“I AM A SYRIAN SHEPHERD”

Hello, Hey, okay, cool, Hey, what's up man? What's your name?

Oh, my name is Zo. It's y e h u where you.

Call him from? Yahu.

I'm from the Middle East.

Oh, very cool. Well part of the Middle East.

It's uh, it's like around Syria.

Oh you're near Syria. Yeah, I'm actually I'm excited to talk to you because I I'm curious what's going on in Syria.

What's going on?

Yeah? Politically, No, I mean not politically, just life lifely. You know, what's it like when you walk what's it like when you step outside of wherever you live and walk around?

Oh? Well, it's actually pretty much connected to what I wanted to talk about.

Yeah. Please.

I'm doing a year of volunteering in a farm, which is like in a three desert y not very desert, but there's like kind of an isolated area. The farm is like one year into construction, so it's a pretty small place. I'm seventeen. I'm I'm doing I'm doing this for like about four months now.

M hmm.

I'm really happy with with what I'm doing. I'm a I'm a shepherd here. I'm in charge of some construction and.

Animal care. Mm hmm. And what I wanted to talk about was.

Kind of it's been starting to get lonely, which is something that it's kind of weird for me to say because I've always considered myself an introvert mm hmm, but I do find myself starting to.

Miss people.

And socializing.

You said you're seventeen. Huh you said you're seventeen. Yeah, are you not in some version of like school?

Oh?

No, I'm done with school.

You're done with school?

Yeah, I'm done with a I graduated.

Oh okay, I was one in October, So okay, just a little off. So then what are you are you not doing a thing that involves being around other people?

Well, because as small as the farm is pretty small, I don't see a lot of people mostly, And also shepherding is also like a pretty lonely task. It's seven hours a day from five am to twelve am. It's also been very very meditative and peaceful, which I'm very very thankful for. It's been very nurturing to meet mentally.

Mm hmmmm hm, okay, say it is.

It has been a little tough.

Does any are you do work completely alone?

Well, like shepherd?

Yeah?

Done here in the farm yet there are some workers that come by. The farmer lives not too far away from here, so he comes to live it as much as he can.

But he's like a pretty busy guy. Mm hm.

M hm.

Were you have like my own room here?

Yeah, we were you. Did you have a lot of friends when you were in school?

Yeah, again as this group of a group of friends. But now when once everyone like around the age of eighteen, everyone has been getting pretty busy with things. You know, some university, some even go to the military.

M hm.

M hmm. Do you have any I guess tips for really that kind of loneliness?

Well, do you like being a shepherd? I mean, would you prefer to be in a job that involves you being around other people more than being by yourself?

I do enjoy my job. Oh, I think I think my job is pretty grateful me. I also draw and craft a bit.

I I I.

Will would so do with what I do you know, sitting and walking around nature for seven hours a day?

Well, I mean listen, yeah, but well, I mean you you're you're living a life that is intentionally uh isolated, right, I mean that's that seems to be what you're doing? Is you? You? You like shepherding. You're walking around alone in the woods for hours an hour on end. You know, your your life does not involve being around other people. You know, you're a really young guy. I don't, I don't know. I don't know what your options are. I

You know.

Again, I don't, I don't know what your options are and what it's like where you live. But if you're doing this thing and you're so fucking young man, I mean, Jesus Christ, you must have just started doing this thing. So take a second for yourself and go, is this really the right thing for me to be doing at the age of seventeen, to be completely isolating myself and

Right, The first few months have actually been I felt pretty ideal. It is something I wanted, and the isolation is something that I appreciated. It's always been something that I I thought would be pretty great for me, which is it has, but it's very recent that feeling that I've I've been having And yeah, what you're saying is very like nob I just take that in mind and apply to the choices I make.

Mm hmm.

Yeah. And by the way, dude, you're so fucking young, like you can try out different versions of your life, and you can do something for a month and then go, you know, I thought this is what I wanted, but it's really not working for me. Let's see what else is out there.

Yeah, of course, Well what I'm doing now is in forever. It's a it's a volunteering thing to a program.

That's like for a year. But I do have breaks.

I do, I do see my family, I do see my friends.

So you're part of a volunteering program. You're part of a volunteering program where there's no other people working with you. Yeah, yeah, dude, it's that's you don't want you don't want to do that. Dude, you don't want to do that. You don't, you can't, You're not gonna if you're if the fact that you're calling to be like this is not working for me. You don't want to live a life where you're not around other people. It's not conducive to happiness of any kind.

Yeah.

I guess the thing is that I thought I was, but turns out i'm not.

Yeah, you don't have to sound like you don't have to sound so sad about it. Man, you're seventeen fucking years old. You can go, you can you can do other things with your life. It's all right.

I don't mean to sound sad. I'm just I'm a little tired, that's it.

I'm not I'm sure. I'm sure you are tired. Man, I'm sure you are tired. You're a fucking sheep, shepherd. You know, I'm sure you're very tired.

I think I want to go on with this for like a few like maybe a month more, but cool. But yeah, I think i'll just I'll try out some of the things. Of course, that sounds good. Mm hmm, that's more social things.

Yeah, so you live, you live near Syria. Yeah, what's that like?

Well, it's uh, it's inherently a little isolated from the first place, but I do like, I do like it around here. It's uh, it's very uh how do you say that word community, but like as a as an adjective communal? Yes, that well, where we're the town that I it's also like a very small place and everyone knows each other. M Maybe that's what I miss.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, that's the best thing in life is being around the you're The quality of your life is always going to be dictated by the quality of the people around you, and you can't exactly be I mean, you can be friends with sheep, but that'll drive you insane. What's your name again?

It's yeah, who?

Yeah, who?

Yeah?

Who.

I appreciate you sharing this with me. I appreciate you calling.

Hmm.

Is there anything else you want to kind of talk about in the in this realm.

I think I think that's it. I think you all remember what you said.

Okay, all right, yeah, good go yeah, try to find a build a light build try to it's this is okay. It's okay to like, especially when you're young, to like try something and realize it's not working for you and then go do something else.

So yeah.

Also, I'm happy with, you know, experiencing different things, even those it doesn't turn out to be what I want to do.

No givin. Finding the melancholy in your own isolation.

Is a.

What's the word? This is a trend on TikTok A core memory? Yeah, core memory. Let's say that a core experience.

I guess.

So well, good luck, man, I'll see you around the universe.

Yeah, thank you, man, have a good one too.

Man being a sheep shepherd in Syria. There's so many different lives that you can live. Hello, Hello, what's up man? What's your name? Nick? What's happening with you? Nick? Has life?

What's overall good?

You know?

That's making it good? Overall good?

Like last year I realized I have free will and just kind of blew up my life and moved across the country to like, you know, actually do my my dreams job and stuff.

Oh cool, what's okay? Tell me, tell me what that looks like, blowing up your life. Yeah.

Yeah, So I was I was gonna have a pretty like bad relationship for six years. And I went home to see my family and my partner didn't come with, and I realized.

I was like completely relieved.

Oh and that's that's not a I realized that's not a good way to feel about your partner.

Yeah yeah, So yeah, I uh, I broke up with them, and it was you know, a whole a whole thing for sure.

And I was working a job that I heard at the time of in like a cancer research.

Lab mm hm.

And uh so they went under and I was out of a job completely, just living off the severance for a little while. But I went to school for archaeology, so I uh, I knew a guy that I worked with a couple of years ago, and he hooked me up with a job out in California mm hmm doing archaeology mm hm. So I uh just kind of left everything behind, uh, packed up what I could sit in my car and just drove across the country.

Mm hmm. And then.

I've been kind of I've been here like half a year. It's it's pretty good. You know, I'm chilling. Wish I had some more homies.

Maybe.

How you said you've been here half a year. Have have you been doing anything to try to make any homies?

Yeah? Yeah, I go to the bars a lot. Uh, just talk to random people, and I've met I've met some cool, cool dudes, but no, no like real kinship.

I guess interesting.

I do have one one good friend, my neighbor. He's like, he's a seventy year old dude from Compton and he just you know, wants someone to smoke weed and drink all day with.

Yeah, and are you there to provide?

Of course?

Of course? Cool trying to like this so all the time.

Mm hmmm hmm. Okay, So are do you how do you feel about your decision over the past six months? Are you Are you like, okay, I'm I'm glad that I decided to do this.

Yeah, oh definitely. I was living in North Carolina before, and you know, I'm sure people are happy in North Carolina, but I I kind of hated it there.

It was it wasn't great.

Uh why'd you hate it there?

I don't know. I'm I'm like a big hiker. I didn't feel like there were any good hiking spots. The people are like nah m hmm. And then obviously there were like so many bad memories said with that point that, uh, it's so good to not be there anymore.

Mm hm. So you had this thing where your partner wasn't coming with you to a thing and you were relieved, and you're like, Okay, that's not a bad that's a bad sign. Uh yeah, around are you dating or are you going out to try to find a new person? What's up with that?

Yeah, I've been I've been dating a lot. But it's bleak out there, man, I'm sure.

Yeah, Well yeah, tell me, tell me what's going on? Tell me how about how your experience has been. Why is it bleak? The bleak how's the bleakness manifest itself?

I don't know. I'm I guess I'm a bit of a bit of an odd guy. And so far on all these dates, if most of them have just been like kind of uh you know that sounds mean but a little boring, Like they don't have many like interests or opinions or hobbies. And then on the other end, I meet people who have like way crazier circumstances than me.

And crazy and what way.

Yeah, I went on a date with this this one girl, and she said we were talking about like music taste, and I said, I never make playlists or anything. I just kind of like put on my like songs and it sounds kind of schizophrenic sometimes, and like her face dropped and she was like, I have schizophrenia. And then she told me this story about how like she didn't know for six months and like the voices had told her to like slit her wrists and she like showed

Arm, whoa, yeah, I mean that happens. That happens. That happens. It happens. It's not a unique experience, you know, it's not a unique experience. How many how many dates have you been on here?

I don't more more than ten, So I've you know, I've given given it a good shot. But I don't think I want to meet people on tender. It's just doesn't feel like anything.

You're a tender guy, you're not a Hinge guy. I feel like Tender Tender is like from college years. Tinder feels like like a young a young person's app.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I I did Hinge for a little bit, but uh, you know, you have to like send out the personalized message for every single one, and then most of the time you're just never going to hear anything back. And it's just like that feels even more demoralizing somehow.

Yeah, no, it's not. It's it is truthfully, yes, not great out there, that is true. You didn't hear anything back on hit. So you've been more successful on the tinders than the hinges.

Granted I I haven't tried hinge recently. I I like, post breakup, when I was still like working things out in my life. Then I wasn't. I wasn't getting much much on either. But I like, you know, did all this ship and kind of remade everything, and I say, getting a lot of attention on Tinder, but I maybe I should reach that hinge.

I just don't you say that again. You did a bunch of shit and then reinvented yourself. What does that mean?

Yeah, well, you know, I like.

After being in like a shitty relationship for so long, I feel like I lost a lot of my sense of identity. Yeah, and I I don't know, I I was like really scared of social interaction, especially with people I didn't know, and so I just like started forcing myself to go out to bar some stuff and just like talking to random people cool, you know, even if it's just you know, a short conversation.

Did you go Did you go by yourself to do this?

Yeah?

Yeah most of the time.

Gutsy, Okay, how'd that go for you? I like this.

It's it's really hard at first. It's it's like super scary at first, but of course it's it gets so much easier. And you know, once I feel like, once you do, once you can just like talk to a random person a couple of minutes, then it becomes so much easier to like, I don't know, talk to girls are interested to and or you know, try to talk to co workers and stuff.

Mm hmm.

So yeah, I just started you know, approaching random people at the bar, and it became less scary over time.

Did you meet any solid romantic interests uh through through this?

I mm hmm No, not not any solid ones. No, mostly I've been interested in this, uh in one of my co workers actually, but that's that's like a whole saga.

I guess why is that a whole saga? What's the saga?

I don't know, I because sometimes it feels like she's into me and then other times not so much. And uh, I don't know. I'm you know, it's not happening yet, but I don't want to write up the possibility in the future, you know, I mean, mm.

Hmm, okay, what So have you told her that you're interested in her romantically?

Yeah?

Yeah, Like so I'm an archaeologist, so we we kind of talked about dinosaurs or bones. That's that's like human stuff. But yeah, but yeah, so like they they kind of send me all around the state, like we don't work like in an office or like have co workers most of the time. And so she just happened to be like in the town I actually live in, and uh,

Hm, Okay, you seem like you're doing I can I be honest with you? What's your name again?

Nick?

Nick?

Nick?

I'm impressed by you. Actually, I think you seem like you're actually doing great. I don't know if you think that way about your life, but I think you're doing great.

Oh thanks, man, I know, I really do.

I think you're putting your Because here's the thing, right, I'm I'm gonna quote Monsters University. Can I have your permission to Can I have your permission to use literary themes from Monsters University and how they may apply to your situation?

Of course, please do so in Monsters University.

And I'm gonna make a lot of what I'm about to say up because I haven't seen that movie in about thirty seven years. But in Monsters University, I believe Mike Wazowski has a bit of like a jealousy problem going on with Sully, right, because Sully is like a jock, scary guy, you know, he's he and he's a naturally

I never thought about it like that before. Yeah, that's beautiful.

What's your name again?

Nick? Nick?

I want to be like you know, you know how like Jordan Peterson is famous for like uh whatever, he like gives like lectures about the Lion King or whatever. I want to do that, but with also I want to do that with Disney movies anyway, who cares? All Right, I'm sorry, what's your name? One more time?

Nick?

Nick?

I'm proud of you, Nick, I'm inspired by you. I think you're a good person. I think you're going to do well.

Oh thanks, son, It's it feels so much better. It's actually like take steps to improve your life then it does to like just sulk about it.

M hm.

Go watch Monsters University. I think there's a tie in video game too. What's the tie in video.

That like a PS three game or something.

In July eleventh of twenty thirteen, Disney's Club Penguin hosted a Monsters University Takeover event to promote the film. Okay, that's probably offline by now, but anyway, Wow. It grossed five hundred million Hong Kongese dollars opening day. All right, well, I'm Nick. Yes, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

If you live in Riting, hitting me up, have a good.

Wind with your games. Thank you very much for calling.

All right, love you, bye bye, Nick.

That really did I. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to talk about Monsters University. Been wanting to talk about that for a while. It's a real touching scene. I'm gonna go watch that movie when I'm done, when I'm done, whatever else, whatever I'm doing.

Hello, Hello, what's up? Have I in?

You're in? What's your name?

No fucking way, no fucking way. My name My name is Adrian.

How's life Adrian?

My life is pretty good right now? Jesus twice my heart peaty confect? What she is crazy to me? Okay, mine is pretty good?

Why tell me more about that.

I reason it took a took a chance to I tried dating apps and I met this girl and she lives across the country, and so I drove across the country to meet her. And she's good.

Okay, what do you like about this girl?

She is very funny, she is very beautiful, She has same interest as me, and she has a beautiful singing voice. She strives to become an artist. And yeah, her voice is gorgeous.

And you drive across it. That was the first time meeting her, was driving across the country.

Yes, after we're spoken for about a week's about nine hours?

Hm.

And so what's the plan here? Are you gonna just keep driving back and forth nine hours?

I wall did that once. I've been there two more times now, and those two times I flew instead of driving. Mm hmm because the driving tip was exhausting.

Yeah, I'm sure, okay, okay, So is she going to come to you now?

Hopefully one day. But like the school she goes to because she's like in I don't know what it would be in English, but it's like I don't I don't even know. But she she goes to school Monday to Saturday, so she kind of only has one day weekend, so it's kind of difficult for her to travel here and when she has school all the time. Mm hmm. But she will come sometime early next year for sure. M hm.

And what what's your life like? Where are you calling from? You have a peculiar phone number, or at least peculiar to me as an American.

I'm calling from Norway, Norway?

What's going on in Norway? What's happening there.

Right now? Surprising enough? It's at least where I live. There is no snow, which she kind of wouldn't expect from Norway because Norway is like known for all the snow. Mm hmm.

Right where and where in Norway? Are you Oslow?

One hour away from a slow so fairly close?

Okay? And is this woman a Norwegian woman?

Yes, she lives in I don't know if you're familiar with Norwegian cities, but she lives in Bergen, which is like on the Midwest coast.

Sure, I know I know Bergen from Bergen? Boy? Okay? And are you ready? Are you ready to fall in love?

Did I am falling in love?

What does that feel like? What does that feel like? For falling in love.

It is, it is exciting, it is. It feels good. Mm hmm, feels feels good.

Mm hmmm mm hmm. Have you been in love before? Is this your first time in love?

I haven't been in love to this degree before.

Now I wouldn't say that interesting.

This one is different. Why it just feels more real? Just the last person I was with had a like it was a difficult issue because like her family was very very uh non accepting, and so I was kind of like in secret and pushed away kind of. So it was very very difficult.

And what were they not accepting of?

Like she was from Sri Lanka, so they were not expecting off having a Norwegian boyfriend because they wanted like a successful Sri Lankan guy instead. I guess I see they're like very conservative.

And now this woman does not want a successful Sri Lankan guy. She's down for a regular Joe Schmo Bergen boy. Although you're not a burg And boy, you're a.

Oh this is this is my this is my previous relationship. So yes matter anyway.

Yes, so now, but now this woman loves you for who you are?

Yes, what dating apps parents? It's kind of embarrassing because my my my colleague was talking about this dating app because she had had very bad experiences. I saw, fuck it, let's see how bad it is. So I tried it, and it's Facebook dating.

You're not the first. You're not the first Facebook dating success story that we've heard on this podcast. Actually, weirdly enough.

That is surprising.

Actually, yeah, weirdly enough.

I didn't really use it for the intent to date. It was just using it for trying to see the experience my colleague at a to see, like, how bad really is it?

So, how does this relationship compare to the other one that you were in?

This one is? I This one is way better because the previous one I can only like be with them for hours and had to be in secretly, have to like sneak out or like avoid certain people and such. On this one, I can just is just open and I can actually talk to her, and I can talk to her family. I can talk to her friends properly.

Mm hmmm, mm hmmm. So you met this woman's family already.

No, I'm meeting them in two weeks or twelve days.

Actually, they're gonna You're gonna go back to Bergen.

Yeah, No, because she doesn't. She's not from Berg and she just lives there for school, so she lives like a few hours south. But it's also on the west side of Norway. So I'm taking the train over there in h in twelve days after Christmas. Cool because in Norway. In Norway actually actually eleven days. Eleven days because in Norway Christmas is on the twenty fourth. I don't know why the US is on the twenty fifth, but I know a lot of European countries have it on the twenty fourth.

It's because we have different Jesus.

That makes a whole lot of sense.

Yeah, you guys have Norwegian Jesus and we have Americans. The biggest difference between American Jesus and Norwegian Jesus is that Norwegian Jesus is uh, he's Norwegian.

Yeah, did you know that? I know that. Now.

Do you know a lot about Jesus?

Well, not other than what I've learned in school.

What did you learn in school about Jesus?

But he has been born and savior him, sush. I don't under much. I didn't really enjoy enjoy religion.

Did you go to did you go to a religious school?

No?

In most schools in Norway, you can't like in force certain religions and such, at least not in elementary school. So it's like, it's not that many Christian schools and such.

So why were you learning about Jesus in school then?

Because noways a Christian country? Have we learned about all the religions?

What did you learn about Hinduism?

You're not remember.

What's your favorite religion? Which religion do you think is correct?

I am not fond of legion because it cost is so much conflict, So I'd like to believe none of them. I don't believe there God.

What's the best between the PlayStation three, the Xbox three sixty and the Nintendo Wii.

I grew up with the PlayStation three, So for me, I will I'd say PlayStation three.

What's your name again?

My name is Adrian?

Adrian. I like you, Adrian, you got a good vibe.

I like you too.

Man, you're gonna get married, probably to this Facebook lady. You guys will have a Yeah, you guys get married. You'll buy a two cats. Yeah, I have two cats. Get a PlayStation, Get a PlayStation fucking seven. You know that'll be good.

At the time. By that time. It's probably a PlayStation only only PlayStation six if if that will be released in time, I'm not sure. I want to. I want to talk with you about the first time I tried to weed a few months ago, I think two months ago or something.

Mm hmmm, uh, you tried weed a few months ago.

Yeah, sure, yes, but the first time ever. And I had a terrible experience. Wow, okay, very unpleasant. Like I only did, like I think, because I smoked with my brothers and their friends, and they're like, they smoke a lot, and so they do like they make joints with like tobacco and weed, and I'm not I'm not someone who uses a nicotine of any kind. So I think it was like a mix of being being high and getting

Really, I feel like you didn't. You didn't you didn't like see visions of Bob Marley and you didn't.

No, I had no visions. I mean not really, I didn't really have any visions. I could feel like, you know, you know how you played GTA five and been high in GTA five, Yeah, yeah, you know you know that silter that you have in GT five high? That's what I saw like I saw the g mean like shaky screen. I guess mmmm, that was like what I saw constantly. Mm hmm.

How did you get How did you get weed in Norway? Because it's not legal there.

Right, it's not illegal. I don't know how they get it. They have their dealers, they buy bags of weed. I don't know. I as I said, I smoked with my brothers and their friends, so like they got it themselves. But people either imported or probably cliented legally.

Mm hmm. What's your name again, Adrian? Adrian? Well, Adrian, I wish you a good drug free Norwegian marriage life. You're gonna have a good la you to live in the countryside with a wife and a PlayStation and no weed, and it's going to be good for you. I'm excited for you and two cats. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

I've actually never thought of this. I listened to your podcast for four and a half years, for five years that I still haven't talked about what so I just don't give up, never give up, beautiful, thank you, thank you, get go. Also one more thing, I saw you at an aquarium the other next week. It was a Green Get Go.

Oh okay, you were like, so, I thought you saw me at an aquarium last never been insane? Yeah no, yeah, you psakeed me out. Don't psyke me out. Don't psyke me out like that. Man, you're sure you're convened. Don't, don't.

Don't.

Don't be cute with me about that kind of ship.

Man.

You're trying to drive me insane. You're gonna make me think I was in Norway or something, you know, driving me nuts.

Bro.

Maybe maybe it was your brother. I saw Green Get Go and and it looked a lot like you.

I have a good one, Adrian, Good.

Luck to you have a good one too. Bye bye.

That freaked me out. I was like, fuck, was I in an aquarium in Norway? Maybe I was? You don't know me. I don't know me. I don't know where I've been aquarium in Norway? I could be at a zoo in Russia. I could be anywhere.

From No, no, hello, Hello.

What's up? What's your name?

Oh shit?

I no, no, no, no? What's going on? No? No nothing?

GEK?

How are you?

I'm doing okay, I'm hanging in there, trying my best. Just another day. What's going on with you? No, now, how can I get you to then?

I'll be honest, I called on a whim because, like, uh, my partner just left two see their family, and I'm pretty much here alone in my house for like first time ever.

Hold on, you're alone in your house for the first time ever.

Because like I used to live with my whole family in one building and like they're not far but I'm so used to just like going up a floor and like now it's just me.

Mm hmmm.

So yeah, okay, okay, this is the you how old are you?

Oh, I'm twenty seven.

You're twenty seven years old, and this is your first time ever in the house alone in your entire life?

Yeah?

Man, really, yeah that doesn't make any sense to me. How did that? How did that happen? Like when you were growing up? Did you never find yourself in the house alone at one point? Like do you have a bunch of brothers and sisters or something?

Well, my whole family would live in one building, so like if uh, there's usually someone home, mm hmm. So like I would just go downstairs and see my grandma, or like you know, my sister would usually be in the other room or like, uh.

I don't know.

I'd go upstairs and see one of my uncles or my cousins. There's usually someone in the house.

And so where do you live now? Do you live? You live with your significant other?

Yeah, and like, oh oh, I was gonna say, we don't live that far from my family, but it's like pretty much we live on the other side of town. And it's like it's it's a little weird for me, I think, I guess mm hmm.

Y okay. And how long have you been living with your significant other?

Four?

Uh, we've only been living together for like a few months now, m m.

Okay. And in the entire few months, you've never been at the house alone.

I mean, not for longer than like a few hours?

Are that I mean that counts. Why is this different than a few hours? This is like the whole day or alone.

Well, they're going to be gone for like two weeks.

Oh okay, all right, so this is your first time an extended period of time alone. Okay, yeah, yeah, no, I see, okay.

And like I was a little excited to have the house to myself, but also a little nervous, but like, you know, I got stuff to do here. Yeah, I have puzzles. I like drawing, reading. Usually I'll like throw on a podcast or music. Well I'm doing ship around the house mm.

Hmmm, mm hmmm.

I did invite like friends to over to come spend like I don't know, like maybe a'll work from home or something mm hmm from here.

And what did they say?

I have two friends who will probably come over during those two weeks at some point. That's nice.

Mm hmm.

I could always go visit my sister, m h go back to the family house.

Mm hmmm, yeah, mm hmm.

Okay, okay, And do you like are you you are you nervous about being home alone? Like you just like with this being the first time, it's it's being a thing for you for an extended period of time.

Yeah, Like.

I have like so I get like a pank tax sometimes and so like I've been talking to like therapists on like how to best deal with those. So I guess this is kind of like maybe some kind of like weird universe trial for myself.

I don't know.

I mean, I know I'll be okay like in the end, but my lizard brain is like, well, well you're gonna die and you're all alone and you know kind of have to just.

Git through it. I guess No.

I mean it's a valuable skill to know how to just be alone, you know, Yeah, especially if you've never done it before.

Yeah. And I don't know.

I guess when I was younger, I was more comfortable with being by myself. But I don't know. I feel like as an adult, you just are more anxious about everything in general.

So mm hmm.

You get very set in your ways, and like I was used to, like just like I don't know, just going upstairs and saying hi to somebody, Like, I don't know. My family is much more communal than my partners.

M hm. So where where is your partner? What are they doing?

Uh?

They're going to the Caribbean to see their their mom.

Cool. Yeah, well, I mean the ship. I mean, I live alone. I'm pretty used to it. I mean, what are you gonna? Are you gonna watch porn with sound on?

Uh?

I guess I could do that if I really really wanted to.

I don't know.

Uh, he'll put on music as lot as I want to do that. Dance, I got I gotta I got a pet, pet snake.

Are you gonna let him lose.

Yeah, I mean he's been he's been loose before. He's not He's pretty small, but mm hmm. It's nice to just kind of let him wiggle round the house. He's very curious.

He's curious. What's he curious about? I don't know, eating rats and people?

I I suppose. I mean, I don't think he's big enough to eat anybody. He's maybe like I don't know, like half an inch in diameter.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

What do you do for a living?

Uh, I'm not working right now, but I was. I was a baker for like almost a decade.

Yeah, what kind of stuff would you bake?

We did like Macarons cookies. I've made so much Jeremy too in my career. I'm kind of like sick of it. But I used to work in like hotels. I usually did like large scale production mm hmmm.

Mmmmm.

But like, I don't know, I got pretty I got pretty tired of doing that. Like it's like it's it's a great Like I thought it was a really great experience.

I don't.

I don't necessarily regret getting into pastry, but sometimes I wish I'd done something different. I don't know, like it's I think anyone in the service industry knows, like it's very labor intensive.

Work, yes, and like.

It's it's just not for me, Like I'm kind of a weakling. I guess I don't know.

No, I understand that I'm also kind of a weakling. You know, it is what it is. Sometimes you have to just accept that you're kind of a weakling. I it's snowing outside and I was like watching I was watching someone outside like shoveling all the snow, and I was like, shit, I just know, I'm so glad. I'm just like, fuck, I just know, I'm like too much of a pussy to have, like, uh do do just do real shit? You know what I mean?

Yeah, I don't know. Like my partner is always telling me, like you're not built for hard labor. That's my job, And I'm like, you, you sit behind a desk, but thanks, what do they do? They essentially just sell software?

Okay, I mean it's a.

Big boy job.

Yeah, So what are you most excited about for these two weeks?

I guess just kind of like being able to fully relax by myself. Yeah, sometimes you just can't fully relax unless you're like entirely by yourself, whether it's like in your room or like, I don't know, like maybe have the whole house to yourself, kind of like when you're like a teenager and your parents leave for the night and you get to like sit in the living room and watch cartoons at full volume.

Yeah yeah, hmm, yeah, that'd be awesome. Is that your plan? Or you're gonna watch cartoons at full volume?

Sure?

I've been watching the new Fionen Cake just I think it's good. Some people don't like it, but I think it's good.

Mm hmm, Okay, So I think mean, I think this is a good opportunity for you to experience what it's like to live without another person for a bit. I mean, are you do would you consider yourself anxiously attached? Uh?

You know, I'm pretty anxious person in general. I mean I don't know, Like I get left alone with my thoughts for too long, and my brain loves telling me that I'm like two seconds from dying, which I know is sake.

But your brain is telling you that you're two seconds from dying.

I don't know, Like I I started getting like these weird panic attacks like a few years back, and I did take medication for it for a while, but at some point I was like, I kind of want to try dealing with this without my meds, and I'm about to lose my insurance, so let's stop taking the meds for a while.

Sure, not a bad idea. I guess what kind of meds are they?

They were anti depressants. I was on that good good lexapro.

Cool.

Cool.

What do you how do you normally calm down without uh using meds?

Well, I essentially, I guess I just gotta like let myself feel the fear for a little bit, you know, like you kind of gotta feel it before I can passed. And then I essentially like I feel that fear long enough for my bodies like, okay, uh is this actually like a false alarm or not dying? And then I don't know. Then I'll make myself some tea, but on like a podcast or like a chill YouTube video or show, you know, get up, maybe take some deep breaths.

Yeah, yeah, M.

Like, I know essentially what I have to do. I think it's just sometimes my my my brain has a hard time believing that everything is fine.

What happens when you talk to a real therapist about this.

What I say, Well, they usually well I just started talking to a therapist again recently, yeah, and said.

He was.

Basically like he'll basically ask me, like how it feels in my body when I have anxiety or like when I'm feeling like I have like a really hard time

Well, I hope that I hope that this is like good test for you. I suppose being alone for that long with your thoughts trying to trying to make them a better place to exist.

Yeah, I'm like, I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, man, being in a corporeal body sucks so much, Like I have to feel all these things. I have to like digest food and poop and like uh.

Leap.

But then my partner's like, well, if you didn't have a human body, you wouldn't be able to like, uh eat delicious cookies and like uh take warm naps next to the radiator. I don't know.

M hm hm hmm.

Yeah.

I mean I guess anxiety. You can also cure anxiety by uh, you know, jerking off and eating a lot, But that's that was really curing. That mainly just pushes it away. For that that kind of just yeah, I don't know if it gets rid of it exactly.

I'm not super like, I don't know, I feel like eating is like, it's not that I don't want to eat, but it's like the sensation that's eating is kind of gross to me. Sometimes I don't know, like like just a physical bodily sensations. They're just so uncomfortable sometimes.

What did you say your name was?

Again? It's no?

No, no, no? Is it your real name?

No?

That's what everyone calls me.

Why does everyone call you no?

No, because it's easier pronounced than my first name?

Is your first name?

No?

Pataquin? Bodanga bos sure, beautiful?

No? No?

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

I guess uh, there's like, I'm sure everyone on here loves the Internet and loves the free Internet and likes to be able to watch cat videos and born without your government I d being tied to it. So if you care about that, go do bad internet.

Bill dot com cool okay?

And uh yeah, and uh live your life, eat good food, and sleep well.

Hock and roll.

Thank you very much.

No, no, thanks for talking to me, keek.

Have a good uh, have a good Ferris Bueller's day off.

Thanks.

I hope you have a great day.

By no, no, see you.

Goes on the line, thank your phone calls every nine.

You're like, Money's not really an expert.