"I AM A VAMPIRE"

Hey, folks, Before we get into this episode, I wanted to tell you all about the brand new Therapy Gecko merch drop that has just commenced on my website www Dot therapy gecko dot com. We have all new designs for hoodies, t shirts and stickers just in time for the holidays, and the stuff looks really cool. It's very high quality. I would show it to you, but this is a podcast, so I don't really know how to

Him?

My name sonjo On from Houston, sanchowed. Nice to Nice to meet you, man. What's what's up with you?

Not much? I was really curious where do you get your suits?

Striklinged Santra It says here that you Okay, I need I saw this and I wanted clarification on it. Okay, because these this is gonna be this is gonna be two different kind of calls potentially. It's just here that you knowingly had sex with someone with an STD. Does that mean that if you had the STD and had sex with them, or they had the SDD and had sex with them.

They had the STD?

Interesting? So they did they tell you that they had an STD?

Yeah? You know, we we'd met the night before. I really didn't want to spend my Halloween alone and met them on tender okay, and I mean their phone number, and we ended up hitting it off and we were on the phone for like three or four hours until like three or four am, and I was like, this is awesome. I'm really excited to meet this person. So I decided to invite them over and like Carson Pumpkins and watch them Halloween movies and show with them for Halloween.

Okay, how did you react when she told you?

That?

You know, I really try to keep an open mind. I thought a lot that, like, you know, what if I was in her position, like I would feel like a sexual object of this guy denied me to spend time with him, Like what what? Means that we have this like sexual connotation to us spending time together. Okay, so yeah, I was I wanted to keep an open mind. You know, I don't want to make her feel diseased. So now we continue to make LAMB she was awesome.

Okay, So I think that that's that's that's that's fair. You you you like this girl, you wanted to spend time with her. You weren't even having sex in the equation, and so you guys continue to make plans and then at what point did things start to become sexual? And at that point did you what what made you overlook the STD.

I did a little bit of research before, and it said that, like the likelihood of contracting herpes if you're wearing protection is low. So I I thought it was I thought it was fine, And okay, I think I seek out validation and like physical touch and pleasing other people like too much, Like it's become a problem. So I was willing to overlook it.

Well, I've I have a couple questions. First, when you say that you seek validation in physical touch and in pleasing other people, in what way did that factor into this situation?

I really didn't want to spend Halloween that alone. And I've been kind of going through this past couple of months since I gotten a really big breakup with someone I've been with for over a year and a half, kind of having multiple partners per week, and I recognize that I'm not catering to my mental health like at all, and I keep cutting people off, and then I get so unsatisfied with being alone and I struggle with FINGL.

So to you, you were craving physical intimacy to a degree that you were willing to overlook potentially getting an STD. And by the way, I don't know how herpes works, and I don't know what that likelihood is, so I'm uninformed about this particular situation.

But yeah, apparently it's fine with protection. You can just it's like a small risk like of the common breaks. Okay, we'll up take that risk for like a lifetime of having this.

What were your chances when you looked at up, what was the percentage.

Actually like really low, like like a ten five percent chance ten percent of fact check that it?

Do you have it for? Do you have it for?

Yeah, we do.

We have to facture that. We have no idea, but do you have it forever if you get it. I guess I don't know that it would also be that we'd have to feel forever.

Yeah, yeah, forever.

Okay, well, all this ship is besides the point. Okay, you're feeling lonely creating validation through physical touch? Did you once you once you got that validation, that physical touch that you were looking for, did it help the loneliness at all?

Yeah? I mean I guess temporarily, right.

Did it help it in any meaningful long term way?

No? No, not at all.

What do you think would solve that issue in a long term way?

No, I'm gonna start going to therapy tomorrow. Oh yeah, and uh, I really want to find the root of this. I think it's like some childhood you know. What, do you want to hear my elvis impression? I have a really good elvis impression.

Is your elvis impression related to what you were about? What you is your impression not in any way, shape or form related to this?

No, not at all. But I know I don't want to.

I don't want to. I don't want to hear I don't want to hear it right now. And that's if you don't want to talk about this anymore.

No, I'm okay with talking about this.

Okay, I mean you don't have to. You sound like you don't want to. That's why you brought up doing anl.

No no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no. I just I want to keep talking about it.

Why did you bring up are you looking at the chat right now?

No? No, not at all.

Why did you bring up doing an Elvis impression?

A really good Elvis impression?

Why did you bring up doing an Elvis impression?

You know?

I I think there is some roote contribution of my love for Elvis and my desire to be Elvis and this romantization of he got all the women that he wanted, and I guess I want to be Elvis. Well, baby left me. Well I found a new place to Dwell, we'll let's tell it be a little bit.

I hate this, Sacha, please stop, please stop. Okay, So you're gonna you're gonna go to therapy tomorrow?

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go to therapy tomorrow.

Okay, how many? That's good. It's good that you're you're taking some kind of initiative to to deal with this.

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Uh.

What's your name Sancha. Is there any anything? Did you get tested for herpes afterwards?

No? No, I haven't.

You haven't gotten Sancho. Did you have sex with anyone before getting tested for herpes? Mhm, sa, go get tested for herpes? Man sitting here on the Sancho, Sancho, you're sitting here on the phone trying to do a geo, trying to do an Elvis impression for a gecko right now, right, you should go get tested.

It's a really good impression.

Okay, I know a Sancho. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Yeah? I have a question, GAK. If I started twitch streaming in a fish costume and I labeled myself at the well being fish, would you would you? Would you assume me for stealing your image or maybe that would encourage you to have me on your show?

No that I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I don't think I would do either of those two things. I would probably, I probably wouldn't do anything in response to that.

Really, you don't what would be the first step in becoming the well.

Thank you very much for calling, Sancho. I'll talk to you. I'll talk to you soon. It actually wasn't that bad of an Elvis impression. I don't really know. I mean, I've listened to hound Dog and Viva Las Vegas, but I guess in his like I haven't like listened to any interviews with him. I haven't seen that movie, so I don't know exactly what he says. I don't have a great frame of reference, but for the frame of

Yeah? Just about What have.

You been doing while you've been on hold for three hours?

Honestly? Funny enough, while I've been listening to you and playing this game called Vampire Survivors, I just got really into it.

Says here that you wanted to call in because you're a vampire rapper and you wanted to talk about that.

Yeah, so that's why it was funny. I was playing that game.

How does one become a vampire rapper?

Well, first I became a vampire and then the rapper thing just kind of followed that.

I was I was wondering which one was first, Well, a vampire rap Well, actually, I'm thinking here, it would make kind of more sense for you to be have become a rapper a rapper first, and then become a vampire because you're a rap. You're a vampire rapper, not a rapper vampire. The second thing is like the main thing, right like you are you are a rapper, and vampire is the type of rapper you are, whereas if you were by trade a vampire, but you are a rapping Do you know what I'm saying right now?

Yeah? That does make a lot of sense.

Well, actually the truth is none of this makes sense, but we're gonna roll with it anyway. What is a vampire around?

I am a rapper. I started making music in like twenty seventeen, and I mostly rapped about vampire shenanigans.

How did you get into like, okay, so walk me through this. You are a vampire or you just fuck with vampires?

I fuck with vampires heavily. If I could be a vampire, I would be. And as far as it goes, you know what, I'm just gonna say, I am a vampire.

Yeah, I'm thinking back. I don't know why I asked you if you're a vampire, because vampires aren't real. But I don't know if maybe you like, I mean, on who am I fuck me? Who am I to say? Who's real and who's not? A You say you are something I'm not gonna be.

I mean, people give names to monsters. Monsters can be a lot of things throughout history. Vampires have always been in uh in history, throughout every culture, you know some kind of vampire or another. So I feel like it's a staple throughout history and society.

Why a vampire? You said that if you could be one, you would be one. I don't think I would say the same. But why would you choose to be a vampire as opposed to a human?

Wouldn't you want to live forever?

Young?

No?

I don't want to fucking lift forever. This's horrible. That was a very vampire.

Last well, it hasn't. It hasn't been the best for me lately, but at the same time, I still i'd kick it a little bit longer.

See this is even more interesting to me. You your life, according to you, has it even been good? And yet you want to live it forever.

I mean, I've never really been like a religious person, right, I'm not convinced there's something after death. And I do enjoy life, I always have, even when it gets shitty, but I don't want to let it go. So maybe it's like a death complex thing.

You're like reverse suicidal.

I mean, maybe you could say that. When I was younger, I used to be more on the opposite of that, very suicidal. And maybe I'm trying to hold on to life or trying to get more out of it.

I like that, what do you, okay, tell me this in the in living forever? What what could you do that you can't just do right now?

Honestly, just the biggest thing is I feel like I'm wasting time when I'm just spending time doing stuff that I want to do, like like playing video games or listening to the Gecko Talk. Lately, I've been like, you know, listening to podcasts when I do the dishes, something that I can I feel like I'm doing something productive while I'm listening to stuff. I wish I had all the time in the world that I could just not worry about about life slipping away.

Well, okay, this is why I'm asking, so life is slipping away. On a second, secondly, basis, what do you want to do with it? What I mean, life's only valuable because you decide to wake up and get out of bed and do anything, or you know, at least look at stuff, at least feel a lie like what do you what do you intend to do with this life? Or desire to do? I have a few goal just do right now. Please let me hear the goals.

I'm working on him right now. But one, I want to be happy, which I feel like I am a lot of days, but not every day. I want to make sure that I wake up happy. And I just want to get out of bed. And I was actually listening to your podcast with Baby No Money the other day and he said something that when people ask him what it's like to do what he does, he tells him that he can't wait to get out of bed

What do you think changed between now and when you used to wake up wanting to seize the day.

Honestly, a lot, a lot has changed. I don't know exactly what it is. I'm a father, I am am a young father. I had my daughter when I was seventeen and I'm twenty four now, so she's seven years old. Having to grow up to be responsible for that, that's a whole other, whole other, you know, beast on its own. But at the same time, like my daughter is one of the reasons that I remembered why I wanted to get out of bed in the morning. But I've been

Well, no, I mean, this is you're a lot more than It's funny because I came into this thinking that I was going to learn about vampires and rappers, but I'm learning more about Josh.

Uh.

Well, I'm glad to hear that.

So so tell me these goals that you have you want to wake up? Have you want to wake up happen? Okay, Yeah, that's a goal. That's that's thesis. That's a good thesis. When's the last time you woke up happy?

Like probably? Well, I mean this morning, I didn't wake up sad, but I still slept in for for a while. I So, I work at Spirit Halloween now and we just, I don't know if you know what that is. It's like a halloween store. Yeah yeah, So we're like seasonal. So at the end of the season, we have to like pack up all the walls and put them in trucks and shit like that, and they're like really heavy walls.

In a minute.

So I just kind of slept in this morning a little bit and that was good. But I remember last week specifically, I did wake up and just like wanted to get the day going and got out of bed, like had some coffee, and that was refreshing.

When you did your interview for Spirit Halloween, did you mention the wrapping vampire stuff, because I feel like that would have been the thing that sealed the deal.

I started rapping as a vampire like the first year after I started to work at Spirit.

Actually, ah, the chicken came before.

The egg, yeah, in that case. But then that that led into like my next job. The thing that I was that I just kind of lost was my first boss at Spirit Halloween. She like stopped being working at Spirit that year and went to go open this oddity shop and she like called her team from Spirit and was like, who wants to help me set this up? And I like showed up to help paint the walls and everything and like help get those.

Already selling, like you were working selling teeth and skulls and shit.

Well that's what it turned into. I like got my foot in the door there, and then she really liked me and my boss and I just like stuck around and started working there, and yeah, that turned into human skeletons like we had a face in a jar for a long time. We called her miss Jackson.

I love I love like that. You like the hierarchy is that you go if you get, If you get really good at selling fake faces and fake skeletons and shit, you graduate just getting to sell real ones.

I always thought that was the irony of my life. And I went from selling like fake skeletons, that's selling.

You want.

And then you recently got like the shop.

Yes, sadly, I mean like it's a it's a really niche subject to open a shop on and like our location in uh, Pennsylvania isn't the you know, the most popping, so just like the hours weren't really there, and it's it's really sad. I mean, I've absolutely loved it there, and I know my boss would keep me if she could, but she just can't really afford it. So that's a whole other kind of sad thing. But honestly, what I like earned, what I learned working there is so much more.

So, Josh, what are you going to do now that you have been let go from the autist shop? What is your next step?

So that's kind of the thing I called about someone at uh so Spirit is owned by Spencer's, and someone at Spencer's wanted me to go be like an assistant manager at Spencer's and I and like, that's I know what I'm falling back on. I already like them.

Close to in in in genre place. There are some there.

The main thing that I'm kind of like iffy about is I'm I've been like the only job I ever really worked with retail. I worked retail for like the past five years. It was definitely different when I didn't work for such like a corporate thing and it was more like a you know, like a brick and mortar place. And I'm not sure if I want to keep doing retail,

So so let's talk about let's talk about this. Let's talk about this real quick. You know, usually my my personal feelings on this stuff. It it it gets a little wonky when you have a kid, because if you didn't have a kid, I'd be like, go because if you didn't have a kid, you could just go be homeless on a beach and pick up like a food that washes in into the sand and then make your music and you'd be fucking fine. You know you can do that. That's a beautiful I think about that a lot,

I'm not doing bad. I I live with my girlfriend and my daughter in her own apartment. It's I'm able to afford it. But I'm only able really to afford it because we both work jobs. So that's definitely something that you know, I need to That's kind of why I already signed up for the Spencers, because you know, I like, I need a paycheck still that's more than just what I'm getting from music right now.

Okay, But uh.

So, you know, ideally I'd like to live a life where I just don't have to work uh retail position anymore, or if I did, it wouldn't be like every day of the week and be like part time and then also focus on like art stuff.

So Josh, I mean, I'll tell you this, I do believe. I mean, you have an extra cog in the machine here and the fact that you have a daughter. But I do believe that you can find a balance between these three pillars of your life. The job that you need to work to make money, the child that you need to support and spend time with, and the musical career that you need to pursue.

Happy.

Do you believe if you find harmony between those three things that you will be happy?

Absolutely? I think that's that's.

My main Now, now, all right, now, let me throw you this one. Do you believe that in the mere pursuit of harmony between those three things you can be happy? Because if you're not happy on the journey, you ain't you ain't gonna be happy with the destination.

Yeah, I can at least I can at least definitely have some good days in between. And that's I mean, that's what I'm working on, is is waking up happier on the pursuit good as well as the destination.

You know, good, And it's never gonna be perfect. It's never gonna be perfect. I'm trying on a bunch of

I do get exactly what you're saying, and that that makes a lot of sense. You say you're not a real therapist, but some stuff gets through.

How do I By the way, before we go, do you have a connected spirit Halloween that I can start doing my Gecko costumes at so I can finally make some money off of this shit.

Yeah, I'll text my district manager for you.

Okay, beautiful Josh, is there anything else you want to say to the people that computer it before you go?

I found you on TikTok a couple of months ago. I've been watching the YouTube videos listening to the podcast. I really like yourself. This is my first time actually calling in, so I'm glad I got through. But uh, check me out on Spotify or check out my YouTube videos.

You can all right, not so fast? So fast, not so fast, not so fast? You rap for us right now? I want to hear a rap?

All right?

What's okay?

Do you free? Hold on? Hold on?

What do you want to style?

Or do you do you freestyle? Or do you just do songs?

I used the freestyle. I just write my stuff lately, though.

Would you freestyle right now? Or is that too much?

Oh god, uh no, you're gonna have to check me out.

All right?

Spin us some bars?

I just uh yeah, okay, do you want to hear my I have a song that has like five hundred thousand plays? Do you want to hear that one?

I'll hear like, let's just hear, let's hear like the first verse of it.

All right, I'm just gonna do something else. My latest, my latest vampire bars were something like, you keep squirming, it's no wonder when my teeth hurting. I keep slipping, so there's nothing left to bleed, bringia, nothing left to see, and there's nothing left to me either. I'm peace certain that I think it's time to leave with your packing up your things, and it's time the best in peace with you. But that was the end of the song.

That was That was pretty spooky.

You made me too.

Nervous vampires the number four higher?

Yes, what, thank you for remembering?

Thank you for calling Josh, love you get take care brother. Hello? Hello, Hi? Who is this car? Carson? It says here that you are with Tiffany, your girlfriend.

That's correct, Yes, sir.

Tiffany there?

Hi?

How are you Tiffany?

I'm all right? How are you?

I'm good? Can I can I bring up what it says that you guys wanted to talk about? Where do you guys want to tell me?

Yes, sir, you can bring it.

Up, all right. It says here that you want to discuss you guys reconciling after Tiffany cheated on Carson.

Yes, sir, I got a little drunk, did some stuff I shouldn't have done, and cheated on him.

Yeah, sadly.

Uh how do you How do you feel about that? Carson?

I mean, I'm kind of pissed, and uh, you know.

She wasn't.

Uh.

I kind of want to like break up, but we have a lease together and you know, responsibilities and bills and ship to pay. So uh, I don't know. I don't know how to really because I just found out today. I'm trying to figure it out myself.

You just found this out today?

Yes, yes, today.

Came up to me and was like, uh, I got something to tell you that that happened last night?

Yeah yeah, so.

So so definitely this happened last night, Yes, sir, it did. Okay. How long you guys been together?

For?

Three years?

Mm hmm.

So long?

Yeah?

So, I mean, Tiffany, what what kind of inspired you to do what you did?

I guess I just.

Get attracted to other people at times when I've been drinking and doing some stuff I shouldn't have been doing, and sadly a little bit of some powder which's found in our lifle bars around here.

You said power. What is it about power that you said?

No powder? Powder?

She's powder? Okay, okay, okay, yes, yes, that's.

Uh.

You think I should get to sleep with another girl? Right, That's that makes it even?

Right?

Then we go about our day.

Is that is that something that you guys have been discussing?

No?

No, no, I just that just came off the top of my head yourself, Yeah, that did just come out the.

Doping his head.

Okay, I mean, I'm not I don't I don't have any What what do you think about that, Tiffany.

Well, personally, I do not think that to rights or too wrong to make it right.

What's the same you do too wrong s don't make it right?

Yes, I don't really agree with it, but well that would make him feel better and stay with.

Me than.

H.

What about money, Tiffany? What about money?

Yeah?

I'm not kidding, Tiffany. No, I'm just kidding.

No, you don't Okay, okay, okay, everyone, everyone, everyone, Everyone calmed down. Everyone calmed down, Everyone calm down for a second. Okay, Carson, tell me, honestly, tell me honestly, what if if anything? The answer could be nothing, What if anything do you truly feel Tiffany could do to get back into your good graces?

Uh? I guess give me the mock code to her phone and just promise it won't happen again for being honest, Yeah.

You want the lock code to her phone?

Maybe not that.

Okay, we can just look past it and move on. Yeah, that's probably the best idea.

You want to move You want to look past it and move on.

Yeah?

Yeah, but if it happens again, you know, then she's out.

Right, Tiffany. Can I ask you a question, sir, Tiffany, is this the first time this has happened in the three year relationship?

Yes it is, Okay, I feel terrible about it.

And you guys share a lease together, Yes we did. How long has that been a thing?

Oh? Not eight months?

Now?

Okay, let me ask you something. I'm gonna ask both of you guys this question. By the way, you guys aren't fucking with me right now, are you?

No?

Like you would tell like you? You would tell me the truth if you guys.

Were no, I, well, you are a real counselor. I would go to like I'm not, you know, marriage counselor or some shit if we had money.

But yeah, no, wait, so you would go to a real marriage counselor if it was if you were fucking with me?

No, wait, I don't understand. No, if I had money, Yeah, if I had money, I would be going. I would go to like a marriage counselor.

All right, I'm ask both of you guys the same question. Uh, Carson, tell me in these past three years and currently, what kinds of thing? What this relationship as a whole, Has it been a positive force in your life? And if so, in what way has it been a positive force in your life.

You asked, that's the Carson, right, Yeah, I'm probably. I mean it's been positive. Yeah, uh, it's been positive in my life. I think in our life together, I should say, yeah, you know, we've got our own plate. Uh, got a little dog, no kids, luckily, but you know that's not what she wants, so who knows about that? But yeah, no, no, I think overall has been very positive.

Yeah, yeah, okay, Tiffany, what how do you feel? Do you do you believe that the relationship has been a positive force in your life?

Absolutely? He has made me grow as a person, and you need become a better person. I feel very guilty from what I did.

Mhm, why would you be chuckling? And oh that's fucked. So she don't here to understand the gravity of it.

She doesn't.

Mh, Well what happens whenever you get a little bit too drunk. But yeah, I will forever feel guilty and just continue to ask for forgiveness from a good dear lord.

I don't know if the forgiveness is in the hands of the Lord here, but.

Yeah, yeah, I forgive you though that it's all good. I'll forgive you.

Thank you, Okay. Cool. I guess we settled that.

Yes, thank you very much. You know, I don't think none of my friend's going to help me more than you could have.

So beautiful. So anything you guys want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

On the computer, We love you computer people.

We love every one of you, and thank you for your help.

Thank you, guys.

Have a good night.

I'm getting into divorce, all right.

That was totally fake, right, that was a fake, stupid waste of time. You know, it's fight normally, I don't care about the fake calls, but that was that was pretty annoying. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know that was really I don't I guess. I guess hopefully it was fake. Hopefully it was fake. But then again, actually, hold on, hold on, hold on. I do have an important detail to reveal about that call that might change

Hello is this the get.

Yeah? Who is this?

Hello?

Hi? This is Chase.

How are you doing, Chase?

I'm right, how are you Chase?

It's a hear that you're a triplet and you believe that your two brothers do not respect you.

That's true.

Why do you feel like they don't respect you?

I've kind of always felt like that, uh, sort of like they were. Yeah, it's hard to I feel like it always kind of comes off like I'm like, like, there's it's just just you know, it's just how brothers are. But I've always felt like they were. They were sort of like my brother my my my bullies growing.

Up and.

When we got older or not not so much like them directly, but more so like their friends. And they sort of encouraged it. And anytime I've brought that up, uh, they kind of just ignore it and and kind of just in general, I just think that they don't respect me, you know, they just Yeah.

Have they always not respected you throughout your life?

Yeah? Yeah, it's kind of how I feel. Yeah.

So do they live how? Like often do you really even see them?

So I'm twenty eight, so I haven't. No, I don't. They live in different states now. I don't see them that often. It's mostly just for holidays. But like, you know, yeah, I definitely like I feel like I don't really want a relationship with them, and in many ways, I don't really like I don't talk to them at all really, but I do see them at the holidays. It's kind of why I'm calling, is you know, I have to

Let me ask you this, do you respect them?

I don't know.

That's a good question. I guess probably not, because I feel like they bullied me, you know, and like they never any like I said, like anytime, like I've brought that that up, like they've just kind of brushed that off, like they don't they don't even really acknowledge that that like, yeah, that like this is the way I feel like they just don't really care. So I guess, yeah, I guess I certainly. I mean I can't I can't really respect that, you know.

Yeah. Yeah, So is this an issue for you at all outside of just the holidays? Like, is this some kind of macro thing that just bothers you or is it mainly an issue regarding the holidays?

I think that it's it's most Uh, I guess I have to deal with it most like like mostly yeah, like like during the holidays, and yeah, just like any other time that I have to like kind of you know, be around them, around like family with them.

So, you know, the relationships are tough because you have no control over them. You only have, well you have. I'm not gonna say you don't have no control. You have the fifty percent of control you have, your half you have you There's like, there's no point in us talking about what you feel as though your brothers may owe you, or how we feel like they should be, or how we wish they would be, or any of

Yeah, I've tried.

So Okay, now I feel like we're looking at all right, what are our options? What can we do on our end to achieve the objective? Which now maybe well, actually I don't know. I don't want to assume anything. What is the objective? Is the objective to attempt to build a better relationship with them? Or is the objective to get through the damn holidays without fighting? How would you describe the objective?

I think that I'm not interested in a in yeah, building any kind of relationship with them, at least at this point. So yeah, probably probably the latter, probably, Yeah, just kind of like getting through the holidays without fighting with them, all.

Right, So the objective is to get through the holidays without fighting them. You say that sometimes you try to talk to them and it ends up in a fight. Is that correct? In those situations where you try to talk to where you where you talk to them and it ends up in a fight. What degree of that ending up in a fight can you take responsibility for? Like, if they make a comment to you that's unsavory, do you fight back with a comment of your own.

Yeah, I think. I think, if I'm really being fair, probably probably fifty.

Okay. So, like if we took our own ego out of it, and we were just like I just want to pick the path that leads to the path of least resistance, we'll call it what path leads to the least amount of conflict. Even if that path involves me sitting there and quote taking it when my brother says something annoying to me about my life, I will withstand that for the sake of the greater good, the sake of my greater objective, which is to not engage in conflict,

Yeah, yeah, it does.

What do you think about that?

I think you're right. I think that is. I think I'm definitely gonna try to to to take that path to to think about that throughout the next couple of weeks the rest of the year living. You know, in general, I think so oftentimes, like you said, I think, uh uh, you know, separating taking your ego away from it. I think in many ways, I think my ego does kind of overtake me, and I think I just can't help

Well, let me give you a different I have to bring up a different perspective on that, this idea of letting them win. What if we phrased it like this, your you, your is tell me truly tell me honestly is your objective honestly to get through this without any conflict. Look, if you want to stick it to them and that's your objective, you can tell me, like, what really is in your heart to want to do over the holidays? What do you genuinely desire you? Do you genuinely desire peace?

I think I think at one point in my life I would have told you, yeah, I want to stick it to At this point, no, I just I'm done. I've you know, I've I've tried sticking it to them. I've tried, I've tried everything. I've tried ignoring them, and I just I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to get through it without causing any problems.

All Right, You're twenty eight years old. You've tried as hard as you can to make up with them, You've stuck it to them. You're tired now. You love your mom and your rest of your family. That's why you show up for Thanksgiving? Right, Yeah? And so your objective, and I'm asking this is a question, your objective is peace? Truly?

Yeah?

Okay, so you win if there is peace, that's your win condition.

I guess, I mean, I guess I'm kind of regretting that the winning freak, because I don't even really look at it as like I'm winning as much as just.

Well, no, we can, we can.

We can stay in that. We can. We here's the thing we can stay in that idea, you win if there's peace.

M So, because I just I just don't want to like I'm not trying to like it's not like I'm like I'm like trying to like beat them, you know what I mean. Like, it's just like you're not trying.

You're not trying, You're not trying to be This is not a this is not a win. This is not a win over any of them. You were not going after peace to stick it to them. You were going after peace as a win for your own corrector is your own victory. And so when you're engaged, and so when you're talking to your brother and he says some ship that pisces you off, and you want and to hurl something back at him because you don't want to

Yeah? Yeah, that does. I like that, Thank you.

Are they bigger than you? Can? They can they over overpower you physically?

No? I mean like like one, It's like that's not really like it's not it's never really been like that, you know it has It's never really been like a physical like they they beat me up?

Do you do you have you seen their penises?

Uh?

No, what do you mean?

No?

They're brothers?

You I mean, I guess probably when I was very young, Like I'm a triplet yeah, so like we re took.

Yes, you've seen you've seen that, You've seen their penises.

Okay, yeah, do.

You have a do you have a bigger penis than they do?

Sure?

Yeah? Okay, all right, So if all the stoic philosophy crap doesn't work for you, then you know there's that too.

That's true. It's a good point. Thanks Kick, Thanks for calling Chase, Thank you Gick.

Hey, folks, it's the end of the episode and I wanted to talk to you about something real quick. It's not an ad. Well, I guess it's kind of an ad, but just hear me out. Sometimes I put excerpts at the end of the podcast from my street interviews that I've done on my YouTube channel, And today I just uploaded a video on my channel that is probably my favorite thing I've ever made. It's a really fun, really weird, really wild vlog that I filmed back in June from

Oh?

Yeah, now they have no jurisdiction And I changed my name, I changed like my identity.

So you are caught with five kilograms of cocaine?

No, no, no, they com me with way more. But I could only grab five kilograms. Okay before I got out of the States.

What was your life like before you came hand?

Terrible kilograms of go came Yeah, you know, so you went wrong somewhere when you're doing that you know, smart, you got a thing right off pokers as at that moment, had a spiritual experience and I went all the way back to when I was a child, and I you know, got back in my body and I was staring at a butthole. And we found out later there was a little LSD in the cocaine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is your relationship with drugs?

Like now a weed, ayahuasca, ceremonialy d MT.

Casually, I'm probably gonna blur your face with all this stuff.

With the FBI stuff. Yeah, oh man, I wanted them to see it.

Yeah, that whole interview was pretty interesting. So again, if you want to watch the full vlog of my weird solo adventure through Guatemala, you can go to YouTube dot com slash lyle forever l y l e f O R e v e R. The title of the video is going to a foreign country alone as a get go. All right, thanks for listening, guys, goes on the line taking your phone calls. Nine goes to just teaching you.

You're like, but he's not really an expert.