GECKMAIL: THE FLESHLIGHT UPDATE

or I guess. I filmed it back in February of me walking with my boy Jason, who I met through this podcast through Japan, and I talked about depression, I talked about having an existential crisis, a lot of that stuff, and I really enjoyed that format of video. So I am currently down here in Tijuana filming with someone else who I met through this podcast, and we're making a video together and that's exciting to me. And so yeah,

I feel great. I feel revitalized. I feel I've been trying to find a way to kind of like evolve the show in some way because it's been it's been like, you know, five years now that I've been being a Gecko and doing this podcast, and I really like this format. So I'm excited for you guys to see this video that I'm gonna make. I just shot it and we're gonna I'm gonna take some time to edit it. But anyway, whatever, that's what's going on with me. That's what's going on

with me as far as this podcast episode goes. It's gonna be me reading viewer mail. I made an Instagram story yesterday asking people to say me mail with whatever, and so I'm gonna now read some of that viewer mail for the next hour, perhaps even more, And hopefully this provides you with some form of distraction as you either fold laundry or drive a car, or do any other things that you would do, or maybe you just maybe I don't know how you do podcasts. Maybe you don't.

Maybe you just sit in a chair and listen to your podcast without doing a second thing. But whatever it is that you're doing while you're doing this, I hope that this is a good this works for you as a second thing to be doing. Okay, all right, let's just start reading emails here, all right. First email, This is from Joel. Subject line thoughts on your GTA six existential dread rant from Joel. Hello, Lyle Joel. Here, he wrote his full name by the way he wrote Joel,

and then his last name. But and he wrote, he gave me his first and last name in both the subject line and in the email itself. But I don't think I'm gonna read it aloud, because there's no reason to do that. Okay, all right, Joel here, I just finished listening to your Gecko Male episode where you mentioned how excited you are for Grand Theft Auto six this is true, and how you were in middle school when

the trailer for GTA five came out. I think it's really interesting to reflect on those points in our lives when we're super excited for something versus how we actually feel once it finally happens. If I could go back to my twelve year old self playing San Andreas and show him all the amazing things you could do in GTA five, how great it looks, all the crazy stuff

you can pull off, he'd be blown away. But now that I am in my late twenties or thirties, Now that I'm in my late twenties or thirties, okay, all right, that makes sense. Now that I'm in my late twenties, I barely care. Hmm. It's like, look, how cool this is? And yet you just don't feel it anymore. Hopefully that doesn't happen to you a year from now when GCA six comes out. Sorry to be a bit of a bummer, but I guess that's just how life is sometimes. Huh.

Just a few thoughts from me, Joel. And then he wrote again his first and last name, and then he writes, PS, please keep my name anonymous. Why would you write your first and last name? Here's the thing. I get it. If you send an email and you just Google just has your first and last name in the in the fucking thing, but you wrote your first and last We're

keeping Joel. Joel's anonymous enough, I think, But why would you write your first and last name in this in this subject line, and then twice in the body of the email if you wanted to be anonymous. Sorry, I don't know why I'm coming at you, Joel. I don't mean to come at you. I'm bummed that you don't care. I mean, I'm bummed that you don't care. I don't know. I don't know what your life is is like. I mean, it's not that big of a deal. If you don't care,

it's fine. I have games like that. By the way I used to be. I I remember I used to I was really obsessed with Kingdom Hearts when I was a boy, when I was at twelve and I I was so, so so excited for Kingdom Hearts three. And then it didn't come out for like seven years or eight years or I don't even know. And I by the time it came out, I didn't give a shit at all. And there's been there's been stuff like that where I just didn't care. But this I care. I

care about grand theft auto. I'm actually while actually while I'm like on planes and shit in Tijuana. Yeah, I'm just in a window. I'm just in a hotel room. I did. We did a bunch of fun stuff to film the video, but after that, I just kind of sat in the hotel room playing San Andreas the Definitive Edition on my switch and that's been pretty great. But yeah, I don't think that I actually don't think. I know that you're saying this is a bummer, but I don't

think that this is that much of a bummer. You know, it makes sense right when you're a kid, because I remember, yeah, I remember being when I was a kid, video games were all I cared about. They were the scope of my life, you know. I was like, yeah, I was twelve years old and my my the main narrative of my existence was I'm so excited for for like Portal two and Super Smash Brothers Brawl. And then you get older and your life expands. It's a good thing. It's

a good thing. I really care. I'm really excited. I really care about Grand Theft Auto six. But you know, you get older and you want you want You're like, oh, grand Theft, thought was six is cool, But it would also be nice to have a wife and kids, you know what I mean, or to have a career. You know, that's good. It's good. It's good. I think it's I enjoy that I still care about video games, like they're

a fun hobby. But I think if if all, if if all I cared about in my late twenties or thirties was video games, I think that would be more of a bummer, you know what I mean. Like, it's good to care about other stuff. It's like, look, how cool it's what is he saying all the greatest stuff? I don't know if Joel, I don't know, Joel, don't I don't know. I don't take this as depressing. I don't take this as depressing. I think it's natural to

care about stuff aside from just video games. But dude, I was thinking when I was playing, because I'm playing San Andres right now, and I'm like, damn, this looks like total shit compared to even Grantraft Little four. I don't know why I've turned I don't know why I've turned this into like IGN presents therapy, getto But I do like video games, all right. This one comes from Vinnie, subject line do ayahuasca. He says, if you feel it's

calling you, trust your intentions. We are all God. Consciousness is God. Death is incredibly easy. Living life is difficult, but that's what makes it special. We're here to leave our impact better than we found it so we can upgrade in our next life. You've already done so much positively impactful that I hope you're being a friend to yourself. Thank you, Vinnie. That's really nice of you to say, And based on how fortunate you are in this life,

it's very likely your previous life followed this advice. Be well, Vinnie, Thank you man. This was a sweet email. This is really nice. I don't want to do ayahuasca. I used to think I wanted to do ayahuasca, and now I don't. And here's why it is, because, well, yeah, I've been talking about a lot on the podcast about like existential bullshit, and I feel like, let's see, it's June. For basically all of February, March, April, and half of May, so about three and a half months. My con is constant

existential thoughts. And I was thinking a lot about this shit about like we are all God and consciousness of God and all that stuff. And it's in a lot of that when like thinking about death and shit, A lot of that was scary. But the past few weeks I'm thinking about it. I'm still thinking about it, but not from like a I'm scared of it, from like a like it's interesting to think about place. But I don't want to do ayahuasca. Man, there's no I I I feel like, you gotta you gotta keep you gotta

keep one foot on the earth. You know, you know what I mean, You really got to keep one foot on the earth or else you're going to just go fucking completely insane. I get you, though, on the whole we are all God conscious death is easy. Living life is difficult. That is true. Death is easier than life. You don't have to do anything if you're dead. You don't have to you don't have to go to work, you don't have to talk to anyone, you don't have to go grocery shopping. It's true. I was I was

thinking about this. Forgive me if I've talked about this on the podcast before, but I was on when I was depressed, and I was on Wikipedia one night, and I, God, I feel like I've told the story before. I'm not

gonna do it anyway. I was depressed. I was on Wikipedia, and I was on a Wikipedia page for this movement called anti natalism that was like like a like a philosophical idea that it is that it is unethical to have children because you're bringing consciousness into existence without its permission, and then like consciousness is suffering and shit. And while I was depressed, I was reading that and I was like, that's true, dude, consciousness is consciousness is is depressing. And

then but that's a that's a that's it. That's it's some shit you have when you're depressed, you know. I was walking around, uh, in in Tijuana a little bit yesterday and I was just I just watched these two people. They must have been, like I don't know, they were young. They must have been like twenty or something. There's just this couple. They were just holding hands and one had like a drink in the like I had like a fucking like a tear or something. And I was like,

this is that. I was like, this is nice, This is good. This is life is fine. Life is fine. Life is good. You expek bring you know, you bring a kid into the world, and uh yeah, sure there's plenty of ship to be uh depressed about. But you know, hopefully one day you have a kid and they get to drink some tea and hold a lady's hand and walk down the street, and you know, it's pretty good. That's worth it. That's worth it. So I don't know what was I what was the point of this rant

that I'm going on right now. But yeah, it's true, death is easy, but but you should do it. You should do life. You should do it. You should do life. You should opt out. I don't. I don't. Uh yeah, I've thought I again the past three months, going insane. I was like I was like, I want to opt out. I want to you know, you know what I mean. You know when I opt out, opt in, give it a shot. You know. This is all I'm I'm I drank too much coffee. This is all pointless rambling. But

this is I'm just speaking of my own thoughts. But I don't want to do ayahuasca because I don't want to be too I don't want to be too connected to the universe in like crazy psychedelic ways. You can be connected to the universe by going on a by by drinking a glass of water and walking down the street, you know, cod I don't want to. I don't want to be too conscious. I don't want to get up to some crazy level of whatever, whatever crazy level of

consciousness that ayahuasca is supposed to give you. I don't

want that. That sounds that sounds burdensome. I enjoy, uh, I even enjoy being pissed off now that truly, like after having a I've been thinking about, like after having like a weird existential crisis, I actually enjoy now because like the total opposite of consciousness is like, uh, when you're like pissed off about something stupid, you know, what I mean, Like, like if you're like, if you're at a restaurant and you order coke and they only have

pepsi and you're like pissed off about it, You're doing so great, you know what I mean. You're you're so deeply connected to reality. Every time I find myself like like I'm driving whatever, If I'm driving a car and someone like uh cuts me off or something, and I'm like pissed off, I'm like, oh shit, I'm that was That's so oh crap, this is a background noise. Who cares? All right, there's so what was I saying anything. I'm like, every time I get pissed off about something stupid, I'm like, oh,

this is great. I missed this. I missed that. You're so you're connected to reality in that moment that you're just pissed off that someone cut you off in traffic. You know. Okay, all right, let's keep going. I don't know what I'm talking about. Here we go, all right? This is from Subha subject line love is the point of living? Right? What if I never love? Hello, my dear friend Lyle. Ever since I can remember, I've thought

love was the whole point of life. Whenever I went through a tough time, I would think, once I find someone who truly loves me, all of this will be worth it. And it's not like I thought highly of myself or even felt like I deserved love. I was a brown girl growing up in the South and Midwest who couldn't understand how other girls could dream about their wedding day, because how were they so sure someone would

ever love them enough to marry them. Hold on one second, Brandon, I'm seeing if I I think my external microphone is connected to this thing. Okay, it looks like it did. Hold me, I'm gonna check real quick. Okay, hold on, Bradon, I'm gonna make it another Wait. Actually, I don't even need do I need to do that? Okay, hold I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna start a new recording. Okay,

all right, all right, let's hear into this. But through times full of suicidal ideations, academic failures, and difficult familiar relationships, I would dream of a love that would make it all worth it. My first real love was complicated and tense and honestly traumatic, and feeling that love did not make me feel any more lovable, which was odd to me. I'm still heavily emotionally attached to this person, but I know I will get over them with time. It hurts

right now, but it's not unbearable. I just can't imagine myself being in a relationship where I feel like I'm actually worth the other person's love and affection. I know people say you should love yourself and not seek external validation from a significant other, but there's love you can feel from another person that will never come from yourself and makes you feel whole. Imagine someone deciding to live with you through all your mundane moments. That's beautiful. How

do I get over feeling unlovable? The self racism and learned feelings of hatred toward myself is so hard to undo. Sorry for being so negative. Appreciate your work and I hope you know your loved and listeners, I hope you know your loved as well, And give me a second

to think about this, because I'm actually gonna try. I'm really going to try to like pull from like a little bit of my own experiences or thoughts with this shit, because I have Okay, so in my I think I think back like a lot on like my my in my personal life, right I go through I've always gone through I think like cycles. Well, like, I've had so many cycles in my life where I'm just like, the only fucking thing that I care about is finding a girlfriend.

It's like finding like all like you write everything you're saying, right, like finding love, finding someone to have it like your mandane moments with and I've gone through. I've got it's it's for for me personally, it's been very cyclical where I'm like, I need to find another person to complete me. And and when I am in that cycle, you cannot

convince me otherwise. You know. I've been in cycles where I'm like, there is no like you're fucking saying, there is no external there is no like thing that can come from me that will match the peace, uh and the serenity of like of like love, in of like romantic love. I mean that's why, I mean, that's why every fucking song on the planet Earth was written about this ship, you know, and I think it would be

and I don't know. By the way, just so you know, I don't have advice on this, but this is just I'm just gonna ponder it. I don't have advice This is not advice. This is just you bring you bring up in interesting life conundrum and I'm thinking about my personal experience and I'm pondering it with you right now. So I don't have advice. But this is just my ponders,

you know how fun? What was I saying? Cycles? Yes, I've been thereugh cycles, And then I've also emerged from those cycles feeling the opposite way, where I'm like, hey, you know what, I'm just gonna truly enjoy life. And this is this is this is again, this is coming from a I have genuinely felt, well on, I have to sneeze. I have to sneeze. Let's keep this in. This is important. Fuck hold on, fuck okay, all right,

we're keeping that in. What is it that I have gone through cycles in my life where I genuinely felt unconvinced you could not convince me otherwise that life was worth living if you didn't have a significant other, you know, And then I've I don't know how, but I've just just, through time or whatever, just emerged from that into a mode of existing where I'm like, you know, that would be cool. It is undeniably a unique feeling and a powerful feeling and a you know, important part of life.

Like you can't deny that, yes, no, because it bothers you, right, bothers you when people are like, oh, you should love yourself and this and that and the other thing. Because when you're like in this email, when you're like, there's nothing that compares to that, it's true. You're right that there is that that kind of love and that kind of thing. That's a that's a one of one experience, undeniably so undeniably. So I think I think it's a I think it's a lie to tell people that it's not.

But that doesn't mean that if you don't have it right fucking now, that your life has to be ship, you know what I mean. And also, and you've probably I'm sure you've been told this a billion times, whoever wrote this email. It's paradoxical, right, because the more you chase after it, the more people can people can smell desperation. The more you you chase after that, the more that it eludes you. That's a classic. It's a total classic.

And then you get into this uh contradictory state of being where you want something so badly and everyone's telling you that the only way to get this thing that you want is to not want it, and then you don't want it, and then it's easy. It's it's it's a difficult thing to manage. Although I again, thinking back, I'm just just from my own life when I've been in the cycle of like, oh, all all that matters in life is having a is having a girlfriend and having this kind of love I have, Like I keep

I keep a journal. I keep a journal of like my thoughts and feelings and stuff. And I've I look back at some journals that I've written from those periods of time where I was in that cycle where I thought that that was all that mattered, and I was and I was reading thoughts that I had during those cycles, and I was like and I was like, this, fuck it. Hold on my second, there's there's some background noise. We can keep this, we can keep this in. Yeah, I forgot.

I was in a hotel. Am I'm probably screaming. I don't think there's any I don't know if there's that many other people staying at this hotel, So maybe it's okay. It's also in the middle of the day, but I guess that doesn't make it Okay, I don't think I'm screaming. I'm talking loudly. Maybe I'm screaming a little bit. Was

I gonna say, Oh, yes, Okay. So I keep a journal and I've written, I've read, I've reread like journal entries that I've made from that time, and I've been like this, and I've been like, this guy is not healthy enough to even be in what he wants. You know what I'm saying. I'm like you, I'm I'm really like I've been in again, like healthier states of mind where I'm not in the in the state of mind where I'm like, oh, this is all that matters, and I'm kind of like I just like life. I'm just

feeling peaceful and happy on my own. And when I'm in that state, I'll read journal entries that I wrote when I wasn't in that state, when I was like, you know, obsessed with finding a relationship, and I'll be like, dude, this is this is and I'm like it's and it'll I'll just see so clearly that what everyone says about how you need to not want it for it to come to you or for you to even be you know, truly eligible for it. It's true. This is true. So

I don't know what to do with that information. I don't know what kind of advice is to be gleaned from that observation. But yeah, how do you get out of that cycle and into more of the cycle of like, oh, I really genuinely feel peaceful on my own and also the whole like I feel like it's a thing of like, you know what, feeling peaceful on your own, and then still you still have to make an effort. You know, you still got to, like fucking you know, go on the dating apps or or go out to things and

talk to people. But if you do it from a healthy place where you are, where you genuine you're not not bullshitting yourself, because we all can bullshit ourselves and be like, I don't care what happens. I don't care what happens to this day. I don't care if this date goes well. But you're kind of lying to your

brain a little bit. You kind of do hope it goes well when when you feel like you're at a mental point where you're like, I genuinely am okay with however this turns out, I'm genuinely doing shit just to meet people. That kind of is when I think things pop into place a little bit more, or even if it's not when things like pop into place a little bit more, it's at least when things are like, you know, healthy enough such that if they do, it's not crazy,

you know. I don't know if this rant makes any sense, but I just I feel I've been I know what this feels like, and I've been in cycles of feeling it, in cycles of not and these are just kind of my observations from the cycles. So whatever, Okay, So what does it actually send this email? How do I get over feeling unlovable? Uh? How do you get over feeling on loveable? I mean? Building self esteem? How does one build self esteem? Again, I don't know if I have advice.

I'm just thinking about my own life and times when I've had self esteem and times when I haven't self esteem. And again, for me, self esteem has been very it has been a very cyclical thing at times in my life where I've had a lot of self esteem and the times in my life where I have had very very very very low self esteem. And I've and I've been in one cycle and when I when I'm in the cycle. I'm like, I don't recognize it as a cycle. I recognize it as, oh, this is forever, you know.

But looking back, I'm like, what what? What? What moves me from one part of the cycle to another. I wish I had an answer to that, but I don't. In this very moment, I don't have a better answer to that other than medication and achieving things. Achieving things is good, but I guess it's achieving the right kind

of things. Like feel like things that make you feel competent, you know, I feel anytime I feel like when I feel as though I am providing evidence to myself through competent actions that I am getting smarter, or I am like being more confident being being more competent, I feel more confident. Like you need you need to provide yourself with data. You need to like provide yourself with data, you know. I don't think you can like meditate yourself

into self esteem, although maybe you can. I don't. I'm just I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. Maybe you can meditate yourself into self esteem? You can't. Yeah you can, I think you I think you can. I think you can. I think you can. For some people, you know, I don't know. Everyone's fucking different. Some people need like, uh like empirical external evidence for themselves that

they are a competent, worthy human being. And I'm definitely a little at least at least fifty percent of a person like that. And then the other fifty percent is you meditate yourself into being like I. I the fact that I exist as a human being gives me inherent value. Again for me, it's a yin yang thing. Those things work together. But yeah, I hope this was I hope this rant made sense. This. I like this email. This

gave me a lot to kind of think about. But also, I don't know how old is this person I'm trying to It doesn't really, it doesn't really say in this message. Right, there's it because there's another thing of the times of academic failures. Okay, I guess you're fairly young, because there's another thing of like, yes, being I think being in a healthy, loving relationship. No doubt, everyone's different, but I think most people would probably say that that's that's better

than being alone. I think people are kind of probably bullshitting if they say it's not, But at least for them, I don't know, all this stuff is very personal. But just because you can't, just because you recognize that it does help make you whole and it is a big life thing and you don't have it, that doesn't have to make you feel like shit, because you can just

be like, look, I don't have this right now. It's not a part of my life right now, and that's fine, but it doesn't You don't have to condemn just because it's not part of your life right now. It doesn't mean you have to condemn yourself to being unlovable for the rest of your life, you know. All right, let's keep going. I hope you're doing okay. Oh they signed their email Molly. I hope you're doing all right, Molly, okay, all right. This is from uh Brianna. Subject line am

I crazy. Ooh it's an exciting subject line. Hi gek, you can give me a name. So to make a long story short, I traveled through the US for about three months January through April, just exploring and visiting national parks, and then I went back to Canada to seek healthcare and just ended up staying in Canada and going back to the seasonal work I usually do. Due to some circumstances. I ended up being depressed for the whole month I was back. I decided I wanted to leave, packed my car,

which is built to live out of, and left. The next day, I quit the job I had and headed for the border. I tried to enter through Detroit. They took me aside, questioned me, took my finger. What the fuck? They took your finger? That has to be a typo, and searched my car. They sent me back to Canada. I entered the next day after showing them a ton of paperwork that proves ties to Canada. Kind of a crazy experience because Canada and the US have a tourism

agreement for their citizens. Anyway, I'm crossing the border from Montana into Alberta today in search of work somewhere in Banef for the summer. This was a pretty impulsive and spontaneous decision, but it doesn't make sense to stay somewhere. I'm unhappy. I've had so many people ask how I can travel and do what I want. There are no rules to life. We all have free will and can do whatever our hearts desire. I'm not following a conventional lifestyle,

and I'm not sure I ever will. For context, I'm nineteen and graduated a year ago. I crave new experiences and adventures. I'm so content being an uneducated hippie. Living life to the fullest is what makes you rich, not that degree or six figure job. To anyone who wants to get out there, just to do it, it's scary to take the leap, but regret is scarier. You only

live once. Brianna. Uh interesting, Okay, Well, I have a few thoughts about this, right because I think, no offense to Brianna, but I think like going, okay, going like full if you like going full send, we all have free will, and you know, get out there and whatever. Whatever to me is it's a little ignorant in the sense, no offense to Brianna. But I'm just gonna I'm just gonna speak from myself because I actually I do agree with a lot of this ship. But also also it

also costs money to exist on the earth. And so I remember there there's this like viral Instagram post that this this lady made. I don't know if you guys have seen it, where she's like she's like in a on a beach in Thailand and she's like, what is. She say she's and she's like panning the camera around and she's like, this could be you on a Thursday. All you have to do is book a flight. What are you doing? You have free will? All you have to do is book a flight. And that that that

clip goes ill because everyone fucking what's the word? What's the word? When it's a TikTok, everyone stitches it. Everyone stitches it with them being like, you know how the flights cost money? You know, it's not you can't just you can. There's there's a lot of like okay, saying like, uh, get out there, do whatever you want. You have free will. Come there is an asterix. There's an asterix on It doesn't make it not true, doesn't mean we should throw

out the whole sentiment. In fact, it's actually I think it's a good sentiment, but it does come with an asterix, you know. So it's like, I don't know, I'm trying to think what I what I actually want to say about this. I'm cure I'd like to talk to this person because I'm curious, like how do they do it? You know? My understanding of this how this person does it is okay, Well, Okay, so she so she's I think this person is Canadian, right, They're born in Canada,

so they're free health care. That's pretty cool. And then they do seasonal work. So my understanding of how it logistically works with this person is she probably spends three months doing her seasonal shit and saving and then and I don't know how she saves, right, Like there's a lot of I like, what's in the asterisk of this because I do I think, because usually I think it

is both. I think it is simultaneously ignorant to be like, go out and travel and do whatever you want, as well as it being ignorant to say you can't do this because of X, Y and Z, Right, Like, there's a middle ground where we can go like, Okay, here's a logistic way that you can figure out how to do this shit, right, And so I'm trying to figure out how the logistics work for this person. She probably does like some kind of seasonal work and it saves up a bunch of money. I don't know if she

saves the money. I don't know where she sleeps right while she's doing the work. I don't know what she eats while she's doing the work. Maybe she lives with her folks. Maybe she lives with her folks while she's in Canada. Maybe she lives with fucking six roommates or something like that and just saves up all the money and then uses it to travel through the US for three months. And then because she's in Canada, she got

health care. She figured it out, she had, you know, she was she You know, you're born, and you get certain you have certain nice things that come with your life if you're lucky, like you know, being in a place that is free healthcare or having parents that can let you stay at their place, and you figure it out. So I don't know, I get there's there's something in between.

I don't like this. I don't like the people make it like a in either or right, Like the people are the people on the one side of the of the Instagram thing where that lady is like, hey, just book a flight. You know this could be you on Thursday in Thailand. Right, It's like there's an asterisk there, and then on the other some people stitching at being like you cannot do anything because everything is unbearably expensive and there's no possible way to do any of this.

Ship there's an asterisk there too. Right, It's like we can get logistical on how to do cool shit. But yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'm curious for how this person does it. But yeah, I would reorient I would. I would reframe this person's message and I would go I agree that living life to the fullest is what makes you rich. That's what she said. I agree that there there is How would I reframe this? Get out there

and just do it? Like I guess, I would reframe it as like, fully assess whatever your situation is and then use whatever resources are at your disposal, i e. The Internet, i e. Living with more roommates, i e. Whatever whatever it is is man to like figure it out. And a lot of this shit, I do think there are a lot of people who want to do things that they've decided they can't that if they prodded a little bit, are are figure outable. But yeah, I don't know.

I don't know what's going on in Canada. That's crazy, that's cool. You have free healthcare. All right, let's keep going. Okay, This is from Isaac subject line hands free for Life. Isaac says, Hello, I was on your show once when you had a therapist that wore glasses on. I forgot his name. He was cool, though, what is that a I think he's talking about doctor Dre, not doctor not fucking doctor Dre, doctor Drew. Anyways, I wanted to give you an update since I had taken your advice to

buy a fleshlight. This is what happens when you do a podcast for five years. Just somebody says, you get an email. You get an email from a guy who's like, hey, remember three years ago you told me to buy a flash light, And I'm like, I don't remember that, but I'm like, what else? What else have I said that I don't even fucking remember. Well, good, I'm glad you bought the flesh light. I've never tried. I've actually never used a real fleshlight. I've used a what I call

it a maguiver flesh light. It's when you take a pringles can. I've talked about this before, I'll do it again. So you take a pringles can and a rubber glove and two sponges and you use that to do a homemade mcgiverd fleshlight. But I've never actually tried the real thing. Okay. I wanted to give you an update since I had taken your advice to buy a flesh light, and I'm doing much better now. I have a lot of wisdom for anyone that may be in my position currently. What

is your position that you have a flashlight? What is this email? Bullet points A high Q, A sneeze of knowledge if you will be on the shiny Okay, I don't think this person understood. I don't think this person understood the point of the email. That's okay, who cares? Who gives a shit? I hope you. I hope you're enjoying your flesh light, Isaac. Good luck, good luck, sir. I hope, I hope. Yeah, I hope you're enjoying your flashlight. Thank you, Isaac, thank you, thank you for sending me

this email. All right, this is from Jacob, subject line Exchange in Baltimore. Hi, Lyle, hope you're doing well. I'm a student from the UK about to do an exchange semester at MICA in Baltimore. I know you grew up there and was wondering if you had any advice slash tips for a living there for four months and if you have any favorite spots to check out I'd love to hear thanks and have a lovely day. All right. Who's ready for the Who's ready for the to get

to get super niche here? Who's ready to learn about the great city of Baltimore and Maryland. Uh, Mike is sick. You have a great time. Mike is a cool place. I've never been there, but I I when you drive into Baltimore, you like see the outside of it, and it's the cool. It's like a cool, artsy place. You're definitely gonna yeah. Oh and you're also I don't know something about like being at like Micah and you have like a British accent. Yeah, everyone's gonna love you. Yeah,

you're gonna you're gonna have a great time. Go to go to go to some fucking crusty punk shows in basements. I don't know if that's so. I don't know much about like the Baltimore scene, but I know that there are there's a lot of like, uh, punk shows at bars for like ten bucks and shit like that. Go check that shut out. Uh. There's a museum I love in Baltimore, shout out to the American Visionary Art Museum.

It's it's a lot of like uh, crazy art from sort of like fringe artists who who who weren't like famous or anything. They're just like living on the street and ship. Check that out. Anything else is Baltimore, I don't know. It's a cool place. Yeah, go go go go to some I'm gonna go to some of those house shows if that's if that still exists. Okay, all right. This is from a bridgid subject line A weed farm and a dream. Hello, Lyle, thank you so much for

opening up your email line to us writers. I'm also a speaker, but have never been lucky enough to be connected to you. During one of my many calls into the show, I writer in. I don't know why this. I don't know why I'm getting tripped up by this, but thank you. Okay. I've been listening to the show since twenty twenty one, and the situation I was in when I started tuning in was quite unique. In November

twenty twenty one, I was twenty three. I just dropped everything in Massachusetts to live for three months on a weed farm in Trinity, California, Trinity County, California. I was low key scammed into going by a friend of a friend that claimed I would make ten thousand dollars in five weeks from trimming cannabis. You don't get out. Here's

here's the thing. Don't feel bad about you don't get You don't get out of life for free, especially if you're like if you're a schemer, and I myself when I was, when I was young and still today a big schemer, where I'm like, how do I how do I how do I fucking like know, uh not have to work a real job? You know, when you're when you're tinkering around, you get, you get ski you get when you're when you're in big like, oh my god, I'm going to have to work a real job. And

I don't want to do that. You start scheming, you're you get, you get scammed, You get scammed into shit like this. So there was no there was no shame in that. The unfortunate reality is I definitely lost more money than I made. I probably spent upwards of six thousand dollars living in San Francisco for three weeks and doing my coast to coast road trip. When all was said and done at the farm, I made around five thousand dollars between trimming and annual work and hourly work.

I don't regret it, but I also wouldn't recommend it to anyone personally. I was really lucky to have a solid support system in this endeavor that I could go back to my apartment in Massachusetts when the season was over, and therapy Gecko was most of what I listened to while trimming. It brought us smile to my face, my face when all I was looking at or white walls and massive amounts of wee for ten to twelve hours a day. Uh. Pros of living on a weed farm

unlimited weed. Air is fresh and beautiful. Cons of living on a weed farm unlimited weed definitely isolating. Gotta sleep in your car, the sink bucket, no days off, twelve hour days, and did I mention isolating? I love you, Lyle, thanks so much for your attention and care best Bridget, Thank you, Bridget. It's very sweet of you to say, yeah, no,

look here's the thing we've all again. Like I was just saying, when you're when you're when you're trying to not when your options are like all right, cool, I could go work at some fucking thing and make some fucking whatever, you know, and then your friend is like, Hey, you can make ten dollars in five weeks trimming cannabis. Of course you're gonna be like, that sounds right. Of course, why would you not be like, why would you question that?

Sometimes you don't want to ask questions because you just want it to be real. So of course you're gonna go and do that. So, yeah, you're not getting out of if you're if you're a schemer, if you're if you're scheming around trying to figure out how to not have to fucking be a real human being, you're you're gonna get nicked every now and then by by somebody else who's who's scheming. So you know, charge it to the game, as they say, Uh okay. This is from Nicholas. Hello, Lyle,

my name is Nick. I recently turned nineteen. I've noticed how your mood during your recent podcast episodes have has seemingly fluctuated from being depressed to perhaps being more content with being depressed. As you've said many times, you've been thinking of life very deeply and existentially as of recent which I very much relate to a strong sense of introspection and existentialism in these past few weeks. Typically this is accompanied by a strong negative feeling, But this time

I feel more content with it. I don't know how to feel about that. I guess I feel good that I'm starting to accept that life is what it is, that most of it simply consists of grueling obstacles to overcome. You've impacted me so much mentally over the past four years with how honest and expressive you've been about how you've been feeling and what you believe. It's really inspiring and it's made me gain a more realistic and understanding mindset that I quite enjoyed. Thank you, Nicholas. I like

how the YouTube video you. I liked the YouTube video you posted the other day about your crisis in Japan. You should do more of those. That's why I am in a windowless room in Tijuana. Here's a Minecraft building of you. Oh shit, that's awesome. Look at that. Look at that. Okay you're not gonna be able to see this in the audio version, but for the video folks, check that shit out. That's pretty cool. Okay. Where what

was I gonna say about this person? Bro? You're nineteen. Man, You've started to accept that life is what it is, that it simply consists of grueling obstacles to overcome. Oh fuck, I want to go on a motivational ramp, but I also don't because I don't know this person's life. I don't know what. I don't know what. I don't know what ignorance will will be woven into my my fucking

stupid rant. But I don't know. Man, I hope you fucking I hope you open your mind to the potential that life is more than just grueling obstacles to overcome or or I don't know. I don't know if it's it's already just then I'm like, is that ignorant? My being ignorant? I don't know. I hope your life gets better. I don't know. Is this I don't know. You sent me a fucking giant Minecraft gecko. That's life. You know

this is really good? Actually, I'm like, actually looking at this sometimes life is playing Minecraft's That's good, right, God damn keep chucking Nicholas. Okay, this is from Brennan. Hey, Lyle, thanks for being the voice that keeps me company on my commute. You had a soothing presence to stressful workdays. Thank you. I wanted to know if you ever tried going to Nintendo themed groups to find friends or more than friends parentheses, if you know what I mean, and

if there are such groups near you. Also, what is your favorite food slash snack when you're high? Oh crap, I don't know if that okay? All right? I hope to visit New York again soon and I'll be on the lookout for Gecko man Farewell Gek Nintendo themed groups. I have never I don't know if. I don't know if that exists. I don't know if that exists. Wait, actually, hold on, I'm a total idiot. I go to Nintendo groups.

I wait, I'm actually a total idiot. I actually go to Nintendo themed groups all the time because I play competitive Super Smash Bros. Melee, which is a Nintendo It's so funny. I was looking at your email, like what the fuck is a Nintendo themed group, and then now I'm like, oh, that's been a part of my life for like eleven years. Now go into fucking smash tournaments. Yeah, bro,

go to some Smash Bros Tournaments. I mean, I'm a big melee guy, but uh, and the melee scene is not as big in as like Ultimate But yeah, dude, go to go to some ultimate tournaments, have some fun. That is a huge way that people make friends, right, because what is friendship really? You know, It's just like the reason why we make less friends as we get

older is because friendship is just like shoving. Friendship is just fucking repeated interactions with the same people, and when you are an adult, you have less of that as you did when you were in college and high school. So look, man, if you go to a fucking ultimate tournament once a week for several weeks, you'll probably start seeing the same people and making friends. And yeah, I don't know. Maybe then I don't I don't know what

your game is. Maybe you could start a fucking circle where you guys all go to your each other's animal crossing islands. What is your favorite food slash snack when you're high Lately it's an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's, or like a or like a dollar slice of pizza that hit rocks. Okay, okay, all right. This is from a Trinity subject line post relationship guilt. Hey, GEK, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months, but I constantly grapple with the guilt of my past

relationship with his best friend and coworker. We dated for three years and ultimately his best friend broke up with me over four years ago. While I have no feelings for his best friend and I'm wholeheartedly committed to my boyfriend and believe we should have been together all along, I can't help but feel I made a mistake and I feel guilty that I dated as best friend. My boyfriend has never once made me feel bad for this

or blames me. What do I do to get over this feeling of guilt and that it will prevent us from getting more serious down the road? Ooh interesting? I mean I got a couple. Okay, So all right, so you dated this guy's friend before you dated him, I'm gonna guess that you guys were all kind of in the same circle and group and whatnot, and that's how you know your current boyfriend and your ex boyfriend who's the friend of blah blah blah. I mean, dude, did

this guy you're his first? Of all? Okay, his friend broke up with you, right, here's his friend broke up with you four years ago, and you started dating this get your current boyfriend only six months ago. Listen, Trinity, this, I I don't here's the thing, Trindy, if it because okay, if you were dating his best friend, right and then you broke up with him to be with his friend, I could see why you would feel guilty about that. I could see why, you know, you could that would

make you feel bad. But like this is that's this is a little bit not that like the timeline for this. I feel like you don't need to be guilty about it. I mean, god, damn you guys, you guys fucking is he still friends with the dude? I don't know. This just seems like this just seems like the game. You know, this just seems like how it came out. This by the by that when I said this seems like the game.

It just is like this, this is what happened. You know, this is the game of life, right, I mean, why you guys fucking broke up four years ago? It was three and a half. It had been three and a half years since his friend broke up with you. I think I think, I think you're in the clear if you and his friend have a connection. It's like I think you're fine, dude. I mean again, it would be

it would be a different situation. If if you broke up with the friend and then immediately you started dating, you started dating your current boyfriend, that makes a lot of sense. I you know, get why you would feel guilty, but like the timeline with this, I don't think. I don't. I don't see why you're letting this prevent you from getting more serious down the road, you know. I mean, three and a half years is a pretty fucking long time since you dated his friend. Are you guys all

I have more questions about this. I'm curing. Are you guys all in a in like a like a friend group? Still? Yeah, I think I've at least at least in my opinion, I think the timeline of this absolves you from guilt. I mean, but also especially because like if he broke up with you. Yeah, I don't, I don't. I think you're over thinking this. Trinity Okay, this is from Sean subject line Trees experience time differently. Hello from New Zealand, Gek.

I was out in the bush with my mates and we were talking about the universe and things, as you do. I brought up how trees experience time differently compared to us, like from our perspective, the trees are growing very slowly, yet to the trees, they're shooting up fast and their roots are wiggling around underground like tentacle arms. We see them as really slow, yet they see us going fast.

One of my bros said, trees aren't conscious beings, therefore they don't have a concept of time, so you're wrong, And we argued for like ten minutes about it, and it got nowhere. Is this just a bunch of yapping or is there solidity to this? I'm keen to hear your thoughts. Ps. I wear the full gecko suit during sex. Okay, I'm gonna reread this cause I'm trying to understand what

your position is on this. Okay, so you're bringing Okay, so you're saying the trees experience time differently, and your boys like, trees aren't conscious beings, therefore they don't have a concept of time, so you're wrong. What is my opinion on this? I'm gonna I'm actually I feel there's probably some motherfucker who like can scientifically explain whether or not trees are conscious. But you know what, what what good? What good is is arguing with the boys when you

try to bring science into it. All science does is make arguing with the boys not fun. So let's keep science out of this one. Huh, are tree? I agree with your homide. I think trees aren't conscious. I don't think trees have a concept of time. I think human being this is, this is this is like human beings are conscious. We have we have like our own uh privileges of consciousness as humans that trees don't have. I mean, some could call them privileges, some could call them curses whatever,

who cares. But you know, like humans are, we're half we're half consciousness and we're half just doing and existing and being animal shit and just like you know, doing our homeostasis. Like I think it's an inherently human thing to have the self awareness that we get older. I don't think that like animals and trees and shit even know that they're growing or getting older. They just do it. And you don't have to know that you're doing something to do it. Of course, So I don't think trees

are conscious. I don't think they have a concept of time. I believe that your boy is correct, Like trees don't know that they're gonna die, and they don't know they're getting older in the way the humans do. What's it like a New Zealand? Is it real? Are you guys having this conversation in like the fuck? Are you guys in the Shire? You know all the Lord of the Rings movies were made in New Zealand. Are you guys having this conversation in the Shire? That's pretty cool? All right,

let's see, all right? This is from Billy, subject line cancer saved my life. Hi, Gek, I'm writing you this email the night before I go into surgery. I am twenty seven years old and fighting cancer. I never thought this would come up at this point in my life. I'm not sure if ironic or funny is the right word, but four years ago I was in and out of hospitals for suicide attempts. Now that my mind wants to live, my body is fighting itself. You know what, I actually, Billy,

I completely under I completely understand what you're saying. I completely fucking understand what you're saying. And I understand why you think it's funny and ironic, right, because yeah, when your mind that is so that is so fascinating. I'm extremely sorry to hear this, but that is fascinating. Right, dude. I'd noticed this myself after like, I don't know, get getting over wanting to die is like once your once your brain is like, oh shit, I life is I

ask you. You know I like life. This is good? You know it is it? I see? It is funny that now your body is like, well, too fucking bad. You know. Let's see your body is fighting itself to say, I've come a long way since then. As an understatement, gratitude and living in the moment are two things I have strengthened tremendously throughout this journey. I've never been more thankful for everything I have and have been able to experience.

While the physical pain is tough at times, I truly believe this experience has opened my eyes to a more enriching life. So many small worries I no longer have, and living in the moment has unlocked so many beautiful views I've overlooked in the past. Thank you for all you do. Best wishes, Internet Deco. Man, mm bro, I hope you're all right, Billy, I really do. I hope you're doing okay. But yeah, I know what you mean.

I know what you mean. As to why, as to everything, you're saying as to why he feels like ironic and in a weird one. I'm like, yeah, man, I get it, I get it, I get it. I get why once you're kind of faced with like some real shit, a lot of the small stuff no longer no longer phases you. Hmm. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. Billy all right. This is from Kate, subject line the Taco Bell Crunch rap Supremacy. Hey gek, when are you coming back to Seattle?

I have no idea, but eventually I hope this email finds you as I would like to discuss something that I am very passionate about, Taco Bell. I have always loved Taco Bell growing up, and now, as a twenty five year old with full autonomy and subsequently left to be responsible of my own executive functioning, I make the choice to eat Taco Bell all the time. I eat Taco Bell a minimum of twice a week. I get emails about upcoming sales, new releases, and even have the app.

I'm honestly kind of disgusted at how much I'm into Taco Bell. If I continue to eat Taco Bell the way I do now, I will no longer be able to leave my house without a crane within the next five years. However, as it stands, I am not crane bound and continue to push past the endlessness of limitations, explore new opportunities, and experiment with the food items at Taco Bell. Within my exploration, I have discovered a very underrated hidden gem on the menu, and I feel it

is my obligation to share that with you all. I promise this is not sponsored, but I want to hear this. I want to hear this, ladies, gentlemen, and the rest of the geckos across the Internet, the most underappreciated menu item at Taco Bell is the black Bean Crunch Wraps Supreme. Hold on, what is the Black being crunch Rap Supreme. I'm gonna google this real quick. Black Bean crunch Rap Supreme. Here's the thing, bro, if I go to Taco Bell there, I'm not gonna get anything without any meat in it.

I'm not gonna get any vegetarian items. Okay, so this is yeah, this is a fully vegetarian Yeah. I mean, look cool for you if that's your thing. But like, if I'm going to Taco Bell, there's no way I'm consuming anything without meat. In it. Okay, the black Being crunch Wrap Supreme is ten times. But this is back to the email. The black Being crunch Wrap Supreme is ten times better than the beef, than the beef or

any other meat or protein substitute in the crunch wrap. Okay, So this person is trying to argue to me that even as this person I assume as a meat eater, there's no way you're not. This person's not a vegan or a fucking vegetarian. You don't get this into the taco bell as a vegetarian or a vegan. Okay, So I'm gonna assume this is a regular. This is a meat eater that is attempting to argue that the meatless black Bean crunch Wrap Supreme is better than the crunch

wrap with meat in it. And I'm gonna be open minded and I'm gonna read this argument. Okay, that is a hill I am willing to die on over a thousand times. If you haven't tried it, I beg you to do so as soon as you can. I'm not

sold on this this. I don't believe this. The flavor combination when the black beans and nacho cheese mix the crunchiness of the tostado, the crispiness of the lattice, the freshness of the tomatoes, I promise is not an ad the creaminess of the creaminess of the sour cream wrapped up in the softly grilled flower tortilla. Not even God himself could cultivate such a divine experience. Okay, Kate, here's

the thing. You haven't yet attempted to explain why it's better because everything that you've explained is still present in the chicken crunch rap. So why is the black version bet? Why is this better without chicken? I know that there are many things that are discussed on this platform, including the food at Taco Bell, but that's honestly not enough. We need to have even more discussions about Taco Bell

than we already do. Okay, this hold on. Not enough people understand that the black Bean crunch Wrap Supreme holds supremacy over any other crunch rap. Okay, all right, that's pretty much the end of the email. This pretty listen, Kate, you gotta give me some I don't. I'm not. This email doesn't compel me to try it because there's nothing in here that's telling me that the black beans are going to be better than the chicken. I don't I was gonna, you know, I don't even want to give you.

I don't want to even give you lip service and tell you that I'm gonna try it, because I'm probably not. I'm probably just gonna next time I go there, I'm gonna just this is making me kind of hungry for like an actual crunch wrap with like chicken in it, and shit. Yeah, bro, I'm also gonna have to I'm also gonna need a mean to take me out of my house pretty soon. I'm yeah. I've mentioned I was here in Tijuana and this morning I was like, this morning I was I was like, should I get like

an authentic whatever the fuck? And I'm like, no, I don't care. I'm gonna go to Carls Junior. And so I went and I got a breakfast burrito. It was great, but I was also like, I'm eating too much fast food. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta stop doing that, all right, Okay, this is from jeffano Yuki, subject line, I had a dream of being downgraded. Hey, Lyle, nice to finally write something to you, because trying to call you is difficult for some reason in my country I am from Lithuania.

I have a story. I had this dream of like being in a dark void or room or something, and suddenly whisp started to get louder, and I heard one voice talking about and comparing all the close ones I know, like from the family and relatives, and then more voices show up, and eventually they start talking about me. It was faint, but I clearly remember the whispers in the dream telling me that I'm worthless and a disgrace to

the family, basically downgrading me. And that got me thinking, did my thoughts and feelings translate to a dream because I have low self esteem? Or this could even be deeper of past relatives or family members from the dead coming to visit me in my dreams and expressing disappointment in me because two or because one or two weeks before this dream my grandpa passed away from a heart attack.

I'm probably overthinking too much about it, but I wanted to share this experience to you and hopefully you give some thoughts about this. Most people I've talked to have said it's basically my low self esteem evolving in my dreams. Also, Gecko and Lithuanian is geck on us. Thank you for

sharing that. I yeah, I think dream I don't. I'm I'm not a law a believer in I mean, at this point, I'm like fairly agnostic about all things because I I just the older I get, the more I realize I don't fucking know anything and that the universe is completely beyond me. So I'm fairly agnostic towards a lot of shit. But I'm not super I don't. I'm not super big into like people from the I don't think.

I don't think at least. Again, I'm fairly agnostic, But I don't think at least that people from the dead come to visit us in our dreams. That's less believable to me. I absolutely believe that you know, fears and low self esteem and feelings, whether subconscious or unconscious, whether whether conscious or unconscious, absolutely manifest in our dreams. Like that makes sense. So yeah, this probably could be just

like a fear that's manifesting in your dream. I believe if it makes you feel in a better I believe that that's probably much more likely. That's way more likely than it is that like your grandpa is visiting you to tell you that you suck. And by the way, imagine if he was doing that, right, I mean, you know, I'd have to imagine being dead is because when you're dead, you're resting, right. Why would you want to disturb your own sleep? Why would you want to disturb a very comfortable,

disturbing sleep to tell your grandson that he sucks? You know, I don't think he's doing that. I think he's probably chilling. So anyway, I mean, yeah, that's my thought about that. What's it like in Lithuania? Where the hell is Lithuania? I'm looking this up. I've never I haven't been to any of like Eastern Europe, like Estonia or Poland or any of that shit. It's mainly like Western that could be cool. Maybe I'll go to Lithuania for absolutely no reason.

For Latvia is interesting? What's going on in Latvia? All right? Okay? This is from El Barto, subject line Sissyphus to do list. Hello, Ghek. I am a senior in college, living a good life, and I've been achieving things that I've been working on

for years. I have an internship in quantitative finance. I have people that love me and appreciate me, and yet I keep finding myself feeling like I should be doing more that, or I jumped straight into planning and working on the next thing without even finishing the things in front of me, without even noticing. I guess the best way to describe this state is some weird multitasking Sissyphus conundrum type shit. And I just can't or have forgotten

how to turn my brain off. It's mentally and physically impossible for me to sit and just be. The weight of reality is too nauseating, and the feeling of I need to be doing something goes bonkers. Not looking for anything, just wanted to share gek on brother, I'm glad you're not looking any for anything, but I old by the way I have. Me and I have good friends we have who have like that I need to be doing something feeling is a a permanent hard It's hardwired into Uh,

I'm just gonna talk about myself. It's hardwired into my existence, like hardwired the whole I need to be doing something thing, and I've had it forever. I've had it since I I middle school or whatever. It's the reason why I was able to ever do any of the shit that I ever did in my life, and recently I have discovered because after like talking to friends who have that same shit and talking to my dad who has that shit, is it's adhd, you know, like there's a word for it.

I thought though I didn't realize there was a word for it. I didn't realize I thought that that was just how I was, or that's like the human condition or whatever. And maybe I'm not here to fucking diagnose you, and I don't fucking you know, I don't even know this is a problem for you. But again, I'm just talking about this is just my own personal now, I'm not here to this. I'm not talking I'm you know,

I'm not even this is not about your situation. This is just I'm relating to youth or my own thing.

And for me, like and this is recently, bro this is like within like the last month, I've been like, oh, this feeling that I thought was just a weird amorphous part of like my existence has a name and people talk about it, you know, and people like kinda kind of like, uh, you know, they they they work on it through through medications and through fucking strategies and ship and and again for me, uh, the ADHD thing of

I always need to be doing something. It is a when unchecked, uh, for for me and for for my friends that I've talked to have this ship a curse when unchecked, when undealt with a curse, dude, just a curse. Fucks up every aspect of your life. Executive functioning makes you, makes you live in a shit put you having like trash and clothes all over the floor, and like you know, can't hold down a relationship, can't hold down a job.

Like It's just like, it's a fucking curse, right when when calculated, strategized, tamed, it's a fucking blessing, dude, right because the whole I need to be doing something thing. It pushes you into positive places. It makes you want to get more out of life. It makes you wanna, you know, do shit and live a better life, and

it leads you to cool places. And the process I'm just talking about myself still, the process for me of like raining it in so that it's not a detriment, so that you're not hating yourself all the time because you're not doing stuff. What does that process look like for me? I don't know. It's a lot of like fine tuning routines and a lot of going to fucking hold on, I have a sneeze. Fuck, I have to sneeze, but the sneeze isn't coming. Hold on, it's coming. It's

better to be here. It's on its way. Okay. The process for me looked like, I mean, you guys know, I won't shut the fuck up about vibe ance. That shit is great whatever, at least for me when I discovered that, Like, oh, when I discovered that this uh yeah, the whole I need to be doing something thing is like, uh, it's a thing, you know, It's not just a weird thing that is a unique part of my own uh firmware as a human being. I was like, oh shit,

this is interesting. I can like tame this. I don't know if that has anything to do with your life, but I don't know. That's just that's just my I'm not looking for anything either, I just want I also just wanted to subject line working at a retirement home made me hate old people. Hello, gek, I just want to vent about working at a retirement home. Oh sorry, there's a hiccup. Working at one has not made me see old people. They put this person put people in

quotation marks. This person. Working at one has not made me see old people in a good light, due to me realizing, for the most part they are useless old and I have a sneeze coming. I'm gonna sneeze again. Should I leave this one in because I feel like i've I feel like I've interrupted the podcast with a lot of sneezes. I'm gonna I'll leave it in. Fuck it's gone, all right, all right, fuck it, We'll leave that in. Who cares? Let it? Let it. Imperfection is fine,

It's imperfection is fine. Okay, back to this person who hates people. Uh. Working on one is not me see old people in a good light, due to me realizing, for the most part they're useless. Again. Quotitions people who are detrimental to the society. They are a part of Jesus Christ. Okay. It bothers me a lot that we let them stay in positions of power when their point of view comes from the seventies and eighties. It would be better if they weren't the nastiest again. Quotation marks

people in both sense of the word. All in all, working here has made me come to two conclusions. One past a certain age, people shouldn't be allowed to get life extending care. Two, I'd never want to be like those people who are just too selfish to let go. I know this is a very bad point of view to have, but it's how I feel interesting. Past a certain age people shouldn't be allowed to get life extending care. What age? What? What? What age? Aiden? Is it? Like?

I guess in your in your universe, is it like, Okay, once you're ninety, you did it? You know? At what age? Yeah? At what age does the hospital go and you know what you're what do we at? What age does the hospital look at you and go? What are we doing here? You know? What? What are we doing here? Yeah? Ninety? I don't know. This person probably thinks it's seventy. This person's probably like, look after seventy, you're on your own.

I like this, this is interesting. This person's like I want to be like those I never I don't want to be those people who are too selfish to let go. I don't know why this is making me laugh. Just this person, this person being pissed off is making me laugh a lot, because yeah, this person's looking at it and as like a ninety year old, and they're like, just die already. Why are you you? Why do you?

Why do you? Why are you so? Why do you love yourself so much that you need to like, let it go, let your You're holding on to important carbon that could be used for soil. You know, you borrow you, your boy. All of our all of our bodies are on loan. All of our bodies are on loan. You know, I get it. Yeah, at ninety it's like, you know, let yourself go back into the soil. You can't hold it to you can't you can't hoard it forever. Yeah, I get where you're coming from. Aiden. I mean, I

don't think we should kill all the old people. I assume I feel like you want. I feel like you wanted to email me saying that you think we should kill all the old people. I don't think we should kill all the old people. I don't think we should do that. I don't think I think that's an ethical dilemma. I don't even know if it's a dilemma. I don't think there's a lot of people who think we should

kill all the old people. But I do understand from this person's I do understand why this person like they're working at the retirement home at this like ninety year old, and they're like, just let it go. You did it, there's nothing, you got no other Although actually I will say this, I will say this, what's this? Somebody somebody recommended this book to me. I didn't. I didn't read it, but I researched the author. This is what I do now when people recommend, oh, I have a new hold

on it, staring at the sun book. Oh, I have a new I have a new unpopular opinion. I shouldn't even say this because it's it's very stupid and I'm half joking when I say it, and I might look back at this years from now and be like, that was a really stupid thing to say. But okay, here's the thing. All books, not like all books, but like books about like ideas, you know, books like self help

books and like books that have thesises to them. You can kind of get the same idea by just reading the thesis as you can by reading the whole ass book. So like, somebody recommended this book to me, and I just like read about the book itself and about the author instead of like reading the actual book. That's how that's lately how I read books, which is maybe kind of stupid, but I think it's like, I think it's a life hack. I think it's a pro tool anyway.

All right, So yeah, this book I got recommended Staring at the Sun by Irvin Yallom, and I was researching this dude, Ervin Yallom. He's like a psychiatrist who does existential psychiatry. Yeah, but I was talking a lot about existential shit. A few people recommended me this book. Anyway, I promise this relates to what we were talking about. Okay, So this guy, Irvin Yalloam, he's still alive ninety three years old, and he got married to his current wife

in twenty twenty four. This motherfucker got married at the age of ninety two, so he's kicking. He's doing it, So that is possible. You can, in fact get still do life things at the age of ninety two. Who else is who else is old and doing shit? I don't know. Look at Bernie Sanders, Dude, that guy's fucking eighty three years old. He went on stage at Coachella to talk about a bunch of shit. So I don't know old people they're still doing stuff. Eighty three is

a jump. Ninety is a pretty big jump from eighty three. I'll say that, but no, I don't. I don't think we should kill all the old people. Aiden, I don't hear. Okay, you know what. I'm with you on this, Aiden, I don't think we should kill all the old people. But I do think you should just I do. But I do think at some point you should just die. I

think at some point you should just die. I think, you know, if you're like a hundred, like you know, those people who live like live to like like in their hundreds, I don't know, maybe I'll you know what I want to re I'm gonna rewatch this when I'm like if I if I'm if if I'm honored enough, if I'm privileged enough to make it to the age of one hundred, I want to rewatch this, and I want to be like this guy had no idea what I had no idea at that time, at twenty seven,

what it would feel like to be one hundred, because I'll if I make it to one hundred, I'll probably if you can. If you make it to one hundred in the first place, you probably were fighting the whole time. You probably were present and actually living your life the whole Time'll still be clinging to it, right because you could be seventy one and be like, I'm done, let's just let's just fucking we did it pretty good. I mean, fuck, you can feel you can feel like that way, you

can feel away at twenty three, you know. But yeah, I don't think we should kill all the old people. Why don't you? I don't know. Maybe should we kill all that should be kill all the No, we shouldn't kill the old people. I don't think we should do that. But I do think at some point you just got it, you just gotta do it. At some point you just gotta die. If you're like one hundred and eleven, that's that's too much. Although I don't know who cares, I

don't give it. You know what, Actually, actually, Hall, I take back everything I just said. I take back a hundred except the killing the old people. Think. I don't think we should do that. I remain in that, But everything else I said I take it back. I think if you live to one hundred and eleven, you probably worked relatively hard to do that. I think you should be able to keep I think you should be able to keep your body. You should be able to keep your body as long as I take everything back. I

don't think you should die. I think you should. I think you should be able to keep your body as long as you can, and then at a certain point gracefully return it to the earth. But keep it as long as you can. You know what we got. We got enough carbon to do shit. Maybe I don't know. I don't know anything. I'm insane. All right, there we go. That was the last email I'm gonna read. I think that's it. I think any I think attempting to read any more emails is a bad idea. So I I'm

gonna go. What am I gonna go do? I'm gonna go. I might go to sleep, I might do that. I might go eat something. I'm gonna do one of those two things. Thank you for listening to gek mail. I'm I'm very excited for you guys to see this ti Wana video. It's gonna take me like a little bit. I don't know exactly how long it's gonna take me to edit, but I'm very excited about it. I feel like it's gonna be the main ship that I want to focus on. For for you know, indefinitely is like

making this type of video. I think it's a cool a cool format. I'm interested in it, and I'm gonna keep doing this kind of ship. Thank you all very much for listening to this pot if you guys. Thank you guys so very much for listening to this podcast over the years, because if you hadn't been listening to this podcast, I would not be in a position where I could make, uh, make cool videos and do ship like this. So thank you guys. I appreciate it. And

do I have anything else to anything else to say? No, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go either eat something or go to sleep. Okay, bye everyone, Thank you for listening to the podcast. Bye bye again. Goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. Dever goes to and try's teaching you aloud in the memorial line, not really ex