Hello, yes, hi, Hello, Hello.
How's it going?
It's going all right? What's your name, sir? My name is Sam Sam, Well Sam. Uh I don't know if you've ever heard heard this Little Gecko show before, but uh I just kind of talked to people about whatever they want to talk about. So what do you want to talk about?
I had a weird job a couple of years ago, and I think that's the reason why my girlfriend broke up with me, And and the job is real weird and have some stories to it, and uh I kind of wanted to talk about that weird time in my life for I had a people with them me all weird.
What was the job?
I was a crematory operator for pets.
You think your girlfriend left you because it was your job to burn dead animals?
That and also I was in school to become a funeral director.
What drew you to the profession of dead dogs?
So basically what had happened was is I was in funeral school and the teacher was like, Hey, my boss is looking for somebody to work at his crematory operations thing. And it's really good because it gets your foot in the door because he owned like a funeral home also, so I was like, oh, get your foot in the door, make a name for yourself, and I'll like okay, yeah, sure I'll work there. And then I ended up working there.
What's your favor part about burning dead dogs?
Uh?
Literally nothing? It made me like to sensitize with like the whole thing. And then I'm like, I love animals? What am I doing?
Yeah? What I mean?
What?
Uh? Why did you decide to go into this profession? If you love animals, wouldn't that make you Wouldn't it be natural that that would make you sad?
That was the thing. Like at first, when I first started the job, I was sad. I was like this is like awful. But then I started like being like annoyed by it. It's like like I don't know, people were like showing up and it was always just the same story, like people just coming up to me and like you know what, like you know, pets are actually like a pet dying is actually sadder than a human dying. And I'm just like what are you talking about? Like
what what do you mean? And then I'm just like wait, like I understand, like I had a pet that path the way, and like it really sucks and like the end, the moment you just say whatever, and I don't know. I was just feeling like I was just losing entirely my whole empathy for like people's emotions, and it was just not right.
Do you feel as though you've regained that empathy?
I think so, because now I look at dead animals and I'm grossed out, when before I was like, oh, yeah, sure, like you know.
There's some blood. It is what it is.
Yeah, it's a pretty gross job. There's pretty like funny stories though that had come from it, though, surprisingly enough.
Yeah, Like what.
It was like my like second or third day of working there, and I'm just working under the ball because like she was trying to teach me everything, and so this like lady calls like in a hysterics, like I don't know, like what happened to my cat, Like my cat like she just died, Like do you guys do like autopsies? And my boss she said no, we just do a cremation. And then she's just like staying on the phone, was like Okay, well I'm gonna cut open
my cat and see how she died. And then she's yeah, And then my boss was like, don't do that if you do that, we're not gonna like take your animal. And then she's like she just hangs up the phone, and then her husband calls back like ten minutes later and was like, yeah, so she cut open the cat and I can we still bring the cat? And I'm like,
what is going on? And then my boss was just going and just goes tore them and it was like all right, you got to like put it in a bag and like put it in a box and like we're just gonna put the cat in there. And they completely did not do that. So they just showed up with the cat just completely desecrated, and it was very crazy to see. And this lady was so drunk, like so incredibly drunk. It was bad.
She was she was drunk.
Yeah, she was just hammered, like completely hand and it was like ten o'clock in the morning.
Can you imagine drunkenly cutting open a cat? That sounds I mean, that's probably not the best moment in her life.
Yeah, no, no, that's definitely. I don't know. And her husband was like super chill about it, like and it made That's what creeped me out the most, how silver husband was about it.
I feel like that.
I feel like those two probably balance each other out. I don't know what it is, but that's I don't know. I don't know why, but that sounds like a good relationship actually, because that that lady needs him as her rock because she I can only imagine. I mean, I think that that guy sounds like he's keeping her from cutting up people.
Yeah, I hope he's keeping a good eye on her, because I worry about them sometimes. I look back at that moment and I don't.
I don't know.
Now now when you saw the cut open cat was just at a point where you were like, oh, Okay, that's just what it is, or where you like, oh, that's pretty fucked up.
It was pretty fucked up because I love cats personally, and at that time my cat was still alive, and I'm like, oh, great, now I'm gonna look at my hand and be like, oh, so that's what's inside of the cat. Huh Yeah, but yeah, I don't. I quickly got out of that profession. I am actually kind of glad that I did take that job because it really showed me that I don't want to be in funeral service.
That was good. Do you uh, oh what was it, Oh, yes, your girlfriend broke up with you over it? What happened there?
Yeah, So I noticed like when we would be like out, she didn't like it when I whenever like I would meet like someone like new that like you know, if she was like introducing me, and then they would be like, oh, so what do you do? And then I had mentioned like, oh, I am like in funeral service, and then like that always sparks up like a whole discussion. Like I started getting really annoyed by it. And that's when I was like, do I really want to do this the rest of
my life? Have to explain why I did this and why I'm in this. And I just like saw her face and like she just looked like she because we when we first started dating, I was not in that. I was like just in community college. And then I made the switch in the middle of our relationship, and that's when I really saw the decline. I think she was like just skeeved out by the whole thing.
How has this profession affected your view of your own death?
Not really by much. I don't know. My uh.
My view on.
Death is just very like I mean, it's like, can you remember before you were born. I mean, I just think, like, after you die, it's just going to be like before you were born, Like it's not really going to be sad, because it's just going to be like.
Nothing.
I don't know.
Does anything make you happy these days?
Oh?
Yeah, A lot of things make me happy. I live a happy life, you know, just live in the moment kind of thing. Just be around friends and family. I've been doing pretty okay, like and then a new profession of much more easier to talk about professions.
Yeah, but do you do now?
I'm a plumber.
You're a plumber.
Yeah, yeah, like a commercial plumber.
That's almost it's not as depressing, but that's all it's also, I mean it's you went from dead dogs to diarrhea.
No actually yeah no, commerci was all like new that's a service work.
Oh okay, commercial like businesses.
Yeah.
No, like just like like brand new buildings and stuff like that.
Oh so you're working on toilets before anyone ever even ships in them.
Oh yeah, I'm like the first person to take a shit in it, if anything.
Wow, you went from death to uh life of a toilet toilet life?
Yeah, I give yeah, and provide life with the water and stuff.
You know, you do you have a new girlfriend.
Now, dating life has just been on and off. It's a lot of hinge and dating. I don't know. It sucks because like I look back at that and it's like, damn, if I just didn't make that switch in that profession, that would be with the ex girlfriend that was pretty day a cool.
Yeah, but I mean she really even if she was cool, she ultimately like it sounds like she didn't like accept you for who you were. I guess is that accurate or am I making that up?
No?
I get the sentiment, but it's like that was also not the guy who was dating and ultimately not the person I was, because I really went into it for the money. But like, they don't even make a lot of money, funeral directors. That is like a myth. They don't. They really don't make a lot of money. You got to own a home, but that's impossible nowadays.
But so initially the plan was to just to graduate from dogs to people.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was like an entry level job pretty much.
Was there a moment where you decided that you didn't want to do that anymore?
Oh?
Yeah, when I just quit? Yeah, I just had enough and then my friend said you should just really get into plumbing, and I was like, all right, sure, that's pretty cool. I like legos growing up, and then I just got into that. I was like, all right, this job is like the coolest job I've ever had, and I still think of it. I like it.
What's the deadest dog You've ever seen?
The deadest dog? Oh my god?
I should you know?
All right, So I'm born in ninety eight.
Right, I'm so excited that you have an answer to that. I mean, I don't know if excited is the word, but I'm surprised that you haven't answer to this question.
Go ahead, yeah, no, no, I have plenty, but this one's like not sad and gross. Okay, I'm born ninety eight. I'm twenty six years old. This person pulls up with a Chihuahua and it is like just bones, Like I'm like, what is this? And then she's like, oh, he was born in like nineteen ninety four, ninety three, and I was like, oh my god, like how old is this was this dog? And then uh, this is like a I also have a really fucked up story too, like this quick story.
Wait would you do it? So she just she just had she was procrastinating on getting that dog cremated.
Well no, no, it wasn't like like no, it was just like like imagine like a starving, starving dog, but it was just really old, like it didn't even look like a dog anymore.
Like it was so old.
But like I was like, this died today, Like she's like, yeah, put him down. I'm like I could have put him down like five years ago. Like this dog was so old.
It was oh oh oh, I thought somebody was literally bringing you dog bones. So it was like a just a skeleton of a dog.
Uh.
And she just kind of like instead of putting him down, like let him wrote it out, let him write it out.
Yeah, yeah, No, it was like the dog was so old and like, and she was like I would die today, Like they put it down, but it was way if. The dog was way way too old. They had one eye and everything. It was pretty bad, all right.
You said you had one other dead dog story you wanted to tell.
Yeah, this this didn't happen to me, luckily, because I would have told the person to get get out of here. But this lady had brought her dog in, who was like and she brought in the dog to one of my coworkers. His name was Steve was.
So she brought the dog to Steve and put him put the dog on the table it's like a viewing table, and Steve, you know, take the dog from her, and then he notices that the dog is still breathing, and he's like.
Whoa, whoa, the dog is still alive. And then she's like, oh, yeah, you guys don't like put them down. And he says like he was looking at the dog like dogs was like dying, Jesus and he was like, no, like, go to the vet down the street and put him down. And she's like, you don't think you could just like put the dog in there, and he's like, no, absolutely not. She wanted they.
Wanted you to burn the fucking dog alive. Yeah, Jesus Christ.
You don't think you don't think you can just put him in there like he's already like dying.
And he's like, no, absolutely not, Jesus Christ.
It gets the worst, it gets the worst, it gets worse. And then the woman he goes like, go to the vet down the street and then come back, and so she goes out to the car and he and you can see outside the car, never left. She's out there for five minutes and then she comes back in like Okay.
No, no, no.
No, I swear to you No.
That's so fucked up. Yeah, that's one of the more fucked up things I think I honestly have heard on this on this podcast. That's really fucked up. She just went and she just fucking like took the dog into her car and killed it.
Yeah, pretty much.
Jesus, Oh my god, wait, did your did your cowork did your co worker not? Was your coworker like all right, well I guess if he's dead to bring him in? Yeah?
No, he was just like Okay.
This fucking Christ. What's the fuck is wrong with everyone in that situation? God damn.
I you know, I've had a lot of like this was like a couple of years ago. It's hard to like remember like a lot of it. But I've had like so many just like crazy stories, just like not nothing as crazy as that. It's just the only one I experienced was like that lady with cutting open her cat. But that has to be like hand down, like the work.
Yeah, I think the let me let me kill my dog real quick lady is probably the worst Jesus, that's so fun. That's insane. Man. Yeah, well, congratulations on switching professions to toilets.
Oh yeah, honestly, the worst, the worst diarrhea, taking a ship on the rim of the toilet seat, whatever thing is not as bad as that.
And you don't even deal with that.
Yeah, you're you're you're.
Cleaning Ikea toilets. Now you're not cleaning them, You're I don't. I just still know what you're doing. Well, thanks for sharing. I know. I I think you know, by the way, I like dogs. I love dogs a lot, have had dogs growing up. I think I don't. I think my eagerness for you to tell me dead dog stories maybe comes off like I don't like dogs, but I do. And I would never kill a dog in my car, and I hope you wouldn't either, And I hope everyone listening wouldn't do that.
Yeah, please don't kill dogs.
What's your name again?
Sam?
Sam? Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Uh?
No, hope.
Uh.
Everyone has a good life.
Hey, take care, Sam, Take care. That actually might be one of the most fucked up things I've heard on the show. That's that's just insane. I have I don't know what to make of that. People are crazy, Like I don't know, Well, it kind of makes sense when you, like, like you ever go on Facebook and you see crazy people. They're not just in your computer, they're in real life, and real life there's crazy, fucked up people. That's wild. That's that's insane. Yeah, I don't know. I'm glad that
that guy got out of killing dogs. That's gotta be what. It's gotta be, a not particularly desirable profession, but somebody has to do it. So I respect the dog cremation people because someone has to do it, and no one,
I don't think wants to. Attention listeners of the Therapy Gecko podcast, do you know that I do a live version of this podcast on stage in person, in front of real people, That I'm doing this live show in several cities across the United States this year, and that tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour dot com or at the link in the episode description. It is all true. I'm currently on my third tour doing Therapy Gecko live all around the country and it is the
most fun, sick, amazing thing ever. And you should come out and be a part of it. The shows involve a mix of material and presentations from myself combined with a group Gecko therapy session where members of the audience come on stage to share things from their lives in front of a big group of people, just like we do here on the podcast. Whether you're a fan of the podcast or you have no idea what this is and you clicked on it by accident, you're gonna have
a great time at the live show once again. Tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour dot com or at the link in the episode description. These are really fun shows. They're always wild, they're always unpredict the bull and I hope to see you guys there.
Hello, Yo, who's this?
This is a gecko?
Oh shit? Oh my bad. I was like, who is calling me in the middle of the night.
No, you didn't do anything wrong. What's uh? What's your name? I'm gonna give you a name. I like doing that better. I'm gonna call you, uh uh John? What's up? John?
All right?
Damn, nothing much. Just sentrum my apartment, hanging out with my cat, smoking weed.
You know, that's that's a good life. That's a good life. Hell ya, that's a good life.
Super lucky.
I was. I got I did a physical today and they drew my blood and I passed out and I thought I was dying because and I thought I was dying. And then I was like, oh, I think like if you get shot and you're losing a bunch of blood, that's I guess that's what it feels like, you know what I.
Mean, But like, yeah, more like maybe a water fall.
Though, yeah, you know. And so I was like, well, it just kind of I was just just thinking about it because I was like, I wasn't like, you know, it was, I wasn't close. I wasn't anywhere near close to dying. I just passed out from getting my blood drawn. I wasn't a big deal, but I did kind of. I was kind of a little but I was. I was kind of like, oh, this is like a little this is like a little taste of what it would
be like to bleed out and die. And the rest of the day I was like, you know, I think anytime you're not bleeding out and dying, you're doing pretty damn good. So good because you're not bleeding out and dying.
Yeah, not yet, so.
Uh so, what's up, John, what do you want to talk about?
Well, I just texted you. So my job is kind of like yours, right, So people like they treated me like a therapist, and actually I think there's probably a lot of other people who related. So I'm a tattoo artist. So I don't know if you've heard about this, but people like to get tattooed, and they're like, oh yeah, ink therapy, blah blah blah blah, and then they just like they tell you some crazy shit and like, I don't have training for any of that. I got my
own shit going on. I'm down to listen. But like, sometimes like people are telling me shit that they probably wouldn't even tell their therapist, you know, like all.
Day ink therapy. It's OK. I guess it's kind of like the barber shop where like you go to you go to gab a little bit.
Yeah, definitely, except like, well, I mean, I guess you're sitting there for a long time, but when you're getting tattooeds. I mean I'll be sitting with some of these people for like three hours, give or take. And like I'm telling you, like, people tell me some crazy shit, Like I remember I had this girl come in. I had been tattooing her for a while, and you know, without going into the gory detail, she's in a very bad relationship and you know we talk about here there, like
you could, you know, emphasize on certain things. So one day she comes in with this dude and I was like, oh, this is this dude. She's like, yeah, this is so and so I'm like, it's not the asshole, right. She's like, oh no, And I was like, oh, you guys are cute blah blah blah. So like this dude's quiet, and I'm about to tattoo this girl and he's like, all right,
I'm gonna go hang out outside. She's like all right, and then like as soon as she hears the bell in the door, she's like, oh my god, that's actually the dude. And you know, he actually tried to unlive me last week. And I don't know what to do and I need your help, and I was like what the fuck. I'm like, I can't do any of that, Like like people just like I want to help people and I want to listen, but like I can't do that shit.
You know, Uh yeah, no, I mean that's way more than what you signed up for.
Yeah, So, like I don't want to sound ungrateful because it's like I am honored that people are going to open up to me, but sometimes I'm like, yeah, no.
I for like, seriously, if you I really do, if you make the decision and you're like, look, I'm here to give people tattoos. I can't come. I can't get involved in their lives and you know, give them psychiatric evaluations. That's not what I signed up for. You don't have to feel bad about that, like I don't. I don't. You don't have to beat yourself up about that.
Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. I mean, like again, I don't want to sound selfish because I know we all got shit going on, but it's like part of when you've got shit going on your own life and then like people are getting like real personality and it's like oh man, like like two things at once. I don't know how to explain it.
But.
Yeah, people go through some crazy shit and I gotta give the human race a lot of credit.
No, I mean you don't. I mean you don't have to like like even I guess for me with this podcast, you know, I think I I used to a lot more kind of beat myself up for not having like the perfect stuff to say all the time, you know. And then and then I kind of and then I made a decision where I was like, well, I'm gonna try my best to navigate this thing, and uh, if I fall short of perfect, I'm not gonna you know, feel bad about it.
Yeah, yeah, No, you're right. I'm definitely I'm definitely perfectionist and definitely people pleaser. So it really does like leak into every part of your life. I always figured because of my profession, like people are like trusting you to put them in a vulnerable physician. So it's like, you know, like these accommodating as you can, but sometimes you like accommodate way too much.
By the way, guilty you said. By the way, I'm just looking at these texts that you sent me. You sent me, I'm just going to read a few of these because you've you've got Yeah, the first time you texted me on this on this line was a year ago, and you sent me so many different things. I want to talk about how hard it is to date with Can I can I can I say these things? I mean, I guess if you texted me, then you want to talk about.
Yeah, which whatever.
You want to start with.
I don't know if we'll be able to get through all these, but I guess just at a glance, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna read off some things and if there's anything that you want to get into, let me know. You said, I want to talk about how hard it is to date with genital herpes. I want to talk about spilling my dad's ashes.
Uh.
I want to talk about my ex moving down the hall to try to convince me to marry him. Uh, my ex used to pee on my stuff. I met somebody on vacation who wants to help me traffic people help him.
I'm sorry, No, I'm not trying to trap anything.
Oh yeah, yeah, No, sorry, that's that's probably that's an important detail.
No, no, yeah.
I like that. I like this one. I'm afraid of Australia. That one's kind of why are you afraid of Australia?
Like, all right, because you've been there, right, yeah, I've like I've never been there, but I see these fucking bugs and like, like, yo, I I just think about seeing one of those fucking giant spiders. In the upper corner of my room, and I just like I had a client and well, like I guess she originally moved there from India and then she came visiting some family in America and she was like, I guess they moved
to Australia about like twenty years ago. And she said her first night there, they were in a hotel room and she saw one of them in the corner and it fucking scurried behind like the window whatever. I just like, you know, there's so many bugs like that and fucking kowala's piece through their skins, kangaroos or like fucking bodybuilders. Like it's just like, yeah, I mean, so I don't know that that shit. I don't know why Australia and then like the deep sea freaks me out like that.
You know what the good news is is you never ever ever have to go there. Yeah, you never you unless if you want to, Unless if you want to, You will never have to go to Australia or the deep sea. Like when you're get like when you get your license renewed, they're not gonna make you go to the deep sea. You'll never have to do it.
Well, we'll see how that goes to global warming?
Where do you?
What?
Can I ask you? What state you're in?
Now?
I'm in New Jersey, New Jersey, Okay, New Jersey debatably scarier than Australia.
Well, I grew up here, So I don't know, like it is the way that it is.
You know, you you text you, you texted me a bunch of things. You said, You're you feel like you're becoming agoraphobic. This was a month ago. Do you still feel that way?
Yeah? I like I just got like, okay, well, I don't want to bore you with the details, but with whatever you want to bore you with. Okay. Well, all, so I have multiple crazy exes. One like just did some unforgivable ship like tortured me like for a year like all this other ship was going on my dad
died and ship. No, no, it's okay. I'm not trying to like, but yeah, he was like cheating on me with my dad died and like just very like uh you know, and you know I ended things with him and he likes a little stocky, you know what I mean?
And is this the guy who moved in down the hall from you to try to convince you to marry him.
No, that's a different guy. He was fucked up. Yeah, So like this dude, I me and him were together for like three years. We were like living in like not like a trailer home, but you know one of those mobile trailers you attached to the back of your car. We're living in one of them, in a parking lot at a gas station. We lived there for about a year and a half and then I started making more of like a livable wage, so we moved into an
actual apartment. I ended things with him, like I guess a year and a half after that, because he's kind of like a raging alcoholic. So I broke up with him. This is a couple of months before my dad died. And I was just like gonna stark spiral, I guess you could say. And my sister was like, uh, it's so effective. Actually have these episodes, and you know some
like I get asked to help a lot. Anyway, all this shit's going on, and after a couple of months, like I don't know why, I unblocked him on Instagram and he like immediately messaged me, which should have been a red flag. But if I became friends with him, were you were.
You were you were you just feeling.
Lonely, I guess. So part of me is like I miss like, you know, we we used to have like a I don't know, and certainly as we had a sense of humor in that match with each other, like to me, like somebody you can laugh with is like one of the most important things. So I became friends with him, and then I had to block him. It would be on and off, but like friends, if that
makes sense. And then over the summer I had unblocked him again, like we talked, we hung out once or twice, and then two weeks after like messaging me, he's like, hey, how would you feel if I moved into your building? I'm like, well, that would be weird.
I mean a different guy from the guy who you said you who you said tortured you.
Yeah, yeah, because it's different. This is a guy before that. Yeah, my bad is confusing. So yeah. So two weeks after we became friends again, he fucking messages me and he's like, how did you feel about me moving down the hall? And I was like, well, it'd be kind of weird, but whatever, And then he was like, oh good because I already talked to the land where lord and she says, I can move in this Saturday. Yeah, and like, you know, I remember, like when I became friends with him again.
He like he's like yeah, Like every so often I try to come back and see you, and you know, I would leave things by your car, Like I found a ferbie and I put it like near your car because I wanted you to see it. But then I saw you didn't have like this rose I gave you a year ago inside, so I turned the ferbie on you on your car to make it all creepy. I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? So are you?
Are you? Are you still friends with this guy?
No? No, so he lives three three doors down, he still lives here. I don't know.
How do you guys run into each other.
There haven't a few times. I just like so like I wear glasses, so like if I see him, I'll like take mine off because in my brain I'm like, oh, well, if he sees me not wearing my glasses, I see him.
You know, I thought I thought it was gonna be like a Clark Kent thing, where like if you're lots of disguise to not wear glasses.
Yeah, except like like not at all, Like it does not fucking work at all.
So I mean you started talking about all this when I asked you if you about you feeling agoraphobic is like as part of the reason you don't want to leave the house because you're afraid to like run into this dude, Yeah, which.
I feel like sounds a little ridiculous, but I'm just like, again, I guess this as time has gone on, just all the stress from life kind of builds up and I get home from work and I'm like, uh, yes, my little heidie hole, but.
This is like this is like super annoying. But would you ever move? You know?
I would, but I can't afford it. So because I have thought about it, but I mean what I've been I just I just can't afford it. So, I mean there been times where I'm trying to like figure shit out, but then I just kind of give up because I'm like I got one hundred and ten million other things to take care of, you know what I mean.
Well, so I mean agoraphobic. I mean you're the way you just said it, where you were like after being stressed out from working and whatnot. I just like to, you know, be in my hidie hole and chill.
Uh.
I mean that sound that sounds pretty normal.
Okay, yeah, I don't.
I don't know. I'm not a real therapist. I'm just chit chacking.
No, no, no, I get what you mean. I get what you mean. Like like, okay, if I don't have to leave my apartment, I can stay in here for days and like not walk out my front door once. Like is that something?
Like?
Hopefully it is normal? What is that? Like?
Here's what I mean. Here's the thing, And this is what I really believe is like are do you?
Are you?
I mean, look you you. I asked you what you were doing. You said, I'm smoking weed. I'm hanging out with my dog. Right, you have a dog.
I got three cats.
You got three cats. You're hanging out with your cats. You're smoking weed, your watching You're hanging like are The bottom line is are you enjoying life? Because if you were to tell here's the thing, if you were to tell me, I long for greater fulfillment in my life by going out into the universe and doing stuff, but I'm terrified to do it, I would say that's bad. I think that would be bad. But I don't know if that's your situation.
You know what I because I I really do, like I want to travel and I want to do like all this crazy shit like I recently worked, Like it's have too convention, which they can get crazy, but you get to meet other people and like go out and socialize and like I want to like see new places and try new shit, like I don't know, try to just be a person of the world, like you know what I mean. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm like
it's like I can find joy in both. So like on one hand, I'm like super happy just chilling here, trying to be in the moment, being in my space, like recharging, nobody disturbing my peace. But then I just have to keep in mind, like this is not all there is. You gotta go out and get that other ship, you know. Yeah, does that make any sense?
It does make sense. I mean so yeah. I mean that I've been to a tattoo convention before. I made a little video one yeah what fun fuck? What is it calls? It was was the Philadelphia one Philadelphia was in Philadelphia, Oh yeah one. Yeah. I think it's like a traveling one. I went there in twenty eighteen. Yeh, I met this clown that talked about eating kids.
Oh nice, that makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, that's fun. Uh yeah, I mean so Bill is a real good one. So I mean, listen, I don't, I don't. I mean, I don't know you. We've just been chit chatting. But you sound like you're doing I mean, this is a blanket statement that I'm gonna make, but you sound as though you're doing better than you seem to give yourself credit for.
Yeah, I guess, so do you are?
I mean to what you just said where you were like, I want, I liked going out to the convention and I liked doing this and like that, are you like, are you afraid to put yourself out there to do more of that?
I guess, well, now that I worked it, I'm like, yes, I want to work more and more and more, and
I'm getting like really antsy to do it. But I think, I guess in that particular area, I'm like, I see all these other great artists there, and then I like, you know, I try to say as like humble as I can, because you know, you want to you want to get better and shit, But I also know that like, you know, I'm not the pinnacle of perfect tattooing, and there's all these other artists here and they're like fucking incredible or people have been following on the internet for years.
Funtle.
Yeah, it's great, but it can definitely be a little intimidating. But you know, like after I kind of like, I don't know, it's that's.
That's a really sorry, I'll finish your I had a thought, but I want you're good, That's what I was gonna say. It's a really annoying thing to have in you. I have it in me too, a little bit like like I can't go to like if I go to like a comedy show or something, uh, and it's good. I don't like it because I have this thing in me where I'm like, oh, but I want to you know, like what you're just described where like it makes you
feel a little bit secure about yourself, you know. Yeah, And I have not resemful And it's not it's mild, it's it's it's malignant. It's not but like you see, you see something really good and it makes you feel kind of bad about yourself. I really I know exactly what you're talking about I think it's such a bad It's like I wish I didn't have it at all. You see people who are just like, uh oh, I
just like stuff. I don't see everything. Yeah, I don't see people making good stuff as any reflection of me. You know. So I'm with you.
I know what you're talking about, and I don't know about you, but it's like yeah, well probably yeah, probably not. But like also like I don't know about you. But for me, it's like like I have so much or like I feel like I have like so much reverence for all these other artists, and then I just feel like I'm not equal to any of them, like save us or not, like you know what I mean, just any and every other chatsyo artists. But then it's like, well,
I got to give myself some credit because I'm working it. Yeah, I got clientele. I this is my full time job.
Like yeah, you know, don't I guess I don't. Why does I don't Why does whether or not you are as good as them whatever that means? Because you know, artists subjective and all that, all that all that stuff. Uh well I guess what, but but like your that doesn't in the context of your in the context of your goal being I want to go out into the world and do fun stuff and be around other people.
You know, that doesn't it doesn't matter whether or not you're as good as some tattoo grand master person thing.
Yeah it's sucking the mega ultimate.
But yeah, I mean you're if you're if you're living in an apartment that you pay for by injected, by drawing stuff on people. I don't know, I said, yeah, kind of kind of are injecting people with It's you.
Know, the pa of thissconception. It's it's like poking. It's not like intervenous. I'm not going.
POCU is a mild injection. I mean, look, you're not You're not tying up their arm and putting a syringe of ink in their veins. But it's a.
Little you know what it is. But it works more like like one of those fucking tens you dip in ink, like it's just doing like a small puncture and then like the ink is like flowing into it. So technically it's not injected. But I'm just fucking seeing that yet.
Yeah, But I mean, look, you live in a house that you pay for by injecting people with with ink, you know, I mean that's pretty that's a lot. I really, I mean that's a lot. That's oh yeah, that's trust me.
Yeah, I'm super grateful. I am super, super, super fucking grateful. You know, life was a lot, very very different, and tattooing really changed my life and I'll never take that ship for granted. And I'm again, I'm just super fucking grateful, you know. Yeah, And I know that I worked hard to get here and I just gotta like give myself the credit for that.
What's uh, what would you say is the is the weirdest tattoo you have been asked to give somebody?
Are we talking about like ones that were requested but I never got to do? Or the one? Oh yeah, I guess I have some that I did end up doing, but they're not as weird as Okay, I'll tell you the ones that got sent, but the.
Ones where you were like that's a bit too much for me.
Okay, So actually was that? My boss is like, no, you can't do it, and I was.
Like, what was it?
So one of them was this dude emails and like, who knows, it could have been a prank. I really hope it wasn't. But this dude emailed and he's like, Hey, I want to get a realistic dragon going from my asshole all the way up my booch to like the base of my balls or whatever. And me and my coworker are like, yo, let's let's like tag team that. Let's do that shit together. And my boss was like, no,
don't do that shit. But we emailed him back anyways, and he never answered, so I guess it doesn't matter, but that would have been really funny, getting really funny.
Getting getting a tattoo on your gooch. Do people do that to people? Tattoo They're yes, yes, I'm gonna. I'm gonna just stay on the line real quick. I'm on a Google. Oh don't worry, I paint tattoo. Also, I just turned the filter off. Oh oh god, Oh Jesus fucking Christ. This lady got a but if you googled this lady got a bunch of This lady got a bunch of spiders tattooed around her vagina. That's crazy.
The lady knows what she likes.
So oh this I like this one.
I just this is some guy got a tattoo of the seven wharves marching into his ass. That's pretty great, right, that's pretty good. Well, what's your name? What's your name again? I gave you a name, John, John John. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
Actually, yeah, real quick, sure, I know ever in the chat. I don't know if you remember it, but at the Bell House show last year, I was a girl with the split tongue in the back piece, and I felt like it acted really weird because I took a bunch of mushrooms and I went there by myself, and I also smoked a bunch of weeds. I'm sorry if I was weird. I felt like that was too much.
Wait a minute, you you got high and went to one of my shows? Yes, I actually, and I remember I remember you, And yeah, I remember because when I when I when I met you, I was like, man, she was really high and acting super weird. No, I've I don't remember that. I'm fucking that. Thanks for coming to which one? Which one did you come to?
It was the Bellhouse in Brooklyn. It was on Tuesday.
Twenty twenty two or twenty twenty three.
Well, I went to it on twenty twenty two and twenty twenty three. Yeah, and then I went to your Philly show in twenty twenty three, like the cool day before that.
Cool.
Yeah, thanks man, Yeah yeah, I already got tickets to your next show.
So fuck yeah. Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, thanks man. Okay, well if well now, well now, well now if I if I meet you at this show, you'll be like, I'm the lady who talked about.
I'll be like you, I'm John.
No, no, I don't remember anyone's name. We could have a conversation about for three hours and I won't remember your name. But if you tell me, you're like, oh, I'm the lady.
Yeah, that's right, I on.
Taints. Yeah, I'll remember that.
Okay, taint tattoo, all right, I remember that. Shit.
Hey, thank you very much for calling John. I have a good night.
Thank you. You two have a great one. Fight.
That was a nice call. That was fun. That was a nice chit chat. You know, I felt like a good chit chat. I like chit chat. I don't have any tattoos, not for any real reason. It's just because I don't know will will the tattoo of master shake on my ankle be relevant to me? When I'm eighty
years old. Probably not. That's well, that's why. That's just why I can't get into tattoos is because like, uh, I mean, the posters I had on my wall when I was twenty one are much different from the ones I desire to have now, as the t shirts I wear, as you know, any kind of a detic thing about myself. So I think to make some kind of aesthetic permanent on your body forever, I guess it just never made
I mean ever, I mean, you do you. I don't give a fuck what other people do, but just for me, like, it never made sense because my you know, tastes are constantly changing. I can't think of anything I'd want to have on myself forever. I don't know. Maybe I'll get a lady with tits on my.
Arm.
A lot of people seem to have that. That sounds that's cool? Yeah, okay, all right, well hello the gecko guy, No fucking way, what's going on?
Wait for real?
It's me? Who is this? Enough about me? Enough about me? What's up with you?
Gabe?
What's up with you?
Gabe?
How can I get you? Today?
Sir? Okay? So, like I do trades working all but like I kind of hate it, especially when they have me go out of town, and I just like I don't know if I should keep doing it. And I'm contemplated like going to college to be a chef.
So you're asking me if you should quit doing trades school to go to college to be a chef.
Yeah, because like I don't know if feels like a bad idea, But at the same time, like I just want like unbiased like advice on it.
You know, why do why do you think it's a bad idea?
Because like the job pays well, and like it's it's union, so so I get good insurance and all that. It pays really good. And I've barely been doing it, but like kind of miserable when I go out of town for work because I got no friends around me. I got like none of my hobbies, and like it's it just blows.
Do you have a passion for astronomy?
I love cooking, like you ever, like chefed up a good meal for someone and like watches someone smile when they eat the food you cooked is immaculate.
I wouldn't know, dude. I microwave rotisserie chickens. That's what I do.
That's nuts. That's wild.
What's your what's your magnum opus dish? What's your big uh? Your big dish?
Oh big?
Yeah, I'm so.
I'm like the widest person to ever step foot on the earth. But I make this chicken tika masala every now and then. Dude, it's good.
Oh well, all right, what's like our? I mean, here's the things why it's hard for me to give you unbiased advice because I don't really know what the career path of a chef looks like. You know, do you?
Yeah? I mean, I just like I assume you like go to college for culinary school and then you go work at a restaurant and make food or like start your own restaurant.
I can give you, I actually, I actually do think I can give you some some practical advice about this. Okay, you're you're nineteen, all right, that's what it says in.
My Yeah, I'm ninety.
What state do you live in?
Alaska?
You live in Alaska?
Yeah, dude, I'm I'm up here in Alaska. I'm I'm like, I'm out of towna now. I'm in a town called Cordova. There's two thousand people here. There's no chain stores, which like I don't care, but like it's a way to measure like how populated it is.
I mean, you live in Alaska, and none of your first of all, none of your decisions that you will ever make matter because you live in Alaska, which is not a real place. So I hope that and that that should give you some comfort. That should give you some comfort. You're not even a real person, so you can do whatever you want and it doesn't matter. My actual advice, though, is why don't you, like fucking do
you are there? I assume there are chefs in Alaska? Correct, Yeah, why don't you go talk to like five different chefs and find out how they got to be where they got to be and then get their advice and use that information to inform your next move. Damn, that's what I would do if I was.
A wise shp.
FU.
Damn. I don't really know how to reply to that. I was that was good.
Yeah, go do that. I hope you do that.
Man, really fucking.
Well, that's what I I mean. So when I so, when I was in college, I used to go on Twitter. I used to try to like I wanted to be like a comedy writer, and so I just went on Twitter and I just found like that that like all the TV shows that I really liked, the writers of them were just on Twitter and they had like, you know, a couple thousand follow or so if I tweeted at them, they they would see it. And I got to do interviews with Like I interviewed the head writer of the
Eric Andre show. I interviewed the creator of Nathan for You, not Nathan, but the other the guy who created it with Uh, interviewed the head writer ClickHole. This was all just like from like being in college and like screwing around on Twitter trying to talk to people. And so I mean that's what I would do if I was always find the people who do what you do, you know, to ask me for advice. I don't know fucking anything about being an Alaskan chef. Go ask five Alaskan chefs.
Yeah, wow, damn.
And like I said, like I said, like I said, it's it really doesn't matter because U Alaska only really exists in theory. So you're good no matter what you do.
Barely even a real place.
I want to go there. I want to go. I want to go there. I want to do I've wanted to do a show there for a while.
I would. I'd suck some homeless dick for you to do a show up here, like I do a lot of I'm not I'm not gonna make you do that come up here.
I would never make you do that. I would never make you do that. To come to a show, you can just like that. Would just pay me twenty five to thirty dollars and we'll call it even what part? What city do you live in?
So? I live in the town of Palmer.
I don't know why.
I almost at Florida, but I live in Palmer. It's like a smaller town, like seven thousand. But like, if you were to do a show, you probably want to go to like Anchorage, that's the biggest city.
That's probably what I'm gonna do. Yeah, good Anchorage. I don't know. I keep emailing venues and then ever email me back. But we'll get there. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna try. Can I do it at your house? You have a house that I can do a show at.
I still live with my parents, Like I can talk to them.
All right, I'm you know what, I you know what. I I'm only I'm like thirty No, I'm really, I'm no, I'm not serious. I was gonna say I was like thirty percent serious. But I probably wouldn't do that. Oh if if you lived in Anchorage, maybe, but if you live in like far away from it, I probably probably
wouldn't do that. I mean, it's honestly, even if you didn't live even if you didn't live an Anchorage, I don't think I would want to invite a bunch of strangers to your house to steal all your things.
I mean, I'd be honored to have the get in my living room, Like that'd be a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah, but it's not just me. It would be like fucking Greg and stuff. Whatever.
What's your name again, Gabe?
Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna talk to the Alaskan chefs?
Absolutely? That way cool, it's straight with.
Let me know. Oh no, he fuck a damn it. The call disconnected because he lives in fucking Alaska. Should I call him back? We were pretty much at the end. There's a curb of Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry's on the phone with someone and the call drops, but like they were already at the end of the fucking conversation anyway, So he didn't call him back. Should I call him back? We were at the end of the cop I feel like we did it. I hope he I don't know. I guess. I mean we were at the end. I
liked that guy. He was cool. I hope he dies. I hope if I if whoever, I forget what name I gave you or you gave me. But if you decide to call the Alaskan chefs, uh, let me know what they say. Maybe one day I'll go to Alaska and he can cook me a salmon at his house and I can steal some of his stuff. Do they have stuff in Alaska? I want to go. If you're listening to this and you own a venue in Alaska, let me know. I want to go there and do a show. All right, Thanks for calling, sir.
Never be Kad goes on the line taking your phone calls every night, never goes to his side.
He's teaching you aloud in the mot of your life, but he's not really an expert.