Hello, what's going on? Ship?
I think I'm at the gym right now, but obviously i'm picking you up over the gym right now?
What gym are you at? What's the address?
Playing fitness? Of course?
Do they still serve pizza there on Fridays?
Nah?
So actually they have a tin near the instruments with the shittiest candy over. They either got tutsi rolls or like the the like purple Tootsy, the f fruities. I think, yeah, there, it's weird. We don't get pizza anymore.
We just get girl the dentist office candy. What's your name? What's your name?
Dog? My name? God? This is I'm just gonna drop my my alias Blorty aka swim diaper on Instagram.
Slim diaper, swim diaper, what's going on? Slim diaper? What is it? Lem day swim So like yeah, yeah, swim diaper.
Yeah. No, it's not like it's not arm D it's always cardiod.
Oh it's always cardio.
Yeah. So I start popping e like estrogen and like spiro, which like like kills your tystosterone and shit. So like I'm kind of like doing that.
Like girls saying are you are you transitioning?
I just like to say I'm grown tests and my hair out.
Cool. What how is your does estrogen grow hair?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, So I used to be like super jacked and then and then my first experience like a hormone blacker was an asteride if you know about an asteride. So because my hair was starting to thin at like twenty two and I got on it and then I was like, damn, like I really want like fucking long, pretty hair like over muscles. So I kind of switched up and now I'm going no muscle with hits and long hair.
So what made you want to grow tits?
I don't know. I think I just kind of like I could get really deep into it with the whole like tran sing, but like ultimately it's like, if you like really want to be like feminine, there's like kind of one side of things, and if you really want to be masks, and that's kind of another side of things, and I kind of wanted to be the more feminine side of things.
Do you view a beautiful long hair to be a feminine trait?
Oh? Yeah, totally totally. I mean we're like designed as dudes, like like not have nice hair. You know we're supposed to have like body hair and shit or so yeah, it's like long pretty hair is like totally a chicken thing. I feel like in my head at least.
Well, we'll swim. I'm just I'm just going to call you swim. We'll swim. What did you want to talk about today?
Okay? So, so I am like a very active member in the adult baby community aka a b d L. I got it tatted on my ass like hardcore and this ship hardcore in the scene, and I don't know, we like to go like there's parties all over the country at like either it's like a mansion or like a like an Airbnb mansion, and it's just a lot of us like cooler, like better to vibe with a b DLS that like are invited like forty people or so, and there's a lot of party favors and you could
probably guess with that is experimental party favorites too, and we all kind of just like every single person I was wearing a diaper, like like pissing in diapers, not shit, and just pissing in diapers and partying and like it's kind of like an orgy for like like a low key orgy, like you know, you're playing card games too, You're not just fucking you know, for like four days and then a few months later another one happens.
Mm hmm.
Do you ever catch any gnarly SGDs doing that?
Well, So that's like the beauty of beautiful thing about diapers. It's not always like we're not always like having kind of regular intercourse. Like I don't know, we we all kind of like part of like being an adult baby and like being like a diaper fetishist is like you like the feeling of like like like pissing a diaper, which sounds like so weird, but like especially feels good on substances like swim.
I gotta tell you that that sounds like there's an even greater opportunity to pass diseases.
Oh really you think?
I mean, I don't know. I think adding piss and ship into the mix is probably all right, that's where you draw your line.
Yeah, well that's just like think about it, dude, Like we're regular people too. If you shit, if you sit in a diaper at a party, you're kind of killing the vibe for everybody.
You know, what do you hold on? Hold on I'm so confused. The whole point is that it's an orgy with a bunch of people in diapers pretending to be babies. But then if somebody, you know what I I just gotta say this, if I were attending one of these parties as a you know, like if I were into being a baby, and I would totally feel like it would be a place where I could take a shit in my diaper. That's the whole point of the whole point of wearing a diaper is to shit in it.
That's what it is. So what like that's the line you everyone gets mad at him, dude, So.
Maybe this is like a rule that's been like curated through like trial and error because of course as an aby, deal, Like, if you ask me, have I shat in a diaper? As an adult, of course I have. Does it like smell like shit like in the whole room? Yeah, it's like totally not the vibe. So if you think about it, if you've got like a party of like forty people, and people are like dancing like some people are you know,
like eating some candy. Some people are like, I don't know, making out, Like you don't want an automate like all of a sudden like smell like shit. You know, so I feel like it kills the vibe. So I get where you're coming from. But I kind of disagree, you know, I.
I I feel like the lines you draw are arbitrary. But I digress.
Where do you.
How long you've been doing this for.
The probably been in the community for like I don't know, like four or five years. But the thing about like a b DLS is we've all been into this shit like without knowing each other since basically birth, which sounds weird, but it's like true, that.
Sounds actually it actually it makes perfect sense. You were really into being a baby since you were a baby.
Wow, it was a fuck, that's damn. I didn't think about it like that.
I think I feel like I know more about being a baby than honestly, Well, you have.
An outside point of view. It's a it's a great perspective you have. You know. I don't get to get this perspective often because I don't tell like regular people.
You know, why don't you tell regular people?
Well, I mean, think about it. You know you're at the bar, you know you're meeting you meet a cute chick or something. Or whatever, and you know, you tell her you like to like piss and type like, it probably reduces your chances a little bit. So it's kind of one of those things that we keep amongst ourselves because people get fired from jobs and shit and stuff like that. Like it's it's better just to keep this shit like private and tucked away.
Well, I mean, you know what, sure, if you're talking to a girl at a bar and you tell her that you like to piss in a diaper, there's a ninety nine point chance that she's going to be turned off by that.
But I'd reduce that number a little bit.
I'd reduce there's there's a zero point zero, zero one percent chance that she's going to be extremely turned on by it.
Damn. Well, see that's this is my thinking. Actually, I think you're very smart. I think you're onto something. I'm on the same thing. So I got it tatted the acronym on my ass because if you know, you know, if you see the acrom after nam and it means nothing to you, it means nothing to you. So I'm one step ahead of you.
What's the acronym?
Oh A B D l ah.
There you go, and it's on your ass too.
So yeah, yeah, my girlfriend. Now, I guess you could say, well legally my wife, but I call her my girlfriend. I had to marry her because I was going to talk about this too. I had to marry her because we found out her visa was kind of expired.
So where's she from?
Canada?
Okay? Is she also a baby person?
Yeah? Yeah, definitely very much. Uh yeah, yeah, I met her at a convention. Yeah, and her ex actually saw me and thought that was how I wanted to fuck me. And that's kind of how she came to like acknowledge my existence.
Do you guys swing?
So I can't, but like I'm into like I think it's hot, like if she like occasionally like fucks other people. But it's I don't know, it sounds like weird, but it's totally not.
You have a one sided open relationship.
Yeah, it's called being a cook.
Okay, how long you've been into doing that for?
Well, that's the thing about like Fetishit is like I've probably like gotten off to it for like I don't know, like eight years now, but I like dove in within like the last year or so, and it's kind of cool. It kind of makes you feel like a fucking loser. But it sucks because.
You think it's hot so well, but isn't feeling like a fucking loser part of the experience.
Yeah, it is, but it's like I don't know, I explained this some of like my girl is. It's like it's kind of like getting spanked or something like because you like it doesn't mean it doesn't also hurt.
You know, hm, tell me more about being a cook.
So I like begged my chick to like get a like a dating app or something, and what do you know, She's banned from Tinder. So we had the resort to bumble, and you know, she she got to slipe in, uh, started talking to some dudes and like she's like telling me like the messages and shit, and I think it's hot. I fucking hate that I think it's hot. But you know, like I definitely have definitely jerked off, like some of the messages beflunch and that's I feel so lame doing that.
But so anyways, yeah, I I've gotten turned on to it, and then eventually, you know, it ends up happening, and actually it really pissed me off, Like I felt like a I felt like a loser, you know, And I felt like kind of like she obviously wasn't cheating on me, but it kind of like felt like that in a way. And but at the same time, like I was turned on.
It was like it was like a shitty situation. But then time goes on and all of a sudden, you're like, Okay, yeah, you don't want like I got over that part, Like I'm not, I'm not insecure about that part much anymore. Like I know she wants me, she doesn't want some like fucking loser, like you know. So, but it hurts at first, being a coup.
It hurts the first Do you wish that it didn't turn you on?
Yeah? Yeah, absolutely.
M How many times do you do when she has like has she when she hooks up with these guys? Are you in the room with her?
Nah, So that hasn't happened yet. You got to get some like serious falls to have that happened. I'm like kind of scared of like diving into it too much. It's okay, so hold up, backtrack. It's been over the phone, like she's had her phone on and and I've heard
like the whole interaction. I want to like see it and stuff, but I don't think I could be there, And I think that's just pushing it like too far, because like realistically speaking, like it's like a can of worms opening sort of situation, you know, And I don't want to like to really fuck up my like sexuality. So it's already so fucking twisted. So how are you being very careful with that?
How do you feel like you would fuck up your sexuality?
So, I mean there's kind of like like having a relationship with somebody and being a cock like kind of contradicts itself because you want the person like fuck somebody else. So like while some people might think like being an abdl's like a lot weirder, Like I'm more comfortable like diving into that than I am, like tuck stuff because I don't want it to like fuck up my relationship.
But I do think like dipping my toes in a little bit is preventing me from like diving way too deep, and it's also preventing me from like not getting to experience it. So it's like a safe medium just the occasional dick.
Have you ever talked to a therapist about this?
Now you're the first one. No, I have not.
Where do you think this fetish comes from?
The cuck one?
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, so the okay av DL the source is more clear. So basically this is just kind of like the a commonly said thing like amongst av dls, it's like all the dudes are autistic and all the chicks have VPD and it kind of holds true. So I think I have something to do with that. It's definitely like a neurodiversion thing, like you don't get into this ship like being uh, it's neurotypical at all. You gotta have you gotta have something like twisted in your mind and like
the cuck stuff. One time, I like manically got obsessive and like I've like convinced myself that like my ex like cheated on me, and then like slowly over time after like thinking about it, think about it, like hating it, hating it. This is like four or five years ago, like eventually I started like the idea. Yeah, it's very often it's kind of sad. So I heard the dude like three times people ago, and I really hope he
doesn't hear this. I hope he's not tuned in. But I really hope that doesn't awaken a cuckhold fetish for him. But that is like a scenario where like something like that would happen.
So your ex cheated on you and.
I went, I went mentally manically crazy. I had it decent, like if I could, I could pitch to you the manic story, but it's like pointless. But I convinced myself that she had cheated on me.
You convinced yourself that she had cheated on you, and then that awakened within you a fantasy that she did, and then that fantasy manifested itself as sexually pleasurable.
Yeah, exactly.
M So, I mean it is so is your girlfriend is so? Is is that true? Is your girlfriend BPD and you're autistic?
Uh? Like so the thing is like obviously everybody's not like this super horrible BPD or and the dudes are like super horrible horribly like autistic. But like the I do I definitely show like autistic symptoms And does my girl definitely show strong DPD slash autistic symptoms? Yeah totally. But I guess it's not like like I wasn't any special classes or some shit, not to like Discole's classes and shit, but I was I wasn't well.
Look everything aside, I mean, how old are you? I'm twenty seven, okay, I mean how are you?
Uh?
Do you like life?
Honestly, I've had a lot of ups and downs with that, like since I was probably like I don't know, like twenty one, I got very depressed like for years and shit, but like kind of rolling with but ironically, like that was at that time when I was not really like
being true to myself. And yeah, I would say, like life is like improved a lot, and I feel a lot better about myself, especially even in like my vanilla life, just because of the fact that I'm like doing these things that I've always wanted to do, so like involving myself into like Avid Yell and like partying with like super cool people that are like awesome, and like getting
to experience like tuck stuff all this. It's like it's like it's it's I don't know, it's been a little like I guess like pep in my step you could say, in like my vanilla life. So currently I would say, like I'm definitely feeling a lot better about my life than like I was a couple of years ago like a million percent, but I would say I'm still a little bit depressed, but so much better. So this stuff is ironically like helped a little bit, like for sure.
Yeah, because I mean I was gonna say, like, you know, societal conventions aside. I feel like these things are a matter of you know, if if the individual is benefiting from them. And it sounds as though from everything you've told me that.
You know.
This stuff has been good for you by your own.
Definition, yea, yeah, definitely, I mean it's definitely been good for me, And I think like it gets such a bad rep like online, but because like very often, like the people that are lengths like say go on to TV shows or like go on to like stuff like this, et cetera, are like the people that are like crazy because most of the cool a b DL is like have the common sense to like not call in but like but you know, like I'm stupid, I'm stupid as ship,
but I'm also like cool enough, so like you're you're you're very fortunate to have like a real look through me of like a regular A b DAL. There's there's people in a by d L in in very high corporate positions incredibly rich people, incredibly successful people like I would say actually more successful than average. And also I would say a lot of the people in tech.
Yeah yeah, I mean, of course that makes fortune kids. Yeah, I mean every when you walk down the street, you know, there's like there's the subconscious and all that stuff. I'm and when you walk down the street, you know, you can just look at someone and they're probably reallyant. You know, you walk past at least every day, you walk past at least five different people who like getting shat on their chest.
Oh yeah, yeah, I think that's beautiful to be honest.
Yeah, I mean I don't know, Yeah, I understand, you know, I mean this stuff getting a hate online, right, like the cook stuff and the ABDL stuff. I mean, I think I'd like to think most people share the sentiment socially, politically whatever. They share the sentiment that human beings should be able to do whatever they want as long as they don't interfere with other human beings' ability to also do whatever they want. There's varying interpretations of what counts
as interference. You know, some people are like, oh, well, if you, you know, pretend to be a baby, you spit in the face of God, which is an interference of you know, to me or something like that. But most people, I think, don't give a fuck what other people do as long as it doesn't affect them.
I would I hate to say this one man, I hate to say this. I disagree with you a little bit because like in my experience, like and just seeing comments and kind of like being around this, like in this position, you hear that sort of perspective, but and you like hope that's true. But then very often people will be like, oh, but that's too fucking weird. Man, that's too fucking weird. That like that can't be allowed.
We've pushed the ball too far shit like that. And it's and it's sad too because it's like, I don't know, there's a lot of stuff like fighting for acceptance. It's like kind of shoving your face, and like av DL is kind of something that like we want it to be behind closed doors. We just don't want like we kind of think like, hey, like if if you accidentally find out somehow that like somebody who employs happens to be in a b d L, although he tried to hide it, like it's.
Almost well, I think here's what, well, you have a thing, you have a Here's the thing with the av DL that you have going strongly against you is that Look, obviously, I'm sure that everybody in this community is an adult, but I I people understandably have reservations about uh, you know, even if it's two consenting adults, reservations about folks who are into like age play, like oh well, because no, there's no more hated person in the world than a person than a person who wants to fuck babies.
Yes, I'd have to agree with you there, and I have to agree with you there.
It is.
It is kind of on an unfortunate uh uh thing. Yeah, the position that we've got ourselves in. But obviously, like I explained, like very much so has nothing to do with the other. But yeah, what are we What am I supposed to do to shake that? You know? But it's totally all like two adults things. If anything, most people in AVDL are kind of searching for like a little mommy daddy situation. And that isn't exactly like an eight year old like a mommy, like a mommy's like third you too.
You know, I don't know. I here's it.
I don't.
I don't know. I don't think you can choose what the fuck goes on in your brain. You know, you can choose what you act on, and you can choose what you try to think about and stuff, But I don't think you can choose what's going on in your brain. So like, look, if something in your brain wants to fuck your mom, you didn't choose that. That's just that's just.
But but you, as an enlightened twenty first century human being, make the informed decision, which I think is a good one, to not fuck your mom and instead fuck a stranger that is of age and consenting that pretends to be your mom.
Nobody, nobody actually wants to Actually, I understand what you're saying, So I'm gonna totally agree with you. Yeah, but obviously it goes without saying like we don't actually want to fuck our moms. We just like the position, the dynamic. You know, Yeah, you knew that though I know I know what you were saying.
What that. No, I didn't, I mean, I don't. I don't, I don't, I don't. I Look, there's all I don't know what's out there, right, I don't know what's out there and but a.
Girl has definitely called you daddy.
Hold on, since when was any of this about me? Swim?
Hey know, I don't mean to I don't mean to spin it around, but you have been called daddy. I have also been called daddy. It's just a little little stronger. I guess you could say.
Well, I think it's about time Prefstar to wrap this up. Swim.
Thanks for paper on Instagram, swimper on Instagram.
See you know, I gotta tell you have a lot of buck because not only are you calling it you you said something like people are crazy enough to call in, but not only are you calling in, you're like, hey, follow me on Instagram. I mean, go for it. You're not stupid here. I don't know what you are, but I hope you have a good rest of your life.
Hey man, it's great talking to you is great.
Good talking to Swim. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the universe before we go?
Yeah? Uh, fuck bitches and get money rock and roll.
Have a good one, Swim all rights? Uh was that conversation too fucked up? Hello?
Hi?
Hi?
Yeah, who is this?
Sorry? I got to get out of my house.
Sleep.
What's your name Buco, Oh, my name Simon Simon, like one of that's like the chipmunk.
Yeah, like a chipmunk.
You know, it's kind of fucked that. I think Alvin's the youngest, right, and yet he's the front man.
Yeah, yeah, all right, I'm outside now.
All right, Well, I know you don't give a fuck about any of that or what I just said, So let's talk about you. No, no, no, you don't and you don't have to lie to me, and I prefer a few didn't. But I don't give a fuck about what I just said either, none of us do. It's not the sacred Simon Simon. You said you texted me a bunch of things. Let's talk about Oh yeah, the first way, uh, you said to me, let's talk about it. I want to talk about a lot of these things. But you also,
here's the first one. You said, I want to talk about a fake persona I assume on occasion that has gotten me recognition on a national level. What does that mean?
Yeah, So a couple of years ago, maybe twenty seventeen, my wife and I went to a business. It was a comic book store, actually worse service ever, Like I walked in like I was like, gave me attitude a little bit, well, not even add to it. He just didn't he didn't even look us in the eye or like we were in New we like the area. So like I was offended. And as I was walking out, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna leave this guy
a bad review on Google. And so I was like, I don't want to use my real name, you know, So I was like, I'll use the name Simon. So this Simon's not my real name, but you know you probably knew that. So I use the name Simon and
I reviewed this place. And then over the years, I progressively just like started reviewing random businesses that I went to Right, and I eventually, over the course of like years, my reviews started getting like more views on Google, and I would just like copy it and paste that onto
Yelp at the same time. So then I was getting recognition on both Right and Yelp has this like thing I guess were like if you like, uh, sorry sound shaky by the way I get inside, but uh, they have this thing where like if you're a top reviewer, they'll like invite you to like events and like the city you're from or like your area. So they started inviting me to like Houston events because I I'm around Houston. So they're like, uh, you know this business is opening,
and uh, we're willing to invite you. But they needed a verified profile, right, But I wasn't gonna upload my my face like instead of like coming clean, I just like I just doubled down on the on the lie and I went on like an AI generated website and I made like a I just like generated a generic Hispanic guy because I'm Hispanic, and uh, I uploaded that and I like got verified, like kind of in a sketchy way where I just like putting a fake phone number, YadA, YadA,
and they stun't started sending me invites to all these like events in Houston, and I was like, you know, I don't know what to do. So then I like stop posting on Yelp. And then on Google, I just kept posting my reviews and eventually I got to like, I don't know, five million views a month or something, and then.
I still have this profile.
But basically Google just constantly reminds me that like, hey, your reviews are getting more recognition. You should upload more, you should upload more and I'm like, man, that's not even me, you know, and then like not even like just on Google, but like in general when them out places and someone asked me for my name, so I want to give my little name, so I just like say I'm Simon, and then Simon's more confident, you know. Sorry, if I'm like the rambling, is there any anything I
should be saying? Or I'm like, did this is connecting?
Why did your reviews go viral? What is it about them that kept out?
They're really they're they're they're really detailed there. For example, I'll upload photos. A lot of people when they review things, they never upload photos. When I go to like places, I'll like take pictures of menus and and uh like the surrounding areas and stuff, and a lot of people don't do that. And a lot of my photos are you know, really detailed in terms of like I I.
The funny reviews, like people.
Know, they're very like.
They're very like, uh detailed, like everything that's on the menu, if it's affordable, this and.
That, you know what, what's the worst and you review anything? This is just businesses in general?
Yeah, any any place that I.
Just go all the worst place you've ever reviewed, Like, what's the most scathing review you've ever written?
I think it's a hotel in Mexico that I went to.
Why was it so terrible?
Uh? Uh Well, when we got there, I had to like lock up some documents, and uh the lady was like, like as soon as we walked in, the lady was like, ah, like it was a chore. So I was like, we really needed to walk up these documents, like they're important, right, And the lady was like, all right, let me get
a manager. So she gets to go get the manager, right, and then I wait for like thirty minutes to an hour, I remember it was a while, and then they get the manager comes down and the guy's like all right, let's do this, and then take me to like this sketchy back area behind the counter where they have the lock boxes. I guess they're like security deposit boxes or something. And the guy can't open it, and the guy's like,
it's cool with just like Hammick. The documents. I was like, uh, I can't just hand you these like sensitive documents because they were like legal documents, and he was like, uh okay, He's like, well, I can't give you a lock box and I was like, okay, well can I get my deposit back? And they're like sorry. I was like, oh okay, Oh what am I gonna do? I'm in Mexico, you know.
But it wasn't much.
It was like I don't know, sixty pences or something. And then uh, like whenever I got my hotel room, there was nobody else at this hotel. By the way, it was like three floors. Though for some reason, they put me like on the third floor, and uh, they put me on the one hall. They had like no lights on in the hallways, like the lights are all out, so it made it feel extra sketchy, and it's like they could have put me like on the first floor something. Probably only want to die.
Yeah, are you Is this your full time job?
No? No, no, I actually work at a grocery store, which is a whole other thing.
And I haven't been able to How have you haven't been able to monetize this? There's all there's all kinds of like professional douchebag review people who write for magazines and whatever.
I think it's more about the it's not it's not and none of it's under my name, my real name. I don't know how like that affects, Like can I run a business without it being my real name? You know, but like the legality of it.
I guess that would be I guess. I guess that's what Banksy does. He's he's rich.
Yeah, yeah, I guess so. But I'm already like and like I can't get involved with shady things because because I'm I'm like in the process of getting something fixed. So like if I get involved in shady things, then then that won't come through.
You know, what is that? What do you mean You're in the process of getting something fixed.
Well, like I'm getting my my citizenship, and like in order to get my citizenship in the US, I had to like go through to get my uh my permanent residency. But in order to get my permanent residency, I had to like apply are you are you from?
Are you from Mexico?
Yeah?
I am, you know originally, so.
Between between the US and Mexico. As a professional judger of things, which which place has shittier stuff?
Oh?
Man, Oh that's a hard one. Part of me wants to say, obviously Mexico. But it's more affordable there, you know, it depends food. Food, Mexico obviously wins genuine leather leather items and like craftsmanship items, I guess Mexico, but like more manufactured and technology items. I would say the US probably.
M You know I have I've always had a great disdain for reviewers.
You know.
I have.
I have.
I'm about to go I'm about to go off on you, Simon. I've always had a great disdain for reviewers because you know, all these like a movie review people, art review people, food review people. Because I mean, typically a reviewer unless if it's like somebody who was in the industry of the thing they're reviewing and contributed to that industry for a while and then comes back with a particular expertise, I'm almost kind of like, well, shut the fuck out.
You didn't you didn't do anything. You know, at least this person did. You know, they tried to cook something, or they tried to make a movie or a hotel, or at least they tried to you know, they contributed something, you know, I mean a review it doesn't really contribute anything.
Is this like a kind of like well, like for example, if if someone cleans your house, do you expect their house to be clean or do you just respect the profession that they're cleaning your house.
If somebody cleans your house, do you expect their house to be if somebody cleans my house, are you I don't understand.
What do you expect their house, their personal home to be clean because you're the person should be No?
No, no, I just I only care if they're able to clean my I guess if I pay somebody to clean my house, I only care if they are able to successfully clean my house. I don't care what's going on with any other aspect of their personal cleanliness.
I see, I see.
Does that make sense?
Yeah? I guess I'm like a professional online douchebag in a way, not intentionally. Just yes, but then all no, no, not all My reviews are scathingly bad though.
But you know what, Simon, Yeah, so am I.
That's fair?
You also talking about this, you said I've been working at a grocery store for ten years to get confidence from not being myself. What does that mean?
Oh, sometimes I'll pretend to be Simon at work to be more confident, if that makes any sense. Okay, the person who I am isn't as confident, so sometimes I'll just switch persona you know, I guess. I don't know if it's like code switching or what it's called when you just like pretend to be someone else entirely. But I'm like, I'm the same person. Why can't I just be myself through that? You know?
You know, I will say. I'll say this, Simon, I think that give reviewing things is a way that is. I can see why you would have more confidence, right, because it takes a lot of confidence to write a review, to be, like, you know, to stand up against what you believe to be the injustice of you know, this Noodles and Company and the fact.
That Noodle place.
Yeah, so I I understand why you would feel more comfort more confident as the interviewer, I mean, not as the as the reviewer than as yourself. Why do you feel unconfident as as just whatever your real name is.
I don't know. That's a good question. I think it's because I've been myself. Let's say my real name is Alvin. I think I've been Yeah, if I've been Alvin my whole life, you know, picking up this new mask as Simon, I don't know, it feels like it feels new. It feels like a brand new court paint, you know, if that makes any sense. I know what Alvin's like because I've experienced Alvin my whole life. But Simon, Simon's Simon
will tell you what's wrong with you? Simon, will you know, tell you, hey, uh you need to fix this, or hey, this is how things are. But I don't know Alvin, I guess never picked up that skill.
So Simon, So I get where you're coming from. And let's explore this for a second. So uh, Simon, So Alvin is something that just kind of naturally developed. It almost feels as though you didn't pick your personality. It almost feels as though Simon is a blank slate. It's an opportunity for you to create a persona meticulously, intentionally of the kind of person that you wish to embody. Is that accurate? Yeah, yeah, yeah, But why can't you But what? But then, but then, why can't you just
treat your existing self? Why can't you just treat Alvin as that slate? Why do you have to create a new character when you can make intentional choices to change the character that you currently inhabit.
I don't know, that's a good question. I've never I've never thought about just being myself, not Simon, but like incorporating.
You know, why don't you add Simon and Alvin together and divide them by two? Salvin be that person Salvin.
That could work.
I feel like I feel like we're I feel like you're about to enter your Salvin era.
I think I think so, I think so good.
Okay, So if what changes would would we make to Alvin to make him more Simony.
I don't know. I guess Simon Simon's more direct, so I guess Alvin could start being more direct, like Alvin kind of avoids questions when he's asked that work, and Simon's more like gives you straight answers, you know, like earlier when I was like waiting and whatever and in the chat and some I was like, hey, a lot of people got a call to get on and I just told the guy was like, no, I'm getting on because I was like, that was not in confidence, you know, but Alvin, Alvin doesn't have that.
Alvin, let me ask you something. This is a serious question. What do you wish to accomplish or to become that you feel as though you need more confidence to do before you get there.
I guess the thing that's the main thing that's that would give me the confidence is still I guess something like an action, an action? Uh, an action would be to leave my job?
Oh shit, what do you want to do?
I guess be a writer of some sort or a reviewer of some sort. I mean I already am, but you know, like it's a real thing, not just so.
I don't get so. I don't get so you're like a famous reviewer guy, right, but it's just on on how many followers do you have?
Uh?
Let me check? Hold on?
I got away here.
It says I have six hundred and ten thousand right.
Now, six hundred and ten thousand on what? On what?
That's just on Google?
You have six hundred and ten thousand followers on Google? Yes, you could you can make you can make as I feel like you can turn that into as much money as you would make working at a grocery store. I don't know how, so, I mean, maybe you know what you should do, bro you Maybe maybe you need to start selling T shirts?
What would I put in a review or T shirt? No?
Simon says, you suck?
Are you? Are you? Are you?
Are you gonna copyright? Are you gonna like sue me if I used it?
Am I gonna know? I want you to use that that that that that is no use to me. It only is used to you.
Okay, that works. If I'm doubling down on Simon and putting it on T shirts though, I'll just put it on the front, Simon says, on the front, and then on back I'll put like Alvin agrees too, or something like that, and then people.
Well, no, I mean, nobody knows who Alvin is.
That's true.
You're right, you're It wouldn't make sense. It wouldn't make sense. You're right, you're right. Scrab my scrab Who I am. I'll double down on Simon, ok And then.
Yeah, try and look try. I don't know, I feel like you can try to make some money off of this thing if if you have, if you have people who follow you and like what you.
Do, Yeah, I think so too, thanks.
Yeah for sure, man, I don't know. There's a lot of stuff you get, do you fucking YouTube videos? You can do affiliate marketing. Uh, I don't know, man, I mean I just give it a try. If that, if that's if that's what Simon would do is leave his job to try to be go full time review guy. There's there's there's all kinds of douchey internet review guys that make a ton of money saying that things suck. Why not you? Why not you? Alvin? Why not you? That's all I'm saying.
Why not me?
Yeah, I'll do that.
I probably won't quit my job because I'm about to go to backs to Mexico. But soon.
When you go, you should get some til status.
Dude, No judge, it does in my house.
Uh.
I'll look for something that can't make in my house and get it and get it.
Alvin, Yeah, Salvin, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Yeah?
Actually, uh, don't let where you come from define.
Who you are.
Where can I follow you on? How do I follow you.
On Google? Yeah?
I'm not gonna say. I don't want to talk to myself. Come using fake identity? Uh, I'll oh you can't. You can't follow me?
All right? Well, your fake identity is the same but you, but you're not. It's not a fake you're The fake identity that you're giving me right now is the same as the fake identity that you have on that account. So where's the compromisation here?
Uh?
Because it because since I read you, a lot of local businesses around me. I don't know if you've ever seen like dateline and stuff. When they find mass murders or killers or whatever, they like find out which businesses they've by, like where they've killed people, and they like triangulate that guy's location. Does that make any sense?
Are you saying that you've killed people?
No?
No, no, But I'm afraid that if someone could like triangulate the businesses where I've been and then like narrow it down to like I don't know my house or something.
I'm not going to sue you for the idea, but if you do make a T shirt, you need to send me one.
I will.
I'll make sure you get one.
Kick Hey, take care of Simon.
Thank you, Bye bye.
I'm appreciate that guy just told us that he killed someone. Hello. Hello, who is this?
Hello?
Hey? What's up?
Man? Right?
Is this Matthew?
Yeah?
What's going on? All right?
Well?
Is there anything else you want to say to other people of the computer before we go?
Oh? I'm sorry, Ah, Yes, this is Matthew.
Hey, what's up? Matthew?
Matthew?
You are you are you. I feel like I called you, Like I feel like you were talking to me in your sleep.
Just now I was lying down. I just saw like a weird number. I'm like, it's a spam. What is this?
Oh okay my second answer? Yeah, right right. I've been doing this thing where people just text my line and I'll call them back and I'm you know, it's a it is they just get a phone call from a random number. Yes, hey, Matthew thirty, you texted me and I called you because you said to me, I am a new railroader and the lifestyle is interesting.
It is very interesting.
What is a new railroader? What does that mean?
So basically, last December I went to a train school where they basically put you up and teach you how to work on the railway. And then I spent like six months in training and then now I'm out there on my own doing railway stuff.
Wow, you mastered in trains? Yeah yeah, well I guess Okay, what's it like making trains?
Uh? Well I am. I don't make train I'm a conductor. So what I do is like I build certain trains, like they'll give me paperwork and tell them so I'm going to do. It's like it's sort of like it's basically like a rail trucker in some cases, or like a FedEx driver on rail. It just depends what I'm going to be doing that day.
Can I, you know, be honest with you about how I feel about trains?
Good?
Good?
We have cars that can go lots of places. Why do we still use trains?
Quantity?
I guess there's no traffic on trains, really, you have to know.
But yeah, a lot of its quantity and a lot of his infrastructure because you can carry a lot more in certain areas that you just can't do with trucks. That's pretty much what it is. But side by side they really work together and it's pretty decent.
I guess.
I don't know. It's a fun job.
Now tell me. Do people ever stow away on the trains and you have to kick them out?
So I haven't caught anyone, but it is the thing that happens. There's a guy on YouTube apparently as a homeless dude, and all he does is just like hop on our trains and record his the countries and stuff. Phone sit me one of his videos a while again.
You know, eventually that guy is going to start making big YouTube money and his train videos are gonna He's going to be hopping on a tracks instead of like you know, commercial trains.
Yeah, I'll get that money.
That's see, that's a that's a that's a double edged sword right there. Having a popular YouTube channel not being homeless, because what do you Because if the YouTube channel get popper, you're gonna start making money and you won't be homeless anymore. But people watch the videos because you were homeless.
Yeah.
Yeah, but you never have to worry about that because you make trains the YouTube videos.
I can do both, not really, And.
If you ever did lose your home, you could make a train and live in that. Yeah, Matthew, have I caught you? I feel like I've caught you in the middle of having an affair in wife or something. You seem very you seem like you seem I.
Was lying in bed about the fall sleep.
So if I found the oriento this probably because I am that's okay.
Do you want me to By the way, I'm not offended at all. If you would rather be asleep than talk to.
Me, I genuinely know it's fine. So right now I'm at the part of the job. It's like, so they basically I took a train from one place to a certain place, So I'm at a certain place in a hotel waiting for a call to be sent back home basically. So it's like I'm in like some sort of like limbo by purgatory waiting to go home. So I'm actually still up because I really don't want to fall asleep so that I'm not groggy when they call me to take a train back home.
I wait, so you don't want to be asleep right now?
Now?
I'm kind of hoping they call me like the next two hours, but they can honestly call me in between, like I can be here for like another twenty four hours or thirty hours.
If they called you right now, would you have to hang up on may or would you hang up on them?
They don't like it when we don't pick up the phone, so I probably put you on hold.
If you put me on hold, unfortunately, probably on the call. That's fair in less, if you wanted to, like, if I how about this, can we make it? Can we make a deal if they call you, If they call you, you actually you you just put them in on this call, and I promise I won't like say anything. I just want to listen.
Honestly, that makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so I would probably just rescuge of not calling me.
Yeah, you know what, That's what I would do too, if I asked if I were you, and I asked you that what kind of snacks do they have on on on these trains that you're making to They have a snack and.
What whatever whatever we bring they have like any machines and like the little offices we go to together work and stuff. I brought a bag of like soups and protein bars and trail mix and sandwich and rice and tune up.
That's really the lame. The one thing that America does wrong that Australia and Europe does very well is the snack carts on trains. You know, America, America, if you're listening, you need to get a good snack cart installed in a train so that this guy can you know, have a nice hot bacon egg and cheese instead of his tuna sandwich from home.
You know, it's funny. I gotta hang out now because you're calling it.
Oh shit, well good talking to him, mate, call I hope he gets a promotion to airplanes, goes.
On the line, taking your phone calls every nine
Dever beacon goes to and he's teaching you a loud and