ALISON WONDERLAND GIVES ADVICE AS A GECKO

Alice in Wonderland. How are you?

I'm just this is the best day of my life.

How does it feel to be a gecka?

It's not easy being green, No, it's not, but I honestly feel it. I love reptiles and frogs and stuff, and yeah, this is this is my dream and I really think I'm meant to be a green animal.

Now you're from Australia, correct, Yes, And I've heard in Australia they're known for having like pretty gnarly fucked up supernali reptiles. Have you encountered.

Yes, My manager Goth, when we used to live in Australia, he was a reptile rest Like he would go and rescue reptiles from people's homes and re home them in the bush. And so I would come with him and I would actually film while live it and like wrangle these deadly snakes and it was not chill at all. Like one of them definitely came in and tried to strike me. And I'm sure Goth has had so many terrible experiences.

You guys had your own, like Steet, what's the Steven, Steve Irwin, you were like filming, Well, I think.

There's one video on his YouTube still where he edited it to really heavy metal music and he's like, I think he was trying to wrangle a brown snake, which is the deadliest, one of the deadliest snakes in the world.

Yeah.

I actually filmed from behind a door that time because I was.

Like, how are you with like if I had a.

Snake, And oh yeah, I used to have a pet snake called Sparkles. He was a diamond python. And Garth actually used to have a bunch of snakes and we've been best friends since we were really young. So I was just always around reptiles.

Do you think that because you were growing up with them it made you a little bit less squeamish to them as you got older.

I do think I was ever squeamish with reptiles. Ever, I love lizards. I've always loved lizards so much, and frogs and stuff.

A question, Yeah, what's been the most persistent thought on your mind lately?

Is everything going to be okay?

Is everything going to be okay?

Yeah?

Okay? When you say everything is every is it like everything externally in the universe or is it everything with you? Or is it a combination?

It's a combination Okay, I sit there and I'm like, oh my god, global warming. That's scaring me. You know, there's an uncertainty, and I really like because you know, being an artist, everything is so up and down all the time. You need to have a little bit of stability, and sometimes you know that, you go through these waves where everything's a little bit in limbo, and I'm kind

What are some things? Just speaking on the uncertainty, are there things in your life that you know for sure that are like undeniable constants.

Yes, my dog is the best thing in the world. I have a really really great group of friends, are really small, very small group of friends. And also, and it's gonna sound super cheesy, but I love music, and so I always have that to late lean back on. Like ever since I was in high school, I was just honestly in the corner listening on my.

CD player, And no one can take that, No one can.

Take that from you. There's actually it never got released, but I wrote a song about it, where there's little things that you experienced in your life that brings you joy that you discovered yourself, that you don't associate with any other person. So whenever you go back to that, and for me it's music or you know, particular bands or Christmas lights. I love Christmas lights, I always associate it with a really good feeling that has nothing to do with any other situation or any other person. So

One hundred percent. That's a big People come in here and they talk about that a lot. And the number one thing I feel like I'm always talking to people about it is like finding some kind of happiness that is within your control. It's not centered around a person, not even centered around like a career or sent it around anything external.

Just now.

My dream in life is I want to be able to just be like I want to have like like I want to be mentally in a place where like I could have no possessions, no friends, no family, no money, no anything and still be happy. I'm totally not there. That's like some enlightenment. Yeah shit, but I feel like that would be the goal.

Yeah. I actually did a lot of work during the pandemic on that, and I got to the best place I ever have been, and I still am there where I just you know, wasn't looking for anything. I didn't need anything external to feed what I needed to be happy, and I just focused on things that again no one could take from me and made me happy because again, we're all alone at the time, and a lot of things run certain. That was super limbo for me and

Some things that you're uncertain about now?

I just I think, just as an artist, you're always uncertain because I wake up every day and my life is I get up, take my dog for a walk, get back in, work on music, or do something like this, and I don't know externally my perception, so I'm always kind of like, creatively, I'm not doing it to please anyone else. It's just for myself. So I think sometimes when I do think too much about that, I'm.

Like, oh fuckle, think about how like you're perceived.

Yeah, I just don't. I don't really when I don't think about it, it's not not how I'm perceived. Actually, weirdly, I've never really cared about that.

You've never cared about you, like when you were like because I feel like when you when I was at the like in middle school, that's like all a lot of people care about it.

Okay, I actually have a crazy reaka moment that happened to me in eighth grade because I was really heavily bullied in high school, super bullied. I did not have a good school time at all, to the point where I moved schools to a music school because no one got me what.

Was your your WEEKA moment.

I went to. So in Australia, it's composed compulsory to wear a school uniform, whatever school you go to, and then we have these things called mufty days, which is like our playing clothes day every once in a while. And I think my dress sense has actually never changed. But I was in like a really oversized Beetles T shirt with the four beetles and it said let it be on the bottom, and then these terrible like zip off cargo pants, which I kind of fuck with now.

But then you grow up and that becomes a niche the.

Hill kid, I guess, yeah, being the hill kid, Well, yeah, two, you reaca moment. So that day, this girl who I will not name, but remember her name very very well. She walked in in front of my whole class and everyone used to be like, oh, she's a loser. And she was like, what are you wearing? What is that? What is that? And I was like, oh, is that like your band or something? Loser?

She said that about your Beatles T shirt that you and I.

Was like, bro, this is the day when I realized that none of y'all are cool and the Beatles. Like the fact that you just said that about the Beatles makes you so uncool that I don't give a.

I asked your question. So you do you remember this girl's name? You don't have to say it, But what do you think she is doing?

I know what she's doing now. I'm a Scorpio moon, so I know what.

Are you big into astrology? Not really Scorpio? So from what I do, I don't know a lot about astrology, but Scorpio is the one that like people, I'm.

A seriously psycho. No, I'm kidding, no, but I did. I did actually think about it recently and I went and checked on I found her on Facebook.

Yeah did you reach out?

No? No, But there's a few of them. When I remember in twenty fifteen when I first played Coachella, a bunch of them were like, Hey, it's blah blah remember me from school?

Are you the type of person? Do you do you hold grudges? Do you remember that?

Or I don't hold grudges? No, because I feel like there's this like heaviness in your gut and your gut has another brain. You know, I don't like to do that, but I don't forget okay, So like I.

Just do you hold when you're playing Coachella and all of the people in middle school who bullied you reach out and they're like, oh my god, I was so happy for you, are like can.

I get a ticket? I'm like no, no.

But are you in the back of your mind are you like fuck these people?

Like no, I'm just kind of like, huh.

I was kind of like is it okay? And then so on the other side is like a vinda, do you feel like vindicated in a way?

Like yeah, validated?

Yeah, like I made it out on top. No.

Actually, weirdly people have asked me that before and I don't. I'm telling you, Like, internally me as a person, I don't feel different from that kid in eighth grade.

So for me, this isn't era rolling around the hill.

Still rolling around the hill eating grapes. But like, this isn't a revenge thing that doesn't motivate me. What motivates me to get on top is literally just because I'm so I like being creative and I like trying new things, and I'm competitive with myself, so that's not really what I look to but it is kind of funny. I'm like, huh, well.

It ties back into what we were talking about, because, like you, if you were to be you know, compelled by wanting to show other people that you made it, that would be an external thing.

Yeah, it's just not really how to operate. I think, like, yeah, I don't. It's not what satisfies me. And I've said this a billion times. I've been broke, like bankrupt broke before, and I've been able to afford things. I've had both and for me, living richly is being happy internally and like being able to have my two feet on the ground every day and like being okay with where I'm at.

You know, And in the times when you were broke, did you have that perspective? Yeah?

I did. Actually weirdly, I was like, okay, I'm okay, I'm I'm I worked out what gratitude was, and I was like, okay, cool, I might be eating tuna out of a can for a bit, but firstly, I can work my way out of this. There are options, like I don't want to give up, and I can get out of this, and I did. I just had to fucking work hard. It's like it's you can make it out of anywhere. And again, I have this song called Forever and it applies to this, but it will feel

Really. Oh yeah, I remember New Zealand was very hardcore on the quarantine.

Yeah.

And he turned out to be randomly Yeah, he was. He's the coach of Zoe Sinnert. No, she's she's a a like an Olympic gold medalist like snowboarder. And he was teaching me a thing called the pit and I use it all the time now. And he's like, if you want to achieve something higher than where you are now, example being fucking broke or whatever, it is being in an abusive relationship, trying to get out of it, or feeling suicidal or not being happy in yourself. Internally, there

What is the pit?

So the pit is like so you have to imagine you're at the top of a pit, and then in order to get to the next level, you have to go down and get back out of it, you know what I mean.

You can't be afraid of.

Guaranteed you're going to be in that dip at some point.

You gotta you gotta dip that you gotta well, you know, we were talking, we were talking a little bit before the cameras started rolling about. You played Red Rocks, and you were talking about like being nervous beforehand, and I'm on a tour right now and I get really nerves beforehand. I feel like that those nerves Like that's that's a bit of a dip you have. You have to be in your head about like, oh fuck, what if this happens?

The dip was actually prepping for Red Rocks. It was like the months like getting to it and making my set, writing the string parts, you know, organizing all the instrumentals and making it like like the visuals. Everything that was the pit, Like I didn't sleep and no one sees outside of it, you know, they see the top of the.

Eyes pidl but I you rocking out.

Yeah. I was like so so hyper focused on that for months, where I don't know, you know, when you're like working too hard and you like sit up and you've forgotten to eat, and your hair's kind of greasy but everywhere, and you're start getting at it was at that point I couldn't see, like I couldn't interact with people. I was doing that, and I was like, oh my god, I'm in the pit. But it's okay because now I know that I'm in the pit. The only way to get out of the pit is get back fucking.

Out of it. It takes a lot of I'm noticing, it takes a lot of time and a lot of repetition and going through the pit to be able to zoom out so that when things are going, when things are going badly. You're not like, oh, it's going to be like this forever because you've ridden that way, and then when things are going good, you're like, it's not gonna be like.

No, when I think it's going good, I literally tweet the other day why am I on my I have like a side Twitter, and I'm like, why am I feeling guilty when I'm happy? Which is like the biggest thing that I deal with is when I'm feeling happy, I'm like, this can't And I think it's just like a defense mechanism because you know, we have so many failures in our lives. Like again, also the pit, you can't be a fail afraid to fail.

Oh no, there's good stuff in the pit.

There's good stuff, and there's failure in the pit. You you have to fail sometime to get out of. Like the pit means your like failure, but failure means that you've learned something to make you stronger to get out of the pit.

I feel like we're on a we're on a good motivational role here. Do you want to Should we take some calls?

Tell yeah, let's help with some pits.

Hugh, you're on the phone with me and Alice in Wonderland. Is is there anything in particular that you you called in to talk about.

Well, there's one thing more so than others. But I have a whole multitude multitude of things that I can talk about.

Let's let's start. Let the one the one thing that you said is more than others. Let's focus on that one thing. What is that one thing?

Okay?

So I got in a little bit of trouble when I was fifteen, and then I got my pilot plcens. I got my pilot plcense before I turned twenty one, and then, uh, that thing didn't show up on my medical record. But then now that I renewed my medical and I'm twenty six now, a year and a half after getting my newest medical, the FAA sends me a really nice letter in the mail. Pay Hey, your medical is not technically invalid, but don't fly anymore because.

We need to take a look at this.

Let's sum this all up here. Huge, Okay, So, from what I understand about your situation, Hugh, you were when you were fifteen, you had a DUI that what happened.

But you said that it wasn't It was dismissed, right, So.

Yeah, it was a sponge. So I got a deal called juvenile I had a juvenile court option or that gave me what was called informal judgment, and ultimately he had three options. One the first option was hand me over to the bot and say try this kid as a as an adult and like throw the book at him. He's a terrible kid. The second option is what he typically does and just wipe his hands clean, like slaunch the pilot and it says, do whatever you want to him.

Right, that's weird. I didn't know how that works in America.

I don't know how that works.

Can you speak to a lawyer?

Yeah, so I never had a lawyer, Like I said, I had a so since I was a juvenile, I was under eighteen, I went to this guy. I can't think of his name for the life of me, but he's a juvenile court officer and he determined like ultimately, like what to do and specific situations like that.

So well he sounds like ya, he knew that family and he knew that.

Oh sorry, he definitely knows more than I do.

But here's the thing, like if it was expunged or whatever, then you shouldn't have a criminal record. So someone sounds like.

Record, I don't have a criminal record. I just have an arrest.

Record like q q.

Q q q Q.

Yeah, you fly planes, I do before you fly planes? Do you ever drink a bunch of alcohol?

I've never, and I promise you this. I so there's a thing that pilots have. And then eight eight hours between model and throttle, which means you have to give it at least eight hours before one drink before you can five wan.

And do you do you religiously follow the rules of bottle and to throttle?

Absolutely well.

I believe you.

I actually believe you.

And look, you know me and Allison were no Federal Aviation Administration.

But you don't know that.

I don't know that. I don't know that Allison could be a secret FA agent.

I think if there's a on your record that does an arrest from when you were fifteen, I believe, isn't it when you're eighteen it gets cleared and then they shouldn't be on your record? Is that a thing or is that?

Is that a thing? And is that a thing in Australia?

I don't know. Did I just dream that?

Possibly that's an interesting thing to dream.

But I feel like if it's juvenile, it doesn't apply when you're an adult. Do you know what I mean?

Hugh? If you need us to show up in court in the gecko suits and testify for you, we will. And that's and that's the important thing I think you should glean.

That is this that I'm down? But is it? So then your medical records, when they're trying to do your medical or whatever, it's saying you hadn't you had an arrest when you're fifteen, That's that's the problem.

Yeah. So there's a betting that's done, like with the doctor that you get your medical from, and which I mean he makes sure that you can see, you can hear, and you can do all that. But then there's also like a mental betting. So he makes sure that you're mentally able to fly a plane, and then he makes sure that there's no like underlying issues like with alcohol or drugs or anything like.

That, and he cleared me.

So but then but then a year and a half later, after I got the most frequent medical I don't know if the FA just have a backlog of you know, here's all of these potential pilots that I you know, we'll have a drug or alcohol problem.

Oh so I guess you're allowed to fly the planet, but you're on a list of like, oh, this guy might be boozing.

I maybe now I don't know about that, but like.

Listen, letter, what if you made a badge?

Yeah, like, what if you made a badge when you flew that said hey, I have a record of being arrested, but I was fifteen, and it was clear I'd feel good about that that you're being honest, you know.

Yeah, in fact, you should actually should start out, you know how you have your opening announcements onto the plane. You can you can mention that listening. When I was fifteen, I got super drunk and I drove a car. But you know that's just what happens when you're fifteen.

And they let me off.

Yeah, and and folks, as much fun is what I'm super drunk and fly this plane, I won't do it.

I think you should just walk around whatever you're doing at all times with that badge, and that should be like your social media tagline. I think you should own it, Hugh, do.

Any of these solutions that we've attempted to provide you speak to you?

I no, I just found one story.

Well listen, Hugh. Is there anything else I to say to the people of the computer before we go?

I love you all while I've been listening to you literally all day. I've been working fourteen hours today hauling grain to be Alison. I know of you, and I know of the music, but I'm gonna give it a little bit more.

Of a listener.

You should hell yeah, I like that. Thank you for calling you, Thank you.

For calling well, thank you for taking.

My right He cut off at the end. What do you think of Hugh in his situation?

I think that you. I think it's more an internal thing than an external thing. Really like, I feel like no one's again. You know, everyone has their own narrative going on in their heads.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, the FAA has their narrative. Yeah.

Like I feel like a fun badge yeah, or a T shirt yeah, just kind of owning it.

Yeah, it's cool. I like I feel like when you're when you're fifteen, you know you you shouldn't be I don't know. I don't know. I don't know to what degree you should be held to the standards of what your life.

Was like for you're fifteen, that they would wipe that.

Yeah, I don't know.

We're gonna have to google that.

Well. I'm glad, I'm I'm glad that there are systems in place to, like, you know, well, I guess, I guess. I thought there were ye to make it so that if you fucked up when you were a kid, you could still go on as an adult to live a real life.

Yeah.

I wonder if Yeah, I wonder if it applies to every type of crime.

I don't know. If you kill someone at fifteen, you you have to you have.

To answer for that, Like, yeah, no, for sure. Huh So I don't I thought that things get scrubbed after juvenile age. Anyway, let's speak the badge. I would like to see that badge if you do.

Let's talk to Chase in Philadelphia.

Okay, Philly, Hey.

Is this Chase?

What's up?

This as wow?

Right?

Yeah, this is Lyle and Allison.

Hey, holy shit, Hey guys, how.

Are you We're doing good? How are you?

Uh?

Pretty good? Little surprised, but pretty good.

Chase, What is it that you wanted to talk to us about today?

So in the past couple of years, I have gotten the opportunity to uh be an animator for my profession, which is, you know, really amazing and I've worked really hard for it and uh kind of a goal that I had for a long time. But uh late I've been feeling like kind of the anxiety of having that goal is uh uh, or like the anxiety of possibly losing this position that I have is kind of usurping the joy that I get out of the job now.

So interesting. I feel like that's thematically similar to some stuff that we were talking about.

Really just talking about that, and I think as a creative it's so important to not feel like your job is a job, do you know what I mean?

Like, yeah, yeah, I definitely do.

And what's giving you the anxiety? Like it is it people that you're working with, or.

It's mainly just like sorry, it's mainly just like the kind of the thought of like, oh man, what happens to my life if I if I don't get this or if this if I fuck up somehow basically, or if they don't have the money anymore? Then exactly if I go back to the pit, I climb my way out of the pit. Now what happens if I go.

Back, Well, if you go back, it'll make you stronger. The one advice I will give you, just from my own experience of many times having that similar thought, so just so you know you're not alone and very valid, is you cannot be scared to fail, because you've got to fail eventually. It's something you just have to know and be prepared that that's okay and that's going to happen. But if you don't put yourself out there, you're never going to know either way. And then if you do fail, whatever,

Yeah, that's honestly all really good advice. I also wanted to ask you guys, like probably you both can relate to this when you are achieving or like really trying to get a goal or something like that, and then you get it. Usually you go okay, like I need to go to the next step where I need to keep working or whatever, and something I.

Think you actually said this earlier else and.

Like feeling like guilty when you're not really like doing anything, or like you're kind of relaxing a little bit. I've felt that for the past two years. It's just like, Okay, I got here, I got to stay here. And if I ever kind of black off a little bit, I'm a you know, I don't deserve this position or whatever.

You know what it's called, and we all have it. It's called impost. Like we feel like everyone feels foster. Everyone feels like a fraud at some point. Sometimes I'm like up at Red Rocks or Lollapalooza, We're playing this show and I'm like, holy fuck, am I like in a d MT trip right now? Is this all happen? Like you know what, Yes, even if you're in this is your d MT trip, Like just that's that's your

So to that chance, Uh, what like specifically for you, do you think would would be next?

I don't know. I've kind of been trying to think about it, like, uh, I don't know. Like before I became where I got this position, it was like a really pie in the sky idea for me. So now that I've got it, I work in the education sector, so I make like, you know, little cartoons for uh, you know, two to seven year olds to help them like learn English. So I'm like, Okay, since I'm already in there, I might as well pivot to another education

You know what, what is it that you you said that that's not necessarily what you want to do. What is it that you do want to do?

I mean the dream is to like, you know, have a show on adult Swim and you know, creative and everything.

So can I can I do you like do YouTube or TikTok or anything like that, because I mean, the fastest way to have your own show is to just start making it.

Yeah.

True, you know I.

Have an Instagram, but I don't do TikTok. I've been trying to hold out. And while I actually emailed you, uh, trying to trying to solicit animation services or see if you need it at you Well, listen.

You don't need me. You don't need a belt swim. You do need TikTok, you need yourself.

You like, just do it, because here's the thing people like always ask, oh, you know, how do you start writing songs? Like how do you do this? Blah blah blah blahlah. Just fucking do it, and it's gonna be pit. It's gonna be pit for a bit.

It's gonna be pit for a bit.

You don't feel like for everyone until it doesn't. But you just got to do it. You just got to do it. If that's what you want to do, you don't want to be like one day like what if, like fuck it. You go to your nine to five animation job, make really cool cartoons for little kids in English, which I love, and then at night just sacrifice a couple of hours sleep and just do it. Put yourself out there.

You can make all your fucked up Hentai animation.

Yeah.

I know you got going on in that brand of yours.

We want to see it, but you should just do it. Honestly, the only way that either of us where we're at is we've been like, well fuck it, let's just do it.

Let's do it, and it sucks.

It's so much rejection. You're gonna hear a lot of no, but just do it.

How do you?

How do you?

How do you feel right now? Chase?

I'm not gonna lie. I feel pretty motivated.

My heart is really good a little bit, don't.

Yeah, I feel like I should quit my job. And just nobody.

Said no, no, Chase. Nobody said you had to. Nobody Chase. No, we're not telling you to stop doing things. We're telling you to start. No.

What I'm saying is you're gonna have I am mad at you, Chase right now. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you keep doing that because also you don't want to fuck that up, like there's gonna be people that will appear in your life in ten years from that you met, from when you met at the animation company, and you're gonna be doing it like you've got to do it

And also I was one hundred percent kidding. I would I would never ever quit this job. It's less thing going to.

Chase the's anything else you want to say to people the computer before we go.

No, I'm so happy I got to get on Alie in Wonderland. You have been really helpful and I really appreciate it.

Lyle.

Thank You're the best, and I love walking you. Man.

I appreciate you. Chance. We'll talk to you soon.

Thanks man seated.

I like that guy. I hope you know motive. He's the thing about motivation, about feeling fired up.

It only lasts for so if you're still watching tonight, oh yeah, just fucking make something. Even if it sucks and you don't like it, just make it.

I wish I would have asked him what he wants to make.

You're gonna assume it's HENTI I.

Did assume it was hint well, because I feel like, here's the thing is, if you have a if you have a job like doctor, I'm about to say something that's probably made up. But the cool thing about being on a podcast is that you can just say stuff without having to fact check any of it. I'm pretty sure doctor Seuss made like fuck he made like fucked up like sexual cartoons. I think so, because like and

But that's true because everyone that I've met in my life that outwardly do really fucked up things and the most chill normal people interesting.

They're getting it out there. Yeah yeah, yeah, and.

We all have it and like I, you know, like people I'm really close to when I first met them, their career was blah blah, and then I'd be like, oh God, this person's fucked in the head for sure. Can I can I?

Can we talk about the thing you were telling me about when we were walking from here to the studio or do you not want to talk about that?

What was? It?

Was the Kermit stuff?

How much I love Oh yeah, okay.

Like can you told me you had like an album of Kermit?

Oh yeah, I have an album of Kermit fucked up Kermit photos on my phone. Yeah, and I look at them a lot, like my friends only send me Kermit. He's like literally there's there's like they're really offensive.

It was like it was like miss Piggy like sucking his dick.

Yeah, Miss Piggy is sucking his dick like him, like with his dick out him, like snorting cocaine like him, like bondage, like tied up to a bed with like there's like really muscly cerment. There's Cowboy Coermit. There's one do you know goatsy.

Is that? Who is there?

That's a meme? Don't google it. It's where a guy has bent over spreading his butthole. Don't google it.

I want to google it. G O G and he's g.

O A T people people who know what this is on Urban Dictionary.

Oh, it says four or four.

I don't even want to look at it. But there's I have a Kermit doing that, but he's like a puppet, so he's bent over and he's hands of like spreading open the puppet hole. That's one of my favorites.

Where do you find these pictures of Kermit's butthole?

Honestly, when I like imagine, like my search history is just like.

Naked you guys definitely got a tab.

I just genuinely google like weird Kermit or fucked up Kermit or like old Kermit. It's just like there's so many things that people have made with Kermit that like he's become this thing to me that just brings me so much joy because he lived so many.

Lives and you know, it makes it kind of to the same thing. I mean, Kermit, very wholesome, family friendly show. Them up as show he has probably fucked up things. That's why he wants to get like tied up, That's why he wants to do.

Yeah.

Within, But I.

Feel like a lot of people when you're in a like you'll notice this in with you know, when you watch a documentary of someone and it always it's always because they're like so controlled or like they're not you know what I'm saying.

That's why Kermit needs to let loose a little bit.

Kermit. We need Kermit at the rave.

Hello, Hi, I see j How are you sorry? They have nothing to apologize for that I know of Oh my god, what's what's going on with you?

Sorry? I am totally flabbergasted. I did not think this is going to happen today.

No, do you need a second? Do you want to take a breath?

Yeah, I'll give you one second.

Take a breath.

Hang out.

We're here. We're here with Uh. I'm a gecko. I'm here with Alison. She's a gecko as well. We're two geckos. We're talking to people on the phone. We're hanging out. Not what's going on.

So I'll kind of tell you what I told the call screamer. But like, please, I'm trying to hook up with my coworker, but I can't tell if he's really like vibing with it or not, because there's a lot of layers to like maybe why he wouldn't vibe with it. You know what's the ma he would?

So he said he said he would hook up with you to you.

Yes, So like, do you want me to like explain?

Yeah?

Yeah, what what are these layers that are causing friction with this?

Okay, So I have a fiancee and it's totally consensual for me to hook up with other people. He knows all about this and everything, so it's not like I'm doing this behind their back or anything. Sure, the coworker, but the co worker, he had a thing with one of our other co workers and it's still very like up in the air if they're going to like get together or not. So, but.

Yeah, would you be down to like fuck this guy just for your own satisfaction and stead the pot with this girl? Like are you friends with this girl?

No, I'm not.

I only worked there like on the weekends, if anything, like maybe once a month.

Can I ask when you say it's a job, when you say it's up in the air that they might get together. What exactly does that mean?

So from what.

I've been told of, the situation is basically like he liked her and she liked him, and they were talking, and then she went away to school very far away and said, like I don't want to like have a relationship.

I'm gone, you know.

Okay, So she said that or like not that she didn't want to that. It was like a heavy Oh, maybe we'll get.

Together and is she coming back same?

Yeah.

And that's like another thing is we're all supposed to go out as like a group this weekend and she's gonna be there.

I would suss it out this weekend.

I feel like, I mean, that's the thing about like having sex with your coworkers and is like if things get weird, it's like now it's it's an It's infiltrated your day to day life. You have to see these people all the time.

Like is this just a sex sexual thing for you or is the feelings involved?

This is mostly just a sexual thing for me, Like she's definitely my friend and like I have had like a little baby crush, you know. But then we like talked about like the dynamic of like kind of how this would go, and it just kind of solidified for me that no, this would just be like you are my friends with benefits.

You know, do you think if you did this, if you're looking at long game and big picture, and the other girl was involved, it would get messy if she found out.

I I don't know, because we recently talked about like her and him having a conversation, and every time he tells me about her, it seems like she's very uninterested in being with him, and like she's trying to beat around the bush of letting him down.

You know.

I mean, look, this guy is single.

It's up to him.

Really, Yeah, this guy's single. The green light, you're you've got the green light. You're in an open relationship. I don't know what's this girl? Why is this girl? She's all the way over in what Europe or something, and she's influencing things going on over here.

So she's not his girlfriend and they haven't made a committed decision to be with each other exclusively. It's not up to you to make that decision, yeah, And like, yeah, it is really up to him.

Yeah, yeah, Like we've tried to like arrange actually, like you know, doing the deed, and every time I end up being busy, and I end up being busy, and then the next time I like bring it up, I'm like, I'm not busy right now, Like we could do it, and he's like yeah, but I'm just like going through it like about her. So it's not like I worry that if I like put it on too strong, he'll be like, oh, but I'm so emotionally messed up now from like, but.

Doing this, you've given him opportunity, right, Yeah.

Can I say this? I I any like in this in the whole romantic sexual sphere of life when things should be you know, fairly clear. And I hope that you are not losing sleep over this, yeah, because this is like this just sounds so annoying.

It sounds like it's going to drain you.

It's just like annoying and like, don't just don't waste time on it. Yeah.

It sounds like he Okay, from what I'm hearing is if he wanted to, he would, right he And he's maybe enjoying the attention that you're giving him as a distraction from this girl. And I'm just I just think, like you can do better.

Yeah, go find like, go and find someone who's like, yes, I will be there.

In five minutes. And he's like, you know you want that, you want someone who like it's too much effort for someone that you're not going to be in a relationship with. It is just like, just go find like another dick.

What do you what do you think about all of that? CJ?

I love that for you have options.

It's like, I don't know, I have this weird thing whenever people are like too gung ho about me that I'm like, it'll leave me alone.

You know.

It's some sort of attraction to the chase, and I'm just and I also enjoy the attention.

Though, Okay, so are you are? Are you both enjoying just fucking with each other?

Maybe maybe you just have to stop chasing him and just like enjoy the attention and then it's up to him. Really, honestly, at this point, you've given him so many opportunities.

CJ. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go.

Live your life and have a good one?

Hell you too, man, It's good.

It's a good one. Hell yeah to CJ.

I liked CJ that hurt my brain a little bit.

Though, I honestly was just like, if you wanted to, he would, yeah, straight up, and she deserves.

Yeah, I mean I don't know that. It was just a lot of it was just a lot of effort, Like she knows, like she knew too much about that, about that girl, Like why do we even know this? Why do we know that she's what it was?

To keep it simple if it's going to be like a sex thing again, clarity and keep it simple.

Yeah. Yeah, How are you feeling, Alison? How are you enjoying being a get goo and talking to.

People on the phone, loving and living my life?

Beautiful? Beautiful?

Great, everyone's awesome.

Everyone's been really cool. You know what I love about this? And you know, when I first started doing this, I was like I didn't even screen the calls. I was like, people are just going to call in and like yell things and not in actual conversations. But time and time again we do this stream and people call in and they have things going on in their lives that they want to talk about.

You know what, you probably feel crazy before you say it, and then when you say it out loud and someone's like, I totally what you mean.

Yeah, people in chat are like, holy shit, I feel this.

You totally feel not alone anymore and validated. I'm actually so impressed that she was just like, had that chat with I would never be I'd be so bad at that. I've never been able to be like, yo, so would you hook up with me?

Like? I've never oh with the guy with.

Just the guy like no, no, not like the guy like going up to someone in general and saying that to me, do.

You hook up with me?

I could never could never do.

I respect that she has the uh, the the gusta like before and about it. I'm sure the guy appreciates it too, because it's good to know what people are thinking and feeling about things.

There's no way I would be able to do it. I'd be terrible at it, be like so egg plant emergeny question mark.

Mike, Hey, wile Alison, how are you hello?

What's up? Dude?

Not too much? I'm excited, be on. I didn't think this would happen.

Hey, you know, uh, I never thought that I would be sitting here in a get go suit. I don't think Alison ever thought she was sitting here in a get go suit.

It's the best thing that's happened.

All three of us are currently existing in a situation we never thought whatever happened, so we all share that in common. What's going on with Mike?

Yeah, yeah, Well, speaking of things that we never thought would happen. Part of the reason I called today is because today I'm at a point in my life where I'm proud to say I've been sober for over five years. And six years ago, I thank you, yeah. And six years ago, I was like on the verge of death, didn't want to exist any longer. And so the fact that I'm here where I am now, and I'm not going to give all the details and tell my whole story, but I'm kicking ass in life right now. I'm so

But so, is.

This aspect of your life something that you are are afraid of talking to people about or ashamed of people knowing?

You know what?

In the last I'd say, I don't know, I'm not going to concrete time on it. But in the last two years I've been I turned a corner where like when I get to know new people, one of the first things I'll tell them is that I don't drink, and I don't know why that changed, but it feels important to tell people and I'm proud of it. But the part that is difficult to discuss and where I like why I'm hearing this call reaching out for some help and guidance because is in my drinking. I caused

As so you're afraid that people will find out about the three DUIs.

Right, and so a perfect example microcosmo of this is last Friday, some friends from work went out and it sounded like a good time. I was game to go out and experiences for them, and it was. But then when they told me the location, it was like forty minutes in the wrong direction away from work, and I

So also, you seem like you have some thoughts, so many thoughts.

Firstly, congratulations Again, I was very intimately close with an addict for a many amount of years who's now sober, yeah and amazing, But during that time did a lot of damage and was a completely different person. And I was literally right next to them the entire time whilst they were in that and recovery. So I understand how

Yeah?

And I think, like, yeah, I think it's not a it's a big deal in your head because you associate it with such a dark time in your life, But outwardly, I really don't think that people are thinking like that because it's not their experience.

Now I feel that, I know, my mind jumps to the worst possible outcome of them saying, look in my googling my name and saying that the uys come up and that that is irrational, right, Like I get that as I'm saying it to you.

But even if I did, moment, yeah, but even if they did, you go, yeah, okay. But now I work with the community. I've turned my entire fucking life around. I've been sober for five years, and it was it was being rock bottom changed my life for the better. Like that's a you can turn that into a positive. It's actually not a negative thing. If you've gotten out of it. It's actually so inspirational, more than you realize.

I appreciate that coming from you or from anyone really, but yeah, I need to hear that again and again and again, because I myself talk sometimes talks me in the wrong direction. But you know, right now, I'm I'm feeling pretty good about that, you know. And I got to practice, you know. I think if I just do it more often, it'll get easier again.

And and no one if you're honest, firstly, you don't have to you don't owe anyone anything. But secondly, if you're honest, and I mean, this is a success story, it's not a fail story. It's amazing.

Yeah, you know, yeah, that's true. I'm worried that, you know, I'm worried about the perception of DUIs and criminals, like I'm a bad person. But really, you're right, Like I just need to put myself out there. They don't take me for who I am. Then that's that's their loss. I guess you know, I got.

To well, you know, look, Mike, Mike, I think in thinking about uh, you know, criminality and thinking about you know, labeling yourself as bad or good is is a little unproductive. And I think, you know, where you stand on the earth at this moment, Uh, the past does not necessarily have to define you. And I think, uh, in terms of what you desire to do, moving forward should be

I want to raise a family and you know, help protect the environment and create a site based stable society. But yeah, in my professional career, I'm in a position where I can help produce the impact of of my industry on the environment. And that's the career that.

Yeah, we love a sustainable care Well, hell, you're honestly feeling it, yes, and honestly set.

Boundaries sustainability committee at work.

That's amazing. But you know what you should do if you are struggling to you know, keep practicing and telling yourself. What you could do is set boundaries and like almost write yourself like a little script of what you are okay with saying, you know, just for yourself.

Yeah.

And then when someone says, like you haven't have you seen the rehearsal Nathan Field up, Like, you know, just kind of prepare yourself a little bit so that when that comes, because inevitably it probably will, just say that. And again, I promise you right now, if you told someone even ten percent of what you told us, they would think you're dope as hell.

I appreciate that I've let a couple of bad experiences or bad conversations jade my thought processes. But your guys, you're helped me set my mind right on the right track. Love it, Mike.

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer or to me or Allison before you go?

Sure real quick. Alison, your music has been the theme song to my recovery over the last few years. Ever since I discovered your music. Thank you for being you and for sharing your experience. That's I couldn't tell you. I'm the only one of my friend group that listens to you and and and it's my thing. Early in the show, you talked about things that are yours and not something you do with your friends. My first time I saw you live was by myself, and I was

Thank you. Very much for going cry, have a good rest of the night and keep keep on keeping on.

Hell, yeah you will.

I take care.

You know.

This is I'm like, don't cry?

Do you do?

You do?

You have a lot of opportunities where you get to, like really talk to your fans, because the whole thing is like talking to the people who listen to.

I'm very close with my fans, cool, very close with yes, my family.

You know, Mike has an interesting thing, and he is a thing that I think about a lot lately. I think societally, we are very obsessed with labels. This person is bad, this person is good, this person is this, this person is that, and for whatever reason, justifiably so, you might have to apply that label. And you know, people are compelled to apply those labels because those people do things that elicit very emotional reactions.

Well, it's also just now, especially in the age of social media, everything is so instant, instant opinion, instant gratification, instant definition. It's like way more labeled than it ever has been.

I feel, and you know, Mike is struggling with delabeling himself so that he can as a human body on the universe. Right now, move forward, productively and that's just what we want.

Sounds like he's doing that which so many people struggle with, so it's so cool. Makes me like even yeah he he. It was very very familiar story and like close to me, and I was like, oh my gosh, okay, yeah, no, I get it, and no one should judge you when you're trying to change it's it's probably very hard.

Yeah yeah, I uh yeah, it's a big it's a big thing. I guess. I guess we're trying to hoing in on that. I feel like it's so easy to get all pissed off all the time.

Oh my gosh, it's so easy. I got pissed off. Oh my god, all the time.

What was the last thing that really pissed you off?

My manager drove me today here because I don't drive, and he was vaping in the car and I lost my ship and I was just like, well, the air conditionings are like nah, you.

Know, I don't. I don't vape, but I like when other when people around me vapes, because I think, yeah, like when someone has a fucking like Captain Crunch vape or something that I'm into that so chemically.

And I was like like get it the fuck away from me. Bro Okay, look at my feet. Do you think that I could go on only fans with me? Yeah?

So then you then you'd be diluting my only fans market, because what if we did it joint feet a joint feet pick gecko only fans. Yeah, this has to be there's something in the works with that.

I feel like there's always someone that there's one person, at least one person in the world that like checks off to gecko feet.

Hello, Hello, Hi? Is this Don?

Hello?

This is Don Don.

How are you good?

Good?

How are you guys with these doctor geckos? How are you tonight?

We're good, doing pretty good, Don. Look, it says here that you have an eighteen year old son who you say refuses to get a job and needs motivation. Is that correct?

That is that is one correct?

Okay? Do you do you want to go into this within your own words?

Sure, I'll give you a little bit of background, Yeah please, yeah. Yeah. He's almost hatby nineteen in December, he's graduated high school about two years ago. Now, he's with a ged we did it online during COVID and has gotten very complacent with paying at home and not being social and doesn't have any friends anymore, and now it's time to get a job and he's just doesn't He's not going out. He has a lot of anxiety. I think too about it.

Well, the fact that he open to going to therapy's amazing. Honestly, I think that's a really good positive And I think letting him know that he's understood and like not alone in feeling a little changed from the pandemic when we're all alone and kind of forgetting how to be social. I think a lot of us went through that, so again, like that is something that you should remind him. And I don't know. I just remember my dad kicking me out of the house.

Your dad could care of the house when you're eighteen.

He's like, time to go to the net.

Really, I love it.

I'm glad he did it. I love my dad.

Do you are you suggesting that Dawn kick her son out of the house.

My dad literally went time to leave the nest.

What were you going to say?

Though?

He just moved out with my ex husband. So he's not with me, but he is with my ex with his dad, which is a good situation. They have a nice new house and he's remarried now but again and he's just in his room now, in the basement, not being social, not getting a job, same pattern as he's had for the last couple of years.

And does he play games? Like what does he do in the basement?

I mean he has his own room's down there. This is a new house. It's a nice big house, but like video games, it's mainly video games. He had a girlfriend for the last four almost five years.

What happened there.

He was moving.

It was probably about four weeks ago, and then he moved two weeks after that, about an hour and a half away from me. And uh where his girlfriend is too? Uh she lives in this area. But so now he's a little bit further from everybody with his dad, and I think fills more secluded. When you know, want therapy, He's reached out, but you know, now he's eighteen, I can't make appointments for him anymore, and he won't call to make any Yeah, perhaps.

To you don because you're really I mean, he's eighteen. If you really wanted to, you could be like, hey, figure it out yourself, kid, but you're like a real mom dad, like figure it out. Yeah. I mean, I really commend you for I mean, you're clearly putting in the effort here.

But I also I mean clearly I'm not sure what, but yeah, he's your baby, and he probably has like depression or anxiety, honestly, and to be and when you're feeling like that, it's it's really hard to like motivate yourself to pick up a phone and cool therapist. It's really hard. And right, has he opened up to you about like if he has any mental health concerns.

Yes, he's always had a very open relationship. He's come out before that he was bisexual live four years years ago to me, has talked to me openly about things. You know, he's had a girlfriend for the last couple of years as well, but you know, openly says he's open to any type of relationship in the future. And you know, so he's a very open minded person. He's got good head on his shoulders. It's just this whole anxiety I think about going out into public again and

And that changed.

He lost two years.

It was before the pandemic a little bit as well, you know, and then I think that just made it worse.

Have you spoken to his guilt? Well, now ex go from But did she ever mention anything to you?

Oh?

Yeah, I mean they were they were both young, you know, they were high school sweethearts. So they were all through high school together and young love. That's what I talk all relationship up to, because you know, a little love here and there, and it's it was young love.

So is he trying to do Is he trying to get a job or go to college or anything at all?

No, he talks about it. I want to do it. I'm gonna I'm gonna go out. His dad's gonna take him out tomorrow. They'll they'll go around town. He'll go online look for jobs.

He always talking about but never doing it.

Yep.

I mean the amazing thing that you know, he sounds so self aware, which I think is so rare for someone that age, which is a huge positives from my personal thing. I don't know if this is correct, but you can't really force anyone to do anything until they do it.

Yeah, I was gonna say that this is a really tough anytime anyone you know, calls into this and is talking about something, you know, whatever the relationship is, mother son, you know, boyfriend, friend, whatever it is. It's so so difficult these kinds of situations because like you clearly care, you care enough to call in to talk to two geckos about it, you care enough that you're invested in

But I think, but you are honestly being such a beautiful, caring person to him, and for him to be so self aware at that age, like, oh my god, when I was eighteen and didn't even I was like, definitely not that, not that, like I was, yeah, you know. But I think also at that age he's just so lost in this onny. I think it's just like a

Like a little intervention, even just with the.

Three of you. I think it might be intimidating with your kid.

That might be something in the future that we can do. Me and my ex have a better relationship now. You're married twenty two years and divorced for almost six now, so we have a better relationship now than we did the twenty two years we were married, so we talk,

Yeah, I think until yeah, I think, well, if it makes you feel better, I was a freaking idiot when oh my gosh.

What's tough. Thing? I mean, that's the thing is if listen, here's the thing is if the next you know, if this year, next year, the year after that don't work out for him, you know, he's he's not out of help yet. He's got planning, Pilly more years left on this earth to be a human being, So it might just take him a little bit longer. But it sounds like he has.

A stable support network around him, which is amazing, and honestly, it might be worth just calling your ex husband up and his wife and being like, hey, guys, what should we do, and like coming up with a little plan together if he can't, if he's got too much anxiety to call a therapist or find a therapist, because I think actually making that first step is really difficult. I think if he finally decided to do it, it would be easier, but just that first, you know, step into

Don great down. Is there any other aspect of this that you feel like we didn't cover or anything else that you you want to say to me Alison or the people of the computer before we go, No.

You guys have been actually wonderful. Was my first time calling in and you yeah, first time going in and it picked up right away and I got right through to you, So it was meant to be that. Yeah, thank you.

Of course, of course, good luck to you and to your son, and you know I we appreciate you, you know, clearly showing out of care.

Yes, awesome, thank you geckos A, have a good night.

Don What were you?

Thank you you too?

So yeah, what were you like at eighteen?

Was I like? At eighteen, let's see what was I doing? I was like doing a lot of stand up, I was making movies, I was playing. Yeah, I was like make a little movies with my friends. That's what I did in high school, like a little like comedy shorts and like short films. We would like enter film festivals and ship. Really yeah, it was awesome.

Yeah, yeah, I want to see them.

You want to see them, I'll send you want to they're all you know, it's fine is they're all on every like the YouTube channel that like I'm going to post this on if you're watching this right now on YouTube dot com slash lyle forever, and you go to my videos and you sort it by oldest. All of the ship that I made in high school is still up on this channel. I never I didn't like to take no, I think I think people. I mean it's I don't I don't like, I don't like promote it,

Whoa, that's crazy. Very like you're writing as well, like writing these films and yeah, sick, so sick.

Yeah. I had a guy, a good and it was I did it with all my friends and all the people I made those movies with, I'm still really good friends with. So whoa, Yeah, yeah, I've had a nice life. I feel like I love that for you, Thanks Allison.

Like what a great gecko. Thank you turned out to be. Well, I'm gonna go watch them honestly tonight.

Please.

When I when I can't sleep, I go through YouTube and I just like watch people's like I go deep in their channels.

But watch if you're gonna watch anything, what and if anyone listens to this is going to watch an old movie of mine from high school. Watch watch a Passion for Espionage. I'm in you can find that. A passion for espion.

That's gonna be me tonight.

What were you like when you were eighteen?

I was actually a classical cellist and I was living in Europe.

What Yeah, you were a classical Yeah.

I still play it at Red Rocks I was playing. So that's why I write strings and stuff.

I love that for you because you went from because you play like modern like elect me, like electronic music that's like music of the fucking future, And to be a cellist that's.

Like music polarity, right, yeah.

Very very much. Yeah, the polarity of that.

Yeah. My entire background is I was a classically trained cellist and then came back and then went fuck it, like after studying and you know, spending my entire life eight hours a day doing scales, and I'm gonna join it a punk band. And I joined a punk band and I was like fuck that. I'm going to make my own music on a computer where it can make all the sounds myself. And that's how that happened.

Do you still listen to punk music? Yeah, there's a there's a there's an Australian punk band that I really like you. Yeah. I think they're newled called Amal and the Sniffers.

I love them so cool.

She's so cool. I saw her at Coachella.

Oh my god.

I was like, these guys rock.

They fucking rock the roll.

Hell yeah, I like that.

Shout out Ammal and the Sniffers. We we like you guys a lot.

Yeah, yeah, I definitely I want to see them next time that they're I think they were.

At She's so cool. She's got the crazy stage presence.

Yeah, she's just just like walks like walking around like fuck it and like love it.

It looks cool.

She does look very very cool, she has like a good like she's like a great voice.

Oh yeah, everything, I like it.

Do you so from punk and cellicism?

Cellicism?

Do you incorporate any of those sounds into what you do? Now?

There's a lot of strings in my songs and it's usually me on cello. And when I like, when I talk about punk like, it's kind of just I don't like to like if my vocal there's like a song weird sound in it, I like to keep it in there. I mean, I don't know how punk that is, but I mean I think just being yourself these days is very punk, I guess.

So yeah, do you still go to punk shows?

I used to until like maybe five years ago, and now I just sit at home and call music when.

You go, when you go out places like you go to the music shows and stuff, do a lot? Do people come up to you?

And?

Holy al, I wonder, yeah, how is that great?

As well? It's fine like everyone I actually tweeted on my side account today, just like everyone I've met usually like really really fucking cool and creative and great and but that I remember when I was living in New Zealand last year for a little bit, Uh, I was walking down the street with like literally I can't explain, like the most unshowered hair up and a pony. I'd been working on the album type thing and I was walking to get cheese because I wanted to make myself

Forget that people my public person.

I don't think about it. And actually it happened to the end of the day. Someone came up and they're like Allison. I was like yeah, and they went to hug me, and I was like, who do it? And then I realized that people know you. Yeah, but I didn't like and I flinched and I felt so bad because I just come out of acupuncture. So I was like, oh sure, and then but yeah, she was crying, and I was like, just like being a good civilian, I was just like, are you okay?

Like you thought she was just like a and then she just was like you're.

Some church like changed my life and like started crying. I'm like, oh, my god, no, you need a hug, and so we had like a really good hug. It's nice. And then actually at Red Rocks, I was freaking out because the truck broke down carrying my stage and was only up an hour before the show. It was like

So that's nice. Nice everywhere you go you had you run into these like moments.

Yeah, I'm really it's really nice. I don't go out though, I myself sometimes have a little bit of anxiety going out and going to party.

So I'd like to are you not? Are you not a party person?

I not really, And when I did in the past, it was, you know, I would be in the corner or I just feel better behind the decks or alone in my room.

What is it about the party environment that gives you anxiety?

I just don't think I'm naturally off stage unless it's like one on one and like I feel a connection with someone, I don't really feel extroverted.

Do you ever? Do you ever feel as though you have some type of like public persona that that you pressure to live up to.

Never?

I never do. Like what you read on my Twitter is one hundred percent word vomit from my head to my mouth, I mean from my head to my fingers. And you know, I'm very much like my songs are very much my words, my lyrics, real experiences. There's really nothing about me that's not me. It's more just like I get overwhelmed when there's like a lot of things going on, and I'm not like, I don't know you do.

You feel like over stimulated sometimes very much? That's interesting because I feel like the universe that you live in of like electronic music is all about stimulation.

But when you're like hyper focused and you're in your zone, it's not that does that make sense? When I'm taken out of it, Like even walking in a shopping mall or whatever, if it's like too loud or too many people or there's too many lights, like I'm like ah, and I don't know, Yeah, I'm just kind of I think a lot of people are like that and they just don't talk about it.

What do you do all the time? Do you like read books? Do you have on the internet.

I say it's actually a joke. When the pandemic happened, my parents joked that I was in heaven because I was alone in a room all the time. I'm always alone in a room, you know. I tour, I'm a solo artist, so it's it's just kind of my comfort zone. My comfort thing is being in like a small space in my head.

There's, you know, this interesting beautiful contrast of like one moment you're in front of what like ten thousand people at a show like Red Rocks or something, and then you know, there's all the stimulations everyone and everything all the time, and then you afterwards sit in a little room.

Yeah.

I actually can't really be around people afterwards. It's really hard because I'm I'm so giving every single ounce of myself outward when I'm playing. I love it. It's actually my face. It's the most I feel myself is when I'm doing that. So either that or just like sitting in my studio, it's like the most I feel myself. Ever.

What do you do after a show? How do you decompress?

I'm just like alone, Yeah, I'm alone, and like, yeah, my crew kind of jokes like I'm very easy. She just sits alone. Really do anything? Yeah? Occasionally, Like I'll go to a party, but I can't really remember the last time I just went to a party. If I want to see like one of my friends playing, like I love going to live music, that's always fine, Like and I actually like that. I can wear a mask now and just kind of just chill. But I love watching live music and going to see my friends play,

Do you do you do you? You don't like? Do you like to schmooze at all? No?

I hate it? I hate it. I hate it. And it's been a huge It's like my number one anxiety is I never a'm around backstage. People think I'm cold, but I just have anxiety, Like I sit in my trailer. I'm a terrible networker. I find it really difficult to DM people or approach people. I always have I always like felt from my gut that if someone fucked with me, they would just like organically fuck with me. Sure, and I find it like really hard to put myself out

I can't like, well, it's an interesting thing you brought up of, like you know, you saying that people think that you are cold. Sometimes even it's just anxiety.

This just get nervous.

I mean, there's a lot of I think like when people you know, act a certain around a lot.

It's usually actually around artists when I'm meeting like no like normal people, but like people that aren't in the industry. It's just like the backstage energy or the energy of people doing schmoozing. For me, my intuition, my body can sense when things are not genuine. And look, there are so many amazing genuine people in the industries. So I'm not saying this is like it, but even just feeling that one time for me is like enough for me

Or do you feel like you're good at reading people's intentions and energy?

Yeah?

And whatnot? Very interesting?

Yeah yeah interesting, it's like really easy for me. I think that also just comes from life experience. I'm like, my intuition has always been strong, but like following it now and really listening to it, I'm really good at it.

Have you ever had been in a situation or I had a time where you your intuition was wrong? No? Never, no never.

I mean it's funny I've ignored my intuition and then I've been right, you know, or like the thing where you say you make up a new narrative sure to like convince yourself otherwise when you're dedicated to something sure sure. So yeah, like my intuition's always been right and I should have fucking listened to it earlier. But you know, whatever you learn, you live in your line.

I like that. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, yeah, I try to. I try to follow my intuitions sometimes, but I'm curious. I'm I am always checking my intuition because I can never know everything.

I mean, we don't know everything. That's why we try and ignore it sometimes. But your gut, your gut's very strong. We feel vibes.

You never like think about your gut intuition and you're like, oh, maybe I'm fucking wrong all the time.

Like now not so much, but yeah, like when I would change, like if someone doesn't feel right to me, I don't really, I'm like no, But you know, back in the day, we be like, oh but I can fix that person, or like maybe I'm wrong because there's this part of them and it's more like a wide eyed, do wide approach to versus your intuition. And now I'm just kind of like nap.

Well, I feel like if you've had a lot of experience, I've.

Met so many people, you know, like so many people, I've met every single different type person you can imagine, like touring that much like most years, I was like seeing my bed once one month a year.

You know, you do you like people.

I'm very like I'm a very one on one person and when I think someone's when I when I get a really good like vibe with someone, I love them like I'm and I love the idea of people and what they can be. But I get a little disappointed when I see what some people are capable of.

Have you have you had a lot of people like disappoint you in your life.

I've had major disappointments from a few people, like really big ones and the ones that you look every day someone's going to disappoint you, But I brush them off. I move on. I don't hold that grudge, like I said earlier, like I'm I just take the l and go, Okay, well you know now I know not to waste energy on that person or whatever. But yes, I've had some big l's from like like a few instances in my life, and I, yeah, really got majorly in the pit because of it.

Has it has it like permanently affected your your perceptions of people? These these l's that you're.

Talking, Oh yeah, it made me better, Like it made me a better person actually in what way, Like I'm not bitter at any of it. It actually again like taught me gratitude for like other perspectives of other things that turned out from those situations, because in hindsight, I was like, oh fuck, I'm so fucking glad that happened then, because now this and that led to that to that to that, and without that, that would have been here.

You're following the timeline and you're like, well, everything that has happened.

To me very donny daarko wing.

Sure. I watched that movie a while ago. I'm trying to remember the.

Song from that, which one echoing the Bundy.

Mandic kind of Gary.

Jule's cover of Tears for Fears, Mad World.

Mad World. Yeah, yes, anyway, I.

Don't even know that soundtrack's amazing, echoing the Bunnyman, the Killing Man.

Do you think from all the people that you've met in your personal experiences, do you believe in general that people are good or at the very least have good intentions.

I do, and I have read this book called The Four Agreements, and one of the biggest takeaways I got from it was to never take anything personally and the way that people react towards you, because a lot of the time they're projecting and so again, like everyone has their own narrative going on, and I like to believe that at people's core, unless you're a psychopath or a sociopath and you feel emotion, there is guilt that you

It's a it's a skill. I mean, you're I think you're talking about like just trying, and it's a lot there's a lot of thematically what we're talking about ties into a lot of our calls. You're just being intentional about your life, you know, intentional about the people you bring in, intentional about the things.

Yeah, it's really important if someone constantly feels like they're draining you and like not bringing like you're not uplifting each other. You just might not be right to be hanging with each other. Sure, you know, maybe someone that they meet is better for them and will uplift them. And you know that's I have to think of it.

Would you like to take more phone calls?

Hell?

Yeah, DARB is that you?

Yes, it's made Arb.

You can call me Brad for sure.

Okay, how's it going, Brad?

Because Bradford, But.

What's going on?

Man?

And uh, nothing much. I just you know, wanting to call in talk about my grandson Bubby. But before that, I just wanted to say I really enjoy you'll show and you know, God boss all and God bless you too. You guys doing a really good job, you know, God bless and not bought and you know leading kings into Gording Lord and O g backtw and God bless my Chrmain and Brett Hart and Owen Wilson, and God bless Richard Christie, so Howard Horne and Robbin and God bless

And uh, you know, God bless g g Allen.

You know, so Brad, So Brad so Brad, Brad, Brad, oh you hung up?

I feel like Bless g Allen.

You know right, he like takes ships on stage.

Now people take ships on his.

Grave, and that's probably what he would have wanted.

That's what he wanted. They do it. He loves, He probably loves.

You know. What he upsets me is when people hang up on the bit. It's like, I don't know, you can do a bit. I don't care, but if you're gonna listen, if you just if you're gonna call in and do a troller a bit, I don't care, but don't hang up.

Let's talk forgot's make it funny.

I don't even care if it's funny. I just just when they hang up, it's like we could have gotten into something.

No, yeah, but you know what, it was a nice palate cleanser. It was.

But I will I will like who was that guy? What? I have so many questions.

I love how it was like Kansas City chiefs g Allen. I feel like he said.

Taco bell is he did say Taco bellt I.

Love that, Like God, bless talker.

Well, he was so scared, it was it was very Why was he he was like scared. He thought that we were gonna get mad at him. I'm not mad. I'm not mad at you.

We agree, though I don't think God blessed talker belt why.

I don't know why he like was he thought he was gonna get in trouble if he didn't hang up immediately, Like, that's not that we.

Can Maybe you just need to get it out. Maybe you just need to do some blessings and hung up. This is the most comfortable outfit.

Yeah, it's nice.

Right, What if I rebranded and then I'm just like a gecko, DJ.

Please do it. We need more visibility.

Geckos alizard Wonderland, Alizard Wonderland.

That's the name of this episode thematically. Okay, Allison, to wrap up some themes. So we've experienced over the course of no.

Fear taking, risks in a happiness, risk, the pit, being prepared to fucking go through the pit.

Yeah, I feel like forever everyone was kind of going through a pit.

You know what, life comes in waves, order to disorder, and then you need disorder to get back into a different type of order. Always makes sense in the end.

Allison, thank you very much for doing this stream with me. Man, what is there anything you want to say to the foe, Well, tell us. I want to let you plug stuff. I mean just any.

General nothing really to plug. Just if you haven't heard of me, I would love for you to check that out. I got new music dropping. But actually I just announced.

That now Alis in Wonderland on YouTube or spelled with one L A L I s.

O N Wonderland, and I mean anywhere. I'm on Twitter, Instagram, sometimes TikTok. I like looking at TikTok a lot, like I try and do content, but I like to show my shows on TikTok and it's fun. I don't really know. I just look. If you vibe with me, check it out. If you're not totally cool as well, Allison, it.

Has been honor Geking with you. Please check out Alice in Wonderland.

That was Geking awesome.

Yeah, I was Geking awesome.

Yeah.

I'm very excited to see our lizard Wonderland. Whenever you do it, I love it. And this was a pleasure man. Thank you very so good.

This is my dream to be a green thing.

Have a good night. Folks goes on the line taking your phone calls.

Every night.

The beacon goes to on his eye. You're just teaching you cloud in the of your life. That's not really an expert