Today I want to talk about why that coach that you hired taught you absolutely nothing. Because I see this so many times in the online space. And what I see happen is somebody says, Do I need a coach? Should I get a coach? Should I get a mentor? And then you see all of these people saying, absolutely not, the coaches did nothing for me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I have some major thoughts about this. Because I started my business. And for two years, I
didn't have a coach. And because I was proud, I wanted to show the world I could do it. But also, I didn't really even know coaches were think coaches or mentors, were not a thing. I don't know, I never really saw people wanting to coach me if that makes sense. Or maybe I was just oblivious to it. This was Ben Ben back in 2016. And so matter of fact, no one ever approached me saying I want to coach you, I actually approached someone and asked her to coach
me. And it was because I was seeing all these people have success. And I knew that I was too close, I was too proud. I thought I knew everything. I knew I had a lot to learn. And a lot of times, we hire mentors, or we join masterminds our programs, and we immediately think that this is going to be the answer to my prayers, this is going to turn my business around, it's gonna blah, blah, blah. And the problem is, is that that mindset, number one,
is a problem. The other mindset that I see is I'm gonna for x what I paid, and it doesn't really work like that. And I'm gonna explain why I have always, always had a return on my investment. But it may not been immediately and it may have not been while I was in the container with the mentor, and I'm gonna explain number one, the one the number one reason that I see that people do not, they don't. Or they say the coach didn't teach them anything is because quite frankly, they
just don't do the work. If so many excuses. And there's time and there's money, and there's I don't have a team and I can honestly say, I have had all of those situations, I have not had money or not had extra money. I have not had team members, and I've had team members. I've not had time, and I've had time. But at the end of the day, do we really ever have time? No. At the end of the day, are there always things that we could probably delegate? Yeah. But are there moments that I have had a
dedicated team member? And there are times that I have not? And I've still produced the same output? Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I'm not saying you need to break your back and, and do all these things, right. But I think when we only have a certain amount of time, or we have a lot of responsibilities, it comes to that point that we get to make a decision, what's important. What's the needle moving activity here, and focus on those. And quite frankly, having a mentor can tell you
that right? They can tell you? Well, if I only have five hours a week to dedicate to my business, what are the priorities? What should I be doing? And a good mentor will know that answer, I know exactly to tell you what to do, because they're gonna get to know your business deep inside and out. Okay. So I think that is one of the number one things that I see is there is learning and there's asking questions, but there's no implementation or execution, there's no action. You join a
container. And I'm raising my hand right now I have joined a container thinking it would magically change my life before I did anything, and it does not paying the money does up level you. I will say there is some definite, there's some definite energy there for sure. But just signing up, joining a program does not automatically make you better at XYZ. It is a step in the right direction. But we still get to do the work. And I think a lot of times I have seen people get, you know others in
programs. I've just seen the mentor say hey, have you watched this training? Oh, no, I'll do that. And then literally three months later, they're complaining about the same thing. Hey, did you have watched our training? No, I never had a chance to Okay, is it a priority? Is it not a priority to fix the thing that you're struggling with? And I think that's where we get to identify. If it is a problem. Then I'm going to do anything to fix it
right? If I want this bad enough, if I am really passionate about this, if I am really feeling that this is my job, this is my duty, and I'm taking radical responsibility. The next thing that I see is discernment. And that is that when we hire a mentor, there is this feeling that they're at the top of the step, right? It's a step of 20. And you're somewhere between one and 19. And that is the most incorrect thing, okay.
I have had one mentor at a time, I have had multiple mentors at a time and without discernment, and knowing that I cannot possibly listen to everything they say, right? I have to make the decision and I have to be and take ownership. And again, radical responsibility. What is the priority for me, right? I'll never forget, I had three mentors at a time. And one, two, were one on one. And one was in a mastermind situation. And I was trying to do they all three had some kind of challenge going
on. And I am competitive. I don't know if you knew that or not, but I'm very competitive. And so when somebody says challenge, and you can win Krissy isn't man, because I am in what I found was okay, this is ridiculous. Like a week in I was exhausted, I was trying to win everybody's challenge and everybody's competition. And it was killing me. And I was like, Wait a second, I can choose one of these. I cannot do all of these. It's just like in, I
think it was July 2020. When I did 100 lives, I saw a lot of other challenges going around, like I'm already challenging myself with this, I can't do any more challenges. Or literally having three different coaches tell you three different things, and having discernment to know which one, it's not that one coach is better than the other. Let me just explain that right now. It is a coaching client relationship is stronger. When you both are very competent in
what you can do, right? You both have totally different experiences. And the coach or mentor is giving you their experience and what they have seen. And it's not always right for you. But sometimes it is. And it's like knowing that discernment. Is this aligned with me? Am I willing to give it a try before I say, Oh, I hate that? Or am I just gonna ignore
them altogether? Right. So I think it's just knowing you, knowing you, knowing what you want, and making sure that everything that you're told you can have multiple mentors, I mean, I would cap it at three, because I've had more than three at a time, and it can get very overwhelming. But you can have multiple, but just knowing and having that discernment to know, right that that you know what you need to do, right? You have the guidance, you know which
guidance you should follow. The next thing I see is and I kind of said this a minute ago, there's this step, and they're on step 20. And you're somewhere between one and 19. And you can absolutely look up to people, you can absolutely love the way that they run their business and love the way that they do things. But you even if you're I am totally guilty of this, I'm just going to be admit that but putting them on a pedestal is not fair to you, number one, but it is also not fair to them.
Because when we put people on his pedestal, what do we expect? They never make mistakes. And your coach or your mentor is going to make mistakes. I have seen my coaches and mentors make mistakes. And I have also as a coach and mentor I've made mistakes. And anybody that tells you they're not they're like totally superhuman, and how are you ever going to relate to those people? So we get to understand that we're all humans, we're all we're all the
same. We're all valuable. They may be an expert at something, but you're an expert at something else. Right? There is something that you could teach your mentor and I just don't want I don't want you to not give yourself credit for that, that or something that you know way more than them. So how is there a pedicel situation? Yes, they may have the business that you want. They may have something else but I was listening Getting to Gabby Bernstein. I'm doing her 21 Day Challenge. And she said it's
driftwood. Right? Instead of being envious instead of being like, I can't believe they reached that goal. I'm totally not working with them. Like, understand that it's driftwood. And it's a sign that it's possible, right? Don't take it as I can never attain that. Because that's not good for you either. So, let's just remember, we're all human. We all poop we all wipe are about the same way.
I think so for the most part. We all are either for moms or moms, and we've all had to clean up other people's puke and poop, and dog poop and puke. And so we've we all have real life things, right? We all fart, we all burp, we all do these things. None of us are perfect. Our first note smell like roses, to my knowledge. So we're all human. We're all imperfectly perfect, right? And so I want you to remember that as you hire your next mentor, they're human.
Don't like super humanize them and think that they're always perfect, and they never make mistakes. And they never say the wrong thing. And they never do the wrong thing. And they never give the wrong advice, because we're all human. And that's just impossible to think. And that's where discernment also comes back in. Okay. The next thing that I see is that some people
just aren't coachable. Like they want everything, but they really just are never going to take the steps and they're never going to take the action, or they know better. And I'll give you a great example of this. So when I joined my first mastermind, and this is a silly example, but my mentor said, Stop trying to run two Facebook pages, this would have been 2018 or 19. She said, quit trying to run two Facebook
pages that's killing you. You're never gonna give 100% to either one, because you're too busy trying to separate them. Your person is the same even if some one is DIY, and one is done for you. And for nine months. I did not listen. I was like, I'm totally gonna show her I, I am keeping the separate. Nine months later, Christie's like, Are you kidding me? Why didn't I listen, like literally, and I told her that I was like, I should have listened to you. I
should have listened to you. And I think that's really important to like, that's growth number one that I could admit that I that I didn't listen. But also finally listening, right? I am much less hard headed these days. But it took a while right? So I want you to remember that you, my friend. Get to be coachable. Even if you're hard headed for a while and you think you know better. With discernment, but also give them
give give it a shot. Like if they are very convicted about what they think you should do. They probably know better than you, especially if they've experienced something like that before. The other thing is that a lot of times, and I've been here too, we don't agree with a coach's decision. And I'll never forget. And that there was a million dollar program. And I wasn't selected. And I was bitter, bitter at not getting
selected. And I was just mad and hurt and wanted to quit and probably didn't talk to my mentor for a while, like just kind of was office didn't show up to the cause. I was actually out of my commitment at that point. I could have left but I did it. And I took some time and realized, gosh, maybe a year later that I wasn't ready. No, it was there's no way it was a year. It had to have been about six, eight months. And I saw my mentor about a year and a half after that. And we were having a
conversation. We actually ended up in the bathroom together. And we were walking out and I said I just want to tell you something. And I was said I was so mad. I was so mad at you. And she said I'm so sorry. I was like no, no, no, do not apologize. I said I wasn't ready. I thought I was ready. But I wasn't ready. I had no idea what I was doing. And I wasn't ready for that. And you know I think it takes a big person to admit mitt, number one that they were mad, but they
never told. But then also, I understand why you didn't select me, I understand why you didn't pick me. And there was no way to pay your way into this, it was a selection, right? You could apply. But you got selected. And I was very hurt by that. And it took a lot for me to overcome it. But also knowing that today I can talk about it, I can remember those feelings. But today, I can look back and know that she made the right decision, because I wasn't
ready. And if they would have selected me, I may not be where I'm at now. Everything happens for a reason, we're on our own journey, we're on our own path. And I got to where I am also without that additional help, right. So I think that is another thing. I wasn't necessarily I'm doing air quotes challenged to do that. But I got well ahead where I was at that
point, right. And then the last thing that I want to say is that a lot of times, we actually there's a couple things, I want to say, a lot of times where we I believe this is drawn out because I keep thinking of things I could say where we feel like we don't learn anything. With the mentor, maybe we signed a three month contract or a six month contract. And, and we don't feel like we learned anything. And I think number one, I always learn something I do and don't want to do. Plain
and simple as a mentor myself. I like things that they do. And I don't like things that they do. So number one, I always learned those two things with every situation. But also, we don't always see things right away. Sometimes it takes months, or maybe even a year to realize that mentor was right, or this did change my business. And I think that's important to note too, that we don't always see things. And the changes aren't always made while we're in the
container. And that doesn't that's not that's not the mentors fault. That's typically our fault. Our own foul our own problem for either not implementing not doing the work, or it's just we're in the we're in the program too short of a time. And it's not enough time to even see the result. And the last thing I want to say is that have there been mentors that I did not want to continue with, yes, I had a mentor, my scientists a certain amount of contract. And I was done about
halfway through. However, I kept paying, I kept showing up. And I think the last call, I just said I'm good, but I still paid for it. And I think I really needed that mentor for a couple of months. But then I was ready to move on. But I was my word. And I think that taught me a lot as much as I, you know, didn't want to pay the rest of it didn't want to, you know, keep doing the cause. But I was done. I was complete and never steal my
word. And I can sit here today and feel 100% good about that, that I have kept my commitments with everyone. I have paid every invoice I've ever received. I have, you know, done the work to the best of my ability. Yes, there are some mentors that I've probably still am working on the things that they taught me, but I don't blame them. Mentorship is is a relationship that goes both ways. Mentorship is, you know, allowing the mentor to really get to know you and your business being honest.
Working on your emotional intelligence, not, you know, having, you know, you can have feelings and reactions just like I did when I wasn't selected or
picked. But it's really truly standing in your own power, knowing that there's no pedestal or hierarchy, knowing that you both have something that you can bring to the table but this person is maybe has an expertise and something that you don't and you know that you can learn something but being open and being coachable to learn but then not making excuses when it's time to do the work to get where you want to go. And that is my best advice. I have had
about 12 mentors since 2016. in various capacities, some were one on one, some were in masterminds, some were in specific skills, and that is what I can say. They all have a place that made at the seat at my table. They all have made an impact on my growth. They all have You know, when I hit a million dollars, I can't say I'm a self made millionaire because they all have a place. They all have a place. They all have done something to support me and serve me in my journey to get
where I want to go. And I hope that you can have the emotional intelligence and have done enough in our work to literally sit back and look at the overview of every mentor and coach that you've worked with and be able to say the same thing.