Hello, Hello, hey, Lyral, what's up?
What's up? Man? What's your name?
Uh? My name is Sweet James.
Sweet James, Sweet James. To what do I owe the honor? Sweet James?
Well, I was hoping I'm a text call your attention, and luckily you did.
I don't even know what you texted me. Uh I just called this number randomly.
Oh no way, I'll feel honor. Man.
Hmmm, well, what did you text me, Sweet James?
I forgot to be honest, it was a while ago.
But are you not You didn't forget. I know exactly what you texted me. You texted me and you said your show should be canceled.
Oh so you also lied to me and you say you didn't see it, but you did see it.
I did. I lied to you. I lied to you because I wanted you to. I wanted to hear it from you.
I don't uh you know, I felt about it that way when I first left into you. Don't get me wrong, I did. But then like I just kind of like got addicted to the show. I'm like, oh man, this is some real life ship right here, you know.
Dude, I want to Here's the thing is I want to like I called you, And then there was another guy who was like, you need to get a real job, and I want to have a conversation with someone who like just actually genuinely really hates me. I think that would be an interesting conversation, you know what I mean. I want to I want to fight someone on here. Everything it's like it's always you know, therapy is nice, but it'd be I wanted. I wanted. I like an argument. I want to argue with someone.
You see, hate. Hate is such a strong word. I don't think it's not hate.
It's like, well, sorry, go ahead, I want to let you finish.
No, I was gonna say, I think it was more of like I said, at first, when I first started listening to your podcast, I didn't like open my mind to what you were trying to actually, you know, help well I would say help people out, but you were actually trying to listen to people and then give them a bias if you can. At first, I was like, oh man, this this guy is just you know, I guess, exposing people in their things. But then like you can't
really expose them because they're the one calling. So I was trying to Like I was, I was like, let me see what you know, what this is about. And I started going from episode to episode to episode, and they just kind of got deeper and deeper and help people have all these real life problems. And it made me think, like, oh man, Like I I'm complaining about the littlest shit, but there's people out there in the
real world that actually going through shit. And that's why, you know, slowly started off getting uh, the attention of listening to your show. I'm just like, oh man, I gotta be real really lucky to be where I'm at and and appreciate the little things because some people have really bad you know.
So what's going on with you, sweet James?
Oh man, I I've been doing this better.
Man.
I did went through some ship like two years ago, three years ago, but I'm doing better. Uh two three years ago, man, I I'm my fucking baby. Mama cheated on me and she fucked this guy while we're still living together, and she slept over at the guy's house while we were still living together. That really fucked me up. But you know, I got I got the press. I became an alcoholic just to drown my demons. That led to a d d U I and that was like my wake up in jail.
Man.
I was like, fuck, I have this kid and he's relying on me and I'm fucking here in the stale. So that really woke me up. And I just been kind of you know, I'm not saying I was sober, but I don't. I don't. I barely drink now. So it's definitely changed me a lot. And right now I'm in a good spot. I have a good job, I have my family that supports me with my kid. I'm saving the money. I'm looking to get my own place. It's been great, man, I can't complain.
How long ago were you in jail?
Just like like a night, like a day type of thing.
How long ago, dude?
I was like twenty twenty four.
Oh okay, all right, So it's been a couple of years.
And the fucked up thing was that it was my mom's birthday that day and I got sucked up that night, so it wasn't a good birthday present from my mom.
So you got a good job now, and you've got families helping take care of your kid. How old are your kid?
He's four, man, he's gonna be five in April. He's gonna go to school this year, so time going by fast. Once you have a kid, you.
Know, Wow, how old are you?
I'm twenty eight? Man?
Cool?
Cool?
And what's up with the mom?
Ah, dude. I was just talking about it with my homie last night, so I don't want to put it out there. But she her mom. When we started dating, she let me live with her and my baby mama for a little bit. But I thought they were nice and cool at first, but then I kind of really started seeing what was going on with her family. It was just like a lot of trauma back then, and so I was like, all right, well, we need to get out of here. So I got an apartment, Me
and my baby Ama moved to the apartment. But then I slowly started saying that she was like being the same as her mom, and she will tell me, She'll be like, hey, I don't want to be like my mom. So I started doing like, like, you know, like let me know. But at the time, I was like, who am I, you know, to tell you how to live your life. And then once we had our kid, it was it was kind of hard because she so her mom.
She uh, you know whatever. She has a couple of kids sold from different dads, so she kind of grew up around that kind of trauma and I didn't want that for our kid, and apparently she did it either at the time. So I try to work that out. But it's just those people that are so traumatized that they don't see it, you know what I mean, They don't see how how fucked up their life was. She just thinks it's any other regular day, if that makes sense.
Yeah, that makes sense.
And so on. Yeah. Oh, and I was just gonna say so, like, yeah, that kind of that cycle kind of repeat it between you and unfortunately it just didn't work out.
So is she still like have an active role in your in your kid's life.
So we we co parents. I have him half the week, she hasn't the other half of the week. We we definitely get along more as parents than a couple, which is fine. Only the lemma is that once uh shit happened between us and we broke it off, she kind of just started partying and kind of you know, going from God to guy and whatever, each on their own, but she relies on guys financially. So she dates a
guy for like three four months. She moved. She moves into their place and she brings my kid and that kind of bothers me because she just bringing your kids to random dudes.
You know, Yeah, I get what you mean. How does I mean does that? Do you notice a way in which that affects your kid?
I don't know. Man, Like, at first, he was like two when we first broke it off, so he, you know, did really understand. But now that he's being five, he's catching up with the world, so he definitely kind of I know he sees, you know, dudes come in and out of his mom's life. But I don't think it's been affected because you know, he still calls me his dad. He still knows that I'm there for him. You knows
I'm his real dad. But I know over time, he's probably gonna go to the same trauma she did, and I don't want that.
Well, what makes you feel like he's he's going to go through the same trauma that she.
Did because she can't like how do I say, Like she can't focus on herself, she has to rely on somebody. She needs somebody's attention to move on with her life. Because that makes sense.
You said she needs somebody's attention or like she she needs a guy who will like take care of her and her child.
I guess both in a way. Like I said, the relationship doesn't work with whatever guy she's with, and she quickly moves on to another, and so on and so on, and it's kind of being a psycle now to this point, like she can't be vayable, not even for her own she can't even think about it for our own kid.
You know, you know it's tough, man. I feel like the only thing you can really like, Like, I feel like you have a lot. I mean what you have? Like what fifty to fifty custody?
No? I mean no, Well, she put me on child support because they needed some kind of medicaid for the kid. Oh there's another thing. By the time, she was living with this guy, and she lied that she was a single mom. So they were like, wor's the dad, and they looked for me. And now I'm paying for his medicaid, which I'm fine with that because we need a doctor. And I'm also paying for his child support. But we still copare, which doesn't really make sense.
You know, how often do you see your son?
I have the Thursday through Sunday, she has some Sunday through Thursday.
Okay, that's more or less fifty fifty.
But yeah, But the other thing is, like my family never got involved with her problems. It's always always it's always been myself against her and her family. Uh, you know she's Asian, so you know her her parents always gonna get involved. Oh they always you know, want to get whatever the dad says it's gonna go. And I feel like that's what it's been hard on me.
Well let'sten listen here. I mean, I don't know, man, I kind of feel like, yeah, I know it's it's definitely hard. But like, dude, there's this like you can only really use so much, like well you could, yeah, you can only really play defense in this situation, you know what I mean, Like like you legally relinquish fifty of the custody of the child to your ex wife or ex girlfriend or whatever.
And.
You know that you gotta you have to in some way surrender to that unless if you like, unless if you believe that there was like a legal basis by which she is like actively bringing harm or neglect or abuse to your child. If it's if there's something like
that going on, you have more options. But if it's just like, oh, she's just bringing him to all these like weird guys and like he's getting a lot of like impressionable dudes, and it's just like kind of weird, Like it's not it's not enough for it to be
like something you can fight against. And so in that situation, all you can really do is play defense, which just to me and which honestly is to me and exactly what you're already doing from what it sounds like, you know what I mean, being like, when he's with you, you're like, I'm your father. You can always trust me, you can always you always have my support, you can tell me anything you can. I will always be there for you, like all these things that you're telling me
that you're doing. He'll be fine, you know. I mean, like I don't I don't know. I don't know exactly what's going on with when he's not around, right right, But but you but when he is around, he's with you half the fucking week. That's a lot. That's a lot of time to just do. Again, dude, just doing exactly what you're doing, Like, don't like, dude, honestly, can I be honest with like this is just speaking out whatever you're fighting with this woman and her family. Don't
fucking do that. That's just gonna you like take all your mental energy and focus it on like being the best version of yourself that you can be and also uh just being the best like fucking dad that you can be to your kid. Like and it's everything that you're already doing again, just like making sure that your kid knows that you're there for them and and like showing it right. But like what what, like are what the fuck do you need to be arguing with your
ex girlfriend's mom about? You know what I mean? Like like if I if.
I'm sorry, I was gonna say, well, can I tell you a quick story about one of her boyfriends and why I started thinking that way? So Tuesday in this zoo right and you know, she dated him for like two three months, moving with him right away, brought my kids. She lied about it. She said he was staying with grandma. Of course I know he wasn't staying with grandma. The dude was like bipolar, So that was one of my concerns when she dropped them off and they were kind
of arguing. So I'm like, you know, like I was like, okay, well try not to argue in front of my kid, because me and her, we never argue in front of him. Uh So, you know, I thought, you know that you didn't want that around him. And one time she wanted me to. She had a slow day at work, so she was like, hey, can you can you guys come in. I'll hook you up with some food and stuff like that. I just want to see him. I'm like, yeah, that's fine.
I brought him, man, you know whatever. We ate and she clocked out and we're walking back to the parking lot, and to do it was kind of like controlling because he will drop her off and pick her up with her own car, and I was carrying my kid and you know whatever she w wasn't with her. Dude, I was going back to my car and I just looked at him for a second and then I looked back and he jumps out the car. Dude, he jumps out the car, and he's like, what what the fuck are you looking at this?
This?
And that? All while I was trying to hold my kid. I'm like, dude, like, are you fucking serious? Like I'm holding my kid and you're trying to find me while I'm holding my kid, and then I told her, I'm like, LOI is what the fuck I'm talking about? Like you Kim been bringing this kind of dudes around him, and so that kind of started me a little bit because if he did that ship to me in front of my kid, like, I can only imagine how the as
you know, when I'm out around. Yeah, and that's why I got me thinking a lot, like man, like she's just doing like.
You know, I feel like I still I still stand pretty firm on everything I'm saying, which is like, well, so for so for example, right like, uh, you know, you're you pick up your kid and then you see that your ex girlfriend and this guy like screaming fighting at each other, right, and you're like, what the fuck can you not be doing that in front of Like why, Like I just like I want to fuck it. I don't want my kid hanging out in this environment.
Right.
You're you're you're crippled by the fact that you you rightfully owe fifty percent custody to his mother to raise him how she sees fit because she's his mother. You know you got fifty percent. So listen, like in your situation, the second you get your kid back you you know, don't I the one You don't. What you don't want to do, in my opinion, is like talk shit about his mom, talk shit about like you don't want to
be like your mother. You don't. You don't want to try to like pit your because because your kid's mom still, because it's still because the kid's it still's mom. It's stills mom. It's someone he loves and cares about. So you don't want to be like, uh, pitting him against her and being like, you know, like you don't want to treat it like you're you're interrogating him or collecting
intel or anything like that. You know, but but you do have an opportunity to sit down, to sit with him and be like, hey man, listen just so you know, if anything happens, you can always, dude, just what you're
doing already. If anything happens, I have your back. You can tell me anything I got you, so like listen till for example, like like God, God forbid, and I don't know what's going on in your brain, but if like God forbid, like one of her like crazy ex boyfriends like puts a hand on your kid, right, like I know it's it's it's a thing where you're like, uh uh fuck, I don't even wanna be have my kid be in fucking situations where I can imagine that happening, right,
But but you're that. But you're there in case if he's over with his mom and some shit goes down, like he has someone he can he can talk to about it and handle it like a fucking adult. You know, he's that he doesn't feel like he's alone because he we don't want him to feel like he's alone, But you also don't want him to feel like he's he's like at war or or that he's like you know, being pit against you know, uh, each other, because that's
not fun either. You know, my my parents are divorced, and I I I don't think I mean my parents are are are good with each other now, but I don't think it's a good healthy thing to like, uh, for parents to be like talking talking shit about each other, you know. So so yeah, you're doing the best thing that you could be doing, which is just making sure you're there for him and letting him know that if
some shit goes down, uh, you got him. But also you know, having also in this way like for your own mental clarity, like surrendering to the fact that, like when he's not with you, there's unfortunately like limited things that you can do to protect him, which is which I mean, I'm not going I'm not going to lecture you about being a father. I don't have kids.
You do.
But the thing about like when he when your kid's not with you, you can't protect him, isn't That's kind of part of parenthood at a some degree, is being like, your kid's gonna go to school, your kid's gonna do like your kid is their own person, in their own Your kid is in like your kid as like a citizen of the planet. Is like, imagine you have like a friend or like someone you really care about that
has like a shitty girlfriend or a shitty mom. You're like, You're like, it's like you know what I mean, It's like this is a person. This, your kid is like a fully fledged person you care about that's in a shitty situation, which is that his mom is bringing him around dudes who are like fucked up or whatever. And just like if you have just just like if you have a friend who has like a shitty girlfriend, it's like this you could always tell you tell your friend.
That's what you tell your friend. Hey, brother, listen, if you need something, I got you. If you need I'm your friend, I'm your father or whatever. But you can't. But you also surrender to the fact of like, fucking nothing I can do. He's that's that's that's his that is his mom.
You know.
So don't like I just I say this not to be like defeatist, but I say it just to like kind of spare you a little bit of mental energy. I suppose do you get what I'm saying? Does ever listen?
Ask?
So I don't have kids that you do, So tell me if any of this sounds fair, No.
It goes, it makes sense. I feel like at some point he's going to see it himself, like, oh, like you know, I'm going I'm going around. Uh, I'm going around. No, no bad.
I feel like I want to hear what you had to say. But I'm just curious where you are.
Oh I just got home, but my parents were living so they asked me if I had keys to the house. But okay, okay, But I feel like he's going to see that himself, you know what I mean, Like I wouldn't really have to explain much myself. I feel like he's going to see it. He's going to be like, what the fuck is my mom doing bringing all these dudes around, And meanwhile, I'm just chilling doing my thing. I'm not bringing any woman around him. So he's gonna
see himself. He's gonna, you know, I see HS is gonna acknowledge it, and you know, but it's gonna kind of suck for me. I kind of feel bad, like, you know, in a way, but yeah, of course, of course. But yeah, I mean like it was harder for us. It was definitely hard man. That was that was my my darkest time, because she just moved on like nothing happened, Like she just didn't bring her family. I'm like, you y'all here partying and fucking dudes, and I'm over here
behind the press. You you you tear a friendly apart. But I guess everybody coops different, you know, like, And it's funny because at the time that all that shit happened, or or least was uh coming up. So we're looking for a new apartment and then I was like, well,
screw that, I'm gonna move back with my parents. So we're we're packing stuff, and my kid had his own room and we unpacked his room last, and it kind of me up that we had to split had him happen half his stuff, you know, And yeah, I know, and she didn't care. I'm like, how do you not care? And have you seen in the movies like how guys just chilling and like the whole entire room just slowly disappears.
That's how kind of felt like, Damn, everything I worked for for family, it's just gone in the day, you know, Can I.
Can I I hope I'm not being naive by saying this stuff. But can I just say this and you just tell me if it resonates with you? Because you're talking about the families split up? Uh, this I might, this might I'm this might be some hippi shit that I'm about to say. But and I but I don't know. I'm just I'm feeling it as I'm talking to the families. You're you're you're this fucking kid's dad and you you're
with him. You know. I grew up divorced parents too, and my my dad feels like my dad, my mom feels like my mom, you know, because they were there in my so like I have a fan. I I have a family, you know what I mean? Your kid is not going to feel like he doesn't have a dad, judging by what's up, judging by my my intuition for how you exist in his life. So whatever happened in this physical fracture that like he has to deal with and you have to deal with is is is totally
a bummer and totally sad. But don't spiral into thinking that the family is is gone, that everything you worked for is gone. Because listen, brother, you're you're a good dad. That's not going away. You get to see your kid a good amount of his life. You're you're, you're gonna be there, and so you you're gonna you The family is not broken up. It's not like he had to like move to you know, Indianapolis, or you're fighting for custody or whatever. Like you're in a good you're in
a good spot. So I wouldn't spiral again too hard about like, oh my family is gone, Like he's right there, like he's gonna feel, he's gonna feel in his gut that you're his his dad. You know, it's he's not gone.
Right.
Right? Well, I don't how do I say. I mean that's how I felt at the moment. You know, like, damn, everything worked hard for I was the main provider, you know, I did everything for her. I I didn't want an kid at first, to be honest, I was the type of dude I was like, I don't want kids. Fuck that. But like I met her, and it's just everything failed, right. You know. We got an apartment, we got to the nice cars, we were financially stable. It just felt right to have a kid, you know, and we had him
the first year. Two we're great, and she fucking went downhill after that, and it just kind of sucked that it ended so early in his life. And just the traditional type of dude that you know, she just wants who have a family and in the fucking house and why not.
You know, Yeah, I give what you mean. I give what you mean. But look, man, you're look, you're a young dude. You're are you dating?
Ah? Dude about that? Like I met some girls and you know, dating apps and whatnot, but like it's not the same dude, Like all these girls are just like they want one and one things, so they want to get back and or what do you what do you a few things.
It's not When you say it's not the same, do you mean it's not the same as your ex?
No, it's just it's just a girl. Oh no, girl, Well girls now that I've talked to, whynot? Maybe I haven't met the right one yet, but the girls that I've talked to recently, it's just it's just, you know, if they're not getting attention from social media or dudes, they're just gonna move on. Like it's just like that.
What do you mean by that they're not getting attention from social media? What does that mean? What does social media you have to do with this? Are you okay? All right? I'm gonna are you? Are you saying and we could are are you saying that? Like you're on dating apps and you feel like, and I get you feel like the women that you're interacting with on dating apps are not really there to get into the kind of serious relationship that you want to get into and
are mainly there for like dates and attention. Is that basically yeah?
Yeah, mmmm, Like it's a different it's a different it's just a different world now, you know.
But is that? I mean, buddy, how true is that?
Like?
Where where do you live? You don't have to give me your longitude latitude? But what do you Where do you live?
I live in Central, well, not Central, I live in Texas, Dallas.
You live in Dallas. Yes, sir, you're telling me there's no women. You're first, you're a great age, you can you can date what like?
What like?
You're telling me there's no women in Dallas who want to have a real relationship.
I'm not saying there's not. I'm just saying I haven't met one.
Yeah, I'm just I just I guess I'm passionate about this only because I'm a big I'm really big on like what you believe about yourself and the world and women and men and fucking whatever. Is like what you find? I really feel that way?
And where do you find that? I guess because you know, you can go to a bar and you only go to meet a girl to like going out and partying whatever. Or you can go to like a library and I meet a girl that goes to school and text a live series. Sure. Yeah, And I guess I feel like I'll be looking at the wrong places sometimes too.
Yeah. I mean, I'm not, I'm I'm truly, I'm truly no dating expert. But my big thing is, like I try, I try not to develop negative schemas about, uh, what the people in the world are are like in general.
Wat you want to be open, you know, trying to be like, oh you like doing this, Okay we can do that, or oh I don't know. I just feel like, like I guess the type of woman I've talked to, they just have options and there's just no longer no interest. Then they just cuts you off and move on to the next which is fine, you know, but it seems to be like a psycho at this point.
Yeah, you might have Here's the thing is that might have to happen to you about fifteen more times before you find something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have to happen to you about thirty seven more times. That might have to happen to you about seven hundred and forty more times before you find the person that you're really gonna be happy with. But just you gotta just but you have to just fucking you have to just eat that,
you know, you know, you just eat it. Yeah, yeah, I mean you sometimes sometimes in life, like it with dating or whatever, like sometimes when things happen, you just have to continue. You just have to keep eating it, and then while you're eating it, believe like you have
to just shovel diarrhea into your mouth. And while you're like your cheeks are like coiled, you look like ed Ed and Eddie when they have the jawbreakers that you're just cheeks with diarrhea and you have to I'll be looking like that and going soon its gonna that some some something good is gonna happen. You have That's how you have to do it. You have to just take it and fully believe that something good is gonna happen, because that's that's your only maybe you know what I mean,
I really believe. I believe that's so uh strongly. My I've talked about this on here before. My dad my mom got divorced after eleven years of marriage and then each of them found better partners than each other when they were in there like mid to late forties. So it might take ten years before you find a woman that you're happy with. I know that's not fun to hear,
but actually just yeaheah. Time time will come, but it but it guaranteed won't come if you're not able to have that optimism while you're eating the diarrhea because if you're eating the day, because if you're eating diarrhea and then you start being like all food is diarrhea, then it's then you just eat diarrhea until you're uh, you know, until you die. You just can't let your just you really like in all things, can't let your prior. I
know it's weird, right, you're you're in life. We do pattern recognition things and we take what's happened thus far, and we take ourselves and we take whatever and we use it to form our idea of what the future is going to be like. But that's not a good
way to do things. I mean, you can learn and you can adapt, but when you start developing schemas in your head of like all women uh are are the same, or like the like the whole flation thing, or like you like you just you, but you just build a scheme that doesn't lead you anywhere.
Good.
So yeah, well, if I'm being honest, man, like dating is not really a priority right now. Like I'm content with life. Like I said, I have a pretty good job, saving enough money, pay off the ball whatever they have to have to Oh, happy with my kid. My kid is my purpose.
You know.
If I find the person, that's just a plus one at this point, Like, I'm content with being alone by myself, you know my kids. He makes me happy, so I'm happy, and so I'm good.
Ricky Bobby. Wait, you're not Ricky Bobby. You're a sweet James.
I'm sweet James.
Fuck I talked to another guy before you called Ricky Bobby. Okay, we'll cut that out or we won't. Whatever it's Brandon can decide if he wants to cut that out or not. Sweet James. H thanks thanks for sharing all this stuff. I also I know that you. I know, I appreciate you believing I'm here to expose people and then and then going through the process of exposing yourself, and I I appreciate I appreciate you exposing yourself to us. It's been helpful.
I just yeah, I just did it to my sol huh. Well na, Like, like I said, that was my first thoughts, and you know, I just got into your show. I'm just like, damn, there's some real life ship right here.
But yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
Are you coming to Dallas?
I don't know. I'm definitely coming to Austin. And I'm eighty percent sure, I'm coming to Houston, and I might if enough people, if enough people want me to do it, I'll come to Dallas. Yeah, I usually did. I've done Dallas. I've done Dallas twice before, so I might. I might come back. We'll see. If I started like, really, I the material real I have for the shows so far, I'm pretty jazzed on. I still I still have a
lot more left to do. But if I start being like, yo, I think this material and these shows are really popping off, then I'll probably add a bunch more.
But I think you have are I think you'll have a great audience for Dallas. There's a lot of crazy ship over here.
Well, I hope to see you there, sweet James, and.
Be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm the guy that balks myself. I'm trying to you.
If you say that, I won't remember. But if you say if you talk about uh uh the stuff that we talked about, I'll remember.
Yeah, I'll hope. I'll hope to see you soon, man, and and and I like your work now. I like what you do. Oh, just keep doing what you're doing. Man, You're a good person.
Oh, thank you, Sweet James. Hey, you too, man. Keep being her good fucking dad, all right, don't don't beat yourself up, and don't lose sleep at night.
You know, I I really appreciate from the botto my heart. It makes me happy that you to hear from somebody that I'm being a good dad.
And it's a lot beautiful man. Take care of sweet James.
There's something I can say for the people on the internet. Yeah, of course, don't forget to wipe your ass and wash your hands, because a lot of people wipe their ass and then wash their hands.
Do a lot of people do that?
I hope not. Shit.
Wait, hold on, what if you're I don't wait, why are you supposed to wash your hands after you I've had dude? Okay, So by like muscle memory. I wash my hands every time I use the bathroom. But there's been a couple of times where like I raise my hands up and I sit down on the toilet and I pee, and then I go like I have to, you know, and then I go, and then I go, and then I go. I wash my hands. My hands feel dirty if I don't, but I'm like I didn't.
My hands didn't interact with any bathroom stimulus us. What's the point.
Well, you see, you're you're still in the air where it's contaminated with dookie. There's still dookie particles in the air.
Yeah, but there's dooky particles in the air everywhere.
Especially in the bathroom.
Yeah, but yeah, they're I mean they're everywhere. You know, when you walk every all the people that you see walking around you there and in any place, they all have assholes that have poop, have poop that particles of it float into the air.
I mean, I feel more comfortable they watch their hands off of this ship than not washing their hands, because you know, you know you've been I'm pretty sure you've been there. You wipe your butt, you get a little bit on your finger, and you wipe it off, and you still wash your hands. A lot of people will just walk off to the bathroom. Off the bathroom.
All right, I'm gonna let you go, Sweet James, all right, Laro.
Have a good one, be served.
I hope you you too. Man, You take care, thanks for calling man all right? By man, No, Sweet James, Sweet James, what sweet you know what, I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. Fuck you, I'll say it. Sweet James, sweet guy. I like sweet James. It's interesting, it's interesting talking about the kids stuff. I like thinking. I like the thinking exercise of it. You know, uh yeah, I hope he doesn't lose sleep at night if you ship though, and the paper doesn't. If you shop, You're like,
I'm touching clean toilet paper. Why do I have to wash my hand? I do I do it? By the way, I'm not saying I don't, but I'm just kind of, I don't know, just thinking about it. Hello, Hello, what's up man?
This is wild?
Right?
Oh yeah, who is this?
I'm gonna give a fake name. I'm gonna I'm gonna say my name is Jeremiah.
Jeremiah. That's a lot of syllables for a fake name.
Well is that? Are you gonna be able to remember that?
Definitely not, But it doesn't matter. I'll call you a bunch of different names. No, well, Jeremiah, how about call.
Me Jerry for short, Jerry.
Like Jed fake name. Jerry's a good fake there. I feel like fake names have no business being anything more than one syllable fake names that we both Okay, So if you're like coming up with an alias to trick somebody. Then the more syllables the better, right, Like what is it from? Art? Oh? Fuck Art? Vandala?
It's multiple syllables, but the last name is multiple syllables.
Art, last names multiple syllables. But if if we're just doing we both know that it's a fake name. To keep it, keep it simple, okay, Jerry, Yes, you texted me and you said, Hello, Lyle, I am currently in a sex Addicts anonymous meeting and would like to be on your Gecko show. You texted me that a half hour ago. Are you still okay? Multiple questions A, are you still in this meeting? And then B why are you taking phone calls during the meeting?
Uh?
Well, one, no, it actually just got over. And two Uh I that's a good question. I suppose it's because there's there's some so it's a zoom call and I there there's some readings in there that I've heard a million times. I wasn't exactly sure when you would call me, so I I kind of just left left it out in the open to see to see if you would listen.
Listen, brother, listen, brother. You can hear the readings time after time, But do you do you understand the readings.
Mm hmm.
I I think that sometimes whenever I'm hearing the readings, they feel they feel I feel more connected to them. It just depends on the day, you know what I mean, Like some days the readings hit. Other days it's just like I'm just they're listening, waiting for my prind to share. Yeah.
I think I feel like the readings portion of those kinds of meetings is not the not the sauce.
No, And I mean sometimes it is. And lately because I've been trying to go about or been trying to come to the meetings about every day for the last like month to month and a half. And most of the time I try to make it a point too, because we all take turns reading, and I try to make it to at least read a portion of it so that I'm present in that moment of the reading. Yeah, but it's definitely like if I'm not reading, I'm probably
tuning out. And there's definitely been times where I'm like there's somebody reading and I'll like turn off my camera or something and go grab some more coffee, or maybe I'll go like say, what's up to my girlfriend who's in the other room, or something like that, and it definitely feels less present. But whenever it gets to the shares and stuff, I definitely try to sit down and like listen to everybody and everything.
Do you only go online, yes, so you don't have to talk about it. I assumed you texted me with this information because you wanted to talk about it. But if you do, what sparked you to want to start going to these meetings every single day?
Well?
I started going to the meetings in general in the middle of December following a discovery from my girlfriend. She found out I was cheating on her and I was doing a bunch of shady shit on social media, dming people behind her back and things. I'm very not, very much so not proud of things that I've struggled with my entire life, with all of my relationships, and I have always had an inkling that I am a sex addict.
But it's like, like how an alcoholic, you know, just has trouble facing the problems of being an alcoholic, Like it's hard to take that first step to get into the room and to try and get into some sort of recovery and so, and I love her very much despite.
All of the mistakes I've made.
Despite all the lies I've told, I definitely feel a lot of love, care, and a lot of emotion regarding her and our relationship. And I think that the regret that I felt from hurting her so deeply with my addiction set me to finally take that step into those rooms and finally admit to myself that I need help because I'm completely powerless over this addiction, like how somebody would be addicted to cigarettes or alcohol or something like that.
And it honestly set me down a very crazy path of discovery, even outside of the sexual addiction, like I've I am now over three weeks sober from weed, which I have not taken a break from weed in over eleven or twelve years, and I'm currently working at an autism clinic, working with kids and doing these things to improve my life and try, and I don't know, make like I finally wanted to be in service of others
instead of continuing to be selfish. And because it's like a path and a journey to recovery, like I slip up. I have lapsed since being in the program, and I've continued to make mistakes, but I'm still showing up today, I actually acquired a sponsor for the first time and reached out to somebody may made a phone call and talked about actually starting to work on the twelve steps, which I feel was a very big thing for me because I had been sitting on that for a couple
of weeks now. And yeah, so, I mean it's like it's like getting caught stealing. You know, you face the consequences.
But I also just wanted to do this for myself, like outside of the relationship, Like I told her, like even if she were to break up with me today, I would still be wanting to show up to the essay meetings and doing it for my And there were times where like she wasn't talking to me, or like she was taking her space, and I was at my parents' house, sitting in my car on those Zoom meetings, trying to trying to do something to improve these problems that I'm having.
So what how long? How long have you been with your girlfriend for?
So we technically got together for the first time in twenty twenty two, off and on for a little over a year, and then broke things off around Christmas of twenty three. I ended up dating another girl, moving down south and being in that relationship for about a year
and a half. But because I'm a sex addict, I did a lot of things I regretted in that relationship as well, and I ended up feeling disconnected from that girl and me and my girlfriend reconnected during that time, and I started to realize that, oh shit, I still want to be with her. So I broke things off with the girl down south and moved back home too. Well for a lot of reasons, but I mean, ultimately it was to be with my girlfriend and to give the relationship a shot after a year and a half
of being a part. And then I ended up making the same mistakes that I keep on making throughout my entire life.
So m h how So I mean after she discovered this, what was her reaction and how did she.
What?
What made her come back?
That is?
Uh that second question is a good question.
Uh.
I still ponder that every day because that I'm sure is still very hard for her.
Does she does?
She?
Does? She seem happy?
I think?
So? I mean, we have our moments.
We we have good moments, we have bad moments.
We still fight.
Ah sometimes it's just about small things. But we've always thought about like kind of small things because the way that we communicate is kind of different.
How how old are you?
I'm twenty nine nine?
What? Uh so? What? How if you? I mean, if you want to talk about it, we can. We can talk about it. Like how does your sex addiction like manifest itself?
Uh well, I won't get into like super detailed specifics.
A lot of it, yeah, yeah, a lot of it.
A lot of it's porn.
A lot of it is uh.
Reaching out to people on like Instagram or Snapchat or even X, you know, like sliding into d MS, trying to initiate some sort of sexting, and a lot of it was like OnlyFans and paying for.
Stuff like that.
And I would do it while I was in these relationships, but I would do it while I was single as well, And it was something I was never open about with anybody really.
And when.
It was about it was December. It was the middle of December. We were coming back from the gym, and I had just pulled my car into her driveway and it was super snowy out, or she had just pulled her car into the driveway. It was super snowy out, and so she wanted me to like shovel the driveway so she can get into her driveway, and so I gave her my phone to hold because I didn't want
my phone to get wet. And while I was shoveling the driveway and she went inside, she ended up looking through my phone and seeing the messages and seeing so much and ah, she told me that I needed to leave and gave me all of my stuff and I had to go to my parents, and uh, as far as the sex addiction goes, it'd be like seeking out
that or like like the only fans stuff. I mean, like I said, a lot of it's just born, and like seeking out like sex workers, some sex workers I knew, like personally and that was a real like hard thing too for her to see as well, because she knew that I was like friends with.
These people and uh it uh.
And then she would also see like these messages of me secting these people, uh and like sending pictures and videos and stuff, and it escalated. I would still try to lie and hide things, and I would even try to lie about like my relapses, and when I would be they call it acting out an essay. I uh I, I would still try to hide the truth from her
because I was. I guess I feel like I was hiding the truth for myself as well, Like even even in the SAA meetings, like I wouldn't be fully honest about my sobriety, and so it would be like if you know here, hear no evil, see no evil. If I if I don't see it anymore, if I just delete it from my history or delete it from my phone or whatever, then it doesn't exist. And so I wasn't fully honest with myself or with her, and then you know, problems just kept getting worse and worse.
So in the months since you've been going to these meetings, have they been helpful?
Yeah?
I think so. The first meeting that I went to or that I attended, I said a lot of things that I hadn't said out loud before.
Yeah.
And hearing people talk about their experiences and their addictions and the way that it manifests in them made me feel connected to people in a way that I had never felt before. And it made me feel like I could be honest maybe with myself and with her more because there's people that are struggling with this addiction more than more than they even realize. More than anybody realizes.
And I feel like the way that the world works nowadays is kind of like cultivated to these addictions, and like there's things out in the world that like are are like triggering for alcoholics, triggering for like people who are addicted to weed or coke or whatever, you know. But sex sells and the selling of sex is so triggering for so many people and make it so hard
for relationships to be honest. And there's so many people that's with themselves about like what they do, what they feel, you know, behind their partner's back, or what they do in their bed alone in the middle of the night while they're scrolling on their phone, you know. And to be in those rooms talking to these people and listening to these people and hearing their stories is like, I don't know, it was I cried a lot that day.
I remember crying a lot that first meeting because it was just it was it was pretty life changing, and I didn't realize how much I had held in from uh like just keeping those things to myself. But you know, you hold on to it for so long and then you kind of just feel a little bit more free after after you let it go.
Yeah, I mean a lot of these addictions and these things like there's it's ship that you uh feels very m hm yeah, you you you hold you hold it alone, like addictions in general, Like there's a lot of ship with them where you hold them alone. And then you
get into Yeah, the whole point of these things. You get into a room with a bunch of other people who you know, whatever weird fucking thing you have going on in your brain, that you can talk to them about it, and that makes you feel like you're not this uh individual with unique problems and uh no matter, no matter who you are, none of your problems are are in fact unique. She's which is good.
Hm hmm, so right, I mean sorry, you go ahead?
So do you are you still living with your girlfriend or you? She like you're living with your parents now?
So funny enough, I was still living with my parents whenever the discovery was made and after some time. Actually, she's calling right now, do you mind if we cut this short?
Go ahead? I think that's a call you should take. But thanks for sharing with us, man. I appreciate your vulnerability absolutely.
Thank you for calling.
Of course, take care man, you too. Hey, what's up everybody? How's it going, how's life. I'm still wearing the headphones that I was using to talk to the callers, so I'm gonna take them off, and this is okay. So this is uh, I'm doing. Gek mail. If you're new to the podcast, gek mail is when I end the phone call part of the podcast by taking a few viewer emails and reading them and maybe providing some feedback on them, maybe just reading them. I don't have to
have feedback about everything. I don't know everything. So this is a gekmail. If you want to submit a gekmail, you can send an email to therapy gecko mail dot com. That's therapy geckomail dot com. If you want to send an email Therapy Gecko. Wait, crap, No, I'm an uh okay, therapy go goo mail at gmail dot com. I'm an idiot, all right, you send it email, So therapy gotomail at gmail dot com. Sorry, I'm tired. Therapy got go tour dot com is where you go to buy tickets to
my tour. But I did not actually I did not mean to promote the tour right now. I wanted to actually tell you where you could send an email. All right, let's just let's read a few of these emails and then you guys can go home. All right. This is from Lily, subject line our friends supposed to kind of suck. Oh, it's an interesting topic. I like this topic. Let's get into this.
Okay.
Hello, ghak, Hope you're doing well. Currently sitting on the kitchen floor pondering about friendships. I remember as a kid that my friends and I could just get along and things were kind of easy. Now that I've turned twenty, I feel as though every friend I make there's always a downside or things they do that make me annoyed
or upset. Examples being being pushy and crossing boundaries, making me feel bad for not enjoying certain things, getting pissed off at minor disagreements we have, etc. Maybe it's just part of growing up, and now that we are more mature, we notice these things more. But I'm hoping this isn't just something you have to deal with in friendships. I feel like for quite a while, I haven't found someone who I just click with and isn't a mean person in one way or another. Maybe I'm too picky or
overly sensitive. Maybe every human is too multifaceted to have perfect relationships to begin with, I'm not sure. I'm probably a bit blinded by nostala, But even then, my main question still stands are we meant to just put up with things here and there like this to have friends
love the podcast? As a psychology major, I'm very jealous of you, as you have my dream job of talking to people stay safe, glowing regards, how nice, how nice glowing regards, Lily, I have a I have a multifaceted way of thinking about this because here's the thing I have. There's people in my life that I have been in my life for a long time who I consider some
of my best friends. There's people in my life I consider some of the people I love, people who if I don't call them for the next twenty years and I call them, they'll pick up and be like, Hey, what's up? What have you been doing? You know that I there's people like out of my life and those people are deeply, deeply important to me. And some of those people are fucking assholes. They just are assholes. There's just you have Sometimes you just have an asshole in
your life. Who you are They're just one of your best friends. You don't have to if you you don't have to be around them twenty four to seven or take everything to them, or you know, spend an amount of time with them that makes you feel sad, Right, But uh, sometimes it's it's okay to just have someone
in your life who's kind of an asshole. I don't think that that's I don't think you should be like married or dating an asshole, or like in biz in direct business with an asshole, or or like, uh, you know, I'm talking about like people who are like really like in the every day to day facet of your life. Those people shouldn't be assholes. But it's okay to have people in your life that you're great friends with that you kind of think are jerks.
It's it's.
Something that you can put up with. Now the problem becomes okay. So if we don't want those kinds of people to be like our literal, like day to day people, if we want better out of our day to day people, well then that's a different story. That is something where we want those people to be people with Click with now, Lily, specifically, you're twenty so as of yours. So here's the thing, Lily,
when you're twenty. As of pretty much your entire life, the people around you have been the people around you because they're the people around you. You get what I'm saying, Like, when you're in high school, you're with those kids and you're friends with them because because they are they're literally
because they're the people around you. I grew really close with my high school friends because we all grew together, and we all grew our senses of who we are and what we are find funny and our sensibilities together.
But now that I'm like an adult in the world, I tend to intentionally put myself in certain places and situations where it is likely for me to find people who are, you know, more suited to my sensibilities and who I might have better relationships with, as opposed to in high school and some of college where it's just whoever's fucking around. So, of course you haven't found someone
that you click with just yet. But also the good news is, and the thing you have to keep in mind, is that the people you went to high school with are not a sample size of the universe. They're pretty your high school friends are a terrible sample size of the universe, and you should absolutely, in no way, shape or form. When you're twenty take the people you went to high school with and use them as the sample size of the universe. It's a bad thing to do
if you do that. It goes back to what I was saying to you know, I'm always talking about it, and I really do feel this way of like finding what you're looking for, you know what I mean. So if you again go into the world being like well, friendship is when somebody is an asshole to you and you put up with it, then those are the friendships that you're going to find. Also, again, balance that with the political reality that sometimes there's just an asshole in
your life and that's fine. You know, you'd know your life doesn't have to be perfect, you know what I mean, It doesn't have to be Uh you said maybe even you said here yourself, you said, maybe every human and is too multifaceted to have perfect relationships. I agree with that. Yeah, having perfect relationships is not We're too human to be perfect. But you should at minimum enjoy being around the people
that you're around regularly. So go do some shiit with your life that involves being around to the people and being around to the people who like the same things that you like, and then naturally you'll make friends. But you're probably too young to fully have developed a proper idea of what people are capable of, of what people are capable of being to you. You know you have.
If all your friends are kind of jerks, then you again, you you'll you're, you're, you'll be closed off to the mere idea that you could be friends with someone that it's not a jerk. So that's just my thought on that where we're gonna do it. Oh, okay, here we go. This is from Mike. Subject line, am I insane? All right? I like this, dude, Fuck this fucking goddamn fuck fuck Meta, fuck fuck Gemini AI fuck AI. Dude, this is bullshit. It's I hate this. There's like a suggested reply underneath
the email. I think that shits so fucking annoying. All right, hold on, let me read the email. Uh okay, hi, gek, I got my license today. But that's not the topic. All right then, whatever. I'm seventeen. When I was thirteen, the day I got off of suspension for fighting someone, my mom got into an argument with our neighbors. A fight happened, their kid beat my mom with a stick. Jesus Christ. She had huge lumps on her head for weeks. I saw her after the cops got there, and I screamed.
I was so mad. I promised her right there I wouldn't let them get away with that. That fucking sucks and I still think about it to this day. I think insane thoughts about how I would get back at them. I feel crazy.
Ghek.
It keeps me up at night. I just don't want my mom hurt again, and it hurts me I couldn't help her. Please let me know if you respond. Okay, the AI suggested this is annoying. Yet Google. Google has a thing where you can Google has a stupid fucking thing where they can suggest it suggests replies to the email Hey, it says, hey, my congrats on the license. Know you are not insane. Man. It sounds like a really intense and upsetting thing to witness as a kid.
It makes total sense that you still think about it and feel protective of your mom. It's okay to have those feelings when you feel like someone was wrong and you can step in. I hate reading a thing that AI wrote, but I'm just reading it. Blah blah blah blah. Keep listening, man, we got you know that's fucked up. Just write the fucking I've talked on this podcast for I talked to AI like it, like it's helpful in a lot of ways, but I don't like it. I
don't like. I don't this feels like weird, Like this feels like fake, weird, annoying shit, like like I'll use it to like help me fucking figure out knowledge of things that I don't know, but like with what I don't like it? Like, I don't. I don't like it mimicking being a person and like using it to like fake someone out that you replied to them. I think it's stupid. How do I get rid of this? Send feedback? How do I make it so this doesn't pop up again?
There's no fucking dude, fuck Google. There's no button that I can just press that goes, hey, don't do this stupid shit anymore? Okay, hold on, how do I turn this off? Whatever? All right? Who cares? I don't like I don't like looking at I don't like what it's on this. I don't want it to be underneath this email as I try to respond to it all right, Mike, let's team up. You go get revenge on the people who fucking coded this feature into my Gmail account, and
I'll go beat up those kids. You Mike, you I'll do a deal with you. It's like strangers on a train. You go beat the shit out of whoever engineered this stupid AI tool, and I'll beat up those kids that fucked with your mom. We have a deal. Uh no, m yeah, of course, you know. Listen, that's fuck. I don't want to just say what AI said. I was gonna say something similar beforehand. M Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. No,
you're not You're not insane. I Your rage makes perfect sense, and you're you're you're a sweet kid for wanting to protect your mom, you know what I mean. I mean, don't go kill bill on these motherfuckers. Uh. That's probably only gonna put you guys in more danger. So no, you're not insane. You gotta go talk to a real therapist. Man,
I don't know how you get those feelings out. I mean you you know, look, you're you're seventeen, You're still like living with your mom and being with her, so like fucking here's what I would suggestify were you, Mike, is all this rage that you have just transmute it into like being with your mom, dude, and like just you know, spending time with her, being there for her, trying to take care of her the best that you can. And that way, you know you're filling yourself with love
instead of like rage and anger. However justified the rage and anger may be so, so hang in there, Mike and let me know how it goes. Finding and destroying. Whoever added this fucking apocalyptic piece of shit suggest a reply thing in my Gmail? Okay? Is that it? No, let's read it one more.
We can't.
I can't be it. All right, let's see. This is from Fuck. It's on this one too. Fuck you God? All right, I'm not going to read it this all right? Sorry, Sorry, this is derailing the podcast. This is from Donald, subject line crazy Love. Hey Gecko Man, I love your podcast. I always listen while I'm at work and it's amazing. You can call me don or Donald, I don't mind. I wanted to email about my love story and maybe if you have some advice that would be lovely. I'm twenty,
I will be twenty one this year. My girlfriend is nineteen she lives a thousand miles away, and it sucks. But she came to my home state of Michigan, and it felt so natural and so perfect. I'm planning a trip this year to Colorado, which is where she's from. I don't know why I'm reading it in this accent, but this is what I imagine this guy sounds like. Now I'm a little worried for the future. But now I'm doing the accent more now that I'm aware of it.
I'm a little worried for the future because she wants to move to Alaska or Missouri. I personally don't want to, especially not Lit. I personally don't want to, especially not Alaska. Too cold for me. I want her to move to Michigan. This is not even what people in Michigan sound like. I want her to move to Michigan because it's a mix of super cold and sometimes super hot. She did say she'd enjoyed it here, so that's a good thing. We really love each other and I've been together for
over six months and it feels great. I'm just asking your opinion on what to do if I should take the leap and move in with her, or should I try to have her come here. Thank you sincerely. Don, Well, here's what I would do if I were you? Is I would kind of You're twenty, she's nineteen. What do you want to do with your life?
Donald?
What do you want to do with your life?
Right?
You should have a bit of an idea of what you, independently of this woman want to do with your life. She should have an idea of what she, independently as her own person, wants to do with her life. I mean, are you guys going are you going to college? Are you getting a job? Are you gonna do it?
Like?
What do you what do you like? What are you gonna do? You know what I mean? So, like, here's what you should do each You should map out what you two want to do with your lives separately from each other, Okay, and really really don't think about each other at all until you've mapped that out. And then once you have that mapped out, come together and go, do we feel like each of our individual ideas of what we want to do with our lives are somehow compatible for us to have a shared vision of our
future together? And if so, then fucking great. And the details of where to live and what to fucking do and blah blah blah will work itself out, and if not, it's okay because you're fucking will be because you're twenty and nineteen. So just have your own ideas of what you want each other with, what you want your life to be as individuals, and then you might get lucky and there's a shared vision of the future there and
that could be an amazing, beautiful, awesome thing. But you should have your own ideas of what you want your life to be like so that you don't end up having regrets or resentments towards each other. All right, that's this was a very serious episode of Therapy Gecko. I gave a lot of advice. I don't know why I did that. I'm in a room with no windows. It's ten pm, it's Saturday night, and I'm gonna I'm gonna go destroy a building. No, I'm not go to therapy
geckotour dot com. I there's tickets available to some of the dates. Some of the dates are just RSVP, but uh, hopefully by mid February I'll have a full announce of all the cities and all the dates and whatnot. But some some places you can get tickets to and now. But just go to therapy Gecko tour dot com and go check if your thing is on the thing, if your city is on the thing, and you should come to the shows. They'll they'll be fun. I'm working on material for them and they will be a good time.
I just got back from Ukraine on Tuesday and I am working on a documentary about that that I should fucking hopefully get done in the next two months on YouTube dot com slash lyle Forever. Uh. That's it for me. I'm gonna go home. Thank you guys for listening to this podcast. Ghek bless you all and have a good rest of your entire life. Weak and goes on the line taking your phone calls every night every week and goes to just teaching news your line
An expert