You can't escape the messy middle, you can't escape that discomfort, growth and transformation just isn't linear. It's not always fun. It's not always joyous. It's not always a beautiful experience. It is hard. And I feel I have to share this because I think sometimes within the world of personal development within the world of coaching, there is this picture painted that if you can just do this one thing or these few things, success will be yours, whatever that success may
look like for you. And you've just got to keep pushing, and it'll be fine. And while I'm a strong advocate for taking action, and I'm a strong advocate for not giving up at the first hurdle, I think it's important to understand that you're going to have to go through some shit to get to living a life that's let your guests need you to shake go see Paul Jack Welcome to The Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, and build courage, so you can live
life lit! I'm on your host, Ryan Spence, the biglaw dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop, and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really wannabe. So now we're friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living, a life that's lit! Hello, and welcome to episode 30
of The Triple C Project. I had an episode recorded to share with you today. So today as I'm recording this, it is Thursday, the day before this episode comes out on Friday. And yesterday, I Wednesday, I recorded an episode for you know it's done, edited, ready to go. Something just didn't feel right. And it wasn't to do with the content of the episode or my performance or anything like that. It just didn't feel right. Now, if you've been following me for a while, you probably know
that I'm a yoga teacher. And so as well as a coach and yoga has really helped me just kind of keep going deeper within myself and really trusting in my awareness trusting in my intuition. I was told a lot as a lawyer actually particularly even back in law school that I have really good instincts and I should learn to rely on them.
And no matter how many times was told that it still took me a long time to actually get to the position where I trust fully my instincts I trust fully my intuition, your gut, if you will. And now that I am in that place where I do fully trust it, I don't necessarily need to fully understand why I'm feeling the things that I'm feeling or why I'm getting the messages, the downloads from the universe that I'm getting. And if that's a big worry for you, then sorry, that's who I am. That's what I'm
here for. So roll with it. So even though I had this episode, good to go, this nagging voice in my head was like that isn't the message that you're meant to share this week, that isn't the message that your people need to hear. So I scrapped it. It's not that I shelved it to come out another later day. I've scrapped it completely. And whilst I will still talk about that topic, at some point, it just wasn't the
right point to do it today. And this is all kind of related to what I am going to talk about today. And today I'm talking about growth and transformation. And I'm going to be talking about the messy middle. So what does that mean? What does what is the messy middle? Well, I'll tell you a little story.A few months ago, I got a new tattoo, which is my fifth tattoo. If you've never got tattoos, people will say to you, when you get your first it becomes addictive.
And I never believed that I waited a long time and we told my age I waited a long time to to get my first tattoo, which was back in 2027 2020, just before I left Singapore. And so in the case in space of less than two years. I now have five so yeah, it takes if is the case and I'm still thinking about my next one. The thing about my tattoos every tattoo has a
specific meaning to me. For me, it wasn't about just getting great art, which I appreciate and I love to see people who just have great art on their bodies. But for me every tattoo had to have a meaning had to represent something So the last tattoo that I got, it was of the lifecycle of a caterpillar. So Caterpillar, then becomes a chrysalis and then becomes a butterfly. And it was to represent transformation to represent growth and
transformation. Caterpillar transforming into a butterfly was kind of representative of the process that I've gone through over the last few years of transforming myself from big law lawyer to big law dropout, if you will, from being a cog on a corporate wheel, to becoming a life coach, a yoga teacher, author, and all of that good stuff. And so I wanted to really mark that, and that's kind of what the tattoo was to represent. Now, here's the thing
about the life cycle. Here's the thing about the growth of a caterpillar. We look at a butterfly and the butterfly is beautiful, it flies around gracefully, it has all of these beautiful colours around it. And we can just look and admire the wonder of flights, the wonder of its beauty. But it didn't just appear that way. It started as a caterpillar, as we know, when we see a caterpillar No, maybe don't look at it with as much wonder and it's not as beautiful, but we can recognise
it. But we don't really see the chrysalis. And that chrysalis is the stage where growth and expansion happens. And it's messy. But the caterpillar can't become a butterfly, if it doesn't go through that state, if it doesn't go through that state of being a chrysalis, if it doesn't wade through that mess and sit in that discomfort. That's a great metaphor for us great metaphor for life. And I got this tattoo because I wanted it to represent the stage that I
had gone through. But what always keeps coming apparent, whenever I feel I'm getting slightly ahead of myself, whenever I kind of want to marvel in my transformation and in my growth and look at how far I've come, which we all should do periodically from time to time. Things happen, which kind of just knocked me back to that stage of being a chrysalis of being in that messy middle. Why is that? Well, the thing is, is
that growth isn't linear. You don't start at one point, and gradually rise in this sort of straight line until you get to where you want to get to. It's kind of like a zigzag or even just like a squiggle of messy lines. That's what growth is, you start and starting is the hard part for a lot of people. And so some people don't start, some people don't start because of fear because of other people's expectations because of
limiting beliefs. Because a lot of the things that I've talked about on this podcast, but some people managed to get past that, and stop. And making that first step. And the first few steps after that, it feels quite good, it feels quite nice, it feels like progress has happened. But
then you hit an obstacle. And the obstacle will require you to look at things differently to dig into parts of your soul that you've never dug into before, to really start to ask yourself some serious questions about what you're doing and why you're doing it. So ask yourself serious questions about who you are. And that's where a lot of people then fail. So you have the people who never start, then you have the people who start and then hit that obstacle, and don't really know how to deal
with it. And that's the point where what I call the messy middle. But the thing about that stage is that even for those people who managed to navigate that stage, and then get on to the next level of growth, you're going to come up against that obstacle, again, you're going to find yourself within that messy middle again. Because with each level of growth, you acquire, well, you're not the acquire, you encounter your obstacles. And sometimes those obstacles will be the same ones you've
encountered before. So for example, you may encounter a lack of confidence because you're climbing a little bit higher. And so the confidence that got you to the level you're at now is boosting to get you to the next level of where you are. And so you'll need to go back and do the work you did before around confidence. Sometimes it could be around your clarity and you thought you were clear. You wanted to get to a particular
point. But as you started to go on that journey, you realise actually maybe this isn't where I want to go, maybe something else is kind of right for me and you have to sit and do that work. It could be courage, you know, we talk about or I talk about courage stacking and So you may have gone through that stacking process and started to work through those steps started to build those bricks on the wall, but then hit something
that you never anticipated. And that may require you to take a step back and break that down again and use the courage stacking process to work through that problem. It can be a whole range of things. But the fact of the matter is, is that you can't escape the messy middle, you can't escape that discomfort, growth, and transformation just isn't linear. It's not always fun. It's not always joyous. It's not always a beautiful
experience. It is hard. And I feel I have to share this because I think sometimes within the world of personal development within the world of coaching, there is this picture painted that if you can just do this one thing or these few things, success will be yours, whatever that success may look like for you. And you've just got to keep pushing, and it'll
be fine. And while I'm a strong advocate for taking action, and I'm a strong advocate for not giving up at the first hurdle, I think it's important to understand that you're gonna have to go through some shit to get to living a life that's lit. There's no avoiding that fact. So, for example, for me, in the last few years, I've gone through so many sort of ups and downs, so many shifts, and so much up levelling in terms of my
growth and transformation. But every time I do that, I go through things that you might be struggling with, I go through those moments of self doubt, there's moments of questioning my confidence and moments of thinking, do I really want to do this? Is this really worth it? All of this work I'm putting in? Is it even working? For this podcast? Is anybody really listening? For the book? Is anybody really reading it? For the content I'm sharing on Instagram or on LinkedIn? Does
anybody care? So I'm sharing this, so that you realise that I don't come to you as this perfectly formed being who has all of the answers to give you. But I come to you to share my truth and to share my experience. Because by sharing my truth by sharing my experience, my wish, my desire, my hope, the reason I do, what I do, is that it helps you to understand that you can go on your own journey, you can do this too, you don't have to settle for what you don't want.
You don't have to settle for what you've told that you should do, you can create the life you want to live. But it's not going to happen overnight. And so when it doesn't happen overnight, I don't want you to be discouraged. I don't want you to give up, I want you to accept that this is all part of the process. It's all part of the journey. I'm going to share another sort of story with you about the messiness and growth of growth and transformation.
Right after this. I'm interrupting myself to give you this short message. Now, if you're listening to this pod, you're likely looking to change your life. Here's the thing. Transformation doesn't happen by doing what you've always done. It happens when you change your thoughts about what's possible for you. My book, The Triple C Method helps you do that by giving you the tools and strategies to stop living a life of lethargy, and start living life lit. Described as a transformational toolkit.
And the book I wish I'd had when I decided to leave corporate. The Triple C Method will change how you see yourself and how you live your life. Available now as paperback, ebook and audio book, read by yours truly, head to iamryanspence.com/book or over to your favourite bookseller to grab your copy today. So you can stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit.
Okay, so if you've read my book, or even if you listen to the show, you'll you'll be aware of my my foray into boxing back in 2019. And that was something that I did to shake me out of the funk that I was in to get me out of the lethargy, give me a challenge, and start me on the path of just taking control of my life really. And you'll also know that for me, that period was transformational for for many reasons. But speaking of messy middle, that process was
fucking hard. So imagine this Imagine You, you're ready to be active, you're quite fit, you go to the gym a little a bit, you run a little bit, you maybe answer a few races, and you think that you're relatively fit. And you walk up to boxing training. And you think, Okay, this is going to be pretty tough, but it's okay, I can do this. And then imagine you finish your first week of three training sessions, and you're just absolutely broken. Everything
hurts. You find everything a struggle, your fitness is nowhere near the level it needs to be to last 30 seconds in a boxing ring, nevermind three minutes. And you start to question, can I even do this? Is this even worth it? You and that was where I was. And then what I started to do was that, yes, it is I have to had that conversation myself, and I hired a trainer. And hiring a trainer was the best thing that I could have done. But it didn't make it all easy. It was still working
hard. Because that training went me far harder than I'd ever worked in my life in a physical sense. And through that physicality of work, it also affected my mental. And through that three months of training format, fine. There was so many periods of being that caterpillar going into that chrysalis coming out of that
butterfly. And then going back through that cycle, again, there was so many aspects of being in that messy middle, you'd have a great session, feel strong, feel fit, feel ready to take on the world, then have a next session. And it would just be a step up in terms of the level of effort, exertion, work. And I would just be like, I don't want to do this, this is awful. I don't
want to be here. But if I given up at each of those stages, if I'd given up when I got to the messy middle, messy, middle, whichever level that had been, I never would have got to have that fight, I never would have got the benefit of going through that process and all the growth and all the lessons that that brought. And arguably, I never would have got to where I am now. Because I wouldn't have developed that. That grit, I would have developed that
determination. And I wouldn't develop that skill of being able to assess the situation to really dig deep into my awareness and into my soul and figure out, okay, why am I doing this, do this, this is what I really want to allow me to accept that the messy middle is a place and a situation I have to go through. And it wouldn't have allowed me to know that you
can get through them. And when the next one comes, rely on the experience that he already have of going through so many periods of evolution, so many periods of growth, to realise that I can get through the next one, and the next one and the next one. And then on the other side of that growth is going to be beautiful, because I'm going to have, I'm going to believe I'm going to be what I wasn't before. So I want you to take this away and sort of marinate
on it. Wherever you are in your journey of growth and transformation. Whether you're about to start and you're fearful of what the next few steps will bring. Whether you've started and new now coming up against an obstacle. And you're feeling that this is all too hard, not too difficult. And you're not sure you want to do
this. And I just want you to understand that anyone you sort of see who is where you think you might want to be who's doing what you think you might want to do, it's hard to go through growth has had to go through the messy middle, not just once, not just twice, but a whole tonne of times. And they'll continue to go through it. Because they're continually pushing themselves to do other things, to walk further and further outside of their zone of comfort to level up to the next stage in what it
is that they're after. And I want you to keep that understanding in your mind. And look back at the experience of what you've already come through to get from where you are, where you were to where you are now and recognise that you can do this, but you have to want to do it. And you have to develop the tools, the skills, the habits to carry you through. Because if somebody said and I and I don't know the I don't think he actually said this quote. So if you do, send me a message I'd be
really helpful. What Got You Here Won't Get You There. What got you to the position where you're at now, whether you're in big law, whether you're in corporate whether you and from the outside you you're successful, you've got the great salary and status and all the rest of it, it's not going to get you to living life, let's it's going to require different skills, it's going to require a different level of grit,
determination, motivation. Pick your words, really, to get to where it is you want to get to. So I hope that this podcast will help you see that, yeah, it's messy. But you can do it, and you can get there. And I'm gonna leave you with a caption that I wrote recently on Instagram about growth just because I think that it fits in with the message of this episode. And if you want to go and find the post itself and read it, you can do that it's on Instagram. And here's what I want to say.
Growth isn't all sunshine and rainbows. If it was, everyone would do the work to grow. Growth is messy, and uncomfortable. Growth will fill you with self doubt, and fear. But don't worry, you're doing just fine. That'll means it's working. A caterpillar can't become a butterfly, without going through the chrysalis stage. A new can't become who you want to be who you are meant to be. Without wading through the messy middle. And in case you're wondering, yep, you go through this at every level of
growth. But the great thing is that each time you're going through it, you're going through it with a little more experience. So keep going. Enjoy the process, and keep picturing the life awaiting you. On the other side of growth. That's it for me this week. Anything to share is that growth is what I help clients to do. It's literally the work that I do.
It's what I love to do is what I love for helping helping people like you get from where they are to where they want to be and navigate those obstacles, wait through those situations, get through the messy middle. I do that because I've been there and I've been through it and I know what it takes. And I want to see as many people like you start
living a life that slit. If you're curious about what that work entails, if you're curious about what it means to have me in your corner as your coach supporting you, challenging you holding you accountable. Why not reach out, head to iamryanspence.com/coaching and you can find out more details about what coaching entails. And you can also book yourself a consultation call. consultation
call is one hour. And my guarantee to you is that regardless of what decision you make on that call, whether we work together or not, that call will leave you thinking differently about at least one thing. Guaranteed. It's happened every time so far. And I live by it, because that's the work that I do. And just in case you need a little extra push, I had a consultation call with a
potential client this week. And that client said at the end of the call, that was probably the most useful hour they had spent in years. So this isn't for me, this is from somebody else. And you can believe that you could not believe that. But the only way to figure out if that's true is to book yourself a call. So head to iamryanspence.com/coaching. And I can't wait to speak to you to coach you and to help you get
through that messy middle. So until next week, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life. Thanks for tuning in. But before you go, the weight of limiting beliefs is heavy. It literally weighs you down and keeps you stuck in that life of lethargy. I know. It's why I stayed in big law for so long. And it's why so many of my clients don't believe they can do the things that they want to do. Or causes those limiting
beliefs. It's a lack of confidence, lack of confidence in the belief that you can do the things that you want to do. And I've got something for that. It's my confidence journal. It's six journal prompts that I created that I've used to help me get from where I am to where I want to be, to help to give me the belief to do the things that seem outside of my control outside of what I can do. If this sounds like you, you need to get your hands on the journal. Best thing about it.
It's free. All you have to do is head to iamryanspence.com, hit the button for confidence journal and get your copy today. It's going to help you start to reframe your thoughts and get you thinking about what you can do instead of focusing on what you can't do, and shed that load of limiting beliefs that you don't need to be carried. See you again next week. And until that time, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit!