Best of Therapy Gecko - Volume 1

All from John, John? John?

Yeah, what's up?

It is John? Oh Man, I'm on.

How does that make you feel to be on?

I feel very special right now?

Really, do you often feel unseen?

Yes?

Unheard?

Maybe?

What do you want people to hear? John?

I had a nightmare. I was like fifteen and I had a dream that I was having anal sex with my best friend Andrew, and I was given it to him. And I'm straight and he's straight as far as I know. And the next time I saw him it was real awkward.

Did you tell him about the dream?

I didn't tell him about the dream. I thought it was a little weird. It took like a year for me to stop tickets and thought, do.

You still talk to your friend that you had the dream about?

He died like no joke. He died like ten years ago.

Sorry to hear that.

Yeah, it was a bummer. He was a real nice guy, real nice guy, and.

He died without every knowing that you had to stream about him?

Is true?

That is true. It's probably for the best.

How old was he when he died? If you don't mind me.

Asking, Oh, he was thirty, right about thirty?

Do you mind me asking what happens.

I believe he had a cancer.

Were you with him, were you like in contact with him when he was dying?

Not really. He was like a childhood friend, you know, and then I moved away when I was like a teenager, and we still kept in touch but didn't see each other a lot except every few years. So I you know, it was a bummer, but you know, he wasn't a close friend at that point.

You know, I think ultimately I agree with you. I don't think that there would have been any situation in which it would have been the right thing to do to you know, on this man's deathbed, as he's slowly dying of cancer, tell him that when you guys were kids, you had a dream about having anal sex with him.

Yeah, that time especially would have been poor. It would have been poor timing, certainly. Yes.

Well, John, you made a good decision and I'm proud of you.

Thank you. And you know what, you made a good decision doing what you're doing. I loved your show, discovered it on Friday, loving it, just loving it. Keep doing it.

Thank you, man. I appreciate that very much. Man. You have a good night, John. And uh, you know what if you have any dreams about me, You can tell me if you want to.

Mind, I'll let you know, no matter how weird it is, all right, man, I love you. I love you too, stay weird.

Hello?

Hello?

What's your name?

Hello?

Isaiah?

Isaiah?

What's going on?

You know?

Not a whole lots going on with me?

You know the same thing over here?

What are you doing right now, Isaiah?

Well, right now, I'm just getting back from work, cooling in the bed, you know, enjoying my day. Watch Eastory.

Where do you work?

Work in the tacoh the cashier?

All right, how thankful are you that you don't work at a fucking McDonald's right now?

Actually, it's a funny story about that. See, I was gonna go to the goddamn McDonald's across the street from my taco bell, but uh, the boss of the taco bell said that we have sort of a crusty crab and a chump bucket type of rivalry with the McDonald's across the street. He said that one of the managers came over there and started a fight with him. So now every time we see a McDonald's person, it's pretty much broad in the street.

You know what, I'm saying, who usually wins Taco.

Bell because of the best look mine, it's on site. You know what I'm saying. It Uh we say, we say m DK, it's m DK. That's McDonald's killers, you know what I'm saying. So if we see a McDonald's dough, it's over with MCCA. You know you better not come out to McDonald's if you see it's in the street, cause it's over. That's some game.

Isa Do you see an end to the violence? Do you see a light at the end of the time, or do you think that this will wage on for indefinitely.

They need to go apologize to my manager, That's what need to have apologize for What what do they do? I don't even know. I don't even know, but I know that my manager cool, you know what I mean?

So, Isaiah, you've gotten to Isaiah, you've gotten to a critical point in your battle where you've forgotten what you were even fighting about.

Man, I never knew, Okay, if.

You never knew what what has been driving you? I mean, what has been motivating you to fight? Because you're you sound like a valiant soldier. Soldier, Isaiah, you sound like you you if I were building an army, I would want you leading my front line. You valiantly defend the honor of Taco Bell for absolutely no reason, and I want I want to get to a reason, Isaiah.

You know, I feel like it comes from uh my, your backgrounds. You know what I'm saying. I didn't do it my time. I'm getting out. I'm trying to do my best, but you know, it seems that this, I guess you could say gang ship has to follow me, and I feel like this is one of the best ways to do it. You know what I'm saying.

So, Isaiah, you this, I don't want I don't I don't want you going back in there man, because of some dumb because of some fucking McDonald's.

Dude.

It's not it's not worth it, Isaiah. I don't want you going back.

Get get. I didn't choose the Taco Bell life. You know what I'm saying. Taco Bell life chose me, man. You know what I'm saying.

It's in your head, Isaiah.

Maybe it's in your head, Gig.

It is in my head. It's you know what it's concerned Because I love you and I care about you, and I don't want to see you get wrapped up in you know, the Taco Bell gang crowd.

Man, I don't know. I'm through d night. I get paid seventy five a hour, So who like dollar or some sense I got?

Would you kill for eight twenty five an hour?

Man? Shit, I don't know. It depends on the the situation.

Isaiah, how have you send?

Well?

Uh?

One day, you know, I was with the armies, you know what I'm saying. So we was calling who was out on the block, you know what I'm saying, myn own business. And the dude came and the he w he was a dude from somewhere we had never seen. We never seen him before, and you know, we lived in a very smart community. We seen him everybody before a lot of people come through. We know that my name. And the dude came and he was talking a lot of rob rock like hey, hey, fuck you, Like, why why are you?

Like?

Why are you looking at me? That's what he would say to me and the homies. That's we were walking down the street. He said, why are you looking at me? Fuck you? I'll kill you. So of course me and hoies we walk up to him and well, like, hey, what's up? Like it's cranking. What you wanna do?

He like, I get last thing on here.

Ah, y'all ain't y'all ain't know nothing, you know what I'm saying. So we jump on and we hitting 'em and we beat. Now me keep mine.

I'm drunk.

I'm almost like a fucky you know what I'm saying. I'm going out my body, so I'm over exaggerating. I'm like, fuck, everybody, get up off me. Everybody get up off me mind. And then I can get on 'em and I'm on top and I take out a knife for 'em.

Now, this.

This is where it gets bad because so basically I called my initials into his forehead and uh, then of course he told the police because you know. And then now I'm currently serving a two year progressions or not two year three year progressions centers and I've done two years so far.

So so you're not in jail.

Well I was.

I only did two muths for it.

You're not out there carving tbs into McDonald's workers heads, are you?

Nah? Nah na nah nah nah nah?

So what's nice?

Yet?

Ayay? Say yah?

Shit? Man? I wish I knew. You know, it's hard anybody that say it's it's on the stream right now, that's you know, younger and you know they probably going down the same thing. I don't know, like i'm'a spit some words of a knowledge of your life, gag. If that's okay with you, Absolutely, yeah, it's not worth me. I'm'a tell you right now, it's really not. Don't do it.

I'm I'm geeking too. Okay, all right, Isaiah, you know, thanks for thanks for sharing all that ship and take care, stay safe, don't don't walk around too hard with those McDonald's kids.

So I appreciate you. Gud for.

Paul from Trill too, Frill, Yes, Trill is this get it is?

Oh my god, it's so wonderful to.

Speak with you.

It's wonderful to speak to you as well, Phrill.

Yes, Prill.

So we're talking about aliens tonight, well.

Right now we're talking about, well, we were just talking about if I was pronouncing your name right, and now we're talking about if you were you know, we were talking about what we're talking about. But that's the thing, you know, what we're talking about. It changes with every sentence we exchange between.

Each other exactly, and we both are and are not and we're here and we're on the other side, and it's where our consciousness takes us.

What are you talking about.

I'm not really sure.

That's okay, but hey, Phil, but I've.

Seen enough of you that I think that it's okay to not know.

I'm glad that you feel comfortable not knowing the next thing that you're gonna say to me. I think that that's, you know, Phil, I don't know if you agree with this, but I think that that's kind of I think that's kind of, you know, a sign that you know, you're comfortable. We're on someone you know you don't have to always think about, you know, too hard about what you're gonna say next.

If if you know what you're going to say next, all the time, it seems like everything's too rehearsed. And then it's like, are you in a play. Are you even real yourself? And I'm not rehearsing this, I'm just sort of it's sort of a stream of consciousness ramble, which I feel comfortable consciously rambling with you.

Someone wants to know why am I a gecko?

Are you really a gecko? Is part of your consciousness? Truly a gecko? Because that's okay. But in other respects, you're a man in a gecko suit.

So you're implying that you know, physically, I'm a man in a gecko suit.

It's possible that you're a man in a gecko suit. But it's also possible that you could be a gecko who has attained consciousness to the and the ability to speak. It's not in a cheesy, I want to say, not in a cheesy advertisement kind of way. Let's get that out of the way. It could be a hallucination, but then life itself.

Could be hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. You said this could be a hallucination. It could be frill Have you ever experienced a hallucination?

Yes, I have experienced hallucinations.

What was the last thing you hallucinated?

Well, the last thing I actually remember hallucinating was that I could see the framework underneath the cement sidewalk, and I thought that people walking at me were in Halloween costumes, but they weren't.

What kind of Halloween costumes.

Just sort of distorted humanoid type Halloween costumes.

Do you think those are the aliens that we're talking about?

Ah, I don't know if I believe in aliens per se, but it could be they could have been aliens. We could all be aliens. I could be a fuck being alien.

I think you could be a fucking alien.

I think that would be pretty cool if I was a fucking alien. But the only problem is, well, the only problem is if I am an alien, I'm not aware of it, and so I think.

That would be a bad thing.

Why would it be bad? Okay, I feel like we're getting somewhere with this. So you're saying it would be cool to be an alien, but it would be bad to be an alien and not know you're an alien exactly.

It would be a matter of sort of being unaware of my true self.

Do you think, actually this is a question I have for you, Lady Frill, I don't know, I don't I don't know if your name is Lady Frill. I think I might have seen someone say that your name was Lady Frill the chat. If your name is a lady Frill, it'd be a cool name for like a you know, a gamer tag or something. If you don't know if to play call duty.

But Frill, I'll deal with that. Yeah, that's cool.

Do you think you could decide to be an alien and then one?

I believe that if your will was strong enough, you could decide to be whatever you wanted to be. Now, it's not that the rest of society would accept you for that, but.

Yes, if you could decide to be anything you wanted, Frill, what would you want to be?

I think I'd like to be a mushroom growing in a nice deciduous forest and some beautiful moss, maybe by the side of a lake, with some trees towering above me. Not necessarily a psilocybic mushroom, mind you, Perhaps just a beautiful, benevolent mushroom, maybe a tasty mushroom.

It would all be It's great.

It would be a life cycle thing, the cycle of life.

Do you think there is a possibility that you are a mushroom right now but you aren't aware?

Oh?

I do believe that I believe that anything is possible. I believe that any part of our lives could be a dream, and any part of our dreams could be our actual lives. Or it could be a bunch of shit, we could be nothing. It's all cool because it is what it is, and nobody can know.

Exactly what it all is.

Except perhaps you, because you're the therapy gecko.

Well look, I don't know if you're a mushroom or if you're an alien, or if you're if you are the therapy gecko. Perhaps if you are, you know, a man or a woman in a gecko suit. But but I think you could be. It could be whatever you want. And you know that's a good message to you know, send home to the kids. I appreciate you bringing that message onto the stream, sharing it with everyone here.

I appreciate the opportunity, and I send all my best thoughts and my love to you. And I feel like I've taken enough of your time, so I will I will leave so that somebody else can avail themselves of your your knowledge.

I love you very much, Phril. I'll talk to you soon.

Take care O Caul.

From Wednesday, when's they can ask you a question.

Yeah, man, have you ever had a vision? Dude?

That's why I called.

Hit me Wednesday?

Okay, okay, stay with me.

I'm with you.

I never left I. I've always had this theory that I'm a witch. Okay, So a couple of times I've thought about people and then that day I learned that they're dead. So, like, one time there was this there was this young girl on vine. Her name was Emma, not Emma, I think Emma Greer. She went by Greer mostly. She had cancer. I followed her for a long time. Knew she had cancer, you know, but she was doing okay.

Who's the other one.

I was like in class just talking to my friends about my grandpa because he was really weird. I was just telling him lots of stories about him. One time he ran into a steak and shake with his car, and I like, I like telling that story because that's funny.

Shit.

We were just.

Talking about him whatever whatever, And then I go home and that day my dad is like, got some bad news. Grandpa died and like he wasn't that big of a part of my life, Like I didn't really talk about him normally, but that day I spent an entire class period talking about my grandpa. And then same day, no many died.

And so because of these you think you're a witch or that you might be a witch.

This is where's gonna fall off, and everyone's gonna think that it's crazy. But I have had two boyfriends who I've gotten messy breakups with, and both of them, within like a week after us breaking up, have wrecked their cars.

So you're making me like scared to talk to you. I'm scared, Like now I feel like something's going to happen to me.

No, don't worry, I won't manifest it. I think I think that's the problem.

Okay, well hold on now, Well now I'm a little Now I'm a little freaked out because what do you mean you won't man Does that mean no?

No, no, no Nocause you're.

Saying you won't manifest it implies that you have some control over this.

No, that's that's my fear. That's my fears. I just think of these things that might just happen. But so then.

You don't have controls. You can't promise me anything.

So I also have a really bad OCD. So if I just I've convinced myself, if I just do my OCD stuff, then you won't die. So tonight I'll just do my OCD stuff and you're all good.

Wednesday, you know what. I'm pretty I'm confident that I'm not gonna die.

I'm confident, do you.

You know, look, if you're about to flip a light switch on it off twelve times, and open and close a folding chair four times, and stop your feet and clap your hands you know you don't have to do that stuff for me. I'll I'll be fine either way. But I appreciate the sentiment.

Yeah, no, that was mostly a joke, but I would have done I would have done a little OCD tick for you.

You just a little one, all right?

Maybe maybe phill a fill a bathtub with water and then drain it immediately after. Can you do that?

Uh, that's a lot of work. I was just gonna go, like go like walk the front door again.

Yeah that's fine too.

Not the train not worth it? But you know, all right?

All right?

GEG love you, Love you too, good night Wednesday.

Bye Caul from Taylor, Taylor, WHOA, I actually got through.

I know it's I'm surprised. I'm as surprised as you are.

So I had a little bit of an issue about a month ago hit my my fiance and I. We went camping with some friends and they brought some edibles and we all took probably took a little bit too much, and then I lost all perception of time and had a high panic attack. But a part of me kind of wants to try it again, to relive that moment.

What do you feel like was enjoyable to you about having this panic attack? What were the aspects of it that you found endearing, Like.

Just realizing like that time is such a weird thing, Like how in our free time we have so much of it, but really there's not enough of it. It sounds kind of weird, But that's how I felt at the time, So I wanted to relive that feeling. Am I weird for that?

You said that you don't have enough time? What don't you have enough time to do?

I mean, like life is so short, none of us have enough time. And I think that's why I went into a panic attack.

Enough time?

What I want to travel?

Where do you want to go?

I'd really like to go to like Japan?

How old are you?

Twenty six?

All right, so you'll be alive by the time that you can go to Japan without you know, getting coronavirus. So you'll get to do that, all right. What else we can get? We can keep going. We can plan out your whole life right here. I think you've got time to.

Do it, though.

Yeah, what what what do you want to do? You don't have time to do?

See, I don't know.

That's like the crazy thing is you start thinking about like people who die young, and it's like, what if I get hit by a bus tomorrow, then I didn't have enough time?

You know what? What have you already done?

I feel like not a lot.

Well, you had friends because you went camping with them.

So that's yeah, that's true.

You got to experience camping. The only thing that I know about you is that you went camping with your friends once. That's the only information I have about you. But even within that, there's there's plenty of stuff. Okay, what's another what's another thing that you have done?

Uh? I went to college, did you enjoy it.

No, I hated it?

Okay, well you got you got to hate something, that's true. That's a feeling. That is, you got to experience rage and frustration upon applying for financial aid. That's a visceral human emotion that you've got to experience as a person who is alive. All Right, you got to be pissed off. You got to go camping, You got to have friends. That's like three things.

Yeah, what else?

What else do you want to do?

Uh?

I want to have if you.

Could do anything, you want to have kids. Yeah, you got time to do that, that's true. I don't think that you can. Can this conversation be a substitute for you giving yourself a panic attack intentionally to discover that you have time? Can we sub this in for you intentionally drugging yourself and causing your self physical harm? Can we just can we slide that out and slide this in?

Yeah?

I think that's a good idea.

All right?

Cool? Well, Taylor, I love you and you've inspired You've inspired me. I col'm I go camping now too.

I love you too, man, Thank you?

Take care of Taylor.

All right?

Bye?

I think I think we got time some people don't. Actually they don't have time. Some people have a defined amount of time left to live right now. Yeah, those people don't have time. But Taylor has plenty of time. That guy's already done a bunch of things. And I'm and he's only told me like two things that he did, So I'm sure that within all the other stuff that he's done that he didn't even talk about, you know, there's like he's got to have done at least seven

Hey, I gotta I got a story I need. I just need to talk to someone about kind of weird all right?

Hit me.

So when I was a kid, I uh I had I had this friend that lived down the road right and uh, and we would always go reach each other's house, and uh it was weird. But but one day I had him over and and uh, you know, we kind of live out and uh, I wouldn't say the country, but you know with places with a little a little more property, and uh, there's a snake, dude, and the snake did my friend right, And so I just got mad. And picked up the snake, and and I naturally hated snakes.

Die, man.

So I got up on my roof where I had my basketball goal, and I just started whamming this thing against the back of my basketball goal, and uh, I killed it. But the blood was all over the back of my basketball goal. And my friend was no longer friends with me anymore because he thought I was a serial killer, and my parents thought I was weird, and it kind of scarred the both of us as kids.

Have you told anyone else this?

No, not besides my friend.

You mean the friend that was in the story, or a different.

Friend the friend that was in the story, So.

No one else knows about this. You haven't told anyone else in your private life about this?

No.

I was too scared, man, What are you scared of?

I was scared people would think I was weird. I just I was just trying to protect my friend.

I feel like you went a little overboard, though. I feel like you protected your friend and then you went a little too far because I feel like, here's what I think happened in that scenario. You started with one set of intentions and you ended with another. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, the intentions that you started out with were to protect your friend, and in the heat of the moment you grabbed that snake. I believe you grabbed that snake with the true, pure purpose of protecting

Yeah, I think you're right.

M I think you should tell a therapist about this.

Yeah, it's just it's just so weird, you know, man. Like I'm I'm genuinely not a weird kid, you know, Like I have lots of friends, I do a lot of normal stuff, you know, and I have a normal life, but it's just just this one story. I don't know, it's like the one thing you know, that set separates you from from other kids. You know, it's just weird.

I think the only way you're going to get past this is to tell other people, uh yeah, preferably you know, you know, uh uh, you know specialists, and you should follow whatever council they give you after you tell them. Yeah, what'd you say? Your name was?

Casey?

All right, Casey. Look, I wish you're the best of luck in your future endeavors. And I appreciate you calling into the show.

I appreciate your time. Thanks you share you too, man. Bye bye.

Call from Jackie Jackie, Jackie, you're at a party?

Or Jackie? Are you're at a party right now?

Hello?

Are you at a party right now? You're sounding like you're at a party.

I am not.

Well, see, I'm not at a bar.

I'm so this.

So why are you at a bar right now? Jackie? Why are you doing that?

Hello?

I'm out at the bar now?

All right, you're out at the bar now?

I am out?

Yes?

So why are you on like a patio or something?

Well? Yes, like it's outdoors? You know, so I'm not I'm not inside.

Wait, so what do you mean you're out? Both of ways? How are you? How can we? How can you be out? If you are were If you're out now, that means that you must have at one point been in.

Well, so there you know you have to go inside and get a get a drink, right, So I went in siding out the drink and then I'm outside now.

And so you're walking down the street.

Now, I'm just yeah, I'm just perusing, you know, if one does, how are you?

You know? I'm okay, that's good, I'm glad. What what made you want to go out to a bar this evening?

It's socializing?

You know?

Did you meet did you meet any new who? Did you meet any new people?

I know.

You're not supposed to No, No, I'm just meeting the people I know.

So you're socializing with people that you already know.

Yeah, And there's like a man and sitting sitting in a in a truck bed across the street from me, looking at me like, why are you talking to a getcko?

But he doesn't know what you're talking to it. He doesn't know you're talking to a ge.

He doesn't yet No, not yet.

What do you mean are you gonna tell? Are you gonna tell him?

I might yell across the street and seek he knows about therapy, get go, you know, during the GEK squad. Whatever you are.

I appreciate the sentiment of that, but I don't want you to bother that guy.

No, they're just chilling. I'm gonna let them. I'm gonna let them vibe, you know.

Yeah, don't you know? Don't bother them with that.

No, they're just in their look.

If he find if he finds it, that's great, but he I don't want to push it on them.

Oh it's okay, Yeah, No, no pure pressure for the gag.

Are you okay? Right now? You seem you seem.

Oh, I am, But that's just my personality. I'm I'm not drunk. This is just who I am as a person. And that's actually true. You're really good at the long silences. I'll give you that. I wish my therapist.

Did that.

Tell me about your therapist.

Oh, she's cool. Her name is Carrie. We talk about conspiracy theories and TikTok all the time.

How long have you been seeing a therapist? For?

Oh like six months? Probably I think everybody could benefit from it.

You know, do you feel like you have issues in your life that are worthy of being talked through with a therapist?

I mean probably we all do. We all have life experiences and nobody has like one hundred percent great life.

What percent would you say your life is at right now? Jackie?

Oh, it is wonderful. I am so happy. I adopted a cat and everything.

So you got a cat at home? Why why are you? Why are why are you going out? Jackie? You sound like you have you sound like you have a good life at the house.

Well, so.

We're we're hanging out with my boyfriend's old roommate and his girlfriend and they're great. We're having fun.

I'm not gonna lie, that sounds pretty boring. But but it sounds mainly boring to me because I don't know your boyfriend and his college roommate's friends. It might be interesting to you because you know them.

Yeah, I know that's that wouldn't.

I wouldn't risk going out to a bar to meet them.

Well, so there's a small portion that's inside, and then they're outside and I'm outside.

You know, jack I think you should go back to your friends.

Okay, and like I'm not. I'm good, but yes, I appreciate that you are. You are correct?

All right, you know, tell them, tell them, I said, If you don't, don't, I don't really want to talk to him, no offense, all right, Jackie, I love you and I'll talk to you.

Oh you get ci.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little worried about Jackie. I'm actually less worried about Jacket. No, actually I'm not. Now, No, I'm not worried about Jackie at all. I don't think that there exists anything on this earth that could give Jackie a bad day. I'm significantly more worried for everyone that Jackie comes into contact with for the next two weeks. That's a little bit more what I'm worried.

About, all right, how from Dan, Dan Banjie.

Angie, Angie Angie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm calling because I was dropped on my head as a kid and not as a joke like legitimately, and so I have memory issues, long term memory issues. So anything like more than like six weeks, I'll completely forget. I was in a like one of those high backed bar chairs when I was like two, supposedly, and I was pushed back, fell in the back of my head on some tile.

I can't have met. Like, how did your parents react when that happened?

I don't know too.

Have they, I mean, have they told you? Have you talked to them about it at all? Since since then?

Yeah?

Yeah, well, I mean, uh, they were worried. So they they called an ambulance and shit, and and I had to have like staples put in the back of my head to like piece my skull together, and so I still have like scars from that on my hairline. So they were worried. I think, I guess I'd assume.

I'd assume as well.

Have you ever watched I can't remember what the movie is called, like one hundred First Dates or something, where Adam Sandler goes on and state with his shick who forgets everything the next day. You know it is Okay. I watched that, and it's such bullshit, I should say, based on my own experience, because there's no way you can remember something and then you fall asleep in the boom, it's all gone. It's more of like a gradual thing.

Everything? Happen?

Well, things things that quickly. Not often. It's like normally it'll be, uh, someone will talk about something we did last year, right, so a long enough time and where my hippocampus, which is what was messed up, kind of just deletes it all, right, So they'll be talking about or I'll see myself in like a picture from a camping trick I took three months ago something like that, and it'll be me like, I can recognize myself in the picture, but I don't know, I can't recall any

How long ago was was was the among us thing between when you forgot it and when it happened.

When we talked about it, it was two days.

Two days and you and before that you'd never forgotten something that was only two days old.

I mean, shit, I've forgotten things that are like I can't remember what I ate for dinner last night unless I really think about it. But uh, you know, my girlfriend she's a great Yeah, she's a great She's a great chick. And like I remember almost everything we do for like a pretty long time, so that I feel like should have lasted longer.

Did you talk to a doctor about this? About like the like about that the feel that it's getting worse.

Not about it's getting worse. I kind of have a thing with doctors, man, right, So a lot of times people have to remind me how, uh like why I feel certain ways, But like doctors scare me, and so my parents basically.

Keep you know.

I have this book that I basically keep and I like read it often to remember remind myself about certain things, and like the one entry a half for doctors, it's just like they tried fixing me. I guess with psychotherapy it's kind of like normal therapy, except they try to like access your memories, kind of like hypnosis, right, but that shit doesn't work, and instead it's just like imagine if you were put under hypnosis and they're trying to bring you back to a memory, but instead of a memory,

So it's like a corrupt file where like you can see the file, but you can't open it.

You know something's there, right, It's like it's it's like an emptiness in a box. Right, something's supposed to go there, and maybe you can see the outline of it. You can't actually like take out the lego set and build it.

How does memory therapy? What do they do to try to access your memories?

Basically, I was supposed to get all relaxed, close my eyes and just like breath deeply, and then they'll they'll like walk me through my memory by going like, okay, remember last Thursday night was two days ago, think back to that night. They just have their little stickies on my forehead and on the back of my head, and

Harder, right, this kind of this might be a corny question, and maybe it comes from this weird place, but do you feel like the fact that you can't access your past as well as most people can gives you allows you to live better in the present.

Sometimes sometimes I listen to people and they'll like, tell me a traumatizing story from their past, right, will be any number of things. And when I think of being in their shoes and like having to remember that every day, Jesus.

So you're I mean, so you're kind of like would you say you're more or less like medically impervious to trauma?

So yes?

And no? Right?

So, like I was talking about with doctors, like going into a doctor's office or or talking to someone that I know the doctor like gives me anxiety even though there's no reason for me to have anxiety, right, Like, because I can't remember all these tests they do besides the weekly thing. And like Sarah's who's the person I see each week. She's like chill, She's just you know,

Interesting, So you're so you you're not impervious to trauma. You just kind of feel it without knowing, without having like a place to bring it back to.

Yeah yeah, yeah. Like so if you watch it moving in, they're like, oh shit, something something bad is gonna happen. Like that's that's exactly the feeling. It is, like you don't know what's behind the dark door in the basement, but like you know, if you open that ship, there's gonna be something that pops up and bites you. And I know people want to get on the phone line, So I'm gonna hop off. Let let some people that can actually remember ship get on here. But I just

Right, you have a good night too, Angie, take care man, peach out guys, Thanks again for gone goodness.