A WHOLE THING

Literally goes on the line making your phone calls every night never we can goes to a tide. He's teaching you your life's real expert.

Cow from Phillip.

Philip.

Hello.

What are you doing, Philip?

Uh, just on my computer and watching wrestling?

What's going on, mister Gecko?

Ah man, not a whole lot. What are some of your favorite things to do on the computer? Uh?

Just uh, pretty much.

I'm a casual PC game are about mostly played PS five mm hmm okay.

Okay, I just thought there aren't those hard to get.

Uh they were.

But you know a guy, uh yeah, my game Stop manager had a I guess you could say had slash has a crush. I'm assumed to be ex wife.

You said the game Stop guy had a crush on your ex wife.

Yep.

And how did you know this?

Well, let's just say it was like.

It was like an assumption.

But like every time we'd come in, you know.

We're all greeted by him by you know, first name basis.

Uh.

So you're saying that because you're assuming this guy is a crush on your ex wife because he calls her by her first name.

All that, among you know other things you know he's done so much for us, especially you know pro to the PS five.

Tell me why she tell me you said you said soon to be ex wife? Why why is she used soon to be ex wife?

Ah? She has done nothing but a cheater in the past three years.

I can tell that you're a little insecure because you are definitely threatened by this game stuff guy. But also she sounds like she's given you some reason to be to be that way.

Uh, well, I have been.

Living separately mm hmmm, because she wants to, you know, she wanted to go try being with an act to say enough is actually married and has a third kid.

On the way.

Well, look, my friend, let me be the first person to congratulate you, uh on on escaping that relationship, because that sounds fucking awful.

Honestly, it completely is fucking awful. And you know it's glad to be on you know, your show chit chat with you know, good looking get go.

Hey man, you don't think what so what's what's what's next for you? What's what are your plans? What are you what are you going to do now that you're no longer in this relationship?

Well, I first, honestly still have to get the divorce whole situated, but you can say no longer in it. As of you know, the new year, I've been intermittent fasting, you know, working on myself. You know, I've been going to therapy, and you know, I'm just pretty much you know, this is gonna be all about me, not worrying about you know, my past life as.

I call it.

Dude, I love that you know there's something you know, I was thinking about today, and I think people should know. I know that like, the world sucks ass right now, but I think that eventually, eventually we'll get back to some sort of normalcy. And I think that we might even if if if you, if you want to be optimistic about it, which I like to be, I think that you know, we'll get to a place that's even

I definitely agree.

Real quick before you go, I mean, what do you do for fun?

Uh? I mean, I'm gonna be honest with you. You know, it's just been stressful, you know, trying to get out of that. So you know, I've just been trying to take up gaming more, you know. I I've made a couple of friends off rider who I you know, have daily conversations with. Sometimes I play games that thumb myself, you know, just not I guess fun would be to not isolate, you know, just put myself out.

There and you know, rock and roll man. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Say your name is Spencer, Philip Philip, Oh my god, I suck all right, Well listen Philip, thank you, thank you for calling in man. Best of luck to you.

Yeah, thank you.

Someone someone, someone send this man. Someone send this man of game Stop gift card as a congratulation for getting divorced from a terrible person. No, I don't know his wife. I don't want to call anyone a terrible person who I don't know, but a person who committed I would, I would say terrible relationship transgressions. Vinny Vinnie, Vinnie, n Yes, sir, what are you doing.

Watching you relax and kind of wine from work?

What do you do for fun? Vinnie?

Play with cars in film?

Man?

You play with cars? Yeah, dude, like real cars?

Yeahs and s?

Are you rich? No? How much money do you make a year?

Not enough?

Like the number.

I'm not going to give you an exact number.

Why not?

Because money it's an appropriate talk we.

Talk about like common stuff on here, dude, we can.

Talk about com or squirrels or like crazy clown.

Why won't you tell me to dollar how much money you make a year? You don't have to, you know, this conversation doesn't This conversation doesn't have to end with you telling me. But I wanted to end with me understanding why you won't tell me.

I just told you you did.

Yeah I did.

I'll tell me again about twenty four K.

Twenty four k.

It's not bad, Ye, it's all right.

How do you but you say you fu you play around with cars?

Yeah?

Like I'm getting ready to do an engine swap on my integer right now, and it's a big deal. I've been working.

Months. Yeah, So how do you afford that one piece of a time?

Or you to save up or you sell other car parks and do other stuff like that. I can get a good deal on something, and I have friends. If I can get parts for a good deal, I'll sell it later.

Something like that.

Have you ever been hit by a car?

Have you ever been hit by a car?

Oh?

Yeah, tell me about that.

It's horrible. Have you ever been hit by a car?

I want it? What's the story of you gonna hit by a car?

I was on a bike, so I've rode BMX since I was like ten. And I was riding across town and I was coming down Main Street where I live in. It all downhill and there's the main drag through town. I crossed the boulevard and someone pegged me because I didn't stop while it was red. I just woke up on the ground. I think I was like fifteen, ended up like separating my shoulder and breaking some ribs and everything. I actually got really lucky.

That's a lot. Yeah, it sounds awful.

It wasn't that bad.

But what happened when you were fifteen?

Oh yeah?

How old are you now?

Thirty?

So you haven't been hit by a car since?

No?

Thankfully?

No?

Maybe cars maybe they work. It works kind of like lightning, right, you get hit by a car, you get hit by a car once, you don't get hit by a car again. You kind of have it in.

I've been hit by a car since then, but I was just in a car, so I.

Don't know how many times they throughout your entire life? Have you gotten hit by a car?

Four?

How are how much debt are you in? Because that's with hospital bills from getting hit by a car from four times and having cars as a hobby, you must be in a lot of debt.

No, not really, I'm not as good as a cannibal in like two thousand dollars, like two grand right now. That's because of COVID COVID screw.

I thought it was way worse because it costs a lot of money to get unhit by a car in a hospital.

Oh yeah, I haven't. Like I paid off my medical beer bills like a year ago, so it hasn't been that long that I've been free.

Well hot, damn Adam fuckn No, your name is an Adam Vinnie Vinny. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about this evening before I let you go?

No, man, I just wanted to kick it and choke for a minute.

Thank you, man, Thank you for sharing your story. I'm gonna be You've inspired me to be more careful on the road. Sorry to hit people looks because you sound like a nice guy, and I don't want to, Like, I don't want to hit someone with my car if they're a nice guy.

You know.

Yeah, it's good. You know, a little bit of awareness is always good.

I'll talk to soon.

Man.

All right, have a good nightmare.

O call from lesbian part.

Lesbian?

Oh my god?

You Okay, what was the prompt? You want to get into the prompt?

Okay, I'm back.

Well, the question of the night is, Look, the question of the night is what do you What do you miss?

Oh damn, I'm miss I missed toast.

I missed bread. Yeah you're gonna ask me.

But it was diagnosed with celiac, so I have to be gluten free and so like you know, no we no, uh, none of that or I.

Get really sick.

And so I really missed like oh Charlie's roles, like all that good stuff, and I can make.

My own.

Like recipes and stuff at home or.

Get like yeah, who hey, gag let me can't talk?

Can we talk to your mom?

Yeah?

Of course someone name. She's a big fan.

We're gonna we're gonna talk to her mom. Hey, gag, what's up, dude? How you doing? What's your name?

My name is?

They call me mama Ran where you can just call me mom?

Mama, Mama Rane you I you said I can call you mom. I think that's a little too personal, right for we don't do we know each other well enough for me to call you mom?

Sure?

Once you're a mom. You love everybody, you really are, so thank you for what you do.

Oh, you don't thank me. I'm just a dumb agreen internet man. But I have a question for you, mom. Yeah, what do you what is it? What do you miss?

So?

Anything you miss?

Right now?

What do I miss?

Oh that's a loaded question.

Uh wow, we got dinner at thirteen?

Right?

You could say whatever you want. I'm tell me, I'm curious now, I'm very curious. Say whatever you want. Don't have to keep it anything.

So I've been divorced white badly.

And let's just think, kitty, it is dead.

I like you know what.

I like that you're more concerned with not saying anything inappropriate on the stream than you are saying in front of your daughter.

No, but like we're close, we've been through a lot together.

It's like and I told her, I told her, I'm right now, but.

The kiddy is dead, going, what what have you been out on? Dates? You out there trying to find the find the little buddy?

I was.

I was so hurt really that.

I just I just kind of like already had a funeral for her.

And put her out on my shelf.

No, no, do you do you still masturbate?

I think you No, she's so dead, I'd have to get jumper cable.

Nonsense, Look what you thought. She's got to help you out, She's got to hook you up with her friend's dads or something like that.

Oh you're so sweet.

I just well, one an alcoholic.

I just feel like.

It's kind of over.

Yeah, No, No, how old are you? Can I ask? I know you're not supposed to ask, but you're also we're doing a lot of things are I supposed to do? And that what's up?

I was?

I turned just turned fifty five?

Fifty five? That you you don't sound the day over forty? You gotta go on the webs. There's plenty of sites that you can go on. You into are you you you you could be like a milfy like, you know, go hit on some like twenty year old guys. You thought about doing that.

I just gotta get I gotta get my armor on.

You know what does that mean? What is your armor?

So I'm so.

Scared that I'm gonna get hurt or.

You know, because I was like.

Everything was perfect and then different person after you you realize other issue to.

The I'm working on it though. Okay, I'm working on it, and I am proud of what you do. Don't don't minimize what you do.

Man, How are you working on it? What are the what are the steps that you're taking to work on it?

Trying to take care of me a little better.

Yeah, I am going to give therapy a chance again.

Nice nice, Yeah, real therapy, not ecko therapy.

Yeah, there you go. And that my daughter here lesbian named after her dad, just.

Her dad or lesbian too.

Yeah, that was the problem the family.

He's very confused.

But yeah, to each his own.

You know, everybody's different, that's what's it matters.

So thank you for your advice and your.

And yeah, my daughter does miss and it sucks.

It took us like seven.

Years to get her diagnosed with celiac.

So but you know, I've found some good looks, snacks here and there, and uh just you know.

Every day then new day.

So yeah, you know you guys, You guys sound like you know there's some struggles there, but you're you're holding down the fort best as you can.

I'm gonna update you, okay, like during your shadow I'll try.

To text you or something.

Let you know if Katie's going for.

A whirl, Okay, please please do let it. Let us know how it goes. Okay, don't send that. Don't send any pictures though, we're gonna because then we'll get banned. But no, never, I guess goodbye, guys.

Came from Henry.

Henry is a you. Hello, what are you doing, dude.

I'm just chilling on bad.

Not a whole lot. I'm just chilling. I'm in a chair and I'm addressed as a gecko, and I'm live streaming on the on the website where people play Fortnite.

Do you play video games?

I play one video game, whole video game. I play Super Smash Brothers Melee for the Nintendo game I played. I played a I played a video game recently called Inside You ever heard of that? M No, it's called inside.

I like that.

Somebody somebody in chat that said, my friend Justin, he's corracked out Fortnite? Thank you?

Are you Justin?

I'm not? I'm not just.

Henry. What do you do for fun?

I like to skateboard, I like to play video games, and I like to hang out with front.

You got that's a beautiful Tinder bio right there? Can I steal that?

I mean?

Yeah?

Sure? Do you date? How old are you? Henry?

Oh?

I'm twenty.

How how's the date? How's dating been for you?

I don't really know.

My sexuality yet.

I've been questioning it for a while, so I'm kind of staying at dating at all. I figured out how like who I am? You know what I mean?

Mm hmmm? Is that was figuring out, uh, your sexualized? That for you like an active process, like you're trying to figure it out. You're just kind of going with the flow and seeing sort of, you know, how how that develops on its own.

Mm hmmm, trying to just seeing how it goes. I try not to, like, I don't devote my life to trying to figure it out. Does that make sense?

Yeah?

For sure?

Yeah.

Are you not interested though, in like actively experimenting, like like cooking.

Up with people?

Yeah, oh no, not really, I don't. I mean, yeah, I've only hooked up with girls before.

I don't think that.

If I ever locked myself down to the sexuality, I don't think it would be I don't think it would be one hundred percent. I think if anything I could must likely be by.

Oh well, I mean you don't. Don't you never have to lock yourself down to it anything?

Yeah, No, that's yeah, only that probably that comes.

From like the desire to have a label, I think, which is kind of a bullshit desire. I'm sorry, were you what were you going to say?

No, I was gonna say, but like when you were asking about like physically talking about like people is usually just like with women or like physically active. It's just it's just women.

Mm hm.

So that like I think it's like weird to get with a guy, But I think the idea of like being more than a friends with guys isn't a bad thing.

But you think it's in what in what sense do you think it's weird to get with a guy like you, like you personally feel weird about it?

Like like sexually like with the guy. Okay, like if I was with if I was with a girl, I could I know, I know, it's.

Like you could be you could be like, well, you could be like romantically attracted to men but not sexually.

Yeah.

But so then I think that, Yeah, I think I'm romantically Yeah, I think you're right about that. But with women, I mean, I I guess I could experiment. I've never been known for like like I don't. I don't see the fun in like cooking up with people, and it just feels weird. That's why. I mean, I've even thought that I'm what are they call it asexual words? Yeah,

I think there's a there's a word for that, like but the words and I think there's I know, there's like this, there's like this inherent desire to like I think maybe like rush. And I even just kind of proved it there by saying there's a word for this erent desire like rush towards a label just so that you can take these these feelings and put them somewhere and identify yourself as Oh I am this, but you know there's no reason to rush to that.

Yeah, you're a you're a pretty good person to talk about this with. You. Like, honestly, I've been watching your stream for about a month now. You're really open minded.

Oh thanks man, I'm I'm fool feel comfortable talking about that.

I think that you're so patient.

You get some annoying as people to get on here, but you put up with them, and I think that that that says a lot about you as a person.

Well, thanks man. You know, the annoying people that it's part of the uphold the presentation because look, because you know, look in life, some people are annoying. I enjoy I enjoy the diversity of the callers, not just in terms of you know, backgrounds and you know all that stuff, but also in terms of, you know, I like a diverse amount of annoyingness. I think it's good to have that.

Yeah, all right, man, Well I don't want to wrap up a conversation, but I am very bad. I just wanted to get a call in. But it was actually pretty nice talking to you. Maybe I'll call back you guys.

Let call back.

Yeah, yeah, call call back in sometime. You say your name is Henry, Yeah, Henry, baby, I remember your name. Awesome, take care Henry. You have a good night.

Man.

All right, I'll call you Friday if I can make it.

Hit me whenever I'm the line is open. I'm crazy, all right, lad bye guys. He was a good guy.

Aw fun.

Blake, Blake, holy ship?

How you doing?

Blake?

Relieved? Why?

Relieved?

What? What?

What?

Where was the tension beforehand?

Started? Last Wednesday?

What was the tension?

I was on a trip, uh, an acid trip and stumbled across your live stream m hm and sat there and tried to call for hours and never got the closure I needed? What?

Okay? What was Why? Do you feel like there was a need for closure?

Like? What?

What? What was left open for you not having this conversation? Mm hmm.

But but do you feel like may like some sort of parasocial relationship developed between me and you? Because I've never heard your voice before, but you've heard my voice. Do you feel you feel like you need some closure you need to talk to me for I don't know, like why?

Why?

Where does that? Where did that come from?

Whenever I'm tripping, I normally find something and the obsess on it and try to you know, learn with it and you know, have fun around it. Okay, And watching your streams has brought that, I brought a lot of entertainment and you know kind of excitement.

Do you think that the stream is better when you are on acid?

Better?

Is it?

I don't know if I would use the word better, I'd say different stories where you know, more can like you know, changed in my head and everything like that. And I was laying in my living room watching you on the TV and calling on my phone and you know, your face more thing and everything was quite entertaining.

Maybe I've always people always think I'm like, hi, when I'm doing this, I'm not for me. It's hard because you can't I can't be high and talk to people. That's too much for me. If I'm going to get high, I want to do it alone. After I don't have like I don't want to get high, and then like, oh, I have to go do I've got to go do a thing. You know, I just want to be alone. So that might that might be an interesting experience to watch it while on drugs.

You know. I actually I can't smoke weed. It's kind of It's funny, I've I don't really met many other people that are like that.

Why can't you smoke weed?

I found this out about.

Three years ago. I every time I smoke, whether it be a small amount, I've only had probably five pleasurable high experiences out of the twenty or thirty times tried. I end up throwing up and getting I end up greening out pretty much. I throw up, I get nauseous, and I end up getting severe vertigo. So I end up passing out from exhaustion.

But acid doesn't do that to you, No, not at all.

Actually, I love tripping. It's I don't do it too frequently because I know it. You know what the damage you can cause is.

But can you sell me on it? Because my problem is I when I get too high, I think too much, and I don't like being that. I believe I'm happiest. I think people are probably in general, happiest when they are outside of themselves and not like in their head overthinking every fucking thing.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, Like you know, when you're hanging out with your friends, like you're having a good time, you don't know, like the time is past your time flies and you're having fun, right, and the time moves slowly when you're in your head just anxious and thinking about shit. And we gets me into that place where I'm in my head and think about shit. So I went to the depression. That acid is like we times ten thousand, and it's just gonna put me super deep into my head? Is that true?

Is that gonna happen?

From everything that I know in all my experiences, it's mindset. Like this past time, I was with my girlfriend and she was about to not literally, but she was about to kill me for me sitting there freaking out about getting on the phone with you. And I was in a very good headspace that whole time, besides stressing and becoming anxious about getting on the phone. But I believe it's you know, kind of your headspace, what you're around.

You said you were stressing about getting on the phone. Were you you were stressing about like you're stressing about me, answering about me, not answering.

About about getting through Pretty much this is it actually was the first live stream i'd watched. I've seen clips on Twitter and the people had, you know, retweeted and everything like that. I was actually scrolling through Reddit and a park on my come up and it was about three pm. I in Central, It's about three pm, and I saw that you were going to be live streaming at ten on ten Eastern and I was like, dude, no way, I got to watch this guy. I was like, I gotta do it.

And since then, uh, you said that, you said you said a feeling of stress. I want to. I want to know. I want to get to why you felt stressed, because that's a very specific sort of emotion.

I think it's dimmed in like the obsession over it, the fact of like I was like, I want to because at the beginning, for the first forty minutes, I didn't want to call at all. I was too anxious. And then I was like, I gotta call. I gotta do this. I gotta like, I got a I got I have to call. I need to talk to him. And the stress of not being able to get through, I guess is what it was.

M under her. Do you how do you feel now? Do you feel bad? Do you feel better? Do you feel anxious? Are you anxious now that you're on the stream.

A little bit.

My heart's racing with kind of like excitement that because, like I was, I was watching the stream in the background on my phone while calling, and I heard you say my name on the stream, and then I realized took a second to hit and I was like, I'm and uh, you know, I didn't think I was going to get through, Honestly, I was. I was about to give up on calling.

So how would you rate this experience of I mean, just the whole thing of you trying really hard to call in to then have a conversation about you trying hard to call in.

I read this an amazing experience.

Uh.

I'm Harry damn excited to tell my girlfriend when I got to pick her up from work about this. This was an amazing experience. I'm definitely not going to forget this for a while.

Beau, Well, thank you for calling in, Blake, Thank you for answering that of course, man, for look your your determination is much appreciated by the Geak nation, and I think you got what it takes to make yourself a name here as a as a Gak warrior.

Thank you, man.

That means a lot.

You take care, man, I'll talk to you soon.

Thank you, man, have a good night.

Oh awesome, George.

Judge you Oh what's up?

While?

Oh my goodness.

Man.

Look man, I'm not a whole lot. We're near and we're nearing midnight. I'm fully gecked out of my mind. I'm psyched, I'm pumped, I'm ready. What do you What are you up to?

Man?

But you got anything for me?

I don't. I got stories. I have some stories.

Tell me a story.

Let's see what do I got?

Give me a topic?

Well, you know, I I asked you the car. What do you do for fun?

Man?

What do I do for fun? I bike a lot?

We got another bike.

Yeah, it's good. There was that one guy who's in the middle of the field.

Yes, that's an all time that's an all time favorite. The guy who is in the middle of the field. He is a good guy. Well, okay, you bike a lot.

I bike a lot. I used to partake in copious amounts of drugs.

Which ones.

Mushrooms, acid, marijuana, cocaine, danus the main ones.

And do you not do so anymore? You said you used to.

No, I don't do that anymore. This was in the span of ages fifteen to seventeen, which was really fucking bad.

That's yeah, that's a lot of shit from fifteen to seventeen.

Yeah, it was.

It was some shit.

I dropped out of high school because of it. I mean not solely because of it, but definitely aided. I would say, Okay.

How how are you an now I'm nineteen? What did you do after you dropped out of high school?

Well, it took me about a year. I was like working all the time, and I was working at construction job. So I was brail and blow with guys in the fucking back with construction site bent and kept doing that, kept doing that, and then I wasn't making enough money. I was spending all my money on shit like that. And then I actually ended up hanging out with my buddies one time and we fucking took I think I took like five tabs of acid, which is a horrendous amount for anybody.

What did five tabs of acid end up doing to you?

I ended up like it was like sleep paralysis. Basically. I just ended up laying on the couch and my buddies and basement like hallucinating. My own intervention, which was wild. So, and I woke up the next.

Day and like, real quick, tell me about this hallucination of your intervention.

I don't.

It's hard to remember it, but if you remember any of it.

The only way I remember it really is because I wrote on my phone on like snapchat messages. I was like writing fucking with the drawing thing and saving the pictures and I read them the next morning and it was like just some whacked out shit like you gotta stop blah blah blah. It was like talking in the third person as well, like George blah blah blah has to do this.

Wild.

So I woke up the next morning read that whatever. I was like, oh, man, that's fucked up, right, because that's pretty fucked up. And uh, I haven't done drugs since.

M so I think that's the something said that's called an ego death.

Yeah, yeah, solid ego death right there.

M How how long you been claimed for?

Shoot?

Nineteen seventeen? Two years?

Awesome? Man? Do you have anything? Did you end up getting your ged or anything like that?

Yeah?

I actually the next year after that, I went in. My area has fucking programs so seniors who don't have enough credits can I actually get their high school diploma if they qualify for all the ged stuff, So I gotta get a hold diploma.

Awesome, it's nice.

What do what do I do with that?

Well?

I actually I just got accepted into college yesterday, tech School for autumn mechanics. Good stuff.

Hell yeah, man, you're gonna be like that guy. You're gonna be like the nice guy who, uh, that nice car man that we were talking to earlier.

Yeah, no, he was a cool guy. I actually worked on Honda's too.

Oh.

I was trying to ask him what he was putting in Maddon tegra So if he's there getting the chat, maybe i'll find it later.

Yeah, yeah, to talk some shop. Right, Well, Matt, I'm happy for you.

Man.

That's that's that's that's There must be a lot to like.

That.

That must be like because it's so hard to you know, it's hard to quit one thing, right, It's hard to quit fucking Waird or quit cocaine. But to quit all of it at once, it's gotta be a nightmare, just.

A straight up like a full on hit a brick wall stop cold turkey. It's I don't know how I did it, but I did it. I think I just had to get you have to get past that that statementally mm hmm, to where you can actually progress and get anywhere. And I think that kind of is a whole thing with any problem you really have in life. If you are blocking yourself mentally from doing something, you're

Yeah, well, I mean, you know, look, it's good that you at least you know sort of. I mean, although although that was a lot for a kid to be doing, you know, it's good that you sort of learned your lesson at a very young age. And oh my god, you're still night I mean nineteen, Yeah, you do you start dude, So, I mean, it's it's you know, especially if you're a funck alone. I don't know if could you say something real quick, I don't know if my fucking air pods just gets connected. Fuck okay, I can

Dude.

Yeah, I was gonna say, like, it's I know, that's a lot of ship for a kid to be doing. But it's good that you at least learned your lesson now, you know, And like the fact that you've been sober for two years and like you've you've kind of gotten over this at least, you know, I know, I know, I know it's a strug every day and then then you know it's it's a thing to be maintained. But all all, all the all, the best of you man,

Man.

Have a good night. Thank you for calling you two dog have a good one.

All from Yeah, yeah, is that you?

Oh buddy?

You know me?

Well, I don't. What's up?

How are you good man?

How are you man?

I'm uh, I'm alive as I can be. How are you?

Yeah?

I'm doing like the US, I.

Was doing really well.

St I remember the last time I called him, and I'm gonna be ask for you. I think I messaged you, but I have no idea what happened. All right, it was a bad night. It was a bad, bad night.

Tell me tell me about the night the last night that you called.

In that you said, I really don't want to bring it back up.

When you have to bring it, you can't just talk about it and not bring it back up. They brought it back up.

It was the one where I talked about animal crossing.

And omeg.

Uh.

Yes, you talked about how you like to talk to boys on Omego.

I watched it the next morning because I was like, did I call the Gecko Show? And I can't believe I said that it was. It's the most embarrassing moment of my life.

You need to remind us of what you said.

I said.

I said, I called, and I said I like to go on Omego and talk to animal cross talk about animal crossing with boys?

Now, why did you say that?

I listen?

I was absolutely ship fast all night. Okay, I don't want to switch. I've never been on Omego. I don't know why I said it. I didn't have.

Anyone calling back for like redemption.

No, I would like to call back and take this question normally.

How drunk? How drunk are you?

Right?

I bet you're Are you like only eighty percent as drunk as now as you were?

Then I would say you're solid fifty. All right, It's not as bad, but it's still on that line. You know that line Why I got to keep myself in shack to make sure I don't start talking about Omego again, right, because there's one. There's a line, man.

All right, I'm gonna against my better judgment. I'm gonna let you answer the question of the day. Okay, But if you say, if you start talking about just look, look, I'm trusting you, yack, No, No, I'm not. Does that mean nothing to you that I trust you?

I trust you too, and I.

Don't care if you trust me. I'm trusting you.

I'm taking the trust you're giving me, and I'm putting it in my heart. I'm going to give you a PG answer. All right, there's nothing wrong with this.

You don't have to give me a you just tell me the truth.

Yeah, the truth. I'm going to tell you.

Yeah, what do you miss?

What do I miss?

Yes?

Miss, I'm miss being a kid?

Man?

Why do you miss being a kid? What do you miss? Or what what do you miss about being a kid?

I missed the people, the people more than anything I could say. I could say, you know, the the lack of care or.

How school was so.

Easy, But I just missed the people. All right, I know, I keep in cond but none of the people I know.

All right, What do you mean by you miss the people? Like you miss? You miss specifically the people you're friends with when you were a kid?

Yeah, I do.

I had this friend group when I was in the fourth grade. There it was the coolest people I ever met. We played a.

That uh.

Was the Minecraft?

Oh?

Maybe it was so much fun? I still so many lad I was How am I twenty two ninety eight born in ninety eight.

Yeah?

No, there was there was Minecraft in fourth grade. I'm sorry there was anyway, Okay, it was very new, but I'm sorry. You sound like you're fifty two?

Are you do?

But do you know that?

Do you know that?

I get that a lot.

If you saw my face, you'd be like, there's no way that guy sounds like he's fifty two.

Isn't this crazy?

You know?

You came in here, you said something weird about boys, and then it turns out you yourself are a boy.

Yeah, I guess, yeah, I guess you could a demograph. You could consider me a boy?

M hm?

Would you go back?

And would you?

Would you?

Would you go back and become a kid if again? If you could? No, I'm a get go If would you go back and become a kid again?

Under what circumstances? Could rewind time?

Became a kid? Right now?

Time rewind time without a doubt in my mind?

Yack?

What I remember now?

No?

Yack that yack. Don't do that, man, I hate I would never do that. Never, don't do that. Don't don't regress yack because you're look, you're only twenty two, dude, Like fuck, being a kid, being a kid was sucked.

You couldn't do it, every stupid kid everything.

I would do it again if I had the chance.

No, don't do it. No you have but by the way, you have the shance to do it again because you're twenty two.

Yeah, the whole life, the school. I could have spent so much time just since year going around. Man, I could have had so much more fun if I.

Knew in the ending you can have more fun. What fun?

Okay, fun when you're in fourth grade sucks? Okay. I played Call of Duty zombies with my friends in fourth grade two and it wasn't that good. Looking back on it was that good?

Though it was?

It was good.

Your life.

There's so much more to life than that that you could experience.

And forty years are you going to look back and you dressing up as you? You being a Get Go and you go, why did I do that?

No, you're gonna go.

I love doing that when I when I when I was with Get Go.

Okay, yeah, yeah I am, and I'm not. I'm not in fourth grade. I'm not either, okay, but you Yeah, but I didn't even know. I've only been I've been doing this for less than six months. I've been I've not been doing addressing up.

You were dressing up as a beam more than six months ago and going on the B factory.

Yeah, but that would it didn't even Yeah, But what I'm trying to say is like, dude, I'm when you were fucking like you could have whatever your version is of dressing up as a gecko and being like, oh, that's a good thing to do, but that that could be ahead of you, but you won't even be able to find it if you're too busy like thinking about how fun it was to play Minecraft when you were in fourth Graen.

No, no, no, no.

But the point, the point is I would do it again, just to do it again. I would go back for a day if I could just have a day back there. I don't want to get rid of now.

Okay, I mean, look I do. I guess I funk around with the day. But you weren't talking about fucking out with the day. You were talking about going back. That's what I was saying, you know.

Well, I mean if I could relive it and just continue, Like if I could just relive it now and just do everything again, even if I did it exactly the same, would I never be satisfied? Probably? But would I do it?

Yes?

We as humans are never going to be satisfied.

With what we do.

We could always always say we could have done more, even though we couldn't have.

But you're you. You know what you sound. You are sound like you're fifty two, not just because of your voice, but because of the way that you're You sound like you're fucking eighty five. Right now, you sound like you're dying. You're not dying. You're twenty two. You have so much life. What are you talking about? Play Minecraft right now?

I don't want to play Minecraft right now?

Then okay, but that's then. Then why do you want to play Minecraft? If you don't want to play Minecraft?

I want to play as a twelve year old and missus Lesby's.

Class a fuck Missus Wesby, dude, Missus.

Wesby was a great teacher and everyone.

I'm sure she was.

But she's probably dead now and you have a whole life that you have to go live.

Oh she is dead, I think, all right, So she's in.

The past, and now you have your own life that you can go live.

What am I?

What am I supposed to do?

I don't even know what I'm doing? Yack? What am I supposed to do?

What I what I have?

What?

What do you?

What do you?

What do you want to do?

I don't know what I want to do. I want to I want to do something.

I look by the way. Sometimes sometimes you figure out what you want to do by just doing shit. I never woke up and was like I want I never will I never ever, there's never like with this show. I know, if you want to bring up this ship as an example, I was never like I want to go be a gecko and take calls. I just started doing things and fucking around with the tools around me that I thought were interesting, and then something came out

You don't think about the days when you were, when you were in the fourth grade and think about you so sweetly.

You don't do that, No, I'm honest, No, honestly, I try not to. I mean, look, I I look fondly at my life, but I'm interested more in the present than I am in the past.

If you died tomorrow, would you be content with your life?

Totally?

Really?

Yes?

There's nothing you want to do you'd want to be like I wish I could have done that before I died.

There's a lot of things I want to do before I die. But if I fucking died right now, I look, I have had a great life. You've tund you just sound like you've had a good life too, everybody, Like most people. I don't want to get into other people's bullship. But there's more do you have so much more life left to live? I don't know why you're throwing in the towel at twenty two.

I'm not throwing in the town. I'm trying things, all right. I'm trying to make this movie.

You're trying to make a movie.

I'm trying to make a movie.

Go make a movie. I like that idea. I like you making a movie.

I'm trying, man, I'm trying.

Make a documentary about Missus WEBBSY make an ode to her life. An ode, Yes, an ode.

Missus Wesby like lighthouses, all right. She liked lighthouses, and she was fat. She was more than the obese. No offense to missus Lesby.

So so okay, so I don't I'm just I'm.

Just I'm just thinking. I'm just thinking out loud.

All right, listen, yeah, thank you for thank you for calling in man, and look, go give missus Wellsby a call. Find out that is she does she really dead?

I don't know?

Then who can? Then then it does? Then you don't. If you don't know if she's dead or not, then you don't care about her. Then she's not that important in your present life.

Okay.

So I will look then at people that.

I know, anyone who I currently anyone who is important to me in my present day life. I know the status of whether or not they're they're alive or death.

She's not important me.

I'm not you know, checking my my watch every minute to see how missus Lesby is. All right, Maybe you know my buddy Tony who is on the street. Maybe I'll go check in on him, but you know, not not not not okay. See I type in I type in her name and.

It comes up with a talent.

All right, ya yack, you.

Need to take some other calls. I don't know what you're doing with me.

Good luck, Yack. I'm that serious. Good luck, good luck, think about what I said. Fuck fuck fuck fuck Missus Wesby and fuck minecraft. Go make a movie.

All right, I'll try, I'll try, I'll I'll talk to you soon, you know.

Good night?

Yeah, all right, good.

Night call from Flo.

Flow. You know, Flow, you and I can relate to you, and I have the thing that we can relate to. Absolutely guess what you know what it is?

We both graduated in Jesus night.

No, how do you know I didn't graduate too that? What do you graduate from?

One?

Do?

Doesn't it.

High school?

Who can guess what Flow and I have in common to bond over Flow? Think here?

Uh, you know, I'm really trying, but I'm not getting anything.

Flow. We both get a disgusting amount of unfunny insurance jokes message to us on a daily basis.

You're right, You're right.

How does that feel for you?

You know?

Not bad?

Not great.

I think it was worse when my dad said I looked like her when I was like sixteen.

I was like, no, I do not think there's nothing wrong with looking like Flow. She's very beautiful.

Well I'm not saying she's not beautiful, but I'm saying I do not look anything like her.

Well, listen, flow, you must have called in for a reason. How can I help you this evening?

You know, I've just been watching your stream, probably for.

Since the beginning of the year I think was the beginning of this year, of this year.

Yeah, it's been like maybe a week or.

Two twenty twenty dec Nation. And what's what's your least favorite part of the stream? What makes you what parts of it make you want to turn it off?

The boring calls?

Okay, the boring How do you define a boring call?

I don't know. There's just sometimes when you get some calls that are usually from thirty something males that just don't have anything to talk about. But also I really dislike a lot of the underage calls and the really truly calls.

So you say, the most boring calls are from like thirty year old men that don't have anything to talk about. Is there anyone in particular that you maybe remember You don't have to know their names, but a situation you can describe that you remember being very boring. Well, I guess that's hard because it's boring, so you probably remember it.

But yeah, exactly, man, I know It was one of the first times I watched the stream and he just seemed to drone on and on and the conversation.

Went nowhere, do you think that this call is boring?

I mean it definitely could be. There's not as much spice to the call as you usually have because a lot of people have a lot of hot take.

Hot takes you, so you think that it would spice up the call for for either of us to have a hot take to present to to to to the stream or to each other.

Absolutely the case.

This is interesting for me because I want to I want to know you know. Look, I think that you can improve something unless if you're willing to accept the flaws of it. So this has helped interesting information for me. I mean, what do you think I could do to make these calls less boring?

Uh?

Definitely have a fire round of.

Questions, fire round? Okay, I like it?

Yeah, Like just off topic completely, just Sam, Sam, What do they got to say about a topic that makes absolutely no sense? Like, for example, what do you think about a Veno lotion?

A Veno lotion?

Yeah?

I don't like that question that much because what about is that it feels it feels sort of closed, right, like a Veno lotion. It's like, I don't think anything of it. I have no experience. I don't even know what it is.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, I mean okay, so what do you mean exactly? That's that would be boring because I don't know what it is. I don't have any I don't have a strong opinion about it.

Yes, but take something where you do have a strong opinion, right, like do you like bottled water?

Do I like what bottled water?

Yeah?

I like bottled water.

See there's something there for everybody. Uh here, here's my the hottest take that I have. Okay, I remember All Summer Long came out in two thousand and eight was a matchup of Sweet Home Alabama and you have a would you have.

A weird fascination with two thousand and eight? Was that a good year for you?

Oh?

Absolutely not? Fucking hated that song. And I think Kid Rock is a horrible artist.

There that is, I don't Here's my thing is, I don't really do anything aside from this. I really do just sit at home and stare at a wall. So like, I'm not well, I'm not good at talking about bands or pop culture or you know, bottled water. I don't have I don't have hot takes. I don't I'm not knowledgeable enough for hot takes. That's kind of why, like a ninety percent of the stream is, you know, listening to other people because I don't. I don't have strong takes.

Oh definitely?

Do you think it was definitely boring?

It's definitely bullet boring because honestly, I had no fucking like idea that I was going to get through.

I'm so fun. We're fucked, dude, we can't. We're fucked this. This isn't gonna go. This is not good this. I don't think we can. I don't think this is sustainable to just have all these boring calls. What are we gonna do?

I mean, you're gonna find somebody that's probably better than I am that talking on the therapy gecko. Honestly, what I really wanted to say, sure, was I really enjoyed your haiku stream last week?

Oh? Thank you, thank you, thank you, tomorrow Experimental Tuesdays. I got I got a good thing cooking for tomorrow. Yeah, will you be there? No, no spoilers, you got to be there. But are you going to be there?

Oh?

Hell yeah, I'm gonna be listening. I listen every single time.

Every single time, even though it's boring. That's that's how. That's how I know you're a real one. All right, Look, I'm boring you. We're boring each other. We should get all. We should get off the phone with each other. Do you think that would be helpful to both of us?

I mean, honestly, probably, But also I'm kind of having a little fun trolling chat just because they're calling me boring.

How are you?

No one's trolling anyone. We're just on the phone, I know.

But it's amazingly funny that I get to be the boring one.

Well see, I don't have anything to say to that, because it's because you know what, what's would you say? Your name was?

Wow?

Like the girl from Progressive the car insurance lady? Do you sell insurance? No, I'll talk to you later.

Flow all right, I'll be get.

All from Mark, Mark, my friend.

I am a man of little time, So do you care if I give this call to a friend of mine?

Uh not?

Go for it?

All right, Tony, We'll wait for him.

Hello, Tony, hey man, how's it going.

It's going all right. I want to hear you. Thank you friend Mark for giving your giving away his call to you.

Mark.

I really, I really appreciate it.

We've been trying this for about an hour and a half now.

I just want to give my shout out because.

He's in my friend since third grade, and uh, yeah, it was nice of.

Him to I mean, it was nice of him to give away his call like that to you. Do you feel like, do you feel sort of a pressure to like make it worthwhile, to like make this a good call, like for for this for his sake because he donated it to you.

I do, I do, I'll make it a good call.

Well, the joke, the joke's on you, because there is no such thing as a qualitative judgment of the calls. It's not a real thing. Does call.

I'm just called what do you do? What do you do?

What do you do for fun? Tony?

For fun?

So I I live in Louisiana, right, and in Louisiana, you can do this thing like you can. You can do alligator wrestling.

Really.

Uh it's it's like really readily available.

Like you can go to a place.

And uh, they'll they'll, they'll, they'll, you'll they'll teach you how to wrestle alligators for like fifty bucks.

Mm.

Now, when you go to do alligator wrestling, who typically wins between you and the alligator?

Well, I only do the baby ones because I don't really want to, Like you can you can choose, Like I only weigh one hundred and forty pounds, so I have to do like the little ones because the big ones are.

Those eat me.

So you can pick like tears, Like there's like tiers of alligators and there's sizes, so like the small ones. I I mean, obviously I win, Because I didn't, that wouldn't be good.

Okay, okay, hold on, hold on, hold I don't think I still I wouldn't say, like, obviously you win. I still feel like a baby alligator is a threat.

Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right.

They they've got some some safety precautions because you know, the baby alligators.

I mean, they have safety precautions for the alligators themselves, because because that's the thing right, is who really wins when you beat up a baby alligator?

Yeah, I say baby.

But like they're they're just like small, small alligators. I shouldn't think they're.

Not Like it's not like because I'm imagining like a cute, little, tiny, little alligator with like big bulgy eyes. That's like they just don't wrestle. That's saying to you, please don't wrestle me. It hurts.

I just want to go.

I'm not evil, you know. So like the youve got like there's like three four foot long alligators, and there's like the the terrifying like six seven foot alligators. They're just like monsters. So the the small ones you gotta like, you gotta. There's there's there's there's a strategy.

That they teach you, and it's just do you got to get behind them needed the neck.

You put them in like a chokehold, and I mean you pretty much got it at that point. Then you got to tape up like their mouth and stuff so they don't just you know, buy your nose off.

What inspired you to want to wrestle alligators?

Well, I'm scared of them, and it's it's something I like to do, is to challenge my my fears. It's like it's like a like a like a self improvement kind of thing. But you know, if I'm scared of doing something, doing it, well, negate that fear.

But don't you have don't don't you don't you feel bad for the baby alley? Don't you feel bad when you're putting your knee on the neck of a baby alley gator?

I do, but not not in the moment. There's a lot of adrenaline.

I'll tell you the moment. The moment is where it counts the most, because the moment is when is when you're doing it.

Yeah, yeah, I've I've only I've only wrestled them a couple of times.

Two I just two times.

In the summer of twenty fourteen. There was just something in the air, and I thought wrestling alligators sounded like a good idea. But you know, as as my fear diminished, I realized that that's that's not a it's not really a nice thing to do to the alligators. It's just wrestle them and then you let them go. But like I mean, I wouldn't want an alligator wrestling my child.

It's true, So I kind of like, you know, that's true, it's gary, it's.

Right.

Imagine if alligators try to wrestle us, that would be.

Yeah, we'd be terrificiated.

Yeah, but I mean, I.

I don't know.

I think the alligators are just as scared of us as we are them.

I like I like that.

I like that as like the central theme of this. Right, we think of alligators as terrifying and like they don't give a fuck and they're bad ass because they're alligators, But in reality they're they're scared of us too, and we sort of have to come to a mutual I think that's how we solve this, is humans and alligators need to come to a mutual understanding that there's actually more that we actually have more in there's more that brings us together than than separates us from each other.

I have not else, but I've seen it happen. Because these these alligators, you know, they.

Like the ones that I wrestle.

I gotta go with the lower tier.

You know, I'm not all sports olegger here, So like the alligators that I wrestle are the small one. You know, I I've got I've got the benefit of the doubt there.

But there was a guy who I like, you gotta like.

There's like a line and.

This guy was wrestling a like this six foot long alligator dude, and.

He he goes to put the put.

The put the knee on the neck, like I told you, and he like the alligator like like moves like he's turns his neck.

Guy.

The guy's knee misses and the alligator like like runs away, runs away, and they had to they had to go down and catch the alligator.

But he was trying to because someone he.

Didn't he didn't even fight back, he just ran and so he didn't really get that. I would be now we're going to try to put his knee on my neck. I'm not sticking around.

If an alligator tried to put his knee on my neck and I had the opportunity to either fight the alligator or run away, I would absolutely run away from the alligator.

I would run so fast, not even funny.

Well man, what when's when's the last are you? When's the last time that you went alligator wrestling?

That that was?

That was that was six years ago. Clean now I'm clean. I'm six years clean. I've got a little token and everything.

I'm not. I'm not.

I don't play on wrestling anymore alligators because I know what I want to do.

I'm sorry. What were you gonna say?

Now?

That's all right, you go ahead, No, please, you realized, Oh.

I just realized that it's not you know, nice.

I was going to say, I'm thinking about what if I opened like a gecko wrestling place where you could come and you could wrestle geckos, but the only gecko there is me, and it's just people come and they wrestle me, and then at the end we kiss.

If you if you would offer me like a like if I could buy a stock into that company, I would do it.

I'll let you know when we go public.

Hit me up.

I'll talk to you soon.

Man.

Thank you for going, Thank.

You for loving me?

How from.

Hello?

While m Where do we go when we die?

Oh?

That's well, I'm you know, we're trying to figure that out. I don't think it matters where we get. I think it matters the legacy we leave.

What what's your name for a series of note? You said? Rickmus Riffner R A. S.

S N. E. R.

Riffner. What do you believe your legacy will be?

Hm?

Right now, my legacy would be?

Or actually you actually you give me an idea here. If you died tomorrow, what would your legacy be? And then and then I want to hear what you what you hope your legacy to be for your whole life? So tell me now, what would your legacy be if you died tomorrow, if you got hit by a bus?

Okay, if I died tomorrow, my legacy would be honestly, like, like to be honest with you, lyle, my my legacy would be that someone who had a kid at twenty. That would be it.

Your legacy would be to be a kid at twenty.

No, I had a kid at twenty.

You had a kid at twenty Yeah, so you have a kid. Yeah, so your kid would be would be your legacy?

Correct? But I don't think that that counts because it's like, I don't think I have had much of an impact on her life yet.

You know, Okay, how old is she?

She is going to be a year on the twenty fifth.

Nice a year is you can have a fair amount of an impact on a year. Octually, I guess not. I don't know. I'm not an early childhood specialist. G echo. But okay, so what would your what do you hope for your legacy to be throughout your whole life?

I would hope that it would be someone who could do right by his kids.

Okay, now, and in what way do you hope to do right by your kids?

Be able to like just be like a supportive father, the loved father, show them care, affection, you know, the essentials.

How do you feel about having had kids pretty young?

You know, originally I was turned off by it, like like it was something that I was kind of ashamed of, to be honest. But now I've like been through a whole year of it, and it's kind of the most amazing thing that like I've ever been through.

You know, you said you were ashamed of it, Yeah, a little bit. Why were you ashamed?

Because I wasn't totally like like I wasn't with like totally emotionally invested in the person I had her with. So it kind of was like I was in a weird situation where like, oh, okay, I felt like I had to be there for that person and I had to like support this person when they didn't really care about me. But I'm out of that now. I'm trying my best to move on.

Yeah, you know, I don't feel I don't feel like your relationship with the kid has to be predicated in any way, shape or formed by the relationship with the person you had you you had her with.

I agree with you, It's just that her mom makes that kind of difficult sometimes.

Sure, but you know, I mean you have you have sort of your own I mean, look, you have your own relationship with your kid. It's untethered to to your mom, and you know that's that's the whole thing for you to develop.

Absolutely, I'm looking forward to that too.

Yeah, man, I'm trying to I'm trying to think, here does it.

Why?

Why was why was your relationship strained with with the mother?

There's a long list of answers to that question.

Sure, but.

I was kind of.

I guess basically, I was like supposed to be this emotional support person for her and I just like couldn't be that, you know, and she got.

Pissed at it.

Well, I mean it's a lot of work to you know, support a significant other, end to support a kid, and there's a lot of work. There's a lot of work for someone who's twenty two, right, you know. But it's good to it's good to hear that you're excited for, you know, fostering a relationship with your kid, you know. And I can tell I can tell that, you mean that, I can tell that you're you're you're invested in that relationship.

Thank you. Yeah, man, yeah, do to be honest, to be honest with you, man, like you're so she doesn't live in the same statement right and over the summer, but I had to, like with COVID and like school starting and stuff, I had to move like miles and miles away from her, and I was going through like the worst shared of my life. And your stream, your your podcast is like the only thing I got.

Me through it.

Oh, thank you, man, I'm glad. I'm glad that you that you dug that. I'm happy that it helped in any way, shape or form. Man, Is there any like any anything else that you wanted to sort of talk about?

Have we not?

Have we not spoken before?

We have not.

I've been in your chat a few times, but and I've been listening since like August September.

I think, oh, surely you've probably been here, like I've been doing it since August ish, you know what.

No, I've been here since the an episode of the podcast came out.

So not like some cool here for a while.

No, that's pretty much the beginning. Yeah, dude, is there is there anything that that else that you wanted to share before we go?

Not particularly you know, this was kind of exactly what I imagined out of our first talk. Just wanted to let you know, like how often your stream's done for me, man, Like it's really been take the ship, dude, You got any.

You got any let's you know, I think I've talked to a few other you know, young parents out there. You got any words of advice for any other young parents out there that might be having a difficult time with the situation?

Just make it all about the kids like that. That's really, at the end of the day, what it's about. Like, your own insecurities are valid, but like too, it's part of who you are, and.

To just like focus I'm the kids totally.

Man.

Yeah, that's I feel like that's the thing I don't obviously I don't have kids, but you know I've heard that that's the thing. You know, when you have kids. It's that, you know, you you have the opportunity to focus on something that's completely outside of yourself.

Yeah, totally so, and that that itself comes with like like the pursuit to get there comes with like a whole other slew of self improvement along the way, and it's just awesome.

Oh totally. I mean it's difficult. Look, you know, I'll say, I mean, you know, it's hard because when you're single, your life is all your you go from, especially when you go from like your life is all about you and then all of a sudden that's not the case anymore. That's a difficult transition to make. But yeah, man, good good, good, good luck to you, and good luck to your kid. Man, thank you, thank you for calling in and I appreciate the kind words.

Yeah, thank you, Lyle.

You have a good night you too, Man, take care.

The repeat goes on the line taking your phone calls every night. The repeat goes doing his eye. Who's teaching you to house liver your life? But he's not really an expert.