So you can get inspired by what other people are doing by how other people are living. But it comes back to you've really got to get clear on what works for you and what it is that you want. Not just take what they've done, not just follow directly in their footsteps. But look at what they've done and figure out how you can make life work for you.
You're listening to, The Triple C Project.
Welcome to The Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, and build courage, so you can live life lit! I'm your host, Ryan Spence, aka ther BigLaw dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop, and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want, and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are,
to where you really wannabe. So, now we're friends, I invite you to grab a drink. Take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living, a life that's lit! Hey, welcome to episode 39 of The Triple C Project with me your host, Ryan Spence life coach, author of The Triple C Method. And I'm here to help you gain clarity boost confidence and build courage so you can
live life lit. And there's something I see a lot when I speak to clients, potential clients, people around me when they don't want what they have, and they're looking at the life ahead of them, they don't want that. And they sometimes tend to latch on to a life that they do want to be someone around them could be a celebrity, whatever it is. And that's cool, we should get inspired. That's the whole point, you get inspired by
what's around you. And that lifts you up to change your life to do something different to make a transformation. But the issue and the problem comes when we try to effectively imitate that person or copy that person's life and paste it onto our own. Because the way that things appear, the way that things seem, isn't always as they are. And that's been proven to me many, many times. And this is what I tried to get across. And I'm gonna share a an
example. When I was back at school many, many years ago. Now, when I was at school, I was you know, I got on with people, I had friends, but I wasn't in the really cool kid corner. And I wasn't in the unpopular kid corner as well. Either. I was kind of like in the in the middle. But I was friends with people who I thought were really
cool. And I spent much of my time sort of looking up to them and thinking, I wish I was in that cool in that cool gang used to because some of the cool girls were really hot when you're when you're a young kid at school, and I kind of wanted to be in that gang and be around them. But I never quite made that breakthrough. And many, many, many years later, when I was living in London, I an old friend from school and found me on Facebook. And it turns out
that she was in London too. And we started to catch up for some drinks. And it was one of those really weird things where I was like, we haven't seen each other for to know then probably about 20 years, something like that. Are you really going to have anything to talk about, we were at school together for a few years, but a lot of time has passed we went completely different paths. But I went along anyway. And a drink turned into a huge massive drinking session. I got in at like
30/5am The next morning and it's one of the few times I had to phoned in sick for work because I was just, I mean literally the room was spinning. I could not move I could not get out of bed. supposed to say it was a it was it was a really good night and we got on really really well. But the reason I tell you that is not to regale you with my my drunken stories of being a man about London because we're not showing those
on here. But in that night out I remember early on in the night and we're having this conversation and I said to her says look when I was at school, um You and You mean the other group of girls that you hang out with? I used to think that you guys were so cool. You just had it all together. And I really, really wanted to kind of be like you. I really wanted to kind of have that just air of of coolness, the air of not really
giving a fuck. But what was interesting was what she said next, and I won't go into the detail but it transpired when she started to talk to me about what that time is really like. There was a whole lot of shit going on. on behind the scenes that you never would have known if you didn't know her if you weren't sort of involved in her
life beyond school. And as she was telling you this, I just thought to myself, Wow, I spent all that time wanting to have the life that I thought that you had, I wouldn't really, there was so many aspects of it that I didn't want at all. And so we came back to me, because I think the same thing happens to us now. And the same thing happened to me when I was in big law, people from the outside looking in, thought that life was great. I mean, I made it I was
successful. I was on this career ladders working at this big law firm, I was working on these deals that were international news, sometimes, you know, I was making a great salary in a lot of people's eyes, and I got to live overseas, I got to go on these business trips, go on these amazing holidays, all of the things that people associate with success. And I know that some people, particularly when junior lawyers, or junior want to be lawyers would look and say, I want to do what you've
done. I want to be where you are, I want the life that you've had. But they didn't see what was going on underneath. And in fact, a lot of the people around me didn't really know the full details of what was going on
underneath that. Some of the things which I shared on the show and shared in my book, you know, the sacrifices that you make the anxiety that you carry with you, the always being on the burnout, the lethargy, the sleeping with your phone, under your pillow, so that you don't miss emails, you know, mean, the not feeling as if you can be at home, you can work remotely, I mean, lots of different things, which kind of, if people knew from the outside looking in, they wouldn't really want that,
because the glossy veneer is one thing. But you've really got to pick beneath that to find out what it's really like to find out what life is really like. So you can get inspired by what other people are doing by how other people are living. But it comes back to, you've really got to get clear on what works for you. And what it is that you want. Not just take what they've done, not just follow directly
in their footsteps. But look at what they've done and figure out how you can make life work for you. The other way that I see it show up is when clients come and they have an idea, they have a dream, they have a desire to do a particular thing. But they're looking at people who may have done what they want to do, and just thinking that they will never be like them. They've done it, that person has done it. But
they could never be that. And what I say to them is, well, no, why would you want to be you can do it your own way. That's the whole point, that person did it in their own way in their own style, following their own path, they will have taken bits of inspiration from various other places, probably, but they forge their own path. That's why they are where they are. That's why they stand out. That's why you know them for what they do. So if you want to do a similar thing, then you need to do the
same. You can be inspired by where they've reached, because that shows you that it's possible. But you have to figure out how to do it in your way, the way that makes you feel good the way that makes you feel lit. Because otherwise, what you're going to do is you're going to leave one way of life one way that you were conditioned. And you're going to step into the way that you the thing that you
want to do. But you're going to step into another form of conditioning, you're going to put yourself into a nother box. Because you're taking that, what I call corporate state of mind that this is the way that things should be done. And you're applying it to the thing that you love the passion that you have the mission that you want to fulfil, you want to get after. And that's not really
going to light you up, is it? I know this because when I first stepped out of big law, and I was finding my way of how I wanted to get after my mission. I was doing the same thing. Hey, I'm interrupting myself to give you this short message. Now if you're listening to this pod, you're likely looking to change your life. Here's the thing. Transformation doesn't happen by doing what you've always done. It happens when you change your thoughts about
what's possible for you. My book, The Triple C Method helps you do that by giving you the tools and strategies to stop living a life of lethargy, and start living life lit. Described as a transformational toolkit. And the book I wish I'd had when I decided to leave corporate, the Triple C Method will change how you see yourself, and how
you live your life. Available now as paperback, ebook and audiobook read by yours truly, head to iamryanspence.com/book, or over to your favourite bookseller to grab your copy today. So you can stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit! So I remember when I left biglaw, and I discovered this whole other world that existed of online business, being able to basically create a business online helping and serving people all across the world. And
it was fascinating for me. And I did what most people would do, I looked at the people who were most prominent in the space who were giving out all of this, these ideas and this advice, and I followed them. And they felt that I had to follow their strategy, their blueprint. And very early on, I just felt that hang on, this doesn't really feel right to me. But I didn't feel that I could do anything else. I thought, well, it's all just new, it's just new, and you're just figuring it
out. So just stick with it. And it'll all be fine. But I stuck with it. And they kept going and it still just didn't feel right. It was great. I mean, you'd get on the on the calls and in the group sessions, and you'd see these people talking about the success that they'd had and, and what was working for them. But it just wasn't working for me. Not in the sense that it wasn't working in terms of creating a successful business. It just wasn't working. And it just
didn't feel right. It didn't feel like what I wanted to do. And it took a while for me to come to the realisation that I taken my corporate way of thinking that corporate state of mind, and I was applying it to this new life I was trying to create for myself, I was doing what I felt that I should, there were different people saying what I should do. And there were people who were doing things which I thought looked pretty cool. But they weren't the
things that I wanted to do. I'm not very good at following a blueprint or following a strategy. Because that's not who I am. I have a creative mind, I generate many ideas, and I just have different ways that I want to do things. And it wasn't until I recognised and realise that the whole point of not wanting to be in that space to be in big law was autonomy. Autonomy was the core value
underneath all of that. So why was I leaving that space to go into another space where I wasn't living out that value of autonomy, I was effectively allowing myself to be led by somebody else, somebody else who maybe was, in one sense where I wanted to be, but the way that they got there wasn't the way that I wanted to do it. It just didn't resonate with me. It didn't make me feel, let. And once I realised that it was great, everything changed. Suddenly, what I was doing
became a lot more fun. I stopped listening to all the shirts. You know, I got rid of the people that were talking about doing things in a way that didn't feel right to me, not because they were wrong. But just because they were wrong for me. And I stopped trying to copy other people's ways of doing things and paste them into my own life. And instead, I create my own blueprint. And I'm still
creating my own blueprint. Now. I know there are so many things that I do in my business in my coaching, even in this podcast that do not follow the conventional way of doing things they do not follow the ways that people say that you should do things in these worlds. You know, I don't batch content, I don't plan everything out to the nth degree. I don't have a script. I don't follow a template. You know, I don't I just don't do anything in the way that you're supposed to,
quote unquote, do them. And that may mean that I get to get getting to or want to get to slower, who knows it may or may not mean that but even if it does means that it will mean that I get there a lot happier and enjoy the process a lot more. Because I'm being me, I'm doing things the way that I want to do them. And isn't that the
point? Isn't that how we live our life by living in a way that's true to ourselves, it's true to our values, living in a way that is getting after what it is that we want the things that lights us up. So how can you do that? If you're living your life in a way that you're told that you should do it, if you're following the exact blueprint that somebody has told you, you should follow, even though it doesn't feel right.
Even listening to this podcast, I share what's worked for me, and they share what's worked for clients that I've worked with. And I believe that there's a lot in this podcast in my content in my book, that's really going to help you not only get started, but keep moving towards a living life that's lit. But there may be things where you're like, that's not really how I work, you may be the complete opposite to me. I am this creator generator of ideas, who doesn't thrive well with instruction,
authority and structure. And you may be someone who is really structured, who is really organised, and who has a methodical way of doing things. And you may find that there's a way that works for you, that doesn't work for me. And that's cool. That's what this is all about. All this podcast is doing. All that I'm doing is sharing the benefit of my experience sharing what works, and you need to take from it, what serves you and leave what doesn't. But I don't want you to
blindly follow. I want you to listen, I want you to take it in, I want you to see what resonates. And I want you to have an open mind. But I also want you to explore and question and get curious and get curious about how does this apply to me? Does it apply to me? And if it doesn't, what could you do instead? So I veered off a little bit, but I think it all
ties together. Because the ultimate premise, the ultimate takeaway from this episode is, don't copy someone else's life, somebody else's way of doing things and paste it onto your own. Get inspired, get curious, have an open mind. But ultimately, see what feels right to you see what feels good to you. Because that's what's going to sustain you on what's going
to be a difficult journey. As I've said many times before change and transformation, it's a difficult journey, there's a lot of obstacles, you're effectively swimming upstream, you're pushing back against the status quo. So you've got to enjoy the ride, you've got to be focused on what it is that you want. And you've got to keep going. So I hope this episode
has been helpful to you. If there's ways that you're doing things, which is different to the norm different to the status quo, or even if you're just thinking about doing that, and just want to run some ideas, drop me a line. I always love to hear from from listeners, hear what's working here, what resonates and hear how you're changing your own life. Hear how you're moving your own life
forward. So you can, as always, email me hey@iamryanspence.com, send me a DM on Instagram @iam_ryanspence or hit me up on LinkedIn, all the links, as always are in the show notes. And if you want to be in a room where you you're listened to where you have somebody who's going to listen to your way of doing things, and help you see
that your way isn't wrong. You don't mean you your way is true to you help you figure out what your values are and how you can stay true to them and highlight where you're not being so that you can get back on track and course correct. Why don't you book a call and let's explore working together. This is what I do as a coach as your personal one to one coach. I help you get from where you are to where you
want to be. But more than that, I help you see that actually, you do have the answers inside of you. And I give you the space to allow those answers to come out to come to the fore. And I keep you on track. Let me help you just remain accountable to yourself, ultimately, because once you can get used to keeping those commitments to yourself, you're gonna get a whole lot further a whole lot quicker. Okay, I'm gonna stop talking now because otherwise I'll be here all day. Thank you as always for
listening. I always love to hear from you. Please Please, please, please, if you got any value from this episode or any previous episodes, share this episode with with just one friend, I mean just one person who you feel could benefit. And go to Apple podcasts and leave a
review. Reviews really, really help the show, help them get out to more people, and help people like you who are in this position who are looking for something to tell them that there's nothing wrong with them, that they have everything within them to get from where they are to where they want to be to change and transform their life. So go ahead, enjoy your week. And as always, stop living a life of lethargy, and start living life lit!
Thanks for tuning in. But before you go, the weight of limiting beliefs is heavy. It literally weighs you down and keeps you stuck in that life of lethargy. I know. It's why I stayed in biglaw for so long. And it's why so many of my clients don't believe they can do the things that they want to do. Or causes those limiting beliefs. It's a lack of confidence, lack of confidence in the belief that you can do the things that you want to do. And I've got something for that. It's my
confidence journal. It's six journal prompts that I created, that I've used to help me get from where I am to where I want to be, to help to give me the belief to do the things that seem outside of my control outside of what I can do. If this sounds like you, you need to get your hands on the journal. Best thing about it, it's free. All you have to do is head to iamnryanspence.com. Hit the button for confidence journal, and get your copy
today. It's gonna help you start to reframe your thoughts and get you thinking about what you can do instead of focusing on what you can't do. And shed that load of limiting beliefs that you don't need to be carrying. See you again next week. And until that time, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit!