and it would have gotten as bad as it did. Hmm.
Okay, yeah, and well okay, so how about this, So why don't you go up to him and be like, hey, listen, we gotta fight. Yeah, sounds like you want to sounds like you want to fight this guy.
I don't want to fight him because he's a lot bigger than me.
Maybe maybe, yeah, maybe maybe I just kind of let this guy. You just gotta let this guy maug you.
Yesh, I just let him, Just let him go after me. I don't know, See, I don't know. It's just like I don't know. I guess I just kind of feel bad that I brought this tension into the friend group and kind of kept it around myself instead of just squashing it right away. It took me a while to talk to him.
Well, what would that look I mean, when is the tension? What would that look like? If you squashed the tension even.
We would like we would be like we would be friends with him, like we used to talk all the time. I haven't talked to him in like two years. Other than like we would talk like and I guess our group chat would be a little bit more active. After all that happened, our group chat kind of died out and it's been kind of on it's been kind of inactive ever since. You know, m.
Yeah, well, I mean, well, okay, so now the group chat has to factor. Wait do you haven't talked to this guy in two years?
Yeah? I like I've talked to him when we have like our like when we all meet back up as a group, But other than that, not I like, Okay, I talked to him last year about the issues, and that's why, like it's I said, like, it took me a long time to talk to him about it, so like I don't like I so it took me like a year to talk to him about it. But like, other than that, I've only talked to him when we're in a group, you know.
Hm hmm, Yeah, I don't know. I guess you could reach back out to him and be like, hey, man, I think we have to You can either reach back out to him and be like, hey, listen, let's let's squash this beef. Like, are you ready to like apologize to me? Because this is fucking us up? You know, I mean you can't, you can.
Like I don't. The thing is, he's got like the thing that I want to see. Like the reason I don't want to squash it is because and this is gonna sound kind of stupid, but I like, he hasn't really changed as a person, and I knew that if like I know that if he had the opportunity to do it again, he would, like he's still kind of the same person, and I would love to squash be with him. I just want to see him kind of change as a person and mature a little bit. And
like I again, I just haven't. I haven't really seen that yet. Like he's still kind of on the same bullshit.
Yeah, I mean he's he's he's probably not going to do that if he hasn't already.
Yeah, I mean we're all twenty four, so our brains haven't fully developed yet, So there's still hope. Like and when I told him, like when I was talking to him about it last yek, I told him, I was like, dude, like I like I don't want to be your friend, like you're kind of just like I don't want to be your friend right now, you're still just kind of the same person. Yeah, but is this.
Really causing that much of a difficulty in the friends, because why don't you just.
Like, after after talking to you and kind of getting it all out there, it does really seem more like I'm making up the tension in my own head and if I just kind of let that go, then it will go away itself too. So I'm thankful for that because I haven't really because this is why I've been calling you, because I haven't really talked to a non biased third party about it, because everyone else that talked to you about it, like knows people in the group, you know, I.
Mean, what does everyone else say, Well, they'll they'll take.
My side because it's obvious, like yeah, you shouldn't have been talking about your girlfriend, right.
But yeah, yeah, yeah, but you know sides. Here's the thing. Taking sides is about, like ego and pride. You know, it doesn't fucking do anything who won, who's right and who's wrong. This is fucking doing it. This is a logistical issue. This isn't about sides, you know, because listen, you're right, he's wrong, he's right, you're wrong. Who gives a fucking shit? You know what matters is logistically, how do we move forward in this situation? That's what matters, right.
Yeah, So that's that's matter.
That's the question to be solved because because oh, you're right, you know, who give? So what what do you do with that? Where do you where you cash that those tokens in?
You know?
Yeah, the answer is like, well, how do you move forward in the situation? The answer is, I don't know. It depends on everyone and how your spirit feels and whatnot. But I'm a big fan of the path at least resistance.
Yeah, I feel like I need I gotta like stop dwelling on it and just kind of just kind of move forward and be like, uh, all right, what happened? Did happen? And it sucks, but we have come to our understanding and we just kind of got to move on from there.
You have three more minutes left to work, right, I.
Do have three more minutes left of work?
Is anyone coming for you? How's it? Where you go ahead? I'll leave?
Oh no, no, I'm just gonna ask you how your day was going. I feel like I feel like we're going to a good uh good conclusion too to my to my problem. I've I've found clarity, You've helped me, You've helped me find myself.
Okay, good, good, I'll take that. I'll take that to the bank.
Yeah.
How's my day going? My day's going? Okay, Yeah, that's it. I don't know if I have anything else. I feel like we have to. I feel like I want to. I want to. I want to go two more minutes with you because I want to. I said I was going to run out this clock, and now I want to. We got to Philly. We gotta fully do it.
Yeah, yeah, we we really do.
How do you want to spend these last two minutes?
I kind of want to get to know you on a on a bit of a deeper level. I've been listening to your podcast for so long and and like I feel like I have you you figured out pretty well. Like you're a social person, you like activities. But what what else? I've been watching a lot of decks there recently, so I'm I'm big into finding that that dark side of people.
Oh god, what else? I let's see what can I tell you about my dark side in the next two minutes. One minute now, okay, one minute? Uh, I don't know. I get depressed sometimes, but everyone knows that.
Yeah.
Nothing exciting nothing, I'm sorry exciting life.
No no, no, no good?
But uh uh is dexter good? Should I watch it?
I think you'd like it a lot. I'm on the fourth season right now, which is apparently the best season, and so far so good, man, very very good. I'm on like the seventh episode, Ship's Going Down. I feel like you'd like it. We watch watch a couple of episodes after you're after you're done with the stream, and and tell me how you like it.
What's your name again?
Spencer?
Spencer?
S p E N s E R?
What what else was it supposed to? Oh?
Ship?
Really? Okay? I was when I thought of you, is like, I was like, what the fuck else are you supposed to spell Spencer with? But there's no there's an S instead of a C.
Yeah yeah, how about that? Throw a book or a series of books?
All right, Spencer, let's end this phone call.
All right? You have a wonderful Is.
There anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.
Acknowledge your tribal chief.
Acknowledge your tribal chief? Yes, what does that mean?
It's it's a w W reference, the only thing good thing to say. It was kind of dumb. I'm sorry.
It wasn't dumb. It's just I don't know what it means. That doesn't that's not the same.
No, it's it's it's a lot, a lot to explain.
Okay, all right, I'll see you later, see you, Gek, bye bye. All right, we're gonna google this. We're now. I'm not letting this get away from us. Okay, acknowledge it's your tribal chief. This is a w W E thing. The phrase acknowledge your tribal chief. It's a popular catchphrase used by Roman Raids, a professional wrestler who identifies as the tribal chief. What does it mean?
Uh?
Okay. I think it's like a cartman respect my authority thing. I'm gonna start using that acknowledge my tribal chief. I don't know. It feels like a weird thing for a white guy to say, but I I don't know. It could be fun to say.
All from rue.
Hello, Hello, Hi there, Hey, what's going on?
Gek?
Not much. Man, are you? Are you the guy who texted me I recently had a supernatural encounter with God?
Yeah, dude, that's me.
Uh Rue is your name? That's the name of the kangaroo from that's the name of one of the kangaroos from Winnie the Pooh. But funk all that shit. You you had a supernatural encounter with God? What does that look like?
Dude?
Yeah? So this year has been fucking absolutely kind of crazy for me. To be totally honest, I feel like I've been coming into the man that God needs me to be. I've personally found God and have been on my walk with Him and Jesus. So yeah, I'm more than willing to tell you about my experience if you're if you're willing to listen.
Yeah, totally. You know what's funny is, I've actually been like I go to the park a lot. I go to the park a lot to record this podcast, and there's always somebody who's trying to talk to people about God and I It's like I'm always like I'll go up to them a lot actually, and I'll talk to them about God and stuff, and I feel like.
What do you do you like ask do you ask them questions or do you like, well.
Yeah, well because I feel like, well, here's the thing. It's like in New York City, it's like, you know, ninety nine point nine percent of people who walk past that person, they will not look at them, you know, because nobody wants it. But I'm you know, I'm weird, and I'm like, I'm like, I got some time to kill. I would rather I would rather talk to this preacher for fifteen minutes than look at my phone for fifteen minutes. That's the main reason I'm doing it.
That's awesome.
I learned some stuff.
I feel like a lot of people who represent faith and represent God have kind of tainted his name, and I've been a victim of that myself. If it weren't for the encounters that I've had with him this year, I would have been in the same boat. You know. I've totally rejected God as a whole and the idea of him just because of the hypocrisy around the faith and the hypocrisy that people have brought to it. So like, I totally get why people are super dodgy around it
because I've been there myself. But yeah, it's cool that you are open to the idea of whatever it is.
Well sort of, well, okay, so I'll say, and I want to t I talk too much about myself, but I I want to get to your encounters. But well, I talked to one dude I think I want to say. It was like a they're getting funky. Used to be like there's there's Jewish, Christian and Muslim, and now it's like, no, he can be you know, there's a lot of funky mixed religions. And I was talking to some guy I think he was. He was Jewish. He was Jewish, and
we're talking about God. I don't know, I can't he's kind of I don't know what exactly what he was, but he wasn't fully Jewish. I don't know what he was. But he liked God and he was like talking about I I'm not there's a few things I'm not sold on. I'm not sold on heaven and Hell. I'm not sold on heaven in Hell because I feel like, so we're all in God's image theoretically right, and so if we're all in God's image, I almost I've I've lately have taken on a bit of a deterministic point of view
of the world. And so like, you know, any any evil that exists on the planet is almost like of God, you know, if we're all made of God. So it's like those two the idea that we're all created by God, but that we also uh can make these sort of decisions as mortals, that landis in heaven or hell. It doesn't. It feels a little weird to me. I mean also, it's like a way of completely of like absolving yourself of any I do think humans probably maybe have choice
in things, but a lot of that deterministic. But anyway, anyway, I don't know I'm getting I'm too much on myself. What what was your encounter with God?
This is this is this is the way the conversation is flowing. Let's let's keep it going, Okay.
So I can style, I can.
I can only speak on my own experiences. Like I said, I'm new in the faith, so I'm a horrible person to give facts. I can only speak on on my own accord. But as far as I understand it, you say that you you're not sold on the whole heaven and hell thing. So my idea of it is everything that's wrong with the world is the absence of God. Right, God in in itself is love, God in in itself is wholeness. Okay, so hell itself and everything bad in
the world is the absence of God. In my own head, Okay, there's a lot of there's a lot of scripture that I can quote that can back it. I actually don't have my notepad with me. I have a lot of that in there.
Yeah, I get it, I get it. I get it. I always I get it as like an allegory, Like you don't even like to believe in what you're saying. I don't even think you have to believe in anything beyond uh, the empirical.
To find empirical, because I have no idea what the fuck.
I mean, Like, I'm I don't know the whole thing of Like, you don't have to believe in anything supernatural, I think to believe in what you're saying, because everything you're saying is just allegorical, Like God is just God is just being nice at that point, you know.
Right, Okay, I see what you're saying. But yeah, God, okay, Yeah, So I guess I'll just kind of open up about my experience. So in the beginning of the year when I actually have had a few encounters with God himself this year or just like the presence of what is holy. So in the beginning of the year, I at the end of last year, I went through a horrible breakup.
I went through kind of just like a really horrible time in life, and I felt that God called me to him through kind of just like the people around me, kind of opened up my eyes as to who He is through his creation, you know, like I look around everything that is and ever was, and everything is so perfectly fine tuned that I say to myself, how can there not be a God?
You know?
And I feel like God opened up himself through that kind of opened up my eyes that fact.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I'm such an asshole. But is everything so perfectly fine tuned?
Well as far as like the chaos and everything in the world, but like at yourself, get your brain, your heart, everything nature, the bees flying around me right and there's literally a bee flying in my face right now. Sorry, you know, just stuff like that, Like you go to like a waterfall and everything is running in fine tune and all of that. I understand what you're saying. Like the the bad things in the world, you know, is
that kind of what you're getting asked to? You don't think that things are are finely tuned?
Yeah, I mean I don't think things are perfect, and they've never been, but I I I'll things are good. I think they're but they're like, for as bad as they are, they're pretty Like I'm surprised that the world functions as well as it does currently, even though there's like, uh, you know, war and uh famine all as bad stuff. It's like the fact that you know, I mean, it's not gonna be a hundred set perfect, but the fact that it functions as well as it does currently.
It's pretty pretty crazy.
It's pretty crazy. I agree with that. I'll buy that. I'll buy that.
Yeah, I think the idea of consciousness in it itself is fucking crazy. Like I remember being a kid and gaining consciousness. I don't remember when it was, but I remember gaining consciousness and being like what is this, you know, and looking at myself and being like like, I'm a person and I'm experiencing I'm experiencing this experience and everything just kind of works, you know.
Okay, So you were going through some time. So let's get a little less philosophical, a little bit more personal. So you were going through some stuff and then you know what happened. How did you kind of you seem you strike me as a peaceful and optimistic gentleman. How did you arrive there?
Yeah? Man, thank you.
I still struggle with the peaceful and optimistic part of life. If I'm being totally honest with you, Okay, I will open up about a specific thing that I've been kind of going through. So I've been real big into the reeve scene. Okay, I've been real big into the reeve scene the last like three years of my life, which I feel like God right now in the current point of where I'm at, is telling me to step back from that.
Okay.
I'm not really sure how this correlates to what we're speaking of if I'm being totally honest, but I just feel like I just feel like I should say it. Okay. So I've been in this circle for the longest time. Okay, over the last like month or so two months of my life, I have just felt a really uneasy and just like dark presence in those areas. Okay, as far as drugs go, you know, I've been in a struggling addict since I've been like sixteen years old, pretty much
have tried everything in the book. Just people around me have pulled me down to some dark places regarding the rave scene and all of that. But yeah, I recently the encounter that I've I'm speaking of kind of had a lot to do with that and about my struggles with addiction. I was sitting in my well, hold on. I had a weekend where I went out, Okay, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, gek, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Let me backpedal.
So I came to God in the beginning of the year, okay, and I cut off a lot of that stuff for a long time, and then I went back to it. I fell back into old habits. I fell back into a lot of drugs, and I fell back into a lot of that kind of stuff and felt myself kind of floating away from God.
Now I had a.
Mentor for the longest time, and he reached out to me and kind of asked me how things were going, and I opened up to him. I was like, yeah, man, I fell this is where I'm at. And so he set a date a few weeks ago, like a few mondays ago, and he was like, I'm coming to get you. We're gonna talk things out, and I must see where you're at. So I told myself, come Monday, this is it. Okay,
Come Monday, I'm going in and I'm looking back to God. Okay. Now, the weekend before that Monday geck was the craziest weekend I've ever had in my life. I went out and almost it almost felt like I had to get it all out of my system.
You know.
I went crazy. I did everything. And there's a story in the Bible where the devil takes Jesus Christ around and about and he tests him. He tells him make these rocks into bread. If you are Jesus Christ himself, throw yourself off of this sledge, and the angels of God will catch you for it says, a foot will not strike a rock.
Okay.
The devil tempted Jesus Christ with all of these things in that moment, and I felt like I was in the exact same situation that weekend. It was the craziest thing.
The devil tempted Jesus to jump off a fucking cliff. Yeah, that's more of a day or than a temptation.
That's more it was like, yeah, yeah, the way I ordered it kind of sounds like that.
Man, but uh so the devil, the devil.
It was more like it was more like prove yourself.
Yeah the devil shit tested him.
Yeah yeah, it was more like prove yourself. Okay, anyway, Yeah, so I went through something very similar to that the weekend before that Monday, Man, I told myself, I was like, come Monday, this is it. I'm walking back in ghek. Let me tell you about this weekend. Okay, I've never in my life had so many women thrown at me. I've never in my life had so much put in front of my face. I had so many drugs offered to me, I had so many friends offered to me.
Like typically a regular like night of me going out and like raving and going crazy, I go to a rave, uh, get fucked up and go home. But this specific night, man, I got like connected to a lot of people, and I've got I got connected to a lot of like people in the scene in my area in Charlotte, and it almost felt like the devil was kind of like showing me what he had to offer you. Know if I like went this way.
Okay, and so all right, so let me like, I'm gonna like your story so far is okay. So you were not doing well, you had a mentor sponsor, let's say almost, and uh, your sponsored was like okay on Mondays. You call your sponsor Friday Monday, He's like, all right, we're gonna come down, we're gonna talk. And then you're like, all right, before I, you know, start getting my shit together with this guy, I'm gonna go out for the weekend.
And you go out and the devil starts tempting you with with with drugs and women, and yeah, okay, and then what happened? What happens? What happens? Come Monday.
So Monday had an even pain geck comes Sunday, Okay, Sunday. I was coming down off of a lot of shit, okay, and I was going a little crazy, man. I was low key spiraling. And there was a like, I want to say, like a four hour period Sunday night after just being depressed all day because I went crazy the weekend before where I felt genuinely felt like I was going fully manic, and it was honestly really scary Gek. So I'm gonna just give this pretense for absolutely no reason.
I meal prep my breakfast in the morning, okay, Okay. So I was out of groceries at like ten PM. I was like, oh shit, I need to go get groceries to meal prep breakfast in the morning.
I go.
And get groceries, get back to my house with said groceries. I'm sitting in my driveway. I shut my truck off. I'm sitting in my driveway and I do not feel well, Gek. I feel horrible, I feel sick, I feel heavy. My soul feels heavy. Okay. And there was a solid hour where I felt these presences. Okay, I don't want to I want to call them demons, geg, but I don't want to give him a name. But they felt heavy, dude.
They felt so heavy, so dark. And I'm sitting in my truck and it felt genuinely felt like God himself, Jesus Christ himself was looking down on me and looking at all of this unfold. Okay. I have never in my whole life felt a presence like that. And I could you know what the crazy thing, Gek is is that I could differentiate. Okay, I could differentiate set presences.
Like I said, I felt these presences, these dark beings around me, okay, and I knew that they themselves were dark and evil, But I could also differentiate the presence and the holiness of God in that moment, and I felt God looking at me and watching all of this unfold and watching me go crazy. Okay, These said dark presences genuinely were making me go crazy gek And I don't know how else to explain it other than they
were telling me I was going and crazy. There was a voice in my head screaming at me to call nine one one, screaming at me to screaming at me, telling me that I'm going into psychosis, full blown psychosis. And I can't help but feel like something left me that night.
Did you call nine one one?
No?
I did not. I can't help but feel like something genuinely left me that night. I don't know if God called it out of me, if God called it out of my soul, but it feels like God told me to lock in for real, as corny and weird as that sounds, and so God.
And so what happened, and so what happens on myny when you went to go see your person.
Yeah.
Man, so I was kind of creeping up on that. But like I said, it felt like I was going crazy. When I talked to my mentor, he was like, yeah, man, I have one seen this. He told me that he wasn't expecting me to come out of my house. He had this exact same situation happened with like some woman that he was like pulling trying to help out of the pits of addiction. And it was the same kind of thing where he reached out and he said, I'm coming to get you and we're going to talk it out.
The day that he came and got her, her peers said that she tried to overdose the the night before.
You know.
And I can't help but think that I crossed paths with the same kind of entities. I don't want to call them that were trying to convince me that I was going crazy. And because think about it, Gig, had I called nine one one, had I gave in, okay, I wouldn't have went with my mentor.
You know, And you're never hold on, You're not You're not gonna, You're not gonna. I I think, if if you have a voice, I'm gonna go ahead and say, if you have a voice in your head screaming at you to call nine one one, shourobably do it?
Yeah, that's the thing, man, that's the thing. But this ship is real, and I will everybody.
I'm gonna I'll let you, I'll let you, I'll let you finish before we go.
Okay, Okay, okay, okay, I want to I do, and I am very interested in your input. But I will say to everybody listening, okay, and I would really appreciate if everybody went at this with an open heart and open mind, because this ship is scarily.
Real, y'all. Okay, but God loves you.
Okay, God loves you, and he wants the absolute best for you. And I'm coming from the most genuine place in Ruth's heart.
Okay, well, Rue, listen, listen. Uh here, here's here's the thing. And I'm gonna just I'm sorry because I've let you run off alone.
Man, I've been I've been rambling.
There's a lot.
Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure, and I'm gonna what do I think? Well, it's hard because I'm deeply agnostic at this point. I don't know what is up and what is down or whatnot? But do I think, I mean, I actually know what I think is probably that if you really want to know what I think, I think you had uh some kind of psychological issue caused by doing too many drugs. That's that's That's probably what I believe.
But I I just hope you're okay. I hope you're like doing fine, and I hope that you're not doing too many Just as long as you're safe, you know, as long as you're not doing too many drugs, you're not fucking killing yourself over things. You know, that's good. But I I I appreciate you you calling and sharing your story.
Rue.
Is there anything else do you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Yeah, I'm gonna repeat myself.
Okay.
God loves you, Okay, God loves everybody in the world, and he wants the best for you if he wants to see you succeed whatever it is that you're going through. Sobriety, that's what it is for me, Okay. But I know I receive calmness, I receive tranquility in my soul knowing that there is a God out there who wants the best for me and that's it.
Uh, well, thank you for calling, Ru. I'll see you around the universe.
Yeah, Man, love you get I listened to you all the time. Thanks, and I hope I get to speak to you again.
Goodbye, have a good night, Rue.
Bye.
I maybe rushed them off the foot, but I don't think I did it. We talked, We got a good That was a good twenty eight minutes of talk. Well, I think I don't know. I'm a little irritable right now. I don't know why. I think I just am feeling I'm coffeed up. But I mean that, you know, I I don't. I don't know, man, I mean I know a little bit right. I like thinking about God. I like thinking about mainly I think about God as an allegory more so than of like a genuine spiritual demon.
I mean, I think a lot of that stuff is hallucinations and whatnot. But again, I don't know. I appreciate Rue for sharing, and I wish him good luck. Hello, gig Hey, what's up?
Man?
What's your name?
Hello?
My name is Bruno.
Bruno. Yeah, Yes, what's up? What's up?
What's up?
Is it going?
I'm I'm actually working at the moment I'm at the hotel and I'm calling from the from the phone of the hotel.
It's just kind of crazy.
We're not gonna because I spend way too much money if I do it from my phone.
Yet, we're not going to get you in trouble, are we?
No, not at all, not at all, Not at all.
Not at all.
Yeah. I mean the way from what I understand about European customer service is that it's like, uh, if you could go to check in at a hotel in Europe and then if the guy at the front desk is like, I cannot stuck right now, I'm talking to the gickle, then uh, they just have to eat. They have to eat ship. Yeah, they have to eat ship.
They care y.
Yes, Yes, that was a very I'm not good at I'm not good at accent, so that was kind of like a Russian I feel Russian.
Really. That's funny because a lot of people I'm Portuguese, by the way, I'm from Portugal, a lot of people say that people that don't understand Portuguese, it sounds like drunk Russian, which is a common comment that I have from guests here, including Yeah, I would say the name of the hotel because that is probably going to get him get in trouble. But I'm going to try to disclose that.
That's the best I can.
What kind of hotel is this? Is this a popular hotel or is it? Is it dead enough that you can take this phone call.
Yeah, it's bad enough that I can take this phone call because it's a long stay hotel. It's like a department hotel. A lot of people come in here to do just like temporary work, like a lot of people that work in the servers and data servers come here, often to just the state instead of renting a house because in Amsterdam it's pretty rough to get a rental apartment. I'm from Portugal, but I'm actually living in Amsterdam, so a little bit more context.
Yeah, yeah, cool, I love Amsterdam Man. Amsterdam is one of my favorite cities in the world.
Yeah, you were here doing the talk in Vondelpark, and I was I didn't know, and then I went there super fast to see if I could catch you still, but nobody was there, so.
So Bruno, I was.
Yes, I'm actually I'm a little star struck. I'm sorry because I called a bunch of times and every time the voice memo came up, I thought it was actually you, so I got fooled like three times.
This is me, brother, this is me. Well let me ask you this Bruno is and it's okay. If not, we can just shoot the ship. But is there anything in particular that you called in to want to talk about.
I just wanted to personally thank you for all the all the company that you've been keeping me in here. Because I moved from Portugal to the Netherlands by myself. You have to wait like a year to actually find the house and be here with my girlfriend. But that year was very lonely, and I found your podcast and I heard like the two most recent ones, and then I went all the way back to the bottom, and it was like it was kind of like watching a series,
you know, listening to a series, like every day. I listened tolad ly too, so much that I kept I kept up until now. So now every week I'm waiting for you to drop an episode, and every time I get the opportunity to call, every time I see the story, it is too late, You're already not on the stream, or the line is not open anymore. So yeah, this was my chance. I took it and you picked up and I'm very happy about it.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah, that's awesome. That's I'm I'm super happy to hear that you've listened to a whole motherfucking catalog. Yes, well, let me ask you. I have questions. It's okay, it's okay. I have questions about your life, Bruno. So you moved here? Please do? Please do?
I waited so long to be in this position. Aly, shit, let me know.
Yeah, So you.
Moved to Amsterdam alone? You said yes? And does your girl and you mentioned you have a girlfriend? Does your girlfriend live with you in Amsterdam? Now?
Yes? Right now?
Yes?
Okay? And how long were you living in Amsterdam alone before she came?
I came here in the summer of twenty twenty two, and she came around and I think late May, beginning of June of twenty twenty three. And what was it like for it was not a full year, but it.
Was almost yet What was it like for you when you were just here by yourself?
It was a little lonely. Dutch people are a little cold and straightforward, so it was kind of hard to make friends at the beginning, because that's straightforwardness and direct directness if that makes any sense.
Oh, I'm back to the Dutch directness. Yeah, that's like their whole thing.
Yeah, because I got it. I got it wrong because I thought they were just being rude randomly to me. I was like, dude, I can't I can't deal with this. But time passed and I realized that that's just their personality trait and it's just how they are. So yeah, that's it. That was the I think that was the most difficult thing that I had to adapt. And the food culture is very bad also, they don't have decent
gastronomy here. I lost a lot of weights. I used to weigh well I don't know the pounds stuff, but I used to I used to weigh one hundred and five kilos and now I'm down to eighty two. And I didn't do any gym or what not. So just from the adaptation to the to the food culture in here.
Yeah, Well what do you think about the feb What is it? Pebot febo? Do you know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, that's my go to. Yeah, if I have to eat Dutch food, I go to.
Yeah that's the For those who don't know, that's the like fast food fried shit that they got over there, the fried croquettes.
Yeah, and it's like self service. You pass the cars on the machine and the little door opens and you just pick up your food. There's no people involved.
So how is life for you now?
Lately? It's been weird because I feel like I'm kind of stuck in this routine because I work at the hotel, as I mentioned, and I live in the same streets as the hotel, so sometimes it's I feel like I don't leave my streets because the supermarket is also here, and a bunch of stuff at home also, So I don't know, it's weird. I've been feeling stuck in this routine and I've been trying to find something to kind
of break out of it. I contacted a personal trainer to try to make me a workout program so I can start working out or something. I started playing far Cry five, which I never did, and I'm doing it now, So I don't know. I'm just trying to change my routine around a little bit because I feel like I never leave the street. But overall life is going great. Yeah. Me and my girlfriend and are saving up for a house. We don't know where yet. Maybe we're going to buy
in Portugal. I don't know, because here the prices are insane also to purchase houses. Yeah, man, just day by day going.
So why did you move to Amsterdam? Why didn't you just find a job in Portugal? Is there something better about Amsterdam?
Yes, mainly the wages. The wages are way bigger. The minimum wages in Portugal is at I'm not mistaken, is eight hundred and fifty something like that, and the minimum well at one point eight k. So it's a thousand a thousand euros different. So it's it's a big difference. I'm twenty eight. I moved here when I was twenty wait, twenty five? Yeah, sorry, that was embarrassing. Uh move here at twenty five? I mean yeah, just saving up money.
I'm gonna try to get a house either here or in Portugal, and yeah maybe a kid in the meantime, who knows.
That could be cool, That could be cool. What do you speak any Dutch? Do you learn any Dutch?
I've been trying, but it's super complicated, super super complicated. I know I'll speak Portuguese, Spanish and English. Like Portuguese is my native language, so I speak it perfectly, but the other two I speak it almost natively. But Dutch. I've been trying to practice, but it's hard. It's very hard. I know the how's it called, the conversations at the moment, like saying thank you and you're welcome and goodbye and those that type of stuff. I know, But these people
try to get in conversations with me. I'm like, sorry, sorry, No, it's very complicated, especially for people that have like Latino languages has their base. It's very very different. And yeah, I already know three languages, so it's kind of hard and classes are very expensive.
Yeah, what's the deal with your girlfriend? Where is she also Portuguese? And what's she doing?
She is Italian. We met in Lisbon. I was living in Luson for a year before the pandemic, before no, while the pandemic was happening, and pretty much she was doing at asthmo's program in there, which is like an abroad student program here in Europe. Yeah, we met in there. Then she had to go back to Italy. I had to go back to my hometown and we were split it for like two years. I was constantly going to Italy, she was constantly coming to Portugal, and with the COVID
stuff that happened at time, it was super hard. I had to test pretty much every week to be sure that fly, you know. But yeah, she actually got me this job at this hotel because I had a pretty shitty job in a warehouse in here, and she wanted to leave for a five star hotel because this is a three star hotel. So she left and she gave me her job. Yeah, and now I'm chilling.
Oh, she left her job and then gave it to you.
Pretty much.
Yeah, can you just do that?
No, But I knew because I came here to visit her, like as you can tell, I've been speaking to you for some minutes now, and nobody came here to ask me anything.
That's a very good point. That's a very good point. I am very surprised that nobody I asked you to do your job in the.
Past because I also lived close by, as I mentioned before, So every time she was working and I was home, I would just come here to chill with her. And eventually I got to know the manager. So when I got in a sensitive position when it came to my job, I told a guy like, hey, Sanna's leaving could I possibly take over her place? And they gave me, like they give me a mini interview, get like some background checks and stuff, and yeah, now I'm here being a
host in a hotel. I never studied like a hospitality or anything. They just said, oh you.
Cool, you can come, and I'm here, okay, And I've been.
Enjoying the It was very nice. I mean, I meet a lot of people from the US, which I find interesting because a lot of my base, uh knowledge, if you could call it that, Like a lot of stuff that I consume comes from the US. So I know a lot of stuff, a lot of like I don't know. Ask me a question, a general question of American culture, like pop culture or something.
Ask you a general question. I don't even know that much about American pop culture, to be honest with you. Uh, well, what do you what a what do you think about Americans? Like what's the perception of Americans over there? Because I have to gander it's not it. I don't know if it's amazing right now? Is it?
It depends when Okay, think everything and I'm going to say, with a pinch of salt, Okay, when Americans come with a family to vacation. They're by far the most annoying ones. Definitely. They keep trying to get compensations, like, hey, the air conditioning was two degrees more than I wanted to. I want fifty percent of the total price. Yeah, like a refund.
You know, that's very common in American guests, but the majority are very very like when young people, younger people come, they're very I don't like to say open, I don't that's not the right word. But easy, too easy to talk to, like they're always up for a conversation, for a coffee, like they ask recommendations. They do like small talk. But when a family comes around, it's no, it's a bit of a nightemare. So it's fifty fifty to be honest,
final answer, fifty fifty. I like Americans when there was a family not.
Really okay, so there so we got a lot of care and energy coming in. When you see somebody with a fan family.
A little yeah, because it always comes from the mom, you know, m h And yeah that's my that's my review on an American guests.
What's your relationship like with your family?
Oh, I have an amazing relationship with my family. Yeah, I speak to them like at least two times a day to my When I say my family, I say my parents and my sister. All the other family members are a little out of the picture because of some family problems. But yeah, the relationship with my family is top notch. I don't think a lot of people can say that.
Yeah, it's becoming a little bit more rarer of a thing. And do they still live in Portugal or are they somewhere else?
Yes, sir, they still live in Portugal. Yeah. My sister is also thinking of getting out of the country more as a as an experience sort of thing. You know, she's twenty three and she's been living with my parents forever, so she wants kind of to get out there and experience some real life stuff, if you know what I mean.
Have you ever been to the States?
No, but I would love to. I'm planning a trip to New York because I met a guest here. His name is His name is Jason. Shout out Jason if he's listening. I don't know if he's a fan of the therapy Gecko, but yeah, yeah, I've been speaking to him a lot, and I'm I think I'm visiting Washington, Yes, so.
Wow, Oh, so you met a guest he invited you to like come stay with him and ship.
Yes, because he was living here in the Netherlands some years ago and he came to He came for a trip, just like a nostalgia trip because he's retired already and stuff. But it was super nice and every time he saw me around, he just here in the front desk talking to me. And I really quick clicked to the guy because he really reminded me of my dad when he was more young, and we were just talking. Every day he would pass, he will say hi to me, he will stay here, and I will just spend almost the
whole shift with a guy just talking to him. And I also told him this, like everything that I'm a fan of, pretty much the ninety percent of the times comes from the US, and I'm really amazed by everything by like I don't know, the little things like the yellow taxis, the fucking school buses, like just aesthetic in general, you know. And I kept telling him that, and he was like, you have to come to my house. You have to come to my house, bring your girlfriend and
your parents if you want to. And I'm like that I never went to the US, so I guess first stop is going to be Washington.
Yeah, super cool DC.
And it's different, right, Washington State and Washington DC.
Yeah yeah, yeah, Washington DC is over on the East coast. Washington State is on the west coast.
Oh it's DC then yeah, yeah I can't. I can't. Yeah, I have to keep an eye out to that yet.
But yeah, I mean you could cover a lot of good ground. You got Washington, d C. There's New York City, there's Philadelphia. You can have a nice trip in just those three cities.
Yes, yes, that's kind of what I wanted to do, to kind of do like the East Coast from top to bottom, not really from top to bottom, but that as many places as I can. Yeah, I'm thinking when next summer. Fun fact, I never left Europe. Really, I don't even have a passports?
Yeah really wait but do you need? Uh?
WHI?
So what kind of you don't have, like a Portuguese passport? You have an EU?
Like?
How do you? How do you like you don't need a passport to travel between the European countries, do you?
No, we don't. We just need to have our ID from our country.
Yeah.
We call it citizen cards because it's like all in one. It's your ide, it's your social security stuff. In some cases, there's also the driver's license in there mmmmm and a UNI document. Pretty much.
Where where would you want to go if you could go anywhere? Is it the US or is there somewhere somewhere higher on your list?
There's definitely stuff higher on my list. So I would love to go to Brazil, though. Brazil is kind of like my I mean destination, Yeah, to go visit, like the but like not the hill the gene do not like Bayia, not the main cities. I want to go to the heart of Brazil, to the jungle.
You know.
Interesting, Yeah, you want to go to the jungle.
That's well again take that with a pinch of salt. Not really the jungle, but I would like to explore like the nature in there. You know, it's very different from what we have in Portugal and in the Netherlands. And I'm a nature guy. I like to be in the middle of the tree. So yeah, not.
A lot of not a lot of good hike. Not a lot of good hiking in DC and New York City.
I don't No, it's just for the fact that I never went. I want to see the stuff that I see, you know, through my phone, through my screens on in front of me.
Kind of what's the number one thing that you have seen on your phone that you would want to see in person.
That's a rough question. Uh oh, that's tough. I don't know. I don't know. Damn, you just put me on the spot.
I don't know.
That's okay, I don't know.
I guess just arriving and take it in.
I guess. I don't know.
I feel like a lot of for I mean, for me, A lot of China's stuff comes up on my Instagram, a lot, like a lot of like weird, crazy architecture comes up where it's like here's a whole fuck yeah, like stuff where it's like here's a whole like like a garden and a whole like big giant park that's like on the roof of this crazy building. And usually that stuff is.
Either in oh what you mean?
Yeah, yeah, Usually a lot of stuff when I'm like, well, where the fuck is this crazy thing? It's in China.
Yeah, it's like layers. Do you think you're on the ground floor and then you go to the edge of the building and you're actually in like the thirty fifth floor or something.
Mm hmmm hm.
Do I've seen some beats about that.
Yeah. Uh.
Do you get a lot of time off in uh in Amsterdam at this hotel or are you working a lot?
I have the average. I have two days two days off a week. Sometimes they are not together, which sucks because it doesn't doesn't really seem like a weekend. That's fine. As long as I have my two three days during the week, that's that's okay.
What are you doing?
And again, I've been speaking to you for twenty two minutes, right, and I just gave a person a package and that's that's all.
Yeah, So what are you normally like? Okay, so on your days off and when you're just kind of fucking around and nobody's bothering you, what do you normally do?
What can you? Can you repeat the question please, it's to kind of cut off a little bit.
Oh, on your days off? What do you do?
A bunch of stuff? Like I told you that, I'm trying to change my ways a little bit. I started working out, even though I'm waiting for my personal trainers to send me the correct training plan, but I started doing some workout stuff. There's some outdoor, like those outdoor exercise places that are in random park sometimes, you know. I started working out in those because gyms are a
bit expensive in here. I started playing Xbox. I bought an Xbox for like one hundred eros, like a series X I believe, Yeah, like the last generation Xbox with the slim version with mega cheap. So I just bought it.
And yeah, what you've been playing on the Xbox.
I've been playing Fair Cry five because it was on discounts and I already played the six and it was amazing. I really liked it. I never played the five, so I just downloaded it. It was on the Game Pass for free, so I just did it and I've been playing it yet. I also do some I've been I haven't been doing a lot of that now, but I do a lot of photography and video editing. My computer is messed up and I need to save up either to fix it or to buy a new one.
Well, I'm glad to hear that your job is very I mean, it sounds easy. It sounds if I think if you were able to talk to me twenty four minutes and nobody's bothered you, your job sounds like it's pretty chill, So I'm happy to hear that.
Yes, I'm also glad that I found this. The other job that I had was hectic. It was like in the warehouse, it was cold, it was like I was twelve hours of a day. Sometimes it was a little messed up. This one is way way chiller.
Yeah.
I just need to get my computer fixed so I can work on some stuff while i'm here, because otherwise I get very very bored sometimes.
What kind of videos are you editing?
Just?
Nothing is in specific. For example, I have a video that I liked that somebody did and I downloaded it and I tried to train my editing skills on that video and do something that I like with it. You know, it's nothing. It's just for fun, honestly.
Well, well listen, Bruno, what it's like the You ever seen the movie Bruno?
Yes? I did.
When I was in in like the fifth grade. I was when that movie came out. I was pointed at a lot, you know.
What I mean.
Yeah, movie probably ruined your life. Well, Bruno, it's been nice. It's been nice talking to you. Man. Is is there anything else that? Is there anything else that you want out of this conversation? That I can provide for you before we go.
No, what what you could provide that I wanted you already did. I just wanted to give you a huge shout out for the company you kept me in that first year. Thank you here in the Netherlands. And uh, You're an amazing person. I hear you constantly through my headphones and I've been looking forward for this moment for a long ass time. So I'm glad I finally got to talk to you. And if you ever come to answer them again, I will definitely go to your show.
Yeah, okay, man, that's good to know. If I ever do come back.
Yes, yes, because last time you were here, I wasn't able to buy the tickets. I was again, I was working that shitty job. I had no time, so I couldn't go. Yeah, but if you come again, front Row, I'm there, trust.
Beautiful, beautiful. Okay, Well, hopefully I'll see you that.
Yes, Yes, I hope, I hope. I hope too.
So sorry, I'll cut you around the universe, Bruno. Good luck, good luck with the rest. I hope nobody continues to come into the hotel so you don't have to do anything.
Well until now, there's just some people having dinner and that's it. Yeah, thank Bruno, take care but bye, but buye people of the computer.
That was Bruno. What a nice guy. What a nice guy hanging out in Amsterdam at a hotel. The Europeans, man, they got, they got a much better work culture than us. I got the Japanese and the Americans have shit work cultures, and then you got you got Europeans who just though don't have to do anything, it's pretty cool, goes on the.
Line taking your phone calls every night, never goes do what his ride.
He's teaching you cloud in
Them of your life, but he's not really an expert.