Do you find it hard to take care of yourself? The DBT skill of self-soothing is designed to help you tolerate distress, but it’s also helpful for regular self-care. This episode explores what exactly self-soothing is, when and how to use it, and common barriers to implementing it. Many of us are going through a time of tremendous uncertainty and multiple losses in the face of a global pandemic. This can wear us down and bring up past traumas, both big and small. Self-soothing is one way to help ...
Aug 06, 2020•31 min•Season 2Ep. 31
Today, Marielle and Ed unpack what happens in the body and mind when an emotion occurs. There’s actually a lot going on! If you are sensitive to or are confused by your emotions, it can be helpful to have an understanding of the different components that make up an emotional experience. DBT’s Model for Describing Emotions breaks down emotions into ten parts: the prompting event, awareness, interpretation, vulnerability factors, biological changes, nervous system changes, expressions, actions, em...
Jul 16, 2020•38 min•Season 2Ep. 30
Today Marielle and Ed offer ways to use DBT skills to support emotional equilibrium during a time where systemic anti-black racism is being confronted and discussed in new and necessary ways. This episode is not about how to be anti-racist. That’s beyond what we can provide. The resources below serve as a starting point to learn more. Rather, this episode focuses on skills to help you find your emotional footing during a time of national tumult around race. This work deeply aligns with our value...
Jun 30, 2020•40 min•Season 2Ep. 29
Today Marielle and Ed answer listener questions. The first question is from a listener in Sweden about how to cope with anger at others for not taking the COVID-19 pandemic seriously. Question two is about how to use DEAR MAN to say no. The final question in this episode is about how to figure out when it’s time to leave a situation. To learn more about this podcast and get full show notes, go to www.bayareadbtcc.com Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with ...
Jun 02, 2020•32 min•Season 2Ep. 28
Today’s show revisits Radical Acceptance in the face of a global pandemic. Marielle and Ed discuss how they are using this skill (or not using it!) during this time. Ed is using Radical Acceptance a lot lately, as he feels like it is often the only thing to do in this situation. Marielle shares her resistance to using Radical Acceptance during this time, and the ways she works with fear of strong emotions if she radically accepts what’s happening in the world. Unlike other more action-oriented s...
May 19, 2020•35 min•Season 2Ep. 27
Today, Marielle and Ed discuss skills to help you communicate with other people during a global pandemic where we are all facing new interpersonal challenges. We are connecting - or not connecting - with each other in very different ways now which can strain relationships. People living alone may feel isolated. People living with others may long for time alone. The demands of partners, children, and/or other family members may feel like too much. Additionally, continual low-grade fear and uncert...
Apr 28, 2020•35 min•Season 2Ep. 26
Today, Marielle and Ed continue to discuss DBT skills to cope during a pandemic. We are all going through a collective trauma and need extra support. The DBT skill called Check The Facts is explored. We also explore the difficulty in using this skill during a time when things are rapidly changing and uncertain. Using Check the Facts coupled with Mindfulness may be helpful to remind yourself that that you are ok right in this moment. The importance of dialectics is also discussed to avoid getting...
Apr 07, 2020•41 min•Season 2Ep. 25
In today’s episode, Marielle and Ed explore skills to help you cope with your emotions as we collectively face a pandemic. Many of you may be feeling intense distress on a regular basis during these uncertain times. DBT offers lots of skills to help manage strong, painful emotions like fear and panic. Different ways of thinking about your distress levels are discussed, including the Subjective Units of Distress Scale and the Window of Tolerance. Stopping regularly throughout your day to check in...
Mar 26, 2020•39 min•Season 2Ep. 24
Today’s show covers the DBT skill called Pros and Cons. While most of us have already done informal pro and con lists in our heads when facing a tough decision, the DBT take on Pros and Cons is a little different. Pros and Cons is great to use in anticipation of problem behaviors like avoiding, lashing out, shutting down, self-harm, or any kind of addictive behavior. Just make sure that you’re in your Wise Mind when you write out your Pros and Cons list, rather than Emotion Mind. We review state...
Mar 04, 2020•31 min•Season 2Ep. 23
In today’s episode, Marielle and Ed discuss the emotion regulation skills of Build Mastery and Cope Ahead. These are future-oriented skills that involve some planning to carry out. Build Mastery is a way to strengthen your sense of competence by doing small, regular things that are challenging. Over time, this skill will help you stretch yourself and believe in your capability to accomplish hard things which in turn, will increase your emotional resiliency. This skill also helps you avoid a comm...
Feb 27, 2020•32 min•Season 2Ep. 22
Today I’m talking with Dr. Kelsey Harper, a clinical psychologist and DBT therapist who works with trauma, PTSD, and chronic emotion dysregulation. With over a decade of work spanning varying settings and clientele, Kelsey has established a private practice in Santa Monica and observed time and again, that many clients reported extensive histories of trauma leading them to seek therapy and healing in their adult lives. With her own personal recovery as a survivor of sexual assault and experience...
Feb 05, 2020•38 min•Season 2Ep. 21
In today’s episode, we discuss your relationship with yourself, focusing on the skill of Loving-Kindness. When you are having a hard time, are you kind or harsh with yourself? Do you berate yourself for real or perceived mistakes? Do you try to motivate yourself with criticism? These tactics tend to not work in the long-run and erode your sense of self. What if you had permission to be gentle and compassionate with yourself? The DBT skill of Loving-Kindness meditation is based on the Buddhist pr...
Jan 22, 2020•32 min•Season 2Ep. 20
Instead of making New Year’s resolutions this year, think about using the momentum of the new year to make changes in your life that are aligned with your values. Often New Year’s resolutions come from a place of shame or deficiency, a place of trying to fix what’s “wrong” with you. What if you made changes in your life based on what’s most important to you rather than “fixing” what’s wrong? This is where values come in. The DBT skill called Accumulating Positive Emotions in the Long Term can he...
Jan 08, 2020•34 min•Season 2Ep. 19
The holidays are a time where there is often a lot of pressure to have a certain kind of experience - one that is about family, friends, joy, and celebration. For many folks, this is more of a fantasy than a reality. If you are fortunate enough to enjoy time with family and friends during the holidays, the expectation of constant togetherness and merry-making can be a set up for disappointment. This episode discusses common themes that come up during the holidays as well as ways to take care of ...
Nov 27, 2019•33 min•Season 1Ep. 18
Do you have a hard time doing nice things for yourself? The DBT skill called Accumulating Positive Events in the Short-Term is all about doing small, regular self-care. Putting effort into building positive emotions on a regular basis helps build emotional resilience so you won’t get as thrown when hard things happen. Many folks believe that they have to “earn” doing something nice for themselves or that they don’t deserve to do things just for pleasure. If this is the case for you, it might be ...
Nov 13, 2019•32 min•Season 1Ep. 17
Sometimes it’s better to not act on our emotions. The DBT skill Opposite Action helps you act opposite to what your emotion is telling you to do. Use this skill when your emotion doesn’t fit the facts or when your emotion does fit the facts but acting on the emotion isn’t effective. This skill can help you act the way you want to feel instead of the way you do feel. Make sure you use this skill to change emotions you want to change, not emotions that other people want you to change. This skill h...
Oct 30, 2019•41 min•Season 1Ep. 16
In Episode 15 of The Skillful Podcast, Marielle and Ed discuss checking the facts. When you have a painful emotion that you want to change, using the DBT skill called Check the Facts can be very helpful. Sometimes strong, painful emotions aren’t a reaction to what has actually happened but are based on beliefs, interpretations, and assumptions about what has happened. Use this skill to help you change emotions YOU want to change - not emotions other people in your life want you to change. Show H...
Oct 16, 2019•37 min•Season 1Ep. 15
Many sensitive people have wished at times that they could just get rid of their emotions. They may try to dampen, suppress, or deny emotions. Although these efforts may work partially, at least in the short-term, they never really work in the long term. Plus, often the things sensitive people may turn to in order to lessen the sting of painful emotions, such as addictive or impulsive behaviors, create additional problems. In this episode, Marielle and Ed talk about the purpose of emotions and t...
Oct 02, 2019•35 min•Season 1Ep. 14
Today Marielle and Ed discuss the 10 most common myths about emotions. These myths can come from the culture around us and from the families we were raised in. Asking yourself where you learned some of these myths may be helpful in debunking them. Some myths have to do with a fear of being out of control with emotions and other myths are more about equating emotions with the truth of who you are. Show Highlights: Myth 1: Having strong emotions means I am out of control. Feeling the emotion and t...
Sep 18, 2019•37 min•Season 1Ep. 13
Marielle and Ed continue their conversation about Distress Tolerance focusing on Distraction and Self-Soothing. While these skills won’t solve any problems, they can be super helpful when you are caught up in painful emotions. Distraction in DBT is broken down into separate skills that go by the acronym ACCEPTS (as in Wise Mind ACCEPTS). Show Highlights: Choosing distraction is very different than unconsciously avoiding Sometimes it’s wise to not fully experience your emotions These skills can b...
Sep 04, 2019•40 min•Season 1Ep. 12
Today, Marielle and Ed discuss the skill of Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance is a Distress Tolerance skill that helps you stop fighting reality, however painful that reality is. When you can fully open up and radically accept what is happening in the present moment, suffering decreases. Show Highlights: Getting too focused on change can sometimes backfire Radical acceptance is not against change Radical acceptance is different than plain old acceptance Our instinct is often to fight painfu...
Aug 21, 2019•32 min•Season 1Ep. 11
Marielle and Ed continue their conversation about Distress Tolerance focusing on the TIPP skill. That extra P in TIPP isn’t a typo! TIPP is an acronym that actually stands for 4 different skills. The skills in TIPP intervene on a biological level to bring down overwhelming emotions to help you think more clearly. Learn how to assess your distress level using the Subjective Units of Distress scale, or SUDS, in order to figure out which skills you need in an emotional crisis. If you are someone wh...
Aug 07, 2019•34 min•Season 1Ep. 10
Marielle and Ed delve into a discussion today on how you can learn to tolerate emotional distress and overwhelm without making things worse. There’s a whole range of behaviors that we can learn, from mindfulness to using creative ways to distract. Learn more about how to ride out emotional storms with getting carried away by the winds. Show Highlights: Resistance of emotional pain creates an additional level of suffering Dialectical approach of accepting what is AND looking for ways to change Cu...
Jul 24, 2019•32 min•Season 1Ep. 9
Are you someone who’s good at getting things done, following the rules and planning ahead? These can be wonderful traits to have but you may notice that focusing on doing everything right interferes with relaxing, enjoying life and connecting with others. This is known as “emotional over-control” or “OC” and today Marielle sits down with Neill Howell, MFT, to talk about it. Neil is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating those who are emotionally over-controlled. Neil and Marielle talk abo...
Jul 10, 2019•30 min•Season 1Ep. 8
Do you know how important it is to feel validated? Validation lets us know that we have been heard and understood. We all have the need to be understood by others, especially those closest to us. Today Marielle and Ed discuss the importance of validation in all interpersonal relationships. They describe the different levels of validation and they take a look at the detrimental effects of being invalidated by someone. Tune in now to find out more. Validation is a necessary part of all relationshi...
Jun 26, 2019•29 min•Season 1Ep. 7
Would you like to learn how to ask for what you want, how to resolve a conflict, and how to have your opinion taken seriously in your relationships? Today, Marielle and Ed will be expanding on the interpersonal effectiveness skills in DBT. They are working out of the DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets , by Marsha Linehan, which is where you can find all the skills, and see all the acronyms that are discussed in the podcast. Today's episode starts out with a review of the core interperso...
Jun 12, 2019•33 min•Season 1Ep. 6
Do you find it hard to say 'no', or get what you want in your relationships? Today, Marielle and Ed will be talking about interpersonal effectiveness. The interpersonal effectiveness skills in DBT are practical and they are really helpful in giving us a structure for obtaining what we want and need in relationships. These skills also provide us with a structure for saying 'no', while maintaining our self-respect. This is something that many of us seem to struggle with, so tune in now, to find ou...
May 29, 2019•29 min•Season 1Ep. 5
Would you like to introduce a mindfulness practice into your daily routine? Today, Ed joins Marielle once again and they continue talking about the mindfulness skills in DBT. In today's episode, they discuss what you actually do to practice mindfulness in the DBT framework. Listen in to find out more. In the last episode, Marielle and Ed discussed the 'what' skills, or the things that you do, in order to practice mindfulness. These are observing, describing, and participating. Today, they will b...
May 15, 2019•24 min•Season 1Ep. 4
Would you like to learn to practice mindfulness in the DBT framework? Today, Marielle and Ed will be discussing the three 'what' skills of mindfulness. These are called 'what' skills because they are what you actually do to practice mindfulness in the DBT framework. These skills are done one at a time. Listen in today, to find out about the three things that we do to practice being in the present moment. In DBT, there are three things we can do to practice being mindful in the moment. The first ...
May 02, 2019•33 min•Season 1Ep. 3
Would you like to know more about DBT and where it all started? In today's episode, Marielle and Ed will be looking into the background and development of DBT. They will discuss dialectics and the concept of Wise Mind and give an introduction to mindfulness. Tune in to find out more. Dialectics is about balancing two things that could be seen as opposite, yet also as true. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was created towards the end of the 1980s, by Marsha Linehan, who started out doing Cognit...
Apr 30, 2019•33 min•Season 1Ep. 2
