GECKMAIL: “I SEXTED MY DRIVING INSTRUCTOR”

doing something else, not even knowing that I'm speaking. Maybe that's where this podcast is going right now. But what's up, everybody? How's it going? This is gek Mail. I'm gonna fucking shoot the shit with myself for a little bit and then I'm gonna read some viewer mail. So I guess what's going on with me? Real quick? Is I am in Japan right now. I've been here for two months. It's been a beautiful, beautiful experience. I'm sad to go back, but I think it'll be good. I think it'll be grounding,

you know, at the end of the day. At the end of the day, right it's like you can go on. I've had a been fortunate enough in my life to go on many, many crazy, beautiful adventures, both thanks to the therapy Gecko and also just thanks to like, you know, something in my brain, for better or for worse, requires me to fucking have like some some sense of novelty going on. So I'm always running around and doing stuff, and it's been good. But the old what's that song?

Been all over the world, only place left to go is home something like that. Who does that song? Anyway? Yeah, the song is good. So yeah, man, I'm excited to return back and see my family and my friends and it'll be good. You know. That's the meaning of life, I think is one of the things I've learned over the past I'm not even gonna say two months, because I knew it kind of before I came here. But the quality of your life is always going to be the quality of the people around you at the end

of the day. I think for me, at least, I don't know. You might you might be able to go into the woods. Everyone's different, everyone's brain is wired differently, So you might be able to just go into the woods and live there forever and it's awesome for you. So actually I take back everything I said. I don't fucking know the life. I don't even I regret even

pretending for a second like I did. But I guess it's the meaning of I guess my life and probably the meaning of a lot of people's lives is to just be around as folks. You know, life is like a tremendously uh scary and lonely and frightening bizarre experience, and uh, you know it's everything is cope, but it's good. Cope is good cope is you know, Yeah, your friends sending you a meme, it's good cope. So you know, whatever, connect with other people, it's good. I think this was

a whole I don't know why this is. This is a whole motivational rant. I'm never trying to tell other people what to do, but I'm just this is just me working out my own brain. This is the this is the therapy for me, uh portion of this show, and I'm enjoying it. It feels good. And if you have me in your ear right now, God bless you. Thank you, very very very very much. I am honored to have your listenership, and I'm ready to take to

read some emails. Let's get into it. Although before we get into it, I do want to say I am hosting my very first art exhibition in Bushwick, Brooklyn on Well it's gonna We're having a gallery exhibition opening on March fourteenth from seven pm to ten pm at the Kaleidoscope Gallery in Bushwick, Brooklyn. And if you live in New York City, if you want to come, you can

check the link to the episode description. I put a little thing that you can enter in your phone number into and then you'll get a little text where that says, Hey, just a reminder that we're doing this thing. And also I might do other things in New York City this, I might do other stupid art exit. Oh, I didn't

even talk about what the exhibition is. I'm taking eight It's called Lyle Forever presents Trash from around my Room and I'm gonna be taking eight pieces of trash from around my room and displaying them and you can come to take that. It's a free event. It's a free event. I don't know why I decided to. I had this. I had this event written down in my notes app like two years ago, and I was like, you know what, we just have to do it. If not now, then when let's just do it. Let's just do the fucking

trash exhibit. And so we're doing the trash exhibit. It's free to come and to hang out. There'll be a bar there. I'll be there. I'll be hanging out. So come through March fourteenth, Kaleidoscope Gallery, seven pm, ten pm. And the link to RSVP is in this episode description. So come hang out and look at my stupid trash. All right, let's look at some emails here. This is from ash. Subject line I told my instructor I'd make

him come. Okay, high Gek. I had my first driving lesson today and accidentally sexted the instructor two minutes before he got to my house. On the driving app, it has a section saying bits out them. What does that mean? It has a section saying bits out them, and he just filled them all with coming soon. So okay. I sent who I thought was my boyfriend a screenshot of his driving profile and a text saying I'm gonna make him come. Then almost canceled my driving test when I

saw who I sent it to. Oh okay, So this person took us screenshot of their instructor's driving profile and then meant to send the screenshot to their boyfriend with the with the phrase I'm gonna make him come, but they accidentally sent it to the driver. Okay, he was actually a good sport about it and we had to laugh, so it wasn't weird anyway. Odd first driving lesson. Guess I'm stuck till I graduate. Help your driving instructors come well,

I hope. I don't have anything funny to say about this, but it is a funny situation. Let's let's see here. This is from Austin. This is a rant. The subject line is rant on life. Hey, gek, I graduated almost two years ago and I've been with the same company since. They've shown me the corruption and greed that drives capitalism.

I can't do this anymore. My job, which involves providing and educating patients on medical equipment, has taken a severe toll on my mental and emotional health, and I started therapy because of it. I understand patient's anger due to pain, but the treatment I received from hospital staff and colleagues is unbearable. They don't care about patience. They only want

to milk money from them. Management even told me not to pick up equipment from a patient until they called to ask why it hadn't been done so they could continue billing them. I've been applying for my dream career for an entire year, but the constant rejections are overwhelming. Life feels bleak, and I'm struggling to find meaning in anything. This repetitive cycle is a never ending hell escape. I am unable to escape from Austin. Well, Austin, Hey, man,

you know what. Here's the funny thing is, like, normally I think I would get an email like this and I would be like, oh crap, I don't know how to respond. But you know, let's I don't know, man, I'm in the mood to give it a try. I've also been feeling like a little hell scapie here Austin. So I'm just gonna tell you you how I you know, I'm feeling in the hellscape land. I mean, look, man, I think all of my theories and all of my quote unquote advice or whatever, it's all just theories that

I'm testing and trying. I have no you know, hold on, there's a fucking in Japan. They make it. They do a bell every day at four thirty. I don't know if you guys can hear this bell? Why four thirty? It only goes off at four thirty? Does anyone know why? There's why does a bell always go off in Tokyo at four to thirty? Hold on, it's about it. It's about an end. That's another good thing to get you

out of Hellescape is just distractions. Donkey Kong Country Returns is they release this is not an advertisement, but Donkey Kong Country Returns is. They released it in HD on the Nintendo Switch, And I'm gonna use that to help me cope with the void. But anyway, I don't know. Austin Man, you seem like, well, well, I'm curious what you said. You've been applying for your dream career, right, so what is your dream career? I don't know what that is, but let's say whatever your dream career is,

I'm sure it's your dream career for a reason. Right, So instead of the one thing I've always felt is that like there's kind of motivations and then there's vessels for those motivations, I suppose, And so it's like, uh, why is your dream career your dream career? Is it because it puts you around people. Is it because it lets you travel? Is it because it lets you help people?

You know? What? Is it? Right? And so instead of chasing after this specific thing that is kind of a thing that is like a rejection acceptance thing, and you're kind of like a allowing other people to tell you whether or not you'll be able to achieve those vessels, Like, why don't you just take whatever the fuck it is that you like about this career and see if you can, you know, see see what all your options are for kind of satisfying those life desires. I suppose that's what

I guess, that's what I would do. That's what I'm trying to do. It's funny, man, talking about this ship on the podcast is helping me kind of reinforce things for myself. So so that's good. That's what I'm trying to do. Let's keep going, Let's keep going. Uh. Okay, this is from this one's a little too long. Hold on. Okay. This is from someone who told me not to use their name. Don't use my name please. My boyfriend of five years has a baby. My story high from Canada.

I've been watching your show a lot lately, and I doubt this will even get anywhere. Well, here we are my story. So I'm twenty one and my now ex is twenty three. We started dating in twenty twenty. We broke up in twenty in October of twenty twenty three because I found a lot of porn on his phone and it was pretty disturbing. I found pictures of his cousin on there. Okay, fast forward. During the time we broke up, I started seeing someone and he did also.

He was with this emo, mentally ill girl who has a list of disorders. Okay, whatever, blah blah blah blah blah. Okay, fast forward again. We got back together in the end of February twenty twenty four, and we were doing good. He was decent, was working on himself, and I saw some change. Oh she got back together. Then on April first, the oh Okay. Then on April first, the girl that he was seeing while we were broken up posted that she was pregnant and tried to play it off as

an April Fool's joke. She didn't even say anything to my ex, and she blocked us both on social media when I confronted her about it. She was playing this big game of guests for nine months and now it's February and I finally broke up with him because she came out and said, yeah, this is your baby. The whole situation is fucked. She even tried to say that we could all be one happy family and have a three way relationship, which just proves how messed up she

is in her head. But yeah, living life to the fullest right now. I guess that is a crazy dude. That's such a crazy situation considering how fucking young old you guys are. I mean, goddamn, I mean, well, shit, you got out of that one pretty good. Uh yeah, I mean that's that's that's that's gnarly. That's gnarley. I'm not gonna I need something to refer to you as. I'm just gonna call your that's gnarly, Rachel. Good luck. That's all I got. I'm gonna start. Sometimes I have

things to say and sometimes I don't. And this one, this one, I'm just a little speechless. Good luck, Rachel. That one's pretty pretty messed up. I mean, I guess I guess it's good that you guys didn't have a baby, you know. All right, let's see here, Okay, this is from Sam subject line just turned twenty and I'm overwhelmed. Any advice? Hey, Gak, my name is Sam. I just turned twenty this past December and the spring semester has

just started. Over the winter, I did some research which has gotten the green light to content to continue throughout the semester as a one credit independent study course kick Ass. I'm also in another independent study course to be doing four different projects. I love research, and it's what i want to be doing, but I'm doubting my abilities to be able to manage my time well and produce good work, not only in those projects but also my normal classes.

I'm taking KIM and kalk Tu, and I'm struggling a bit, and I'm afraid to burn out so early. Do you have any advice as someone who is older? Thanks? Wishing you the best, Sam, Sam, I'm terrible, I have. I'm kind of terrible for this because I studied film in college and I maybe did work two fucking hours a week as a film major in cob My roommate was

a biology major. He fucking hated me because, you know, he was doing real stuff with his life and his you know, he always had a bunch of work to do and my you know, I was like getting high and listening to low fi beats and not doing anything. So I'm not good at school. I've never been a big school person. But I guess we could. I guess if we were to go a little bit deeper and get into like the emotions of it, right is like,

you know, I don't know. It's hard to say because part of me is like, well, if you're only twenty and this is what you really want to do, like, you know, give it. God, dude, I guess give it your best shot. I know that that's not I know that that's not great advice, but give it your best shot. And if you end up falling short of whatever your best shot is, just take solace in the fact that you tried, you know, so, so that's I think that's what I got for you, sam is is just just

take solace in the fact that you tried. That's all I think you're gonna ever really care about, is that you know, when you go to bed at night, you try your fucking best to do the things that you wanted to do with yourself or whatever the hell that is worth learning. Okay, this is from Andrew subject line learning to be alone. He says, I think you've got to be alone slash single and with no friends for a part of your life, even if it's just a

couple of months. It's necessary character development arc. And I recommend it to everyone. If you read this, you're awesome. Keep going. You know, it's interesting. I definitely I think I'll be up. I'll be a little open on this this year episode. I'm in the mood for it. You know. I think over the years that I've I think over the years i've all I've been a very like kind of you know, wanting to be alone and do things

on my own kind of vibe. And I and if you're gonna do that, right, if you're gonna learn to be alone, I actually agree with this email. I agree with this email that you should try to learn how to be alone, especially if you're young, like dude, if you're in your fucking if you're in your like early twenties or something like that, you gotta it's it's okay to learn how to be alone and go on a little solo trip. And it is, I agree, a necessary

character development arc. And I think through all the times that I've gone on a solo trip or been alone or struggled with loneliness. I agree, it's been like a big character arc for me. But also, you know, over I think over the years, if you do it too much, you kind of wake up and you're like, oh, this is not I mean again, it's it's It's what I

was saying earlier. Everyone's brain is fucking wired differently, and so, uh, you know, I personally think that having quality social connections in your life is probably the most important fucking thing on the possibly fucking do for yourself. Right, some people aren't as lucky to have those things come. Some people are really fucking lucky and those things just come naturally to their lives, and other people aren't and they have to kind of work a little bit harder for them.

But uh, you know, I agree with this the spirit of this email, and like it's okay to learn, you gotta you gotta kind of learn how to be alone, but you know, don't drag it on too long or else you will go insane. Trust me. This is from Jane subject line touring musician struggling with daily life after Hey Lyle, I'm a musician parentheses DJ who just went on tour last year in Asia and now I'm doing

Latin America. I do longish tours where I stay in the city I perform for a few weeks to really get a feeling for what it's like and to connect with the people here. I'm also commissioning a three D artist that helps me pay the bills on the go. It's hard for me when I head back home to cope with daily life. I just kind of stare at my wall, like why why do I have a space when I could just be on the move all the time. I can't slow down, even though I feel like I should.

Sometimes As someone who also tours a bunch, how do you handle the come down afterwards? Thank you, Jane. Finally a fucking email where I feel like I can speak on it, dude. So yeah, I mean, I've been touring. I've been lucky enough to tour as the therapy get go for like basically on and off for two and

a half years. And yeah, you know, Jane, I'm in the same boat here because I'm taking this year off of touring, which I think was a necessary thing to do because I had to, you know, kind of take the time to evaluate a lot of life things and kind of kind of deal with them, but I'm with you too. Like when I'm on the road, life feels really like there's a weird linear thing to it, where like, when I'm on the road, all I have to worry about is the show I am doing tonight in Saint Louis, Missouri.

It's a very present thing when you have a show and you're performing and going all around, because you're focused on the present moment and where you are, and it kind of gets you like there is linear aspect to it where it's like, Okay, I have this many shows to do, and let me walk in this straight line. And life is a little scary in the fact that it doesn't often have straight lines, especially if you're a

musician or a gecko or something non traditional. You know, life doesn't have a lot of straight lines to it, and so touring gives you a bit of a straight line. And when you get off a tour, yet you don't have a straight line anymore. And that's fucking spooky. So how do I handle the come down afterwards? The truth is, Jane, I haven't been doing a great job of handling to

come down afterwards. But I think it's it's probably, And actually I'm happy to be reading this email because it's making me have to find an answer to this question. And so I think, in this very moment, I'm just kind of like, you probably have to establish some kind of routine, because when I was on the road, I felt calm and I felt like I had a routine.

It was like, you know, go to the airport, do fucking this shit, set up the show, do meet with people, smoke weed at two o'clock in the morning, and go to bed and wake up and do it again. And so I think, I think again, Yeah, from person who tours to person to tours, it's like touring established a routine for me, and then when the routine went way,

I just started to kind of falter. And so, uh, I think the answer is going to be like coming up with another routine for yourself, for myself, and so hope, hopefully you can find a routine that makes you feel some level of excitement, right, Uh, some level of excitement

for what you had when you were on tour. And yeah, it's hard, you know, man, if if you're the kind of person where you want you want a lot out of life, you want a lot out of uh, you know, you live in crazy rock star Land, You're in Asia, you're in Latin America, you're you're talking to this person, you're doing this. I mean, it's it's, uh, it's beautiful. It's it's the kind of you know, it's it's it's

a beautiful existence. But I don't know if it's sustainable to live it forever, or at least you can live it forever, but I don't know if it's sustainable to live it constantly. And so yeah, you need to kind of build some kind of routine. I guess do push ups or something. All Right, that was a rant. That was a whole rant, But I guess this whole podcast is a whole fucking rant. So let's keep going. Caitlin says, save me, mister gecko, Hi, gek, I'm having a life crisis,

and your knowledgeable on these things is a gecko. I don't know about that. What are your thoughts on life in twenty twenty five and the groundhog from Groundhog Day? I don't know much about the groundhog from Groundhog Day, but one of my thoughts on life in twenty twenty five, I mean, Ski, it's spooky for sure, you know, I'll talk about this. This is something that comes up in my brain is I don't think it's healthy to know

so much about other people's lives. And the reason I bring that up specifically is that I like, I'm on Instagram, as many of us are, and you know, sometimes when I'm not doing anything, I'll just find myself scrolling through Instagram stories. I mean, you scroll through Instagram stories, You're getting all these fucking people's windows into their lives, and you start comparing yourself to other people's lives, and you start just having all of life thrown at you in

in fucking twenty seconds. And it's probably not good. It's not that's too much information to have. That's my that's my scary thing about twenty twenty five is that I feel like we have, you know, in many ways, twenty twenty five. And the information that we have in this in this day and age is good and helpful. It allows people to find each other that couldn't before and allows you to get answers to shit that you just had to fucking sucked, shove down and deal with beforehand.

But it's also a little too much information, Like I don't need to know what some guy I fucking met at something four years ago is doing today. I don't need to know that, you know, and so, but it's also it's also all in our control, like all these fucking you know where our brains are trained to be on this shit as much as possible, And but it is, it is in our control. And so I guess, I guess that's a fucking antidote, is too If I don't.

If I think it's too much information, I'm just gonna fucking stop looking at Instagram stories so much, which is probably a good idea. So thoughts on living in twenty twenty five Enjoy the information era and all of its gifts, but don't fly too close to the sun, I suppose is my thoughts on twenty twenty five. All Right, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm big chillin'. Let us continue to take uh more things. This is from Albert, subject line in all caps, help, a bunch of exclamation points, and

then this email is in all caps. Gek, I'm drunk af the bar overserved me. Man, I hit my wax vape, and I'm currently paying for the consequences of my decisions. Please help. PS. I love you man, You're so cool. Albert, Well, let's see. Albert sent me this email on February tenth, and it is currently March first, so he's probably dead by now. But in case if he's not, man, just fucking drink some water, Albert, drink some water. Go to sleep. Sometimes you just got to drink some water and go

to sleep, all right, okay? Subject line Okay, this is from Thai subject line. I illustrated a children's book for adults about death and included a cameo of you in it. Whoa Peace Gek. My name is Titan and I'm an artist from the Bronx. I recently wrote and illustrated a children's book about death and included a little cameo of you in it. I've had thoughts surrounding death since I was eight years old, but never to the point of

action toward taking my own life. I'm twenty eight now, and I feel this rumination on death has given me an interesting perspective on life. I am fortunate to have met people along my path who have had similar thoughts, struggles, philosophies, and even solutions on how to lead a more fulfilling and beautiful life. So I wrote and drew a little something that I thought could help others as they've helped

me over time. Anyway, I think this might be getting kind of long, and I really want you to read my I'm gonna end it here, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on the book whenever you get the chance. Also, I love your show man, Thank you for you, peace and love Titan. Let me hold on. Then this is the page with you in it. Oh, this is cool. This is cool. This is really cool. I know this is an audio only show, so I can't really describe, but basically, I'm I've got a lizard guy writing my

back the children's book. Maybe I can. Here's a link to the physical purchase of book. Okay, here in case if anyone wants to check out this book. It's called One Day You Will Die, Written and illustrated by Titan, and it's pronounced it's spelled t A I I T A N. One Day you Will Die, Written and Illustrated by Titan. And uh, yeah, it's on it's on Amazon. Let's see here. That's pretty cool. Okay, I'm gonna check

this ship out. I'm gonna check this ship out. Oh, they sent me a link to a free version of the book. You know, it's okay, So this person sent me this email, so a little bit more about what's going on with me and in life is this person sent me this email also February tenth, also like two and a half weeks ago. In the past three days, I have actually been having like tons of like insane existential dread surrounding death. Uh. It's been actually pretty debilitating,

pretty bad. But you know, I'm about to go to a psych and figure the shit out. So we're, uh, you know, we're gonna we're gonna pull through. We're gonna be we're gonna come back greater than ever. But it's cool because this person's around my age, and it seems as though they're they're doing pretty good job at uh, you know, dealing with these these these difficult thoughts and feelings. So good on, good on you, Titan. I'm gonna check out this book. Thanks, thanks for sharing. Okay, all right,

this is from Benjamin, subject line go kart Rehab. Hey gek, I'm not sure if you remember, but about a year and a half ago, I called in from a Canadian go kart rehab. I do absolutely remember you calling in from a Canadian go kart Rehab. I figured i'd send you an update, partly because it feels right and partly because it's just cool to reflect on how far things have come since leaving Rehab. I somehow managed to land a full time office job with great benefits, flexible benefits,

travel management responsibility, the whole nine yards. On top of that, I started a small family vending machine business. Very cool. And I'm also working on my MBA in business analytics because apparently I'm addicted to adding more to my plate. I'm also gunning for a promotion to sales manager soon, because why not. It hasn't been a smooth ride. There were plenty of relapses. Actually, we lost a baby before they were born. I'm sorry to hear that, which hit

harder than we could have imagined. But we also had another kid, and just to make sure we're done with surprises, I got the old Snip Snip about a month ago. Congrats on the sect to me brother. Now we're living in a beautiful, brand new house with more space than we know what to do with. We share rent with my mother in law and brother in law, which sounds like the setup for a bad sitcom, but it actually works.

It lets my wife stay home with the kids while they're young, and somehow it feels like we've carved out a little slice of stability in the chaos. That's fucking sick, brother. I'm very happy to hear that a little spice of stability in the chaos sounds like a wonderful thing. But it has been work, so much work. I had to take the discipline I picked up in rehab and apply it in real life, failing, getting back up, failing again.

Even when I had relapsed and was dependent on substances again, there were probably times should have gone back to rehab, but I didn't. I just kept clawing my way forward, one messy step at a time. I'm still an addict, but now it's to work, school and chasing promotions to provide for my family. But I've got to handle on the substances. More importantly, I've got hobbies and interests that actually make me happy instead of just numbing me out.

That's new. I still get the thoughts, though they don't disappear, they just get quieter. Weed is still a part of my life, but I'm trying to get away from it. The key for me, Kaisen, what the fuck is Kaisen? I'm googling this Kaisen. Kaizen is a concept referring to business activities that continually improve all functions and evolve all employees. It translates to change for the better, change for the better.

The key for me kaisen continuous improvement, tiny steps forward, even when they feel pointless, especially when they feel pointless, is what he wrote. That's cool anyway, thanks for listening. Back then it mattered, and if you read this now, it still does. I'd love to chat again one take care, crazy, get go, man. This is a really beautiful email. Man, I I appreciate it. That's really nice. Yeah. Again, as someone who is also kind of trying to fucking I record,

I don't. I recorded a podcast before this one that I was gonna release today, but I decided to shelvetz because it was I was I went on like kind of an insane rant and it felt a little too. I was crying. It was a whole thing, and I was like, I was like, this is going to be art for my podcast, and you know, maybe one day I'll share that, but I'm recording this instead. But I'll

talk a little bit about you know. I'm again like at a weird point where like life feels pointless and fucking I'm trying to move forward and find meaning and do all these things, and so I really enjoy reading your email, Benjamin. Yeah, it's cool to hear that tiny step forward are helping you even when they feel pointless. And also again hearing that you found a little bit of this licensability and the chaos. It's a beautiful thing, brother.

So congratulations Benjamin. Hopefully I'll talk to you again soon. All right, all right, this is from Lewis anonymous. Hello from Ireland. Yo gek, give me a fake name, Okay, Lewis first time emailer, slash caller, but two time show goer when you came to Dublin, Ireland, kick ass. I wanted to share my current situation as I'm struggling to process at all. Recently, my wife and I separated. She has always faced mental health challenges, and she decided to

end our relationship to focus on working on herself. While I understand and respect her decision, I can't help feeling that we could have tried to navigate this together. She explained that throughout our ten year relationship, I was always there to support her through her struggles, but she now feels she needs to figure things out out on her own. Even though we're on good terms, the separation has left

me feeling lost and questioning the point of everything. We were best friends and I truly believed we'd spend our lives together. Now, despite having a decent job and being relatively young, I'm struggling with feelings of emptiness in the urge to just give up. Thanks fake name, I forget

what fake name I originally gave you. Lewis Lewis. Um hmmmm hmmm, ah, Lewis Lewis, Lewis, Lewis, Lewis, Lewis Lewis Man, all these man sometimes all these phone calls and these emails man, and then kind of comparing them to shit going on in my life. It's like I just always have more answer answers, more questions than answers. But let me think it, let me just try. I mean, I'm not I don't have any fucking answers at all, because I I would probably feel the exact fucking same way

if I was in your position as well. Hmm, I don't know. Maybe maybe the whole point is to just not give up. Maybe that's the whole point is to just fucking through the end, through all eighty years whatever, if you're lucky enough to get eighty fucking years. Uh, just keep fucking going and keep fucking trying. I mean that not I keep bringing it back to me, but that's that's the only frame of reference that I have.

Is like, Uh, when I'm struggling with feelings of emptiness in the urge to give up, I'm just like, you know, I'm a big like, let me do something about my fucking problems guy. Uh. And so I'm coming up with plans, I'm trying things, I'm executing stuff. Maybe because it might take a little while, right, you might be like, all right, I just gotta hit the fucking gym and start over and do this and do that. And maybe you try a whole bunch of shit and it doesn't fucking work.

Maybe you spend a whole year trying a bunch of different shit and it doesn't fucking work, And then you just keep trying, and you just keep trying, and just keep trying, and you just keep trying, and you just keep trying, and you just keep trying. You just fucking don't fucking let yourself fall into the trap of emptiness and the void, and you don't let yourself fucking drown, and you just fucking God. And it's hard, it's the fucking hardest goddamn thing, but you just keep fucking God

dag fucking Okay, I'll do it again. Okay, I'll do it again. Okay, Okay, okay, okay, Jesus Christ. And then either you'll die and nothing and it will, you know whatever, uh, or maybe some maybe fucking you'll you'll you'll through trying different things, different remedies, going out, leaving your house, eating an apple, whatever, maybe you find something that goddamn works. The brain is very uh neuroplastic. Is that the word you said? You're young too. I think it's more neuroplastic

when you're young. But bro, I mean that's where I'm at, right is I'm like, uh, okay, I you know, if you feel like you're at a bizarre dead end and you're just staring at a fucking wall, you just gotta knock around and you gotta leave your safe space, I guess, and just knock and kick and fucking see what the fuck is. Maybe there's a trap door. Maybe there's because that's what it takes, right is it takes some new action that gets you out of your head to remind

yourself you're alive. I'll tell a quick story. I told this on the podcast that I didn't release, that I was ranting and going insane on But I have been in Japan, and like I've been talking about a little bit, I've had this kind of like insane existential crisis lately where I've just been like preoccupied with fucking death and despair and like crazy shit. And yeah, it got really bad of it the last three days and so I

was like, Okay, I need to just leave. I need to just keep trying shit and leave the house and whatever. And so I went to this cafe. It was called the English Only Cafe, and they were having like a little like meetup event. I like a shout out meetup

dot com great for finding shit to do. And honestly, dude, honestly, dude, if anyone listening to this, if you're feeling empty and you're feeling insane, you're feeling lone, what I This is what I do when I'm feeling that way is I go on meetup and I'm just like, let me find a thing to go to and let me try to talk to people at this thing. And sometimes it doesn't work,

it's a little hit or mess. But when it does work, and when I am able to do that, I feel fucking great because I tried to get out of the goddamn house and I tried to form some new thing in my brain to make it feel like, you know, life's not over right. And so anyway, I went to this English meet up and I there was this table, and I went and I sat down at the table and I just started like chatting with these folks and I chatted, you know, but I chatted with people and

I was talking. I was talking to this guy and he was telling me about like his life, and he was telling about like trying to find a girlfriend, and he was kind of like he was talking about his life and it kind of felt like I was doing an episode of the Therapy Get Goo podcast, except I was just like doing it for fun and joy, not

be not to make a fucking podcast. And that felt great, and I was like, oh shit, I forgot that deep in my like deep in my soul, is somebody who I really just believe this that I really fucking do in my gut like life and like people and things just happen, dude, that that uh take me away from that that fill my gut with like emptiness, and I

just use fog. And then sometimes if you get out of bed and you go do something new that you didn't usually do, and you put yourself out there and you try to introduce yourself to new stimuli, it comes. It fucking comes back to you. So I'm at this event and I'm talking to this guy and I'm just like, you know, ah, chatting with him, and I'm chatting with other people at the fucking meet up thing, and I'm like, oh, I forgot that. I forgot that I have all this

stuff that's that is me. And I felt a little bit more connected to myself in that moment. And it's always really triumphant to go from feeling hopeless to having a little moment where you're like, Okay, all is not gone. My brain continues to have the capacity to feel good, you know. So yeah, that's just again, that's just you know, I forget what I fake name I gave you. And I also know that I'm not even really talking about your email anymore. I'm just trying to relate to it.

But how do you beat the urge to give up? I don't know. Go on, go on meetup and fucking try to talk to some folks or do something new. I don't know. Yeah, I guess that's it. Just try and trying new shit. Just knocking at the fucking door. That's what I'm trying, dude. I don't know. I don't know if any of the shit I'm saying makes any sense, but it's just it's just what I'm trying. All right. This is from Evan. Subject line I got fired from my dream job on my thirtieth birthday and life has

never been better. Ooh, all right, this is an email I need today. This is from Evan, subject line hey gek. Oh wait, no, this is not. I already read the subject line, hey gek. I'm a wheelder fabricate welder, fabricator and built heavy equipment for nearly a decade leading up to my thirtieth birthday. I had always done some custom fabrication and artwork out of my home shop and really

wanted to pursue my dreams. I found a small shop that was a two man team and decided to quit my safe job to go work for them in the hopes of finding mentorship. After two weeks, it was clear they had a poor attitude towards someone who was still learning, and I was confirmed when on my birthday the following week they fired me because I was not what they were looking for. Honestly, it was the best thing that

ever happened to me. So many people are afraid to finally start their dream, waiting for a mentor to help them get their start. Mmm. I decided to say fuck it and just start building cool stuff out of my home shop and even started learning how to film and edit video to put them on my YouTube channel to help drum up more work. This past year, I built custom furniture, took a massive road trip in fifty year old cars with my friends and girlfriend, built a thirty

foot long animatronic Beetle Juice sand Worm. Holy shit, he has a picture of the Beatles Juice Samworm. That's insane. Did a ton of racecar fab for fantastic customers, and now I'm just finishing off a custom race car that I started for an amazing client, as well as rescued a sick dog who needed several surgeries, all of which I couldn't do if I wasn't working for myself. My

advice for everyone would be that the life. My advice for everyone would be that your life is just going to be hard, regardless if you choose the safe options or if you try something crazy and fail. Don't give up. Do what you love. And if someone tells you you don't deserve to be in the room with all your heroes, feel free to nail the door shut. Much love, Evan, Thanks Evan, This is a cool email, man. I really

like this. It's again, you know, at a time in which I'm you know, I turned twenty seven recently and I think it's weighing on me in weird ways, and so you know, I'm I'm honored to get to read your fucking email and here that you've gotten to, you know, really live a beautiful, fucking awesome life starting at thirty. And you know that's really cool. Man. Congratulations. Congratulations is awesome. Oh please check out his YouTube channel, Enemy metal Works.

Let me I'm actually gonna check. Let me check this out real quick, Enemy metal Works. Look at this fucking guy workshop, No bake pumpkin spiced cheesecake at three am with power tools? What a homie dude. This is a cool guy. Yeah, go check out his YouTube channel, Enemy Metal Works. Oh yeah, oh we had a video pop off four point three cave UWS kick ass rock and roll. All right, um yeah, thank you for sharing. Evan. Uh. Let's see here all right. This is from Faith subject

line Alaska and alcohol. What's up, gek? The start of this year has been a crazy one. January first, I arrived in Anchorage, Alaska from Nashville from Asheville, North Carolina. I traveled up here. Okay, I arrived in Anchorage, Alaska from Asheville, North Carolina bank. I traveled up here with my boyfriend of two years because he has a great job opportunity and he invited me along. I brought my dog, She's a Pitbull Docson mix, and she did better on

the planes than I thought. Anyway, a few days after we got to Alaska, I had too much to drink and ended up in jail. That's interesting. I only stayed a night, but it was the worst experience of my life. I still have a pending case, so I won't even know the what is it? I still have a pending case, so I won't be detailing the Oh Oh sorry, I'm reading the email RNG. Okay, wor's the experience of my life.

I still have a pending case, so I won't be detailing the events, though I do have stipulations stating that I cannot drink. Understandably, I am twenty one years old and I've had an alcohol problem for a few years now. It's hard to stay away from it, even though I know I cause trouble when I drink. My boyfriend has been supportive, but he's losing patience with me. I feel like I'm a magnet for chaos. Any thoughts for me? Uh, just start listening to your podcasts, keep doing what you do.

Thank you, Faith, Any thoughts for you? I'm gonna guess stop drinking. I've had an alcohol problem for a few years now. Well, I don't want to say stop drink. I don't want to just I take that back, just stop. Well, I mean I don't take back stop drinking, but I take back I don't. I don't mean to trivialize the issue, right hm, honest, honest to God, Faith, my faith. My honest answer is just like if I were you, and if I was in this situation and I was having

problem with accohoab. I mean, just gotta get help, right, You gotta go to AA or or go see a fucking therapist or uh, you know, try to go to a rehab or something. I know it's I know it's hard to find the like resources to do that ship, but you just gotta get help, dude. You gotta get like real fucking help from uh uh professional people who help people get off of substances. That's what you gotta do.

Just I guess, just fucking I guess faith to just decide that you're gonna fucking figure it out right, and again, kind of similar to the little spiel I went on about the brick wall, is like, just decide you want to fucking be better. You want I mean, you want to you wanna fucking uh get better, You want to

beat your problem. You know, just decide you want to beat this fucking thing, and uh spend every waking second that you can working on how to do it, whether that's getting professional help or researching online how to detox yourself or whatever. I think it's just a matter of like deciding for yourself that you're going to prioritize getting rid of the problem so that you can you know, go on to live a better life. Uh, that's just what I would do. That's just that's again I keep

bringing everything back to me. But that's because I can only speak from my own life. I don't really feel inclined to be able to judge other people's lives or tell other people what they should do. But you know, when I have problems, I mean, that's kind of how I try to approach them. Let's see. Okay, okay. This is from Dan subject Line Welsh synth Wizard, Oh dear Lyle parentheses Therapy, Gecko shoe May. I hail from Wales

in my early thirties. I have a stable job, I can drive, I live with my parents, have a dog, and help take care of my sick grandmother who also lives here and needs twenty four to seven care. This aside, I have a lot of independence, a great relationship with my family and friends. I pay rent and I have no issues supporting them right now. I had a girlfriend.

She was fun, high energy, but chaotic and unpredictable, and after nearly a year, she broke up with me on my birthday and said she was moving in with another guy. Even gaslighted me that we weren't even a relationship, and then after all that gave me presents that was rough. Ultimately I had to cut contact with her, but despite everything, I don't regret meeting her. Maybe trust issues to deal with for now. On dating apps again, but no success so far. I get matches, but often they fizzle out

by the time I arrange a meetup. It feels like applying for jobs. It is absolutely like applying for jobs. That all said, I have no rush to get a girlfriend. Single life is good and I'm happy. That's fucking wonderful. I write a lot, play D and D with a bunch of people. I also joined a walking club near me, and I make music in my spare time, like Dungeon Synth, which is doing okay on YouTube nearly three k views.

Look up at Angels Sore Welsh Dungeon Synth on YouTube if you want a lot of self promotion on this episode, but I don't mind. I like it. If anyone gets any sort of runoff folks from this podcast into whatever fucking thing they're doing, I'm happy about it. Angels Sore A n G E L Y S t O R Welsh Dungeon Synth. Anyway, I could easily dwell on misery how I'm not where I should be. But your podcast is great. It teaches about gratitude and what I have

good right now. I'm so it's so fucking funny because the life I feel, like the life of this podcast and the life of like what goes on in my own like actual brain is difference, you know, because I always forget, because it's I always forget to be grateful

and I always forget to do all this shit. So it's actually kind of it's actually kind of cool and interesting to you know, talk a whole bunch of shit on my podcast and then people reflect it back at me, and then I'm like, ah, fuck, all right, I gotta do these things. Is that I'm It's weird. It almost feels like I'm looking in a mirror in a weird way of like I'm putting all this ship out into the world and then and then it comes back at me. Anyway, Uh,

there is an all pervading happiness under everything. It's a matter of perspective. I agree, you're the best lyle. No, You're the fucking best Welsh synth wizard. Thanks man, This is cool. This is a cool email. This All these emails are like hitting me. All these emails are hitting the fucking spot today. Yeah. Like I said, I I recorded kind of a crazy rant episode where I shared a lot of fucked up stuff going on with with my brain right now. I decided I didn't want to

share it, but so I'm recording this now. It's because I got to put out an episode. Uh. And it's funny how all the emails are are kind of like on on theme in a sense to you know, just like trying to like enjoy life. I suppose this is cool. I really fuck with this email the shout at Dan the Welsh synth wizard. All right, let's see, all right, this is from Kimberly, subject line how do I start a majen club? Plus a recommendation for you. Hey, Gek,

I love listening to your stuff. Come to Milwaukee again, and I'll buy tickets despite the wild Ticketmaster fees. Ah fuck. All right. Well, I'm trying to take two of your Gecko teachings to heart. One is redirecting my energy towards things that are more important. Aka the grass is greener where you water it. This has helped me from making some very This has helped me from making some very big, stupid decisions in my life. So thank you. Did I say that this is crazy, I'm telling you, folks, I'm

telling you it's crazy. I say a whole bunch of shit to people on my podcast, and then I go into my real life and my real brain and it's it's it's it's all on fire, and it is a kind of psychedelic situation to come back and see, uh, you know what's going on? You know, just have have all my shit reflected back in me. The grass is grainer where you water it. I mean, it is true. It is true to foster a community. That's you know. That's another thing. I play majong online, but I want

to play it with real people. The only majng clubs in my area are fifty people fifty five plus and they only meet during the workday. I want to start a Majong club, but I don't know how. Networking shouldn't be too much of an issue, but I'm stuck on the logistics where to host it. Mostly, I'm not inviting strangers into a house that isn't even mine. Any help would be awesome. One last thing for you. Watch The Tale of Princess Kagua, You'll never feel so good about

feeling like shit. I get the sense of euphoria from just existing. Now. I remember what a privilege it is to be alive and to be able to feel things. Even the miser. Take its message to heart. It'll change you. Thanks million. Okay, all right, maybe I actually we'll watch this shit, the Tale of Princess Kagua. What is this? I'm going to google this, let's see. All right, cool, I'm gonna check this out anyway. How do I start a moja club? I mean meetup is great for that shit? Uh,

definitely in for meetup. Where do you host it? Uh? Well, I don't know. Man, Milwaukee has a ton of great bars. And why don't you try to find a bar that's like slow on a what it says it's only weekdays? I mean, why don't you try like a bar or

a coffee shop or a cafe. Right, That's what I would do, is I would find like a I'm sure Milwaukee has a hipster coffee shop cafe shit that you could like, uh ask if you know, maybe on a Monday morning or something like that, you could do a little majong club and then you can just promote it on meetup and Facebook and Instagram and all that shit. That's my recommendation for you. Good on you for doing a club. I like that. That's that's again fostering a

community through through doing shit like this. It's it's, it's I think it's the key to life. All right. I think I'm gonna do one more e mail subject line thinking about getting a a day. Okay, hey man, it's brody. All right, Sorry, hey man, it's brody. I'm currently in college and spend most of my day on campus. I hate using the bathrooms because I used to do terrible things in the bathroom in my youth. Uh, shit on the seat and leave it, etc. Okay, anyway, so I

hate using the school bathrooms. But yesterday I had a bad case of bubble guts and had to hit the bathroom, as most men do. I have hair all down there, and today I happen to have a semi solid shit storm. This is the email that I'm ending on. I'm not reading any more emails. After this. I went to wipe and it got everywhere. I wiped it all on my ass hair on accident, and it got in my damn hand I'm getting real sick of this happening and I'm stuck. Do I shave my ass hair is like a weirdo?

Or get a bidet? Please help? Uh? Interesting, you know it's funny. Anytime I have shaved my ass hairs in the past, it just causes itching like fucking crazy. Brother, it causes itching like fucking crazy. I would recommend getting a bi day. I don't have one in New York, but I've been in Tokyo for the past two months and bidets are sick. I don't know how we live

without them. You gotta, I think I was. When I first started using a bidet, I was a little hesitant towards it's letting the water really shove itself up my ass. But now, uh, you know, my asshole embraces uh having having a water gun UH squirted directly into it, and I suggest you embrace it too. Uh. Folks, that's been gek mail. Thank you all very much for listening to this show. Uh. If you wanna submit an email, please send an email to therapy geckomail at gmail dot com.

That's therapy geckomail at gmail dot com. I think it's therapy gecko mail. At gmail dot com. I'm probably gonna be doing a lot more of these gek mail episodes. I'm enjoying them. They're fun. There there's sometimes when I sometimes I need a break from talking to people on the phone and I just need to rant into a microphone for an hour. So I'll be doing a lot more gek mail. Send an email to therapy geckomail at gmail dot com. Thank you all for listening, and uh please,

dear God, come to my little art gallery. It's it is on March fourteenth, seven pm to ten pm. Trash from around my room. It's on display actually March fourteenth to the twenty second, so if you if you miss it, you can go see it. And yeah you can RSVP. There's a little link in the episode description. And thank you guys all for listening to my podcast. Good luck, Thank you so much for listening, and take care bye. Everyone goes on the line taking your phone calls every

nine never goes to him. Just teaching you cloud on the memory of Linny Expert