“I AM A SPEED DEMON”

Hello, what's up, Deffie. What's going on with you?

Nothing? Nah? I just moved back to Chicago from Alaska, and I thought it was funny that you said Alaska not a state, that is a city.

You lived in Alaska? You said, yes, sir, Okay, what were you doing over there?

I was working on automobiles and tires and doing drugs.

What kind of drugs do they have in Alaska?

They got a lot everything you can think of, a lot of psychedelics, ecstasy, a lot of hard drugs, mesynthetamine.

Okay, were you doing like, were you doing the hard drugs or just the party ones?

We're doing all of them?

Sure, okay, are you still doing them? Oh?

No, Sure, I am twenty three weeks clean.

Nice.

Nice, don't get me wrong.

Okay, what did you did you get clean when you moved to Chicago?

Yeah?

What do you do now in Chicago?

The same thing. I work at a tire shop. I chained tires on semis.

Okay, are you enjoying life? Are you happy?

I'm a lot happier than I was a few years ago, that's for sure.

What changed.

I stopped doing hard drugs?

Yeah? Yeah, Although like when you were doing can I ask you something, what's the hardest drug you've done?

I would have to say nothing, famine and heroin at the same time.

It's not a good thing to do that, but I now feel that's gotta feel awesome. Does it feel awesome?

It? It felt at the time amazing. But I don't suggest people doing.

I was, this is fucked up, but I was. I saw a guy on maybe maybe maybe he was on heroin or meth or whatever, and it was like in the I've never done it before, but I have to imagine in the moment it feels great. I like, so I guess what I'm what I'm what I was. What I was thinking was like my my, oh yeah, So, like my day is like at a baseline level of enjoyment.

I would never that bad. I'm a functioning attic. I have to have a job to buy drugs.

So you're just smoking weed now, yes, sir, Yes, sure, that's cool. Tell tell me about the rest of your life. Do you have friends? Your family?

I have a That's part of the reason why I moved to Alaska. I have thirty six cousins and four uncles and six aunts in Alaska, but all I have in Illinois. Get my mom? Really, Okay?

So you had a lot of friends and out of your cousins in Alaska and now it's just you, your mom and your dad.

Uh yeah, But I mean I I still have friends out here. Like I ride my motorcycle with a few guys.

Fuck, that sounds fun. What's that?

Like?

I highly suggest getting a motorcycle. It's what hell got me sober, really really like honestly, like it replaced one bad choice with another. Like I'm still running from the cop. I'm still breaking the law doing one hundred and forty and fifty on the highway and it is villarating hard, bribing like a motherfucker while you and fifty blowing past the cop.

Did you say your dick is throbbing hard while you're going one hundred and forty miles on the highway?

Yes, sir, Yes, sir?

Are you I I'm actually I'm actually sitting here debating which is worse A bit of a of a thing between those two things.

That's what a lot of people tell me. They're like, man, those drugs are gonna kill you. I was like, well, honestly, what what we're killing me? Through? Or a motorcycle?

I was on the internet. I watched the video of this was yesterday. I watched this video of a car side like a side swipe a motorcyclist and it just completely ripped their foot off.

Sent you flying, didn't it?

Kind of all right? So let's back up for a second here, what man, what what do you? What are you? What are you looking for? Here? I guess you you replaced one sort of dangerous activity with another dangerous activity. Are you like trying to feel a lust for danger or something?

Honestly, that is something that I'm trying to figure out, like what is wrong with me? I'm like, I go to AA meetings and NA meetings and stuff, and I talked to other people, and I just I don't know what I'm looking for. I mean, obviously I'm an adrenaline junkie. Like something about me just constantly need to be in danger. I don't know why.

M hm h When you go to these like AA meetings and NA meetings and therapy and whatever it is you go to, like, do they well, what what insight have they provided for you on those things.

About remaining sober or what do you mean what.

Do you mean by that about remaining sober and about like how to address this need for danger that you have.

Oh, nobody has really addressed the need for danger or anything like that. They mainly just try to focus on getting another day sober without using drugs.

Mhmm.

That's mainly what they focus on. They really don't care that I have a seek for danger.

Do you do you? Do you have any like do you have an any hobbies or do anything that's uh like not gonna.

Go frisbee golf golf?

Okay, let's bring get a golfing smoking weed and playing I'm I'm a big I'm a fan of smoking weed and playing frisbee golfing for you, I think I'm like.

I'm black or white. Dude, if either there's zero or one hundred, I'm either chill or I'm balld to the wall.

You know what I mean.

No, there is no gray, there is no middle grounds from there.

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah No. I I I feel you. I feel you. Have you been like have you always been like that?

Yet? My mother actually has a video of me trying to jump a picnic table at four years old for training wheels?

Really really? Mm hmmm, So this has been this has been a part of you for a long time.

Hold you now, I'm thirty four years old.

Okay, word word? Mm hmm. Do you have like uh? Okay? So are you close with your mom and your dad? Who?

Because they I'm I'm close with my parents. I have a very you know, honest relationship with them. I let them know the things that I do and the dumb ship that I do.

What do they have to say about any of it?

Uh?

They're happy that I'm not doing drugs rest for sure. They worry about me when I ride my bike because they know how much of a dumb ass I am.

Mm hmm. How often are you getting chased by cops and barreling down the highway.

Every time I'm on that bitch.

How often are you on that bitch every day?

It's not raining?

Oh my god? I mean hm hmmm, And you said.

What's up there? Don't get me wrong, Like sometimes I ride like a normal person, like there's a time and no place. Like if I'm riding like that all the time, then obviously you know you can only roll the dice so many times before you fucking die. Like, I'm not trying to die. I'm not suicidal. I just enjoy the living life on yetge.

Do you and I don't? I don't know if this is, you know, too invasive of a question or.

Oh go ahead, bro, I'm an open book. What you want to know?

Do you care about your life?

Uh?

To a point, I mean, like with the way society is heading, in the way that the world in the direction that the world's going, Like I'm not I'm not a big fan of how everything's playing out. But at the same time, like, I know, everything happened for a reason, and you never know what's right around the corner, you know, like tomorrow might be the best day of my life or tomorrow might be the worst day of my life, but I'm still eager to see what's around the corner.

Mm hmm. Do you do you ever, like, I mean, do you think about consequences?

Yeah?

I was gonna say, do you think about the consequences of of you know that kind of No.

I was literally just having a conversation with one of my buddies about that. He was like, I definitely process consequences different than the average person, Like consequences are future deputy problems.

Mm hmm. Can you recall any times in your life where you really felt consequences.

Uh, consequences of my actions? Yeah? Yeah, there's been a few times, but I've been arrested, did the time for a bit off more than I could chew, and I ended up picking an l in live you know. Yeah, Wait, you gotta keep on keeping on, bro. You can't just throw on the path and the fuck up. That's how you live and you learn. The only way you're gonna learn is by sucking up.

Mm hmm, God, I feel I I don't know what to I don't know what to say to you, definitely because you seem like a really cool guy and I really don't want to be scrolling through addit when they see a video of you, uh getting ran over by a car in your motorcycle.

Well, you know what they say, Only the good die young, so I'll be around for a long long time.

You're like that, You're like, what's that? Fucking uh? What's the You ever play The Lost in the Damned? The Grand Theft Auto?

Oh? Yeah, yeah, granted, Yeah, Okay, you're you're You're a You're a real outlaw by acre man, you have you have no idea here.

But don't you?

I don't know, but I just want to tell you.

Sure, go ahead, what do you want to tell me?

I was gonna say that I'm just a big fan. I remember the first time I saw you, I was trolling through Facebook and I was tripping on mushroom and I was like, this fucking guy, this guy got knowledge, this guy's going look at you man, now you got a ship a ton of Bowers bro.

Well, thanks man, I god, I don't know, I am huh hm hmm. Is there anything go ahead? Go ahead, you guys can say.

I spent a lot of time on the internet, so I've seen some of your videos, probably from like two years ago, three years ago.

So mhm.

Is there anything anyone could say to you or any anything at all that would make you be like, you know what, I'm gonna try to find ways to uh engage in my desire for living my life to the fullest and uh being adventurous and all these things that are good things. But I'm gonna do it in a way where I'm not gonna kill other people or myself.

Ah, probably not. Is that a bad thing? Now? Is that? Like? Well, like, what do you think should I chill the fuck out? Yeah?

I do, I do. I you know, I'm try like I'm I'm such a whatever. I try not to yell at people or whatever, but yeah, I do. I totally think you should show the fuck out. You seem like a because I'm genuinely I'm thinking you seem like a cool guy man, and I hate for you to the fucking kill yourself or kill somebody else on the fucking motorcycle. I I just I mean, I hate motorcycles and I hate cars, and I hate going fast. I hate that. I just think it's so fucking dumb. And I and

Like bungee jumping and skydiving and ship I'm not a.

Look, I'm not a big extreme sports skydivey bungee jumping thing, but even skydiving or bungee jumping is a thousand times safer than barreling your motorcycle down the highway.

I don't know about that. You've done it, no, see, I'm that's next on the bucket list. Bro, It's coming up. Don't worry I'll tell you about the next time I do it. Okay, Well, but I will take into consideration what you say, mister Gecko.

And okay, good, I will I will.

Take you know, I'll slow it down a little bit for a week and if I get bored, funk that I'm going back to her.

Okay, you'll give it. You'll do a week. I'll do a week for me.

I'll do I'll do a week for.

You, okay, because look, I would hate I'm very flattered by by you listening to this show and being a fan, and I'm like, can I what can I tell this guy to make him not?

You know? It's it, bro'll like knock on wood. But I'll be around for a long time, Like I know when to hold him and when to fold him and when to do it, you know.

Mm hmm.

But I appreciate your concerns, and I would like I said, I I'll give it a week, sir. But if I'm bored, what am I supposed to do?

There's a lot I'm gonna tell you as Look as somebody who I very recently have been having all these existential crisises of like fucking boredom or what is that with life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Look, I'm there's a lot. There's a lot, there's a lot.

You get you three examples and I'll do them this week, I promise.

All right, let's see here. Do you like traveling?

I love traveling. Why do you think I went to Alaskans?

Do you where? Where on their Where in the world have you not been to yet that you want to go to? Oh?

I've always wanted to go to Prague, but I don't have the money for that right now?

Okay, Uh, I'm sorry, let's think of it right now. All right, all right, that's fair. I respect that, all right. Things that you can do that are.

Not for under five hundred dollars, things that can be.

Things you can do under five hundred dollars that are not recklessly driving your motorcycle down the highway.

Okay, I gotta beat that or come close.

Okay, all right, and by the way, hold on, I want you to. I just want to say something, even if I can't think, even if I am one hundred percent sure that you can find those things, even if I can't name them right now, but I'm gonna.

Think about I know they're out there, but it's just like I like I go to work, I come home. I go to work, I come home. I don't really have much of a social life.

Well could that I mean, dude, could that be it?

Like?

Are you just like brow?

That's probably one. But I mean, like I don't drink alcohol and they don't have weed bars yet.

Bro.

Like, if there's a place I could just go and smoke weed with like minded people, I would be there, like the old man that you see at the bar from open to clothes. I'd be that fucking guy at the weed bar. But I don't drink alcohol and I fucking hate sloppy drunk people.

Let's see, you're in your Illinois and Illinois is a legal state.

Right, it is a legal state.

Aren't there? Aren't there? Like? Are they're not weed lounges?

I if there are? I, Like I said, I just got back to Chicago, uh later this year. So if there are weed lounges and somebody knows about it in the Chicago area, hit me up, leave a message in the comment or let me know because I.

Don't know of a new ser Okay, all right, when I I'm gonna post this on YouTube and on the podcast and stuff, So go go go look at the YouTube comments and maybe somebody will will will know a thing because I would so I would so much rather you you know, make friends and hang out and get high in a room then be you know, doing the thing with the motorcycles. So all right, that's one thing. All right, we got one thing. We got one thing. Go to Okay, dude? Is that? I mean, look, is

Honestly now talking about this out loud, get go. I think you might be on the something okay, cause I'm feeling vulnerable right now. Like I didn't like the way that sounded. But you know what they say, if you don't like it, you don't like the truth, you know what they say, Dude, I might I just might be a lonely dude.

Mm hmmmmm mm hmmm. I look, I have crazy ship that I do when I'm just like, you know, uh, lonely, like a fucking lonely we all do a thousand milky ways and ship.

You know.

What the up?

Yeah, I guess you said the same thing about me. Riding the motors ile going one hundred and fifty. But I mean, I don't know. I need an excitement, I need that thrill.

But you you need something to do. You need to get your bad Yeah, you need something to fucking do. That's not like work and go insane. I get I get it, because that's the thing. If you're if there's that whole thing of the Devil's idle hand whatever, what is it? Idle hand? Don't Yeah, yeah, that'll thing.

I don't know the quote, but I know what you're talking about.

And so it's like, if you don't have anything to do that's really engaging your brain, you're just gonna go into addict mode and do that whatever the extreme thing is.

Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're onto something.

So all right, there's the weed lounge. I got a question. I got a question for you. All right, right, well I'll get to my question. All right, weed lounge. Now, I'm just thinking of how now I'm just I was gonna say. I mean, I'm also I'm a big fan of if a place for you in the universe does not exist, you create it.

I'm a big fan of Are you talking about smoking d MT?

No, I'm not talking about smoking fucking DMD Oh my bad.

That's what I thought you were going with that, like creating like I tried that with drug and it didn't really go out very well.

Well, I mean, here's okay. So here's here's what I Here's what I do mean by that is, if you let's say this weed lounge or whatever, it doesn't exist, could you create it? Could you do create a meet up? I know it's whatever. I don't know if that costs money. I mean it probably does. But or even if I meet up or like, could you create some kind of club or some kind of social gathering event thing whatever it is that that fulfills.

This thing will come type ship.

Yes, yes, I I don't.

Think I have the status quo nor the financial to do that, but I mean, like, I'm sure I could try. You know what the word that can happen, like two people show up and then I got a new weak.

Connect do you could literally you could literally like there was there's that what there's that always sunny episode where they are we Fly where they put out those flowers of just like uh, looking for cool dudes to hang out with or whatever it is. You could go on TikTok. Dude, you could literally do that. I mean you could do that. You could go on there's probably people listening to this podcast who are like, yeah, I'll hang out. I'll go get high with this guy in his basement. Fuck it,

But I don't think that would pick the entire situation because I would just be up being a bad influence. I'd be like, yeah, I want to go birth the law.

Oh man, well it's a place to start, Okay. Yeah, what else? What else? What else? How do you feel about? Uh? Do you like cooking? Cooking? Yeah?

I like eating, but not really cooking.

Now, all right, what about what about? Uh? What about being you could become a foodie. You could sample.

Local food, go around being a food critic.

Yeah, you could be a food critic.

That sounds terrible, Like we just talked about how I need excitement that does around.

You're one hundred percent correct, that was a stupid idea. All right, Fuck what else? I don't know? Look again, I don't know off the top of my.

Head, Like I said, I understand if you can't find them. I know there's stuff out there. I did you know? Like that's that's like right now, like you and I are having a debate, Like we're sitting here and we're trying to think of something, but yet we can't think of anything. So I'm jiggling my motorcycle key and it sound real good. You know what I'm saying.

Dude, Come on, come on, all right, hold on, bear with me, get them all right, because because I want, I need you. Look there is hmm, I can't look, but all right, there are. I'm gonna go for it. There are an infinite amount of human experiences, like more than you could ever seek to, more than you could ever experience in several lifetimes. Do you agree with that?

Absolutely?

Okay, you absolut lutely you agree with that. Okay, So would not would it not be crazy, perhaps even a little arrogant to say to yourself, I am one hundred percent sure that out of the.

Literally infinite human experiences, people to meet, places to go, things to do, there is none that come anywhere close to this horrible thing that of doing the motorcycle thing.

How about you get on a motorcycle and you go one hundred I won't say one hundred and fifty. You do one hundred and twenty mile of an hour, And tell me you don't get the biggest erection you've ever had in your entire life.

Buddy, what about six Flags? Have you ever been to six flags?

Yeah?

Go to six go to six flags? Taking uber to six flags?

Dude, take an uber to six flag. Don't get on the bike. Oh man, I don't think that. I don't like I get the whole roller coaster and bungee jump in uh skydivings that all that stuff that's only a blip of a second to where when you're riding the motorcycle, I'm in control from the time that I start the bike until the time that I turn off the bike.

That's get what I'm saying. Look, that's fair, and I get and I get that we could I get that we could sit here all day and I could try to give you specific things and you could refute them, but the general idea that I'm trying.

Oh you're not wrong, Like you're right, getting you go onto something about the infinite possibilities of human connection and possible abilities of a million different things that I could do.

Oh fuck, I accidentally opened up Premiere Pro on my computer. Hold on, all right, See that was that was a little See that's my version of of adrenaline as I open all the apps on my computer at the same time. Okay, here's what I Here's what I'm Here's what I'm trying to say is and I look, it's my ship is not as extreme as you know doing meth and heroin, but I understand in a way the basic thing of like, if your brain is not engaged, it's gonna go straight

Like I I've learned that the drugs are not the answer and it's not going to help me and progress me or take me where I want to be in life. So I'm not in a hurry to go back to the drug Like once you get past the withdrawal state, it's really it really gets the mindset and a lifestyle change. Like if you want to keep being a scumbag and hang out with certain people, then you're you're always going to be a part of that life. But if you yourself want to change, it's not that hard. At least

And that's fantastic, it is, and and you should be proud of yourself for that. And I know that was really difficult. But you have a new challenge now. And we have a new challenge now, because look, dude, like this, drive in your motorcycle down one hundred and forty miles p You're gonna fucking you, have you?

I've seen you can only roll the dice so many times.

You can only roll the dice, somebody, and you know this, You can only roll the dice so many times. And so like you went and and also look you went from one high risk crazy activity to another. And so you've already you already know you have within yourself the ability to replace one thing.

Energy somewhere else.

Yes, to direct your energy somewhere else. I don't love the place that you've you've directed it too, but you know that you have that ability, and so I'm just saying we could you could find a different thing to channel that energy into. And maybe, as we've talked about, it's just friends or getting stoned or whatever. Man Like, why don't you just get high and run around in the.

Woods or did that in Alaska? Bro?

That sounds sick.

It was twelve years in Alaska. It was. It was one of the best experiences I've ever had in my life.

Do you feel like you were more stable in Alaska or in Chicago?

It depends what you mean by that, Like financially and mentally stable, Yes, I'm better off in Chicago, but overall happy as a human being, I would happier being a wild, feral animal in Alaska. Like my soul was happy, you know, but I was doing terrible things. I didn't have a roof over my head. Just you get to a certain point that you want different things in my life.

Mm hmm. Man Like, go ahead, now you said you said you do have friends in Chicago, right, Yeah, what what are they like? Do they are they are? Do you you see you're talking about being a bad influence on other people. Do you think other people are ever a bad influence on you?

No? No, no, I'm always the one that's the bad influence. Like, like, so right now, one of my good friends that I'm hanging out is currently is He's Arabic, so he he doesn't drink, he doesn't do alcohol, drugs, he doesn't do any of that stuff. And I can you know, I

Mm hmm, there's something for you. I don't know what it is. I really don't, but.

There's I'm just trying to find it myself.

Okay, I'll hope you find it before you end up on our slash crazy fucking videos. I really I really do, man, I really do. I would be so happy. I would be so happy to hear from you a year from now and you're like, you know what I actually got really into competitive yugi. Oh and now I don't uh kill people with that shadow.

Yeah yeah, see I did the shadow around bust here when I was a teenage m hmm, what is there any if you want? If you want, I will, I will literally contact you one year from today and we can have an evaluation of exact conversation.

Okay, I really seriously, I don't know what. Send me an Instagram thing or whatever a year from now and I'll be like, oh, ship, I'd be happy to hear that you didn't die.

You know, And who knows, maybe I'll find my calling by them, or maybe I'll settle the fuck down. Who knows?

Are you gonna watch the Are you gonna look in the YouTube comments to see if something?

Literally?

Dude with dreadlocks is like, man, come on over to the the Salty Dog Weed Lounge in Chicago. I don't know why. I don't know why I said the Salty Dog but whatever, are you gonna? Are you gonna look for it?

I'm looking right now.

Well, I haven't posted it yet, but I mean, I guess there's.

The comics right now? What what am I? I downloaded the whole app just so I could watch you.

I think a twitch yeah twitch Yeah.

I literally downloaded it app just so I could watch you and call you and follow you.

Bro here, All right, let's do this. I'm gonna I'm gonna take it to the chat real quick chat. Do you have any suggestions of things for deafie to do? I forgot we even we didn't even talk about you being deaf?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm seventy two hearing age.

How are you hearing me right now?

I have really good hearing as that cost forty thousand dollars?

Holy shit? Did you have to like? How did you are you in like medical debt for that?

No? I got help through the state.

That actually cool.

Nobody can Nobody has forty thousand dollars playing around if to hear somebody yell at them?

All right? We got someone said hire a prostitute.

Oh, her name's Betting and she doesn't have any teeth.

Uh.

We got a gun range.

You gotta have a void card in Illinois.

What else we got? We got mountain biking. It's pretty good. How about mountain biking?

Got?

Oh? What about this?

M m A.

I feel like you'd be I feel like you'd be a good.

M M.

A guy like you see it like you could fight?

Oh I do like to fight. But hold on a second. There's some guy named mic m I l o K at eight twenty four. He said, you ride in Chicago and wants to come riding with me, will hit me up? I'm gonna put chat.

Oh Jesus, this is not dude. I'm gonna be I'm gonna be scrolling through Reddit and it's gonna be three guys and they're all gonna get fucked up. I'm gonna be like, damn it. My stream brought these people together to die.

I put my number in the chat. So if you guys ever want to go riding and you're in the Illinois there, kick me up.

Also, also if you're in the if you're in the Illinois area and you run a really cool knitting club and you want to invite that, that would be cool too.

If somebody comes up to me and offers me the knit because of you, I'm gonna do it. Okay, Oh my god, I heard you on the Gato you want to come to and I'll be like.

Fuck yeah, let's do good.

Well, I'm really open minded to anything.

Let me thank you. Let me. Thank you. Were you, by the way, were you born deaf or did you become?

No? All right, so I have I got a rare to view called Kawasaki like the motorcycle, and it gave me a fever of one hundred and six and it melted the hair inside my cochlea.

Holy shit? Yeah, how do you like hear stuff on the Does this make the motorcycle thing even more dangerous?

No? Like I, like I said, I have hearing it and I can't hear. I just can't hear as well as the guy. I'm just like that old guy that's been surrounded by machine his whole life, you know, Like I'm like that like your grandpa. I can kind of hear, but I've just gotta yell a little bit.

Mm okay, hm hm hm, Well, deafie definie, I don't know. Do you wanna do you wanna plug anything to use Instagram or anything like that?

I do have an Instagram. Uh it's at de fie d staying with my Snapchat defu d.

D e a f y d d e a f f y d. Well, if if you live in Chicago and you have some positive non uh keep hearing. Safety that you want to invite definite to go do. Uh? There he is dangerous? Well, definitely is a good yeah, not a non dangerous thing. Or if you know any cool weed Landes hit him up?

Tone, why would donating blood be exciting our fun?

Did somebody in the chat say donating blood?

Yeah, they said donate blood.

Hey, man, don't knock it to you trying any.

Thinking about the Roman Empire.

Uh well, definitely, I'm gonna stop looking at the chat right now, Deffie. I've enjoyed talking to you, man. I really hope that you find something. You seem like a cool guy. I want you to continue to live many years on the earth. Dude, is there anything else you wanted to say or talk about or anything like that? Before we go?

I would just like to leave all your followers and everyone listening that everything does happen for a reason, whether you turn leapt or turn right or ghost or it will choose the next choice in your life. Everything happened for a reason.

Hey.

Also, if I go to Alaska, what should I do? I'm thinking about going there?

Drugs? No, it depends on what part of Alaska are you going to? Are you gonna go? Like take a cruise. Are you going to go to like the island. Are you going to go to like Anchorage? Like? What are you trying to do in Alaska?

Oh?

Probably I want to go to the city and see like cool mountain shit. And all right, if you.

Want to see the city and mountains, I suggest go into Anchorage. And weed is also legal in Alaska, so you can hit up the defense. We grab yourself some shit. I recommend Denally Dispensary right there. It's right there in downtown. And then yeah, and then you can go out to the Eagle River, go hiking up Baldy Mountain and get a beautiful view, smoke some of that awesome ganga and just enjoy.

See you've helped me too, Deffy, because all this week I really was very existential and thinking that, you know, I don't know what else there is left to do in life. But now you've shown me that I can get high in Alaska, which is a reason enough to And if.

You need people for harder stuff or other stuff, just let me know.

Okay, I will thank you definitely.

I got you. You're my favorite.

Hey, you're my favorite. Uh got deaf god you too, man? H I like that guy. I don't know, dude, I I do, I met, but I hate I fucking hate like the whole like going one hundred miles an hour on the highway. I hate it. It's dangerous for you, it's dangerous for other people. It's just such a shit not good thing to do. And it's and it's a

I'm Ash Ash, Nice to meet you, Nice to meet by.

What's that again?

I just learned that you're.

Yeah, yeah, And I learned that you're Ash. There we go. I was I all right, so just some backstorre and you saw this. I was setting up and without fail, everywhere I've gone to set up and do this in Australia, people have come to try to kick me out.

But I was.

And then but that and that woman came.

I saw her. I was ready to I was ready to come and defend. You be like, nah, he's a therapy she.

Well, she was. She was gonna kick me out. And like normally when somebody starts when I see a police officer, I'm just I shut down and I'm like it's over.

Sheficer?

Who was she was?

She's just like power dynamic, you know, she's like male security. Yeah, not even male security. She's like mole. I said that. She's like just like a council worker.

She had a she had a whole, she had a notebook. Yeah, well, I guess it's I guess you can tell if somebody is a real police. Like in America, if some guy has like a big fucking gun, you're like, all right, I gotta stop filming at in front of this KFC or else they'll shoot me in the face.

But a police have guns and tases.

That this would be a really hilarious thing to get taste for. I will say that. I will say that.

The Brisbane City place is the best place.

No, she was cool. She was cool. I mean, but normally, when I see like a security guard, police officer, trying to kick me out. I'm like, I'm like, it's over, it's all. But I was like, I was like, I fucking I've getten kicked out of every single place I've tried to do this in Australia. And I was like, no, I'm gonna fight back this time. I'm gonna fight back this time. And she told me I could be here for twenty minutes, and she told you, yeah, but I

Brisbane's different, like a small where, like a country town.

We'll see, she'll come. Maybe she'll come back and I can convince her to sit down and talk to me. Yes, you should, s Collins. She's not gonna want to. I know that for a fact.

Oh that's okay.

What's up? How's life?

Life's really shit?

Tell me why?

Well, at the moment, I'm trying to find a psychiatrist and I've been told it's a six to twelve months wait, and my doctor thinks I've got psychosis.

Really, why does he think you have psychosis?

Because I'm like really delusional. So seeing a gecko just like, I was like, is this seven real?

Yeah? Right? Right?

That's fun? What are you having delusions about spirits? A lot of spirits at the moment, Okay, And like it's like I'm kind of thinking that, Like I can't believe I'm just talking to you about this. I'm kind of thinking that, like everything is connected and intertwined with like spirits and shit, and I'm terrified, Like there's specific clothing I can't wear because what if, like the spirits are gonna fucking get me.

What are you like the spirit's getting you? What does that mean, Like they're gonna hurt you?

Well, ghosts can't hurt people. Otherwise everyone would probably be dead, right, So how would they even get you? They just get in my head and just make me take my life. M this's got real deep, real fast. No.

I mean you can talk about whatever you want to talk about it if you want to talk about it. Have you ever been visited by like a spirit?

No?

But but at the moment, in the house we live in, me and my partner, I think that there's most certainly a spirit and she just like agrees with me. I'm like, yeah, there's a spirit and she's like, yeah, yeah, I still agree.

Do you think she's agreeing with you out of desire for a lack of conflict or do you think she genuinely thinks there's also a spirit.

I think she's just agreeing with me to like avoid conflict. Like I think that is definitely what it is, which is nice.

So when you went to the doctor and the doctor.

Yeah, I see my doctor every single week.

What did like, what did they tell you about the spirits? Then?

I haven't really told her about it because I don't know how to like approach the subject probably with her, really yeah, because she she's really cool. She's a really amazing lady, and like she sees me every single week, tells me to book appointments and we're trying to avoid putting me on too much medication because I don't agree

You.

I just I hope you take this as a compliment. You're the sanest person on psychosis I've ever met.

That's an honor. That's such a compliment.

Yeah, yeah, I mean because I don't I mean, I don't know. You've been talking to you for two minutes, but you you don't seem crazy.

Yeah.

I got to keep it all together. Yeah, I had to my whole life. I've been suffering with mental health for since for ten years. About mmmm, So.

It's does anything make you happy or make you feel like chill?

Not at the moment, not a lot of things make me feel very happy and chill. Like my partner, she's awesome. She makes me feel really happy and chill, and like reassures me and comforts me. And like going to the movie theaters that like relaxes me. I love watching TV shows on like YouTube and stuff because it takes me into a different world, right right, And like I watch a lot of TikTok, and TikTok kind of feeds into delusions as well.

Okay, I was about to say, because your TikTok algorithm will like kind of show you what you're gonna be glued to. And the thing you're gonna be glued to, I assume is like things confirming that your delusions are real?

Oh yeah, one hundred percent.

Yeah, what kinds of like are you seeing content about like ghosts and shit?

I not really because I try, I try and like not think about it too much, and then I take my I take my meds, and I'm like, okay, it's all good, everything is fine. So I haven't taken my meds today.

Why are you? And but I know, whole personal thing you don't have to talk about if you want to, But like, if you do want to talk about it, why are you against taking your meds?

I think I'm against taking meds because they I think that they're just trying to poison me, to be completely honest, And.

Like when you say they're trying to poison you, do you mean like they are like yours? So you believe that your psychiatrist is like genuinely like malevolent and like out to get you and wants to poison you type of thing.

Well, like, when I have not seen it psychiatrists at the moment, there's a long wait. But when I have seen psychiatrists in the past, they just drugged me up and just turned me into like a dope, which is really hard because like, I don't like being dope. I like to like feel life and live life. But it's really hard to do with meds sometimes.

What what I mean? What a what are you want? Maybe I feel like there's gotta be whatever you say, it is got to be someone in the comments is gonna say something like I was on that before.

I'm on Sarah quill Is, Like I'm on undred milligrams a day, which isn't really a lot, I don't think. And then I'm on another med called mini Press okay, and it's for lowering for blood pressure, but it helps with nightmares because I really really like vivid, vivid dreams

In the dream. Did you did in the dream? Did you do it? Or were you like falsely accused?

No, it's falsely accused. I didn't do it, Which was the weirdest part because I know that I didn't do it.

Tell me about your Do you go to school or work or anything?

Oh no, I can't work? Called doing school at the moment.

When was the last time you did?

I was working like last year and like November December, but like, my mental health just completely took me over. So it was like I was paranoid. The like my boss hated me. So it made the problems for me at work. And then I ended up ended up just having mental health days every single week and just not coming back. I ended up ended up going into work. I brought my shirt in and I told her. I was like, I'd like to talk to you. This is

I okay, I want to tell you about this, and this might this might be ignorant, but like in this moment right now, as I am talking to you, as I'm looking at you, you're like and even when I was talking to you before the camera's rolling, you were like smiling, and you seemed like and you're very socialable and you're very like, you know, uh good at like presenting. You say you feel, you feel it feels like you're here, like if you feel it seems you feel very present.

Yeah, if that makes sense. Yeah, and so.

I guess I'm trying to do you feel that way about yourself? Oh no, not at all, Okay, because I see that.

Because for me, I'm like, I'm like, like I feel like I'm on another planet right now. I look at myself and like, oh, like feel myself on a TikTok or whatever. Yeah, and I'll be like, I don't even know who the fuck that is.

Tell me about what are the other relationships you have besides just your partner, Like are you equal with your parents? Your friends?

My dad acts like a twenty year old's stating a twenty nine year old at the moment. Okay, so that's really weird. And he tells me about it. I was like doing MDMA and how I should come out and how he's having all these three ways, and I'm like, wow, okay, wow, thanks dad, love that.

Yeah.

Thanks calling your mom?

Yeah, things are right with my mom. She just I don't really like my stepdad.

Okay.

Sorry.

Now you have your friends, your homies, Yeah.

I've got a lot of friends.

Okay, cool. Oh yeah, I.

Think I've got a lot of friends because all my friends understand and like how bad my mental health is. So like I've been a shitty friend and I've been a shitty partner and I know that and I can acknowledge that, but like they stick around because like they know that I I'm not They know that I'm not good at isolate a lot, and I like don't see my friends for months, if not your years.

I don't know.

It's hard and it gets really hard for my partner.

How long have you been with your partner for?

We've been together? What lit?

How drunk are you at fucking four pm?

Smash?

I'll just smashed to four packs of four wood sorts? All right?

Nice?

Nice, Yeah dude, we did it. What are you? What are you doing out on the town.

To go to the mid tonight?

The Mets A shithold, mate, I can't be fun on the way to Goldie, I'm saying, in Brisbane tonight.

Mate, then go to like prohibitions.

I've got the Meriton. You know the Meritan just ran near the corner from the Met. Yeah, That's where I'm saying tonight, and comba the frog is coming.

What's where? What's what's the Meraton?

It's just a hotel.

Oh okay, where are you? Where are you from? Where are you from?

I'm from the Meriton, but I'm going to the met tonight and me and fucking comit the frog?

Are you coming to pick up some are you? Are you? Are you? Are you here alone?

Mate?

Now?

I'm here to I'm meeting up with a mate at south Bank soon, but I'm just getting smashed before tonight.

Mate, How are you going to make it out?

He asked?

How?

He asked? How you're gonna make it out?

How am I gonna make it out?

Yeah?

The only way that I'm going to make it out was the kermit frog magician.

Mate, that actually makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, yeah, can you help me to.

Not he's my wingman, he's my wingmen?

Are you talking to I'll mate?

Yeah? Well? Wait? How many? How? What? How many beers have you had today?

I've had I've had too four packs of two percent of wood socks.

How many percentage drinks are they I've had?

Wait? What do you mean?

Like? How many standard drinks is in one?

Two?

And I've had.

So that count? That's about it? That's to four? Everybody? Everybody here is doing math to see how up this goes? What's your what's your name?

Man?

From? What's what's your dream? In life?

Dream?

And life is to get a job? Mate?

You've got a job. I don't know if this is going to help you.

I've got to jomp into view on Wednesday for a warehouse job.

Good money?

Oh cool man? What? What what's the what's the We've only just got in a jail us. Oh what were you? What were you doing in jail?

Fucking some bad things that I can't mention?

Yeah?

Can you tell us one?

I did some armed robberies?

Should have do that? What?

I've just spent two years?

I did a year and a half in New South Wales jail, came up to Queensland for four days, just did ten months.

Just got a gel and Arfa.

Gory, Arthur gory. That's a ship.

I being in.

Jail since I was eighteen, just got out and I'm parting hard.

What do you have a what's what's the so? So? What's the warehouse like? Is it?

Ah? No?

No, I've got a job interview on Wednesday for the warehouse job.

I don't know. It's for packing aluminion and other stuff.

Oh, okay, are you excited? Are you happy to be out of jail?

I'm fucking excited, bro, so I can get some money in my pocket.

Nice man, what's your like?

It's like he's got a fucking Acri bracelet on right the la Wait what's that on your leg?

Can't what was it?

Oh? Yeah, he's got an ankle breas TV mate.

What's DVO Domestic Violet sorder?

Oh jesus, what is it for?

Oh?

Bruh.

I think I think it's just I think he just sprained his ankle.

Yeah, they don't worry about the Joel antics mate.

What how are you like? Are you trying to stay out of jail? Do you think you'll be able to stay out this time?

I'm trying to stay out of jail.

Okay, good because I want to change my life and actually do something rot good because ever since twenty eighteen, I've been going in and out of jail. Sin soul was twenty eighteen, so I've been going in out of jail for the last six years.

What do you want to what do you want to do to make things right?

I want to get a job, I want to pay tax and fuck the matrix.

Mighte fuck the matrix.

What's stuck in the matrix? Mate?

I know what's your what's your plan? What's your plan to to get out of the matrix? One?

My plan is to get out of the metric is to make a load of money, save a load of money, and join Andrew Tight's team.

Jesus, come on, man, you're going back to come on him, come on, listen, can before we go? I thank you. I genuinely hope that you achieve your goal of turning it all around. I want to turn for I hope you do. I really do, and I hope I hope.

You because fuck crime, fuck drugs by drugs, have a good one.

Alcohol is a drug.

She got it? Oh, never really gonna kicks out? All right, thank you, thank you, it's it's sorry, it's all right, it's all right, it's all right. Looks have a good one. Yeah you too, man, take.

Care, Okay, that's enough.

Ken Is that that might be one of the spirits. That's definitely, that's definitely one of the that's definitely one of the spirits. Does that? Oh man, I don't even know. I don't even know where to be, where to begin, I.

Don't even know what to say that. I'm speechless. Yeah, Andrew tait comment got me. That really got me.

I feel you know, I don't know because I want. I love for that guy to wake up in the morning and be like, oh ship, I really gotta not do that.

He's gonna oh yeah.

I want him because I think within him he genuinely does maybe want to turn it around, but he's misguided.

Yeah, he's very misguided. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's okay. Everyone can change.

I think so too.

Fucking hell, man, are you okay?

Oh?

I feel great?

You feel great?

Yeah?

I feel great. I felt The only thing is that that lady is watching us right now. But I'm gonna keep Yeah no, don't don't look at keep again.

Okay, so good, so good?

But yeah, what were we talking about before that guy came? I don't even remember.

I don't even remember, babe, Do you remember what we were talking about?

That guy's crew. That guy's not even didn't even sound like he's Australian. It sounds like he's.

From He's Oh that's what a bogan is.

I've been hearing that. I've been hearing that.

I've been hearing that bogan same sort of way.

Playing let's see, Oh we were talking about you. What you know. What it's funny is I guess, I guess. What I've learned from the past ten minutes or so is like, if you look, if you take anything away from this experiment, is no matter how bad you feel like you're doing, you're doing better than that. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm doing Yeah yeah. I haven't been in and out of jail for five years.

Do you how do you? How do you feel? Ash?

I feel like I need to take my meds and have a sleep good again the other night.

Can I can I see it later? I can't do it right now?

Consent?

I said, Oh, that's meaning TikTok from a famous to.

Last Do you need a medal? Well, I'm not giving you one.

Cool to a real echo?

Get get Yeah, dude. It's like it's like the thing on your on your thing.

He's posing as an echo, but he's meant to be comit the frall.

I think he's siguatededly is maybe killed by mental health.

Now we don't don't do that. Don't do that, don't do that. Well, Ash, you're doing Ash. I think you're doing great. I think you're doing great. Dude, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Everything's a choice. So it that's it.

Nice to meet you, Ash, Thank you for talking to a GEcho. I appreciate it, of course, have a good day. Hey it's me again, And I just wanted to say that if you want to listen to that full listen to all the interviews that I did in Brisbane, Australia outside of that burger king, you can go to YouTube dot com slash Lyle forever, or just go click the link in the episode description and you can find the full video there. All right, that's it. That's the end. I kind I kind of I'm gonna be. I don't

Goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. The repin Can goes to what his ride's teaching you about in Every Life, but he's not really an expert.