What does it mean to you to be broken? To be normal? And who gets to decide what it means to be broken or whole? We live in a culture obsessed with fixing anything deemed broken - from stuff to people. We need to create spaces where we do not see difference as broken. And we do this by not settling for our current ways of navigating our discomfort with difference while pushing back on the burdened definition of what is normal and what is broken. But inclusion is inconvenient. It is also uncomfor...
Apr 21, 2023•57 min•Ep. 76
When you see a need or have a vision for something, what do you do? Especially when there is a lot going on in your life and in the world. Do you jump in and take action or do you get in your head with all the what-ifs and to-do lists so much so that you do not even start to explore or take action? Many of us do both. But there are folks who take action and do something that supports the greater good, even when it feels too hard and there are many, many unknowns. They take risks, make hard decis...
Mar 31, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 75
“Do you respect yourself when you look back on the hard times in your life?” Do you look back on your hard times and feel good about how you led yourself and others? And when you go through a perfect storm of events in your life, what are the certainty anchors and relationships that helped you stay afloat when it felt hard to keep breathing? Taking the time to honestly reflect on how we feel about ourselves and our choices during a hard time helps us stay present in how we want to lead and live ...
Mar 17, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 74
Psychedelics are having a mainstream moment. They continue to gain a bigger presence in our cultural awareness beyond their druggy stereotype over the last several decades. Psychedelics also continue to grow as an approach to treating certain mental health conditions leading many people to rethink the role of these drugs from solely being dangerous to possible catalysts of healing. Over the last several years, studies using psychedelics like Ketamine and MDMA have been released focusing on compl...
Mar 03, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 73
Rugged individualism occupies the heart of American mythology. We pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. We ignore structural inequality and rely on our “can do” attitudes. We take on the personal shame of job loss or bankruptcy or health struggles. And we unquestionably accept that to make it in America, all we need to do is work hard. Are we happier and is our society stronger for all our self-reliance? Or does individualism exacerbate the political, social, and interpersonal issues that cause u...
Feb 24, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 72
How we talk about health matters. Conversations about health are pervasive–when we get to know each other, when we play catch up, at kid pick-ups, and in between calls or meetings. Many of us see these conversations as benign since they are so commonplace and seem universal in their relatability. Yet, these conversations matter because so many of our beliefs around health are connected to a more complicated web of power and profit that burdens our culture and our own well-being. Those beliefs ca...
Feb 03, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 71
We need to talk about power. Like, get into the nitty gritty details on what we believe about power, how we move around power, and how we see ourselves in relationship to power. We need to get really clear on how we define it so we can truly understand the impact that our definitions of power have on our beliefs and actions. There are too many examples of people in power who still have a dated and toxic view of power while others struggle to see themselves as powerful. Our relationship to power ...
Jan 20, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 70
When we ignore our collective losses and tragedies, we only compound the pain they generate. And when we feel like our pain is ignored or we cannot share it, remembering can become complicated. And how we lead can become toxic. No matter your age, you have moments in your life that are embedded in your nervous system–the time, the place, who you were with–when something significant happened in your world that shook you to your core. When we experience significant collective losses, who we were w...
Jan 06, 2023•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 69
Today I am bringing back my annual debrief to the podcast. Looking back on 2022 has been fruitful and offered a lot of data collecting. You know I love to collect data and review what choices, behaviors, and commitments were kept and which of them were not honored. But looking back has not always been a practice or something I enjoyed. In fact, it felt counterintuitive to me. I know many business spaces normalize this practice but a trauma-informed lens, plus working with hundreds of people over...
Dec 23, 2022•28 min•Ep. 68
We all connect with the power of vulnerability in ourselves and in others. And vulnerability continues to be misunderstood and misappropriated in marketing businesses and services, political campaigns, legislative agendas, and leadership, to name a few. These days, discerning between true vulnerability and what today’s guest calls #vulnerability can become a real challenge. When vulnerability is used with an agenda to acquire more community, brand awareness, or social capital, this agenda moves ...
Dec 09, 2022•1 hr 20 min•Ep. 67
One of the biggest challenges to self-care is that it means different things to different people. Is it bubble baths and facials? Nice vacations and or buying a coveted outfit or pair of shoes? Or is it advocating for reasonable wages and safe working conditions? For some, self-care is a justification to splurge or just take a dang day off when a justification sadly should not be needed. For others, self-care is a means of survival and maintaining the capacity to keep moving forward when things ...
Nov 25, 2022•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 66
Conscious consumption is one of the hottest trends in retail marketing. We shop to make a difference, have an impact, build a better world. But many of the businesses that claim to be doing good are running on business models or operating principles that are hardly disruptive. Instead, they're counting on consumers' desire to both have their cake and eat it too. The more companies can convince us that shopping equals advocacy, the more we'll buy. With all that said, I was curious what a company ...
Nov 11, 2022•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 65
The mental load we all carry right now is next level. But just because this load is invisible does not make it any less important. Kids, pets, aging family members, school, work, the economy, democracy, access to safe and affordable health care, chronic health issues - the list goes on and on, and feels like it keeps piling on without relief or end in sight. On top of this, we carry past pains and difficult life experiences too. And most of us don’t realize how much pain we carry until we end up...
Oct 28, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 64
There is a difference between nice and kind. Niceness is appeasing and complacent. Kindness is loving and generous. Niceness, in IFS terms, can be experienced as a strong protector shielding us from vulnerability and risk by over-accommodating others. True kindness, on the other hand, connects us to our compassion and our values. We sacrifice our integrity to play nice, to go along to get along. When we lead from niceness, we sugar coat and people please. While this may offer some relief, this p...
Oct 14, 2022•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 63
We all carry pain. All of us. We navigate the vice grip of the pains from our past along with the pains from the present while trying to keep it all together. And when things break, we often carry the blame and responsibility for our pain because we’ve absorbed the messages that our struggles are our sole responsibility; neglecting to see the systems, the business practices, and the cultural norms that weigh us down, too. As a result, the desire to control our emotions and our environments runs ...
Sep 30, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 62
Quick-fix solutions abound for mental health challenges. As leaders, we’re fed the same advice over and over again. Generic one-size-fits-all “thought work” designed to alleviate our gloom and get us back on the road to success. But that generic advice comes up short. And much of it further stigmatizes mental health struggles, failure, and doubt to the point where people fake it until they make it and then end up face down in a serious mental health crisis. We as leaders and business owners have...
Sep 16, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 61
We often look at the results of quizzes and personality assessments for language to help describe ourselves to others. And to better understand ourselves. These assessments can help us manage how we hire, date, and even want others perceive us. The language of these tests can fuel connection and belonging within and with others–to an extent. But it can also be used to sort, judge, or even shame aspects of another’s personality. These assessments can be used to silo an aspect of how people show u...
Sep 02, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 60
How you talk to yourself often reflects how you lead and how you talk with others. The harshness of your inner conversations seeps through into your conversations with others. The vice grip of judgment, resentment, and out of aligned expectations you’re holding combined with the burdens from difficult life experiences make it loud between the ears. We navigate our internal conversations while simultaneously engaging in conversations with others. It gets messy and the inner conversations eventual...
Aug 19, 2022•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 59
When you experience something that elicits an emotional response at work, you respond according to the extent of the emotional burdens you carry. Our burdens come from our past traumas combined with the real-time heart-wrenching news–on repeat–we are moving through right now in our country. And our places of work can also be ground zero for some really painful experiences or where we relive difficult life experiences. When we can connect the impact of our traumatic and difficult life experiences...
Aug 05, 2022•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 58
When we spend most of our time trying to prove our worth, our proving shifts to looking for safety and validation from external sources and delegates our worth to others. When we engage in this kind of proving, we end up in what I call the “not enough” loop. The not enough loop is rooted in the belief that if you can change or fix yourself based on these external metrics–the standard of enough–you’ll get relief and feel more secure and capable. But it only deepens our feelings of insecurity, com...
Jul 22, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 57
It feels like we are in a collective hangover right now as we unlearn toxic ways of viewing difficult emotions, life experiences, and just being human. And the commitment to understand those unpleasant feelings or aspects of ourselves isn’t any less daunting. It’s hard work to discover why we can’t set and maintain boundaries or deepen the courage to speak up when the stakes are high. But our capacity for discomfort creates our capacity to lead with courage. Our ability to work with our emotions...
Jul 01, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 56
When being right is more important to you than being in relationship, difference and questioning become something to fear. And fear shuts down connection and curiosity. Unattended grief and rage are fertile ground for fear to have a party with our capacity to stay curious and welcome the discomfort of doubt and questions. And trust cannot exist without the ability to share and question the norms and beliefs of a community. When we lead or are led this way, questions become a threat to belonging ...
Jun 17, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 55
If you don't take time to grieve, your body will make the time for you. Grief is an emotion that does not respond to intellectual strategies or hacks. It has a job to do and it will take you out if you do not listen to it. And there are not many spaces that encourage you to take the time to tend to the fullness of your grief. Work deadlines are still looming. Bills still need to be paid. Family care needs are still all too present. But when we neglect to approach our grief and the grief of other...
Jun 03, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 54
Our bodies are often the wisest parts of who we are, but we regularly over-ride the messages they send us when they tell us when we’re at capacity. We push through, over-work, see physical and emotional pain as something to overcome instead of important data to take into account about our needs and how we are living. And even if we do take in these messages clearly and see the need for needed shifts and care, it feels like change is not an option or acceptable. So we push ourselves until we cras...
May 20, 2022•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 53
When you are not clear on what truly matters most to you, how you decide to use your precious time can leave you feeling overwhelmed and lost. And even your sense of time and what you can get done gets skewed by the tyranny of the urgent. Or comparison to how others are doing life and work. Striving and grinding is still the norm in so many spaces. The message is still suck it up, chin up, get it done. And falling or failing is on you and you alone. This mindset is deeply problematic as many are...
May 06, 2022•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 52
The desire to be seen, loved, and belong drives so many of our decisions. Especially when it comes to connecting in community. Community plays a powerful role in our wellbeing and culture. But what happens when the communities we are in make us sicker? Part of the antidote to toxic communities is finding spaces that support bumping up against our fear of being misunderstood, our fear of not being able to handle a difference of opinion, our fear of rejection. But this is a messy process and many ...
Apr 22, 2022•58 min•Ep. 51
You carry life's burdens with you every day. Some days, they might feel heavy enough to break you. But they also have the power to inspire you. Your burdens are those difficult life experiences you’ve had. Our past pains can be the source of many of our recurring struggles. And they can also motivate us to do good in the world. Coming to terms with our burdens–how they inspire us and how they continue to cause us pain–is a key step for allowing ourselves to be known and loved as we are. Without ...
Apr 08, 2022•58 min•Ep. 50
We can get so caught up in how we are seen that we miss opportunities to course correct and expand our views on the world around us. And admitting you made a mistake or that you changed your mind can feel like jumping into shark infested waters. The process of expanding our views and self-correction involves connecting meaningfully with other’s experiences and needs so we can see the world outside of our own experience. Sometimes we take in important new data that activates protective behaviors ...
Mar 25, 2022•1 hr 26 min•Ep. 49
When you choose to step into conversations about racism you risk giving up your comfort and the illusion of control on how you are seen. In essence, when you choose to speak up against injustice you are inviting discomfort. And inviting discomfort is an affront to all the ways you protect yourself from harm. Yet when you befriend your discomfort instead of letting it shut you down, you can navigate the vulnerability of potentially being misunderstood. The polarities that come up around wanting t...
Mar 11, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 48
If you do not know who you are, the world will tell you who you are. And If you lead from a place of who you think you should be instead of who you truly are, it will take a toll on you and those around you. There is immense effort put into editing instead of owning your multiplicities, leaving you exhausted and confused. You also give up your power and give up what is most sacred in you when you do not make room for embracing the beautiful multiplicities in you and in all of us when you filter ...
Feb 25, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 47
