'Quit' is not a dirty word

doesn't mean that? What if it just means that you're done with the bullshit?

to where you really wannnbe. So noe we're friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living, a life that's Welcome to episode 35 of The Triple C Project. I'm your host, lit! Ryan Spence. And I'd like to start with a quick exercise. Just sit quietly for a moment. What do you feel what comes up for you? If I were to call you a quitter? Instantly, what? What does that feel like to you? Do you feel angry, unhappy,

frustrated? Do you get a tightness in your body a resistance to what I'm saying? Obviously, I don't know you and I'm not calling him a quitter, to to call you out or to be antagonistic. But it's something that we're often told that quitting is bad, quit is a dirty word, you should always keep going and keep going and keep pushing regardless of whatever else is happening around you.

It's the way that we're conditioned phrases like stay in your lane, focus on one thing, all pushing you towards just going in that straight line, no matter what, letting everything else fall by the wayside. And there's some value in that, to a point. But I don't think that this hardcore, never quit attitude is putting across the right message. And actually, I don't think it's that helpful. Because it's all tied to our historic conditioning to societal conditioning. I used to

take this literally. So in the relatively minor aspects, I get a book recommend, you know, one of the latest bestsellers or the classics that are you must read this book, and I start to read it, and I would find it really difficult read and then would not be enjoying it. But I would force myself to read to the end because you don't quit. And that's just what you do. And if everyone else is saying it's great, then maybe it's just me. And I don't know how many hours of my life that I'll never get

back. I've done forcing myself to read books that I just didn't really enjoy. Similar thing with movies, even podcasts are the hopefully not this podcast, I hope that you always listen to this to the end. But I don't think that when I started listening to this now, so even if I'm not really that into it, or it's not grabbed me, I've just got to listen through to the end, I've got to keep going. And again, I would do that and lose all of this time. Even though I just wasn't enjoying

it. I was taking the attitude that you just don't quit, you keep on pushing forward. Regardless, you commit to what you started, you keep going with them. But that carried through to other aspects of my life. So in my book, The Triple C Method, I talk a little bit about big law and the difficulties of deciding what to do when I knew I didn't want to be there anymore. And it was partly due to the sunk cost fallacy that I did or invest all this time, energy and money that I didn't

feel that I could walk away. But it's also the aspect that I got here and I was on this path and you just keep going you push your head and you do whatever you can to make it a partner and keep going. That's just what you do. You don't quit. And I hear the sort of hushed tones and talks in various so officers in the firm when somebody was was leaving and, you know, in occasion they'd be referred to as a quitter or somebody couldn't hack it and that all fed into that idea. The idea

that to quit is bad. Now let's first talk about what quit actually means. Quit basically just means to leave or to stop doing something. There's no real sinister connotation to it just means you were doing something, and then you stopped doing something. That's all the way that that quitting is talked about. It's seen as this really heinous thing, this really bad

thing. You just don't do it. And if you do it, it means that you're weak, it means that you're a bad person, it means that you just can't hack it. What if it doesn't mean that? What if it just means that you're done with the bullshit? What if it just means that actually, this isn't fun for me anymore, and I just don't want to do it, it can mean all of those things. So let's take a step back choosing a path you

choose a path to go on. And this is where when I talk about clarity and the importance of the portraits, that action takes in getting clarity, this is really what I'm talking about. Because you can sit and think that you really want to do a particular thing. But it isn't until you take action and start doing it that you actually know if that works for you, if that's really what it is that you want to do. Kind of like me becoming

a lawyer. And if you don't have, as I said before, a strong, why, a really sort of strong feeling as to why you're going to do or want to do the thing that you're doing, then you will walk away, it's fine to walk away because there's no bigger picture to the story. So I went into law, largely if I'm honest, money, I was tired of being broke my being in the music business, I'd had a shitload of debt from uni.

And I just was tired of being broke and actually getting paid a decent amount of money each month and being able to do things like living a nice apartment, go on holiday go out for dinner, God forbid, get a cab home, suddenly seemed quite appealing when I was living in what was then one of the most expensive cities in the world, probably is London. So that's kind of why I went into the world that I went into. And that wasn't really a strong enough.

Why because whilst money is important, we all need it to live on. When things started to get really difficult and really tough for me, sort of in the in the latter part of my career. I knew I wanted to get out, but I had nothing to hang on to because all that was in my mind was was money, how am I going to make the same amount of money? How am I going to do this? I mean, it was it was the money that was that was driving me.

And it wasn't until I sort of shifted and sort of think about what is the sort of life that I want, that the idea of walking away, the idea of quitting suddenly became easier. Because then I knew that quitting for me meant to stop doing something that I didn't enjoy doing, start doing something that I thought I might enjoy doing, or the very least I thought would get me to the life that I wanted to live to that life that lit. And so knowing that meant that I could leave and then I could then try

something new. And, you know, again, initially I was going to be a yoga teacher, and I was a yoga teacher still am. But yoga was the primary reason, primary thing I was going to use to help people figure out what they wanted, get unstuck and find their way. And I resisted being a coach. And then it wasn't that I quit yoga, but I started to be a coach for many reasons, partly lots of people saying that, that's I should try it out, I might be good at that. And I realised that I really liked

that. So then I started coaching. But even within the last couple of years of doing this, there have been things which I've started, and then I've quit because they just weren't fun for me. You know, I started off trying to be on almost every social media platform and then decided actually, this is not fun for me is taking too much of my time. And I don't want to do that anymore. So then I stopped, went back to one, now I'm on two. And actually one of the ones Instagram, I'm probably going to

walk away from again. I created the original podcast, The Yoga Den. And I tried to do it the way that everyone said that you should do it. I tried to do all of that work, all of the marketing, all of the transcript trying to create this show in the vision of people who had been doing this for far longer than me. And then then I stopped because it wasn't fun. Did I quit the podcast? Well, in the definition of the term quit Yeah, I stopped doing it. But I didn't feel that was a bad

thing. I felt that was the right thing in order for me to get to where I wanted to get to because to protect my own well being and to allow the space to think about the other things and focus on the other thing particularly in regards to coaching that I wanted to do something had to give and that was one of the things which had to give at that time. And then when the time is right Hey, I'm back here with The Triple C Project, I brought

it back. But people could look at that and say, Oh, well, you started that you started the podcast, and then you quit. You started to teach in a yoga studio and then you quit. You know, I mean, you started to send an email every week, and then you quit. I haven't quit. By the way, I just haven't set one for a couple of weeks.

And the thing is, if we get fixated on what other people think about us, we will tie ourselves to doing things that we hate things that don't serve the vision of who we want to be, or the place that we want to go, just so that we don't get called a quitter. Just so that people don't look at us as flaky, as indecisive, as unable to commit to anything. But quitting, all forms of quitting are not equal.

So you see, there's there's quitting because it's not fun anymore, because it no longer serves the vision of where you want to get to. Because it's not really what you thought it would be. And actually, you've realised there are other opportunities that may be better suited to you. And there's quitting, just because it's hard. And there are two

different things. And I'll talk a bit more about those two different areas of quitting and why one is more is better than the other and how you need to be aware when you're starting to think of quitting starting to think of doing something which which lane you're in. Because I think it's really important to know that to allow you to then make a decision as to whether quitting is the right thing at

that time. So I'm going to talk about that a little bit more, right after this message, Hey, I'm interrupting myself, to give you this short message. Now, if you're listening to this pod, you're likely looking to change your life. Here's the thing. Transformation doesn't happen by doing what you've always done. It happens when you change your thoughts about

what's possible for you. My book, The Triple C Method helps you do that, by giving you the tools and strategies to stop living a life of lethargy, and start living life lit. Described as a transformational toolkit. And the book I wish I'd had when I decided to leave corporate, The Triple C Method will change how you see yourself and how you live your life. Available now as paperback ebook and audiobook read by yours truly, head to iamryanspence.com/book, or over to your favourite bookseller to

grab your copy today. So you can stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit! Okay, so why are you quitting? Why are you stopping or contemplating stopping, doing the thing that you're doing? Now, if you're stopping, because you have a very clear vision of what it is that you want, and where you're trying to get to, if you have that clarity, that strong foundation, then it becomes a little bit easier just decided I'm not going to do this

anymore. Because why push ahead, doing something that isn't serving that mission, when that time could be spent doing something else? So going back to, to me my books, why push ahead reading a book that isn't bringing me joy that isn't giving me anything that's not beneficial to where I want to go? Why am I reading it just because other people say it's great, and then I should read it? Why don't I just stop and go and read something they actually

do want to read? That is enjoyable, that is going to get me to where I want to get to. And I think if you're looking at quitting in that those terms, then that's great. Because that is what's going to help you get to living a life that's lit. But if you're thinking of quitting, just because it's hard, just because you can't be bothered, just because, yeah, I could go sit on my couch and binge watch NetFlix instead of this. Then you got to ask yourself this

question. If you're just going to quit this because it's hard. How are you going to get to where it is that you want to get to? Because as I talk about all the time, change is hard, transformation is hard for so many different reasons. You can't go through that change you can't get from where you are to where you want to be without things being hard at times. It doesn't necessarily mean just hard work, but just pushing back

against conditioning. Okay, so the people's opinions, you know, I mean, all of that stuff, like dealing with setbacks. It's all hard. It's all challenging. And if you're going to quit, quote unquote If you're going to stop what you're doing, just because it's hard, then you'll never get further than where you are. Because there are always going to be those obstacles, it doesn't matter how far along the

journey you are. So then you've got to ask yourself, why is it that you want to stop simply because it's hard? Because maybe the answer is that the vision that you've painted for yourself or the thing that you think you want, actually, although you might want it, it just doesn't run deep enough.

And in which case, then I would invite you to, then go back and really drill down again, on figuring out what your core values are maybe the values you came up with before our values you have, but maybe they're not really at your core, figure out again, really what it is that you want. And maybe, maybe in doing that exercise before you

were very superficial level. And maybe you didn't go deep enough, because you felt that if you were to go deeper, the things you were going to ask for at that deeper level weren't realistic for you. So you need to go back and do that deeper work. And then when you've done that, you then need to come back and ask yourself why? Why do I

want that. Because once you've got that, once you've reconnected with that, why you won't give up, when it's hard, you acknowledge when things are hard, you'll be discouraged, you'll be angry, you'll be frustrated, but you'll figure out a way around it, you'll figure out how to solve that problem. And you won't just quit because it's hard. And equally, you will quit if it what you're doing isn't serving you and you'll find something else that

does serve that purpose. So it all comes back to clarity, which is good given this is The Triple C Project and clarity is the first C. But it all comes back to that which is why I get so passionate in particular about clarity, about taking steps each day to get to where you want to get to getting that deeper level of clarity, so that you can make the moves you need to make along the way, and not continue flogging a dead horse not continue banging your head against a brick wall of some

that when it's not fun for you, when it's not serving you. And again, it doesn't mean that every step you take to get you where you want to get to is going to be fun either. But for me, what I'm doing either has to be fun, it has to excite me, it has to light me up, or I have to see how it connects to the bigger picture, one of those two. If it does both. Fantastic, I'm gonna have a whale of time. But even if it only does one, then that's enough for me to not quit. So, I'd like you to think

about that. As you go about your week. And I'd also like to share with you this. We're always growing, you know, we are, you're not the same person today, as you were yesterday, and you won't be the same person tomorrow. Even if you did nothing, there's always gonna be some change. Whether it's something that you've seen that day or something, you've read something you've heard something you've eaten something you tried for the first time, there's always going to be some shift.

And so why do we feel that what made us happy, what seemed like a good idea, six months ago, is still going to be a good idea. Now when we're, for all intents and purposes, completely different people. You know, I think about myself, and I mean, almost three years ago, I still ate meat with every meal. And it was important to me. And I would get annoyed if there wasn't meat on my plate. Now I'm a vegan.

And I've eaten so many different things over the last three years things that I would never have tasted before. I mean, my taste buds have changed. Just so many things, my approach to food has changed. So many things have changed about me. I'm not the same person that I was then. I left big law in February 2020. Even through the last two years, that whole journey, I'm not the same person. I know so much more. I've been through so much more. I've experienced so much

more. So the things that I thought I would do when I initially walked out of that big law office for the final time. And the ideas that I have, they've changed they've evolved because as I've grown as I've learned more about myself, I've obviously worked more with more clients have I just learned more about a whole host of other things that has influenced the vision that I have for myself and for the life that I want. The Why hasn't necessarily changed. It's just become more

refined. But the vision as to how I would achieve that why has changed and has fluctuated and it should, we shouldn't be rigid. We should allow ourselves to move as we get new information as new things come to light. Because otherwise, what's the point? You're gonna continue doing something that the person from six months ago thought was a great idea. But the person now with all the information doesn't think is a

good idea. But because everybody is looking at you, and you think that you're going to be looked at as flaky and indecisive, you feel that you can't quit, you can't stop. So you got to keep pushing hard, making yourself miserable, doing something that doesn't serve the vision of the life that is that you want. So all of this is to say that whatever it is that you're doing, it's fine to change your mind.

It's fine. Only you have to be involved in that decision, it doesn't have to be a conference call, you don't have to solicit everyone else's opinion, you have the vision of what it is that you want, and you can make that call. But understand this, if you're going to quit, recognise the reason why that feeling is coming up for you. Is it one, because you've grown, you've changed. And either the vision of where you want to get to is no longer supported by the

thing that you're doing. Or the thing that you're doing is just not fun to the point where it's really draining you. And it's preventing you from actually doing the other things that you need to do to where you want to get to. And if it's that reason, it's probably a good reason to stop and figure out a different path. Or two, if the reason is just, I've come up against an obstacle, and it's really fucking hard, and I just don't want to do this anymore. Then ask yourself, Why am I giving

up? What is it about me or this situation? That's making me give up just because it's hard. And, again, go through that process? Go back and recalibrate, recheck reframe, what are those core values? What is it that you want? Why is it that you want it and find go deeper, keep going deeper until you find exactly what that is? That will connect you. Because I'm never here to

tell anyone what to do. But if you quit, because you've found a different way of getting to where you want to get to that better serves you, I think that you'll always be happy. And that's a skill that's going to serve you as you continue to level up. But if you quit, because it's hard, you will always quit because it's hard. And you're always going to have that life of regret. Okay, I hope this has been useful to you. Remember, quitting isn't a dirty word.

Just know why you're doing it and make the right call for you not for the people around you, not because you're fearful of what everyone else will say. And figuring out your why figuring out what it is that you want, and why you want it getting down to the essence of those core values is just one of the things that I work with, with clients in my one to one coaching

programme. And, look, it's getting that clarity, as I say is the thing that's really going to help you see what's possible for you, and help you start to make the moves to go ahead and get that. And I've had clients do all sorts of things. I've had clients, quit jobs and relocate. I've had clients quit jobs and train and move into an entirely new industry, how clients stay and do the same job. But they approach their day and their life in a completely different

way. And they've managed to carve out time to do things that they love alongside the job, which before they hate it. So there's lots of ways that coaching can help you can help you start to think about what life means for you, and how you can get after and create that life. So if this sounds like something that can be helpful for you, if you're feeling a little bit stuck, you're at a crossroads, you don't know what decision to make. And you could use a little support with that.

Head to the website iamryanspence.com/coaching. And check out what it's like to work with me and go ahead and book yourself a consultation call. I look forward to speaking to you I love helping people work through these issues. It literally is the thing that lights me up and that just gets me out of bed in the morning. So, again, iamryanspence.com/coaching and find out what it's like to work with me. Okay, that's it for now. Thank you as always for

listening. And until we speak again, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit! Thanks for tuning in. But before you go, the weight of limiting beliefs is heavy. It literally weighs you down and keeps you stuck in that life of lethargy. I know. It's why I stayed in big law for so long. And it's why so many of my clients don't believe they can do the things that they want to do or causes those

limiting beliefs. It's a law I have confidence, lack of confidence in the belief that you can do the things that you want to do. And I've got something for that. It's my confidence journal. It's six journal prompts that I created, that I've used to help me get from where I am to where I want to be, to help to give me the belief to do the things that seem outside of my control outside of what I can do. If this sounds like you, you need to get your hands on the journal. Best thing about it,

it's free. All you have to do is head to iamryanspence.com. Hit the button for confidence journal, and get your copy today. It's going to help you start to reframe your thoughts and get you thinking about what you can do instead of focusing on what you can't do, and shed that load of limiting beliefs that you don't need to be carried. See you again next week. And until that time, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life kit!