GECKMAIL: “I SEXT WITH AI”

you know, a few months old. But so that's this. This is gak mail. Do I have anything that I want to rant about before we get started into gek Mail? Not really, not particularly, But I am going to challenge myself once again to see if I can take an hour of time in which I force words to come out of my mouth. And that's this. This is gek male. Let's get started. First mail is from Pokemon, subject line feeling down in Japan. Hey, Lyle, you can call me Rob.

I've decided to seek your gecko wisdom about my sorrows in the East. I'll try and keep it brief I came here as an English teacher from Canada in twenty twenty two, and I'm now living in my fourth city. I moved for a better job and things are pretty good there, but I've been dealing with loneliness and doubts about my life in Japan. When it comes to the aspect of loneliness, I feel like I can't make meaningful

relationships socially or romantically with anyone, especially locals. The few times I've joined social meetings, I get a list of contacts that never turn into anything, and I've gone on dates with people only to be ghosted. The most recent one hit me hard because after four dates and telling this person how much ghosting hurts, they still went and did it anyway. It feels like no matter what I do, where I go, what I join, it all ends up the same. This leads me to wanting to go home,

since I could have my social network again. But if I do that, then I'm not likely to get a sustainable job since the economy and job market is a total healthscape from what I understand. I'm going back for Christmas this year since it's been so long, but I do fear that when I go back I might not want to come back, but if I pull the trigger and go through with going home, I need to deal with the what if of did I make the wrong decision.

I genuinely like Japan and the life here and feel like I should keep living here, but the feeling of exclusion is getting hard to bear. I feel like I should appreciate my life of adventure, since this kind of thing is something only a few people get to do, and I'm wasting it feeling bad about myself, which is why I'm writing you as someone who also travels and lived away from home from long periods of time. How

do you deal with these feelings? Do you have any advice on learning to love time alone if it helps with your answers. I'm twenty nine. I have OCD and depression and I'm taking medication for them. I've talked with real therapists about my mental health before. I work forty six hour weeks with days off every Monday and Friday. I speak Japanese at a high level, and I live close to Tokyo. Sorry if this is long, but I hope to hear your thoughts on this. Rob hmm, okay, well,

this is a meaty one. And you know, I've talked about it on this podcast before, but I lived in Japan myself for about two months, and I also you know, considered uh living there. But none of this feels like it's particularly japan Centric, especially if you speak Japanese at a high level. I mean, yes, there is, like I mean, I don't know, man, like I guess my experience there

was almost like it. It seems like it's easier in some ways to make friends because there's so many especially in Tokyo, there's so many like expat hubs, and there's so many events and whatnot that are geared towards foreigners. I want to say this, and this is something I just went on a whole rant on about the This is something I just went on a whole rant on the last episode, and so I don't want to go

too crazy about it. But you said that you joined social meetings and you get a list of contacts that never turn into anything. And the reason why is that, like the the premise that you're going to go to a social meeting and meet someone at least from a friend point of view, or or honestly also even from a romantic point of view, in a lot of cases you'll meet someone and then you'll get their email or phone number or whatever, and then that'll spark a friendship.

That's too much. I mean you got to kind of you said, you've only joined a social meeting a few times. I mean, you got to find a thing, you know, like for example, you know I did. I did a bunch of shows at the Tokyo Comedy Bar, you know, and they have a whole community there of people who are like expats doing comedy, and I went to like a poker night while I was there. I went to like some jazz sessions and whatnot, and you know, I went to some Smash Bros. Tournaments there. And at all

these places they have like, you know, recurring groups. So you need to find a place where you're gonna be recurringly. You really can't just show up at some social meeting and expect to like instantly make friends. You know, it doesn't really work like that. You got to find a community that you're gonna recurringly be a part of. Romantically, shit, man, I mean, listen, that's the game. Unfortunately, whether you're in Japan or you're in New York, or you're in fucking whatever,

I mean that's the game. Dating is for people who are lucky or patient, and if you are one of those two things, then there's a chance of things working out for you. I'm going back for Christmas this year, and since it's been so long, I do fear that when I go back, I might not want to come back. So, like, what's in your gut, man, right? Like you know, I was thinking about moving to Japan and I went back home to New York slash Baltimore, and you know, my gut it was it was really hard. It was really

hard to commit it to a decision. But I went with my gut, and my gut told me to stay. And I'm really glad I went with my gut, and I've I've done certain things to make it so that the decision I made was the right decision. But the path kind of felt like it naturally led me to just stay. And so the point that you wrote in this email, I fear when I go back, I might

not want to go back to Japan. I mean, if that's what your gut is telling you to do, then it's okay to follow whatever your gut is telling you to do. Did you mention okay? You came, you've been so, you've been in Baan for about three years now. I don't really know what your life is like in Canada. It sounds like you have a social network of some kind.

I don't know what city you live in in Canada, if it's like a Toronto or a Vancouver or someplace that you is like a big place that has stuff, but and also the whole thing of like, I should appreciate my life of adventure since this kind of thing is though something only people get to do, and I'm wasting feeling bad about myself part of a life of adventure. Everything what you're experiencing is part of the life of adventure.

That's you. You. You have to understand that if you're gonna try to do weird things with your life and make weird decisions that most people don't make, like moving to a foreign country or you know, trying to find a relationship that aligns with you instead of whatever, just kind of shows up. Right. If you're gonna kind of go out of your fucking way to get the most out of life instead of just like settling for whatever the fuck you know it comes to you, you're gonna

get depressed. And you're gonna it's gonna suck tits, and so that's part of it. That's part of the life of adventure. I suppose those are those are my main ponders I would say on your situation. Also, I don't think also the thing of like I need to deal with the what if if I did make or make the wrong decision, I don't. I mean, this is I mean a lot of things to that. It's like, one, you can always go back to Japan if you really want to, you can always go back there. And then

two is like you'll never know. You have to make peace at the fact that you'll never fucking know. You're never gonna You'll never fucking know if you made the right decision. So I mean, it's like asking, it's like, it's like being like, I don't have a funny analogy, but it's not a thing that is within your Mortalit is to know whether or not you made the right decision. So the sooner you surrender to that, the easier you'll have,

the easier of a time you'll have just existing. But yeah, you know, I mean, the fact that you speak Japanese at high level is cool. Yeah, go back, Hang out. I mean, I'm not saying go back permanently, but I'm sure you'll your gut will steer you in some way, shape or form when you go back to the States as to what you should do. Okay, this is from greta subject line what is your favorite bug? Hi? Gek, I am cleaning my bathroom right now and feeling positive

about it. Cleaning is hard and not fun. But lately I've been hard not fun things, and I think if I continue to do them, they will get easier. Maybe. Okay, I think this person meant I've been trying to do hard, not fun things. Okay. I'm twenty, which is very strange because I still feel seventeen and I don't know how to adult. What should I incorporate into my life to get me to that adulty checkpoint? When did you feel adult? And also what is your favorite bug? My favorite bug

is probably a caterpillar. I don't know why. They just look nice. When did I start to feel like an adult? I have a lot of thoughts on that question. When I started to feel like an adult? I mean there's a lot of like, I mean, there's a lot of markers of adulthood. One is like the actual age of eighteen one is a financial independence from your parents, and there's having a kid, and there's doing getting married and all that stuff. I feel like an adult, h I think.

I think I only started feeling like an adult recently, but I still don't really feel like an adult. I don't think I'll feel like a real adult until I have kids. I think that's when I'll feel like a real adult, and even then I'll still feel like like I'm I have I don't think. I don't think any of my like deep seated uh personality and things are going away, at least hopefully not the I mean, here's the thing. A lot of the deep negative parts of

my personality are probably here to stay. They're probably here to stay, but so are a lot of the positive ones. I only I'm only I only have information up to twenty seven years old. But I feel more adult now than I did before. But you're twenty, I mean twenty. It's like, what the fun My bathroom is dirty as shit right now. My bathroom is disgusting. It's neat, but it's not. It's like dusty and gross. But that's not what I think of when I think of the things

that make me an adult. I don't know if anyone's an adult, I guess, But when did I feel I don't, I get, I guess. Recently i've felt a little bit more adult. The most adult that I have here, I'll say this, the most adult that I've felt has been.

It's always gonna be in relation to other people, Like you know, if I'm in a relationship or if I'm in some other situation where I'm like, you know, helping someone out or providing something for somebody in some kind of a servitudal servitudinal way, is when I feel like the most adult. And in a sense, when you clean your bathroom, you're like providing an act of service to yourself, which makes it which is why it kind of feel

as adults. You know. In my life, yeah, I'm better at like doing shit for people that I care about, I think, than for myself in terms of like like I don't I'm not a good cooker, cleaner or whatever, but you know, I would do it if for if someone else, to make somebody else happy. And I think that that kind of is when I felt more adult, you know, putting on clothes that don't have cartoon characters on them, shit, like that, but yeah, I like caterpillars.

Let's see here. This is from James, subject line I sexed Artificial Intelligence. Hello, Lyle, longtime listener here. Thank you for all you doo. Thank you, James. I have recently started using AI chatbots to help me masturbate. This is interesting. I've never and by the way, I'm I'm not gonna shame this guy, because look, we all live in the world. Okay, we all live in the world. I'm gonna read the rest of his email, but I'm just I've never tried that.

I don't know why I think it would make. It's kind of like like you know, like with only fans, how it's like you're supposed to be able to chat with the lady, but like you know that it's not then, right, I've always wondered I feel the same way about the AI chatbots, Like you know that the thing that you think is behind this thing is not the thing, and that I don't think I could get past that knowledge,

can you. I don't think you can sext chat chept, but I know that there's like ones that exist that you can. It's a weirdly sinister business, the like AI friend chat, I know that AI. I'm hopeful and this is just me being optimistic and I'm gonna read this guy's email, but I'm just ranting to myself. I'm optimistic. I'm trying to be optimistic that AI could create. Like Okay,

there's two ends of the spectrum. There's like one is AI somehow reduces labor in a way that allows more like in person connection, or it's somehow like fosters more in person connection in some direct or indirect way. But the way that it's being used, where it's like, use use this to talk to someone that's not a person, I don't know how I feel about that. Okay, I've been on a journey to quit watching porn forever because I know that excess porn use is bad for my brain.

Tell me about it. Ideally, I would have sex to relieve my needs. However, I have been struggling to find a partner, so in looking for outlets for my sexual desires, I found chatbots that simulate sexual role plays. At first, it was so addictive that I used it to masturbate every night, but lately I have been trying to use it three nights a week and no external stimuli any

other night that I want to get off interesting. I don't pay money to use it, and although my data is probably being stolen, I wonder if this is a good alternative to watching porn. My thinking is that using a text chat has to be better than watching and listening to porn, as that stimulates the brain much more. The downside to using AI is that it's easy to

role play for a while. With porn, I would watch twenty minutes at most in one sitting, but with AI I could shout for a couple of hours and end up going to bed much later than planned. None of this is affecting my daily functioning or responsibilities, but it does weigh on my mind. What are your thoughts on this? I'm curious about what the people of the computer think.

Man I James, I really, James. If you're listening to this, call in to the show at some point, please or like send me a tech on the Gecko line for one four seven two GHEK, because I want to talk to you about this, because I find this subject interesting and I have I'll do my I'll do my one sided monologue on it, which is you know. I also I also have you know, troubles with porn, and I've found myself, like, uh, you know, spending too much time watching it and really noticing the ways in which it

fucks with my brain. And it fucks porn like super fucks with like your perception of uh, you know, women in real life, and uh, it just it fucks you up. It's it's very clearly not good. Uh. And yeah, I don't know what the science would say about this theory that you have, which is an interesting theory. I get where you're coming from on this theory, James. I get where you're coming from on this theory that like using it, jerking off to just text is less bad for the

brain than porn. I don't I don't know the science behind that, but that makes a lot of sense to me. Why are you having trouble finding a partner? I mean, everyone who's ever tried to have sex and knows the answer to this question. But hmmm hm m m m mmm. I'm trying to ponder this, and I'm trying to ponder this. I think that uh, you know, I mean, I don't know, man, are you using what are you trying to do to like find a partner? Are you going out to talk

to people. Are you going on the hinges and the tenders and the whatnot, because the problem with the texting the bot is like you just you don't don't want to get to you don't want to get like emotionally attached to a computer. But I'm I'm I I really, I really can't talk about this without being a total hypocrite because like I feel like when I'm using porn,

it's there you subconsciously. Yeah, I'm getting attached. I'm subconsciously, whether I like it or not or admit to it or not, I'm getting subconsciously emotionally attached to you know, whatever I'm jacking off to. So it's probably not that different from the a porn in that sense. I don't know if my rant about this was helpful in any way, shape or form. Please call in because I am very curious about what your personal experience has been with kind

of navigating this this sphere of life. But good on you for at least like capping it three nights a week. Also, when you said none of this is affecting my daily functioning and responsibilities, that's the that's the most dangerous thing. I know that vibe too, when you have like an addiction of some kind and you're like, yeah, but this isn't.

The worst thing is when you have an addiction of some kind and you're like, this is not negatively affecting me enough in this short term that I want to do anything about it, or that I can even see me stopping it having a positive effect on my life, or just returning my life to some vague, uninteresting, neutral baseline. So I don't know. Maybe you need to you need to have a have a Maybe you need to have I can't think of a funny thing to say. I

don't care. All right, let's keep going. Let's keep going. You know what I used to think I've been listening to. I know that this is a comedy podcast, is labeled as a comedy podcast, and it's sometimes funny, and I sometimes have funny things to say. But I'm just not good at making stupid jokes at least right now. Okay, whatever, I'm sorry, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Let's keep going, all right, Okay. This is from Jacob

subject line meth made Me a cross dresser. Update For those who don't remember, there was a gentleman who called in to the show to talk about how, uh, smoking meth got him into cross dressing. I want to say this was about a year ago or so, but yes, Jacob, I remember you. Hey, gak, it's me, the guy who thought meth made him a cross dresser. I wanted you to know how my life has changed in the past

year and a half or so. Last August I ended up losing my apartment due to some which at the time I was still a full blown methaddicted cross dresser, and I moved in with my longtime best friend, who had at that point very recently become my girlfriend. And when I moved in with her, I basically gave up the cross dressing because I felt that it would be weird to do it in front of her, and I felt like someone who has the title of boyfriend shouldn't

be dressing up as a chick. But I will let you know that it was so bad at one point that I literally thought I was a girl, which isn't a bad thing. I totally understand dysphoria now. But with that being said, and little did we know at the time, but we had gotten pregnant. Basically whenever I moved in in August, we didn't realize we were pregnant until about December, and at that time I had still been using all

the time, very heavily. I was not cross dressing all the time, but I did when she was out of town. I don't know if she knows that, but it's okayl But once I found out we were pregnant, I quit everything on the spot. So I've been sober since Christmas. Oh okay, wow, see you know what? To directly to what I was just fucking saying, it's like, you need a thing, dude, I'm not. Don't go. Don't go and

have a kid to stop watching porn. That's a stupid idea, but it's just in general, it's always easier to quit the addiction when you have like a some some sort of a thing. Let's see here, my life is flip flopped one hundred percent. I am a one hundred percent different person. She gave birth to our son on April eighteenth. He gave the full name of the Sun. I'm not gonna read your son's name. And since then life has just been so good. Getting to watch my son grow

up and learn to do things has been amazing. I honestly can't get enough of him. But yeah, life is perfect. I just got the job I've been looking for for a long time. I did spend a long time jobless because the job market's been really difficult, but I finally landed a job working for FedEx. And yeah, I don't know. I just can't say how much better my life is without the dope and without the cross dressing. I want to thank you for everything you've done in my life. Man.

Listening to your conversations and the way you handle your life has helped me out a lot. Anyway, this has been great to update you. Hope you get the chance to read this piece. Uh. I'm glad to hear about this, Jacob. That's cool, man, this is inspiring. This is good. Yeah, I remember our phone call. Uh. And I'm glad. I'm glad everything worked out for your kid. Uh. And I'm glad you're getting sober. You know. See, that's the thing. You gotta have a reason. You got what you know?

Life just does it. You just need you just need motivation to do things. It is true you need some form of like intrinsic and extrinsic motivation if you're gonna fucking do anything. You know, you can't just do a thing because I think I think if they if you just like, if you're like addicted to porn and then you see some Reddit thing that's like, hey, do you know porn is bad? You're not gonna be like, oh shit,

all right, I guess I better stop watching it. It's gotta be like, hey, do you know your wife is going to leave you if you stop? If you don't stop watching porn, you need something like that. I'm speaking

to the previous emailer. It's that's that's that is one of the I'll say this, man, that is one of the fucking funny things about just being like, uh uh to yet to you James, who was addicted to sexting artificial intelligence, If you're just like a single guy, the pro there's if just like a single guy, the pros and cons are exactly the same, which are you can do whatever you want and it doesn't affect anyone but yourself, uh, which has its pros and its cons. I'll say, But yeah, man,

I'm glad. Back to James, I'm glad that things have no you know not James Jacob, I'm glad thanks for that for you. Man. Okay, this is from Hank subject line, I have a successful fart fetish. Hey, GEK, please keep me anonymous, maybe call me Hank. Since being sixteen years old, I've had a fetish for suffering but without liking physical pain during sexual activities. So this manifests to being made

to smell or taste unpleasant things, usually foods. I hate being farted on by a beautiful girl turns me on more than anything else. You know what I got to say. I know that it's like a little funny, but uh, in my head, I'm genuinely so fucking curious. I'm like, why why did this happen? Because listen, this guy, Hank, in no way, shape or form, did he choose to be this way. He did not choose to be this way. Of course, he didn't choose to be this way. That's

how I think sexual. I don't think anyone with any sexual anything chose to have it. I think it just happens or something. But what what is that? Dude? Does anyone? Is anyone a psychologist? Does anyone? No? Don't they Don't

we spend money on this shit. Isn't there a budget in the US government to do lab tests to discover why people have fart fetishes, like, I want to know, like empirically, like what's the like what neurotransmitters or whatever are firing at you know, what precise angles to make it so that this guy gets turned on by farts. It's such a weird thing to me. It's so abstract. I'm fascinated by it. Okay, I have asked eight different girls to fart on me. Seven have agreed. What wait,

that's awesome. That's so sick that you've asked You've gotten seven out of eight different girl You've etten seven different girls to fart on you, Hank, that's crazy, that's amazing. Whoa as this fetish is weird. I was embarrassed at first, but I found that when you're with someone you trust, you can be honest with them and usually they'll try new things to make you happy. Some even get really into it. The key is honest communication and only doing

things both parties are comfortable with. So my message to the wonderful people of the computer is that if anyone has a strange fetish they're closeted about, just have that chat. Don't live in fear and embarrassment. Thanks GEK, stay awesome. Hank, bro this guy, that's where you're gonna leave the email. We gotta talk, Hank, call me on the podcast. Seven out of eight. That's incredible, dude. That's the thing, you know what, That's why you gotta live honestly. That's why

you gotta live honestly. Because there's some miserable guy out there who wants nothing more than to get farted on by his girlfriend or by anyone. I guess, but he's never going to fulfill that because he just he's too he's too nervous about it. He's too embarrassed to ask. But look at this guy. Look at Hank. Hank asked eight different girls to fart on him. Seven agreed. Sometimes you just gotta fucking shoot your shot. Man. Okay, let's see here. Who do we have next on the docket?

This is from a LA. The subject line is first nine to five relationship as an eager. He doesn't understand I wear backpacks like Xavier so based What the fuck is that? Oh? Okay, he's like a rapper guy. He pioneered the internet based micro genre jerk. What the fuck, dude? All these guys are like all these guys are like so young mass kid's like twenty one. That's crazy, all right. Anyway, Um okay, hi goak. My name is La, I'm a big fan from London. It's the summer I finished UNI.

I did a stem degree, but was always in the art circles and being a scene girl, making music and such. I naturally always dated boys who were a bit older and living off music. This summer I started dating my first nine to five boy. I like him. He's corporate, but we get on really well. House on Fire Style, What the fuck does that mean? House on fire Style?

Is this a okay? Because this girl is both like I have no idea, well she is, but she's also British and she's also like online, so being oh okay, House on fire Style is an idiom meaning two people instantly become good friends. Okay. So I don't in this girl's email. I don't know what's just like her being on TikTok uh or her being British, you know, cause like like take the mickey out of you or whatever, like it's a British thing. Okay, anyway, whatever, things seemed good.

Been about two months in and then the other day we were on the way to grab a beer with my friends and I stepped out thinking I had aura freshly straightened hair, MEUMEU boots with wound dressing. I wrapped around one. Uh okay, she describes her uh outfit. We walked around ten meters when he made the joke, Frick, everyone thinks I'm a pedo. My heightened ego shattered. Do what the fuck I think? Please? Please tell me this guy, I didn't actually say frick, everyone thinks I'm a pedo.

That's something you never want to have come out of your mouth. Man, Frick, I'm a pedal. After heading back to my Hello Kitty adorned room, he apologized over and over, but then he let it slip that sometimes my outfits made him feel uncomfortable. I immediately started crying. Frick, man, I thought I was dope. I thought my backpack was gangster like Xavier, But no, no one views me like that. Does everyone see me as a fat baby? I always dressed a bit childish, and I get id'd a lot.

How old is okay, if this person it's the summer, I finished, Uni, Okay, I'm gonna assume if this person, this person's like twenty two. That seems like a proper assumption. If they just graduated college okay or uni? Uh? I always dressed up a childish, I get totally I look really young. It upsets me. Why don't I stop wearing kids clothes? Then? Well, I have, but I immediately bought a Supreme backpack after the incident. What Okay, I don't want to be seen as a child or fatherless, but

I just find cartoons and bows and iconography swag. I don't want to change my whole stick for a boy, but I guess I also don't want someone who sees me as a child and is attracted to that. Since then, I felt super insecure. I've been showing pictures to chat GPT of myself every day, asking if I'm fat and chopped anyway. I do think this is a reflection of myself attempting to join society, coming to terms with how I am really viewed and what an outsider and how

weird I really am. Another catalyst for my spiral has been his lack of obsessiveness. In my usual relationships, we would have ended things by now, or they would have said they were in love with me. And this is after two months. Okay, It's been neither. Almost like he's preoccupied most of the time, not even thinking about me. Do you have any advice or thoughts or or um. Yeah, she ended with saying three ors. Uh uh, Yeah, I have some thoughts. I have a lot of conflicting thoughts.

I think listen, I mean, look here, because here's the thing, right and this is my whole thing, and I do believe it is. I do believe in being yourself. I don't think you should uh change for someone else, unless if you believe that that change will be good for you and positive for you. But I don't know this is like, but you you clearly just by the way you wrote this email with a bunch of references and things that I don't have it. I have no fucking

idea what they are. You're clearly ingrained in a certain kind of aesthetic. You know, I actually fuck it, I'm gonna real talk this one, l A. You're clearly ingrained in a certain type of aesthetic. And I know that people I might piss some people off, I don't care. I know that people take aesthetics and music and fashion and these things to like, uh become part of their identity,

especially when you're young. But I would take like a step back if I were you from all the fucking brands and the Xavier whatever and the you know uh uh the like aesthetic and culture and shit, and just be like, you know, who the fuck who am I? What do I actually care about? Right? Like, it's it's because you're you're You're more than just like an aesthetic, right that's only gonna last so long as like something

that you can cling to as an identity. And so I'm not gonna tell you how to address or what's to do or you know, whether or not you should change. But it does sound like you're taking and it's a popular thing to do, especially when you're younger, of like taking uh you know, aesthetics and onlines and like very like external things and like making that your identity. But like, m I don't know, take a step and figure out,

like who you actually are as a person. You're not You're more than just a Xavier or so based whatever that is. So yeah, that's what I would say. Also, this guy, also listen, if you're like, if you're going to date an older guy, he's gonna want to approach his relationships from a more mature place, which probably means that he's not going to like love bomb you so so closely in and if that's what you want, then it sounds like you you should, you know, date a

guy your own age. Who else so might be you know, mature? I mean yeah, who also might be mature and wanting to not you know, approach relationships from a toxic place. But that's my ponder I would say about this. Good luck La all right. This is from Adam, subject line my life this year. Hey, Lyle, I've talked to you a couple times before, but they were years ago, and I wouldn't hold it against you for not remembering. I called before I joined the military and again after I

had been in for a little bit. That doesn't matter now. What I want to say to you is that I've had one of the worst and best years of my life. I have met and spent a lot of time with some of the best people I've ever known. I got to go home and officiate my brother's wedding. I found out I'm being promoted after working my ass off with no help from anyone, and I've accomplished a lot overall. What is really bothering me, though, is that I can't

stop thinking about my ex girlfriend. We spent a year together, and all my friends and family couldn't stand her from what she did to me. But I can't stop thinking about her. I'll be on dates and she's on my mind. I'll be alone or with people and she's all I think about. I know I wasn't the best boyfriend, but I also know that I didn't deserve what she put me through. I struggled because I knew the whole time what was happening wasn't okay, but I tricked myself into

believing I could handle it. I couldn't. She was my first serious girlfriend and the first person I gave my whole heart to. I feel like I won't ever feel that way for another person, and it sucks. I won't go into more detail than that. I love you, Lyle. You've been there for every part of the growth of my frontal lobe. I've been tuning in since they're red at live streams. Nothing but love, Adam. Thank you, Adam.

I appreciate that. Okay, sorry for doing that into the microphone with my nose A let me think here, Let me think here, because I do have thoughts. Ah Mmmm. It's a hard way. I mean, so much has been said about breakups right and about uh, the power of love. You know, it's what every fucking song and piece of art has ever been written or made about. And you know,

it may very well be true. It may very well be true that you won't ever feel that way for another person, but you will feel new ways for new people that you didn't even think were possible. I mean, you're never gonna go back to high school. You're never gonna I don't know how old you are, but you're never gonna fucking be uh seven years old again. You know, if you had a job and you left that job and you went to a new job, you're not gonna

be that job again. Life is transient inherently, and it's hard, and it almost doesn't feel like it's supposed to be. It's weird we set our lives up thinking that they're not supposed to be transient. Does that make any sense? You know? We live these like routines if we're gonna kind of like live forever, and we hold on to people as if they're gonna be in our lives forever, and like this shit is just transient. It just is.

But I think that's something to be embraced. And you know you grieve that which you transient through, but you don't want to you you don't want to stop it, allow it to stop you from moving forward into new epochs of life and meeting new people. Because get this, I'm gonna assume this woman cheated on you, because that's what I'm in. That's what is the easiest thing to

infer from this. Get this, Adam, you actually haven't met all of the women that you're ever going to be romantically or sexually interested in for the rest of your life, and you may meet one who won't cheat on you, which is exciting. Keep that in mind, Adam. So, yeah, you know people are one of one. This is true, but that's great. It means that you'll meet new, more

different people. And you see, I think the sooner you can accept the transient nature nature of life and allow yourself to be open to new shit, you'll find yourself out a better place. So. I don't know how long it's been since you broke up, but I do think the time heals those wounds. All right. This is from Jared, subject line two months cleaned from opiates. What's up GEK? For the past year, I was heavily addicted to fent and kept trying to get clean on my own and

it was failing miserably. But my sister knew about this place in Mexico that does ibill gain treatment, which is basically a psychedelic that reversus opiate addiction, but is illegal in the states. Ooh, anyway, I went there and it's a fourteen day program. The second day they have you do cambo, which comes from a poison tree frog, and they burn it into your arm and it makes you puke. I've heard of this. That was one of the very first fucking calls I took on this show. It was

about the combo ceremony. It helps with the detox process. Then leading up to the tenth day, you're just detoxing and getting blood work done and a nurse checks on you a bunch oh and ivy drips of minerals and nad I don't know what that is. Anyway, It's hard to explain the ibagain trip. Mine wasn't very profound. Best way to describe it is it's like a meditative slash dream like state, but it like really fucking worked. The thought of using heroin or fentanyl is no longer appealing

to me. When I think of my time spent using I just think, Wow, I can't wait to never do that again. Like when I got home from that place, I swept up drug scraps off my floor and happily threw them away. The old me could never. Then the day before you leave, they have you do ayahuasca. Oh Jesus, this is what the fuck? This is like a a four course metally or something. I was nervous to do it, but I'm so glad they included me in this treatment.

It finishes all the work the ibogaines started because it helps your brain produce more serotonin in the long run. But that trip was insane. While I was tripping, I relieved all the shitty things I've done, slash things I feel shame about. I kept yelling I'm so sorry haha. Also, I couldn't stop singing the same song for four hours straight. I had zero control over what was coming out of my mouth. The song is called I'm Getting Out while

I Can by Kristin Michael Hayter. Anyway, despite all that, since I did the ayahuasca, I have felt so much happier, like happier than ever before. I bartend at a cocktail bar, and shit that used to ruin my whole day now doesn't FaZe me. The world feels so much less hostile. All my friends and coworkers keep commenting on how much happier I seem. Sorry for the word moment, but it felt like sharing. Have a nice day. Ooh, very interesting? Okay, all right, well there we go. That's a good endorsement

of a Mexican illegal drug thing. That sounds cool. That sounds cool. Thanks for sharing that. I don't know if I have I don't know if I have ponders on that, but I don't know if I need to have them. I just liked reading that story. I took a little bit of molly, like a week ago, not enough to really roll, but I took a little bit of it. I didn't feel anything. And then I went home and

I watched TV for three hours. And then when I turned the TV off, I realized I was rolling, and so I went into my bathroom and I laid down on the bathroom tile like prone, like I mean upside down, like I laid on my back on the bathroom floor tile, and I just had a conversation with myself for about an hour about how great my life is. It's really nice. Drugs are nice. I'm gonna go I'm gonna endorse drugs. Yeah whatever, let's go ahead and endorse drugs. Drugs are cool. Okay.

This is from Ray subject line the toenail Sandwich, Hi GEK. When I was fourteen, I worked in a hair salon on weekends. I mostly make cups of tea, swept hair, and shampooed old ladies. But my god, some of the tales I heard from clients were wild. To keep it short, I'll regale the most burned one into my memory, the toenail Sandwich. Jane was in her late forties and would often complain about her husband to the extent you wondered

why they didn't just divorce already. One day, the hairdresser just asked her how she puts up with all her issues and why she stays. She says she had a secret strategy to prevent them from arguing more. I shit you not. Jane sincerely told us that she would offer to make him a sandwich and then clip her toenails and sprinkle them into the sandwich. She said she would watch him eat it, and all her anger would melt Away absolutely unhinged. Apparently he never noticed and never knew

she'd been doing it for years. I just wanted someone to know. I still get my haircut with the hairdresser I worked for, and we talk about it every time I go to the salon. There are many more stories, some from Jane, some from her cocaine loving daughter who worked as a nail tech there, and many tales of ongoing affairs, and a gruesome set of tales from a guy inn acologist. Let me know if you want to hear them. Ray PS. I came to your Manchester show

in November. There was a guy talking about asking out a pharmacy employee to go watch Sonic three. I remember this. I remember that my boyfriend never heard the podcast before, but he loved the show. You told him he looked like Jason Momoa. I do remember that. I don't remember what he looked like. I remember telling a guy he looked like Jason Momoa. And I remember the guy who was going to ask the pharmacy employee out to go watch Sonic three. And I don't know what happened to

that guy. Maybe they went to go watch Sonic three. That would be cool, cool, that's one of these things. I would like to get a follow up on sean subject line starting all over. Hey, Lyle, hope you are doing well. I'm a big time fan seeing you when you were in Reddit Live and when you had a show in Arizona. Fuck you that was fun. Anyways, I wanted to get your thoughts on the idea of starting over again. I just came back from teaching English in

Spain for almost a year. I am back in the US and I feel like I'm rebuilding my life again. I want to become an electrician, and it seems like it's hard as fuck to find work in the field. Now. I am trying all available avenues. So the shitheads on the computer don't say I didn't look into school or anything like that. I'm twenty nine, I have a college degree, and I don't know. I feel like I'm existing on all that good stuff and I'm kind of free, like I don't have to go back to school or reach

for a goal or a dream. I just did that for about a year, so I have to make new goals and dreams. Idka if what I said makes sense, But yeah, I have a good one. I think I've seen some tiktoks about this. I don't know why my feet is all like my TikTok feed is all just like I'm twenty whatever and this is my I'm thirty whatever. And here's what I wish I knew when I was whatever, that kind of shit. And I think as you get

older and as you do more stuff. I mean, you just went and taught English in Spain for a year, right, like you lived what is a dream for many people. And I know this because you know, I've lived a lot of things that I feel like have been you know, dreams for many people. And I also had a lot of times where I felt like, uh, you know, I didn't really even need to reach for a goal or a dream. Uh. And it does feel kind of boggling.

But I think as you get older, you just become you become a little bit more okay with just existing. Like I think when you're young, you're afraid of what your life is going to turn out like. And then the more of your life that you unravel, especially if you know, especially if like listen, especially if you've gotten to do cool things like go teach English in Spain for a year, and you've made the jump at a young age to achieve a lot of your dreams. And

you've you've done a lot of those things. You kind of like, uh stop, you know, like I'm not gonna say stop caring, but you, yeah, you stop caring. You stop getting like stressed out. Uh. So enjoy enjoy the freedom, honestly is what I would say. Take it in. Really realize. When you're young, you think that you're gonna like discover some amazing you're gonna live some amazing dream that's gonna lead to your infinite ascension beyond your human form, and

you're gonna be amazing forever. Uh And I don't know, I don't think that happened even if you do reach those dreams. So maybe what's happening for you is that you've achieved your dreams already and you realize that they don't allow you to ascend. So you're just like living normal human being life, which, let me tell you, sir, is more than an honor of a thing to get to do. I'll say that much. Okay, this is from

Connor subject line twenty eight. And my parents got a divorce. Hey, Lyle, my parents recently got divorced and I'm stuck in the middle. To keep a long story somewhat short. My dad has been an asshole to my mom for years, while keeping it hidden from everyone. He's controlling, threatened, physical violence, and generally just been mean. My mom finally had enough, filed for divorce and moved far away. We are all so proud of her. He has refused to take any responsibility

and is blindsided that she'd ever leave. He blames everything on outside forces, Like the literal devil. He's been extremely controlling and can't handle when things are out of his control. He'll call me bawling, asking why she left him, and genuinely doesn't understand what he did wrong. The hardest part is my mom still wants to be there for him even after everything. She understands why I've pulled away, but asks me to help him and not cut him off completely.

I could go into more detail about things he's done, but I don't want this email to get too long. Just know he's not the nicest guy. My wife and many of my friends think I should cut him off completely. I would like to cut him out of my life as I like to focus on raising my daughter, but it's difficult because no matter how much I want to hate him for everything he's done. He's still my dad. It leaves me feeling like, no matter what I do,

I'm letting someone down. I know some listeners probably have more experience hating a parent, but this is new to me. Hope all this makes some kind of sense. Thank you for reading and being Gecko on the internet. Ooh man, Yeah, that's very tough. I mean, I'm I'm I'm so sorry, Connor. I don't know if I have any uh I don't. I don't really have good advice for this one. I would just say that uh hmm, you know it's up to you. I mean, you don't have why why, I

guess do you have to? Here's here's actually what I would What I would say is do you have to fully fully cut him off? Or can you just be like, listen, you can be in my life, but like I'm setting boundaries and you gotta like like we can talk occasionally, but like you can't call me every day and you can't I can't talk to you every day. That's what I would do. I think if if I were you, Connor, not that I whatever. Yeah, that's what I That's what I think I would do. Is I. I think you

you don't really need to. This doesn't need to be like an all or nothing thing if it pains you to cut off your dad, but I think setting some kind of boundary such that he's not like fully taking up one hundred percent of your time and energy, like, don't let don't set make Here's what I'd say, Set a finite amount of energy that you're willing to dedicate towards that relationship, and do not let that finite amount of energy be drained past its finiteness in any small way.

Don't do that, but make sure you because if you don't set an amount of energy, it's going to just drain infinitely. So you don't have to fully cut him off if that doesn't feel right to you, but you also can't let him infinitely drain your energy. So you know, I think you just kind of need more defined boundaries on that. Okay, let's see. This is from Rachel subject

line little things are truly life's joy, Hi gek. I don't really have anything of super importance or lore material to share, but one time I was having a really bad week and I was just bummed out for an entire day. I was working that day, and when I left, there was this huge white dog on a walk and it was rolling in the grass, and it brought me so much joy. I feel like life is truly comprised of the simple things that can bring you so much happiness, even if it's a dog rolling in grass or having

someone let you merge in front of them. Anyways, which ice cream flavor is the best? I'm lactose intolerant, but I really like ice cream. Rachel, Uh, Yeah, I agree. Man. I don't want to get all like a fucking wholesome dogg o on here, but uh, I do like looking at dogs. It makes me very happy to look at dogs. You know this happens to me too. Yeah. I'll walk around and if I see like a little sheba or a big fucking white dog or a nice dog, I'll look at it and be like, it's a good dog.

This is why we like dog because dogs are pure. They have no evil in them. They don't have the capacity to make decisions that we do, and so they're helpless, beautiful creatures, and for some reason they make us happy to look at I don't know what the psychology is behind that, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that my favorite ice cream flavor lately has been the peanut

butter some'mores flavor of Ben and Jerry's. It's insane. It's got like a marshmallow ice cream base with marshmallows, Graham cracker, and peanut butter cups. Fuck am I gonna get one right after I'm done recording this. This is from Andrew. Subject line, I have a seething hatred of iPad babies. Hi, Lyle, I am Andrew, and I have a very strong distaste for seeing kids with touchscreen tablets and ore phones. I'm not talking about teenagers with cell phones. I mean actual

toddlers with devices at such a young age. It fills me with an anger that feels only slightly irrational. But the more I dig into the thought of it, it only makes me angrier. I'll give some context behind my feelings. I have two younger sisters, both of whom I don't live with anymore, and they are obsessed with their tablets. They are both on the autism spectrum and have their

own developmental problems. I don't remember specifics on how, but the oldest of them was eventually given her own Amazon Fire Kid's tablet She was very prone to wrecking them, and eventually we had to get back ups to prevent meltdowns. She eventually discovered that we had more than one tablet in the house and she lost her lid, having meltdowns if she didn't have more more than one at a time and not understanding that they had to be charged to work. It was a constant chore and struggle to

keep them all decently charged without swiping them away. She would sit there with like three of them surrounding her, all playing different shit at once, slot from YouTube, PBS, kids, etc. This site bothered me to my core. Our one on one interactions got fewer and fewer as she grew more glued to her devices. She would push us away and sometimes got violent when we bothered her, so eventually we got used to giving her more alone time than playtime.

Getting her out of the house is also a struggle. It's rare that she even goes outside the front door without two tablets in tow. It's been a couple of years since I moved out, and the times I visit home and see her, I find it hard to see any developmental change from when I moved. Always staring at her screen, hardly paying attention to the rest of the world around her. I genuinely believe that if she had never been given that first tablet, she'd be in a

much better place developmentally. Nowadays, when I see young kids with their nose deep on a screen, it fills me with a fiery hatred at the parent for not doing better to keep their kids occupied with something in the real world rather than the digital world. Do you feel what I'm saying. I'm sure I'm not the only one,

but I'd like to hear your peace on this. I hope if I have a child, i'd be more engaged with them more than anything else and teach them one on one, maybe with a little bit of Sesame Street on TV, but it'd be better than a phone in their face. You know, I've been thinking a lot about I don't think I'm gonna have kids anytime soon, but i'd like to in my life at some point. And you know, I think about shit like this because it's weird, man.

I mean, I grew up and like my whole thing when I was a kid, and I don't really I guess I don't really know how old your sisters are. I'm gonna guess I'm gonna guess your sisters are like in middle school age or high school age. Maybe I'll go ahead and got I'll go ahead and assume like middle school age. But I mean, yeah, when I was growing up, I was a like video games for my fucking thing, dude, Like the Game Boy Advance, the GameCube,

the Wei. And you know, I got my first iPhone when I was like thirteen, and I was playing games on it and shit, and uh, you know, I turned out okay. And I think actually, even like, you know, the fact that I had those things is allows me to kind of be you know, I mean, a lot of my job and a lot of my life has been technology based, and I think, you know, it's like

it's tricky. All this is to say is that it's tricky, man, because I also think if I have a kid, i'd like to you know, I think it would be unrealistic to say that if I had a kid, I would completely keep them off of all any things. I think that it's just like unrealistic. But uh, you gotta have a conversation, and you gotta like, if it's if things are getting too crazy, you gotta yeah, I agree, you gotta kind of monitor it. But I don't know. I mean,

I'm talking out of my ass right now. Man, I'm single, I don't have many kids, so maybe my I'm I'm curious how my thoughts on this will evolve if I have a family one day. But yeah, I agree, it's it's it's weird because we all did grow up with like screens, like you know, uh again, Yeah, I mean people my age group, the game Boy, the fucking TV and all that stuff. But it's just so different now because you like, the shit is so much more stimulating than it was to just like have a TV. It's

kind of crazy. I mean. Also, I you know, both your sisters being on the autism spectrum, I think is probably uh, you know, a contributing factor to this. And I don't know, I mean, maybe it's helpful to them. I don't know. I'm not like a child's psychologistment whatever, but I'm sure if I was, I'd probably be like, Yo, this shit is not good. So I'm with you on that, Andrew, I'm with you on that. Okay, I'm gonna do one more email. This is from Jason. Subject line profanity. Time

is the only replaceable. Time is the only irreplaceable resource. Thank you for your time. I have recently found your show on iHeartRadio. I've listened to three episodes. I enjoy your discourse, but I do not understand the overwhelming use of profanity. Try using these words as alternative to filth. Okay. And then this person wrote a list of about thirty different words that they suggest me use besides words like hunt and dog, fucker and lizard tits. But I'm not

going to read any of the any of these words. Okay, I'll read a couple of them. Zoincs, jeepers, great, Scott. Yeah, this person wrote just like a whole list of these words. But I like cunting, shitting, dog fucker better than these words. But I appreciate the sentiment that you shared. Jason, thank you, Thank you very much for your feedback, and thank you for listening to the show. That's it for gek mal folks. I hope you guys had a good time. I hope

you enjoyed it. I'm working on a bunch of stuff right now. Man. You know I'm making one. This is kind of the the Gecko. Where the Gecko arc is in my life right now? Is that I am like steadfast focused on making one documentary month. I'm working right now on my documentary of the Gathering of the Juggalos. I have a crazy trip planned in two weeks to go to a very interesting place and talk to people as a get go. I'm not gonna say where it is yet, but you guys will find out at the

end of October when I get that video finished. But yeah, that's what I'm working on. So I'm trying to make one solid documentary a month. Please go check out the three that I've made so far. They're all on my YouTube channel YouTube dot com slash Lyle Forever. I might change the name of that soon. Yeah, that's what's going on in my life. I'm just trying to make these documentaries.

I think you guys will like them. I'm trying to evolve this thing into, like you know, making more videos on the ground in the world, and I hope you guys like them. I always take them and I put them on this podcast feed. I just put on my Existential Lizard video and my Dance Battle in Tijuana video, and I'll be putting on the Gathering of the Juggalos video and this next secret one that I'm very excited about. But that's it. Thanks for listening to this podcast, Thanks

for being here. If you want to be on the next gek Mail, send an email to Therapy Geckomail at gmail dot com. If you want to call into the podcast. I know it's a little bit confusing as to how, but the way I do it is that I go on I go live on twitch dot tv, slash lyle forever, and whoever fucking joins and calls at whatever time. I don't have a stream schedule anymore, I haven't for a while. I just kind of go randomly when I you know, I make sure I put out two of these podcasts

a month. I mean a week. I'll put out two of these podcasts a week. I've been doing that for years and I just kind of go live to make them whenever I have time. So go to Twitch dot tv, slash lyle forever, follow me, and make sure that you have notifications enabled for when I go live, and then whenever I go live, you'll get a notification and then you'll find out when you can call me to take the phone call. So that's the main way to call into the show. Other than that, I'll be back on

Sunday with another episode of this show. My name is Lyle, I'm a gecko. Thank you for listening, thank you for supporting the show, and I'll see you guys around the universe. Bye. Everyone goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night. Everything goes to just teaching you aloud in the of your line, an expert