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Hello and welcome to the next episode of the Single Girls’ Guide to Life. Today, we’re gonna head straight in and be discussing the life lessons that we can learn as a single woman from Bridget Jones's Diary. Now, if you don't know what that film is, I could potentially forgive you for that. It was a 2001 rom-com that came out maybe when you were quite little. Whether you paid attention to it or not at the time, if you haven't seen that as a single woman, then I highly encourage you to. I'd like to think that there's not anyone that hasn't seen it that is of a particular age, but it's one of those films that might get forgotten over time. We've had Bridget Jones’s Diary: The Edge of Reason, and we've had Bridget Jones’s Diary 3, which was Bridget Jones's Baby. Sorry for any spoilers there if you haven't actually seen that. That one came out 15 years after the original first one and she was a lot older in that one whereas, in Bridget Jones's Diary, she was a 32-year-old single woman.
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As a bit of research and just to refresh my memory of the entire film, I thought I would sit down and watch that. I wanted to see how her experience is as a single woman in her thirties was any different from how a single woman is potentially now. It was 20 years ago that this film came out and whilst with every film and the current age and the way that the world advances, there are key differences that are missing such as so much technology. She doesn't have the kind of mobile phone attachment that we have nowadays that interferes with or discusses too much about the, “When should I text? When will they text,” dilemmas. There is a classic bit where she is emailing her boss flirtatiously at the workplace. You can see the email and the technology.
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All of those kinds of things aside, it was interesting and it struck me that not all too much is very different from the experiences she had, and that's why I highly encourage it if you haven't sat down to watch the film before, haven't seen it in a while or haven't seen it as a single woman, maybe. Maybe you've always been in a relationship and if we didn't really get it, but now on the other side, if you're much like myself who had been with someone basically my whole adult life and hadn't experienced having to be single as an adult as yet, then whilst you know that there are common things that people share because their cliche is or you talk to a group such as the Single Girls’ Club and you're hearing it from other people, it's so interesting to know that even 20 years ago, the same things were being said. The same experiences were happening enough so that a book was written about it. That was then turned into a film because it was so particularly relatable.
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There was so much in it that I could have spoken about; the comments that she gets from her uncle, from the mistakes she makes when he's trying to date with choosing the bad boy or the good guy and all the little things that they popped in there. The things that you can look and go, “Oh gosh, they talk about codependency at one point.” Her best friend questions if she's codependent. That's something that can come up nowadays that we talk about, “Am I codependent? Am I completely reliant on this other person?” They talk about having children. All of the frustrations of those experiences haven't changed all that much, it seems. I wanted to draw out the five key single life lessons that we can learn from Bridget Jones's Diary. If you don't have the time to go back and watch it right now, then I'm going to summarise some key bits.
I'm going to try not to give too much away. However, I'm going to disclaimer, spoilers. If you haven't seen it, as I say, I'd like to think you've seen it or at least know the premise anyway so you know roughly what the outcome is if you don't know all of it. There were some key bits in it, key messages that I think you can pick out and that can still apply to you nowadays even though it's 20 years on. As a single woman, I hope you appreciate some of those things in that.
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If you do get a chance to watch it, see if you can spot anything that really speaks to you as well. There are so many things that are relatable. I had an endless list of 35 things I picked out and other things maybe go off on tangents to research statistics and things. I've picked five common things from the Bridget Jones’s Diary film that brings to light the importance of single life lessons and the point that the film and the book we're probably trying to make anyway. The first thing is that it is not the time to sit and mope around. It is time to take back control of your life. This is something that Bridget does. She says, “I started to take control of my life and started a diary.” There's an image where she gets rid of all of the dating books and all of the weight loss stuff as well. She clears it. That's it. She's not going to date anymore. She's going to put back the control in her life.
She started to take control of her life. She stopped focusing on the things that she couldn't necessarily control, the external things, and focused on the things that she could control, the internal things. This is all to do with the internal and external locus of control that we have in our lives at any given time. We find that sometimes we can blame all these outside things. When I'm running and I do this all the time with running, if I don't have a good run, I will blame so many outside things. I'll be like, “Well, it was hotter, and therefore I found it more difficult to run.” I will say, “Oh, I listened to the wrong music. I had music on rather than a podcast. It was that.”
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In actual fact, trackback a step ahead of those things. It was hotter because I ran later. I didn't get up as early. I kept staying in bed and strolling on my phone as awful as that is. Therefore it got later, it got hotter. Whereas that was down to me not getting up early enough to go when it was very early morning and much cooler. Music was a choice. I knew that that running playlist was too fast. I always make it that. I just thought I was going to smash it because it was a longer run and I should motivate myself a bit, but that was a or idea. It was my choice to do that. I knew podcasts paced me better for going longer distances. That was a choice. The other one is when I don't have any music at all, and whilst I can run without music, I'll blame the fact that I didn't have something in my ears on a bad run, something to distract me. Yet, that's because I didn't charge my headphones up.
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It all comes down to deciding on if you let things or blame things or focus on things that are out of your control or if you accept responsibility and take responsibility and take control of the things that you can control. I think that it's important to always remember when you're doing things. Let's not focus on the fact that we cannot magic a Mr. Right in front of us in 10 seconds, but we can decide to be the best person that we can be to create opportunities for that kind of thing. In Bridget's case, she's decided she's not going to focus on it at all and just sort herself out first and that the dating element isn't even going to feature. From my perspective of watching this, I think I also saw in there the kind of way within a quarter-life crisis where you want things to be different. There’s frustration. The key to getting out of that scenario is taking action, and that's what Bridget decides to do. She decides she's not going to just sit there and mope, she's going to get out and go do something about her life.
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The next one I think that we can learn is that friends are vital. Bridget has this wonderful friendship group that they reference a few times throughout, Shazzer, Tom, and Jude. We see them a couple of times at the pub with her and around her house for dinner. Bless them, they support Bridget through the various different things, from dating the two different guys to cheering her up. Whilst those friendships are vital, I also think that you have to know when to listen to them because there is some interesting advice that they give her at particular times. There are different elements of putting yourself forward and making a good first impression, and there are other things that think that the suggestion of flirting with others will make the person you like jealous. Yes, but let's just ooze confidence rather than aim to make them jealous too much. Maybe you disagree. It's key, though, that she has those friends there.
You see the support she has within that, that they are on board with her journey as much as she is. It is that sense of belonging and connection. They're not people she necessarily works with. It's not implied in that way. I believe that she meets Jude in the toilets crying, so therefore they must work together in some fashion, but she's not in the same office from what appears to be. It’s that outside element, those friends that she has that aren't just work colleagues, but that she spends time with them. We see them enough to understand that they're a big part of her life and that they are there for her throughout, through all the difficult bits. That as a single person is a lesson that we need to learn. We need friends. As you would have heard in the previous episode, if you listen, there are a number of ways you can make friends, and one of those ways is the Single Girls’ club. Don't forget, there is an online community of single women wanting to share, to acknowledge what we're going through and we can now get in line with what Bridget was going through.
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Another life lesson to learn as a single person from Bridget Jones's Diary that is harder to spot, but I saw this and think this is worth pulling out, is not to get carried away. This is in the context of dating. Within the film, she starts dating Daniel at one point to the point at which suddenly they're boyfriend and girlfriend. When I was writing notes on this, I questioned it. She tells her dad that she has a boyfriend and I've written, “Are they together?” It's not clear. I didn't get any distinctive answer on if they were official or if it was exclusive. Also, the time scale within the film is quite hard to tell because we get round to another Christmas. We start at Christmas and we end at another Christmas quite quickly. That's interesting to kind of try and pitch, but the interesting thing to spot within Bridget's behavior within that is that there's a scene where she imagines her wedding after her flirtatious emails with Daniel. I think there's a lesson to be had in that. Whilst you can allow yourself to get excited, I think anything that allows you to get too carried away means that we are in the wrong section of love. You need to head back to episode five, which is called What Is Love Part One, where I go through Sternberg's triangular theory of love and talk through the three different corners of the triangle and all the different types of love in between.
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Bridget, in that sense, there is the passion for it and therefore is that fatuous love, the love that you get carried away with. Maybe you liked that person. Do you really know them in an intimate fashion? Are you close to them? Has she racked up 150 hours of knowing someone properly first? That's even just for friendship. There's this element of not letting yourself get too carried away and it's easy to do as a single woman because when you get excited, of course. Your mind just goes, “Ding, ding, ding,” and everything comes together. Imagining your wedding after a few flirty, apart from which they're flirty emails, he's probably not thinking of weddings himself.
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The other thing that she does is they're on a mini-break and it seems that she feels like that means true love. Now, this is a film. We don't have the 24/7 of what exactly they have done in terms of interrupting in between, but to me, it seems in the sequence that I watched, it was quite a quick advancement of something going away for a weekend and this idea of them being like almost the one. I think that's a clear message for us as single people based on the things that I've been talking about in previous episodes as well. I mentioned just there that the amount of time it takes to form friendships, which ultimately should be part of a relationship, you should be able to be friends with them and be comfortable enough to be around them. This all takes time.
I think we're in this age of instant everything, the instant gratification of having something now, and those are those feelings that we want now. We want to be like, yeah, we're going to get married to this person. We want that certainty, but we don't realise that taking things slowly allows you to form a better relationship, to really know a person, to protect yourself and your values, and to set your boundaries effectively so that you actually increase the chances of marrying someone worthwhile and investing your time in someone worthwhile. We compromise that for the sake of the sudden feeling, sudden rush and thinking that it's all going to happen right now. This all takes time. The more I talk about it, the more I think about it, the more I don't know how anyone decides to be with anyone before six months to a year of knowing them. It’s different I think if you're dating, for example, maybe a colleague where you spend or have previously spent time and you've got that friendship level. I mean from ground zero, the base where you never knew them before this point in time and don't have any connection to them at all, to suddenly becoming something where you are together.
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How does that not take time? As I say, I'm advocating not rushing for that reason based on that and based on how I know people have done that before and how we can get so caught up with thinking that we know someone. It's always that bit like, “Oh, I feel so stupid because I rushed through that. I thought they were someone different.” The actual fact is, do we really know them? In Bridget's case, absolutely not. I'll move on from that without giving any much further away. As I say, I'm hoping you've seen it, but if not, okay.
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The next one is the fourth one, avoiding toxicity. By that, I mean toxic people, toxic environments and toxic relationships. Now, this is brought up in a number of different ways. It's not highlighted that it's toxic. However, it's really interesting that it does come up a few times over then some contradictions later, but I'm going to choose the points and I’ll mention the contradictions too. For example, she leaves her job. She's had the exchanges with Daniel and actually it is time for her to now move on and she leaves it. She doesn't stay in the environment where she's treated the way she is or with someone that she's no longer involved with. She goes out there and does something different. She applies to a few jobs and doesn't get them, but she pushes herself on and leaves so that she doesn't have to sit in that environment anymore and she goes through with it. There's quite a resistance to her going that they show, but she full-on hands her resignation in and leaves. She's no longer within that environment.
Another thing that's pointed out within the film or that very much comes across is that she really eventually sees Daniel for what he really was. I don't want to give too many spoilers out, but there is a key bit where she needs to bend the guy off. I can't remember what happens in Bridget Jones's Diary two, and I need to go back because I know they're both back in it, which disappoints me thoroughly, but if we just focus on film one, she sees him for what he really is. There's a beautiful, beautiful moment where she just stands up for herself and realises, it clicks for her that she doesn't want this half-assed effort. She wants someone that's going to be there for her, that really wants to put the time and effort in. She knows her worth and her value, so she gets rid of the person that's not really committed.
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Is that toxic? Well, the toxicity comes from saying one thing, but meaning another, actions not matching words. For that to have a detrimental effect, Bridget Jones is one of the strongest people. She comes across as that. Even though she still would like those different things in her life, she doesn't always act in a very naive way. She's still got that personality. I think it's key there that when she does that though and really stands up for herself rather than getting carried away with the idea that she's got, it shows that she has really noticed what she wants and she's not going to let people take advantage of her. Maybe it's not avoiding toxicity. It's making sure that you set boundaries.
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The last thing to learn from Bridget Jones's Diary, which I almost touched on a little bit there, is you have to be yourself in any scenario in this world. Whilst there are slightly different versions of you based on the different people that you spend time with, you're more jolly here, you're more serious here, you're more professional there, you’re more jokey than with these people, throughout the film, Bridget Jones is completely and utterly herself. Yes, she tries hard in different scenarios and takes the advice from her friends to try and schmooze people, to look intelligent and to bring in thoughtful ideas with authors when she's not really qualified to and doesn't have that skill set, but there are some beautiful moments where Bridget Jones is just Bridget Jones. In the job interviews, she doesn't pretend to be anything that she's not. She messes those interviews up, they don't go so well for her, but she doesn't pretend to do anything. She gets the job where she's the most authentic and honest.
I can't say it's the best environment when she left the last job to not be around Daniel. I can't say that her next place of work was the most respectful towards women. However, at the same time, she was authentically herself. It’s also the bit that Mark Darcy really likes her for in the end. When he sees her doing the speech at that talk, there is the coy smile of seeing her for exactly who she is and doesn't really have the demeanor yet to do it well and to know what she's saying and doing, but that's the bit that Mark Darcy likes her for. It's the bit that he sees in her that isn't anything she's not really. It's not that she's trying to be someone different. She is a little bit clumsy. She is a little bit of a donut, but that's Bridget. That's the bit that gets her to the places she is. It's the bit that he sees and is attracted to.
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He falls in love with her for exactly who she is. He doesn't think she's an idiot at all, which is a line, and he likes a just as she is. That is what we should all be looking for in a person seeing it in us. To do that as a single woman, you just gotta be yourself. There is no point trying to be something you're not in order to attract a person thinking that that will give you better odds of getting into a relationship and then having a successful relationship. I highly advise that if you haven't sat and watched the film for a while, that you go back and do it. I know I need to go back and watch number two just to see what happens in that one. I can vaguely remember what happens in Bridget Jones’s three. It’s a slightly different male cast lineup from what I remember, but they stand the test of time that first one, 20 years on. There will probably be more talk about this, whether that's in the Single Girls’ Club chats or within a future podcast episode because there's so much to draw out of what she experienced and what still chimes today.
Have a go, take a Friday night out, order a takeaway, get a bottle of wine and enjoy watching that. Maybe get a few girls around if you want. Find some more single women to watch it and have a Bridget Jones party. Just observe and see. If this was true 20 years ago and it's still true now, then this is something that plenty of women are going through and you aren't the only one experiencing those comments at parties, having the difficulty of knowing who to really choose and how to just be yourself and take action in your life. If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review and you can connect with me on Instagram, @ChantelleTheCoach. Until next time, keep thriving.