GECKMAIL: I LEFT MY GF TO TRAVEL

I read viewer mails. Some people like to call the show to talk about things going on in their life. Some people like to email the show with things going on in their life. So I'm going to read some of those emails. How am I doing. I'm doing pretty good. I'm going to Iraq tomorrow. Well you'll hear this podcast on Wednesday, but today I'm recording this. On Saturday, September

twenty seventh, I'm making my next documentary. I've talked about this on the show before, but I'm making one little documentary Gecko video a month, and I'm doing the October one is going to be being a Gecko in Baghdad. I have no further information, but I'm leaving on a plane to go to Baghdad in about eight hours, and I feel great about it. I'm excited. I'm going to meet up with my buddy Muhammad that I met on Instagram and uh, we're if as the more as of

let's see. Yeah, by the time this episode comes out, I'll be there walking around talking to people. I'm excited. Every time I tell people I've been, I haven't. This is I think the first time I've really talked about it on the show that I'm going. But when I tell people that I'm going, they're like, that's crazy. But I don't know, man, they got it. They have Johnny Rockets there, they have the American burger chain Johnny Rockets, they have a Burger King, they have some coffee shops.

I mean, you look at it and it looks like any other place. It looks like any other place. That's really how I feel is that everywhere is I mean not literally everywhere. There's places that are different, but pretty much everywhere is just there's people there and they're and they're doing the things that humans do. We're biologically programmed to eat food, be with other people of our species, and have sex. So people in Iraq they're doing that just like we do it in Ohio and in Uzbekistan

and in California and in Brazil. I don't know. Everywhere is just every everywhere and everything's the same. That's what I've learned from I don't know if Anthony Bourdain talked about that on any of his travels. I don't know if I believe that's true. And I actually, I actually don't think everywhere and everything is the same. I don't, but I think there's core similarities to places and things that I think more places are similar than they are different.

But I don't want to wax poetic for too long. That's where I'm going. I'm going there in eight hours. I'll be there by the time you're listening to this, so be on the lookout for that. When I get back, I'm gonna edit that shit and hopefully i'll have the video ready to show you guys by the end of October. So that's what's going on with me. I'm hot off of ivants, I'm up, I'm down, I'm left, I'm right. That's what's going on with me. I'm trying to maintain

a consistent mood throughout the day, and I'm excited. Let's read some emails, and then I don't have any. I don't have a lot more else to say about myself. Let's read some emails. Okay, this is from uh Alex. Subject line life update. We've never spoken before, but sometimes life is good. Okay. I guess you can have an update with somebody that you've never spoken to before, you know, like an initial update. Okay, what's up, Lyle? Good luck? So what's up? What's up? Lyle? I hope you're having

a good time on your travels. I wrote you before and did not burn my journals, but still can't bring myself to write for nothing, so I'll write to you instead. Was this a person who wrote to me before? Maybe? Okay? All right. I wanted to celebrate doing something I've never done before earlier this month and the joy it brought

to me. Background. I upended my life and moved back home seven months ago, have no friends, etc. One of my favorite bands released an album this month, and I decided, after much anxiety, to go to an early listening party at a record store in my area. I like that I already had one loan ticket to see their show, so I figured I could handle this and didn't want

to miss the free stuff I got. I haven't done anything for myself in months, So anyway, I went, got my posters signed h signed up for some give Oh wait, no, I went, got posters, signed up for giveaways. Disassociated a bit, but loved the special experience that it was. I was on the train home when they called and they said I won two free tickets to the show Parentheses. I didn't win shit. Oh okay, wait, oh no, no, no, no, no, sorry sorry it says parentheses. I don't win shit. Okay,

so they did win the tickets. They won the tickets, but they believe that they do not win in general. Okay, they won the tickets. I feel like the universe was giving me a little pad on the back for finally going outside. I gave the tickets to my mom and little brother and got to watch the opener with them. They loved the show almost as much as I did. That's nice. All this to say, I hate that. You're right. All we have to do is leave the goddamn house

sometimes and good things might happen. Usually not every time, but it might be worth it just to see what the hell is out there. Thanks for making a lot of people feel less lonely and making us laugh. Keep on getting from Alex. There we go I like this. I like this. I don't shut up about it. I talk about it all the time. But I just had a friend stay with me over the weekend and he told me a story. He was like, he was kind of he was like, this was like back when he

was in college. He was like swiping on Tinder, and he was like, you know, we all remember being in college swiping on Tinder. Maybe some of us still are in college swiping on Tinder. And he runs out of swipes and he's like, I'm not gonna pay for marse wipes and he's and he gets no, he's no matches, right, no matches maybe like one match. Feeling like shit, feeling like he's worth nothing, and no one wants to talk to him, you know. So anyway, uh, he he gets

there's this like a fucking DJ in town. He wants to go see. He messages like ten friends, Hey, you want to go with me to this DJ thing? None of all of them are busy. None of them responds, So he's like, fuck it, I'm gonna go. He goes, He meets some lady there, they make out, He goes into the mosh pit, they make out again. He goes back home in an uber and he's like, wow, I'm I'm the king of the fucking universe. You know. I know that's maybe that's not u a very detailed story,

but he likes telling that story. He tells that story at all of his friends who struggle with like meeting people, because it's like what this person said in this email, the universe gave me a little pat on the back for finally going outside. It's fucking true, man, It's true. And I and I and I have to and and you know, uh yeah I do. I fucking like go and do shit and sometimes and go places. But I have to remind myself the stuff. I forget this, I

really do. I forget this, and I get tired of going outside.

don't know if that's true. There's a lot of I mean, we talked to what, we've talked to a lot of people who go outside, but I know there's there at least a demographic of people who don't like going outside that uh, listen to this, but go fucking God's do some stuff. Man. I don't know. I've said it a bunch of times, but I really do believe it. Okay. This is from Jay's Swizzle subject line. I made a difficult decision to end my relationship to pursue solo traveling.

Ooh hi, Lyle, I hope you're doing well. Your podcast has really inspired me to give solo traveling a try. I started off small by going to an EDM festival by myself only a few hours away back in May, then more recently, to a rock festival in Atlanta. Originally, these were not going to be solo trips, as I informed my then girlfriend about them and if she had and asked if she had any interest. Due to her

work obligations, she was not able to go. During the festival in Atlanta, I met a cool group of other people who also traveled to a bunch of music festivals solo, and I had an amazing time during that time off work, to truly. I took time off work to truly reflect on what I wanted and that was, and what I wanted was to live a more authentic life that is

truer to who I am, an independent spirit. I was honest with my girlfriend that I wanted to spend more of my limited free time traveling solo, and that it is not fair to string her along like that, even though she claims she was fine with me going on

these trips even if she it wasn't with her. Okay, sorry, I know, I'm I feel like I'm fucking up reading these emails, but okay, I told I was honest with my girlfriend that it wasn't fair to string her along like that, even though she told me that she was fine with me going on these trips without her. Long story shirt, long story short. She thinks that it is immature of me to do this and that I am

throwing this relationship away to party. But I truly believe that this is how I discover who I really am. I want to try going on an international trip alone and giving hostile world to try anyway. I know this was kind of a long email. This was not even remotely a long email, but I appreciate your show, and I admire you for living a lifestyle that is unconventional

and full of adventure. Much love from Florida, yours truly, Jay Swizzle, you know, Jace was well, I appreciate uh you saying that, and I I mean, I'll talk about this right. So there's a bit of a ye. There's a bit of a yin yang to life. I think if you're a certain kind of person that wants to live unconventionally, and I think it's a good ride to take.

I think if you're even thinking about taking the ride of doing of being a little unconventional, even for just a little bit, I think it's a really good ride to take. It's uh scary and weird, weird and uncomfortable and fucking but but true, honest, honest to fucking God. The more life I live, the more I realized there was there was no light, there was no route at all.

That isn't uh scary and weird and uncomfortable. But when I was younger, I maybe would have point blank always said that you should take the ticket and go on the adventure. As I get older, the more I realized that, you know, the things, I'm only going to speak for my own personal experience. I don't like talking about these this ship is if it applies to other people, So

I'm gonna speak the just for myself. For me, I'm really happy and uh, really proud of myself for having gone on like adventures and doing unconventional ship and doing the solo travel whatever stuff. But and I wouldn't. I don't regret a single thing.

like I'm drowning a lot. And when you're on the phone with like your friend or your mom, or you're with people that you like know in a place that you know, it feels like the only way to like grab a fucking rung of the ladder so that you're not fucking drowning. And I discovered that and felt that way recently. But I also feel like drowning is good a little bit, but that's okay. I mean, you can. Here's the thing, Julian is you can run around and

solo travel and have your adventures. You should do it. If you've never done it, you should fucking really do it. You should really do it. But I loved what a lot of you guys listened to the podcast. Shout out my boy Trip, who talked about train hopping for twelve years. There's a podcast, a few podcasts to go on here. This guy Trip talked about train hopping for two years and then he met this old man who lived that lifestyle,

and what he said really hit me. Where he was like, it's a wonderful adventure, but it's not a good life. And that makes a lot of fucking sense to me. And over the years, I've really tried to kind of redesign my life so that I have some sense of semblance to a feeling of knowing people and knowing places. And I think I think I needed a community to survive, and I needed people in my real life who knew me to survive, and I needed to call to be on the phone with my mom and my friends and

do all those things. To feel like I exist, you know, But it's also trying to carve out time to you know, go to Iraq and walk around it's a gecko h and and do things that feel exciting and adventurous. Time flies like crazy when you're living in a routine, you know. And also these are all privileged things, so listen, if you have the fucking ability to run around, go crazy. But yeah, at least for me, I've tried to have a balance, and I think it's it's been good. Sorry, no,

I'm just rambling. I mean, I know, the whole fucking the whole, this whole thing is just me rambling. But I hope you guys are enjoying listening to it. Okay, it's the best, the best time to book a flight. Oh wait, Okay, this is spam.

share a few simple ideas that might help. Let's connect. This is from Grace jan This is from Grace Janet, the published sure at gmail dot com. I'm gonna respond to this. Hello Grace, thank you so much. I love you. Let's connect about my book. Begin quotation marks the art of killing a ladybugs who are evil? Send. Okay, there's a waste of time. I kind of want to read more spam. All right. This is from WILLIAMS. Smith. This is a long one. Am I gonna read this? Oh? Okay?

This is from christa subject line be grateful with three exclamation points. Beloved, blessed one. Thank you for going through this email, and sorry this might seem like a surprise since this is my first time writing to you. I am missus Christina Earthed, a cancer patient and also a widow. I have something of importance I would like to discuss with you. If granted, I would be glad if you would send me an email, and I would readily disclose my intentions of contacting you, as I believe God has

put us in contact for a reason. This I ask for the sake of you who are mindful and need to be acknowledged. I'm gonna reply. I hope you feel better. Send. Okay. If there's any more funny spam emails, I'll read them, but most of them are just don't make any sense. Okay, all right, why do people Hello therapy, you goto mail? Tired of one week spikes and then silence? And your Amazon book sales? Why do these people think I'm selling a book? All right, let's read. Let's read mails from

more people, from real people. Okay, Oh, this is cool. Okay, this is this is an update. I was just talking about our boy Trip, who did that long podcast about hopping trains. He sent us a follow up uh subject line it's Steve the caller who rode trains. Hey, Lyle, thank you for giving me the space to share. I've gotten maybe a dozen emails so far, and all of them were just so positive and from people all over the world who wanted to wish me some words of encouragement.

One email, though, caught me off guard and made me feel really emotional. It was from this guy in Canada, who said my story really made him think about his own family and his dad and how he's always had both of his parents and they lived with him and now he's going to be an elementary school teacher. He said how it made him reach out to his dad and telling me he loves him, and said I will probably affect other people similarly. It was just really intense

and I felt it so deeply. Bro. I felt the same way when I was listening to your conversation, your your your story, Steve, I called my dad. I was like, what's up.

I just want you to know that he's like, thanks, man, he's over there. You're okay, you know what I mean? Anyway, I've been reading all the Spotify comments and I added my blue Sky on there, so people started following me on blue Sky and starting conversations with me. And it feels really good to get this outside perspective on my life. And it's helped me see how good I really am doing with what I have. That's so awesome. I also

wanted to share this quote with you. Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes playing a poor hand well Jack London, Oh, I'm such a fan of that quote. Yeah, I'm a fan of that quot. I was thinking about that last night. I was thinking about that last night. There's things I'm insecure about and I don't feel good about with my uh you know, I'm insecure about things, and some of them are things that I just feel like are inherent to my existence.

And you can waste a lot of motherfucking time being jealous or like yearning for shit that you can't that's not you, yearning to be something that's not you. You can waste a lot of time doing that. And I'm just like I felt, I remember, Yeah, I felt really good. I was. Yeah, I was thinking about like an insecurity and I felt I remember just thinking to myself. I'm like, well, okay, but I'm alive and I'm me, and this is it. And I accepted it about myself, and I'm like, okay,

well I'll just go from there. I'm like, I was like looking at I was looking at someone else, and I was like getting I think I was getting jealous, and I was like, okay, well I'm not that, and sitting here wanting to be that is not helpful. So just accept just accept it, accept that you're not that, accept the fucking insecurity, and then go from there. And then once you go from there, you're like, oh wow, I can actually go I can try this, I can try that, I can do this and that and the

other thing, you know. And then also, bro, there's so many For every person that you're jealous of, there's like three hundred thousand billion people who you're like, wow, I'm glad that that is not my life life. So all right, this is from Andrea. Subject line makeup conformity versus non conformity. Hello, GHEK. I have no concerns of anonymity, so you can say my first name very good. Me and my sister didn't

grow out very affectionate. But one thing she said off the cuff in a moment of sincerity and vulnerability, continues to ring in my mind. When we were younger, I used to be jealous of you because I thought you were so beautiful. Even now, you have so much potential if you just tried. Okay, we're back. We're on the uh,

we're on the envy theme. You see. I'm twenty one now and I've never practiced makeup or anything like that until when I turned nineteen, and for the first time in my life, I started trying, quote unquote to be beautiful. And the worst part is it actually worked. I'm autistic, and I think it definitely played into my apathy toward

gender presentation and roles for so long. When I started wearing makeup, I leaned into the absurdity and performative performativity of gender and literally put it in the exact words of I've decided to take up my role. My immediate family lit up with excitement and smiles seeing me wear girly makeup, gurly clothes in a way they never did before. I was happy with their happiness, and it wasn't just them when I dressed feminine, when I was beautiful, when

I bought in. I felt like other people treated me better, especially the opposite gender. In high school, I felt invisible, and I carried that into the start of my young adult life until this period where I felt seen and looked at for the first time in my life. I had a short stint where I went crazy for external validation by the opposite sex, though I am mostly over that now, thank god. I realized external valid is fleeting from people you don't really give a fuck about and

will always leave you chasing more. There's more to this email, but I want to think about that. Yeah, external validation.

ever in your life have enough external validation. You won't, and bro, I've gotten more external I've gotten more external validation than ninety nine percent of people that ever lived. We'll get to have. So trust me when I tell you it's not I'm not gonna say i'd be lying. I'm not gonna flat out lie and say it's worth nothing. I'm not gonna flat out lie and say it's worth nothing. But I'm not gonna say it's worth nothing. But I'm gonna say it's not everything. I'll say that. Okay, back

to the email. And yes, some of this may just be internal projection. I wear makeup, I feel more confident, better results, vicious cycle. But that only counts for some of it because people definitely do treat me better. When I quote unquote buy in, a bud of resentment has grown, and I realized I don't want to associate with ninety percent of people who would treat me better if I can form. I heard this quote that really resonated, which was the prize of inauthenticity, is that everyone loves you

but yourself. Hoo hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoof Well, let that stu for a second. The prize of inauthenticity is that everyone loves you but yourself. I've limited my makeup use. I'm trying to get comfortable in my skin and regress back to my authentic self expression that is less performative, more autistic, but also much less happily received. Often I battle with the idea of feeling like I have to perform a version of myself to be liked or to

be accepted. My dream is community and being surrounded by people. To what extent that is only achievable if I swallow a piece of myself. Unfortunately, I'm not somebody people naturally gravitate too, and I only got a taste of what

that was like when I was performing. Despite trying to logic my way out of it and my resentment to conformity, I'm addicted to that feeling and still find myself reaching towards that reality, the one where I am only existing as a fraction of myself, but I fulfill this deep dream of mind to be with people. That's the end of the email. Wow, thank you so much for sharing this, Andrea. This is a lot to chew on I have. I have thoughts and feelings on this one because I want

to be realistic. I really do. I don't want to sit I'm and I'm not that guy. I'm really not that guy. I'm I'm. I know, I get a label of like being a wholesome being, and like, you know, I don't. I'm not into I try so fucking hard to be optimistic, but I don't. I'm not into toxic positivity and I'm not into like, uh, platitudes and I and I really try to have like a grounded sense of these things. And I'm trying to figure them out myself every day. Every day I'm trying to figure them

out myself. I think about these things, dude, I'm talking about the idea mainly of like be yourself right, Like that's the platitude, be yourself. And none of this is advice, this is I'm just this Honestly. These episodes are just therapy for me. They're just me talking through this shit. But be yourself as tricky, right, because the parts of yourself that you don't you don't want to bring out

all the time. And maybe there's people you want to be around and or there's people you want to attract or this things you want to do, and you realize that you have to change to be to achieve those things you want to achieve. And I don't think that that change is always bad necessarily, unless if it makes you feel really bad. I don't know if I got this. And I'm talking about myself. I'm not talking about this person. I don't know if I got the sense of this

person necessarily hate swearing makeup. So I'm just talking about myself. And there are times where I feel like I have this. I have this feeling sometimes where I'm like, I feel this way about like making making videos, making art, working a dating. I have this feeling sometimes, friendship. I just have this feeling. All the important areas of life, right, creativity, romance, community,

all these things. I have this feeling, this thoughts sometimes that says to me like if I if I approach everything just as I am, I'll naturally be gravitated toward, uh, what's right for me. And then sometimes I'm like, what are you a fucking idiot? No, don't do that at all, don't do that at all, don't fucking do that. Don't

do that at all. Uh, you gotta put in a little bit of effort because that the reason I say is because that makes me feel very apathetic, right, Like, if I'm in a shitty mood and I'm like whatever, I might go on a date with someone or about to make a thing or do whatever, I'm just like, well, this be however you are. And I think there's something to that. But I also think that that mindset has prevented me from putting in active effort towards making positive changes.

And it's it's really just for me. It's been a desire to just make my life easier. By the way, this is other thing to do. I'm I'm, I'm this is just me. I'm not talking about this person who emailed me. But sometimes I feel like that's just me

taking like an easy way out. I feel that way sometimes, man, I really do like be as you are, Like, no fucking you know, if you want to be more confident, if you want to be more funny, if you want to be more make things in a different way or this or that the other thing, like, you gotta put in effort to change positively to get the things that you want. And this idea of like let me just let everything go and allow the universe to naturally bring it bring what it brings to me. It feels like

giving up sometimes. I don't know if that's true. I'm just talking about my but it feels like giving up. Sometimes. It feels like me just being like, all right, well, let me not put any effort into trying to be more than what I am, and I'll just let what

the universe naturally gives to me come to me. But then, but dude, sometimes, and you know what, that works for some people, because some and sometimes I think that works though, if you just approach everything exactly as you are and you let the universe give you what it gives you, and you're like, oh, I'm pretty happy with this. But sometimes you approach everything exactly as you are and you let the universe give you what it gives you, and

you're like, oh, I don't I don't know. If I don't know, if I like what the universe has given me, I think I'd like a little bit more than that. And so you change. And that's the way of the world. I want to be really stick about these things. I don't have. I don't have answers though I don't know. I don't and I don't apply a judgment value to it.

I don't think either is a because sometimes I think what people say is performative is just like putting in effort, putting trying new shit, Like, Okay, I've been approaching my life as I am for this long and I'm not happy with what life has given me back, is it performative to go, well, let me try acting like this and even and if I do try acting like this, is that not me? Anything I do is something I

would do. But but back to this person's email, is that if you do feel like whatever you're doing is like strong, like you can feel in your gut, I think when you're misaligned, and so if whatever thing you're doing to make that effort feels strong, like in your fucking gut, like strongly misaligned, then yeah, I think it's not something to follow. I don't know if any of what I just said makes sense. I think it does, because yeah, I don't want to like, I don't want

to give up. I want to hold on. I feel like I talk too much about myself and not enough about this person who uh, because I talked about myself, I want to talk about this person specifically. I battle with the idea of feeling like I have to perform a version of myself to be liked or accepted. My dream is community and being surrounded by people to what extent that is only achievable that if I swallow a piece of myself. Okay, that I don't believe that. I

don't this person's saying. Unfortunately, I'm not swing that people naturally gravitate too, and I only got a taste of what that was like when I was performing. I'm addicted to that feeling and find myself reaching towards that reality, the one where I only exist as a fraction of myself, but I fulfill this deep tree of mine to be

with people. Okay, I'm gonna talk about this person specifically because I think that if you're trying to like find community and make friends and be around a lot of people, I do think that again. I think that again. Yet you some combination of being your authentic self and putting in some kind of effort that I don't necessarily think you need to label as performative can get you there, right, I mean you're talking about I mean, you're twenty one.

I don't know any I don't really know anything. I don't this person Andrea, I don't know a lot about her from this email I don't know anything about her, but I do think that if she keeps I mean, you know, it's the thing I've been talking about to death. But if you just keep finding places to continue to be, I do think you'll eventually be around people. But you might have to make some changes. Yeah, you might have

to make some changes. I think at the end of the day, Yes, you have to make some changes that you're uncomfortable with and that are kind of hard. Because I really like taking both sides of this argument, and because I have a little bit of the I have a little bit of both of these things in me, which are like like some form of like radical. I really have both these things, and me like a half of my brain is a radical self love except be

yourself and everything is gonna be okay. Like I have I have a deep like left brain hippie part of my brain, and then I have the I have a capitalist, uh you must provide value to have value part of my brain, and they they just coexist. It's who I am, It's how I think about life. And both of those wolves are living in my fucking brain. The wolf again, I'm talking about myself, the wolf of like if I if I lose weight, I will be uh more attractive and lovable. If I make more money, I will have

more I will be happier if I do this. And then they're like the capitalists you, I mean, as we must provide value as a person to be valued in society like that, Like that's a. That's a that's a solid half of my brain. And then again I have the other solid half of my brain that's like no, no, no, no, like very hippy like no. Be as you are, you, you are enough, you exist, you be, you can, You're completely fine exactly how you are. And uh yeah, these are those two parts of my brain. Those two parts

of my brain. They battle each other, and I think they both have valid things, they both have valid things to say. And then they both have times where each other is talking and I'm like, shut the fuck up, you're insane, you know. So I try to pull from each side of that to uh like address things. But I think this person can find community. But again, you have to put yourself out there to do it. Okay, I've spoken too long on this. Thank you for sharing. Andrea.

All Right, this is from Aaron subject line, Hi gek, I'm in the same boat. As you when it comes to existentialism, depression in general, life. Long story short, I'm wondering what books you've read that have helped you with these problems and your mindset toward life in general. Keep on keeping my scaly friend. Uh, I'm not gonna lie to you, Aaron. I can't remember the last time I read a book cover to cover. I can't. I'm like, I don't read a lot of books. I'm too Uh yeah,

I don't like. I don't. I'm either I'm either working, procrastinating, or trying to be out of my house. And so I haven't had I haven't had had books in there. I mean, I've been playing Donkey Kong Bonanza, and that's taught me. What is Donkey Kong Bananza taught me. It's taught me that if you play video games, you'll be a little bit less depressed for the duration of time that you're playing them. So that's Donkey Kong Bonanza is technically the last book I read, if you count Donkey

Kong as a book. Okay, this is from a Zia. Hello, my name is Azia. I have followed your podcast on and off for a few years now. Some of the other issues people raised there are relatable for me. I haven't had any friends for about a decade now. Almost everything in my life seems to be going wrong, as if I'm cursed. I was unfortunately the target of a dosing campaign online a few years back that got shared

to family, classmates, and coworkers. Jeez. Since then, I've dropped out of medical school and struggled with unemployment, isolation, and mental illness. I'm currently broke and living with my grandparents with pretty much no room or belongings of my own. I'm at a loss as to how to make friends or stop the continued breakdown. I've tried to make friends in my local area by attending meetups or just putting

myself out there at libraries and social events. I tried clubs at school and making friends with my classmates and coworkers. I've tried a lot of different communities online on platforms like Reddit, Discord, etc. Both advertising for friends directly or sharing my personal projects and hobbies to see if I can gain traction and find friends that way. I've done this almost full time for about three to four years now,

with no luck. I also haven't stopped the continued online harassment I don't know if there are other people who listen to your podcast or call in who have run into similar issues, but I'd really like to help get my story out there find connection. Thanks for your time, best a Zia. I'm okay, well this this is uh. I feel like I can't have too many thoughts on this, but there's so many like details to this. I was the target of a dosing campaign. I mean that fucking sucks.

M m m. I really want to offer some I really want to find some words for this person. I'm at a losses to how to make friends or stop to continue to break down. I've tried to make friends in my local area by turning meetups or putting myself out there.

you gotta get off the internet. You just got it. If you can get off the internet, if you if you, if you can, you gotta get off the internet. People did it. People made friends without being on the internet for a while. And if you're just like constantly getting if the inner if looking at your phone has just become like a horrible thing of like harassments, and you've gone to the authorities and you've like just fucking exhausted every thing that you can to like get this ship

to stop. At a certain point, you just got to fucking turn the computer off because you don't want you don't want to have that uh ringing through you. And man, I don't know sometimes when you turn the computer off, and like I've I've pal dude, I've palpitably noticed how much more calm I feel when I go like a a few days without looking at my phone, which I do about once every three years. How does this person find connection? I really, I really really really want to

be optimistic about this. I really do, because I just really want to fucking believe as possible for everyone hmmm hmmm. And I don't want to give I hate giving bullshit platitudes because I really I've tried to make friends in my local area, but I just put there's enough. This is this is a person, this is I think this is someone I have to like talk with to get an idea of what's going on with them. I don't know how much I can I have to think or

say from just this email. The only I get the thing about like these emails, like you have to assume a lot. I guess I'm going to assume that.

I'm gonna okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna tie this back to actually a lot of the shit that I've been talking about on this uh episode so far, which is that you might have to audit. You might have to give yourself an honest audit and don't break down. You might have to give yourself a fucking honest audit.

That's that's why I have that other fifty percent of my brain that says you're not enough to myself is because sometimes saying that's sometimes saying you're enough can be dangerous because sometimes you gotta you gotta give yourself an honest audit. It's the only way to go move forward in a positive way. Give yourself an honest audit. Talk to people who know you, and it's like, look, you may you might be a little bit off putting. You might be kind of annoying, you might be mean, you

might be the things. I don't know if you are, but you might be, and you might just not know it. And if you audit yourself, or you talk to people, or you think about yourself, and you discover that you are those things, dear fucking God, please, please, please, If you audit yourself and you discover that you're annoying, or that you're off putting, or that you're hostile, or that you're any other thing, please please don't spiral. Don't spiral. Don't spiral. It's not what you want to do. You

want to approach this fucking like a scientist. You want to look at yourself and be like, all right, I possess these negative qualities that might be pushing people away. And I'm actually kind of happy that I know this about myself now. And I'm not gonna spiral. I'm not gonna be like, oh I'm annoying, no one likes me. I can't change. I'm gonna go, Okay, what can I

do next time? This is where you got This is where again to what I was talking about with the other email and about myself is you got to be like, Okay, well what can I do differently? How can I And it's not performative, it's just we're trying new shit because we want a new path, you know, because we've been trying the same fucking thing for four years. It's not working. So what do we? So how do we What's one little fucking thing we can try differently so maybe we

come off a little bit different. And it's not I'm gonna walk it back. I'm gonna say it's not performative.

I'm gonna say you're actually you're attempting to discover and tap in to parts of your existence that you didn't even think were possible because you felt like they were performative, because maybe you start acting in such a way that feels performative, and then you know, sometimes you act in a way that feels performative and it feels very misaligned with who you are, and then other times you acted away that feels performative and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait,

this is actually this, this just me I can do this, and then you realize it's not performative. It's just tapping into a fucking thing that was within you. So to this person, I guess I would suggest, yeah, being some version of what you would think to be performative, because maybe you'll tap into something that you didn't think was of you. So do an audit of yourself a zia, That's what I would say, and be like, how can I act differently? And it'll be uncomfortable, it'll be kind

of like really uncomfortable. But don't just don't spiral. Just whatever you fucking do, please don't spiral. If you're not happy with your audit, take it as an opportunity to uh, you know, perform in some other way. And I'm and I'm really sorry about the online harassment and if there's any and if if if there's any way you can just not be on the fucking computer, then then you know, I think you should do that. Okay, um, let's keep going here, all right. This is from Curtis. Subject line,

Hello lizard Fella. This was a very self helpy podcast episode. I mean, I guess the I don't. I really, I don't like categorizing what I do is self help because I'm insane and I have no business self helping anyone. But I it's like, it's like, I I'd like to think of it more like I'm leading an AA meeting or something like that, you know what I mean. Like if you like, if you lead an AA meeting, you're

not like the therapist, but you you are. You're in a circle of people where you're like, yeah, I get it, you know what I mean. I feel that way more than I feel to be a I Yeah, anyway, whatever, Okay, Hello Lilah. I like the color of your suit. It's very nice. I am. I'm also a reptile who is trying to do stuff on the internet, mostly funny gaming moments.

I was wondering what you use to edit your thumbnails, because, to be honest, I'm using cap cut for both thumbnails and to edit my videos sub to mister Turtle Gaming four twenty. You can let me know when you can if you want to call for some reason to talk about the weather. Have a beautiful day. Okay, my boy Brandon edits those thumbnails. Shout out Brandon. But edit your thumbnails with whatever. Just keep making the stuff you know. Okay,

let's keep going here. This is from Adam. Subject line high Lyle, and the email just says I love you, Thank you, Adam. It's very nice. Okay, I'm looking at more emails. Okay. This is from Lauren. Subject line mouse House a quest for Happiness. Hello, Lyle. My name is Lauren and I'm twenty two years old. I just started my first full time job. I take care of lab animals, mainly mice, in the basement of a university. I give the mice food and water. I change their cages out

when they get dirty. I check for health problems and report them. The health problems I see are mostly pregnant mice having issues with birth, and mice that have teeth growing incorrectly. I like the job, but I feel like I'm in this transition period of my life. I feel lonely. I just found out I have autism, and in May I finally left my abusive parents' house. I have a plan for my future, for the goals slash dreams I

want to achieve. The mouse House is a step on that path, but my dreams feel so far away right now. I want to go back to school. I want to find a community in this new town. Right now, though, it's just me and the mice, which isn't the worst company to keep. I have always found animals to be better company than people. Kind regards Lauren, Everyone's trying, Everyone's trying. Everyone's trying. Everyone's trying. Everyone is trying their best to

do stuff. Is everyone trying their best? I think so? This is from Andrew subject line. Okay, wait, no it's not. It's from Dean or whatever. It's from Andrew. Who cares. It's fine, there's a billion Andrews. This is from Andrew h subject line. I have had over eleven jobs in four years. Dear mister Ghak, please to be speaking with the Gak masses. You may remember me. We met when you were in Vegas in twenty twenty four. I was the guy in the front row. You gave the piece

of paper too for your opening bit. I do remember that anyone who has any doubts in life, this email should provide some comfort. This is a synopsis of my career path in life. I had eleven different jobs during college. For context, I am a twenty eight year old man living in sunny southern California. I started working when I was eighteen at a Jack in the box. Before, I worked at an amusement park during holidays, but I don't count that because it was only for a few days

a year. Eventually, I worked at a Jack in the Box and the amusement park simultaneously while going to college. I quit those two jobs and got an internship in accounting that sucked because it was boring and I got paid to send me to send memes. Oh, I guess he was like sending memes off the job. Okay, that makes sense. I was fired and it felt like a breakup. I ended up returning to the same Jack in the box because I needed the money. Fast food definitely does

not pay well for how fast paced it is. I would not be opposed to having robots take those jobs, as it is so stressful for such little pay. Also, my boss was a sociopath. He would make fun of coworkers in front of their faces and spread false rumors. This technically was a second job because I was promoted to shift lead and got paid fifty extra cents per hour lmao. I got a lot of free food in exchange for the bullshit I dealt with. I have crazy

custom recipes from working there. Maybe I'll call the show or DM you on Instagram with the secret menu items? Why wouldn't you just put Why don't you put them in the email? Sorry? I got too upset over that. I got way too upset over that. I got inappropriately upset over that. Anyhow, I went to work for a draws dress for less, and then went back to the amusement park. I got promoted at the clothing chain, but that didn't last too long because I didn't like managing

people there. They were jerks and abused my kindness. I worked a lot of overtime there, sometimes ten to thirteen hour days and nights. I quit both those jobs and got another internship, this time for supply chain. That job was also boring, and I unfortunately didn't get to learn anything. I wasn't at the mindset to make an experience worthwhile like that one had I taken the time to talk with employees and learn the possibilities in day to day

life and supply chain. I would have found a fulfilling career anyways. During that internship, I got paid to sit and watch YouTube four days a week, ten hours a day. I got Fridays off the whole summer. Then I tried to work at Party City, but the training videos were so mind numbing I quit within the first three hours. You got to give me more detail of what these

training videos are. You need to send a follow up email with details about the secret menu items and what the Party City training videos were, because I got to know what are they talking about, like how to properly steam the Halloween costume? I don't know what it is. The pay was also asked as they paid with a cash card rather than by check or direct deposit. It wasn't a debt card because you could deposit at the bank, but there was a fee if you wanted to deposit

the money in your account. It was really dumb, okay. I then worked at Planet Fitness. It was also very boring. The employees abused me because I was a new kid. They made me help all the customers while they were on their phones. In addition, Planet Fitness does not allow people to take time off. You're hired to work very specific shifts and the only way to get time off is to befriend coworkers and trade shifts. I got hired a week before my birthday and the manager said she

would cover it. I decided to quit within a week. The only cool part about that job was the free gym membership. However, you weren't allowed to work out during your shift. Well that kind of makes sense, I guess, and honestly, I didn't want to work out at my place of employment. The next job I worked at was at Marshall's and that was my last job before graduating college. That was probably the most normal gig I've had, and

I would highly recommend it to anyone working there. Nothing crazy happened to me, but there was a lot of drama enough to where I could write a book honestly. I then graduated in May of twenty twenty with a finance degree. My first job out of college was a junior project manager. However, there were no clients available for me to take on, so I reluctantly took a support engineer role for a custom app we made. It was

the worst job I have ever had. For one year, I had to be available for eight to ten hours, all the time sitting at my desk waiting for support tickets. As you can probably tell, the theme with me is that I get bored too easily, and the boarden came from feeling like my life was meaningless and that I was never going to accomplish anything. After the year was up, I spent a lot of my time training and left the project management side of the business to work in

the enterprise resource planning sector. That's where I'm at today. It has been so fulfilling. There we go. I was wondering when this was gonna get positive, because you did mention that at the beginning. It has been so fulfilling and I do enjoy the work I do. It's challenging, yet not impossible for me. I am always learning new thing and there was never a dull moment. Sometimes I work crazy hours, fourteen hour days, and sometimes I don't work at all. I'm kind of my own boss, but

still on a leash. One day I may become a manager or a lead. I also wash cars on the side, and I'm trying to earn my c FP. My end goals in life are to have children with my beautiful wife, own a home where I live, start a business, and take care of my future employees by paying them thriving wages. Get blessed. Life was crazy, but it is what you make of it. Sincerely, Dean. Okay, Well that was that was That was Dean slash Andrew's life. I wish I had something to say about any of that. Uh yeah,

that was. I'm glad he's he seems like he's happy now, which is good. It seems like he's happy now, which is good. I hope, I hope that was. He should have he should have put the secret new items in there. Okay, this is from Walker subject line I lost my job, but it's definitely a good thing. Hey, GEK, hope you're doing well. I recently lost my job because I chose to speak up about unfair working conditions. Ultimately, I know this is a good thing because my boss would constantly

trigger me, underpay workers and did not plan for extreme weather. Parentheses, we work on a farm. I would wake up every day anxious to go in because her mood dictated how she was going to treat us that day. I have a job lined up for the winter every year, but that won't start until December. I enjoy seasonal work because it allows me to have flexibility and do different jobs because I hate the monotony of a nine to five job. I feel kind of lost right now because I wasn't

fired because I did a bad job. I was fired because I chose to stand up for myself and my crew. One day, I hope to own my own land and create a space to share what I've learned and learned from others who want to live sustainably. I know it's going to be okay, and I do have some jobs that I do on the side that will hopefully get me through till winter starts. But I guess I just wanted to share this because I know a lot of people feel stuck in their jobs or feel taken advantage

of and are afraid to speak up. But I think it's really important to always advocate for yourself and the people you care about. I think this happened to me for a reason that will allow me to grow as an individual and within my career. If you have any words of wisdom, or just read this email so that other people could feel us alone about this situation. That would be cool.

I'll read a couple more. Okay, this is from Stephen subject line question. When I see your clips, I think of an ex coworker who used to sleep with me. I think about her pretty regularly, and she refuses to talk with me. I'd love to use you as a platform to reach back out to her. What No, No, that isn't No. That doesn't make any sense. I don't no, don't do that. Just just move on, move on, man, move on, man, go go go. I stop doing that. Okay,

let me see here. This is from Ed. Ed says, Hey, Gek, I'm one of your first few fans from Reddit days. I don't really like to comment on relationship stuff, but it would be nice to have an outside opinion. I guess I can comment on what Okay. I am a twenty four year old guy, and I am chit chatting with a woman almost ten years older than me. Started off a bit rocky because she was in a relationship. We kissed, I separated myself. Then the day after I did,

she ended her relationship. I told her I needed some space to think things over, and she has been nothing but respectful and understanding about my perspective. I feel really strongly about this woman, and I've continued to talk to her, and since there have been no red flags to me, it's felt very mature, natural, and easy to be with her. A'm I dumb for continuing this. I guess the age thing is a part of it, But do you have thoughts on it? Ten years is too weird? Please be

my guest? Uh, Well, weirdness is not the issue here, I would say. I would say, and I've been I've been mainly in relationships with women who are older than me, and I mean it's a Here's the thing is, what do you want out of your life? Right? Because the main problem with being in a relationship with a woman who's much older than you is like if she is like I if her, if she wants to like get married and have kids and like the whole thing, she's

gonna want to do it sooner rather than later. And for you, if you're I mean, you're twenty four, is like, do you I mean, I don't know if this lady wants I don't know if this lady wants to get married enough kids and do the whole thing. I don't know. She might not. She might be like I never want If this lady is like I never want to do that, and you're like, great, I never want to do that,

then it kind of doesn't fucking matter, you know. But if she wants to get more serious about life and more serious about the relationship because she's older and in a different part of her life, that's the only real that's the main reason why that age gap would be difficult, you know. But if she's just like, you know whatever, I'm just I'm just here to hang out, then you know, you can keep hanging out. I think you're twenty four.

Are you dumb for continuing this? You? Maybe you're probably dumb for doing a lot of things that you do. Not because you're a bad person or because you're dumb, but because, uh, because you just because we're all just a little uh dumb, you know what I mean? Does that make sense? How long have I been recording? For an hour and eight minutes? Let's reet, I think let's thank you guys for thank you guys for listening to this show. I'm gonna ramble a little bit. How do

I feel? I feel tired. I don't feel good right now. I want I could ramble more. All I have to say is depressing shit though I want to be I wanted to say something. Let me let me think of something funny to say. Let's do I'm gonna think I'm gonna say some funny stuff. Let me read into my notes. I have notes about things. Okay, did you guys know that all I wrote this down a week ago? Do you guys know that all the holes on SpongeBob are

actually Vagina's. It's secretly a very explicit show. Okay, let's keep going. I hate when the lady when I'm on a flight, and the lady at the gate says, have a safe flight, because that's your guys's job, because you fly the plane. All right. I'm addicted to diet soda. They say diet soda is just as bad for you as regular soda, but it's even worse when you drink it the way that I do, which is to chase

it with regular soda. All right, let's keep going. Hold on, I have such strong decision paralysis that I sometimes fantasize about being taken hostage by terrorists just so that I don't have to decide what to do with my life. All right, Let's read one more email and then and then I'll let you guys get back to whatever you were doing. Uh, Okay, this is from someone. As soon as I pick here's why I do this, I say this is from and while I'm still figuring out, uh,

which email I'm gonna pick? Okay, hold on, hold on, everyone calmed down. Everyone relacks. We're gonna find an email or I could read more of my notes. Let's just do that. Let's read more of my notes. Okay, did you you guys know the album? Okay? Computer by Radiohead. Did you guys know that that album is based off of something that I said to the computer once when it asked me if I wanted to see porn. My computer was like, would you like to see porn? And

I said, okay, computer, okay, how about this? Sorry Albert Einstein, but I don't have sex on the first date? Okay about this. I don't think they could make Schindler's List today. I don't think they could make that movie Schindler's List today because he'd probably be using his notes app, not a list that I have to call it Schindler's notes app. Okay? Why do they dangle injured people from helicopters? You know

how they like tie a person up. They get on the bed and they tie them up and they dangle them from the bottom. Why do they dangle injured people from helicopters? Why isn't there Why isn't there enough room in the helicopter? Okay, if I can find one more email, I will let's see. Okay, you know what, No, I'm gonna read more of these. Let's see if I can find this. All right, hold on, you guys are gonna like these? Okay, wait, all right, I'll do one more.

like by peeing in each other's butts. We're still good friends to this day and have not brought it up to each other since. Should I bring it up to him and see what he says for context? We're both in our early twenties now. No, I don't think you should should ever tell anyone about that. I think this was gek mail. Was this gak mal? I only have myself as the bora. I think this was gak mal. I'm happy. I'm happy with it. I'm happy. I'm happy with it. I'm proud of it. I think it was

I think we did it. I think this was a good gak male. I think I'm I'm sixty five percent sure this was a good gak male. It won't be the last gak mal, hopefully, who knows what happens in life, it won't be the last. I think it was a good one. It was at least a one, and I

think I appreciate you guys listening to it. I'm gonna go get on a plane and go to Iraq and talk to people about life and wear a get go suit and uh eat some stuff, I hope and uh yeah, by the time you guys are listening to this, That's where I'll be. Anyway, Thank you guys for listening to this show. I want to who do I want to think? I want to thank uh. I want to thank the creator of PEZ because I like Pez. That's it. That's it. This won't be the this listen, this won't be the

last podcast. We'll do more. We'll do more podcasts. I'm happy with this. I think this worked out. Thank you guys for listening. Okay, I think I can't end it like this. I can't. I gotta key, I gotta all right. I know we got it. We got you know, what some you know what. Honestly, look, i'm gonna I'm gonna let this be a living example. Sometimes you gotta accept uh that that that that it didn't work. But I don't think this didn't work. I think this worked really well.

I think this was a good episode. Thank you all for listening. See you guys again on Sunday when I post another one of the well, not another one of these. It's gonna be phone calls. Okay, all right, thank you, thank you. I'm I'm glad we got to spend this hour together. Okay, thank you guys. Bye bye. Everything goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night. Everything goes to teaching you loud of your line.