GECKMAIL: “I HAVE A SCAT FETISH”

of these things with other people. I might just do them more with other people randomly in my life. You know, there is a period of time where we had like rappers on here and stuff like that, and I'm open to that. But I'm also just like, you know, it could be anyone, you know what I mean, Like some guy from off the street wants to pe a guest on the show and it's just me and him reading emails. That could be good too. I don't know why guests always have to be celebrities. Can't they just be this

whoever is walking around? That's kind of what the show is. It's me and a guest, but the guest is kind of whoever is walking around. Anyway, I'm gonna read some viewer mail and talk to you guys, and hopefully it's substantiative for the time that you're listening. Listening to it, my voice just cracked. I'm gonna try to I'm gonna do a lot more pondering than advice giving. I've been giving a lot of advice, and I don't like it. Every time I give advice, it's against my will. They're

actually not every time. Sometimes I give advice because I genuinely believe in it. But there's been plenty times I give advice because I'm like, I just have to say something, and I hate that. I want to do that. So if I from now on, if I'm reading, okay, so throughout the time I'm reading these emails, if I'm prompted to give advice, I'll do it. But if I fucking don't know, I'm just gonna say I don't know. And that's how I like to do it, you know what

I mean. I like to ponder the emails. I don't know if I have an answer for things, but I like pondering things. So I'm in the dark. I just had some coffee. The vibe ants is kicking in. Let's read some emails. Okay, this first one is from Jackson, subject line, I think my coworker is watching me. Hey GEK, longtime listener, first time mailer. I think my coworker is watching me. I recently started working for a cannabis wholesale distribution center in Oregon and it's been an absolute blast.

While I was listening to one of your older episodes, an another Sophie Cunningham ad came on, so I was skipping the ad when one of my coworkers wrote in our slack chat, he's on his phone, followed by he put it down. What the fuck? I was confused, of course, and I immediately called it out and they were very

embarrassed after they realized their mistake. I know they were talking about me because their desk is diagonal to mine, and I was the only male presenting person in that moment, which means someone higher up told her to watch me, or she wanted to watch me on her own volition, and I don't know what's worse. I talked to my manager and when I asked, they said to not worry

about it, and that the coworker was talked to already. However, I still feel like I keep spotting them watching my moves when I'm just skipping ads or trying to select an old episode to listen to. I really like this job and don't want to be confrontational and call a scene about something that could have been dealt with already? Am I being paranoid? Should I be worried? Is it chill now? PS? Please come back to Portland when you

tour again. I will be coming to Portland in June. Okay? Anyway, um, wow, that's crazy. No, I think you should ask her. I think you should ask her. Like, here's the weird thing, right, is like this job sounds fucking what. I don't know. What do you do? You work? No? Yeah, you work for a cannabis wholesale Okay, all right, you said it's been a blast. Okay, So if you're saying it's been a blast, that means that this is a good job

and things are cool. I don't think it's being confrontational to be like, yo, are you listening to my fucking phone? Like stop watching me? You know, And you don't have to even be like that, And it doesn't even have to be like a confrontational like what the fuck are you doing? But you got to go in there and find the information. You got to go in and be like, yo, are you watching me? And if they say no, then say are you sure you can tell me if you are?

And then maybe they say okay, I am, and then you go, okay, I need you to stop doing that or tell your manager or whatever, because if it truly is like a chill work environment or like an absolute blast, and I feel like it wouldn't be that big of a deal to not confront but perhaps inquire as to why this person is watching you. Maybe she likes you, Maybe she has a crush on you. That could be it too. Maybe she's in love with you, Jackson. Maybe

she's admiring you. Maybe she's writing letters. Maybe she's thinking about you. That could be it too, and which you would want to know because maybe you maybe you love her too, and you guys can get married and have a baby. Okay. This is from Sour Candy, subject line fell in love with a red bearded colonizer, Send help, Dear therapy, Gecko. I fell in love with a foreigner in my own country. Parentheses, I'm Asian like full on,

aggressively handsome white man red beard Scottish accent. He works here, lives here, somehow made my dusty ass city feel like the set of a slow indie romance. We dated, then didn't, then did, then didn't again. We had dumb little rituals inside jokes about orcas, fun facts pasted like love notes. We roasted modern art and acted like we weren't two nerds falling in love in public. He made coffee on Sunday mornings like it was a sacrament. This is beautiful.

He also introduced me to your YouTube channel, said you'd like therapy, getto and I did. Of course I did. He knew me like that. So if the algorithm is doing its thing, and by some chance he's watching this, Elle, I know you watch this lizard man during dinner. If you see this, Hi, I love you and I'll probably always miss you. What happened here? Okay, I'm investing in this, so I want to keep reading anyways. But also I cried like a lot, sometimes at him, sometimes next to him.

I was the I need reassurance or I will perish girly. He was the I love you, but i'm emotionally congested guy. I spiraled, he vanished, rinse, repeat, and yet we kept trying. We told ourselves it could work if we just tried hard enough. We tried and it didn't. He said he'd give one hundred percent, and I believed him. God, I wanted to, and for like five business days it felt real white business days whatever. But trying and being able

to are two different flavors of heartbreak. So now I'm here eating sad noodles, writing to a man in a lizard costume because there's nowhere for all this leftover love to go. It's like emotional tupperware with no lid. Do I want him back? Do I just want the best version of us? Do I need a lobotomy? Who knows anyway? Send help or a lizard emoji? I'll take either yours and cringe and healing g interesting. Whoo ah man, They're

always there, really is. That's one of the toughest things about love and relationships is that two people can be so in love with each other and yet the logistics of the universe just don't work out. I was talking to someone about this because I met someone who was like, I think that it's I met someone who was like, I think the only reason a relationship doesn't work is because two people don't love each other enough. And I don't believe that. She was like, if you love each

other enough, you will make it work. And I don't know. I'm really fucking just searching for the answers to those questions myself. You know. It's like that, like love is a choice, kind of a vibe, you know, And she might be right in some cases, but everyone has their own philosophy of it. The problem is you only get fifty percent of the choice. I do believe that, Yeah, people can be in love, but whatever, like external things surrounding them, which don't even have to be things outside

of themselves. It could just be your personalities are incongruent with each other and that just fucks everything up. That's very possible. Okay. This next one is from Sam, subject line, why do I drink so much Celsius? I love Celsius so much it is affecting my life. Let me explain. I have dealt with social anxiety my whole life, to the point where I was basically mute in high school. Since then, I cut back on caffeine and it seems to help things substantially interesting. Maybe I should do that.

I'm twenty six now and my social life is pretty good. But then I tried the Peach Vibe Celsius, and I've been drinking one every day since. Every morning I wake up and I crave a sip of that sweet peachy nectar. I can't get enough. And I'm beginning to notice that I am a lot more alert, but in an evil way, sometimes, the way that takes away my presence and well being and replaces it with overthinking and anxiety. I also picked up a zin habit while working long days, so it

all compounds. That is to say, I know why I drink it so much. It gives me a rush, and I like it, even though it makes me feel weird. Sometimes I'm trying not to let it overtake my life, but it may. I know you partake in the occasion of Celsius. Have you tried the Peach Vibe? What do you think? Have you had issues with stimulants before? I am not secretly a Celsius spokesperson. Please drink coffee if you can. It's an expensive habit. Ooh, you have a

lot of thoughts about this stuff? Yes, so, I mean I don't know. Man, it's hard because, uh, I mean I'm on coffee right now. I was a big Celsius guy and then I started taking vibance and now if I drink a Celsius and the vibance, it probably will kill me on days that I end up that I skipped my vibance for whatever reason, I do a Celsius and dude, I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I'm

a terrible guy for like for like medical advice. But I'll just tell you my I'll just tell you my experience with the stuff is that like I don't feel normal if I'm not on some kind of stimulant. Like I get really fucking depressed if I don't have coffee or Celsius or vibance. Now that's probably not good or it's just like, I mean, I have a weird brain, man, I got all the you know whatever mental health issues

and all that shit in the ADHD. And I'll let and uh, I'll be on vibeance, man, and I'll just be like wow, holy Like I'll have like a minute where I'm like, oh, okay, I understand I think how most people maybe not most people, but like like I'll see relaxed people and people just going about their lives, not going insane, and I'll have a second where I'm like, oh, okay, I think I know what that feels like, and I'll have and that's that's about two hours of me on vibeance.

So it feels good, and it feels good when I'm in uh with the Celsius too, because it just, you know how it is with ADHD, like you just can't fucking do anything, and then when you get the feeling that you actually have some control over your fucking life, it makes you feel great, makes you feel like the world's in some insane burden that you're like sissifhicianly rolling the ball up the hill. You feel like you can kind of pick the ball up and throw it across

the field. Now, Listen, I've always fantasized or thought that, like, hey, what if I quit doing all that stuff? And I just like took like a few months to get unaddicted to, you know, a sugar and I eat salmon every day, and I didn't, you know whatever whatever when I with that secretly fix things for me. I don't know, maybe, but every time I've tried to do that, I end up feeling like shit. But I know I've been on a I've been on caffeine for so long that I

don't really know how I feel like without it. And I know that when you quit any kind of substances is strong withdrawal period that you have to really get through. And every day feels like a year to me. So when someone's like, oh, you got to give it two months before you really can become unaddicted, I'm like, fuck you, I don't have two months. That's two months. Let's that's

like my entire life for all I know. So, yeah, this is this is just me ranting about my experience with it, but I'm not I don't know if this was helpful to you at all. It is interesting that cutting back on caffeine helped you out with your social anxiety. Uh, I'm trying to figure out what you mean when you say that you are evil. You take it, takes away your presence and replaces it with overthinking and anxiety. I

don't know. I feel I feel the opposite when I'm on a stimulant, because like, if I'm just talking as to someone and I'm not and I'm adhde, I'm really not present I'm thinking about life and everything else. But if I'm on the stimulant and I feel good and someone some fucking guys talking to me about something that i'll give a fuck about, I'll engage with him. I'd be like, oh, interesting, I've never seen that before, but I'll check it out. Oh, okay, you do B two

B marketing? SaaS interesting? Now? I how does marketing? Uh? The kind of Facebook ads really work? And I'm not even bullshitting when I'm doing that stuff. I'm really in it. I'm like, and I'm in my head, I'm thinking, Wow, I'm acting like such a normal human being and it's happening so effortlessly, and I'm not thinking. I'm just I just love love. I love being a normal human being. It feels so fucking good. I don't know if I've told this story on the podcast before, but I'll tell it.

I remember it was just like twenty twenty three or something. I was going through a really hard time and it's a lot of anxiety, a lot of overthinking, a lot of mental health whatever. And I was I was at some party or whatever, and I was sitting at a table with these guys, and this one guy he's making a sandwich and he puts some Dorito's on his sandwich, and the other guy looks at him and is like, hey, man,

you like putting chips on your sandwich. And then the guys with the sandwich, he's like, Oh, I love putting chips on my sandwich. And then they start talking about putting chips on their sandwich and they're and I'm watching them have this conversation, and I'm just like, these two guys are so deeply in the present right now, Like

I just felt. I was just I'm over fucking thinking everything, and I'm watching them, and I'm like, these guys are in the present right now, just like in life, talking about putting chips on a sandwich, making jokes, they're brain whatever. You never know what's going on in someone's head. But I was pretty goddamn sure that these two guys were one hundred percent invested in that current moment, in the conversation that they were having with each other about putting

chips on a sandwich. And I was observing this and I fuck it, I had to go to their room. I started crying because I was like, I fucking wish I could do that. I wish I could be in a fucking just normal conversation without thinking all this anxious, crazy thoughts. And you know, I wish I could just be sitting there having a conversation about chips in a sandwich and not thinking about twenty other different horrible things. And vibance gets me that point. So that's why I

like it. And I'm sure there's other chemically things or whatever. But you know, if your brain is just wired in a certain way where you it's just it's always somewhere else, then I don't know, You're just I don't know. But yeah, I've since I've since then been able to have plenty of conversations about normal ass shit without freaking out. But anyway, that was a long rant. Thanks for sending in your things, Sam,

I appreciate you. Okay. Another e mail, This one is from Kalin, subject line fish farmer, Hey Gek, I called you last week and actually got through, but somehow managed to botch answering the phone correctly. I was calling to talk to you about my experience moving across the country to work at a fish hatchery. So far, it's been a great experience. I feed fish and clean tanks every day, and do some basic maintenance around the hatchery. It pays well and my housing is provided, so it's a heck

of a way to save some money. I live at the hatchery in my own house, right at the base of the mountains. It is beautiful here. That said, I have been getting rather homesick lately. Last week was especially bad as my grandma passed away and I wasn't able to go back for the funeral. This was really hard for me, but my family reassured me that this is what my grandma would want me to do. I missed my family and friends quite a lot, but I am

still glad I'm trying this. Yes, thanks for reading this, Gech. I've listened to you for years, but only tried reaching out in the past week. I know you don't typically call during your gek Mal episodes, but I'm going to leave you my number with no expectations. Yours truly, fish farmer. You know a fish farmer. I I'm really happy for you. I am. I think that in life it's important to have an ARC. I'm pro arc some people. Not everyone wants to have an ARC. I get that the majority

of people even probably don't want to have arcs. But I'm pro arc and part of an arc is that you have to go on the hero's journey and leave wherever you are so you can go on your arc. And you did it, Fish Farmer, Yell left and the trade off is that you're not going to be around your friends and your family as much. But the good news is you develop as a parson, and that's what you really want because I'll see your friends of your family, They're gonna, you know, have their own lives and be

doing their own thing. And I don't know, I just feel like life is such a brief flash in the pan that you want to see stuff and do stuff. So I'm glad that you made the decision to move across the country feeding fish cleaning tanks. That sounds nice, man, Keep doing your thing, Fish Farmer. Sorry, I don't have a whole lot to say about that. Okay, this is I mean, I had things to say about that. I gotta stop beating myself up, all right. This is from

Walker subject line the time in Indian Guru saved my bacon. Okay, so me and my buddy had been experimenting with shrooms for a minute, but the most we had ever taken wasn't eighth, so we get the bright idea to go on the hero's journey parentheses any dose above five grams and do seven grams each. It was sub zero temperatures and icy at shit. We took our shrooms and have an absolute blast to the first half of the night.

About part way through the night, we go to walk my friend's dog, and the snow, the air, and the moon all have a crazy blood red tint to it, and it freaked us the fuck out. We tried to go to bed, but after twenty minutes he kicks me out of his house because he's going through some emotional shit and tripping hard. So I freak the fuck out because it's midnight. I gotta be at work at seven, and now I have to drive while tripping balls all the way back home. I'm crying because if I get

pulled over, I'm going to jail. But the sub zero temperatures and ice actually saved my ass because no cops were out and about Okay, I'm gonna forre This is really stupid, but anyway, whatever, Okay. As I'm driving home, I start seeing demons flying at my windshield or reaching out for why don't you just sleep into the car, dude, turn on the fucking air conditioning and just sleep in the car. Why are you driving home? This was stupid? Okay, whatever I mean, I don't know why I'm lecturing you.

It's like you did it. You're already doing it. But just next time this happens, just like, sleep in the car. Turn the heater out and just sleep in the car. Don't start driving. That's a terrible idea, especially with the ice and the snow and all that shit. Okay, at this point, I feel, okay, where was I? I start seeing demons flying at my windshield or reaching out for me, trying to make me crash Jesus Christ. But somehow I managed to take every back road I know and make

it home safe and sound. At this point, I can still feel the demons all around my property. I'm tossing and turning and praying to keep them away from me and my house. Then out of nowhere, I hear this Indian guy's voice say, be calm, my child, You're a protected sleep now, and I instantly pass the fuck out. The next morning, I go to work and about the shit a brick when the first thing that pops up in my Google news is thousands of Indian temples closed

in wake of super blood moon for fear of evil spirits. Okay, well, I don't know. I'm not trying to be your dad, Walker, but just go to sleep in the car. Man. I like mushrooms as much as the next guy. But just go to sleep in the car. Dude, I don't think that. I don't think an Indian. I don't understand how you're saying that an Indian, this Indian guy saved you. I don't think any of this is related. I think it was all hallucinations. I think it was all a coincidence.

There's nothing cosmic about any of this. You weren't visited by demons. You just got really high and drove around and almost died. I'm sorry, let's just go to sleep of the car next time. Walker, I'm a bummer. Sorry man, all right? Anyway, This next email is from James Hey GEK, hope existence is treating you well today. I wanted to get an email to you to get your thoughts on some life motivation stuff. I am a professional bassoonist slash composer. Less than a year out of school. I finished my

master's degree. Last May. Lately, it has felt odd to call myself a even though I have the skill set because leaving Because since leaving school, work in music has become sparse. I used to be getting calls regularly to sub for local symphonies, but haven't received any in months.

I've had some recent success in composing, with six of my compositions on the way to being published, but it almost feels like false hope because while I enjoy writing, I really want to share this music with others, and I'm having a hard time believing my music will sell. On top of this, I'm the main income supporting for my family of parentheses, partner and two cats, so I've had to take on non music jobs to help sussain myself. I'm on my fourth job since graduating. I'm currently a

puzzle quality control technician. It's honestly an awesome job. Wait, that's sick, I guess. I'm just wondering if you have any advice on pushing the dream forward through all the bullshit of life and ways that I can keep motivating myself to do all this extra work for the thing I love. Hmm, well, yeah, I have a few thoughts about this. Is I think there's certain things that like, if you really like doing them, you just can't not

do that, do it, you know what I mean? So like, if you really like making music, I'm going to assume that, like you just don't live in a world where you don't do it, right, So you're gonna keep doing the work. You're gonna keep making music. So at the end of the day, right, it's like there's really there's really nothing you can do except for keep doing the work and

then figuring out creative ways to market the work. But it sounds to me like, you know, you've been a musician for a long time, and I don't think that that's going away anytime soon. So as long as I know it's kind of fluffy, But as long as you just keep doing the work and keep making the music, if something is gonna happen, it'll happen. I think. Again, it's about kind of how you choose to market yourself and how you choose to kind of be smart about

the things that you're creating. But the fact that you're creating it in general is a good sign. So, hmm, how can I keep motivating myself to do all this extra work for the thing I love, just love it, just love doing it. Just I think that's I think that's the only way you'll not get burnt out is to just love what you're doing so much that you can't not do it. That's my that's my best sort of thought on that, even if it's a little frothy.

All right. This is from Margarita, subject line recurring dreams and predictions for real life. Hey, Gek, I hope you're having a good day and having healthy, consistent bowel movements. You can call me Morbo. I'm emailing you because of your recent podcast where in the gek Mal segment, someone asked about a dream they had about their parents' plane crash and whether that meant their parents were going to die in real life, and you expressed your opinion that

dreams do not externally influence reality. I have a story about a personal recurring dream that I have never been able to fully understand. I don't necessarily agree or disagree about the external influence of dreams, but this experience always felt like more than just a coincidence. Every night for about a year when I was four or five, I had a comforting, predictable dream my grandpa would take me down a long hallway to a vibrant, factory like playroom

filled with colorful turning gears, dials, and levers. He would leave me there while he was at work, and I would happily play until he returned at the end of the day. The dream always ended with me running into his arms and us walking hand in hand back down the hallway, at which point I would wake up. However, one night, the dream changed. We were walking down the

same hallway, but I felt dread and anxiety. I didn't want to go into the room, but my grandpa insisted he needed to go to work and dropped me off anyway. The room was now rusty, jagged, and dull. I played for what seemed like forever, but he never came back, and I couldn't open the door to leave. That morning, I ran to his room and tried to wake him up to ask him to make me scrambled eggs, as he did every day. He never woke up. He had passed away from a heart attack during the night. I

was the first to discover him that morning. As a five year old, I told my mother he was just being lazy and not wanting to wake up because I didn't understand what death was. For the next two or three years, I had the same dream again, but this time I was walking down the hallway alone and entering the room, which fluctuated between rusty and colorful depending on the day, always searching for my grandpa, but he was never there. I would just play in the room alone

until I woke up. Eventually the dream stopped. While my grandpa was a healthy, athletic man with no indication of sickness. I'm not claiming the dream predicted his death, but I often think back to why the dream changed so dramatically the night he passed, seemingly warning me that he would not be there anymore. I would love to know what

you think of this experience. I have a few more scenarios of my recurring dreams suddenly changing the night before something's significant happen to me, almost like a prediction or a warming Thank you for reading this. I hope it was interesting. That was interesting. What do I think about this? I mean, I don't I'm listen. I'm pretty agnostic when it comes to a lot of stuff. I'm very easily I'm somewhat easily convinced of things that are supernatural in

a sense whether or not. What do I think? I mean? I'm I think that's pretty crazy story. I'm I don't know if I'm gonna go ahead and say that it was a predictor of your grandpa's death, but I think it is a pretty crazy coincidence. Nonetheless, thank you for sharing that story. That was very interesting. Okay, here's a real crazy one. This is from Solid Snake. Subject line, I have a scat fetish and I will never be loved, Hi Lyle. I will spare you any of the graphic

details regarding my condition. I really just want to share what my life actually looks like to another living soul. Maybe I'm not as crazy as I think I am. I am a twenty eight year old Venezuelan man, really poor, divorced parents, never went to college, never did anything meaningful in life. At the moment, I live in Paraguay, where I work in a cement factory. I live with my mother, who also works in another factory. We earn barely enough

to pay our bills and basic stuff. Our life is hard and we only have ourselves, but we keep going. Besides working on a factory, I also enjoy making techno music, drawing, furries and cinema. When my parents divorced, I became a low self esteem, quiet kid, so I ended up developing a creative side. I am bisexual, and as I grew up, I developed a very unhealthy sexuality. I can only have sexual pleasure by living traumas again and putting myself through

humiliating situations. When I was five years old, before the divorce, I was playing Doggie in a side of the house while my family was drinking polar and having a parilla in the living room. What is a parilla? Uh, I have no idea what that is. I guess a party. I was told dogs were dirty and animals. I was told dogs were dirty animals, and I concluded that dogs eat their own shit and if I am playing doggie, I had to go all the way. Next thing I know, my dad walks in on me with a mouth full

of shit. My Johnny Bravo shirt all smeared with shit, and he gets really angry. He grabs me by one hand and drags me from the living room all the way to the bedroom. My whole family sees me all covered in shit with a stupid face, laughing and laughing. That day was the day that I died. For the first time, it felt like I died. I remember the shame burning, the feeling that I fucked something up forever. As I grew up, I learned to get turned on by the thought of being dirty and a toilet for

other men. I had another similar episode in my teenage years. Left my Gmail account, logged in on the family computer, and my dad saw my stash of gay role plays and my gay scat fetish porn stash while I was away. I was never too close to my dad, but that day I think I died for him for real. I was fifteen at that time. After that, I got out of home, found a job, and rented a house together with my mom. She was always very accepting of who I was. Now that we are here in Paraguay, I

haven't spoken to my dad in some time. He stopped sending me messages a few birthdays ago and a few Christmases ago. I'm glad he moved on. He didn't deserve to have a six son like me. Right now, I live a pretty normal life. Been at the factory for four years, always passed as someone normal to my coworkers. I don't have friends and don't go out much. I have a side job of drawing scat fetish art for furries. It pays well and it's nice. I have a problems

with opening up to others emotionally. I haven't had a relationship since I was a teen and only have hookups with strangers. I feel undeserving of love and mostly want to be alone all the time. I don't think I will ever find someone who will accept me for who I am. Sometimes I want to try my fetish with other men, but scat is a very high health risk fetish, probably one of the most dangerous ones. It's a fetish I experienced mostly through porn and masturbation and fantasy. I

don't see my life improving in any way. I think I will continue to be poor and with all my sex problems until I am old. My mom will die and I will be alone. Is this life worth living? Who? Okay? Well, well, solid snake, okay, give me just a moment too. Take that one. In the Scots stuff and the and the like, the eating poop stuff is not the I think it's the question of is this life worth living? That is like the the thing here? Is life worth living? I

don't know if I can answer this question. Obviously, this is a person who needs a real therapist to talk through a bunch of stuff. But I have some ponders. I mean, clearly, this guy has a lot of stuff going on with him that both internally and externally isolates himself from other people. And I think it was brave of you to write this email, Solid Snake, because you're

describing like really crazy fucked up stuff. But we live in a world with really crazy fucked up stuff, man, So you're probably not the only part whatever is going on with you. You're not the only one. You might be one of the few people brave enough to talk about it, to write this email about it, but you're not the only one. I mean, I mean, who were you drawing this fetish scat furry porn for? You know, think about that? Do you ever develop relationships with those people?

I'm not even talking about romantic relationships, but like, who are you drawing this fucking porn for? Man? And what's going on with the furries? And where are the furries in Venezuela? Whatever the fuck is going on with you? There's there's some community, and maybe for you it's the furry community, maybe whatever, But there's other people who are dealing with this stuff. And I think if I were you, I would do whatever it fucking took to go in

search of those people. Even if even if it's just the internet, man, even if it's just you and a bunch of fucking shit eating furries hanging out on discord, you gotta be able to find other people who have the same problem as you. You have to because you have no perspective right now, because you only know because you have this crazy thing going on internally that you're just dealing with alone, and it's just you and the entire planet who looks at it and goes, this is

too much. This is crazy for me to deal with. But if you, I mean, this is why they have things like AA and you know, sex addicts anonymous and all this stuff is so that people who have like a problem they think they're alone with, they can get perspective from other people. And you really need that. You need that, like you desperately need that. And I think you can find it. Where Who are these scat fetish

furry people that you're drawing the art with. Start first, Start there, Start there, See if you can find other people that have the same problem as you just like start there is your life worth living? It's not a good sign that I had to pause for that long, But that doesn't mean that I leave. Your life isn't worth living. I don't. It's your It's hard because I'm a bit of a fucking uh hm hm hm Is

your life worth living? Actually? Give me let because if you're listening to this right now, here is what I will say. And I will say that because I don't I don't like being uh unrealistic, Okay, I really like. I don't like being like toxic positivity, and I don't like going every life is amazing and beautiful and worth living. I don't like doing that. But I will say this, and I will say it with certainty, and I will

say it with conviction. To you, solid snake, if you're listening, I a hundred percent believe that there are things out there, be they people, places, meanings, and I believe this for everyone, people, places, meanings, work, whatever it is. There's stuff out there that I don't

know about and that you don't know about. Where if you kept living your life and you kept trying, and you kept trying to expand outside of yourself and find these people, places, things, whatever they are, there are people, places, things that you may discover and then realize that, yes, your life is worth living. And I believe that one

hundred percent. So even if you don't think that your life is it, and this is applicable to fucking everyone, even if you don't think that your life as it is is worth living, I do believe that Again, if you keep living it, and you keep trying to search a little bit outside of yourself, whether that's going to therapy, whether that's just saying fuck it and trying to make the connections with people anyway, even if you don't feel like it comes natural to you, like, the more you

just try to attempt outside of yourself, the greater chance is that you'll discover again people, places, things, whatnot, thoughts, brother things inside. I don't only talking about the external things you might have. There's feelings that I don't fucking know about, that you don't know about that might make you think differently. You'll discover thought things inside of yourself and outside of yourself that might make you believe that

your life is worth living. So that's what I would say to you, because I can't tell you that your life is worth living, because only you can decide that. But what I can tell you is that I'm pretty confident that you don't have all the information and all of the experiences that can inform you whether or not you think your life is worth living. Does that make sense?

I hope that makes sense. So look, there might be an under I because listen, there might be some dungeon in Venezuela where you can hang out with guys and shit in each other's mouths all day and it and then go to like get brunch afterwards, and it's amazing and you're like Wow. Until until I found the Venezuelan diarrhea dungeon, my life wasn't worth living. But now it is. Now I have family and friends, now I got all this whole thing. So I don't know, but you you

have to. You have to go in search. You have to go in search of shit to make your life worth living. You can't just give up. I mean you can, But don't you want to know? Don't you want to know? Don't you want to know? Don't you want to know if you can live a life that's worth living too? You want to at least try really hard to see if maybe you can discover something that makes your life worth living. That's what I would say to you, solid snake.

So good luck out there, man. All right, let's keep going. This is from Mike, subject line Old English erectile dysfunction Therapy Gecko. I am honored and esteemed to be writing to you, Righteous Gecko, regarding a conundrum which has troubled me for some time. It is a great desire of mine to one day grace the presence of the Therapy Gecko podcast, and I do hope that day is soon to come. Okay, what's the thing. But for now, fair Gecko, I write to you via digital messaging, and I beg

you to hearken my every word. I'm about to stop reading this email, all right, I'll finish. I'm too deep into it. For I am in love and have fostered a growing relationship with the very maiden I had eyes four in high school. Okay, you won me back, Mike. Many a year. We have known each other and our feelings are known to one another. She cares about me deeply, but an unfortunate problem has dashed my hopes of claiming

her as my lady. For you see a dastardly case of erectile dysfunction has stricken me, and a vile case of it. Indeed, a virgin I am not. But with this woman, whom I so adore, my heart simply gives way, and I find myself fraught with trepidition. Half a dozen nights we have gone to bed together, but alas my nether regions freeze like stone from Medusa's horrid glare. Overcome with nerves, I am and a rift that has caused

between us. I can feel within me this maiden has feelings for me, but the lack of sex has caused her to not want to date me. I love this girl, and I think she loves me, but this ed is an issue. Therapy, Gecko, Whatever shall I do? Ps. I was embarrassed and only felt comfortable sharing this through medieval wordplay. Apologies. Dude, take one of the pills. Have you taken the pills? I've never taken any of the pills, but I know there's pills. Try the pills man. We needed a Dick

pills sponsor on this show. Try one of the pill companies. This blue cheo, I mean, I look this blue cheo, see Alice. Let's take a pill man, it'll make your dick work again. Is that? It is? That all we have to say to this guy? I think it is. It's a medical issue. Let me look up Okay, I'm gonna look into Salis real quick Sealice generic side effects. Okay, what are the side effects of cialis? Headache, back pain, nasal congestion. Okay, it's not that bad, I don't think. Hey, man,

just take some Cialis you'll be Okay. You don't talk like that when you're in bed with her, do you? Maybe she likes that. I don't know. I don't know her. She's probably a nice lady. Take Cialis, man. This is from h subject line. I am living too many different lives, Lyle. I am twenty three and have never felt more unsure about my place in this world. While this is very normal for someone my age, it feels very intense right now.

After over a year of looking for my ideal job and something I am passionate for, I finally got it. But every time I feel like I hit my stride in it, I get knocked back down hard, and I work fifty hours a week. I feel like part of it may be the company, but I'm scared to leave because I don't know if I'll be able to find another job since it took so long to get this one. At home, I struggle because I have a two year

old and a boyfriend waiting for me. I own my home, but I'm never there to take care of things, and when I get home, everyone needs my attention. I can't get any time alone with myself or with my boyfriend. It takes a toll when I have no energy or time to go around, and most people my age don't understand how it feels to be a parent and try to maintain a committed relationship with your co parent. Meanwhile,

I have a crush on my coworker as well. Interesting I feel like I'm just projecting because he is so different from my current boyfriend. His values align a little more with mine, and he is physically more my type. I spend so much time working next to him. I don't know how to not think about it. I'm trying to let it run its course, but I have a

hard time. Partially because I am the type of person to share my feelings it helps to get it off my chest, but partially because I fear that I am settling because I want to be there for my daughter. Part of me knows there has to be someone better out there for me. I come from the restaurant industry originally, and I wish I could go back. I hated how my growth was so stunted and the pay is not great,

but the schedule was perfect for my family. I still had problems, but generally I was comfortable because I could enjoy more of my time and food is one of my passions. How do I choose between two passions? Now? I am lost trying to figure out all these conflicting ideas in my head. My mind feels like a garden full of dying flowers and I can't figure out which

ones to water. Send help who. I said at the beginning of this podcast that I wasn't gonna blindly throw out advice just because I felt like I had to say something and saw I'm not, but I will ponder this. Okay. So she said something about maintaining a committed relationship with her co parent. I am I to assume that the two year old she has is with this boyfriend. I think I'm gonna assume that she called him a co parent. I okay, I think I think that the boyfriend is

the same person. Okay, all right, so you got you had this kid when you were twenty one. So I don't know how long you've been with your boyfriend. For I can't tell you whether or not to leave your boyfriend at the first sign of feeling like you're more aligned with someone else. But I have a few thoughts. I mean, I do think that like staying together for the kids is kind of a recipe for like not not a great relationship, Like do you like your boyfriend?

You know? Is the like, yeah, this is a shiny new thing, and we're always gonna get distracted by shiny new things, and there's always gonna be somebody that we're more attracted to or more aligned with us. Like that's just always gonna happen, right, So forget about the crush for a second, and just like do you do we do we like the boyfriend? Do you like him? Do you want to be with him? Do you want to

be with him? Or do you are you just like we gotta stay together or else this things are gonna be weird with this kid, you know, because that's just gonna because where does that go? That's a lifetime of resentment right there. You know you're gonna be for sixteen more years. You're just gonna be with this guy that you don't where they like. But I don't know, I don't. I can't really tell. I can't really tell from this email whether or not you like your boyfriends. And I

mean that I don't. I don't mean that this email is saying to me that you don't like your boyfriend. But I just can't tell whether not you like him. But yeah, there's always gonna be people that you're more physically attracted to and whose values aligned with you more. And also, you've you've probably been with if you had the kid when you were twenty one, you've probably been with this guy for since you were like, I don't know,

i'll give you the I'll give you nineteen. Maybe you've probably been with this guy for at least a year or two before you had the kid, so you know, and especially because you're so young, you're like an ever evolving person, so obviously your values and your boyfriend's values are gonna change. You Guys evolve to be people. So I don't know if that's advice, but that's a that's my ponder. And then as far as the job, goes. Uh, let me reread some of this. After a year of

working for my looking for my ideal job. After looking for my ideal job, I finally got it. But every time I feel like I hit my stride, I get knocked back down hard. It's hard for me to answer that without knowing what you mean by get knocked back down hard? Who's are you? Are you being knocked down by? Like? Oh fuck, I'm not as good at this as I thought I was. Because if that's the case, I think it's okay for you to just keep going and trying.

Or are you getting knocked back down? Because I don't know. I don't really know what the industry is. Hm. I come from the restaurant originally industry Originally. I wish I could go back. Uh, the schedule is perfect for my family, hmm. I fuck. I don't want to just give advice because I feel like I have to say something I really don't.

This is hard. I'm it's so funny. It's funny to do this because I'm so fucking indecisive in my personal life that, like, it just feels crazy for me to try to tell other people what to do with their lives. But we again, we can ponder. I like a good pondering. I'm gonna say this, h you're doing what you're doing, what you're doing is so hard. You got a heart. This is a hard life. This is a really hard life.

I can't speak to the job thing, but I would just say that you should decide whether or not you like your boyfriends, and it's okay if you don't. It's okay if you don't like your boyfriend. It's not insane for you and your boyfriend to break up. It's not the worst thing that could possibly happen. You're twenty three years old, you know it's not insane that the boyfriend you had when you were young and as you get older you drift apart. I'll just say, it's not insane.

It's not you know, me telling you what to do. But where are we at here? Let's do a few more, shall we? Okay? This is from Chao subject line story about my ex. I met this girl in high school. She wasn't just another student. I remember her as someone who lit up the room when she laughed. So when I immediately felt drawn to we became friends. Nothing more at the time, just the kind of friendship that grows in between classes, notes passed during boring lectures, and small

talk at the gate after school. But life moved on and after graduation we lost touch. Years went by. One day, while flipping through my old graduation book, her face caught my eye. It was one of those random nostalgic moments that catches you off guard. On impulse, I looked her up on social media. Her profile popped up. She was married, had a child. A small knot formed in my stomach, but I clicked follow anyway. To my surprise, she accepted

and started reacting. Okay. To my surprise, she accepted, and I started reacting to her stories, just casual, harmless likes at first, a laughing emoji here, a heart there. I don't know if I like where this is going. Then one day she replied it was a simple message, but it opened a floodgate. We started talking morning afternoon night. Our conversations grew deeper, more intimate. It didn't take long before we confessed old curiosities, feelings that maybe had always

been there under the surface. Eventually she agreed to meet up. One dinner led to a kiss. One kiss led to a night together, and soon we were seeing each other regularly. She began confiding in me about her marriage, how broken things were. Eventually she told me she was leaving her husband. It wasn't a clean break it never is. There was stress, arguments, chaos, but she did it, and after a period she moved

in with me, and her son came too. He was twelve at the time, but kids have a way of sensing where they're safe, and at some point he started calling me dad. I didn't expect that, but it was a good feeling. We became a family, me, her and the boy. Those months together were messy but beautiful. I thought we had something real. Then one day I came home and she was gone, just like that, no big fight, no warning. I called her desperate. She said she needed space,

that she wanted to live on her own again. I didn't understand it, but I tried to respect it. And after some time we started seeing each other again. But it was different, now, more distant, more fit. She told me she didn't want a relationship anymore, just sex, and I went along with it. For a year and four months I visited her apartment, no promises, no strings, just that strange, haunting arrangement, and eventually I couldn't do it anymore. I walked away, cut contact. I needed more than she

was willing to give. Time passed. A year later. You guys are really good writers. There's been a lot of really good, well written emails said to this show. I appreciate you guys. Okay. Time passed. A year later. I met someone new at university. Wait, you met someone new at How old are you? Guys? Man? She had a twelve year old son. How uh? Anyway, whatever I can't get I'm not gonna try to get the timeline on this. A year later, I met someone new at university. She

was warm, curious, and she listened, really listened. We started going out. It was healthy, calm, something I hadn't known I needed then. Just a few days ago, we were talking about our pasts and I told her everything, the whole strange, tangled story. She went quiet for a moment, and that said something that floored me. She has a coworker that has a wife with the name of my ex. And we went to look at a photo and there it was. He is the woman's husband, and they had

never actually split up with her. According to him, they had a fight, sure, but they got back together, not long after it had never lasted months, they had always been officially together. It hit me like a punch in the gut. All that time, all the pain and weird relationship was built on a lie. But well I've kind of started that. Wow, what a fucking story. Holy shit. I don't I I don't think I can add anything it could to this, right, Thank you for sharing that.

Holy fucking shit, man, that's crazy. Oh jeez, wow, I mean yeah, I think here's the thing, right, It's like when you meet the fact that you met this lady while she was like already married and had a kid, and then she started like it was. It feels like by nature of the way that it started, you can kind of predict how it ends. And people say that about this kind of stuff, so but I don't know. Every situation is kind of unique. That's a crazy story, man,

Thank you for sharing. Holy shit. I can't I can't think of anything to add to this. It was fun, It was fun, It was nice. It felt nice to read it. What happened to the boy? Call in one time? Kyo, we got to talk. Okay, let's see here, I probably have time to do a couple more. You guys want to listen to a couple more Getmels, let's do that. This is from Jeremiah, subject line you can call me Jeremiah. I've been going through a weird time with my girlfriend.

We've been together for three years, and this is the longest relationship she's been in I have had, including her, seven sexual partners. As I've had long term relationships mostly and didn't lose my virginity until I was eighteen, she has had many more, which she attributes to having a very rough upbringing and treating sex as less of a serious thing. We have amazing sex, definitely the best I've ever had, and she says I'm the only person that

has ever made her finish. She also says we've had more sex together than she has had with everyone else combined. I sertifind myself feeling jealous of her past, not so much jealous of her previous partners, but more that she's had these variable experiences and I never did. I was kind of a loser in high school, and even when I did start finally having sex, it was only after

I got comfortable with someone. We've had a few deep talks about this, and the last time we did, she said she'd do pretty much anything to make me feel better around my lack of experiences. She says that she one hundred percent plans on spending the rest of her life with me, so she'll do whatever it takes to make it work. She suggested that maybe I should have sex with other people, like a hooker, or that she'd be open to a threesome with another girl. I don't

really know how to feel about those ideas. It sounds kind of hot, but I also feel like it will just inherently damage our relationship. Like, no matter what she says about being okay with it, I think she will be heartbroken or jealous, not to mention, I don't honestly think I'll feel comfortable doing that with someone else. I just wish there was a way I could be okay with the imbalance between us without interfering with our relationship. Like I wish I could just go back in time

and be more adventurous or whatever. It makes me feel like inadequate or inferior to her. I know that's a silly way to feel, and I'm not such shaming her. I just feel like my ego is in danger. It's just sort of a weird fomo. I guess interesting. See, I I want to I want to dive deeper into this with you, Jeremiah, because I want to know where the fuck this thing is coming from. Like, you know,

who gives a shit? Right, Like if you feel yourself like you if you really enjoy the sex life that you're having with and you've had you've had seven sexual partners, and I assume that this what if you've had Let me say that, if you've had seven sexual partners and this lady is the best sex that you've had of those partners, you're fucking not missing anything, dude, You fucking

not miss seeing anything. Like if you can be if you're in a relationship with a woman who really wants to be with you, and you really want to be with her, and she is the best sex that you've ever had, you're doing fucking great. What if I please listen to that. There's nothing there's no like crazy, any any crazy Tinder hookup that you think you're missing out

on is nothing compared to what you have. You know, and you're off, by the way, You're a really fucking smart guy, right because listen, maybe your girl, maybe your girlfriend is like the thing, the thing The thing about her being like, I'll do anything to make you feel better kind of makes it feel like, and you're smart,

you're keying into this. It kind of makes it feel like she's genuinely just saying it because she wants because she really likes you and wants you to stay, which is a bad reason, you know, because because you're smart, you're keying into the fact that she's not probably actually cool with you having sex with a hooker or you having a threesome with another girl. So you've you've approached that situation very smartly. I feel so really, all this is it is just you coming to terms with this

weird fomo that you have. But like, dude, I'm telling you like that, there's you have nothing to be fomo about. Also, it's not like this is the only girl that you've ever had sex with. You had sex with six other people. You know, you didn't lose your virginia until you're eighteen. I didn't. I don't lose my virginia til I was eighteen. Most a lot of people haven't lost to virginiay till we're eighteen. It's not the I think you're you fear missing, Like the thing you have fomo for it is. First

of all, it just doesn't it just doesn't exist. You had sex with six other people and this is the best. This lady was the best of the of all of them. So I don't know, you sound like you know how

ridiculous this feeling is. But everything you're talking about is just it's very it's like so normal, and you just you ended up in the best scenario, right because you don't want to be like you don't want to be with another lady thinking about like sex you had with another with a different lady, you know what I mean, keep you're in. I just want Jeremiah, You're in a good You're in a really good place. Dude, You're in

a really good place. Obviously, whatever is happening with you is something internal that I don't think I can really fix. But if you are hearing me say this, you're missing out on nothing. Continue having great sex with your girlfriend, tell her that you don't need to have a threesome with another girl, and just fucking be in that you Also, you don't even sound like you want to if your whole thing is like you need to be uh really comfortable with the person, and like you don't sound like

you're gonna want to like do those things anyway. So just be in this relationship, like just you got to get over this hang up. I don't know where it's even coming from. I don't even think you know where it's coming from. So you know, call in at some point because I want to really examine this with you because I'm very curious where this this is, where this is coming from? Okay, folks, I think that's it for me. I think that this was gek mail. I hope this

was a good episode. I uh, I had to kind of record it in parts because I was feeling a little insane. But we'll be back with the phone calls soon. I've just been to home in Baltimore, so I've been recording these audio only gek mails. Anyway, Thanks for bearing with me, Thanks for listening to this, thanks for being here, Thanks for sending me these emails. You can send me more at therapy geckomail dot com. I'm putting my tour together for twenty twenty six. I'm really excited about it.

Please go to therapy geckotour dot com and put your information in there so I can tell you when I'm coming to your city. That's it. That's all I have to say. Thank you guys for emailing. I hope that this was good. If you have thoughts about the show, I'm I'm down. I'm down to do different kinds of stuff. I want to experiment more with the podcast. So if you have ideas or thoughts or whatever, I'm crazy. I read all the Spotify comments. I really shouldn't, but I

do so if you have. If you have something to say to me, I'll read it in the Spotify comments. Okay, that's it. I'm gonna go. Thank you all, get blessed. See you guys around the universe. Goes on the line, making your phone calls every night, Goes, I just teaching you loud in the line expert