Hello, Hello, Hi, did you like just take a bong rip?
No?
Do I sound high? Well?
No, you to You opened up the call by well, I mean, actually yes, now that you do sound high, but you also you sound high, and you started off the call by taking a coughing fit.
No, I'm not high.
That sounded like crying just now.
Actually, no, this is just so funny. I'm just so nervous.
Oh, okay, don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. This is funny. This is objectively funny. You are on the phone with a guy in a gecko costume. It's funny. I'll admit me.
This funny.
It's if you're in a funny situation.
Right now.
We're both in funny situations. Right now. I'm wearing a gecko costume on the phone with a random guy. This is pretty funny. I agree with that, Gwenna. It says here that it says here that you are thinking about committing yourself to celibacy, and you wanted to talk through that. Why are you thinking about committing yourself to celibacy? Dwayne?
All right, So should I just get right into it.
Recently, I've just been I've just been having a lot more, like a lot more sex, you know, and like it's it's actually crazy because the thing is, so I'm I'm nineteen, right.
I When I was in high school, I was like really fucking ugly, you know, and I didn't really have a whole lot of sex. But then like a few months after I graduated high school, you know, I started hooking up more and then maybe a little bit more, and like the last like I would say, six to eight months, you know, I've just been like hooking up so much and it's actually and it's crazy, you know what I mean. And the thing is I hate it, you know, like I hate it.
Let me, can I answer you a question?
Yeah?
Yeah, actually you know what I feel like you give me a top line right now. I want to finish your top line and then I have questions.
All right, So I hate it, you know. But like the thing is, like I just this is gonna sound so weird, but like I love I love the way sex feels, and I'm actually like really good at it. Like it's it's so it's so funny, Like it's actually crazy. I've just been having a lot more sex lately, and
I just I kind of hate it. You know like it's actually I just I hate it, Okay, Like it's the point where it's going to the point where like I'll be like driving home after like I'm done looking up with someone, and like I'll just be on the ridge of tears, you know what I mean, because I'm like, damn, like what am I doing with myself? Like am I really just going out and just doing all this for me?
Because it's meaningless, you know, like I'll never hit up the person after, or maybe we'll talk one more time after, but that's pretty much it, you know, like that's the only interaction I'll have, and you know, I just feel like shit, you know, like it's it's it's wild.
So how you said you've been kind of doing this for eight months?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, like the last I would say, like the last eight months, I've been doing it a lot more.
Okay, So tell me how long into At what point in that eight month period do you realize that you hated it?
Uh?
I first realized this maybe like three weeks ago. I was hooking up with this one person. And the thing that made me start to hate it more was she actually had a boyfriend and he called he like he called her like right, like while we're in the middle of like hooking up, right, we're fucking, and like when we're done, she's like, oh shit, Like that's like my boyfriend called him, like, oh shit, you have a fucking boyfriend. And at that moment I would just sort of realize.
I was like, damn, like I really like that. That's the moment I realized, like I I just hated hooking up with people. And so recently, like within like the last few I would say, last few days, I would I recently started considering maybe I should, you know, like commit myself to celibacy, not not not for like not forever, not forever or anything, but like until I find until I know, until I am in a long term relationship, you know.
Okay m hm. So you said you at some point recently were hooked up with someone and you were driving home and you started crying, like it got that bad.
I was on the Virgin tiars. I was on the Virgin Tiars.
Can I hear like when you were on the verge of tears, what like what were you thinking? What were you feeling?
I was just thinking how much I hated myself, Like how well I don't want to say hated myself, but like how much I felt like like an object? I guess okay, I don't really know, Like I just felt so bad because it was just a meaningless interaction that I had, and I kept doing it, you know, and I'm like, why am I doing this? It's just like there's just nothing there, you know, but I'm still doing it, and that sort of just made me feel I feel like that.
You know.
Let me ask you this. You were going on a little bit ago before I yelled at you about talking to the chat about talking about how you liked doing it, because you gave me a few things. You said you didn't feel confident in high school. You're more confident now. You were telling me that you felt like you were good at it. There was amazing thing.
Yeah, So in high school or like actually like the I don't want to say, just high school, like the vast majority of my life except within like the last like a litt less than a year, like the last year or so, I was I've been like really unconfident.
I was I'm not gonna I was really ugly, really like really nerdy, you know, and now like now I'm much more attractive now, I have more confidence, you know, so all those things that weren't available for me, you know, I eat sex, all that that, like that that wasn't available for me.
Now I mean, are you available?
Because like it's not like I have like women to pick and choo from, but like, oh now I have more of an opportunity to have sex, you know what I mean?
Sure? And so now you're feeling are you feeling as though you are like making up for lost time or trying to take heavy advantage of this this newfound confidence in how you look? Is that a sort of a symptom of this?
Yeah? Yeah, because what if it goes away? You know, like what if I'm never gonna have this opportunity to have sex again or like have But like that's what part of me is thinking, and like the other part of me is thinking, like, but I don't want to have all this meaningless that.
Why did you when you were and you can tell me whatever, The honest answer to this is why did you want to bring up that you felt like you were good at it? How does that?
Like? I just thought that was funny, But like I'm not, like I'm pretty good. I like I like to think I'm pretty good at it. But that's just that's just that's just my opinion, you.
Know, Okay, I like to think. I'm like, so this is like this is like a validation. Is this like a validation thing? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, because I didn't have that, you know, I never had that validation all of my life actually, except that at this point I'm like, oh now people are attracted to me, Now people want me. This is great, right, But no, it's actually not great.
And what it's and you know what's funny is that, like you think that like having sex with a bunch of people like gets you the validation. It's not going to get you the fact, because the validation is the actual true validation. We it's never going to come from anywhere except you know, something very internal. I think I stupid, but.
No, I agree with you because I had a lot of friends that that, you know, when we were seniors in high scho well, they you know, started having a lot more sex and they were like and they felt the same way. They were like because I, you know, I was like the last one of my friend group to lose my virginity and they were like doing trust me,
like it's it's not worth it. Like you don't want this, and I'm like, all my friends are actually like they're they're really gorgeous, you know, like they're all super handsome, they're incredibly good looking. So I'm like, you know, well, of course you can say that because you can have literally anyone you want. Literally look in the mirror like you're so hot, you know, but I'm not, you know what I mean. And then now I'm at that point
where I'm realizing, Damn, they're kind of right. You know what's crazy, Lyle, Every every girl, every know, every person that I've had sex with, I've met off a dating app, like I've never It's it's so wild.
Kay, I have to I have to bring something up right.
I have to bring something up right now that I think about that I really want to draw attention to I'm imagining right now, I'm a mad and maybe this is whoever's is I'm imagining right now somebody who never has sex, like a young I'm imagining right now, a young dude who never has sex that's listening to this call and is pissed off at you, and let me finish about this is who's upset and they're set and they're thinking like, oh, easy for you to say, Oh,
you just came into brag with this and that, and I'm imagining it, and I want to just say, if that's you and you're listening to this right now, you have to under like the fact that you're coming on here and you're saying, I am a young, attractive dude and I'm having a ton of sex and I'm and it's not the fucking answer. Isn't that what you would want to hear If you're a young guy hung up on not having sex with anyone? What don't you want
to hear from somebody? Wouldn't you want to hear from someone, Oh, hey, I actually have the thing that you're obsessed with. Like I I I I have lost my virginia. I have the thing that you're obsessed with, and it is it wasn't the answer to the problems that you think it's the answer to. Isn't that what you would want to hear? I I you know, so we're all on this consensus that this thing that's held in such a high regard, which is having sex with what, it's not the answer,
is not the answer. So I wanted to bring that up. This is a thing because I'm.
I'm thinking about it somebody.
Who doesn't have sex with a lot of people that's that's listening to this, and it's just like that's what you would want to us, ask anyone thing that you're fixated on is really not the fucking thing IN need to fixate on. But back to you.
Yeah, And now I'm at this point where I'm like, maybe I should just stop, you know, because the last time I had sex was just a few days ago, and I was just out of it the whole time, you know, like I was not into it, Like I was not into her at all, Like I was just like the whole time, I was just like damn, Like in my mind, I was just thinking, damn, what the actual fuck am I doing right now? Like I should just stop. So I was just like, hey, can we stop? And then like I left, and now I came to
that realism. Now I came to that really I was told I was telling you about earlier. I'm like, maybe I should just commit myself to celibacy until you know, like I find a long term partner or until I find someone who I want to who I really want to be with. You know.
Well, yeah, man, I think just.
This emotionless emotion this emotionless, this meaningless, emotionless sex is just draining me mentally, you know, like I I hate it.
Well, well, Dwayne Man, I think that if hm, if that's what you feel like you should do, you should do it.
Yeah, you're you're right, I should.
Oh, No, I gave so I told. I said, I wasn't going to give I said, I wasn't going to tell people to do.
But no, no, no, I was. I was already gonna I was going to do this. I was to do that. I just wanted a second opinion.
You know, well, Dan, I'm glad to hear that you have sort of self diagnosed your your problem and are making uh an effort to to fix it. And I and again I like I, like I said, when I'm telling you about how I'm thinking about somebody who who does not have a lot of sex and that that takes up a lot of their headspace I'm imagining, I'm
like thinking about this call from their filter. And I think it's a helpful thing you sharing this experience, because again, it adds further evidence to the idea that you know, the solution to life's problems likely does not here I go. I'm saying some hippie ship that the solution to life's
problems does not lie in anything external. Yeah, but adds on your podcast if if, if the solution to life's problems doesn't lie in anything external, because I like buying candy bars in bulk and eating all of them because it helps me forget about my problems for a little bit.
Well, I just wanted to say thank you. I appreciate it. I'm a plat the stream and feel like I watch it. I watch it most most most things, and I was once affections.
Thank you for calling Dayne? Is the anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
No, I just want to say thank you and uh yeah, thank you. I appreciate it.
But see, this would be a great place to put a podcast ad right here. Hello while the Hi? Yeah, who is this?
This is Leroy?
How's it gone? Leroy?
Good?
How are you doing tonight?
I'm a gecko on the computer?
Man?
How can I how can I get you this evening?
Well?
I I have an issue that I'm kind of upstanding about.
Sorry.
You might hear my cat in the background. He's a bit annoysy yeah. Yeah, I'm up sick because I want to be your friends in like a real life, genuine human chicken on each other way. But I understand that that's like a parasocial friends fantasy because you I I like the portrayal you put forward of yourself on the internet.
It's true, it's true. Is that it? I don't know if you're done talking?
Yes, yeah, that's it.
See it's interesting. I've I barely even I barely even hang out with my own with my friends in real life. To be honest, I guess I don't. I don't do friends the way that most people do. Maybe I don't know if that's true. No, that's probably not true. But anyway, let's see, you want to be friends with me, but you feel as though it is it is impossible. Well like, okay, you live in New Zealand, right.
Do Yeah?
See you know, look, I feel like I'm I'm not a good like. I think the fantasy that we would text each other all the time and like, you know, be really major parts of each other's lives is almost certainly not going to happen. But I don't know. If I go to New Zealand, it's un realistic. But if I go to New Zealand, I do a show, I'm hanging out afterwards. You know, maybe maybe we'd hang out. I could hang out with anyone, because hanging out is
like a it's an easy or real commitment. There like I can't be in your life and I can't even promise you i'd hang out with you because you live in New Zealand's but I'm thinking my head. If I ever went to New Zealand, I did a show, was hanging out at the bar afterwards, we did a whole thing. We could hang out. We could have a genuine human conversation with each other. I could see that happening. I would be I would enjoy that. Actually that would be fun.
But no, there's no I don't think that we would become any sort of close lasting friends, even if you are for many reasons, not had many many reasons that have nothing to that have nothing at all to do with who you are as a person. Does that make sense?
Yeah, Like, even just logistically, it's not a match made in heaven. I think I think the the just meeting and having a human conversation would probably satisfy you was crazy.
A lot you could you could be like the perfect kind of dude that I would be friends with, and we still I still wouldn't. I don't think it would happen because for many just logistical reasons.
Yeah, yeah, it's it's a frustrating thing with celebrities in general, I think because they share, like they bear their soul and the art they share with us, and you feel like you know them, but then like, yeah, it's obvious that there's a stand up there at the stop where if you're a fan of them, you can even really have a genuine human friendship because you're always chasing the image not the reality.
And it's funny, you know, it's funny, is I am? This isn't even a thing of like you know, streamer viewer thing. I think just in my life, I'm like, I'm very non committal with most of my relationships, be they you know, any kind, and I'm very much like I'm if I'm with you, Like if you and I were staying at a bar and we were talking to each other, I'd be like, Okay, in this moment that I'm staring at you and we're with each other, I'm with you right now. We're homies. But I only I
can only ever guarantee the moment. You know what I'm saying, I can only even with my real life friends, I feel like I can only ever guarantee the moment. You know, I feel like I can't, Like I couldn't commit to a package of six consecutive weekends that I'll hang out with my real life friends. You know what I'm saying, I can only commit to the moment that I'm in.
I don't know if that's a problem. I don't know if that's a function the way that I live my life, but that's how I feel about my real life friends as well.
I feel like that's kind of beautiful, though, because that teaches you to say everything you're living for the exact now that you're experiencing, instead of chasing something that might be better that probably isn't.
Yeah, for sure, for sure, I like having this conversation with you so much more than if I were just like, yeah, of course I'll be a friend, because that's I don't want to lie to you.
Yeah, I'm genuinely really grateful for the moment we're sharing now, Like I've just had a day off work and decided to pull in and thought, oh, there's no way. And then I'm talking to you now, which doesn't feel real, but I'm great.
It's true.
We're in that we are with each other in this moment right now. I can promise I cannot promise a moment outside of this one, but I can promise to be in this phone call that we are on currently.
Hmmm.
I really like that. This is a it's it's it's a memory that I'm currently creating but already cherishing.
I canna ask you this, why have you Is there anything that you that like, let's say we were, you know, lifelong friends, right what uh? What is there anything you would want to talk about like now that like we're in this moment currently.
I I I like what you said before about the sharing moments of people. I like the friendships where we can comfortably together in a room doing completely separate things, but just merely sharing the space with the person feels like the bonding experience.
Yeah, kind of, it does kind of feel like what we're doing right now, because you're in a different, complete, other continent and yeah, we're just sitting here on the phone.
Yeah, it's like we're in We're in completely like we're probably about as Parley from each other as we could be, but we're both focused.
On you know, the person I like that.
Do you have a Do you have a lot of friends in real life?
Laurie uh Leroy and I I have. I have a couple of very close screams and then a lot of friends.
You know, have you ever heard the parts?
And a lot of people I see really.
From the guy and he's like, sometimes if somebody gets too friendly with me, I'll call them by the wrong name. I didn't do that intentionally, but I had that Sorry you were you were saying real things to me, and I interrupted it said, stupid things you were telling me about your friends in real life?
Yeah, I have a I have a small handful of very close screams that I would like share secrets and being my soul worth. And then a lot of people that I see very regularly that I enjoy seeing and I think, I guess you could call them friends for this the people I really I enjoy seeing, not someone i'd go to.
And are you satisfied with the friendship sphere of your life currently?
I am. I reflect on that sometimes of like, I'm I'm happy with my circle, and that doesn't mean it's closed, but the people that I have are quite cope.
I like that.
I like that.
Well, fuck all right, ship, maybe if I come to New Zealand's maybe we can maybe maybe we can hang out.
Yeah, I'd love to hang out.
Okay, all right, we can. We'll figure that out. I'm gonna try. Well, I'm going to Australia. Don't know how far that is. Come there, let me make it.
It's it's it's like a three hour flat okay, depending on where in Australia you.
Go, Lauria. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
No, I've been in a completely favorite room to where I had the string going. Just talken to here. But I don't want to say thank you to your sharing this moment with me. This is I I never expected it and it's been really facial.
Hey, thanks for sharing this moment with me as well. Hopefully I'll see you when I go down under. That sounded sexual, hopefully, but actually it did. It'sunded sexual. After I said that, thank you for calling is it Lee Roy? Leroy?
Lee Roy?
Think of calling Leroy?
Thank you?
Lyle? Sorry?
Kick you know what, Leroy? I feel like we reached a level in our relationship where if you truly desire, you can call me Lyle Hello, Hey, Hi is this Liz.
If you'm not Secrifer Elizabeth?
But that's okay, What's what's going on with you? How can I get you today?
Well, about a month ago or so, I had friends that just called me on a whim and were like, Hey, do you want to jump out of an airplane with me? And I was like yes, So I met that we like met halfway from where we lived, and we jumped out and it was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
Honestly.
It was like I'm an adrenaline junkie and I almost bailed and then I did it, And like, ever since then that the rest of my life has just been.
Like really boring.
Okay, so you went skydiving and then ever since, your rest of your life has been very boring.
Correct.
So, and I had like not loved my job and like actually working towards getting my dive master in scuba diving to like potentially dabble in that.
The problem is.
The biggest problem is like I maybe you know, I'm make a ton of money at my job, but I would make a lot more than I do in any other way. And my husband just bought a business, so like all of my money is there. So I'm like having this struggle of like do I stay with my corporate job that is so boring, that's the feeling, or but then I can't find a plan to get where I want?
If that makes sense, tell me what it is that you want. Where are you trying to get to?
I mean, honestly, like best case scenario. I mean, honestly, the best case scenario would be to like marry rich and that I could just do what I want. But the last I married ambition, and that's someone's out.
You married, you married, you tried to get in early. You married someone with the potential to get rich, right.
So then you know, it turns out he's like a socialist and believes in like creating his company and he is like employee owned and sharing all the profits with the employees.
So, oh my god, I don't know you You you married the wrong guy if you're looking to get I know.
So we're gonna let that one ride for a couple more years and see how that played out. So which means I need to come up with a plan.
Okay, yes, so you're gonna let that one ride, see how it plays out, and in the meantime, you're gonna come up with a plan. Okay. So I mean, listen, Liz, what what do you want to do with your time?
I mean, I just want to feel like I'm contributing positively, Like right now I'm literally a number and like I help a lot of people, but the people that tech I mean, I'm just like I'm a pawn in a corporate corporation in it. Yeah, it feels horrible.
Mm hmmmm. Okay, So again listen, We're we we know what you don't want to do. Uh, we know you don't want to be a cog in the courtor machine. But what do you want to do?
Lives?
I mean, if I could really do anything, it would be if like skydiving instructor.
Like.
I'm you know, dive scuba diving instructor, but that would require moving to the ocean and again business. I just I want to do something where I feel like I'm making an impact so like and pays me well, so that I can do all the time.
Well, if you're a skydiving instructor, I would hope you're not making an impact.
A good one.
Okay, So you want to make an impact. I mean, what else? What else? What are some things that you feel like you could do to make an impact?
I mean, here's the problem. There's a million things that I could do to make an impact. And I'm sure, like in a lot of ways. Whatever, It's just that I have, like my securities, licenses, like my so I do, like work in the financial industry. It just took me so long to get here. So it's like all of the things that I wanted to do that I would want to do would be I guess it's the fear of starting over. I think it's really my biggest ruddle.
Like this would require me going a night class, is not doing anything except hustling, and it would take me like another five years, right, and then.
Well, can I say I have I mean, it sounds it doesn't It sounds like the only way forward is to start over. Right. If you're it is in this job that you don't like, I mean, you could either start over or you know, be unhappy for the next you know, sixty years just pushing paper and doing your financial job. So, I mean, starting over is really the only chance you have it doing a thing that will make you remotely happy.
No.
I mean the flip side is because the job is easy. There is zero stress, and I make decent money because like do I just suck it up and ride the corporate train and like that pays me to do like I can afford to do the things that I want to do.
Does your job have flexibility?
I kind of like they just started telling us, like we have to signal our break now.
You know, so do you can you make money?
Like?
All right, these things that you say you're don't have to start over doing, like being a skydive a instructor or scuba instructor, Like can you not pursue these things while you are still employed with the financial company?
Right? And I totally can. It's just then it ends up in a place where I'm qualified to make not very much money, but I have a lot of fun.
You should all you should try to brainwash your husband into becoming a capitalist and that way you can still kind of have that as a backup in case if none of this works.
I know, I think could happen.
He owns a bike shop, Like it's here back.
I feel like, how rich can you really get owning a bike shop.
You can't there, we.
Like he can, he can.
You know, we get a lot of discounts on the side, Like we're big matain bikers, you know.
Him do that kind of thing, So we get all the discounts on that too, which helps the game care well.
I don't know if being rich and getting discounts on bicycles are the same thing, but they are. It's not nothing, right, but just to.
Like a little side bar here. While I was on with Brie, shout out to Brie, Happy birthday, Bres. She we kind of had a chat about it because I think she's having similar feelings about not.
Being airscreen collar but for other occupation. And we came to the conclusion that I should just learn to be a mermaid.
Learned. I don't know if being a mermaid is something that you can learn how to do. I think you have to be born.
That is that were you born at?
Get go.
Touche uh li. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
No, that was it, but yeah, thank you, thanks for calling.
Thanks man.
I hope I hope that that woman either gets a new job or divorce or I don't know whatever it is that'll make her happy in life. Hello, Hello, what's up?
All right?
That was not you? Try that was what's that was not anything? That was the That was not even a noise?
Did you?
I said, all right, all right, you started with not a noise and then we got to a noise. I feel like we are on an upward trajectory towards words, perhaps even sentences.
Yeah, those developed perhaps could happen.
Okay, what is your name?
I am Dakota.
You are Dakota. Okay, that's a full sentence. Yeah, I was right. We did it.
We got there.
What's going on with you, Dakota?
Uh No, I just got a new job and I'm just just working at the moment. That's all I got. I mean, nothing crazy going on.
That's not true. You called and to talk to me about something, didn't you.
Well?
Yes, but that's it was.
In the past.
Okay. What is it the I called in today?
I called in today to talk about my my ex that believe that porn was cheating. That was her her theory, and the whole time she had this theory, I was watching porn behind her back. So some would say I was cheating.
Hm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mm hmmm. Okay, how long did you do it this person for?
Uh, I'm gonna I'm gonna round up and say four years.
You had her for four years and the whole time you were watching porn.
Uh yeah, I mean there's likely there's like three months where I.
Wasn't Okay, how deep into the relationship that she said? Did she tell you that she believes that watching porn was cheating.
I'm gonna say a solid like two months into it, and like it just came up in a conversation and she was like, uh, you know, I don't really like it. I think it paints women in negative light. I was like, yeah, I agree, you know, and she's like, I don't feel comfortable with you watching it. Okay, I'll stop watching it. And then but she came up another time and she talked about it, and I was like, I mean, yeah, I still watch it, and then she started crying. Yeah.
Mm so I mean, okay, look, every relationship they're cheating is not some like objective, standardized metric across the world, you know. I mean people argue about this all the time. They're like, is dancing with someone cheating? Is flirting with so much the answer, and some there are there are some relationships where the couples have decided that each other can have sex with other people and that's not cheating,
and then that's that's on one side okay. And then on the other side of the spectrum, there are are couples who have decided that, such as in your case, watching porn is cheating, and so it's really up to the people in the relationship to set their own standards of what they're cool with and the quota. Listen, ah am, you know, undeniably there was a boundary set, and undeniably you did knowingly break that boundary.
That is that is a hard truth.
Except yes, how did you guys talk about this? What was the conversation?
Like, uh, you know, it was it was a long time ago, but it was just you know, normal at first, and like, I don't know, just came up into conversation talking about like porn and just saying she does not like it, she is not like people watching it. She thinks it's terrible. But then there's also that time like recently, like before the breakup, she was like, oh, you know, I'm making only fans, Like why not so she would dive into porn herself. But when it watch it, I don't. I don't know.
Okay, Uh, well, I mean listen, what none of that stuff, whether or not she would say she makes an only fans. I mean, listen, the girl told you point blank. So can I listen to Kota? I think here's next time what you should do. Okay, if you start a relationship with someone and they're like, okay, if we are going to be in an exclusive relationship, if we have decided I'm your girlfriends, you're my boyfriend's vibes, and we are writing the contract of our relationship, and I'm letting you
know that I want this in the contract. I'm communicating that to you. If at the time that contract is being written you disagree adamantly with that that clause that she would like to be in the contract, You've got to make that clear ahead of time.
Okay, what is your thoughts on all of this? Well, there's another aspect to it.
I mean, tell me the other answer.
Putting out she was not putting out like we're twenty, you know, I feel like at this ripe age, we should be you know, experimenting, we should be you know, doing all these things and that was just not happening for weeks on end.
Sure, I was just always less and and Dakota, listen, it's okay if you're in a relation. It's okay if you're in a relationship and like you want to have sex and the other person doesn't want to have sex. You're not a villain for wanting to have sex. But you got to leave that if you got to leave that relationship, like at that time, you can't just be like staying in it and trying to get your way
while you're in it. Like if if if sex is important to you and the other person doesn't want to, just just find a different thing, you know, instead, you're like wasting this person's time. This person Like it's it's okay to call it quits if you're not getting what you desire out of the relationship.
But like.
It was not like a siding factor of relationship, Like I'm just it was just another aspect to it that she was not you know, it felt like she didn't like me, Like because it wasn't happening a lot, so.
Can why did you stay so long if it really just seems like it wasn't working out between you guys.
Uh, because it was I mean it was like I can't say that it was a deciding factor, but it was just I was, you know, followed her out of college like all this just we were living together. Like it was just really deep into it.
Okay, so you were really deep into a thing that was not working.
It was there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Like I can't say that, like there was nothing, nothing wrong with relationship that it was just you know, I was watching porn behind the back. That's the main thing that I was doing.
I was wrong.
What do you are you dating anyone now, Dakota?
Uh? Not currently?
You know, man, listen, I think like if you could take away something from this experience as you navigate your relationships in the future, It's like, dude, if a thing is not working, it just sounded like this relationship was not working for you. But okay, I'm gonna give my
thing of this. It's sounded like this relationship was not working for you, but you didn't want to leave because you were quote into deep and so instead of leaving because you're in too deep, you were like navigating to like figure out a way to get at what you desire. While still staying in it, which was like just next time, just leave next time. If it's not working out, just lea save both of you guys time and energy and leave. It's you're never in too deep. Okay, you don't own her,
she doesn't own you. Things are be be be If you're gonna be in a relationship, be in it until it doesn't work out. If it's not working out, just leave. Why would you stay because you're quote into deep? That doesn't make sense to.
Me, Like I I'm not like saying that I was, you know, sticking with her, like because I was in too deep, Like I had a lot of a lot of love for that girl. But she that this is like not like the deciding factor of our relationship of why it ended, Like it was her deciding that she needs to find herself and figure out what she wants life. Okay, good for her, Yeah, yeah, good, it is good for her. But it wasn't the truth. But you know, it's good that she saved my heart by.
What what do you mean? It was in the truth, Like she's.
Not really like looking for to find herself because she told me she was like trying to find a relationship already like two weeks after you broke up, like she was already talking to another dude from her class.
Maybe talking to the other dude from her class was in her definition of finding herself part of that journey. But also at that point, but also but also at that point, when she tells you that and it becomes over, you no longer need to be dissecting the truthfulness of her statements. You know, at that point you should be moving on with your life.
I definitely have. I definitely have since then.
How long ago is this?
Uh May of this year?
Hmm?
Okay, what's next for you, Dakota? What are you doing in your life.
Currently?
I like moved so, I like moved from my hometown six hours away to follow this girl college, and then now I moved an hour away from that spot, and I'm just you know, looking for I'm in college right now, so I'm just I'm taking a gap year and then going back to college because I couldn't apply to the same one I was going to because leaving.
Listen, what I'm saying here is, you know, so much fucking easier said than done. Like, I very much empathize with the idea of being into deep too and that making you scared to make certain decisions. But I hope from this thing that you learn better to recognize as soon as you can when you are quote into deep and make the proper decision that saves you and the other person some time.
Okay, Okay, that's fair?
Does that? How do you feel about this conversation that we have had. I'm genuinely curious.
I feel I feel, you know, I've learned a lesson for sure. That's no. I feel like I've I've gained something out of this.
Okay, good, Good, Dakota. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Uh, hold on to your forever, like as long as possible. Like that's it doesn't last as long as you wanted to. That's all I gotta say.
Thank you for calling Dakota.
Thank you.
Fucking Dakota. Was it said here? He was twenty? It sounded like maybe it was one of his first relaceships. I don't know. I don't I shouldn't be saying things like that. I shouldn't be assuming information, But yeah, I guess it can be scary when you feel as though you are in too deep into something to leave it. But fuck, man, sometimes you get your got you got to, you got to for, if not for your own sake, for the sake of the other people involved in the thing,
you know. And I hope that girl did go on to uh fucking find herself and find whatever it is, if it's a relationship with somebody who is on the same wavelength with her about porn and about things like that, or if it's spending some time by herself, whatever it is, I hope. I hope she found her thing. I hope the Coda finds his thing and they both live happy, productive lives as human beings on the earth. I am a gecko. Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi, how are you?
I'm good? How are you?
What's what's going on?
Okay? Oh my god? Sorry so shit, sorry dog. I've been calling her to try and talk about this. So basically, I got I got fired from my job a little while ago, in like September. I'm non binary, and uh my manager has kind of had an issue with that, like they were really disrespectful about it. Everyone else that worked there was really awesome. Like right now I'm with two of my best friends that I met there, and uh, yeah, sorry, I'm very nurse.
No, it's okay, it's atual. We actually just had somebody uh call in who the exact same thing happened to them. I don't know if you heard that.
Yeah, we've been on we've been on this whole call and you said my name in the beginning, and we were like, that means sorry, I cussed that, that means something.
You can cuss, but you can. Have you listened to the podcast, you can cuss.
Yeah, you're right, You're right, You're totally right.
So okay, I mean so, so I kind of talked about it with with uh the caller who was who was a teacher that the same thing happened to them. What what is your story?
Okay? So so basically I've had uh, I've had issues with them like the whole time. Like two of them were basically like, we're just straight up not gonna use your pronouns, like, uh, you know you look what you look very feminine presenting and normally I'm super understanding, like I uh, I am feminine presenting and like, but is people re feuzing to like use it? That pisses me
off and bothers me. So I've always had an issue with that, and then this new man, this new manager, came in a little bit before and he was like, uh, he uh. He's basically always talking about how he's got a trans friend and he's super liberal, YadA YadA blah blah blah blah blah. And I wore like these ear rings, ones that were like they them, and it was to make them remember to use them. And he came up to me and he was like, oh, they them. I know a whole bunch of like adverbs and he just
listed and shit's a fucking adverbs. Like to me, he just says really weird things like that. He'll corner people. He's known for being very like racist and homophoed, but a whole bunch of issues.
So Jaden, No, it's like i'd actually finish the story. I I want to hear kind of where you're at.
So basically one day it kind of compiled and I was trying to talk to them about how I needed to be paid, like with these new people are being paid anyway, it was a different thing that I wanted to talk about. So I told one of the different managers, I need to talk to the main dude who I said all these things about and so they started talking and one of my co workers came up to me and she was like, they're talking about you having a
problem with using pronouns. I was like, what the fuck, that's how I know what I want to talk about, and so, uh, I was like whatever. I just kept doing my job. And then a little while later, they're like right behind me and he says trans people shouldn't play in sports, and fucking uh there's X chromos XYX
chromoso and xx chromosome like right behind me. And also we worked in restaurants and it was right in front of customers and everything, a whole bunch of people, like very loudly, and I kind of turned around and I was like, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't need to say that shit like I'm I'm trans. You don't need to say that anywhere. You're a manager,
shouldn't say that kind of stuff. And like I just kind of went off on him and like went to the back and took my little break because I was stressed, and then uh, you know, people came and consoled me.
And then a little while later he was like, can we go talk outside for a little bit, and so he did, and he just talked for like, oh, I sort of got like an hour about how liberal he is and how like he didn't mean any of them, like it came across not what he meant, like he's got trans friends, and I was just me just argued basically careing back and forth for an hour.
So, so, did did he end up firing you after this?
No?
So basically that happened a month before I got fired, and I called HR after this happened, and I reported him and that was the whole thing, and an investigation was held, I guess. But I wasn't really there when it happened. I was kind of out of town. I kind of didn't mean the planet like that. But it kind of worked out great because I'm kind of not great, Like I wouldn't want to go to work if I knew that I had to be dealing with that ship and
so uh. But when I got back, everyone was like, I don't know, something might happen, you might be getting fired. I don't know, I don't know what's gonna happen. And then everyone just walked on, like all the managers kind of walked on eggshells around me, and it was really weird and then kind of like, I don't know how long. It wasn't that long later that I got fired.
Okay, what was the reason that they gave you as to why they fired you?
Oh right, okay, so that's a huge fucking deal. So uh so basically the week that it happened, I had already had issues where I was like, uh, missed the shift or something because I have like, uh, sorry, I
have an autoimmune so other issues. It doesn't it's not about the note call show that I got fired, because there's some Yeah, it was synthas because basically in the beginning of the week I wasn't scheduled for this Friday shift, and then I had an issue where someone needed that shift covered and I was like, oh, I'm not working, so I can cover it. But it ended up getting covered so I didn't have to work, so it was
clear I didn't have to work. And then Friday rolled around and I just happened to look to see if the schedule was up for next week, and I was like and then I looked at the schedule and I was I was supposed to be working Friday all of a sudden, when like not even two days ago in the week, like me, and a manager like me and a manager and a whole nother employee like confirmed that I was not working Friday, So all of a sudden, my schedule changed and then no one called me, and
like normally, like the managers will call you like ten minutes if you're not there the first ten minutes of the shift, they'll call you and be like, hey, where are you at? And I didn't get that because I wasn't. I don't know, I wasn't like looking, I wasn't. I didn't think I was supposed to work, and no one called me.
So uh.
Yeah, so this.
Is this is what they used as the reason why they wanted to fire you.
Yes exactly. I came in the next day and they fired.
Me, okay, And and you believe that that that is a cover up for them just wanting to fire you because they didn't.
You know, want want to Oh yeah, sorry.
So so you know, like I said, we we had we had a call that was kind of similar to this, and so I, you know, I have similar questions for you. Are you planning on trying to take any further action to this?
Totally? I already talked with like an attorney and off for it, and I just I'm basically just trying to get the money for it. Been working, you know, I had to get a new job, but it wasn't I had to get a job immediately because I have bills and stuff, so it wasn't exactly a good money enough. So I'm basically my friends, my best friends that I'm with now, they're we're all trying to raise money. They're going to help me be able to because once I
I know, I'm going to win it. The attorney said that if I took it to court or even settled it, like I, it's a it's retaliation no matter what, Like even without the transphobia, it's retaliation. But I do live in the South, so it's kind of like, you know, we kind of want them to settle. I don't know if I want to if I anyways, but yeah, uh yeah, So I am trying to take legal action. I just I'm trying to save the money to do so.
Well.
I'm glad that it sounds like your friends have been very supportive of you, and I'm sorry that that happened. I mean, that's a whole bunch of bullshit to deal with.
Thank you.
Yeah, what are you kind of doing moving forward? Are you? Did you get a new job that you're more happy with?
Yeah, I'm starting. I have been working at a vapes through because I just, you know, it was easy. But I'm starting a new job tomorrow, actually working with dogs. I love dogs, so yeah, and I've been writing a book, so I've just been like kind of able to take the time to myself. Actually it's kind of been a blessing, I guess, because.
You know, I'm sorry to keep compare you to the other call ahead, but it was. It's interesting how you you both have a similar story because the other person I talked to about this, they felt like going after the person that fired them would like they felt as though it would cause them a lot of stress. Glad to hear that it doesn't. It doesn't. And I don't know because I haven't asked you about it yet, but it doesn't sound like to me the process of suing
these people is a detriment to you. It sounds like you're doing it, but at the same time, you are simultaneously moving along with your life and not letting their fixation on this situation that happened to you prevent you from going getting a new job, fucking working with dogs, doing your stuff, like living your life, and you're with your friends. It sounds like you've been able to kind of simultaneously do those things, which is I'm glad to hear that.
Yeah. Yeah, I had a weird situation where I kind of ran into the managers outside of like just living life. That fucked me up a little bit, but I got past it because I have really good friends, a good support system.
Good. That's awesome, Jade. And I hope that you. I hope that you win your case. I hope that the situation as a whole. And uh, I mean, look, I'm not worried about you, dude, because it seems like you're uh uh moving along in life just well just you know, without this being a sort of negative fixation for you at least. I don't know if that's true or not, but that's that's the vibe I'm getting from what you're telling me.
Yeah, yeah, kind of. You know, it's stressful when I think about it, but like I said, my friends are always like, nah, for these people, we're going to take them to go it.
Fuck the Yeah, Jaden.
Is there anything else that you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.
I love your podcast. I love everything you do. Thank you so much. Every calling for like months to try to talk to you about this kind of awesome, like getting the validation from you and like, I don't know, hearing you say everything's gonna be okay, basically feel better.
Well, Tom, I mean you don't even need me to tell you that. It sounds like you're doing very well.
Thank you, Thank you.
I'm good luck hanging out with all the dogs. Don't let them ye can spit on you unless if you like that.
Oh I don't know, sometimes not by dogs. Still sorry, Yeah, no problem, have a good one.
Never beacon goes on the line thinking your phone calls every night.
Every beacon goes on the side.
You're teaching you a cloud in the middle of your life that he's not ready.
An expert