GECKMAIL:  “A GUY ON XBOX LIVE STOLE MY GF”

so if we add the number? Okay, all right, look, I gotta I got it right here. Okay, ninety four percent of all people who have ever lived are dead. This is from Google, which is uh, you know, is smart. Uh. And that means that for every one person alive today, there are fourteen people who are dead. Not saying that that one person killed those fourteen people, but just as a statistic, So, I mean, there's basically that means that there's a what's six to over ten? How do we okay,

what's one hundred divided by six? I'm trying to simplify this fraction. There's like a Okay, wait whatever, there's something like a one in sixteen chance that you're you're that you're alive, and you're alive. You're part of the six percent. You're part of the lucky six percent of folks that are that are still got some time. Ninety four percent of all people have no time, and they're dead forever. They're never coming back. If you die, if you were like a guy or a girl in the year seventeen

not even seventeen hundred. Let's go back further, if you were a guy or a girl in the year thirteen hundred, if you were a guy and the girl a million years ago. I don't know when humans came into being, but whatever, some people they died like three thousand years ago and that was it. And we ain't heard a sound from those people in three thousand years. And I wouldn't hold out a hope because the people that died three thousand years ago, they're not coming back. They were alive.

The amount of time that they were alive compared to the amount of time that they'll be dead is so minischool. And in this very moment that you're listening to this fucking podcast, you're part of the you're living the tiny little speck of existence that you're ever gonna live, and then you're gonna be dead forever. And I don't know that's cool. Welcome to gek mail. My name is Lyle, and I'm gonna read male from people who have emailed me. I cannot read male from people who have not emailed

me because there's no male to read. So let's do this and then and we also exist at the same time as one another, which is kind of insane when you think about it. We're the six percent. We're all the six percent. We're all the six percent. All right, how do they know that? Demo demographers estimate that around one hundred and seventeen billion people have ever lived on Earth.

This number is calculated by making assumptions about population size throughout history and applying birth rates to each pyramid period. That's fucking stupid. All right, let's keep going. Let's or I guess let's start all right. This is from Louis subject line horn a controversial opinion. All right, Hello, I would like to remain anonymous. Please, I'm writing to you hoping that you can give me a second opinion on this matter that has been weighing heavily on my relationship

with my boyfriend lately. I am especially curious about your opinion, as you are a man and have openly said on the show that you do indulge in watching porn as well. I really got to remember that people actually listen to this podcast, so that when I say things people can hear them. I gotta, I gotta keep that in mind. But I mean, yeah, I watch I watch porn. Sure, I'm trying to watch it less I'm trying to watch

I don't. I actively. It's kind of like how people will hit me up and be like, hey, I want your opinion on this weed thing, because you smoke weed every day, and I'm like, look, I have I do these things, but I don't like it, and the perfect version of my life.

to it, would that be considered cheating? Why is it different because it's a video. What if a woman sent him a video of herself and he used this to get off would that be considered okay because it is a video and quote not real. Secondly, he asked me, well, wouldn't you rather me watch porn than cheat on you? That's a stupid thing to say. This was a huge issue for me. This makes me feel like I am being given an ultimatum. Let my boyfriend jack off to

other women or get cheated on. Cool. I've surfed read it quite a bit on the topic, just to get some outside opinion, and a lot of men have this standpoint. Why should women have to fear being cheated on because they do not feel comfortable allowing their significant other to watch porn? Lastly, and most importantly, porn desensitizes the brain.

There are all caps many studies on this. If you are allowing yourself to look at other women lustfully and satisfy your sexual needs, where is the line the intimacy of sex is lost? Before I get a bunch of hate for being insecure or possessive. Let me just say that everyone has their own boundaries and preferences, and this is just my own. I do not feel comfortable with it.

I love my boyfriend, but if it continues to be an issue, I have no problem breaking off the relationship and finding someone who has similar morals and will respect my boundaries. I could go on and on here, but I am really trying to keep this short and sweet. Thanks in advance to really enjoy the show. Much love. Okay, first of all, look, I mean look, I mean, look, you don't even tell you this because you said it yourself.

rather watch? Would you rather be? Watch porn? Or cheat on you? It's kind of stupid, like those are the two options. But I mean, look, man, it's pretty easy. It's like, look, if you don't like your boyfriend watching porn, and your boyfriend don't watch stop, want to stop watching porn? Fucking go go go go find a go to Utah. All right, find a nice Mormon gentleman, and uh, you know, tell him that if he watches porn, God will strike him down and use that fear to uh you know,

get him to do what you want. No, uh yeah, yeah, uh, find find a nice uh Mormon gentleman, and uh you know, you guys, go be happy together and and don't watch porn and live your life. Yeah, okay, let's keep going. Oh look at this. I love this one. This is from Emily. Subject line how do I Stop being annoying? What a great subject line for an email. Hello GEK, my name is Emily. I recently have become very self away,

and it's become a curse and a blessing. Although I feel like I've become a better person because of it, I also feel like I'm so aware of how much I talk that I'm spiraling, that I have been that one annoying person my whole life, and I don't know how to control it. My nearest resolution was to talk less, but so far I have failed. I'm conflicted with the fact that I should not have to change who I am.

I recently spent two hours ranting to my parents about my job, and afterwards I felt this immense sense of guilt because I feel like I annoyed them the whole time. Just looking for thought, Thanks gek, Emily. Wow, what a great email. What a great email. I want to take a second to collect my thoughts on this. First of all, I just I really believe this. I believe this in my soul, deeply. I really believe this. I'm gonna say this listen. First of all, being annoying is not that bad.

I just want you to know, Emily, even if you are, and I'm not gonna I don't know you. I don't know if you're annoying or not. Even if you're annoying, it's not that bad. Like I swear on my life, you know what. I know that, like, being annoying is not commonly seen as a actively positive trait. But uh, it's it's not that bad. Being annoying and kind of sucking and like being irritating is not that bad. You could be There's way worse things you could be than annoying.

You could be fucking uh, you could be uh nasty, you can be mean, you can be cold, you can be harsh, you can be so many other things besides just annoying. So just first of all, being annoying to me is it's a neutral thing. It's not actively bad. Okay. The second thing is, so, uh you're try I think there's something there's it's you're bringing up a very interesting conflict that a lot of people, myself included have, which

are okay, Uh, convention, I don't know. Modern wisdom says to be yourself Jesus, just unabashedly be yourself, be who you are, and you'll attract the right people. And you'll the people that you turn away will it doesn't matter because they weren't the right fit for your life anyway. That's what modern wisdom tells you and I and.

will improve my life being less annoying. Therefore, I am going to make a conscious effort to be less annoying. I think that's fair. I think there's a lot I think like accepting yourself and trying to change yourself. There's a yin and yang to it. And I wouldn't I don't want to blind I wouldn't blindly follow either the conventional wisdom of be yourself versus step in line. You got to find a nice little in between, right, But this is this email. This is from a person who's

decided that they're annoying and wants to change. And I'm well, okay, I know you're conflicted that you should not have to change. Uh sorry, I don't know if you said that you well, actually know I'm lying you. Okay, your new year's resolution, it says here, my new year's resolution was to talk less. Okay, So you made an active effort to be less annoying, which I respect. I respect. I think I think it's good to yeah, work on yourself here, but but just

with like with like talking too much. I mean, look, Emily, here's the talk as much as you want. But I think if you're having a conversation with somebody, you want to be to some degree, you want to be conscious of them to some degree of course, and uh, you know, just make sure you're in your conversations you're having a give and take, you know that, because nobody, I guess nobody wants to be like talked at in their interactions.

They want a little bit of like like, go ahead and rant for an hour, but then after that you're done, be like but what you know, how was your day. What's going on with you? You are right? Was everything? Okay? A really beautiful relationship is two people each taking turns ranting at each other for two hours. So you know, don't feel don't don't don't feel guilty, don't feel shamed about being annoying. It's I swear on my life. There's so much worse things you could be than be annoying.

But yeah, I don't. I don't know. I that was my That was more of an analysis than it was advice, which is good because I like analysises are Okay, you said I'm looking for thought. That's great. I feel like I didn't give Okay, you didn't say you're looking for advice. You said you were looking for thought, and I feel like I gave that. Okay, Now I'm being a little annoying, which, by the way, as I've established, is fine. Let's keep going, all right. This is from Marcella subject line working at

best Buy a free experience. Hi, Lyle, I feel like I need to get this story off my chest. I worked at best Buy for two years twenty twenty one to twenty twenty three. I started as seasonal and then became a full time Verizon rep. I started noticing odd things around the building. One morning, I walk in and my manager is giving someone else a BackRub, not realizing I was in there. Flash forward a few months later,

a new guy starts up front. He seems normal until he drops his phone on the floor and I go to pick it up and his lock screen is presumably him and his friends at a furry convention. So what off? All right? Hold on? Kind of fuck this person who wrote this email? All right, hold on, hold on. I cannot hold this news in any longer. And I go to tell my other coworkers, and dude, okay, hold on. The person who wrote this email bothers the shit out of me, okay, because you're being a little bit of

a prick. And here's the thing. Okay, so what all right? So you saw your friend by the way, here's the thing. I just I'm not.

animal costume. I am undeniably that I don't think that that makes me a furry, but I do think and endows me with the responsibility to defend furries because I, like I said, I am, I am a man who dresses up regularly in a in an animal costume. So I'm gonna I'm gonna go on a limb. I'm gonna defend this man, and I'm gonna say that I think it was I think it's a little fucked up that you saw that this guy was having a good time with his homies at the at the at the dress

up like a wolf and fuck each other party. Sounds like either having a good time and you're out you're out here trying to tell Also, you're like telling your other coworkers like it's a secret. It's on his fucking phone anyway, all right, I cannot hold this news in any longer, and I go to tell my other coworkers and find out in fact that I am the outlier

the whole time. Fifty percent, not exaggerating of the staff was in the furry community, and thirty percent she wrote this in all caps participated in sexual activities with one another. Sounds awesome. I nearly quit, but a last I stayed employed at the best Buy. You know what, I fucking dude, fuck the person who wrote this email. Okay, you okay, this guy. These people they work at best Buy all day, like most of their life is just getting screamed at

by the insane people who are still shopping. I get the only people who are still going in person to buy stuff at best Buy are like old insane people. And these motherfuckers, Okay, they're working retail at the best Buy. They're getting yelled at every day. Their lives are are sucking. And you know what, the you know, the one thing that makes them happy, Marcella. You know the one thing that makes them happy is wearing a horse costume and getting fucked in the ass. And I think that's awesome.

I think that's beautiful. I'll let them have it, Marcella. What are you doing here? Why? Why is this such a big deal? All right? Hold on, I nearly quit. Last, I stayed employed at the best Buy. A furry scuffle broke out in the warehouse one day when one of the alpha furres okay, now you're getting sucked into it too.

When one of the alpha furres, who was in a thrupple with a guy and a girl also working at best Buy had found out that, in fact, he was just getting cheated on the whole time, he ran out of the store, into the parking lot and moved to Texas. In three days, they had to pull employees from other stores because almost half of our staff went out of town all caps for the Furry Convention. I I okay, hold on, hold on, holo, I have a new thing. By the way, hold on. I sorry. I drank a

lot of coffee before I started recording this. I'm gonna calm down for a second. I want to apologize, okay, the person who wrote this email, Marcella. I want to apologize to Marcella. I want to apologize to Marcella. I said, I said fuck them, I said some choice things about them. I want to apologize because as I'm getting deeper into this email, I'm coming up with a new theory. I'm coming up with a new theory, and the theory that

I'm coming up with is making me sad. My theory is that the person who wrote this email is secretly, unconsciously really upset that she was not invited to go to the Furry Convention. I genuinely believe that because look, this person. They also they worked at best Buy and they worked at Verizon, and they I don't know if they have a lot of friends. I don't know if

they're up. So I just I just like, I think they're seeing their coworkers having so much fun having sex with each other in dog costumes, and they kind of wish that they had something like that, and they don't, and so they are just upset and they're they're taking it out in this email. And so Marcella, listen, I just want you to know, like you can look, find your own version of a free convention. Go do Go.

I don't know, I don't know who you are. I don't know anything about you, but uh, I don't know. Go find something to do instead of getting pissed off at other people. All right, Okay? Then then she wrote that's all I have to share. Do not go into best Buy. I'm not kidding. It is a cult. Do not get sucked in. Oh I'm going to best Buy and I'm getting sucked in. Baby, if you know what I mean. All right, that was gross, Let's keep going. Uh, all right? This is from Shay random fat. They wrote,

don't read my email on stream. I kind of want to read it. And why would you send me an email and tell me not to read it on stream? Why would you send me I kind of want to read this on stream, just despite this person. Why would they send me an email to not read it on stream? All right? Anyway? Sorry, I don't know why. I'm sorry. I think when I think, when I drink too much coffee, I just go off the rails so little too much? All right. This is from an Oscar subject line I'm

obsessed with my ex. Hello, mister lyle Chan, my name is Oscar. I've texted my ex again after six months of getting over her lately missing her quite often, and decided to come up with a master plan to make us fall in love again. Okay, all right, okay, even though she's talking and falling in love with someone else. Oh okay, all right. Ah, Jesus christis is gonna make

me really sad. I had to talk with her about us getting together again, reminding her how we promised each other that in the end when we're older, we will get back together. When we broke it off back then, those months ago, she agreed how we can get together only if things don't work out with them together. She agreed, Okay, okay, I'm trying to this person has a little some grammatical errors in this email, but I'm gonna try to interpret

them and translate it. She agreed that we can get back together only if things don't work out with her and the guy that she's talking to. Now for me to decide and rather be alone and work on myself, dying waiting for her, missing every moment, clinging to her, still patiently waiting for her to be complete with this guy. Also, we agreed to have sex too, while they are trying to get together and still in the talking stage, pose planning to make the sex to benefit to make her

love me and gain feelings back. Okay, this person called me is this person is this person Japanese? Because if oh, well, okay ask her. Okay, I'm just trying to figure out if English is this person's first language or nots because they called me lyle chan uh okay okay, no, by the way, hold on by, I just I just hold on. I just want to Okay, I was making I was not making fun of but I was. I was. I think I made a rude comment about this person's grammatical errors.

Did not realize that they were not a native English speaker. I apologize for that. Okay. If you're not a native English speaker, please keep emailing me. I promise I will not make funny your English. I genuinely apologize about that. Okay. Planning to make the sex to benefit her, love me and gain feelings back, plus more on that of other ideas about not just about it being sex. Anyways, I have a massive plan written out on my iPhone notes

on how to get her back and sabotage him. Is this a pure obsession of boredom or some super evil mastermind plan? Okay, holy shit, Oscar, uh ah, Jesus christ Man, this is this. This is a phone call, Oscar. This is this is an Oscar. Oscar, Let's talk on the phone. I will. I will talk on the phone with you, Oscar. I will. I don't I don't know where you're originally from, but I will front the money, uh for the long distance call for this so that we can talk. So

I I don't know. Send me another email with your phone number and we can we got to talk about this because you need I don't. By the way, hold on, it shouldn't be me, it should be a therapist. But you need to be talked off the ledge, I think, because this is this is insane. I like, I'm also kind of curious because like if you also, I'm like very curious how old you are, because if you're like nineteen, I kind of I understand this email a little bit more.

But if you're like thirty seven, would you or you or if you're like thirty seven, you might be I don't, I don't. I don't know, Oscar, I don't know. I'm I'm god, I'm on so much coffee right now. I'm do you have other people in your life who you've talked to about this? Because you need to be talked off the ledge like a pronto, because this is this is wild. If if this is true, Yeah, this is wild. If this is true, you gotta yeah, you you you don't. You don't want to be like I don't know, this

is yeah, this is kind of wild, Oscar. You don't want to be doing any of this. This is gonna kill you, Oscar. I don't. Yeah, send me, send me, send me your phone number, and we can well, I want to this is a phone call. This is I can't. I don't know. I I don't think I can respond today. This is because here's the thing. I could sit here and I could respond to this email. But I'm just gonna say the same things that everyone's already thinking. But like I need, I gotta know what's going on in

your life with this one. Oh, okay, you sent me your Okay, all right, Oscar sent all right, Oscar sent me their phone numbers. Should I call hold on? Should I call this person? Okay, I'm gonna call this person, but just okay, I'm gonna call this person. But just so that everyone knows, I just want to let everyone know, Uh, this is like a this is a rare thing. So don't if you're if you send an email into this show, don't include your phone number because I don't. I don't.

I'm not gonna normally do this. I just just in this this someone in the chat just wrote this sets a standard going forward, and I just want everyone to know that it apps absolutely does not. I just personally, in this moment, really want to talk to this guy. So I'm gonna call him, but normally I would normally normally, I I do this email segment because I don't feel like because I want to take a break from phone calls and I want to just like kinda read the emails,

but just for some for just right now. So the oscars email kind of spoke to me, and I want to talk to him. So I'm gonna try to call him. All right, let's see if he answers. Give me one sec. Hello, yo, Oscar, what's up? How you doing it?

I guess too. I don't know, I would say, just I just really texted and just like at that moment, I just I was like, fuck, I missed it and all that, but like, you know, it was just yeah, I don't know. It's like, yeah, I'm just I'm just saying.

up and you're like what and it just freaks me out. It freaks myself out, and honestly, okay, yeah, well.

I'm like eight years older than you, and I'm I'm still I'm over here like trying to remember that life has abundant, infinite possibilities, you know what I mean. So I just you know, I hope, dear Christ, that you stop having such a scarcity mindset about your life and realize that the world is abundantly full of life, experience and and cool people for you to meet. Okay, I just I hope, I I hope, I hope you recognize that. Now.

I'm I I wish you well, Oscar. I'm gonna get back to I feel disgusted that I just gave you a motivational speech. I'm trying to lay off the motivational speeches, but I wish I wish you good luck, Oscar.

would like. I think if anyone ever took what I just said and like put like black and white video of a guy running and then like sad music underneath it, I I think I would commit suppuku. What's that? What is it called suppuku? Am I saying that? Right? Soupucu? Yeah? Yeah, that's what I would do if someone did that. All right? Someone said, uh, okay, what someone said? What draws the line between a speech and just talking? That was a speech?

Someone said sudoku. No, I'm not trying to say sudoku. Okay, anyway, let's keep going. Let's keep doing it. I'm never doing that again. By the way, I not there's another thing to do with Oscar, but I'm never doing that again. So don't include your phone number in these emails. Okay, Let's keep going. Um who I like this? All right? This is from Joni, subject line, I got chased by

a bear. Hey gek. I got chased by a black bear in the summer, and now every time I walk the route where I was chased, I relive each terrifying step I took as I ran away. I live in constant fear while walking slash running that a black bear will jump out of the bush and eat me. I got lucky that my sister heard me screaming bloody murder. Otherwise the bear probably would have mauled me. I may or may not have pissed my pants in fear. Anyway, I would still choose a bear over a man any day.

You should. I have a movie that you should watch, Joni. You should. Have you ever seen The Revenant? Have you ever seen The Revenant?

and it's like a half serious argument. But I think acting is really really easy. I think that, Like I think becoming an actor extremely hard. Like I think because like be like Leo, Okay, all right, I'm gonna like really start some shit right now, because like getting to the point leone Leonardo DiCaprio is at like in his career extremely difficult. Becoming an actor one of the hardest things you could do. But like actually like doing the acting extremely easy, at least for like film and TV.

I think for like like if like being like a theater actress or actor is difficult, but like I kind of I was kind of watching that scene of Leonardo DiCaprio getting mauled by a bear and The Revenant, and I was the whole time, I was kind of thinking, I think I could do this. We got an argument and he was like, no, you couldn't. You like he's a well trained actor, and it's like, I really think

I could. Then we put on Lincoln and uh he we like would watch Lincoln like all like a scene from YouTube, and I would like try to reenact it. I'm like, I kind of think I could do Lincoln. I kind of not. I mean, yeah, I kind of think I could be a better actor than Daniel da Lewis. Like, I think I can do it. I don't like, I just and whatever. I'm willing to be proven wrong, but like,

I think it's really easy. And you should watch The Revenant and maybe if I get the budget, I'll remake The Revenant with me, just to prove that I also could do that. All right, just keep going, Okay, what's the chat? I have to say? The chat says it looks easier than it is. I did acting for a year. You were, I don't know, you were probably bad at it.

All Right, This is from be subject line fumbly to fumble ur hey gek. I'm in a predicament. I'm usually being chronically fumbled, but recently I believe I have become the fumbler, and I think I have made a grave mistake. Okay, when you say I've been being chronically fumbled, that means like guys are trying to like court you and failing. Is that what that means? I'm still friends with the boy I fumbled, and I fear I may now have

feelings for him. I told him after three dates we shouldn't pursue a relationship, but I found myself missing him. I think I've made a mistake. I told him that right now I would like to get to know each other as friends. I think I was overwhelmed and scared, turning into the very person I despise. I don't know what my next move should be. We are trying to hang out again sometimes sometime soon. Thank you for your time,

lyle uh oh god, I don't really know. I mean, I guess hang out with the guy again, and if you like him, then keep hanging out with him. Should I? I don't know. If I don't think I have anything more to say than that, I think if you like this guy, then keep hanging out with him. That's it. That's all I have to say about this email. Let's keep going, all right? This from Stacy, subject line I want a lot of boyfriends, and then in all caps,

they wrote plzzzzz, hey GEK. I need to stay as anonymous as possible, so you can call me whatever comes to mind. I'm twenty four female. I'm emailing you to admit a deep desire slash fantasy that I have. I want to have like three boyfriends, but not like three separate relationships with them. I want all of us to mutually be in love and share it within each other and cuddle together like a bunch of kittens and do group activities and travel places and stick together. Yeah it

sounds great that I know. I know. Listen, here's the thing. Plenty of people have used their first and last names to admit much more embarrassing desires. I think wanting three because everyone, I think not everyone, but like you know, I think love is a commonly desired thing, So who the fuck wouldn't want to have three boyfriends. The ideal setup would be just me and three other men that are a bit submissive and need me to care for

them in way. Okay, you want like three, you want like pets, you want you want to be like a cat lady, but you can fuck the cats. Is kind of what I'm getting from this. I know I'll probably never get this in my real life, but I think about it a lot. I had a dream a night ago where I was walking walking up to a beautiful

house after work and realized it was my house. When I walked in, there was three guys waiting for me, and we shared a group hug and all cuddled on the couch and watched a show and it was just perfection. Let me know if you have any thoughts, comments, or concerns. I need to know if I'm weird or something for having these desires. Love you gek No, I don't, By the way, I just want you to know, Like, listen, here's the thing. I forget what fake name I gave you, Stacy.

Here's the thing's Stacy. If I just I really genuinely, I don't know you, and I don't know who you are and what steps maybe you've taken to fulfill this fantasy. But I kin't the thing what you're describing sounds doable. You want a polyocule. You want to create a pollocule where you have three men who are financially dependent upon you. It sounds and need you to like feed them and take care of them. You could easily find this. You

could easily find this. I don't. I don't know what kind of uh you know, money you're pulling in right now, right, I don't know if.

I just that's all I want you to know, is uh if if I'm the first person to tell you that this isn't that Not only is this not crazy, I actually think it's achievable, and I hope you find it because I think I think this sounds like a you know, this is a Craigslist dad that that can easily be achieved for you. I think someone in the chat said, I don't think the economy should play into this. The economy absolutely plays into this. This is this is a this is a woman who wants like three live

in boyfriends who she takes care of. And you know, look in this economy, that's that's that's expensive. In this economy, that's expensive. Uh. Yeah. A bunch of people, just a bunch of people in this in the twitch chat are saying that this is normal. Well not that it's normal, but it's you know, that is doable anyway. Oh, this one I want to read. Okay, all right, this is from m K subject line, pig jizz is my job,

Dear therapy Gecko. I never thought I'd grow up to be the person who intercepts pig penises for a living, But here we are. My job collecting pig jizz. Why because someone has to ensure the future generation of pigs is brought into this world via the magic of artificial insemination. It's like match dot Com for pigs, except I'm the unlucky third wheel picture this. I love the way this

By the way, I just I know I so. I know a lot of the times I rag on people's grammar in emails, But whoever wrote this like, I'm having so much fun reading this. The way this person writes is beautiful. I just got to give them props for that picture this. I work in a setup that looks suspiciously like the pit at an oil change place, except instead of cars, I'm dealing with six hundred to one

thousand pound bores. Jesus, these behemoths have to mount a device we lovingly refer to as the dummy, and as soon as they're ready for action, I swoop in. Now here's where it gets wild. These bores sometimes sport equipment that would make a garden hose jealous. We're talking up to two feet long. My job is to gently guide said horse said pigcock They didn't write pigcock, but into a collection up and then let nature take its course.

Once the deed is done, I analyze the sample under a microscope to check for fertility rates, because even in the pig world, quality control is important. You're messing with hog hoog. Thankfully, this only takes up about two hours of my day. Okay, oh you said, Okay, the rest of the time I get to do more traditional farm work. Okay, I thought this person four hour worked weeked themselves with pigges.

I thought this person was doing they I thought they were like New Rich you know, I'm taking my time back and just you know, I'm starting a piggez business that starts two hours a day. I thought they were doing that kind of vibe. But the rest of the time, I get to do more traditional farm work like fixing equipment, feeding animals, and questioning my life choices. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure you have a lot of time to do that.

I thought this might bring a smile to your face or at least make you reconsider any career moves involving livestock. If this story makes it onto the podcast, I hope it provides your listeners with a mix of laughter, awe, and a touch of secondhand discomfort. That's the end of the email. I've never I this is one of my favorite people I think I've interacted with doing this show. Even though we didn't talk on the phone, and even though they didn't even give me their name, I just

I love the way this person writes. I love the pride they take in their job and the poetry they use to describe it. There's a beauty. Whoever, I don't know who wrote this email, but whoever. And then and then at the end they're like, I really hope my Pigges story gave you a mix of laughter, awe, and a touch of secondhand discomfort. This is a beautiful person who wrote this email. You know what, There's an Abraham

Lincoln quote. Ah, this is Oh, this is a good chance for me to prove that I'm a better actor than Daniel d Lewis. There's an Abraham Lincoln quote. It goes like this, whatever you are, be a good one. Ah, that was bad one, Charlie. Whatever you are, be a good one. He had like a he had a kind of a crappy voice. All right, whatever, fuck Daniel Lewis. All right, whatever you are being good on This person

is a great Pigges Pigjacker offer. They take pride in it, they describe it with such passion and beauty, and they make me, they make me feel joyful for the future of our country. All right, let's see here. Okay, okay, all right. This is kind of a longer email than I would usually like to read, but the subject line is just calling me, so I'm gonna read it anyway, and we're gonna read. I'm gonna try, right, I'm gonna try to read the I'm gonna take us through this

entire email. Again. This is longer. Usually I try not to read ones that are longer than two barographs, but this one is I'm feeling good about reading the whole thing. Okay, uh, this is from Reggie. Subject line someone I met on Xbox stole my girlfriend of four years, hey gek. In the early COVID days, I reconnected with one of my best childhood friends over Xbox and we just chat and

play games from time to time. I now live on the opposite end of the world from where I grew up, so it was really nice to reconnect with an old friend like that. At some stage, one of his friends from university started joining us in our Xbox parties, and it was great. The three of us got on really well, and we're hanging out on Xbox together fairly frequently. This continued for probably the better part of two years, and it often be times we're be just me and this

other guy I was introduced to. We became mates. It was nice. One day, this guy said he was coming on a holiday to the country I live in, and because we'd known each other for a few years at this point, I said he should fly down to my city. I'll take a long weekend off work and he can stay in my house. That's exactly what he did, and truth be told, it was great. We got along well. We had a very busy weekend, doing as much as possible, and we even threw a house party at our place.

The long weekend comes and goes, and he flies back to the city he was holidaying in, and then shortly after flies back to the other side of the world. Maybe two weeks after he'd left, my ex came to me visibly upset and saying she didn't think things were going to work between us. She then told me that she had developed feelings for the guy that came to stay with us for four days. Fucking the hell, Oh

my god, that is brutal Jesus. There were honestly no signs of this when he was with us, and except for maybe one brief two hour period in the busy weekend where I just wanted to watch some TV for a bit, and the two of them were downstairs chatting. There were a couple of times where I had noticed they'd start speaking in very hushed tones. Oh God, but I honestly thought nothing of it. I'd later find out from mutual friends that apparently this was some sort of

magical conversation between them. After a week or so of back and forth figuring out if the relationship was salvagable, we confirmed that the relationship was over. Within three months of the relationship ending, I found out from another mutual friend that this guy had packed up his entire life and moved over to this side of the world to live with my ex in her mom's house. This guy had never had a girlfriend before, and then he moved

across the entire world for his first ever girlfriend. He never gave me any sort of explanation when I asked him for one at the time of the breakup. Blocked both me and my childhood friend from all of social media, and to this day continues to live my old life with my ex, raising the dog that I got her, and at times it feels like someone has stolen my

old skin. Ultimately, it was a blessing in disguise, though I'm a lot happier now than I'm out of that relationship and can see that her and I weren't meant to be together. Love you and see you the next time you come to my city. From Reggie. Oscar, are you listen, Oscar? Did you hear all of this? Oscar? I need to forward this email to Oscar? Because because because this guy, Because Oscar just like he broke up

with his girlfriend and she started seeing someone new. But this fucking guy, this fucking guy, Reggie is one of these I fucking hear stories from people doing this show that just really reinforced to me the idea that so much of life is about perspective, and it gives me hope in my own life, because, uh, you know, I try to fucking be, you know, a smart and have good perspective of things, but my judgment, you know, I

just get. I'm a human. I get we all just get clouded, and we all just get frustrated and angry and pissed off, and it's sad and depressed. And here's this fucking story of a miserably depressing thing happening to this guy. It's funny, don't get me wrong. It's very funny, but it's miserable. This is sad. You know, it's harsh, it's tough, and motherfucker ends the email with it was a blessing in disguise, And I'm a lot happier now

and I realized that we were. It's just I don't know, I just I really like this dude's This guy's gonna live a good life for the rest of the guy who wrote this email, he just had a terrifying bad thing happened to him, and he's happier. He's just this guy's gonna live a good life no matter what. So Oscar, who I talked to earlier, read this guy's fucking email or or listen to me say it. I guess I don't know, but you know, how do I want to hook I want to hook this guy up with Oscar?

Where's Where's where's this guy at? Where's Oscar? Listen this Oscar? You you this guy should be your fucking h I know, I know you said you're not Japanese, but this guy should be your SEMPI Reggie, he I think, I think, I think he has a lot of life advice that he could give you all right, Damn, that was quite Uh, that was quite a story, someone in the chat says. Someone in the chat said, that was a real crash out moment. It was right, it was I was. I mean,

that's like a horror fucking thing. That sounds horrible, and this guy's fucking takes it in stride. It's pretty impressive. Although it's pretty impressive, although FIFA is never going to be the same for him no matter what. All Right, this is from Delina. Life advice, don't ever move I wonder if the person. I wonder if that guy was a higher prestige than he was in call of duty and maybe that's why I'm maybe that's why his girl was into him. Okay, No, we're on the next email now.

Life advice, don't ever move in with a possible neuro divergent friend together. Okay, I'll entertain this, Hey, Lyle, you can call me Dealina. My friend and I moved in last year, and it's been a nightmare for me because I got to know her better. Once you live together, you see the person from a whole different light. I figure she is too clinging, and I despair about it. It is hard for me to stand my ground and form boundaries. I am a people pleaser. She expects me

to do everything together with her. We work nine to five and then go to the gym together, do grocery shopping together, cook together, eat together. A month ago, I told her that I want more privacy and live more on my own without her being constantly around me. She then cried and had a breakdown, saying that not doing everything all the time together is the equivalent of not being friends. She also can't do anything on her own.

I feel like a caretaker. For example, just because I ironed her clothes one day as a sign of appreciation, she kept asking me when I'll iron her clothes again. Now that she adapts to not being around me all the time and being mothered by me all the time, she still finds new ways to sneak herself into my life by asking what are we doing on the weekend, what are we cooking on the weekend, and so on. The good thing is I learned about saying no, but

it's very very hard for me. I fear she might be neuro divergent because she has trouble communicating, which makes it hard for her to find friends. She can't read social caire use. For example, when I was so over stimulated by her being around me, I ran into my room and cried because my brain was so fried. I am an introvert, so being around people drains my energy. She then came and knocked on my door to ask

me when we're cooking dinner together again. I don't know if I should talk about it with her and how I should tell her that me and other friends think she might be on the spectrum. I can imagine it could come off as effective. Okay, let's okay. I want to hold I want to separate two things here because like I just okay, I like look, I want to be uh, I want to be I want to be fair here. I want to be fair here about something. Look,

not everyone is neurodiversient. Some people are just are just a little clinging and annoying, you know what I mean. I don't, I don't we Look, I don't think it's fair to pin this on all neuro divergent people. I just thrown that out there. I don't think it's fair to to pin this on all neurodivergent people. Okay, just throwing that out there. We're gonna put that aside, Okay, and then we're just gonna go directly into your specific

thing happening. First of all, your problem is not whether or not to tell this person that you think they're autistic. That's not your problem. That's not the issue here. I mean that, fuck, dude, I look, yes, this person sounds like they're very annoying and have no boundaries. Absolutely, what do you do? Fucking I think you gotta leave. I think you gotta get out of there. I don't know how, though, I mean, do you have like a what's the least

situation going on here? What's the what's uh, what's the least thing? You know? I mean, you just move out if you can sublet it. Although it's although, although although it's funny. You know what's funny? Is anyone anytime you like sublet to deal with roommate issues. It's like it's like trying to It's like it's like having cancer and the only way to get rid of it is to give it to someone else. That's mean, I don't want

to refer to this person as cancer. That's mean I don't want to do that, but I guess I already did. I don't know. Maybe this that's the thing I really, I'm so optimistic because i'd like to believe that this girl, uhh who like is having a hard time like setting boundaries.

I'd like to believe that there's some like like like like I'm thinking of this I'm thinking of this girl as like a puzzle piece, and she's like kind of a fucked up puzzle piece, and she's just got to find another fucked up looking puzzle piece that somehow magically perfectly fit it's into all the little curves and edges of her fucked up puzzle piece. I'd like to believe that the world works that way. I really would so hopefully.

I don't know. Maybe this person define somebody else to live this kind of a life with, who enjoys it, who maybe is equally uh, I don't know, I I I equally off. Maybe I don't know. I don't know. But no, I don't think that you and your other friends should tell this person that that they're on the spectrum. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think you're particularly you know, I don't think that's a good idea. But uh yeah, I mean, I don't know, try to

get out of there. I don't know. What the least situation looks like. But all right, do do uh Okay, I'm gonna read one more. I'm gonna read one more and then I gotta get out of here. I'm gonna read one more. Let's see okay, uh oh okay, this part this is from a guy named Steven. And sometimes on Gmail you can have a little profile picture, and this guy's profile picture is Pablo from The Backyardigans with the little hat. It's really cute subject line. I had

surgery on my penis. Howdy call me Stephen. Recently, there's been a trend on the podcast of people talking about horrible things happening to their penis. I would like to contribute to make half of the audience uncomfortable. You know what's funny is I was at a table of people.

I was like, I was. I was at a table of folks and the recently and it was it was me, uh, three three guys and one lady, and I was talking about like, I was talking about the podcast, and they were like, what's one of the craziest things you've heard on the podcast? Like that's something people ask me a lot, and I don't know. I don't have like a go

to story when people ask me that. But it was just after the most It was like just after I recorded the most recent episode, and I told them the story about the lady shoving tic TACs into a guy's pee hole and crunching on them, and all the men to the table like like shrieked, and the one lady was like, I'm confused. I don't know why that would hurt. But I don't know. I don't know if that's I guess. Okay, I would like to contribute to make half the audience uncomfortable.

I have three older brothers and we all had the same biological issue. The whole of the penis was too small, so when we peed, it sprayed all over. Think of covering a running hose. Think of covering half a running hose with your thumb. Okay, that makes sense. All of my brothers got a surgery where they increased the size of the hole with an incision. This happened when they were all young, around two to three, but I got the surgery at twelve since I was much more conscious

about what the procedure entailed. I had horrible dread the months leading up to the surgery. That sounds awful. The dread was actually much much worse than the procedure, But I still have to live with a vivid memory of an older doctor rubbing ointment on my penis as uncle Grandpa was on the hospital's TV, was on the hospital rooms TV. The weeks after were hell and I'll spare the details, but now I have an amazing powerful stream. And that, folks, was gak mail. That was gak mail.

I don't know. Do I have anything else to say about this? No, I think that email speaks for itself. That was gak mail. Folks. Uh, thank you all for being here? Anything else? Do I have anything else? Oh? I'm doing a fucking I live I'm I believe I'm I'm in Tokyo right now, and I'm doing a live show here in Tokyo, Japan. I am doing a live show here in Tokyo, Japan. I don't have a fucking I I. We're switching around the date as I recording

this right now. I don't have a date, but it'll be like the last week of February or some shit I want. I want to plug it in this podcast. I don't have the full date. Look if you want to come, uh and you're hearing this right now, at a point where I don't have a date, just send an email to therapy geckomail dot com, just being like, Hey, I live in Tokyo and I want to come to the show, and whenever I have the I'll just hand email you the link to the ticket link to the show.

So whatever, if you live in Tokyo right now and you want to come to my GETO show, then I'll just you just send an email that you want to come to Therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com, and I'll just whenever I have the link, I'll send you the fucking thing. Also, if you want me to read your email as part if you if you know, aside from everything I just said, if you want me to read your email on the next get mail, send me

an email therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com. And also I do this kind of like randomly and sporadically, so sometimes you know, you can send me an email and I'll record like three episodes and then I'll go back and read like two month old emails that I haven't read. So go ahead and send any emails that you want me to read to therapy get go Mail at gmail dot com. Thank you all for listening to my podcast. Thank you all for everything that the thing is tech, thank you all for all things and uh

yeah I don't know, do I yeah? Okay, well this is the end of the podcast. So you know, nothing I say has to be good because I already we already did a whole podcast. This is just a bonus. This is nothing, all right. Well oh yes, oh I forgot about that. Oh yeah, we're oh yeah, just we were one. We're the six percent. We're the six percent of people that are still alive. If you're listening to this, congratulations on being one of the six percent of people

that are alive. And uh, you know, enjoy it, do something with it. I guess, all right, thank you, Bye bye.