124. Healing Out Loud: Expressing Emotions for Better Mental and Physical Health

It has been a little while since I've said much about my mental health , my mental health journey , going to therapy , any of that kind of stuff , and shame on me , first of all , for not speaking about it a little more often .

I think that we just go through stages in life where sometimes things are a little more important and some things sometimes take a little backseat .

I'm not saying that my mental health has taken a backseat at all , but this summer so far has really been focused on baseball and traveling and work and getting my daughter around for college and just other things , and so my focus has just shifted .

And as last week was our first full week , honestly back at home , and we didn't have baseball , we weren't traveling , and it was so weird to be back in the routine of being home and I know that probably sounds crazy , but when you travel Thursday through Sunday minimal , sometimes it was Wednesday through Sunday every single week for like six weeks that just becomes

your normal . And so I was home and honestly , it was really strange to be home . I felt like I didn't know how to be home , like I didn't know how to get groceries for home , I didn't know how to make dinner anymore , like I didn't know how to have my work schedule . I didn't know how to work out right anymore , like just on a routine .

And so , and of course we have some like a trip coming up and you know the rest of summer is not going to be any any kind of routine , let's be real .

But I'm kind of getting back into some normalcy , I guess , and so I think that I'm just kind of myself getting back to my workouts and trying to sleep a certain amount , you know , like focusing on good sleep , focusing on getting my steps in , focusing on cutting some shitty foods out , and then , of course , that also includes me thinking about my mental health

and focusing on that as well . Part of that is because I don't know if I mentioned this on here A couple of weeks ago I ran out of my anxiety depression medication and I was out of it , I think , for a week .

My schedule has just been off , so it had been , unfortunately , normal for me every once in a while to miss a day or two , and then I think , by the time I ran out it was probably the weekend .

I couldn't get more anyway , I think it had been a full week-ish that I had ran out of my medication and I noticed that I was struggling , and I'm sure that that's part of it .

Also , you know , with my daughter going to college and we've had some changes with that , and just you know life things , I was not feeling like my greatest , happiest , amazing self and that's fine .

But when I noticed that I had ran out of my medication , I'm like , oh my god , like it made me realize one that I wasn't so anxious , I was more on the depressed side of things .

So I think , naturally I'm just a little depressed , like that's just kind of part of my personality , and it was kind of good for me to know that , okay , you're off , you know you're off your medication and you are feeling this way , right , you're feeling these things and it's good to be aware of that and also notice that my medication is helping .

So I really , really need that and that's okay . Feel better after a while , right , and then . So , just kind of focusing on that , I also saw this post and I shared it on my Instagram stories . It was a post by the Instagram account is Caroline Middlesdorf and it said I'm healing out loud because I nearly died in silence .

I'm healing out loud because I nearly died in silence . And then in the caption of that it said something about choose expressing over suppressing , because you matter and for whatever reason . Like did I nearly die ?

That might be a little dramatic , okay , but when I saw that I shared it on my stories and I thought , wow , it's really been a while since I've talked about mental health . It's been a while since I've talked about , you know , medication and it's okay to be on medication . It's okay to struggle with anxiety and depression . It's okay to struggle .

It's okay to go through shit and not feel like yourself . You know , it's okay to go to therapy . I think therapy is so , so important and I haven't talked about that in a while . And so when I shared that on my stories , it really just kind of it made me think like I have not talked about this in a while on social media , on the podcast .

Of course I'm kind of talking about it behind the scenes with my clients who struggle with things like that and who are having a rough time in life or whatever it may be . Of course we're talking about mental health behind the scenes .

I always am with my clients , but I wanted to talk about it on here too because I have , if you've listened to this podcast very long , you know that I have struggled with my mental health in the past .

Obviously , I just said I'm on medication , I have gone to therapy , my husband and I have gone together and I have gone on my own , and I think it's very , very important that you do heal and that you do go to therapy and that you do express over suppress .

And I say that because I learned the hard way and so I just kind of wanted to talk about a couple of things in this episode in regards to that , and this is just kind of a little reminder , a little refresher Mental health is absolutely directly related with your physical health .

I a lot of times have clients who get stuck and myself , even with my autoimmune issues , I am certain that a lot of that was because of my stress and because of my suppressing emotions , feelings , thoughts , right . Your body and your mind work together , so your body will absolutely turn any emotion , thought , thing that you have stuck inside of you .

It will manifest it as a physical symptom and you will become sick , and I believe that is absolutely what happened to me .

Also , like I was saying , I do have some clients who are like I'm doing everything right physically , you know , and everything right might be an exaggeration , but what it comes down to is if you're not seeing results fast enough , or you're not seeing , you know , the results that you think like , if you just feel like something should be happening , like this should

be easier , this should I should be doing better , like my body's not responding . If you're holding inflammation , things like that , it's 100% because you're not sleeping well , because you're stressed . When you're stressed , your digestive system is not working properly . So then you are inflamed , you are bloated , your body's not working well .

Your body knows when you're stressed and it will not respond in the way that you're wanting it to . It will not respond in the way that you're wanting it to . And so a lot of times I'm like , no , it is 100% stress that is causing this physical roadblock for you , and a lot of times there's not something we can directly do to stop the stress from happening .

Right then . But there are some things that I've learned . It's like when you can't control the situation , control yourself and how you respond to the situation . That's huge , because that in itself is very , very helpful .

To just be able to kind of work on yourself , work on your patterns , and these are all things I've learned from experience Work on your patterns to how you respond to things habitually . Stop that , stop that cycle and figure out what do you need and really do something different because you do matter , expressing over suppressing .

Because you matter Honestly , because it's the right thing to do .

I honestly have spent a lot of my life suppressing emotions and thoughts and feelings , and I don't exactly know why and we'll get into that here in a second but the fact of the matter is that it is what it is , and so I have been a lot better with my communication and not suppressing things .

If I'm feeling something , I'm crying , I'm screaming , I'm going for a walk , I'm having the conversations , I'm saying the hard shit , and that helps . So expressing yourself is one thing that I do want to talk about . Your feelings and your needs is express your feelings , say what your needs are , say how you're feeling .

You need to be able to say how you're feeling at any time to anyone , whether you're tired , whether you're mad , whether you're sad , whether you're anxious , whether you're overstimulated . Say it , speak up , and that can be the simplest things From like the other night , actually , my daughter and I were baking some zucchini bread and there was just .

I had actually gone shopping as well , so I got back from shopping , so there was stuff on the island , there was stuff on the counter , and we both looked at each other and she was like this is making me so anxious , I'm going to have a panic attack , and I'm like me too . I'm so overstimulated .

Everybody like my son was home , my daughter's boyfriend was there , everybody was talking , the house was a mess , and we both were able to say I'm overstimulated , I'm freaking out right now . I really just need , we need a little more quiet . We need this house to be picked up . We're kind of losing our shit . Okay , oh , but that's simple .

On the other end of that , I guess I should say if someone is saying something to you that is offending you , hurting your feelings , you don't like , you're in a situation that you don't want to be in , get up and leave . Or you can say like I don't like the way you're talking to me right now . That's making me feel X , y and Z .

So , in like any situation though , speaking up and saying things , and if you don't want to say something in the moment , it's okay to revisit it later , once you've calmed down , thought about it , maybe not reacted . You want to respond , not react , those kinds of things .

I'm still learning my needs honestly , so I can't speak much on expressing your needs honestly . So I can't speak much on expressing your needs for me .

That is because for most of my 43 years on this earth , I I'm sure a lot of women can relate to this , men too , I don't know , because I'm not a man , but I assume that this is relatable to a lot of people , that I have done things for other people a lot of my life and tried to make other people feel comfortable around me and not ruffle feathers , and

that can go for any relationship that I've ever had , you know , from my kids to my husband , to my parents , to my friends , to people I meet , you know , on the street and just you know , oh , I'm sorry if I get in their way . Or you know , let me move , let me change , let me suppress . Let me help . Right , let me change my schedule . Let me help .

Right , let me change my schedule , let me , I'll do things , I'll do it and I'm trying to , I am learning what I actually need because , honestly , I don't fucking know , and that's crazy , but that's also frustrating .

Or sometimes I think I do know what I need , but then I second guess it because I'm not used to , I don't really know myself and I think that's normal . I know that's normal for the stage of life that I'm in . As you know , I grew up , obviously , I got married , I had kids .

There's nothing wrong with any of this that I'm saying , by the way , but this is just how it works for me , right ? I grew up with parents telling me what to do and setting rules . I got married and then there comes a set of rules and expectations with that , of course , and then you have kids , and then there becomes rules and expectations with that .

You are expected to obviously raise them a certain way and do certain things in your home , look a certain way to marriage , look a certain way and you look a certain way Now that you're a mom , you shouldn't say things and act like this and blah , blah , blah .

So then you know , I'm raising these kids and now that my kids are teenagers my son will be driving soon , my daughter is going to college . Who am I ? Who am I ? What do I actually feel ? What do I want ? What do I need ? Like , who the fuck am I ? Honestly ? So that's crazy and just honestly .

To not know is okay , too right To not know what my needs are , to not know how I'm feeling , or to know that I'm feeling a certain way and not be able to explain it . I don't know why I feel this way , but this is how I feel and it just is what it is . I'm going with it . I'm not going to try to fix it . I'm not going to try to describe it .

It's just this is how I'm feeling , period , and that's it . I don't have to explain it . No is a complete sentence . You don't have to explain . The answer is no , period . You also don't have to explain , like I said , why you're mad , why you're sad , why you're anxious . You can if it makes sense to you , but if someone's like well , why ?

Why are you feeling that way ? I don't know , but I am and that's it . That's all we need to know . So it's okay to not over explain . I am an over explainer , I'm an over thinker . I read something the other day that said over explaining takes your power away .

And it's really true , because I will try to explain why I'm feeling something , how I and I love to communicate . Try to explain why I'm feeling something , how I and I love to communicate , obviously , obviously .

But sometimes when I'm trying to explain , like , how I feel or what I'm thinking , or you know , I just get in this spiral and then I'm like I'm not making any sense and then I feel lost and I feel confused and I'm like is that even how I'm feeling in the first place ? Like I just need to stop doing that .

So this is just me saying it's okay to say no , it's okay to not know why you feel a certain way . It's okay to not explain it or just say I really don't know why I'm feeling that way . Right , and also taking up space . This is something that we hear a lot as women right , take up space . Take up space in the gym , take up space at your job .

This is a hard one for me , but I'm learning because it's hard in so many different aspects . It's hard for me sometimes because , like on the internet , right For my job , social media if I take up space and I say how I feel , that gets backlash . If I you know certain things . Obviously , if I take up too much space in the gym .

I don't really go to the gym , but that's awkward for me because this may be a woman thing , but I don't really want people to notice me . I don't want to be the center of attention . I don't really want to be seen . But I do want to take up space .

I do want to be there , I do want to belong , I do want to feel confident , not just in the gym , but anywhere . I want to be there and not have to look down at my feet and be all meek . I want to walk around confident with my head up , but I also don't want you to notice me . I don't want you to say hi , I don't want you to communicate with me .

Does that make sense ? That's so weird . So the take up space movements or whatever you want to call it , is confusing to me , because I'm like , yes , take up space , I want to take up space Like I deserve to be here , but also don't look at me , leave me alone . I want me time . I don't , I don't want your opinions . I don't want your thoughts .

I don't , you know , I don't want it . I don't want your opinions , I don't want your thoughts . I don't , you know I don't want it . I don't need you to tell me anything , I just want to be here and I want you to be proud of that , I don't know . So that's something that I'm kind of working on too and that's something that I want to relate to you .

These are all things that I feel like , yes , mental health related , but also very much Things that we and I'm gonna say , especially as women and I say that not to the men out there listening , not that you can't absolutely take these things in . I'm just I can't speak as a man . Okay , so I don't know .

But if you are someone , if you are a man who typically doesn't express yourself and you do over explain and you do feel not confident places , then by all means , this is definitely for you .

I just just know , as women , how this looks for us typically , when you know we become a wife and then we , you know , hear things about how we should dress and what we should look like . We shouldn't be too manly looking , we shouldn't have too much muscle , but we shouldn't sit around all day , but we shouldn't .

You know , we should take care of our families and keep our house clean , but we should also work a full-time job and bring in income , because then we're lazy . Why is it if we don't ? And I could go on and on and on about all of that stuff that I feel , and I feel like a lot of my clients feel , lady clients , so I'm just kind of speaking for that .

But this can absolutely be for men , women , children , adults , anyone , right ? Also , you are enough . You do not have to change . You can experiment to find out who you are , but that can be on your terms . This is something I wish I would have known earlier in life and I don't know , no one ever like really dumbed me down . So it's sometimes .

That's another , that's an explanation . It's like I don't have to explain why I feel a certain way , but it is weird that I do kind of feel a certain way because I had a really good childhood , I've had a really good life . Yeah , shit has happened , absolutely .

But when I feel like I lacked confidence and I didn't know why I didn't feel like I was enough , I didn't want people to tell me that they liked my body , that I'm pretty , that I whatever those things are like . I don't , I don't . I still don't really like those compliments .

I don't love them for certain reasons from certain people , but I really did lack a lot of confidence , and so to know that you are enough is really , really important . I have a really good friend who tells me this all the time . She's amazing you are enough just as you are . You don't have to work hard enough to be enough .

You don't have to have a clean house to be enough . You don't have to be a perfect mom to be enough . You literally are enough as you are .

But here's the thing when we are taught or heard that you should have bigger boobs , you should have a bigger butt , you should have bigger eyebrows , you should have fluffier eyelashes , you should have perfect skin , you should get this job , you should climb the ladder , you should be a mom , you should get married , you should never get divorced .

You should have a big house , you should work , you should stay home , you should , you should , you should , you should , you should okay , and you don't want to , then it makes you feel like you're not enough .

If you don't have those things and I'm sure that goes for men and women right , you should do so many things as a man , absolutely , and that's all bullshit . You can do those things if you want and that's great to do those things . But you don't have to without any of those things were enough .

And I do have to say to myself you are enough , you are enough . You do not have to work to be enough , you are enough . You just waking up , you're enough . And also your personality is fine .

You're fine Physically , you're fine , you're funny , you're happy , you're real , you're sarcastic , you don't like bullshit , you don't fuck around with people like I and that's okay . I don't have to be quiet all the time . I don't have to like everyone . I don't have to be nice to people who aren't nice to me . I don't have to look a certain way .

I don't have to talk a certain way . I don't have to . I don't have to . And I really like that for my daughter , for my kids , for people that I know . I'm like you're good . If you don't want to go to a party , don't freaking go . If you don't like what that person's saying to you , say don't talk to me like that . You don't have to be quiet .

You can take up space and say I don't like this conversation , I don't like this party , I don't like whatever . I'm leaving . I'm good . You don't have to say why . You can just leave right . So a lot of these things are things that I'm like .

If I just stood up for myself , if I just Expressed , if I just knew I'm good , I'm good , right , I don't need a morning routine , I don't need a night routine , I don't need to meal prep , I don't need to meal plan .

Yes , I need to go for a walk , I need to work out , I need to hit my macros , like I need to do these things right , but my schedule can look different . I don't need to parent a certain way . I can swear at my kids , I can let them swear every once in a while .

I don't have to be perfect , I don't have to be anything and I can say that right , isn't that crazy ? Like I don't have to be rude , I don't have to be disrespectful to people , but I can just be myself . And here is the kicker . So can you ?

Okay , if you're in situations , if you don't want to do things , if you need to say no , if you're like I'm so sick of trying to figure out why I feel this way , don't try to figure it out . You feel that way , you don't need validation , you feel that way . These are things that I say to myself . I'm like why am I feeling like this ?

I'm so sad , I'm so tired , I'm so , I'm so , I'm so , I'm so sad , I'm so tired , I'm so , I'm so , I'm so , I'm so right . I can blame it on the medication . I can blame it on perimenopause . I can blame it on I'm freaking tired . I can blame it on my kids are growing up . My life is changing .

I can blame it on I can overthink myself in these cycles . The fact of the matter is I'm fucking tired . I'm tired and I don't know exactly why . I don't know , and it just is what it is . And you know , I've got to figure it out . So these are things that I wanted to say because of that quote from that Caroline Middlesdorf on Instagram .

Go follow her account . It's actually really good . She's a psychologist and a coach . And that quote again , I'm healing out loud because I nearly died in silence . If you take out the nearly died part , I'm healing out loud . I am telling you guys , this is kind of my way of healing . I did the work , I worked with my therapist on things .

I'm working on myself right , Saying no , not over explaining . Or if I do over explain , I will say I just talked myself into a hole . I don't even know what is going on anymore . Like , what are we even talking about ? Right , I'm enough , I'm taking up space , but just the amount that I want and that's okay . Okay , these things are fine .

And how this translates into your fitness journey is confidence . That's exactly how this translates . Okay , you can lose weight . You can get your number down on a scale to the number you want it to be . You can shrink your jean size down to whatever you want it to be right . You can shrink your body . You can build your body .

You can look amazing in the mirror .

But if you're suppressing your needs and your feelings , if you're saying yes to everything , if you're over explaining , if you're shrinking yourself and you don't think you're good enough , over explaining , if you're shrinking yourself and you don't think you're good enough , your gene size and that number on the scale won't do anything for you .

You'll be like wow , I really thought I would feel so good when I got to this body , when I got to this number on the scale , and I don't . I still feel like shit . And this is why Because all of these things matter just as much , if not more , to your fitness journey than the actual fitness stuff itself .

It's hard to get up and go for a walk when you're depressed . It's hard to get up and go for a walk when you're thinking yourself in these cycles . It's hard to get up , and I just mean go for a walk . I don't even mean work out , count your macros , do anything . It's hard to get up , brush your teeth , get your shit ready for the day .

When you're depressed , when you're confused , so it's no wonder sometimes when you're stuck . This is why Go inside and take a look and find other people that are also healing out loud .

I love friends that I can sit around and just talk like this with and just be real , and if they're saying something , I'll be like you don't have to explain that , I get it . I get what you're saying , 100% . That's you know . All you have to do is tell me how you feel . I don't care why .

I mean you can tell me if you want , but you don't have to Like I get it . I'm not judging you , I don't care . Find other people that are healing out loud , because nearly dying in silence is not . It's no longer an option , and that's okay because you matter , because you are enough . So I hope that you enjoyed this episode .

I know that it was a little random , kind of kind of out of the blue , but I feel like these things are the absolute truth .

To be honest , they're definitely my truth , they're definitely a lot of my friends' truth , they're definitely a lot of my clients' truth , and I definitely know how important this stuff is to your life , and this is ultimately when we're talking about a fitness journey , when we're talking about your mental health , your physical health .

This is your life and this really , really matters . So , more than even the physical fitness episodes that I talk about , I would love for you to share this episode with a friend , literally send the link to someone and say listen to this today , because I care about you , I love you , have a great day . Share it on your social media , tag me Also .

While we're on the topic , leave a rating and a review , because those mean the world to me as well . But , most importantly , I would love for the most amount of women to hear this podcast episode as possible , because I think it is so freaking important and I hope you loved it and I will talk to you next week .