Hey, folks. Before we get into this episode, I wanted to tell you all about the brand new Therapy Gecko merch drop that has just commenced on my website www Dot therapy gecko dot com. We have all new designs for hoodies, t shirts and stickers just in time for the holidays, and the stuff looks really cool. It's very high quality. I would show it to you, but this is a podcast, so I don't really know how to
do that. But you can head to www dot therapy gecko dot com to see for yourself and support the show and get some very cool geckoswag that I personally guarantee you will look very beautiful in. All right, let's do some calls. Hello, Hi, who is this?
My name is?
How is life Winnie?
It's been okay. I can't say it's the best. I'm kinda like enslaved, but.
You know you're enslaved.
Yeah, I'd like to call it that for the jokes, but like you know how they're like jokes online where it's like people walk into like a fast food Chinese restaurant and you see a seven year old at that counter. Mm hmmm, like yeah, name, mm hmm, yeah, yeah, well it's still kind of is me. I'm just older now, so.
Interesting. Yes, it says here that you've been working at your family's Chinese restaurants since you were a child's and they have high expectations of you, but never give you time. I'm to do the things that you want to do in your life. So are they expecting you to take over the family business?
Well, actually it's more of so you like take They want me to go to like because I'm graduating. They want me to go to colleges such as maybe Yale or like Harvard, just like any big ones. And if I don't get into it, they expect me to go into a nearby college so I can still help out. I'm not getting paid for any of this.
Okay, uh Wnnie, what do you want to do with your life?
I want to be a graphic designer and like, like you know how they're Asian parents stereotypes. My Asian parents are like the definition of the stereotype. They want me to be maybe a lawyer, doctor, whatever makes a lot of money and I'm just here wanting to go into some kind of art.
M So.
What is your current ability and graphic design?
Actually, I think I'm doing pretty well for myself. I recently did win a art competition, kind of proud of it.
That's awesome.
Like I kind of want to go deeper.
Yeah, yeah, no, please please go deeper.
I kind of want to go deeper into Like like how really working in a restaurant as a child was for me because I see like, because I see online, there's like always people that are like, wow, children aren't actually doing something with their lives. But I hated it. It was it was like something that was forced on me that I did not want. I've been working in
the restaurant. So I used to live in China until I was five, and then once I moved to America, I wouldn't like I was already working there right when I moved there. So it was just like this whole thing where like I could not have a social life. I didn't know how to have a social life as a kid, just because of how much work was pushed on to me hmm. And people around me just acted normal and mhmm and like and like always Asian parents
they're like how do I say this? My Asian parents they are like they're really judgmental, except it's like when I walk to work one day and one of them, it's like, because we've known each other for so long, they treat me as a kind of a coworker but also a kid. So they have dominance over me. But
it's in a casual way, except not really. But like if I were to walk into a restaurant with day the restaurant days, and I would be wearing like something that I do, like I think it's a pretty my self fit, and one person when there would point out, while your outfit is really ugly today, and this statement goes like sticks. It's there for like a week or two and it just lowers everything, and it low like I begin to hate my own family.
Do your your these are this is something that you're you're you wear the stress and your your parents say to you that it's ugly.
Yeah, m h m hm.
Mm hmmm mm hmm. But it's not only a thing of self confidence. I would say, like a lot of stress goes because like as a child, I it was really bad to like the point where I wanted to like not exactly kill myself for hid but it was
like I dreamed of being a regular American. I did not want to be Chinese, Like I'm okay with my nationality right now, But before I I wanted to be like everyone else around me, And I feel like, I don't know, I feel like you have to go through something really like troubling to like actually think that, especially when you're seven. M Yeah, how.
Old is that? How old you were when you started working in the restaurant?
Actually I started working when I was five, But I didn't really have like, like you know, like a self conscient like I could not think, you know, like I was a kid.
But when you were in when you were in middle school and in high school, like did you get to hang out with your friends at all or do anything that kind of resembled a normal high school experience or was it a hundred percent working at the restaurant?
Okay, So when I was younger, like back in the elementary school, like it was it was one hundred percent. I it got to the point where, like like I said, I had no social life when I was a lot younger, there was like there was no time for me for anything, and like I was basically isolated. It was like I got bullying a moment in my life during that period because I was doing as much so. But in middle
school it kind of studded getting better. They allowed me to be late to work with extracurriculars, but there was still not many events that I could attend. And like when I got into high school, it also got a lot less stricter, But it's still like any free time I have, I don't have anything that's like extracurricular school related. Like I it's to the point where, like I still try to hang with my friends. But yeah, so I'm hoping to move to a college.
Part way, you're hoping to move to college for a way? Okay, I want to. I wanted to. I wanted to talk about the present for a second. I have a couple of thoughts tell me about I think we both know that as you are presently, now that you're an adult, and now that you have the opportunity, you know, you need to relinquish the control that your parents have of
your life. And I want to know in your head, what if anything, the fear surrounding that looks like, are you afraid to have a conversation with them about what you want to do? Are you afraid to just run away and ghost them completely? What if anything in the sphere of taking control of your own life and relinquishing your your parents' power over you. Do you have I mean, are you aind I?
Actually I don't think unto a shod of it. I've confronted them about it, saying like like I've told them what I've wanted to do with my life, and they're like okay, But it ends up becoming a lecture in which they lecture me about like how life is hard, and I get it there and the like they've went through a lot of hardships and I understand that life is hard. It's a lecture that's been given to me
multiple times. And now I understand that they still don't recognize what I say at all, Like even though they go on a full high lure, nothing sencid is like remembered.
So the hard part is going to be like making your decisions of what you want to do with your life and trying to get yourself to a point where your parents can lecture you and they can say whatever they say, but you know in your gut, in your mind what's the right thing for you to do, and the confidence you have and that knowledge and in yourself overrides your desire to go along with what your parents say to the point where what your parents say is is irrelevance.
But honestly, like I want, I want to be able to do that. But because they are pretty old, so I know I've got to like support them. I have siblings that aren't making much money and fairly can lose, so like, I feel like there's a responsibility, but I also know that I want to do something in my
life away from them. M it's I feel like me telling them, Like sometimes when I tell them that, oh, I want to go to like this state really far away from the state we are in right now, and I feel like it's just me trying to escape responsibility.
You know, it's difficult because I understand where you're coming from. I understand where you're coming from in the sense that you love your family and you feel a responsibility to take care of them. Can I ask how well they're.
They're like forty fifties around that decade, is okay.
I understand where that comes from. And you know, I'm not here to tell you what to do with your
life at all. But you know, when you get one go around on the planet, and I think you should feel empowered now that you're an adult to do what you want with your one life, especially considering that your parents have had you working for them and giving to them for thirteen years for free in that restaurant, and you've just given them so much that I can't imagine in what universe it would be unfair for you now as an adult to go I want to make my
own decisions. I want to go see the world. I want to go do art, and I'm willing to take on the responsibility of whether or not I succeed or fail in those ventures. But I have to go do it, and I don't think that would be unfair, and I don't think that would be running away from responsibility, especially considering how much you've already given them working in that fucking restaurant. Yeah, and I know that's and I know
that's really scary. Although although I don't know how you're feeling about it, because you seem like you told me that you confronted them, and I didn't know that when you were first talking about it, and that's why I was asking you what your level of fear is around taking that kind of control.
I though I have confronted them, I think they really being like, the bigger thing that I'm afraid of is I'm probably going to run out of money in the middle of So like if I were to venture out, I think if I were ever to make the posion to venture out, I think money is gonna be something because we're not the most well especially because if I were to just leave them in the dust, basically they would not be doing anything.
Sure, sure they wouldn't financially support you. Let me let me okay, let me ask you this and and I don't know, but this idea that you have that you're going to run out of money and that you won't be able to make money, what is that idea based off of?
Have you.
Have you picked a city and dived into with the red because look, you have the Internet, you have Wi Fi. I know this because you're calling me and you're on my stream. Have have you gone on the internet? Have you called you? Have you been like, you know what, I want to go to Seattle and looked on fucking Google maps at restaurants in Seattle and given them calls, or gone on Craigslist and send seeing what odd jobs are there?
Like?
Have you done any research into this plan before coming to that conclusion.
I have done a bit, although it's not like it's more in the general area of where I am going to study. And also I also take some information from the lectures they gave my parents gave me. Okay, it's more like, yeah, because I mentioned I was gonna plan to go out of state, I going out of state costs a lot.
Well, okay, so now, well listen, here's the thing when we're talking about two different things. Now, because you're talking about going to college and I'm talking about and I'm just talking about you going to another state and building a new building, an independent life for yourself, which totally does not require you to go to college. You're talking about going to college for graphic design. Yeah, okay, I I have. Again, you go do whatever you want with
your life. But in my opinion, if you want to learn fucking photoshop and art, uh fucking I'm gonna tell you what to do with your life, I would not I would not go into I would not go into debt. I would not go into debt. There's a way like the Okay, here's the thing when the under the underlying idea behind what you want to do. I want to go into the arts, and I want to move out of state and I want to establish a life for myself.
I very much want you to think of a new version of that plan, because because there's a lot of executable versions of that plan that do not require you to be in tens of thousands of dollars of debt to a university. And I want you to consider that idea, because yeah, I have. You could totally move to a new city, find a gig in that city, find some roommates,
and it'd be difficult, but it's doable. Go to a new city, find a gig in that city, working at a restaurant, get some roommates in a shitty little place that's your but it's your fucking place, your room, your rules. You're away from your parents, do the work at the restaurant, and then when you're not at the restaurant, you go on you pirate Adobe, you go on YouTube, You learn how to make art, and you just start making stuff. Just start up load to Instagram, start uploading to TikTok.
You get gigs here and there, and you just kind of grind it yourself without having to get money from your parents, without having to spend a shit ton of money on tuition and all the stuff that you would have to do in college. And I don't know if that's what you want, but I'm just telling you that a version of what you a version of what it sounds like you desire, exists without you having to go to college for it, because I think that's a dangerous thing.
And I don't usually like to tell people what to do and with not to do, but college gets me because it'd be a different thing. If you did want to do like your parents are telling you to do, and go be a lawyer and go be a doctor, then yeah, you got to go to college. But if you want to be in the arts and in graphic design, I think it's a bad move to go into a whole bunch of debt, and you could do that on a much cheaper route from the ground though, what do you think about that?
I actually think that's a pretty good idea. But once again, my parents, if I, like, don't even go to college, they will diss me like I will never see them again, like they are gone from my life. And that wouldn't be my choice, because if I want them gone from my life, I want it at least to be my choice. I don't know if you can. Yeah, it's kind of a weird situation.
You know.
I'm I'm sorry to hear that, Winny. That makes me very sad that your parents feel that way. And I don't have a thing that I can tell you that'll make that not suck that that really seems to hear. But I hope that you do have the courage to go out and live your own life, because I think you should.
I I.
Think it fucking sucks that your parents have some condition upon which they want you in their life. That just sucks. That just is this sucky thing that I don't know what there is that you can do about it, But I hope it doesn't scare you away from in the aftermath and dust of that pain, really pursuing what it is you want to do.
Yeah.
I know you're in a really tough situation. But I hope that, uh, I hope that you have the courage to do whatever you feel is right for your life.
Mm hmm.
When he's anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go, No, I have a the rest of the night, when you thank you for calling and sharing that was a tough situation that was really tough. I feel, I feel, I feel really bad for her that her parents have this like conditional love.
And that's such a fucking hard thing to navigate because it's like it's your fucking mom and but yet and and she should totally feel like she has the agency to do what she wants with her life, and it would be a just a waste to like spend it all serving them, you know. And I don't know, it's a tough thing to navigate, and I just I hope. I hate the idea that she feels as though the only way for her to achieve what she wants to achieve is to give some institution hundreds of thousands of dollars.
I think that's an outdated thing. And I don't know, man, I hope, I hope she makes it work. I hope she makes it work with with what she's got. And you know, I feel for her and I appreciate her sharing. Hello.
Hello, how are you?
I'm doing pretty good?
What's going on with you?
Oh?
Not much?
Man?
I saw you at your the Denver show.
Uh?
Oh hell, phenomenal shop.
I get go ahead?
Oh shit, you know what? Okay? Actually? Mark twenty nine from Colorado. I remember you, Okay, all right, I'm going to tell you something here, all right, So you I remember you because you went to the Denver show and I met you when I did my meet and greet afterwards, and you told me that you wanted to come on stage and tell a story about the time that you made a fake online bakery selling fake muffins. This is correct, this is you.
Yeah, yeah, more more or less.
Yeah.
So I just saw you in mynive earlier and I wanted to give you a call and maybe tell you a little bit about that time.
Yeah.
And it's funny because right when you walked away, I was like, oh, that sounds interesting, and I was like, you should call in with it. And normally when I say that and you walk away, I'm thinking to myself, I'm never going to hear from that guy ever again. Well we're here, we're actually on the podcast, and you actually did call in, and then I actually can hear this story.
Yeah, this is the first time I've actually tried to call in. I've watched for a long time, but like topin worked out at the show. But I'm glad to tell you this story. So I woke up one day, I was just like thinking, like, man, it would be really like cool to own a bakery, just generally, like that would be an awesome life, Like you'd be so happy selling like bake goods to people, Like everyone is always like pumped whenever they're like, you're not gonna be
mad eating a cupcake or donut. So I was like, what if I make this post? So I posted on Facebook this post about muffins. I had like eight different flavor options, you know, lemon, poppy seed, Macadamian nuts, you know, banana, and I like all all the options and tons of payment information, and I was like, is this gonna get me in trouble in any way? And it didn't end up like like.
I posted it.
I didn't think anything was going to happen, but like I was getting calls from my family and people asking me if I was okay. I was getting like asked if like I needed money or people thought I was selling weed, like weed muffins on the internet, and I told people I wasn't, and then it was all fake and people were just super confused and it actually right now, yeah,
I completely understand. And so it feeled everyone's fire though, because my friends thought it was hilarious, so they posted in the comment sections like, oh, these are the best muffins ever, you know, so people thought it was actually real because there were people commenting about how good they were. So a couple of days later I followed up and like made a post about how it was sold out and banking everyone uh, and someone was like is this real?
And I posted like it feels real? And for months people were asking me when I went out, like if I could if I had muffins, or they're asking my girlfriend. And it made me think I should start an online business, like a satirical company. It's really involved in like muffins and like just baking and all the ingredients and like have videos about that. And then no muffins ever sold.
They're always sold out. Something happened that the ingredients were stolen, the truck flip on the interstate, just something like that. And all you ever all I ever sold is T shirts and I've never done it, but I've always wanted to.
H it's an interesting idea. It's an interesting idea. I like, you know, what I like about it is that you woke up one day and you decide, here's what I like about the story you woke up one day and you decided that you wanted to run a bakery, and you thought about the things involved in doing that. You thought about, oh, i'd have to own a store front. I would have have to and here's the kicker, actually bake and sell goods. And you were like, I don't want to do any of that stuff, but I still
want to own a bakery. And you didn't let the obstacle of having to actually produce and sell products stop you from doing the store. And I like that that's very ambitious.
I mean, I feel like we might maybe be in the same situation somewhat because I mean there's I mean, there's no way for you to physically be a gecko, but you're putting in the work to try to be a gecko.
Oh yeah, we're definitely of the same milk.
But I just like being silly too, Like I like, like you were saying earlier, like I think it's fun to do stuff that is like not super invasive, but just still be silly and pushed the envelope, like I I tried to. I pretend to sneak on a cruise ship once, and that got me in a little bit of trouble.
But ask you this, Did this get you in any kind of trouble?
The muffins story did not. It just made people concerned about me and slightly for my mental health maybe, but I just I just like being silly. But people take Facebook too seriously. If it was on Twitter, it would have been fine. But Facebook, everyone thinks is way too close to real life.
So your friends and family they thought that you were actually convinced that you ran a bakery.
I think the thing was people were just concerned that I all of a sudden was selling muffins out of the blue on the internet and I might have like be in some financial woe or have some trouble with falling to me, I wasn't doing good because I went to Thanksgiving, like you know, six months later and my cousin was like happ and he's like yeah. My mom was like saw you were posted on the internet about selling muffins and was asking like, it's just like you were okay and stuff.
So has any part of you actually desired to make the muffins?
I mean I don't think so.
I mean mostly because I think it would just be It's so fun if the like the idea of like never actually having the muffins, but like being so into it and then just not existing and just like it's kind of just like getting maybe if you can get people behind the idea, because then everyone's like, oh, yeah, I've had the muffins and everyone's just gonna say that, and then no one's going to be like, I want to ruin the surprise all of a sudden they don't exists in the real.
It's inspiring.
I'm trying, man, try and I this happened like a year or two ago, and I still think about creating the company sometimes.
Yeah, once ill again. You know, I feel like the fastest you can go from idea to execution no better. And you really you really kind of drove that home.
Yeah.
Can I ask you what city is like behind you? If you know, I've just been watching and I've just been curious what city is walking around in.
Right now on the visual of this show. This is this is North Dakota.
Okay, awesome, awesome, Now my curiosity.
I don't know what I'm trying to.
Say, Mark, Is there anything else I want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Man, I really appreciate your time.
I appreciate the project, and you know, I just like, if you're struggling out there, just keep pushing like you know, that's all you got to do.
Then I appreciate it. I'll talk to you soon.
You too, man.
I wonder how many people he just drove completely insane that ordered muffins and never got them.
What's up?
Hey this Rick?
Yeah? This is Rick.
What's up?
Man?
Nothing much to yourself.
Ah, just being a gecko hanging out. I have to pee a little bit. But I think that's going to motivate me with this phone call, because I'll have a little bit of something to fight against, you know what I'm saying.
Oh absolutely, I've probably done some of my best work leading to your innate full bladder.
What's going on with you?
Rick? So?
I mean, what lot's going on with me? But the most pressing issues. I'm in real therapyfore. But I have like a little bit of a smaller issue in my life that's a little bit embarrassing. So I'm a software
engineer at a at a pretty big company Microsoft. So yeah, I have like some some swag, you know, like some hats and shirts and whatnot from the company that I've gotten purchased whatnot, and I get myself in this like little bit of an ego, you know, like type of position where like I want to wear like a hat or a shirt that there's Microsoft on it because I don't really have much to my identity, but I want like people to know that I'm a software engineer at Microsoft,
and you know, have that be part of me?
Oh yeah, I don't know.
If you're the same way. Maybe you go out and you wear a T shirt that's a therapy get go on it.
You think I don't. You think I don't go out and public with my therapy Gecko T shirt hoping that I'm at the grocery store and somebody is like, you know, somebody points out my shirt and goes, is that therapy geto? I love that podcast, and I go, yeah, it's pretty great, and then walk away like I'm fucking Peter Parker. You think I don't do that? Never happened before. I'm never happened, But I fucking do it all the time in the hopes that it will. You're in good company, Rick, You're
in good company. You're in good company. Everyone listening. We all have a little bit of we all have a little bit of that. I don't think it's a shameful thing. I think it's a human thing. You say that a lot of your identity has been tied up in uh uh, the fact that you have this cool job?
Is that?
Is that accurate? And this is a safe spot. I actually love talking about this particular thing.
Yeah, I mean a lot of my identity is tied up in mat. Before that, I don't know, my identity was like I had a pretty fucked up childhood and I'm you know, working on.
That, and.
You know, I always just kind of like would gravitate towards like defining my personality by that. And now it's like, oh, well I actually managed to crawl through college and and get out and get my degree, and now I got this job and that's pretty cool. And now it's transitioning from like childhood trauma too. I work at Microsoft.
You know, this is an interesting thing, the whole finding identity through an external thing, and it's something that I am always checking myself about with you know what I do we might you know, you mentioned the therapy got Go two shirt thing, and you know, look when I go to I'm always trying to check myself making sure I'm not getting too much of my identity out of what I do, because I know it's a dangerous and I think you know it's a dangerous thing too, and
that's why you're calling in about it. I don't think it should be I don't think you should see it as a shameful thing. I think it's a natural impulse. But you know, we both know it's a dangerous thing just in general, to get your sense of identity from external things, right, because look, you know you could get fired from your job tomorrow, I could get banned off of fucking all of my Instagram for no reason. You know, everything external going on in our lives could drop in
an instant, and then who would we be? Right? So it's a fucking not a good thing to tie yourself to things that are not fully within your control. I don't think you should look at it from a position of shame, because, like I said, it's a natural thing. So I think the question then becomes, what do you then tie your identity to? Right?
You gotta because it's not like I'm not like a like a star software in here, a Microsoft, like I'm doing my job, but like I don't know, like it's it's not like it's like I'm like a good software engineer. I'm just a software engineer, you know, so I wouldn't say that that to my identity. Definitely like liking computers and stuff as part of the identity. M hmm.
What gives you self esteem?
Oh, it's not much. That's something that I'm working on right right right?
He said not much? You said not much? But what is there anything to start with?
I'm independent to a degree, not not so much emotionally, but like other than that, like I can get stuff done on that I need to.
Uh, you know.
I I like to think that I'm you know, working on myself, and a lot of people aren't. I'm able to like admit places in my life that I've I've like heavily fucked up, and that's that's hard to do.
I like all those answers that you are working on yourself. I think that's an important one. That's when I'm That's what I'm trying to adopt into my philosophy is like, you know, getting self esteem from the fact that I'm working on it. I showed up.
Yeah, growth minds that type the deal. It's a big like concept and like corporate you know, these are the type of people we want to hire, people who can like learn and grow. But you know that kind of applies to your life too, no matter how cliche it might sound.
Right, well, it's not even that it's a cliche. It's not even a cliche thing. It's like it's within your control. Again, Microsoft can fire you, but they can't take away you showing up to life every day, right. I mean, that's a good thing to get self esteem from. It's just anything within your control. The fact that you try your best, and that's the that's I feel like a really good thing to build your your self esteem on.
But it's hard though, because you can get caught up in like judgments and like I did this thing that I know people would think is fucking awful or weird, and like I'm trying to move past that, but you know, it's just like it feels like it's haunting me.
You know.
I struggle with with OCD and ADHD, and you know, those are two very polarizing conditions when it comes to, you know, coping, because it's like the metation for the ADHD makes the OCD worse. But it's like without that medication. I'm kind of like, not very useful of the human beings when it comes to like my work.
Mm hmmmm.
I don't know if that's a little bit of a tangent.
No, I don't think it's a tangent. Hmmm. I'm trying to see what I wanted to say to you just Oh God, see what I wanted to say to you just now was like, you know, you don't have to base all your self esteem off of your work. But I'm thinking about now you got me thinking about myself. Am I basing my self esteem off of my work?
And then if I am, maybe it's a good place to start for some people.
That you know.
Maybe I don't know, because I do get you know, it's it's a really dude, it's so hard. I love this topic because I find it, I find it fucking fascinating because and I hope I'm not I hope that me I'm gonna talk about myself for a second. I hope that me talking about myself as a direct link for me talking about you. But you got me on thinking about this. It's hard because I get a lot of self esteem out of what I do, and I
like it it's been it's been really great. I feel like I can be open and honest and express myself on here, and I, you know, see it does. It makes me feel good getting positive feedback, the fact that people listen to the podcast like I do. I get a lot of good feelings and vibes and self esteem from what I do. But in the back of my mind, I'm like, yeah, but it's a fucking external thing, and you should you shouldn't get build your self esteem from external shit.
You know.
That's a that's a one, that's a really one of one of my big, uh sort of balances I'm trying to find here is to not get so wrapped up in my own identity with my work, but also struggling with well, shit, these these I'm getting good feelings from this stuff, and I, as a person lucky enough to be experiencing those good feelings, should be grateful for them in the moment, but not hinge my everything to them. That's kind of how I've landed on it a little bit.
I don't know if you any of this stuff kind of resonated with you at all and what you're thinking about in your own life.
No, it absolutely does.
It's kind of like.
Kind of building yourself and but you know, not mixing together your identity with what you doing or what you work on so much.
Right, so you know, look where are your mic it's the thing, wear your Microsoft shirt and I'll wear my therapy.
I I.
Like, I want to be humble about it, you know, like I know that I'm much I'm very well off financially, you know all those things.
You know.
So it's like I don't want to be like, oh haha, I work at Microsoft and like walk into you know, like somewhere where people aren't making so much money because honestly, the value of the work I'm doing is nothing compared to a lot of professions that get paid eighth of what I get paid. To society, you know, like the world will go on another day without like like stuff teams, but you know, social workers, for example, get paid like nothing, which it just isn't fair. But it's yeah, I don't know.
I'm just responding to some of the chat a little bit.
Ah, Rick, you son of a bitch. I was reading the chat and people were like saying, Rick is in the chat, and I was gonna, Rick, are you reading Rick? Have you been reading the chat, this entire call.
On and off. Why is that against some unspoken rule?
It is absolutely against some unspoken rule. Please don't do that, because it's just it's just you're supposed to be talking to me right now and you're not doing that. You're looking at you're reading.
I apologize, I am closing my laptop.
No, I was reading it too. Oh well, okay, why were you reading the chat?
Well?
Were you?
Okay? You know what if I will fuck it? What did you see in the chat that you were responding to so passionately?
People telling me to get a romantic interest in assuming I don't I might be in a long term relationship right now. In fact, I am you rick.
You don't know. You don't need to tell, you don't need why. This is the thing is if you're you need getting to a point somebody on the internet saying you need to get uh a romantic interest, and then you feeling like why need to do I have one? You need to justify that I don't know, dude, dude, It's a natural impulse. That's why. That's how most people operate, is what they said. I don't have Yes, how I do?
I need to let them know, and I understand that's how most That's how most people respond to that stuff. You don't need to justify yourself to any anything. And I know that you're you're working from a place of of of insecurity, and I've really marinated in that place myself, and I'm just telling you, you know, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone, Rick, And I think ultimately what I what I want to say to you is that you have, you know, an awareness of yourself that
I think will help you as you continue on. I've i myself and I've spoken to a lot of people, and I have friends and stuff who have had UH insecurity surrounding things. And I know that you will on and upward trajectory slowly but surely, UH get a little bit better with that. Just take the shame out of it, because it's really a natural human impulse, and just don't feel the need to justify yourself to anyone saying thing about you on the computer.
Thank you.
I appreciate that. That's something that I mean, growing up on like the forums and stuff, not having many friends, I've always like it's like I learned that lesson.
It's like, don't.
Stop well, what did you spend all that time writing that response for? Like what did you accomplish? And then it's like now I'm at the point where like I'll start writing or reply and read it or whatever, and then I'll just like press this card because it's like what am I doing in my time right now? This is a real waste.
Oh yeah, keep keep keep yeah, keep checking yourself on that. I'm doing the same to myself.
Uh.
Even when I see Shack comments, I'm like, I want to say something, but I don't. I decide not to say it because it's all a distraction. It's all a distraction. Rick rick Man, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go? I'm glad that you gave me the opportunity to talk about the stuff, because I really, I really do love this subject. I think about it every day, so I appreciate you giving me the space to chat about it.
Yeah.
No, absolutely, I just had a quick question.
For you, Lyle Hitman.
Do you like read up on specific modalities of like therapy, Like do you read into like CBT and DBT and all that type of stuff to prepare for the performance that you give in this awesome show.
You know what, I haven't, I really I haven't, Like I haven't actually picked up and read through a book because I just don't do that. That often me or it's fucking ever. But when I said I don't know why I said that often I almost I just don't read books. I should, But I had one. I had a couple of nights over the past few months where I was like, you know, I should read some ship And so I did read like a like a little basic article about cognitive behavioral therapy, and the way that
they described it was interesting. They said it was I think the gist of it is people present you with something and you're trying to get them to see it from a different perspective. I think that's what the gist of cognitive behavioral therapy is. And when I read about that, I was like, Oh, that's kind of a little god damn in no way, shape or form saying that what
I do is real therapy. But there have been a lot of times on here where you know, I'm trying to help people see stuff from a different perspective a little bit. And I was like, Oh, okay, that's kind of what that is. Anyway, that's my long winded answer to that question.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Hey, thanks for calling Rick, great night.
Take care.
I'm a hit you up when I need a discount on Microsoft Word because I've been using pages and you know what, I'll say it. I don't care what people think. I don't care if you know this negatively affects, you know, any any big, big time dollar signed brand deals Apple wants to do in the future. Pages. You can have me on record saying this, you know, take your phone cameras out. Not a fan of pages. Not a fan of pages. I used to have a Microsoft Office license.
I don't know where it is anymore, and so I've been using pages instead of Word and I miss word. Hello.
Hello, Hi, it's a while. Hi.
Yeah, who's this?
Well? This is Harold.
What's going on here?
How are you? Are you chilling? I'm chilling?
Yeah? What do you do when you're chilling?
Uh? Well, right now, I'm just pacing around. Your hold music is intense as fuck. Man. That that ship had me on edge?
Yeah, yeah, it's it's just it's designs to drive people insane.
I feel very stressed, but now this is peaceful.
What's what's stressing you out?
Well, besides the music, I don't know. Just like things in general, I don't know. I told the cold screener what I wanted to talk about. If that's what you're referring to.
Yeah, yeah, what did you want to talk about?
I I can't stop pulling out my hair. Kind of bad. It's like an addiction. I don't think it's necessarily related to stress. It just kind of happens. It's like something I don't even think about, but I noticed that I'm doing it, but I can't stop.
Interesting. Yeah, what do you think is causing you to pull out your hair?
I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out.
Not to jump to this too fast, I mean, actually maybe we should jump to this really fast. Have you spoken to a real therapist about this?
Uh? Yeah, I just started. I started, like a couple of weeks ago, trying to talk to somebody. It's been like, not not that helpful so far. I enjoy the process of like having somebody to talk too weekly, but I don't think I'm really getting anywhere. But that could be just me.
So what did your real therapists have to say about this issue?
Well? It does have like a name. It's like a thing which I didn't realize at first. It's like something like that. Yeah, I don't know. She keeps trying to find like the root cause of it, and I don't know if they're well there, it's got to be something, I guess, But I don't think there's like a trigger that necessarily that I'm noticing, Like it's got to be stressed or something underlying. But I think it's just kind of like like a fidgety action, kind of like I'm
not doing it because I'm nervous or anything. It's just it's kind of like keeps my hands busy. I guess if I'm not doing anything, I don't know. But now it's like affecting my fucking appearance. So it's making me like self conscious and stuff like. It's gotten to a pretty bad point.
So is there I mean, is there a weird cycle happening where you're stressed that you're pulling your hair and so you're pulling out your hair.
No, not necessarily, Like I said, I don't think it's like stress that's causing it. It definitely comes out more in that case if I notice some stress. But like I said, it's more just kind of like an action to it, like calms me, if that makes any sense. It's weird. It like feels good in a weird way. I know that sounds crazy.
But what are you stressed about? Do you have any ideas? Any do you can you peg it to anything at all?
I don't have much reason to be like directly stress. I'm pretty laid back. I don't I'm like, don't worry about it kind of person like. I don't know. I'm good at managing stressful situations. I think it's more I think I don't know. It's like I guess there's like a vague state of my life though I'm in like a weird in between phase of like school and finding a job and whatnot. I'm probably I'm around your age,
I think. So I haven't found something to do quite yet, so I think that might be part of it.
But yeah, it is hard to find something to do. There's all the infinite everything out there. It's hard to narrow it down.
Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, I'm on a path to be a teacher, so I have something, but I don't know if that's what I actually want to do. And I've gone this far, so I feel kind of stuck. I don't know.
What as your real therapist given you anything to help. That's how helpful in dealing.
With this, She recommended looking at like fidget toys, like someone just kind of keep me busy, keep my mind all of it. I haven't actually gotten anything like that yet.
Why not? What's what's keeping you from doing that?
I don't know. I'm just very bad at like taking action on things, the procrastinator like, lack of motivation, all that. I don't know. There's a whole bunch of issues. That's just why I wanted to start therapy. But at the same time, I feel like talking to somebody make echo suit is way cooler than like a real therapist.
When I get anxious, I fidget with my own penis.
Okay, that's a new one. Yeah I could. I don't know. I don't think that.
You know, I've never told anyone then and now I told it to everyone when I get that when I get anxious, I what I do is I like take and I can't. I can't. I'm not going to show you, but I like take my penis and and I like take my foreskin and I push it over my head and then I like almost like you know those fucking oh my god, I don't know what they're called, but they're like little jello toys that are like kind of
look like they kind of look like pocket pussies. Yeah, and I almost kind of like fidget with the head of my penis pushing it in and out of my foreskin like it's one of those.
And that's from uh like, okay, okay, sorry.
No, there's no further thing. I guess I'm trying to relate to you in that. Okay, But here's the tricky part. Here's the tricky part that happens with me, is that like sometimes I'll be like, here's where it gets bet is like I'll be in the air fucking airport or something and I'll start like getting well, I'll start getting bored, and I'll like, I'm about to go fidget, like just out of habit. And then I'm like, oh, I have been public. I'll get I'll ruin my life if I'll
do that. I totally can't do that right now. So by that, I guess the the consequences of my fidget has caused me to stop.
So I don't like to do mine in public either, so I try to avoid that.
Yeah, I don't. I'm sorry. I don't have anything better for you than to tell you about playing with my own dick.
But that's kind of makes me feel great.
Okay, good, good, good, Okay, we did something.
Can you do it in the suit too?
Or this one? Does I do? That's what I'm Sometimes I do it sometimes, like when I stop the stream, I'll like be fucking around on my phone and I'm still sitting in the chair, and then I start fidgeting with my penis and I have a split second where my heart starts to raise and I'm like, I'm not live right now?
Am I?
And then I check my computer and I'm not. But I could always forget one day. I don't know who knows you could.
You could just switch websites and make a profit off that instead.
I like the way you think, Harold. I like the way you think. Uh, is there anything else?
Who?
I say to the people of the computer before we go, M I.
Guess I've been going to a lot of shows lately, and if anybody has a chance to listen to King Gizzard.
And Awesome, I saw them at I saw them. Yeah, I think I saw them at Coachella.
Oh they're awesome.
Yeah, yeah, they were cool. They have this album with a band called Mild High Club that I also really like. Yes, Sketches of brunswickis go check that out. It's a good album. Uh, thank you for calling, harl Yes, good talking to you. You know, at first, I was like, should I share the fidgeting with my penis thing? And now that it's out there, I feel good. But maybe that's weird, but it's the truth. I can no longer hide my shame.
Their repeacon goes on the line making your phone calls every night.
Their repacon goes to on his eye's teaching
You cloud in the mind of your life that he's not really an expert.