“I CAN’T STOP PARTYING”

Hello. All right, Hi, what is your name?

My name is Josh.

Josh. What's going on?

So?

Basically, I'm thirty five. I've always kind of been the social guy, like, go out already, have a lot of fun, meet new people, probably drink too much, Okay. I have a fiance and two children with her. Basically over the weekend I got entirely too drunk and she was not very happy, and I ended up sleeping at a relative house that night because she didn't want me in the house. And when I get really drunk, I get mean, and basically she said that she would leave me to happen

As in, like.

I'm up, I don't like. I don't want to stop being a partier. Basically I can, Okay.

I have a lot of thoughts. What you said. You get mean when you get drunk.

Like when I reach like a certain level, Like it's not every time I drink, it's what I'm like just beyond recognition. Drunk, I say mean and hurtful things, I guess, but I don't remember some of it.

Were you saying mean? And herful things to your to your wife.

So I I there have been times where yes I have, and I regret that obviously. It's it's mostly just like I make I make a lot more money than she does, and I tend to hold that over her head sometimes because that's first. I mean, it's frustrating at the points, but I think i'd like some of that stems from that.

What why do you feel like, why do you hold this over her head?

I don't know. I don't like she wanted me to leave the house and I in the path, and I'm like, well, it's my house, I pay for it, and I would just be shitty like that.

My dog. Okay, So you say that you're a big part of your person. You like to drink a lot. You just are you drinking by yourself? What do you What are you doing when you're going out drinking?

I was at a party. If I was at a party of friends and just just didn't, I don't know my limit, basically.

What I gotta When you're thirty five, I assume most of your friends are also in marriages and whatnot. Are you what kind of parties are you guys going to?

Yes, yes they are so I've made some new friends who are a little bit younger, who maybe aren't married, don't have kids, probably not the best people necessarily to hang out like be hanging out with that.

I'm Josh, Josh, do you do you care? Do you? And by the way, you can be honest about this, do you care about your fiance and your.

Kids absolutely more than anything?

Do you? Do you? You said that so fast, with so much conviction. Do you really mean it?

I do.

You?

Honestly do? I just don't know how to so?

Then? So then, bro, bro, you have a wife and kids in a house. What more are you looking for? Man?

I don't. I don't know, you know, that's probably part of the question. My my real dad wasn't around, my stepdad was there. My goal of mife was always be a better dad than my real dad. And I've got that goal, and now I don't know what else I want. I don't know.

I don't, Josh, I don't, I don't, I don't. I don't mean to whatever. But it doesn't sound like you have that goal. I mean, if you're if you're going out and fucking all this ship up just to like party with you know, whoever you're partying with I mean, what are you? What are you doing? Man?

You're right?

And listen, here's the thing, bri Well, here's the thing. Your wife. You're you're the luckiest man on earth right now because your wife hasn't left you yet and your kids haven't announced you yet, so you still have time to go and be a good dad. How old are your kids?

Five and five and about three?

Three five and three? Yea, brother, go go raise your kids and be with your wife.

Man, God damn it, Lyle, you're right.

You really needed me to well, all right, all right, what's your Josh? Josh? What what the fuck was gonna say? Have you spoken to a real therapist about this?

No? I mean we had me and being a had some problems, so we went to the marriage counselor. But I've not spoken to a real therapist about this.

I got you. You listen, listen, man, and here's the thing. And you know, I'm sorry. I I try not to, you know, Hey, do you do?

I get it? All right?

I'm gonna do my all right, I'm gonna do my gack o thing. You you should It's sounds here's what it sounds like to me. You you have a desire within you to be a good dad and a good husband's but you have whatever like addiction issues or trauma or whatever that you feel like is in the way of you doing that. So you gotta you gotta figure that out. Man, You gotta figure that and you're and you're lucky as fun because it's not too late to figure that out yet.

Yeah.

Yeah, but you gotta, like I mean, I mean, man, like, I mean, I don't even I only know vaguely what you've told me. I mean, these like guys who these people who you're partying with, Like how often are you hanging out with them?

So this was so it's basically guys on my softball team. They're not they're not bad people. It's not like intention was like it was supposed to be a beer Olympic. So like, I mean, that's and see what You're gonna get pretty drunk, right, I don't know, Like I'm not saying, I mean, I'm not hanging out with these guys, not a once a week thing. Like it's very very rare that I get this drunk, but it's happened enough times

What I'm okay, But I said, how often? So like on a typical week? Oh right, no, like like can I hear? Like, but I don't you know, I really actually I kind of I don't know the full extent of what's going on. I mean, how yeah, like per per week, what's going on?

Or week? How often am I getting like black out drunk?

George, Just like, what are you doing? Like are you what do you typically do on an average week?

You know?

So, I mean it used to be worse. Obviously, I would go out on the weekends with my friends when we were in our twenties.

Whatever I'm talking about, I'm talking about that. Now, let's talk about the past. Yeah, the past few weeks.

Yeah, yeah, the past few weeks. It's only happened once. Like I'll drink. I'll drink maybe on softball nights, a couple of beers, maybe five or six here or there, but nothing like to the point where she wants to leave, so that it's a it's a very rare occasion that I get like that, But it's happened enough before I'm gonna say that kind of stuff happens like once a year.

Maybe, what do you think it was about this time that made her like say something to you about it?

But I was away from the kids for so long?

Were you away from them? From the kids?

It's about nine to ten hours?

Okay. Have you ever been to AA or or attempted to quit drinking?

Huh? Or small periods of time? But I think it's a step I should probably take.

Yeah, what do you I mean, what do you think is preventing you from taking this step?

I don't know who else I am without it?

You don't know who else you are without it?

Well, it's just it's a big.

Does that sound Josh? Josh? Jo Josh? You have so much? What do you? You have? So many better things to be Yeah, your husband and a father?

Right, you're right?

What do you do for?

Work for a factory?

Okay? Do you really you don't feel any sense of identity without drinking?

M Yeah, yeah I do. But it's just something I've known for so long.

I guess, Well tell me this. I mean, if you you say you don't know who you are without it, you have this like thing in your mind where you're a lifelong you're what's that guy's name? I haven't even seen this movie? Is this is it? Is it ace Ventura? Is that him?

Yeah? Maybe what you're like.

Yeah whatever, I don't know or is that what's is that the name of the guy who is fuck? All right, I'm alright, all right, I'm officially pledging to no, I'm officially pledging to never reference a movie I haven't seen ever again. Anyway, you have the I you're like Bert Krascher, So you have this idea that you're like this party man forever that you like, wouldn't be anything without that. What is that true? Is that accurate?

I mean, like, now that I think about it sounds kind of dumb. But that's kind of what I had thought in the past. Okay that it sounds kind of dumb, and you.

Think it sounds kind of dumb. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna you know what, Yeah, it's a little dumb.

What would you know?

But that's what But that's all right. Look listen, by the way, I'm really like I mean this, it's because it's really antithetical to how I want to do this. I'm really not trying to make you feel like like beat yourself up or whatever. Now, So what I mean Okay, if you were not that guy, what guy would you want to be? Because did I promise you? That's not the only guy you can be.

It's like a like a good dad, like one who's always there for his kids, just like a normal guy. I don't know. I'm realize they're too old to be drinking like this.

And okay, okay, yeah, you've got you've you've got you. Like I said, you're a lucky man. You have the opportunity to go be that guy.

You're right, I do. I haven't sucked it up enough yet.

Yeah, so I guess I mean, go to AA, go to uh a real therapist and hang out with your kids. Where are you now? Where are you? Right now?

I'm in the car. I just picked up some dinner and the kids are actually trying to get in the car right now.

Okay, all right, go, all right, I'm gonna hang up on you, and I'm gonna let you go be with Go just be, just be with your kids, just with not even the drink, and just turn off your phone. Be with their kids. Just stare at them, just I'm serious. Be Just be in your house and stare at your wife and your kids. Just do that. I will Okay, is there anything else you want to say? Okay, all right,

All from Ryan.

Hey gek.

Hey, what's your name? Hey?

My name is Ryan. Hello, hey Geck. Yeah, so kind of jaling with a lot today. Yeah, I might have the I might have the possibility of lime disease.

Oh that's the right thing.

Yeah, well that's what they're saying. So, like you, I was feeling sad, so I told my friends and they kind of just made fun of me about it. So, you know, I'm in the bathroom at work, like I can't even work, you know, like right now I could possibly have this tick disease just running rampant through my body. You know, what do you like? What would you suggest? Like?

What do I do?

What'd the doctor say?

I went to get the bloodwork today, so like I have to wait two days, but like what if I don't have two days? You know, what if my case is like so severe that like I don't even have a shot. Maybe I quot it too late, you know.

Like you're telling me that you don't you think that you're going to die within the next two days.

I'm not saying I don't know. It's a possibility, right, Like it's how bad is lime that? Like?

Are you I assume you've been doing a lot of googling with the confirmation bias of finding information that that will tell you that you're going to die in the next two days, like with m D.

Yeah, yeah, but like who knows, maybe they were a doctor behind the keyboard, you know, I don't know.

Does web MD said that you're going to die in the next two days.

It doesn't say I'm not gonna all right, all.

Right, let's say you're going to die tomorrow. What do you what do you want to do before you die?

Honestly, I would like like sit at a beach with like a cold Bruski and just listen to the waves and then just kind of like stay it away into the abyss type deal.

I think, Okay, why did you know that?

Then?

Why don't you well today's Friday. Why don't you go? You have the day off tomorrow from work. I assume no.

I got the half day, so I'll be out of here at like twelve.

We would stay to you in I'm a mass mass okay, all right, well all right, so why don't you go to the beach with the beer and die?

What's your favorite beer?

That's my who gives a show? My favorite beer is? But once you go with your favorite beer and go to the beach and die, and you know, die peacefully. You're not gonna die by the way you've you've never you don't.

You can't. We can't tell the future. And like, I want to know your favorite beer because I want to try something new, you know what I mean?

Sure, sure, sure my favor I like stouts, I like a dark thing. I like a Guinness, although I don't know a beach beer. I don't know if that's a big beach beer.

Okay, yeah, well you know whatever, it's the lad day of the beach. Anyway, who cares. I can break all the rules, it doesn't matter.

You're not well okay, I mean, yes, sure you could die, but yeah, but you don't even have to have lime disease to say that, I mean, I could just say you cause just have a brain aneurysm and fucking get out of here. Yeah you know what I mean.

So yeah, no, totally with your friends.

You said your friends made fun of you. What did What did they say when you told them you had lime disease?

Yeah, shouts out to Brandon and Travis. I told them, and they just kind of made a joke out of it, like, dude, start a foundation, you know, and like let me get you know, like you know, like that mesophilioma commercial, like you or someone you knew. That's like what they were saying to me, dude, They're like, can I get the money from you having lime disease?

You know?

It's kind of hurts.

Well, it's it's really sweet of you even after your friends made fun of you to still shout them out.

I still love them, still love them.

Are you going to give them, like when you die tomorrow, are you going to give them anything that you leave anything in your will?

Honestly, if like lime disease turn out to be like the methophilioma, yeah, they can call that infomercial and say that's fine, I'll give them full permission for that.

Okay, So so you're saying that if you die and there is someone someone is liable for your death, the Ticks, maybe friends are allowed to sue that their friends are allowed to sue the Ticks for everything they.

Own, if there ever comes a time where the Ticks can be sued. Yeah, for sure. I want Brandon and Travis to have all the money nobody else.

Even after they made fun of you.

They're still my friends. Get I still love them.

You're not gonna fucking die, dude, I mean that's not true. You will die at I'm nervous.

I'm just nervous.

You know, how old are you?

I'm thirty, Like I'm young.

Pretty goods pretty good, and that's like that used to be, like, I mean back in you can definitely find a period of time in human history where that's like elderly.

That's why I'm scared, you know, I'm freaking scared. I'm freaking out. I kind of want to leave work and just go sit at the beach, just in gage. I don't want to die here.

What do you do for work?

I'm a barber. I cut people.

You cut people's yeah, man, uh oh yeah, I just leave no, one couldn't. Is lime disease contagious? Could someone get it from you?

So I looked it up because no, because I like people. I don't want to get No one's sick. Now it's transmuted, it's transmitted by blood, so like I'm not like doing blood transfusion. So like, no, everyone's fine. I knew it was fine. But what's crazy is like the only side effect I have if I do have lime is I'm just tired. Like I'm like really tired.

You know, do you feel tired? You seem energized.

Actually, I'm just like I'm just thinking about it. So like I get a little anxiety when I'm thinking about my disease or my possible disease that like I kind of get pumped.

Back up, you know what the doctor saying.

Well, I didn't even get to talk to the doctor. I called the office and they're like, yeah, ticks are no big deal. We have a lot of them in Massachusetts. Go get blood work done and if you do have line disease, will put you on an antibiotic and it'll be fine.

All right. So the fucking doctor told you that you're not gonna die, and you're gonna be fine.

Yeah, But doctors are wrong all the time, though they're not my cases. What if my case is different? What if I have like something?

All right, all right, all right, you're wrong. You and Google are wrong three hundred times more than doctors are.

Yeah. Probably, but this is still that chance, you know.

Yeah, there's a chance that you'll get hit. There's a chance that you'll get you'll like take a shit wrong and all your persons will come out. Are you on the toilet? Are you? Is your pants around your ankles right now?

No, I'm just like pacing in this little bathroom at work, like I won't have to really talk to you because I feel like you're great. I give it advice, so, yeah.

Don't do My advice is to stop pacing around the bathroom stall if you're lying, Yeah, don't do that, because here's the thing you might not. I don't think you have only two days left to live, but you do have a finite amount of time left, and I think you should limit the amount of that time that you spend pacing around the bathroom thinking that you're going to okay, even when a doctor told you that you're going to be fine.

Okay, if I don't die. Can I call you back and like, can we talk?

What do you have to do? What do we have to talk about? If you don't, if you're living, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you my survival story because it's probably gonna get ugly.

You know what, what what do you mean your survival story?

If I live, I'm a survivor of lyme disease.

Get you don't even have line, you don't even you don't even know that you have lime disease.

Yeah, but it's like a big possibility. Well you okay, Okay.

If you go to the doctor and you get your blood work and they say that you don't have lime disease, you are not a survivor of lime disease.

But what if I do have it and I take it into being honest and I don't die, then I'll be a survivor. Right.

That's like saying that's like saying you've got a fucking uh splinter and you took it out with tweezers and now you're a survivor of splinters.

No, we're talking about a blood disease here.

If you take an antipotic, you're fine.

Yeah, I mean could or maybe what if like, I don't know.

It's just I'm gonna here's what I want to Here's what I want to Here's what I want to do before we go. Is uh, this is actually a really good opportunity because you're what you're not gonna die but right now, but you're gonna die. Else do you want to do? What else do you want to do before you die? You know, besides just go.

Like major things.

Yeah, I don't know.

I never really thought about it. I like, I've always been a really happy guy as is. You know, I got friends, I got you know, I'm just very happy and so like one thing, I don't know, I probably like want to eat his cheese steak at like the Eiffel Power something like that, like bring a little bit of America.

Why would you?

Yes, what I want to do? Yeah, from Philadelphia. Yeah, to show France what America is really about, because like we're the best. I want to prove that by going to their monument and eating the cheese steak, which is American.

Oh, you'll find out that America is the best when you get your invoice for your blood work.

Thanks man. Yeah, I hope you're right. I'll get the results of two days, so like I'll try to call you hopefully I can get through and let you know.

What's your name again?

Ryan?

Is there anything else you want to say to the people the computer before we go?

I just want to say that if you or your friends have line to use or anything like, take it serious. You know it's not a joke and I wish you guys all the best.

And you don't have You don't know that you have lime disease.

Yet, I know, but like if I do, I just want to give like the precursor for it, like did.

You did you even did you even get Why do you think you have lime disease?

I just read the symptoms on one of them.

D dude, what symptoms do you have?

I'm just really tired and like I had like a stiff neck, but I was also clean in my like addicts. I was like tucked in, Like the next day I had a really stiff neck, like never had that before. So I got worried.

Did you you did you see any ticks? Did you encounter any ticks?

No? No, no, I've seen him before, like maybe it was living in me for like a long time.

You know.

All right, thanks for calling Ryan?

All right, Geck. Thanks.

I actually think he's never going to die. Hello, Hello there, what is your name?

I don't know.

Okay, I'm gonna then I'll just call you Sam. Uh Sam. It says here you texted me and you said, I think Kanye West spiritually spoke to me and changed my whole perception on a six year relationship. What did what did that tell me about? That?

I was driving to work and the night before I have seen some ship. I did not want to sing, and I was just playing regular playlist I always play. And then you know the song run.

Away, Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that song came up, and that whole song. I felt like I wasn't even driving, I like, and it's I don't I don't know what happened.

Were any other substances involved in this driving?

No, I was, I was going to work. I'm in the medical field.

So how did this change your perceptions spiritually?

I don't know. Once he said, how does that line go? Once he said, I could have me a good girl but still be addicted to them hood rats, I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened.

I can have me a good girl but still be addicted to them hood rats? Did you did you have your did you have? You a good girl and yet you were still addicted to them hood rats?

No, I was a good girl, and there were always said rats.

Okay, you were the good girl dating somebody who was still addicted to the hood rats. Okay, interesting, and so I mean tell you more.

I don't know. I just I was like, oh my god, I forgave this man so many fucking times, and the whole time, Kanye was just telling me run away.

Oh that's the song. It's the name of the song. Yeah, what's the name of the song. Yeah, Kanye West is your boyfriend telling you to run away because he has a good girl and is still addicted to the hood rats. Wow.

All right, that.

I figured it out, I was like, oh my god, Like, I've been through so much fucking hurt and I didn't even have to. I could have just left first time.

And I assume that you that you have since left, Well.

I I have.

But he still sleeps on my couch.

He still sleeps on your couch.

Yeah, this was not too long ago. This was like three days ago.

I don't know if Kanye West has any songs about sleeping on women's couches.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Oh yeah, uh, why is he still sleeping on your couch?

I don't know. I feel bad. I don't want to just like, you know, kick him out. Not that I I just love myself more. I want to prioritize meat this time.

So, okay, I have several questions about this. How long has this man been living on your couch?

I mean, we lived together, but now I think I'm just I don't know, waiting for.

Him to wait. So you live, so he pays rent?

Yes he does. That's why I feel even like I don't want to just you know.

Okay, so he's not sleeping on your couch. He's living with you in the place that you guys both pay rents on and live together. Yeah, okay, that's an important difference. How long? How long? And when did you break up?

M Tuesday?

I think Tuesday? Okay, you broke up? Okay, so you broke up like four days ago?

Yep?

And what was the sort of straw that broke the camel's back that caused you to fully break up?

I basically said, the last time anything happened, I was like, all right, just so you know, next time that's it. And I guess I don't know, Maybe I'm a fucking joke. And the same situation happened. So I was like, okay, okay, how.

How much longer do you guys have left on that lease?

I owned this place?

But you you own the house.

Uh, it's not a house, it's like a mobile home, but pretty much.

You own it.

My dad helped me out, but you own it.

Yep. This and he pays you rent.

Well, we pay rent together, like my dad.

Just yeah, okay, okay.

You're okay. Your dad owns it and you guys pay rent to your dad.

No, everything, it's complicated. Everything's like under my name. That's like my dad helped me out. It's kind of like renting to own to my dad. But regardless, we still have to pay rent to like the manager here.

So you're you know, you're right. This is confusing, all right, all right, let me ask you. All right, all right, let me let's clear. Let's clear this up. Is his name on any legal documents such as a lease?

No?

Okay? Does he always pay you rent? That doesn't really matter, but I'm curious, yeah, okay, well what do you think?

Oh?

I just want to tell you how Conye spoke to me like, I don't know right now, looking I'm a little bit manic, Like I don't.

Think straight right now. Because don't get me wrong, it was a really good relationship. But I just yeah, Conye spoke to me somehow, and I don't know, I really blacked out. I just want to let you know about that.

Why did why? Why did it? Why was it a really good relationship?

Oh? We had a lot of good times, Like you know, we dinner together every night, we go to gym together, we do everything together. And it isn't always bad, like you know, sometimes everything was good. Like he's really sweet, very kind, He's a good person. Probably just too much.

I don't know, are you?

But I'm curious aus something made you decide to break up with him?

Yep?

And what was that.

I want on his phone?

Okay? He was cheating on you for the how third fourth time?

Probably maybe a little bit more. I don't know, can't count. It's been a long time.

Okay, what's Sam? Sam? How old are you?

I am twenty one?

And is this the first boyfriend you've ever had?

No, but I would considered it in my first.

Okay, are you like, are you like, is life chill? I don't know.

I don't like my job. I don't really have much friends. I do have my cousins and my cousins, but I would say it's chill. I just I don't know. It's like saying as team every day it becomes I don't know.

Does any part of you want to kick this guy out of your house?

I don't know.

I'm just.

You know, when everything went down, I was like, it's fuck out. But I don't just just want him sleeping, you know, the streeting in this car that's fucked up.

Do you don't want him sleeping on the street in his car? How old does this guy also? Come on? Okay? And he's been paying your rent?

Yep?

He has?

How much is?

How much does he pay you in rent?

It's really cheap here where we live, which is why we live, like four hundred bucks around almost five times.

Okay, you know what, that doesn't even matter. But you know, Sam, I like, I really think I get where you are coming from, because you had a lot of good times with this person, and regardless of how they've treated you, you care about them, and so you don't want them to be on this street. But Ah, I do think I don't do you not that you asked for my opinion, but you kind of did by calling into my show,

Yeah, I have a lot of thinking to do. Honestly.

Listen, what's that? What's that one song? Listen to? Uh?

Man?

You know, sometimes when when I'm like, when you know, life is fucking crazy, which it often is, I'll think about the Kanye'll I also have a Kanye West line I'll think about where he says something like, and the weather is so breezy, man, why can't life always be this easy? But but I don't, I don't. I don't know, Kanye. I don't know why. I can't why life can't always be this easy? But it can't even for Kanye West, life cannot always be easy.

Kanye, he just speaks the truth.

Well, hold on, I don't know about that. I do not sign off on that statement. He makes very good music, but I do not sign off on the statement that he speaks the truth because he's because because he speaks a lot, he's he speaks a lot of things, and I don't know if all those things are the truth, my friend, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't sign off on that, but uh, just just think about it, all right, ye? Sam? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Just live last love and don't be a good girl. Just cheat back, I guess.

Hold on before all right, I'll let you go, all right, Take care, Sam?

Yep, thank you too.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if listen flashing lights is a great song, but I don't know if if if I sign off on the on those truths?

Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi?

What is your name?

Emily?

Emily? It says here that you want to talk about working for your dad's mistress. Oh my god, your god, rom, who do you think? Who did you think it was?

Wow? Oh my gosh, my heart is tounting.

Yes, did you think you know what? I gotta say. I gotta say, Well, it's so funny because you must be very nice to all the telemarketers, because you were quite cordial with me, even though you didn't you thought I was just some random motherfucker on the phone.

I'm just like in shock. I just couldn't believe it.

Wow, So what's up? What's up? Mante?

What is?

What is this whole thing that you wanted to wanted to speak about?

So? Growing up, my dad had this secret mistress which was actually my best friend's mom, which kind of sucked. And I recently like went through a lot of shit and lost my job and my dad got me two jobs basically working for her. And at first, because I don't like her, I'm not a fan.

You're a homeworker.

In my opinion, I just can't believe I'm talking to you Gek. So yeah, so I'm not a fan of her. I don't like her. I don't talk to her ever since I found out, I've kind of just like canceled her out of my life. But now I'm working for her, so I have no choice but to talk to her. And she's actually not that bad, but also, like, I have mixed feelings because of what she did when I was younger, like to my family and like behind my mom's back. But she was like friends with my mom, and.

So did your So your dad did she your dad cheated on your mom with this lady who you're now working for, who's also your best friend's mom.

Yeah, well we're not best friends anymore, but growing up we were best friends. Like our families were really close.

That's like a lifetime movie.

Like seriously and me, I grew up on the Carnival, so like we were always together. You grew up on the Cardinal Cruise ship like like the Traveling Fair. Sorry people get it confused, Hold on that.

I just want to say real quick, it's extremely funny that when like because okay, when you said Carnival, no, I knew exactly what you meant but you thought that meant you thought I thought you meant the cruise line never mind, okay you not you.

But there's people out there who I've told that too, and they're like on the cruise group and I'm like nobody.

It's funny that they've taken over the Carnival brand anyway, So you're you see, all your life, you hated this woman. You wanted her out of your out of your uh uh, you canceled her out of your brain, and then you told me you started working for her, and you say she's actually not that bad. What led you to lead? What led you to feel that way?

So I'm a caregiver so and I also do like bill coding, so that's what I'm doing for her. I take care of her mother, and I also do bill coding for her business as well, and so I have to talk to her, like I can't avoid it, and we've actually had some like really great conversations. I think that she's like kind and I think she's funny and a nice person. But like, also, again, you were like fucking my dad, like behind my mom's back, and that's

Let me ask you a question, Yes, what feeling towards her would make your life the easiest?

Probably forgiveness?

Okay, So so look, if if you feel that your life would be easier for just for you, then you know,

But you know, again not really, I'm on probation. So like I'm kind of like I can't go really anywhere right now.

Huh, why are you on probation?

So I was at a music festival and I was you know, doing my hippie thing in the middle of the crowd, and basically the cops were wandering through the crowd, uh, and they caught me doing ketamine. So they caught a lot of people doing a lot of things. It was actually pretty terrible.

Experience.

We just we I guess got to talk about this real quick, kedemy, Like, I don't understand ketamine because well, I know, it's a depression medication that people they were like a depression treatment that people really fuck with, but you know people also like use it, uh likes it. It kind of locks you into the couch, right, isn't that what a k hole is? Like you don't want to get up or move or doing it. It's like a down or drug. Right.

So I've had my experiences with it where it does that to me. But then uh, it just like depends on how much you take and like what kind it is. I don't really know the whole scientific like the different versions of it, but it just depends. Uh, I'm not going to do any that's just gonna have me sitting there in a whole nother world. I don't like that feeling. I just like the lighthearted feeling that it gives me. You just have to do a little bit at a time.

I I did a bump of ketamine once and it like I just I thought I was gonna have a fucking heart attack.

It could be scary. There was one time I did it and I felt like I was traveling out of my body and like whatever I was traveling in, like I would call myself like a little orb. It felt like I couldn't find my way back to my body. And that was very scary.

That's pretty cool. So what do you think you're what do you think you're gonna do with this?

Uh, with this lady that you work for, I basically just like take care of her, make sure she takes her medication and I cook for her.

And so do you do it?

So you're a caretaker for your dad's former mistress.

I'm for her mom?

Oh okay, all right, now, okay, how's her? What's her? Is her mom? Cool?

Uh? Yeah, she's cool.

She like is quiet and like keeps to herself. So it can be like boring at times, but I mean she's cool. No complaints.

Do you still?

So?

Does this is this lady and your dad are they like, are they together in.

And no, So he's still like with my mom kind of they're like a partner. They're like a partnership and she's still with her husband, but she's like friends with my dad.

Still your mom, what's your mom think about that?

My mom's just like the sweetest person ever. So she's just like whatever, I have a nice house and he buys me, pursues so and I've been with him for this long, so I told him, like I was the one who told my mom. I was like, yo, dad's cheating on you with uh this lady that you know. And then she almost like left him and like got a different house and he like he like came home and like convinced her otherwise. And Yeah, that was it.

Damn.

Which sucks because I was so young to carry that and like know about that. It kind of gave me trust is she was not gonna lie.

How old were you?

I was like in middle school and it was happening for a while, and everybody knew and nobody told.

My mom just like fucked and you're twenty nine now, I am. I'm so damn. This was like fifteen years ago.

Yeah, but it was like happening for a while, damn.

So you were like, fucking what was it like when you were fourteen and you told your mom that your dad heard your dad was cheating on her? Howd she like?

What was that?

Like?

She was like upset, but we didn't really like talk about it. My mom's not a very like she's not a big person on like talking about her feelings and stuff like that, so she kind of just like acknowledged it and then like kept on going through her days.

Do you do you think your mom is like chill now, Like, do you think she's happy?

Yeah? I think my mom just like has accepted where her life is and like who she's with and that's just like fine with her. So in her in her words, she's like, oh, I built a life with him for the past like twenty years, and I have two kids, and so yeah, me, I would have been like, fuck you, I'm out of here. I'll start over.

I guess I get it. I guess it's like, uh like I gotta say the there was no greater force that repels people from doing stuff then uh something being a whole fucking thing, you know what I mean? Like, uh Like, it's like I guess, I guess I get where she's coming from. Where it's like, yeah, this guy fucking cheated on me and I'm gonna leave. But then you look at you're like, damn man, fucking rebuilding my life after this is just like it's a whole fucking thing.

I don't want to deal with it, like, you know, Yeah, and my mom came from My mom came from nothing, like she's from a small ass town in North Carolina. So he kind of like they really built like a life together. So I understand now that I'm adult, I understand, And you know, can I tell you how they met? It's kind of fucked up, but funny.

Sure.

So she went to the county fair of course, and he was working there and he was like buckling them in and he hit on her cousin who she was sitting next to and she's like, oh, no, I have a boyfriend. So then he was like buckling my mom and he was like, oh what about you, You're hot, and that's how they met. And then she just ran away with him on the carnival.

Damn. So she just ran away, which so he was in town like as a traveling carnye.

Yeah, and she just went there with her cousin.

And she and she ran away with him. She was like, he was about to leave town and she was like, I's to go with you.

Well okay, so he was like leaving right and my mom was like going to like law school, and they had kept in contact and he came and like pict her back up within like a month. And yeah, then she just went with him. She just dropped out and started traveling on the carnival them.

Dude, your mom drafted out of law school to join the circus with your dad.

Yes, actually she worked at it. She works at a law it's not but she's not a lawyer, but yeah, crazy, she traded law for a word.

Bro, your mom deserves a gold fucking metal I swear.

And that's why I get so mad that my dad did her so wrong. And she just like, in my mind she's settled, but I guess she she didn't. Like in her perception, she didn't.

That's really crazy. Damn does what does your dad do? Does he work? Does he used to work on the Is he still a carnival guy?

He's still a carneye. Him and all my uncles they all run away when they were young to the carnival and they've been doing it ever since.

Man, do you have siblings.

I have one older sibling. I have a sister.

What do they think about the whole situation.

She's kind of like she was hoping my mom would leave him, but she's seven years older than me, so she was kind of like more understanding, like, yeah, I made her decision. You know, she's not going to leave him. So but my sister she went and got she went and got married really young and had kids and moved away. So she's like created her own life. I'm still kind of over here by my mom.

Are you do you desire to create your own life at some point?

Yeah?

I mean I have been. It's just I'm a wild child. I guess we'll not a child anymore. But uh, it's just been a little bit harder for me than it was for my sister.

H What what is your? What is if you? If you could create a life of some kind, what would it be?

I would like to I would like to travel like I think I would want to get r V and travel the state. Uh, working from home or having Uh. I don't know what type of job.

I mean.

I'm a caregiver, so I would like to continue doing that, but not full time, like maybe like half the year and spend the rest of the year like traveling and maybe buying like properties to do airbnbs and two and then traveling even even further outside the state. That would be for me.

I guess whatever you do, don't don't run away and join the circus to travel.

I won't. I won't. Only it's only if you asked me to, Greg, Only.

If I asked you to I, uh no, don't don't do it if I ask you to, Emily, Yes, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Stay golden, don't don't run away with the carnival.

By Emily, and good luck with taking care of that lady and cleaning her poops and stuff.

Oh thanks, Greg, take care man, take care bye.

Never goes on the line taking your phone calls every night, never goes to teaching you an expert