"I BECAME A GOD"

Shut helone front door. Hello, no way is that you? Yeah? Is this?

Uh? Tybee? What's what's up? Dude? How is life?

You have? You just caught me at the perfect time?

Yeah? Why is it? Why is it the perfect time?

I just finished I just finished the most cathartic yoga session, just like stepped out of tadasana, which is a corpse pose. And I looked it right at my point, open Welch's fruit snacks package and then I hear a beep and it's you.

It must have been the universe working its magic on you.

I swear it was the fruit snacks.

Okay, I so you here's what the call screen I wrote down about what you wanted to talk about, and uh I looked at it and it's it. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but I I wanted to talk to you about it.

YEA clear up?

Okay, I'm gonna say, Can I tell can? I?

Of course?

Okay? Tevy thirty years old from Colorado. It says here that you started living your best life once you made yourself out of clay and started living as this clay figure. Yeah, what does that mean? How did you make yourself out of clay?

Honestly, I wouldn't have even been able to tell you all this time until the moment happened. And even now I'm still wrapping my head around how it got to this point and why it had to be this way. But I'm just super happy and excited that it did. But you like kind of explain it. It's not like I made It's not like I made a realistic rendition of myself like someone else may assume, maybe like I made a small version of my body. I made like a character. I guess you can call him an avatar

Okay, so let's go real slowly on this. You built a little you, it's talking about it's okay, that's a good that was a good top line. Okay. You built a little guy at a clay that is not necessarily looks like you, but it's a representation of you. Yeah, and the little guy is living his own little guy life. You've created for it because you are in control of

I don't know if it was me. I feel like we did it together.

Okay, So you worked with the little guy to orchestrate a nice life for him. Yeah, okay, and you've noticed that as the little guy's life is getting better, are you sitting there and making a house out of clay, making a wife out of clay, making children out of clay?

I don't think he wants children he's not there yet. I don't think he's old enough in his realm, but he's he's living it up. Like I'm telling you, he's doing things.

Okay, So I saw the point of the question. Are you are you making stuff for him out of clay? That's what That's what I wanted to ask.

My hands are yeah, okay, uh, And.

You feel as though your hands are are like, like, are you channeling something? And the thing that you have challenged is channeled is working with you to create these things.

I feel like I'm on like this, like I'm in the middle of like a spiritual domino effect of understanding the universe via this process, and I hope it's not. I'm not digressing, but I feel like as I've been making things for him and living my life through him, I've been understanding how our creator, if you believe in that, whatever angle you have on that, how they view us and how they made us in their quote unquote image,

So you know, actually it does make a little bit of sense. So as you have created this thing, and as you have worked with this thing to create its own life, it has shindy light perhaps on your relationship with whatever it is you believe created you. Yeah, okay, and tell me how it has influenced that relationship.

It's made me take care of myself. It's made me honor myself. It's made me reach out for things I never thought I had the confidence or the gusto to reach out for, just because I feel like the creator or whatever you want to call it, or them or her or him, like that's what they would want, like that, like they're up there and they want to see us live our best life. Okay, So just like you know what I'm gonna do it?

Okay. Interesting, So so to the point that you just said, you're reaching out for things you never would have thought. Let's get specific here, what specific things have you been doing for your life that are positive as a result of all of this, I.

Guess to start on some more primal levels I've I've I think maybe you would be interested in this one. I stopped masturbating, which was interesting because you know, as a as a as a human being, it's the natural thing, or it's built into you to feel like you want to satisfy yourself in that way in order to I guess, honor yourself in a certain type of way, like it

Okay, so I stopped masturbating, you stopped smoking weed. Anything else.

I've been able to save money for the first time in my life. I have my own place confidently now. I have a better relationship with my family. What else, I've been able to drop traumatic relationships in my life without reaching out or even having thoughts to reach out, and I could talk about it without feeling triggered. I don't know, just primal things that kind of bleed out into I guess bigger things. And I'm really only at the beginning of this, but I can tell it's in a good path.

So to summarize where we are at so far, you have created a small figure that has a representation of yourself, and that figure, being the creator of it, has given you greater perspective of the relationship between you and whatever it is that created you, and your desire to honor whatever it is that created you, has caused you to make positive lifestyle changes, such as not masturbating, not smoking weed, and forming better relationships with people.

Yeah, you're so conciseed.

Wow, we did it. You know. We started out this absolutely no sense and uh we kind of got somewhere with it.

Yeah, you're good at putting things into smaller sentences.

Okay, so let me ask you this, Uh where does it go with this figure? Like, how long have you been have you been doing this? This project, A jacked I don't even whatever you call it, this thing with this figure.

Yeah. The odd thing is is this figure started out or emerged from a reoccurrence of a imaginary friend I had when I was younger that I abandoned when I was younger due to a friend stealing him in some really weird way that's too long of a story to talk about. But as a result, I lost my path. And when I thought of him again and I thought about where this imaginary friend was, he brought me back.

No? But you know I have a question for you. So h so your next thing for this h this Clay person is to make them a restaurant.

Yeah, so he can sern So.

Are you is any part of you living vicariously through this figure? Like are you taking your own desires for your life and giving them to this figure and the idea that perhaps it will come back to you? Like do you have a desire to open a restaurant? Do you want to have a house? And all the sort of things that you're giving to this this figure.

I do strongly believe in them, like a Karmix cycle. So I do think, whether I like it or not, these things may blossom into larger versions. Like these are almost like dream boards someone might like perceive them to be, but they also are very like internal like their external projects, but their internal conversations with myself, Like like the house that I built helped me find my body, and when I found my body, I was able to recognize my

So so, Tbby, tell me before we go, this has been very interesting, this has been you know, I'm I'm glad for you. You know, look, I think you know that this is definitely not a traditional thing that you're doing, but I'm glad that it is. It sounds like it's been helpful to you therapeutically. It's reinforcing this idea, this sort of hypothesis that you know, everyone has their own way of of dealing with the problems and the stuff going on in their life, and that there are various

Any visions? Well, right now, I'm working on an Avatar, the Last Airbender Millie series and uh.

Oh, like literally the best show.

Yeah yeah, I'm deriving like lessons than learning from each book all the way through Kora uh to help me fully locked down who I am and what I want to be As the server in this restaurant and uh, if anyone wants to check that out, all they would have to look up is uh pilot. Actually, this reminds me I almost forgot what the hell? Okay, did you ever get that drawing I sent you?

You sent me a drawing?

Drawing?

Yah?

Yeah, all the ship that was you?

Yeah it's me.

Yeah I did get that.

Hell yeah, fucking.

Fuck damn, yeah, I did get that. It's it's it's it's back. It's back at my parents' place. But yeah, I did get that.

Oh my gosh, that's amazing. Yeah, well god damn yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, with the line work and everything. Yeah, I did get that. Man, it's cool to like talk to you. And now the next time I see that, I'll be like, man, that's the figure guy. Yes, sir, well ship, what's your name again? Tebby?

Uh I'm Tybee.

Tybee well Tyby. Thank you first for sending me that.

You go by what no doubt. Thank you for doing all of this. You've you've kind of led. You're the last thing that I drew in that style, Like you kind of broke me through that edate this style I was in m M and I wanted to return the savor and then I just I didn't even know it was going to do my last drawing, And ever since then, I've been chasing myself, Tybee.

Do you have for people who are interested in you and what you're doing? Anyone who maybe this call connected with in particular? Do you have an Instagram or something where they can connect with you on?

Uh? Yeah, I only have an Instagram. It's it's meta pilot M E D A H P E I one three seven. Yeah, check me out if you want to see the avatar.

Uh, Tybee? Anything else? Any final words for the people the computer before we go?

Try tbd out.

Perfect, simple, clean, efficient? Uh, good luck to you, Tyby. Thank you very much for calling.

Thank you Lyle Geck Nations plus.

Well. That was fascinating. I love calls like that, where something every time, whether it's in a live show or on the street or when I'm like looking at calls, I'm gonna pick for this show. Anytime I see something that I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? The only the only way to figure it out is to dive into it with the parson. That was fascinating. That was fascinating. I don't know what my own. You know.

You know.

I mean, look, obviously that method of living a better life is not going to appeal to everyone, but it is for talking to that guy. To me is further evidence of the creative ways in which people can come up with, can go through to kind of deal with their own ship. So props to tout to Tybee, thank you for calling. I think you're again for that drawing that shit is sick? Hello? Is this Morgan? This?

This is her?

Yes?

What's what's going on with you? Morgan? What are you up to? What you know?

I'm not gonna like I just got done having a little bit of a menty breakdown.

A mental breaky. Okay, yeah, just like a.

Little break everyone's got to break every once in a while.

I fully agree. I think the the human capacity for stimulus and the amount of stimulus in the universe have not been keeping at good consistency with one another over the years, and so it's it's inevitable to have a a MENTI break ye every every now and then. Absolutely absolutely what has been the driver of your mental breakdown?

So today, specifically, what I what I kind of called in about, is like, you ever feel sorry. I'm so nervous. I know you always say like after five minutes, I'll be fine. I believe you, but like, wow.

No, no, no, it's just the phone. It's just the phone. It's not even real.

It's just a phone. Well, listen, I've tried to call so many times, and I saw you in Philly, so like, I'm so excited.

Oh hell yeah, I'm glad you had. What did you think of the show?

It was great that woman sat on a cake, but I had to it like the end because we had to get our train back a kind.

Of fucking okay, yeah that was fun. Well, I'm glad to see that you at least got to see the beginning of the woman sitting on a cake.

Oh yes, yes, I did see her sit on a cake and she complimented my shoes in the bathroom. So that's that's amazing. That's like a w for me.

So what is uh, what is driving your mental breakdown?

Morgan?

So do you ever feel like, I want to call it imposter syndrome kind of, but like you ever feel like your actions don't really like, I don't know, match your thoughts? Like everyone. What I told the screener was that I work with the elderly. I work in retirement home, and they all seem to like love me, like think I'm great, you know what I mean. I'm not trying to like suck my own dick or.

Anything, but like, sure, suck your own deck all you want.

They all appreciate what I do, I guess, and I love them. Then I want to take care of them.

That's great.

But sometimes like I feel like I'm not actually nice.

Hmmm, Like okay, so your thoughts can I well, it says here that can I tell people what the what the call scrator wrote down? Okay, the call scrator wrote down that that Morgan works with old people and has quote horrible intrusive thoughts about them.

Well that's pretty serious, Like, yeah, I do.

Well, listen, Okay, they don't, you know what, Listen. Okay, here's the thing. Here's the thing is, I don't really care about like thoughts. Who really gives a shit. Thoughts are only worth anything when they become actions. Now, actions start as thoughts. So like, I think that whatever thoughts, I think, you're innocent to any thoughts that pops into your head until it becomes an action. So don't freak

I'm not, I'm not. I'm not planning any one's murder, I promise. And they are not sexual. I promise. That would be haunting for me, honestly.

But it's just like.

I love so I love working with them, and some of them have some like really bad dementia, sure, and like.

It hurts.

It hurts my heart sometimes and the place is sad, and we I do activities. I do therapeutic recreation. So like I kind of keep them moving, keep their brains thinking, do some bingo with them. I don't know.

So good. So I mean, in what way do you feel like your thoughts are incongruent with your actions here?

Like, because I get so mad, like not at them, but like internally when they just you know, even the little repeating. I think it's overstimulation. Honestly, I think a lot of it is over stimulations, like all the noises and like they'll say the same thing over and over again. And I'm always patient, I'm always like okay, but sometimes just sometimes when it's just me and like all of the ones with dementia, yeah, snap.

A little okay, So I'm gonna let's get all right, we're gonna go We're gonna we're gonna go here real quick. We're gonna go here real quick. All right. So you, by the way, you're doing a great thing. You're helping out people with dementia. Okay, and okay, and you and you do it a great thing.

Okay.

So you're with this patient who has dementia and you're really trying your best to help them. But after they repeat the same thing over and over again, and they are kind of acting towards you in a certain way that is annoying as a result of their dementia. You become annoyed because they're being annoying. Yeah is that Okay, you become annoyed. But no, but here's the thing. But

Yeah, I couldn't.

I would leave there immediately and I would cuss them all out on my way out. You know.

Sometimes I do just get in my car and like I just dream, like I don't even bother pulling out of the parking lot. I'm just like streaming in there, and you know what, That's fine.

But it is fine. You deserve it, you know more, and your your car screams are deserved. Okay, car screams are because you're you're like, it's it's the courtesy of like, let's say you're on You're hanging out with a bunch of people and you really have to fart, and you know that your fart's so horrible and so but now, but for the courtesy of those people, you don't fart, and then you go into your car and then you fart all you want. That was the courteous thing of

On with you. That's an amazing analogy.

So I I think as long as you're not letting your annoyance cause you to lash out at elderly dimension dementia patients, which I don't think it is. I think you're doing.

Okay, Yeah, yeah, I just you know, I feel like like anger is a really weird thing that I think about a lot because I feel like I've had so much forever. It's just like balled up inside of me. But like I've always tried to be like nice. So it's like, am I actually nice? Or am I just trying to like cover up the fact that I'm like pissed off all the time, like a like an angsty teenager.

Like I'm what what what other? What other things are you angry about?

I get angry at my roommate a lot.

Okay, what about.

Well, like she bought a new vacuum. I have a vacuum, right, We have a vacuum that we use. It kind of sucks. It's a shitty vacuum, but I bought it right first time ever moving out, And she bought a new vacuum this week. And then I come home and my vacuums like on the curb, by the by the trash be thrown away vacuum. She threw out my vacuum without asking me.

Did you Did you say anything to her?

I said, I texted her and I said, because she's at work, and I said, hey, if you're gonna throw out something that's that's mine, could you just ask? And then she just read it like we just left me on red?

So oh, well, you know, Morgan, You're doing the best you can, I think. Can I tell you one I'm gonna tell you one thing before we go. I hope you're not don't get two in your head about whether or not you are a good person or a bad person as like a general overall label. I don't think that ship is real. You're doing the best you can out there, controlling your angry thoughts and uh transmuting them into productive actions. I think I'm smart.

Holding in a fart until I get to.

The car or who else are you with? Are you with anyone?

I'm meant like.

Metaphors metaphors, metaphor, metaphor, I'm holding I am I am also holding in a far but mine is not metaphorical. Mine is very, very.

Real, and so you can always let it rip like it's this the world is your oyster.

Let it rip, you know, Morgan? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

People the computer? Be nice to people I don't know, be kind lyle is it is?

It?

Is it awful of me to ask you a question? Just one more question? You can answer?

What's the question? Yeah? Hit me?

If you had to choose which muppet would you fuck?

Which muppet would I fuck? Which? Which one is the most the only I only really know Miss Piggy. But she's an animal, so I feel like that's ethically But I guess she's a talking animal.

They're all animals.

Okay, well then I guess, Yeah, I guess Miss Piggy.

Is that Miss Piggy?

Yeah? I could go for miss I don't know if are there any other? Who are the other girls?

Kermit?

You know you got Kermit? Mine personally is animal? The drummer.

Yeah, I bet he would be pretty good. You know what, I would suck him. I take back what I said. I'd fuck him.

Really, So we're like, what are what do you.

What do you call it?

Whenever? You like not Irish twins. The is that I don't.

Know Eskimo brothers, brothers.

That's it's it's been an honor being an Eskimo brother with you, Morgan, have a good rest of your entire life.

Thank you, Gek. I hope you do too. Keep doing you doing.

I like to say she was nice. Yeah, that whole thing of the thought to your thoughts? What are your thoughts say about you? I personally don't. I don't think thoughts are worth much. I don't. I don't think thoughts are worth much. I you know what, I don't work on the subject of intrusive thoughts. I was walking down the streets the other day and there was a guy carrying a tiny baby, and I had a I've had a thought popped into my head. I was like, what would happen if I ran up to that guy and

Oh wow?

This is Low? What a dream man?

This is Low. It's dream to talk to you. Man. You're in London, right.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, well just sound for London, but yeah, no one would ahead of it.

Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming there at twenty twenty three. I'm gonna do a live gecko thing. You should come.

Yeah, you can promise.

I I'll prom us I'll do it. If you promise to come.

I promise I'll be there.

Man, that'll be ding come true for me. Can I just thought, I just want to ask you a questions your your glove.

Yeah, I know I know what you're going to say. I know what you're going to say. I've said this a bunch of I put. I cut two holes in my gloves that I can use my MacBook.

It's a simple no, no, no, no, I wanted to know if you could push your fingers all the way to the end of the gloves or if they're like made to these permanent pets.

Okay, now, okay, okay, yeah I could. I could theoretically push my I mean, the gloves are oversized as to simulate sticky gecko hands, of course.

Okay, well, thank you for clearing that up to me.

That's a funny thing to say, of course too. What's your name again, Sam?

My name is Sam. Yeah.

Sam. What's going on with you in your life?

So, of course, not for some advice you man.

I moved.

Well, I've lived in an apartment for about coming up to four years now, and eighteen months ago there was a new girl who moved into the building, and like, I didn't really get to speak to her much, but I saw her in the corridor she's moving in, and

Here's my number.

Do you do you believe that this girl left her number outside of your door in a flirtatious way or in a neighborly way.

I didn't know, but I just wanted to sort of put the line down. I had something that happened before and it ended really badly, so I'm just trying to avoid that. So, you know, she asked me if I had any like numbers forweed or ever a couple of times,

So I had how how long into how much? How much interaction had you had with this person before she started sending you those messages?

Nothing apart from giving her some numbers for some weird because that's the enablest thing to do, you know, bizarre. Okay, I keep going, She's telling me that she missed me anyway, so I had to tell her to leave me alone, and.

Like in the end, I had to block that number because she just would not take the take the hint. And then it slowly started that she was going through my mailbox to find all my details, and she found on my socials and started added me and following me on social and liking all my shit, and when I mean like like in like fifty pictures in a row at once, And then I would know that she'd been going through my mouth because she'd start kissing it and leave like lipstick marks on my post. Well unless it

Could maybe it could have most has a crush on you, but she was going through mail and kissing it.

Yeah, And then so like she started like.

She started again, and I had to tell her to leave me alone. She got a new phone number she started texting me from that, and I said, look like this isn't cool, man, Like you got to leave me alone. And she would like wait for me to leave my apartment and start walking down the stairs and then open her door to like try and get me in her apartment while I was just like leaving for work, and I'd be like, you've got to leave alone. So then I told her to leave me alone again.

I have a text just so you've got to stop. You just gotta leave me, Like, man, this is weird.

And I woke up the next day and she'd spray painted asshole on my door and there was like I had no improof, but like it was definitely her. And then as I left the building, I saw on like our bin that we have at the end of our walkway that she'd.

Spray painted I Love You.

And God's spray paint as well.

So how long ago does all this happen?

So this has been ongoing for like a year. I know that.

Yeah, So I know that she's suffered from mental health problems, Like she's been sectioned three times now, and every time that she's sectioned, she calls me up from the hospital and she's like because it's an unknown number, I don't know who it is, and it'll be like midnight and it'll be like, oh, it's so nice to hear your voice, like I really miss you. Yeah, So it's kind of like weird behavior, but I know she's not well.

So my problem is is like I don't really want to get the police involved, because you know Aca B and I feel like they'll probably only make it worse or not do what she needs to do.

Is genuine question. What is it that makes you think that the police will only make it worse?

Because I think if they come round and say something to her, I've got no I've got hardly any evidence of any of this apart from a few text messages and loads.

Of miss calls, and I don't know a.

Picture of some lipstick on the letter, you know, I've got like no proof that it was her very paint at the door. And I just think if they come round and turn off at her door and just knock on her door and they don't do anything, it will just make her lose it.

Sure.

Yeah, you know, she's got these crazy eyes man, Like I swear any any of my name, Like my friends who come around they know about her. When they see her for the first time, they're like, dude, she is so fucking scary man.

So okay, if you're not going to go to the police, what other things have you considered doing?

So, Like, because we are as human that she's like on some sort of like watch list or careless now so that we have tried speaking to like our social workers, and.

That's a good idea. That's probably what I would do, is is I fuck, I don't know if you can get in contact with her social workers or whatever and get you know, their advice on it.

Yeah, but I mean I think because like the service is associate around here, it's like unless they're immediately gonna hurt someone or themselves, they don't do anything. So like at the moment, she's going through this obsessive phase. This

I was like, what is up?

And she's like, can you smell this? And she had like a carrier bag with her person and she was tied up and she undid it and she sort of held it up to me to smell him for the bag, and I was like, yeah, man, I'm down, like the bag, I don't know. So I smell it and it just smells like nothing. And she's like, can you smell that? Isn't that disgusting? And her eyes are like well enough, and I'm like, it doesn't smell anything. She's like, someone has pissed into my purse again, and they keep coming

I just's gonna be I mean, Sam, I gotta I mean, listen, I got a couple of things that I'm thinking about. Is I mean one, Okay, you're social The social worker said, you can't really do anything unless if you know that this person has intent to harm anyone else or harm

I mean I do, but I mean I just feel like that there's not that much aggression in what she's got apart from asshole on my door. But see that's kind of I mean, that's kind of aggressive, isn't it. Like see the rest of it's just mental. It's just like wild behavior, you know, like how.

Much left do you have left on how much more time do you have left on that least?

Oh? Man, I don't like four months?

How do you feel that booking it?

Yeah? Maybe you're right, man.

I mean I hate that. I I you know, I hate that answer. I'm not saying it's the right answer. I hate it because I don't think that, you know, part you should let a person who is threatening you or or causing you to feel unsafe. I don't think you should, you know, vacate and let them win. But also I think the idea of quote letting them win is stupid and you should just do whatever is best for you.

Yeah.

I mean, look, if I were you, man, I would just collect as much evidence as you can to you know, make a compelling case to any kind of you know, social or whatever police authority that you feel unsafe.

Maybe I should you know those Teddy bears where they put the cameras in the eyes. Sure, I confession something like that.

Well, I feel like that would be illegal on your part, so I would avoid the teddy bear with the camera.

But I liked how when you were listening to me for the most your eyes closed, by the.

Way I do people who are listening on the podcast. Can I see this? But I have my eyes closed because I I think I'm like partially blind right now, and so I'm seeing if I close my eyes return, so we'll see, we'll see.

But I was thinking, maybe you're imagining what I look like. And then I was like, what does he imagine that I look like?

I'm imagining what you look like right now?

Actually tell her?

Have I got blonde?

Oh shit?

Are you blinde?

Oh?

Man, you're fucking You're fucking well, dude, Yeah, I'm blown. Man, that's crazy.

I'm secretly working together with your next door neighbor to stalk you.

Is it you piss?

It's messing in her purse, Yeph was Sam. Well, I'm sorry here. I I I am of no help because I have no authority in the u State of London or in any state of any kind. But I hope that you find some way to mitigate the situation.

Thank you, man, I appreciate I just wanted to say.

As well, I've just felt at a therapy.

Degree and you were fifteen percent of the breeding to me doing that, man.

So fifteen percent. I'll take fifteen percent.

Yeah, I think that's pretty good. Like that's me being.

Honest, you know, No, I'm glad. I no, No, fifteen percent is great because if you told me I was the sole reason, I'd be like, I'd be concerned. But fifteen I.

Don't want to lie to you either, and you're not. But thank you, man, I have the best evening.

Hey you for the people.

I just want to say, Maroon Five's first album was fucking so good.

So I don't know what happened. Goodbye, Thank you can later.

I don't know anything about maroon five, but I don't know whatever, Sam says, I I second blindly Hello, Hello, Hi? Is this Kylie?

Yes?

What's up?

Nothing much?

What are you? What are you doing?

I'm just chilling on my bed watching a live stream of a gecko?

What that's that's that's that sounds stupid? A live stream of a gecko? We what even is that? What's what's up? Kylie? What's is there anything in particular you called in to chat about.

Preull.

I didn't think I was gonna be able to talk to you. So there's so many I am, You're right here, you are, you are right now.

Feel your breath, feel your your your hands, feel your eyes, your nose, your mouth. You're alive in the universe. I mean billions of years, Kylie, billions and billions and billions and billions of years in the past. You are not around. In the future, you will be dead. You won't be around. And we're living in the thinnest possible microscopic margin of time in which you exist, in which I exist, and

Well, I've been a little bit stressed lately. Tell me what I just Well, I just bought a new car and it was this whole situation. It fucking ridiculous, first of all, and so it's just really stressful. So I went to a car dealership because I wanted to get a new car. I wanted like a four x four, like a I will drive, but like that kind of car. I went to a dealership and they tried to sell me this one car, and I bought it, and then but the bank didn't approve it, so I kind of

I have here the of of of what you told the call screen or do you wanted to talk about I don't know if you don't want to talk about that anymore.

Oh no I do. I just was saying that this was stressing me out for the past a couple of times.

Oh okay, I'm sorry, I mean to cut you off.

No, you're good. No, it was just like they tried to sell my car and then I made a bad decision and bought the car.

And then now I'm kind of stuck with it.

So that's like the moral of the story.

Well, it's better than what, it's not better than Sometimes I like I like walking, but I like driving to Actually that's not sure. I don't driving. I've been watching a lot of videos of car accidents on Reddit. Well, you know what, Kylie, what did you want to talk about today? Let's I'm done with cars, I'm done with myself, I'm done with anything. Just let's talk about stuff.

Oh okay, okay. So I have this tool worker at work and he's like, what like fifty four or fifty five okay, and I have I think I have a crush on him. Okay, I'm twenty four.

Okay.

I don't know what to do because he was like at one point he was like he like asked me if like I signed him attractive or something like that.

I was like no, And then later on I'm.

Like, yeah, So I'm a little in a pickle, and but I don't know if I would ask him out or not, because I haven't decided if I actually like him or not.

So I'm kind of like, oh, what do you.

Want to do?

What do you what?

Do you want to do?

I don't know. He he's really cool. And I think I had a crush on one of my old coworkers. He was forty five, okay, and I asked him out and he said no. And then my ex was thirty. No, yeah, thirty. So like I guess I have a thing for older guys or something like that. So like maybe it's like the age, so like he's really cool, you know.

Okay, Well you said you're twenty four, right, yeah, okay, you're twenty four. I'm twenty four as well. I feel like at twenty four you uh you. I mean, look, you can do whatever you want with your life, you know, I mean what what are you? What? Where is where I want to know for you? In your brain and your thought processes. Where the conflict comes from?

Well, I think I have a little bit of daddy issues, So I I think I have a thing for older men, right, And so the conflict is is that it's like while I'm so young, and he obviously like jokes about he jokes about like how young I am all the time, and like all this other kind of stuff is like would he even like me like that? Because I'm so young? You know, and so there's that, and then you're like the typical like I don't like myself type of stuff.

Okay, I mean I mean hold on, stop, stop, stop, stop right there. And you said, do you you do you feel as though? You said, you feel as though you don't like yourself? Yeah, and you feel as do you feel as though that is like having an effect on the decisions you make? Is you navigate the relationships in your life?

Oh definitely?

Okay, I mean listen, yeah, the relationships are hard at fucking age or amount of fucking thrupple or gender or any of that stuff. Throw every throw it all out the window for a second here. Fucking relationships are tough

It's the you know, love yourself before you you can. You have to love yourself before you can love others.

Of course, right, yeah, of course, of course do you Okay? So I no, go ahead, and go ahead, I'm interrupting you.

No, I was just gonna say, and I and I agree with that, But I also feel like you don't have to love you don't have to love yourself to love someone at the same time, because you can love anybody you want if you don't love yourself, you know, yeah.

One hundred percent, I think you should go and do whatever you want. Well, let's talk about this, okay. You said that you feel as though you not liking yourself influences the way you navigate relationships. Why why do you think that is or in what way do you think it affects navigate it affects how you navigate relationships?

I think mostly for me is that I just don't believe that anyone could ever love me for me, you know, yeah, and I there's that, and I just so like when it's such a comes up, like if someone's angry at me or something like that, I have a really hard time with confrontations.

So like.

Navigating through a relationship, trying to build that relationship with someone, I always go for the like I always go for the what I'm what's what I'm looking for?

The combination or the I can't think of the word is it.

Or is it? Are you looking for the thing that?

Oh?

No, no, I can't think hold on, Are you looking for the because you said that you feel as though people can't just love you for you? Are you looking for like the thing that they like you for?

No?

Not necessarily, because like I talk about this in therapy with.

My therapist, but the I know, like I know that I'm beautiful and amazing and kind and.

All those great things, but like I don't feel like that, So like trying to like navigate that relationship of like, well, I feel like this, but I know that they do love me for me, but like I feel like they don't. So like are feelings or our thoughts more important? Like which one is better?

Like which one?

Like?

Which one do you go for?

It's like that kind of like toss up of like which one is more important to you as a person?

And yes, so I mean look back to the central issue that you you started with, which is not actually the central issue, but just the issue that you started with of whether or not you want to get involved with this guy. Do you feel as though your journey toward uh, trying to to not hate yourself will be aided, impeded, or unrelated indifference to you pursuing something with this guy.

Uh, I know that he would treat me right as a person.

So you know, you listen, listen. You don't have to, you don't have to, you don't have to come up, you don't have to come up with an answer to that right now. But I think that, oh, I guess you know, if you're sitting here, you say you're in a pickle. I think that that's the question as you're navigating your pickle, uh, to think about.

Yeah, I mean, is it really like such a big deal? You know, because like, but it is, but like it isn't at the same.

Time, like, well, I mean, you you have your own there's no right or wrong answer to any of this stuff, whether or not's a big I mean, you decide whether or not it's a big deal. I would if I and here's I'll say this, I would take I would really take any peripheral societal thoughts away for a second and just think about what you believe is best for you in your life. And also what I whatever your therapist said, because I'm curious about that. What did your therapists say about all this?

I actually haven't told her, Okay, so she she actually doesn't know. Because the last time that we were talking, we were talking about about my car situation and how that made me feel.

And you did talk a lot about a car. I do remember that.

Yeah, it's really not that interesting, but at the time it was very stressful, you know. But and then we got talking about some things that happened to me in my past and like pretty deep things, and yeah, it was just I don't.

Know if you want to talk about this, but or is it a car thing? I kind of I kind of have to move on. But no, is there anything else you want to say with the people of the computer before we go.

Anything?

I want to see the computer?

You people, You should definitely try to be kind to people, even if they're mean to you, at least philosophy.

I like that. I like that, you know, being being kind when it's hard. I like that. Yeah, thank you very much for calling Kylie. I hope that you uh figure out what to do.

Thank you Lyle for your time. I really appreciate it. I have a good one, you too, all right bye.

On this stream, we talked to people and with their people in thrupples, people and people in relationships of you know whatever, straight relationships, gay relationships for the age, whatever, relations relationships with four people in them, or any kind of any relationship of any case. It's all complicated, tough to navigate, and and I don't know, I don't know, I know how I feel. I'm no expert on any