122. Embracing Growth, Chaos, and Authenticity: Real Life Struggles on My 16 Year Fitness Journey

I feel like it would be rude to not get on here very first thing in this episode and say thank you , thank you , thank you for every single download , every single share , every single time you reach out to me , every single time you talk to your friends about the podcast . It's not really about the numbers for me in any capacity .

Actually , my podcast manager reached out to me a couple , maybe a month ago , I don't even know . I'm not very good with timing , but she reached out to me a while back and was like do you realize ? You're like at 400,000 something or other downloads and I'm like I have no idea .

I had no idea , I don't even know how to other downloads and I'm like I have no idea , I had no idea , I don't even know how to look that up . I'm like where'd you find that information ? So I love that the show is growing . I love I can tell that you know my social media is growing and I hear from more of you like that's how I know it's growing .

But in terms of numbers I had no idea and she was like that is huge . Most podcasts don't even get to that number of downloads , and especially not in the short timeframe like we're just over two years ended having the podcast . And of course , the first year of having a podcast rarely amounts to much , you know , because marketing and I don't even really market .

So , anyway , I'm mind blown . I really don't have , I don't think I have a good capacity of what that even means , to be honest , in terms of you know , I don't know how cool that is , but I hear it's pretty cool to hit 500,000 downloads , so it's freaking awesome .

I shared it on my social media and so many of you were like congratulations , but I really just wanted to say thank you . I again , I started this podcast , not really I mean Unfuck . Your Fitness obviously is the name of the podcast and that is my goal and I'm being very transparent , authentic , honestly saying to you that I go week by week .

I do have a plan , I do take some notes , you know , as far as like ideas that I have , but I like to go week by week and really talk about things that my clients are struggling with or I'm struggling with or my friends are struggling with , so that I can keep it very open and , I guess , relevant to you . That's the whole plan .

I don't want to make the show about me and what I want to say and things like that . I want to help you and so it's mind-blowing to me that anyone listens sometimes and the fact that you've all listened in some capacity , 500,000 times . Okay , that is a lot . That is a lot , so thank you for that .

I hope we can keep growing together and I've had some pretty big ideas on how to improve on one-on-one coaching and some other things to kind of roll out and work on after summer's over , of course , because my kids are home and summer's crazy . But I do have some really fun things that I've been thinking about and I plan on continuing to share this content .

So thank you for being here and I hope that you can continue to be here with me . I want to talk in this episode about myself .

I've been getting a lot of messages coming off of the last two episodes , one in which I talked about a lot of just very simple food ideas , and I didn't really even necessarily mean to kind of rattle them off in terms of helping you . Of course I did , but I didn't have like a list or anything .

So I now realize that lists of foods are very , very helpful for you , which is interesting to me , because I eat so boring . I eat so boring , I eat so simple and there are so many recipes and things on the internet that you could find . But this is me as well .

I see all those recipes and all those things and I still eat the most simple food concoctions . So I'm getting a lot of messages about that , specifically my tuna , my two tuna packets and hummus and salsa mixed together , popped in the microwave , and I eat it with tortilla chips or wheat thins . Somebody said I think it was Julia , I think it was .

You said that you eat it with Quest chips , which is genius . That's even more protein . So I love that .

I'm getting a lot of messages saying you know , thank you for sharing your protein shakes and your ratio yogurts that I'm eating and my supplements and you know my little snacks like that Because , honestly , if I didn't have those little snacks , I would have to work a lot harder .

I'm not going to say that I wouldn't hit my protein goal or my macros I would , but it would be a lot harder if I didn't sneak it in very easily . Also , I've gotten a lot of questions and I said I should have went back and listened , but this is how unprepared I am .

Sometimes I'm getting a lot of messages saying you know , thank you for saying that you struggle . And I said something in terms of you know , you see people's Instagram influencers , me , whatever you want to call us , and I don't know how I worded it .

But basically , you're seeing , if each one of my stories , for example , is one minute max and I'm sharing 10 stories a day , you're seeing 10 minutes maximum of my life and that's not even 10 minutes . Some of those are workout videos . Some of those are supplements . Some of those are workout videos . Some of those are supplements .

Some of those are my kids , some of those are . You know , it's not even that you're seeing 10 minutes of my life . I'm showing myself going for a walk and I'm showing myself working out and I'm showing pictures . Yes , I'm at a baseball game or this is what I'm eating , right , I'm providing value , but I'm also showing a little bit of my life .

Recently , in the summer , I have not been showing a lot of anything because I'm so freaking busy , but the way that I worded that , however I worded it . I got a lot of messages saying thank you for letting us know that you struggle and that you're human , and the reminder that social media is a highlight reel .

I'm not , on purpose , only showing you good things . It's not that I'm not showing you the times when I'm crying or struggling or don't hit my macros or don't want to work out . It's not . I'm just not showing you every single thing that goes on in my life .

I literally can't and I literally won't , because a lot of things that go on in people's lives are no one else's business and I can't put it all out there right , that's impossible . So it was a very good reminder and I said that on purpose .

What you see on social media is a very , very , very fucking small part of someone's life , including mine , and I don't not share anything on there on purpose . I'm an open book . I'll share my struggles . I used to say , like I don't want to do this workout , I'm going to do it anyway . That's every day , though that's every day now .

I don't want to do this , I don't want to eat this , I don't want to do this . I'm tired , I'm hot , I'm hungry , whatever , right , that's it . So , anyway , I shared that and I've been getting a lot of messages like hey , can you share more about your struggles and your life and what you do ?

And it's interesting because I got this comment probably 10 to 12 of these comments the exact same thing , like can you share more ? Can you share more ? And the answer is yes , I will share more . I need to share more .

I have not had time , and I know that that's seems like an excuse , but for example and I had told a couple people over the weekend this we were gone three hours away from our house for a baseball tournament Wednesday , thursday , friday , saturday .

We were supposed to be home Sunday , but we ended up not doing very well in the tournament , so we came home Saturday . So Wednesday , thursday , friday , saturday that was quite possibly a five-day tournament .

So let me back up this past week for me looked like this , and this is what I want to talk about in this episode is me and my struggles and my life , and what it looks like , because I don't think that it comes across sometimes in social media .

I think I'm doing a good job of saying , hey , I'm at a baseball game again , but you don't realize that that's my 12th game of the weekend or whatever right . And also my daughter was home alone this last weekend for some of those days that I was out of town .

And I can't and this is the thing , it's not that I don't want to be transparent and tell you where I am or how long I'm there for , or how hard I am struggling with not eating my normal foods . I'm living out of a hotel , I'm at baseball games , long I'm there for , or how hard I am struggling with not eating my normal foods .

I'm living out of a hotel , I'm at baseball games , I'm hot , I'm crabby , right . First of all , I don't need to tell you where I am . There are a lot of fucking weirdos out there , so I don't need to say where I am all the time . I also don't need to say I don't need to say any of it really Like I don't have to .

I want you to be relatable and share things with you , but if my daughter or my son is home alone , I can't disclose . Hey , I'm out of town with my husband and my son for baseball for five days . My daughter's at home . I can't risk that . So I was telling the clients that I was messaging with over the weekend . I'm like , hey , I'm struggling too .

My clients would say they've had these situations come up and I talk them through that and then , of course , to be relatable , I say , hey , I've actually only spent one night at home this week . I've been in a hotel and I was only home three hours before bedtime and then went to sleep and got up and took off and hit the road again .

So you know , I understand . Like I'm living out of a hotel , I'm not eating my stable foods either , I'm not working out , I'm all over the place as well . So I'm kind of relating to them and they're like oh my God , I didn't know that . Yes , I know , and it's because I could be out of town at a baseball game , not wanting people to know .

I'm out of town at a baseball game because one of my children , my daughter's , at home or my home , is being watched by my neighbors . Of course , god bless , I love my neighbors , but I don't want to disclose that I'm out of town all the time . I can't , right , I have to be careful with what I share on social media is what I'm trying to say .

But that's honestly what my life has looked like this last week . I took my husband to the airport on Sunday , so that was kind of like my evening . It was a three hour hour and a half drive there , hour and a half drive home . I picked up dinner on the way , I had a chicken wing .

When I got home , no chicken tender went to bed , so that was a three hour drive . The next day I worked all day . Monday . I took my daughter to college visit , so that was Tuesday . So we drove three hours , probably four by the time we stopped for food . So four hours of driving out of town , stayed in a hotel , had college orientation .

That next day drove three hours home . I unpacked everything , repacked everything for myself , my son , baseball stuff , regular stuff , food , chairs . If you know anything about baseball , travel , baseball , it's a lot of stuff .

So trying to get all that stuff around , making sure there's gas in the car , making sure my daughter's set up and there's groceries at home and she has things to do and getting all that done , then we drive three hours the next day to go to baseball . Games are canceled , rescheduled because of the rain , blah , blah , blah .

We're checking into the hotel and then I'm at baseball for these days and win or lose , we don't know when . We have plans . So it's madness , right , I plan on working Games get rescheduled . I can't work . I can't make work calls . It's craziness . We had a refrigerator in our hotel room .

We did not have a microwave , so there's a couple things that I usually take with me that need a microwave . I can't eat them now . So I have my protein shakes , I have my yogurt , I have my blueberries , I have my energy drink . Of course , other than that , I'm kind of on my own .

It's like like , hopefully you can find a grocery store and you know , hopefully the games line up and hopefully your snacks don't . It's just , it's freaking crazy . So that's kind of what I was dealing with this last week .

Ok , so again , I know this episode is kind of all about me , but I want to just tell you that this is kind of that's my schedule right now , with a 16-year-old son he's going to be actually 16 today as I'm recording this . He's going to be a sophomore in high school and a daughter who's 18 going to college .

And I know we've talked about , I've talked about that on the podcast before , so I know you know that I have a daughter who's getting ready to go to college . But that means college visit , that means an orientation , that means calls virtual . That means getting everything lined up , everything purchased , hoping we can find a room . It's a lot .

So all of that going on , and then on top of that is just life , other things that kind of go on in my life . Because I am a normal human and I want to stress this is I'm living very much day to day and this is not how I prefer to function . I'm very type A .

I would ideally like to have all of my food planned out , all of my days planned out , all of my work planned out , everything planned to the T , and I used to be able to do that and I used to get very upset when things would kind of go awry , if you will . But that's not how things are working for me right now .

Things are just so busy and so kind of out of my control as far as life goes and work goes and how things have kind of progressed , and that's just how it is . So I'm very much living day to day . So my staple foods are very , very important . My workout timing is also very , very important . Right now , honestly , I am not motivated to do anything .

To be honest , it's so hot . I'm sitting here sweating right now recording this podcast . It's so hot . My appetite is kind of screwed up . I'm in this perimenopause phase of whatever the heck is going on with my body , so I'm tired . I feel kind of gross , like I don't feel comfortable in my body , like I don't recognize her .

You know myself when I look in the mirror . So it's just kind of this funky thing that I'm in , right . I feel like I do the same workouts that I've always done and yes , I'm seeing progress and yes , I enjoy them , but I don't want to do them . I'm not in a stage of life where I enjoy working out and it's so much fun .

Every single second of the day counts for me and matters so much that , no matter what I'm doing , I think of other things that I could be doing . So I need to start getting up earlier , getting my workout in and being more consistent with that . My brain tells me your life's not going to be consistent anyway , christy .

So why don't you wait till baseball's over , which is this next week , and then we can kind of get back into a routine ? Because right now , if I get up early and work out and you know three days , and then I have baseball three days and I can't work out , it's like what's the point ?

But that's the whole thing is like I'm telling my clients , like , do what you can , control what you can , and sometimes I don't tell myself that and I should . So this is where I want to make sure that you understand that I am just like you in the sense that I tell myself these things and I say , well , what's the point ?

What's the point if I can't do it at the same time every day this week ? Um , because that literally doesn't matter , show up and do it anyway . So I struggle with that too .

Or if it gets to like 10 o'clock and it's so freaking hot outside , I think I'm actually going to pass out and I'm not lifting heavy enough because I'm not , I don't have energy because I'm think I'm going to pass out . Then what is the point ? So it's kind of starting to click for me again .

But honestly , with as busy as I have been and I know busy is an excuse I'm still trying to pivot is what I'm trying to say . These last few months for me have looked like having my daughter go through her last of every months of school , and it's sad and I want to be there for every moment of that .

I want to celebrate her last , and then we have graduation , and then we have graduation open house , and then you know before that even we had remodeled our home . So everything this year has been just very , very , very busy . It's caused me to be very much off my routine . When you're remodeling your kitchen , you can't stay on any kind of a routine for food .

Let's just be real . So my life has just been really crazy not bad , but crazy off routine and I have struggled to stay motivated , to keep myself motivated , to show up and do the habits . I have been showing up and working out . I have been eating my staple foods . I have been controlling what I can . I could be doing better , 100% Okay .

So I just want to tell you these things in this episode , to tell you that my struggles are very much the same as yours , and just because you don't see them on social media from me doesn't mean that it's not happening .

Just because you're looking at a social media influencer or someone that works out or someone that bakes or someone that's showing you their clothes .

They have a full life outside of whatever you're seeing on their social media a full life , and it's not always pretty , and they don't always want to show up and share content , and they don't always want to look pretty and they don't always want to work out , and I don't always want to work out and show you my food .

I don't always want to do the things that I'm supposed to do . I have kids , I have a husband , I have a home , I have a job , I have all the things . It's not easy for me . It's not easy . This is where the this shit is not optional comes into play .

I say that with like so off to regroup which is kind of what I did last week and come back even better , right . But also , I want you to know and I wanted to share this on this podcast because you're my people , you get me right You're also on my social media . Hopefully you follow me at ChristyCastilloFit on Instagram .

That's really the only place I share things . I do have a Facebook , but there's not a whole lot on there . So follow me at Christy Castillo-Fay on Instagram , but I share things on there . What's on there isn't fake . It's not that I'm not trying to show you these things , but it's very time consuming to put these things on there .

It's also like I can't put some of these things on there and I don't need to . I don't need to , I don't have to tell you everything that goes on in my life , but I need you to know that what I'm posting is real . These are real foods that I eat . This is really how I feel .

But also , behind that four minutes that you're seeing on my Instagram stories is a lot of other time and a lot of other things going on right that I am kind of struggling through . So I want you to remember that when you are wondering how I fit it all in or how I do the things . It's not pretty .

I sweat through it , I struggle through it , I cry through it . I don't want to do it , but I'm doing it anyway . So I want you to understand that it's very , very , very real , like I'm a very , very real person and I have lived through this , going through this journey . For the last , I say , my son was like six months old when I started .

So God , 16 years coming up on now . It's taught me a lot and I do have it kind of on lock . I am good at pivoting , I am good at changing , I am good at , you know , making things happen , regardless of whether I'm motivated or whether I'm not . But it is hard to show it on social media and I know that a lot of you are seeing people .

You know you're just seeing people going to the gym and I do struggle with that . I'm going to be honest . Like when I'm on social media , I'm like do people even care about me or my kids or my dinners , or do they just want to see my workouts ? Do you want to see other parts of my life or do you not care ?

Do you not care that I'm struggling through my workout today ? You want me to just post the workout . I also don't know exactly what you guys want to see and I feel comfortable sharing a lot on there . I do not care . But there is that question , too , that I'm like do people even care ? Do do I just sound like a broken record over here ?

Like , well , it's been six months and I still don't want to work out . You're like , yeah , we get it , christy . But also I just want to be real and let you know that this is honestly where I'm at with things . Right , a couple of things that do help me , and I do want to talk about these things a little bit more in depth in other episodes .

I make sure that I have certain things that I do every day , or that I do often , that keep me on track , and I don't do them all the time . Like I just said , I'm not really working out at a certain time right now , or even , honestly , consistently , because , like I said last week , it was honestly impossible for me to do so . I wasn't even home .

Our hotel gym was pretty good , but anyway , it doesn't matter . What I want to say is there are things that you can do and that I do sometimes most of the time , that I try to revert to that are helpful .

So , for one , working out early before your day gets started is I'm not doing it right now , so this kind of sounds shitty to say , but it is one of the best ways to make sure that you get it done . Even this morning it was super hot .

I thought I'm either going to take a rest day because I don't think my workout is going to be productive , or I will just bring a couple dumbbell sets inside and work out inside the house , where it's cooler , or I'll do it later tonight . Well , now we're taking the boat out with my son and some friends for his birthday , so that's out .

So I might just take a rest day and call it good . It's not a big deal . But if I would have gotten up super early and did it already first thing in the morning , then I wouldn't have had to worry about making that decision . So getting your workouts done first thing in the morning , before anything can kind of mess up your day , is a very good way .

Whether you want to get out of bed or not , whether you want to do that workout or not , if you get up and freaking , do it before the rest of your day falls apart . That's obviously the best way to ensure that you get your workout done . Another thing that I like to do is pre-logging my food .

I've had this conversation with a lot of my one-on-one clients lately . This is a very simple tool , and one of my one-on-one clients just sent me a message the other day saying that this has really really helped her feel more confident and like she has a plan when it comes to food .

It's just the simple act of pre-logging , so you can pre-log the night before , get on your phone and you hop in bed , open MyFitnessPal and log in some foods for the next day . That way you have an idea of what to eat . I go a step further and I jump on on Sundays and I enter things like I know I'm going to have a yogurt every day .

I know I'm going to have a protein shake every day . I know I'm going to have a yogurt every day . I know I'm going to have a protein shake every day . I know I'm going to have two rice cakes every day . Right now . I know I'm going to have that tuna hummus salsa concoction every day . There are things that I know I'm going to have every single day .

Or there are things that I can put in there , like I'm going to have a Kodiak waffle . I'm going to have a banana . I'm going to have fish tacos twice this week . I can put whatever I know that I'm going to have or that I should have . I can pre-log that . That helps me to feel like I'm prepared , I'm productive and I did something towards my goal .

I'm already kind of moving in a good direction . So that's good . And then the other thing that I do is honestly just tell myself you know , I didn't gain a shit ton of muscle in a week . I'm not going to lose a shit ton of muscle in a week . I didn't lose a lot of weight in a week , I'm not going to put a lot back on in a week .

So , in other words , progress doesn't come real quickly and progress doesn't disappear really quickly .

So if I have a couple days , or I have a week , or I even have two weeks , three weeks , whatever , where I'm kind of off track , feeling funky , my routines all over the place , it's fine , like I tell myself , there are months out of the year where shit's a little crazy and there are months out of the year where it'll be less crazy and I'll be able to be

on track a lot better . Right , so control what I can . This is why I was telling myself the other day actually I've lost a lot of muscle recently because I've been walking a lot , I haven't hit a lot of workouts and that's fine . My goal is to kind of slim down and lean out a little bit in the summer anyway .

But I literally was like this is why you lift so heavy in the fall and winter , christy , because you're losing it now and you still have a really good amount of muscle mass and you've lost it pretty quickly and you've not worked out recently at all and your routine is completely all over the place .

But thank God you're on this routine right now , where you have lifted so heavy and built so much muscle in the fall and winter because now you can stand to lose a little . So it's like I've set myself up on this path of success to where I can take some time off .

And I have to be very , very aware of thoughts where I'm like , oh my God , I'm not going to be able to work out all week . This is not good , and I can very easily fall into this trap or this habit of negative talk and all of that .

And I have to be very aware and just say , no , progress didn't come quickly , it's not going to leave quickly , I'm fine , nothing's hurt . Spend time with your kids . Whatever you need to do , you have a lot of extra work this week . Get that done , check that off and then move on . Or get your ass out of bed super early and work out .

And if I don't want to do that , then it is what it is . I have to make a choice and kind of stick with it . But those are things that help me Pre-logging my food , getting my workout in early or making it at least a non-negotiable right , and then realizing that this struggle , whatever I'm going through right now won't always stay .

Life won't always be this busy . Yes , it will constantly be busy , but it's not going to always be this busy . There will be times when life slows down . So I hope this episode was helpful . I know it was just all about me and my life and what I do and all of that , but I hope that it's helpful .

Like I said , I've been getting a lot of messages saying can you share more about your life and about your struggles , and they're very , very normal . I'm unmotivated , I'm not hungry right now , it's freaking hot . I don't want to do anything . I'm not home . I'm living out of hotels , right , I'm struggling .

There are some times I'm struggling with my mental health . There are some times I forget my medication . I ran out of my anxiety depression medication . I didn't have it for a week and I kind of felt a little loopy . I actually felt more depressed than anxious .

So that was good awareness on my part , to kind of see how I feel naturally , because that's my natural state . But that didn't help me . Want to work out when you're kind of feeling low and like you could cry at any second Doesn't make you feel real motivated or hungry , you know . So that's something too .

That I struggle with is like taking my medication and making sure that I'm up on that . And I do fight these little demons , I guess , of being a little depressed and being a little anxious , and I'm an empath , so I carry emotions very , very heavily .

If someone around me is struggling , if my kids are struggling , if my kids are stressed , if they're sad , I take that on and it really wears on me and I have to remember I'm not my feelings , my feelings , to remember I'm not my feelings . My feelings are real , but I'm not my feelings , I'm not my thoughts .

I have to do things that are in my control regardless . So I do struggle with that and I'm busy and I'm a mom , like all of the things that you're dealing with . I'm probably dealing with a lot of them too , and I just want to make that clear .

But if there's anything that would help you , I want to say thank you , too , for those of you that did reach out and say can you share more about that ?

We would love to know you're authentic and know you're real and know you're raw and know what you're going through , because that helps us to see that you are a real person and not just this person doing workouts . That's helpful , because sometimes I don't know what's very helpful for you . I think that maybe they just want to see workouts right now .

Maybe they don't care what I'm going through or care that I'm sad and depressed , right , but you do , and now I know that . So thank you for reaching out to me If you ever want to see more of something , if you ever want to talk about anything , if you ever like . I'm an open book .

So please reach out anytime and let me know what would be helpful for you . I'm not willing to do anything , of course , and share everything , but I'm absolutely willing to tell you my honest thoughts about it and I'll say , no , I'm not going to share about that if I'm not going to , but there's not a whole lot .

I don't think that you guys would ask me about that . I would not be able to kind of relate to and be willing to share . So again , I hope this episode was helpful and just look at people on social media as people and know that you are seeing a very , very small glimpse into their life and it's what they want to show you .

It's not someone else posting what they think they should show you . It's not right . No one's on my social media posting things that like oh , I think people want to see this about Christy , it's me doing it , and so I'm just showing you my happier times and my workout . Very basic things , right , god bless .

If you saw every thought that went through my head every day , we probably wouldn't be friends . It's a lot , but I do appreciate you being here and listening . I always love hearing from you and I hope this is really helpful and I'll talk to you next week .