“I CONFRONTED MY DEMON”

Hello, hey man, what's your name.

My name's Walter.

I'm Walter.

Yeah, I'm a twenty nine year old male within the Northern Idaho.

A twenty nine year old male living in Northern Idaho. Hot, very hot. What's up man, how's it going. What'd you want to talk about today?

Well, I just wanted to tell a little bit in my story. Started using drugs around about the age of twelve and had some pretty crazy times and got really

So tell me more about this large creature. What kind of creature was it?

Yeah, So I did a lot of research into that because I looked at life from a lot of different perspectives, and the closest thing I'd come to was Carl Jung, German psychologist. He talked about something called the dark Night of the soul and it's something that everybody has inside of them and that at one point in time you have to confront this dark Night of the soul and befriended essentially, because it's not really there to scare you, but it's there to help you and you just have

So interesting. So you're dark.

The dark Knight of the soul for you manifested itself as a creature on your wall that you argued with.

Yeah, it was you know, it was death really trying to tell me. So, the Dark Knight of the soul is your subconscious. So my darkness of soul was telling me that, hey, you know this is this has gone so very far, and he's like, you know, you just you need to stop, like you're going to die very very soon if you don't. And I almost died two or three times before and I still didn't wake up. So that's kind of what it had to come to.

I guess now, the dark night of the soul, once you make peace with it, does it go away or do you know, nine years later, still make a stay in contact with the dark knight of your soul.

Yeah? I know, I've definitely made peace with it over time. The only trouble that I have sometimes is I take some medication for PTSD, and if I get a lack of sleep and I'm very stressed, I'll tend to see the figure kind of darting through corridors or past doorways, or I'll think I'll see it standing in the corner of a room, and it's kind of, you know, it's kind of there to tell me like, hey, you know you're headed in this direction again, maybe you should stop.

So this is interest because all right, when I think of the dark Night of the soul and a creature on your wall. It sounds like you and the screen like I guess I thought I think of like a nefarious being, But it sounds to me like this creature is like you guys are. I'll say, it sounds like you guys are maybe frenemies, your frenemies with the Dark Knight of your soul.

Well, Carl Jung says that everybody has this inside of them. It's something that we all must face it some time. And everybody's night looks different. You know, somebody might have an eating disorder, or has trouble buying too many Pokemon cards, or really loves McDonald's or whatever.

You know.

It doesn't have to be an extreme, as you know, being a drug addict.

So that would be crazy if the Dark Knight of your Soul was mewtwo and he had to tell you to stop buying mewtwoe Pokemon cards.

So hm hm, So so do you still so?

When you take medication for your PTSD, occasionally the hallucinations will will pop back up, that is correct.

Yeah, And is that distress for you or is that a kind of reminder for you?

I think it's a little bit of both. I definitely feel like I crawled so dark and deep into a place that I almost see it as like a scar and something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. Possibly, So.

M all right, So I want to hear this because you know, you said you wanted to come on and talk.

About this stuff.

Uh, sort of as a way of letting people know that you know you you can never be too far gone, which I actually I think is a really great to take away. So tell me you're twenty, You're sleeping in dog piss, you have an argument with a creature on your wall, and you wake up the next morning and you go, Okay, I'm done.

I'm turning my life around.

What's the first couple of days of that look like for you?

My mother let me come back to my to my childhood house, and I stayed in my room. In the first two days, I had these really nasty hallucinations that I would see in the glass and in the glass that covered my light bulb, and I saw like people dancing and pointing at me and laughing. And I guess at some point in time, I got a hold of a pair of tonail clippers, and I didn't realize that I just kept clipping my toenails over and over and

And I guess what would you say it was the turning point for you? When was you know, it sounded like things had to get a little crazy before they got better, Right, what would you say, is the day or the moment or even even if there's not a day or a moment. And you know, as it typically is a gradual process of ups and downs, but do you have something that you point to as like, Okay, this is this is where we start to go on a on a more positive track.

Yeah, it was just I think I think it was just accumulation over time of just a loss of control. I really felt that I had absolutely no control over my thoughts or my actions or whatever direction I was taking in life. And I think it just built up over time, you know, Like I said earlier, I even I almost died once in front of my mother and then once at another person in a car accident, and I was still like, ah, no, this is this is okay.

Or something stupid like that.

I've just always been a person that I'm ready for the world to be shooken up. Like I don't believe it's flattered, But if it's flat, that was pretty cool.

So you said, if the world were just splat, that would be cool.

No, if the world was flat, Oh, if.

The world was flat? Yeah? You ever think about that?

Like, do you does any what is there any part of your brain that would accept that idea that the Earth is flat?

Well?

Yeah, I mean think if you look back in time, you know, people used to think that the world was the center of the universe and that people who said that wasn't true or said that wasn't true, you know, they were prosecuted and some of them were killed. I don't know if the world is flat, but if it is, I'm like, hell, yeah, you know, fucking twenty twenty four will be crazy.

I'm with not I'm with you on that. I think it's always. I think, no matter what it's, it's good to keep an open mind. I think it's good to keep an open mind to facts. Oh, now I sound like one of those podcasters. I think it's good to keep an open mind to facts. You know, if someone tells you the sky is blue, it it could be orange.

She gives a shit.

Yeah, so I want to know this.

Well, how long you been cleaned for.

I'm twenty nine, so it's been eight years.

Nice man, Tell me some of the things that fill your life in the places that that drugs used to.

Oh. I fell deeply into making art, so I'm becoming a a professor of fine arts and painting. And I spent I spent thousands and thousands of hours drawing and painting and making collages and sculptures and printmaking and ceramics, and I just let it consume me. When I met my wife, I told her that I, uh I had a second girlfriend, and she laughed at me, and I told her that her name was art and all the over time she learned that that was very true.

Ooh, have you ever I would love to see this if you have? Have you ever painted the night of you arguing with the creature?

Uh? No, I've.

I've always been very afraid too interesting.

I've made a lot of I've made a lot of paintings and some very dark ones, but no, I've never been able to paint that.

Can I ask why I come off.

As like a pretty normal guy, Like I'm a very typical looking, like Idaho guy to wear cowboy booths, that beard, I wear short hair jeans, you know. But there's this whole other site to me that I guess I just don't really feel like sharing with a lot of people because I I don't think that they'll understand, and I don't really want to take that time to explain interesting.

So you feel like that painting it would be a bit too personal for you to have out there in the world.

Yeah, you know, it's just well, it's just like would a catching attraction. I mean, maybe you know, but I mean there's a mod of different types of art where people have some sort of spooky creature on the wall or behind them. It's been done for thousands of years, so it's just kind of like a moment for myself. I guess that I don't really have to manifest in some sort of physical form.

See, I'm only asking because when you say that you're arguing with a creature on your wall, I'm trying to imagine what creature it is. And maybe I'm maybe I'm biased to this, but I am imagining it as a giant lizard.

Oh, that's very interesting that you say that. No, I'm glad you said that, because, yeah, it takes on a part of it is a lizard or a dragon or whatever you want to call it. And yeah, there's I mean, there's many reasons for that, but that would take an hour to explain all that. So yeah, there, your your intuition is correct.

Mm hmm.

I specifically imagine it looking like Rango. Have you ever seen the movie Rango?

No, not quite like Rango. I mean it would be a lot more a lot more comic release as it was.

So you have a tell me about your family. Now, are you still close with your mom and your dad?

I'm close with my mother. There. I met my father last year for the first time, and I spent the two months last two months of his life with him.

So wow, yeah, you met him, and you met him, you met him when he was dying.

That is correct. He reached out to me and I got to meet him, and I looked exactly like him and we had the same exact likes. So there's definitely that nature over nurture thing. It was kind of interesting to see because I definitely was a lot like him.

How did you feel when he reached out to you.

I was very upset initially, Yeah, I was. I was very angry and I wanted to say a lot of mean things. But by the time I got there, I was kind of all dissipated after seeing him, and you know, he was he was very sick.

Mhm. Do you feel like.

You had a significant shift in perspective after spending those last two months with him, and if so, how would you describe that shift.

Yeah.

The biggest shift in perspective I would say is that, you know, my mother, who raised me, essentially sent me a narrative for very long and I got to see the other side of that narrative and kind of saw where things overlapped and where things didn't. And so now my relationship with my mother is slightly different, not in a negative way.

But.

I approach her and much more mature in manner. I guess.

You were saying, and I cut you off because I wanted to ask you more about your father, but you were saying your mother, your father, and there was something else you were going to say.

I believe, Oh, yeah.

I just had my well, I had my father, I had my mother, and my sister and my grandmother. That's feeling family that I have.

Mm hmm.

What's what's the deal with the sister and the grandma? Are you close with them?

My grandmother is from she's from Old World Austria, so she has a very particular view on the world that's not not liked by most. And my sister she's she's whatever. She has a lot going on too, she has a lot of psychological issues. But yeah, and then my mother, she's a psychologist.

Out of all the things, your mother's a psychologist.

Yeah, that is correct.

Yeah, when you when you were a kid, when you were twenty, when you were twenty and you said to her that you were arguing with a creature on your wall. What did she say to you? I guess did she have a psycho just point of view on that.

No, because I've been I've been saying wild things to her ever since I was very, very young. It started when I was about about like six or seven. I used to know sleep at night time, and I would stay up all night long, and I was just terrified. And I would go downstairs in the middle of the night and I would look in the mirror and I would touch my face because I couldn't understand what I was and I didn't I didn't know what I was looking at. So I tried to expect that to my

So how long you've been with your girlfriend for?

Well, I'm married now. I've been with her for five and a half years.

Oh, your master, she's your wife.

Yeah, sure, we got married a year and a half ago.

Maztov, thank you very much. Did you invite the lizard creature to the wedding.

I don't have to invite him. He's always with me.

Yeah, I bet he would give a hell of a best man speech.

He probably would. He's definitely seen me when most people haven't, So I just my wife never has to meet him.

Are you guys, Are you guys planning on having kids or anything like that, Like, what's what is your what is your plan for the future.

Yeah, we would love to have kids, but unfortunately my wife can't have kids, and so we have to look at the idea of adoption, which cool will probably happen in your future.

Yeah, and you're you are currently a professor of fine art.

No, I'm getting close. I'm completing my master's degree right now. Then the next step is professor.

Now, when people take your classt's say, I'm a bright eyed, soft tongued art student boy and I come into your class. Uh, my brain ready to soak in your wisdom. What would you say is the the ideology or main idea or a thesis that you want to install into people through your teaching of the of the arts.

That's a really good question, Thank you. I want to say it in few words as possible, because I could definitely ramble, But the basics of it would be to you know, explore many many different perspectives, even ones that might bother you in some way or form, but also to remember that you're human and to be humbled by that experience. So, no matter what sort of fame or recognition, you get to kind of grasp the idea that this moment is a blipping time and that we're here for

What do you have any art projects coming up on a personal level that that you're excited about that you want to talk about or or yeah, anything like that.

Yeah. So I'm currently painting a bunch of landscapes with really pretty clouds at sunset time for a gallery in southern Idaho.

Very nice, you know. I'm actually I'm seeing a few questions in the chat. A few people in the chat want to want to talk to you about. So does anyone in the chat have any ques questions? I see one off the bat and chat. You can feel free to ask some questions.

I'll pick some.

But somebody says, hey, GEK, can you ask how this guy keeps going despite his struggles?

Yeah, that's a really tough one. I think my curiosity of being alive outweighs my fear of the unknown. I have to stop myself sometimes because I'll have an existential crisis about every five minutes just looking at the profoundness of everything. It can be very overwhelming, from you know, a door to a cat to a person to quantum physics and space X and you know it just you know, it just snowballs from there. But I'm an extremely curious person, very very curious.

Yeah.

I feel like if you're making art, you got to stay curious or else you'll just, you know, pump it out like it's content.

Do you ever look at your art as content?

Yeah? So the clouds and sunsets that I'm making, I call it prairie porn because everybody in Idaho. Everybody in Idaho likes fields and sunsets and barns. So yeah, it sells really well.

Somebody says, question, I am twenty two, and I have a very similar lived experience. I am in Idaho as well, and I wonder if it's good for our mental health. I don't know if that's that. I don't actually think that's a question. I think the I don't know If that's a question, I think the question might be, is living in Idaho good for your mental health?

Oh? Yeah, I absolutely love living in Idaho. I hunt and I fish, and I forage for the different berries and plums and apples throughout the time of the year. And it's a very grounding experience for people who suffer from anxiety or PTS or depression. Nature has a very chilling quality.

I like that because I would have thought that moving to Idaho, and I'm sorry, but i would have initially thought that moving to Idaho would be the cause of depression. But now I'm glad to hear that it is. It is cured your depression. That actually is a really cool life that you're living. Man, You're fucking forging for berries and hunting barefoot and doing that is pretty cool. That is pretty cool. I wish I wish I could do all that stuff.

Well, I mean, I guess the things that I'm doing are just are what's accessible to me. So depending on your geographical placement, you know, everybody has different accessibilities. You know, whether you live in a city or a small town, or next to the ocean or in the desert, you know, everybody has something unique that they can interact with.

It's also I think Idaho's where Napoleon Dynamite was filmed, So that's that correct.

Yeah, my painting professor was from that town.

All right, We've got one more.

Who are the people who inspire you the most?

I would say, uh, Leonardo da Vinci, Carl Young, uh J. F. Kennedy, Albert Einstein, Salvador Dali, Martin Luzu King Junior, and maybe my mother.

That's sweet, man, that's really sweet, you know. Okay, I have I have a final question, And if you're not comfortable with this, that's totally fine, but I appreciate you telling your story. I think you're a pretty cool guy and I personally would love to check out some of

Yeah, I do have a website, so it's Joseph Jeroski art dot com. J O S E. S j A r O s k i art dot com.

Great do you are? Is that your Instagram? Too.

Most I feel like websites, I'm in them. Do you do you Instagram at all?

No?

Yeah, I I I shy away from social media.

You know what.

That's for the best. That's for the best. There's a there are a lot of dark knights on social media to avoid.

Give me that, give me that. What spell that out for me one more time?

Oh yeah, So it's Joseph j O. S E. S j A R O s k i art dot com, Joseph Geroski art dot com.

Beautiful Joseph. Thank you very very much. I'm sorry I doxed you. I know you started this as Walter, but I hope that's is that cool?

Yeah? Yeah, thank you get I I I appreciate this. It's uh, it's been a very profound experience that I'll like the list of the rest of them.

Anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before.

We go, remember to love yourself.

Yeah, thank you, Walter. Having the rest of the night, it is back leaving that. That was really cool. I really enjoyed talking to that guy that that. Honestly, that was one of my favorite conversations I've had on this podcast in a long time. Like I was super cool, super humble. I'm excited to check out his paintings. Uh, folks, if you're listening to this, go check out his paintings.

I'm I I.

I haven't I'm gonna I'm gonna take a look myself once I'm once I'm out of here recording this. But yeah, that was a great story. I like I I do love the general message that you aren't you. You can never ever be too far gone, that you cannot return to a place of of prosperity in life and personal achievement and all that stuff, no matter how much dog

Hey, folks, this is Lyle.

I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in twenty twenty four to do Therapy Gecko live all across the country. If you've never been to one of my live shows, before. They're basically like giant group gecko therapy sessions where people from the audience come on stage to talk to a gecko about whatever they want, just like we do right here on the podcast. Plus I mix in a few stories and presentations and

Thanks.

Hello.

What's your name?

John?

John? What's up? What's going on?

What's up?

Man? You know, just uh, just living.

What you want to talk about today, Well, I.

Really just want to talk about how I'm really addicted to porn. HM just can't ever stop watching it every single night, every single day. Probably jerk off three times a.

Day, Holy shows three times a day. Addicted, Well, three is a short day, I'm oh.

I mean, you know I've had I've had several three timer days myself.

So I guess does that make you addicted?

Well, I mean I don't know if you would put it addicted. I mean three times a day, four, sometimes five.

You know.

Here's what I've found is I typically typically when I'm jerking off three times a day, it's because I'm not doing anything, you know, like, what do you what do you do all day?

Because if you've got the trick, the trick is to live.

A life where you don't have time to jerk off three times a day or like you know, you go to work at a coffee shop or something, because then you can't well I guess you theoretically can't, but you'd get arrested.

Right right. It's not like I'm I'm lazy. I have a job, I go to the gym every day, and I just still have fine time at work on my break in the bathroom. After that, I'll go. If I'm at a restaurant for more than an hour, I'll go to the bathroom in a restaurant. Yeah, it's not just at home, and at home as well, I mean every night.

Are you excusing yourself from like family dinners did talk off?

Yeah, every once in a while.

So let's get all right, why do you think you're doing this?

Well, I don't have a girlfriend, and I think even if I did, even when I did, I would still jerk off multiple times a day, Okay, and no matter if I had sex or not, it was just the dopamine release is just too much. Yeah.

Yeah, are you stressed?

Stressed every once? Everyone's stressed, right, Yeah? Sure, I just want to find a way to slow down or limit myself from four to five times a day to maybe one or less.

You're addicted to the dopamine release. Well, okay, so it's funny, right, because this is a problem. I've started to learn this, Like I've been listening to this guy, Andrew Huberman, and he really makes my podcast look like a first grader made it. Because your problem, it could actually be solved through like the scientific method, and someone could explain, here's why you were chasing this dopamine release, and you know, here's ways to fulfill your desires with less as you

What does anything give you the same feeling?

Like what releases positive feelings and dopamine in your brain? For you?

Accomplishing hard tasks probably is number one. Doing things I don't want to do. After you do them, of course you feel so good about it and we're jerking off. It's the fastest and easiest way possible. That's why I do it so often.

Ah, I know, right, I know, it's like the classic thing of any time. If I have like a difficult task to do, or like a difficult day ahead of me, I mean that's it, right is you want to just you want to find the fastest way to release the good chemicals in your brain, and that's what does it exactly so, But I mean that's just another like a way that we gotta we gotta overcome, no pun intended. We got to overcome our tendency to overcome.

Well, what what advice would you give to stop or or slow down?

Jesus man, I'm because it's not even peorn.

Sometimes I can just go in the bathroom if I'm at a restaurant, it'll be listening to the guy in who you're antle next to me, and uh, you know they notice, but I just can't stop.

Well that's the thing, right is I? This is more?

This is this is a difficult one because if for me, I like I like I said, I find that the more busy I am, the less I'm jerking off. So I'm trying to find more ways to be busy. But it sounds like to you, even when you are busy, you will excuse yourself from your busy to go jerk off.

So it's like a busy isn't a problem.

Yeah, it's just the the compulsion of two hours have gone by and it's edging at me, literally edging. But I don't I bust every time.

Very cool. Do you have a therapist? You have a real one?

Oh no, no, I don't.

I'm curious what they would have to say about this. I mean, I this is such a platitude. But like you, I would fire you. I mean, look up online. Right, There's gotta be something. There's gotta be some chemicals going on in your brain that just need quick monkey hits of dopamine that you just aren't getting.

I mean, all right, let me ask you this. Let me ask you some questions. When you're at a restaurant and you're going to go jerk off, who are you with? What's what? Set the scene for me?

Set the scene right before you excuse yourself to the bathroom.

Okay, okay. The most recent time, three days ago, had dinner with my grandparents. We were sitting there. We were sitting there about ten twenty minutes in. Food hasn't come out yet. I'm sitting there they you know, grandparents. Man, No matter what you say, it's just so boring. So I'm waiting. I think, well, before my food comes out, I can go get a bust.

In Okay, So this is a dinner that you're excusing yourself from to go jerk off because the dinner is not particularly engaging.

To you exactly.

Okay, all right, I'm gonna go ahead and say that doesn't count. That doesn't count as an engaging activity. It definitely counts as as jerking off. Okay, And then what else are you? You're at work? Right, and I assume it you're at work. I don't know if you like your job or not. Do you like your job?

Oh no, it's very boring.

Okay, So you're born because you're not you're busy with like yeah, so you're busy. So you're you.

What I am hearing from you is that your life as it is is not particularly stimulating, hanging out with your grandparents and going to this job that you hate. So in order to get doping, in order to get stimulation, you you you jerk off five times a day.

Yeah, it sounds sounds pretty right.

All right.

So the question is that this is no small question to answer, and it is the question, and it's how do you find how do you create a life that is more stimulating for yourself so that you're not jacking off? Every five seconds.

Well, I could find a job that I enjoyed better and like going to, but I still think I would excuse myself and find even create time for jerking off.

Yeah, but you don't. But that's the thing, though, is that you can find replacements for jerking off. Like, do you know what the flow state is?

Uh? No.

The flow state is like the state of mind when you're like doing an activity, and that could be like working or having a conversation, or playing a sport or anything like that, where you are fully engrossed in the activity. Right, You're not thinking about anything else. You are fully present and where you are, right, do you have anything in your life that gets you into that place where you're you're really.

Present the only thing on present in jerking off?

Yeah, so well that's what we gotta do.

I I guess we gotta find something for you that gets you as uh in the present.

And that's what we wan.

That's why orgasm feels so good. That's what all we want. All we want is to be in the presence, whether it's with people or with heroin, or with a sandwich or with jerking off. All we want, all we want as people is to just feel like we're actually fucking here and we're not depressed about the past or anxious about the future. We're fucking here, whether it's because we're orgasming or or because when you're having lunch with your

On the planet.

You know, that's why that's why you're jerking off so much, just because it makes you feel here and presence. You know.

That's why.

That's why, that's why I jerk off when I when I get anxious, is because it it takes my brain away from the future and away from the past and right goddamn here in the orgasm. And that's why I eat stuff that that that's bad for you is because it takes your brain right away, just just in the presence. So what what will get your brain in the present? I don't know, but there are things and hopefully you can figure them out.

I hope so as well.

What's what kind of porn do you watch? No, we don't answer that. What's your name again?

John?

John?

John? It was this conversation of Eddie marginal help to you?

It could have helped.

What do I feel like you jacked off during the whole time while I was talking to you? Don't play this game with all right?

Anyway? All right, John?

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

What do I say to the people love the computer? Jack off less? And uh, that's about it. I think I was edging the entire call.

So get the fuck out of here, get the fuck out of he all right, Thanks John, God bless you.

Hello, Hi there. What's your name? Yes, Hi, how are you? Oh, I'm okay, how are you?

I'm good.

I'm actually shocked that you called me. This is my first day trying to call. But I have been listening to you for a while now. I started listening listening on like Apple podcasts, but now I downloaded Twitch.

Cool cool cool.

Well, thanks for thanks for being here, Thanks for you know, look, you didn't have to download all that crap, and you did, and that's that's that's pretty cool. So I'm gonna call you. I'm gonna call you Jessica. That's a fun name. That's my dogs. It's my old dog's name. She's dead, she's been dead for a while. She's not coming back. But you're alive, and your name is Jessica. In terms of the conversation, So, Jessica, what would you like to talk about today?

Okay?

Well, what I text you about was I work at a place that's pretty pretty competitive place to work at, and it's a lot of opportunity for growth. That's the places I work at. I did meet a guy while working here and we've been going out for a little over a year. I've worked here for almost two years and when we first got together. Sorry, I'm I'm nervous. When we first got together here at work, which is a terrible idea. Don't ever date anyone you work with, ever, it's a bad idea.

But he did.

He was doing really really well here, you know, like he had just gotten a promotion and he was like really proud of himself and the job he did. Know, And since we started dating, it seems like he's gotten you know, like maybe kind of worse than his job or just not happy doing his job that he's doing anymore. And I've done very well, Like we just we just got our like evaluations, you know, and I did fairly well and he like buffed the whole year basically is what they said.

Uh.

And he's worked here for long with than me, So I feel extremely bad. But you know, and he also kind of like hates on me sometimes when I when he does see me doing well, and it's like very frustrating. I don't know what to do.

You know, what is this job.

I have? Ah? I can't really say because I find paperwork saying that I wouldn't say. But it's not like as crazy as you think. It's a It actually the place I work at sponsors this your show. If that gives you a slight hand, you.

Work at a place that sponsors my show.

Well, it's like one of the ads.

You know.

Oh okay, all right, Well I don't know.

All right, well I'm not I'm not going to say it unless if they're giving both of us a bunch of money, So I won't guess. But anyway, uh okay, But anyway, So, I mean, so your boyfriend you okay, Well, in the text that you sent me.

It said you have survivor's guilt. What does that mean? What do you do your boyfriend get fired?

No?

But they've like told him multiple times like if you don't picture ads to uh, you know, like they've written him up and stuff. So it seems like that's the way that it's headed for him, you know. And they're like, meanwhile, they're telling me like, oh, you know, you should try for a growth opportunity, you should interview for this, an interview for that.

So but so so, Jessica, Jessica, I guess what I don't understand is what does this have to do with you.

That I so guilty?

And he constantly hates on me when I do good at work and so it's like it's frustrating because we're extremely compatible outside of work, I feel, but then when it comes to work, he's just like a fucking hater.

You said he hates Okay, he said he hates on you. How does that manifest in what way? Does he hate on you? Does he like, does he denigrade you? Does he like downplay your accomplishments?

No, never downplays my accomplishments. He's always like he's always it's just like, uh, like passive aggressive bloats, you know what I mean. Like I got a shout out for something the other day and he just became like, uh he just like got quiet and like weird about it. And then later in the day he was like, oh, like, you know our management team so well, And I was like, uh huh okay, Like he just like accuses me of being best friends with them and like being like a suck up or whatever.

You know.

Uh oh okay, So this this, this doesn't really look this. I don't think this has much to do with the fact that you work with this guy. And also, by the way, this guy, if this guy sucks at his job, that's not your fault, you know what I mean. It's his it's his fucking it's not your fault that this guy sucks at his job. Yeah, regardless of the fact, even whether whether you work at the same job or not.

It's like, if you feel like this guy is like.

Resentful of you for being more successful than he is, that's yeah, I mean I would say that that's probably not uh, I.

Will add, I will add he works like much closer to our management than I do.

Okay, that doesn't That doesn't mean anything though that I don't. I don't care about that. This is like has nothing to do with you. The fact that you guys work together. This is he could work at the fucking RB's and you could work at the Taco bell and it doesn't this does that doesn't matter. This is this is more simple than that. Yeah, you know, is is this the question of in your relationship with this person, do you.

Feel as though.

He is resent just it doesn't matter that you work at the same place or not. He's he's when you're like excited and happy about things, he's he's resentful towards.

You, right, Okay, Yeah, I guess I never really looked at it like that, like how it would be if we didn't work at the same place, and he acted like this, you know, I just I've only ever looked at it from the position that we're in.

I suppose you're.

You're twenty two, right, yeah, hald.

Say twenty four.

All right, I feel like, all right, you I mean you want to you want to you want to do some fake therapy. Let's do some fake therapy. Uh, I mean doing that?

It's it's.

And again you also, I don't I don't want to ship too much on the sky or even on shit on him at all, because, to be honest, you keep mentioning these things that are passive aggressive, and I don't really feel like I've gotten a concrete example of anything that he's done that I guess rubs me the wrong way. But if that's how you feel, you know, that's how

That's for his therapy Gecko call.

But you know, yeah, yeah, I would agree. It definitely comes across to me as like jealousy or insecurity, you know. And I don't know, I guess, uh.

Like I said, we're like pretty compatible outside of work, like it's all good, you know, So I don't know, it's like there's a better way I could be supporting him where he feels like, you know, I think he will tell you.

Jess, have you had a conversation with him about any of this multiple?

Okay, Well, how do those go?

He just says, you know, he admits like his fault and how he acts about it. He just says that it's a hard situation for him and that and it is, you know, like I said, he was becoming successful here before I started, and I.

Don't Okay, Well tell me how does the conversation go.

Usually it'll start with like, because we work fairly like close to one another, so it'll start with like, him seeing like interactions that I have with our with our bosses. So uh, you know, like I said, he makes jobs. So I'll tell him like, oh yeah, I got, you know, a shout out hold on.

Jess jes Es Jes before you go into I just if you could focus with me for just a second when you say to him, Hey, man, I kind of feel like you're jabbing at me anytime I'm you know, telling you about a success at work, and I kind of feel like, uh uh, there's a problem there, and I'm expressed I'm gonna express to you these problems that I have that I've been expressing on this phone call. When you look into his eyes and you say that to him, what does he say?

Uh?

He says he's sorry.

Okay and doesn't hit fall okay. Is that is that good enough for you?

I mean, it could be if it didn't continue to happen, you know, but it just seems kind of like a a continuous thing that happens. So it's like, how many times can we have the same conversation about it?

Mm hmm, Well, I don't know. Maybe maybe maybe he needs to get a new job. Maybe he should get Here's what Here's what we'll do is he should get it, he should get a different job, and then that company can also give me money to talk about them on this podcast.

And that way I win, no matter what.

Yeah, I've told him, you know, like you need to. I've even looked for another job because I wanted to get out of the situation that we've we've gotten into. You know, I was unsuccessful in my search, you know, because I have a good job here and I don't want.

To give it up for.

A job that would be less beneficial to me than this one is. So he's talked about him being the one to find a new job. He said things like, oh, I'm going to have my resume reve remade by the weekend, and never.

Good, good, well, and look, I'm gonna just I'm gonna just leave you with this, Jess. I I don't like telling people what to do, but I I just but I'm going to would highly highly highly highly highly highly highly highly recommend that you do not. If you enjoy your job and if you feel good on your own personal level with your levels of accomplishment and everything going on with yourself, I would highly recommend against leaving it behind to make this guy feel better because his insecurity

No, I just wanted to say, I hope you keep doing your podcast because you get me through the work week all the time. So thank you, and it was my top.

Hey, thank you very much, Jess. Have a good one.

You too, have your boyfriend and uh get a fucking job at Taco Bell and that way he can recommend them to sponsor the podcast. Hey, if you're listening to this anyone and you know somebody at Taco Bell, let them know. I would, I would, I will, I will like somebody, let them know, let them know that if they want, I will interrupt somebody crying to me about the death of a family member on this podcast to do an ad for a Dorito's Locos Tacos. That's that's

Oh hello, Hi, Wow, holy crap, how's it going?

Geck?

Hi, what is your name?

My name is Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess.

You said my name is Jess not Jess. Oh do you mean Jeff.

No, my name is Jess not Jess.

Yes, Jess. What's up, Jess? How's it going? How's life?

Life remains? Interesting?

Well?

So, wow, okay, sorry, hold on. My my partner called you around Thanksgiving ish while we weren't together at that moment. His name was Matt and he was living with his uh well, he still is living with his great aunt and he's just been dealing with a lot and wait.

Is it was?

Was he the guy who he was living with his great aunt and taking care of her, and it was kind of having to having difficulties of like, oh, I don't know, if you know, I want to go live my own life, but I kind of can't because I have to take care.

Of my aunt.

Yeah.

He remember him a very lost individual, and I kind of wanted I'm shaking, dude. I wanted to thank you because and I know he would too. And if he's listening to this, he's absolutely shitting his pants.

But maybe maybe maybe his aunt can maybe that's a good opportunity for his aunt to pay him back. You know, she he canna, she canna cleaned the ship out of his pants for once.

Maybe, so that would be that would be appreciated. I'm sure. But like what you said to him, like really got through to him. I don't think you get to hear this very often. But like he when you said that, like you just hope that every day he wakes up and this is the choice that he makes. Yeah, he that really like he's he's really taken that to heart. And he's actually really like stood up for himself and told like his family, like I can't do this anymore.

Very cool, very good, good good, yeah good?

And so wait, so so so you you you started dating you?

Did you meet him after I called? After we talked?

No, so we at the time that he called we, I guess weren't like speaking.

It's really weird.

We've been very on and off for the past I mean really ever since I moved out. I moved out of the house in August, and I've really been taking steps to build up like my life in a sense, like just I've never lived by myself like this, and it's a really huge privilege to do so, so I'm really trying not to take it for granted, and so I've just been doing that, but it's been it's made me very less able to give him the like attention

Well I'm glad that because I'm well, I'm glad that that guy is a girlfriend, because he just sounded like his entire life was centered around taking care of his aunt and he wanted to, you know, get out there and start developing some form of a life for himself.

So I'm happy to hear that.

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm it was so surreal to hear his voice. I mean, he he called me on Thanksgiving and like told me about the phone call, and so when I got to listen to him on the pod, like, that was absolutely bananas. It's just so cool, and now it's very cool.

Well this is doubly cool.

Well tell tell him, I said, Uh, I'm glad that. Tell him, I said, tell him. I said, I'm glad he made a life change, and I'm sorry that it took the therapy gecko to do it.

I'll let him know. I'll certainly let him know. So, yeah, how are you doing. I don't know if you saw my text, but I am looking for a lizard to haunt my dreams. Would you like to apply?

Oh?

I don't know. I don't know.

I have a lot of dreams to haunt. I might be too busy. Well, uh well, okay, here, first of all, well, okay, thanks for updating me about your boyfriend. I like a good update, and I'm it actually doesn't makes me feel very happy that, uh, some something I said on this stupid podcast caused a positive thing in the universe.

So that's cool.

Is there anything in particular that you wanted to talk about where we go or or anything on on on on your brain aside from just this update.

If not. It's totally fine, but I thought i'd ask, you.

Know, I yeah, nothing really that I can think of, but I you know, I'm just I'm out here having a good time, and I yeah, I just wanted to say hi to you, thank you to you, and.

Yeah, well thank you, Jess. I hope that. Uh.

I gotta stop starting sentences without knowing what the fuck I'm going to say.

At the end of them.

Oh, that's so real. That's me all like, very often, I just going to see where it goes and hope for the best.

But I got but I guess that one, like I could I start Okay, So I started that, I said I hope that, and then it's like, well, all I gotta do is say something nice. You know, I'm not gonna say I hope that your children die. I just got to say something good. So it shouldn't have it should have been easier than it was. It was hard for some reason. So let's do this. I hope you have a good rest of the day. That was easy.

Thank you.

You too, have a good one, Jess, you too have a good stream By.

Never Beacon goes on the line making your song calls every night, every Beacon goes to Asie's teaching you aloud in the mean of your life.

Nice, not really an expert.