"I COLLECT PEOPLE'S HAIR"

Hello, Hello, Hey is this John?

Yeah, this is John.

What's going on with you? John?

You know, I, as I talked to the person earlier, I think I have a problem.

My problem. You have a problem collect Yeah, you said you collect hair?

That is correct.

What kind of hair?

I mean, just you know, human hair. Not really my own, because you know I see that every day in the mirror and whatnot. But other people, other people's hair. I mean, I'm twenty years old, and I think it's starting to get a problem. Considering how old I.

Am, how long have you been collecting other people's hair.

I'd probably say two to three years. But the problem is hair disintegrates after a few weeks, because you know, it's just dead skin cells that you know, disintegrate and whatnot. But yeah, I definitely say it's a problem. I collect other people's hair. You know, it's almost like a game to me, and that is a big issue.

Tell me what you mean by it's a game to you.

So you know, if I find, if I'm at work or at school or whatnot, if I find, you know, a clump of someone's hair in the ground, that would, you know, in my head, be like worth more than just finding a singular strain of hair m and you know, over time, when I bring them back to my house or wherever I'm keeping them, I don't know, I kind of see what I've done for today.

And so these these hairs are are like points to you.

Almost, yeah, like like a point system with hair.

Let me ask you a question really quick.

What would that be?

Are you fucking with me?

No, I'm not fucking with you.

You're not fucking with me.

I'm not. Over time, the disintegrate, but you know, after a while, a couple of days, you know, I just sometimes I throw them out, but sometimes I keep certain ones that I like. I've also thought about. You know, I've gotten really good at, you know, looking at other people's hair, how long it is, what colored is, whatnot.

I wonder if, like.

I could become a pretty good crime scene investigator if there was hair involved.

You know, I don't know, interesting. Interesting. So you're good at taking little pieces of hair and matching them to their source.

Exactly.

Now, tell me what is it in a particular strain or clump of hair that makes you attracted to it?

I don't know. Hair is just very individual, and I feel like, you know, it's a part of somebody. It's a like, like, I don't know a very small sample of what someone is, and I don't know, just seeing what that could lead to, I feel like that's somewhat interesting to me.

Mm hmm. So you like how the piece of hair theoretically represents a small part of a much larger human being.

Yep.

I mean, I'm pretty pretty sure you just nailed it.

M So when you find clumps of hair just on the floor, do you do you think about the people to whom the hair once belonged?

Always?

And how does that work? Always imagine those people?

I mean, sometimes it's hard to you know, put a face to you know, a singular piece of hair that I found on the ground, you know, But I don't know. Sometimes I just I create like a fictional person that I think it could have belonged to. You know, if I find a you know, a short piece of brown hair, like some random guy, I don't know, just create some fictitious guy. Or you know, if I find a long piece of blonde hair, like what girl that could have belonged to?

And whatnot?

And does uh do you think that just from a clump of hair or strain of hair you can tell anything about the person to whom it belonged.

I mean, if you if you had, like you know, a lot of scientific objects and whatnot, and where you know some sort of scientists probably, but just me, I really don't think I can make an accurate depiction of what the person would look like.

And do you only do you only find clumps of hair that are kind of randomly laying about, or do you ever go out of your way to procure a certain person's hair?

You know, sometimes when I'm kind of getting into the game, and I mean this kind of fictitious game, I do go out of my way sometimes to get people's hair. But most of the time it's just me randomly stumbling upon hair on a random surface.

What are you doing when you're going after a certain person's hair? How do you usually get their hair?

I mean, there's.

I don't really think I've gone after a specific person's hair, but I've just kind of been trying to find where hair would be in order to get more points.

So that's good.

I mean, it's good that I'm not trying to specifically find one person's hair. But you know, commonplaces carpets, as I said earlier, are pretty big other surfaces would be nice, you know, countertops and whatnot. And you know, maybe I know this might sound gross, but you know, if I find a straight hair brush, you know, that's that's a gold mine.

What do you do with these hairs? Where do you where do you sort of keep them and put them?

You know, Like obviously, if I'm you know, walking around, I would probably just keep them in my pocket or sometimes maybe my wallet also, and then once I get back home, you know, I just think about them, and I have a little drawler actually for some of them. Once they kind of start to wither, I kind of sweep them up and dump them out, But you know, I sometimes I keep them in there.

Now, it says here that you are worried that this might be a weird habit. Is that a legitimate concern?

Ye?

I think it's.

I feel like I could be able to I think it would be very easy to break this habit. But it is definitely a problem because it is very strange in my mind. But yet I like doing it.

Do you see yourself anytime soon ceasing your collection of hair?

I think so, and I really hope so, because just this conversation alone has made me think, like Wow, this is an issue, and I think talking about how weird it is is probably enough for me to stop. But you know, there's a chance, and I kind of like the thrill of you know, finding you know, a pretty decent sized clump of hair.

So I'm not sure. So so you say that that having this conversation is causing you to realize that it might be a problem. I have. I have a couple of questions about that. First, before we before we move on, have you talked to anyone else about this?

I have?

Not nobody, really, not a single person.

No, I don't. You know, sometimes I when I'm you know, alone for a while and I kind of just get wrapped up and doing my own thing. I don't really think it's something I need to tell other people.

Uh.

And then, what about this conversation has made you realize that this might be a weird habit.

Because I'm talking about it to somebody else and thinking about what you might be thinking about this is probably enough for me to realize that it's very weird. Considering you might think that it is a strange habit.

Well, I'm not really thinking about whether or not it's a strange habit. I'm just sort of picking apart your feelings about it. But it sounds like your feelings about it are evolving for you to believe that it is a strange habit that you should stop doing.

You are correct.

Do you feel like it'll be easy for you to stop doing this?

I mean, as I said, I think it should be moderately easy. But you know, I haven't really tried to stop it. You know, this has been going on for, as I said, a couple of years, now, two years, I'd say, maybe, So, I don't know. What do you think I should do to stop this?

Well?

I think I think it would be better for you to get a new hobby. Do you have any other hobbies that you might be able to get more invested in than than hair?

Collect something else that is probably probably not something that belongs to other people's bodies, Just you know, some sort of other collection might be at a start.

Yeah, well, what do you do? You do you have any ideas of other things you might want to collect that is not human hair.

I'm big into plants and animals. Maybe one of those too, perhaps like plants.

Let's do plants? Should get into plants? To be a plant guy, go learn about all the different types of Yeah, may call like a botanist, and you know, and that's that's that's a uh you're still sort of uh collecting. I mean, I know, hair is not alive, but it came from a living thing. You are still you are satisfying whatever urge you have to collect living things. But they are their plants.

And I suppose that's all those prepeaks that doesn't from other people.

No, I think you can get away with the plants.

Could I eventually become a botanist after this?

I think so. It sounds like this collection, this collecting thing has has opened up a lot of career paths for you.

That is true.

You knowing that you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

I mean, I hope that people of the computer aren't too embarrassed or embarrassed for me. So I hope they know that I'm trying to make changes in my life.

I think they do, and I hope.

That people of the computer can support me.

Have a good hat John YouTube Geck Hello.

Hello, Hi, Hello, who's this?

Don't say? Who is this? You called me?

Oh my gosh, Oh sorry, okay, I look he's in the stream.

I didn't realize I was talking to you.

What's your name?

My name is Esther.

Esther I loved her is one of the names of have you ever? Are you Jewish at all?

Yeah? I am.

It's you talk about Queen Esther.

Yeah, Queen Esther from the Poorum Story. What did she do? Do you remember what she actually did?

It's gonna be a bad Jew. I can't. I think I know she had a girl boss moment.

Oh you know what?

You know what I remember? I remember she had her girl boss moment. Was like, okay, all right, I'm gonna hail Mary here. I don't remember this exactly, but I think Hayman had a plan to like kill all of the Jews, and and Queen Esther found out about the plan and she was, wait, okay, now remembering this, this was so dumb. She had a plan to tell King a hash You remember King a Hash Faroche.

Yeah, yep.

She had a plan to tell the King of hot to tell King Ahash Faroche. Hey, Hayman's gonna kill all the Jews. But the thing about King Ahash Faroche is you are not allowed to go even if you're his wife, You're not allowed to go into King ahash Faroch's chamber without being summoned. And if you do, if you go to see King o Hajh Faroche when he didn't summon you, if you just go without making an appointment, he kills you. Like that's the Yeah, even for his wife. Do you remember this?

Yeah, you had a whole bunch of wives and she was like really young. I think she met been a teenager or something.

Dude, Port was kind of fucked up, like that's stupid. Why would you have that rule? Why would you kill your wife just for saying hi to you or you know, coming to see you.

It is I also love the holiday because it's like, you know, it feels like it's for me almost. It's like my time to shine.

What is going on with you today? Asked her?

Oh yeah, okay, cat Hupping. I wanted to talk about Cat Hupping uh because yeah, like hu ff or like yeah h u f f I n G I'm the terrible feller.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

So I recently kind of found out about this, I guess not recently, a couple of months ago, where like if you deeply kind of like inhale your cat's fur and like really get your nose in there. It's a really calm smell and it's a really like nice smell. It's a different smell for everyone, Like for me, it's like a warm oatmeal kind of cinnamon cinnamon, Oh god, I can't pronounce it.

Cinnamon.

You smell and like it turns out because like cats smell at your house, so it's like you're smelling your house, which is weird. Don only smell oatmeal, but my cat smells like it. So I think it's a good sign. So how does this.

Feel about being huffed?

One of them likes it because she likes attention and she like being held, and I kind of just like hold her and kind of like inhale for a few minutes and just really you know, really good in there. But the other one is not really a fan, so I like I leave her alone. Sometimes if she's sleeping and she's like dead asleep, I'll get a quick cup in there, you know, But I don't try to bother her when she's awakes. I know she's not staying. Now.

You say you are addicted to.

This, Yeah, but I don't want to stop, you know, Like it's I think it's a good a good addiction.

A good addiction. Do you think, Okay, let's explore this. Do you think there are any negative things about being addicted to huffing cats?

You know, I guess with my other cat, it annoys her. So the negative is, you know, an annoyed cat, which is fair.

Well, here's the thing about cats is do you feed this cat?

I do a pair rent.

Do you pay the rent for the cat as well? Yeah?

They both have pet rents.

What's the I don't know what this might be chauvinistic for toward cats. I don't know if I'm using not using that word right, but not to say that. You know, the cats owe you anything, but they do. They do a little bit. Hey, yeah, house them, you feed them, you clean them, you take care of them. You get away every once in a while.

Yeah, Like I literally tell that numb to their faces. Like if I'm like a few minutes late for dinner and I get yelled at, I'm like, listen, I am paying for all these nice things. I got you an individual fan to follow you around this summer to cool you.

I got her to follow her around? Like, how does it follow her around?

Oh?

Well, I fall around the fan. It's horrible.

It's she's like you follow her around with a fan when during the summer when she gets.

Oh yeah, but here's the thing, she makes me nervous.

Dude, you earned it.

That's true.

That's true because she likes to go into the hot parts of my apartment I guess the apartment of house. But she's a long haired cat, so you would think she'd want to be closest to my ac unit, right, But she like goes to the hottest part of my apartment, just lazier, and it makes me so nervous. So I just started to following her around the spand but I don't think she likes a fan because she'll walk away from it.

Listen esther. I think if you wanted to eat one of those cats, you would be justified.

Oh I don't know if I could. I feel like they could eat me if I, like die in this apartment, I'd give them permission to eat my dead body. But I don't know if I could do the same to them.

Hm hmm.

Yeah.

I feel like this is a new breaking point in the relationship between you and your cats. But don't don't get too about it, you know, don't don't go you know, take take your minimum with quota. But don't you know, don't go overboard for your sake. Not But we haven't done enough scientific studies on the effect of cat for on the human brain. So tread lak.

Yeah, I could be the first dogeest of that study.

Esther, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Yes, everyone, huff your cats. If you don't have a cat, you can find one outside pretty easily. They might not like it, but with the shot, I just wanted to get that out there, you know, spread the words.

Thank you for calling Esther, thank you, and thank you for talking to me.

It was an honor.

You heard it from Esther. If you see a stray cat walking around, doesn't matter what street you found it on, doesn't matter where you found it. Could have been the dumpster, it could have been a pool. Give it with. See what happens. You only live once, try new things. Hello there, Hi is this moody?

H that's me?

What's going on? Moody?

Well, I just got in from male school and my boyfriend was watching the show. So I was like, let me try to call a number. And here I am.

Here we are. We are on the phone talking to each other. Uh, what's going on with you moody?

Well, like I said, I just started mail school, so that's kind of new and overwhelming, as I've kind of catastrophically failed or quit every other sort of endeavor I've ever taken on. So I'm still trying though.

Well, it says here that you are to nail school, you have a movement disorder, and you feel nervous about taking a new trajectory in life. Yes, it says here you've constantly failed school and careers. Is that accurate?

Yes?

Would you just when you say you have failed school and careers, tell me about the last career that you failed?

The last one? I was working front desk at a pediatric c office and I was hired. They said that I would be trained under this lady who had like thirty plus years of experience, but then she quit because she couldn't handle the stress of that place, and then all of it, the entire front end.

Was just me.

Okay, And you said you failed? What is your definition of failing? What do you mean you failed this job?

I had to quit. I was a living every day where I was just constantly afraid. My anxiety was the worst I've ever been, and I this is where we get into personal hypothesis here, But I think that's the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of giving me that. Well, I shouldn't said movement disorder. I should have said neurological disorder. But yeah, that I think that's what broke. That was the final thing that made me get the neurological disorder.

I'm gonna sling some of that corny, feel good bullshit at you because I got a thought. Yeah, you know, if a job is causing you an immense amount of stress and pain and so you leave it, I do not consider that a failure. I actually consider that a strength because to me, if you have the self awareness to go, Okay, this thing that I'm doing with my short amount of time that I have on this earth is causing me a great amount of distress, I'm going to leave, It's not a failure. I don't look at

I hear you, and that's that's something I try to tell myself. I think at the time I've really looked at it as a failure because it was really my only shot out of getting out of like retail sort of sales type jobs, which had been eating me alive up to that point. I was like, Okay, well, maybe

I ask you a question. You said that you're looking at the front desk at the pediatric's office as the only way that you can escape from doing retail. Why do you look at it as the only way?

Well not anymore really. At the time I did. But now I've kind of found nails for myself. I'm just hoping that I can maintain that and that I guess my physical I guess what I struggle with physically won't set me back from doing nails.

So you were in retail and now, okay, so you went from pediatrics, did you go back for it? Doesn't matter. So now you're in mail school. It's good. It's cuts it out. We don't need to know what you did after the pediatric's office. How is nail school going?

Well, well, I just finished day two, so we're still on a bone set. We haven't even hit like theory or how to sanitize or anything like that. It's strictly just how to be professional is just like a I mean, so far so good?

Okay? Great? Is this like a trade school? Like you get some sort of license or some shit, and then you preciate to a salon and then now you're able to work there. Yes, okay, And you said so far so good?

Yeah, so far so good.

Okay. Let me ask you this. Do you what made you choose to go to nails school?

I chose to go to nail school. Well, it was kind of my I was telling a boyfriend that I wanted to have my nails done because I never got my nails done growing up because I always played the piano. But I was always very scared of nail salons as well. They always overwhelm me. I stay away from them. They stress me out when I'm in school.

I've had a headache both days that come home.

I'm like, oh God, I don't know I'm going to do this. But I was like, I want to do my nails. I'll tell him I want to do my nails, but I can't ever wait for them to dry, like I just managed to smudge them. It does not matter what I do, I always sit on them or smudge them somehow. So he was like, let me buy you a fan dryer. That way I can dry my nails in the dryer, but he bought me an led lamp instead,

Well, okay, you say it's the only thing you can do, but you also said just now that you thought you might like it.

Yeah, so I guess I feel blessed that I'm the corner I've been backed into. Seems to be what I like.

I well, I want to get to the whole thing about you being back in a corner in just a second, but I want to point something out here. You you're telling me that you have this thing where you're looking at your life as like a series of failures, like failing out of school, failing out of the pediatric's office.

Yeah, I tried college four times, and I mean the first time, I guess you have that sort of oh, I'm going to go have the class, the classic college experience and live in the dorms and all that excitement that you have. And then you actually get to college and you realize none of that, none of that, how any of this works. But then I kept trying because who what am I without a college degree? And then I realized that college and I just do not get along.

Okay, So that I'm going to stop you right there. I'm going to stop you right there. You when you just now you said what am I with a college degree? There's a recurring pattern I'm seeing and I'm playing pretend therapists here, but I'm gonna do this anyway. You when you say I wanted to go into being a pediatrician assistant office whatever, for respect. I wanted to go to college for respect. You know, those are they're not there's not good reasons to be pursuing something, and they're unstable

And that's I'm trying to hold out that hope too. But I guess now the case is, you know, within the past year, I've gotten this this neurological condition that I didn't have for the vast majority of my life. Now I'm afraid that I've fallen into something that I like doing and I might physically not be able to do it, and I'm not going to know until I actually test myself and try it.

Tell me a little bit more about what this disorder is.

So I have functional neurological disorder, and the I guess the real easy way to say it is that doctors have no idea what causes it or why it happens or But essentially, for me, I guess the easiest way to say is that the way that my brain talks to my body doesn't line up correctly. So there's a bunch of different symptoms for different people, but for me specifically, I tend to scrunch my face without meaning too. My head tends to whip back and forth pretty hard, and

Yeah, yeah, you have involuntary movements. Yes, uh, you know, what's your name? Moody? Moody, I I I I empathize with you, and I understand why you feel that way. I really want you not because you're painting this narrative of like this is this is the only thing so the one that you're painting, this like narrative of you against a brick wall. And I'm sure that there are like genuine, honest to God physical limitations for like things

That's a hard one. It's hard because I live so much of my life without this, so be able to compare where I used to be and just kind of kick myself. Well, why didn't I do X, Y and Z and I didn't have to worry about whether I'd be fully functional or not today?

Sure, but just keep keep keep moving man, like, keep being open minded, you know, because if you're you're kicking yourself now. But like when you're kicking yourself, you're not looking at other things that you might be able to do.

Yeah, I've got I've got a backup plan, uh right now. The backup plan is to sell press on if I if I'm I can't work in a salon environment, like if it's too stressful, it's setting me off too much. If I can't hold my hand still enough to actually work with clients, and I'll go to press on. But then there's a fear of, oh, is it is the field too oversaturated? Do people really want more plastic nails? I don't. I don't know.

You know, I think as long as you keep your mind open, you'll find stuff to do. The world is pretty infinite, and a lot of people will will kind of combat this by saying like, oh, it was easy to say because of this and that and the third thing, but but god damn, wouldn't you take a maybe over a now?

Yeah?

I'll take maybe for sure?

Good? What is your name again? Moody? Ready, Moody, listen? Good luck in nails school. I'm rooting for you, and I think even if that doesn't work out, I think it will. But even if it doesn't, I think that there are infinite things for you to do. But I think there are infinite positive uses of your time in this universe, and I hope you continue to think like that as well. Is there anything else you would like to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Thanks for hearing me out. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Gak bless you, Moody.

Thanks jek.

Okay, we did it. We did a motivational thing. We said words that were positive, we gave thoughts. I felt bad for Moody because she was she's being so hard on herself, like out of the gate, and I kind of wish I wish I would have asked her how she this. A lot of the times when I go on these little rants or whatever, I forget to be like, Okay, but how did you actually feel about all that ranting?

Okay, So I've a few years ago, back in high school, I was dating this girl and before I started dating her, she was like, yeah, I have this like I'm really close with my dad and I like I want him to like you. So I said, okay, but I could give you his number and then like he can like talk to you and then you guys can like set up an interview, which was weird.

It super weird.

Yeah, so he.

Tell me first? She did? She did? She use the word interview?

Well, she was like, he wants to talk to you first, and I was like, you mean like an interview, and she said, yeah.

All right.

I mean look, I guess if you're in high school, all right, maybe I spoke too soon. I guess if you're in high school, that's not that weird.

But continue, I guess the idea of the interview itself isn't weird, But the interview itself was so basically it was like I go to her house, talk to her dad and he starts like he starts off talking about like how he like wouldn't be afraid to shoot a home intruder and how he wouldn't be afraid to shoot me either, and then later asked if I was okay, like what I thought about like guns, and I didn't know how to answer because clearly you don't want to

Okay, So what did you do in response to all of this?

So basically, in the end the interview, the biggest, the weirdest question he asked me in the end was are you a virgin? Which at the time I was, but like that it was just a really weird question for an adult.

To ask me.

Super weird question but at the but at the time I didn't think it was weird because I grew up Mormon and in like bishop interviews and stuff like that, that's the kind of stuff they ask you.

Hm, okay, so you had this very strange interaction with your girlfriend's dad, and what did you do in response to that? I?

Well, I didn't really know what to do. So we kept dating afterwards, like you kept dating, and he would text me and stuff.

What kinds of things would he end?

I never was doing sure what to do. He would just like text me like, hey, maybe you should do this, Like I don't know he did. He'd asked me more really weird questions, and he'd like sometimes he'd just ask him my day was, which, like I know, isn't that weird, but like it's still was really invasive.

Totally. How long did you continue to date this girl afterwards?

Like three months?

Okay?

What was it like when you broke up with her?

It was pretty funny because I broke up with her because of her dad completely, and so after we broke up, she would tell people that we broke up because I wanted her to kiss me and she wouldn't, and so we broke up.

Yeah, Well, how did the dad react when you broke up? Would he continue to text you afterwards?

So?

I eventually, like around the time I broke up with her, told my parents what had been going on, which led to my dad calling him and I never I didn't hear this call. I was not in the room or anything. But when he left the room from the call, I was told to. I was told that I shouldn't have to worry about it, and that he said that no one in that my girlfriend ex his dad said that no one in her family will ever be talking to

Well, it sounds like your dad set some pretty strong boundaries.

Yeah, my dad is a social worker at a at a halfway house, and he was picking up on a lot of like really criminal behavior that he sees from like his job every day from this guy and was like, yeah, I'm not letting this continue.

Yeah. Man, what a lucky thing to have a dad who's good at sort of spying that stuff out to come in and deal with that situation. Because that that guy, he did not sound like he was good news at all. I feel bad for you know, I feel bad for whoever your girlfriend was at the time. I feel bad for her. I don't know what her life was like in that house.

From my understanding, it wasn't great. But she really liked her dad and really didn't like her mom, and it was weird, and I don't know her. I didn't it was very much. Uh, I'm going to date this person because I'm in high school. Like neither of us really clicked with each other that well, it wasn't that good of a relationship, like even without that, and like, yeah.

So Eli, it says here that you're struggling to connect. It says you have a new girlfriend and you're struggling to connect with her dad. What's going on with this new girlfriend?

Yeah, so me and my new girlfriend we've been dating for u six months as of yesterday, and I get really really bad anxiety around her dad, and like, I have really bad trust issues with a lot of adults because of this experience where it's like really like because yeah, and it's like really hard for me to like connect with him, even though like he's genuinely a nice guy, Like he's kind of a nerd, He's really just nice. He makes jokes and I think they're pretty funny. Like

Really, let me ask you this, have you talked to a real therapist about any of this stuff?

So I have a real therapist. I have talked to her very briefly about this, but it's really hard to get in right now to therapy. I haven't gone in like two months. And we're trying to get me in, but it's not working out.

Interesting because I do wonder what they would say. Because you talked to her briefly about it, did she have any brief responses?

I mean, it was kind of like I talked about it while talking about something else, and so she probably just wrote it down in her notes because she asked me a follow up question about something else. But with my dad as a therapist, which is a whole it's a weird dynamic because sometimes I just want to be my dad and sometimes it's nice to have him as a therapist. But it's like he has said some interesting things about it.

Tell me what he said about it.

So him being like, you know, like a witness in this, he was very like he understood very clearly, like what had happened to me, because he had seen it happen to other people. I haven't talked to him about it in a bit, but it's like I just need to

Yeah, this is a difficult thing because you don't want your relationships with anyone else to kind of like define how you view relationships with other people as you move on with your life. But it would make sense that your brain just does it anyway. Yeah, what else has your dad sort of told you that's helped you out with this as you've continued on. I don't know if you've talked to them about this particular situation you're having with your current girlfriends.

I have not talked about them with this current situation, but in general, a big thing that my dad and I have talked about is like picking up on things that like trigger off anxiety and trigger off depression and stuff like that and dealing with them quickly before it like eats you away.

Well, I'll say this much. It sounds like you got a good uh, You've got a good resource and your dad to help you out with all this shit. Yes, I do you know? Maybe have you spent a lot and I tell this to everyone, but have you spent a lot of time not in a relationship like how recently was this new girlfriend after the old one.

This new girlfriend was in January of this year, and that girlfriend was in February or March of last year.

All right, so it was at least a year.

Yeah, it was a minute.

All right. Well I kind of needed it. You kind of needed it. I don't like hearing that. What do you mean by you needed it?

Oh?

I needed to not be in a relationship because that time my life was really dark, like really dark. Like even after that, that definitely didn't help. And then like I was really through, I really depressed, really anxious all the time, Like several like incidents, incident things happened.

What is your life like now? What is the sort of general feelings going on currently?

I feel? So it's been over a year since I've done any sort of self harm or anything like that. I am genuinely just happier to be around people. I am very quick to pick up when things are going

I like that. It seems like you have a healthy, real relationship with everything that's going on with you, especially even though especially with it going on with you so young, you have a very mature mindset about it.

Thank you.

Well, you know, I thanks for sharing. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

I so I've been listening to your stuff on Spotify all week at work, and I was listening to it today and then I got the twitch and so I followed you on Twitch and then I got the notification at work. It was like, you know what, I'll just call today. But I've been listening to it all week and here we are.

Well, thank you for listening. I'm glad you brought all this stuff up. I'm like totally not a real therapist or equipped to talk about a lot of the issues. Yeah, you're bringing up on on on this here thing, but you know, thanks for sharing anyway, and good look for it. I meant, I did mean what I know. I said all that spiel about how I don't you know, know how to talk about all this ship, but I do. I do mean what I said when I said that, I think you have a mature mindset about it, because

Thank you.

I am trying my best.

Take care of el.

Yeah, you're too well.

Hello?

Hello?

Is this Anthony?

Yeah?

You sound uh sounds like you're chilling right now.

I uh yeah, how do you know?

How do you feel right now in this moment?

I feel I feel chilled.

Sous. Hear that you are on mushrooms right now and you wanted to share your experience with us.

Yeah, well, first, I don't know where I am.

All right, let's talk about that. Where do you Where do you think you are? Do you have any idea?

Yeah? Yeah, so I started this morning in New York. But I think I think I I I don't think I'm in New York anymore.

Okay, where do you think you are? Well?

I see a tree, two trees, three actually, and grass, a lot of grass.

Mm hmm. Are you outside?

Uh m hm hm hmm, yeah, that could be.

I'd be curious where you would be if you were inside and you were seeing trees and grass.

Yeah. I mean, how do you know this?

What have you been thinking about lately?

Uh?

I've been thinking a lot, a lot about life.

Yeah, what about life?

It's uh, I don't know. Actually it's great, really, uh it's really good. Yeah.

What's so? What's good about it?

I'm going well, a lot of things, the air, the sky, the sun or the moon. It's could be daytime or nighttime.

What is your general what is your general life? Like, Anthony? What do you sort of do with your days?

Yeah? I like to uh, I like to meditate.

Okay, what do you do?

Uh?

I walk?

Okay. Do you have a job yeah?

Uh no.

Do you have a partner? I mean I have a job, like a relationship of any kind of a partner? Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, sure I have a friend.

You have a relationship and you just now, just now, you just said that you have a job. You do have a job.

I do. I do have a job.

What is your job?

Uh?

I forgot I knew this morning, and but I forgot what I do. I've lost my I've lost my purpose, I think.

Okay, do are you looking for a new purpose?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

What are you thinking might be your new purpose?

I think.

Research?

Yeah, I'd like to like to research.

I would like to research the study of peanut butter and why it tastes so damn good.

Okay, you want to be a peanut butter researcher. That's a good purpose.

Yeah.

All right, So we have a new purpose for you, and let's get back into the personal life. You said you have three different girlfriends or well you didn't. You said you have three different I.

Wouldn't say I wouldn't say that. Just no, just friends, just friends.

Yeah, I see you have three friends. Yeah, you're happy with Are you happy with the amount of friends that you have right now? Do you want more friends? Or are you content?

I could I could go for four?

Could you be?

I mean, would you would you like to? I mean, would you be my fourth? My fourth friend?

I think, realistically, the chance of us genuinely becoming friends is very low.

Well some.

Uh not because like I could tell you the premises you live in, uh New York, which I don't live there. I don't. I don't see how we would get in touch after this. And then also, friendship is sort of based on like a recurring instances of us seeing each other, and I don't know how we would be recurrently seeing each other. We would have to make a lot of active efforts towards seeing each other that I don't see either of us.

Make it okay, Well, I would put the effort in.

I realistically probably would not put the efford in.

Well, I appreciate your honesty.

Of course we have right now, we have at least the next minute on the phone together. What would you like to do with that final minute?

Okay? Well, what would you like to talk about?

Nothing in particular. I feel like we've gotten everything that we needed out of this.

Okay, Well, I am outside and you help. I would clear that up with that where I.

Am happy to help. Yeah, I'm happy to help. I'm glad that you know where you are now.

And I'm going to uh, I'm going to research peanut butter.

Let us know what you find.

Yeah, oh I will.

Anything else you want to say before we go, Anthony, I'll be back.

Thank you for calling, Thank you.

Never goes on the line thinking your phone calls every night. Never Pacon goes to on his night. He's teaching you aloud in the of your life. Money's not really an expert.

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