Using the power of story, or a colorful analogy can be an amazing way to help someone understand what YOU are going through. But often story and analogy are weaponized, leaving the listener not only NOT listening to the story, but exactly the opposite...looking for ways instead to debunk the story which only drives distance in what initially may have started out as a well-intentioned conversation. Tony mentioned his podcast episode last year where he tackled how to truly rock a New Year’s resolu...
Dec 30, 2020•36 min•Season 1Ep. 241
Well, life has truly handed you lemons, not just one or two, but a truck full of lemons has backed up to your driveway and not even rang your doorbell and asked you where to put them. No, the truck just dumped them all in the driveway, there’s no use complaining about them...what do you do with them? We’re making lemonade...a lot of lemonade, because you truly do have it in you to take a driveway full of lemons and make the most wonderful lemonade that the world has ever tasted. Today we discove...
Dec 23, 2020•35 min•Season 1Ep. 240
Tony welcomes his friend Nathan to The Virtual Couch to talk about dating. Why is it so difficult at times to muster up enough strength to date, how to navigate the world of online dating, are online dating profiles something you can trust? And Nathan takes us into the lab, he is a successful, single guy who has a hypothesis, a hypothesis that Tony hears often in the comfy confines of his office, but that might not be as acceptable to those who aren’t in the dating world at this time. They dig d...
Dec 17, 2020•54 min•Season 1Ep. 239
Acceptance can be both liberating and confusing. To accept that you may not be a professional baseball playing astronaut who marries a supermodel and lives in a mansion overlooking the beach can in one sense be the end of a dream (OK, a pretty far fetched dream, to be fair). Often our brains are afraid of accepting our current situation because we fear that with acceptance comes apathy. More often, however, acceptance can be empowering. Accepting that you are a human, full of emotion, thoughts, ...
Dec 15, 2020•31 min•Season 1Ep. 238
Tony talks about how to get to the deeper parts of a conversation with your spouse using his 4 Pillars of a Connected Conversation. Without the right communication skills, and techniques, you’re not simply having an unproductive conversation, you’re missing out on an opportunity to truly connect, and grow closer to your spouse. And these techniques are not as difficult to put into practice, they just don’t come naturally. - Sign up at http://tonyoverbay.com to learn more about Tony’s upcoming “M...
Dec 08, 2020•34 min•Season 1Ep. 237
With the New Year soon approaching, it’s time to talk habits! Inevitably millions of people will start to look at creating new habits, and breaking old ones and guest Abby Green has done all the research on habit formation so you don’t have to! Abby is a certified Tiny Habit’s instructor, successful life coach, wife, and mother of four vibrant children so she understands that sometimes you only have a short amount of time to work with when it comes to self-care, and especially the formation of n...
Dec 03, 2020•43 min•Season 1Ep. 236
Relationship and sexuality expert Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-fife ( http://finlayson-fife.com ) returns for her 3rd time to the Virtual Couch! On today’s episode, Tony and Jennifer discuss the challenges that occur in relationships when one partner finds themselves often feeling like they are more invested. Tony shares his observations from over 1,000 couples that have come through his office, as well as his preparation for his upcoming Magnetic Marriage course, that couples often settle into two ca...
Dec 01, 2020•1 hr 4 min•Season 1Ep. 235
Liar, Liar Pants On Fire! Do you lie? Come on, we all do right? Or do we? What’s the difference between a pathological liar, a compulsive liar, and somebody who just tells a little white lie because they don’t want to hurt anyone's feelings? -This episode of The Virtual Couch is sponsored by http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch With the continuing “sheltering” rules that are spreading across the country PLEASE do not think that you can’t continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtual...
Nov 24, 2020•39 min•Season 1Ep. 234
For most of us, when we think of our marital relationships our minds don’t immediately go to the second law of thermodynamics, or entropy, but according to some marriage researchers, there is definitely a correlation. According to Stephen F. Duncan, entropy suggests that “starting on your wedding day, your marriage will begin a slow downward slide--that is unless you take action. Entropy is caused by inattention to the emotionally soft underbelly of a marriage, which needs constant attention. We...
Nov 17, 2020•43 min•Season 1Ep. 233
Have you ever heard that you can somewhat easily choose to be happy by simply switching all your thoughts from unhappy, to happy? Sure, that sounds fantastic, but unfortunately, it's not that simple, and there's plenty of data that shows that for some, it can make matters worse! Within the day, or the hour, or even the minute, chances are your thoughts have been all over the map. Happy, sad, angry, funny, scary, manipulative, inappropriate, these are just a few of the many thoughts that somewhat...
Nov 11, 2020•32 min•Season 1Ep. 232
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-fife ( www.finlayson-fife.com ) a popular relationship and sexuality counselor, joins Tony on the podcast to talk about the challenges around sexuality that women face growing up in a faith-based culture. Dr. Finlayson-fife is a licensed psychotherapist with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Boston College. She wrote her dissertation on LDS women and sexuality, has taught college-level courses on human sexuality, and she currently teaches online and community-based rel...
Nov 04, 2020•54 min•Season 1Ep. 231
What if your thoughts, even ones that you previously considered to be negative, harmful, unproductive, or even toxic, when put into context weren’t the monsters that you have made them out to be? Welcome to the world of Functional Contextualism.” This key principle of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) will help you understand that often even our most unproductive thoughts when put into the right context, can simply be stories that our brain is trying to get us to buy into in order to prote...
Oct 27, 2020•33 min•Season 1Ep. 230
My bad! These two simple words can do more to diffuse a potentially charged situation than almost any other in the English language. Personal accountability is a skill that can be developed, and when acknowledged, “owning it” can cause a ripple effect in your life, and can have a significant positive impact on your relationships. In today’s episode, Tony references the article How To Help Your Child with Accountability by Erin Leonard Ph.D. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parent...
Oct 21, 2020•31 min•Season 1Ep. 229
Do you always feel like you’re never going to get what you want? Do you continuously find yourself thinking, “I should have done that differently?” (Knowing that NOBODY likes to be “should on?”). Or have you ever found yourself in the midst of what feels like a pretty good day, when one thing goes south and then you feel like your entire day is shot? Welcome to the world of “cognitive distortions.” These negative patterns of thinking are all-to-common, but they lead to increased feelings of anxi...
Oct 14, 2020•32 min•Season 1Ep. 228
How can a couple rebuild trust in a marriage? Is gaslighting really as big of a problem as people make it out to be...come on, really? (See what I did there...I was gaslighting!!). And what if I honestly, truly, at my very core believe that I know my spouse better than they do...can I tell them what to do about it? And what is the difference between an impulse, and a compulsion and why is that extremely important when talking about any type of addictive behavior? These questions, and more, are a...
Oct 06, 2020•33 min•Season 1Ep. 227
In this special BONUS episode, and in preparation for the coming announcement of Tony's upcoming Magnetic Marriage communication course, he tackles the frequently referenced but rarely understood 5 Love Languages. Back in 1995, Ph.D. and Marriage Therapist Gary Chapman released a book called "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate." In the book, Chapman outlines five ways to express and experience love. These 5 love languages are: receiving gifts, quality time,...
Oct 02, 2020•36 min•Season 1Ep. 226
Years ago a fascinating study was conducted where two groups of people were randomly assigned some rats. One group was told that their rats were “Maze-bright,” meaning that their rats had been bread to figure out how to get through mazes fast! The other group was told that their rats were “Maze-dull” and that they had just your standard, run-of-the-mill rats. Both groups of people were given 5 days to train their rats to get through a complicated maze. When the two groups of rats were then put t...
Sep 29, 2020•31 min•Season 1Ep. 225
Is self-care self-ish? Or is self-care an absolute necessity in order to put yourself in a position to succeed in any, and we’re talking ANYTHING you want to accomplish in life? Today Tony talks about the “Emotional Baseline” a concept he developed over a decade ago that has helped thousands of people make positive strides toward accomplishing THEIR goals...not the goals placed on this by those in their lives who, bless their hearts, mean well. Tony discusses the origin of the Emotional Baseline...
Sep 23, 2020•43 min•Season 1Ep. 224
Tony tackles the topic of pornography today in a completely strength-based, hold-the-shame, become the person you always wanted to be way. He addresses the age-old question of whether or not pornography addiction is even a diagnosable condition...and better yet, does that matter? Tony shares his views on “the voids” in one’s life that typically lead to the brain wanting to cope, or check-out, by viewing pornography. These voids include the lack of connection in marriage, in parenting, not feelin...
Sep 15, 2020•39 min•Season 1Ep. 223
Rachel Nielson, host of the 3 in 30 Takeaways For Mom’s Podcast ( https://3in30podcast.com/ ) and Monica Packer, host of the About Progress Podcast ( https://aboutprogress.com/ ) join Tony to talk podcasting, specifically, what it takes to start your own podcast. Rachel and Monica have created Podcast U, an online course to help teach people how to start and grow impactful podcasts. To learn more about Podcast U please click here https://www.podcastu.co/a/18731/NSZ9J5wB or if you simply want to ...
Sep 08, 2020•1 hr 2 min•Season 1Ep. 222
It’s true that the diagnosis of narcissism is being handed out a bit too liberally, but this toxic personality disorder definitely does exist, with some experts saying that it's clearly becoming more prevalent with each generation. There is a growing body of research that now shows how long-term narcissistic abuse affects the hippocampus, and the amygdala of the brain, areas that regulate memory, and control emotion. And while someone may not be your classic, malicious or malignant narcissist (t...
Sep 01, 2020•38 min•Season 1Ep. 221
It's time to break some old habits and create some new ones...the good kind! Tony covers Richard Jerome's Realsimple.com article "Yes, You Can Kick That Bad Habit!" https://apple.news/AmpZULFi8QkCRuwgWAWaDQQ Are you "addicted" to your phone? Have you ever found yourself mindlessly scrolling through Instagram or Facebook thinking "just 3 more seconds and I'll exit," again and again and again? And how many days does it truly take to create a new habit (hint, it's not 21 days!)? Jerome covers how o...
Aug 25, 2020•39 min•Season 1Ep. 220
Tony covers items 11 through 14 of his ever-growing list of “Everything I Know,” aka all of the things he’s learned from the therapist’s chair. In today’s episode he covers: If you’re going to say yes to someone, then say yes enthusiastically...don’t play the martyr, “well, I guess you can go with your friend, but I’m not happy about it!” Playing the martyr does nothing to improve the relationship, but it definitely pushes those around us away! Learn to “drop the rope of the tug-of-war with unpr...
Aug 18, 2020•26 min•Season 1Ep. 219
Tony welcomes Julie Lee, author of “I See You” back to The Virtual Couch. Julie talks about the surprising series of events that led to the writing of her book, “I See You” and discussed the challenges of completing the book while the world turned upside down through quarantine and the uncertainty of the pandemic. Julie talks about why interacting with, and truly seeing those around you is so important for not only the mental health of the individual but also for the collective mental health of ...
Aug 11, 2020•45 min•Season 1Ep. 218
Tony interviews Leonard, a former inmate, and medical professional, who was recently released from jail where he learned a tremendous amount of information on how to protect our children from the dangers of human trafficking. While in jail, Leonard, a father himself, learned from people imprisoned for the crimes of human trafficking, about the specifics of who and how they target through social media, from Facebook and Instagram to Kik and Snapchat. Leonard wanted to share the information that h...
Aug 06, 2020•53 min•Season 1Ep. 217
Tony covers 7 through 10 of his ever-growing list of “Everything I Know,” aka all of the things he’s learned from his therapist’s chair. In today’s episode he covers: Let’s assume that people don’t wake up and think “What can I do today to hurt my partner?” Working from that assumption, you’re in a much better position to see that person with empathy, instead of from the depths of your bunker. Also, “to be heard is to be healed,” we all want to know that we matter to someone, that they are there...
Aug 04, 2020•31 min•Season 1Ep. 216
Tony covers items 1 through 6 of his ever-growing list of “Everything I Know,” aka all of the things he’s learned from his therapist’s chair. In today’s episode he covers: What if you’re NOT broken (ACT vs CBT), You’re the only version of YOU so far on the Earth (at least as far as you know), Why it is imperative to seek first to understand before being understood (and who said that Paul of New Testament times, or Stephen Covey?), Is “Pure Empathy” attainable? And why it is so important to own y...
Jul 28, 2020•32 min•Season 1Ep. 215
Don’t you know that breaking up, is, hard to do? Hopefully you were singing that to the tune of the Neal Sedaka hit of the same name that was first released in 1960? And Sedaka wasn’t the first to use the phrase to express just how difficult it can be to move on not only from a relationship that has simply grown apart, but even from a relationship that many would view as toxic, or trauma bonded. In this episode Tony shares why it can be so hard to move on from a relationship and what one can do ...
Jul 21, 2020•37 min•Season 1Ep. 214
What do you say when somebody turns to you in their time of need? It may sound simple, but in reality, there’s a chance that your thoughts and phrases of support may leave someone feeling unheard and even more alone. In today’s episode, Tony shares how to truly listen, and be there for somebody who has recently gone through a traumatic event...from learning of a spouses infidelity to losing a loved one, or a job, the ability to truly listen, and empathize will go a long way toward helping one he...
Jul 14, 2020•34 min•Season 1Ep. 213
Tony reviews the life-changing book The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. https://amzn.to/2VUcMEd “Trauma is a fact of life…one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes...
Jul 07, 2020•46 min•Season 1Ep. 212
