“I COLLECT HUMAN SKULLS”

Hello, Hi, Hello, I'm Alexandra. It's just Alexandra without the Yeah.

How can I get you today?

Oh? I don't know. I just got back from the gym and was hanging out and I turned on your stream and I thought i'd text you.

That's not what you wanted to talk about. You wanted to talk about how you collect human skulls. That's what you texted me.

That's correct.

Yeah, let's get to the skulls.

Well, I didn't know if you really wanted to talk about the skulls. It's kind of a I'm a cob thing. But I guess you called me so you want to talk about it.

What kind of skull these human? These are human skulls.

These are human skulls, real human skulls, medical specimens. I have a few collector friends. There's like a I guess there's a little network of online skull collectors and kind of became a part of the community, and well, I don't know, I like got my hands on one, and then I became a part of the community. And now it's like they're all over the place if you look.

That's a much more wholesome answer. I thought you were going to say Craigslist or Tinder.

No, I don't think that's allowed.

How long have you been doing this for?

Oh gosh, I guess it's been. That's like twenty sixteen, maybe twenty sixteen or twenty seventeen. I had always collected skulls, like, I always loved animal skulls. I have deer skulls and big cool elk antlers and like an African eland and just big animal skulls. But then I guess I graduated to human skulls.

Do you ever think about the human that is behind the skull, like the human that the skull once belonged to?

I do, Actually, I think about it a lot. But it's very interesting to consider this now specimen and who they used to be. Can't get too caught up in it, though?

Well do you mean you can't? What do you mean you can't get too caught up in it? What happens if you get too caught up in it?

Well, you you just always leave yourself wondering. I'll never know who these people were. They usually don't come with a story or anything. They're just they're just specimens now. And do you try to always respect the person that they used to be? But I'll never really know who they were, so I can't drive myself nuts trying to figure it out.

Do you.

Think how would you feel if one day your skull ended up in the hands of a skull collector.

I think that would be really cool. Actually, most of the skull collectors I know anyway are super respectful and like, I don't know, like keepers of artifacts. So I think it would be cool to be a part of a collection, provide a court skull collector general respectable person. But I find they usually are like a lot of people that the deal with death and our way into death, there's just this air of respect. I mean, there has to be m.

Do you ever are when you say, have you ever met anyone who like just keeps their skulls on the floor or like in fins with the Christmas lights?

No.

I saw one guy who had like a crate. It was like a photo online and he just had like a bunch of them and like a milk crate. And I didn't really like that very much, but I don't know, maybe he ran out of storage or something.

Somebody in the chat asked if people ever practiced kissing the skulls or if that's strange.

I would hope not. I feel like there is much better things to practice on, mainly living people.

Mm hmm.

But it doesn't really have, you know, like lips, so it would it doesn't translate well to the living.

Yeah, I guess that's true. That's true.

Mm hmm.

Do you ever.

What?

How how old are these people whose skulls you have?

It's hard to say adults. I have one that is a Tibetan capola, a skull cap used in Buddhist ritual stuff, and it's carved, but it's a very very small skull cap so I think that one was an adolescent or a child.

You have a Tibetan child's skull.

Yeah, it's really cool. It's carved as a Maha College demon and it's one of the best carvings I've ever seen. I'm so happy to have this specimen. I got a really good price on an auction in Switzerland online.

That's crazy that you can buy a child's skull in Switzerland. That doesn't seem very Swiss to me.

Yeah, you're right, Well, I don't know. It might have been Switzerland. I think I do several of these, like international auctions. I find it easier to just deal with my skull collector friends. But I don't know. I went to Switzerland once a long time ago. I mean, it's kind of weird, like child porn was legal still I don't know if it still is. But they had like weird flyers and stuff, and I asked my tour guy what the hell that was about?

You know, honestly, with them selling the child's skulls, I'm not super surprised.

Well, it was like from an old collection of somebody who collectives a lot of this Buddhist spiritual stuff. So I don't know if it's necessarily a Swiss thing and have child skulls.

Just every is it? What if there was just like a child's skull in every home in Switzerland.

That would be a lot of dead children. The child skulls are really cool actually because they have their baby teeth. If you get if you find a young enough specimen and there's still like the adult teeth there the other there's like two sets of teeth that looks really neat.

Do you feel like you would do you feel like you would have a really good conversation about skulls with Jeffrey Dahmer? Uh?

I don't know he had a few, but I think we collect for different reasons. I don't I don't know if he was really that good of a conversationalist. Anyway.

There was Ted Bundy, I think was the one who people said was very charming.

Yeah, I've heard that, Yeah, and I guess in his interviews and court stuff he had that that air about him.

How much How much did you pay for the child skull? How much was it?

Well, that particular one came in a lot. It was two Tibetan capolas. One was very normal, not carved and adult size, and then there was this one and they were it was like mislabeled or something, or maybe it was just the fact that people don't really search for skull in Swiss. But I will put all the different languages into the air National option site so I can

Wow, you could that's like, that's I'm trying to think. How much is it to have it? It costs like two hundred thousand dollars or something, right to raise a child from a baby to an adult, right, something like that.

Oh is that right? That sounds like a lot.

So that's like, I mean, that's like a ninety seven percent discount if you just buy the dead one.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely a lot cheaper. And they don't need noise and stuff. They don't need college. They're good listeners.

What do you tell the skulls?

I sometimes like to come home and just tell them about my day.

Do you like, do you ever have a moment where you realize that you're talking to a skull of a kid?

Yeah? I mean I try. I make an effort to try and talk to him, you know, like a plant. It's like good forum or something if you talk to them right, right, right. But I don't have like full blown conversations. I don't think I'm that crazy. But I will come home and say hi sometimes and tell it about my day or whatever. I have this one shelves that's got like four lined up, so I have this like little audience if I have anything to say, which is always nice.

What's the last thing you said to your audience of skulls?

Oh, darn it, I don't remember. It's actually been a minute since. I uh, since I wouldn't have a chat with any of them. But I think I I think I said something to my cannibal skull when I was fixing its head dress.

What's a cannibal skull?

I have a couple different tribal skulls. They're from into cannibalistic tribes from Papua New Guinea called the Asthmat. They used to practice cannibalism. They kind of don't anymore, you know, like around the fifties or so, the Dutch came in and we're like, bro, don't do that, and pushed a lot of Christianity on people, and they kind of like came to an agreement where they didn't really.

Have to.

Kill each other for heads and stuff, so they stopped.

You know, people talk, people talk a lot of shit on Christian colonization and and that shit. You know, I'm no historian, but it's it's probably mostly granted. But if if the Christian colonization did do one thing, it stopped people from eating each other, which is I think a good I think everyone can agree is a good thing.

Yeah, I think so. I think. You know, they were just stuck in their waves for a while. So having somebody come in and be like, do you have to kill, eat and use each other's skulls all the time? And you know, when you sit and evaluate the situation, like maybe they maybe they don't have to started using different things in place of the skulls and their rituals. So everything was still kosher with the religions and stuff, but

How do you feel out rib cages?

Oh?

I don't have any rib cages. I've looked at them before. It'd be cool to have one of they're a bit expensive, especially with this plane attached.

What's your name again, Alexander? Andrew? Alexandra? Alexandra? Is anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Happy Halloween, have a good night, you see, Thanks, get go bye bye.

Hello, Hey, what's up?

Hey? Is this Lyle?

Yeah? Where are you at?

Man?

You're like in a you're at the supermarket right now? Where are you a.

Little bit more quiet? Hi? Sorry?

Where were you?

Where was I? Oh? I'm a I'm at a bar that I work at.

Oh you're at a bar that you work at? Are you allowed to just stop manning the bar and go talk to Well?

Actually, I'm here on my day off. Actually we're we're a retro video game bar. So I'm playing a green of Time.

Well you can play. I feel like a bar is a terrible place to play Arena of Time.

So we have.

I want to say, like eight to ten different like console stations. We have like a place to we have PlayStation five and a switch on a big TV. And then at the actual bar top we have a bunch of sets of two controllers, like one of them for a GameCube, one for sixty four.

But no, it's actually really fun. I mean you don't get the audio for a green up Time, but it's fun.

But but you don't really I mean operat have Time. It's not a game you necessarily you pick up and play and put down after five minutes. It's like a it's a whole I mean, it's like a it's like a job.

That's that actually is a good point I. So I started.

I started it, and I got the first two jewels, and then somebody deleted.

It, and so now I'm starting over again. I'm currently in the Pika tree, trying of the first one.

Yeah, dude, people are gonna get fucked up and delete your saves. But well, Jamal, what's up man? What's what's Uh? Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about today?

I don't know.

I'll tell you something funny. So you called me earlier and I didn't answer the phone. I was injecting my butt with testosterone.

Uh, that is very funny. You were injecting your butt with testosterone.

Yeah.

So I go to the gym relatively often, and I've fallen into this like depression.

We'll call it. We'll call it. We'll call it a not a depression, We'll call it a pothole.

I've fallen in this pothole and I was like stopping going to the gym, and I was like having trouble waking up from.

One of my buddies suggested it to me.

He's this six foot eight, gorgeous Brazilian man that's absolutely amazing and hilarious. But he was telling me that he he went through the prestone one points and he went and got some blood test results done and his testosterone was really low. So I went, I got some testosterone results done through a blood test. This is all like, sorry, this is this is something that's new in my life that's really strange. So when I got a blood test and my testosterone level was at two hundred and thirty one,

Sman's just play an Ocarina of Time at an arcade bar and shooting dark web testostrade into his ass.

I googled it. Most testosterone is actually vegan. It's made from soy. Yeah. I don't know why I looked that up.

But I well, then, well, then shove it in your ass, then.

Please exactly, David, go for it.

Well, I mean, that's a bummer that you know you can't just you know, get I'm sorry to hear about your health insurance. Are you are like have you spoken? Are you able to go to a doctor? At all or no.

So my health insurances are we relapsing? I think might be the term. It'll come back up in a month. So in a month, I'll be able to go and see my doctor again and go get all my prescriptions. I'm really open with doctors, so I'll tell them like I tell doctors like how much I smoke, how much I drink, what drugs I do, if I do any drugs, Like I'm very very open with them.

Oh yeah, I was gonna So are you going to let a medical professional know that you're doing this?

Yes, one hundred percent, as soon as I can see a doctor again. So I do one hundred and twenty five milligrams twice a week and then it's a ten week cycle and I'm on week five right now. But it's it's like it's all new territory for me because like as far as me and like I don't know you know, that's I don't I don't know how to explain it's only territory for me because it's I don't

It's kind of funny.

Okay, has this been making you feel better at all?

Oh? So that's that's actually so?

The thing is so so I'm on I'm on week five out of a ten week cycle. My buddy, who's the gorgeous six and eight bazillion man, he takes I think five hundred or like seven hundred milligrams. He's also like he like goes to Brazil for like three months and like hangs out of gym, gets really fat, does a bunch of steroids and works out. So he's like on a different level of stuff. Like he's he's very much like he's using like anyway he was.

He was injecting his ass with dark web testosterone when he was in middle school.

There we go, there we go. But uh so he's on he's on A. He's he's a he's much more.

Professional than I am. That's the thing. Honestly, Like I don't honestly feel that different. I did. It took me a week and a half. But I woke up at seven o'clock in the morning and I went to the.

Gym, and uh, I kind of lied about the about the pothole. It's not a pothole. It's been a pretty big sick coole. It's been about like seven months that I've been in eight months that I've been in this depression, and I haven't been to the gym once.

In like in like those eight months. And so it took me. It took me like a week and a half.

And then and then I woke up one morning and I went to the gym, and I don't I don't feel that different. Actually I did make it to the gym.

I have been going on a couple of hikes.

The gym kind of was.

It was kind of saddening because when I stopped going to the gym, I was benching two twenty five. I was squatting three hundred and forty five or three twenty five and on.

These aren't prs.

These are like I'm doing like sets of ten. I was preacher curling one hundred and fifteen pounds. My Catholic extensions, my calves are huge. There's not a cafol extension machine

Well, I'm going to tell you something, if it makes you feel any better. Yeah, I'm so out of shape that I'm not even one hundred percent sure of anything that you were just talking about. So you're doing better than me.

I appreciate that, wele. I actually really do appreciate that. I am. I don't know.

I remember being at the gym, and I remember thinking myself that I was too fat to be at the gym. And then the next thought that went in my head was that if anybody that I ever knew, even somebody that I didn't like, like, not just people that I care about, somebody that.

I didn't like to tell me that they were too fat to be at the him.

I told them, can I swear?

Okay?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, okay. And if it makes should I haven't, I need to whatever. It's not about me, but.

It says about you. This is about us. We're talking. We're connecting right now.

This is a cool thing to say.

I like that.

Thank you for saying that.

Thank you.

M M. Look man, uh, why don't you, uh just go back to the gym? Are you? Are you just kind of dwelling on on on what what's been lost?

I think maybe I am.

I'm going, uh so to our Thanksgiving. I'm going on a hike with my brother tomorrow. So we got six in the morning. No, I don't have we come a five thirty in the morning. My but they're not gonna go on a hike, which is gonna be nice because we went on the same hike before. It's a five mile hike.

First half is uphill, second half is downhill. And then I'm gonna go home, cook something, go to sleep. Friday, I'll go to the gym.

You're right, it's okay, just dwell on it.

Right, I mean you are by the way, uh, I wouldn't consider waking up at seven am. Uh to go on a hike on a holiday where everyone's going to be sleeping until noon and doing nothing and eating a ship a ton of food. That's your It sounds like you don't need a fat echo to tell you not to dwell, You're already doing it.

It's gonna be the first.

It's gonna be the first, thank saving that I spent alone in a long time.

I thought, you, so we going a hike with my brother, but as far as like, that's gonna be like a two hour thing.

And then after that, I spent the entire day by myself.

What the hell's your brother?

He?

Uh? My brother has.

Been going through like a I don't know.

He's he said that.

I asked him if he wanted to spend dinner together because I had no plans, and he said he was very excited to be alone with his books.

So I chose to respect that.

So are his folks not your folks as well?

Uh? So, our.

Our dad lives in Scotland, so we don't have any family.

And then my mother passed away a long time ago, very very young. All right, that's very young.

I don't really remember her, but my brother or my dad lives in Scotland and so I'll probably get my dad a call at some point in time.

But yeah, we don't really have any family except each other.

So then who are his folks?

Sorry, it's folks.

Yeah, he said he wants to spend time with his folks.

With his books.

Oh okay, give it, hold on, just can we pause for a second chat. Am I stupid? Or did he say books? Or am I just crazy? I thought you I thought you said folks.

Oh no, no, I said the books.

He said he's he's happy to spend his time alone with his books.

Oh crap. Everyone in the chat is telling me that they heard books. Ah man, uh man. What's your name again?

Uh it's it's.

Not actually, but my my fake name is Jamal Jamal Jamal.

Oh god, I I Jamal. You're a cool guy man, for real. I mean that. I'm not just saying I'm just blowing smoke up your ass. I'm I'm impressed by you. I'm inspired by you.

What makes you inspired by me?

You're going on a hike at six in the morning on Thanksgiving? How about that? I mean, do you have any friends? Do you have any do you have any like anyone else you can spend the day with. You have you have any people in your life?

Yeah, so I have. I have. I have a lot of friends.

Actually, I'm a I'm a bartender, and I'm a relatively well known bartender.

At one point in time, I was.

I was listed pretty highly in my bartender communities.

I got listed by Yago's Top one hundred Bartenders in America at one point.

Slight flex there.

Literally literally and you're literally figuratively flexing.

Uh, thank you. That's something I struggled with, is complimenting myself.

So thank you.

But I do have a lot of friends. Usually what happens is is because I never have any family.

Well I don't really have any family in the area, sorry, except for my brother usually travels for work.

It's rare that he's actually in town for holidays, So I usually work holidays.

Or what I do is I throw like big friends Givings.

And this is the first year where so like my roommate, he's got a new girlfriend, so he's spending Thanksgiving with her and her family.

And then my brother wants to be alone with his books.

He recently just got dumped, So that's why he's in like a weird headspace and he just wants to be alone, which is understandable.

We're all very with the exception of him. We are all very.

Happy that he got dumped.

She was they sorry they were not a very good person for him. But usually I'm the one who's like, hey, because I cook a lot, Like, I cook a lot of food.

I cook a lot of French food, Japanese, Italian.

So usually I just want to cook food and make cocktails that invite people over and feed them.

But this is the first year that all my friends are like, yeah, we're.

Hanging out family or we have this going on.

I did just I did just make mistakes, so I don't.

I don't.

So this is the first year where I'm like, hey, I don't have anywhere to go.

I did just So I walked into the bar that I work at and the bars that I'm working with, uh, they asked me what I was doing for Thanksgiving and sort of saying that.

I don't have any plans. I was like, oh, I'm cooking a bunch of food and they're like, oh, well, we have a friends giving going on. Because I said, well, what are you doing?

And they were like, well, we have a friends giving that's going on.

It's kind of like an open invitation that anybody can come, which just happened. Maybe I should, Maybe I should go to the I don't think I should spend Thanksgiving alone?

Should I? I?

Yeah? Why why would you not go to that?

It's a good point. Why would I not go to that? Good?

Uh, say, say say yes to life, my friend? Why not just go to hang out with your homies?

That's it's good. It's yeah, it's a good idea. You know, when you.

Have problems in your head or like yep, or like you're trying to like figure through something yep.

Sometimes just saying.

It out loud yep, you either realize how stupid one thing was or you just realize how obvious something else was.

Right, if you hear it from a you hear it from a perspective that's not muddled in subjective thoughts and thought, yeah.

Yeah, So I can literally just walk back in and just be like, hey, I gotta hike with my brother tomorrow and then I don't really have any plans that on the day.

Do you mind if I come to your friends giving? I'll bringing mac and cheese.

That sounds wonderful.

Man.

Yeah, of course, of course you're gonna have a good time.

Okay, I think I canna do that good.

That sounds way better than playing Opera of Time.

Well, but but as far as tomorrow goes, because tomorrow I was just gonna stay at home and watch anime.

Jamal, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Can I ask you one question, Loyle? Do you watch anime at all? You know?

I watched two animes ever in my life, and they were both when I was in middle school, and one of them was called Sergeant Frog, the main character of that. You can actually look that up. He looks exactly like me, that sergeant I think, I think in I think in in Japan it's called Caroro goonso but uh. And then the other one is called Baka Test. I watched that when I was in middle school too, But other than that, I have not watched any anime. No, it's really just those two.

I was going to say, the new episode of Attack on Titan, the final episode of Attack on Titan came out.

Actually, you know what I am? I actually, uh watched a little bit of Attack on Titan. Oh it's a little bit, but I haven't kept up.

Yeah, as a manly man that I am who takes testosterone and complains about his his pr of the gym, I.

Cried during that episode of I think I cried like twice during the TECHNA take the last episode.

Hey, man, I think you know what I think is manly as hell? What's up being confident enough to be vulnerable in your emotions?

Thanks?

So, of course you take care of Jama.

I really appreciate you.

Love of course, man, have a have a fun friends giving. Man, It's gonna be awesome.

That will do.

Thank you?

Bye bye.

What's up? Man?

Hey, what's up dude? What's going on?

We're just hanging hanging at home. I was watching your stream doing some last minute cleaning before a trip.

Where are you going?

I'm going.

I'm gonna. I'm actually gonna be doing a little California tour with the band.

Oh cool man. It says here you wanted to talk about eating mushrooms and fighting your demon in space?

Right, Yeah, we can talk about that.

Yeah, sure tell me more.

So.

This is my first time taking mushrooms, and I had private experience with a lot of acid and so I was like, hey, you know, I asked a friend, like, you know, what's it like, and they're like, oh, it's a walk in the park. I had to eat a bunch to feel anything, and they're like a bigger person, which I didn't take into account, and so whatever the day times, get some mushrooms, I eat them, and yeah, I just started setting in, really started settling in really good,

And then what were they trying to tell you?

I don't know. I mean, so I started to get this weird, like interconnected type feeling, right, and I almost started to go manic, and I started to say like, yeah, I kind of felt like they were telling me this weird like oh, we're all connected kind of message and shit. And at the same time that this is going on, I started to feel like it feels like my head

Yeah, it was.

It was bizarre anyway, the start coming out when I fucking start to like, uh, I grew up kind of religious, so I started to associate these like weird likabilities with like, you know, the devil and all this shit. And then that's when like it was such a weird feeling. It was like this demon thing that kind of like down It felt like it downloaded itself into my head, and it felt like ancient, and it felt like it's been through like all these weird civilizations and it's like cursed so many people.

It was.

It was a freaky feeling.

What did you say to the demon?

I don't know it just kind of I wasn't able to say anything and kind of just came in and told me like, like you know you're you're gonna die, like your soul's mind like you've you've like lifted the veal on like everything on how it works. So now like you got to die because you already know how everything works.

How did you feel when the demon told you you were going to die?

Oh dude, I felt fucking like not but dread. It was insane, Like I everything in my vision started to turn into like a rotting yellow and everything just started to rot. It was so disgusting. And then like, uh so whatever, I like walk home and everything's just like super depressing and scary, and I get in my bed and like my room is just like the super ugly

Me go and now let me ask you this. How long ago is this? This was years ago and a couple of weirds after the experience was over. Did you learn anything from all the dread that you felt?

Yeah, So it was actually kind of funny because like in the middle of the trip, it like pulls me out of my body and like we have this fight in space and it's like whatever, we're like evenly matched.

Now, after you encountered this demon that was a representation of all of your negativity, did it cause you to take control of that and become less negative?

Yeah?

For sure, for sure. I mean, dude, it was like, yeah, it was scary as fuck. So I kind of I think I did kind of whip my own ass with that. And yeah, I'm not I'm not that big of a dick anymore, I think. So I still talk shit, I still I'm still very opinion opinion Native opinion.

Has the demon reappeared at all in the years since you took the mushrooms?

Not yet, but I think it will because it's really you know, it's funny. Towards at the end of the trip, when it finally left my head, it did this really weird thing where like I was eating a bag of chips right like it had already left my body, and it started talking to me through like a family guy fucking episode.

And then it finally, wait, hold on, this demon, you said, this demon started talking to you through a family guy episode?

Yeah, dude, like it was. Honestly, it sounds like it was. It might have been like a schizo episode or something. It was insane. Anyway, what is that?

What does that mean?

Like a schizophrenic episode? It might have been a schizophrenic episode.

No, but like when you saw a demon talking to you through a Family Guy like you were watching Oh.

Yeah, yeah, So I was watching Family Guy and I just started thinking of like I was like, dude, like, where the hell is this even going? You know, you know, it's like talking the demon in my head. And then as soon as I thought that, it kind of like Stewie just like burst into this like this wall in flames and he was like on fire and it was like this super like hellish depiction. It was so strange.

Have you watched Family Guy at all? Since?

No, it was kind of freaky. It still kind of does freak me out.

But how are you doing nowadays? Like this was all four years ago? Do you feel like, how's your development sort of been with this in the past three years?

I feel like my head's a lot like I'm like in a more how do I say? I feel like I have my head screwed on pretty damn good from since then. Yeah, for sure, Like I have this weird like thing where I think, especially with psychedelics, And obviously this doesn't apply to anybody, like it's not anything to mess around with. But I think the more insane you go, the more like level headed you come back, you know,

Know, I, I know I appreciate that. Right, you have to go a little bit insane. You got to go on that hero's journey of insanity where you kind of actually go into the into the deep basement of your brain in order for your back and be a regular person that you know, stops at stop signs and goes to the grocery stats and says hello to people. You gotta I don't trust anyone who hasn't gone at least a little bit insane at some point in their lives.

Yeah, like fucking break down your tower of whatever the hell you're built.

What's your name again?

My name John?

John? John? Thanks for talking to me about all this stuff. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go? Take it easy, dude, but take it thanks, John.

Have a good one.

All from Lucy.

Hello, Hello, what's up?

Nah?

No way?

Is this Lucy?

It is Lucy?

Lucy? How you doing? Can you? Can you take me off of the speaker phone and the all the do all the stuff for us to be on the phone together.

There we go? Is that better?

Sure? Is Lucy? What's going on?

I'm just doing some late night cleaning, I guess, even though it's not really late.

Where I'm at, where you're at in the universe, I don't.

I don't really know, honestly.

But you don't have to. You don't have to tell me. But you I mean you.

Know, Oh, I mean, I mean I'm in Iaho. So that's it's good.

It's fun.

It's a big potato place.

You know.

Where I'm around. It's a lot of wheat.

I have never seen a potato farm, so I'm sure it is. So, I'm sure there's lots of potato.

I do see a lot of wheat.

Yeah, what's going on with you? Lucy? How how how can I? How can I get you this evening?

Oh my gosh, Well, I don't know. My everything in my apartment is pretty much like broken, So that's nice.

Mm hmmm. But I'm sure that you what sense broken?

Well, you know, my bathroom synk doesn't work when turning on, it leaks and then there's like a puddle in my bathroom, like one of my cabinets fell off the ceiling.

So it's it's a work in progress.

Do you feel worthy of nice things?

I do, honestly, Yeah, especially for how much they charge for rent.

That's good. That's good. Sometimes my toilet clogs, and I'm like, I really, in my gut know that I deserve it.

Oh, you feel like you deserve your toilet?

Every time? Every time I go to flush and the water fills back up and it's diarrhea water. I'm always Oh, I always look at it and go, That's what I fucking get.

Why Why do you feel like you deserve That's that's what's saying.

I don't know. I feel like it happened if I didn't. I feel like getting your toilet clogged with diarrhea water is something that only happens to people who deserve it.

Maybe next time you'll just have to like learn to midway flush.

What's the mid Oh you know what? That's the way? Yeah, I'm dumb, is like, I. Yeah, you got a midway flush. You got to do two flushes. You gotta do one to get the diarrhea down and then another one to get the well I start. I got to a point where I was using paper towels instead of toilet paper. And that's a recipe for right. I deserve it. I deserve it. The more information they give you, yeah, I do. And that's okay. When you when you and that's better.

Yeah.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm.

I look to forgive yourself.

Yeah yeah, yeah. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I look horrible, and I'm like I'm like, I deserve that too. I eat a lot of meat Lover's pizza today. These aren't things, these aren't massive. I actually think these are not problems. This is these are all good things. These are all like I'm at. It's peaceful. There's a real peace in looking at the diarrhea toilet and understanding that you deserve it. There's tension when you look at the diarrhea toilet and you go, oh my god, why

You are right, I know that exactly. It's like you accept the pure chaos your life is at that moment and you're just it's just what it is.

Hm. Hmm is there anything? Is there anything that I can help you with at this at this moment or try to.

Hmmm, Well, I don't know sometimes you have like a prompt I feel like I need an intriguing question.

No, I don't have prompts anymore.

You don't have anymore?

Yeah, should I bring him back?

You should? Because I just started listening from like the beginning of your episodes. Yeah, you still three or so weeks ago or something.

I just don't like. I got bored of them after a while, Like, well, what are some good prompts?

Hm hmm.

I don't you know.

That's a great question exactly that could that could be.

Prompt prompts are limiting. Prompts are like, all right, we're gonna go deep into something. In when I was in high school, I learned about this might all be a fucking lie. In high school, I learned about why certain people in the US government when it was being founded, why they opposed the Bill of Rights. And I've learned that some people had issues with the Bill of Rights because they thought that if the Bill of if, if our rights were defined narrowly, it would leave other rights

I do so.

Yeah, well so for it's like the prompt, it's like what it's like the problem that people have at the Bill of Rights. It's like, well, what if somebody wants to tell a story that's not you know, wins the time that you felt. I don't know, I can't even think of a fake prompt to do it. But like if the prompts, they exclude all things that are not within the prompt, and that's why I always took a shue with them.

I mean, that's valid. You could have a prompt and be and say or open ended what you'd like to talk about, right, But I guess that's a lot more words and that's lot more energy, So that's hard.

You know.

Look, sometimes I do this stream and I'm like, I don't know if this is this went well, But then other times I'm like, this was really interesting. I'm looking forward to having, you know, people listen to this, and that's okay.

It is.

It really is.

Sometimes you can't have every moment, can't be extremely exciting, because then there are no exciting moments.

I like the way you think, Lucy.

Thank you. I feel like we're on the same page.

I do too. I actually feel listens.

To Wow, thank you, that's a great compliment.

Well, glad your house is clean. That's awesome.

Yeah, it's still a work in progress. But like even if your cabinet falls off the ceiling, you can still make it a good day. It's a better day now.

No, it sounds like a shit day.

It kind of is a shit day. But most of my days we're kind of shitty, So.

It's okay.

Lucy. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Hmmm, I don't I don't know. I think I'm going to tell them that they need to brush their teeth before they go to bed. Who everyone, you brush your teeth before you go to bed.

No, you don't have to do that.

Ship your teeth.

You're gonna get cavities then, yeah, well already I have four.

So you have four cavities.

My teeth are in a lot of pain at the times.

Like you're a bit of a hypocrite, Lucy.

I might be projecting my problems onto the people at the stream, and I apologize all the time.

Maybe that'll be my next question. Maybe that'll be my next prompt, is that do you brush your teeth?

Well?

Oh okay, I would be interested to see how that worked out.

Have a the rest of the night, Lucy, you too, I will I'll see you later.

Get by, dude, Hey, what's up?

Not much. I am in the middle of a Legal Legends game. But it's okay.

You're in the middle of a League of Legends game, I am, Is it ranked?

It is?

Well, you're gonna have to take a couple of points of a hit, are you?

Are you?

Are you good? Are you good?

Oh?

Yeah, I'm good?

All right? How do you? I don't get you know? What is okay? This is unrelated to any anything, but well I actually know it is. But okay, So League of Legends and DODA and like these what do you call them MOBA's games? Yeah, they're like the most popular esport in the world, right, Like there's BA in Korea that are where it's like more popular than football and

Honestly, I think it's legal legend. Players also don't know what's going on, so I think it helps because we're also just really lost and we're just pinging everywhere. But I think it's like the skill cap is so high. People are like, wow, I could never do that, but it's like, you really just got log in and lose. That's all I do.

I'm realizing now I could say the same thing about baseball. So anyway, what's your name again?

It's Ashley.

Ashley. You sent me a text and you just say all you said was is my coworker cringe? Or am I a hater?

I didn't know how much to put like I didn't know if I could like just like put a wall of text, but I didn't like.

What what you wall of text me with your words?

Okay, okay cool. So I have a coworker and I just don't know if I like have like a distaste towards her because she just kind of does really just annoying, not herful, just like cringe things, just like seven does things. I'm just like, I can't believe you're saying that, like to people you don't really really know. We have a pretty cushy, cozy dob. So we work. We work in a really cozy job, like our boss is great. It's an office jobs, very very easy, very cozy, you know,

Answer you now, you should put it. You should put laxative in her coffee. That's my it's my official declaration. That's my official answer to this inquiry. No I am I'm gonna be I'm gonna be so honest with you, Ashley. You seem like a nice person. I have no idea what you just said at all. Oh I really have no. No, No, it's not it's not your fault. It's probably mine, But I am no, I have no idea what you just said. And I think that this person and you are both How old are you?

I'm twenty six.

All right, So you don't you don't you have how much long do you have left to live? Fifty? You at least fifty years left to live, and so does she.

One day?

But what one day? Both of you guys are going to be fucking dead, and nothing that you ever said or did will matter, including any of the cringey or profound things that either of you said. And so if this woman wants to tell people to quit their jobs because they're sad, or wants to talk to everyone like a kindergartener, let her do her things she's got she's like. Treat her, Treat her like she's a dying old man,

Yeah, No, I think it's been eye opening.

Good are you It sounds like you're still playing. I heard some keyboard clicks.

Yeah, we're crushing it.

Okay, Well, I'm gonna let you get back the league. Is there anything else you want to say to the people in the computer before we go.

Ashley, No, I think I think we have an understanding.

Okay, good, Well, have a good rest of the night.

Well, thank you so much, have a great day.

That made so much sense what I just said.

Neverbacon goes on the line making calls every night.

Every Beacon goes to just teaching yours loud

In the mean of your life.