The Topical - podcast cover

The Topical

The Onionwww.theonion.com
The Topical is the daily podcast from The Onion and Onion Public Radio, and the only podcast brave enough to ask: What if the news had sound effects? Join host Leslie Price each day as he barely scratches the surface of all the day’s top news stories. Journalism isn’t dead. It's using its dying breath to beg you to listen to The Topical. New episodes published every weekday by 5 a.m. Eastern time.
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Episodes

Tide Accused Of Over-Inflating Number Of Children Who Roll Around In Mud Puddles Before Running Into House

FCC regulators are cracking down on the popular detergent brand after years of lying to the American public. Hear how Tide is responding to allegations that they tricked consumers into purchasing their product by wildly over-inflating the number of instances huge jugs of cranberry juice were spilled by children onto their perfectly white jumpers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 25, 20208 minSeason 1Ep. 102

Red Cross Announces It’s Fine Not To Perform Life-Saving Mouth-To- Mouth On Someone Who’s Not Your Type

Knowing how to properly administer CPR could mean the difference between life and death. But what if the person lying unconscious isn’t really the type of person you would normally go for? We’ve got the latest on how to best peel back a person’s unresponsive eyelids to check for sparks. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 23, 20208 minSeason 1Ep. 100

Mental Health Experts Advise On Best Ways To Combat Intrusive Thoughts Of Your Father Naked

It’s an affliction many don’t like to talk about, but one that more and more people are suffering from each day, especially around this time of year. Hear how you can keep the image of your father’s nude and weathered body out of your psyche most effectively. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 19, 20208 minSeason 1Ep. 98

Congress Moving Toward Safer Vote-By-Paper-Airplane Option

The proposed $2 trillion coronavirus relief bill includes provisions for quality printer paper Americans can use to construct a plane that’s sturdy but lightweight; simple but ingenious. Plus, we take a closer look at candy bars: Could America’s favorite vegetable be making you fat? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 17, 20208 minSeason 1Ep. 96

NRA Receives Massive Funding Increase From Donors Held At Gunpoint

Lackluster fundraising efforts have led to serious financial struggles for the gun-rights advocacy group, but that might be about to change. Hear how the NRA is convincing more people than ever before to donate to their cause, and how you might be next. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 16, 20207 minSeason 1Ep. 95

Online Activists Raise $5 Million To Create New Martin Luther King Jr. Quote

Plus, a troubling new report has found nearly 80% of all car accidents occur inside the home. We’ve got the latest on how to keep you and your family safe while burning rubber in your living room. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 15, 20208 minSeason 1Ep. 94

Health Experts Warn Protests Could Set Off Second Wave Of Police Brutality

Top U.S. health officials are worried the massive in-person demonstrations could be a fertile breeding ground for excessive force that may stretch the nation’s healthcare system to its limits. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 05, 20207 minSeason 1Ep. 88

Botanists Concerned By What Returning To Work Will Do To Nation’s House Plants

Many botanists across the country are worried the sudden change in routine could send house plants into an emotional spiral, and even lead some to lash out at their owners. Hear how you can help ease your plant back into normalcy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 03, 20208 minSeason 1Ep. 86

Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land

Scientists are constantly clamoring on about the mammal’s complex language and problem-solving ability, but according to a new study from the University of Florida, flapping around on the ground isn’t much to brag about for these supposedly smart marine creatures. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jun 02, 20209 minSeason 1Ep. 85

Authorities Receive List Of Demands From Increasingly Hostile Coronavirus

Destruction of PPE. Free rein in nursing homes. Mass disposal of all hand sanitizer. These are just a small portion of the demands issued today by the coronavirus that must be fulfilled within the next 24 hours, or else. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 28, 20207 minSeason 1Ep. 82

What Are ‘Coronavirus Parties,’ And Why Weren’t We Invited?

More cases of Covid-19 are being traced back to the irresponsible trend of ‘corona parties,’ leaving our reporter Kenneth Neeley to wonder why he hasn’t been invited to one yet even though he’s great at parties. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 27, 20209 minSeason 1Ep. 81

Quarantine Leading To More People Taking In Foster Gimps

In these trying times where social isolation is the norm, companionship has become a top priority for many Americans. Which is why it’s no surprise more rescue subs than ever before are now finding their forever dungeon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 22, 20209 minSeason 1Ep. 78

U.S. To Combat Growing Disillusionment By Playing New National Pump-Up Anthem Throughout Country

The growing coronavirus death toll paired with weeks of social isolation is damaging the nation’s morale, but that all might be about to change. Hear how the U.S. plans to combat our collective sense of dread by blaring a brand-new national pump-up anthem at full volume across the country. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

May 20, 20207 minSeason 1Ep. 76
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