What do you need to drop?

Welcome to the Triple C Project , the podcast that helps you gain clarity , lose confidence , build courage so you can live life . Next I'm your host , ryan Spence , the big law dropout , life coach , author , speaker , lover of hoodies , hip hop and big , hairy , impatient goals .

If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want , this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be . So now , with friends , i invite you to grab a drink . Take a seat , allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit . Hey , hey .

Welcome to episode 70 of the Triple C Project . I hope you're having as good a time as I am at the moment . I've just come back from two energizing and inspiring days down in London . I was at the self-publishing show , which is the second biggest conference for writers in the world , and I'd never been before . I watched some of it online .

Last year I got a digital ticket and watched some of the virtual and I just thought , you know , i'm going to go . I'm an introvert and I could quite happily sit in my office here at the end of my garden and just work away in my own little world , connecting with people online from time to time but not really venturing out .

And it's not because I don't like people I mean , sometimes I don't , but generally I do but it's that I'm not . I'm an introvert . I'm not very good in big crowds of people , particularly big crowds of people who I don't know . It kind of leaves me feeling exhausted . I can sit down .

I now went for a coffee with a coach a few weeks ago who I'd never met before .

We met at one event and we thought we'd catch up for coffee and that one hour turned into three hours and that's kind of more my thing , where you kind of have that one-on-one or that small group of people having a conversation and time just flies because you're getting down deep , you're not dealing with the sort of surface level small talk , you're really kind

of getting to know each other . That's really my kind of thing And these big events aren't really the place for that . But I made myself go and I'm so glad that I did , because there's something about being in a room full of people like you who are doing the things that you want to do . That's inspiring and that's energizing .

So , yeah , there was a great couple of days . That's not really what the episode is about , but I kind of want that to sort of set the scene for some of the things that happened as part of this trip . But take a step back .

So , as you'll know if you've been listening to the show , for at least the last few episodes , i've been running a small community of clients , former clients and people who I haven't worked with before , to kind of bring people together who have similar interests , who have similar aspirations and who have similar struggles , but who are all believing or fighting with

these struggles amongst themselves , thinking that they're the only ones that have them . And my community was called It's Not Just You for that reason , because to show each of these people that it's not just you . There are people like you who are having the same struggles , who can support you , who you can learn from and who they can learn from you .

And it's been great running this community . It's been a real experiment on my part , but I've loved doing it And I might talk a bit more about it in future episodes , once it's at a complete end .

But I'm telling you that because one of the things that I do in the group is I like to drop in little videos , little videos which are inspirational , which I feel will speak to some of the issues that people are having , or just to help reframe people's thoughts , and they've been really well received , which I'm pleased about , because I want this group to help

people . So I actually want the stuff that I'm doing in the group to help And it's really , it's been really great for me to see that people are taking from these little messages what it is that I want them to take . So one of the messages that I shared this week was actually when I was down in London at this conference .

See , i brought it all back and I was walking along the South Bank beautiful sunshine and I was thinking about the events of the night before on my way down to the conference and then the the morning of the conference as well , and it brought me back to one of my favorite quotes . So I love quotes .

I'm a real sucker for quotes , and not just the sort of typical ones that you usually see thrown around on brightly colored backgrounds on Instagram , but like deep quotes , obscure quotes that people won't necessarily speak of when they're asked what their favorite quotes is .

And , as you know , i'm , as well as being a life coach , i'm also a yoga teacher and a meditation guy , and anyone who's practiced yoga for any length of time or has trained to be a teacher has probably heard of the Sufi poet , rumi .

Rumi is everywhere and although he's not a yogi , so to speak , anyone who's in yoga who's doing that deep in the work would have come across his work , his poems , and they're really deep and insightful , and I've got a whole book here that I haven't even gone through yet because I really want to just study more and get deeper into his work .

But one of the quotes that he has is become one of my favorite quotes and one that I always come back to , and it inspires me so much and it just kind of sets the tone and reminds me of so much that I actually had a tattoo to remind me of it .

So every time I look down at my left forearm , in a forearm I see a tattoo that reminds me of this quote , and that's relevant because I'm going to tell you just in real time practically how this helps .

Because we can talk about these things in the abstracts , about , oh , this quote is gray and oh , i have this tattoo , but but actually what does that really mean in practice ? People can say anything , so I'm going to share basically what happened . So the quote is this be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop .

And that's kind of really what I want to invite you to do in this episode is to think about what you are holding on to or who you're holding on to that is holding you back . That you should really think about just letting go of so that you can move forward .

And this can be people , it can be things , it can be situations , it can be feelings and emotions .

And for me this week it really hit home for what I went to this conference , so I went on the Monday . I was going to get the train down , had my train booked , got my cab to the train station , was there in plenty of time and the train I was going to get was cancelled .

Okay , and I plan to get there in enough time so they get to my hotel so I could have a really good night's sleep because I'm exhausted , you know , and particularly the last two weeks I've been deep in the midst of marking assessments in my role as a part-time lecturer at a university here in London , and it's the first time I've done it .

I had 60 plus scripts to mark and I was trying to figure all this out for the first time and yeah it was . It was just exhausting , really rewarding and I'll talk about that a bit more another time but but really exhausting . So I was looking forward to getting on the train , get into my hotel and getting a really good night's sleep , but that didn't happen .

The first train cancelled , second train cancelled , so It wasn't until almost 90 minutes later that I actually got on a train to take me to London .

So that was annoying , and then that train actually ended up being delayed , so it got to London about 20 minutes later than it should have done , which effectively meant that I got to London over two hours later than I should have .

So instead of getting to the hotel at like 8 , 30 , 9 o'clock , having a bit of time to sort of chill out , get ready , have a really good night's sleep , i didn't get to my hotel until gone midnight actually , and by the time it sort of checked in and sort of got unpacked and sort of got ready and all that sort of thing , i didn't get to bed until one

And I was exhausted And I fell straight asleep , but I didn't set an alarm .

So when I kind of woke up and was in that dose and eventually I decided to sort of take my eye mask off because , yes , i sleep with an eye mask , i like to be completely black And through my sort of half closed eyes , squinted at my Apple Watch on the side to kind of see the time . It was 9.20 am and the conference started at 9.15 am .

So first thing that came out of my mouth obviously was f**k . Followed by a few more F-bombs as well , because I was already five minutes late for the conference , i hadn't had a shower , i hadn't got dressed , i hadn't had breakfast that I'd already paid for .

So , yeah , this is the whole reason for me to be here , and I was already starting off on the wrong foot .

So , mad , dash out of bed , f-bombing , jumped in the shower And as I jumped in the shower and the water's hitting me and I'm slowly starting to wake up properly And I calm down I look down at my left forearm and I see the tattoo And the quote obviously comes to mind be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop .

And in that moment I just took a breath And I was like okay , this has happened . It's f**king annoying , it's a bit s**t . But do I need to be holding on to this feeling of anger , frustration , of annoyance at myself for the events that have led to this ? And I decided no , i don't , it isn't going to serve me in any way .

I'm in the shower now , i'll get dressed , i'll have breakfast , i'll get to the conference and I'll see what I see . Everything's recorded anyway . So at some point , if I really want to see something , i can watch the virtual replay at a later date . So I'm going to miss being there in person , but I'm here right And I have two days and I can be around .

So holding on to all of this isn't going to serve me , so let it go . So I did . I took my time , got ready , had a nice breakfast , had a nice walk .

London was beautiful , beautiful weather , so had a nice walk over to the venue to buy the river and got there And had some good chats with people and saw a few sessions and had a really , really good day .

And this came to mind because if I had held on to that anger , to that emotion , to those feelings , if I continued to beat myself up , that would have stopped me really getting the most out of the day , it would have stopped me enjoying what was going on , it would have stopped me seeing all that was around me and taking it all in and absorbing that energy

and that inspiration . And this can happen in all sorts of situations . Think about when your boss at work does or says something that really fucking annoys you , either when they micro manage you or when they bore you out for something that wasn't even your fault . At that point you're going to be pissed , and quite rightly so .

But then the question you have to ask yourself at some point is is it serving me to hold on to this , to this feeling , to this emotion ? And that's a question that only you can answer . Because , look , this is not about toxic positivity .

There are times when I really want to hold on to that anger because it makes me feel good , it makes me feel self-righteous , and I really want to hold on to that anger and frustration and I really want to hold on to being mad at that person , but there's a point where it's counterproductive , because if I want to get somewhere , it's going to be a lot harder

for me to get there from carrying this weight that I don't need to be carrying . That isn't really helping me .

Sometimes anger can fuel you , it can really push you forward , it can really spur you on , but only to a certain point , because at some point it's just going to burn you out because you're carrying something that doesn't need to be carried and you're using that additional energy to carry it , so eventually you're going to burn out . Right ?

This can be things , it can be situations , it can be any sorts of relationships that you're in . You have to keep asking yourself the question do I need to be carrying it or should I let it go ? should I let it drop ?

And that's why I love this quote and I always come back to it and I have this tattoo as a reminder , because it brings us back to nature . And nature is our best teacher , despite our best efforts to destroy it for our own good , it is our best teacher .

We just look at how things work In the fall , in the autumn , as we call it in the UK , the trees shed their leaves . They're not needed . And that's exactly what this quote is saying be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop .

The dead situation , the dead relationship , the dead emotion , the dead feeling , all of these dead things that are holding you down , holding you back from where it is that you want to go , that are blinding your vision , preventing you from gaining the clarity that you need to know where you're heading and to find your way there . Let all of that go .

Let it go when it works for you . If you need to hold on , hold on , but don't hold on to it too long . Let it go . I am always one for dropping the F-bomb when I get annoyed and I get frustrated , and I think it's healthy , because it's healthy to let that emotion out , to let out what you're feeling .

I remember when I first started teaching yoga and people say oh , you're a yoga teacher , you must be really chilled and stuff all the time .

No , it just means that I'm more aware of myself and I'm aware that when I'm feeling something , i need to feel those feelings and let them out , but at some point I need to let them go if they're no longer serving me . And so this is a dance that you'll have to do .

Only you can decide when a feeling is serving you , when it's annoying , when people say to you oh , just get over it , just suck it up , because you might not want to , you may not be ready and that's okay , but you're the only one who knows when what is going on is becoming a hindrance , it's no longer serving any purpose for you .

It's not serving you the purpose of feeling your feelings . It's not serving you the purpose of just letting your emotions out , just letting off steam . It's becoming a hindrance and keeping you stuck where you don't want to be . So I invite you , at the end of this episode and over the next few days , to think about who are you holding onto ?

What relationships are you holding onto that are not serving you ? Do you need to let them go or do you need to tend to them a bit , nurture them back to good health ? What situations are you holding onto that you should probably let go of ? What feelings or emotions are you holding onto ? Who's wronged you in the past ?

and you're still holding on to that anger , to that hurt , to that pain , when that's no longer serving you ? And it's a question for yourself . Only you can answer . If it's serving you , fantastic , but if it's dead , let it go . That's it from me this week . Thank you , as always , for being here Next week . Next week's my birthday . I'm very excited .

I have no idea what I'm going to do for next week's episode . I have a ton of ideas , but , yeah , it's my birthday . So if you're listening to this and you feel called , send me a birthday message , you send it to hey , at I am Ryan Spencecom , or you find me on Instagram at I am underscore Ryan Spence , or hit me on LinkedIn , ryan Spence .

You 'll find me . I'm the guy that was a lawyer for 11 plus years , you can see in my history , and I look forward to hearing from you . And , if you like , i can also give you a shout out for so many birthday wishes . Next Thursday , 29th June birthday , Don't forget . Okay , thanks for being here . Always a pleasure to share these episodes with you .

And until next week , stop living a life of lethargy , start living life lit . Thanks for tuning in to the triple C project .

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