#1658 What They Should Teach You At School, But Don't - Harps (PT1)

don't care, don't blame you. But in Melbourne, where the Grand Final happens, where I'm located, is quite a big deal. So it's public holiday here, goof and round. And I've been chatting with somebody in the last hour or so about about the thing I want to talk to you about right now, which is about education.

of variables around that. And one of the things that gets said to me a lot, a couple of times a week is that something like, I wish the stuff that you teach could be taught at schools. I wish that my kids would have obviously not instead of all the academic, brilliant stuff that we need. And also, by the way, it's not about me. It's about the ideas that we explore. It's about the strategies and the constructs that we explore on this show. Right, I didn't what

I'm about to share with you. I didn't invent any of this. This is not a Craig Harper thing. This is just a kind of intelligence and wisdom, arm and

education that doesn't typically happen at school. But some of the things that I'm going to talk about and share, I believe would be very advantageous for many young people had they'd been exposed to some of this thinking and some of this kind of education, and some of this bigger than the classroom awareness kind of almost life one oh one, Like it's good to understand geography and anatomy and a bit of physiology and maths and English and grammar,

and we need all of that. But also, and again, this is not a slight on any particular school or the education system or teachers, because I think that the role of a teacher is overwhelmingly complicated and difficult, and I think for the most part, most teachers do somewhere between a pretty good job and a really good job. But this is me just thinking more expansively beyond the

typical model of academia and classroom learning. Some of the things that I wish I had at least been introduced to earlier, because it probably would have saved a little bit of pain, although a bit of pain and a bit of mayhem and a bit of madness is okay because it helps us sometimes it helps us build skill and awareness and all of those things and talent and

problem solving. But anyway, so here are some of the things that I think some of the ideas or some of the lessons that could be taught or some of the concepts that could be introduced, if not at school, then maybe outside of school. So Number one is, life doesn't care about your feelings. Life doesn't give a fuck about your feelings or you or your self esteem, or

your happiness or your health. Because life is not some conscious being sitting off to the left just observing you and worrying or caring or observing or monitoring your feelings or your self esteem, or your health, your physical, mental,

or emotional health, or your happiness. Life is just this massive, ongoing, never ending collection of interactions and experiences and people and places and events and bullshit and good days and bad days and outcomes and media and social media and all of these things that make up the human experience, this multitude of things that intersect to to create what we call a life, a life, and in the middle of all of that, in the middle of all of those

things that are mostly out of your control and my control. In the middle, in the middle of all of that is you.

Life will happen, Life will continue. Life was here. If we're talking about life as this massive thing that humanity exists in the middle of, well, life was here long before fucking Fatty Harps came on the scene and the U Project came on the scene. Life was here. Life continues to be here. And when I'm gone, well, my life will be gone, but life as a macro experience for humanity human kind will continue on. And so this is not this is not defeatist this is nothing to

worry about. This is just something like this whole idea that life's not fair. Well, life is just life. For most of you listening to this, most of you listening to this were born in not all of you, but were born in relative luxury. And by that I mean a first world country with a lot of the challenges that people living in other parts of the world a lot of those challenges missing. And I don't know your background.

You might not be that might not be true for you, but there's a fair chance that if you're listening to me on a podcast, using your phone or using a computer or a an iPad or whatever it is, there's a fair chance that you're not living in abject poverty as many people are in the world. Which is not say that your life is not without challenges, of course, or difficulty. But you and I still, even in the middle of the mess and the mayhem and the pain, you and I still get to figure out what we

are going to do with our life. And I think that a great thing to teach kids early on, you know, that non classroom lesson that might be a nice addition outside of the classroom, would be that that ultimately you're in.

this is not negativity. This is observation and awareness so that we can move into the next year, two, ten, fifteen, twenty of our life with this knowledge. Like if you're statistically average, then you are overweight or obese. So in Australia, for example, sixty six percent of adults or overweight or obese. But you don't need to be that's the good news. About fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get married. Of course, first marriage's

first marriage. The number is a little the percentages a little bit lower. Second marriages is higher, and third marriage is way higher. Again, it's not to say don't get married, it's to say, go into everything with your eyes wide open. About forty seven percent of Australians are adult Australians are currently in debt or some form of financial difficulty or hardship. That's I read that in the ASSEK Report June twenty twenty four, so very recently. And that's not to be negative,

that not to be pessimistic. That's to open our eyes and pull back the curtain on what happens for many adults in Australia and in many other places around the world. Obviously, So why do we pull back that curtain and reveal that stuff Because we don't need to be statistically average. We don't need to. We don't need to end up miserable or broke or unhealthy. We don't need to. But we need to consciously, intentionally plan the life that we want.

What is the health that you want, what is the financial reality that you would like to inhabit, what is the career that you would like to have? What kind of marriage and relationship do you want to have? Because you will not accidentally end up in an awesome place. And we spoke recently about living intentionally, living consciously, being the designer of your life.

for me. And the reality is that for some people, just using this as a particular example, for some people the idea of being married or marriage is a solution to some kind of problem in their mind. But if the reason that you want to get married is not because you're hopelessly and helplessly in love, this is in my opinion, of course, This is my opinion, and I will admit my opinions and my expertise in the area

of marriage may not be worthless too. But it seems reasonable to me to suggest that a really good starting point for marrying someone in general terms is that you love the shit out of them, not because they solve some kind of problem or fill some kind of whole. At this stage of your life's journey and some people, that is the conversation that needs to be had. So if you don't want to be average or typical, if you want to be happily married for a long time,

go into it with your eyes wide open. Have healthy relationships, healthy conversations, in habit a healthy paradigm.

We commit to the doing of what is required. In the middle of that doing, in the middle of that hard stuff, in the middle of that uncertainty and discomfort, in the middle of all of that, we are very likely to build resilience, competence, confidence, skill, understanding, and to become a better version of us. Like I've said many times, the journey is the gift. We think it's all about where we go, and we think it's all about the destiny.

And there's nothing wrong with the destination, of course, But the amount of people who have arrived at the destination in inverted commas, the amount of people that I've worked with that achieved what they set out to and then sitting in the middle of that outcome, haven't experienced something resembling, Oh, this is not what I thought it would be. Oh, I'm where I wanted to be. I achieved what I wanted to. I achieved the shape or the size, or the bank balance or the career or this. I got

where I wanted to go. But now that I'm in the middle of being at that destination, something's missing. And so for me, that is why it is an ongoing thing. And that doesn't mean that it's an ongoing journey of anxiety and a lack of fulfillment, but realizing that we're always on the journey. Even when we reach our goals, life doesn't end. We don't hit the brakes and go dnnah. Now nothing more. I have no more ambition, I have no more goals. I'm just now hands behind the old head.

I'm going to lean back in the bean bag and I'm done. Because we humans, we need we need to be stimulated, we need opportunities, we need challenges, we need to be solving problems. We think that we're going to get to a point and just retire.

connection and socialization. We don't want to retire from having a reason and a purpose and a focus and a and even if that mission is just to grow a great garden, even if that mission is to spend time with our grandkids and to be a good influence in their life, even if that mission is to have a purpose bigger than me, we don't want to retire from life. Number four, Number four is truth. Number four lesson number four is you can't do anything. You can't do anything

you set your mind to. So there's a very common theme that that kids get. You can do you can be whatever you want to be. You can be whatever you want to be. And that sounds nice, and it might make person who's been told that feel good, and it might make the teller of that the share of that message. You can be anything you want. But it's not true. It's just not true. We can't we can't all be world famous singers because we don't all have that talent. We can't all run one hundred meters in

ten seconds because we don't all have those genetics. We can't all be famous film producers and win Academy Awards because they only hand out a certain amount. The truth is that most of us have quite a bit of potential and talent, that we're not operationalizing, we're not maximizing. But also the truth is that we can't do everything, and that is okay, So the whole you can do

anything you set your mind too. It seems like a good idea to tell kids that, but when you tell something to a kid that is not true, you potentially set them up for disappointment and frustration and resentment. But yes, we need to support and encourage them.

But you know what you could You could maybe you could, We're not sure, but you could definitely be way fitter, way healthier, way lean. But I would have gone, yeah, that makes sense. That wouldn't have broken my heart. If some he had said to me, you know when I was a kid, Hey, Craig, you're probably not You're probably not going to be the next John Mayer, even though John Mayer is younger than me. But you're not going to be the next whatever Elvis, right because you sing

like shit. Bro, You're an awesome human. We love you, you're funny, you're a good community. But you can't sing. But nonetheless we love you. So maybe those Grammy awards are not going to come your way, but that's okay. That's okay

because you're a great kid and your love. So there's a way that we can be practical and realistic and still encourage and support not only kids but adults, but the whole telling people, you know, this self help hyperbole, this feel good fucking fluff that doesn't practically help people in the real world. When you tell people that they can do anything when they clearly can't. It's not like, oh, there's nothing that's beyond your reach. No, that isn't true.

Any things. Plenty of things that are beyond everyone's reach. And so yes, let's be positive, let's be supportive. Also, let's be practical. Lesson number five on what they should teach you at school.

been true for people you know. And if you are typical, then then you have had this happen to you somebody that you care about, somebody that maybe you really loved. I don't think I'm being wildly affected by this more than others, but I've had I would say it doesn't matter.

saying I'm great everybody else's shit. I'm not saying that because if I'm being self aware and honest and transparent, have I ever been a shit friend to someone?

going to have people who are going to fuck you over. Now, the challenge there is how we respond to that. There will be people that you respect and trust and have invested time and energy and love and caring that will do the wrong thing, and that while that is not okay, it kind of has to be okay because you're just going to have to deal with that.

hundred percent. At some stage, your good intentions will absolutely produce a bad outcome. I'm going to say that again, at some stage, your noble, generous, kind, good intentions will absolutely create a bad outcome, a bad result. And that is because what you're thinking about what you're doing, your intention, your motive, your reason, let's say that's noble, generous, kind, loving People don't live in your mind. People don't live in your intentions. People don't live in your thinking. All

they do is respond to what you do. You do something with good intentions. They don't know what your intentions are, necessarily, but they do know what you did because they were part of what you did. Because what you did to them, the words you said, the thing you did, the behavior, the action, whatever it is, they experience that firsthand and then they have to try to decode that, break that down,

tell themselves a story about it. And quite often the story that they have about your behavior is not the story that you have about your behavior. So understand that as you're going in. How many times have I as a teacher, as a coach, as a mentor, how many times have I said something or done something with good intention that didn't produce a good outcome?

and experience and mindset of others. Which, as I've said many times before, understanding someone else's version of right now, understanding someone else's thinking, someone else's story while not necessarily agreeing with it, just understanding it is an interpersonal superpower. So let me recap those. So Number one is life doesn't care about your feelings, doesn't care about your self esteem, your happiness, or your health. That's okay, because that's your job.

Number two is, statistically, we ain't all going to end up in a great place, whether that's with our marriage or with our dough or with our health. But again, we're not going to accidentally just see what happens. We're going to consciously, deliberately and intentionally create the health state, create the financial state, and create the kind of relationship hopefully that works for us over the long term. Number three is that the path to success is often painful, messy,

and uncomfortable, and that's okay. That's okay because that's where we learn, grow, evolve, develop, build resilience, understanding, awareness, competence, confidence, all that stuff that I.

and love kids. Of course, build their stealth, self esteem, build their confidence, but also don't tell them things that aren't true.