Do you have thoughts about how the word “trauma” and other therapy-speak terms have bled into our day-to-day conversations in person, at work, and on social media? Do you feel pressure to perform being “okay,” even when you’re anything but? Have you ever pursued a project or career milestone only to realize, once you achieved it, that it no longer fits your life, values, or interests? Today’s guest is a long-time, respected colleague who joins me for a profound and thought-provoking conversation...
Jun 07, 2024•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 106
What does healing mean to you? What expectations do you hold around how we heal and how quickly we heal? Meeting our basic human need to be loved and experience belonging can be the root of many things we do, say, and want–for better or for worse. Many of us have experienced relationships that shape how we pursue love and belonging, how we respond to folks who are different or have differences, how we handle conflict, and how we navigate not being perfect and not knowing all the answers. So, how...
May 24, 2024•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 105
If you love, you experience loss. Looking back over the last few years, who or what have you lost? A loved one, a friendship, a relationship, a pet, a job, your health, your community? Something else? Have you had time to reflect on and grieve your losses and find meaning and sense in all you experienced? And how do you talk about your losses with those around you, if at all? We cannot engineer the experience of grief out of our lives, but many try, at a significant cost, to their well-being, th...
May 10, 2024•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 104
Are you aware of all the expectations you hold yourself to? The day-to-day buzzing of our inner life can feel relentless, can't it? We're all too familiar with the bombardment of 'shoulds' about how we should act, dress, talk, move, etc. It's a struggle that resonates with each one of us, making us feel understood in our shared experiences. We carry so many shoulds from our family of origin, culture, difficult life experiences, work experiences, people we respect, and people who we want to respe...
Apr 26, 2024•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 103
Many of us are familiar with the kind of person who easily earns the moniker ‘toxic’ and instills fear, rage, and frustration in those around them. What do you do when you work with a toxic leader? How do you feel when toxic leaders continue to get promoted and receive accolades? And what do you do when others make excuses for these toxic leaders, like saying their skill set or network is too important to the organization and you have to “take the good with the bad?” Toxic leaders and cultures t...
Apr 12, 2024•54 min•Ep. 102
Do you feel frustrated by recurring struggles with self-doubt, hypervigilance, and overwhelm? Behind many of your inner doubts, self-judgements, fears, and insecurities lie echoes from old betrayals or relational hurts. These breaches of trust in important relationships don’t necessarily lose their impact on how you lead and work just because they happened a long time ago. So when you're doing something new or high stakes, or there's an experience in a relationship at work or in your personal li...
Mar 29, 2024•1 hr•Ep. 101
Have you ever done something steadily, week in and week out, for a period of time? What did you learn about yourself and the world around you in the process? Was there anything that came up that surprised you? Putting in consistent reps and hundreds of hours towards something inevitably shapes and changes you, and producing this show has been no different for me. Today I’m celebrating the 100th episode of The Unburdened Leader by sharing some behind-the-scenes stories, learnings, and reflections...
Mar 15, 2024•24 min•Ep. 100
Have you ended a relationship to get relief from tension and conflict? Do you struggle with developing a clear sense of boundaries around what’s your responsibility and what’s not, especially when feeling responsible for how others think and feel? When relationships are toxic, abusive, and oppressive and the other person does not have the interest or capacity to work on the relationship, ending the relationship can bring grief but also relief, emotional healing, and health. But when you regularl...
Mar 01, 2024•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 99
What is your relationship with conflict and disagreement? Do you see conflict as bad or dangerous or simply a natural part of relationships and being in a group or on a team? What helps you move through conflict and differences of opinion when things are heavy and charged? Do you avoid it at all costs? Or do you try to be a peacemaker and help everyone feel heard? Or do you dive right into the arena and take a stand for what you believe? You probably vacillate between all of these depending on t...
Feb 16, 2024•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 98
Do you find yourself in a constant state of proving? Proving that you are a good enough leader, parent, partner, fill in the blank? Do you know what drives your need to prove to others and yourself? When does the need to prove you are good enough and worthy enough show up the most? At work, in your relationships with others, or maybe in your relationship with yourself? When you fall into a constant state of proving your worthiness and value, your unaddressed relational wounds fuel an excessive n...
Feb 02, 2024•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 97
What is your relationship with your anger? How much of your stress and exhaustion is fueled by repressed anger and rage? And how do you respond when those around you express anger? Our experiences early in life, experiences at our places of work and education, and our conditioning from culture all play significant roles in how we view and respond to anger and rage within and around us. And for women–especially Black and brown women–we learn our anger and rage come off as unbecoming and distancin...
Jan 19, 2024•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 96
When you experience injustice, how do you respond? Do you immediately speak up and fight back? Maybe you get introspective and go deep into reflection, weighing out different options and scenarios before deciding how or whether to take action. Or do you suppress your authentic emotions and maintain a facade until you have figured out your next move? Many factors inform how you respond to threats and injustice–your values, life experiences, personality and temperament, identities, and privileges–...
Jan 05, 2024•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 95
What worked for you in 2023? What did not work this year? What data did you collect about yourself, your work, and your relationships? What do you want to take into 2024, and what do you want to leave behind? Yes, it’s that time of year when I share one of my favorite and most fruitful practices of looking back and looking forward - my annual debrief. My debrief practice teaches me the power of pausing, reflecting - especially on my words of the year, and honoring lessons learned, victories achi...
Dec 22, 2023•43 min•Ep. 94
As you approach the new year, do you focus on results-oriented New Year’s resolutions, or do you prefer to set broader intentions for the year? In a time where we are overbooked, over-committed, and weighed down by all that is going on in the world, messages promising the results we crave can make us vulnerable to feeling like we are doing something wrong for feeling out of sorts because we do not do life in a prescribed manner. So many offerings are a recipe for failing in our hopes for end-of-...
Dec 08, 2023•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 93
Have you ever felt like what you are known for does not fit you anymore? Or maybe you feel like it is time to change your professional focus, but you question whether you have the credentials or whether people will take seriously the shifts you want to make. So many of us experience angst when we want to change things up in our work and life. We change as we move through life. Change is part of our developmental life cycle. And when we change, our work and the businesses we run also change as a ...
Nov 24, 2023•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 92
What is your relationship with money? Do you have a healthy or neutral relationship with money? Or do you fall into the common extremes of worrying about it, constantly thinking about acquiring more money, or avoiding knowing what is happening with your finances or checking out on your responsibilities around money? And what is your relationship with giving away your money? Is it part of a spiritual practice, a tax write-off, or an extension of your values? We learn early how wealth can impact o...
Nov 10, 2023•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 91
When you see a need, what do you do? Do you jump in and try to solve the problem? Or do you think about it for a while and workshop all the options and scenarios in your head before deciding whether to take action or not? Both ways can be valid, needed, and valuable. And both have their pitfalls. When we jump in to solve a need or problem, we can end up on a path to a crash course in humble pie and hard learnings on the go that can often do harm to others. Yet thoughtful consideration can often ...
Oct 27, 2023•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 90
When people talk about gender bias and sexism, what comes to mind? Are you clear about when gender bias happens to you and around you? Or does it feel so common it’s hard to discern? The mixed messages about how to respond to gender bias and sexism keep us flailing, even when there are efforts to make meaningful change. We need to make these changes at all levels of leadership and as long the burden to make the changes continues to be on those who have been harmed, nothing will change. When we g...
Oct 13, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 89
Would you call yourself a powerful person? Do you trust yourself with power? Does owning your power feel a bit like holding a hot potato? The many ways we learn about power–often by having it taken away from us, seeing it taken away from others, or seeing people go to great lengths to take and keep power, no matter the cost or casualties–understandably influence our understanding of power for the worse. We have benefitted from many pioneering scholars and social justice leaders who deeply embrac...
Sep 29, 2023•1 hr•Ep. 88
Do you know if you have ever been a part of a cultish or high-demand community? Do you know what qualities to look for in a high-demand community? High-demand communities may bring images of cults with extreme behaviors, demands, and rituals to your mind. But when you examine the communities you love, some fall on the spectrum of cultish or high-demand communities. Cultish and high-demand communities fall on a spectrum, and not everyone associated with a group or organization with those tendenci...
Sep 15, 2023•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 87
Your relationship with grief impacts all your relationships - whether you know it or not. While the experience of grief is universal, we still react to grief in ways that often stigmatize and alienate our grief or the grief of others in the name of professionalism, boundaries, and self-protection. And when we face a loss from suicide and all the layers and nuances of this particular type of loss, it can bring up a lot for us and those we lead. Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that's not op...
Sep 01, 2023•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 86
Groups are a microcosm of life and the greater systems in which we live and work. We learn so much about ourselves and others in groups. They refine our leadership and communication skills. They highlight our growth edges and our capacity for conflict. And they can bring out the best - and the worst - in us, sometimes at lightning speed. So many of us can recall frustrating and, too often, harmful experiences working in teams. Whether it’s a team member that drags everyone down without support o...
Aug 18, 2023•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 85
When you look back on your career trajectory, what do you notice? Do you see an even trajectory in your career path? Or has your career taken some hard curves outside of the expected norms? What can seem like a setback in our planned career path can sometimes lead us to experiences that we would never have pursued - opening us up to ideas and possibilities that we would never have imagined. It is moments like these that can often help us break free from the machine of proving, striving, and grin...
Aug 04, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 84
Do you have a relationship with play? Do you integrate time to play into your life around work and rest? Or does play feel elusive or like a luxury? If it does, you’re not alone. So many of us are weary and weighed down, trying to stay afloat while keeping up with life, work, and being engaged citizens. And we live in a culture that continues to prioritize work and productivity over play and rest. But building a relationship with play can be an antidote to toxic hustle productivity. And play can...
Jul 21, 2023•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 83
Have you ever wondered if you are too much or too needy? We carry a lot of baggage around our needs, others’ needs, and the many mixed messages about having needs but doing everything possible to not be seen as ‘being needy’. The result? A relentless pursuit to keep our needs hidden, fueling feelings of scarcity, shame, and worry. But needs are an inherent part of being human. In a society that has weaponized needs so that if you need, you are “needy,” the idea of expressing our needs even evoke...
Jul 07, 2023•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 82
Inclusion. It’s a word that evokes strong emotions and reactions for many people. Some see it as a polarizing issue that elicits extreme rhetoric, while others recognize the need for us to confront discomfort and take responsibility for the impact of our leadership. We have to consider what inclusion means to us, what it feels like, and how it shows up in our work and personal lives. Because all too often, inclusion is reduced to a performative, box-checking act, instead of an opportunity to inv...
Jun 23, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 81
Are you a safe person? Do you cultivate and lead spaces that are safe? And how do you know the difference between lack of safety and discomfort? The hard truth is that we can never declare a person or a space “safe.” We can do all we can to cultivate safety within ourselves and we can be intentional about doing our best to be safe but we cannot name a space or a person safe. That is for others to decide. Which is vulnerable and challenging. If we want to increase our capacity for discomfort and ...
Jun 09, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 80
Conflict and discomfort are inevitable–in all areas of our work and life. Now, most of us carry some kind of relational or betrayal trauma. And these burdens impact how we lead and move through conflict, discomfort, and difference. So when a rupture happens, there is often a rush to find comfort with some kind of a bid for repair. But if we do not do the work to reflect on our own systems’ needs first, we can end up doing more harm and continue to feel hooked by a situation. Without this interna...
May 26, 2023•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 79
Your past experiences and relationships inform how you lead and run your business today, whether you are aware of it or not. Overworking, perfectionism, fear of failure, crappy boundaries due to people pleasing or micro-managing can all stem from our relational history. One of the more insidious aspects of trauma that can impact leaders and entrepreneurs is relational trauma, which can be difficult to identify and heal. Unhealed relational trauma wounds often lie outside of our awareness leading...
May 12, 2023•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 78
Do you consider yourself a sensitive person when it comes to sounds, smells, physical sensations, or taste? Do you judge this kind of sensitivity in yourself or others? Many people feel caught in the vice grip of having a nervous system that responds strongly to various kinds of sensory stimulation while also feeling judged and deeply misunderstood for being sensitive to things that others appear not to be bothered by in their day-to-day lives. If you feel like you are too much or know someone w...
Apr 28, 2023•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 77
