Anger, sadness, frustration, fear, loneliness…any one of these emotions can cause one to feel off their game to the point that they may start singing the familiar, yet destructive “what’s wrong with me?” tune. Even more profound is the old saying “You will not be punished for your (fill in any of the emotions above), you will be punished by your (fill in the same emotion).” So what is one supposed to do with emotions that can cause so much pain, and destruction? The answer is actually quite simp...
Jun 30, 2020•43 min•Season 1Ep. 211
Take a quick look around your room, your office, or even your car. What do you see? Do you find yourself staring at the same piles of paper, or half-completed projects that you've been working around for days weeks or even months? Do you feel a constant "low key" feeling of anxiety when you're in a messy room? And what if company suddenly decides to stop by? Do you panic, or party? If you’re feeling even a tiny bit of stress even thinking about the areas of your life where there may be an excess...
Jun 23, 2020•39 min•Season 1Ep. 210
For most of us, we will do almost anything to avoid drama, even to the detriment of our personal and professional relationships. Yet at times, even the most mindful person may find themselves feeling like a victim who has no voice. While on other occasions, when seeing someone being picked on, we may attempt to rescue someone in that same victim role. And even crazier still, we may occasionally find ourselves trying to teach, or lecture or punish those who we feel are playing the role of the mar...
Jun 16, 2020•42 min•Season 1Ep. 209
Right now we need to be able to listen, empathize and understand our brothers and sisters more than ever...but why can that be so difficult at times? Even when many people stop to listen, why do their brains immediately go to, "yeah, I hear you, but you don't understand my..." Whatever comes after the "but" or "my" in conversations tends to be an "empathy-killer" at a time when we truly need to increase our empathy skills! Welcome to your Ego! - In today's episode, Tony refers to an article by M...
Jun 09, 2020•26 min•Season 1Ep. 208
In light of all of the events of the past week surrounding the horrific death of George Floyd and the protests and demands for change that have sprung forth from this senseless tragedy, I found myself contemplating my own views on privilege, race relations, empathy for my fellow brothers and sisters and how our views are formed, how they can change for the better. A large part of my own change has been through my relationship with Coach Charles Gazaway, who I interviewed on The Virtual Couch pod...
Jun 05, 2020•1 hr 28 min•Season 1Ep. 207
From her website, http://aboutprogress.com , Monica Packer is a recovering perfectionist, a podcaster, and a Progress Coach. She also has a very successful online program that helps people create their first podcast called Podcast U along with fellow Podcaster and former Virtual Couch guest Rachel Nielson of 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms . Monica "saves women from themselves, by helping them ditch perfectionism, step into their gifts, and move towards real progress." And while sometimes phrases lik...
Jun 02, 2020•57 min•Season 1Ep. 206
In the 1980s James Fowler , Professor of Theology and Human Development at Emory University and director of both the Center for Research on Faith and Moral Development and the Center for Ethics wrote a book called Stages of Faith . Fowler’s work compared the stages that one may go on in their faith journey, transition, or crisis with the stages of cognitive and moral development proposed by noted Psychologists Jean Piaget and Lawrence Kohlberg. Fowler’s work has resonated with many people who fi...
May 27, 2020•57 min•Season 1Ep. 205
No one likes to feel bad...or sad, or afraid or anxious or uncertain, or so many other uncomfortable feelings. And what do you do when you start thinking unproductive thoughts? Sure, you can tell yourself to “just stop thinking about them!” But what happens when your mind seems to, well, have a mind of its own? In today’s episode, Tony tackles a chapter in Russ Harris’ book The Confidence Gap https://amzn.to/2z0SjW1 called “The Fear Trap,” and answers the question “what is fear?” And what we can...
May 19, 2020•37 min•Season 1Ep. 204
Attorney, and friend, Paul Hoybjerg joins Tony to talk about how we can better protect our children from sexual abuse. Paul is a partner in a Sacramento, California law firm who represents victims of sexual abuse, and negligence. Paul shares his story of how his own experience as a victim of negligence at birth led him to understand from a very young age when someone in a position of trust doesn’t act the way they should, and how there can be long-lasting, and sometimes devastating consequences....
May 14, 2020•1 hr 5 min•Season 1Ep. 203
Do you ever feel like you’re simply not in control of your emotions? You’re not alone. At times we may feel like our emotions are charging forward like a 6-ton elephant! And we’re simply the rider, trying out best to guide or control the elephant but without much success. But there is hope! Today Tony discusses the popular analogy The Elephant and the Rider, where our emotional part of the brain is represented by the elephant, and the logical, or rational part of our brain is played by the rider...
May 12, 2020•40 min•Season 1Ep. 202
Nate Bagley is a relationship researcher, and his goal is to rid the world of mediocre love. Nate’s work has been published by ABC, the Gottman Institute, The Good Men Project, Good Morning America, NBC, and more and with his latest project, The Epic Wives Experiment , he wants to help your marriage, and help it NOW! In The Epic Wives Experiment , he promises, nay, guarantees that in 4 weeks you’ll have more support, connection, and love in your marriage. In today’s mini-episode Tony interviews ...
May 07, 2020•33 min•Season 1Ep. 201
To celebrate the 200th episode of The Virtual Couch Podcast, former guest and author Joshua Shea (Tony's co-author of "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions) interviews Virtual Couch podcast host Tony Overbay. Tony shares about a tragic accident shortly after high school graduation that derailed a promising college athletic career, his 10 years in the computer software industry, what led him to change careers to therapy, and how that change has impact...
May 05, 2020•1 hr 18 min•Season 1Ep. 200
Most likely you don't even have to start thinking about all of the stressors in your life right now to feel that familiar pang of anxiety. Does your heart feel like it’s going to beat right through your chest? Or do you feel like a dozen or more kittens are kneading their tiny claws against the inner lining of your stomach? Do you get migraines that cause you to want to bury your head under a pillow for hours, or do you feel tightness in your lower back or shoulders? The body is trying to tell y...
Apr 28, 2020•52 min•Season 1Ep. 199
Tony welcomes his wife (that’s right, for the first time in 198 episodes Tony’s wife Wendy joins the podcast!) along with his oldest daughter Alexa, 22, and her husband Mitch, 23, his daughter Mackie, who has appeared two previous times on The Virtual Couch, along with nephew Connor to discuss life in quarantine, online schooling, and what the effects of a lack of schedule look like in the areas of sleep, food, and motivation. If any of you are feeling like you’re alone either as the person in q...
Apr 21, 2020•51 min•Season 1Ep. 198
There’s a lot of talk in the news of narcissism. Many people in powerful positions, i.e. politicians, actors, CEOs of large companies, appear to be impervious to the thoughts of others, often being praised for their ability to put their heads down and power through, letting nothing get in their way. And while this may get them ahead in their chosen professions, it can be absolutely devastating to their relationships, often leaving massive destruction in their wake. Sexual harassment allegations ...
Apr 16, 2020•54 min•Season 1Ep. 197
Day is night, night is day! For most of us, we need a bit of a reason to get out of bed in the morning, whether it's heading to a job, getting the kids ready for school, or to head to an early exercise class at the gym, or meet a friend for breakfast. Unfortunately with the "shelter in place" order still in place, and social distancing the norm many people are finding themselves sleeping in later and later, which equates to staying up to the wee hours of the morning with almost no end in sight. ...
Apr 14, 2020•38 min•Season 1Ep. 196
As we continue to shelter in place, quarantine, spend more time in closed quarters with our loved ones, the need for productive communication is even more important. That's why Tony felt it imperative to dust off the basics of psychologist Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples. EFT is the evidence-based couples communication model that shows 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery in their relationships and approximately 90% show significant improvements.-Tony's FR...
Apr 07, 2020•44 min•Season 1Ep. 195
If you're human, you've experienced worry. But sometimes it can be more difficult than others to set those worries aside and continue doing what you need to do to move ahead in your life. In today's episode, Tony discusses the article "I'm a psychologist, and these are my top 8 tips for distracting yourself from overwhelming worry" by Erin Bunch from Wellandgood.com. https://www.wellandgood.com/good-advice/how-to-stop-worrying-about-things-you-cant-control/ - COMING SOON Tony's FREE PARENTING CL...
Mar 31, 2020•26 min•Season 1Ep. 194
Can memories be implanted? What would you do if smoke began billowing from underneath a door and everyone around you acted like nothing unusual was happening? And could you spot a gorilla running across the screen while you were focusing on people passing a ball between one another? Most of us, if not ALL of us would most likely say that we'd run out of the room, or that we'd absolutely notice the gorilla...yet according to the data, that's not always the case.-In this episode, Tony reviews 5 fa...
Mar 24, 2020•23 min•Season 1Ep. 193
Dr. Mary Wilde is a board-certified pediatrician, author, and mother of 8 who spends a lot of her time helping people decrease anxiety during anxious times. It’s fair to say that with the continuing information regarding COVID-19 coming from all angles these are truly anxious times. So what can you do to keep your own anxiety and fear in check? How does grounding yourself help put you in a better position to help those around you, your family, your children? And can a little bit of anxiety actua...
Mar 20, 2020•59 min•Season 1Ep. 192
With things changing rapidly thanks to the spread of COVID-19 and the Coronavirus, it is becoming increasingly more difficult to know exactly what to do, how to do it, and for how long? But one thing that remains a constant amidst the chaos is people are flocking to stores for their toilet paper and bottled water...even when they have plenty already on hand, or have filtered water on hand via their taps or refrigerators! Why do we tend to follow the crowd even when we aren’t entirely sure that f...
Mar 16, 2020•39 min•Season 1Ep. 191
With the continued information about the coronavirus coming in almost by the minute, two things have remained consistent...wash your hands long enough to sing the ABC song AND don't touch your face! But for most, simply telling one to not touch their face leads to more face touching, oftentimes significantly more than they would have had they never been instructed to not touch their face in the first place! Why is it so hard to stop touching our faces...no touchy!!! In this episode, Tony tackles...
Mar 10, 2020•30 min•Season 1Ep. 190
Author Tina Fuller joins Tony to talk about her book "It's My Turn" https://amzn.to/2ImIMtk which details her experiences in growing up with a narcissistic mother. The interview covers personality disorders, signs of narcissism, and the negative effects of growing up the child of a narcissistic parent. Tina also shares how to heal from the issues that arise from being raised by a narcissist. Tina can be contacted through her website www.narcissism-answers.com/ Tina also runs a very robust Facebo...
Mar 05, 2020•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 189
Simply put, psychological reactance is the instantaneous response that we have when we're told what to do. In business it is often called "change resistance" and in parenting, it's typically referred to as, well, "kids!" Reactance can also be described as "reverse psychology." But why does it flow from us so instantaneously? Why, in some situations, can someone even be telling us something that would ultimately be for our benefit but we feel a need to lash out with a firm "no, you don't understa...
Mar 02, 2020•40 min•Season 1Ep. 188
When Ginger Hahn, the founder of Ginger Elizabeth Chocolates' daughter was only 6 days old she had an intestinal bypass. According to Ginger, "It was the worst 2 weeks of my life in that hospital. Walking to the cafeteria every day I would walk past the oncology pediatrics wing at Sutter Sacramento. I was grateful to not be on that wing with my baby but so many kids were. I want to do this to give back to those kids who give so much hope and inspiration to others while fighting this terrible dis...
Feb 27, 2020•1 hr•Season 1Ep. 187
Lora Abraham, LCSW and a former high school classmate of Tony's, uses EMDR to treat clients who present with a variety of types of trauma. What is EMDR? From the EMDR Institute : EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to mak...
Feb 25, 2020•57 min•Season 1Ep. 186
For many, a faith community, or religious congregation, is a safe place to return regularly to be spiritually fed before heading back to an often chaotic world. But what happens when that previously “safe” community begins to feel like a place where one is no longer welcome? Is the problem with the individual, or with the community, or congregation? If you are a parent to someone who is experiencing a faith crisis, what do you do? Are there certain things that you say that seem to trigger emotio...
Feb 21, 2020•1 hr 2 min•Season 1Ep. 185
Many of us know what Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is, and we associate it with people who have come back from war, or who have experienced traumatic events, or accidents. Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or C-PTSD is a type of PTSD that garnering much more attention lately thanks to all we're learning about the long-term effects of trauma from people in power. Examples of C-PTSD can be found in everything from survivors of sex-trafficking and or survivors of ongoing sexual abuse a...
Feb 17, 2020•42 min•Season 1Ep. 184
Plenty of well-meaning people in our lives try and motivate us by saying, "Just choose to be happy every day!" But why, then, isn't it that easy? Why when many people try and choose to be happy, do they actually end up feeling worse? If you've ever experienced this, then please know that you're not alone. As a matter of fact, you're in the overwhelming majority of people that struggle with trying to choose happiness, and having it last. In this episode, Tony discusses a couple of studies that ba...
Feb 13, 2020•43 min•Season 1Ep. 183
All or nothing...He’s ALWAYS late! She NEVER asks me about my day. The kids will absolutely never, ever, no matter what I say pick up after themselves (OK, that one might actually be true). Do you always find yourself using extreme black and white or all-or-nothing thinking? Are you never able to find the good in a moment and be fully present (see what I did there?). Chances are most of us will find ourselves using black and white, all-or-nothing, or what the American Psychological Association a...
Feb 11, 2020•47 min•Season 1Ep. 182
