HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE NOT DEAD???

How from Scott Scott?

Yeah, dude, what's up?

How old are you? Scott?

I mean thirty something? Bough you're what thirty something?

That's cool. Do you like your life?

Yeah, well that's very cool, you know what I mean. I'm on vacation right now, so that's pretty sweet.

Where are you on vacation? Rye, New Hampshire, Rye, New Hampshire Beach, New Hampshire. Why did you go to vacation in New Hampshire?

My family lives up here and my kids have never met them, so I took them up here.

Do you like your family? No, this doesn't sound like much of a vacation.

It's a vacation with my kids. My kids they're happy. You know, we're from the Midwest. I never seeing the freaking beach before, so they got to see the beach. But a lot of childhood trauma for me is coming back because I'm with my family and that whole bit. But I'll call my therapist when I get home.

I'll deal, right.

So a lot of you say a lot of childhood trauma has come to you because you've gotten back with your family.

Oh yeah, big time? All right, So if you're tell about it, it's pretty funny, like, and I got to like, I kind of got full circle on some of it.

Yeah, I kind of, I kind of do want to hear about it. Cool, because it's just what I'm curious about is if your family was traumatic for you, are you not afraid of getting your your children inheriting some sort of grand trauma.

Yeah?

Actually I realized that today in the car.

All right, tell me what happens.

So when I was a kid, me and all my brothers, right, like my mother's m O was, she'd get us into the car and then pick a fight with us, right and then when we you know, bought that or did whatever, basically she'd pull over and yell at us and say, all right, get out of the car.

Right.

So now she's like in her sixties or whatever, and like we're driving down the road and you know, she's she's like basically picking a fight with me again. You know, so I got to pull over and be like, all right, mom, get out of the car.

Hell, yeah, you you flipped a switch on her.

Dude, I flipped the script.

Mm hmm.

But where the fire?

I mean salt? Yeah, yeah, it feelt awesome, but you know, we're in Saltwater Caafy.

Beach.

It's fun, it's miserable.

I remember one time my uncle did the same thing to me where I was like fighting with my sister and we were in his car and he he made he pulled over on the side of the road and made me stand and and uh, get out on There's a big rock on the side of the road, like a big boulder, and he made me stand on the boulder and wait for wait, continue And I told him I had to pee, but he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me go pee, so I ended up piecing my pants all over this Bowlder.

Jesus Christy, That's see, that's childhood. Try on me right there, dude.

Yeah, that's why. That's why. I mean, that's why I'm not going to go visit him anymore.

I don't know.

I don't I don't know. I don't understand your your strategy of bringing your child back to the source.

I mean, they have a really nice beach house. Like my mom is all right, and she has a like as far as money's concerned, so she has kind of a beach house situation.

So you're so you're willing to forget you.

No, neither.

Never forgive, never forget all the grudge for as long as you can. But you know, if they got a beach house, as if a beach house unless there's a beach house involved, and you know, like I might be having a miserable time, but it's really not about me. I mean, my kids are having a great time. They've never met their cousins. For Jesus Christ, it's been forever they of them met their cousins. But you know, now they met them and they're all having a blast together. So that's cool.

Well, man, look, you're you're you're a good father. I always every time I see you know, like if I go to Disney World or a theme park or something and I see the miserable adults with the happy kids, I'm like, you know, props to them, drops to them, or sticking it outs for the kids.

Shut Hey, dude, Father's Day, its Father's It's Father's Day weekend, you know what I'm saying, So like shout out to the dads.

Dude, Maybe your kids will give you a card with money in it, maybe obvious feet or like you know, a stick of gum or something like that.

At least something, dude, I mean, you know, their smiles is gifted enough, you know, like I got the pictures and video of them and by the ocean, they're making memories. They'll always remember me pulling over to the side of the road and saying, all right, mom, get out of the car going into that. Hopefully it won't be traumatic, but you know whatever.

Well, hell yeah, we you say your name was Scott. Thank you for sharing Scott.

Yep, have a good night, you guys Bank.

You too, never goes on the line taking your phone calls every night, never goes to XI. I was teaching you about your life. Body's not really expert.

All from Joshua Joshua.

Hello, hey, hey man, how's it going.

How old are you? Joshua?

Twenty three?

You're twenty three?

Yeah?

I'm twenty three? Really twenty three thousands?

That's pretty cool.

Do you like being twenty three?

Not right now?

Honestly?

Well, I woke up from a coma about six months ago.

Really so yeah, I woke up from a coma six months ago.

Yeah, I was in a coma for about a year. Woke up and six months ago and just trying to figure shit out.

I guess how did you get into a coma.

So I was hunting with one of my friends and I got shot in the back of the head, and that's basically what they told me happened. I don't really remember anything before the tree stand, so I'm just going off what everyone else said.

You were shot in the back of the head.

From what they said, that bullet entry was from the back of the head, So yeah.

Who shot you?

Well, it's kind of crazy. It was one of my friends. I didn't know about it, honestly. For a while, everyone said it was an accident, or at least that's what I was told.

But about a week.

Ago, I was playing baseball with my little brother and I hit my head pretty hard, and a couple days ago, I was like, stuff's been coming back to me a little bit, and I'm starting to think it.

Wasn't an accident, really.

Yeah, because I remember me and my friend were arguing about the hunting spot we were going to go to, and I told him that I knew this one place that my grandpa used to take me and he was like completely against it, and like we were arguing real bad, and like that's all I really remember.

Before.

But that doesn't okay, But which hunting spot to go to doesn't sound to me, like, you know, the the scale of an argument that would end in your friend shooting you in the back of the heads. Yeah, but like that would be a little petty. I'd say.

We've we've been arguing for a while now though, because I've been dating his sister and he wasn't really too happy about it, and then like I'm pretty sure there was more intentions behind it. I just remember arguing before you know, everything just kind of went black.

M So, you were dating his sister, you think of that made him upset.

I'm thinking it because I remember he wasn't too happy about it, but like he told me and his sister, he was okay with it, but he started he's been treating me differently, like before the accident, and then he just randomly was like, hey, you want to go hunting, and I'm like, yeah, sure, And all I remember is him, like him being determined on going to a specific spot and I was like, no, I know a different spot, and then we ended up going to where he wanted to,

Starting to read this account of the story. What what's his account of the story. What does he happened?

Well, he said that he was trying to shoot a buck, and I just like he's the way he explained it is, I got in the way and it was an accident. But I'm starting to think it wasn't an accident because like he was in front of me last the last I remember, he was in front of me. So I'm trying to I've been trying to figure out for the past few days how he would manage to get behind me.

Yeah, he's been acting apologetic. He shot you in the back of the heads, I.

Know, but he's been like he's been buying me stuff, and like he's been he keeps asking me like, hey.

Do you remember anything?

Do you remember anything?

As well?

He just keeps asking me if I remember anything from that day, and like every time I tell him I don't know, he just he's persistent. He's like, are you sure you don't? Are you sure you don't remember? And like it is like at first exactly because at first I was just like, oh, he just wants to make sure I'm okay and that like my brain's not fucked.

He was like, oh uh yeah, yeah, but.

We got over that.

That's that's nothing. Like he kind of blew it.

Off pretty quick.

Are you planning on? I mean, look, have you like tried to press charges against him or something like that.

Well, I think I would need like actual proof that he'd like it was intentional and stuff for me to do something like that. I don't think I could just be like, hey, I think it was on purpose.

Because okay, so you you you sort of you think that this might have been on purpose. Who else have you talked to about this?

Nobody so far?

Like I told my mom, you haven't talked to like a lawyer or well, I've talked to my mom, Yeah, motherfucker or something like that.

Well, I've talked to my mom about it, like a little bit. I told her. I was like, hey, I'm starting to remember a little bit more. And she's been asking me about it, and I've been telling her a little bit, and all she's like, and she seems like she's been telling me to just like not tell nobody and to just wait for her to figure it out and she'll and she'll let me know, you know, what we should do about it, because like she has a lot of money. You know, my family's kind of wealthy.

Different how you were in the comma for you said what six months? Yeah, and well what do you do? What do you do now?

Nothing? Really, I've been Uh, I've been going to a lot of therapy still And do you I.

Mean, do you talk about this in therapy?

Uh?

Not really, because I just feel like I don't want to blow anything out of proportion because if I'm wrong, then I'm falsely accusing a good friend of mine. Like I understand friends argue and that could just be like us arguing a little bit.

But I don't want to But what like now I'm curious, But I'm curious, So why why are you? You know, if I'm hearing correctly, the only people you've told are me, an internet gecko who is a random guy, and your mom. Why would you not tell a therapist or if your family can afford a lawyer, because these are legitimate things. If you think, let me tell you. If you genuinely think that your friend intentionally shot in the head, you should tell this therapist who I assume you're talking to

You know, Yeah, But I just I feel like if I do and then it turns out that it was an accident, then I'm losing my friend because I don't think like he would want to be friends with me after I accused him of something like that.

You know what, I think, you know what your friend, well, either your friend shot you in the back of the head, you know, uh, I think I think, you know, I would be nervous that my friend wouldn't want to be friends with him, wouldn't want to be friends with me after I did that. So, you know, I think that there's there's a little bit of of even ground to be made here. It's worth talking about to someone legitimate.

I think, yeah, I probably should have talked to somebody about it.

Will you do that? Will you do that? Will you talk to your therapist and say, hey, I think that my friend shot me in the back of the face and you know, I don't know. This might be you know, a thing I could talk about in therapy. You know something I personally I think that's a legitimate thing to talk about in therapy. Is your friend is shooting you in the head in the middle of the woods.

Yeah, I just I just concerned because like we've been friends since kindergarten and our families are really close. So like I'm not trying to ruin everything over just like a thought or like a conclusion that I've come to, because it could just be like me piece stuff together still without the complete story.

You know, sure, and and I get that, But that's why I think you should piece I mean, you don't have to go straight to your friends and accuse him, but you should talk it out with someone.

Well that's what I call you.

Oh, you should talk. I mean, you should talk it out with a professional. I don't know anything about how the brain works, but listen, what do you say? Your name was Joshua? Joshua. Look, Joshua. If I'll leave you with this, get a different hobby. What get get next? Here? Here? Here's here will be my actual Get a hobby that doesn't involve guns. If you can, you're what you said, you were wealthy? Play croquet? Do any other rich guy sport? Get into gulf? You know, any does anything that doesn't

All right, Before we do go, I just want to say that thank you for all the content you make going to physical therapy and watching your podcasts and everything. It's really helped me kind of keep saying.

Thank you, man, I appreciate that. I'm glad to hear that.

All right, Right, you have a good night man, you too.

All From Mason Mason, oh Jick, Hello Mason, how are you?

I'm good?

How are you?

Why are you good?

I didn't expect to be here.

I didn't expect you to be here either.

Really, really, who are you expecting?

I wasn't expecting anyone in particular, but I'll tell you I was not expecting you. Okay, does that make sense?

Yeah?

I think, So, how old are you, Mason, I'm eighteen? You're eighteen?

Yeah, nineteen and a month little less, fifteen days ish?

You What are you doing for your birthday?

Waking up? Maybe taking a shower, don't help, think about it when I get there. Nothing special.

The nineteenth birthday is not particularly special. Yeah, I mean it's the last year of your teens.

Yeah, that's kind of weird, is it.

Where are you are you? Do you feel old?

No?

Not yet.

I think once you're like past twenty two, I feel like that's probably when stuff starts setting in, Like, Wow, my childhood is like genuinely over, like there's nothing left of it, you know.

Yeah, it's weird though, because you know, childhood is nice, but I look at it with rose colored glasses. There's a lot of things about being a kid that suck.

Right, But what about being a child sucks?

Everyone tells you what to do. You have no agency over your life. You're you're I mean, if you're like eight, like, you don't know you have You're just uncomfortable all the time. You don't know who you.

Are, right, Okay.

You feel a lot more vulnerable to the opinions of other people because you haven't had time to form your own opinions.

I feel like at the age of eight, it's not like you don't know what opinions are yet.

Well, no, I mean you. I'm just talking about younger, you know. I'm like, you know, fourteen or fourteen or whatever. Yeah, I was fucking thirteen. I was. I was nervous as ship all right time. When I was in sixth grade, I was like, I don't want to draw any attention to myself whatsoever. Right, And now that I'm you know, forty seven, you know I'm a gecko on the.

Computer, right right, Yeah, that's that's the life to be living, if I'm being honest. I mean, do you you obviously liked doing this enough to do it three times a.

Week sometimes sometimes, Well, tonight's been a good night. Tonight, I'm feeling good. I was just saying this that some nights, some nights fucking suck.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I doubt it's the easiest job, and I bet you get a lot of shit for it, but I feel like it's probably a good job once you have nights like these. I don't know which one outweighs up the other more, but it's.

It's it's it's nice when we have good nights and and it only sucks when we go for a while without having uh good nights. But it's been a good night. I like this conversation. It was like a good back and forth here for like, I'm learning about you, you're learning about me.

I like learning about you.

Get that's very sweet. But I have this thing where you know, you've tricked me a little bit into talking too much because I have this philosophy. I already know everything about myself. Not one hundreds of true, but I know more about myself. I know way more about myself than I do about you. So I, you know, curious about you. You're nineteen, Are you in college?

I'm taking a summer class right now. I actually had a unintentional gap year.

So an unintentional gap year, what does that look like?

So I was going to go into the navy, you know. So I left for basic and we had to quarantine for two weeks, and then thirty eight out of like forty people in my building got COVID, so we all had to stay there for another two weeks. So we were quarantined for a month. After that, I went to boot camp, for two weeks, and a lot of us just from like a month of inactivity couldn't really complete the physical tests that we could when we started. I

Your ultimate goal, you want to join the Navy.

No, not anymore. No, I'm just going to college. I'm going to get a business degree, probably like a marketing and then I want to work in real estate.

And you want to work in real estate?

Yeah, in Texas?

Interesting like selling it. You want to be an agent? You want to own yeah? Yeah thing. Yeah, that's a good business from what I've heard about it. You can probably make a lot of money. You can probably work for yourself. Great, it's a good gig. And what now, let me ask you what drives you? Is it money? You want to have a lot of money. You want to have agency over yourself.

Eventually, I just don't want a very repetitive job, you know, I want something where I could wake up every morning and have a different experience and not feel like I wake up every morning just slaving my life away to a job that I don't enjoy.

You know, can I ask? And I don't know? You Actually you probably know more about fucking real estate than I do. Uh. What makes selling real estate in your opinion, a not repetitive job? Because I would think it sort of is you you know, you wake up every day you sell houses.

Well that, but.

Real estate is like, it's not a repetitive thing. And in terms of how often you have to do it, you could sell. If you're your own business, right and you sell three houses a year, you're already making more than what the average household income is for in the United States.

Really, and for only fucking three houses.

Yeah yeah, if if that's if you do work under yourself, If you work under other people, then I mean sometimes they'll give you like a commission bonus, but not always. But I mean, either way, have still decent money.

I like the idea that you fucking sell three houses a year and then you fuck off to like shine.

I'm not saying that I'm just going to fuck off, right, I'm like, obviously I'm gonna keep putting in work, and those things are like there's still year long projects where you're going to have to buy like a rundown I should he rundown piece of like a lot, right, and then you fix it up and then you're gonna sell it for almost double what you paid for. And that's what you're hoping for, is that you get more in your return.

So right, well you're gonna you're gonna be you when you fix it up. You should add some flare to the houses. Man, if that's the thing, If you really wanna, if you really want to make this a creative job, you've got to be a special type of realtor person, all right. You gotta be like taking you know, houses

Okay, okay, so yeah, I think that one would work.

Honestly, the kid died in here.

Yeah, I mean I.

Think probably places with a little bit of history behind them. You know, absolutely, you're making a property.

You have to be creative and you're storytelling because you're.

Not always you can't get a piss and ship house anywhere off the street. That's a that's my specialty right there.

You know.

Look what your name was, Mason? Mason. I like your yes and mentality. I like your creativity. I I you know, I I buy a house. I'd buy a house from you if if I could afford one in in in the air in uh you know, if I could afford a piss and ship house. They probably run for millions of dollars. But if if, if you know, the market crashes, I'll be hitting you up. Okay, thank you so much for calling, man. You have good rest of the night.

Yeah, YouTube gets Yeah, how from Hayden.

Hayden?

Wait, Oh shit, I'm actually on You're on the thing, dude. Oh nice? What's up? Wait? Hello? Can you hear me?

I can hear you?

Oh yeah, you're uh your thing said, like, do you know anyone? I called in because I actually don't know anyone.

You don't know anyone?

Yeah, I don't even know like a like a single person, dude, you know me? I mean I guess that's true, Like I know who you are, but like I don't, I don't know you, you know, but.

I mean, but you know who I am?

Well, I mean in that sense, I know, like who a lot of people are, right, Okay.

Well, I don't think it's I don't think it's possible for you to not know.

Anyone, not really, like I don't know anyone at all. I yes, I'm an orphan. I just I just grew up. I didn't have any parents or parental figures. I uh. I work like a like a night security job. It's just me. I don't see anyone. I drive home. No one's but me here. I don't think I've actually spoken to another person face to face for like probably about like two years.

Really, yeah, are you well so you grew up with Nope, But I mean where did you grow up? Like what was your life like when you were ten?

I just I just like there was no I just like started, you know, like that's it. No, school or anything.

Just where did you when Okay when you were ten years old?

And yeah, yeah I was. I was. I was working security, Like I said.

Yeah, where do you sleep.

In my bed?

Okay? Where's you have? I have a it's like when you were ten years old? Like where did you.

See at night? Well, like I said, like in my bed, you know, like I have like a I've got like I've got like a like a bed at a place I sleep on it.

Who owned? Who pays for the place to exist?

I don't have to pay for it. It's just I can just sleep.

Say there's no one around, like the rates the facility, Hayden, I do.

I'm the it's my be you know, all right, Hayden.

Yeah, we're gonna where we can either talk like like you know, two people having a conversation where they speak words, or I'll hang up.

Right, Okay, I understand. I don't pay rent if that's what you're asking.

So what what is this place?

It's just the bed. It's not like a place like it's just like the bed. Like I'm like the like outside you know, in the woods.

Hayden. Yes, Hayden, who are you? Hayden?

What do you mean?

Hey, I need a Hayden. I want to move on so fast. I need a conversation with a human being right now about things that makes sense to me in my head.

I know, I'm sorry, I really tried, but like this is actually my first Congress station with a human being. And like I mean I said, it was like two years.

Right, probably tell me about two years ago.

Yeah, two years ago. I remember it actually pretty clearly.

Tell me.

Yeah, the last person I had a conversation with, who was it? I ran out of toilet paper, so I went to the store to get some. Mhm, and uh it was the dude that the cash registry, you know. He was like, that's a lot of toilet paper. And I was like too nervous to say anything. Mm hmm. Well hello, I think my my phone.

Hello, I'm here, I'm here.

Oh, so.

Okay, So you went to get toilet paper.

Yeah, I got like a lot of So okay, are you like a legit you're like a legitimate like a gorphobic? I don't know what that means, Like like I'm like afraid of something, like I like a phobic part. I know that what is a gore?

Like you know, like be afraid to leave the house.

Oh well, I mean I don't have a half Boh, you don't have a house now, Like I said, it's like in the woods.

You sleep in a bed in the middle of the woods.

Yeah, and what's that like? I mean, it's it's kind of like it's it's kind of chow but I guess it could be kind of lonely.

Is there a house over the woods or it is a bed in the middle of the woods with nothing.

Else covering it's it's in the woods. I mean there's like woods around, so it's kind of like hidden from like view from outside of the woods.

You know what I mean? Is there are there four walls surrounding the bed?

No?

Where are you right now?

In the woods?

Really?

Yeah?

How do you charge your phone?

H I have a I have solar panels. You know.

It's nighttime.

Well, I mean it charges during the day and then I can use it at night.

Can you yell as loud as you possibly can for me?

Yeah? I don't wanna. I don't wanna, like i've you don't. I don't want to alert anyone to my presence in the woods.

You know, there's no one around there in the middle of the woods.

I mean it's we say, like in the middle. I mean it's I maybe I maybe towards the edge of the woods.

I mean, you don't live with you live on the edge of the woods.

I may not have been totally honest. It's I have been totally.

Honest with me.

Well, I'm now I'm being totally honest.

I don't think you are Haydden.

What do you mean.

Hadn't I? Yes, just take your bed from the middle of the woods. And you said you work the night shop, right, Yeah, they do. They pay you money to do this job.

Yeah, they're just Yeah, they should.

You should take some of that money, rent an apartment or a house and put the bed in that house and then sleep there.

Mm hmm.

I'm not here to judge you and how you live, but I want you you to keep stay open to the possibility that that might be a happier existence for you than the one you currently live.

Hm. Hm, I mean, I don't know. It's I feel like I'm doing all right.

I think you are too. Thank you so much for calling hidden.

Uh yeah, yeah, thanks thanks for having me on. Dude.

Have a good rest tonight you too. Hey, folks, this is Lyle here with a very quick message just letting you know that this podcast does not have any advertising in it as of this very moment, but if you would like to support and make it easier for me to do more therapy Gecko in the future, you can head on over to patreon dot com slash lyle forever and for only five dollars you can make it a heck of a lot easier for me to put this whole shebang together. That is Patreon dot com, slash lyle forever.

Call from Jen, Jen, Yes, how are you?

I'm good?

How are you?

You seem you seem very excited.

Oh my god, I've been trying to call in for like a year.

Do you are? Do you leg you mean that like a year?

Yeah, since like whenever you started.

Started about a year ago. What's your what's your name? And chat? Am I allowed to? Are you allowed to say?

No?

I don't know. My husband's the one who's always in the chat, and I just.

Call what's what can I know what his name is. I'm curious.

I don't know.

You could ask him.

Have I spoken to your husband?

No, this is the first time for both me and my husband.

Hair.

I'll give you to him.

He's so really so you so you? Uh oh here, let's well, so you, how have you been trying to call in for a year? You haven't gotten in after calling in for a year? I feel like after a year.

Yeah, well, I usually like we'll give up after a while. Yeah, I'll just do like fiing stuck and I'll just go asleep.

Well, Jen, I mean, tell me everything, tell me nothing.

Well, I don't know, it's just me.

It's yes, let me ask you something. You've been watching this for a year? Yes, what I mean? What do you when you what do you like about the callers? When you when you like the callers?

Some of them are very interesting stories. And I'm not going to be one of them. Like the guy who's like living on a cot in the middle of would.

I have I have?

I don't.

I don't know what my own personal theory is about that one.

He's probably full of shit, but he but.

Even if he is full of shit, it's like, well, what's the what's the real story here? Because is he actually a gloraphobic? Like is he just fucking with Because when people are like, legit fucking with me, they don't there was something about that. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to make of it.

Right, It's like are they in the witness protection program? Like who are they hiding from? Why do they may have to make these obscure stories.

It's weird because I almost feel like if someone's fucking with me, if someone's like just there to fuck with me, they'll they would make something outlandish. I feel that wasn't that wasn't outland and crazy enough for me to be like, all right, this person's just gone, you know, making shit up.

Yeah.

I just usually at night, like my creativity level is just not there to be coming up with this outlandish and sane stuff. So apologies to everybody.

You don't have to You don't have to apologize at all. You have nothing to be sorry for. I mean, I don't know, have you killed anyone? Have you murdered a person?

I have not murdered a person.

What would it take to get you to murder a person?

Jesus anonymity for number one and a shit ton of money.

That's that's it is. If someone paid you enough and you knew you to get away with it. That was not the answer. I was expecting, yes, expecting a more noble sort of answer of like they would have to no, you know, come across my child or whatever the fuck? Nope, how much money would it take? Realistically?

I mean, I guess it's not as black and white as that. I guess when we start talking in details like well, who am I killing? What kind of person are they? Do they deserve it sort of thing? So if they like really deserve it, like Harvey Weinstein, then like shit, like give me like ten grand I'll be good.

But if it's like really.

A mom, yeah, if it's like a mom, like somebody who's living a good life, like I would probably feel terrible for the rest of my life if I did it. So we're talking like millions.

Now do you support capital punishment?

Well, I don't support the death penalty. I feel like people can be rehabilitated the capital punishment, Like, yeah, do.

You support the death penalty?

No?

Wait, okay, so hold on, So but that doesn't make sense because if you, like, if you believe that no one should like like, okay, if you believe that, like a judge shouldn't be able to, in their judgment say that this person has done so horribly that they deserve to die, like how so? But how why? Because that's my thing because I couldn't do I don't know even if they were a really bad person. I don't know if I could be like, this person deserves to die.

Well, I mean I think that, like once we start talking about like legality and like interpreting law is to say that, yes, this person did something so egregious that they should no longer walk this earth. I think that. I mean, we're talking about two different things here, Like number one, we're talking about me.

I feel like like that we're talking about if someone does something so terrible, do they deserve to die?

Well, that's true. I mean, yeah, you're you're asking me, like how much money would I take for it? And yeah, I guess in my like in my personal judgmental mind, like yes, I could like say yes or no, like just based off my own like, but as long as I would be anonymous for it. Fine, yes, sure, But if we're talking like a judge interpreting laws to say, like, yes, this person should die there serial killer, child rapist thing,

So grand, Well yeah, all wait, hold on, here's okay, how much to kill? Like just like a guy who like works in an office and he's like not that cool, but he's he didn't like kill anyone or anything, Like, how much for that guy?

Are you talking about a coworker?

No, just you know, just some random guy. I mean, do you know a co worker? Oh my god, not that doesn't desert. What are do you have any co workers that you would kill for a certain amount of money? Is what I'm asking?

I think, Oh my god, probably, but like but like for like a lot of money.

All right, how much? How much money to kill your receptionist?

Jesus like a couple of millions.

Really, Yeah, that's fucked.

Up, isn't it.

This is what covid has done to all of us. We just don't give a ship anymore.

That's fucked up.

Man.

I know you kill your coworker for two million dollars, it's fucked up.

So anyway, what you wouldn't You wouldn't kill anyone, I mean for money?

Likes, how did we get here?

I'm really not like a violent person.

Well for the right price, you are.

Yes, my husband's left the room. He thinks I'm going to kill him now?

Well how much for that?

Thank god?

I couldn't. I couldn't.

That's like, that's good.

That's good to know. What's your husband's name in chat? Do you really not know?

I honestly like I could give you. I could give him to you. He wants to know your name in chatmous, He says anonymous.

He's anonymous?

Apparently.

Well I'm glad. Well, tell I appreciate you guys being here for a year. That means a lot to me.

Oh thanks, this is just I mean, you're the only gek on the internet that gives fake therapy to anyone. So clearly it hasn't worked for me.

Well at the fake therapy, Well it's worth I think. Well, I mean, how would you even define this as working?

You know?

Well, I mean we're talking about I mean, like I would think that I'm a fairly normal person with non violent tendencies, Like I'm a nice person, like I've got a good profession. I help people. But for some reason, were the right.

Price, you would abandon all of that. Yeah, a co worker in.

The face, Yes, the receptionist.

Do you not like her? Or you just like? I mean, what would you do with two million dollars?

Oh my god, I'd like, well, number one, I'd pay off my student loan, Like that's for sure.

Oh okay, you mentioned you have student loans. Now I kind of get it.

Yeah, I mean, like I feel like I'm indebted to not only several banks, but to the government still for quite some time. So I'd like to break the chains of indentureship.

Oh should. I got to give a quick shout out to Skylius for this, for this raid.

Nice hero.

He's a good guy. I don't know why I said that. He might not be a good guy. He raided me, but but I can't say for certain that he's a good guy just because he raided me. I don't know anything about him. I think it's dangerous of me that I've said that that he's a good guy, because he might be a terrible person.

He could be.

He's probably trying to buy your favor.

Him.

You know what, him I would kill for two million dollars.

Same.

Well, it was al as you're talking to you, Jen. Thank you so much for being here.

Yeah, no problem.

You have a good night. I'll talk to you next year.

Yes, next year.

All right?

Bye?

All from Jam and Sam. Hello.

Hello, did I get in? Get into what.

The chat? Yes?

You are in chat with me currently. You are currently engaged in a conversation with me over the phone.

Hello, how are you?

What's your name?

It went quiet? Do I still love you?

Hello?

Hello? This is so weird.

Sam Man's Sam? There's not Sam. Listen, Sam. I need you to know. And I'm not saying this to be harsh to you or anything like that, but I'm only saying this because there's no time to evaluate the situation that you're in right now. There is only time to be in it. Does that make sense?

Yeah, that does make sense. I'm kind of weirded out by it?

Did you say your name was Sam?

Yes?

Sam? No time to think about how you feel, only time to feel It's Sam, How do you know that you are not dead?

See?

I don't really know? Like are we actually dead or are we alive?

Like?

I feel things, I feel my pulse, I feel my cat beside me right now. But then again, could she be a ghost too?

Right like?

We could both be ghosts just living in the ghost land of Earth.

I don't know.

Or are we in another like parallel universe We don't know of Sam.

I get this sense from you that you maybe you know and I get this too. I get this too. Think think a lot about your surroundings, about who you are, about what you're currently feeling. You know in your head? Sam. But yeah, look, I implore you, and I'm only telling you this because I'm telling myself this as well. To be in the world more than you're thinking about your place in it, Sam.

Are we in a simulation right now?

We might be. I actually think if we were, though it wouldn't matter the whole the question. If I had to give my personal answer to this question, are we in a simulation? I'd say it doesn't really matter, right, Think about this. You woke up tomorrow morning on CNN, on all the news places everywhere, on Twitter, everything was life is confirmed to be a simulation. What would you do? Would it just be part I think I think it would just blend into the news cycle. Oh yeah, life's

If you don't want to anymore?

Like what if you just want to skip out and like go to a different country, or I don't know, eat pasta every day for the rest of your life. See what happens, Right, Sam?

It sounds like you've you' it sounds like you've defined the goal for your life. It sounds like you've deferd anything that you would like to do.

That is my goal in life is to just eat all of the happiest pasta in the world and love pasta.

What's your favorite pasta?

Sam? I wish you the best of luck in achieving that goal, and I'll be rooting for you all the way. And by the way, I just want you to know. I want you to know. People are going to tell you that you're pronouncing pasta wrong. But who are they to be the authority on anything that takes place in your version of reality? Yeah?

Correct, you too, Love you, GK.

All from worrying.

Hello, Hey, how's it going, gek?

How do you know you're not dead?

Hmmm?

So I was thinking that it doesn't matter because if it's true that we are dead, and there's other existences and they would be relative to the existence that they're in. So if we are dead now, but we can witness babies being born, old people dying, young people dying too early, then this is it. You know, it's all relative. So if we're dead now, well this is our dead life.

How do you like to enjoy the simulation the death life?

What do you do?

I don't think it's true, But how do I enjoy it? I just I hang out with my wife and that's now all I do. Now, I just moved. You meet your work place with not any friends. But I met her in college.

All class.

At the library, actually.

Studying for Remember the first to her when you saw her in the library.

The first thing I said to her? Yes, probably just high, you know she I remember she talked to me. I think first we were sitting down, and there was.

I was sitting.

Down first, there was an empty seat, and then another guy, and so she sat down right between us and started talking to him first. But when he got up, then I started talking to her. I don't remember the first words, but that's how it how it went, and how the conversation started.

How do you see? Do you feel bad that you were the second guy that she talked to? Like the guy she was having a pretty good conversation with the first guy and then he got up to leave, and you were sort of like a second place conversation or.

Is that I wasn't thinking that. Now I'll tell her, like I'll tease her about that, like, what was going on? You were flirting with that guy before me, but she didn't know who I was, so I don't really care.

Let me ask you one final question. Yeah, do you believe when you look.

Back, how will you twenty seven through twenty.

Seven, all the great things that have happened to you in your life? How many of them? What percentage of them did you initiate versus they happened upon you, such as your wife talking to you first.

I feel like most a lot of great things are from me in this shooting, because at the end of the day I asked for her number when she left the table, Yes, and other.

Things, but you know, yes, yes, you're getting the you could get balanced, right you you you you You're lucky enough to have ran into many pitches.

Very lucky.

Yes, And at the end of the day you're the one hitting them out of the park. I like that for you. What did you say?

Her name was, Blaine?

I love you, Lane, you have a rest of the night.

Hey you too.

Man.

Later, a kid named Lane bullied me in high school actually, and now he follows me on Instagram and I post clips of this stream and he likes them. So I guess. I guess we're cool now.

Paul from Rico, Rico.

Oh my god.

I was eating a sandwich and you.

Answered, Wow, what kind of sandwiches.

It's a sandwich from Jersey mics. It's got provolone, roast, beef, turkey, and bacon.

M that sounds delicious.

Oh it is, it is.

That's how I normally finished. Do you want me to let you finish eating this sandwich before we move on?

I just spit it out.

Cool, you spit it out? Yeah, listen, I would have let you finish. Listen, man, I would have let you finish that one bite's.

A little bit out. It was just spread at that point.

When you say it's just bread, I feel like bread is an integral part of the sandwich and the bread. You would have wanted the bread to be the part of the bite.

Yeah.

Yeah, How do you know you're not dead? Pain?

I wouldn't choose to be in pain. I don't think anybody would like those memes. Sometimes I kind of have like a.

Both.

I mean, every way you deal it, something happens.

M hm hm.

Yeah.

Some must recent painful experience you had.

It's weird, it's it was a painful experience, but like good to some people. Sure, Uh my dad looked at me and wanted to be me. For a second, I was just like fuck you.

You said he wanted to be you.

Yeah, like he looked at me like I'd always wanted to look at me like as a kid, but he like hated me, and like he looked at me and he just smiled and he's just like, don't cut your hair. I was like, in my head, just like fuck you.

But yeah, why was it painful that your dad was envious of you?

Uh?

Yeah, like I said, he just like as a kid, he just wanted to live vicariously through me. But I kind of figured that I as an adult. But it's so cool now.

Because do you feel like because he wanted to live vicariously through you, he tried to dictate a lot of your actions.

Yeah yeah, but now I'm an adult and like you can't you know, really do shit. So it's my life, right.

You know.

It's funny because you said that you view this as a painful experience, but that you even said yourself that others might not view it that way. Yeah, because you know, when I think of it, I think of it like you know, how well, Leo twenty nine, twenty nine. Your father's envious of your youth. You know, he knows that you have something valuable, right, Yes, even though you know it's caused you a lot of pain to have to

I'm going to be eatful until the day I did. I like, I'm gonna be that old man like, you know, doing crazy shit, smoking weed, having fun. I like jokes. I like that is eternal.

I like that.

Stay young, my friend.

Thank you, stay sticky, have a good night. Thanks, thank.

All. From Jose Jose.

Hello, do you like when people say your name? Does it give you a all hit of dopamine?

No?

No, why not?

You can call me anything.

I'm on speakerphone right now. Yes, would you mind thinking me on speakerphone? It's a little hard to hear you.

Is that better?

Much better? Because you know some people I've heard this. I've heard this. I talked about this the other night. I've heard this. It's all over the internet. People saying things, the people saying I don't want to be perceived.

Have you heard this?

Yes?

Where do you lie on the spectrum of I don't want to be perceived to I enjoy copious amounts of attention.

I don't really think about my own perception, but really I did. At one time. You used to enjoy copious amounts of attention?

Mhm. And what happened to change that.

I started living in the world more.

Tell me about the time period that you've enjoyed receiving copious amounts of attention. What were you receiving? What were you receiving copious amounts of attention for.

Being five or six years old? You know you can fart and someone would be happy with you.

What else would you do for attention? Would you act up? Would you bite other children? Would you break things?

Now?

I didn't have fun like that?

M okay. So about how old were you when you stopped having such a strong desire for attention? Eighteen eighteen? Yeah, okay, so we do. We're in high school? Were you? Why was that a Actually when I dropped out, you dropped out. But when you were sixteen, you know, a young adult, a much different situation being a farting five year old, would you do things for attention.

No, because a sixteen year old farting isn't cute.

No, I don't mean that. I don't mean would you do those specific things for attention that you do when you were five? I mean would you in general do things for attention?

Yes? I would.

What would you do?

Make fun of my friends? Make fun of teachers? Act up?

Mh. You know what's so weird about being in school?

Is that?

Is that? And this is at this is true. I'm actually remembering this now because I haven't thought about it in a while. But it's weird in high school. In middle school, bullying other kids with other kids brings the kid that you're bullying the other kids with. He brings you guys closer together, Like if you and another person make fun of a kid together, it brings you and that other person a little bit closer.

You know.

It's funny even brought those kids that we made fun of together with us.

Sometimes maybe.

I mean I was mostly making fun of my friends. I didn't care what other people were doing.

Sure, I know. I remember in middle school, if you hated someone and someone else hated someone, you would form an alliance over your mutual hatred of the person. I'm not talking about a lighthearted ridding here. I'm talking about, you know, making kids not want to come to school.

Oh geez no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, that's that's that's our breaking that part.

M hm.

So you'd make fun of teachers, You'd make fun of kids.

I'd make fun of teachers all the time.

Really, do you think it made them like you? Do you think it? Do you think the fact that you made fun of them, you didn't default to giving them your respect, made them try even harder to earn it.

There were a few. I bet you know at that age you don't really give a shit though, because you're just a shithead kid.

Yeah.

Sorry, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to really curse on this.

You can say whatever you want here within reason. Okay, how old you now?

Thirty three?

Thirty three? And are you comfortable with the amount of ascension that you receive as a thirty three year old?

Man?

Oh?

I get way too, I get more than I want. I want to be ignored. That's why I liked the COVID masks.

Mhm. I like that too. Yeah, helps you feel a little bit more anonymous.

Mm hmm.

You feel like he get too much attention.

No, but anonymity is amazing.

Why do you like animate aemy?

That's a good question, probably because maybe what you had asked me earlier, I had been spending all that time as a teen, as a young adult looking for attention, and then when it finally comes your way, it's not what you really thought it would be. It's exhausting. You know people can be exhausting, don't you think?

Oh?

Yeah, absolutely, they could be really tiring. You know, they have their problems. You don't get a second to even talk about your problems, and then now you're left smoking a cigarette in the darkness while the rainfalls.

Very poetic. No, I agree with you, though, Yeah, a lot of attention can definitely be exhausting. I feel you on that it would be nice to be anonymous. Being anonymous and rich would be cool. Like no one knowing who you are, but having a billion dollars. Maybe you just go somewhere, you.

Just resting a T shirt and jeans, and no one knows that you've got a billion dollars in your pocket.

Yeah, how much money do you have to your name? I'm sorry, how much money do you have to your name?

I don't even know. That's how anonymous I try to be, even to myself.

There's a pleasure speaking with Jose.

You have a good rest of the night, you too, Paul from Paul, how.

Do we know we're alive? I have an answer.

I think I have an answer.

What how do we know we're alive?

I think I have an answer. Okay, Renee their car said, I think therefore I am is the mere feeling of experience necessitates that one is a lot. I don't think by virtue of being dead, you don't experience anything.

Well, let me tell you something about Renee of the card. He's dead as shit, so nothing he and look when you here's the thing. No, people don't know this, but when you die, nothing you did while you were alive. It matters anymore. You're dead now, just I you know, look, I'm sure he was great when he was alive. But there's no people I try to I don't. Look, I don't. I don't really pay that much attention to history historical figures, because I just I don't live in the past.

You know, fair fair? Well, then what do you think about the note?

You're done?

I don't like the side thing where people write books and they're like and then you read them and it's like they're trying to tell you stuff even though they're already dead. It's like you're dead. You leave, there's new people in the world.

New thought.

Well, I'll totally see them because they know more than you do, because they're still alive. So I'm sure Reneede Decard at the time that he was living in fourteen ninety five or whatever, was smart. But he's not smart anymore. He's dead. And I mean, I don't even think we should read any of his books anymore. Because he had his chan, he had his chance to tell us all the stuff he wanted to tell us. But he's dead now it's over. He needs to learn when to throw

Thank you so much for thanks gag you have for the rest of the night.

I love you.

I love you too.

All from then.

Hello, Hey Gek, longtime watcher for first time caller. I've thought a lot about your question for tonight.

Here, all right, So, I.

Mean, well, so a few weeks ago, I was getting really high and I have this thought that one day I'm going to die and I actually don't know what's going to happen. And so it made me think about this for quite a while, and finally I came to conclusion, GEK, that unless I know what happens after I die, I don't know if I'm dead or not m And so I guess, okay, Oh, you.

Were going to say, unless if you know what happens after you die, you don't know if you're dead or not, right.

Because I mean, if it's nothing and I don't know anything, it's kind of like before I was born. But like if it's something like, oh, I go to Heaven, well then they're gonna tell me when I get there, Hey, you're dead, Welcome to the you know, welcome to the afterlife. And the only thing I don't know maybe it's reincarnations and the men. You'll never know because it's an endless loop.

What about you?

Well, I think it's good to think about deaths because, well, because it gives you an appreciation for life, you know. I mean, what do you do today?

You know?

I mean like that that's the thing. I feel like I wasted my day. I woke up, I had a had a coffee, you know, I went downstairs and smoked the bowl and you know, contemplated the world, watched the news, but like kind of like life is just sort of going by, and I look at other people's lives. I saw this guy just you know, I mean, like everyone's life is a story, right. I saw this guy who had just gone to jail for embezzling you know, like

Are you saying that you wish that you were doing something as cool as embezzling four hundred million dollars?

No?

Absolutely not, Like that's the thing. I don't know what I think would be cool, because I don't think that guy probably in like retrospect, thought that was very cool, especially now that he's in prison.

No.

I well, okay, I know when he got caught it was probably not cool, but no, at the time, he absolutely thought it was super cool. He had he at the time he had four hundred million dollars, which oh, absolutely is pretty rare.

Yeah, I think, I mean yeah, And like that's the thing is, like, does it actually have consequence if we just turned into nothing when we die and back to the simulation that the other collar was talking about, Like I mean simulation or just turning to dust and you know, being a speck in the billion year span at the universe. Does feeling four hundred million you know, made up pieces of paper really matter?

M h, Well what do you think? Mmmm? It seems like you're becoming aware of your own mortality, which, like I said, is good because we live our lives all the time, like we're not gonna, you know, just fucking die. Sure, but if you think every single day that you're going to fucking die, then I feel like you would live your life with more intent.

That's that's kind of how I feel right now.

It's just the position.

It's another like existential issues, like the position of my life.

Tell me something, But tell me something. If you were living your life with more intent, what would your life look like? What would you be doing every day?

I would probably be like out in Central Asia driving around in like a Toyota land Cruiser, just exploring and like meeting like local village people and doing Ryan horses and learning falconry no bullshit. Right now in cash like ten grand in crypto about like eight well.

Probably not as much today.

And then like forty k and stocks forty k and stocks, yeah, I hold it called PSTH That's pretty awesome.

I mean, look, okay, so your net worth is like, you know, like sixty k. Yeah, you have sixty k. Sell some fucking stock, Okay, And then go do you have a job.

It's like a work from wherever job?

Oh, go to Central Asia or I don't know, I don't know if you can go to Central Asia right now? But go somewhere you can go.

You know what I'm gonna I'm gonna book the ticket right.

The book a hostel.

Book a hostel.

Okay, go alone and start talking to other people, because it's gonna be other people your age at the hostel and do it.

Yeah, I'm gonna book the ticket right now.

Absolutely, good night you too, all from Naomio, Naomio.

Oh hi, Naomio. I have a question for you.

Yep, how do we know?

How do you know you're not dead? I don't know. Does that scare you?

Sometimes?

It scares me?

Does it scare you today?

Not?

Right now?

Why do you think it does to scare you? Right now?

I'm feeling I'm feeling optimistic today, I'm feeling happy today.

Do you typically feel optimistic.

Typically?

Yes?

Mm hmm. What do you think is the prime reason why you so often feel optimistic?

Part of me thinks that it's just a part of my disposition, like it's maybe biological. And I also just find that in general, when I am optimistic about things, then I I'm generally happier. So it's kind of like a snowball effect.

I guess.

I find that interesting. You say when you're optimistic, you feel happier, which so and so, therefore you choose to be optimistic. I think that's really cool, to be honest with you, because a lot of the time I've looked at optimism and pessimism not so much as a choice as you've just described, but as a you wake up and this is how you're feeling. I like the intention behind all this.

Oh well, thank you.

I wasn't aware that it was.

I don't know interpreted differently to people.

Do you find it difficult to choose every day to be optimistic?

I don't find it difficult, but I do, Oh, I do find it. I find that when I'm having a bad day and I'm feeling sort of down and pessimistic, it is sometimes hard to get out of that funk.

When you find yourself in this funk and you make an effort to get out of it, what are you doing, what are you thinking? How do you what action are you taking mentally to revive yourself back into this optimistic place? Do you say to yourself, think to yourself?

Yeah, Usually for the most part. The strategy I've been using lately is if I'm having a bad day, I will just tell myself that today's a bad day and that's okay, and tomorrow's another day, and usually the next day things are much better, even just having slept on it with nothing actually changing in the world.

Interesting. You know, I've typically been a pessimist or not. I've been skeptical. I've been skeptical of affirmations. But this sounds like a good one because it's a long term strategy here. You know, you if you accept that today it's just in your day, but the next one might be, you're playing a long game, and the only games you should ever play should be long games.

So I like this. I like this.

Thank you for sharing this, Yeah, of course, thank you for everything you do and for your.

Therapy get goo.

I enjoy it.

Thank you for your naomio m hm. You have a good rest of the night.

Yeah you too.

Call from.

Hell.

Where are you calling from?

I'm calling from Canada?

Canada. How things going up there?

Yeah, it's kind of it's kind of nice, like things are opening up and we can go out and I don't know, it's been like a hard year.

You know, we're you've been going.

I think studying mostly and chilling.

You know, you've been studying and chilling.

Yeah, Like that's how my year been. And I found out about you like yesterday, and man, I gotta say, you're pretty cool?

Man, really can you? You know, it's weird because you've only known you've known about me for only a day, and you're saying I'm really cool. But at the end of the day, I feel like, is a day?

You know?

I guess I guess what I'm trying to say is like, is a day long enough? Have I Do you feel like I've provided you a enough information? Maybe not me directly, but I guess my whatever social media online presence has provided you enough information only in that one day for you to make the judgment that I am cool.

I like to be honest, Like in my mother country, like we don't have people like you like doing this type of thing.

Like so when I saw you, You're you're saying that, like this is just a normal thing in America? Is people doing this? This is multiple?

I like, I have no idea, like this is something really new? You don't.

Interesting interesting? I like I like the fact that well, how recently you're you're saying, have you I mean, are you new to your your mother? When did you leave your mother?

Country like seven months ago, came to Canada to have my college degree.

Okay, all right, so you're actually all right, So it sounds like, you know, it's just I'm in a position right now where I could take advantage of your lack of American culture, and I could just tell you that dressing up as geckos is just anat It's just something that we do come every you know, June twenty first in America. I could convince you that, and you would just believe me because I, you know, I think I'm cool apparently, and you don't have prior knowledge to compete with.

It's not like I don't know anything about the American culture, like I've seen. I know a lot of things, but something like.

This is the first time, you know, where's your mother country?

I'm African, actually, I'm from North Africa.

Nice?

Nice, And what made you want to come to Canada?

Like the universities are good here, are better than European universities, you know, and Canada really really chill, you know?

M hm, Yes, yes, I have got I have gotten that sense from Canada all the Canadian. Every Canadian that's called the show sounds sounds very very Canadian.

What does that mean?

I couldn't explain it if I wanted to. Where do you what do you study?

I'm studying computer science.

Okay, what do you What do you want to be when you grow up?

Like, I don't know, maybe I'm not sure about that. Like I haven't chosen a specialty yet, but I want to be a technical engineer.

You know, electrical engineer.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Well this is the problem. This is why I wanted to talk to you, because this is not what I want, what my parents want.

Okay, okay, do you have something that you do want to do?

Yeah?

I want to play soccer, man, Like that was my dream, Like since I've been I don't know, four years old.

You want to play soccer?

You know? Yeah?

I want to?

You want to?

When you say you want to play? When you say you want to play soccer, do you mean you want to? Like you want to be a professional I don't know. I don't know how the fucking leagues work or anything. But you want to be a professional player.

Yeah, I want to be a professional player.

Interesting, how do you do that? I don't know anything? About soccer. I don't watch it. I'm not in the FC League or the twenty or the LC League or whatever it is. How do you know what is the path to doing that?

Even like this is something something that I've noticed here in America, like people don't know anything about like soccer, and it's a huge in African Europe. It's something that you see. Everybody watches soccer. Everybody plays soccer. Everybody loves you no, we know, like every player from every nationality, from every country, from every team.

You know, and yet we got you to call it soccer.

Yeah, that's the problem. For seven months, Like everybody like being when I say soccer, they when I say football, they'd be like, no, it's not football, it's soccer. That's pretty dumb, man. But they can't start.

Ay soccer, it's you know. It's whenever people tell me that, like they have a thing that they want to do, I always tell them that they should, like make content on the internet, because I believe that that's a way, like a past to being able to do a lot of things. Now soccer, becoming a soccer player seems very difficult. Although I don't know if soccer is so popular that like you could make a living in like a minor league.

Like I'll say the number. Like there's a big football player that I personally love, He's my favorite. His name is Christiano Ronaldo on issue only on Instagram, like he made in twenty twenty, he made forty seven million dollars only from Instagram, without without the soccer, without the companies, without anything.

You sure, well, because what I was gonna say is I mean what I would do is, you know, if you can't become a soccer player, if the world of soccer is big enough, you could make soccer related content on you know, TikTok or fucking Twitch or something like that and try to build something off of there.

Yeah, Like I had this idea and it's like being buzzing in my mind for the past while.

You know, Okay, what's what's the What's what's the idea here?

Like I want to make videos of me like doing tricks I don't know, and teach people that don't know how to play soccer, like the basics and things.

You know, what did you say?

I like sharing it before you.

Know what did you say? Your name was.

Life?

Life. I love it.

I think that's a fantastic idea. I think that's wonderful. I'm dead serious with you right now. I think you should make You should learn how to make tiktoks go. I don't know if you're on TikTok, but watch some of that ship. Learn how to get your lighting right and make your fucking uh soccer videos. I think that's a great idea. You know, look, you might find, you might find you could even like, here's the thing, man, is like with the Internet, you could build up a

I think.

I think you should go for it. And also, it's not like you have to fucking drop out of school and spend twelve hours a day doing it. It's like, you know, you have a few hours here, a few hours there, you'll work on the thing, you know what I mean.

Yeah, it's a great idea if if I drop out of school, like shoot me.

You know, well, you don't have to drop out of school to do it. I you have for whatever it's worth. The gecko guy thinks you should do it. I think uh uh, definitely, definitely give it a try.

Yeah, that's like, thank you man for it for sure.

And here's another thing. Look, and then another thing is sure there might be a lot here. And this is gonna sound cheesy. This is gonna sound cheesy, but I believe in I read though there's a lot of people out there that make soccer content, which is true. There's a lot of people out to make soccer content. And again,

Yeah, that's this is one of the best advices I've got, like, especially with no one.

To talk you know.

Hell yeah, man, look power too. Do you have any of these accounts already, like do you have an Instagram?

Do you have a thing?

Uh?

Follow you?

But you know, I tried like streaming once I was playing Color of Duty Color of Duty War Zone. I tried streaming, but a lot of people were really mean, and shit.

That's why people are people are I'm not reading the chap, but I'm sure people are being mean to me right now. I've had hundreds and hundreds of comments I'm sure telling me to kill myself over the past hour. But I'm going strong, baby, you can.

Too, Like that's really true. Man, people can be dicks sometimes.

Do it up big, don't let the people be in look, go for it. How old are you?

By the way, I'm twenty one?

Oh God, go do it, go make go make soccer tiktoks or ball tiktoks. I believe in you, Leif. Y'all thank you for thank you for calling them. Man and Sharon. You have a good rest of the night.

I thank your man. You're the best.

Of course, of course you take care of Leif.

Call from Mody.

Mody, Hello, Hey, how are you?

How are you?

You want to take answer?

M sure?

Managing?

Or is that to imply that the real answer is that you are not managing.

Yeah, i'd say, so what what is there?

What is there to manage?

Uh?

I guess expectations, expectations of.

What, expectations for myself, expectations from my family.

There's a hair in here. What does your family expect from you?

They want me to follow like the traditionalist model, you know, they want me to be successful, wife, kids, house, money. It seems like money is Yeah, all the fingers get in there. It seems like money is like the only, the only way to measure my success.

There's two hairs on here. How much money do your parents want you to have?

Well, my grandparents were. My grandfather owned an insurance company, so his kids didn't meet up to the expectation. And I feel like they're they just want me to be what they didn't get to be.

Well, what do you want to be.

A To be honest, I really want to be an actor or something and something to do with film. Film was always my escape when I was a kid.

I'm telling you all, I'm telling you all. I'm telling you all. I'm telling you all. I'm telling you what I told Leif. I'm telling everyone listening to this, because I've seen it happen eight thousand times. It happened to me personally, it happened to my friends, and it happened to people. I see it all the time. I am telling you, if you want to be an actor, if you want to make soccer content, if you want to do that, make it. Make a TikTok account, Make a

To be honest, I bought, I went out and I got a microphone because I figured that i'd start voice acting.

This.

When I was a kid, I was like in all this acting crap, and you know, the little little classes and groups and whatnot. When when I was a little older, remote across country or from California or to Florida, and that kind of stuff went away. But there was this when my dad was younger, he had this shot to be a comedian and he got scared.

And when I was a kid, he nay, save me.

Out of it.

Made me feel like, you know, people were going to see you and they're going to be you know, they're gonna they're gonna put you down. That's that's all your life is gonna be people putting you down.

And so since then I've just had it's called.

About that you grew up at a different time than you grew up because you grew up at the time of the internet and in the time of the internet. This is, by the way, this is the one thing that I'm the most of any like advicey thing, and I don't give advice on a lot of different subjects. The one thing I'm very passionate about. Your dad grew up in a time where to be an ad to

You know, I really don't have a choice but to go at it now, Really.

You, God damn right, would you say name once?

Mody?

Mody? I look forward to seeing you on the for you pitch.

I'll see you seeing me lady.

Did lady.

Call from.

Ellie?

Ellie?

Hi, Hey, what's going on?

I'm a gecko on the computer.

Yeah, that's what are you? I'm I'm just driving home from my friend's house and I thought, hey, let me just call, let me just call the therapy get go, And here I am.

Well, how do you know this friend?

How do I know this friend?

I I don't really know.

I did trivia at this local bar in town when I first moved here, and I met another guy and he's friends with this guy. And it's been a few years now, but I guess we got to know each other that way.

How old are you?

It's not very nice to ask a lady that, But I'm twenty nine.

You're twenty nine. It's interesting. Why it's find it interesting because you know, I hear all the time people say that they have a hard time making friends as an adult.

Yeah, yeah, you know. I mean I've found I've had a hard time making like I mean, I have friends, and I'm grateful for my friends, but yeah, I do really feel like I don't find it easy to make more friends.

Well, you made a friend in a pretty uh, Well, you went out to a bar and you just made a friend and you've been friends for a few years. That's fat.

Yeah, it is.

It is.

Thank you for that perspective.

Do you do you wish to make more friends or you're happy with the amount of friends that you have.

I wish to make more friends. I feel like I don't get out enough. Like I feel like I'm starting to try to get out more. Like tonight, I just decided, okay, I'm gonna I wanted to make food, and this friend was willing to sample my cooking, and so I just went out and did it. But it's been a while since I've done something like this.

When did you move to this place?

In four years?

Four a year? All right, that's pretty good. I don't know anyone before you moved to.

I kind of like this was my college town and and then I like left for years and I came back for work, so I kind of knew people because I went to college here.

Okay, yeah, so you want to make more friends, Well, you me my friends, me being your friend, Well, here's there's a couple of things with that. Me being your friend wouldn't be super useful to you, because I doubt that I live in the same area that you live.

Okay.

Also, you're putting me on the spot a little bit here, because you know, look, we've been on the phone for like three minutes. Now I feel like not that my like first impress of you. And I try not to have impressions, all right. I try not to make judgments unless if I have what I feel to be a sufficient amount of information to make them. But you know, in the three minutes I've known you, I don't feel like it's been long enough for me to really determine

Okay, I respect that, thank you, of course.

What did you say her name was? Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, let's look before we go. I want I want to come up with let's let's get an actionable thing here. What's something you can do to make more friends?

What's something I can do to make more friends? I can probably just you know, I spend a lot of.

Time in my house, and I think one.

One thing that I could do is get out of my house for you.

Yeah, I think I want to do that.

Well, you're in the car, aren't you.

I am bingo.

You're working on it. You're already there.

I like it.

Thank you, Ellie, thank you so much for calling in.

Well, thank you you take.

Care all right?

You just bye.

She's already out of the house.

Bam. Done.

Onto the next item of these two lists.

How from.

Ultra laser.

Ultra laser?

Yeah?

How did you come to be? How did you become ultra laser?

How did I become ultra laser?

I don't know.

I thought that the portmanteau of.

Ultra and laser was a really cool combination.

Hmm.

Are you afraid to use your real name or is this your real name?

Well, I mean my name is rich. I'm not afraid to use my real name.

So how come you didn't use it?

Well, I didn't know what this was.

Was Is it possible that through into my stream you saw an opportunity to assume an identity that was not yours, therefore escaping the identity of rich and you got me fresh persona that is not the problems of the old one.

Absolutely.

What are you escaping from telling me about the problems?

Well, I don't know about that. Now.

I can't really pour my heart out onto a stream.

However, m hm, things are dark, for sure.

You gotta light them up with the lasers.

Light them up with the lasers.

You ever thought about that?

No?

I like this.

I feel like this is an independent film. You're, Oh, you know, a guy who's experienced some trauma in your life, and you have I feel like I've seen this in a lot of movies. You're a guy who's sperience some trauma in their life and you have an alternative reality, you know, a bridge to Tabithia whatever that fucking movie with Steve Correll. You have this sort of alter reality to escape into to prevent yourself from feeling the feelings

Delicious.

Well, thank you, Gecko, absolutely, thank you so much. Ultra Laser. You have a good night you too.

Call from Emily.

Emily.

Hello, Hi.

Emily, how are you.

I'm good. I'm I'm folding laundry while I watch the stream.

And have we ever spoken before, Emily?

We have? We have?

Yeah, I'm actually going to see you soon.

Ah. Yes, this is the Emily from from Portland who I'm visiting all my guy across America journey.

Yes, yeah, yes, and we have spoken before. I think I've called in before on your Tuesday night stream.

Yeah.

Well, I mean listen to Emily, you know before try anything in particular that you want to talk about and you want to cover.

No.

Well, I called my friend Neil actually earlier right before your stream to ask and to watch to co watch with me, and so I hope he's listening right now, because I was like walk mark my words, I'm going to get on tonight, and then I did so, so that's nice. But I also was thinking a lot about death tonight because of the stream, and I was thinking, why I know I'm not dead, It's because I don't know.

To be in.

So assuming, well, you're assuming that you're assuming that the pasta you're eating and the laundry you're folding, and the wine that you're drinking is not also of the ghost world and that you are not able to interact with it because you yourself are a ghost. So here's the thing. If you're dead and you're a ghost, the pasta that you're eating, the wine you're drinking, and the a you're folding are of the ghostly world, and that's why you

It's thank you. It's funny because when I saw the theme for tonight, actually I put on one of my like linen dresses because I was like, if I'm going to like have a ghosty night of folding laundry and drinking one and eating pasta, might as well like really lean into the part and listen to this stream about.

Being a ghost.

So I could be a ghost. And if so, I think, I think I'm okay with that. I think I'd be at peace. This is kind of a nice ghostly haunting activity, especially talking to us.

So, of course, of course, Emily, I'm so glad to hear that not only have you thought about this, but you've accepted the multiple possible realities which will open you up the greater happen, because no matter what happens, you're fine.

Exactly, and you know, yes, I appreciate that.

Grek.

Of course, Emily, I'm so happy I got to speak with you, and I'm excited to come see you in Portland as part of my gek across America. Documentary.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited to see you. Maybe we can ghost around together, you know, haunt some people.

Well, well, I'm pretty sure I'm not a ghost.

Oh you're not.

Okay, So then so you're like, how do you speak? I mean, yeah, I don't know how far we could go with this, but the fact that you can speak to a ghost me maybe.

It's pretty impressible.

You've quite the set of skills.

Thank you, Thank you so much.

Emia you two by.

All from.

Hello, Hello?

Is this a parapy?

Gecko?

Is this talking Tom?

No, it's not talking Tom.

This is Becky, Becky.

How you doing Becky?

I'm doing good. I just opened up my reddit page to go to the subway, like the DMV subreddit, because I'm a d m V professional.

Dragon ball Z DMZ.

Department of Motor Vehicles.

Oh okay, I don't know that there was I don't know that there was a DMV subreddits.

You'd be surprised, Gecko.

Mm hmm, Well, I mean, what do they talk about on there?

They talk about how we waste everyone slipping time, and we just stare at them, and we had a lot. Honestly, the reason why I'm calling in is because lately I've been calling into this pastures on the team and they, you know, try to give me guidance. But uh, I called into the Joel Osting guy and even he told me to give up on my dreams.

So really I'm lost in lost Mmm, so I'm I'm sort of the second opinion after Joel Joel Who is it Joel Olsen?

Yes, yes, he's a pastor. He's a He's a really smart, handsome godler man. I'm the television got it, got it?

Okay? So he told you to give up on your dreams? What are your dreams? What did you say? Your name was again, Becky, Becky? And what are your dreams? Becky?

My dreams are the Sunday have a bunch of horses. I think I'm a horsey girl. But I always grew up in the city, but I just moved out here to Napa, California, and I'm just ready to start my dreams. But I only have a California DMV sailory.

M hmm.

Well, now tell me before I give you the second opinion, I'd like to hear the first. Why did Joel? Why did Pastor Joel tell you to give up? On your dreams.

Well, honestly, I don't think he was giving me the lot of day I used to man, just you know, passing.

It by.

Mm hmmm.

So what I mean?

What did he tell you? Why did he did he say it was unrealistic financially? Did he say that God hates horse people? What was his reasoning?

She just told me that I'm with what none of a basket case and it wasn't it wasn't worth my money like it kind of hurt me a lot.

Mhm, it wasn't worth your money? Does Joel do you have to pay to talk to Joel?

Two hundred dollars for ten minutes with mister Joel with a handsome.

Does that money go directly to God or does it fund his UH car payments?

Well?

I'm pretty sure it finds of God's ambitions.

Okay, do you do you believe that God? Well, okay, if you could talk directly to God, what do you think? What do you think he would tell you?

He would tell me to Well, this is kind of personal, but you know, he probably would have told me that I shouldn't have offt my husband.

Mm hmm, that you shouldn't have lost your husband.

Half often.

Oh often? Yeah, okay, so you you murdered your husband.

Conversation for another day. You ain't a cop, are you?

No, I'm a gecko?

Oh watching around the teav you could be showing salesman and a perfectly if you should never give up any dreams, you know what?

Look, let me tell you something, Becky, to really wrap this up here, what did you just tell me? You told me I should never give up on my dreams at the end of the day, Becky, Becky, at the end of the day. And I'm kind of learning this myself here at the end of the day. You have to be or your own You have to be your own cheerleader. Okay, okay. Look, if God or Joel cocking Balls or me aren't going to tell you to follow your dreams, tell yourself that what you just told me.

All right, So where do I spend her two hundred dollars because this is way better than Joel esteem.

Hmmm. You can venmo me at l dresser.

Oh nice, nice, All right, well, I'm gonna let this therapy get I get back to his ways. But I appreciate the community.

Service that you're doing, so of course, of course, Becky, thank you so much. You ever wanted for us to the name.

All right, and you as well, thank you.

Bye bye.

Oh wait, it's three hundred dollars.

Pull from to accept press one to.

Say mystery caller? Are you there?

Yeah there, How are you.

Good?

How are you?

I'm good?

How are you?

I'm uh, I Remember'm just we's kind of vibing right now, you're vibing, yeah a little bit.

What the hell does that mean?

I'm just I'm just uh, I don't know.

I'm just kind of like.

I was.

I was just.

I'm just am right now. Uh, I don't know. I was just, dude, I was just being. And then I saw your phone number and I called and I didn't think it was gonna actually pick up, but here I.

Am mm hmm.

By the way, I have news for you. You know, you're saying that you were being, but at no point have you stopped being since which you were referring to yourself being No, I still are. Actually that kind of brings us a bit to the question here do you believe that you are?

I believe that I am nice as much as much as I can.

You know, so you called in, you didn't expect to get on what do you you expect?

Well, I remember a while ago, I don't remember how long, but I tried to call and it was it was busy. This would have been probably over a month ago. And then uh, and so I wouldn't I was. I thought, maybe, well, you probably get a lot of calls, so I wouldn't be shocked if the line was busy again.

But it wasn't.

So I guess now here I am it.

Is pretty you know.

I tell everyone I get a lot of calls. This is true. But I'm going to answer, you know, one I'm going to answer someone, you know. So the chance here's the thing, the chance that I'm going to answer call, it's one hundred percent. So when you think of it like that, it's not as we you know, it's it's not that crazy that you got in.

Yeah, such a it's really cool.

Yeah, I like the way you think it's really cool.

Uh, yeah, I mean, so.

I know, uh.

Does so mhmm, I don't. I don't really don't know what to ask or to talk about right now.

That's totally fine.

So so what I don't know?

Just just like yeah, yeah, what about you?

Do you believe that you are?

You know, I try to believe and have opinions on as few things as I possibly can being a citizen of Earth. Uh so I abstain personally from a belief as to where or not I am.

Very interesting. Is there a reasons I'm trying to hold very few beliefs? Is that like, like, like, what what purpose does that serve to you?

Very interesting?

Uh?

It serves me a purpose of Well, here's the thing.

Interesting. So do you think then that because I kind of have almost like a similar like, I try to make myself open to the different like information that exists in the world. But instead of holding trying to hold few beliefs.

I.

Think I end up holding many different beliefs as much as I can and constantly trying to challenge them. And so as much as I may firmly believe in something, I'm equally ready to change that belief into believing in something else.

You know, I think that's smart. Well, let me ask you something here. You you said to me that you believe that you exist? Correct?

Yeah?

Now?

And he and this is how I operate, you know, I do. I do have beliefs. Some of my beliefs I'm more open to challenging than others. And I'm curious for you your belief that you exist, how opener challenging.

That, hmhmm, you know, I actually.

I very much challenge that, uh, because I believe I as much as I can firmly believe, because you know that I don't know who said it, but uh, very shamously, someone said I think, therefore I am, and that if actively is saying, well, there is something that is producing the thoughts in my brain, and that must exist, right, But I mean, we really don't know where it all

I can only.

Believe that I exist in the way that that person described that. I think therefore I am. So something is producing what I describe as my own thoughts, or at least that's what I would be led to believe. But I think that maybe it doesn't necessarily even matter whether I do or do not exist, because either way I

Do believe I exist.

But also it's equally something that is difficult to challenge, and because of that, it's something I have to hold with a very large grain of salt.

Because.

If I believe that I exist, I don't necessarily know that what that.

Existence really is, you know, absolutely?

What is your name?

Was?

My name is Trevor.

Sorry I didn't quite get that in at the beginning of the call.

There's a pleasure talking to each other. I hope you have every wanted for us of the night.

Yeah, you too, Thanks for hearing me out.

You know, of course you take.

Care of them.

All. From to accept press one to send out.

Hello, Hello, mister Gecko, how are you.

Hey.

I've just been watching your channel for a while with some of my friends here and my friend Robbie.

He likes you a lot.

I've never seen your twitch. I don't even have a twitch, but I'm just happy to be here and I would like to Yeah, I would just like to talk like a little about really anything. Some of these phone calls have been a little bit frustrating. I don't know for you, but for as a viewer, it's been a little bit rough. So I don't know, let's try to spice things up a bit.

Well, well, well, Tom, what's your name? Will tell me? Tell me? Why have these phone calls been not frustrating for you?

Oh my god, I just can't believe there's this many brainded people in the world. People like to flap their lips and they just speak, but there's no substance that comes out of it. I'm not I'm not saying that I know everything about everything, but people just like to talk, which essentially is why I'm here as well. But if there's any questions that you'd like to ask, aside from

So you okay, So not only did you say that the calls we have been frustrating for you, But you sense that I'm not saying that they are.

I'm not.

I'm not confirming this sense in any way you perform, but you sense that they're frustrating for me.

I'm yeah.

I just again, people just like to talk, and your show is meant for this very purpose. I mean, one caller just called you to talk about doing her laundry. I mean I could call my I could call my fucking mom and talk to her about that. People don't want to hear that. You know, you want to get some You want to get some calls with a little bit of sustenance, you know, drinking wine and folding laundry.

That's cute.

But call your boyfriend, call your mom, call your cousin about it. Don't call your show, right, you're the therapy gecko. You don't have time for this.

Well, well, so I ask you then, And I'm curious because you say that your friend is familiar with my stream.

But you are not right.

I mean, when you say, you know, let's get something, when you you're talking about how you think I should have of calls with more sustenance, what how would you define sustenance? You'll refer to it.

As sure, let's talk about exit, well, talk about existence, talk about anything. I don't know, Like, if you've ever listened to Howard Stern, he'll just hang up on calls that you know, like you can tell early on when a call isn't going anywhere. Folding laundry is one of those calls, you know, And for you, I'm sure it's a little bit like you don't know, you're trying to give the benefit of the doubt to the caller because

Well.

Hm, so so.

You're attacking the sustenance I mean, but still okay. So here's here's my thing.

Though I could be wrong, it's just my opinion. I don't well, well, here's my thing.

Here's my thing though, is you have stated examples of what you think does not constitute a substanceful conversation. But I feel like I've yet to get from you an example of something that, in your opinion, would I've only gotten though, what would not not an example of, you know, something that you find that you would think would be interesting?

True? And the question at hands as well. I don't have a good answer for the do we exist? Do we not exist? You could ramble on here.

Yes, it's not that important. All that matters is agreed. We're two people talking on the phone.

Agreed. Yeah. All I can tell you is I'm really drunk with my friends who my friend Robbie that loves you, and we've just been firing off phone calls just trying to get in. I didn't think I would get in, but here I am today. And yeah, he's got a shit eating grin over there in the corner. He's They're dead silent, like you could hear a pin drop in this place. You know, everything's all very tense here.

Let me ask you something you are are you know, doing a lot of judging you?

I think you'd agree, Yeah, and I'm drunk, so take everything I see with a grain of salt.

Sure, but you're doing a lot of judging here, do you now?

You?

I mean you have to assume that you know you were watching the other callers, you were judging them based.

On your own.

Criteria of what is substantial?

Do you.

And you right now are being judged by other people?

Yeah, I'm aware if.

You're substantial, How do you feel about that? How do you feel being judged by others the way that you have been judging others?

I think it's just the doggy dog world.

Man.

You get judged every day right now. I'm just on the platform. So you got to understand that you're whether or not you want to be judged, it's going to happen anyway, right And you can try to be the good Christian boy and just be like, oh, I'm not going to judge people by how they speak or what I think of them on the surface. But it's going

I by the way, I think that's great, I really do. I think it's good to live in a way that you're impervious to the judgments of others. However, you know, I think in hand to aid that goal. I think it would be helpful for you to judge other people less because the more judgmental you are of other people, the more judgmental you're going to be of yourself, the more sustainable the other people's judgments of you you're going to be. Would you not agree with that?

I think you're correct. Where I think there could be improvement is constructive criticism. While I could be very judgmental, I think it's still good to know that. If you are a viewer, or if you are a therapy gecko, you would want to know where the where the other side of the coin is. Right, I'm not telling you that I'm folding my laundry. In fact, I'm doing less than that woman is right now. I'm just sitting on my couch watching your stream, right so I'm being less

Right.

So if you're miserable, you're struggling, which is life.

That is life.

Life is a struggle. That's how you know you're existing. That's how you know you're living.

You know.

It's funny. I feel like in the call previously, I was just talking about not having so many set in stone beliefs because life is always giving me, you know, new information, and I feel like again, you know, look, I'm not a real therapist, you know that, but.

I feel like you've got this this big heavy bag of beliefs.

About the world and about your life and about all these different things and they're they're kind of pessimistic. No, well, they might be weighing you down a little bit here.

Well, honestly, death is the reward at the end of the road. That's the truth of it, right. I'm not like I say, I'm miserable right because living is misery. But I'm not. I'm not going to get there.

Living is right there, Living is misery, you.

Said, then you can. By the way.

Listen, you said that. You said that, yes, exactly right now, you said it's true. You are con convinced living is misery. That is one of those blame me. I was just talking to the caller. What what beliefs are you more open to challenging?

Here?

You you.

That that does not come off to me as one of the beliefs that you're willing to challenge. And I look again, I don't know you, man, but I would maybe and maybe this is you know, easier done, easier said than done. But leave that belief that life is misery open to a little bit of challenging.

Okay, I'll take that to heart.

Good.

What your sur name was, Calvin?

Yeah, I didn't think it was going to get on, So sorry about that it's okay.

Well, thank you so much for calling Calvin. You have a good rest of the night.

I appreciate it. Get go, Thank you you too.

Bye bye.

Goes off the line, taking your phone calls.

Every night, everythink, goes doing a Ride's teaching you a house of your life, but he's not really an expert.

M