GECKMAIL: “I BETRAYED MY BANDMATE”

actually don't know this time. I just said that because I haven't read any of the headlines yet. But let's get into them. Oh wait, I'll go away actually before we do that. Before we do that, folks, I declare to you all formal that tickets for my twenty twenty six tour are on sale right now at therapy Gecko tour dot com, which I will link in the episode description. I'm going to thirty cities. I'm gonna list as many

of them really fast as I possibly can. San Diego, La As, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, Minneapolis, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Charlotte, Madison, Detroit, Bloomington, Chicago, Atlanta, Nashville, d C, Philly, New York, Boston, Toronto, Lansing, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Montreal, Vegas, Salt Lake City, Denver, Phoenix, Austin, New Orleans, and motherfucking Anchorage, Alaska.

I will be going to all of those cities this year to do a combination of storytelling, comedy, and of course Gecko therapy where we bring folks up from the audience. I've lived a lot of life in the past, however many years, I've got some stories to tell about it. And you've all lived a lot of life in the past. However many years you've all got stories to tell about it. So let's all get together and tell our stories. Therapy

Gecko Tour dot Com. Tickets to all of those dates are available right now, except Alaska, but you can still go an RSVP if you want to go to the Alaska show. So yeah, please, I'm very excited to go on my fourth tour. I hope to see you all there, and you can go buy tickets right now Therapy Gecko Tour dot Com or the link in the episode description. Okay, anyway, let's read some emails. This is from Lard. Subject line betrayed my friend. Hey ghek, I wish I had a

happier topic, but here we are. I did the worst thing you could possibly do to my best friend, and the guilt and shame is eating me alive. The TLDR as I stole his girl from him. This story is complicated, and I want to make clear I'm not seeking sympathy or any of the sort. I take full responsibility for my actions and I have zero excuses. I'm just putting this here to get it off my chest. The story is,

me and my friend have been friends for years. We've made a lot of music together, been in many bands, and I dated this girl before he ever did. We broke up, and then very soon after my friends and her started dating. And this went on for a long time and me and the girl, Me and the girl both never fully got over each other. All three of us were very, very close, and even moved far away to the same city together. We did everything together, the

three of us, including vacations. I basically hung out with them for almost five days a week, it seemed. We even all lived together for a time. For a while. It was totally fine, and sometimes we would talk about things with each other, and you could tell there was some kind of unhashed feelings from both of us, but we never went too deep into it, and the fires

kept getting stoked, so to speak. Because of how intertwined our lives were, it was difficult to deny these feelings we both had for a while, and I handled it in the worst possible way. I'm leaving out a lot of detail, so I don't type an entire book here, but you get the idea. I let my feelings get the best of me, and I betrayed my friend to get this girl. Instead of having a mature, difficult conversation or confronting the feelings I had for this person, I

just suppressed everything and it all boiled over. Obviously, me and the friend don't speak anymore, as they have since moved, and I'm ransacked with guilt and shame every day of how I handled the situation, and I wish I could have done things differently, and I hate hurting someone the way I did. I'll forever be sorry to my friend and I miss them dearly every day, but it's exactly what I deserve. I know I'll get a lot of heat for this, and rightfully so, but I wanted to

get it off my chest. Not entirely sure what advice you could even give me, but maybe how to move on and like yourself again after a major fuck up. If you read this far, thank you Gek Bless. Wow. I feel like I just watched a CW original movie something like that. This felt Umm I really I wonder how old this guy is. This is This is a very two thousand and three email. I feel you guys were in a band, you both, the three of you guys. I mean, it's just something about this just feels classic.

I feel like this whole thing is very I don't know. There's some like hanging out at the mall being a teenager. I don't know why. When I'm imagine that, I feel like the I'm imagining the person who emailed me this wearing a T shirt with a skull and crossbones on it, and the girl is, like, you know, like a girl. The friend looks like a Lumer from NEDS to Classified. One of the people in this story looks like Lumer from NEDS to Classified. Um shit, man, I don't know.

It sounds like this sounds like a deeply emotionally charged situation for all three of you, and there's something something weird is going on. I mean you the three of you guys, like you guys are in like a polyocule almost, man. I mean, you guys are like on vacations together, hanging out every single day. I bet you're all sleeping in the same bed. Like, what do you got? Like? What is going on here? I don't really have advice on this, m How do you got? I mean, I don't know.

This is one of those callers I would rather talk to because are you and the girls still together? That's what I want to know. Are you and the girls still hanging out? Are you still around? Is she happy? What's her deal in all this? I mean, how this sounds like a long process of feelings and whatnot. Sorry. I don't have much better to say than reading the email, but let's keep going. Okay ooh medical student with a stutter response to Anthony. Hey, ghak, my name is Aaron.

I'm listening to the GEK mail episode with Anthony, the guy who had the stutter. I remember Anthony on the train this morning, and I have some thoughts. I'm currently twenty one years old and going through medical school in the UK, having grown up with a stutter. I usually have a block type stutter, or part way through a sentence, it feels like my throat closes and I simply can't get the words out. I have been quite insecure about my stutter in years gone by, having had some bad

experiences with it myself. I became convinced that people think I'm less intelligent or otherwise less capable for it, going out of my way to apologize for it when starting conversations, but all that was doing was making the stutter worse. I appreciate this is so much easier said than done, but if someone's going to make an issue out of a stutter, that is genuinely a them problem and not a reflection of you. I still stutter, particularly when I get nervous, but I found that it's often best to

just ignore it and pretend it didn't happen. I've got things in my life now that I didn't think would be possible a few years ago. I am lucky enough to have a loving girlfriend, and I'm training to be a doctor despite it all, because my stutter doesn't define me anymore. Anthony, We're so much more than our speech impediments. I wish you all the best. Thanks for all you do, Lyle. I'm a massive fan of the show. Thank you for sending this email. Erin motherfucking stutter stutter, I'm not doing

a bit stutter solidarity between Aaron and Anthony. I mean, shit, brother, look at Aaron. He's going through medical school, he's got his ass a girlfriend, he's trained to be a doctor. I mean, I remember, for those of you who don't remember, maybe you didn't listen to that episode, but there was a gentleman named Anthony who was feeling like his stutter

was preventing him from living a successful, normal life. And you know, we were trying to hype him up a little bit because I think that it's of course possible. I mean, look at this motherfucker Aaron over here. He's doing it. Respect all right. This is from Bren. Subject line is socks Hey, Lyle, this is Bren. As part of my twenty twenty six New Year's resolution, I'm trying to minimize my ecological footprint as much as possible. One way I am doing this is repairing old clothing items

instead of replacing them immediately with things from the store. Yesterday, I did this with all my pairs of socks with holes. I had a fun time learning a new skill. Here's a picture of the repaired socks. I hope this can inspire people to be more environmentally conscious in the future. Look at that he repaired the holes in his socks. Oh man, I feel like a dick. I've thrown away

so many socks with holes in them. Actually, I'll say this, I think just wearing Okay, I mean I wear shit with holes in it a lot, mainly because I just don't I don't care about clothes, Like I don't buy

a lot of new clothes. I don't really care about like fancy clothes especially, So like most of my most of my wardrobe is just like stuff that I've come upon, like I have, Like I wear a lot of T shirts from like venues that I've played, Like I wear a shirt that says, like, you know, Capital Camps, fucking Jewish Summer Camp twenty ten type of shit, Like just stuff that's been from my life. You know, a random free T shirt that I wanted a state fair in

twenty eighteen, Just like random shit. So I guess my way of supporting the environment is uh is looking shitty, not buying normal clothes, like a normal human man. This is from Marion subject line A walk, dear lyle, I wanted to share with you a nice experience I had yesterday. Often, when I stay inside for too long, I begin to feel like life is passing me by. But often even just a small walk is enough to break me out

of that headspace. You goddamn right it is. I went on a small walk to get a coffee, and on that walk I saw a skateboarder skating around by themselves, and I wondered if they were on a winter break. I remembered when I used to skate around when I was unemployed and had long breaks from school and nothing to do all day, and I remembered it fondly. Then I walked by two girls who were sitting at a cafe together in cute outfits. I overheard them a little bit,

and they were complimenting each other's outfits. They seemed like new friends or potentially It was a first and it reminded me of hanging out with one of my best friends now for the first time. Then it passed by a man who was homeless, and I kind of wanted to chat with him because I was remembering when me and an old friend would walk around my old college town and talk to some of the crazy hippies who

lived there. I didn't have anything to say, so I didn't talk to him, but I didn't really need to. It's crazy how much just a small walk can remind me of how much life is worth living. I felt like I've had a worthwhile life so far, and the walk reminded me of that, even though it was just a walk. I think everyone should go outside at least once a day. Thanks for listening. Wow, that's my favorite email I've ever gotten to my entire life. That was awesome.

Thank you so much for sharing that. Marian. Holy shit, it's true. It's so true, dude. Life is actually really interesting. I love living in a walkable city. I never, in my never on the planet earth in my life ever do I want to ever. I so my car back in uh twenty twenty three, and I haven't bought one since. I never want and i'd look my life goal. I never want to buy a car ever again in my whole life. I never want to buy a stupid car

ever again in my whole life. I love walking everywhere just looking at people, being like, how does that person know? That person, like you're like watching, like you know what it is. Man is like you only you only get to live your own stupid life, right, and sometimes it feels kind of restrictive. But if you go outside and just stare at people like a creep and just look at other folks living their lives, it's like you get to like live other people's lives vicariously through them, you know.

So if you, you know, just walk around and look at people, you start living a bunch of lives outside of your own. Man. I love it, Man, I love I mean, be out of the house as much as you possibly can. Shout out to Mary and thank you for sharing the details of your walk. That was very lovely. This is from FJ subject line I left my faith and feel less anxiety to my favorite podcaster Gecko. Hello,

I feel like a major hypocrite. I used to attend church, devoted my mourning to Bible reading, and followed my pastor's teachings so closely I lost friendships. Two years ago, I married a Muslim man. I remember my pastor's teachings against these people as a form of dark Christianity. I remember their teachings were constantly bashing these people I had never met. I remember believing these teachings wholeheartedly. I used to repeat their hatred for the religion and the people. Eventually, these

same people were openly against blacks and other races. This hurt me too much to realize the people I wanted to believe in could be so openly racist. Meeting my Muslim husband was completely by chance. I had met many people outside of the church community who were more kind than my church family. The farther away I became from my upbringing, the more peace I had felt. I now realize how much fear mongering my church used to control

their followers. I don't want to call it a cult, but now I'm seeing some red flags when I used to try to deny that idea of it being a cult. When I'm with my husband, I have never felt safer in my life. Something about him makes me feel safe. I used to take medication for anxiety and depression, but going further along into the marriage, I have no longer needed my meds. The way my husband cares for me is dramatically different from the way average Americans treat me.

My husband is a foreigner from India. He came to the US for college. It's incredible how we met by chance on the Facebook dating app dude. Weirdly, throughout the history of this podcast, there's been a sizeable amount of Facebook dating app success stories after meeting him. I now see a ton of the anti Muslim propaganda from the US is being used to fear monger and keep people divided. The church goers I used to enjoy also stand completely divided.

They believe any song or music that wasn't centered around Jesus was sinful, while my husband's belief is that too much focus on religion can become bad. My husband is a traditional man. He believes a man works while the woman stays at home. Before our baby was born, I would have more freedom than I knew what to do with. He would give me a wife, allowance, and my own car to do whatever I pleased. He's a kind and a good listener. He does all of the cooking while

I only wash the dishes. I never imagined I could find someone like him. Now I see the obsessive behavior of my former church that has pushed people away. For the first time in my life, I do not constantly feel threatened by the fear of God looming over me with a deadly lightning bolt ready to strike if I sneeze too loud or improperly. I know that sounds silly, but I was given that much anxiety. I feel like a hypocrite for leaving the church, my marriage to a

Muslim man, and my marijuana use. I do not use marijuana like an addict, only on occasion with company. I am grateful for my anxiety leaving me. However, I keep telling myself I should feel more guilty about leaving the church. Yet I feel nothing but a newfound sense of peace from my relationship with my husband and my life out of the church. I have now converted to Islam. Look at that. I am not as devout as I used to be. The Christians I used to love have left

a painful impression on me. There's a part of me where I have only myself to blame for idolizing ultra conservative people. I can't believe how happy and good my life has become with my Mosheed. Man. What is that word? Man? Is that this guy's name? Or is what's the word? I mean? Mosque? What is? What the fuck does that mean? What does Oh? It's an error, it's a mosque it's an Arab word for mosque. Okay, wait, cheap. I can't believe how happy and good my life has become with

my mosque man. Is that? Is that a word? He's such a sweetie in every way. He's not a good man because of his religion, but because of how he chooses to see the world. From Josephine, who thank you for sharing Josephine, fascinating, fascinating, fascinating. Why you by? Why do you? Why do you feel like a hypocrite? You should not feel like a hypocrite. I mean, I'm very happy.

First of all, it sounds like I mean, religion is a tough thing, right because it's given a lot of people a lot of good stuff, but it's also caused a lot of like bad shit. You know, it's been organized in such a way that breeds hatred, but you know, people will find it as a way of you know, community.

I think the my biggest problem with like organized religion is that it takes you know, these ideas of like faith and God and the Higher Power as like general ideas that are worth investigating and ascribing to and thinking about under the context of how to live and the story of where we come from and how to relate to one another or actually I think, you know, productive

and interesting. But the more specific they get, once they start getting into like you know, don't eat bread and you know, don't don't be gay or whatever, it's like, it's just it's just stupid. It's just it's like, what are we doing at this point? So no, I don't think you need to be uh feel you know, like

a hypocrite for leaving the church. This is why I also I have a lot of sympathy for people because I mean, this woman clearly, you know, grew up, it seems, in this church and was under the influence of a lot of ideas and a lot of people, and you know, she found her way out of there and managed to find happiness and managed to expand her worldview. And I'm

happy for her as she did that. You know. It's why I try to extend the benefit of the doubt to most people, because I think, I don't know if there really is any difference between like, you know, people, I don't know, I don't know what the difference is. I don't know where the agency lies in Like everyone is the way they are because they had some form of conditioning from the universe. You know their parents and

the world and whatnot. And yeah, at some point you take agency for what you believe and what you do and all those things. Of course, the society operates under that that at some point you take agency. But also you know, so much of where you wind up or if you get the chance to take that agency has to do with, you know, just factors outside of your control. So you know, I extend the bend for the doubt to folks, but thank you for sharing this story. Josephine.

I think you should. I think you should be easy on yourself, my friend. Okay, this is from a Harold subject line. My girlfriend can't communicate. Hey, Gecko, you can call me Harold. I'm a twenty two year old living in Australia. I'm at a point in my life where I need to make an important decision about my relationship. I would love for you to give me some advice. I've been dating my current girlfriend for almost a year, and for the most part, it's been amazing. She's the funniest, kindest,

most beautiful girl in the world. But I feel as if she may not be the one for me. I consider myself a relatively emotionally intelligent person, and I love having deep conversations, debates, and discussions about many things. I'm a very introspective person and I love thinking about life, people, art, and music. There's a lot going on in my head and I love having someone to share that with. It's why I get along with my two best friends extremely well.

We can chat about nonsense for hours and have the best time. I need that outlet. Unfortunately, I feel as if for someone to be my partner, I need them to think in a similar way, and I think my

girlfriend isn't that person. Often when I try to engage in a conversation about a specific topic with her, it just feels like I'm info dumping my thoughts, and most of the time she either says something along the lines of wow, you know a lot about that or you think a lot, instead of trying to engage back with me, or even disagreeing with something I say, ooh, I have a lot of thoughts about this topic. Actually, it's to

the point where I ask her about her day. She often gives me a it was good or it was tiring, and then I'd have to be the one to ask for the questions about to find out about her day, which is exhausting. Whoa interesting And it's not like she is losing interest in me or anything. It's just that I don't think she has the capacity to think in the way I think I know exactly where this guy's head is. That I'm excited to talk about this. She loves me so much and I love her the same.

Everything outside of this is perfect in the relationship. She's just really bad at communicating how she feels. Often refuses to, and it's hard for her to think about things beyond surface level. It's not her fault, it's just who she is. But I'm starting to feel like it's not gonna work. We watch a movie together and she never wants to discuss it. We listen to an album in the car together, and it's always either good or bad or nothing else.

I ask her a hypothetical question or a philosophical question, and she says, I don't like thinking too hard about things. I love her so much, she does so much for me. I can't bear to leave her, but I just need more from her. Maybe I'm thinking about things too much. I'm stuck in my head a lot. Maybe I'm just extremely pretentious and weird. I don't know. Thanks for reading. Harold, Harold. Oh, Harold, Oh, Harold, Harold.

Let's talk, brother. So here's the thing. I know exactly the kind of person that you are because I'm a similar kind of person. I know exactly the kind of person that your girlfriend is because I've interacted with, you know, people like that before. I've had relationships with people like that before. And you know, you and I are wired very differently. But this is something I've thought about a lot, and I'll tell you why, because I'm exactly like you, Harold.

You know. I mean, I'm always thinking about philosophical things. I mean, I do it for a living on this podcast. I'm always getting too deep into stuff. I'm very introspective. I think a lot. I like analyzing movies, I like

analyzing music. I like doing all those things. And dude, you know what's funny is like, in my personal romantic search, I've had times for me where I'm like, do you know what if I'm doing this all day, if like when I'm with my friends or I'm working making videos, doing this, doing that, If I'm while I'm in the majority of my life and talking to the majority of

people and this and the other thing. If I'm introspective and this kind of analytical part of myself when I come home at the end of a long day, it's kind of fun fucking nice to just be with someone who wants to have simple ass, regular fucking conversations who I just love and feel good about. You know, sometimes it's kind of fucking nice, right. I don't know if

you ever feel that way. I don't know if, like, because I sometimes like I've been in situation I've been in like relationships and situations where we're both kind of like introspective talking people, and I'm like, ah, fuck, I don't have the energy to be that version of myself right now. And I and I just only have energy to, like, I have the perfect amount of energy to talk to somebody about if like the fucking food we're eating is good or not, you know what I mean. I don't

know if you're like that. I don't know if you always I don't know if you're always on like I know, I think I have a pretty good idea of the kind of brain you have. I don't know if you have that kind of brain. You know, twenty four hours a day and I by the way. I agree with you. There is nothing inherently wrong about your girlfriend being that way. Like, there are just some people who are you know, have strong, crazy internal monologues and introspections, and then some people who don't.

And I do believe that there are successful relationships that exist between those people, and all depends on what you want. Should you break up with your girlfriend. I don't know if you should break up with your girlfriend. I really don't know. I mean, can you find this outlet for you to be understood in other ways? Slowly, as I'm getting older and like meeting people and dating people and talking to people and doing all this stuff, like I'm feeling more and more like it's not realistic for your

partner to be everything, you know what I mean? Like you have your you have your two best friends who are you have your two best friends who uh? You have these kinds of relationships with right where you guys can talk about anything and fucking like get really really deep into shit and be pretentious and weird with right, and like, is it the worst thing in the world that, like, you know, when you go home at night and you're like with your girlfriend and you guys are eating dinner.

You're just having like a nice little time and just being in your like domestic life, and then you know, maybe maybe when you're in the bathroom, you hit the group chat with the boys and you're like, Yo, did anyone just me and fucking my girl just watched this movie and ione see this movie is fucking crazy and your boys are like, yeah, dude, I love that, you know, you know what I mean, Like, that's not the worst

thing in the world. I just don't. I just think the more I think about it, the older I get, the more I think about it, I just think it's not realistic for your partner to be everything, right, Like, what relationship in your fucking life is everything? You know? I feel like your your your girlfriend is like or your girlfriend your boyfriend, Like they kind of feel like a very specific role in your life. I mean some people it's different. Some people it's like, you know, their

partner is like their best friend. There's some people it's like, you, dude, my you know, my my my, uh, my partner is my like we we're in business together, we fucking do fucking everything together, best friend, uh, you know, like whatever. And then some people have relationships where they their lives are a little separate, and they meet their needs other ways. My stepdad is a huge concert guy. He goes out

to concerts. He's in he's he just turned seventy. He's going out to like fucking punk rock concerts at the at the Auto Bar downtown. Uh, my mom stays home, you know. Uh, they have a great relationship, you know, they they they do their own things. They fill their needs in other ways. Like, you know, it's the I don't.

I just think it's like unrealistic to expect that your partner will have everything, because here's what's here's the thing, man, like you, you find another girl who can have that kind of dialogue with you, but a you might get home after you might get home after a long ass day and be like, oh fuck, you know, I actually don't really feel like having a philosophical conversation right now. And then your girlfriend's gonna be like, what the fuck

I wanted a guy who has a philosophical conversation? You know, maybe maybe maybe you meet dude. Maybe you meet like an introspective, uh super like smart, pretentious girl who communicates very well. Maybe you exhaust her, you know what I mean. Like, there's so many factors. Maybe you meet this girl, maybe you guys really connect on that level, but like whatever like comfort or sauce you feel with this current girl,

like that's not present in her right. So you got to decide for yourself what you want to make your where where you're happy to make your concessions. It sounds like from the way you've written this email, it sounds like this is a place you don't want to make

a concession. But think about it, dude, really really think about it, you know, because you're you don't want you because at a certain point you have to understand that dating and relationships are like it's fucking whack them mole, dude, like whatever you like, Like you look at the person you're fucking dating and you're like, oh fuck I like all this stuff. I don't like that stuff. And then okay,

maybe leave you go find someone else. You're gonna be like, oh, well shit, they don't have the thing that I liked about the other person. Even though they have this thing, it's just gonna be whack them mole. So kind of you have to decide what your concessions are and then move forward with you know, what you're willing to put up with. But yeah, those are my thoughts, Harold, those are my thoughts. I really yeah, I truly do believe that. I don't think your partner can be like everything. That's

a lot to add. It's like asking your like, you know, even like your fucking parents, like they're not everything your friends are like, no relationship in your life is meant I think to be cover every single one of your bases, and no human being can you know if you can find if you can find a relationship where your partner is as many things as they can possibly be, and they can be a lot of things and fulfill a lot of different roles in your life, you're very, very

very lucky. But I don't know if that's most people chat. Tell me what you chat, Tell me what you think about that. I'm curious. I want to I want to know people's opinions on everything I just said. I'm curious what people have to say. Hit me up in the Spotify comments section with your thoughts on all that shit. I'm curious what the people have to say. All right, this is from someone. This is from a person a new login on Chrome from Mac. Okay, that's not me

or that is me? I don't know why I said. This is not me. Uh hold on, We're gonna do it. We're gonna find someone, all right. This is from uh Midwest Tina, Hey gek. My last two years have been a rough transition after I came out as a lesbian, moved a few hours away to another state, and in the process found out my mutual friends with my ex husband were not so mutual after all. Having your podcast to listen to has been really important to my mental

health and not feeling so alone. Thank you, Tina. My ex husband alienated me from all of my individual friends until we only had mutual ones. That's tough. That's tough. It has now been over two years since the divorce, with me sadly realizing all those friends were not actually my friends. This isn't the first time I've had to start over. And I'm about the same age as you. I'm turning thirty this year. I grew up in a

restrictive cult environment that centered around young Earth creationism. Okay, we got a theme going on today. It is a set of strict Christian beliefs. For example, I was taught the Earth was only seven thousand years old, that dinosaur bones were placed by God in order to give scientists something to do. And I did not even know what the theory of evolution was until I looked it up at my own, on my own, at seventeen. Fucking crazy. So when I left home at seventeen, I also left

behind my whole community. My school was run by the church, and I literally didn't know anyone who was an atheist until I was sixteen. I adopted the title of atheist for myself by age twenty two. All of that leads me to another benefit I have found from listening to you. My social skills were significantly stunted because of that upbringing, and I have always found it easy to start conversations with people, but I have a hard time continuing conversations

if I have to carry them. I find making new friends very difficult. I am on a waiting list for autism testing three years. Here, you've been on a waiting list for autism testing for three years. I feel like

you can just go. I feel like you can just go find like A. I feel like I get a lot of like banner ads for tests that will tell you if you're autistic within like five minutes of answering a cute a couple questions, like where they show you like a fucking rectangle with a bunch of rectangles inside of it, and they're like how many rectangles are in

this rectangle? Type of shit. I don't know how accurate those tests are, but at least you know you'll get them faster than whatever the thing is you've been waiting three years for. Social cues are not the easiest for me either. Listening to the way to conduct conversations and carry them when the other person isn't giving you a lot to work with has given has been one of the more helpful things for me in trying to learn

and practice social skills. I honestly cannot say thanks enough for modeling a great way of interacting with people that you may not have much in common with, and I feel a lot more confident in my follow up question skills because of listening to you for years. Thank you, Gek Midwest Tina, Thank you Tina. This is a really sweet email. I appreciate you. I'm sorry about this. Like

friend group thing good news and bad news. Bad news is you made a mistake, and the mistake was that you mixed see this kind of bro This piggybacks a little bit onto what I was saying about, like your partner being everything like in this person's you know example, like their partner was also like their husband was like a member of their friend group, which is also kind of like a whole ass thing, like when you guys

share friends. You know that. I mean, everything in life comes with pros and cons, right, like sharing sharing friends with your husband can be a very beautiful thing, like you know, really makes you feel like you're in a fucking tribe, you know. But you know, the more beautiful something is, the worse it is when it gets fucking ripped apart and shit. So I'm sorry you made that error. The good news is is that you know you're you

can easily go make a new group of friends. I'm not gonna talk about the whole process of doing that because we've covered it so much in this podcast already, but uh, go make another group of friends. You moved to another state. You're figuring out for yourself better how to have good social interactions. I think I think you're gonna be okay. I think this is a good I actually think this is good. I feel like this is like it's good that you know that your friends were

not really your friends. And you're only thirty and there's so many opportunities for you to go and make new friends. So go out and make some new friends, Midwest Tina, and go go to a different waiting list for autism testing. There's no way, there's no way. There's just one place, and you have to wait three years for it. Go go, go take go, take like a Facebook quiz or something like that, or or just or just or just you know, or just decide for yourself whatever you are. I don't know.

That's not medical advice, but just just just you know what, you know what, Tina, Just decide that you're Tina. Just decide that you're Tina, and you're a good person and you're gonna go make a lot of friends. Just decide that and and and execute your execute the will of your own identity upon the universe. Midwest Tina. I believe in you. Okay. This is from KerPlunk subject line the desire to be human again is overwhelming me. Hey Gek. Before I start with the topic, I want to say

I greatly appreciate you and your show. I've been an avid listener since twenty twenty three. Your show has helped me find new perspectives on some topics and provide entertainment while I'm at work, school, or on a long drive. Thanks for being you. Thank you. As of November twenty twenty fifth, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Since Grade one,

I've known I've had dyslexia. The school caught onto it decently soon and put me in the SPED classes up until middle school, where they stopped putting me in them. But over the years I've had a sneaking suspicion that I might have more than just dyslexia. I've had a lot of behaviors and habits that didn't really fit the dyslexic narratives. Excessive stemming, forgetfulness, impatience, rapid and excessive thoughts,

just to name a few. I put off getting tested until I turned eighteen in September, where I could finally make my own doctor's appointments and pay for the sessions. By November, it was made official. I have ADHD. I got tested not only to get peace of mind knowing exactly what's wrong with me, but also to try out some medication for it. Since the start of twenty twenty six, I started taking Vivance, which was the first stimulant drug I've taken. Never heard of it, No, I'm just kidding

by Vance's awesome. Within the first week of taking it, it awoke this motivation within me to get back into the hobbies I used to enjoy, and even some that I got very hyper fixated on for a month and then dropped for added context. I am also have depression and anxiety, and because of this I was quick to be my harshest critic on anything I do. I used to love drawing. Anytime someone asked me what I do

for fun, my go to answer was always drawing. It was easy for me to get lost into the flow state. I loved seeing an idea come together where at the end I can look back and be happy with the result. But two or three years ago, my idea on art was kind of shifted into this needs to look perfect or else it's not worth finishing. I would often compare my skill level to others around me and on those

on social media. I started to hate drawing because I couldn't get it to look right, and anything I put out never looked anywhere near as good as what people around me would draw. Any time I tried to draw, my mind would start racing with these self deprecating thoughts, and anytime I hit a roadblock where I couldn't get something to look right, I'd give up, thinking I'm just not cut out for this and I will never be

good at it. Something that once brought me joy and peace turned into constant self deprecation and hating myself for my lack of talent. Since last year, I wanted to get back into drawing and learning to build my skills, but anytime I tried, the thoughts kept rushing back and I'd quickly lose motivation again, which then led to a lot of ADHD paralysis. I felt stuck. I wanted to enjoy something again and learn new skills, but usually ended

up doing nothing. Because of these overwhelming feelings of failure, ADHD paralysis quickly became my default. My day would consist of getting bored wanting to do something, but I can't bring myself to start. It felt like sandpaper screeping against my brain. But like I said earlier, since I started taking Vivance, I've almost completely lost this feeling and regained

the motivation to do stuff again. I swear on my life By the way, Sorry, this is me talking, but I sware in my life this is not just an advertisement for vivants, although I do love I mean, yeah, stimulants are great. There's more to this email. I'll read the rest of it, but yeah, I mean, stimulants are sick. I don't know. Don't listen, dude, I do a podcast. Don't fucking listen to what I have to say about medication. Talk to your doctor. It feels great getting excited to

try something new. I feel like a little kid in the sense that I'm excited to try something new. I've regained the desire and confidence to be creative again. I can see what the world is offering me and what I can offer the world. I feel fantastic. But there's a catch. It is true, by the way, this is exactly what vivance feels like. It makes you feel like optimistic about life and shit. Okay, but there is a catch, apparently. What is the catch? Imagine all the hobbies you've ever

had or still have. Imagine locking them all into a closet to be stored away for years. You randomly get bored and decide to open that closet door again and revisit some of these activities, but you're immediately bombarded with a bunch of options. That's how I feel right now. There's so much I want to do in so little time. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna skip the rest of this email except the very end where they go hail boognish that's a reference to the band Ween. And I'm

gonna say to this person, listen, just do just. You got like just you gotta a lot of these folks. I'm like, listen, you gotta get over yourself. You gotta get over yourself, my friend, Kurplunk, you gotta get over yourself, KerPlunk, You gotta get over yourself, Kurpplunk, Just get over yourself. Just do something, Do something, KerPlunk, Please just pick something, you know, and I I gotta get over myself too. We all gotta get over ourselves. Just pick something, please.

No like like running around being like should I do this or should I do this? Or should I do this or should I do this? Just like you're just you're stop stressing. You're stressing me out. Stop stressing. Stop sush, stop stop stressing yourself out. Kerk Plunk, it's okay. First of all, Kurplunk, I am extremely happy for you that you found vibance. I went through a crazy period of a lot of the stuff that you're talking about, and vibance is part of what helped me get out of

it as well. But like, just pick something, Kurplunk, and just do it. I don't have a good thing for you except the Nike. Just do it, so stop like artificially freaking yourself out and just pick something and do it. You're over complicating yourself and your life, you know, So all right, I'll read a little bit of the rest of the email. I know realistically I don't have to do all these things at once, but it feels overwhelming having to choose what I want to spend my time on.

Don't don't let it overwhelm you. How old are you? Do you have terminal cancer? You're in your twenties. I'm gonna assume you have plenty of time to do all the things you want to do. Maybe I die, but I don't know. Just do something. I don't know. That's my advice. Just do something, Kripplunk. I'm happy for you. I'm happy for you that you've gotten back your motivation to do stuff, but just stop psyching yourself out. I

know it's people are getting get mad at me. I know it's easier said than done, but this you guys gotta get over yourself and just pick something. Thank you for listening to the show. Kriplunk. Just do something, do anything, don't kill anyone, do one of your things. All right, let's read a few more. This is from Ariel subject line. I lived with my schizophrenic grandmother for over a year, hey gek in twenty twenty four. My schizophrenic, dementia riddled

grandmother mother lived with me and my family. Schizophrenia and dementia combined is a lethal combo, so she basically lived in her own separate reality. We constantly had music playing on a Google home to keep her occupied. She would dance for hours daily and talk directly into the speaker in an attempt to communicate with the musicians. Since she was a narcissist, she was convinced they all wanted to date her and were living next door to us. There were many times that I had to stop her from

trying to leave for a date with Neil Diamond. You'd think it would be easy to prevent a seventy pound eighty six year old woman with cataracts from escaping, but she was surprisingly cunning. Every day she would criticize me for walking around the house naked because she couldn't see that I was wearing clothes. She also accused my step brother of having sex with his dog, which I personally thought was very funny. He did not. I have a ton of stories about her I'd love to share. If

you're interested, I can call in some time. Sincerely, Ariel, thank you for sharing this, Ariel, I don't why not let her go out with Neil Diamond? Why not pretend? Why not? Shit? Man eighty six? You know what sucks? Is like, I just know that I'm not. I don't want to make fun of this woman because I got Oh my god, i I've got like not a crazy amount of years until I'm that woman. What I could be? I could be this woman. I could be that woman in fifty years. I mean I smoke weed every day.

It's I could I could be this woman in my forties if I keep up my lifestyle. Now, this is just how it ends for everyone, not everyone. I see. I see this ending for me, and I'm actually kind of soothed by this because if I just start, if I like schizophrenic and dementia, this woman is hallucinating slowly to death rights like, and that's I'm sure. I don't know what does that feel like? I really want to know if anyone knows, let me know, if anyone's like

as a doctor or something. I'm on an airplane and I'm like, does anyone here a doctor? I want to know what it feels like to go insane. I don't know.

Maybe it's not the worst way to go right, slowly losing your mind, because if I were like, like I saw a fucking a video of Dick van Dyck and he's one hundred years old and he's he's sharp, you know he's there, or like you see like Bernie Sanders, he's fucking eighty three eighty four, he's sharpest shit still very like cognisance, right, I feel like that'd be scary because if I'm really cognizant and I'm in my eighties, I'm like, shit, I don't have that much longer until

this is all over, right, I think I'd be I think I'd get two in my head and I'd be just like afraid of the oblivion that I'm about to enter. But if I'm eighty six and I'm just like, you know, my grandchildren have to physically stop me from trying to go out on a date with fucking Taylor Swift or whatever. I wish I had a funnier one than Taylor Swift. But no, if I'm rid of with the menshow who do I want to go out on a date with.

I can't think of anyone. If if my grandchildren to stop me from going out on a date with Lady Gaga, I think that that's good. That's how I'd like to die. I think that's how i'd like to go. So I'm glad that your grandmother is at least enjoying. I hope she's enjoying the reality that she's in. I mean, she's watching, uh, your stepbrother have sex with the dog. That's a little freaky. But you know, I wouldn't. I personally wouldn't mind at that age living in my own separate reality before dying,

I wouldn't want to. Let I think being that way for like six years would suck. But like, if I could spend the last year, I'd like to spend the last year like okay, eighty five years old. I say bye to my children, and then I press a button and then I get to do one year fully dement shut out, and then that's like kind of my transition into the afterlife. I would do that, but I don't know if I get to choose. Let's see, do we have time for one more? I think we have time

for at least one more? U, blue Bonnet, Hi, Gecko man, you can call me blue Bonnet. My friends ditched me on my birthday. I would like to first start this email by saying I love your podcast and I've been listening for a while now. I'm twenty three years old in Texas and I'm about to graduate college. I was going to tell you the story and how my feelings were hurt and how my mental health has deteriorated due to my friend group of ten plus years ditching me

on my birthday. But I just listened to your most recent podcast with the girl talking about her friendship breakup, and your advice inspired me to try to get over it. I don't need to surround myself with people that can't show up when I need them to. It still bothers me, but I think I have to let time tickets. Course, I will say writing down the story really helped me out. I hope you're doing well. Can't wait to see you in Austin. PS. I apologize for honey potting you about

the story. I don't think you know. I mean okay. First of all, congratulations, I fully believe. I mean dude, like, I'm a big motherfucking abundance mindset guy. That's what they call it, abundance mindset. I think you should go get some new friends, first of all. Second of all, that's not what honeypotting means. Honey Potting is when you like seduce someone sexually so that you can get government secrets from them. I don't think that's what you were doing.

Maybe if I read the email again, maybe if I read it backwards, maybe if I translated it to Portuguese and read it again, I'd get a different I'd get that vibe. But this email as it is, I'm not getting that vibe. That's what you're doing. No, I'm stoked. Yeah, don't live in the past, brother, you're fucking twenty three. Just fucking go make some new friends Texas, Austin. Go hang out at a bluegrass show and talk to people about blue grass. That was a bad specific suggestion, But

you know what I'm trying to say. All right, let's do one more. Should we do one more? Let's do one more. Let's see, Yeah, if I can find one more to read? Okay. Um. This is from Peter subject line nasty duality. Hey, Gecko, you can call me lizard. I hope you are doing all right and everything like that.

The problem is that I'm an average Joe. I have good friends, family, etc. I'm doing okay in life, but there's a little part of me that thinks it's all fake, like I'm pretending just to fit in with others like my friend's family. Normally I'm fine, but I feel like there would always be a part of myself that haunts the real me. I'm working on fixing it myself, but

I would appreciate any tips on improvement. I know I might sound corny, but to better explain the situation, just search the phrase a person has three faces on Google. A person has three faces? Uh oh okay. The concept of three faces is a Japanese proverb describing the different personas individuals adopt. It suggests the first face is shown to the world public polite, the second to friends and family, and the third is the true, hidden self, known only

to one's self. I actually, in many ways agree with this proverb. But I also in many ways, and I've talked about this a bunch on the show, but I'll reiterate it, I don't believe I believe that, Yeah, like that. Sure, maybe all of them are like different, but I don't believe in ranking different versions of yourself, uh, based on truth, you know, I don't. I really don't believe in that. Obviously,

there's like lots of different sides of yourself. There's sides of yourself that are brought out by situations and people and emotions, and you know, kind of like the one plus one equals three type of shit where it's like you and then some something external to yourself can create a new thing. You know. There's your thoughts, there's your feelings.

There's you when you're alone, there's you when you're in public, you with your mom, you with your friends, you with your girlfriend, you with your dog, you when you're reading a comment on Reddit. All these us, Yes, I understand, but I heavily, heavily, heavily am against ranking them on truth because at the end of the day, they're all you. They're all something that you did during the timeline of your existence on the earth, and they're all equally true.

You know, I don't believe in different versions of the self inherently needing to interact with the cut each other or contradict each other. I believe that they each kind of stand on their own particular ground. So I would I would stop trying to I would stop feeling like you're being haunted by this so called real version of yourself, and I would just accept that you are a complex, multi dimensional, unsolved human being as the humans as humanity

and consciousness and personality, and the brain remains unsolved. Okay, you're unsolved, You're complex, you're intangible, and so there is no real you. It's all just you. So instead of feeling as though there's some deep sense of contrast, uh, just embrace the unity of your existence in all parts. All right, I think we did it. I think we did a gakmail. What do you guys think? I think we did a gak mail. My name is Lyle. Thank

you guys for listening. If you want to send an email, send me an email at therapy geckomail at gmail dot com. And please, folks, please please, I am going on tour. I am going on tour to thirty cities, and I will say all of them right now. I hope you can't hear my stupid icemaker ice machine in the back. Okay. Go to therapy geckotour dot com or check the link in the episode description to see me and get tickets

at one of these cities. San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, Minneapolis, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Charlotte, Madison, Detroit, Bloomington, Chicago, Atlanta, Nashville, DC, Philly, New York, Boston, Toronto, Lansing, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Montreal, Vegas, Salt Lake City, Denver, Phoenix, Austin, New Orleans, and Anchorage, Alaska. Excited for that one. Thank you folks for listening. Please go to therapy geckotour dot com. Tell your friends, tell

your enemies. I'm gonna get out of here. Thank you guys very much for listening. It means a lot to me. That fuck man. Soon soon it'll be six years of doing this podcast. Can you guys believe it? Six motherfucking years, it's not yet, it's soon, but it's kind of amazing to me that we're still here, we're still doing this. So thank you guys for being on this journey with me and get bless you all. Talk to you guys again soon. Bye bye week and goes on the line

taking your phone calls every night. The beacon goes, do what to ride? You're just teaching you a loud in the memory of life. Money's not really an expert.