EYE OF THE GECKO

Call from Mallory to accept press one to send a voicement Nally.

Hi, Sorry, I was wondering how much money you can save me on car insurance?

Is that? Is that?

Not?

What do you do?

All right? You got? All right? So now what now? What were you? What were you expecting me to do? In response to this?

I'm not sure exactly, I like super drunk. I'm sorry.

What would you like to do? How would you like to move forward in this moment that you've created? Or were you just abandon it like a coward goes on.

The line making calls every night, ever, goes to teaching you your life.

An expert.

Call from Phil.

Phil, Yo, all right, so I'm gonna tell you a story. And I'm I'm here with jewels right now and our dog Milow.

Okay, and like we we we were gonna tell all right.

I can't believe I'm about to tell this story.

To hit me with it. Hit me with it, Phil, to give me everything you got.

Okay, I forget what the last jewels?

What was the last topic that was? It was like, like.

Forget about it. It happened. The topic is over the top. Row We're now We're now on the phone you and me Phil, and I need you to tell me this story right now.

Okay, So when I was a young book probably like fourth grade, I was a total menace. Like I had some problems. Yeah, And so one day we had a babysit over and it was difficult finding. My parents had trouble finding babysitters because we'd always terrorized them.

And so.

We had our next door neighbor over. You know, she was a couple of years older.

And yo, so.

I wanted to freak her out. So I ended up uh you know, so we had a we had a family dog, Jesse Rest in Peace, and I so I put I put jelly on my like like strawberry jelly on my nutsack, and I let I let my dog lick it off in front of in front of the babysitter.

And this this like.

Terrified her and my my brother was like cracking the fuck up. But like so like she ran out of the house and ran back to her her next door you know, back to her she was literally the next door neighbor.

Uh ran back to her crib.

And then she ended up telling her mom. So then the mom came over and like from my brother, she was like you put jelly on your dick and let the dog lick it all, and like, you know, I was being scolded and I was just like, you know, I just started bursting out laughing because you know, she was like, you know, forty year old woman, she said, dick, and like, yeah, I think I scarred that poor woman for life.

How did you come up with this, this this plan? Because you chose you know, this was a prank, but it's a very indoor I mean, it's very indirect. You chose instead of to pull some kind of a joke on your babysitter, you chose to do something shocking that would affect her indirectly. How did you get take this plan?

I think it was just like a very fluid thought, Like it was just like an organic thought, like all right, Like it wasn't like very complicated. It was, yes, Jules said, it's a very pill thought.

I just don't I don't know.

I just honestly, I just I don't know, you know, to be honest, like I just felt like it. I just I don't know. Rest in piece, Jesse, I don't know if that was the worst day of her life, for the best day of her life gone yeah, dog's gone. She lived like twenty years old too.

That was an old dog.

I mean how old. You don't think that you had something to do with that? Is like how red? How long? Because you're doing because if you're just the kind of guy who, on a because I'm gonna be honest with you, if you're the kind of guy that, on a whim paints his nutsack with jelly for his dog to eat it, you probably do a lot. I assume that you've done

No, don't say that I'm.

Here to look. I'm only here to deduce the truth. And I'm not sure what the truth is, but you have to make certain statements, whether or not they be true, in order to get to the truth.

I think it made her live longer, to be honest, because like that that happened. That happened when I.

Was in like fourth grade, and then he ended up living.

I guess like like two years after I graduated high school.

So maybe it was like, you know, maybe it's just.

Like granted her some kind of like I don't know, you, I'm stick around.

How old was the dog when you did this?

Oh?

God? Maybe like probably like six or seven?

Okay, yeah, but.

You know what, I think made the dog live longer.

I don't know, that's just a speculation. Probably not, but she was probably fucking mortified. But but you know what, you know what the babysitter, you know, we didn't talk for a couple of years, you know, yeah, she she, you know, the mom probably felt some kind of way about me.

But you know, it's funny.

Because like, was there ever a moment of reconciliation between you guys? Did it ever happened? Was there ever any closure?

Hell? Yeah, yo? I used to sell her a weed later on when I was older, and her brother too, Like they came over and we got high at shit, and we never spoke about it ever again. It was like I think we just suppressed that thought. My brother, my brother is the one who ended up telling like my friends about that shit, and like I would turn fucking red and be like yo, like why are you saying this out loud? But you know I think of like, Oh no, I've come to terms.

That it happened.

You know.

I put jelly on my nuts back and let the dog lick it off in front of my fucking babysitter.

It happened, So I'm you know, Look, nothing makes me happier than to hear that this story had a happy ending.

Oh yeah, and what do you?

I mean, what do you do? Now? Let's all right, The curtains fade, the credits roll, and then there's a little blurb about what happened to you? Shortly, we have we have what happened to the dog, the dog dies, we have what happens with you guys is, we have what happens with the mom. But what happened? What happens with you?

Bro?

I got another dog?

Did you? Did you?

What?

Did you make that dog lick jelly off your balls too?

That?

Please don't tell me that laugh means you.

No, dude, I'm fucking no way, man.

I would never this lick my son.

No. Oh oh, Jewels said that she would never let that happen.

I trust Jules. I'm appreciative of you. Tell of of of the character development that you have displayed this evening. And you know, thank you for calling in. Phil all right, I love you. I love you too. You take care.

A call from Charles.

Charles. Hey, how are you doing? Charles?

I'm good.

How are you?

I've I've been watching you for like two days?

Fuck yeah, dude, big fan. Thank you, Thank you, maw big fan of you too, Charles.

Oh, thank you?

What what what are you doing right now?

I was watching college football, but then I saw that you were on, so I figured i'd give you a call.

How are they doing? Is that is college I was surprised when I learned that college football was still on.

Yeah, it uh.

I think it ends kind of some time in January.

Charles. I have a question for you.

Okay, go ahead.

What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

I'm so glad that you asked. So it was when I lost my virginity.

HM tell us.

So I was.

I was sixteen years.

Old, and it was a Friday night and we were talking about it. But I was on the football team and our team was just so terrible, right, Like, we had lost all of our games. And on the last night of the season. We ended up winning and it was huge. Everyone was so excited. There was an after party. We went to the after party and we were drinking and having a good time. I was sixteen. I was, you know, as a sophomore. I was underclassman. I was just kind of be seen, you know, speak when spoken

It can be like.

I'm just throbbing, throbbing hard, and the line is just progressing, you know, a little bit out, a little bit, and you know, it's just God, It's like every step I take my pants, my pants are just rubbing on it. And just I'm I'm like a mess. Just pre come all over my shorts everywhere, and it's finally my turn, and I'm walking in and she's laying on the bed.

And you know, she's.

Naked and her legs or you know, her feet or on the bed with her knees bent, and I see her pussy and I jizz in my pants and I just I'm and everyone saw me go in there, and I was only in there for fifteen seconds and I had to make a U turn and I walked out and I am, my pants are just covered in jizz and everyone sees me right, and I earned the nickname no Pump Charlie, and I.

Have to do Charlie. You know what your problem is is, Charlie, you felt you you fell for a get you fell for sort of a sexual get rich quick scheme. Yeah, you know, I mean think about it like this, you know, when you see everyone sort of rushing towards a certain investment, you know for using a financial analogy, you know, you you you tried to cut corners to lose your virginia. You tried to take the shortcut, you know, Yeah, you didn't do the long term investment strategy. You know, talk

Yeah, and then to further your analogy, I mean, for the next two years, I was the guy who just gizzed in his pants after fifteen seconds. And you know that's kind of like going through bankruptcy and you got to rebuild your credit and I mean, god, it it took me a long time to recover from that.

You can't. You can't rush it all right, that you can't. You saw, you saw an opportunity to lose your virginity quickly.

Yeah.

Yeah, but you know, the d the playing yourself.

You know. The worst part was, you know, I'm I'm a little bit older. I didn't have a cell phone back then. Like I had to just leave the party and then like I had to go find a phone to like call my dad to come get me, and uh yeah, I'm like soaked in jizz and my dad has to like find me at a gas station. And it was embarrassing.

It was bad.

You know, I was thinking about telling you the same thing I told the guy who puped his pants and his mom had to pick him up. But I don't know if I don't know if I would say the same thing when there's jiz involved. I think jizz makes it a little different. But how how old are you now?

I'm I'm thirty eight, thirty.

Eight, okay, so it's been about twenty two years.

It's yeah, it's been twenty two years.

Yeah.

Do you do you feel like you learned your lesson from that moment and you've applied that lesson throughout your life?

Well?

Uh, yeah, I mean, you know, full disclosure.

I mean, no one really knows who I am.

I mean, I can be open and honest here if.

Well, please please please, Well, uh.

I don't think it really matters how long it how long you gizz, you know, like it doesn't matter how long you last. I mean that's just being efficient. Especially. I mean if you, let's say, you lick it before you stick it, right, you know, you eat her out andre jizz before your penis even comes close to her. Sure, I mean you could come in fucking five seconds. She

Look a look, all I want from you, Charles, is the truth?

Okay?

Good most women. I mean, if you come and like it's funny men think that if you giz in like ten seconds, like women are gonna like hate you. But honestly, it makes them feel good because it's like makes them feel like they're pussy is so good that it makes you come faster than any other woman, And that's a very flattering thing.

Look, I think, I look, I'm inclined to I'm not gonna say. Look, I mean, everyone's everyone's different. You know, I'm not gonna say any you know, anyone generally likes anything. But you know, look, as long as you're making sure that you know she's getting what she needs out of the experience, you know, then you get what you need. Then then you get what you need out of the experience.

Yeah, I mean, it's like, you know, it's like using an electric saw versus a handsong. I mean, it's just all about efficiency, you know, once you kind of do the thing for her that she wants. I mean, why would you spend all day fucking when you could just come in like fifteen seconds.

Well, Charles, it seems like you've done a lot of you know, you've gained a lot from this experience, and it's and it's defined you know, a bit of a bit of who you are. But but it seems like you're comfortable with it, and that's what matters the most.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And then you know, if if you don't mind not imagine your viewers are kind of on the younger side. I'd imagine I'm one of your older ones. But uh, you know any young males out there that are struggling with premature ejaculation, I mean, just be confident, you know. I mean, if you're gonna, if you're gonna jizz fast, I mean, if you it's kind of a power move, honestly, if you're just like, yeah, fuck I giz in fifteen seconds to deal with.

It, lady, you know what, you know what I I look, I know people, I know people are meming on you, but actually, look, whatever it is going on, Look, you got to own it. I mean, of course, of course, not everyone is gonna want someone who Jesus fast, but you'll find someone.

But then again, who with you? Who cares about that? You know, life is so short.

I mean, if if you're if.

You're a loving person and you have a lot to bring to the table. But you know a woman is gonna judge you for jizzing fast. I mean, you know, fuck her.

Well, listen, Charles, I'm glad to hear that you've You've grown a deep sense of self confidence over the years, and I appreciate your vulnerability. And I'll talk to you again soon, my friend.

Awesome.

Well, thank you very much.

Happy New Year, Happy New Year, baby. I'll talk to you soon.

Bye.

Call from Dmitri.

Dmitree, Hi, Leyo, Hello Dmitree.

How are you today?

I'm all right. I'm underwater.

I mean, i'm i'm underwater too. I'm I'm watching the stream, I'm I'm with the fish.

Dmitri. Yes, Wow, what's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

Well?

Real quick, I guess I have too. The first answer I was on Reddit the other day. I don't know if you've seen, but there's somebody else that goes as a like a green screen gecko, like that's that's their stick. Okay, I just it was kind of embarrassing.

Honestly.

I know you've been doing this for a while.

And Dimitri, yes, this isn't about me, This isn't about the other geckos. This is about you. And I know that you're trying to talk about the other gecko on the computer and you're talking about this gecko on the computer to you know, stray the conversation away from yourself because you're embarrassed at whatever the thing is. But but I need you to own up to the embarrassing thing that happened to you and keep focused on yourself.

No, you're right, You're right.

What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to Dimitri?

I mean, I guess recently, I kind of have a weird job. I I pick up people that have passed away, and recently I dropped one of them. I was I was carrying them and slipped out of my hands and I dropped them.

They slipped out of your hands.

You say, yeah, no joke, By the way, that's that's my job.

Were your hands norm Were they greasy. Were they particularly slippery for any reason? Had you just been eating? Sometimes? You usually wear gloves?

Well, yeah, yeah, I wear gloves for every everyone.

You know?

It gross?

Okay, were you wearing you? Were you not wearing gloves when you dropped this person?

Oh?

I was.

I think that might have been why why they were slippery?

Why would that be why they are slippery?

You know, they got the powder on him, the weird powder on the gloves.

Is it isn't isn't the powder that supposed to make it not slippery?

Beats me?

Man?

What was your reaction when you dropped this person?

I said, oh, ship out loud in the middle of an old folks home and you had to, you know, quietly escort him.

Ount Did anyone see you?

Yeah?

There are people that worked there saw me. Who's who's an ordeal?

Were you chastised for this? Did anyone.

A little making fun of I don't. I don't think it was too serious.

Okay, Now what do you think you'll try to do in the future? Do you prevent this from happening again?

I mean obvious?

First off, hold on tighter, I think a second, Maybe take my time, take more time, you know, maybe one thing we all need to do. Just slow down, just take some more time.

It's true, definitely something we all need to do. Definitely something specifically that people carrying dead people to their graves in an attempt to not drop them should do.

Absolutely.

You know, look, we all make mistakes. That's probably not that bad, right, because he's already dead. It'd be one thing if you were transferring someone who would it'd be one thing if you were like one of the guys with the stretcher, because then if you drop him, you make it worse. But it's not you know what, I'm gonna voice an unpopular opinion here. Okay, it's what, probably

Yeah, it restarted his heart and I saved a life.

So you know what, you know what, Nathan, I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead and say that you know, well that didn't happen, but it didn't make it worse. I'm gonna go ahead and say that you did a neutral thing.

Okay.

I tend to consider myself like chaotic control, so I guess dropping a dead body would fit that.

Well. Nathan, thank you so much for for bearing your soul to us this evening.

It's Dmitri.

Actually, oh what I say?

You said, Nathan. That's okay, though, you can call me Nathan if you want.

Well, Nathan the Matre, I appreciate you calling in.

And yeah, I appreciate you answering. I've been watching it for a while. This is my first time, so thank you.

Oh beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, thank you so much for for for that, and look, good luck in the future. My friend.

You know I love you.

I love you two. Whoever that is I was, I love you too. Lyle, you take care of my friend, all right.

You as well.

Hello, This is Lyle coming atcha to let you know that this podcast does not have any sponsors. However, if you enjoy the show, if you are liking what you're hearing, and you want to support and make it easier for me to do this in the future, you can head on over to patreon dot com slash Lyle forever and for only five dollars a month. You can sponsor a young gecko in his question to eat food and live in a place Patreon dot com, slash Lyle forever l y L E f O R e V e R.

Dude, all right, first time call her A long time watching My story is a little bit. Yeah, my story is a little bit on the opposite side of I think it was no pump Chuck.

That was his name, Chuck. Do you mean Charlotte Charles.

Charles, Yeah, the chattel Saint Chuck.

The oh, the opposite side. Okay, tell me about that.

So I would say it just is embarrassing. But this is God. I must have graduated high school maybe a year or so nineteen, had no direction in life, pretty uh preaty, awkward kid in high school. So I had almost zero sexual experience. So like, okay, what do I do to remedy this? I know, I'm not going to download Tinder like an normal percent. I'm gonna go on Craigslist and you meet up with some of the perverted people that post on there. Yes, so fast forward, a

Did you did you? Okay, did you go in search of a cuckhold situation? Or did you show up and it happened to be do you? Do you show up knowing it was going to be a cuckold situation?

I knew this was going to be a cuckold situation.

Okay, you went in search of it.

I did go in search of this.

Yeah, okay, all right, so you're at hotel a cuckold situation, So yeah.

Show up.

The dudes just watching Karate Kid two on TV. I remember that very And she's just there sitting on the bed, laying already laying down naked, and he.

Was watched he was watching the Credika two. Why he was like ten seconds watching Kardika two look back at you guys? Was it? Or was he yeah, watching you guys simultaneously alongside the film?

A little bit of both, a little bit of both. It didn't seem like he was all that interested in actually watching. So looks the multitasker, m h, I mean yeah, I mean he could devote his attemption to two things. So I mean that's I'll give him that too, Okay, okay, so start going at it. Uh, two guys kind of go in and out as we're working on it because

Mm So dude, you know what, you know what this reminds. This is the sexual version of having to like take a ship and going into a single and going into like a single stall restroom and you're constipated and you know there's a line outside and you have to ship but like you're having trouble doing it. But it's the geez version of that.

Mm hmm, yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, exactly on the nose. But it didn't really end there after I pretty much have to say it I leave, I go to my car, and I go, Okay, time to get the fuck out of here. This is clearly not the evident I'm supposed to be going down. And I realized, oh shit, I left my keys in there, but go back. I have to awkwardly knock get my keys, go back to my car.

Was, it was.

It was pretty much what would that have been? That was pretty much twenty fifteen for me, just wrapped up in a nutshell, just a lot of a lot of awkward encounters of me trying to find myself, but just that.

This was This was not the only Craigslist encounter that you've had.

Oh no, no, no, I don't think I got on the Tinder train until like twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen, well after everybody had migrated.

What what was it?

Now?

Do you do you sort of feel like you could get into the more alternative sexual endeavors on Craigslist as opposed to Tinder.

Oh yeah, I think in my mind I was like, Okay, I don't have too much experience, so I'm just going to dive into the deep end. I'm just gonna go into the degeneracy and just just trild by fire it.

What else did you get into as a result of your craigslisting?

Honestly just showing up to kind of sketching neighborhoods, kind of popping in, not knowing anybody's name, and then doing my business, leaving and just thinking, holy shit, I could have died that time.

Yeah, I was Guyasa. Did you ever get like nervous about your safety in these situations?

There was a couple of times, yeah, where it was like it was like one AM show two rand the neighborhood. It's it's not a very nice neighborhood, but I've already begun so far as to drive there, and I'm not turning down.

Damn. Nineteen, I feel like that's kind of young to be, you know, going to uh Now, were the other people like similar ages or were these older people that were participating in the mask cooking?

Uh now? So whenever we came to the Cutholding, that usually was was the early thirties crowd.

Mm hm, Who is the craziest person that you encountered at these events.

So it's one this is a this is one of the particularly shitty hotels. It was just right off of the highway. You could tell that this is this is this is typically where people go for this kind of thing that they're they're bringing hookers. Are they just going there just this, you know, smoke crack or just do it's it's the general den of degeneracy that you would imagine. And I go there and it's just as awkward as some of the other encounters. I do my business as

Yeah, he want He specifically wanted your sloppy seconds.

Yeah.

And do you buy the girl no fish nets?

Oh? Fuck?

No?

I mean I didn't know any of these people's names to begin with.

So.

You had to have made you had to have made like you make you make any like friends doing this?

No, I mean it was pretty much all this burner emails. So I mean, I mean the only contact information that was ever traded was just you know, here's a picture of me neck down, meet at this place. That's pretty much it.

And how about now, have you since moved on to Tinder meeting up one person?

Oh? Yeah, I mean now I'm gonna in a pretty stable monogamous relationship. So things have calmed down since then.

Any any itchings to go back or You're not going back to Craigslist anytime soon?

I don't think I'm going back to Chrislas anytime too. And I'm pretty sure they actually got rid of that section anyway.

Well, I look, I'm glad you had your fun, you know, while it was still up.

Well, well, I'm glad I provided at least you would get stories. Some of the chat doesn't seem to be too entertained, but you seem like you had a good time.

Ah No, my dude, thank you. So would you say your name was again? Alex alex Man, thank you, thank you, Thank you again for for calling in and letting us live vicariously through you so that we don't have to go to Craigslist ourselves.

Yeah, no problem. If anything changes, I'll call back and report my finding.

Oh please do, my friend, I'll talk to you soon.

All right, bye.

See. I know that before Tinder there was Cragslist, but my man went on Craigslist specifically to find himself in craigslisty's situations, which I respect, you know. Look, but people like Alex, they want more out of life than what is presented to them. But he ultimately ended up in you know, a stable, mono mis relationship. So maybe he thought he wanted something like that, you know, he thought he wanted something crazy, But that's his arc. That was his story all from worlden.

Days to accept Press one.

Will, Hey, how are you will?

I'm doing pretty good. I'm gonna be honest.

Yeah, why you you most? Why? Why? Why is it? What do you mean by that you're gonna be honest? Are you a ship? Well? Do you want to lie?

It's like, I want to let you know up front, I'm gonna be honest with you.

Okay. What what made you feel like you needed to you needed to leave that that disclaimer?

Well, I don't know. I just think some people might be a little dishonest sometimes, and I just gonna let you know that I'm gonna be.

Okay, I appreciate that. Uh listen, tell me, well, what's what's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you? And you're in an entire boodle?

I'm gonna be I'm gonna be honest again.

I have a little bit of a problem.

Okay.

I'm addicted. Its destiny to you know what that is.

It's a video game, right, mhmm. You're you're your day and you're being you're, you're, you're, you're coming at me very seriously, you're very seriously addicted.

It gets in the way, it gets in the way of my schoolwork, and I don't know how to fix the problem because every day I wake up and I look at my schoolwork, and you know, I'm a winner break because I'm in college. But I missed, I missed, I missed the mid and luckily I was able to make it up. You know, but what can I.

Do?

You know how I can fix the problem?

Have you?

Have you sought any sort of help on this issue?

No, necessarily, you're kind of the first person on seeking. I came to the realization recently.

What what was it that made you come to a realization that you're addicted?

After I missed the midterm?

How many? How many hours of destiny you think you play a week?

Oh? Well, this expansion came I recently, called Beyond Light. And when it came out, like steam gives you a two week mark, and I checked that and after two weeks I had I think it was one hundred and twenty four hours put in.

In two weeks. M hm, you know what you I mean, you should, you know, consider going to see some sort of addiction specialist for this, really, you know, yeah, totally. I mean, Look, it's a real you know. Look, you can get addicted to anything, you know, just because it's video games. Doesn't make it any less of like a you know, real addiction.

That's true.

Mm hmm.

Well and what is it What is it that you like about? What is it that you like about playing Destiny so much?

It's a whole other world.

Mm hmmm. Do you feel like it's like is it escapism for you? Do you not like the world that you grow?

Like I said when I called, I was happy, I'm good you did.

I yeah, you did. You did sound happy when you caught.

So I mean, I'm fine. I love reality, but at the same time, video games are cool and like the Destiny world itself is so fun to get immersed in, so it's easy to get caught up.

That's like outside of Destiny?

What's up?

So what is your life like outside of Destiny? Because you know, I asked you how your life are going? You said it was going good?

So what are the right now?

Things around?

It's making good?

It's like I just you know, I chow inside, play my games, get I work done for school. You know everything is pretty much online, and uh yeah that's it. I mean you to work, but no work, So just been chilling, vibing honestly, So you missed one assignment. Yeah, just just a midterm, but like it just made me realize, like I started tracking my hours, like how much I played.

What are some thing do you have, like sort of an idea of things that you'd like to be doing instead of playing Destiny? Uh?

Yeah, I mean there's a lot of things I like outside of like video games. I have a lot of other hobbies.

Like what.

Hmm, well, let's see. I like whenever I live in Florida, so we don't really have any like we have trails, but I like whenever I go up north, I like going hiking. I like play volleyball. So I like that you played baseball and I was like really young, So you play baseball. Uh, Riding bikes pretty fun? Going to the gun rangers like world in Florida, that's pretty fun. Let's see right now with COVID to do so you got like, you.

Know, look, I'm not I'm not an addiction specialist or I'm not in anything at all. I'm a computer gecko man. But I do think that you know, in a situation like this, when you're trying to get rid of a behavior, you know you're going to want to try to replace it. With a different behavior, and so it would be good for you to like come up with, you know, alternative goals of like I almost feel like to get addicted.

It t it?

Okay? What do you what do you think? Are you into trying to learn how to code?

Uh?

No, I'm more like the I want to be doctor. And through everything, is.

There stuff that you could do for yourself, like outside of just your regular school work, like a side hustle of any kind that you think could help you in your career.

I just simply simply getting like a job, but like side hustle, volunteer like apprentices like apprenticeship stuff like that.

Yeah, I know, I think that'd be a good idea to look for those, because I mean, obviously, I mean right now with like winter break and like, you know,

Someone in Chad said, I could try pussy, but I already have.

But yeah, man, I like that. I like those ideas. Volunteer work, finding a job, that's what I would say. Find. Find find something productive that you can replace that with, you know, and not something productive that you hate, for something productive that you would actually enjoy doing.

Yeah, all right, well I appreciate the help.

For sure, man who you said name was, will thank you, thank you for calling in. Well, I'll talk to you soon.

Yeah. See man.

Call from Yergo Mediac nitro boost to.

Accept press one, Jurgo maniac nitro boost. Gag, what's up? Jurgo maniac nitro boost.

A family name.

It's a family name. How you do is Italian? Internationality? French? Okay? I respect whether what part northern or southern?

It smell like Midwest?

Okay, midwest French. Can you repeat it back to me because I don't think I heard it correctly.

Maniac nitro boost.

Zero maniac nitro boost. And sure that's not from an anime of some kind.

I wish it was.

Maybe the name went after me one day.

I just call you for sure? All right, What's what's happened to? What are you doing?

I'm not doing much, just lying in bed talking to a gecko.

Mm hmmm. That sounds fun.

What what what?

What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

Okay, I have a couple of things. What are the things just recently happened? So I'm gonna I mean, it's a pretty Christian conservative family right, me and my brother I aren't really heavily into that kind of stuff, So he bet me ten dollars that I wouldn't send a certain message to the entire family group Chat. Would you like to hear this message?

Yes?

Okay, so just imagine there's like a million emojis right all right when you read this to you Merry Christmas bitches. Now that it's finally dick, Miss Santa is about to slide down your tot hot chimney tonight, So lick those juicy candy cane and drink that creamy eggnog. It's about to get wet down at Santa's workshop. Don't forget to slide down that x ex extra big North Pool and make sure your cookie is yung enough for Santa to eat. Send this to ten of your baddest bitch elves. Get

And what what was what was the Family Group Chat's reaction to this? Pretty disappointed disappointment?

You say, yeah, they get.

Well, my Grandma called me and voiced her disappointment to me.

She called, you can I please get do you have to? I do you remember any like verbatim quotes from this phone call?

Yeah, yeah, let mean let me let me pull it on, dud. It's kind of made me feel a little bit bad. She said, what you apparently thought was clever and out as a Christmas greeting to your family is more offensive than maybe you intended this. Howaday is in the remembrance of Christ. You should read that tattoo in your arm a few times? Disappointed Grandma, What's what's the tattoo on your arm? It's just like a It's a Bible It's a Bible verse.

All right, Now you gotta get a tattoo on the other arm, but with that message on it and all the emojis.

That would be.

That's an amazing That's like, what are the most amazing ideas I've ever heard?

You know, balance, you gotta balance it out a little bit. What's the wall? What's what's the verse? What's the verse?

It's on Palms ninety eight. I don't really remember it, to be entirely truthful.

What do you mean you don't remember it? It's on your arm. You don't remember the Bible verse that is on your arm?

I mean no, but look I haven't put up my phone here, right, it's pretty good verse. You want me to read it to you as well?

What do you Why do you have it on your phone.

Because it's hard to read it?

What it's facing the other way?

Which aren't what? What is the anatomy of your What is your body like? Do you use your do you have like your arm coming out of your back?

Yeah, it's hard to reach back there, so I can't really read it. It's God.

That that that is. I think that is your most embarrassing story is that you got a Bible verse tattooed on your body and you still have to look it up on your phone.

You know what?

These are very good points that you're making right now, and I can't argue them.

Well, I can tell you all, what's the verse?

You will not fear the terror of night, nor the air that flies by day, nor the testallnce that thoughts in darkness? You know, the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you you won't only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. I mean it's a pretty unique verse.

You know.

I mean, you don't really hear it a lot.

So I was like, this is pretty cool.

It was my grandpa's soldier's prayer, so you know it's meaningful.

Okay, what what what is it? What is its significance to you said it was your grandpa's favorite prayer?

Yeah, yeah, my grandpa wasn't Vietnam. You know, that was just soldier's prayer. So it's pretty And my grandpa's always seem like a father to me. And he was also very very disappointed with me. So that's what really kind of hurt.

A little doing what what what what did your grand What did your grandpa say?

He just said, it looks like you've fallen out of grace with the family.

Oh.

I was like, God, damn, am I about to get shut?

Okay, but you're who was it that told you to do it in the first place?

My older brother, he gave me ten dollars. I don't regret doing it for ten dollars. I didn't regret the quincines that happened after it.

Mm hmm.

Damn. Do you do you now? But ah, I mean, look, that's all bullshit. Do you do you feel you obviously don't feel like that that this message has distanced you from the grace of God.

Nah?

And then okay, so I thought it was so funny, but I also sent it to my dad, and my grandpa got really pissed and he was like, since you thought it was so funny, I sent it to your dad. But then I was laughing because I was like, I already said it to my dad. Well, no, it just was really awkward because my dad is like, why are they sending me these messages about Merry Christmas? Bishesh?

Man?

What was I gonna say?

Hey, Gek, do you have any embarrassing stories? I'm sure the child would love to hear one.

Look, it's not about me. It's not about me, although I mean, look, that is kind of bullshit, right that I come up on this fucking live stream and I tell everyone to tell me all their ship and then I don't tell anyone any anything.

I have to say, Hey man, I'm just I'm just listening. Man, where have you got to say?

No, you're kind you're kind of calling me out right now. I mean, look, I respect it. I called you out a little bit, you called me out a little bit, A little back and forth here.

Okay, okay, but do you want a journey? I could share another one if you don't, If you don't feel some inclined.

Well, let me ask you.

Do you?

Let me ask you? Look, do you do you believe in God?

Well?

Man, that's a heavy question, you know that. I mean, I believe that there is a God. I don't quite know if I believe.

In religion, though, Do you do you do you believe that sending that slutty Christmas message was was sacrilegious?

Okay? If there's a God out there, right, do you really think he's going to care about just one little message exactly?

He?

I think he can handle it. I think he can handle it. I look, you know, fight back against your grandparents, the way that you fought back against my bullshit? You know, I want I want to be the part you gotta tell your grand you gotta tell your fuck there was a there's a fucking quote from like I want to say, it's like Marcus Aurelius or someone someone. It's a quote someone someone put put put it in my chat it

What is it?

If live a good life? Holy shit? Can someone please find me this quote live a good life? Because if the gods are just, they will I sound like an idiot right now. I don't know what it is. But anyway, anyway, anyway, you're probably fine. You're probably going to hell for other reasons, but not this one.

You know, you're probably not wrong. You just you speak facts and you can't debate that.

Well.

I remember your name, thank you? Oh here it is here. It is live a good life. If there are gods and there just then they will not care how the value you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods but unjust, you should not want to worship them. And I think of God that gets pissed off of you for sent for being a little slutty hoe on Christmass.

You can I say one more thing?

Please?

My mom would be like your grandma's probably crying right now reading that, and then like I was reading it but trying to cry. I was like, merry Christmas, bloody speech, but I just thoughted laughing arter and I felt worse. Just imagine my grandma cried. Reading that text made me laugh more and I feel terrible.

For that did one man. One man's frosty com is another grandma's tears.

One man's crusty comes, another grandma tears.

Marcus Royals also he He also said that.

You know, I'm glad that I got to speak to you, speak to you.

Thank you, thank you man. I appreciate that man, thank you, thank you for for for sharing. And uh, you know you gotta have a long hard talk with your grandparents and I'm gonna I'm gonna let you go get.

To that, all right. I appreciate man. Have a great name too.

All from Michael.

Michael. Hello, Hello Michael.

How are you dude?

I am ecstatic that I'm able to get in That's I'm so happy.

What do you have a lot of things that make you happy on a regular basis?

I like to think I do. I try to live a pretty joyful life. That's why nice question is sort of difficult because I don't really get in too many fights.

Oh you don't get into too many fights. Oh so, I so did you call it with the fight story? Because I'm very curious to hear the fight story from a guy who doesn't get into too many fights, because I can tell that you're a benevolent soul, and I want to hear you know what sort of treacherous, horrible things someone had to do to you to set you off.

No, the worst thing that's happened to me, unfortunately, is just family fights, no verbal, verbal putting them in their place type of things. I've never gone to a physical fight. I'm sort of the spling.

I like to say, okay, of some verbal fights, what do you what do you? What do you get into these verbal fights about well.

You know, sometimes parents that get a little uh, a little crazy in front of the siblings. You gotta gotta really join in there. And I like to think of sort of the doctor Phil of the family.

Like you know.

That's why I really like what you do, because I feel like you of free advice to people that really need it, even though you know it's just sort of being nice.

Now, when you say join in because your family's put hiling on your sibling, you made it sound like you're joining in to also pile on to your sibling or are you joining you're joining in as a mediator more more of a mediator.

I would never I would never try to like bag onto my siblings because I hate that shit. Never never want to put someone in the corner that they can't get out of.

Okay, all right, you're a both sized kind of guy. I respect that. Uh Now, can I can I hear an example of like a recent or or it doesn't even have to be recent, but you know anything that you can pull from your memory of a time in which you had to mediate a verbal altercation for your family.

Oh?

Absolutely if this one sticks with me quite often, it's one of those one of those things that keeps me awake for night sometimes. But one night, my parents really they got into it. I think my mom was a little under the influence of some alcoholic beverages, you know, as a catalyst, but h my dad decided to go a little overboard throw one of the bottles at her,

Now, I in your attempts to mediate, you know, when you're dealing with, you know, family that might be under the influence. I mean, did anyone ever try to did did attempts to mediate ever? You know lead to attacks against you? You know, I've had that happens a lot. You know, you try to get in between a fight and then you end up getting a punch thrown at you.

Luckily, our fam we're not really like a violent, like physical family. There's never really been any in that sort, in that sense of the way. But no, I don't think anything's ever been directed to me because I like to I like to say pretty close to the middle, where even if I do step in step a little out of the lines they so it's just putting back like, uh whatever, Okay.

So you've got so in the in the in sort of the the the martial art of verbal altercation. You've got a good sense of positioning.

To actually, I like to that's a very good way put at Actually absolutely.

What's your method? What's do you have? Like a little speech that you give about you get in the middle and you're like, hey, guys, we're all family Leviticus whatever, you read a Bible verse. What do you do?

I'm sort of like I like to microanalyze all the time. I like to sort of stay in my head, really like to analyze what people are doing.

So when things do get serious.

I'm able to sort of pull out little things that really hit home, things that are show how much I really care for them, how much everyone else really cares for them. And I like to think that when you say the right thing at the right time, it really does have an impact on people's mental states.

I know this might be hard to find something specific, but can can you maybe think of like something specific that you've said to your family members that you know have have gotten them to stop in their tracks and think about what they're doing.

Well, in that same like altercation. One one example that I brought up is that we have a very big group of family friends and I genuinely feel that they are the best parents out of all those groups. Every single one of those family members that we hang out with and has problems that our family does not have, and I have. I like to remind them that multiple times because of how grateful I am, how they raised me my brother, and how much they've given me and all that.

Respect. Man, respect, what would you say your name was?

My name is Michael.

Michael. Well, listen, Michael, look you know at the beginning, at the beginning, you know, look, it's it's a brave it's a brave thing to do, you know, standing up for your siblings and trying to keep the peace. So we respect you for doing that. Man, Thank you, Thank you for calling in, and then you know, props for what you do with you for your family, my friend, No, thank.

You so much for talking to me. I'm like I said, I was so happy to be able to call in. Glad I was first on the line. I hope you have their wonderful rest of the streams.

Thank you, man, I appreciate you. You appreciate you calling in and give you give your best to my folks, you know, tell them, tell them that therapy gecko says that we should all get along. That'll make them stop in the tracks and be like, well, if the therapy geo says it, then it must be true and then hope at the bottle fighting with that beautiful, beautiful. I appreciate you, Michael. You have a good night. You will you as well have a good New Year, you too, buddy.

Did?

How's it going? Carlettle?

My man?

Are you doing?

Are you a licensed?

Uh?

Get go?

You don't need a license to be a gecko?

Oh shit, dude, I wish I knew that thirty years ago, right, you would have become a gecko. Absolutely?

What appeals to you by becoming a gecko?

It's the lead based paint mostly, you know.

Here's the thing is your your answer of I wish I would have known that thirty years ago. That would have been more appropriate if I said that you do need a license, because then, yes, you should have needed to know that thirty years ago, so you could have taken all the time, gotten all the education, done what you need to do to get the license. But you're actually be encouraged by my answer because now you it

I never thought of it like that, man, you know it now.

Wow.

So I've been some fights. You want to hear about them? Which one you want to hear about?

Of course? Well give me in What are my options? Uh?

I'll just say you what my first one?

Uh?

I started young. I was in uh kindergarten and this kid kissed me off. I didn't even like him. I think he was calling. I don't know why I didn't like him. I didn't like him though, and uh, one time I saw him. This is my first fight ever. One time I saw him went into the bathroom and I was like, hey, teacher, I need to go. So I got the bathroom pass and I went in after calling,

That was that was not a fight. Did he fight? Did he fight back? No, that was a that was a that was a coordinated attack.

So let me ask you something. So you have c fight when uh, when two fighters start by the.

Way, that brings me back to like the take I've I've always forgotten this because I haven't. I think this is this is a huge tangent. But one of the greatest things about twenty twenty is that I have not had to use a public restroom the entire year. And you've sort of brought me back to like being in like a ship, like a public school, and be like sitting down to take a ship and then really realizing that the block is like only only so you have to forward and keep it.

Yeah, shut up, you have to you have to you have to have.

That's terrifying for to hold it.

Yeah yeah, yeah.

Then the the UFC, what were you gonna say, I'll.

Come back to the two seconds. I hate the stalls that have the massive gaps where you don't even have to use the story. You can just walk into the gap in a public stalls. Yeah, yeah, big large gaps. I'm gonna say. So you said that's on a fight. So in a in a UFC fight, if it's two people and within the first you know, five seconds, opponent one knocks out opponent two, without opponent two even touching opponent one, is that not a fight? Or if you have a guy just lose quickly?

If I was if yeah, if you're in the UFC, if a man is walking down the street or or or perhaps on the toilet and another man comes in, I can literally just use another man comes into the toilet and starts beating them up. Was that not a fight?

Well, that that was a fight?

Yeah? How's that not a fight?

I don't know, I think. I Look, I actually I didn't research what the definition of a fight. I didn't fully you know. Look by the look, I'm not saying I'm not saying you, well you did you did something wrong in the situation. I'm not saying that you are incorrect with this call. Because I didn't do the liberty of personally defining what a fight is. I'm now realizing that it is open to intertation. But I don't believe that that is a fight. I would consider that an assault.

You're your definition of a fight is if they're the person is aware.

And H.

I despise the UFC example because there is so much agreeing that both people have done to be where they are in that fight there, and there is so there is so little agreement on behalf of the kid that you you beat up in kindergarten to be in that situation?

Yeah, what if he knew he had to come in?

Let me?

What's the what's what's the second way? You told me you had to You told me you.

Had to.

I never said I had to you. I said I had a couple. The second one, I don't remember which one happened.

A couple.

You don't know, Okay, now I think you don't.

I don't know.

You understand because because a fight needs two people, A fight needs a couple of people. What's the other the other story? Because I'm gonna get into.

A whole.

All right. Uh the second one is my last second one, I guess is jumping to high school and I, Uh, I didn't fight for a long time between like it was like early middle school to high school, and uh, I didn't like It's kind of the same situation. The guy wasn't improving though I didn't like him, and I wanted to excuse to fight, just to let that aggression. And I needed to find a reason that my mom and dad want to be mad at me. I wasn't

I don't know.

I haven't fought since then. And too and too and too much of a pussy Now.

Those are both both, those are both not fights. I would I wouldn't. I would classify neither of those as fights, just assault. I think there were results. It's hard for you. I think it's hard for you to say that because it's hard because saying saying I assaulted someone is different from is a lot different from saying I got into a fight. But but those were assaults.

Mm hmmm.

Mmm, how old.

Are you now?

How long ago was all this stuff?

Uh?

Well, the last one was freshman year, so about fifteen years ago.

Okay, all right, it's just been fifteen years and you haven't.

No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not openly assaulting people anymore.

Good. I didn't think you were. I don't think you were. I don't.

Look.

I can forgive you for what you did in kindergarten, you know, I I I But I mean, it's not up for me. It's that's up to Jesus. You're saying, or whoever it is, face to Jesus. Did you're gonna get You're gonna get megaband from from all the Jesus stuff. You can't be you can't.

You can't.

You can't be trying to pick a fight with Jesus.

Man.

Let me ask you something.

Sure you that punch Jesus if you had the chance.

What do you mean?

No, I wouldn't punch Jesus if I had the chance. You're making it. You're making it sound like it's like a it's like an opportunity.

Do you.

Think you'd make it into the Bible.

They're not writing a new one anytime soon.

No, I mean like, I'm not talking about if he was to come back.

I'm talking about would you make it into the Bible if I punched you? If I assaulted Jesus.

Fact, do you think that they would have written you in?

Okay, now, now you've made it a little bit more interesting, right. But I don't want But I wouldn't want I don wouldn't want that I would Why would I? Why would I even want that? Though? Why would I want to be immortalized in the Bible as the guy who punched Jesus.

I'd rather be a f The's far worst thing that happened to Jesus is in that book than him getting decked in the face randomly in the desert.

There are But I don't want to be known for any of the bad things that happened to Jesus.

What would you want to do to be in the Bible? To be written into a chapter.

I would love to be the I'd love to be the burning bush. I'd love to be the I would love to you know, I'd actually love to be I would love to be like Jesus. I don't I've never read the Bible. I'm Jewish, but I'd love to be the like I don't know, whatever part, whatever arc of the whatever point in Jesus arc rres down his luck. I'd love to be a lizard that comes to life and starts talking to him and tells him the right.

Thing to do.

And I'd want to and I'd want a drawing of of of me as as Saint Lizard immortalized in the Bible. I don't want to be the guy that punches him in the face.

No, that's respectable. I I you know, honestly, I would. I would agree at the end of the day, all jokes, I would want to be in Bible day, in Bible days and current days. Really, I want to be remembered as a as a get go like person who comes to life and gives gives people wisdom. You know, I think everybody would.

Would you say your name was Carlo?

That's a lie, but over this live ship or whatever that Yeah.

Yeah, we know we heard the last guy, Carlito. What's up, dude, I'm very happy to hear that.

All.

You know, look, all jokes aside that underneath everything you you wouldn't punch Jesus. I mean maybe it gives me comfort. I know you maybe would too.

Yeah, but I appreciate and I hope you had a really good Christmas and I hope you have a really, really, really successful New Year.

Thank you, Thank you, my friend, you as well appreciate you.

Thanks brother, take care.

Call from mark.

Tix step Mark in a minute. What's what's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

Okay, I would say probably one of the most embarrassing things to ever happened to me is you were just like, jack off, clean it off on the shirt.

I I've done, not maybe not my shirt, but I've done it with underwear.

Yeah, okay, Well, uh, sometimes when I jack off, I'll just you know, like wipe it up with a shirt. And uh one day the following morning, I was running late for work and guess what shirt I happened to grab?

Mmm, so I went, when did you? When did you notice it?

I didn't notice it until about like halfway through a ten hour shift.

Wow, so ten out? What part of the shirt did you giz on?

I think it was on like the shoulder, so it's probably pretty visible.

Well you and your juzzy shoulders. Have a good night, my friend.

Yeah, I will love you.

GEK love you too.

Baby all right.

There.

Repkept goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night. There rethink Kept goes too his eye. He's teaching you cloud of your life, but he's not really an expert.