Hello, Hello, Hi?
Is this Lyle?
Yeah? Who's this?
This is Frank?
Hey Frank. How's it going? Man?
Good? How are you?
I'm good? What are you doing?
I am sitting here waiting to talk to you.
Oh what are you waiting to talk to me about? Anything in particular?
Uh?
Yeah, fucking my well, my uncle's fiance.
Fucking your uncle's fiance. Okay, yeah, all right, tell me how that went down.
Well, I was lonely and horny and my uncle wasn't paying any attention to said fiance. And one night me and my actual aunt went over to hang out with her, and she said something about never getting laid and made a cut. I said something about cooking, and she asked what that was and I explained it and she said, oh, I wish I'm not going to say my uncle's name,
but would do that. And then I had a dream that I ate or asked that night and for some reason told her the next day and I kind of started things off, and then I ended up kissing her, and then like a half hour later, she was blowing me and the blood up was trash, and she looked at me and she was like, fuck me, And so obviously I fucked her.
And then that happened probably I don't know, twenty more times.
Yeah, I keep going.
And then that whole time, she wasn't fun my uncle. And then as soon as I found out that they started fucking again, I was like, okay, I'm good, and I I stopped fucking her. And then a few months
went by, I didn't talk to her. I didn't really talk to my uncle, and then he found out because I'm stupid, and unblocked her on Snapchat, and he went through her phone one night and saw the messages that she saved, which I told her not to save, but anyway, and then my mom had found out about it while it was going on, texted her and said, cut this shit out, blah blah blah blah, And he also found those messages, so he knew that everyone knew that it
was happening except for him, and no one told him. So then he didn't talk to any of us for like six months. And then one of our family friends passed away and we all ended up at a party together and we were there, was like seven or eight of us smoking a blunt and then everyone else went inside and it was just us, and I was I like looked at him and I was like, I'm sorry, you know, like I feel like shit for what I did, and if I could, I don't do it. But like
that's not going to change anything. And so that was I don't know, probably almost two years ago. And fast forward to now and we hang out with them every weekend, which is pretty awkward, and he actually just found out that she was cheating on him again with some other dude and now they're in the middle of splitting up.
Okay, so this wasn't just like some porn you watched. This actually happened.
No, no, this is this isn't my life. This is some fucked up shit that happened in real life.
Okay, So when your uncle found out, what exactly was his reaction, because you're telling me that you said you were sorry to him, but I feel like we didn't quite get how he reacted.
So it was he messaged me over. He sent me a message on Facebook messenger, and he basically said, you're lucky your family because if you weren't, you'd already be dead. And if you see me coming, you better fucking run.
You guys need to grow up with the Facebook messenger on the snapchack. Do you guys have phones? Tex just text each other? Okay? All right, So I mean were you scared at that point that he was going to hurt.
You kind of a little bit. Yeah, because I shouldn't have done what I did. He's got like he's crazy. It was it was not a good idea.
Okay, Uh, he's crazy. Can you elaborate on that.
Uh, he's just had he's had a lot of trauma, so he's just fucked up.
Mm hmm mm hmm. And uh, he recently is splitting up with you said that this. You said that you had sex with his fiance two years ago and now he's recently and then just now he is.
They had a kid since then and ship and yeah, but yeah, so they he's actually trying to get hurt him move out of his house right now, but she won't leave.
They had a kid.
They had a kid before too.
They had a kid before you had sex with her.
Yeah.
How old is the kid now?
Like six or seven?
Okay? Now the kid has no idea that his cousin fucker his mom.
No, I don't think So, how do.
You feel about this situation in a retrospective? What do you what do you wish you had.
Done I wish I never would have done it.
Mm hmmm. Uh, what do you feel like you could do to rectify this situation?
I don't know that. See that That's really the main reason I called this because I feel like because it eats away at me every day in my life, Like I just I feel like a piece of fucking shit because I am because like we were so close that we like grew up together. He was more like my brother than my uncle. And I think about it every day about how much a scumbag I am for doing it, And I always want to say something to him about how sorry I am, but like I don't want to
bring it up. You know what I'm saying.
Mm hmm.
Is your uncle like close to you in age?
He's eight years older.
Okay. And how was the rest of the family's reaction to this?
They were all pissed, Okay.
And so I assume that this has been something you've been feeling guilty about for the past two years.
Yeah, it's been It'll be like four actually.
Okay, four years.
Yeah.
How they said this happened two years ago?
Yeah, yeah, I meant four. Okay, it happened at the end of twenty eighteen beginning of twenty nineteen.
Okay, so they were married for four more years after your uncle found out that is fiance cheated on him with you. Yeah, well, I guess that they're listen. I guess that their decision to stay together or to split up has really nothing to.
Do with you.
Yeah.
No, that's out of your you know, scope of of business here. Okay, So yeah, what can you do to directify the situation? Well, okay, so you say that you have more things that you want to say to your uncle, but you haven't said them because you Oh, well, I don't want to bring it up. Yeah, okay, what are those things that you want to say?
I don't see that. I don't even know what I want to say. I just because it'll I'll just sound like a broken record. You know, I've already said sorry? How many more times can I say sorry? You know? It's not like the only thing I can physically do to show him that I am sorry is not fuck his girl, Like, you know, what else am I going to do?
I think that's a good stuf, right, I mean, clearly this girl is not right for your uncle if she slept with you and she also slept with another guy. Yeah, but we're not talking. But you know what, we're not talking about her. We're not talking about him, We're talking about you. So uh, I mean, what can you do? Yes? I agree you can. You cannot have sex with your uncle's girlfriends in the future. That's a good step. One listen and like it sounds, it sounds as the go ahead. What are we gonna say?
I like, I've started my own family, Like I've moved on from that, you know, like, I have no interest in going backwards.
You've started your own family. You have a you have a wife and a child. Yeah, Okay, how long has that been a thing?
Almost three years? So like towards the end of twenty nineteen we got together.
Wow, so you had sex with your uncle's wife and then almost immediately got into another relationship.
No, it was like it was like nine months.
Okay, does she know that this all happened? Just kids?
Oh, she knew about it before we got together because we met through friends and I told my friend that was the mutual friend, and she told her, and she knew about it before we even got together, but she didn't really know who it was. But then I told her the story, and she's like, oh, so this is that, dude.
Okay, what was your wife's reaction when you told her about this?
She just kinda shook her head. But now she's annoyed that we see them every weekend and she doesn't like her. And also she's like super attached to my kid, which is super fucking annoying.
Your well, your aunts is super attached to your kid.
Yeah, she's like every time we go there, she just needs to hold them in. She always said, like we were there this past weekend, she was like, my baby, Shut the fuck up, bitch. It's not your baby, it's my baby.
Yeah, that's got to be a pretty weird room to be in.
Yeah, it's awkward, and she makes it awkward. And October of twenty twenty one, my mom got married, and she was confer besting her love for me then so to more than two years, almost three years after it happened, she was still saying, no, she loves me.
So three years after she cheated on your uncle with you, she still was telling you that she.
Loves you, not me, not me. She was saying it to her friend, and her friend told my mom.
She was telling her friends that she loves you. So you heard through the grapevine that she is still in love with you?
Yes?
Okay? And did you did you tell your uncle that?
No? Okay, But like at this, at this point in time, it doesn't even matter, you know, is she what is between me and my uncle has nothing to do with her at this point in time, you know what I'm saying, Because like he doesn't want to be with her. Yeah, because you know what I'm saying, He just wants her out of his life. Other than you know, it's the parent of his kids. But he doesn't want to be with her.
Okay. Well, I'm glad that your uncle had his his his epiphany about her.
Uh.
It sounds as though you have like something unresolved to talk about with you and your uncle, Like when when's the last time I mean, you're in the room, you're visiting this your fucking uncle, uh, consistently enough that you know his wife or ex wife is holding your baby and talking about how much she loves you. Like this guy's in your life. From what you're telling me, when is the last time you sat down with him and had a conversation about this?
Oh, it's not since the first and only conversation we've had about it.
You've only had one conversation about it, Yeah, and that was four years ago, uh.
Like three years ago? Yeah?
Does any part of you sense that he still has animosity towards you about this?
Of course? How like wouldn't you?
I think you would probably benefit from having another conversation with him about this, okay, right, because I mean he sounds like he has some shit he wants to say to you. You sound like you have some shit you want to say to him, And it's probably a scary thing to initiate, but I think I think it would be a good idea if you've only talked about it one once?
Okay?
You sure this wasn't a porn?
It's not a porn?
What kind of porn do you do? You watch? Like step like? You know what's funny is I'm like every time I watch porn, I'm like, why is every fucking porn? I have to have like a mom aunt like incest angle to it. Who's watching it? And now I know who? It's you?
It's not do you?
Is that?
You?
Do?
You watch that? Like the step mom and uncle type of porn?
And ship?
No? I don't.
You should just have that. You should have a conversation with your uncle.
Okay, I could do that, do you.
Hmm? Okay, so you have a child, now you have a family. Yeah, how is that going for you?
That's great?
Okay, good listen, you want to know what you here's here's here's I mean, what I'm thinking is, no, you cannot take back you having sex with your uncle's wife. But all you can really do moving forward is have a conversation with your uncle about it. That'll go however it goes. And then just focus on being a good dad and a good husband however you can. Because at the end of the because now that you have a family, it's like, you know, whether or not you feel like
a piece of shit, you you you have. The good news for you is that you have greater things to serve now your son and your your your own family. And so you know, the road to no longer thinking of yourself as a piece of shit is gonna be a long one. But in the meantime, you can kind of lose yourself in serving your family. True, And if your uncle does get another girlfriend, do not have sex with her.
I will not do that.
And if you're thinking about doing that you can go watch a porn because there's lots of porns about that and you can kind of fulfill your fantasies that way. I was wondering why they make those porns, and now I understand. So thank you for the clarity I've given me.
No problem, Frank.
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
I have a story about a couple of times I fought my cat. Is you want to hear those? I think I'm okay, Okay, Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna call back with that one.
Okay, I'll talk to you soon.
All right, Bye, Thank you, Frank.
I feel like here's the thing, and no offense to Frank is. I feel like after the story about fucking his aunts, I don't I don't know if he's gonna top it with the cat thing. And I'm afraid that the story involves him fucking the cats, and I don't I don't know if I'm in a good headspace to hear about that. Hello, uh hello.
Hello, hi, hello, Hello?
Am I in a car? What's going on here?
You are in a car?
Yeah, turn left and you're gonna turn right.
You are almost where you need to be.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh that's where?
Where?
Where do I need to be?
Uh? You need to be in Wilson, North Carolina. I said, you're never making it back to New York tonight.
Winston, North Carolina.
You say, Wilson, North Carolina.
What's tell me what's so great about Wilson, North Carolina.
They have a motel that's halfway between Florida and New York.
They have a hotel that's halfway between Florida and New York. Is it is there? Are you current?
Well?
I feel like I'm like taking this journey with you guys in this car. Are we going from Florida to New York? From New York to Florida?
We are going from Florida to New York?
Okay? And what is uh? What is sparking this journey?
It's my fault. I was working over the summer on a pirate ship, staying with my sister in Florida, and now I gotta go back up to school names.
You're working on pirate ship? Who are you? Guys? First? Let's start there. Who are you guys? How many other five of you? Are there? Two of you? Is there? One? Of you doing separate voices. What's what?
Where?
What?
Paint the scene of where I am right now?
There's okay, so there's two of us. You're in a black twenty eleven here rio That sometimes works. I'm with my mom jeans, although I don't follow up, and I'm NICKI.
Okay, you're with your mom. She's driving you from She's driving? Or are you driving?
Yeah? She's driving because I don't like driving in the dark.
M mm hmm, all.
Right, So what is uh? How? How has the drive been.
Tiring?
And very rainy, very very rainy?
And Jane, what uh uh? Is this the first time you've driven from Florida to New York? Or have you taken long road trips like this in the past.
I have taken many, many long road trips like this in the past.
Okay, And how does this one rank amongst the others?
Anytime I can keep this child of mind tapped it in the car and talking to me makes it a great trip.
Oh that's beautiful. Do you guys feel like it says here that Nicky is eighteen, so she's kind of just now on the cusp of leaving leaving the nest. Do you feel as though, do you feel as though you have not been spending as much time together as you have in the past.
Well, that's true because Nicky is actually not getting ready to leave the nest. They've been up starting your junior year in college.
I've already, I've.
Already kind of like, yeah, you're starting your junior year. What did you go to start? Were you one of those kids that graduated high school when they were like sixteen?
Yeah, exactly like that.
Yes, Oh wow, wow, So you had to so you had to say goodbye a little bit earlier than most parents do.
I mean I did. I did a year community college. I did live at home for a little bit longer, but I moved. I went to college when I was seventeen.
Mm hmm, so mm hmm. What kinds of things have you guys been talking about on this on this long journey.
Well, the latest thing we were talking about is Nicky introduced me to you. So we've been listening to several of your podcasts. So I have been able to help you, and I hope you appreciate it by yelling advice and guidance to some of your callers over the years.
Well, oh, well, so, so you you're you're you're new to listening to the podcast.
I am okay to her today.
So so, Jane, tell me if you can remember in particular any callers, uh whose whose things you you you sort of had you said you've been yelling out advice and and commentary. Is is there any commentary that you've had on any callers you've heard on the podcast that you want to share with us right now?
Well, what about that prison lady?
We've been letting to a lot of old ones, and there was one lady who like had a pental in prison yep, but like he had gone to down for raping someone like.
Mm hmm.
Yeah, we were. We were yelling out some much harsher guidance than you were giving out about one forest run one, do not walk, do not pass go, do not feel like two hundred dollars, get away, get away?
Yes, I do remember. I do remember gently telling her that she, uh, she she should back away from that situation. So you guys are starting from the Well, Jane, what do you think about the podcast? Do you have any you know, just overall commentary, any uh anything, anything you think I could be doing better? Any just thoughts in particular that you want to share. I'm very curious about your your input.
Well, I think that and I think that you would agree that many people seem to be calling you as a therapist, which you make very clear that you are not. And it always amazes me that despite you telling people, you know, I'm not a doctor, I don't play one on TV, that people continue to seem to call in with that same thing. So how you to use that, I don't know.
I think you do a.
Great job actually being very patient with people and seeing them through. But it's a funny thing to listen and some of the situations that people get themselves in. That's probably the best part of the job I would get is people are just fun.
Yeah, they're interesting fun, it's very it's very interesting too. And the people listening, I mean, they get this as much as I do, because they're here listening to the calls, like diving into the dramas of people's lives for like ten minutes at a time and then you know, slurping right back into reality.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The amount of drama, I have to say, amazes or astounds me. I'm not sure which one it is. Yeah, And that people seem to enjoy.
Drama they do.
Do you now, when you say people seem to enjoy drama, do you mean people listening or the people engaged in the situation seem to be enjoy it? Interesting? So you think the people calling in there like enjoying the marinading in their own conflict.
Yeah, I think that they live their lives to attract it, not unlike somebody who's addicted to drugs or alcohol or eating or whatever else. I think it can be for many people, almost in addiction.
Have you felt that in your own life? You know, at any point in your life where you felt as though you were addicted to conflict?
Who?
No, I don't do cos I don't know.
You do kind of look quite a bit of.
That you Well, now, Jane, you say you don't do conflict.
I don't do draw. I will tell you. I will if you and I are having a disagreement, I will tell you how I feel about what you're doing. Okay, you can tell me as well, and we move on. And of course it's very different. Nicky sees me as her parents, which is it's a different role than I would have with a friend or you know, any other associates. So we all we tend to pigeonhole people and how this is the only way I know you ergo. This is how you are always and that's not necessarily true.
Okay, So so would you say that NICKI would agree with you in that it with the idea that you do not entertain conflict.
Yeah, that's true, but you don't.
Oh well, okay, So that's what I was gonna ask you. That's I was gonna ask you because Nikki just said that you don't walk away from conflict because as you maneuver life as a human being, you run into infinite opportunities to engage in conflict. But you say that you don't do conflict. Does that mean that you walk away when you see a thing coming and you do a lot of conceding because you believe it's not worth it. Like, what is your method of avoiding conflict?
It depends on what the conflict is and who the conflict is with. So I do a myriad of things. Sometimes, if it's not worth it, you walk away. Sometimes I try to jolly people out of it, and sometimes I'll snap at your heels.
What do you now when you say snap at your heels? What does that mean.
That I would go toe to toe. If we want to have an argument, we can have an argument.
Okay, what kinds of now? What kinds of things?
Now?
You?
Okay, So you're generally pretty conflict avoidance and this is a good thing, and you you you pick and choose. You're like, I'm not going to fight every single battle that presents itself to me to fight. I'm gonna really pick carefully the conflicts I get into. Now, I ask you, what kinds of conflicts are the ones that you cannot walk away from? What is? What kinds of conflicts are the ones where you're like, I have to break heels for this one, all right?
And I think you're probably too kind to me there, But I think it's more that I try to avoid. I try to avoid, I try to avoid, and then there's that one straw that breaks the camel's back and you.
Get it interesting.
So the one person that you know you constantly content, Okay, I can't take it anymore. We're done before that.
You're just like passive aggressive about it.
I can't be Yes, you know, I'm ready to blow when I go into passive aggressive.
Okay, do you do you have an example when?
Yes?
May I?
Yeah? I would love to hear an example of a time where you tried to avoid it but you just couldn't any longer.
Was down with my daughter, my granddaughter too, and Mickey down in Florida. And my granddaughter is only three years younger than Mickey. So they were being what I perceived is a little dismissive, rude, ill mannered, unwelcoming, and many other adjectives. And I got there and put up with it the first day. I up with it the second day, and the third day I awoke to it and became past progressive. No, I don't need to go anywhere with you. I'm staying here. You guys, do to your thing sor
right now. I have no desire to be with you people. And I was really really angry at them, and when they came back, so that is when I kind of laid into them that said, this is the way you're treating me. I don't like it. I don't need to put up with it anymore. You either owe me an apology and we go on from here, or I'm out of here and we're leaving today.
Mmm mmmm. They were.
Not unruly, just rude and disrespectful and dismissive.
Mm hmmm. And this is this is interesting. So this this is your your you said your your your granddaughter or.
Your your Yeah, my granddaughter and Mickey, my other child, my youngest, my baby.
Mm hmm. So it's is it? Is it a thing where situations in your family where where as you kind of alluded to earlier in this conversation, you take an authoritative role, and an authoritative role such as a parental figure, you you you are faced with having to engage a conflict from time to time. Exactly would you say that that in that authoritative role is typically where you most find yourself engaging in conflict.
Absolutely, in the final analysis, nobody matters but your family, Nikki, Do you know matter? Nobody matters enough to me in my life for me to really argue with them or confront them more than my family, which is kind of a sick kind of thing to say. Perhaps, but I'm not invested in anyone else as much as invested in my family.
With Jewelery, Yes, I mean I'd say that about my best friend too, though, like I mean, he is my family.
Much m hmm.
So there we have that, you know what, Jane, I think that that is smart, right, because when you engage in conflict with somebody, you're in a way it shows that they matter to you. So you're not just gonna You're not just gonna engage with anyone. You're only gonna really engage with people who matter to you, uh, such as your family. So I think I think that's a smart way to go about that. I think that makes a lot of sense. I think, well, Jane, thanks for sharing that with us.
Well, you're welcome. And can I ask you you think that people seem addicted to drama? And obviously not every people, But.
Do I think that people are addicted to drama?
Oh?
Yeah, I mean every everyone does. Every single you know, I don't know if every single person that calls in with a thing is I definitely no, I know what you mean, though, I know you mean. I think drama and conflict can totally be an addiction. I think there are people out there who love getting into fights, they love arguing. There there is a little bit of a weird adrenaline rush that you get when you're in a kind of a fuck you, no fuck you, no fuck you kind of a kind of a conflict that people
do get addicted to. Because there's a rush there, and I think that.
Isn't there also the fall, you know, the up and the down, the high in the world. I would think that there would be, and that the low would feel so crappy you wouldn't want that high.
I think people just like having a common enemy, the one that they can are, something that they can complain about and be friends about because they have something to complain about.
It's nothing that unites people more than a common enemy.
That is very true. People love a common enemy. Uh, they like to fight. And you know, look, I think that I mean, it's an addiction like any just like any other addiction. It's like finding something outside of yourself to fill a hole. That's some real therapy shit that I myself am and I think a lot of people are are trying to, uh to fix But you're you're definitely right about it. Jada and Niki, Is there anything else you guys wanna want to say to the people
of the computer. I appreciate you guys talking to me for this long. I know, well, I mean, I guess honestly, both you guys seems like you kind of have nothing better to do because you're trapped in a car for infinite hours. But thank you.
Still, I have one joke for you.
Oh you have a joke. What do you call a dog with no legs?
Yeah?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call.
Them, he's not gonna come.
Jane, NICKI, thank you guys for calling.
Thank you for taking our call.
Bye bye, take care guys. That was interesting. I liked tearing from Jane and NICKI. Uh, they seem like they have a good relationship with each other. And I liked hearing Jane's perspective on conflict that, Uh, there's something to glean from that, right, Like choose carefully who and what you engage with as you maneuver around the world. Right, Like you've ever been in traffic and some guy does some fucking thing to piss you off, and you go, ah,
fuck you. You're like, you're engaging with this person, but they don't deserve it. There's just some random motherfucker in a car, you know, Like, really pick your spots, right, And Jane was picking good spots. Right. She's a mother, she's a grandmother, Her children are doing things that are pissing her off. She's trying to set a good example. She's trying her best to be a good authority figure,
and so that's a conflict that she'll engage with. She'll engage with because it's an important conflict to engage with. I think that's a good principle to follow. I try to, you know, remind myself of that anytime I want to get pissed off about something or engage in an argument or a fight, I'm like, is this worth it? Is this person that I'm about to fight with important enough to me that I fight with them? Is this cause important enough for me that I engage with this conflict?
Because if you don't do that, if you don't have a I want to say, if you don't have a standard by which like, if this conflict does not meet my standard, I will not engage with it. If you don't have that, then you just get whisked away by any possible thing that could could take your attention to to fuck around with it. And that's how you get tired and exhausted with the world. So thank you Jane
for having that conversation with me. Hey, folks, these last couple of calls are from a live stream that I did with an adult film star named Kazumi. A quick bio of Kazumi. She's a massive onlyfan star. She's been on a bunch of other podcasts. We met at the Avnxpo and I had her on my stream. She's very funny and if you'd like to watch the full episode I did with her, you can find it on my YouTube channel YouTube dot com slash lie forever. All right, let's get into it.
Hello, O wa.
Hi Jackson.
I'm so excited me. Hey guys, how are you doing.
I'm doing great. I'm really excited to talk to you. You're taking my lyle virginity right now?
Yeah, Jackson. It says here that you have an irrational fear of holding babies.
I agree with that.
Yeah, that's what that's what I said. Yeah. Sorry, hold on, I'm holding a baby righted, right now, let me kind of compose myself.
Sure, tell us why you have a fear of holding babies?
Yeah, so, I guess my train of thought. I I have a bunch of cousins right now who are my age, who are having babies. They're married and having children, and they're they're newborns like they were just born the couple months ago. And I just what happens is as these new mothers, especially cousins I've been hanging out with for a really long time, they really they offer me and like the rest of my family when we come and visit,
they offer for me to hold the baby. And honestly, I just, I mean, I can kind of understand it. They want to share. I mean, this is a new member of my family and they're adorable, and I don't hate babies. I just I think I would love to enjoy it from afar, if that makes sense.
So this, I feel like this kind of ties into what we were just talking about.
Right.
Do you have a fear of saying no when people ask to hold the baby?
Are you asking me? I'm asking you, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I Sometimes I'll say no and sometimes I'll say yes, Like it really depends on how insistent or really, I don't know. Sometimes I really don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Sometimes I feel like they just take it personally when I'm like, no, I just don't want to hold your baby.
There's an evolutionary study that says that you know back that the reason why we like hug and squeeze things that are cute is because way back in the day, we would see those things as a fret. We would see a cute, little furry animal, and we would want to hold it tight, like so tight it explodes because we want to get rid of it. You feel, do you feel like when you hold a baby you just want to squeeze it so hard it explodes, so that way you are the cute it's not part of the family.
I mean, it's not quite that, because I know that feeling that you're talking about. I definitely felt that before, more towards like dogs or cats, just how you honestly they or if that makes sense. But for the baby, I just I just get stressed out when I just I don't know. It's like my dark in truce is thoughts.
I know exactly.
I don't want to be responsible if something happened, like if I was in charge of the baby and I got distracted or I just wasn't paying attention and I accidentally did something.
I don't want to be in charge of that.
I will say this, if you take what Kazumi just said about the history of how people would squeeze babies in order to kill them, and you told that to whoever is asking you to hold a baby. They might not let you hold the baby anymore, which would solve your problem.
Problem solved.
Yeah, but there's also like that, I mean.
There's also like no go ahead. Those intrusive thoughts mean that you just cherish the people around you, because there's a study that you know, like we've all had that fought where it's like we're driving down the highway and we just want to snare and drive, or like if I'm holding my keys, I just want to throw it down the gutter, or like, see you, I value our friendship so much I fantasize about spitting in your face,
knowing that it would ruin everything. And that intrusive thought is what keeps me grounded to this planet, you know, like it may It makes me realize like I'm human and I'm feeling all the things i want to feel, and I care about this baby, So do not let me hold it because I'm afraid of what I'm capable of.
How would you feel about telling that to the to these people that want you to hold their babies?
Jackson, You know what, well are you saying? Telling people? Just admitting that this is an intrusive thought I have?
And yes, no, no, like what would like, look what happened if you just told the truth about and you were like, listen, I don't want to hold this baby because, just for whatever reason, whenever I'm holding your baby, I am also thinking about dropping it and crushing it and then potentially eating it afterwards.
I definitely wouldn't let you hold my baby out way and that way you want to say it.
I don't want to beat that blunt about it.
Then you can just drop the baby, Psycho.
If you dropped it, I can't do that.
I never have to hold a baby again.
That's a legitimate point. That's true. If you do one, you never have to do it ever again.
Maybe trying like a baby put.
Also costs like three thousand dollars probably and maybe jail wait.
Drop.
Can I ask where you got that number from? Jackson?
I would I mean medical bills? If I like, okay, what do you mean?
Oh?
I thought like you meant if I go on the dark web. But I ask, like, for a hit on a baby, it would cost three thousand dollars. That's that's where my twisted. I was like, oh, it's only three k.
That's five dollars. I mean to kill a baby's pretty good rating.
It's pretty low for a hit. Yeah, I know, that's really.
Six hundred dollars.
Abortions are only six hundred dollars.
Wortions are six hundred dollars without insurance, So you know.
What, I didn't think about it like that.
Yeah, I mean, you can save a lot of money, but just having your family aboard.
Jackson's anything else you wanted to say to the people of.
The computer before.
Someone.
Yes, I I did smoke a little bit before I got on the podcast, so I was And I'm really glad I got to talk to you, Lyle.
Look Jackson, no one can tell when you're high, but everyone can tell when you're insecure.
I like that.
Oh you know what, I'll take that. I'll take that to hurt for sure. Glad I got to talk to both of you, because, um, I'm I'm I take pride and as wards taking your gecky, I will I will wear that at the badge Oh my god.
Hell yeah, take care of Jackson.
Have a good night, guys.
I like your idea of basically taking u your intrusive thoughts and like, really because you don't want to examine them, right, you don't want to examine the fat But if you face them and you were all like, what if you were honest about them? But you told you listen, I just have the thing and I'm not in control of it. But it's telling me to drop your baby, and you're just honest, like you're not a bad guy for the thoughts that come into your head.
You're a bad guy if I tell you that and then you make me hold your baby exactly like you knew I was about to drop your fucking baby exactly.
That's on them if they give me.
Whenever I meet someone and I think they're really cool, like when I meet you, I always imagine just freaking curb stomping them because I know that you wouldn't forgive me after, and that fear makes me just act right like I'm just like, I just can't do that.
That would be fucked up. Our brains want to sabotage things for not just because they're sadistic.
I think wherever fear is, that there is your task. And once you face fear, you will learn so much more about yourself and you know you have to battle those intrusive thoughts.
I like that.
Yeah, I wish I could die for the attention.
Do you think you get a lot of attention on that? Yeah, when you were in school, did you ever imagine your own funeral and imagine how sad people will?
I committed suicide on Instagram like in high school, like i'd like wrote, I wrote like a like a suicide letter on Instagram and just logged off for like a week comments just well yeah, because people were being me in and then they stopped. They I think when I didn't die, they were kind of like, dude.
Were they either? They must have been like I mean, it's that's because you go from everyone is like remembering you and then they're fucking pissed. Yeah.
Yeah that was not l move, not not like the best thing I did. But I like the attention. I wish I but that's you recover from that.
I feel like people would just be.
I transferred schools.
I did.
Who.
Hi, that's a good question.
Hello.
How's it going? Man?
It's going? How are you guys?
Hey? Are you less nervous to talk to women because I'm a gecko?
Maybe a little bit? You look a little less intimidating.
Yeah, I look I look like less hot maybe tanner.
It says here that you're han't heard of anxiety talking with women after having just gotten out of a four year relationship, and you were unsure how to get back into the dating scene. Do you want to tell us more about this?
Yeah, So I got into a relationship when I was like eighteen nineteen. I was with her for four years. It was a pretty good relationship.
We had a really good breakup.
It was no almost heard, it was mutual. And this was probably like two or three months ago. And recently I've been wanting to get back out there and talk to girls, get back in the dating scene. And then I also just moved and started college, so I lost a lot of my friends while I was in that relationship. So I've been trying to make new friends, and lately I had just been striking out. Every time I see a girl and I want to go up to her and talk to her or anything like that, I just
get overwhelmed with anxiety. And yeah, kind of my anxiety is kind of takes over and I end up not doing it well.
I have the ultimate RIZ tip for you. I was in a relationship from thirteen to seventeen, so almost four years. So I get you when you say, like getting back into the market, and it's like your formative years and like you're starting college. It feels like you don't understand people for a while. My best advice when navigating the opposite sex is realizing that despite what the Internet may tell you, men and women are not much more alike
or different than you actually think. And the best way to have a conversation with a woman is by being present, Like, you're not gearing to have sex with me, You're not even gearing to go on a date with me. You're just gearing to get to know me and finding things that you like to do and that empower you. So let's say, if you have a hobby or if you're going for a major that you're passionate about, I would make sure that you are really good at those things
and you feel really good about yourself. So that way you attract people who have shared values and shared interest in hobbies, and that's the best way to find someone compatible with you.
How do you feel about that, Tanner?
You know, that's that's some pretty good advice, and I think I could use that. But I get in this situation and I just let my anxiety take over, Like I can't I feel like, I don't know if it's a fear of rejection. I don't know if it's I don't really know.
What it is.
But you tell a couple of days ago, no, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
A couple a couple of days ago, I was at Zoomies and I was picking up some stuff and me and the girl behind the counter where we were just vibing, and I really wanted to ask for a number. I was thinking it. There was no one else there, and I was so close, and then I just didn't do it. And then I just walked out, and I just was like, fuck.
A hard.
But I didn't see that's such. That is a tough scenario because you want to be respectful of the fact that she's working, and shit.
There's a plot twist when I didn't. I don't sugar baby anymore. But I've been a sugar baby to a lot of guys who are really awkward, and I always got lucky with my sugar daddy's being guys who are just twenty six, twenty seven, Like they weren't old guys.
They were always just guys of weird, insecure handouts and lots of anxiety, and they practiced on me how to talk to girls like I and I would just unabashedly say like you're being really weird or like hey, like you need that is not how you go down good to have that feedback that we had actually like great feedback loops on like hey, like you know, like maybe you should read this book or or something. And even on my only fans to this day, I feel like
I help practice. I help men practice how to talk. I'm a real woman, but how to talk to women in their lives and realize I'm not that much different than y'all. You know, it's like you want to talk to me like a person. When I'm in public, the best way a guy talks to me is not really by introducing themselves and saying, hey, I'm lile to get go, but kind of like just talking about the situation at hand, like whoa, Like this line's taking forever, huh, crack a joke.
You know, you're just segueing yourself in there, and that way it feels natural and not like you're a freaking predator. You know what I mean.
When you say that your anxiety takes over. What does that like look like? What do you mean by that?
I guess.
I really just start second guessing myself a lot, and I almost.
Just get scared.
I feel like I'm just scared to ask for their number.
Do you have a little female friends?
I don't know, because honestly, since I've moved up to where I moved to for school and everything, I honestly have like no friends right now.
I would practice before looking for I wouldn't say a mate. I would practice on working on yourself so that way you're an attractive person both two men and women that they want to hang out with you. And then when you practice human connections like that, people of all genders will be attracted to you, both as a friend and both sexually and romantically. Okay, because I think it'd be hard to have a girlfriend if you have no friends, Yeah, I agree.
Yeah, And I'm not even going into it with like really looking for I'm not even going into it really looking for a girlfriend. Like I am almost going into it just looking for friends almost. And I just started. I just moved up here like two weeks ago, so I haven't had too many chances to go out, but like I've thought about going to like bars by myself. But like at the end of the day, like talk myself out of it. I end up just getting high, sitting in my room and watching Gecko on the TV.
Yeah, do you have a Gecko addiction? Are you a addiction?
I will ban you from my child gecko addiction?
Oh please don't Gecko.
I won't ban you from from listen. If you want me to less, if you want me to help to you, I would addiction.
No, no, no, no, no, don't don't ban me.
Funk.
I was gonna say something good to you. Oh oh, the whole going out to bars by yourself thingird? Okay, well, hold on. I think the fact that it's kind of weird is what is compelling about it, because it's like, can you put yourself in like an uncomfortable situation and be okay. I don't know if that's it's that's like a difficult thing to do, to go up to put to a bar by yourself, I think.
Or friends, it's hard when there's nothing I can see that can relate us to one another, you know, Like I it's easy when I'm in social situations like a school club, like if we're both in chess club, or we're both in a sport, or for both in class and we have a common interest in a common some type of commonality to have a conversation about before we
get deeper with one another. But I feel like sometimes like bars and clubs can be difficult because I have no idea what we have in common, and and sometimes it's it feels like, Okay, you're just trying to have sex with me, so I just want to go away. But that's like, as a woman speaking speaking on that, I think your best bet and like finding friends would be like you know, like joining a club and like you know, becoming contributing to your community in like a fulfilling way.
Okay, else to say?
Is there anything you want to say to the people of the computer or to me, or to Kazumi or to Miles Davis before we go?
Who's Miles Davis? Uh?
Who is Miles Davis?
I love you both.
If anyone in the chat gets the opportunities, definitely do some mushrooms in your.
Life, dude.
Shrims are the best take care of tenn.
I love shrims.
I love you, Bye bye, I love you. I had a shroom trip where I experienced an ego death probably two years ago, and it made me a way cooler person. And people have recommended ayah juska or whatever ayahuasca ayahuasca to me, but I'm afraid to see more of myself. I think I'm really happy with where I am.
Yeah, I think still relatable.
That's the thing. Yeah, I'm weird as fuck and I have weird opinions, but I'm still relatable and grounded. I feel like if I take ayahuasca, I would cross that threshold of like, dude, you're a weird guy.
What's your weirdestinion?
I think my weirdest opinion is honestly, anything between consenting adults. Is there a business?
Yeah? Yeah? Is Why do you feel like that's a weird opinion.
I think it's weird because people will decide for people have a hard time distinguishing Hey, I wouldn't personally do that versus hey, someone is doing this thing, yes, you know, Like, okay, I personally going back to scat porn. I personally wouldn't shit on myself on camera right and record it. But I don't really care if you do. That's gotten fucking nothing to do with me if it's not hurting you, right.
It's where I feel like I've been thinking about this. I do feel like most people operate under the idea that you should be able to do whatever you want in life until you infringe upon somebody else's ability to do whatever they want in life. And where they really differ is whether or not something is uh, you know, affecting their life that somebody else is doing.
Yeah, I feel like the Internet were innundated with everyone's opinions or becoming a meme, which used to be my worst fear. My worst fear.
You were afraid of becoming a meme.
I was afraid of becoming I'm now I'm a total meme bro.
But like, why is why were you afraid of becoming a meme?
Okay, here's the first meme that ever was of me. If we're gonna talk the semantics of a meme. A meme is a is a a cultural thing. It can be a form of video or sound or or text that is shared amongst the community, almost as an inside joke, something that bonds people as you know, a cultural representative of something. So the first meme of myself that was ever created was me going to a pool party and there was just a lot of guys there and they
said something like Hey, who's next? And I raised my hand. I was like me, and they picked me up. They threw me on the lawn and I sucked all their dicks. It was a lot of ptises.
How is that a meme?
No? No, so I'll tell you. So I look up and people were recording it. And at the time I had a normal office girl job, so I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I did not consent to being recorded to sucking fifty dicks. Not fucking cool. I was on an OnlyFans girl. I was not doing a porn girl lo and behold on Twitter, someone posts a video and says something like, these Valley girls are something else barf emoji. It got retweeted, quote retweeted, hundreds of thousands of views.
Wait wait, so somebody wrote that these Valley girls something else bar over over a video of you sucking fifty dicks.
I wouldn't say fifty, but it was like a just like an ex well, yeah, several dicks, And so it became this me. First of all, I'm not from the fucking Valley. I'm from northeast LA. But it was a meme and when I went to work, everyone saw it, and everyone talked about it, and it was like my nightmare. I did not want to be known for that. I did not want to be condensed into an easily digestible, like one note thing. I am not from the valley, Like what, like.
So, how did you overcome the how did you then start to build upon that momentum to be something more.
A lot of my people on my work knew about it and had seen this video. Also, I'm not cute in this video. I mean I've been a select my whole life, Like people have shaved me and told me to go die in a ditch over liking sucking dick all the time. But I mean, your mom got cream pie. We're all full grown. I don't fucking care if you
think it's gross. I didn't die. And like, I feel like people get offended over seeing content like that because they see themselves in it, and they see that my joy in it is a reflection of like, hey, like this is how to like look look at what the world's become. If we're coming to this type of hedonism, I don't want to identify that. I'm scared of the world if we accept behavior like this. And I'm like, dude, I am not fucking president I am. I'm not the
representative of sluts everywhere. I just sucked dick. It's my right, God, and it became a meme. But I was really good at my job, so it didn't matter. So swag.
You feel like people see themselves in it. I wonder that too, because I really I.
My biggest meme ever was when I went on a jumper and I talked about fucking those fifty guys and how I had a body count of one million bill jillion, and people got really mad. And at first you'd think, why is anyone mad over a gang bang? Shouldn't everyone be happy? That means I got love for everybody. I've never been mean to a guy ever. I love men, and like I love like my fans and I have a discord and I'm nice to them. I've like never
even like been a dickhead to a guy. But I feel like people see it and they see it as a representative of like woman. They're like, oh, look, what if this girl is successful and happy? What does that mean for the common girl?
Right?
If she exists and she's successful, does that mean that all girls everywhere are gonna get gang bank? Like my wife is gonna get gang bank.
I'm like, no, it's well I hate when that because there's different people want different things.
Yeah, Like you're the person you're dating doesn't have to be a gang bank queen like what like you you will attract exactly what you are. And if you're a guy who's a one woman type of guide and you're gonna hopefully attract a girl that's a one guy type of right.
It's like the people who want to like do their thing, do their thing. The people who want to gang bank do that.
Think the world is smaller even though it's way bigger. Like for example, like I've been in a lot of media affiliated with Andrew Tate in his community, but honestly, in real life, I've never really met those people. I don't surround myself with those people for entertainment purposes. The controversy and the je position is great views, and that's why we we collaborate with together together. But that's something we consciously do because we know it creates discussion, and that's how we created.
Meme memes are crazy.
Memes are memes are propaganda.
Memes. Memes are a little propaganda.
Memes are propaganda, and I there was a realization sometime last year when I realized that liking me wasn't cool. So I decided to Yeah, because like people were like, ew, I hate this tree who doesn't shower, And I realized I had to make Kazumi a cool thing. And I think it's finally becoming cool. I'm a gecko. I made it. I got my blue track. Life is good.
Why do you think it was not cool to like you?
I was in I was affiliated with a lot of media that, although made me a lot of money, because it was so false, like it was controversial. Yeah, it was controversial. It got a lot of views and it created and I was outsourcing my audience to people that definitely didn't agree with people like me. I had to. I had to change my image and clean it up so that way people would kind of get where I'm coming from. Like, I never want to let go of
the fact that I'm a slutty, dirty girl. That is not something that I want to kill or even a race. It's something that I want to show can still exist while being a multifaceted human being with a lot of opinions.
Well, I strongly agree with the idea that no one part of yourself defines any other.
Part of Yeah, like I freaking am as normal as apple pot. You know, like I'm a pretty normal girl. I like, you know, I love Shrek. I like dress from my Gecko costume. I eat three crunchy rolls.
You know, I'm to feel more connected to Shrek by being green and being green.
You know.
My first party I ever threw was a Shrek party. Really had that also sex, No, No, this was I just liked Shrek. We had like green mac and cheese to represent his ears, and we had a lot of onion rings and we watched Shreks one, two, three, Puss in Boots and Shrek the Musical and Billie Eilish's brother phineas there.
This was like a This must have been like a seven hour long party.
This was a really long party that started at eleven am and was done by like eight.
Literally, Get goes on the line making his phone calls every night.
Mraphy, Get goes to on his ride.
He's teaching you a loud in the lid of your life, but he's not really an expert.