GECKLINE (with Dr. Drew)

Hey, guys, it's Lyle. I just want to give a quick heads up about a couple of things before we get into the episode.

Uh.

The first thing is that I have a new schedule of how I'm going to be doing the podcast. I believe what we're gonna start doing is posting twice a week with shorter episodes. Ideally, we're gonna be doing one a week where it's just me, and then one a week where it's the guest. So that's twice a week, one just me, one with the guest. In the event that there I don't have a guest booked that week, it'll just be two shorter episodes that are just me.

For your ears.

If you've already listened to all of the back catalog, you know, I do this podcast out of my stream and I stream for about two hours twice a week, And ideally my schedules is gonna be I'm gonna take those streams and I'm gonna cut each one down and put each of them up as a podcast each week, and we will have more audio gecko words from my mouth and the caller's mouths and the guests mouths and everyone's mouths all coming together to spit words and sentences

Yeah, buddy, how are you feeling odd?

Odd? Tell me more.

Well, one part of me feels like I'm breathing in asbestos because of the mouth. Another part feels like this is so comfortable that I want to go to sleep right now, like pajamas. Uh. And of course there's humiliation certain a certain amount of the uh and uh. Yeah, happy to be here. Beautiful it makes and it makes me look like my posture is bad. Really, yeah, look at that. My posture is no good? Do you It looks bad too, makes us both look like.

I actually wanted to I was. I was telling you beforehand. There's a lot of aspects of this that I am afraid and I'm glad I can talk to you about this because a doctor. There's a lot of aspects about this whole thing that I am afraid of. How they will in the future, how.

You'll be remembered, what will say in your tombstone.

Like how they'll like affect my health, like the posture like.

You said that, pain and stuff like that.

Yeah, like the paint like I I really have.

To worry about it. But yes, worthy of concern.

Okay, We're they're good because I you know, I've I've been doing about a year and a half and I'm wondering how much longer can I go before some skin issues developed.

The makeup is designed not to hurt you unless you've got some something in here that I'm not aware of, some some silver and with some product in there that I should be scared of. Usually it's not unless you get this ship from Europe or something.

It's a talk based pain.

Oh I see, is that is that bad? I hurt? Mostly it's ovarian cancer, So I don't know get gos? Are they they have sex? Secondly, they are they I'm afrodd hemaphroditic or are they come in different sexes?

I do not have any uh over We're probably about stuff.

You're good, Okay, you should be good.

Okay, So doctor, do I mean what has been what has been the most persistent thought on your mind lately?

Uh?

When are we going to get out of all this COVID nonsense? Okay, that's a good one. Uh when are we going to be sort of returned to normal? And I think people if the super Bowl is any evidence see what uncomfortable these chairs are that the super Bowl is any evidence I think people are ready to go. People are ready to get out and do things. And you know, here I'm sitting in a green outfit.

We're doing a thing right now. We're pretty close to each other.

Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think about it. Of course, I've had COVID twice and I've been vaccinated and I'm about as immune as you can get.

Is there a thing in particular that you want to do that COVID is stopping you from?

No?

No, that's it's funny you would ask that, because I kind of have that conversation by self periodically. It's like, what is it you want to do you're not doing right? I'd like to fly an airplane without a mask. I'd like to do that.

Well, if you're eating the peanuts, it's like.

Yeah, but they are on you now you have to put it up between bites. It's really weird. So even though I would like, here's what I would like, I would the other thing I p occupied it is how how far we are from the science and how the clinical You know that the clinical people have not been involved in guiding this this mess, and it's just been a disaster.

So yeah, I feel like I'm not paying enough attention to what's going on.

I'm just if you can avoid all that's going on out there, you'll feel better.

You know.

I wanted to ask you, you know, I mean, this is what we're doing talking to people on the phone and so, and this is your whole life for thirty years. Are you exhausted after thirty years of no? Everyone's everything?

No, Because I love people and I find their problems fascinating. And every time I'm talking to somebody for whom it is important, you know what I mean, they find it important, So I find it important by you know, by being compelled by their feeling states and no, and I learned new things even now. I mean I haven't heard everything. I feel like I've heard everything, but I'm sure I haven't.

Does that happen to a lot. You'll get ambushed by people. It will be like, hey, I need you right this experiment and this candy aisle? Oh yeah, concept and what is your polite way of is?

I feel bad about it every time I have to say these are these are complex issues. This is not you know, the abbaz abba bars are right here. This is not the right environment for doing anything. But I'll usually make some suggestions. You hope you have this kind of doctor and just some suggestions and that's that.

So, I mean, what do you feel like if somebody comes to you and you feel like you can't help them? I mean, I don't know how often that happens.

What depends you mean by can't help and they're going to die? That that happens. People get certain illnesses that you know happens a lot. Then you talk about how to die and how to make it dignified. You how do you die dignified? It depends on you know, what that person's desires are, and you know, it's really trying to get people into acceptance about what the reality is. And it's hard, it's very very hard, and oftentimes a family too, Are you really going to go down this

Do you have you taken the time to go through your own acceptance of mortality.

Yeah. I've been saying forever that COVID should have given us the opportunity to talk about that. People should have really thought about it, because for instance, just something like, oh my god, these people in nursing homes are dying, Well, that's terrible. Shn't get me wrong, it is awful. But the average life expectancy for a male after admission to a nursing home is six months always, and if you need institutional care, meaning people to turn more than one

Of course, do you have to give an age you're going for, like you're a goal in mind.

I'd love to get in my mid eighties.

Mid eighties.

That'd be great.

That feels like a good amount of you know, I wouldn't want to do like one hundred.

Nineties for man, it's just I mean, there is a ninety year old out there that is amazing. His name is William Shatner. He is amazing ninety. I think he's ninety now, well, hell does he know? Maybe I'm over doing it? Can you look it up? But he's he's up there and he's fantastic. I mean, he inspires you. But you know, he's been to space and stuff.

I mean, I feel like there is something to being at that age and being so he's really ninety?

Is this?

He looks damn good for Nineties's amazing.

He's the loveliest man you ever meet. His brain is quicker than mine, and he's curious about everything, and he's got vitality. It's just if if I could be that dad in ninety, I'll go to one hundred. Thank you, that'd be great. I mean, so right now, at how old you sixty three?

Do you feel like you're you're gonna get there?

No?

Sometimes I do, Sometimes I don't. I've had rational, screwed up medical problems lately. Prouse, they cancer, diverticul itis, all kinds of lovely things.

I mean, who do you go to when you you're a guy who you know? People come to you with their problems? Who do you go to when you have problems?

All?

Right?

Therapy? For many, many years it was the best thing ever. Did it really put Billy shake me up to be a good mental health professional?

Uh?

And then I have an internist, and I have a radio therapist, and I have an urologist and all that stuff. You know, we use medical services in my house.

Don't worry, beautiful, well listen, folks. Uh, doctor Drew is Uh. This is the first time we've had an actual licensed.

Physician physician addressed as a gecko, which I addresses a GEcho medical person, which and speaking of which, Actually, are there any ethical issues that that this creates for us? Are we are we h adopting a cultural are we co opting some cultural or oh like green face a problem?

Oh?

Oh, I thought you meant ethical issues of Uh well, I guess me giving unlicensed whatever.

I won't even get. That's too deep for me even go. I'm just wondering by appropriating the gecko community is green face and issue?

Well, I'm a geckos, I'm allowed to do green face, and you're also a gecko now, which makes you allowed to do green face.

Which is interesting. So so once you become it, you just are it.

There is you know, the thing about echos, not a whole lot of gatekeeping in the community. It's very easy to declare yourself.

Maybe you want to lead. They need some more. It's because they're afraid. They're afraid to declare their gender identity, their sexuality. Maybe you could be a leader in this.

I would, I would, I would love to speak on behalf.

Of all of that. Good. Let's see what happens. That'd be great.

Let's see what we got here. Hello, Laura, Laura, how you doing it? Says here that you want to ask about how to trust while you're in love. I think you're struggling with trust in your current relationship. You wanta tell us more about that?

Yeah, dude, let's.

Let's get into it.

Do you have any like questions like building me up first?

Any questions building up?

What?

Yeah?

Like, well to like understand kind of like the backstory, like.

Well, sure, okay, I'll get to it. Please, all right, I'll get to it. Uh. Did you know your dad?

Yeah?

And did he leave at any point?

Oh?

No, he never abandoned you. No, So your parents are still together?

Yeah?

Yeah?

What is.

Okay? And their relationship their relationship together? And is any drinking or drug use or anything like that?

No?

Not really, like they drink like regular old people.

Okay, and held hell okay, I got it? And hell dore you.

I'm twenty one.

And have you had problematic relationships in the past where people violated your trust?

Yeah?

Okay for sizzle for snizzle? And is it recent or was it or has it been repeatedly one particularly bad one? What's what's the deal.

I was with like a person for like let's say like it was like three to like four years, I'd say, and it was like really bad, like verbally abusive. All right, I'm not even sure exactly exactly what like gaslighting is, but I guess like all.

Right, and did your parents your parents? Did you did you have any trauma or abuse when you were growing up? I don't, I don't think So, Okay, these are simple questions. I'm not I'm just trying to get, as you said, what are the questions to kind of frame this thing? Those are the questions. So here's the deal. Uh, you need to get back out there and start rebuilding your trust in other people. I don't know why you got

Two relationships, But did.

You did you kind of jump into them? Did you? Did you wear your heart on your sleeves? So to speak? Yeah? So, and now you've gone the other side, which is now your now your love avoidance, now your love avoidance. You don't trust, You're sabotaging things when they do get close.

That means oh yeah, yeah they can.

It's fantastic.

You really have been doing this for thirty years?

What?

Oh no, I just I you know typically uh nice.

Oh I've been doing this for thirty yeah. Oh yeah, it's almost like I know what I'm doing, is what you're saying? Oh yeah, totally almost. Yeah yeah yeah. What was that book you told her in melody? It's actually actually the classic when I recommended something called Overcoming Love Addiction. Overcoming Love Addiction. She's looking it up right now.

Over So you so you okay, so you've, as you said, heard almost everything.

Yeah, you feel like so.

So have you heard people give that exact name, same issue. You know, I have trust issues, you know a thousand times?

Yeah, I mean, but I have trust you. It's very vague. That's very vague. Her thing is she she has? You know, there's very all kinds of ways to frame what you know and think about what she has. But what's suitable for sort of you know, transmission and consumption across a when I'm dressed green and we're using the internet. It's you know, you can't get into deep dynamics about these things, but the basic phenomena can be understood as codependency, boundary issues, love, addiction.

So, I mean a lot of the times, you know the fact that you're able to just gain so much of a read on people within pretty quick amount of time. I feel like a lot of people they feel as though their situation is so complex, so unique, that they're like, oh wait, but I have to tell you this detail a way.

But I have to tell you yeah, yeah, yeah, and and there are everyone is unique, and there are unique elements to everybody's story. But but in terms of what you can do in a single encounter and all that stuff kind of so when when you know this thing, when you walk in a room as a physician, you almost can smell what's going on you, you know, like in the first it drives people crazy because why don't

Hey, Chris? Yeah Chris, It says he you're not sure what to do with your life. You currently run a shoe business, you want to be an actor, and you're not sure how to make it.

You're twenty one. Oh man, I I this is a We could have a giant conversation about this because what well, Chris tell us your story first. But I'm gonna bet Chris is gonna articulate something that is generationally unique and exceedingly common right now. Yeah, not everyone wants to dress up as a get go and talk on the internet. Not everyone. I know.

It's hard to match, but let's see what he has.

Go ahead, Chris, all right, So I'm pretty much I'm twenty one. I get a I get paid to run a shoe company called the Kicks. You buy the train and take use shoes in and I've been doing it for like six years at this point, because I was like fifteen. Wow, I am at the point in my life Roger, just like I want to do something else.

Good for you? First of all, Yeah, I do know what you mean. And it's good for you for for starting young and taking it seriously and having a essentially a business at the age of lateeen. That's yeah. And is it is the problem? It's not, no, I understand, but still it's it's it's you're you're ahead of your peers already. And so the question is, is the problem that you just have a free floating desire to make a change and any change will do, or you can't figure out what it is you want to do.

I just like, don't know what I really want to do. Guy for years, always want to become like an actor or something like that.

Yeah, well what kind of actor? Comedy, drama, what's your what's your preferred genre?

Well, here's the thing about dreams and fantasies, Uh, they have to align with reality, Okay. And so one one of the things I've noticed about people in their twenties is they have lots of big ideas that are wonderful, but aren't they don't get started, or they aren't steeped in any reality or really even know what the what

I mean, what made you want to get into this in the first place.

It was just like I like seeing them on TV, like people being other people, you know what I mean, Like you see their personality when they on like a runway, but like on movie they're Batman, you know what I mean. Like that's interesting the scene, so I think somebody else.

Yeah, I think I had a little fantasy like that when I was younger too, and and my fantasy was, I like, I wanted to be I wanted to be in the fan. I wanted to be in the in the fun in the film. That wanted to be part of what was going on there, not having any idea what was actually going on. You know that that to take that one shot of Batman just looking past the camera takes nineteen guys setting up the lights.

Right, you're you're not in the film, you're on the film sets.

You're not even there. You're in that trailer and you come out, they light you, you go back, somebody else comes out, you go back. You realize you go back. You never see the other actors. They're just taking a cross shot at you. And it's a lot different. Now. It might be something you really really like and be really really fun. It is kind of fun and exciting to be on these environments and they're creating something fascinating. But I wanted to be in the creative process too.

As though you've ascertained that goal.

Yeah, you know, it's I'm sorry, Chris, We're gonna we're gonna talk like you're not here for a second. It's I've noticed you have talked to a lot of people and all kinds of entertainment businesses, and nobody seems to be doing what they want to do. Musicians want to be actors, Actors want to be producers want to be rock stars. Producers want to be actors. I'm doing what I want to do. I kind of feel like pretty good about what I'm doing and I like it, and

I mean, Chris, Chris, Chris, you know, I mean yeah, to what you were saying, like, you know, what, what are all the different aspects of you? What's important to you? I mean, what's your like? I mean, I I kind of feel like I'm doing that right.

It has to because you wouldn't. You wouldn't be dressed up in the gecko otter otherwise.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

It's it speaks of of a creative connection to the process. You gotta like it to do into it right committed, you're into it, you like it, and uh and and but you you didn't do it and then not like it you did it, you probably liked it more.

Oh I don't like it, you know sometimes and everything to me, I know, that's a different thing, you know, I mean every every like, everything you're gonna do, has aspects of it that are unpleasant.

But you're right. Yeah, I guess, Well, then that means you you should When people say stuff like that, I always think you should have had a what did you do before this? Uh funk? What did I do for? I?

Like, I produce comedy shows.

So you got to do producing producing? Yeah you got that's Chris. It's also important to have had a job that was hard, because then you'll appreciate the other things that are more creative and maybe not as arduous, you know, in terms of you're already running a business, so I mean you're you're you know, you're there kind of but Chris, go do it, Go do it. God damn it.

Go do it, right, Chris, All right, are you moving to Hollywood?

No, don't do a Hollywood yet. Go to go to acting classes, go to the nearest theater and get into production, and then go to Hollywood. If somebody says you're good, yeah, we'll find out if you like it, and then get good at it. You gotta build it, I mean, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta develop something some This is a thing that people miss. You need skill and wisdom to be to be able to contribute. Yes, you need both, and if you come with neither, it's not going to

But you got you gotta jump into it.

Yeah, you gotta do it.

Things we'll see in the picture.

Chris.

Can't wait to see what you do. But I've got to hear all the time Millennials they don't know what they want to do this I don't want. They don't know what to too many choices. It drives me crazy.

Actually, I want to hear more about what you were saying about. You know, everyone you feel like their their dreams, don't match up with with reality?

But do you?

But okay, well, you feel like dreams and reality? I said two things. I said, everyone wants to be doing something other than they're doing sure, And then I said people have fantasies and dreams that they don't even test in reality, so they don't know whether.

Well that's like, you know, if you're a comedian, you imagine, oh, being a musician must be so great. If you're a musician, Oh, being a comedian, like the grass is always greener on inside, whatever is you do?

That's right? Yeah, that that But but I think I think sometimes people like go in wanting to be an actor and then become a producer and always harbor this sort of oh I should have what if I had, you know? And and same thing with musicians. They probably saw somebody on TV like Chris and thought I'll be fun to be in that I'm a loser, I'll learn to play the guitar. Okay, and that's it.

But you know, when you're when you're talking about like dreams that aren't sustainable with reality, don't you feel like if you're like nineteen or twenty one or whatever, like now's the time to fuck up. Yes to go be broke on the street, do what fucking.

And and but you're missing I think you're missing my what I'm trying to emphasize, which is test reality. Yes, don't just stay up in your head thinking about how great it's gonna be. Go do it and find out if it's what you like. So we're telling Chris, find out if it's what you like, find out if it's if you're good at it, and if you're not, how how committed are you to get better? Go do it? If you if you're gonna be able to declare yourself a writer and never sit down and write a word.

Go do it?

To Anne?

And and is that you hello?

Yes?

Oh God?

And how you doing.

I'm here with doctor Drew And it says here you would like to do more anal but you have a lot of hemorrhoids.

M h, well it's not it's it's not like a lot.

But I've had a history with it in the past to the point where it hinders me from you know, making.

The decision to.

Try it right, And were you pregnant or anything when you had the hemorrhoids.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, I just sh a lot.

You just shipped a lot.

So what you said, I mean I'm being no yeah, yeah, I like I don't know why, but I shit at least three times a day, all right, the.

Health, that's right, it's no, there's no there's an yeah, there's no shit standard.

I thought there totally was no no.

Uh and so so, but do you've never been pregnant? Correct? No, no, no, okay, And how were you when you first started noticing hemorrhoids.

I think I was about like nineteen.

Okay, do they bleed?

So?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, I mean it was enough. I went I had to get like like a minor colonoscopy, not like the whole thing, but the whole thing where like a whole.

Camera, right, what's called a sigmoid. So all right, and they saw the hemorrhoids and they were internal hemorrhoids, external hemorrhoids. Both.

You know, it was external.

It wasn't that bad.

I just ate a bunch of fiber and like it kind of went away.

But it's a continuous problem, right, Well, anal is not gonna make it better, okay, And if you do it lots of lube. Uh and if it hurts, stop and if it bleeds afterwards, don't do it again. And you might try, you know, some sort of graduated device something to kind of help, you know, ease things up down there a little bit. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, are you sugguesching? She practiced with.

A of some kind then and graduated like small bit okay, sure, and not even practiced so much as I gotta go ahead, you you gotta.

I gotta, I gotta, I gotta like, you know, like a butt plug to try to like ease it.

Out a little bit, right, That's what I'm talking about.

I hadn't, I hadn't used it in a while because last time I did it there was like a minor incident and it hit my boyfriend.

In the balls.

Oh my god, you're the best. Uh well, here's to and for for courage and fortitude and persistence. Oh absolutely, and gets the award today.

And uh you know who I mean, who's more interested in having antle sacks between you and your boy That's.

That's I was gonna go down that path, So go ahead, answer, So you know it.

Started off, it's more like him being were interested in it, and then like the more you know, things got involved with it, the more I actually like started liking it. And I guess, you know, I don't like you know, I guess like the weird you know, like part about it is. I guess like I saw this like comedy thing and it was like, you know, I like anal because I should a lot. And I was like, well, I was like that kind of makes sense.

You know, that sounds dumb, but what you said, you saw a comedy thing. You said that made you want to do like yeah, yeah, so.

Like yeah, no.

I was watching this stand up comedian chick and she was talking about how she just was she like ships a lot and then she tried anal and she was like it's so great because like I should a lot so much. And she was like, I love it so much because I should so much.

What did Nicki Glazer say?

Now?

What did Nikki say? Now? What did she say? On the joke? And good good luck to you? And uh and white Friend as well also Ali Wong. These days, she is getting deep into the paint with her sexual content. Have you seen her new Netflix special I No I haven't.

It's it's a raunch fest.

It is on. Yeah, good for her, and she does it with with very very bold clarity.

Sophia. Hello, Sofia. It says here that you just started pegging your boyfriend and you want advice on this situation. When you say advice, so you're talking about how to do this safely, how to do this effectively, how to do this for maximum pleasure.

Well, I can't say I'm an expert on the topic yet, but yeah, be invested in.

A it's a strap on.

It's like a insert vibrator and it's like I have the pick, you know, I have the power.

And yeah, it was fun.

It was new territories.

Okay, see that at once.

Is there a question here or you just need to declare, declare to the world.

Well, it's kind of complicated. I guess I just wanted to hear perspectives on how I'm feeling, because after this situation happened, I was like, hmm, what does this mean sexuality wise for.

Him for him and then for him, or for for you and for him. That's both of you. So you're wondering what do you want about yourself?

Well, well, okay, we're both bisexual, So you're wondering.

You're wondering if you would rather do this behavior with a female. Yeah, okay, well we can't answer that. That's that's up to you exactly. As far as his sexuality, no, it does not mean anything. It really doesn't. I know people will argue about this, but it really doesn't. So he likes being pegged, okay, good times. Okay, but you're you're the one. You're the one left with the question marks about how you know? Where am I going to take this? Right?

Is he is this situation making him feel any sort of questioning about his gender identity or sexuality?

I asked him and he said no. But also like he like when we were having sex, he like wanted me to call him a female, and so that was like something that I wasn't expecting, and so I asked him about it afterwards, but it was just like something he did in sex, and.

So it was just kind of like, huh, I mean, is that is that pose some sort of issue for you?

No?

No, it does not pauses an issue.

She likes it. It's just all kinds of question marks all over the place, and everything means something. Let's be fair, But It doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't necessarily mean anything that you should be thinking worried about, you know what I mean? I cannot you know, if he's gay, he will like to have sex with men, if he has a if his gender identity is unclear for him right now, that will clarify hopefully for him with time. Okay, do that makes sense?

Yeah?

I think you're fine. You're the least stick with some of your own question marks. You know what am What am I going to do with this paper that I seem to be into right now?

Like?

What do I want to do?

Her?

Right?

It's the whole thing. If she's taking into account what's going on, you know, her question marks and her partner's question.

Yeah, his, don't worry about his his or his and they're there. They I don't think they're even anything, frankly, but but you're going to ask him about it. But that's up to him. Those are his things, all right? Thank you for calling?

Sofia.

Where is Sophia, Sophia, Where are you at? Where are you? Where are you, Sofia?

I am in California, Okay.

I just I just always like I'm just always curious where people are calling from and just you know, it's like to kind of picture are you picturing Sofia in California? Now? I was thinking more mid Atlantic sort of stuff. Yeah, thank you.

Do you feel like do you do you think about any of the people that ever call into your show?

Yeah? I mean like it does it haunt me?

Not even not even a haunt, but like you know, or do you do?

You do?

You have a pretty separate like when I am on the air or in you know, my office or whatever, that is what I'm thinking about these things? Or and when I'm home, I'm thinking about it.

No, I worry about stuff all the time, really yeah, And and uh, and things do haunt me?

I do? I do?

Really yeah? But I have I have enough experience and sufficient boundaries that I don't may not let it infect me in the sense like I know what my limitations are. I know that I've done all that I can, but it's still you know, it affects you.

Has it Has that been a learning process like earlier in your career?

Do you feel like that was mostly therapy the year, years and years and years of really good therapy, and my boundaries got very clear with that.

You know, I have a lot of people who call in and they tell me things like, you know, I tried talking about this with my real therapist, but they feel like they weren't helpful. Do you have any way that you I if I if somebody is a good therapist, or if you feel like they're a fit for.

Yeah, oh yeah, there should be you know, certain letters after their name. Ideally you know, l cs, W, s ID, PhD, m D, these kinds of things, and they need lots of experience, and there needs to be clarity about what it is you're doing in therapy and what are your goals and what kinds of techniques that are used to achieve those goals. Generally, therapists shouldn't be saying very much at all about anything.

They should primarily just be sounding boards.

They should be reflecting with their face and body emotions back to you as like a mirror of the emotions. They should be asking challenge and very very strategic questions to kind of keep the emotions moving forward. And that's it. If therapist is telling you what to do, run, yeah, yeah, not what therapy is.

You know, I kind of stopped going to therapy because I was journaling a lot and I felt like, oh, well, this is you know, all therapy is is like sort of what you're saying. It is like you're getting reflected about.

It's everything's for different people. It really is depending what The brain is very complicated. It's a brain body that you're dealing with in therapy, really, and you know, if you can get what you need out of journaling, if you can get it from CBT. I mean there's all the twelves, there's all kinds of things out there, lots of resources, and many people get what they need. They find ways to get what they need from it. I

To my brain, your bodily based emotional feelings. I'm always neglecting how much of my mental state is due to completely and utterly internal things.

Correct.

Actually, I'm constantly.

It's a brain body. It's a brain body. It's not a brain, it's not an emotional it's not a limbic system. It's a brain body system. And because I didn't get certain stuff growing up, I got it in therapy and it connected me back up. And that's some pretty good. Now let's talk to Maddie. Think if your calls everybody there are good calls Maddie.

Hello, Hey there, what's up?

Oh?

There we go?

Hi, what's up, Maddie?

How you doing?

How can we get you this evening?

I'm good tonight. You know, I was wondering, what's the statute of limitations on opening a snapchat?

The statue of limitations? So, I mean it says here that you're struggling on getting back to people in a timely manner.

Yes, definitely.

Do you have any advice on cause I'm start dealing with this too.

I'm like, I'm not understating the question at all. I feel like, what did she say?

I My read on this is, Maddie. It sounds like you're getting overwhelmed with the fact that your phone is constantly calling upon you to answer it, and you're wondering the the boundaries you should set in that arena. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, it depends on who it is in the relationship with that person.

Who who is there somebody in particular that.

This is this is going on with, not in particular. There are like a couple of people like who have been messaging me, and it's like, oh.

Like maybe I'll get around to opening this.

Maybe not, but it's it's not really dependent on the.

Relationship as much as my own anxiety with opening it and what I'm going to respond right away?

But but what kind of these peers are these? Your parents?

Is it?

You know? Bill collectors?

What?

Definitely like definitely like acquaintances of mine, like people I'm friendly with, but people who I don't have that kind of like relationship with.

That's a right, That is a great question. I don't I don't think people my age understand it at all. I mean, you used to be the you know, anybody under thirty is sort of fluid in this stuff. I uh, you probably have a lot of feelings about it. I My thing is like, I just why are you bothering me?

What? You know?

What?

You know?

You don't really want me to respond? I hate texting? Is this on texting? We're talking about? Gotta hate texting?

She's just talk about snapped. You do a lot of snap chatting, doctor Drew.

No, no snap. And I just discovered that I had I had a a request thing in Instagram. H yeah, there were there were ten thousand comments there.

You just found your Instagram message request. Yes, yeah, there's like a whole bunch of I mean, dude, you can't get lost in like I'm always getting lost in my d ms on Twitter, yeah, on on Instagram and stuff, and I'm like, Instagram.

One is just I just discovered. I feel like I've walked into parallel universe.

Well know when you're saying like people under you know, when you said people over thirty like you.

Know it's serious.

Well, I I'm jealous of that peace of mind because I feel like I never have that. I feel like Maddie doesn't have that. We're like, oh, somebody responds Maddie, Maddie, here's my thing, Maddie. And I've gotten used to this too. Be Okay, you can leave people on red. Just get get start to enjoy the piece that you gain when you just leave people on red.

Can you read the unready unseen?

Good?

Okay, good? Yeah?

I like that.

Yeah. The the immediacy of responsing. And I you know, because when I was practicing medicine fourteen hours a day, I would get pages that was back in the pages and I'd have to respond immediately, immediately, And so I still behave like that with texts. Do you respond to every text a meeting immediately and it's and it's an immediate I have a reaction every time, too, like what is it?

You know?

Because I spent so many years doing that and I hate it.

Do you respond to your Twitter dms and things like that?

My Twitter dms is a is a pretty lean territory. For some reason, I do because it's all people. I kind of know it's I don't. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't have just anybody in there. But it's clearly my Instagram. I've got to do something with that. I don't know quite how to manage that, you.

Know, Maddie. My thing is like if you, first of all, if you don't care about these people, then leave them on red. If you don't care about them, But if you do care about them, then they should respect your boundaries enough to be like, I'm not getting upset with you for leaving right. You have to train people, Yes, yes, you have to train people to be okay with you leaving them on read and you can get back to them eventually.

Okay.

I think how long it's too long to leave them on red?

I don't think there exists an answer to that question. I think however long.

We need an international convention on this. We need a Geneva convention.

Uh, it's just set a to set an objective standard amount.

I mean, I would say six hours is very reasonable, right, fucking never respond to them? Who can? It doesn't That's what I'm saying. It could be a day or two that and that'd be fine also, But I mean if it's six or eight hours, I mean, that's very reasonable.

I would think the real here's the thing, the people in your life, who are the real ones. They'll be there when you're ready to talk to them and won't be upset by you leaving them on red.

Right? What are you doing your dishes? Building, building a cabinet.

My dog is playing with his bone.

You know what, go to Here's what I want you to do. Turn your phone off, throw it into a river, Go hang out with your dad, Look him in the eye, smell him, talk to somebody, give him a hug, feel his his.

This is back to the brain body thing, ye is. That's how people communicate in space, like two bodies in space. Very important.

Thank you for calling, Maddie.

Yeah, of course, thank you. Have a good night.

You two.

A life before cell phones sound sounds like it's an I mean I I sort of grew up with all that shit.

It was better having a cell phone, for sure, because you weren't running, at least in my professional running for a phone all the time it's terrible. But smartphones put it to a whole different new wrinkle into it. I love having emails. If people would just stick with emails, I'd be okay, But no one.

So you say you have this like a thing when like every time, okay, but so how many times? Okay, how many times? Like I feel like after so many times, if somebody texting you, you go, you check it. You realize it's like a bullshit thing, somebody sending you a video? Just whatever, do you do?

Not go?

Do not lose the thing? After a while, after it's happened.

So many times, it's it's it's not just the buzz makes me go yeah, because it's it's so in me from the pagers. They used to do the same thing, and when it would buzz, it would be an emergency every time, or something needed to be addressed immediately.

But now how often when you when you feel the buzz, is it? Yeah? But I still have the you haven't you haven't been able to.

Learn it, and the reaction is still there. And and then I and I still do this thing of getting to it very fast. I get to it really quickly because I feel like, you know, if you're texting me, you must want to have a response, That's why you're texting. Otherwise you'd email me or whatever, a phone call o CD. I mean, you have a little OCD. So I'm very compulsive about everything.

So do you always us keep a you keep inbox zero as they call it.

It's all read in inbox and it's sort of managed, sort of to sort of collid and stuff. And then I shrink it down every once in a while. But but and my wife has, you know, in an inbox with one hundred and five thousand unread emails and I can't even look at it. I can't look at her little phone that read. It drives me crazy.

But I mean, oh, with emails, it's like that's bullshit.

Yeah, it's o c D.

Though, let's see what we got going on here.

It's a a hard one or this one right intense? Good?

Hey Dominic, Yes, hey guys, hey Dominic, how you doing man?

Excellent? Very good?

Uh, Dominic? It says here that you want to know what is normal in a relationship. You feel like your wife is a sexual You've been with here for thirty years. You're wondering if that's just a natural thing, or if it happens after several years of marriage. What you want to explain this in your own words?

Okay, Well, yeah, I mean I feel like I mean, when I first met her, I was sixteen years old, and you know, she was wasn't really into sex. She was a vision at the time, and I thought, well, you know, it's obviously that's you know, and that seems like a normal thing to not really be into sex with your virsion of your kind of you know, you're a young woman, and you grew up in a you know, a wast household, so you know, I wasn't too worried

Been going on.

And then a few years ago, my sister, uh said to me, she said, do you think he's being manipulated. And I never really even considered she she asked if I was being manipulated and I never and and I never considered that. And then you know, and I said, you know, you know she wants to do things I want to you know, want her to be happy because I want her to have a life, because uh, I mean,

All right. So what if we talked to her, if we hang on, hang on, if it's what's his name?

Dominic?

Dominic dominic? If we if we talked to her, what would she say? What would she say about your relationship? Physical relationship? I said, what's the what's your wife's name? They're gonna make up a name. I don't care. What do you want to? Oh right, okay. So if I said, Marie, what's going on? How do you know what's going with you and your husband? Are you guys close? Do you have do you have a good physical relationship? What would she say?

Uh?

Well, she would say we have a good relationship, all right?

And what about the physical part?

What she said, they're not no, no, not really a physical part.

And would she say would she say I missed that, or we had it at one time, or I'd rather be this way. What would her position be?

You think, Oh, no, she would not miss it at all.

She's she's definitely.

Doesn't miss it. I mean, there wasn't really a major physical relationship at any point in our relationship. I just thought as she got older, maybe that would you know, she.

Would mature And it usually it usually gets worse unless you take hormone therapy things like that, because you have to say, you know, menopause. Perimenopause says to shut you know. Testosterone is produced by the ovaries, that's the major source of libido, and you have to get on some kind of vestrogen, tiestosterone, progesterone, kind of replacement has its own risk. You have to discuss it with your doctor. But you know a lot of women need that in order to

Well, I mean I'm not unhappy with the relationship. Necessarily. It bothers me because one time she said to me, you know, she doesn't think that she can ever experience the feeling that I feel during a sexual during sexual intercourse, and you know, they really really hit me hard.

Does that mean she's never had an orgasm? No, No, she has. Okay, I just not. But at least she just doesn't. She just dods have the intensity of experience. So I don't know, you know, we're not gonna be able to solve that here, that's for sure. Yeah, right, But I I if it was bothering me, I sit down and talk to somebody about it with her.

Not it doesn't it doesn't sound like. It doesn't sound like a situation where I'm being manipulated by her, where she's just like using sex as like a tool to like, you know, it's just because she has a little libido, so she uses that as something way to manipulate me.

You don't know that, that's nothing you've said to me sounds like that at all. Uh and uh and but you know you you want to be closer, and that's it. You just want to be closer. And there's a physical piece that could help you be closer. And you know she might not be willing to work on it. Maybe she is, but it's something you could definitely work with a professional on, somebody who has experienced doing that kind of thing. Okay, okay, sorry, good luck, Thanks Dominic. All right,

I could see Nebraska for him. So have you had any experience like couples counseling? Is that ever anything you do in your practice?

We've done that? Oh my practice? Oh sure, oh sure, sure? Have I been a patient in that that? Also?

Now, at what point does the what is the goal? I've wondered this because whenever I get a call like that, I always wonder, like, is the goal of the couple's counsel to fix the relationship or to find the truth? Even if the truth is these people should not be together this.

Most good couples therapists will start with those kinds of questions like what are we doing here?

Oh, so they ask them, They're like, do you guys want you want to waste it?

Are we trying to right? Are we trying to break up here? Or are we committed and want to stay together? Most people that by the time to get the couple's therapy are sort of on the way out and uh, and they got to get very very honest about that stuff, so the therapists can do the job, whatever the job is, and it was to make things closer than those different versions of that too, or you know, how honest are

And do you find in your experience that most people go the route of, you know, please help us fix this versus most people are like.

Hey, don't I don't do enough for that stuff. But I've been told by a couple therapy people that just do that that that's the case I do. I'm doing it always in the context of drug addiction, alcoholic So it's it's trying to get people to hear each other for the first time in a long time often, and I mean, does that get wild? Yeah, it can be wild. Yeah, Yeah, it's very intense. I'm I deal with very very very sick people. That's yeah.

Thing, yea, how do you I've asked you this question a bunch of times in various forms and maybe it's just me, maybe just me, like how the do you deal with that?

Why did you go home? Upset? And stuff? Again? It's it's it's it's kind of like being an ambulance driver or something. You have a you have a skill set, You drive up to the disaster and you help to the best of your ability. That's all you can do. And some of the stuff stays with you. Some of it is just interesting. You know, is there a.

Call or or anything like that that has stuck with you to this time?

People always ask us that stuff. I remember a couple of Vietnamese twins that were separated when they were little. One went to Denver. One went to the Orange County here in locally or something and went from Denver called us because the one here was being sexually abused and we tried to help intervene with that. Had a guy named Brutus. It was having no no, his name was, can't remember his name. His dog was named Brutus, and he was engaged with his dog.

He engaged to his dog.

Well, he was having sexual relations with the dog. Specifically, the dog was having sex with him.

The dog was having sex.

Yeah, yeah, and that was weird. Uh, But I learned a lot about zoophilia. I tried to stay up and minded about him because we kept him on the line for like an hour and just talked to him because he was, like you could tell he was quite serious.

About any any big takeaways from about.

My sense was that that there was a lot of early childhood severe neglect, so like an attachment disorder kind of thing. So he attached to a dog or a person. What's the difference is there?

Always?

Is there?

Is there always an answer?

Is it? Is it ever?

Just this guy likes to have sex with giraffes and that's it and you cannot explain it?

Well, yes, sure, sometimes it's just I mean, just like anything, it's it's just sometimes in the brain just but you know, so there's is always you know, biological, genetic, and environment. It's all the interplay, but it's never all one. Well it's rare. It's always combo. They may predominate genetic or predominate environment, but it's always that relationship that results in the whatever we're looking at. Gene environment interaction.

Gene environment interaction. Hey, Kelly, they got the stream key, Can you're on the stream off for me?

Yeah, we got it.

Kelly uh says here that your boyfriend has a rectile dysfunction and you're not sure how to approach.

Him about it.

I feel like this is one you've.

Yeah, this is all that time. I'm actually going to be working with a men's health organization to try to make this a more complete conversation more often. So how old is he he is in his thirties, and does is he any medication.

He is not?

And how often does this happen? Is it all the time?

Is it some of the time, it's all the time?

Yeah?

And is it that can he penetrate or he loses it before he penetrates, or he loses it after a while. At what point does he lose it?

Pretty much he loses it after a while.

And I'm not sure it's completely ED or if it's maybe a head thing or maybe a combination of both.

Will how to open that conversation.

What do you suspect the head thing is? When you say a head.

Thing, Well, he hasn't been in a lot of relationships in his life. I was the first person that he was with in his thirties, I think it was nineties, and he was not a very extionate person in the beginning of the relationship.

Really hasn't been so.

Yeah.

Interesting And when you ask him what what the deal is? What does he say?

I mean, he's pretty talking about it.

I always have to suggest or ask things because I don't want to damage maybe his masculinity. I know that's kind of a sensitive subject for some guys.

Wait, what does he say when when he's what's his explanation for what's happening?

Really he just says TD. Some days he says he's just in it, sat about it. But even before that was just the ED and he couldn't perform. So I don't know if it's just getting worse what.

What does he say is the reason he's struggling? Does he think, does he think about some explanation? Does he say, Oh, it's I'm tired, or it's too long, or it's too sensitive. What does he say? What is your sort of description of the issue.

Well, a definite cause for why it's happening.

So he goes, I don't know, it just happens. Is that that's his thing?

Yeah?

Pretty much? Okay, so it maybe just maybe what.

Maybe just getting older and not exercise as much.

I guess is he overweight?

He's not.

Okay, so he's not that much older. If you're over sixty five, well we could talk about it. But in his he's in his thirties, right, yeah, yeah, it's not that. However, does he smoke cigarettes?

No, he does not.

Well, he still ought to talk to a doctor because most young males, middle aged males that have wrecked on dysfunction, there's a medical reason and so he needs a thorough complete medical workup, heart disease being number one, or vascular disease of all types. But there can be hormonal problems, there can be neurological but there can be lots of stuff that is contributing to this problem, and it needs

You can go inside the metaverse and you know, fuck a pocket pussy that you know corresponds with some sort of you know, I mean, it's only going to get progressed.

It's going to get that way, but if it's not already, But but you know, men are losing their cheat, depleting

Oh, it's like a stress thing.

It's an anxiety kind of an anxiety thing. It's certainly being overwhelmed by it, like.

A performance anxiety type.

It's kind of it's all these things together, it's all that together. Yeah, yeah, you what.

I hear a lot.

I think that could definitely part of it, because he does tell me often you know, it's not you, it's you know, it's not you. So but if it's not me, then what is it?

Well? Right? And it it rarely is the female partner when men ever tell this function like that's that's that's the exception when that happens.

You said specifically that you're having problems approaching him about it. What about what is making you nervous about starting the conversation.

Because I know that you know, subjects like that, especially involving their feeling parts, can maybe be a little I don't know.

I don't want to hurt his He's a very sensitive man, so.

I don't want to approach that in the wrong way, especially because I'm not good at explaining myself.

He'd be a little abrasive.

You know you're a little abrasive.

Yeah, well we don't.

I don't experience her that way. But anyway, let's say you are. Don't worry. You're not going to offend him. He knows he's having it right down as far as he wants to solve it too, You're not. By talking about it, You're not going to somehow make it worse.

I almost feel like that makes it better because if you start the because he he might want to start the conversation, but you going out there starting at first, it's like, yeah, you know, Okay, she knows, we both know, we both want to fix the issue.

Yeah, men men generally aim to please. It's generally true about men.

He's down to work it out.

Yeah, what's that?

I think she said? Why does and you put more effort into place? I think that's what he said.

Well, more effort would be getting a medical evaluation. Really, that's what he needs to do. He really, really really needs to do that.

Kelly, good luck to you and starting this conversation again. It seems like both parties want to get to the to the brunt of this issue. So take your best foot forward.

Go for it. Yeah, so I'm floating in the clouds. Sorry, I get what's with the floating in the clouds?

What's with the floating in the clouds?

Geckos don't normally live in the cloud do they?

Oh?

Well, I'm sort of like the whole idea is we're traveling, you know, all sort of parts of the universe.

So today we're in the traveling.

No, we're not necessarily time traveling, but we're traveling. We're just traveling, just travel traveling.

We're in the you know, sometimes we're I have a hanker and for flies. Does that have something to do with putting this?

Oh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh and that's gonna last for a few days, a few.

Days side effect. And then the gecko's sexuality.

Are they Are they sexually active?

We know how they do it or what's going on with them? I feel like very concerned about that.

Oh you know, I feel like echoes are just as sexually active as humans.

Do they?

Is it?

You know?

Good?

Do they have a kloaca or the penis and a vagina? Penises?

And I actually I feel like I lay eggs.

Is maybe just like the eggs and put his stuff over the egg.

The gecko penis in relation to uh so, like obviously a a a if you a gecko penis is smaller than a human penis. But if we're putting them to scale to the body, the gecko penis is actually bigger.

Oh I feel much better.

Yeah yeah, So I mean like when you put them to in comparison to the rest of the body, the.

Are they doing sort of doggy gecko style?

Oh?

They do it all different ways. They do it doggy style, Missonario.

Okay, all right, so I was worrying about these things.

Gecko sixty nine ing it was very popular in the community with that tongue, can do it across the room. Oh exactly. I mean you know they have the sticky actually know, like I actually know only one fact about geckos, okay, truly that they can stick to any surface except teflon.

Oh why that is why it's made to be non stick I mean to be fair, ok, all right, they were all around the let's see, you ever wanted to do the insurance job for Geico?

I get I get that. A lot of people asking me like, oh, you're the Geico gek. A lot a lot of people think I'm a frog.

Yeah, that's the thing. I get the frog asked the set up here.

Yeah, yeah, And I don't know how to sort of make myself stand out as more of a gecko than a frog.

I would say that there's sort of there's sort of some sort of what's the word I'm looking for when you're you're being cast out from a job and you can't pigeonholed, But I mean having a cartoon gecko. I mean that seems like there should be some legalities there. You should be able to apply for that job.

Yes, you know what I mean, Yes, they should. They should open it up to all forms of screminatory. Yes, yeah, it is.

And so I would think and think about sweet that job would be. I mean great, you'd be great at it.

I would, I would, I would do one off. I don't think I would want to like be the new guy code guy. I mean, that's that's a whole you know, then everything it's a little bit of corporate.

You know, I don't do that. You don't I get that.

That's a whole, that's the whole thing, right, sure enough, Hey Clarence, Yes, Sir Clarence says, here you have a a pooping related question.

Sure, I do actually have a pooping related question.

You call this a brown question in your mom's house.

I'm so glad that you know that there's a word for this, because.

The first I just gonna say, try it out, you know, try say he's he's from your mom's house. Try it out, Try it out. That's a that's a that's a greeting from your mom's house.

Try it out. Try what's the what's the story behind that?

The original the original cool guy o G.

Cool Guy, Robert Paul Champagne. I went and visited him in New York City in his apartment, which was quite an experience, I must say, But hey, Jeans, what's going on mommy?

So my thing is is like with my pooping is that I tend to poop a lot and then sometimes I don't. But like it's it's strange because I say, well, full disclosure in the morning. If I eat something at night, I can see it, and I'm just like worried about my digestive system. I mean, I guess I'm who, I'm real skinny in my whole life. I don't know if that has something to do with it.

So it's something about the transit time through your bowels. You're not absorbing things quite as well as efficiently as you might. Like, I wouldn't worry about it. You know, if you if you had an actual absorption issue of fats or proteins or something, you would have other symptoms. Maybe, you know, it's consider yourself lucky. Whatever it is. It keeps you skinny, increase your calories, increase your you know, amount of food, and you'll compensate for that. But but is that the brown issue.

Yeah, I mean, it's just like it's But the thing too that also happens is the notice is if I, like on the weekends when I'm not working, I tend to eat overeat, and then it'll be like Monday morning and I'll poop like four or five times in the morning. Okay, and we're talking normal poops four or five times within like a two hour period. That blows my mind.

That's all good, Yo, Yeah, you're fine. You should listen to after Dark what that I do when one of my uh, one of the people that in the in the one of my engineers.

You mean, the gargoyle.

The gargoyle yes, good, you listen, well done. He's doing once a month, dude, he's once once once a month.

It makes no sense.

Wild and you're and you're telling me that's that's healthy.

No, I wouldn't say it's healthy. But everyone's worried about him. He's fine with it, but there's things that could happen, but he won't address it. So, you know, I would think that there is some sort of No, he does it, he does it for psychological reasons.

Oh he wait, so he's he's doing this intentionally on purpose?

How does and then when he does ship, yes, he puts his feet tell him I'll let I'll let.

Clarence. So when he when he his monthly bowel movement, he stands, he puts the seat up, stands on the rim the toilet itself and on the rim and squats.

It down like a gargo exactly. He's hovering above the toilet.

Yeah, it's pretty and I feel that on a spiritual level though, like with the whole it thing.

Yeah. Yeah.

My dad had no filter back in the day, and I was in third grade and he rented that movie and I watched it by myself in the middle of the country in the pitch Black.

I am to this day, Clarence, and and he separated at birth. Well, nice to meet you, Clarence, to.

Meet you too.

Better believe him coming up in me.

You better believe it. Thank you, buddy.

Okay, you said he does this for psychological reasons.

That's what Clarence was talking about. He saw the movie It, and he became and he was kind of traumatized as a kid, and he became overwhelmed not just by it, but other shit going on his life, and he became overwhelmingly preoccupied with that something was going to come up out of the toilet drain ah ah.

That's why he stands up so that.

Yeah, and it's also why he avoids the toilet. And so he became really good at controlling his bowels, and he's he's Ninja with his bowels.

Now, now what about peeting? Is that better? Because he can see what's.

In front of gees? So he doesn't have thing with that doesn't everything with being It doesn't seem like it. You gotta listen to my podcast.

I was listening today.

Did that one after dark?

Well?

No, I was what's the most recent when.

You were you you did? It depends what I've got different stuff. You probably did a streaming show. Was probably just playing with streaming.

I listened to a streaming show.

I did, I did, I did.

I did my research a little bit. I know you're a doctor.

That's good guide. You knew that. Excellent.

Hello Alex, Hi Alex, Alex, were Alex doing good? It says here that you want some dating advice. You've been talking to a guy for a month and he seems very reserved. It seems like you're wondering, like is it me or is it him? What should I do about this type of thing?

Right?

Yeah?

So I actually hit him up and we talked almost every day, like all day for a couple of weeks, and then we hung out. And after that it went from like every day to once a day or not even that.

I don't know what should hang out every day? And then it went to wait a minute, so you said you were texting like all day and then it slowed down to once a day.

Yeah, after we hung out.

I I have a thing of like when there's games going on, it's like forget it, fucking forget it, to get it, forget it. I really truly believe that like people either will or they won't.

And it's all aspect the males. If they want to be with you, they let you know they they want to be with you.

What I'm thinking too, right.

Yeah, I mean there are men that you know, don't get that way or sort of or aloof whatever. But most men, if they're into you, they're into you, and it's obvious. And that's who you want. Know, you want guys that are into you, not guys that are half in. You want guys that are in and this guy, for whatever reason is not so man who knows what the reason is, they're his and you just kind of find the guy that is into you.

Yeah.

I mean that's another thing where it's like you knows.

A lot of geckos before you find the right one.

That turns into a some some sort of royalty. But I mean that's the thing is like it could be any other I wouldn't want you to get hung up on like, oh it's me, because it could be any number of miscellaneous reasons.

Yeah. It to put the locusts on yourself sort of put is denying how complex relationships are. Who knows where he is in his life, who knows who else he might be dating? Who maybe he's who knows what's going on in his life, who knows what he's feeling thinking, and whether he'd be feeling and thinking something different at a different time. Who cares he's not that into you right now? That should that should be a concern of yours.

So yeah, I guess that's kind of what I was wondering, because he does he has a good excuse. He has a job where he can't talk to me for hours at a time.

Said he has a good excuse, his dogs. He said, he has a job, job, job, Well, I mean, I mean the excuse, it doesn't even matter. It's like, she's twenty four, twenty four?

Does he take you out all the time?

No, I actually have been the initiator every time, which is why I feel like he's just reserved.

Alex, are you like what are you looking?

Why are you?

Are you?

Like?

I am out for a relationship and so you're what you're on Tinder and like swiping and like out looking for something? Or did this guy just kind of happen into your life?

No?

No, So I actually, about seven months ago, got out of a really really bad relationship and I had kind of sworn it off and then I I was. I met him and it's so lame, but like we were just talking, Like I was getting embarrassed because I felt like I wouldn't shut up because I was so excited to talk to him and he was talking to me. So I found him on social media and I talked to him and I don't want anything.

I guess, like I'm.

Still feeling really reserved myself because of the last relationship.

You do want to know, like how long you've been talking to him?

How long was the last one? Yeah?

How long was so the last one was?

How long ago was it? Or how long did it last?

How long ago did it break up? For real?

September?

Okay, so you're still in the sort of reboundary get over at phase. I mean, it's about time to have a real relationship again. But but I don't know this doesn't Does this guy do something very very special for you? Is there something about him that you can't find another person?

No, But I mean that's kind of what I was saying, was like I didn't expect to want to talk to somebody like this already.

So for me to have that, you'll you'll you will find it again. I will declare today with my get go hand, you will find it today again. You will find it again. That's that's you wanting to be connected to other people. And that's fine. But by the way, be careful with that that speed talking, you know, where you can't stop talking to somebody. You know what I'm talking about. Men don't like Men don't.

Like that the constant Yeah, well I don't know.

I mean I I don't mind it because I find it entertaining, but I know generally men are just.

The kind of well, well if if that's well, if if if she wants that, you know, do you think she should find a guy who like that?

I mean that exists and that guy I like that stuff. I likes get that entertaining to just keep going. I don't I don't have to talk. It's good. I talk for a living. It's turned out.

Uh, but that's something that I thought about as well, of like, maybe he's just not a texture and we just texted that much at first.

You're over thinking it.

That's the thing.

If you're if you're even if you're even in this, if you're even in this realm of thinking about it too much, it's like a fucking you shouldn't have to think about this, just you.

Should enjoy each other.

That's that I'm too deep, Okay.

Alex, good luck to you, Thanks for calling.

Thanks Alex.

I get a lot of I get a lot of calls like that on the show, and I'm always like, I feel like a lot of people.

Seems like we got a lot of calls a where people shitting frequently.

Saysn't everyone who takes a call in show get a bunch of calls where people shouting frequently? Isn't that what I'm just saying.

It's a certain platforms. Yeah, yeah, okay, but go ahead.

Well, I feel like a lot of people I get a sense from them that there's like something missing from them or some happiness factor that they are trying to use a relationship to fill. And I'm always under the I'm always of the mindset of like, you should be able to feel complete completely on your own or yeah first, yes, then go out into the into the dating market.

That is true, but very few people are comfortable in their own skin, very few people can be alone. Very few people, particularly when they're young, are complete. And that's that's the process of growing up is trying to bring all the pieces together, and uh, yeah, you're right, but very few people are there. I mean, they're not calling you. Let's put it that way. Those are the ones calling.

You know what, I always what I guess because a lot of you know, people tell me like, I'm pessimistic about love and relationships, but I just always see people getting like fucked because they're putting like like they need it so badly, and that's causing people to be dependent on other people instead of just being able to find it.

With the correct bad boundaries, falling in love too fast, you know again, love addiction. You know, people in codependency are extremely calmon these days. And what I always tell people, if you have a certain pattern, if you have a pattern in relationships that you don't like this. This is one of my fundamental pieces of advice.

Fundamentalists.

Yeah, so if you keep doing something over and over again and you can't stop, even though you keep picking guys that seem total let's say it's a female, sure, picking guys that are totally different, and yet they end up the same. Yeah, you are a perfect instrument the

Butterflies, nothing lightning bolts. I feel like it can be hard to tell the difference. Sometimes maybe it is, and I don't.

Mind a little bit of lightning. You know, it's just the you just just know that that's that pattern, and you know, you take a look that person's going to abandon you or abuse your whatever your pattern is, and see if it's somebody that you can have process with.

Yeah, okay, what do you think about this someone who's like, if I'm not feeling those lightning bolts, what a someone who's like, those lightning bolts are the reason I get into relaicious If I'm not feeling those.

I have to have lightning bolts. That means therapy. Yeah, that means therapy. You know, if you're somebody has good patterns in your relationships and then you can rely on your feelings and your attractions. But if you had something that twisted them, abandonment, neglect, abuse, that kind of thing in childhood, you got to get that healed. Is it always a thing relating to childhood? Oh? Yeah, that's when our brain is wired. That's so the wiring gets set up.

Oh, definitely, deep in, deep in, deep in Gecko thought, do you do you feel you know, I asked you at the beginning of this, But now that you've sort of been sitting here for an hour and twenty minutes, do you feel any different as a gecko?

Okay?

These feelings that we started with humiliation.

And oh the humiliation went away.

Okay, cool, you're feeling like this went away.

But I have been humiliated, so it's all done, so I have to worry about being further humiliated, which is nice. The the pajama quality is almost overwhelming. Oh yeah, I want to myself. Oh yeah, the music, that's that's the part that's troubling me. I'm yawning occasion, I'm thinking, what the hell? What am I doing anything else about this? Yeah? Like I said, I feel like I should be uh, you know a couple of flies that might be nice

You eating crickets before I have actually have, would.

You think uh too, garl cave for me, Yeah, I'd rather have some fresh cricket. I think especially now, Now, did the gecko tongue stick the way the gecko feet do?

Uh?

These big platform.

Yeah, there's like the way it works that there's there's a little sticky hairs on this. Yeah, I think I I used to know the word for I think it's called it starts with a sealy celia celia. Yeah, on all I'm pretty sure they're on all parts. But I'm pretty sure they're on the feet.

Sure the tongue do I will stick to stuff?

Oh?

Yeah, yeah, it's a tongue sticky too. I'm sticky.

It's I know what I can do. It extends pretty far.

Yeah. Good.

I mean that's why people confuse me for a frog all the time, because geckos and frogs they do have very similar.

You're just leaner and longer.

Yes, yeah, And hopefully nobody googles any of this and realizes that I'm completely have no idea what.

I'm talking about. Okay, good times, dow.

Yes.

Now it says here that on love Line ten years ago, you said the words big fat cock, and you like to apologize to you.

I actually said big fucking cock?

Oh okay, was that a and you have to apologize to who.

I want to apologize to you, Doctor Drew. I've been carrying this burden for over a decade and and it hurts me every time I listen to you on Doctor Drew after Dark.

Oh, and I want to move on with my life.

And and uh, I'm so glad I get to finally.

Okay, Now, I accept your apology wholeheartedly, and I appreciate the manner in which it is offered, and I forgive you completely. And I assure you that there were no consequences for me in the big cock comment. Uh, And so I want you to not not feel guilty. We're all good, and I appreciate the apology.

Thank you, doctor Juwan. Just so you know, me and my big fat cock aer doing fantastic.

Oh that is great news. That is great. It's amazing news. Congratulations, Thank you to both of you. That's right, see you Jeans.

So you're learning all of our Oh yeah, I feel like I'm getting in.

Sort of a looha. It's all greetings and farewells. You better believe I'll be coming up in me is a good one, and touch my camera through the fence. You'll hear that in a minute, No doubt. You have a lot of Lore to you and Lore, yes, Lore, because this is all of your mom's house. Lore being law in my career overall, I would say, so, okay, tell me how well I mean, this is all your mom's house. This is all your mom's house stuff, this is this is all current hip now podcast stuff in these So

How often are people coming up to be like I called you on the phone twenty years ago?

Rare? Right, rare? Because most people, you know, they're really adults now they're they're not thinking about that. Yeah, so they probably call when they were twenty two. You'll get it. It's the same for you when you were dusted up as a gecko ten years ago. Yeah, I'm wondering a little.

Will people, you know, they'll tell you and they're in their thirties be like, hey, you know I called you and you told me something and now I'm fucked up and I'm blaming you.

They won't tell you that. They don't think they'll tell you that, but they'll tell you that. I called, So let's talk to Kathy.

Hello, Kathy, Hi.

Hi, Kathy, Hi.

How are you good?

What's happening to good?

How can I get you this evening?

So I called and then I got a message from my partner that you have a sexual sexual vibe that sounds it sounds awful.

I don't know how to phrase it.

I'm so sorry.

No apology apology needed, Just spill it out there.

What's going on?

So?

So I'm thirty two, the thirty three in August. So yeah, so number one, Uh, I feel like a sex drive not as as strong as I'd like it to be. And I mostly blame the Zoloft that I'm on on Gonne what what.

What do you want? Wait? What?

Oh?

Yeah, well that'll do it. That, that will do it. That will shut you down. And uh, it's it's a serious thing and it just can destroy relationships. And doctors don't talk enough to their patients about this. No, it can affect any The SSRI class of antidepressants can affect any stage of the sexual cycle, from arousal to erection, to lubrication to pain with intercourse to orgasm. Every piece can be affected, and you should. You should be able to get on something that doesn't do that so much.

I actually I have a little bit of a unique situation.

Who I was.

I was going to ask you some advice about that too.

Girlfriend girlfriend?

So is she pressuring you at all, ars anything or make you feel bad about it. Okay, good, that's good. So that's good. So so she's you know, with you on this. And but even I'm sure she'd love to see you a little more too. So good. I mean, and if and if your anxiety or your psychiatric issue is so profound that you don't want to risk it, still, that should be discussed explicitly with your with the prescribing doctors. Okay, okay,

O's fine.

So my girlfriend is a transfomer who is not seeking bottom surgery, and uh, I'm obviously.

Totally fine with that. We vibe.

You know, she gives me the business, I give her the business. It's a grand old time not to be too boulder. My My question is, so I work, and I have a pretty physical job. I come home, I'm so I'm hired. I don't want to make it's someway that work construction, but you know, I'm yea and and you know he can sometime working up the energy.

Uh two, you know, no, I get it, but you're getting but you're getting what's her name, sorry, Kathy, Kathy. You're getting a double whammy though. I mean, you're getting the low libidos. You don't have the motivation to step up and you know, try to push past the fatigue, and you've got the fatigue, which is real, it's real. I mean, you're entitled, hired at the end of the day, so I but when things go like this, it's the

So you're saying that if I talk to my doctor and get my SSR right, which the fatigue from work won't be No, I'm.

Not saying I'm not. I'm not really. Yeah, it's that's it's what I'm saying. I'm saying, you'll still have the fatigue, but you'll if you're if you're if you have libido, You'll find ways around it. You'll figure that out, right, I mean you figure it out when you're yes, yes, but but I'm glad your partner is is giving you what do you say, giving each other the business? But like that, I like that each other the business. Congratulations. It sounds like like a cool relationship.

And yeah, it's beautiful. I love her very much.

Good, that's awesome.

They found someone that I have. You been searching for a long time.

The difference by the way between people are like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. It's like, no, no, I'm good, right exactly.

You know, going back into what we were just talking about, it seems like you guys, there's there's no questions being asked here.

They're just good and that's that's what you're looking for.

Yeah, no, I I I love it very much, And I have been searching for a long time. I dated a slew of losers. I had my own issues too, but I picked I picked a winner this time and thanks to her wonderful steps on and that's great.

Takes what it takes, takes what it takes. Like my my wife always says, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs or get goes in our case.

Yeah, well, thank you so much. I'm definitely going to talk to my dog.

Yes, please do please do it make be sad?

How long were you searching before you found your wife?

Yeah?

I was twenty four when we connected, twenty four, but then we were on and off for seven years. Got married in thirty one.

Okay, so when you say on and off, what was what was the on and off?

Theah off was we were in our twenties and we were living in different cities, and we were I was an idiot and wasn't ready and that kind of stuff. So I blame myself more than anything.

Was there any of that going on? You know what we told that previous caller of like, you know, if they want to be with you, they will, If they won't, they won't.

Yeah, it was a little different. It was a little different. It was I really wanted to be with her, but I really didn't want to get married, and she really did want to get married, and I just I just knew I wasn't ready. I just wasn't ready. I was I barely had my head on my shoulders. I couldn't have done it. And I would have screwed things up.

How did you know that you were ready?

I didn't really. She came back into my life and it felt totally different, and she started pushing the issue again. I was like, ah, I definitely want to be with you. I mean, there's really something here and it has just expanded since then. And and you know, the really, I always tell people the asset test is on your wedding day walking to the altar, and at the altar.

You feel like you don't know until.

Well, you'll have a very vivid experience. I predict if you really want to be there, but if I really don't want to be If you really don't want to be there, you'll have cold feet yeah, you'll start thinking what am I doing? Why am I doing this? I should run away? People have those thoughts. Every time I've heard somebody talk about that, it doesn't go well for me. I felt more like, oh my god, this is exactly

And do you feel like anything less than I feel like I would agree with that. Where anything less than that.

I feel bad for you if it's less If you have cold feet want to run, do so because it will have consequence.

Have you seen in your experience lots of the times where like that'll just just drag out for a very very long time. People who should not be together.

Oh yeah, yeah, especially when they have these big, expensive marriages and the weddings and they want to you know, oh my family will kill me and blah blah blah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you what do you think of the primary reasons for that these like you know, social shame or anything like.

That, why they stick with it? Yeah, well they they're doing well. There's a million reasons, but but a common one is they're doing their marrying somebody that they think they're supposed to marry. Sure, that kind of thing. Sure, And it's one thing that your scripts match, like your your life. You have similar life courses, you come from

Big Now they're dealing with pressure from the mom and the dad of like you can now our families are all married, and you spend a.

Million dollars and too many beautiful weddings and shitty marriages. The marriage is what's supposed to be nice, not the wedding.

Yeah, I mean the fact that people will like go into debt to fund a weddings.

The same beautiful weddings do not predict beautiful marriages. It is probably almost an inverse relationship.

I mean it comes from like people just wanting to be approved, approval from other people over whatever it is.

Yeah, I guess, yeah, I guess I feel bad for people like that.

Let's see here. Oh, this one's interesting.

Oh boy, it's the first one you reacted to like that. I'm ready, Anna, Hi, how you doing? They called you interesting? What's going on?

Doing good? And since you suspect your cousin has a video game addiction and that it might be causing him to get violent with his mom?

Uh oh.

Yeah, he's really little, he's like twelve and he's thirteen now, but he's just really violent when like my mom tries to make him turn off the game and nothing seems to work. And I'm kind of curious, like short of like calling the police on him when he gets violent, Like would you do with kids like that?

That is a mental health problem. That is not that is not a parenting problem. That is a mental health problem, and that kid needs to be evaluated right oftentimes behind video game compulsion is a serious mental illness. And I'm not saying always there and there can be video game addictions and there can be compulsions and people could just use them excessively and people could become professional video game

Yeah, he's on like some weight lists to get evaluated. But like in the meantime, I just wonder, like, what can she do if he's getting physically violent with her?

I would have a low threshold for calling law enforcement if he really is. I mean, you have to do that. He's he can't. You can't. Look, there are consequences of behavior you don't get just just to do that. And just because it's thirteen doesn't it doesn't matter.

You have to.

You have to bring the axe down sometimes when people behave in ways that are dangerous, you just have to. He just can't do that. You're not allowed to behave like that and somebody could really get hurt, him or your mom. And this it's not it's no fooling.

Hey, what's he playing?

Right?

Oh?

God, I don't even know.

Is it a violent thing. Is it Sonic the Hedgehog? Is it Fortnite League? I think it's a Minecraft Minecraft. Okay, then it's probably not the video games that are giving the violence the violent tendencies, unless if he's trying to hurt over then axe.

No, no, no, something's up, something is up and needs needs help. And again, just make sure your parents understand it's not a parenting problem. There's something else going on. Okay.

And when they go to a pessis I don't he's on a wait list somewhere like like all therapists know how to handle stuff.

Like that, Like what kind of services? Yeah? Yeah, I mean again, it's it's not just the video game, it's what is going on underneath there that that needs to be valued. Is he's going to see a psychiatrist.

I think he's going to like he's gonna go to a clinic with like the whole team.

A team clinic. Good. That's fine, that's fine. They'll help him. They for sure. They see lots of this kind of stuff. That's good.

Yeah, And you know, look, it's nice that you care. I feel like there's a tough thing where like you are sort of removed in like how much you can do about this situation. But it's very nice to hear that you care so much about your cousin to want to intervene and help with this, because this is a really, really tough problem that you could very easily just be like when he starts, yeah, just be like, I'm out.

And appreciate it.

And it's good that the mom is is it your his mom, your aunt or your mom. It's good that she is being proactive and hang on a second, yeah, uh, And and that he that she's taken proper action. That's very very commendable because a lot of parents get into denial and don't do what they need to do. It's good that she is. My skin just came up. It's weird.

There we go to it. That's the thing about the echo parts. They always go back uh Anna, good luck to you and thank you for calling.

All right?

Thank you?

You playing a video game?

Am I playing one?

Do you play any video game?

No?

I really don't.

You never really played video my sons did?

I picked it up a couple of times, just I can't even do it literally, and I thought probably best not.

Even like something simple like a fucking candy crush you sku No, but you gotta do something to what do you? What do you do when you're trying to turn off your brain?

Uh?

I work out and listen to podcasts. Okay, yeah, that's my sort of my meditation.

You listened to a lot of podcasts.

I do do you not after? Like if your whole job is radio and podcast? Do not be like a podcast sometimes? I Lately I've been working on languages with YouTube teachers and things. Okay, what are you learning French? French? I actually I learned Greek for a minute.

Greek.

Yeah, it's a lot you can do with that, there is and it's a weird language. Yeah. We were going to Greece and so I thought, all right, it helped me with my COVID fog. It really helped. And there's one strange thing about language. When when you start a language, which I haven't done in years, you're you really pick stuff up very quickly. It feels like surprising, and then not then it's just plateaus.

No, but it's like, uh, there's that the what is it the pi ratio principle of the twenty where it's like, there's you really only need to know so many words, yeah to get around yeah.

Yeah. And and I was telling people that my Greek was sort of a parlor game, yeah, because I only learned I we you know, and I didn't endo any other congregation conjugations and uh, and just learned words about food and things like that, things at hotels, and it was pretty good.

So I mean I learned, uh, And I went to I studied in Italy, and I learned a pretty damn good amount of Italian in one month. And I had this epiphany where I was like, oh, it took me one month to like learn somewhat basic conversational Italian. What the fuck else could I do in one month? Like I'm always overestimating the amount of time it takes to like fucking learn to play guitars.

Fantasized going back to piano and stuff. But but French. Yeah. I studied a long time, but I could never speak it. And then I was like, I'm gonna speak it, and I'm getting pretty good now.

Uh do you feel like even after you take your take your are are you doing this in anticipation.

For going on the trip? I did it in anticipation going on. We did go also go to France, and I just kind of stayed with it because you're staying with it. It just feels good for my brain. It just feels good.

It's hard when you don't have a like reason anyway, it.

Is, and I lose motivation sometimes. But but I'm it's I'm so pissed that I've got this huge vocabulary and I do understand everything that I can't just speak it. That's ridiculous.

Wait where are you gonna go?

Where?

I don't care. I just after all these years of studying and reading French and stuff, I just like, I'm god damn it, finally I'm gonna speak it. That's all. I'm just I'm tired of this. I'm gonna speak it. You ever going on?

Megal?

What you know?

What?

Megal is?

No, it's like this thing where you can like you can set it to like. Uh, it's it's this thing that like hooks you up on video chats with random strangers. A lot of the time it's used for people to jerk off, but there's a lot of people not drinking the chat.

Yeah.

Yeah, said it for like, uh yeah, for a French person. I did that for like Italian a little.

With somebody actually talked to you. Yeah, you could get people to talk to you. Huh.

You also a lot of people jacking off, but you can, if you can, if you can get past that. Okay, what's it called omegel? I mean I think they have it for Chatroulette, but Chatroulette, I mean they both have a lot of people.

Just high tutor seems that sounds like a better idea. Yeah, hey Isaac, Hello, Yeah.

What's up, Isaac? What's going on? How can we how can we be of how can we.

Be with you?

In this moment right now? I'm being.

I'm I'm being horny actually, which is not good because I can't do anything about it because I injured myself playing piano.

Wow, this is an interesting story. So what was the nature of the piano injury?

So I'm a jazz studies major in college. My senior year, and I've been doing like this stuff, so like I couldn't play guitar for a while, and so I was just kind of thinking about, well, like what else can I do to it?

For music?

And piano is really good. It's very like all the notes are right in front of you. But like, yeah, you know, you use your hands so much and the body has this cool way of telling you to stop, and it just like kind of breaks down a little bit, like.

Arthritis type of you don't know what the injury is. You've not been evaluated yet. No, I mean, hey, Isaac, Isaac, Isaac Yes or no? Yes or no? You saw northpeda or a specialist in hand and they gave you a diagnosis yes or no?

Yes?

Okay, what's the diagnosed? Hang on, no, buds, what's the diagnosis? What's the diagnosis?

Diagnosed?

Okay?

Hold on, I have this thing here.

Okay.

They wrote one PCP, two physical therapy, three specialists question mark.

Okay, so that's all. That's all. That's not diagnosis, that's all treatment. That's all treatment. Yeah, So what was the diagnosis?

I mean to do that?

Yeah, we need to see the specialist and is it in both hands? Yeah, yeah, both hands. When'd you teach them about flash lights?

Sing?

Have you tried? You have one that straps onto the wall?

No, I said I could, I could. I just I was just kind of going with that.

Okay, what's your what's your apprehension about getting a sex toy that you can strap to a wall?

Well, I don't know. I guess that's a good question. Why don't I just I guess i'd have to order online?

Yeah, yeah, you know.

Look, Isaac, here's the thing. As I know, you feel like you're frustrated with your inability to express your horniness. But at the end of the day, if there is a will, there is a way.

There is technology today, there is of advanced technologies.

I feel like you haven't given enough thoughts whatever I mean to to you haven't done any solution based thinking to this problem. It sounds like and I think that you. I mean, do a quick Google search for hands free masturbation devices. You can just you don't have to do anything. You can just you're dick in it, press the remote control,

H f F.

That's a good solution. But yeah, no, that's a good solution. I was thinking about going celibate too.

There's all, there's a lot of value to be gained in that is not is not.

You know, uh, what's the word I'm looking for? When you don't have any sexual activity and celibra means you don't you don't have activity with somebody else, doesn't it.

Oh you're going you're going no fat.

Yeah, nothing. I think that's what you're saying.

Were you about to say? Imagine all the things you could accomplish if you didn't masturbate? Yeah, yeah, Hey you could learn French mm hmm.

Fun.

You're right.

I've been really into German expressionism because of it, because I because when I get.

Warning and then and then when you go out to the bars and you're, you know, trying to find a sexual partner, you can bring up your expertise in German expressionism as a way to seem more interesting, You get more.

Uh, improve your selection. No, absolutely, okay, beautiful, thank you, okay, thank you much, Yes very much. Well you're google like like, like we said, google it hands free, hands free forever.

Have you ever used one of those flesh light things?

No, I actually haven't, but they look cool people should enjoy.

I used to when I was what fourteen? I took a took two sponges, and I took a a like a plastic glove, put it in between the sponges. Yeah, took that little plastic glove sponge sandwich, put it into a pringles can.

Oh my god, your genius look the rim of it. I'm sure that. I'm sure many young teens have had evil genius solutions like that.

And then it makes a little pringles yep can yep.

Good for you, Oh my god, because when.

You're fourteen, you can't, you know, buy the thing.

No.

Look, fourteen year olds are males. They got energy.

Hmmmm.

Why did God do that to young men? You know what I mean?

No, he's definitely a sadist, that God.

You know. One of the first things that transgender patients female to male tell me is, oh my god, I'm so sorry, Like I didn't know this is what you were contending with. And my response is, yeah, that's what it feels like all the time. But imagine you're thirteen contending with that.

Yeah, they're having that. That must be interesting that being able to have through your life fully been able to experience both sides.

Yeah, we we should be mining that, you know, people that have those experiences more for for help people understand the differences and what people are experiencing. And yeah, hmm.

Sucking Nicole Nicole.

Nike.

Hey, Nicole has a gun.

Thanks good?

How are you doing good? At what's going on with you? Nicole?

Well, Jesus, there's some family drama going on. Does he want to talk?

Oh?

No, I just I just had the team Young Cloud with you. But so, I guess the main reason, like I was thinking tonight, was I have a lot of issues with over sharing and conversations like.

How do I describe this?

So I had a couple of diagnoses recently that kind of correlate with each other and makes it hard for me to like have like proper conversations in general. But I tend to realize that I overshare when I and even if I don't intentionally want to, because I'm trying to like describe how I'm feeling is shit and a situation and I don't know, it is a bad habit, And.

I just wanted a little what what are the diagnoses?

Uh? Okay, I have kind of a list. I have borderline personality disorder autism PTSD, agoraphobia, so anxiety and depression.

Right, of course, that's all all that stuff is, you know the PTS that the trauma is the PTSD, The trauma is the border line. The anxiety goes with the borderline. But here's the thing about borderline people. Borderline disorder are I know what you're talking about. You guys are geniuses at sort of picking up on things, right, You're like

Man.

You know, who's you know before somebody pulls in your dry way, who's coming? And why? And that's it's weird how I mean, it's incredible how you guys can do that. But you have to be able to regulate your emotions and understand that a lot of your stuff affects other people and so and the other people's minds have emotions too, you know, at certain times you lose track of that. And so you want to do something, Yeah, you want to do something called dialectical behavioral therapy DBT. So are

I thought about?

Or just controlled behavioral therapy?

Both good? Both good? Both good, both good? They will you trust me, they will they will help you and all this, you know what's what you're talking about of you know, overhearing things and racting to things. It will settle, It will settle, But you gotta do. You gotta do the work. You gotta do the work you get. You have a diagnosis, the diagnosis has a treatment, and the treatments work. That's the great news. So you feel so much better. Trust me.

I like this the angle of like it's it's it's you know, looking at the positive things.

Yeah, yeah, but every everything in life has liabilities and assets. Everything everything I have OCD made me a great doctor. I was obsessively checking everything, responding to my page er and stuff like that. But now when my text messages go off, it's fucked. I hate it. It's the same system, same problem. And and people get very pejorative about mental health diagnoses. Oh you have Oh yeah, that because it makes you do things that are unpleasant or may be disruptive.

Okay, that's very helpful in the process of like accepting about yourself being like, oh well, I can't get so upset about all the negative things that are going on with me because of this, because there's also the positive things that I am they're excited about.

So many people out there with borderline disorder that are so grateful that they got their diagnosis and they got proper treatment because they didn't understand what was going on.

Oh I'm so happy I did, because like when I hike, when I was in sophomore year, is when like my back started to go complete ship and my parents completely neglected it, didn't take me to the doctor and just assumed that gymnastics would just cure it and heal it. And I ended up like getting surgery after I turned eighteen because they wouldn't take me to the doctor, and my boyfriend took me.

Boy and then all of.

My emotions and shit just kind of left out of me and I cut everybody off.

Okay, so hold slow down, you're going back. You're going back into it. I feel it starting, okay, and I get it. I heard you, I heard what happened, and but that's the stuff that needs to be damn calm down. We got to calm that stuff down, Okay. And I don't I don't even mean calm down. That sounds sort of glib. I mean we're going to process that, We're going to regulated deal with it, manage it, that kind of thing. Okay.

It's like feeling of one, like you know that I have that anxiety.

So okay, so let me give you another little premer so. So, one of the things that that comes with borderline personal disorder is something called projective identification. That unpleasant feelings, you put them out into other people. You inject them into people, and you work them there and you regulate them. You make other people feel things. You know what I'm saying, right, yeah, I okay with your you're I know, and you're good at it, and you're capable of it. You're starting to

It's it's cool watching you do this because you know, when I have the way I typically handle these calls. Is I never advertised myself as like having like answers. I'll typically like them. I just want them to talk like your that's cool because you're an actual doctor, and you know, it's cool being like, oh, you know, watching you be like, oh, you're saying this, you have this, Here's the actual reason as to why you are feeling this way. Here's some some actual you know, therapies.

We here's what you can do about it. Yeah, people are so fascinating the human experiences. I'm so grateful to have had the ability to sit by and and and understand, come to understand and experience and witness so much of the human experience that the average person does not get to say. Yeah, of course, whether it's opening somebody up and messing around inside with with knives and bovy, you know, clamps, or opening up in here and helping people deal with that,

You learn a lot about your own psychology by getting a.

Kind of it's not what you think, it's more. It's more. I do a lot of therapy to make sure I could really be present fully in some very incredible situations without being overtaken by it or just regulated by it. And you start to learn really how you fit with other people and what they evoke in you, and you

So you feel like a little bit of what the patients got going on is like.

It gets projected, intruding, and much the way I was talking to her about projective identification, this is a little different. This is just something that happens naturally when people are closely attuned to each other. But it's wild and uncanny. So you sort of learned what I would learn is really what's mine and what's somebody else's.

Was there at a hard point in time where I mean earlier in your career where where you didn't have that clear.

One hundred percent?

I was.

I was, and it was I was not effective because of it, and I was aware of it. I was like, oh something I'm not. I'm not. I need to change something because this is not help helpful the way I am. What I would I would get into very rescuing modes and that kind of stuff. Yeah, found to rescue and save and make better. And you don't get to do

Yes, okay, So you don't come to this from a place of I need to rescue them, I need to help them.

You come back some of that left over because I am a codependent, but I come from it that like I may feel that way, but I'm not going to do that. Sure, I'm not going to rescue people. I'm not going to get engaged with that.

No, no, no.

I mean, do you feel like that's a lot, that's a that's a heavy burden to put on yourself, you know, to always want to help people.

No?

No, no, no, no no. But like you know, I don't know, do you feel like it's possible to help everyone?

No?

And that's part of wanting to help. Yes, it's like you do what you can. Like I told you about the aimless driver. You've got a skill set, you got some experience, you do what you can't, you do what you can't. But but I, but I don't know. I'm just great. I know it's expressive, but just grateful, grateful, grateful that I can offer something and that i've and that I commune with people in a certain way where I get to see these things that are important.

You know, that's wonderful.

I'm not always dressed like a gecko. When I do that too, it's you may surprise you, but sometimes I am clearly.

I like the well, the cool thing about having guests on and a Gecko. Is that like, you know, I feel like it. You're like a different guy knocks you down to size in a sense.

It's like it's like this is like, oh look my legs are showing. It's like massd Singer. You become the become the character exactly. I'm gonna tell you that I did that show too, and that was weird. That was wild. You do become the character a little bit.

Do you feel like you're becoming the character?

I'm becoming a character. I'm not at the character. I need a little more time in this outfit to become the character.

How are you feeling? You down to take a few more? What's your what's your brom? I don't want to keep you here for it?

Oh it's late. I got to get home. You do one more more?

Okay it. Let's let's see here, any any anything stepping out at you here. Let's let's look through the hanging on a second too fast.

Uh oh jeez, somebody's are tough. Uh oh boy, uh my goodness. Uh oh. Let's do the sleep sex sleep sex h Hello? Sam? Hey, Hey, what's up?

Sam?

Cool to be the last fall at least of this.

Cold, to have you those last.

Thanks Sam. What's going on?

Uh, nothing much, just been just been on hold for a while and anticipation.

Well here we are, it's happened.

Anticipate no more.

The one let's go on, my tail is coming up.

Just wants just something that I've wanted to talk to doctor Drew about for a while. So it's I don't know if it's technically a condition, but essentially so I I essentially have have sex in my sleep, like with with my partner. I initiate and I'll just say the word continue with sex without me completely asleep, without any knowledge of.

So so you have complete just one that initiates. So hold on, do you have complete anesia? You never wake up in the middle of it or anything like that.

I usually wake up in the middle of it just from like jostling or whatever. But and I have woken up to just like making out. But I've also woken up completely like in the middle of.

Like okay, And how does your partner feel about this?

Usually they do not realize until I wake up and I'm like, wait, what.

Oh, and have you have you discussed this? What have you discussed this with them?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah at length?

Okay, So it's not like if somebody somebody's feeling somebody's feeling violated or raped or whatever. None of those kinds of feelings planned.

Oh no, no, no, oh no, not in the slightest we have We've both discussed it at discussed it at length, and they they appear to be okay with at least we have discussed it. Okay, I personally have no problem with it.

Okay, So so let's just talk about these This is this is a sleep disturbance. The way we think about it is essentially anything you do awake, you can do in your sleep. Literally anything. Uh, And this is sort of in the zone of sleep walking and sleep eating. Sleep sex is much more common than people realize. It's it's actually not at all uncommon, and it's it doesn't necessarily any treatment. Did you sleepwalk when you were a kid?

I have sleptwalk my entire life. I've woken up in a variety of playing.

Yeah, so this is all part of that. And and you know, you could get a sleep study and see what's happening that you know that they can kind of evaluate it, and you know, do you really want to take medication because you're having sex with your partner and they're cool with it, you're cool with it? I don't know.

Uh.

And and did you have night terrors growing up?

Never night terrors, although oddly enough, I have very weird reoccurring dreams. Usually they're different in some respect. And this is completely off of off the topic. But there were always zombie apocalypse.

Yeah, it's not off topic, And it's.

Always there was something weird about doors.

Yeah, And would they would you sometimes wake up with a zombie lying on top of you and you couldn't move?

Uh? That never happened. Although I have had sleep paralysis.

For right, So sleep paralysis goes with this too, right, And hypnogoga hallucinations are common with sleeprouses. So you guys, you kind of have the full spectrum of sleepwalking. Really is really what it all is. It's like you're you're you're sleep cycling. I don't I'm not an expert in this, but essentially you don't wake up and go to sleep and ram normally you sort of going in and out of these things sort of in in some way that's not quite you know, consistent with going all the way

Enjoy any of these dreams like you find them thrilling? The zombie dreams, the zombie dreams, what's that?

It's it's it's it's enjoyable to like wake up to it, like like oh okay, and then it's just continue.

Like yeah, why not be so you continue when you wake up, they don't stop.

Yeah, no, they keep going there. They're good. Interesting. What better way to wake up? Is there a better way to wake up?

I don't know, so I don't believe.

All right, man, that's very very interesting. But good luck to you, Sam, Sam, all right. Now we're done. Now we're done. Now we're done. It's been a privilege, I particularly with the world out there that you you bring in. And I love the fact that the lot of them I'm from, a lot of them are what we call mommies. They come from your mom's house, and this big overlap evidently between our world.

I'm happy to hear it. Man, it's been This is like a master class watching you take these calls. You know, It's it's been super cool.

Man.

I'm honored that you came on my pleasure. Thank you for doing this. You clearly have an audience that loves you and wants to chat with you, and that's a lot of you know, digital streaming stuff is people want to hang out and talk and you give them that chance. So good for you, Thank you, man. I appreciate it. And the gecko part I'm still not totally sold on.

But no, OKAYR it's been two full hours and sixteen minutes. Anything else to say about being a gecko? Final thoughts?

Be kind to me out there on the internet. I try don't destroy getting memed memed and accept it well and just be kind.

You know.

I come to you here in peace dressed as a gecko, and and that's my commitment to you all, and to you too, but most of your audience, I'm willing to do this to sit in.

The cool I don't think I don't think they'll have a Are you worried about a spin on it of some kind that is dark?

I'm worried that, uh, it will emerge someday when I'm trying to do something very serious and people, This is the thing. I it's people. When your physicians, you're not allowed to do anything unusual. And and I've always sort of pushed that envelope. A little bit is evidence. Today is evidence and you're and christ is here.

And I can't shout out to Christa for putting this.

I can't say no to Christa. There is no saying you'll learn this. There's no saying Notachrista. So that's unless I'm here.

It's been a hont great talk.

Thank you man, pleasure, thank you so much.

Goes on the line.

Ever teaching you.

Boo boo boo boo boo boo, boof boof boof