Hello, Hello, can you hear me?
Sir?
Yes, sir? What is your name?
My name is a sicklist sicklists?
What kind of name is that? Is that Greek something?
No, no, dude, it's it's a fucking name that my girl gave me because my real name is I mean, kind of put it together, I guess, you know, but yeah, it's my real name is Nicholas, but sounds kind of cool.
Well, well, I sick. I'm gonna forget that. I'm just gonna, uh, can I call you Nick?
Yeah?
Here's the here's the thing in like, in my like I to me, ideally this podcast would be completely anonymous, and it pretty much is like if like, if it were up to me. You know, there's this podcast that's called Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People that this comedian Chris Gethard does, and you know, I mean I listened to that when I was in high school, and is you know, it is definitely an inspiration for this thing, and uh, for him, it is I don't think he even does names.
And I want to do it like that because I forget everyone's name anyway, and ideally and ideally this should just be anonymous. So part of me is like I should just start instead of asking everyone what their name is,
I should just give them a name. But then if I need to put like in conversation, I let Sometimes I like to address people by their names, and it's a pot you can't really do that if you're talking to an anonymous person, you could say you could you could be like like on Reddit when they're like, so, ann In, what do you tell me more? You know, I think that's weird. That's like lait speak or whatever. But I'm just gonna call you Nick is basically what I'm trying to say.
Yeah, that's fine. You could call me like like.
No, I don't want to do that at all. I really really don't want to call you that. What were you going to say?
Yeah, No, Nick's fine, dude, that's totally cool. I'm down for that ship. Nick is a good name. But I called you. Did you read my text or no? Oh? So basically, I guess it's not like I guess it's basically I guess it gives like awareness to like like something that's going on in my company, and it's like kind of nationwide, like in the US. So I live in I live in a certain state where it's like hot as fuck, but it's it's kind of like deadly doing my job. And we work outside and so let
me let me just start over. I work at a UPS. I'm a driver, right, and it's a lot of physical fucking work. The ship sucks, it's pretty horrible, but it's a good pay. A little bit ago, back in last August, we were planning to go on strike for for like a new contract. So every like three to four years, you had a contract with our union, Teamsters union. Basically, if we don't come to like a contract negotiations as UPS,
there's we go on shrike. So one of the big caveats for last strike was we get air conditionings in a truck. And I don't know if you noticed, but whenever you get your package deliver or you see a UPS driver, there's no air conditioning in that bitch.
Like, okay, So I never knew that. I never knew there was no air conditioning, But like, there's no correct if I'm wrong. There's no like fucking doors at the UPS truck either, right, So it's all it's open, how I guess. First of all, I didn't know that there was air conditioning that I didn't know that there wasn't
air conditioning. But I guess if there were air conditioning, wouldn't it like I don't know how anything fucking works, but wouldn't the air conditioning like blow out from the open door?
Right right? No, you're right. So actually they're sliding doors on the left and right, so you could close the doors and open them. But the reason why we always had the doors open because there is no air conditioning. That is like the air blowing through our trucks, that's our air condition.
Oh so there is Okay, so there are doors, but you guys use them because as hot as fuck?
Yeah?
Absolutely, what do you guys do? Do you guys use those doors in the winter? I guess I can. I don't, I don't, I never. I don't know if I remember seeing a UPS truck in the winter. I don't know why.
No, Yeah, yes, sir, we sorry, I call you start. It's just manners and stuff like that, So I apologize.
I don't have to apologize for that.
Go ahead, Yeah, I'm sorry. I also drink like a CBD like THAC like cycle frog right now, and that's just fucking starting to kick right now. So I'm trying to anyway, I'm sorry your question was again.
You know what I I don't even remember. Go ahead, go ahead, though I feel like I didn't let you finish the whole.
Oh but no, there is first sliding doors for the winter time and everything like that, and that's what we used to keep us f freezing our asses off. We do have good fucking eaters, I'll tell you that. But eventually everything breaks in the truck and it's it just goes down from here, dude. So yeah, it's just it's not good. But anyway, so basically we're fighting for air
conditions in a truck. And then UPS kind of put like our pay salary on blast and letting ever know, letting like the public know how much money we make, and it's we do not make that much money. We make good money, but we don't make that fucking much money as they say we do. And they were kind of, I guess, use the public against us because we had everyone riding us for riding our back for the content
negotiations because again, like you didn't know. I'm pretty sure everyone that's stream or chat doesn't know that Ups, we don't have air conditions in a truck anyway, Basically, what I'm trying to say is, so that happened, right, and so this previous years before that, we've had drivers like literally passed out and died like from heat dishaustion, heat stroke, and it never makes the news or anything like that.
And it's actually pretty fucking sad. Recently a few months ago, actually, I've been trying to call you a lot about this when it was more frequent, but I mean, I know you got a lot of people on that bitch calling in, but yeah, recent people have died, you know, in our state, and it's been pretty shitty, and honestly, like UPS hasn't really done anything about it either. They haven't put it
hasn't been made the news. There's like a small like Facebook group maybe about the guy that passed away in his funeral date, and I don't know, it's been really shitty. So I guess I'm just really calling to, like, I guess, spread awareness that, like, hey, you know, UPS, drivers still haven't gotten that fucking AC and honestly, I don't know, it's just like really fucking sad. What's going on right now? What's I guess with our people?
And I guess this sounds like something that like John Oliver would cover.
Oh, I can't get in contact with John Oliver. I guess.
You'll you'll, yeah, you'll, you'll, you'll take me as a consolation.
Yeah, yeah, you're your net stuff gig. But yeah, dude, that the shit that's going on right now.
So so they Okay, when you said they tried to use their pay I gets you because I remember hearing something about like people were going on about like ups drivers were making a lot of money. Is that is that true? It is that like a thing that they tried to do to make you, like get people to support you less.
I mean, like so, I mean there's like a at a top rate and if you're getting like forty plus hours working over time, and then it because our benefits are free, like we don't have to pay dental, eye care, you know, medical. Sorry, that's my cat right there. She wants to say hello. But I mean, if you calculate everything, how much money we say from that? I mean penically, yeah, I guess.
But like, by the way, hold on, I just want you. I just put you in something. I can tell that you're being coy about this, and uh, just so you know, there's no number that you could that you could say where where I would be like, you know what, you make a lot of money, you actually deserve to pass out and die. Yeah, you know, so you don't have to be coy about it.
Yeah, okay, I appreciate that. Thanks for letting me know. Yeah, sorry, because we always like anytime anyone talks about like friends of ups stuff, like they go to the news, there's retaliation and god forbid, there's retaliation. I'm pretty sure that of my supervisors, any of my bosses here the ship.
Or retaliation against uh who like me, Like.
Hey, you spread this information to the public. YadA, YadA, YadA. You know, it's like, well what if what information?
What what misinformation are you being accused of spreading to the public?
Oh, just like people are dying. Like they're gonna say like, oh, no one dies. It's like no, there's plenty of people that die. There's like several several drivers that die yearly on this shit. I don't know, I'm just being like paranoid, I guess, but I mean, I mean it's fine.
Did you guys get the air conditioning?
No, no, we still haven't gotten the air conditioning. That's what it is. If we had that air conditioning. That guy that passed away recently, like and along several other people, maybe that should wouldn't have happened, you know, they don't. They say they're gonna provide ice machines for us. We haven't gotten ice machines. We haven't gone coolers, we haven't gotten the air conditioning, we haven't got like, you know,
events throughout the truck. You know, because like it's one hundred and five and it's like one hundred and twenty back in the truck. Dude, it's fucking brutal. Dude, it's fucking is fucking brutal work. And it's especially during COVID. Dude, we were like humping out a two hundred, two hundred and fifty stops easily, and then there's been several days that did three hundred stops and I don't know, we didn't really do anything. Our union can really do anything
about that. Like demand it's more money because we're supposed to get hazard pay. But rumor of several rumors have gone around saying that like ups pocketed that fucking hazard pay from us.
What what? What? What? What was the circumstance that you guys were getting hazard pay under.
Because we're working as like essential workers during COVID like in twenty twelve, right, ye.
Yeah, sure, sure, sure, Okay, So you guys were supposed to, like the government mandated, did you got like hazard.
Pay right basically yes, yes, sir, And then.
And the UPS was like, oh, we're gonna take that money.
Yeah. I mean we didn't see a diamond d or like hey when we supposed to get hazard pay. And then everyone was in the dark about that shit until like twenty twenty two were we all found it and we're pissed. We were fucking furious. And then when a strike started coming getting to talk in twenty twenty three, that's when we're that's when we're all going to like strike and like you know, not going to work and like, you know, put her put our cricket signs up basically to good.
Do you do you think UPS will come back and be like, okay, it's a no one on the air conditioning, but we're going to give every UPS driver one glass of lemonade.
Honestly, they probably want to give us that. They'll tell us to fucking suck it up.
So uh how well, so, uh are you like there's a union.
Right, Yeah, we're unionized company, probably one of the last ones besides like nationwide, I guess, especially in tech.
Do the wait do the other guys have like, uh, like the ups guys, do they go over the FedEx? Like are you ever like at a bar and you're talking to a FedEx guy and You're like, do you guys have air conditioning? Do you guys have any of the ship or is it just like the like up usps and FedEx and all those other guys. Do they have air conditioning or is well we're having you know.
Well, Amazon drivers, they have their conditioning for sure, but I mean the Feedest people, it's kind of like the same thing. If they do have air conditioning the ship broke, they're like management is going to probably keep it broken, you know what I mean. And then like the post office, they have like those little vans that they drive in for the post office workers. And I've been told by a few of them because I'm work cool with them too as well, sort of that's naturally not really some
of them are cool. Some of them are rolled dickheads on the post office people, but they have told me their air conditioning.
Oh yeah, hold out way what's the can can you keep me in on a little bit of the UPS versus post Yeah, the UPS versus postal workers beef. I wouldn't. I would think that you guys had some solidarity. But what's there they like chat? Are they like chads or something like? Are they margined?
No?
No, no, no no no. If anything, we're the fucking chads and they're like the bitches.
I guess well, by the way everyone everyone thinks that, you know, they're the chads and the other people are the pitches.
But go ahead, Well, so they have a weak union, They don't get paid as much as we do. They are government workers, which is like really fucking good. We have to in contract with UPS, have to give them work like we had to give him, like work like smaller packages like let's say, like a small Sephora bots or something, or like a like a t move bots and shit like that. We have to give it to them. Under contrast, so they actually have work. So if anything, we're giving them work to do.
Basically, have you just like met a bunch of have you just like met a bunch of UPS people that are like just I mean a UPS, Like, have you just met a bunch of postal worker people who are just like fix personality.
Wise, Yeah, dude, there wasn't. Some guy he was like, hey, you know, you're just supposed to go over there and out of here. I'm like, well, fucking you do it, dude, I ain't doing that ship. Yeah, and he's like, broll you know, fuck you. And I was like, oh, go, fucking I don't give a ship, dude. I mean, you'll get your go, get your manager. We'll talk. And he's like, hey, he's kind of a dick. I'm like, yeah, I know, you get your man, get your fucking employee under wraps man.
But most of them are pretty cool. But that one guy. Oh, I fucking hated that guy. I forgot his name. He was like a little dough boy that was really rude and mean, you know what I mean. So, I mean he was ashole to me.
I like that. You know, during the pandemic, all these like advertisements would play and it was it was there's a strong sentiment of like, our nation's postal workers are, you know, the backbone of society, and you're just like that guy's they're a bunch of fucking doe boys.
Fuck out of here. Nah, bro, it was UPS like fucking and and Amazon. I don't know, dude, but here's.
What you have to use you to. Here's what you have to understand is I don't like I like, like us fat people who are ordering things on the internet and not leaving our house and using all your guys's services. I don't. I don't. I think the layman probably doesn't think that much about the difference between all of these entities. It's just like, we order a thing, a truck comes by, driven by some person, and they give us our thing.
I don't think. I think the average person probably isn't thinking too much about like UPS versus USPS versus FedEx or whatever. They're just like, I want my stuff and it's cool that someone delivers it. I guess.
I don't know.
That might not be true, that might not be true. Maybe I'm projecting.
I mean, I mean, it looks cool in the truck. I've known several dudes that said, bro, man like the fucking uniform does have to job meet with chicks. I'm like, what do you mean, like all brock out the ship's number. I'm like, wow, I never had that.
Wait, wait, which what who did he work for?
You know all ups drivers. I said, oh yeah, bro, this chick on route, Bro, you flirt with me. I'm like, oh really, like wait.
Wait man, that's so that's fucking that's so awesome that you can get on rayah by being uh a postal worker. That's the coolest thing I've ever heard. That's incredible.
Yeah. I've heard several stories of dudes and shapes on route and ship like that, and it's just like a whole damn oh my god. Yeah bro, I'm like, get the fuck out of here. I'm like, yeah, bro, anyway, yeah, well, well.
A few things. I mean, it's it's a classic uh well, I mean not that porn in any way, shape or form mirrors real life, but it's a classic. It's a classic fucking porn thing.
You know.
Oh I gotta I don't even want to say it. But yeah. But but also, like here's the thing, here's the as I think I do. I have to assume there's something there's something like uh like I think it just in general, you know, uh, women are attracted just competence, you know what I mean, And there's something competent about being a postal worker. I got, I got like, there's something competent seeming ish, I guess about a guy in uniform, like it makes.
Sense right now? And then I mean I have thought to some it's about that, and are like, oh yeah, we love him in a uniform. I'm like, oh wow, that's crazy. Also too, we bring joy to people like who isn't happy to see the UPS guy? You know, like you bought a new fucking you know, blow up doll and then like, oh shit, this guy has my package. Thank you. You know see what I'm saying, like it brings a lot of good joy to everybody else.
Well, I'll say this, UPS, probably people are more happy to see you than the postal service, because, uh, mail can mean several bad things. It can mean bills, it can mean jury duty, it can mean scathing letters from a nemesis. But a package is usually always an exciting thing.
Right, No, absolutely, I know you're right about that. Yeah, I mean someone could I could get like a like a child support letter, say hey you need pay more child support through the mail? Yeah, I know what you mean.
You are you? Do you have a do you have a bastard child?
I have a child, yes, indeed, yeah, we all do at GPS, all every guy there is mostly on child support. Dune.
Yeah, are you what do you have a relationship with them?
Oh?
Of course, yeah, I put my stuff on child support. Fuck yeah, dude. Oh yeah that's good.
That's good.
Yeah.
Well, how old is he?
She's seven?
She's seven? Does she think what you do is cool?
Uh?
I have driven by the house a few times and like, you know, showed her inside, and she's thinking, oh, it's pretty cool. And then she goes back and watching TV and or chilling you out.
But she gohead, go ahead.
She has seen me say hey, dad, I saw you in the truck. I'm like where She was like all right there at the stoplight, and I was like, oh, my goodness, you said have said hello to me. I would have loved to see you. You know. Yeah, I was waving at you and screaming at you, but you didn't hear me. I was like, oh, ship, that's like an asshole.
That's cute. Now, Okay, so she yeah, so she she thinks your job is cool as much as I guess a seven year old can comprehend and think something is cool.
Right.
That's nice.
Yeah, No, I mean there has been some There has been a few kids that are like want me like to they do a little trucker thing, Like, first of all, I can't do that. I only do do a honk. And you know, a kids like it. They'll always get weighed by people and stuff, you know, like older people, I mean families and stuff like that. You know, it's it's a cool gig. I do like it. It's just hot as fuck, that's it. I mean.
So I guess, uh, what do you believe that you'll eventually get your your.
Your air condition Yeah, so we did it. So yeah, originally we did agree last August, like a day or two before we were supposed to go on strike, that we would get the air conditionings. But the shitty thing is, and that's why I think our union is like a little week right now, because they gave them up to like four years or until the next contract to like come up with like you know, retrograde fit trucks with air conditionings basically, and we haven't gotten one single fucking
truck with air conditioning. So I don't know. If they don't, then you just keep grieving about it, I guess, and bitch about it, and you know, bringing up in the next like contra negotiations and that one's gonna take a lot of news too, because it's like, oh, ups hasn't given any wonder. They haven't held up their end of the bargain, you know what I mean?
Yeah?
Yeah, I mean.
What's the deal with your your kid's mom? Are you star? Are you cool with her?
Oh? Yeah, I mean sort of. I mean we're cool, but we don't like talk or anything like that. We only talk whenever it's likely it's our our daughters like hey, you know, like okay, you know called, did y'all want to meet up here today? And stuff like that, or do y'all want to go your line?
Right? Relationship, there's not you're not fighting, you're not there's no custody bat all.
No, it's a little rough. I mean I'm also having like I mean, we're That's like another thing I probably want to talk to you about. It was just like about like my daughter and stuff like that. She's not having she's not having like the best time around me. And she was saying like, hey, dude, like I don't feel that comfortable around you. And as my seven year old daughter, I was like, oh, what is everything all right? Said? Yeah?
What?
Yeah, your daughter, your seven year old daughter said I don't feel comfortable around you.
Yeah, she's I don't want to beat my dad anymore. And she's like that. I was like, wait, yeah, yeah, and so I'm just trying to figure out if I don't know at school or teaching her about boundaries and shit like that and all these extra things. Mean, boundaries are cool. I get that for kids, But like, you know, she's telling me, I don't really want to hang out with you. I don't really want to talk to you. And I was like, damn, bro.
Like that's that's weird. Damn. Why why do you think she's saying that I would be mortified?
I have no idea. I mean, I think because she's kind of confused about the whole situation because being that the co parent never were ever together, and she had kind of kept me away from my kid. Actually that kind of she like blocked my number and I had to play like telephone through her parents and stuff like that.
Oh, there was there was like a like a whole ass like there was like a custody battle kind of thing.
Oh yeah, I suit her, yeah, and then I put my challenge support Yeah absolutely.
Okay, all right, but now but now you and you and her are like cordial.
Yeah, I mean she's asking for more money and everything like that because we got to raise And I'm like, well, I mean like it's not really like because she was like yeah, you know, she'd have a choice and yeah yah yeaha. I'm like, oh yeah, so it's like a whole thing right now. It's kind of annoying, and I'm trying to see if I'm making the right decisions or not. That's it really, you know, I'm just taking care of my kid basically. I mean yeah, I mean she's she's
a good kid. I paid my child's sport and I try to taught to her. I want to go to her school event she doesn't want me to go, and I'm like all right, then, well I just called in.
For why does why doesn't she want you to go?
I already asked a few people about this, and then people say, oh, you think the mom's saying she didn't Like I don't think that's her character though. I don't believe that, Like I could be just like stupid as hell and try to think the best of people, but I don't see that from her. She's always been like, hey, if you're going to say by to your dad and
you say goodbye. You can't just hang up, you know, and like, hey, your dad's talking to you, you know, like you asked you a question, you know, or you know, stuff like that. So I don't think. I think my daughter just really just going through some shit. I don't know. She said she feels very anxious about like a lot of stuff, and she's she's saying, are you even my dad?
And like are you even my mom? You know, she's kind of like trying to like she's not really understanding everything, and I don't know, it's just like a whole thing. I guess. I don't fucking know. It's rough.
So like you think it's like it's so people you're like friends have been like like, oh, maybe the mom is like putting ideas in her head, but you're like, no, I don't. I don't think that's that's of her character.
I don't think that's her. Yeah. I mean I think she understands, like, hey, Lucy needs a father. I'm glad you came back. I wish it was sooner. I'm like, oh, eat a dick. But I mean, I mean, like I had to do what I had to do and stuff like that. You know, I had to get to this ups position i'm at. It took a while, and that's why I'm there. Just that's the only reason why I'm there, you know, because it made good money. I'm able to put myself on child supports or my daughter, you know,
live a decent life, because's life suspensive. And yeah. So, but what I'm trying to say is I don't think. I don't think that. I don't think she's telling her, you know, like, hey, you know, like you know, you're dad doesn't love he's not really your dad, he doesn't respect you. No, she's saying, hey, if you push your boundaries and you know, listen to her, like, this is
what she's gonna remember. Nick. I just know that she's what she's gonna remember, and she's gonna remember, Oh, my dad doesn't give a fuck about me or has to hear what I have to say, you know, And yeah, I starts crying and everything like that. At least his daughter wants to say a low to me.
But yeah, second, you have a second daughter.
Oh it's my cat and that's my daughter.
That's why I thought I thought you were talking about a dog or some shit. So I will I man. Well,
I'm sorry to hear that. Man, it sounds like, uh, that sounds very difficult, but I get I would I would think that, Like if I would think that, like if at complete bare minimum you are like present in your child's life and you support them financially, uh, and you go try to be invested in their well being and in what they are doing in their life, like you know, just like being a fucking regular ass dad. I would I would think that, you know, they would they would not grow up to resent you.
Yeah, she I mean like I I tell my girlfriend like or I tell them like I guess my other friends like give me rechars, like, well, you're putting your best be forward. Do you want to be there? Right I'm like yeah, I'm showing up. And then she just doesn't want to hang out as I'll come out of her room and you know, hang out with me because right now I have visitations. I've been doing the visitations. So because my daughter didn't know who I was until
she was like three. Wow, So I wanted to Yeah, I wanted Yeah, I wanted to like gain it like a organic relationship with her, not for not like hey, I'm this stranger is taking you away. I was trying to build an organic relationship with her, and it took a while. It took a long It took like two years to where it to really get good, you know, like every week you know, every weekend, you know, just constantly just going over there, visiting her, play with her,
going get on her level. And then right now I was planning to, like, you know, you know, try to take her for the weekend officially, just me and her and stuff like that. But this shit kind of sparked up a few months ago and it's kind of put a damper on my plans. And my lawyer's like, that's bullshit, bro, you need eline need to fucking just get the standard. Bro. You're paying all this fucking money, you know, you might as well. It's it's her mom putting things in her heads.
I'm like, yeah, but I don't I know her. I don't I know her not enough to like not be a piece of shit mom, you know, because like her dad didn't have a father and stuff like that, and so she knows how important is to have a dad and everything like that. Basically that's what it is.
So I will watch them, can I Well, by the way, you can you know you don't have to talk about anything, you know I talk about, But like, you, why did you only see her when she was three?
Because my co parent she like kept me away from my daughter, like she blocked my number. I would try to go over and see her and it's like, hey, we're not there, and I will say, you know, fucking enough enough, I'm gonna be president my daughter's life. And that's why I suit her. And I mean the only time I was able to see her, it was like I couldn't talk to my co parent who had to I had to contact her dad and then we would have to talk, you know, back and forth, like hey,
you know, does this day work? Yeah, We'll be here and I'll be there for like an hour or and they're like all right, well, well you know, better get going. I was like, all right, all right, cool, and then I got really tired of it. I was like, you know what, fuck this. I'm gonna be a part of
my daughter's life. If I got to pay the money, because I had to pay like like eleven hundred dollars a month like for child support, and I'm like, fuck it, if I got to pay the money, I'll pay the fucking money, and you know, and now my daughter knows who I am, but now she doesn't want any part of me, and sometimes I.
Yeah, so you're.
So.
So why why was your uh your ex keeping your daughter away from you for like for three years, like making making this difficult?
I mean back in, I mean we were both young. We planned this child out. Was really stupid of us, and I cheated and I didn't. I know now I'm probably made it. I mean, it's not the most biggest mistake in my life, but it caused the riff where we're definitely not together and we're never gonna get back together, but we have a child together. And so she felt like, you know, I didn't like because I was still like
very young. I didn't have like the ups money like I do now, so I couldn't provide a lot of things for her. And then she resented me for that, resented me because like she felt like I left her. I was like, I got kicked out of my parents' place. I mean, I'm living on my brother's couch right now. I have fucking nothing. I mean, my car's about the breakdown. I'm give me some time. And she just wasn't satisfied with that and just had a whole lot of resentment
towards me. And then we try to do therapy. Therapist said, hey, bro, like she's a little too much and y'all are just arguing back and forth. I just can't work with y'all. And but basically, long story short, she kept me away from my daughter, and you know, I mean that's just she just had that resentment towards me from what I know, and she thinks she thought I wasn't like a good person. Back then, I'm like, I want to do my best, dude.
I mean, I'll trying to navigate my life and make sure I made enough money to keep myself aflow first before I could help out somebody else. Then when I started, I made full time, I started making a lot of money, and then I was like, cool, I can make this happen. It was very consistent work, very consistent, and then I pulled the trigger to go sue her and then get my daughter or just to have her in my life,
you know, put myself on child support. And it was like a six seven months like grueling process legally, and it was fucking horrible and probably one of the worst times of my life. And but but here I am now, you know, I mean, I don't know if to answer your question, I guess about why my baby mama was like so press on that keeping me around. You know, I just think she was.
I'm sure, I mean, well, fuck, I don't know. It sounds to me like, uh, yeah, I guess if you I guess if you hadn't seen her, uh since until she was three, I can I don't know. I'm no fucking I don't know. I don't understand. I don't know. I'm no family psychologist or whatever. But I guess I can understand why she would be uh apprehensive. And yeah, the way you phrased it where you were like, I want to build a natural relationship, not just like take
her and be like, you know, hey, I'm this new guy. Uh, because that's probably a crazy difficult integration to make after three years. But but I mean still I think, I mean, seven is seven. It's like nothing that's so young, you know.
Another you know, you got eleven years until uh college already, yeah you got you got it sounds as though there was still time to invest yourself deeply in uh in this this this this kid's life to the degree that I want to to the to the to the to the level that you want to and we're previously unable to do. So, you know, hope, hope, hopefully you get that in your air conditioning.
Yeah. No, no, no, yeah, you stupid. I'm over here in my fucking feelings. You bring up air conditioning. Ship. No, I appreciate that, man, I mean yeah, I mean that's where I'm at right now. I mean, I don't know. I have a meetium with my lawyer on Tuesday, and.
You wait, wait, you're still you're still you're still fighting with this person. I thought everything was.
Like because like it's like because our our our temporary order is coming up and we had to finalize something or the case gets thrown out, and basically all my hard work has been for nothing.
So I don't, sorry, I don't, I don't understand. What's the what do you mean the case? What's the case.
It's like it's a temporary order we had, like my daughter and the child support stuff. You know, it's basically it was a temporary order that we didn't finalize because everything was going pretty good until this year. And yeah, you know, I yeah, the plan was, you know, like to keep the temporary order as long as possible so we don't have to go through lawyers because fucking lawyers are expensive. Maybe we can wear something out, but yeah, I don't know. It just hasn't been going that way.
And it's kind of I mean, you guys, are you guys not cordial enough that you that you just can't work out some kind of schedule independently.
Well right now not. I can't have her by myself before she starts panicking in when in her mom and sh like that. It just freaking the fuck out, you know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah? I don't. I don't want to put her through that. I've seen her cry before and get like stressed out and like anxious, and it breaks my heart to see that ship. So I'm like, no, I know, I.
Get I get I get you, and I you know, I respect that. I respect that you're like, uh, from my perspective at least you know, you know, the past. Notwithstanding, I'm just I'm like, you know, I think I'll say I appreciate it. It seems as though you're making decisions that are like best for the kid and not just like some ego of like, no, you are mine and you must spend this time with me.
Yeah, so you know I respect that. I mean like, I mean that. I think that's I don't. I hate going over there. I hate, you know, just like I want to just have her at my place and ship like that. But whatever she's comfortable with. And I feel like I do low key feel like I'm failing my child if I don't take her though, And I feel like I'm like a gets like a bitch if I don't, you know, like retaliate or fight back on this, you know. But I think I don't know if I'm making the
right decision. Basically, I don't know. I don't know. I don't I'm not looking at chat. I don't know with chat saying or anything like that. If you could give me some advice from chat, I appreciate it. Major's professor, you want it.
Here's I'll tell you one thing, what you're going through is very difficult, uh, you know, with with custody of a child, and you know how to be in your child's life.
Uh.
And I definitely would not seek advice about it from a Twitch chat. That's probably the last place I would go for advice on your issue. I would talk to a therapist or a psychologist or a child person or a lie and I I will do you a service by not taking questions from the twitch chat on this difficult issue that you're going through.
Oh no, I have I have a therapist. Yeah, okay, yeah, I mean mostly just to talk about the UPS shit. But I'm like, god, man, this motherfucker got me my feelings, man, God damn all right, cool, I'll talk fuck it.
Well, uh well, listen, man, thanks for thanks for talk talking to us about ups. Thanks for sharing all this stuff. I don't know. Sometimes sometimes people because there's always gonna be there's always gonna be like some fucking dude in the YouTube comments who writes an essay. I read all the YouTube comments, by the way, it like, it makes me. It makes me happy when like there's people in the YouTube comments that are like, hey, man, dealt with the
same thing blah blah blah blah blah. So they'll probably be some dude like that, and they'll also be someone who's mad at you and someone who I like whatever, you know, I don't know, I fucking don't know, but yeah, dude, thanks for thanks for sharing. Good luck on good luck on your on on all of your issues air conditioning and otherwise. There anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.
Fuck, I mean thank you. Not everyone is be kind to yourself, but be kind to others, I guess. And yeah, I hope everyone has to get rust of your day. Thanks, uh, thanks gag for a I'm a big fan. I appreciate you found on TikTok. You're the shit.
Yeah, you have a good night, thanks man, good luck Bay. Yeah, that's tough. That's really really tough. I wish I wish I got how old that guy was, because I couldn't. He was probably he sounds like he was maybe I don't know. Sometimes people call him with like deep voices and they're, you know, nineteen or whatever. But he sounded like he was, uh maybe like at most thirty four. His kid was seven, so but I'm twenty six. He probably had that. I'm going to assume he had that
kid when he was younger than me. And that's tough. That's a hard thing. Kids, This is it's a hard thing. I think I want I want to have kids one day, but I don't want to do it anytime remotely soon. I think probably not for another like ten or twelve years,
because I don't want to. I don't want to have a kid and let in unless if I'm like a hundred I think back, like back in in previous generations up until like kind of recently, I think people just pop them out like it was just it was just what you did, right, And I think maybe in this generation people are being a little bit more like, hey, you know what, let me like make sure that I'm in a position to properly do this. Think about, like, am I with the right person to do this with?
Am I do I have my finances in order to do this? And you know, I'm still eating Reesei's pieces for dinner, So I don't think I can take care of a child uh anytime? So am I saying that it's going to take me to twelve years to become the kind of person that doesn't eat recent pieces for dinner? I hope not. But it gives me a lot of comfort to have that much runway. I think that color's name was I think I gave him the name Nick. Thank you for calling Nick?
Hi?
Hi, what is your name?
I'm Tizzy?
Tizzy Tizzy uh with T I Z z Y. Yes, Well, what the hell is going on? Tizzy? How can I get you what you want to talk about?
Yeah, that's that's a good question. Yeah, I was thinking about coming to see you in Pittsburgh, but I don't know if you still have tickets left or do I have a friend's kind of see you in Philly? Is really excited?
Oh cool? Oh yeah, no I did. I did my Philly show U this week. Yeah, I'm playing at the Bottle Rocket, which I've heard is in Pittsburgh. I'm playing at this with a Bottle Rocket Social club. I've heard it's a cool venue. I'm very excited for that. So yeah, I help you come, but you know you can also you can also you can. You know there's a lot to do in Pittsburgh, so I wouldn't be surprised if you had other places and not really, So what's going on?
Man?
Would you want to talk about?
I was what's the longest you've ever slept? Because yesterday I went to sleep at like twelve thirty am and I woke up at seven pm and I had a lot to do yesterday, and I kind of woke up and I looked at outside him I saw it was evening, and I said, you know there, yeah, I think I have I burned today, like there's nothing for me to do. I had.
Yeah, No, I've done that. I've burned multiple days in a row sleeping, I saw. But but usually when I'm doing that, it's because I maybe had a few days in a row where I was staying up too late or something like that, or maybe I just like, well, like when I get really, really fucking depressed, all I want to do is sleep because it's sleep is cool. It's like dying without all the commitments. Okay, so I definitely I like doing that. Well are you did you
just what do you do? You think there's a reason why you've been sleeping so much?
Uh?
Yeah, I have also been staying up pretty late, you know, smoking, not smoking, but like getting high. And you know, I'm I'm really depressed as well, so that definitely plays into it. Like I wake up a lot of times and I just lay in bed for an hour two hours?
What do you just real quick, what do you mean by your smoke? You're not smoking, but you're getting high.
Not you know, vaping edibles.
Okay, yeah, how how old are you? If I may ask? I'm curious three. Okay, and so you're are you sleeping because you're by the way, I'm not I'm about to play armchair therapist, which I guess is my thing, but I'm just want to I just want to clarify that I'm not a real therapist because I'm about to go I'm about to go very therapist mode on this phone call.
Yeah right, no, I yeah, I know why you Oh sorry, go ahead.
Oh yeah.
I listened to your podcast like probably every day. Like I think I'm I'm on the premium thing because I used to listen to you a lot, and like the ads started getting annoying some like, you know, I'll pay the whatever.
Thanks, thanks for throwing a little thanks for throwing a little ad for for therapy Gecko premium uh in this call. But anyway, so why are you why? Like you are are you sleeping so much? Because you're depressed?
Yeah, it's definitely has to do with it. I like, I'm on some medication, but it's uh, I don't know if it's working. I've been on it for like six months, and I think I'm gonna like ask my psych to cycle me or something like that put me on something new because it's just like every day it just feels like I have to do something distract myself, like play lots of video games or like you know, get high or drink or something, or like play games on my phone,
watch YouTube like I used to. I used to have a really bad I mean I still technically I have a porn addiction, which you seem to get a lot of cold about on this show.
Bro, do you want to hear Do you actually want to hear something completely insane?
Uh?
This, dude, I'll just tell you this. This morning I went on chat GPT and I was like, I think I don't I'm trying to pull it up. But this morning I went on chat GBT and I was like, I'm trying to quit weed, alcohol, sugar, and porn, but I use them to to get over anxiety and depression. How do I do that? So I I literally literally asked chat GBT how I personally could do that this morning? So I'm I'm I'm right, I'm right there with your brother.
I've been thinking about this a lot because I've been like actually fairly depressed and miserable in my personal life. I might not seem like it in this very moment because because and this actually ties into what I my thing, I might not seem like it in this very moment because I am in the flow state of doing something that is actively taking my attention away from those things and read rectally get into something productive, which is talking
to you and having making this podcast. And so I'm just I'm at a point for me where I'm like, uh, Okay, how do I fill my life with as much in the moment productive flow state things as humanly possible so
that I'm not fucking destroying myself? And it's actually kind of a you know, it's a question I'm in the middle of answering on a macro level, but that kind of feels like it's the answer, right, is like, well, I'm doing all these negative behaviors because I get fucking anxious and depressed, and uh, it's like, well, how do I put myself in situations where I'm not feeling those things as much? I don't have the perfect answers to those questions, but those are the questions, you know.
I think that might be a little like unrealistic. I think, like, you know, people talk about the flow state a lot these days, but I don't think your life can just be moving between states of flow all the time, Like there's gonna be you know, you're gonna be pooping at some point, you know, Like, yeah, I have a lot of dark thoughts when I'm pooping or like I'm in the shower and it's like that's not a flow state, and like or like I'm doing laundry or something like
there's I feel like most of my life is not doing anything productive or or something meaningful, and I feel like I have to not want to kill myself during those times as well. Yeah, so I think it has to be more than just distracting myself, even if it's a in a meaningful way.
Yes, I agree with you, Okay, not to keep talking about myself, but I'm gonna do it for a second. Like these like like I'm on tour right now, I'm doing these shows. And when I'm like on stage, you're doing the shows or touring or in an airplane or do like doing all this stuff. You know, I definitely like get depressed a little bit while I'm doing this stuff. But I have noticed I'm on a flow state. I
am distracted. I'm doing something and I'm like, oh, this is great, but I'm also like, well, fuck, I can't literally be doing this one hundred percent of the time. As you've said, Yes, it's true, you can't just jump from flow state thing to flow state thing to flow state thing. Eventually you have to do laundry. Eventually, you have to be alone. Eventually, you have to do you have to live kind of boring life. Can't be this amazing, beautiful, exciting, active,
productive thing one hundred percent of the time. You can. I think you can kind of get to a point where it's like that I don't even I don't want to say most of the time, but where you know, there's there's where those things are or I'll say this, you can get to a point where those things and those feelings are present in your life. But yes, it's true, you have to figure out how to not want to kill yourself while you're just sitting in a room doing nothing.
So I agree with you on that. I don't have any I don't have strategies on not accomplishing that because I'm trying to figure it out myself. But I agree with you. I mean, what what works for you?
You know it's something worth I definitely i'd write a book about it or something, but sure, Yeah, I'm in like a twelve step program for my addiction that's been helping. They talk about your higher power turning to them for guidance and stuff like that. I was never like religious growing up, so it's kind of difficult for me to do that, but I find it is like kind of helpful, you know, like talking to God asking God for help.
I don't really understand what that is for me completely because I'm pretty new at this, and so that that that's an approach I've been trying. I've been trying. Also, there's this YouTuber named Sissyphis fifty five. I don't know if you've ever seen in the videos, but he he does like the stick Man videos.
Okay, I think I've heard of this guy.
Yeah yeah, so he Oh, that's actually not the guy's thinking, you know, casually explained. So that's the guy who does like, you know, how to tell if a girl likes you and stuff.
Yeah, sure, I know what that is.
Yeah. So he has an alternate channel called Jamie's Channel, and he uploaded this video about self realization and he talks about how like the idea, we have an idea of ourselves and so like I have an idea who Lyle the gecko is, and it's just like a bundle of symbols that I have, Like he's green and he talked to people on the phone. Yes, So I imagine that when other people I talk to talk to me,
they have an image of me as well. So apparently most people confuse that image with who they really are, and that is the cause of most suffering in life, because like if someone insults you, for example, that's not really an attack on you, Like nothing about your experience has changed, but your belief about yourself has changed. And he says that you were able to completely disidentify with this illusion that you will stop suffering. It's really it's
a really cool video essay. But I guess I'm like trying to I think about that all the time, and I'm trying to do it and incorporate it or achieve whatever realization he's talking about.
But it seems like impossible to shake almost you what is this image that you're trying to shake? This is the image that you think other people have of you.
It's not just like the image that I think other people have of me. It's like the image that I used to understand my own experience. Like like the example he used in the video is like a TV if it was to show it's like, okay, what am I like? It keeps showing images on the screen of what it's what it is, and shows like a picture of itself maybe and that's pretty like a pretty good depiction of what it is. But it's not it right because the TV is the screen. It can't actually display what it
is on there. So it's like the image is whatever you think you are, but you literally can't think about yourself because you are yourself. So yeah, I guess the image is like anything that any ideas you have about yourself, like I am smart, I am a son or whatever, like, no, that's not you. That's just a symbol of you that you've identified with.
Interesting, m I mean just this just thinking about the
I guess there. I do believe that like there we form fucking like like we form narratives and stories about our self and about the universe that we believe are like reality, whereas like reality is this fucking amorphous, undefined thing that kind of lives in every single person's perception maybe, uh, And so in that way, it can kind of be whatever you want maybe, but if you, if you, if the stories you have about yourself and the narratives you
have about yourself that you fucking suck, then you just canna make life bad. So yeah, I kind of agree. Get I get what you mean. I give what you mean?
What do you can?
I say?
What do you do?
It's like, what's your what's your what's your life?
Like?
Like, do you go to school, do you work?
You talk to me? I'm a grad. I'm a grad student. I'm studying mechanical engineering. Okay, so I guess I talk to people. It's difficult, like because I'm living I grew up in New Jersey, Like all my friends and family and stuff are there, and I'm out here doing my masters, so I don't really have a good sport structure out here. So it's there are some days I go without like talking to anyone, which is pretty bad. I'm trying to change that, but it's what do you What do you
do to try to change that? You know? I go to these twelve step meetings. I try to call people up. I try to hang out with people and message them and stuff to see if we can do something. But it's it's tough. I'm like kind of uh, really anxious about connecting with people. I guess.
I mean I like the tall step stuff as a as a way of community. You said you listened to every episode of the podcast, right, yeah, yeah, did you listen to the one that I put out today?
Yes?
What did you hear the pinball Lady?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, I like the Pinball Lady. I think I've been thinking. I had that conversation yesterday, but I've been thinking about the pinball Lady. I liked her a lot because she just fucking went for it, you know what I mean. And I understand. I understand that, like, uh, for some some people are just wired differently to have more social anxiety, whether it's because of I don't know who their parents were, or experiences they had, or the brain chemistry whatever. I understand. I get that. I I
you know, I empathize with that. But I I don't know. I thought. I think about the pinball Lady because she just fucking went for it. She was just like, I want to make friends, I want to have a community, I want to be around other people. Let me start throwing pinball tournaments.
You know.
She came up with a creative solution to her people problem. I was inspired by that on like a personal level. So I don't know. I don't know if if something like that. I'm not literally saying start a pinball tournament, but you go, what I mean, I don't know if something like that appeals to you, especially as a grad student. I mean, you're on a college campus. You're around a lot. I don't know if you're literally like but I don't
know if you live on campus or whatever. But you know, if you're on a college campus, you're around a lot of people. The opportunities for you to socialize exist. And again, I don't know how you're wired or what makes you feel whatever.
But.
You just I just think it's likely for you to be happier if you're around more people. I mean, you just said yourself that you'll have many times where you're not around anyone. And that's just a recipe for for fucking. That's a recipe for porn. That's a strong recipe for sitting around all day, jacking off, getting high, drinking and eating candy. That's a that's really I have a one of my friends said to me that he loves going outside because he can't jack off. It's just it's one
of the reasons. It's like an it's like accountability. It's well, yeah, I mean, ye, sure you can, but you're not. That's not gonna be it's against social contract. He's held accountable by social contract to not jack off. So he goes outside and or he and he goes in public and it's great. That's one of the great things about being in public is that you can't be a fucking crazy person that holds you accountable to that. So that's I guess that's my that's my that's that's my spiel. That's my spiel.
Gotta go ahead, Yeah, this is this seems to like come up on your podcast a lot, you know, the adult film stuff. I think you had kazum Me on. You had a lot of girls seem to call in and ask about having an only fans, like starting an only fans for some reason, And yeah, it makes me think a lot. I thought, like I studied like some to like a feminist class and undergrad and like read about it sometimes and they're like talk about how it's coercive like the industry and stuff, and I think it's like,
I'm not. I know, you don't give advice per se and but it's like, dude, girls are like, should I start an only fans? You're like, well, if you want to, But it's like, what what does it mean to want
and do that? Like, especially if they're much younger, I feel like they don't know what they're getting into a lot of the times, because it's something very difficult to get out of, right if you go to go apply for a job or something that comes up, like maybe that's going to be something you're pigeon doled into the right for the rest of your life, and it seems like a little exploitative and stuff like that. I think about that a lot.
Well, Well, the reason I say if you want to is because it's like it's I mean, that's what I is. If you want to, you know, I don't know. I don't like this is a pure matter of personal philosophy, Like I don't like porn and sex and like all these things, Like I don't. I think people are very very precious about it, and I think people have a lot of opinions about it. I personally, lie do not. I understand that society has a lot of like personal like moral whatever about like porn and sex, and it's
taboo and whatever. Maybe it's just because I personally don't that I'm not as keyed into what society's views are of it. But I also I don't think that I don't know, I'm not a big fan of bending to society's judgments and wills, and so that's why I'm like, So, that's why I'm like, look, dude, you're you're an independent human being who can make who you know, like like that, like the girl on the Yeah, sure you're talking about that girl on the podcast. I think I even said
the story. It's not like she thought about it and decided she trying to do it. Yeah, So what does it mean to want to do something? I don't know. That's that's too, that's too, I don't That's an interesting question that we could probably spend the next six hours talking about. But what's your name again, Sir Tizzy? Oh yeah, well Tizzy, it was good to talk to you. I hope that you.
Oh yeah, I wasn't trying to tell you like you should have said that.
No, I don't think. I don't. I don't. I don't think you were trying to do anything. Okay, Yeah, so no, I thought you were trying to talk to a gecko on the phone about stuff, which is what we successfully did do.
Yeah, that's you know, that's the thing I think the lesson that I've learned the most reviews. You never judge anyone, it seems like when you talk to them, and something I've been trying to do in my life.
But well, yeah, I think, I mean, I try to. I guess I do it sometimes, but only to be funny.
I like that guy I kept driving his car down the mountain at night.
Yeah yeah, oh well yeah, well that that was fucking stupid. I don't know. Well anyway, well listen, well, thanks thanks for listening to the show.
Uh.
I have a lot of these same problems, so I'm gonna also try to work on them and not I'm gonna also figure out how to how to you know, not do things that are you know, self destructive and uh, you know, maybe one day you and I will meet at the gates of Saint Peter and God will let us in and at that point we can just jack off as much as we want because we're dead. Yeah, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.
Buy government buy us savings bonds.
Yeah, all right, by Tizzy.
No thanks.
Let's see, should should you buy us savings bonds? I guess I don't know where to buy them or like how they were. I don't know how bonds were. I get how like stock like the SP five hundred works, whatever, I don't get how bonds work. That's it. That's my post call thought.
Never Can goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. Never be Can goes to on his Ee, you're just
Teaching you about in the mid of your life, but he's not really an expert.