ARE YOU INTERESTING?

Really goes on the line, make your own calls every night, goes to his teaching you.

All from Jake.

Jake, Oh, no way, is this real?

He here?

What do you think? Yes, he's really tonight. Can I answer your question?

Yeah, go ahead.

Do you typically have a hard time distinguishing reality from fantasy?

I would say, give me a stack.

Reality versus fantasy.

Then do you have a hard time distinguishing reality from fantasy?

No, I wouldn't say I do. But I would say I fantasize a lot. But I would say, like a good way, right, Like I fantasized about being rich or you know, having a certain car. But I wouldn't say over fantasized where it's the point it's not achievable, if that makes sense.

You fantasize about wealth primarily, oh.

A lot, even my friends, or like you're really financially you know, driven, and you know I agree with them. I do think that money can solve like most of your problems, right, maybe not all of them? Oh yeah, interesting, Like.

Tell me, tell me tell me about some of the problems that you currently have that you believe money would solve.

I wouldn't right now. I would say I have almost zero problems in my life. I just got back from like a deployment overseas, right and being home. I got home probably a month and a half ago, and right now I'm just chilling right, not doing anything unemployed, which is really nice. But money, right, got this new place down at school, me and my buddy's got to gout with We got it with the GI bill, right, super nice, thousand dollars a month each person, two pools of Yeah,

M hmm.

But you told me just now that you feel like you don't have any problems.

Yeah, I wouldn't say I have any like huge problems.

M Well, at place? Is it in a high Is it in like New York? Or is it in like the Midwest?

Like?

Is it in a how it's it's in Illinois. It's at Illinois State University, right kind of a shape. Yeah, I know, right by government's paying for it super easy.

So you you're not talking about you know, because I understand you. I when I say, well, when I think about wealth for me personally, I like to have enough money that I don't have to, like do things that I don't want to do. I don't think about money in terms of like I want to have. I actually I kind of hate luxury, you know, big pools and nice cars and oh.

Sure, I kind of like that. I think that money gives you opportunities though, right, So if I don't want to do them, like you said, like I can pay someone to do it, like I would like if your house is dirty, right, if my car is dirty or my house, sure, I'm not going to myself. I'd rather pay someone to do it because I think my time's more valuable than cleaning house.

Well here's the thing though, Uh Still, if you pay other people to do all the things that you don't want to do and you free up your time, you are still going to have to have something that is worth your time or else you're just gonna be bored and floating.

Bold No, I agree. I you know, I work out a lot, we party a lot. Right now, what we're trying to do, we're trying to start this business.

Right.

Me and my my buddy from high school, known him eight years and we're trying to start this business, so we got we kind of have that going for us. We haven't launched it yet, but we're you know, it's in the works, i'd say, So I've been using that to kind of occupy my time.

M what's the business?

So my buddy works in Chicago. He he does like it consultant, right, so he goes to companies and does it and stuff for them. So he wants to he wants to do something that's kind of like the Geek Squad, right, but for like personal personal it t help. So you know, we'd go to our house and we we'd help them out with you know, wire management, and he's more the

Well, Jake listen. I wish you the best of luck. I wish you all of your dreams come true. And more importantly than wishing your dreams come true, I wish that your dreams align with what's genuinely important to you.

Hey, man, I appreciate that a lot.

It was.

It was really nice talk.

Nice talking to you, Jake. You have a good rest of that you too.

By all from Marcus.

Marcus.

Hey, what's up?

Uh?

Hey?

You doing Marcus?

I'm doing pretty all right.

How are you doing?

You know, Marcus, I'm a gecko on the computer. Yeah, it's so it's so hard for Marcus because I try not to. I don't I don't like to say things. I don't like to be preachy, but I I I do believe that. I really do that, you know. I don't know why everyone on everyone's always seeking to like get each other and be like, here's why you suck. Yeah, here's why you suck, instead of like trying to just listen to whatever the fucking person has to say.

It's always I mean, what do you have to say?

And who cares what I have to say? Marcus? I have a question for you. Yeah, are you interesting?

You know? Here Okay, here's what I got to convince you that I'm interesting.

Okay, you don't have to convince me.

Oh well, I'm trying. I'm gonna try to either way, do it.

Okay?

So all right, So I grew up in Minnesota. I turned eighteen and I was like, fuck Minnesota. So then I moved to Alaska and now I live in Alaska, and then I started working as I live in Alaska. Bro, it's pretty it's pretty lit up here.

What do you do there, dude?

I'm a pet crematorium person, so I like I burn animals for fun for a living.

That sounds insanely depressing, dude, it's.

Not even that bad.

Like I'm you know, people can say that they I do it to give them last moments of dignity, but it's really.

Not that bad.

How did you come upon this job? I'm curious. Did you happen upon when you moved to Alaska. Did you happen upon an appealing job ad for a pet crematorium or did you go out in search no it or burning pets?

No.

I was just on indeed, and it just popped up and I was like, you know.

What this is?

This is my calling right here. For some reason, it just made sense. I work like three twelve hour shifts. It's like four days off a week. It's pretty it's pretty great.

Honestly, when you say it's your calling.

You know, honestly, what is it about pet.

Crematorium that jives so well with you as a person?

You know?

I mean I love that I get to work alone all the time. So I'm just alone that animals aware of and it works great. I like I get to listen to music, I get to listen to podcasts, you know, I just get to contemplate life.

I'm cus I'm very curious what music you listen to while you're burning pets, and how and how badly it contrasts with the situation like if you're listening to you, I know, I got I I can't name I can't name a single musical artist, but like some sort of upbeat pop song.

Yeah, I mean like Crystal Castles the Stereo lab Yeah right. He does get pretty uh pretty dirty also, which is not what I was expecting. But also we we have to like do horses sometimes too, and that's like you have to like dismember them. Yeah, it's crazymember them.

Yeah, like yourself.

Yeah, dude, Yeah, we have tool for each layer. I don't I don't know how gory you're trying to get, but it's it's pretty uh, you know, just you know, you have to associate a little bit because it's pretty it's pretty intense.

Have you always been this uh desensitized to the idea of dismembering a whole or did this something you developed recently?

You know?

I would.

I would say that I'm pretty good at, like, you know, dissociating from situations, but specifically the horses, just because I like the job in general, so you kind of have to sacrifice some things, you know, to get the job done.

Mm.

Do you think you could dismember a horse?

Absolutely not tonally I could dismember a horse. I think a horse could dismember me, though I don't think they would have problems doing that.

Absolutely they would not mind at all.

M Do you do you ever want to, like, would you ever do people or are you sticking to animals for now?

I would I would do people, but it's a completely different process from animals. Like with animals you put multiple in one giant like ovens, and with humans it's like a lot small are a little more delicate of a process, so you know, it would just depend again, like I really enjoy working alone, so I would have to work with a lot more people or with people dead analyze if I was doing people. So I kind of like my gig now, but who knows.

We'll see.

Hm, Well, what'd you say? Your name was?

Marcus?

Marcus? I'm I'm very happy that you found your calling and I wish you good luck in the future.

All right, I appreciate it. Have a good night you.

Too, Okay, caw from d K.

Donkey Kong.

Hello, Oh no, it's not Donkey Kong. It's shortened from my actual name.

M So, donkey Kong. What were you doing right before you called in?

I was watching the stream. I'm concerned about your gloves. They look like they're kind of coming apart on the right.

You know.

Look, I appreciate the concern. The the gloves are modified intentionally to make it easier for me to uh use the scroll. I don't know if you've ever tried to use the track pad of your mind, but it's not a winning strategy.

So I have.

Admittedly a very small I believe part of the illusion.

Why not put on a pair for practicality, the thin latex gloves.

You know, everything, it's all, everything is more trouble than it's worth. I would rather have the weird holes.

Well, you know what, It's okay, it's not that noticeable except for it was the first.

Thing I noticed.

But other than that, it's all good.

Well look okay, but here's the thing you've got got past. I stood eventually.

Yeah, no, I did for sure. But that we're my calling through and I walked away from the stream. Now I can't see you because my voice was messing me up.

Your voice is, oh right, because of the echo. But now we're here. But now we're here, and the two holes things. The objective that I had of doing the stream is to get people into the stream, and that objective has been complete, regardless of the holes in the And I also have an objective of being able to use my computer to take calls, so that objective has been fulfilled as well.

I can't even do that. And I'm supposed to be like a gen Z millennial. Fuck I don't. I don't know how to do that. I can't take calls from my computer. I've tried, so good for you. More power to you man.

Thank you very much, Thank you very very much. Are you interesting? Here's my gig.

I don't think that I'm particularly interesting, but I think that I have interesting stories. Tell me, I used to be a bartender at this crazy little dive bar literally tiny right, cash only and weird ship would happened there. Uh and uh, you know, I was just a chick behind the bars, just me. One time we had a dude come in. I kid you not shirt only white shirt?

Uh?

Straight, Winnie the poo in it.

If you will.

Uh.

It was like there was a Russian poker game across the street and.

He had nothing left to bet. He literally just had a shirt one.

I didn't know what to do.

I almost served him.

Why why didn't you?

Because one of the bar regulars kicked him out for me. I guess I don't know what to do in those types of situations.

I freeze up. I mean, like they.

Say no shoes, no shirt, but he had a shirt and he had socks, which I count.

They really need They really do need to amend that. After that, They really do need to include a pants segment of that.

That pot they do is because you can't skip that. That's the one part that. Honestly, I would like to wait.

So he wasn't wearing underwear either.

I mean, I don't think though, but I really wasn't work least.

Was the shirt long enough to cover his penis?

Oh yeah, the I was poking out. Nothing was poking out at least when I looked.

But I looked like twice.

Okay, so there was a positive. I mean, maybe there was a possibility that he was wearing like, you know, a song or like, uh, you know, a speedo or something, but we just didn't know, right, or you know, you.

Just instead of a slong dong.

It was a slurt.

What's a slurt, it's a slort dong, or it's a short dong.

Oh yeah, I.

Feel like.

Hmm, no, I've never heard the term slirt. Maybe that's a gen Z millennial thing that you're talking about.

Yeah, pick it up. It's it's kind of fun. It rolls off the tongue a little bit.

But there we go. You you you are a gen Z millennial. You le you've proved yourself wrong.

I guess so.

I don't know.

I'm ninety seven.

I don't know.

I don't know where that puts me.

Everybody tells me, I'm millennial. People tell me I'm gen z.

I don't know.

I don't know where it ends.

Well, listen, I don't know how much time you have left on this earth at ninety seven years old, but I hope you make the best of it.

I'm must okay, Yeah, No, you're right, You're right. You have one for us.

All from Tasha, Tasha, gag?

What's up? Tashasha? Have we ever spoken before?

Hello?

Tasha?

Can you hear me?

How are you doing? Tasha?

I'm saying good?

How are you doing?

Greg doing good? What's your life like?

Oh?

No, I think that was pretty fun?

It's pretty fun?

Yeah?

What interesting? A lot of you know, when people are asked the question of what their life is like, sometimes they'll get bad or good. But rarely do I find people who get more specific than that. But I find that the more specific people do get, the more it is that they mean when they're saying.

It one hundred percent like I like to. I don't know. I try to bring optimism in as much as I possibly.

Can't really, So what's I mean? So you say your life is fun? What's the most fun thing going on in there?

Most of I mean honestly just the end of the well, not the end of the pandemic, because it's clearly still happening. But you know, people getting vaccinated, people starting to get freed up, you know, like getting out of the house and stuff. So I feel like that's fun and you're getting to socialized with my friends again. You need to be out in the summertime in the pool.

M hmmm. What's the what's what's What's something that you really really wanted to do? Uh before while the pandemic was going on, that you couldn't do that you can do now.

Oh my gosh. Concerts, concerts, getting to go to lives music shows.

Mm hmm.

Do when you go to concert do you do you typically? Do you like go to punk doumash? Do you have punched people in the face and ship you go hard? Oh?

Yeah, Like this reminds me of going to Travis Scott Like. I have a very efflective music taste, So I could be like front row at Taylor Swift, so excited. I could be like out like ouscro world.

M hm, Tasha, are you interesting?

I'm absolutely interested.

You're absolutely interested.

Yes.

Everything you've said to that you say with such conviction. I'd love to hear why you believe you're interesting.

I mean, I guess I just get told that a lot, and like I had somebody told me the other day, Tash, you literally have a story for everything, like anything like fun that you could like possibly even do, like you've done it, or you try.

To see someone told you that you've done every fun thing you.

Could possibly not every fun thing, but like he just always, like every single time we bring something up, you always have a story that like correlates with something that you've done or like you know, like a funny story like you know that has.

To do with that.

Oh things, Well, Tasha, hit us tell us what's what's what's what's the number one thing you got in your pocket?

Here?

He said, what's the number one?

Was the number one story you have in your arsenal?

Number one story?

Oh man?

Oh man, Hey ask me Canna, what do you think to ask her because she'll know what's the best story that I have of whole time? We love bunch.

I mean.

You when I got oh no, okay, oh man. My sister, my sister cols and talks to you all the time. Journey, she just goes my journey she talks to you all the time. That's how I even got to her journey. Okay, so journey, Okay, so cool. Then I probably honestly all this is embarrassing, but probably even night I got my duy crazy. N Yeah, I hit an ambulance, A part ambulance, I should say, But I wouldn't even hit it. I like love topped it. Okay, Like yeah, it was not not not much the best moment.

M And and what did you do after? Would you like go back into the hospital to see Oh?

No, it wasn't even at a hospital we were we were going.

To I'm trying to put myself in that situation. I'm trying to put myself in a situation where I slightly hit the back of an ambulance.

Okay, let me give you like the small rundown.

Why yeah, what's the right?

We'd my best friend at the time, she was working at a bar, and we wanted to go to the karaoke bar. We end up going to the karaoke bar.

Bar was like, oh my gosh, guys, Tasha is out here, and like the entire bar comes outside to watch me stealed sobriety tests and stale.

Good. Yeah, well, I'm glad that that happened to you.

Oh yeah, definitely learn my lesson about drinking and driving.

I hope, I hope you choose not to do that again.

You know, yeah, definitely not. The cars don't even really drink anymore time.

Can you drink and bike? Is that a thing?

No? You know, you can actually get a public and talk for at least where I'm from in Oklahoma.

Gosha, I think I think you might you might benefit from doing some research into the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Oh, I grew up Mormon. So have you ever menatice to talk about our Lord and Savior.

I'll talk to you soon, Nasha thinks, so much for a good one.

Greg call from Jackson, Jackson, Missouri.

Hello, Hello, Hey, Hey, what's what's so? I can't hear you?

You can't hear me?

Wait? No, I can't. Hey, I'm here. No.

I just wasn't saying anything.

Oh Dan, you got me?

Good.

I don't think I got you.

No, I think you got me.

I wasn't trying to get you. What do you what do you do? What? People always say that They're like, oh we got we got them. That's like a big thing, like got them? Why? What? What does that even mean?

I don't know. I don't really understand that either. I just kind of said it because it just felt right to say.

Why is hostility? Jackson? Can you answer the question why is hostility and conflict so deeply ingrained in our culture?

Why?

I mean, I mean every why why does it always have to be Oh, I got you. You know, why why can't we just live in peace with one another?

Why?

Why is everyone always trying to get each other, assuming everyone's out to get them? You know, why do we live in a world like this? Jackson?

I think that.

I don't know.

I feel like it's got something to do. It's just like just like natural tendencies, you know, like monkey days, like you have more bananas than me, and I want your bananas, so I'm going to take.

Them right right. It comes from very animalistic, non human tendencies like fear, greed, anxiety. No, yeah, I feel that animals get jealous of each other? Is that true? Like do monkeys If two monkeys have bananas and one monkey has more bananas than the other, just do the monkeys get jealous?

I think they do. I think they do. If I was a monkey, I would be jealous of other people's bananas. But maybe I just say that because I'm a human and I know what jealous is, right, right.

I almost feel like monkeys are too like the animals. They're very in the moment creatures. Unlike humans. Humans tend that we overanalyze everything. We worry if we said the wrong thing to the wrong person ten years ago. The monkey, I don't know if it's doing that. I think it's just eating the banana. I think that's all it's I think the at the moment it's engaged in is the only thing that exists for it during the duration of that moment. It's not eating a monkey thinking about what

Yeah, I mean, I definitely agree. I think monkeys just kind of live in the moment.

You know.

That's weirdly that like weirdly ties into what I wanted to talk to you about real quick.

Please please, I'm sor happy to hear you as something you want talking about.

Yeah, you know, so, I uh, I'm a guy, you know, I'm I'm living my life. But I've I've realized over the past few years, more and more in the past, like in the past year. Yeah, I two things. I care way too much about what other people think about me, you know what I mean, And like it comes and goes. You know, some days I'll wake up and I mean like, oh, yeah, you know, I'm just gonna I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna do whatever. I'm gonna wear whatever. It doesn't

I think, Uh well, first of all, I do think, and I'm not. I'm not you know, I'm really not that much older than you. But uh, you know, I do think that as i've guys, I get older, muh, I find it easier to uh, I find that that skill gets easier. Yeah, you know. I mean it's funny you say that. It's funny you say that you can't just magically become confident. I mean, it's it's I thought

Yeah, yeah, it's like you're you're a get go in a pool.

And you don't care right, right, the more you can really lean into that and get something good from these reps, It's like it's like when you pick up a weight and you lift it, you don't immediately get what keeps you picking up the weights is you get those like endorphins right when you're exercising, and that's what keeps you to want to keep working out and eating right. You

Yeah, I mean there's a few that come to mind. I think the one that I think about the most because it's something that I've just regretted not doing my freshman year of college.

You know.

I mean, I'm I'm a I'm a I go to parties, you know. So I'm a fairly popular guy. So one of my issues is whenever I go to parties, I got I go with my friends. I don't. I'm not like the the one guy that just shows up and definitely know anybody. But I find that going to parties with like people that you know really well sort of restricts me in a way where like I like only really talk to them, like we'll just like like it's not like we're just like standing in a corner like

Yeah. Yeah, I By the way, I think that going to social events alone terrifying, of course, but a great I mean, if if you can do that, and then yeah, if you can and if you can do that and maneuver your way into a group of people and and managed to have a good night, you'll feel amazing afterwards. You'll you'll feel so like, you know, hell, yeah I was able to do that and need my other friends, I was able to just find the fun on my own, right, I tell you, it's super It's it's It's a super

I think I need to just become a get go in a pool and just that not care.

When's when's the next when's the next big party?

Uh?

Actually on Friday, which is which is weird. Like I'm home from college so like, and my college is like four hours away from me, so I wasn't really expecting going down there to go to any parties. But one of my friends is hosting a party at his aunt's house on Friday, and it's like an hour and a half away, and I was like, well as well go, So I guess.

That's there like with all of her friends.

And she's in Hawaii. I don't know if she knows that this is happening.

We'll go have fun, go buy your I mean go, you know, I assume if it's your friend at home, it lives half an hour away. I don't know if there's other people that you would go with anyway, but that sounds like a great opportunity to try this out.

Man. Yeah, I think I will just talk to random people because why not, you know, what's the worst.

Could you gotta think about how fucking big the universe is?

You know?

Yeah, it doesn't matter, right, We're all gonna do now and by the way, and by the way and by the way. Other I've had this sometimes sometimes I'm the guy that I've been like at a bar, at a thing, where like I'm the guy that like a person goes out of their way to like talk to, like their first guy. I always make one hundred percent sure that I want to make sure if someone does that me,

Yeah, it's like it's like if you're not willing to put in the same amount of energy as I am, especially, it's like I'm initiating the conversation, Like why would I even thought I even bother?

Well, listen, Jackson Man, I wish you good luck.

Thanks.

You know, I'll try and call in again soon and give you an update hopefully.

Hit hit man luck, Go make a ton of friends, Go talk to a dog. I'll see you soon in Jackson.

Thanks Lole, I appreciate it. We're gonna have a nice night.

Hey folks, this is Lyle here with a very quick message, just letting you know that this podcast does not have any advertising in it as of this very moment, but if you would like to support and make it easier for me to do more therapy Gecko in the future, you can head on over to patreon dot com slash lyle forever, and for only five dollars you can make it a heck of a lot easier for me to put this whole shebang together. That is Patreon dot com

All from peanut Butter.

Peanut Butter, whoa, who whoa, whoa, Oh my god, yo, hello, hi everything, I'm eating chicken tendies. My dude, Tyson style.

You're eating chicken tendies.

Yes, sir, you got me on to them.

Actually really, I feel yeah, I'm so sorry. Please don't blame me for all the health issues that you're gonna face.

It's okay, dude, it's the best. I used to have the dinosaur nuggets. Yeah, but these hits different.

I feel like I used to. I feel like I had to start eating real food. Like what, I don't know what a normal I'm not like a normal guy, am I? What are like a normal you know, like a like a Norman man with like who's like walking around and goes to work and is has like you know what dog? What does he eat?

Huh?

Salmon chick?

Yeah?

A normal human person eat brouh.

First thing I went to was meats. Yeah, you have to have the meats. Go to Arby's. Arby sounds like a man. Replace people don't eat.

It's like normal people don't eat. I'm talking about like like like my dad doesn't eat Arby's. You know, he's like he'll like eat fish.

Okay, yeah, my dad doesn't go to fish too.

Uh.

I don't know, dude. My dad's from Pakistan he likes that oily ship like that. They like they like their soul food.

That what does Pakistani soul food like?

Rihanni is the main dish, my guy. That's like a little bit of everything in there, and I fucking hate it because there's these little peppercorns in there, little black balls of destruction. You bite into one of those, that runs the whole dish. I can't even drink water. It's just like makes your mouth super spicy. Then again, that's the whole thing, like the whole Yeah, I love spicy, but this is a different thing, dude. Peppercorn spicy is

What other food?

Let's see. My dad really likes this combo rice uh and uh. It's called doll which is like entels and and keema kima is ground beef. It's really nice. Put that all together in one dish. It's the best. I think. That's what you ever?

Have you ever been to Pakistan?

Bro?

I want to go. They all went without me last year, like six months. I was by myself, that's u. Yeah, for a wedding at school. No no, no, no, no, this was it left me for six months.

It's like.

Two years ago.

Yeah, wait they oh, they wait two years ago. They went to Pakistan for six months without you?

Yeah yeah, yeah without me?

Why did why did they go? Why did they go without you?

My sister had a sitter, so they meant to go check them out and.

Stuff for six months.

Yeah dude, I'm exaggerating. Its four months now that I think about it. By the way, it's fucking fantastic to talk to you. This is cool.

Oh yeah, dude, it's nice to talk to you too.

Man.

Yeah, I've always wanted to visit like the Middle East.

Mm hmm. I went to Saudi Arabia. Actually, yeah, I went there. I went there for pilgrimage, not like the official one. The official one is called hedge. But I did Omrah, which is omrah. You could do any any time of the year. And if you're talking about blessings, wise, I get like half the blessings for doing so it's still pretty good. That's pretty good, but it's not good as the real deal.

So yeah, what's the real what's the real blessing?

Well, I got the blessing where supposedly if you do all the things, because pilgrimage is you basically replicating some biblical shit that happened right into five days, Like there's different events that you do each day. So I did that. At the end of it, you go to the big black box, which is the Tabat, which is the message that was built by Abraham, and so did that. And then after you're done with everything, you have the option

So you were symbolically born with a new heart.

Yeah, it felt weird coming back. I cried the second date. It felt weird. Yeah, like just a realization because like I put on a little like Quran while I was driving home and then it just felt like the real deal, And I don't know, it kind of took me back to uh, back into Saudi Arabia because like I was at the I was at the place, you know, like

You pour everything you want for this world. When you say you said poor, did I get that word right?

Yeah?

Into into the this this process.

Yeah, into the process, because well before you go even there's a bunch of stuff that you're supposed to do, like make amends with people that you had problems with or anything, just so you're going in there with clear intentions. I think that's what most of my Islam. By the way, guys, I'm Muslim, so most of the religion is about your intention.

M what do you what do you feel like you were putting in when you say you were pouring yourself into the experience.

Uh, well, you know, I was twenty at the time, so I felt kind of lost. I had like my first quarter life crisis at that point. And it was really weird the fact that I even got to go because I was at a banquet dinner for something and I got I bought a raffle ticket for the end, and they raffled off a free trip to go make Omrah and I won that. So that's how I ended up going in the first place.

You know.

So I was like just a super depressed person, like just looking around and I was like, why does everyone always have to say how are you? Why is at the first quest and people ask that question that you can care And then next thing, I'm over there and I'm all those questions that I had, those frustrations actually is what I poured into it, you know, mm hm.

So you sort of poured in all of your pessimism about the worlds.

Yeah, because I was something for a brother day a little.

Bit more about the way that you were pessimistic, Like what do you mean by like just everyone going about their day?

So, well, what happened to me was I lost someone. Yeah, okay, so I lost someone close to me, my aunt, and that's never.

Happened to me.

So then I went back to college and you know, I had to do everything normal and I didn't feel normal. And I'm not the type of person to reflect on my emotions, you know, at that point in my life. You know, I think I'm better at it now. I write down things, but at that point, you know, just ignore and move on. And next thing, you know, I have like sweaty palms while I'm typing on my computer, and there's all these signs that my body is physically not okay. But I just kind of ignored those things

So how did you feel at that point, the situation that the the the ceremony.

That's just a ceremony. Well, after everything came back, you know, like even driving down the street was like a new experience, you know, like it was a bright day, nice colors to look at. So you kind of, yes, you're right about that.

Yeah, that's cool. It's always good to have experiences that bring it back to what matters, which is really looking at the things that you're seeing and breathing and hearing, because you always have those things. I feel like, unless if you're dead, you always have kind of your own senses and your own experience of life. Even if you don't always have all the people in your life or all the things in your life, you always have life itself. I guess.

Yeah.

You know what's weird is, you know, talking about my aunt. I only think about her from time to time, and that makes me sad, you know, because you wish that you could think about people you lost more often, but you know, they only come to your mind once in a while, especially when you're moving on and doing other stuff. And I cried because I had a stressful day the other day and I wrote down a letter to her.

A lot better, like shit done better?

Was it was pretty good?

I like that? What do you and you know, looking not to share anything uncomfortable sharing, but what what sorts of things did you talk about in the letter?

I can pull it out? Shit, yeah, okay, I don't mind. This is the first page in this letter or in this journal that I've been looking at for like two years. And then on Tuesday, June fifteenth, which was two days ago, I wrote in it for the first time. Uh yeah, Aunty, I miss you today, wasn't a I hate that I need to wait to die to see you again. It's cruel and it hurts to think about it. I rarely cry about anything besides you. It's been almost three years.

The worst part about.

My birthday is that one week after I always think about it, you passed away seven days after the day I was born. It hurts. Today is one of those rare days that I pray about you. I'm upset because I lack control of chaos around me. I think it's the same way I felt that day I said goodbye to you, the day you passed away, and I remember being angry that you let me do that. It's a stupid thing to feel, I know, and I never want to forget your face, your voice, your hair, your sunglasses.

So yeah, the piction, Thank you for sharing that with us. You mentioned you feel you feel more in control of the chaos around you now, No, because.

That day that I wrote that down was a bad day, and specifically because I didn't have control of.

Everything around me.

I was working at my dad's liquor store, and I should have read the situation right. The dude came in with that purpole backwards backpack. I was like, I know, hoodie on. He took like a bottle of wine and beer and I even said hello to him. Make that I in contact support it, you know. And dude was walking down the aisle awkward and then did like a little shuffle and then smiled at me and ran out the door. So I have a plexico ass in front

You know, dude, just I guess one thing I kind of wanted to tell you was that, you know, when you're trying to get control of the chaos, I think it's I'm happy to hear that you have the drive to do so, but if you're going to do so, try to do it for things that are like truly important to you, you know, because like a couple of people like stealing from your store. You know, in the long run, you were right, you'd probably be better off not going after them in terms of your own safety.

My sister gave me the same exact advice, But since the GAG told me, I'm a here to it a little bit more carefully for sure.

Beautiful man, dude, what what did you say? Your name was.

Peanut Butter in the call, I had a question. You said that you were coming to la Uh for for Gag across America? Is that correct?

Yeah?

I don't know if I'm doing I don't know yet if I'm doing like a live show, I might not, I might, I have no doubt yet. But I'm coming for I think I might be doing like a street meet though, And actually I think might be open to people. All right, say that might be a thing if I.

Put in an application to get across and then you think there would be a possibility.

For la. It might be tough, but put something in. If if I can make some time.

I'll put it in. I'll do it.

I'll do rock and Wrong. Awesome. Thank you so much, peanut Butter Dude. I appreciate you shouting with us.

I've been trying to reach you since December.

This is a good day.

Thank you so much.

Hell yeah, man, you take care all right?

You too? Bye?

How from Hobbs.

Pods Oh ship?

Hello, Hey dude?

Whoa, hey man?

What's going on? Man? How you doing?

Just go off of work?

It's got off of work. Where do you work?

I'll work at a far parmac.

You work at a pharmacy. Yeah, what do you know at the pharmacy?

I just bag stuff up your.

Bags stuff up?

Yeah, like pills, Yeah, pills, But that's I was calling in because I also do freelance pharmaceuticals, if you know what I mean.

Wow, I don't know what you mean. I was actually just about to ask you what you mean like.

Drug dealing?

Oh, so you're gonna get your fucking license and all that shit removed? Right?

No, I just I don't have a license. I'm just a little bit of the pharmacy.

I just you need a license to be a pharmacist or are you? Are you just a drug dealer and that's it?

Uh No, I like I bag stuff up there that's already packaged. But then on my free time, my side, so the will a little drug dealing here and there.

But don't you need to do with the pharmacy. Don't you need to have you like a licensed pharmacist or some ship.

Yeah, that's like for the people above me. I'm like right below them. So I just do like the dirty work. I don't really touch the thing.

I thought you needed the I thought you needed the degree to get the bag ship.

Nah. They try to get me to do that, but you have to sign a two year contract, and I don't want to really be stuck there for two years.

What do you mean They tried to get you to do that.

Yeah, they try to recruit me to be a farm tech. Is what it's called?

What what are you? What's the name of your thing?

A manifestor I don't. I package the bags and give them the drivers.

Is that the real title of your job or do you make that up?

Uh, there's no official title, but I would say that's like my real my real title.

There's an official title.

But it's funny because no one there knows that. I also, you know, dealing the just deal to some of my some people at my college and stuff.

Mm hmm.

But I want to get out of it.

Man.

You need to, like, don't they need to like have a degree to make sure that you don't like accidentally give some old ladies like some.

No like I when I applied there, the lady took me into a closet and we sat on the floor and she was like, you want this job? And I was like, yeah, so I just and I just started working there that day.

Dude, what are the Yelp reviews like on this pharmacy.

I don't it's like a hospice pharmacy. Oh man, yeah, but I'm like, uh, I'm a secret. I'm a double agent.

So what kind of what are you just selling? Weed?

Weed, shrooms, acid? Whatever people need? Really, m it sucks. I feel like I've warped my perception of money a little bit because I could make like my whole paycheck. Yeah, I can make like my whole paycheck.

Why do you still work at the pharmacy if you found a more lucrative business.

I'm scared of the I R s.

You're scared of the irs.

I'm scared of getting in trouble, you know.

You know what. That is a very legitimate fear to have. That is a very hands and.

I'd really like to get out of it, man, because people only know me as that now, and I'm not really a big fan of that. I want people to know me as me, you know, not as.

A deal with drugs. You know, is that they they take credit for your personality, you know, you want to be all you.

Yeah, but people only know you as a get go now, you know. But maybe that's what you like.

I mean, sure people will know me as a gecko, but all it takes is me doing non gecko things enough that people will leave me alone about it.

Yeah, But for now.

I like being a gecko.

Yeah, I only know you as a get go and that's that's perfectly fine with me.

Do you know my name.

Lionel?

Close enough? What would you do? Okay? So what do you want to do? All right, so you're gonna exit the illegal trades and go into something more legitimate. What would you like to do?

I'm doing studying an entrepreneurship at my university.

Okay.

I'd really like to own a business and be my own boss. I feel like drug dealing has taught me a little bit about business. I know it sounds super privileged or like weird to say, but.

It's just a different form of entrepreneurship.

Yeah. I like business a lot, but I don't want to get stuck in some cubicle, you know.

Yeah, well, what would your What would your business be?

Definitely like fashion? I've got like I do, like I make like clothes and stuff, and I know that would be really cool. I'd be like a dream job. You know.

I'm gonna tell you, dude, is you got to make tiktoks?

Do you think?

So?

I tried. I tried to tap into that market, but it's such specific, you know, I gotta get it down like it's very you know, stuff catches there really quick. But also it can die super fast.

You know how you've solved that in my opinion. In my opinion is all right, this is gonna sound really cheesy, but I'm learning more and more that it's true even though it's cheesy, is I genuine me? You only you can do you right? So you have to do yourself in your own fashion. I right, So like you can't really like I mean, I mean, I do think you should have a consideration of like what works as a thing that might catch people's attention as they're scrolling and

I've been really trying to get into it. There's so many fast fashion things on TikTok, like a lot of kids who live in the same areas I do like getn't go to call and are doing fashion and they're blowing up on TikTok. But it's like they're you know, they're like taking the Nike logo and embroidering it on like some T shirt. I don't know how they haven't gotten a seasoned assist yet, but they're blowing up on TikTok. I do like screen print, like digital print. I make

Mm hmmm. Yeah, dude. I think it's just about like telling your own story. If it's not if you're not like the because at the end of the day, I do feel like if you can combine like you as a person and your own story with the thing that you're selling, and that's a winning strategy because you know, if you're just selling the thing, you know, there's a million things. But again getting cheesy here, but you know, if you add your own personality into it. It's like other people can't copy you.

Yeah, yeah, I just got I don't know. I'm so caught up and releasing stuff like it has to be perfect and I'm scared that people aren't gonna like it. But I just have to do it for me, you know, post what I like and the people will follow.

Yeah, dude, just keep posting shit, keep posting it. The way the TikTok works is I genuine believe if you keep hammering at it you understand it, Eventually something will happen.

Yeah, I know, I totally agree. I got to like tap into that market. I really do.

H Well, look, I wish you the best of luck. I hope that you make the switch. You have a good amount of starting capital to work with, so yeah, good for you.

On that undocumented starting capital.

I won't tell anyone. I don't know if anyone from the I R S is here.

But.

Yeah, thank you, thank you.

I appreciate it.

Shot in the face.

Thank you. I hope you have a wonderful day you too.

Many took care.

Bye aw from mister J.

Mister who mister J. Have we spoken before, mister J?

No, we have not, Sir, it's my first time being on your channel.

Thank you, man, Oh, thanks for having thanks for being here. How did you find us twitch?

I'm a fellow streamer and I one of my friends suggested you were a channel, so I thought to check it out.

Amazing that you're a fellow streamer. How's your stream going?

Pretty good? Slowly growing a couple hundred followers, but you know, get there.

So I love you. Already we're rating you. What's your thing? What's your thing?

Oh, I'm already done for the night. It's mister m R Underscore j a y underscore Tarot. It's mister J's taro. I do Tarot streaming.

It's terror streaming love. Yes, all right, I got it? Mis can we make it? I want to raid this guy. I love him. He seems nice.

Yeah, thank you. By the way, I gotta say, I love your dynamic. I love the show, I love the therapy get go portion, I love your website. I just I love the character. It's amazing.

Thank you. I appreciate that, man, that very much. I'm doing the best I can here.

Well, you're amazing. Don't don't ever stop. It's just you are just amazing, sir.

Thank you, mids. Read this guy's name down. We're riding. We're going to raid him next time. He's life.

Yeah, it's mister Underscore. Jay's Tarot. It's mister underscore Jase. Yes, there's a picture of a cat. It's my profile picture.

Are you a cat or are you a person?

I'm a person, but I love my cat. My my wife and I decided to make an interesting character for their picture, so we used our cat.

Does your wife stream with you as well?

No, she does not. She just helps me take care of my lovely three year old baby girl.

How did you and your wife meet each other?

Oh?

My Space? Actually you met.

On my Space? Yeah, I know, right, I don't even know what that means. Like, how do people connect with each other on MySpace? Do they like direct a message? Do they write on their walls?

Like?

I don't even know what MySpace is anymore?

Well, okay, so I was on my Space looking for somebody who was basically knew a little lot about terrot cards. I started to get into them, shout her profile and you know, messaged her. We messaged each other back and forth. Found out we actually lived one county away from each other. I was living in La County Shoes of George County met up and basically, yeah, back the year I believe it was had to be two thousand and God, it's

Mmm, she guys been married? You guys, you guys have been together for fucking like what eighteen years? Fourteen years?

My math?

I don't feel like doing math right now, but something like that.

That's okay. We just celebrated our ched wedding anniversary last year in October.

Wow, what's the secret? Why do you what do you like about her that much?

She makes me laugh, She brings out a part of me. She allows me to be childish when I need to be childish and have fun. She helps me embrace my inner child a lot. She helps me. She allows me to be my silly self.

What do you what do you think she likes about you?

Uh?

My humor? I make her laugh and I keep her entertained with telling long stories that have no point. M.

Do you feel like the do you feel like when you stream like you treat your audience like you like they're your wife and you're trying to make them laugh. So that they love you more.

A long the lines. I do it to help people. I do it to basically some people have questions and they they want a stranger to go to and we connect, we connect. I connect with them and they become followers, sometimes debscribers, whatnot. And we really we really grow from each other. All the people I've met off twitch, Uh, you know, it's been new connections. And actually started streaming because unfortunately my mother passed away.

I'm sorry to hear that. That's okay to show you just start streaming.

My mother told me before. One of the things the conversations we had a lot of time ago, was you know, sometimes you've got to find your audience. And I decided to stream as a form of therapy, and it really helped.

And stream as a form of therapy.

That's how it originally started.

Yeah, and what do you what do you find therapeutic about it?

To connect you with people, the relationships, the fact that I can confide in perfect strangers what I'm feeling and I won't be judged. I won't have anyone think badly of me or anything like that. It's it's it's that, It's that, it's that emininity of you know, confiding in people.

Interesting?

Yeah?

Interesting?

Yeah.

Do you feel like you have people? I mean, you know, you have a whole family here. Do you feel like you have people in real life that you can confide to as well?

I do. I do, But at the time I was, you know, it was I do have family and friends. But you know, family and friends are always going to say nice things to you, and they always want to be They always have your back. They're always there to care for you and take care of you and help you in your time and need. And at that time, I just I wanted to do something. I wanted to be active, not just sitting at home playing video games. I wanted to be active. I wanted to be around people.

Doing That's awesome, Yeah, that's awesome. And how long you've been doing it for?

I started streaming beginning of April.

Only If you about you any do you do any TikTok or any other social media? Are you mainly just.

Well mostly twitch? But I do TikTok? But my TikTok's more like just me being silly, random moments that I just sometimes in life, I just want to be silly and I do just do a call it a silly random moment.

Tell me, tell me something silly you've done.

Well, I meet a friend of mine. We created a Chooser and Adventure D and D series on TikTok.

I like that idea.

We had people commenting, making decisions for the character, and someth the character died and sometimes you got his head bashed in mine.

Over all controlled by the audience, that is true, but.

You know, I would post the video what the audience decided, and I would post the video to that move the story forward next a couple of days later, kind of keep people on their seats. And it was a good thing for a while. And then then I started streaming. Since I moved from TikTok to streaming, and I've been talking to a lot of people, making a lot of friends, and it's just it's been a lot of fun and I'm getting a bunch of followers. Thank you, guys. I appreciate the follows.

By the way, Hell well you're gonna get a lot more because we're gonna fucking rad you next time your life.

Dude, Yeah you're interested. I streamed about three point thirty till six pm Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays Pacific Standard time.

Ah.

Then we're never going to get to radio because you're always on before when I.

Am, unfortunately that is. But actually did rad you tonight? I was like, I'm gonna rate Jet though. Yeah, but there was so much going on chat it was hilarious. Oh okay, thank you just a little pigeon for putting my name in there. I appreciate it. That's my twitch cadave you guys.

Well, dude, listen, thank you so much for coming on our stream. Man, I'm happy to hear that you found something that you very much enjoy.

I am very happy to be here, and I want to say again I'm really glad to find you. I've been watching your show since Monday, since last Friday, cool, and today I decided to call in.

I'm happy, I guys, to talk to you. I'm always happy to talk to talk to new people finding the stream.

Oh yeah, thank you, sir, and have a great stream, sir, you too.

You have a good rest of the night, sir.

Bye.

What a nice. What a nice dude?

All from?

Hello?

Oh shoot, I actually got on.

How you doing?

I'm doing good air? Are you doing?

Ghek? You know.

I'm all right, I'm a geck along the computer.

H Yeah.

Can I ask you a very important question?

Sure?

All right, Sorry, I'm a little stick right now. But have you ever set your hair on fire?

Have I ever set my hair on fire?

Yes?

Do you mean like fully engulfed my hair into flames or like burn the piece of my hair?

Uh?

Whatever? Has fire?

Have you?

Has fire ever come in contact with your hair?

Probably? Ask when you asked this fire come on contact? I'm sure my friend has like held a lighter off to my hair or something like that once.

Really yeah? Yeah?

No.

So the reason why I ask that question is I'm trying to conduct a survey to see how often people set their hair on fire.

Interesting to get a survey to see how often people set their hair on fire.

Yes, and I'm categorizing it between male female, long hair and short hair, as well as on accident and on purpose.

Interesting. Interesting, All right, I'll bite. What are you planning to do with the results of this?

It's really more curiosity because I have set my hair on fire about three times, and you know, it almost happened a fourth time. And then that's when it really got me thinking, how often does this happen to people?

You know? Like?

Is this common? Is this rare?

You know?

Am I just unlucky? Or am I lucky?

You know?

Because you know I don't know?

Uh?

Well, I have a couple questions here. One, are you setting your hair on fire yourself?

No accident? All the three times it happened accidents?

Okay? And then when you say you feel like you've gotten lucky, do you once it actually happens, do you like enjoy the sensation or something?

No? I mean I think of it as lucky, like you know, like when people say it's good luck when a bird poops in your hair or something like that.

I've actually never heard anyone say that.

Really. Well, I guess it's something my dad says. Well, my dad, you know, he he's told me a few times. You know, it's good luck when a bird poops.

In your hair.

So that's why I thought, you know, setting my hair on fire by accident? It is kind of like that.

Basically, what's your relationship with your dad?

Like?

Interesting, it's not uh, I would I can't really put it into words exactly how the relationship is. It's very back and forth between good and bad.

Mm hmm. What where do you feel like it is now?

M Uh okay, I would say.

It's okay, just okay. Mm hmmm.

I don't know. A lot happened with my dad, so that's why it's really hard to put my finger how I would actually say how the relationship is.

How many people have you surveyed for this so far?

I only started to survey yesterday, and so far I have let me see one, two, three, four, five, six, seven people and then plus you, that's eight. So I guess eight people.

M and uh, what's the word of the results of the survey so far?

So far, it's actually tied right now. I've only found one guy in one female that both had set their hair on fire on purpose, one was or both of them were actually on purpose.

Well, listen, I don't know what your motive is. I don't know if you're doing this for profit or curiosity, but either way, I hope that whatever is tickling your brain about the subject is ultimately scratched.

I'm probably gonna actually decide to when I start feeling better to actually ask people in public so I can start getting better results.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I think that you might make a lot of friends doing that.

I think so too.

Well, good luck. I hope that you find the answers you're looking for.

Wait before you hit the call, do you mind if I give, like a really stupid message?

Do I mind if you give a really stupid message? Sure?

Well, okay, yeah, it comes from a TV show. People might be knowing what I'm talking about. I'm gonna probably be embarrassed for saying this, but you know, there's one thing in life. Geck, never be the cock. Always be the guy who fucks the wife consensually, of course. But yeah, that is my message to the world. It was good talking with you.

Where is that from?

Oh it's from a TV show called The Boys?

Mm hmm? Is that is that? Is that the way that you live your life?

Uh? I'm going to start living my life. My life that way got to be more confident, more optimistic.

Well, look, and the you know, there's another There's lots of alternative viewpoints to this as well. I almost think the one one might be able to say the cock, right, the cock? Actually it might be the most confident person in the situation. Do you know why.

Why?

Because the cock is so comfortable with who he is, so comfortable in the security of his relationships that he's willing to put them at risk because he knows he'll be find no matter what, because he's so secure in them. And that, to me is the true way to live your life is to find security in your relationships and both with others and with yourself, that you're comfortable with things that other people traditionally aren't.

Well, I must say, that's a very interesting perspective.

Rather than you know, the guy fucking the cook's wife is on this never ending search for self esteem that they're trying to gain by you know, having sex with with you knows as many women as possible, which you know can be fun, but it's not as internally rewarding as having that security in your in your relationships and in yourself because that's something you can really really count on. That's a more sustainable way of living. So, you know, just think about that.

That's a very interesting look at it. Personally, I didn't think too much about it, mainly because I just thought it was funny. It was one of the few things in life that actually made me laugh.

So well, I'm happy to have ruined it for you.

No, you didn't room it for me. I felt was a very interesting perspective.

Well, thank you so much, man, You have a the rest of the night.

Yeah, you too, get thanks for the the talk.

Call from Margie.

Margie.

Hello, how are you doing? Margie? We were spoken before.

I know, I don't think so. No, I actually I actually know.

We haven't. I don't know why.

I said.

How did you find this? This this place?

Oh?

TikTok, dude pic?

Yeah, yeah, this is your first time on the stream.

It is.

I'm actually surprised I got connected.

What do you think so far? How's how's how's your experience been?

Oh it's been rad I love it.

I love hearing people's stories.

Awesome and your advice.

You've been hearing people's stories and you've been hearing my advice all damn night. But it's time. It's time for us to hear your story. Marge tell us. Are you interesting?

Oh god, no, I'm actually uh. I'm twenty four and all my friends moved out of state. So I'm just trying to like figure myself out.

Now, trying to figure yourself out. What is there to figure out?

Margie, Oh, I don't know, like my self identity. It's it's weird. It's like I feel like I'm in a different chapter of my life. And yeah, I don't know. It's like, oh, I got to be myself now without people around to like kind of put on a show.

Do you feel like you're putting on a show consistently?

Oh god, yeah, definitely.

Tell me about the show. Tell me I want to sort of figure out the difference between because I want to know the difference between the show and the reality. Oh okay, tell us first about the show.

Show would be like, I don't know. I just I want to like, I don't know. I guess I want to try to impress people by being like, oh, yeah, I've been working out and I've been doing a daily with my skin, and I don't know, kind of like making it seem like I'm living this wonderful, care free life and in reality, I have horrible social anxiety and I just.

Like want to disassociate all day.

So, so the show is showing people that you are winning when really you feel like you're not.

Oh yeah, definitely.

Why do you feel the need for other people to see that you are winning.

Shot.

I've never been asked that. I don't know, like mommy issues.

Maybe really you've never been asked that. No, well, I've at least like on your own.

I think I've tried. And then as soon as I get to that point where I'm like, oh, maybe it's for this reason, I'm like, oh, that's a lot to deal with. Let's just put on some.

TV us tell us this reason. And when you say, oh that that reasons a lot to deal with. What's the reason you say? You say it's mommy issues.

Oh probably yeah, kind of like dealing with my past, my childhood trauma, if you will.

Sure, sure, Yeah, Okay, So you say that this show is putting on that like you're whatever hashtag killing it your hashtag goals. Yeah, that's the actual what's going on in reality?

Oh, just like I'm from like the Midwest, and we're kind of a boring bunch of people, and I think I just want to like try to be somebody i'm not sometimes and it's like it's okay to just be me. Does that make sense?

Well, when you well, I'm trying to understand because when you say you're from because you're you're talking about First you were talking about where you're from and the people around you, and then you start talking about yourself.

So which is it?

Like you know the people around you are boring and you want to separate yourself from them, or you feel like you're boring and you want to make a new person.

I feel like I'm boring and I want to make a new person. I'd say that that's the one.

That's great, and I think that's that's a great thing to want to do.

Yeah, you think, of course?

Why do you feel like?

I don't know.

I feel like I get narcissistic when I think that way, and that's I don't know, I feel bad about myself if I want to make myself more than I don't know, it's weird.

No, I get it. I get it, Like it's like, you know, who the fuck are you to like? Go do things right? Yeah, I agree, I agree. I get you on that. I get you on that. I have a little bit of that myself, you know. I mean, what's the alternative though? Don't do anything? And you know who cares? If you know? If I don't know, I'd rather you go live your life and have a few people think that you're full of yourself then consistently bend

Yeah, yeah, you're You're definitely right. It's weird because it's just it's nice to hear somebody kind of give that affirmation.

Back, versus people telling.

Me like, nah, just say the way you.

Are well, tell me, well, I mean the who who is it that you want to what is it that you want to change?

I think I just want to feel more comfortable talking to people. I kind of I said earlier. I have social anxiety, and I think I just want to get better at, like, I don't know, like being okay to like ask people add ball questions and not feel weird about just asking them questions and having just fun conversations that really don't have a whole lot of meaning.

And I don't know, it's tough, Yeah, to assert your frame of a conversation on to other people. Not necessarily, it's not an assertion. I said that wrong. It's not an assertion of your frame of the conversation on to other people. It's just like, if you want to ask a question or you want to take the conversation a certain way, just fucking doing it and not caring about it. The other people it's like you're it's like, no, fuck you, you're weird for not justing me. All right, I'm on

Not me.

Yes, it's it's definitely that.

That's that's it.

Yes, you know, go for it, you know I I I think I think, yeah, yeah, I don't anything like do you want to move? Do you have a career aspirations or anything like that? Oh?

Yeah, god oh that that's actually another thing is I have no idea what I want.

To do with my life.

And I think it's it's like I'm accepting that it's okay that I don't have Okay, I don't want to get like super deep, but I don't have this aspiration to contribute to, like I don't know a culture that just don't It's like you have to. I love doing art, I love making art. I love creating art. I love writing, and it's like I almost have to like beg people to even view it. And then it's like, do I really want to make money off of it? If it's just something I love doing and that I don't know.

If you if you couldn't tell M.

I get in it, stuck into a cycle of self doubt and then I'm like, no, I can do this. I'm like, well, people got to pay me to do this. I'm like, well, that's root of me to ask them to just pay.

I don't know.

That's tough. It's tough to make money. How do you make money? Now? What do you do? Do you do? You work?

Yeah, it's part time. I work at an animal hospital. Then I'm probably gonna quit.

Why why are you gonna quit? You do not like working there?

Oh no, it's It was my second day today and it was just chaos.

You know what's funny is that we talked to someone, the very second caller, who would probably love working in a place where animals are dying all the time.

Oh God, I don't know if.

You were there for that, I don't. I wasn't.

I got off not too long ago actually, so I hopped on assume I could, but I didn't hear that.

Well anyway, So what are you gonna do after the animal hospital? Do you have any idea?

No, not really, I don't know.

I'm just kind of like vibing in the moment. As weird as that sounds, Oh.

I think it sounds weird. I mean, would you ever do something fringe? Would you ever be like, I'm gonna go on a workaway to fucking a farm in Hawaii or.

Oh that'd be sick.

Now.

I love to go work on a ranch. I love riding horses, so I would love to go work on like a ranch in Montana, if I'm being honest, that's like, oh my god, that's the dream baby.

No, it's you know, I've looked at work away and like for young women, Like there's a lot of people who like want like an AWL pair or something like that. If you'd be interested in it's just like anything that can fucking like get you somewhere new, doing something new, just because you know, yolo, let's go crazy.

Yeah, you only live one. Yeah that's true.

What's your name's No, it's okay. I wasn't gonna I was I was gonna give up after trying to think of it for five seconds and failing.

I know it's a NodD dude.

No, no, no, see Margie. You know, God, there's just there's this concept I've been obsessed with lately called reading positive intent, which is, uh, just always assuming that people are trying to be nice. I feel a lot of people do the opposite. Like when I went like, I was just kind of I don't even know what I was doing. See, I'm weird. I'm weird, dude, and everyone's weird. You can't always I think that everyone's doing everything because they hate you.

That's It's hard, dude, it's hard.

I wish I had a better We've we've touched on this topic so many times, and it's a topic that I care about a lot. I wish I had like the Golden playbook for it. But god damn, you know, I'm glad that you're trying at least to not care.

I think of you, because I appreciate that.

Other than that, it's a it's a prison, it really is.

Yeah, It's just like.

I don't know, I'm twenty four now, and it's just weird. I didn't think I'd make it to this part of my life. If I'm being honest that it was just like, yeah, got to move forward.

Check out that workaway website.

I will, you know what I will do it?

Do it?

I always tell because if I were not doing this, that's probably what I would do. If I, like, I would just go somewhere random, because you know, if you're young and just haven't been places, go go be places, go do things.

I will.

Yeah, I'm gonna do that.

Thank you, of course. Of course I'm so glad you decided to check out the stream and call them. Do you remember what TikTok it was? Was it one of the fucking new things?

I think it was. I don't know if I see you come on my for your page like all the time, like I don't know. It was probably a girl talking about her experience in a restaurant and yeah I just watched it like earlier.

Yeah, but I know I know what's talking about.

Yeah. So I love your I love all your content.

Good ship.

Thank you, Margie, Thank you, Margie, Margie. I go being off, Go go go go help some people on a farm in Italy. See how that goes?

That?

If it's bad, else announce because you're twenty four and you're gonna live forever.

I am, God, damn it, amazing.

Well, you have a good rest to night, Margie. Thank you for calling in.

Thank you you too, have a good night.

You too Bye.

Never Bet goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. Never Big goes to on his night. He's teaching you loud in the end of your life. Body's not ready. An expert